King of the Hill - Season 4 Edit

A BOOK HERE THAT MIGHT HELP YOU OUT WITH THAT.

A DOCTOR TOLD ME I MIGHT NOT WALK AGAIN.

A GENTLEMAN DOES NOT KISS AND TELL.

A GENTLEMAN DOES NOT KISS AND TELL.

A JAPANESE MACHINE GUN BLEW AWAY HIS SHINS.

A NAZI SQUAZI

A NAZI, NAZI, SQUAZI?

A SERRATED SHEEPS FOOT BLADE, A LANYARD RING

A STAMP TO ANSWER THAT, DO YOU?

A STUPID LITTLE HILL?

A THOUSAND?

A YOUNGSTER WITH A TOOL IN BOTH HANDS

AAAH!

AAAH!

AAH!

AAH!

ABOUT HOW DIDI WAS STARTING TO HAVE HER BABY.

ABOUT MY LONG DISTANCE SERVICE.

ACROSS THE LINE, OF COURSE.

AFTER TWO WEEKS, I WAS DOWN TO MY LAST RAT.

AH, PEGGY, YOU REMEMBER

AH, THE TURTLES.

AH, WE'LL SEE ABOUT ALL THIS.

AH...

AH...

AIN'T YOU COMING, HANK'S WIFE?

AIN'T YOU GOING

AISLE 8A?

ALL I'LL DO IS EAT!

ALL MEN ARE THE SAME.

ALL MY HORMONES BEING TOO CLOSE TO HER HORMONES.

ALL PARENTS CARE ABOUT THESE DAYS IS

ALL RIGHT

ALL RIGHT, COTTON

ALL RIGHT, HELP.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL CALL HIM "G.H."

ALL RIGHT, KIDS, LIGHTS OUT.

ALL RIGHT, ON THREE.

ALL RIGHT, SIX.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH, DAD!

ALL RIGHT. PASS UP YOUR APPLICATION.

ALL SHE EVER DOES IS CRY AT ME.

ALL THE WAY!

ALMOST MAKES ME WISH

ALREADY A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER HERE

AM I IN A VERY WIDE BED?

AN EVEN THOUSAND.

AN EXTRA CHAPTER AT THE BEGINNING.

AND IF YOU'VE GOT THE TALENT METAL.

AND AT A FRACTION OF THE COST.

AND AT SOME POINT I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE A SHOWER

AND BE APPROVED BY A DAMN COMMISSION.

AND BY THE WAY, I CHECKED.

AND CAN I TEMPT YOU WITH SOME TOASTER STRUDELS?

And dinner for two at the Arroyo.

AND EMBOLISM, EVEN DETACHED RETINA.

AND FOR EVERYONE HERE AT ARLEN HIGH.

AND FOR OUR PURPOSES NOW, A PHILLIPS HEAD.

AND FRESHNESS AND ALL THAT?

AND HELP ME FIND THE BABY?

And here's the tricky part

AND HIS DISQUALIFICATION FOR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER OF THE YEAR.

AND I AM ALSO REMINDED

AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU... WALKING AGAIN IN NO TIME.

AND I CAN'T GET YOU PAST AISLE 5.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

AND I GET TO HAVE BABIES.

AND I HAVE TO WATCH THOSE TWO, COTTON AND STUPID

AND I PUT NEW, NON SLIP DAISIES IN EACH TUB.

AND I TELL YOU WHAT.

AND I THINK THAT'S THE BILLDOZER.

AND I THOUGHT I DODGED A BULLET WHEN LUANNE WANTED TO TEACH.

AND I TOOK THE BABY'S BOTTLE?

AND I TOOK THE LIBERTY

AND I WAS FLUNKING TRIGONOMETRY.

AND I WAS TIRED, TOO, WHEN I WAS ORDERED

AND I'LL BET THE COST BENEFIT YAHOO

AND I'LL LET YOU DANCE ON MY GRAVE.

AND I'M GOING OUTSIDE TO ENJOY LIFE!

AND IN PROTEST, I, PEGGY HILL, HAVE DECIDED

AND IT DOES, TRUST ME JET SKI, JULY, '94

AND JUST TWO MONTHS LATER, I HAVE LANDED ON MY FEET.

AND MAKE THEM ALL SPARKLY.

AND MOWED THE WHOLE FIELD

AND MRS. HOSNER ERASED HER MISTAKES WITH SPIT.

AND NO ONE'S GOING TO MAKE FUN OF US

AND NOW I GOT TO GO BEGGING FOR A WAR HERO'S GRAVE?

AND NOW WE'RE GIVING YOU THE HONOR OF RAISING IT.

AND POISON.

AND PROVIDED IT MADE IT THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

And Ricky was the only thing anyone was talking about

AND SEVEN VOTES FOR...

AND SHE HAS MANNERS, TOO.

AND SHE JUST HAD A BABY.

AND SHE'S SUCH A NICE WOMAN.

AND SHOW SOME LEG.

AND SOMEHOW, HE WALKS

AND THAT IS WHAT I WAS MUTTERING.

AND THAT YOU ONLY WANT ONE THING.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO NOW.

AND THAT'S PRETTY HEROIC TO ME

AND THAT'S WHEN COACH CALLED FOR...

AND THE SCHOOL BOARD.

AND THE STEAK TASTES SO... CLEAN.

AND THE, UH... OINTMENTS.

AND THEN I'LL TALK TO BOBBY.

AND THEN LET HIM MAKE UP THE GAMES THE NEXT SEASON.

AND THEN THEY CAN'T APPRECIATE IT.

AND THERE ARE NO SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS

AND THERE'S JUST PLAIN BEING CHEATED.

AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO MAKE IT.

AND THIS TOOTHY, POINTY...

AND USUALLY MEN ARE THE EVERYTHING.

And wait till he hits junior high.

AND WE BOTH LIKE PLAYING BOGGLE.

AND WE WERE PLAYING THE WAHATCHEE COWBOYS.

AND WE'VE GOT NO PLACE TO PUT OUR NAPKINS.

AND WEATHER REPORT... AND THE FISHING REPORT

AND WHAT IS THE WORD ON ME?

AND WITH HIS HELP, PEGGY HILL IS DOING THINGS

AND WORK ON THOSE DIMMER SWITCHES?

AND YOU CAN PUT HIM IN FRIDAY'S GAME.

AND YOU GET INTUITION.

AND YOU MUST ACT DIFFERENT, LIKE AN ADULT.

AND YOU'RE TELLING ME, YOU CAN'T CLIMB

AND YOUR FATHER AND I STUDENTS.

AND, NANCY, YOU MAKE SURE HE TAKES IT OFF

AND, THEN, YOU FALLING AND ALL

AND, UH... CHAD.

AND, WHEN YOU'RE SLOPPY IN THE PROPANE BIZ

AND, WHILE SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEARNED THROUGH GUESSING

Announcer: And Arlen has a first and goal!

Announcer: Arlen to punt the ball.

Announcer: Interception!

Announcer: Now that Ricky has broken the record

Announcer: Ricky Suggs gets the handoff.

Announcer: Ricky Suggs!

Announcer: That ties the record for career touchdowns

ANY SHAVES TODAY, BILL, OR JUST HAIRCUTS?

ANYONE NOTICE THAT BROKEN WINDOW IN THE CHEMISTRY CLASS?

ANYONE'S PARENTS OUT OF TOWN?

ANYTHING THAT CAN BE USED AS A WEAPON IS A WEAPON.

ANYTHING. DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.

APRIL 30, '45, AT THE OCCUPATION OF MUNICH...

APRIL 30, MAY 2 THAT'S TWO WHOLE DAYS.

ARE YOU A LEAKER?

ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO DEFEND HIM?

ARE YOU ASKING ME

ARE YOU COMPARING ME TO LUANNE?

ARE YOU DYING ON ME?

ARE YOU LEAKING ON ME RIGHT NOW, LEAKY?

ARE YOU SCARED?

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY?

Arlen High's very own senior running back, Ricky Suggs.

Arlen will allow Hentoff to score a makeup touchdown.

ARLEN'S NUMBER ONE!

Army Sergeant Barber Bill "The Billdozer" Dauterive!

AS LONG AS I'M AROUND

AS LONG AS IT'S WELL LIT AND THE OUTLETS ARE GROUNDED

AS USING A GUN TO CUT A TWO BY FOUR.

ASPIRIN THIS MORNING, RED WINE LAST NIGHT.

ASTERISK!

ASTERISK!

At the Arroyo Diner.

AT THE SAME TIME?

AT THE TEXAS STATE CEMETERY.

AUNT PEGGY!

AW, COME ON, PEGGY

AW, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DONE.

AW! THEY'RE GOING TO RUN OUT OF GRAVES

AW... NO.

AW... WHY...

BAAAAAH!

BABY SITTER VIOLATE PAROLE?

BABY.

Back in action! This Friday!

BACK OFF, EVERYBODY!

BACK OFF!

BAND AIDS AREN'T GOING TO WORK IN THIS SITUATION.

BAPTISM BY FIRE, MY FRIEND.

BE A WOMAN AND GET ME MY SHIN JELLY.

BECAUSE HE'S SAYING THE SAME THING.

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT, UH...

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE.

BECAUSE SHOP IS BIGGER THAN ANY CLASSROOM OR GARAGE

BECAUSE UNLESS IT'S FLYING ABOVE MY HEAD, I CANNOT DO IT.

BECAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE

BECAUSE YOU'RE WEAK.

BECAUSE, UH, OF WHAT YOU WERE JUST SAYING...

BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP RIGHT HERE AT THE TABLE.

BEFORE THE END OF OUR LAST SEASON

BEFORE THE GROUNDSKEEPER COULD?

BEFORE THEY MADE THIS A STUDY HALL?

BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

BELTON HAS THE TOUGHEST DEFENSIVE LINE IN THE DIVISION.

BESIDES, I CAN'T GET UP.

BETWEEN THE BAMBOO BARS OF MY CAGE.

BIG BAD CAN!

BIG PROJECT WAITING TO BE FIXED.

BILL, THERE'S BEING A GOOD SPORT

Bill: I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT

Bill: WHOO HOO! THERE YOU GO, RICKY! RICKY!

BIRDHOUSES.

BLACK.

BOBBY AND I ARE LATE ALREADY

BOBBY, EVERY WOMAN HAS A PERIOD...

BOBBY, FIND ME A FROG.

BOBBY, FROM NOW ON, WHEN I ASK, "HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"

BOBBY, GO HELP BOOMHAUER

BOBBY, HONEY, COME ON IN HERE.

BOBBY, I'M DRIVING YOU TO SCHOOL TODAY.

BOBBY, IF WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS

BOBBY, SINCE YOU'RE DOING ALL THE WOMAN'S WORK AROUND HERE

BOBBY, SUCCESS ON THE FIELD

BOBBY, YOU ARE AT AN AGE NOW WHEN...

Bobby: ALREADY DID IT.

Bobby: DANG IT, DIDI!

Bobby: DOES THIS FINGER

Bobby: I ALWAYS PUT MY NAPKIN ON MY LAP.

Bobby: LOOK, DAD!

Bobby: UNCLE...

Bobby: YEAH, THE BIG YAHOO.

BOBBY?

BOBBY?

BOBBY... COULD YOU BUY ME SOME LOTTERY TICKETS?

Boomhauer: SAY LIFT ON THREE, MAN

BOY, I TELL YOU WHAT

BOY, I'M SO TIRED.

BOY, IF HE WASN'T PLAYING ON ST. AUGUSTINE GRASS, I...

BOY, THIS NAPKIN HOLDER IS SMOOTH ENOUGH

BOY, WE SURE ARE A LONG WAY FROM AUTOMOTIVE.

Bringing the number 72 out of retirement

BUBBLES.

BUREAUCRATS LIKE MOSS DON'T RESPOND TO REASON, HANK.

BUSY SCHEDULE, I HAVE CHOSEN TO HIGHLIGHT ONLY A FEW

BUT A FUN PRACTICE.

BUT A PROJECT LIKE THIS MINI FOOSBALL SET MIGHT JUST TURN HIM AROUND.

BUT BARBER SCHOOL AT FORT BRAGG...

BUT BEFORE THAT, I GOTS TO FILL OUT AN APPLICATION

BUT FOR THOSE FOUR DAYS WHEN I'M A WOMAN

BUT GIVE IT TIME, AND IT'LL CARVE THE GRAND CANYON.

BUT HARDLY A WEEK GOES BY

BUT HE WILL NOT ROT IN THE TEXAS STATE CEMETERY.

BUT HERE IS A LIST OF PRODUCTS FOR CONNIE

BUT I AM VERY TIRED...

BUT I CAN'T DO BOTH.

BUT I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A DRIPPIN' WITCH CHILD.

BUT I DO KNOW THAT MY DAD DOESN'T HAVE SHINS

BUT I GOT SPIT UP ON MY GOOD SHORTS.

BUT I GOT TO GET BACK TO THE PROPANE GAME ON MONDAY.

BUT I JUST FELL BACK ON NATURAL INSTINCT.

BUT I RETOOK IT ANYWAY.

BUT I THINK YOU HAVE TO START OVER WHEN YOU FALL OFF.

BUT I WASN'T REALLY SICK.

BUT I... I CAN'T.

BUT I'M IN CHARGE NOW.

BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BIRD BUILD A BOOMERANG OR A DARTBOARD.

BUT ISN'T IT A GAS, MR. HILL?

BUT IT COULD NOT BREAK MY TEACHING BONE

BUT IT FEELS LIKE I'M DOING BOTH OF THOSE AT THE SAME TIME.

BUT IT'S ONLY...

But let's get back to Bill.

BUT LOOK HOW WE REMEMBER HER

BUT MAYBE FOR NOW, JUST PULL DOWN YOUR SHIRT.

BUT MY PLATE'S FULL, SITUATION WITH A TERMITE

BUT NOW YOU ARE DIFFERENT

BUT PEGGY'S GOT A BROKEN BACK.

BUT REMEMBER, JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKING IT

BUT SHE WANTS TO BE DISCHARGED.

BUT SHE'S OKAY?

BUT THAT SHOULDN'T STOP YOU FROM PURSUING

BUT THAT'S AUNT PEGGY'S PLACE.

BUT THAT'S IT!

BUT THAT'S IT.

BUT THAT'S OKAY; WATER'S SOFT, TOO.

But then just two hours later

BUT THEY CAN'T MAKE A PARACHUTE THAT OPENS.

BUT THEY'RE ALSO PART OF PROPER SAFETY ATTIRE.

BUT THIS IS THE SPORTS JOCK AND CHAD.

BUT TO SAND AND DRILL AND CHISEL THINGS

BUT WE GOT SOMETHING THEY DON'T...

BUT WHAT DID WE SAY?

BUT WITH ALL THE NOISE FROM THE ENGINES

BUT WITH ATTITUDE MUMMY FOR THE '90s.

BUT YOU TOLD ME TO DO EIGHT TO 12 REPS.

BUT YOU'RE SUPER ORGANIZED.

BUT, CARL

BUT, UH, DAD, YOU CAN TAKE OUT YOUR TEETH.

BUT, UNTIL THEY INVENT A MACHINE

BUTT JOINT.

BY MEANS OF FRAUD AND BAD SPORTSMANSHIP."

BY NOW, YOU HAVE PROBABLY ALL HEARD ABOUT THE SUSPENSION

CALLED IT "JUNGLE RICE" TASTED FINE.

CAME TO..."

CAN I ASSUME YOU'RE ABOUT TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE

CAN I BORROW TWO STUPID DOLLARS?

CAN I PLEASE BE EXCUSED?

CAN MAKE YOU SLOPPY

CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY.

CAN WE BORROW YOUR TOOLS?

CAN WE DO A WHOLE UNIT ON ROUTERS NEXT WEEK IN CLASS?

CAN WE MOVE THIS ALONG?

CAN YOU BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE FOR FIVE MINUTES

CAN YOU HOLD IT IN?

CAN'T HANDLE FLANNEL, MAN, DANG OL'

CAN'T WE JUST STAY HOSPITALIN'

CAST MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD FOR PEGGY HILL

CEMETERY PLOT 4, SECTION K.

Chad: Hey, hold on, we've got a little feedback here.

Chad: Mm hmm.

Chad: That Bennett boy's a hoss, all right

Chad: You know St. Margaret's

Chairman: THAT CONCLUDES TODAY'S BUSINESS.

Change... of... subject.

CHOO CHOO TRAINS?

CLOSE UP SHOP.

Coach: OKAY, BILL.

Coach: OKAY, EVERYBODY. HUDDLE UP.

COLONEL, FROM YOUR DRESS AND DEMEANOR

COLONEL.

COME ON IN.

COME ON, BILL.

COME ON, BOBBY.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON, CONNIE, PICK SOMETHING.

COME ON, GUYS.

COME ON, LADY, MAKE THEM SHINE.

COME ON, MAN.

COME ON, PEGGY HILL, ROOKIE MISTAKE.

COME ON, YA OL' TUB OF SLOP.

COME ON!

COME ON!

COME ON!

COME ON. GRAB SOME FLOOR.

COME ON. ISN'T ANYONE GOING TO SAY

COME.

COMFORT HER?

COMFORT ME!

COMING OVER LIKE THIS, MAN?

CONNIE STARTED HER PERIOD.

CONNIE, DO YOU LIKE YOUR SYRUP WARM OR COLD?

CONNIE, HONEY, IT'S PAST 8:00 ALREADY.

CONNIE, YOU FEEL THINGS MORE NOW.

Connie: ...AND MY DAD JUST CRAWLED

Connie: YOU KNOW, MR. HILL

CONNIE'S OLD ENOUGH TO STAY BY HERSELF, RIGHT?

COO COO CA CA!

COO GA GA GA GA!

COOL.

COTTON INVENTED A BAYONET TECHNIQUE

COTTON WANTS ME TO CUT BACK ON MY SLEEP.

COTTON, MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

Cotton: A NAZI, NAZI SQUAZI?

Cotton: DANG IT, WOMAN!

Cotton: HAD TO GET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Cotton: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Cotton: I FOUND IT!

COULD DIAL 9 1 1 WITH HIS NOSE

COULDN'T I JUST TAKE MY VACATION AT MY DESK?

CREATE A UNIFIED THEORY OF EDUCATION.

Crowd ( chanting ): RICKY! RICKY! RICKY!

CRUEL, CRUEL FATE!

Currently held by class of '74's Bill Dauterive

DAD HAS VERY GOOD BUZZ.

DAD, I THINK CONNIE IS GOING

DAD, MOM'S TALKING.

DAD, THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

DAD!

DAD!

DAD!

DAD!

DAD...

DALE, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

DALE, I JUST GET SO LONELY...

DALE, YOU KILL ANY BUGS?

Dale: THIS RECORD IS ALL BILL'S GOT.

DAMN ZERO TOLERANCE.

DANG IT, BOBBY, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SET A RECORD

DANG IT! YOU SAID IT WAS A BOY.

DANG IT.

DANG OL' GIRL IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW, MAN.

DANG OL' GRASS SKIRTS, MAN.

DANG OL' HAWAII, MAN.

DANG OL' THREE THEN GO

DEAL.

DEAL.

DELICATE CRYSTAL WINE GOBLET.

DEPENDS ON HARD WORK OFF THE FIELD.

DID ANYONE SHOW YOU HOW

DID HE EVER TELL YOU HE SURVIVED EIGHT DAYS

DID I! NO.

DID SHE SAY WHAT THAT WAS? BECAUSE I AM SO CONFUSED.

DID YOU SEE THE WAY MY BOY LOOKED AT THAT NURSE?

DIDI HILL HAS POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION.

DIDI, ARE YOU LEAVING?

DIDI, DID YOU NAME THIS BABY YET?

DIDI! WHERE'S DIDI?

DIDI?

DIDI'S DEPRESSED AND YOU'RE NOT.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE BELL RING?

DO PLANES HAVE PHONES?

DO YOU HEAR THAT, HANK?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TORTURE THAT IS?

DO YOU REMEMBER?

DO YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE, HANK? NO.

DO YOU WANT TO BE IN CHARGE, HANK? NO.

DOCTORS SAY I'M OUT FOR THE SEASON.

DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE LEARNING IT.

DOESN'T COUNT. MEETING IS NOT ADJOURNED.

DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HOLD ON TO A PIECE OF PAPER.

DON'T BANG THE... ( screams )

DON'T BE SO TOUGH ON YOURSELF.

DON'T EVEN TAKE SHOP.

DON'T HAVE A HEART ATTACK, MISTER.

DON'T LOOK AWAY!

DON'T LOOK DOWN AT YOUR LEG.

DON'T NEED HER WHEELCHAIR NO MORE.

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, PEGGY.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

DON'T WORRY, CONNIE.

DON'T WORRY, COTTON.

DON'T WORRY.

DON'T YOU EYEBALL ME!

DON'T YOU THINK I AM TRYING? I CAN'T.

DON'T YOU TOUCH ME.

DON'T... GET... ME... STARTED!

DOWN...

DR. HERTIG SAYS YOUR TEETH ARE LOOKING GOOD.

DROP BY DROP, MRS. FLORES.

DUH, INCOMING!

EEK!

EH, WON'T EVER HAPPEN.

EMILY!

Emmitt Smith scores!

ESCORT MR. HILL OFF SCHOOL GROUNDS

EVEN MOM?

EVER FALLEN OUT OF A PLANE AND LIVED TO WIN

EVERY DROP COUNTS, MRS. HILL.

EVERYBODY LOOKS PRETTY CLEAN.

EVERYBODY SEEMED REAL HAPPY ABOUT RICKY BREAKING THE RECORD.

EVERYBODY!

EVERYTHING I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM ME!

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS IN HERE.

EXCEPT AT MOVIE THEATER, WHERE YOU CHILD

EXCEPT FOR OLD MAN CRYBABY

EXCEPT FOR TEN MINUTES EVERY HOUR AND 45 MINUTES FOR LUNCH.

EXCEPT WHEN IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO THEIR DEATH EXPERIENCE

EXCUSE ME?

EXCUSE ME.

FAIR AND SQUARE.

FALLING FROM THAT PLANE

FASTER THAN I COULD GO GUT THEM

FATTY, FATTY AND DOC.

FETAL POSITION, PLEASE.

FINALLY THIN ENOUGH TO SLIP

FINE, AWAY FROM ME.

FINE, I'LL GET YOU THE...

FINE! YOU SIT ON THAT COUCH!

FIRST CALL, MAN.

FIRST LADY OF THE AMERICAN STAGE.

FIRST THING TOMORROW

FIVE POUNDS.

FLUNKED HISTORY LAST YEAR

FLY.

FOCUS ME, HANK! IT'S RICKY!

FOR A SECOND, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

FOR ALL THESE FANCY TEACHING AIDS...

FOR BIGGEST COMPUTER CONVENTION THERE IS.

FOR GOING TO "OM LANDY MIDDLE SCHOOL" NO MORE!

FOR HIS NAPKIN HOLDER.

FOR ME TO DO IS JUST LEAVE EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE CRYING?

FOR ME, ANYWAY.

For most career touchdowns!

FOR MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY.

FOR OUR MOMS.

FOR OUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER OF THE YEAR STRAW POLL

FOR SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS WHO ARE LATE.

FOR TAKING CARE OF THIS, KAHN.

FOR TAKING SUCH GOOD CARE OF THE TROPHY BALL.

For the two point conversion!

For their delicious chicken fried steak

FOR YOUR GREASE MOAT THERE.

FOR YOUR PORTRAYAL OF DR

FOUR DAYS A MONTH.

Four touchdowns last night.

FOUR VOTES FOR MRS. PEGGY HILL I THANK YOU

FOUR VOTES UNDECIDED OKAY

FRANKLIN DEE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT.

FROM HIS MOTHER.

FROM SYSTEMS ANALYST TO SENIOR SYSTEMS ANALYST.

FROM THIS CHICKEN FRIED NIGHTMARE.

FUMBLE AYA!

Funk & Wagnall!

G.H. IS GOOD TO GO

G.H. KIND OF NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW.

G.H., I'M GETTING IT.

G.H.?

GENTLEMEN, THIS TRASH CAN IS INDESTRUCTIBLE.

GET IN YOUR CHAIR AND GO.

GET IT TOGETHER.

GIVE IT A REST, HANK.

GIVE ME ANOTHER MINUTE.

Give them their halftime speech.

GO AHEAD, 'CAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE

GO ON. TAKE A SPIN ON THE BIDET.

GO SWIMMING AT THE REC CENTER?

GO WITH THESE SHORT PANTS?

GO WITH YOUR MOTHER, YES.

GO, BILL!

GO!

GO! GO!

GO.

GO.

GOD, THAT GETS OLD.

GOGGLES MIGHT MAKE YOU LOOK COOL

GOOD EFFORT.

GOOD HANK.

GOOD LORD.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. AND MRS. HILL.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD QUESTION.

GOOD SPORT DOESN'T WHINE WHEN THINGS DON'T GO HIS WAY.

GOOD SPORT DOESN'T WHINE WHEN THINGS DON'T GO HIS WAY.

GOOD. NOW SHINE MY BOOTS

GOT MARRIED, HAD KIDS, RESPONSIBILITIES.

GOTCHA.

GRAB A BEER AND LET IT BURN.

GRACIAS.

GREAT. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

GROUND ZERO'S OFFICIALLY HOT FOR A WEEK.

GUAM, 1944.

GUESS WE COULD EMPTY THE TRASH.

GUTS.

HA HA!

HAD MY WHOLE UNIT PINNED DOWN

HANK HILL, YOU RUIN MY LIFE.

HANK HILL?

HANK, DON'T GO!

HANK, FACTS ARE FACTS, AND THE FACT IS

HANK, HEY, WAIT, DON'T GO

HANK, HOW'D MY HEAD GET SO FAT?

HANK, I CAUGHT YOUR BOY CARRYING THESE CHISELS AND SCREWDRIVERS

HANK, I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP.

HANK, I'M REMEMBERING.

HANK, IT'S "MRS. PEGGY HILL" IN FRONT OF THE VOTERS

HANK, SIT DOWN.

HANK, THE BEST THERAPY FOR MY BACK

HANK, THE STRAW BROKE OFF FIVE MINUTES AGO.

HANK, WAIT...

HANK, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR WIFE?

HANK, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN

HANK, WHAT IS IT!

HANK, WHAT OR WHO WOULD HAVE MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND?

HANK, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

HANK, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CONNIE TO SCHOOL, HONEY.

Hank: COACH

Hank: JUST LIFT NOW, OKAY?

Hank: LET'S GET MOVING

Hank: LOOKS LIKE IT'S HIS KNEE.

Hank: NO PEEKING

Hank: SHH SHH SHH...

Hank: SO HOW WAS REHAB?

Hank: THIS IS CRAZY, DAD.

Hank: TOUCHDOWN!

Hank: UH HUH.

Hank: WELL, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BILL.

Hank: WELL, LOOK AT BILL. LUCKY DOG.

Hank: YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL

HANK!

HANK!

HANK!

HANK!

HAS NEVER EVEN TRIED TO TEST A BEVEL

HAS NO HANDS LEFT TO DO DRUGS.

HAVE SOME CHOW.

HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO DALE?

HAVEN'T WORN IT SINCE MY 30th BIRTHDAY PARTY.

HE ANNOYING LITTLE BOY.

HE CAN BARELY WALK.

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

HE DIDN'T FINISH HIS SENIOR SEASON

HE FOUGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM IN NORTH CAROLINA DURING 'NAM.

HE IS A COMPLETE FRAUD.

HE IS.

HE KEEPS HIS ELIGIBILITY AND PLAYS THE NEXT SEASON.

HE LIKES TO LEAVE HIS RABBET PLANE LYING BLADE DOWN

HE LOST HIS JOB.

HE MAY ROT IN HELL

HE SAID HE'LL TAKE YOU BACK, BUT HE'S GOT TO WARN YOU

HE STILL HAS RED SHIRT ELIGIBILITY.

HE WALKED RIGHT OVER TO THAT DOCTOR

He was eating the jalapeno corn bread

HE WAS FIVE FOOT EVEN

HE WAS JUST TORTURING ME.

HE WAS LIVING IN HIS PAST, AND THAT BOY HAS STOLEN IT.

HE WON'T LET ANYTHING STAND IN HIS WAY.

HE'D HAVE OPENED YOUR SISSY CHUTE.

He'll be going for the touchdown record against Hentoff.

He'll capture the career touchdown record

HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

HE'S CRYING.

HE'S GOING TO TAKE IT BACK

HE'S GOT A JOB AT STRICKLAND PROPANE.

HE'S HANK.

HE'S JUST LEAKING A LITTLE MILK.

HE'S NO HERO.

HE'S NOT LIKE ALL THE OTHER BOYS.

HE'S POSSESSED!

HE'S SIMPLY BEEN INGESTING A LOT OF FEMALE HORMONES

Heart like a lion.

HECK, WE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO FIX A DENT IN THE GYM FLOOR

HELD MY BREATH

HELLO, CHAD.

HELLO, SPORTS JOCK.

Hello?

HELLO?

HELLO?

HELLO?

Hello. This is Peggy Hill.

HELP ME.

HER THIRD STRAIGHT SUBSTITUTE TEACHER OF THE YEAR AWARD.

HERE IS THE BEAUTY OF TENTING:

HERE YOU GO

Here's a topic for the Sports Jock:

HERE'S CONNIE BABY SITTING BOOK.

HEY DO I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS, TOO?

HEY, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER, SU...

HEY, BILL, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?

HEY, DO THAT THING AGAIN.

HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT TIME WE SNUCK INTO THE STADIUM

HEY, I SEE YOU GET NEW DEEP FRYER.

HEY, MAN, DANG OL', WHAT YOU DOING, OL' TRASH MAN?

HEY, MR. HILL.

HEY, MR. HILL.

HEY, MY PARENTS AREN'T EVEN ALIVE!

HEY, THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, THAT'S THE BILLDOZER GROWL.

HEY, WE'RE GOING HOME TODAY.

HEY, WHAT WERE YOU KIDS WORKING ON

HEY, WHERE'S THE PARTY TONIGHT?

HEY, YEAH

HEY! AAAH!

Hey! Now they're carrying him in

HEY! NOW, THIS GUY WAS SETTING FOOTBALL RECORDS

HEY.

HI, PEGGY.

HIGH ABOVE MY HEAD IN TRIUMPH.

HIGHLY MOTIVATED FIGHTING MACHINE.

HIGHWAY NINE OR SIX?

HIKE!

HIKE!

HIS NAME IS BILL.

HIS NAME WAS CARL MOSS.

HIS SHINS ARE PERFECT.

HIT THE SHOWERS.

HMM.

HMM.

HMM.

HMM...

HOLD ON A MINUTE.

HOLD ON, CONNIE.

HOLD ON, COTTON. I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS...

HOLD ON! YOU FELLAS GOT ONE MORE MAN TO BURY.

HONEY, I CALLED THE SCHOOL.

HONEY, I THINK A LITTLE PIECE OF PLASTER FELL IN MY UNDERARM.

HONEY, YOU WILL CATCH UP EVENTUALLY.

HOW ABOUT SOME EGGS?!

HOW ARE YOU?

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

HOW HE CLEANED IT, TOO

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO KILL 50 MEN?

HOW THAT DANG OL' WORKS OUT, MAN.

HOW WAS, UH... MATH?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A FEW NIGHTS AT THE MOTEL ARLEN, MY TREAT?

HOW YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED MY FATHER?

HOW'S IT GO? UH, WAIT.

HOW'S IT GO? UH, WAIT.

HUB OF THE WHEEL, HUB OF THE WHEEL.

HUH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

HUH! THEY CAN MAKE A SAW

HUH! WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.

HUH?

HUH.

HUH.

HUH. NOT IN THIS HOUSE.

HUH. WELL, THAT'S STRANGE.

HUH. YOU WEREN'T AROUND AT GRADUATION.

HUNGRY?

HUP. HIKE.

I ACCEPT THIS ON BEHALF OF EVERYONE WHO HAS

I AIN'T GETTING NEAR THAT CHILD.

I ALREADY DO.

I ALSO WANT TO THANK MR. DEEBATROVE

I ALWAYS WANTED A BOY NAMED HANK.

I AM A 12 YEAR OLD BOY!

I AM BAD BOY OF SYSTEMS ANALYSIS.

I AM HAVING TROUBLE SUPPORTING MY HEAD.

I AM HONORED TO SHARE IT WITH HIM.

I AM KING OF THE SCHOOL!

I AM KING OF THE SCHOOL!

I AM NEEDED.

I AM NOT A COWARD!

I AM NOT MOPING.

I AM OUTRAGED!

I am so sorry I cannot take your call.

I AM THIS CHILD'S NEPHEW!

I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE.

I BEGGED YOU TO JUMP, PEGGY.

I BET YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT IN TWO DAYS.

I CAN EITHER TRAIN, OR...

I CAN GO ANYWHERE... IN MY WHEELCHAIR.

I CAN NOT DO THIS!

I CAN PLAY AGAIN?!

I CAN RUN THE WHOLE HOUSE FROM HERE.

I CAN SEE IT FROM HERE.

I CAN THANK THE ARMY FOR STRAIGHTENING ME OUT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW BAD YOU MUST FEEL.

I CAN'T JUST PUT SOMEONE THERE LIKE SHE DOESN'T EXIST.

I CAN'T LET HIM VISIT ME IN A CIVILIAN CEMETERY.

I CAN'T LOOK.

I CAN'T POINT, HANK.

I CAN'T SUGGEST THAT, HANK.

I CAN'T! IT'S ALL RIGHT

I CAN'T. DROP BY DROP.

I CANNOT DO THIS.

I CHALLENGE HIM TO FIND ONE SINGLE MISTAKE...

I CLIMBED THE CLIFFS OF NORMANDY

I COMMAND YOU TO JUMP.

I COMMAND YOU TO JUMP.

I COPED CIRCLES AROUND...!

I COULD FIGHT FOR REINSTATEMENT

I COULD GET MY NIGHT LIGHT.

I COULD NEVER HAVE DONE ON HER OWN.

I COULD NOT AGREE MORE.

I COULDN'T GIVE THE HARDWARE STORE MY BUSINESS

I COULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU.

I COULDN'T TELL YOU. HEH.

I CRAWLED THROUGH A MINEFIELD

I CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD!

I DID COME IN THAT SATURDAY.

I DID IT FOR MY GIRLFRIEND.

I DID.

I DIDN'T DO IT JUST FOR ME.

I DIDN'T JUMP BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO JUMP.