One Day at a Time - Season 1 Edit

A "the whole family wears blue" thing

A couple moves you...

A crappy chick flick by myself.

A donation to kiva... in my name!

A father would make sure that his little girl had a quinces.

A handsome, available man in Afghanistan.

A lightning bolt went through me and I saw my future.

A partner.

A quinces is just about the village celebrating that you're a woman,

A silent Cuban? Hey, I'd like to meet one of those.

A tall, hot child!

A threesome is not normal.

A tit tank and a flannel.

A white girl like yourself's gotta start worrying around 30.

A woman that doesn't know anything about cars.

A... a social justice warrior.

Abby, I am hairless.

About my mom's love life.

Abuelita is talking to ghost abuelito again.

Abuelita washed them. She said my cuffs looked shabby.

Abuelita, give me back my yearbook!

Abuelita, it's just the wording is kind of provocative.

Abuelita, no. We're not doing this again.

Abuelita, what's this?

Abuelita...

Abuelita's greener than you.

Abuelita's right. We need a car, but we can't afford a car

Actually, I do.

Actually, I was just about to go home and make dinner for my kids.

Actually, I'm glad you reminded me.

Actually, in today's medical industry,

Actually, it sounds like the patients won't get the same amount of time

Actually, my friends are having a dinner party.

Actually, scratch that. I'm addicted to gambling.

Actually...

After all, abuelita, you don't even believe half that stuff.

After all, women in their late 30s are in their sexual prime.

After an argument with her daughter about religion?

After I worked so hard to give you an opportunity

After introducing my 12 year old son to threesomes,

After last night's ugliness,

After spending 40 bucks at the ring toss.

After the day I've had, I deserve a slickers.

Again, love what you're saying, but, uh,

Ah, Elena... I've always been your hero.

Ah, it's cool. I had to get out of my apartment.

Ah, of course, Hoochie.

Ah, screw her. She's so lame.

Ah, so we've got two fancy tools up in here.

Ah, that viejita's no dummy.

Ah, yes.

Ah, you're like me.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! ¡Ay, carajo!

Ah! Gracias!

Ah! Stop...

Ah! There are my beautiful niñas.

Ah! Yeah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah... Yo entiendo.

Ahoy, echo parrrk!

Ai, sorry, sorry!

Alcoholic beverages per week?

Alex is already using hair gel.

Alex ordered some sneakers for school.

Alex was supposed to be Victor's job.

Alex was watching a racy movie.

Alex, help.

Alex, it's okay.

Alex, no one's home. Your mom just left.

Alex, tell your mother that funny story that happened in chemistry class.

Alex, there's no way you can keep all these sneakers

Alex, you know Mrs. Resnick doesn't go faster.

Alex!

Alex.

Alex.

All here. Not out of town.

All I know is that a good catholic does not skip church.

All I wanted was a good reason why, and you just gave me one.

All I'm saying is we're equal.

All I'm saying is, there's a reason

All men are adult babies. I know.

All of this is exactly why I need to talk to Alex.

All over each other like the old days.

All right, all right.

All right, come on, Abby.

All right, everybody, get out of here,

All right, everybody, go do your homework. Schneider, go call one of your moms.

All right, everyone, uh, before you all leave,

All right, it's Friday night. Family dinner time. Come on, let's go!

All right, let's do this.

All right, let's set this thing up, guys.

All right, Mami, you win!

All right, meeting adjourned. Thank you, everybody.

All right, we need a diversion until they get back

All right? I'm doing my own thing. And it... and it's working. I promise.

All right.

All right.

All right. Maybe this will entice you.

All right. You think you got what it takes?

All she's talked about the past two weeks is my stupid dance with Josh.

All the hours of sacrifice, all the practice.

All they want to do is hang out in there.

All those practices I took you to finally paid off.

All you have to do is find a boy and twat at him.

Also, you're sitting on him.

Although I won't be over there much longer.

Although it was weird that you told me to get it.

Although you can record the show for free.

Although, god did make us in his image.

Alvarez, 2294.

Alvarez, 2294.

Alvarez, 2294. I know.

Alvarez, 2294...

Alvarez, let's go! There's a street fair downstairs.

Alvarez! 2294!

Alvarez! With an "a"!

Am I in trouble?

Am I just a puddle, a carrot, and a magic hat?

Am I right?

And a cape.

And a fertile area for what is now our biannual staff meeting.

And a fro yo with three too many toppings. The kind that I make you and Elena split.

And a threesome, eh?

And actually, I have another favor to ask.

And after that, I can't even remember seeing him smile.

And all day long, she would slice onions...

And all of this...

And all these boys were talking to me, which is the last thing I want.

And anyone who says they're an entrepreneur.

And anyway, this is like 20 years from now

And as for a Turkey sandwich, he would quote, "rather drink a cup of barf."

And ask what happens

And at sunset, your papi bet me $5 that he'd marry me.

And be so much happier when they see your handsome mug.

And because he's not getting help, he almost did something stupid.

And bring a little red lipstick along.

And dance into the night?

And does all that dad stuff?

And Elena, you can't cheat in this game like you do in scrabble.

And even right now to be able to say, "Okay, they're insane, we're not."

And eventually, that's how they saw me, not as a woman at all.

And for Elena...

And found out they're totally misogynistic.

And four living stepmothers...

And go back to when they used fax machines

And god doesn't make mistakes.

And good to see you again, Elena's best friend, Carmen,

And guys are really bad at it in the beginning.

And he did.

And he is great.

And he is handsome, and I'm coming in.

And he wants...

And he's only been there one month

And here...

And honestly, if I feel like having a couple of coronas

And I am finally enjoying some time to myself.

And I am here.

And I am not totally okay with it.

And I am so glad that that gives you comfort.

And I am your mother, and I decide what you decide.

And I can't have that problem here with the kids. So, you gotta go.

And I decide if I want obese kids or the pope staring at me while I pee.

And I don't want it to get stuck in his brain that this is what sex is.

And I ended up going from periods into the whole sex talk.

And I gave you some medicine, you would take it.

And I get it.

And I had borrowed my sister maruchi's red dress.

And I had snuck into the havana club.

And I hate myself for it.

And I have a lot of trouble saying no.

And I have to admit, Scott is not a terrible nurse.

And I haven't been so good at keeping up. But I want to.

And I hope you'll keep me in the loop when it does.

And I just kept thinking about everything that she had to go through

And I know our lupe.

And I know who you are in here.

And I listened to mom, too. I was very professional.

And I may have led her to believe that I know how to salsa dance.

And I must say, I'm very attracted to the concept of nothing changing.

And I need to look nice in case I die in my sleep.

And I prayed that he would keep you safe.

And I pushed myself outside my comfort zone.

And I ran into someone?

And I realized what I wanted wasn't a date.

And I swear to God, if that vieja calls me Maria one more time...

And I think it's beautiful.

And I thought it was hilarious.

And I walked him through everything I know about lesbians.

And I want things to be different.

And I was about to enter the heart...

And I was worried sick.

And I will never bother you about that again.

And I won!

And I would just be very happy if we could continue whatever this is.

And I... I want you to come to me.

And I'll have you know, I was invited to several pride parades.

And I'm circling the block.

And I'm gonna make it rain informative data.

And I'm gonna put my foot down and say this Sunday we're not going to church.

And I'm gonna say, "here's what's up."

And I'm her son, Alex.

And I'm honored.

And I'm just a narrow minded homofallopian.

And I'm just realizing I should've asked her before I even gave it to you,

And I'm left to pick up the slack, because moms are special?

And I'm not having this conversation.

And I'm not naive. But Elena's just not that advanced.

And I'm not saying god doesn't exist.

And I'm offended, but I get it.

And I'm okay with that.

And I'm one of the lucky ones.

And I'm putting my phone on silent.

And I'm so happy that we're talking like this.

And I'm sorry for that, too. And that.

And I'm sorry for that, too. And that.

And I'm sorry.

And if I had to diagnose what's happening, you're jealous because I'm killing it.

And if I were, it wouldn't be to my little brother

And if you don't like it, well, then, that's your problem.

And if you just drop in out of the blue like this,

And in my case, the answer was always yes.

And ironically, it happened in first period.

And is that a clean toilet brush? I think not!

And it wasn't safe in the house.

And it wasn't safe in the house.

And it's easy to get burned out? I get it.

And it's okay, Mom. It's something that helps.

And it's only a crime to leave children in a hot car if it's parked.

And keep your voice down because the kids can't know.

And kiss on the cheek from your mom,

And like every other clown, I want to punch him in the face.

And Lori always burns herself.

And maybe the people in school would listen to your garbage ideas.

And monsters drink alone.

And moved on to someone whose bicycle isn't wearing sneakers.

And my quinces is two months away!

And my shade is Scarlet sunrise.

And not because you're feeling pressured.

And now, I'm gonna say to you

And now... I never will.

And on the same day, he was crushed by a runaway tractor.

And once I'm able to introduce worms... Triple the excretions

And one of the kids says something cute, and you share a look.

And one other time, so we are not those people.

And only when Mami says it's okay.

And overcame an expected,

And papito, you were the best one in that quartet.

And plus, she's 70.

And post it to your Instagram. Don't test me.

And pull her close.

And put them in the back and put a curtain in front of them.

And reduce our carbon footprint?

And remember your wedding day?

And right now you're my therapist, so I need you to keep up.

And say, "I got you."

And Scott's burgundy red buick regal,

And she drove off in a BMW!

And she has excellent taste in friends.

And she keeps texting me.

And she's bringing her therapist, and lawyer and life coach.

And she's gone.

And tell me I'm never allowed near your family.

And telling me it was my virginity.

And that is completely normal.

And that is the last time I listen to a bunch of gringo parents.

And that is why I never let anyone see me without it.

And the nearest elevator was inspected on April 17th by an s. Balaban."

And the next thing you know,

And the next time I see you is gonna be at Elena's quinces.

And the other stuff, the pts? I'm dealing with it.

And the passion fell like rain drops.

And the pope represents god.

And then call El uber.

And then he wasn't gay. And then he asked me out!

And then I had to buy it!

And then I just felt like, "okay..."

And then I went to collect on some bottles that I had saved.

And then later you were, like, "I shouldn't have done that"?

And then maybe later you can show me how to turn into a bat.

And then nothing turned into Elena.

And then the army sends her to Afghanistan

And then they're gonna say something about floor mats,

And then you do whatever the hell you want

And then, "blah, blah, blah," I wake up in an ice tub,

And then, sometimes we go to applebee's.

And then, when I tell you that I don't want to be a part of something

And then... They will think they are the boss,

And there are hot men out there with big packages

And there is a part of me that buys into that cheesy

And they closed down the business because of the shame?

And they paid you for this?

And third of all, 100 bucks?

And this is my first big purchase without him.

And this one, I don't like her anymore.

And this would be the moment when you would kiss, but you shouldn't.

And to your point, it took me some time to wrap my head around it.

And venison carpaccio on a bed of nettles.

And watch 17 hours of hgtv.

And we both mistrust the balloon guy at the farmer's market,

And we have a very special guest who's played...

And we need to pick a boy to be your escort.

And we were happy.

And we'll be back Sunday, anyways.

And we'll get you squared away.

And we're reuniting to play at the fair this afternoon.

And what is wrong with that?

And when I came back, there was supposed be an organization set up

And when it comes to the gays, the pope did say, "who am I to judge?"

And why are you all dressed up?

And without schoolwork, I have more time to plan my magical quinces. So...

And yet, we take attendance.

And you can stop milking the shoulder injury.

And you give it to them, papito.

And you have a date tonight.

And you know whose name is on those big packages?

And you see, he made me feel that somehow I was lucky to have him.

And you should never be afraid to tell me anything about yourself.

And you'll probably end up being one of those real housewives ladies.

And you're gonna tell me that you're married to that haircut?

And you're making decisions that I should be making.

And you're right,

And you're right, dating is super weird, until it's not.

And you're super hot.

And you've said hello to fulano y fulana,

And your ex being back.

And your mom baked me that cake.

And, Elena, all of the girls will wish it

And, Mami, I am glad that you find comfort in church.

And, sweetheart, I just want you to be honest with yourself

And, uh, estrogen replacement...

And, uh, well, somebody told me you were... what was it?

And, uh, where are we with the idea of telling him?

And, um, a receipt.

And, you know, soon they're gonna be out of the house.

And...

And... and since you took a half day off of work,

And... and that's not your fault, but you need real help.

And... it is a dog.

And... one, two, three, four...

And... we are 29 again.

And... we're live.

Annoying.

Annoying.

Another great day on the bus.

Answer the damn phone, Jolene!

Any word from your mom?

Anybody slice apples with such grace.

Anything about the office?

Anything else?

Anything to draw attention to the fact that she's wounded and nearby.

Anyway, dating is super weird.

Anyway, I can't go.

Anyway, I don't know exactly how this works,

Anyway, I need to find a new place to get my eyebrows threaded.

Anyway, I really need to use your computer.

Anyway, I sent the guy a text apologizing,

Anyway, I wanna be straight with you.

Anyway, I'm just, you know, flying solo.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's not like you'd be in trouble.

Anyway, now you're gonna yell at me

Anyway, she never actually told me. Alex did.

Anyway, stupid Finn pushed me into a bush and I got scratched.

Anyway, they start all this stuff about me being...

Anyway, this Honda cr v is an lx. It's got low mileage.

Anyway.

Anyway...

Anyway...

Anyway...

Anyways, I explored the city today, too,

Apparently when a woman goes to a dealership without a man,

Are in their sexual prime.

Are we still laughing?

Are you asleep, mi Amor?

Are you crazy?

Are you in, sergeant Alvarez?

Are you intimidated by Sebastian and Peter?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding? I'm going to tell you everything.

Are you lonely?

Are you okay there, buddy?

Are you okay with that?

Are you okay with this?

Are you shopping? 'Cause who said you could shop?

Are you sure you wanna do the online thing?

Are you wearing makeup?

Are you..

Are you... are you...

Aren't there only four of you?

Arms up...

As is the photo!

As long as he is a dancer, and he is Cuban,

As long as I keep them clean, I can send them right back.

As to why helping soldiers is less important

As you can see, ladies,

As you leaving early for shark week.

Asking forgiveness for your mother.

At 7:00 in the morning?

At least I'm safe for another year with the little one.

At least you know.

At lunch, no one sc****d their food into the new composting bins.

At that fair and, uh...

At the end of the day to take the edge off, that's...

At your age, I would literally kill myself.

Aw, it's true love.

Aw, man!

Aw, man!

Aw, right before the good part.

Aw, thank you.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Aw, you never take us to Malibu.

Aw, you're adorable.

Aw!

Aw!

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. Aw!

Aw. So sweet, honey.

Aw...

Aw...

Away from your desk.

Awesome!

Awesome.

Ay, dios mío.

Ay, Elena. Please.

Ay, exactly.

Ay, it's impossible to be zen in this house.

Ay, it's not fair that I'm stuck giving both sex talks.

Ay, Mami, don't say that.

Ay, Mami, ya! I don't wanna force her.

Ay, mi niña preciosa.

Ay, next round's on me.

Ay, niña, I felt like braiding it.

Ay, no seas ridícula,

Ay, no, it's a symbol. Don't be gross.

Ay, pobrecito Schneider.

Ay, qué bien.

Ay, qué bueno, you are home.

Ay, Sí. All those years putting up with birdie,

Ay, so, look. So I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm seeing somebody.

Ay, whatever. You got snowed.

Ay!

Ay!

Ay.

Ay.

Ay. Okay.

Ay. Wow.

Ay...

Azúcar!

Bad news, everyone

Be a woman in the army, okay?

Be as straight as you can be!

Beautiful lady veteran, you're gonna own this guy.

Beauty gives you power,

Because 15 year old Schneider's drinking peach schnapps

Because he used to spoon me to sleep. So, yeah, Mom...

Because his parents are out of town.

Because I cannot believe we're having this discussion!

Because I didn't have that with your abuelita,

Because I don't need an education now that I'm gonna be chattel.

Because I don't understand.

Because I don't want her to turn out like, no offense, you.

Because I have that tracking software on all your computers.

Because I just... I want you to understand that...

Because I wanna do the opposite of that.

Because I'm an ignorant, old woman married to prayer?

Because I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a next time at some point.

Because I'm the man of the house now.

Because if my mom finds 'em, it'll be,

Because it has smaller wheels and no fog lights,

Because it's still winter and everything is where it's supposed to be,

Because let's face it, Lori's right,

Because me and my friends are going bowling.

Because people were staring at me

Because she is my granddaughter and I love her no matter what. Ya.

Because she'll be on the roof

Because someone took my kidneys.

Because that is some Jesus crap right there.

Because that's what you are.

Because then they don't go back up.

Because there's something about our skin, you know.

Because there's, like, a zero percent chance

Because this is my first big purchase without Victor.

Because we have to work twice as hard.

Because you are so liberal...

Because you can tell me anything.

Because you don't have to make eye contact.

Because you know who just put in new batteries.

Because you're a child.

Because you're not a little girl anymore.

Because your abuelita wouldn't admit that Christmas is a pagan ritual.

Because, Tyler, I went through hell to get here tonight.

Because... this, like many things in life,

Bedtime?

Beer, food... this!

Before El bobo started interrupting me, talking over me.

Before I left the house, my 15 year old told me

Before you did the many, many wrong things.

Behind the beads.

Bertito...

Berto, you look guapísimo in that suit.

Berto's mama, used to live with us...

Besides, your abuelo, God rest his soul, did not marry me for my mind.

Between the quinces, my family coming into town,

Big change from abuelita's cooking, huh?

Blue sky, what if we stagger the appointments by just five minutes?

Bond over boy stuff.

Boo!

Boo...

Both kids are out of the house

Boy, such great contributions today.

Boy, the world has changed.

Brings me back to my old army days.

Burn this.

But a latina Princess.

But after I hang up and leave, it'll be empty again.

But Alex, he's still so young and this could definitely mess with him.

But all she wants to talk about is this.

But all they've done is kissed.

But any... anyways, we're separated.

But as a crusade, yes.

But as a Cuban, I suffer in silence.

But as soon as I realized, I went out the window.

But congratulations, papito!

But do you even see everything that's happening now?

But don't worry, I got my eye on the ball.

But don't worry, though. I got this. All three kids are fine.

But even the nuns would've made fun of me.

But he doesn't know what he's talking about, so...

But he's absolutely doing his best, and he will always be your papi.

But he's making money.

But hear me out, okay? She's a Princess.

But I always make it up, and it is just as valid

But I am going to show you something...

But I hate to tell you lots of good stuff has started for dumb man reasons.

But I have to because he's obviously curious.

But I hear you... and you don't have to have a quinces.

But I insisted nobody say anything interesting till you got here.

But I just keep thinking...

But I know your date's not gonna be that good.

But I promise you, when you meet the right one, you'll know.

But I said the same thing yesterday and nobody listened.

But I should give myself five stars for making it out of the house tonight.

But I still would've found out

But I think we should totally get mani pedis.

But I try to never deal with the va.

But I wanna go to the street fair...

But I want abuelita to think that I went out with him,

But I want you to know, nothing happened.

But I'd feel really bad about it.

But I'm a professional

But I'm also kind of a scaredy cat, you know, because...

But I'm getting some serious eyes from that guapa over there.

But I'm sorry, and it was nothing personal

But I've actually got some good stuff to talk about today,

But if I should have an opinion, you want me to keep my mouth shut.

But if my son comes back with even a little scratch on his head...

But if we're ever in Tibet, we can visit a kickass yak dairy.

But if you are...

But if you mess up, it goes up on the shelf no one can reach.

But in my defense...

But inside, I'm gonna be like...

But isn't the va open until 5:00?

But it hasn't affected him at all.

But it made her feel useful.

But it sounds like I just missed the best part of your show.

But it was just exciting, you know, meeting someone new and...

But it wasn't right. Wasn't right

But it won't be near my mansion.

But it's a common misconception, so...

But it's a very good playlist.

But it's all good, 'cause I got your many messages and texts

But it's for the basics, and it's not a lot.

But it's good to get an outsider's perspective.

But it's important to talk about this stuff.

But it's more than that, right?

But it's okay.

But it's only for a few days.

But just out of curiosity... What is that girl doing right now?

But look... there's reality, then there's pornography.

But make no mistake, when it comes to money,

But maybe next time pick a food a kid would wanna eat...

But maybe you didn't hear, because you were on your phone like now.

But mija, por favor..

But my salsa moves are, thanks to you.

But my snack game was way off!

But not for you. Okay.

But not to you.

But now he does private security in Afghanistan.

But now I'm good. And you will be, too.

But really, you are the boss.

But seriously, though, I feel like I got a really good deal.

But spring is a comin', girl.

But still, it is a war wound.

But that doesn't mean that god exists, okay? I'm sorry.

But that's understandable, right?

But that's why you and me, we gotta watch it.

But the choreography could have used a little tweaking.

But the good news is, after months of planning,

But the new Victor says, "get it, girl."

But then I thought it might be fun if we did

But there are other ways to do it that are creative but keep you pure.

But there is a hole in here.

But there was a lot of second hand doobie smoke

But they left 50 bucks, so that seems fair, right?

But they wear suits so the judge will take them seriously.

But this gig is really important to me.

But this is great!

But this is Jolene's extension, right?

But this is why I have to force myself out there to meet Adam Bennett.

But to be fair, I probably wouldn't take that heart crap either.

But today, Scott wins!

But village isn't literal.

But we have to watch our sugar. Dad had diabetes.

But we need to answer the question.

But we only forgive once.

But we're not doing a regular debate. It's gotta be that thing I saw you do

But we're still sharing that ps4.

But when she got home, she wasn't super happy,

But why didn't you tell me you were gonna be here

But won't call beautiful because she doesn't like it

But yes...

But you have to let me establish my own traditions.

But you have to understand, I'm not gonna be a mom for much longer.

But you have to understand.

But you must keep your voice down,

But you wanna know how I dealt with that bobo?

But you're gonna, huh?

But you're not gonna murder me and throw me in the trunk, right, jer?

But you're wearing army clothes.

But you're... you're really okay?

But, hey, silver lining, it's normal porn.

But, now, we're all gonna have to live in the car.

But, uh, I hope you like it, papito.

But, uh, I'm off the pills. I'm sober now. Been working a program.

But, uh, tonight, me and him have a thing.

But, uh, wasn't two hearts in the desert like you and papi.

But, yeah, I kinda feel sorry for the salesman.

But, yes, I quit.

But...

But... I don't think I like him like that.

But... thank you for taking Alex.

But... you are here.

By being a better soldier than him.

By the time you're done with mass

By the way, they made me captain of the debate team today at school,

By the way, what are the last 16 digits of your credit card?

Can best be done only between two peoples.

Can I admit something dark to you?

Can I answer any questions for you?

Can I be your assistant?

Can I help you?

Can I just give you props for being hella cool about Elena coming out?

Can I make you a café cubano?

Can I see you again? Like, over dinner?

Can you believe it's only been 10 months since you moved in?

Can you believe this living stereotype?

Can you feel it working? Hey, guys.

Can you guys go fight somewhere else? I'm on hold with the va.

Can you help me, tad?

Can you tell me what "anti lock brakes" are?

Can't papi stay here, Mami?

Can't you do this one thing for your mother who loves you?

Car salesmen are scary.

Careful. There's a lot of garlic in that chicken.

Carl, the mouthwash works, but the shirt smells like...

Carlos piñero's trying to unhook your bra on your best friend's parents' bed.

Carmen, Elena's best friend?

Cars 2?

Chauffeurs pick up cars.

Churning the bottle, churning the bottle.

Claro, but I have to go. Schneider's a wreck.

Claro.

Claro. And I accept it immediately, no questions asked.

Classic Jolene.

Clearly.

Close, she's from sacramento.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Clown face pancakes. Huh?

Clown pancakes, what?

Coke dealer?

College fund?

Combination to my safe is on my laptop.

Come home right away, but still call me so I know you're coming home.

Come on, abuelita, I saw beautiful parts of the city,

Come on, Elena!

Come on, I swear, I just wanna spoon.

Come on, let's just cuddle, naked.

Come on, Mami, it would be nice to have your support.

Come on, pen, you doing this or not?

Come on, your mom won't even notice.

Come on!

Come on! You served in the army!

Come on.

Come on. I think you're being a little unfair.

Come on. Just for a minute.

Coming together to celebrate you?

Compliments make me kind of queasy, so I'm gonna bounce.

Congrats on the new car, Alvarez.

Connie merkelson is a gay lady.

Connie merkelson told me she's never seen

Contributed to my drinking and drug problem.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Could you make me un cafecito in the morning for the rest of my life?

Cousin orencio smells like a dorito that died in a pool of axe body spray.

Crazy, right? I'm like a ghost.

Cuba, 1958.

Cubans are crazy about family.

Cuéntanos De todo.

Cuéntanos De todo.

Curled, sprayed, plucked.

Currently in a bit of a... lady juggling situation.

Daily.

Damn it, that's a montblanc!

Damn it, you're right.

Damn it!

Dang! A new ps4! Are you kidding me?

Dang! Mami set you up!

Dare I say, badass.

Dare to dream.

Dating apps. Oh, they're great. There's guys like me out there.

Definitely wasn't for the quality storytelling.

Dichoso tú, you don't have to do anything.

Did abuelita forget to give her her pants, too?

Did he ask about me?

Did he have soulful eyes?

Did you buy that?

Did you ever take those...

Did you find abuelita?

Did you hear what I was saying while you were back there?

Did you know that over 40% of trips

Did you pee on something 'cause you were mad

Did you steal something? Did you damage something?

Did you take down a bag and a half of cheetos?

Dígame.

Dinner with my entire family... And Schneider.

Dish. Tell me everything!

Dj abuelita over there?

Do I like? Do I swipe? Do I put someone in my cart?

Do orphans always have rich dads who buy them buildings?

Do we really need a pope on the fridge?

Do we sometimes prefer practical, gender neutral clothing?

Do you even hear yourself? Seriously!

Do you guys have one of those grabber claw thingies?