American Dad! - Season 10 Edit

A Actually, I might've mis shopped, heh.

A canoe trip, you say?

A carrot?

A few nights a week watching reruns of Martin.

A La Z Boy perfect!

A La Z Boy?

A little boy from Russia

A rather trashy element into our home.

A sense of community

A Spider Man backpack as a gift!

A two year deal on House Beautiful.

A Waterford Crystal teddy bear!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! This is oxygen, not nitrous!

About an alien on the loose,

About what it meant to be a man.

About what's gonna happen when she blabs about us?!

Accent.

Accidentally threw your neighbor's New York Times

Actually, it's one of those Euorpean style places,

Actually, Michael, there's something

Actually, now that we have a minute to breathe,

After bedtime. Paposhkas!

Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Ah, I should go to work.

Ah, our new son will go perfectly with this.

Ah!

Alien stealer!

All right, everybody stay here.

All right, family meeting.

All right, let me get my tools.

All right! All right! You're the R Dog!

All right! The Speedos worked!

All you do is ask me for things.

ALL: Aw!

Also, all the meat is kangaroo.

Although it is a shame they couldn't conceive naturally.

America's only family friendly dive bar experience!

And a partial profit participant of Roger's Spot, Roger Smith!

And away from that ape across the street. I hear ya.

And bring him to your feet!

And Cartoon Network, so if you guys ever want to come...

And enjoy the little moments in my life.

And even though Michael doesn't arrive until tomorrow,

And find my quiet place.

And he convinced Greg to go along with it?

And her stories...

And I can legally sell you alcohol again.

And I got to find Betsy.

And I in a barrel of salsa.

And I just need you to sign here.

And I love to turn people on to The Wire.

And I said thanks.

And I think I saw something in here about Dartmouth.

And I wasn't fishing.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

And I've been vibing on her lady pheromones.

And if you just give us a chance,

And if you keep up this pace, the next one'll be your last.

And if you're willing to sell,

And it doesn't faze him at all?

And it was piloted by...

And just go to town?

And let me tell ya,

And make your bachelor pad all girly.

And my cape was still in the dryer I panicked.

And no shirts for our Christmas photo.

And now, let's welcome to the stage the founder

And playing in the sulfuric rain.

And put everything back to the way it was!

And Roger have a unique bond, Stan.

And since it's my idea,

And started dating his male students.

And that baby...

And that helicopter is my friend's face.

And that's how I became Kim Kardashian.

And that's not a dig on her.

And the answer is, happy...

And the credit card information of people who pass out.

And the governor called to send his condolences

And the guy showing his joint to all the waitresses.

And the Spice Channel is still profitable!

And then a horn honked, distracting me.

And then you, mademoiselle, are going downtown

And there's never a dull moment

And they invited us to the shower!

And to say how happy he was

And to what have I been saying?!

And we carried that with us the rest of our lives.

And we take it.

And we wanted your beautiful mug to be the face of the company.

And we will not rest

And we're all going.

And went to Toys "R" Us.

And what have you still not received?

And why would you?

And you're Liev Schreiber!

And you've established lasting relationships

And your campaign needs some big money.

And... (hocks a loogie sound)

Another step.

Any Spanx lying around, do you?

Anything yet?

Anyway, everything has to be so perfect with him.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the show,

Anyway, I'm not worried about (hocks a loogie sound).

Anyway, prepare to be captured!

Anyway, this is not my fault, it's yours!

Apricot wheat?!

Apricot wheat?!

Are adopting another child.

Are they overbooked?

Are we a go?

Are we, Corbin Bates family?

Are you within striking distance or what?

Aren't shooting their friends in the face

Aren't you gonna use it?

As for me?

As I was just trying to find...

As is that scarf.

As they open their hearts to...

As we turn the camera on ourselves

At death's door, still a trailblazer.

At least I'm not an ear sore.

At orphanage who touch us with rake.

At this year's Emerging Titans of Industry

Attagirl, lose 'em in the woods,

Aw, look, Stan...

Back... to talking.

Bad Charlotte!

Barely hear myself groaning.

Barry became the poet in residence at Ithaca College

BARRY MANILOW: ♪ And I'm... ♪

Barry, toss this Frisbee into her backyard,

Baths are so great,

Because a bunch of drunks aren't gonna tell me

Because I am in.

Because in all 480 locations, it's just a stool.

Because it won't be happening again.

Because not only are we out of the house...

Because that was never my catchphrase.

Because we're expanding Roger's Spot nationwide,

Bed and breakfast... (gasps)

Beezus is a Christ figure! Her name rhymes with Jesus.

Before he gets home from his vacation in Croatia.

Before they can talk, I have to kill Michael.

Being pushed out of my own bar is worse

Being wet and bloated was a nice touch.

Bets!

Betty Crocker, Famous Amos, John DeLorean.

Bloated?

Blow it out your ass!

Bonsoir, mes amis.

Boring.

BOY (crying): Somebody help me!

BOY: Tommy, help! Somebody help! Oh, God.

Boycott Roger's Spot!

Boycott Roger's Spot!

Boycott Roger's Spot!

Boycott Roger's Spot!

Bring home tomato juice,

Bring on the La Z Boy!

BULLOCK (over P.A.): Attention, alien creature!

BULLOCK: Don't take...

BULLOCK: Who's gasping out there?!

But about the "couple" thing

But anyways, I'm here at the wall, right now.

But don't worry, the idea is to make it reflect us.

But feel free to stick around,

But first we gotta make a quick stop...

But got rid of the smell and the hopelessness

But I got a fifty fifty shot the tune's dead on.

But I just feel like that's our business, you know?

But I just told myself,

But I like always do the responsible thing.

But I need to get back to the bar!

But I thought you had today off.

But I'm required to go door to door

But it's my destiny.

But it's not my fault more current people

But it's through that drainage pipe.

But just barely.

But my favorite thing to do is...

But now it's ruined, it's all ruined!

But now you're just wearing yourself out

But only because I like playing

But rather...

But Roger, if the CIA gets her, she'll be dissected!

But she wasn't getting the message.

But tell me, Liev Schreiber,

But that can't be.

But that doesn't change the fact

But that was Mick, my most loyal barfly!

But the opposite.

But there is an alternative to all this hard work.

But this trip was a mistake.

But what if we get tired?

But won't it look strange,

But you got to give them back so I can return them

But you probably don't,

But you seemed perfect for one another.

But you're gonna have to lose the nasty accent.

But you're in danger! You've gotta believe me!

But you're ruining your Build A Bear.

But, you know, sometimes you just want a Ho Ho.

By February, I'll have mastered conversational Japanese.

By myself

Can't you see that?

Catalina, wait!

Catch anything?

Cause the toilet's right there, you know?

Champagne?

Charles, why are you calling?

Charlotte, careful.

Charlotte's gonna love that clean cutting.

Check it out two chicks dancing.

Click, click, click

Clown wrapping paper?

Coffee and breakfast pork chops for you, Stan.

Come in.

Come on, Roger. Let's head home.

Come on! Don't be that way! Come back!

Coming right up.

Cop killer!

Corporate banned Mick

Corporate SynergyFest?

Crossing everything off my bucket list.

Dad, why are we putting all this stuff

Daddies!

Daddy?!

Damn it, Roger!

Dedicated to looking for you!

Did you know that P. Diddy only sleeps

Didn't know this was motel lobby rules.

Different from the one that dropped me off.

Dive on in.

Dive on in.

Dive on in.

Dive... on... in?

Do "Dive on in"!

Do I put sock on door handle if I am being ****d?

Do not enter...

Do you boys know anyone willing to pick up a hoe

Do you mind keeping it down?

Do you speak English?

Doesn't mean I can't serve.

Don't flatter yourself.

Don't leave us, Nana.

Don't tell me, you'd pick her...

Double pockets there,

Drive. Drive! The door will shut on its own.

Eat up!

Eh, not really. When we're doing it,

Ended up marrying his commanding officer,

Even I'm getting hungry!

Every time I start the car, I'm giving back to the Earth.

Everything.

Everything's different.

Excuse me a moment.

Extraterrestrial spacecraft, sir.

Fabulous, fabulous. Wonderful.

False alarm.

Finally tonight, Terry and I have some wonderful news:

Fine, I'm leaving.

Fine, you want the real dirt?

Follow Greg and Terry's journey

For a long time...

For pizza poppers.

For real, muchas gracias. I mean it. Look at me.

For the first time in seven years.

For the rest of our lives.

Forget it, forget it, just drive.

Four hours a night?

Francine won't let me buy a La Z Boy

Francine, get in here!

Francine, I'm sure he...

Francine, if I was doing the wrong thing,

Francine, relax, have a drink.

From Greg's impossibly high expectations.

From now until I die neatly filed in a bucket.

From the bottom of my heart. Please let go, Mick.

From the Finger Lakes.

From the garage out on the lawn?

FURRY ALIEN: Oh, my God.

Geez, so...

Gentlemen, we are in.

Get it inside.

Get lost, this is my home now.

Get out of here.

Get over here with that gift!

Girl shoulders!

Give me your shirt and I'll let everyone live.

Go, Wizards! Go, Wizards!

Good morning, sexy.

Good night, Rog.

Great call on these Speedos, Snot.

Great call on these Speedos, Snot.

Great! Let's play that game where we see what stores

Great. I'll get going on the grout work.

Great. You happy?

GREG (on TV): Well, the big moment is finally here.

Greg and Terry are adopting

Greg and Terry have culture.

Greg and Terry's daughter speaks French and only French!

Growing out of?

Guys, can you give us a second?

Guys, there's something you should know!

Ha! You're on fire today!

Ha! You're on fire today!

Has the fish turned?

He did. I saw it.

He didn't fit in to the skinny jeans.

He didn't... fit in.

He has a tattoo that says, "R Dog"

He says he paid for that salad.

He sticks to walls like this.

He was never gonna to fit in at Dartmouth.

He was two pillows and a soccer ball.

He'll be back in 15 minutes.

He'll be fine. There's police everywhere.

He's assembling a strike force to capture her.

He's just restocking his waiting room!

He's right!

He's scaring me again.

He's up all night designing sweatpants,

Hello!

Help! I crashed and I don't have a boyfriend!

Here, let me show you the new game room

Hey, how are the magazine sales going?

Hey, I bet I can guess what's in your lunch

Hey, I got an idea.

Hey, I see you with that TP!

Hey, look at you

Hey, look who it is!

Hey, Mick! You damn drunk, wake up.

Hey, Mick's here! Mick, stand up.

Hey, neighbors!

Hey, Roger, I'm going to yoga. You want to come?

Hey, Roger!

Hey, Tosh, county still dragging their feet on the permits?

Hey, uh, can I use your bathroom?

Hey, yesterday, you were as excited about it as I was!

Hey! How about them pretzels!

Hey! If he doesn't like it, he can say something.

Hey. We still up for this?

Hi, baby.

Hi. Can I help you?

Hi. Um, I don't usually call these things and like,

Hi. We've got a bit of a wait, but feel free

Highest revenue generating, casual dining experiences.

His mind is a volcano.

Hmm. I'm gonna have to talk to your French teacher.

Hmm... So it's...

Ho Hos? A La Z Boy?!

Hole's jammed again.

How about I take you to a romantic B&B for the weekend?

How are you?

How is that good news?

How kitsch!

How the hell am I supposed to take down a CIA helicopter?

How you doing, Mick?

Hugs, not drugs.

I ain't till dippin'! It was Clarence the Goat.

I am over her.

I am ruined.

I bounced a check for my girlfriend's abortion?

I broke the door!

I call last!

I came here to save Terry.

I can tell by looking at them that they're the type to nod

I can tell.

I can't be with someone like that.

I can't thank you enough. Can't fix it until you let go, Mick.

I can't thank you enough. You got to let go of my hand.

I can't wait to see them on you.

I can't wait!

I clearly have no choice.

I did, Stan, I thought about it for a minute

I did. Now you know how to install drywall,

I didn't throw an orphan out of an airplane

I don't care! Wyatt Borden's company

I don't know! (sniffs)

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe you got to turn or something.

I don't understand it, but I want to so bad!

I don't understand.

I don't want to spend another minute

I feel exactly the same way,

I feel like I can still hear it.

I finally found the creature

I found that missing runner.

I found these used Ho Ho wrappers

I got 280 pounds of proof right here.

I got a business to run. For real, muchas gracias.

I got that alien you folks been looking for.

I got to get the kids to school.

I got to see where that guy's going.

I got to tell you.

I gotta, I gotta go get more of something.

I guess there's no reason why I can't go up there.

I guess this is it.

I guess what I'm saying is,

I have no choice.

I have permission!

I have to kill Terry.

I hope they got the grill started.

I hope you don't mind me interrupting,

I I don't know what that is.

I I I'm rambling, listen to me!

I I just moved here.

I I should go.

I I'd know about it.

I imagine the only place more peaceful

I Is anyone in there?

I just flipped this house for a tasty profit.

I just Googled "Russian Boy Toys."

I just got to think about my order in the bathroom.

I just have to pretend I'm Dick Cheney

I just keep seeing Stan in that terrible chair.

I just knew I'd know what it was when I found it.

I just know it.

I just saw Roger sleeping in the attic.

I just want to say I won't be any trouble.

I just... sense something.

I know exactly who I am.

I know I need a disguise,

I know, but you left so quickly

I know!

I know! He even followed me to school one day.

I like Lena Dunham. It's nice to see

I like long walks in the blistering suns.

I love that idea.

I love the "boys night in" concept.

I love your sliders!

I mean, as a couple.

I mean, if the CIA had any intel

I mean, sure, it made the children laugh and play.

I mostly just stay home and watch the Spice Channel

I need to go to the mall.

I really owe you guys.

I said I wanted to hear it in the car.

I said it's for customers only!

I see everything.

I see you back there!

I see you started breakfast without me.

I see you. I'm coming with those pretzels.

I smelled him, too.

I still haven't found a gardener.

I swear to you, sir,

I think she's dipping in the till.

I think that's an old reference.

I think that's why I crashed here.

I think you're a super lady!

I thought I was joining a classy family, Terry, but you're...

I thought our family was beneath you.

I thought you could only win them on game shows.

I thought you guys...

I thought you were giving us a chance.

I told you he'd be a genius.

I totally get it.

I tried to look away, but I couldn't.

I want to go somewhere cool but sad.

I was down to 24 cans!

I was thinking, pink plaid.

I wasn't so much hair pulling,

I wasted years in that double wide trailer

I will not tolerate the deterioration of our way of life.

I would love one of those.

I would've known better than to give

I wouldn't say that.

I'd love to chat, Franny, but I'm swamped

I'd rather lose the election than get in bed with that devil!

I'd rather not call you Vincent at all,

I'd sit in it most of the time.

I'll be right down.

I'll buy the bar and put it back the way it's supposed to be!

I'll come back to that one.

I'll cut off your hands, you thief!

I'll do better!

I'll drop her at the bed and breakfast

I'll just explain that I'm banging my dog.

I'll lose everything!

I'll take care of this.

I'll treasure this for the rest of my color coded life.

I'm also on drugs.

I'm Charlotte.

I'm Frasier and you're Frasier's dad.

I'm going out to get more eggs.

I'm going to school.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave our family alone.

I'm gonna owe you so hard.

I'm gonna poke you with a stick!

I'm gonna regret letting that get away;

I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.

I'm gonna take (hocks a loogie sound)

I'm here to buy you out

I'm in the mood for one of your classic anecdotes.

I'm just gonna pull over, so we can stock up on snacks.

I'm listed as Mike Saperstein.

I'm Mr. Play It Safe.

I'm not going in there.

I'm not gonna protect him after I become attorney general.

I'm not selling the bar! You better...

I'm not sure.

I'm Roger, and I'm famous for saying, "Dive on in!"

I'm sorry for the mess.

I'm sorry, but she's got to go.

I'm sorry, son.

I'm sorry.

I'm starting to see this.

I'm the loudest! I got the most pep! Free T shirt.

I'm the R Dog!

I'm tired of you accusing my wife of stealing!

I'm totally gonna get some food.

I'm trying to kill you.

I'm very particular about what I put in my body.

I'm with Beezus on this one, guys.

I'm worried about Roger.

I've applied a bed of thin set,

I've given you nothing?

I've never been so humiliated!

I've only sold three subscriptions.

If I fell asleep in the La Z Boy

If I hadn't wasted all these years

If I have to drag you out.

If I were you, I'd be out there living life,

If I were you, I'd be out there living life,

If this a pyramid scheme, don't say another word,

If you don't get that dead lady out of my room,

If you want to leave the house, you have to wear a disguise.

If you're in the bathroom,

In a four part series we're calling...

In a net.

In fact, someday,

In her culture, being heavy

In ten minutes.

In the outside garbage.

Indeed!

Intercept!

Into your yard.

Is a real stroke of genius.

Is a sign of being rich or whatever.

Is that Liev Schreiber?!

Is that right?

Is the worst chemical dumper in the state!

Ish?

It actually started out as the kind of place

It is with heavy hearts that we inform our viewers

It is.

It is. I have to say that.

It seems as though Michael has brought

It was against the rules!

It was incredibly unpopular, but I said it anyway,

It was so horrible.

It wouldn't hurt to slow down a bit

It's a little hard to turn off. Dive on in.

It's all so clear to me now.

It's also worse than 10,000 Maniacs.

It's an alien.

It's behind you. Of course.

It's definitely an

It's fine, what is it?

It's for customers only. Well, no, right,

It's go time, Roger.

It's gonna be nice to get out of town

It's good to see you back behind the bar, Roger.

It's happening again!

It's hard enough having one alien around, Francine.

It's incredible!

It's just part of my outfit.

It's like he can't be by himself anymore.

It's nasty, nasty.

It's not closing.

It's not hurting anybody.

It's not sticking.

It's okay.

It's probably all that young tail in Forever 21.

It's right there!

It's so cool that Greg and Terry

It's so peaceful out here on the lake.

It's some sort of tote bag with what appears to be a...

It's the alien!

It's the old hit it and quit it, bro.

It's the third house on the left.

It's time to start living,

It's time we go our separate ways.

Jealous that we have the kind of love

Just a sec on that refill.

Just by sitting on it.

Just explain to them what I'm doing.

Just got to close my eyes, clear my head,

Just like I said I would.

Just like I was passionate about running my bar.

Just like you and me, right, Klaus?

Just take your right foot and let me ease by you.

Just takes a minute to warm up.

Just the other day, you told me if I didn't

Just the two of us? Nobody around?

Just to have Terry drag me back

Just wash your hands after.

Just you and your smooth, hungry hands

Keep an eye on Betsy.

Kill me?! I'm trying to kill you!

Klaus, why don't you come along?

Let us use their employee bathroom.

Let's give it another shot.

Let's run the CIA Diddy style:

Lieutenant Randall Santana.

Like a base. You know, I don't know,

Like I've always said,

Like looking at the ass of God.

Like they understand, and then go right...

Like you and me.

Like, an insane amount of stuff.

Like, what are the hairs

Look at that beautiful dog.

Look at this.

Look behind you, it's Cloris Leachman on a Jet Ski!

Look how relaxed my muscles are.

Look, Toby, there's only two things for sale here:

Look, we're all way too stressed out.

Look... (hocks a loogie sound)

Looks like it's time for a little spring cleaning.

Lord knows how much I hear them trying.

Make mine puh puh pepperoni!

Make mine puh puh pepperoni!

Make mine puh puh puh pineapple!

Make mine puh puh puh Vicodin!

Makes me want to dive on in!

MAN (eerily): Yes?

Man spider?

MAN: ♪ El perro, el perro ♪

MAN: Hey, where's that squirrel going?

MAN: You're gonna kill who?

Marcus is two sales away from the skateboard.

Marcus's dad is a dentist!

Maybe I am overreacting a bit.

Maybe Terry and I could go out on the lake... alone.

Maybe you should try to buy it back.

Meet me in the parking lot in five minutes!

Meet me upstairs.

Michael isn't who you think he is!

Michael, this is your Life Binder.

Michael, we're happy you're here,

Michael. Michael, it's us. Your new parents.

Michael's dead! He's dead!

Mick is a friend from before the money.

Mick was there at the beginning of the dream.

Mick, that's not who you are. You're a barfly!

Mick, what are you doing out here?

Might I remind you that you selected him.

Mind handing me the bug spray?

Mm yello?

Mmm! Oh, whoa, everything's delicious!

Mmm. (smacks lips)

Mmm...

Morning. It's 6:00 a.m

Mr. President.

Mr. Smith, please, stay in bed.

My actual catchphrase at the time was,

My company would be very interested.

My favorite fake dog nose.

My heart!

My mistake.

My mom's new boyfriend said I was too annoying

My veins are fine.

My what?

NARRATOR (reading):

NARRATOR: And that thing was a son.

Never gonna catch me!

Never... end.

New life, here we go.

New love.

Nice, Barry.

Nicer, more promiscuous driver.

No one knows which one... could be any location.

No problem.

No stress.

No way, man. I want this to sleep in.

No, I ain't.

No, I... I'm here for my AA meeting.

No, I'm Terry.

No, I'm the R Dog.

No, I'm trying to wear out this chair.

No, I'm under interested. Listen...

No, it wasn't!

No, it's a spacecraft

No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine!

No, no, bad idea! Greg, tell him!

No, no, no, that can wait.

No, Stan! What are you doing?!

No, the food is resplendent, but I can't eat.

No, you're the piñata!

No!

No. It's just that for a third floor bar

No. No, Charlotte!

No. No, I won't do, "Dive on in"!

No. Turns out there was no pole,

No...

Nobody ever said on their deathbed,

Nobody touches Mr. Smith.

Nonsense. Just because I no longer own my bar

Nope!

Not if I kill you first.

Not the most timely reference,

Nothing better than unsophisticated trash!

Now look, you invested a little time in this, too,

Now what?

Now you have to die, too.

Now, let's talk batting order.

Now, what sophisticated stuff are we gonna do first?

O M triple G!

Of course it matters.

Of course you are. But don't you see?

Of course!

Of the "fatubeadoop."

Offering to remodel Charlotte's bedroom

Oh, am I an eyesore to your perfect little world?

Oh, and Francine? Don't say it.

Oh, Charlotte! What a surprise.

Oh, crap. Betsy! Keg change!

Oh, did I ever tell you about the time

Oh, Fran Fran.

Oh, Greg, it's awful! He fell overboard!

Oh, Greg, look!

Oh, he would hate that!

Oh, hey, boys.

Oh, hi, I'm, uh...

Oh, hi.

Oh, I am gonna give it to this guy.

Oh, I don't know, maybe it's something in the air.

Oh, I know exactly how right I am.

Oh, I only have six bullets.

Oh, I see what's happening, bro.

Oh, I took care of that.

Oh, it's beautiful here.

Oh, Michael...

Oh, Mommy, can we?

Oh, my God, do you know what this means?

Oh, my God, he's perfect!

Oh, my God, I feel like I'm rambling.

Oh, my God, I totally should.

Oh, my God, what is he doing?!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Roger, are you okay?

Oh, my God. I'm so into you.

Oh, no, no. No, it's okay.

Oh, no!

Oh, oh, you love the paper?

Oh, please, let me go with you!

Oh, please. She knew the dealio

Oh, really? 'Cause from here,

Oh, right, cause all aliens know each other.

Oh, Roger, we just love (hocks a loogie sound)!

Oh, Roger, you really mean it?

Oh, Stan, I'm so sorry for the way I treated you.

Oh, Stan, you saved me!

Oh, that's actually perfect,

Oh, the woman who sold us this beautifully remodeled house?

Oh, this isn't a yard sale, it's yard clutter.

Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, y yeah, Michael.

Oh, you're so pretty.

Oh, you've got a bite on your line.

Oh! I want to go to the mall!

Oh. Hello.

Oh. Okay.

Oh. Shoot, that's too bad,

Oh. That's right.

Oh. When you're done, come find me so I can...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... I want a dog!

Oh...!

Okay, before this concrete hardens...

Okay, boys, our sweet reward is on the other side of that door.

Okay, children. Quick, organic breakfast,

Okay, enough circling. It's die time!

Okay, fellas, this is Charlotte's place.

Okay, first thing: meditation.

Okay, how many people are in this bathroom?

Okay, I'm gonna step and step, step...

Okay, Manslaughter, it's showtime!

Okay, now, to bed with you.

Okay, off to work.

Okay, people, are you ready to...

Okay, Stan, it wasn't that funny.

Okay, there you go.

Okay, this'll be simple.

Okay, we're not gonna let weird,

Okay, we're plenty sophisticated here.

Okay, what fabulous gift should we open next?

Okay, you've got to counterbalance.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. But it's just work, nothing else.

Ol' Stan Smith spoil our surprise,

Om... om... om...

On Old Mick's stool.

On this big blue marble without you.

Only accessible after passing through a residential home,

Only after they finish interrogating her

Ooh, and you know what'd make Stan really mad?

Ooh! Sounds fun!

Or do you?

Or is it?

Or maybe I am.

Or, I suppose we could just walk over this tiny hill.

Or, maybe it's a refrigerator

Our little secret?

Our mozzarella sticks are just fried string cheese!

Over here! Over here!

Over this.

Ow! Damn it!

Ow! Watch it! Roger!

Papa, you're not sophisticated!

Paposhkas.

Pass. Pass.

People often ask us, "How happy are you

Picking colors, textures,

Piping here,

Pizza poppers?!

Please step out where I can see you.

Please tell me we got pizza poppers.

Please, have I ever asked you for anything?

Please, please...!

Please... let me come home.

Plus we realized we still needed something

Plus, he's got a snorkel.

Plus, she hasn't seen The Wire

Pretend you're a barfly by resting your weary rump

Pretending I'm a boa constrictor.

Promoting something that you don't even believe in.

Quick, eat up.

Ramona went into her room. No permission!

Ramona went into her room. No permission!

Really enjoyed that.

Really? Wow!

Response achieved!

Restoration Hardware gift cards.

Right here, honey.

Right, that's what we're doing. Why? What did I say?

Right. Right. Got it. (phone beeps off)

Roger is their adopted baby?

Roger said we have no class?

Roger, Bullock got a tip about your girlfriend.

Roger, I brought someone to see you.

Roger, I don't think we should leave him here.

Roger, I'm glad you're not straddling me anymore,

Roger, if selling your bar is bothering you this much,

Roger, it was one thing

Roger, it's time.

Roger, Roger, Roger, I can't expand it until you let go!

Roger, the Spider Man backpack was a fine gift.

Roger, there's a whole floor in that CIA building back there

Roger, try to take it easy.

Roger, we're supposed to be together.

Roger, what's going on?!

Roger, whatever you do, don't give her to them.

Roger, where are you going?

Roger, you are coming home with me

Roger, you can't keep going at this pace.

Roger, you have to come home right now.

Roger, you're awake.

Roger, you're home now.

Roger, you're overreacting.

Roger, your heart. You should be taking it slow.

Roger, your vision is what I'm buying.

ROGER: An alien ship!

ROGER: They're making a statement.

Roger! Roger, can you hear me?

Roger...

Roger's Spot.

Roger's the one.

Rooting around in my backyard!

Saps pulls in a ton of J V.

Satirical home decor performance art.

Say, frittatas?

Scoot over, I'll help.

Secret junk food time.

Seeing someone else.

Sell the bar.

Sell?

Selling magazine subscriptions and we're offering

Seriously, thank you. Okay, Mick, I'm gonna go take care of this.

Seriously, thank you. Okay, Roger, no problem.

Sex offender.

Sex offender.

She also slept with Ricky from Walgreens?

She crashed near here a few days back

She is gonna be devastated, bro

She knows things between us are totally "caj."

She makes this little clicking noise

She's definitely stealing from the till.

She's gone. My girlfriend is gone.

She's gonna want us so bad.

She's leaving, I swear!

She's why I've been acting so weird and needy lately.

Show you my appreciation.

Shut up, Mick. That's just the clarity talking.

Sir, I'm sorry for calling.

Sir! The election is in two months

Sit, sit. I made eggs,

Sitting there on the couch, looking all fetching.

Ski poles from around the world?

Skinny jeans for Michael!

Smoke, maybe defecate by a bush.

Snot joined the Army,

Snuggly.

So I'm gonna go ahead and lay quarter inch backer boards.

So romantic!

So we'll be pooin' down the hall.

So we'll have an excuse to knock on her door.

So what do you say, Little Miss?

So you have to sleep very carefully.

So, how about...

So, once again, it's my word against his!

So, Roger, any plans now that you're retired?

So, where are we going?

So... (hocks a loogie sound)

So... I guess, yeah, give me a call, it'll be fun.

So... the thing is...

Sober? That can't be.

Somebody was a little hair puller last night,

Someone order a La Z Boy?

Someone with my exact body type succeed.

Something which is severely lacking in this household.

Something...

Something...

Sorry, Francine, I'm working.

Sorry, what'd you say your name was?

Sorry. After 300 ribbon cuttings,

Sounds good.

Sounds like they're having fun.

Sounds perfect.

Speaking of turn ons...

Speaking of...

Sports!

Stan, are you all right?

Stan, be nice.

Stan, can you hear me?!

Stan, just get the prostate surgery, you cheapskate.

Stan, stop it!

Stan, wake up.

Stan, work's calling.

Stan, you just got to let (hocks a loogie sound) stay.

Stan, your insane fixation on Michael is unsettling.

Stan?

Stan?

Stan...

Stan...

Stan's Uncle Roger!

Stay down! Someone might see you!

Still gonna kill this guy?

Still working on a name for this bucket index.

Stop doing that!

Stop it, Greg! He's not gonna fit!

Stop it, Stan.

Stop it!

Stop stop stop stop stop.

Stop watching me switch characters, and call an ambulance!

Stop.

Such a close bond. ♪ You're a pal and a confidant ♪

Super gay, also.

Sweet dreams, angel.

T shirt time!

Take care... men.

Taking a little break

Tell us a little about yourself.

Tend to work the, uh... hardest.

Terry and I wanted to discuss with you.

Terry, hon, you want to make us something easy?

Terry, just get a hold of yourself! It's okay!

TERRY: If Greg talks to him, Michael will out me!

Than a thousand heart attacks.

Thank you for saying something.

Thank you so much. I said, you're welcome.

Thank you so much. Said, you're welcome.

Thank you, Roger. You're welcome.

Thank you, Toby. Yeah, you're welcome.

Thank you. Of course.

Thank you. Of course.

Thanks for picking up the shower gift, Roger.

Thanks for wasting my day, buttholes!

Thanks to all your hard work,

Thanks, boss.

Thanks, Franny, but you were right about one thing.

Thanks, Linda. I'm Jeff.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That bar gave you a heart attack.

That dripping sound?

That fell off an airplane.

That fell off an airplane.

That may be, but you're gonna take my secret to the grave!

That only proves my point!

That our adopted Russian son, Michael,

That should stop the questions.

That sounds fair to me.

That that sound fair to you?

That that's the gift!

That was weird, but well timed.

That was when I thought a recliner

That you were able to adopt your gorgeous daughter?"

That's a great idea.

That's actually a pretty lean protein!

That's apple juice.

That's both environmentally friendly

That's greater than anything in the entire galaxy.

That's just the end of it?

That's my limo now.

That's not true.

That's not true.

That's right, Greg, and we invite you to join us

That's right. You lost your home

That's Terry's brake line!

That's the public toilet where we fell in love!

That's weird.

That's what I say.

That's what they are everywhere.

That's why I gave him three mouths.

The bed and breakfast is the other way.

The chair has him now.

The condom machine that eats quarters?

The council meeting has been pushed to Thursday.

The end.

The homemade liquor license?

The joy of opening his gifts for him.

The kind of eggs I thought we'd agreed to eat

The kingdom of heaven!

The mere sight of us must be driving Charlotte crazy.

The mind blowing furniture.

The moment we get to the lake house,

The more Roger and his new highbrow family

The one spot in the store all their own

The seatless toilet bowls?

The sign said, "Do Not Enter."

The spectacular people who look like

The state's gonna let me see my daughter

The store was out, I I didn't think it mattered.

The trick to parenting is patience.

The Washington Wizards pep team?

Then come on down to Roger's Spot!

Then I grabbed a nap, hopped in the shower,

There are no days off when you're running a dive bar.

There he is.

There's no way you could know this about me,

There's something I need to talk to you about.

These pancakes are terrific.

They all must have passports.

They had to put the baby back in.

They have big plans for me.

They keep under their bed.

They might play your favorite song.

They won't let me in the bar, Rog!

They're all entrepreneurs

They're all just jealous, anyway

They're our neighbors and our friends.

They're past my ankles, keep pulling.

They're such good friends. ♪ Your heart is true ♪

This antique chaise longue is my bed?

This cheese is too hot.

This family could use a little walk on the wild side.

This is a bit embarrassing...

This is good.

This is just a park!

This is my husband, Stan.

This is nice.

This is Raven Talon Cougar Panther.

This is too weird, I'm out of here.

This is Vincent Edmunds.

This is why I've been all worked up!

This is your house?

This is... (hocks a loogie sound)

This isn't how I imagined middle age.

This music.

This small rock and my bubble gum...

Those eggs are not cage free.

Those Ho Hos definitely belong to Michael.

Those words probably aren't right,

Tired?

To a life of unsophistication!

To fill our empty third bedroom.

To get your very own Lena Dunham upper arm tattoo.

To look at some of the crazy stuff on our walls.

To my bisexual uncle's loft

To notify all my new neighbors that I'm a registered...

To take anywhere, I would say.

To take to the lake.

To the lake house?

To whom am I speaking?!

Toby! You've destroyed my vision!

Toby?

Toby. Of course it is.

Told you this would work.

Toshi settled in the garden city of Kyoto

Tragically drowned in a mountain lake.

Tuna Can Jerry?

Tuna Can Jerry's late for his rehearsal dinner!

Two dudes just letting it all hang out.

Tying up loose ends.

Ugh, Francine, the food at that party was gross.

Ugh, quit pretending you're something you're not.

Ugh! Francine, just close the curtain.

Ugly but comfortable.

Uh huh. And I've found that horn dog teenagers

Uh, how much for this old fridge?

Uh, I've kind of lived in this attic

Uh, yeah, she's terrific.

Uh!

Uh! I know, that La Z Boy. Yuck.

Uh... uh...

Um, can we have a talk?

Um...

Um... if you'll excuse me,

Um... w we're looking for Charlotte?

Until this one breaks

Until we find that something.

Upstairs and (spitting) all over her.

Various velours.

Violent.

Wa Wa Wait.

Wait are you trying to kill Terry?!

Wait a minute, I thought you were Greg.

Wait a tic,

Wait, this isn't even what I ordered.

Wait, what?!

Wait! If I take these twigs,

Wait. A Are you saying you did stuff...

Walk faster, I miss you.

Was Shia LaBeouf.

Was the height of aspiration.

Wasn't he?

We all need to stop going to Roger's Spot.

We are still hearing it, Stan.

We ask that in lieu of flowers,

We do everything together.

We don't have to explain our love to anyone.

We got a... we got a big problem here, Roger.

We have something to show you.

We have to go this way.

We kept the spirit of a dive bar,

We know he'd want us to experience

We learned a lot from Charlotte that summer

We see big things for you, young Vincent.

We should arrive at the B&B in T minus...

We should get one of those chairs.

We thought you were gonna turn us into men.

We want thank you all so much for coming.

We were all gonna wear skinny jeans

We were just playing catch, and my friend here

We will capture this P. Diddy

We won't need to leave our room the entire weekend.

We'll be arriving at the bed and breakfast soon.

We're about to meet our new son. It's really happening.

We're adopting a ten year old Russian boy.

We're breaking up

We're gonna get laid!

We're in the middle of nowhere!

Weapons armed, men!

Weird. So Terry thinks he killed you

Welcome to your new room, Michael.

Well done.

Well, breakfast is the most important meal

Well, don't slow down.

Well, get off!

Well, good. Then you'll die happy.

Well, I'm coming as fast as I can!

Well, I've got a list of everything I'd like to do

Well, if anyone asks,

Well, it sounds like

Well, maybe we can be of service.

Well, neither would I.

Well, not everything.

Well, okay!

Well, that's not why... (laughs)

Well, the crappier our house,

Well, the good news is,

Well, then everybody's getting it!

Well, then, they should check J Date.

Well, this changes now.

Well, too bad.

Well, we'd buy it ironically, of course.

Well, when you boys are done out here, why don't you, um...

Well, Wyatt Borden called.

Well, your problem keeps my lights on, Mick.

Welp...

Were good.

Wha... What are you doing?

Wha...?

What a pleasant surprise.

What about me?

What are you doing down there?!

What are you doing here anyway?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you looking for?

What did I do?! What did I do?!

What do they have in common?

What do we do?!

What do you guys want for dinner tonight? Pizza?

What have you done to my bar?!

What I can say in my own place!

What is it, Charles?

What pool boys do best.

What the hell did they do?!

What the hell is he up to?

What the hell is that?!

What the hell?

What what the hell's going on?

What? If you hurry, you can still catch her.

What? Why?

What?!

What?! Why?

What?! You know I want nothing to do with that scumbag.

What?! You're kidding, right?

What's going on with you?

What's happening right now?!

What's that? You want it loud?

What's wrong?

Whatever you do, don't leave the house.

When she hooked up with the R Dog.

When the actual Russian kid shows up?

When we became Roger's Spot, didn't you, Mick?

When you were working yourself to death for the bar you loved.

Where am I?

Where are you registered,

Where he works as a male prostitute.

Where is that damn girl?

Where you could trade your child support check for booze.

Which we'll launch at you.

While I'm still here, I'm not inside fixing it.

Who's with me?!

Whoa whoa whoa whoa, we're tipping, we're tipping.

Whoa, Roger, you made breakfast?

Whoa. Ted, these prices are double what they were last week.

Whose stories I haven't fully researched.

Why are you still wearing it inside?

Why don't we just take a relaxing trip

Why we're back together.

Why you being so clingy?

Will hate living across from us.

Wire an addition,

With a net gun.

With bar fights every hour on the hour.

With boys?

With his gruff voice and farmer hands.

With how you handled the Marietta case.

With that awesome baton collection

With the County Permit Board.

With you ill mannered monsters,

WOMAN: ♪ Travel down the road ♪

Would be the bottom of it.

Would they have invited me to be the keynote speaker

Would you deny me my destiny, Francine?!

Wow, he's really upset.

Wow, this room looks really great!

Wow! The pool looks great!

Wyatt.

Yeah, but isn't that a little disappointing?

Yeah, but it's all for the best.

Yeah, I've been having an issue with him, too.

Yeah, let's confront Michael when we get there.

Yeah, like a dive bar.

Yeah, racist.

Yeah, thanks for breakfast, Roger.

Yeah, that's really stupid, Francine, but...

Yeah, the people in the Jasmine Ballroom get it.

Yeah, the Tesla's completely reversed my carbon footprint.

Yeah, there's been a change of plans.

Yeah, try not to put all your weight on it.

Yeah, Tuna Can Jerry.

Yeah, unless you're on a booze cruise in Mazatlán.

Yeah, well, all I got is this artisanal microbrew

Yeah!

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. How important is that last part?

Yeah. I tried to break up with her,

Yeah. Yeah. And did you think for a minute

Yep, captured.

Yes, and this is 400 year old wood,

Yes, I do.

Yes!

Yes! Shut up! You're gonna blow it!

Yes! We wore out the chair!

You and I have to confront him about this.

You are gonna have what I would refer to as a "Yelp Disaster."

You call a house.

You called in the tip?!

You came back for me.

You can buy a La Z Boy?

You checking into a romantic B&B with your dog?

You come to see me speak?

You degenerate scumbag.

You do a pretty brisk business.

You don't have to say, "Dive on in."

You don't know Spider Man?

You don't want me to move in here

You don't... you don't happen to have

You flip houses?

You gotta stay upbeat, Stan.

You guys all fit in there?

You guys are my La Z Boy.

You guys have dragged me down to your level!

You guys, an authentic 17th century chaise longue?

You have a game room?!

You have a game room?!

You have a lake house?

You have a plan for everything.

You have so much more life to look forward to.

You have such a beautiful home.

You heard me?

You know the rules:

You know what we should do, just to teach him a lesson?

You know what?

You know what? Let's go out to eat.

You know, if not now, when?!

You know, mockingly.

You know, people are gonna ask us

You know, Roger's Spot wasn't always one of America's

You may be more right than you know.

You may know him from the stool at all of our locations.

You need to rest.

You see that oxygen spit take? First one to do it.

You send us Crate & Barrel gift cards.

You showered with my wife!

You think everything's a refrigerator

You wanted proof:

You were in here last night?

You were passionate about drinking,

You will be served again.

You... betrayer.

You'd kill yourself.

You'll always have a place to drink here,

You'll be safe there.

You'll carry on my vision, right?

You'll know it, too.

You're a brute! I mean, Ho Hos are...

You're a classless lout!

You're a grown man standing in a ten year old's bedroom

You're going the wrong way.

You're on your feet all day.

You're over her?!

You're really bad at eating.

You're scaring me!

You're smooshing me, bro!

You're smooshing me! ♪ And if you threw a party... ♪

You've been down here all night.

You've given me nothing and I deserve everything.

You've probably got varicose veins.

Your calf is so soft.

Your chair's in the sightline of my fabulous life.

Your entire future with color coded tabs.

Your new daddies have already planned out

Yup, he's pretty worldly.

Yup, I'm going to Dartmouth.

20... $24?

...but it was me who called in the tip to Bullock.

...I'm sorry...

'cause 'cause this just in:

'Cause... I'm...

"And that's how she became Kim Kardashian."

"Basket index" is the working title.

"For a good time, call..."

"I wish I hadn't called that truck stop phone number."

"Let's get rowdy rowdy!"

"Out of your box, Roger!"

(alien grunting, Roger grunting)

(alien panting, glass breaks)

(alien screaming, Roger grunting)

(alien screams, whoops)

(alien screams)

(alien whooping)

(alien yelps)

(aliens giggling)

(barking continues)

(barking continues)

(barking viciously)

(barking)

(barks)

(bird chirping)

(bird twittering)

(blows air)

(both giggling, grunting)

(both grunt)

(both grunting)

(both guffawing)

(both moaning passionately)

(boy continues crying)

(boy crying in distance)

(brakes squeak, engine shuts off)

(brakes squeak, engine shuts off)

(brakes squeak)

(brakes squeak)

(brakes squeak)

(car races away, tires squealing)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) I knew you loved me.

(clears throat)

(cocks gun) (gasps)

(creaking)

(crickets chirping)

(crying): Unbelievable.

(door bell jingles)

(door opens, slams shut)

(door opens)

(door opens)

(door shuts)

(door shuts)

(door slams shut)

(door slams shut)

(door slams twice)

(door slams)

(door slams) Fixed it!

(door squeaks open)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

(dramatic instrumental music plays)

(dramatic music stinger plays)

(dramatically gasps)

(engine revving, tires screeching)

(explosions)

(floorboard squeaks)

(footsteps synchronize with heartbeat)

(Francine gasps, coughs)

(gasping) Wh what are you doing?!

(gasps)

(gasps)

(gasps)

(gasps) ...and headed to that

(gasps) Do you know her?

(gasps) Oh, voicemail!

(gasps) This is a Dwell household.

(groans): Uh... wait here.

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunts)

(grunts) Great.

(guns clicking)

(heart beating)

(heartbeat slows)

(hillbilly accent): Sure thing.

(hissing)

(hissing)

(horn honks twice)

(horns honking)

(humming happily)

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct whispering)

(insects chirring)

(keypad beeping)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughs): Oh, Roger,

(light knocking on glass)

(line ringing)

(line ringing) GREG: Hey, babe!

(motor revving)

(music playing, people conversing) Welcome, Smiths.

(over phone): Hi, it's Roger, leave me a message.

(phone beeps off)

(phone beeps, line rings)

(phone beeps) What did I do?!

(phone line ringing)

(phone ringing)

(phone rings)

(phone ringtone plays)

(plays "Life Is a Highway")

(pounding, both grunting)

(primitive animal noises)

(quietly): When Ricky's not around.

(Roger gasps)

(Roger grunting, alien yelping)

(Roger screaming)

(Roger sobbing)

(running upstairs)

(Russian accent): Bad man remind me of caretaker

(Russian accent): So, what is system in America?

(rustling in backpack)

(scoffs)

(scoffs) I don't believe you.

(screaming): It happens!

(screams)

(screams)

(screams)

(shrieking)

(sighs deeply)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs) Ah, crap.

(sighs) Fine, I'll go.

(sighs) Fine.

(sighs) I have a feeling

(snarling)

(sniffing) This way.

(sniffing) This way.

(sniffs)

(sniffs) Do you smell that?

(sobbing)

(song fades out)

(soothing music playing)

(speaking Russian)

(speaks normally): Sure, no problem, how's this?

(splashing)

(squeaking)

(squeaking)

(squeaks)

(tapping glass)

(tires screech, thud, boy screams)

(tires screeching)

(tires screeching)

(tires screeching)

(toy squeaking)

(toy squking, both grunting)

(upbeat march plays)

(upbeat march plays)

(voice breaks): I guess I wasn't meant to have this kind of life.

(voicemail beeps)

(volume increases)

(water splashes gently)

(whispering)

(wind whooshes)

(woman laughs)

(wood creaks)

(yawns)

♪ ♪

♪ All night long, oh! ♪

♪ And back again ♪

♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪

♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪

♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪

♪ And I'm ready to take a chance again with you... ♪

♪ Been living with nothing to show for it ♪

♪ Dartmouth fight song ♪

♪ Dartmouth fight song. ♪

♪ Good morning, USA! ♪

♪ Good morning, USA! ♪

♪ Good morning, USA! ♪

♪ Good morning, USA! ♪

♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good morning, USA ♪

♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good morning, USA ♪

♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ I wanna ride it ♪

♪ Life is a highway ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ On the line ♪

♪ Pizza popper ♪

♪ Puh puh puh pizza popper ♪

♪ Ready to put my love ♪

♪ Ready to take a chance again ♪

♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪

♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪

♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ Pizza popper dance! ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ You get what you give when you go for it ♪