King of the Hill - Season 1 Edit

A Boggle coach? What would I do?

A fire ant?

A Japanese machine gun blew my shins off in WW II.

A little tap on the fanny with a rolled up newspaper.

A live one what?

A long list of short words to narrow the gap.

A man doesn't have to wear pants around the house if he doesn't want to.

A man who can't keep up a lawn is either inept or stupid.

A man's gotta tell a woman when to stop eating.

A Manitoba 100.

A roomful of snickering 5th graders...

A Size 16 for Senora Ibenez, Triple E.

A Straight Arrow is against Bill HR 57...

A Straight Arrow loves nature.

A Super Squirter!

A Tojo torpedo sent our troop ship to the bottom.

A very bold gambit.

A whooping crane in these parts?

A woman fixing a car.

A woman in Phoenix contracted diabetes.

A woman's...

Absolutely.

Actually, her big day is the sentencing.

Actually, it was given to me by the Arlen Boggle Boosters.

Actually, Luanne fixed it.

Actually, my name...

After I learn Sex Ed, I'll be too busy dating.

After you walk on them?

Against other forms of nature...

Ain't gonna come over here and shut that dang ol' dog up.

Ain't that right, you house full of hookers?

ALEXl: Peggy Hill hesitated.

ALEXl: Peggy Hill is down to her last pencil.

ALEXl: What confidence. She wrote "harpsichord."

ALEXl: With no coach, she's really at a disadvantage.

All done, Hank.

All I'm saying is, keep the government out of the bedroom business.

All of you, just stop it!

All right, class. Let's do it.

All right, Dad, I need to talk to you about some of the things...

All right, hookers, listen up. I'll be back next year...

All right, it's gonna be best of three. I want a clean game.

All right, Joe Camel, you wanna smoke, let's go smoke.

All right, Peggy, I replaced my watch battery, ate a Cinnabon...

All right, Randy.

All right. Okay.

All right. Okay.

All right. This here's your whoop ass stick...

All right. Time to open my gift

All right. Who wants the first ride?

All righty. What's it for, son?

All righty. What's it for, son?

All that dang. It's gonna give you a low sperm count, man.

All the same, I'll give it a pass.

All the tricks and lies from our dads, they were part of the experience.

All you gotta know is, I took care of it with one little phone call.

All you gotta write is one word, "no"!

ALL: A Straight Arrow tells the truth.

ALL: Bye. PEGGY: Don't worry about the horse.

ALL: Come on.

ALL: I am. HANK: Gotcha!

ALL: Wematanye.

Also it says here, you gotta love all her creatures.

Also, this note, people. The brown herbal Ecstasy is bad.

Although it's probably not good for them. You're free to go.

Although parts of her are much younger.

Am I going?

American.

Amigo, it is time for some new zapatos.

An engine, four wheels, some kind of frame...

And a cassette radio, and we got our death cart!

And a tail with another claw on the end.

And a then whack, whack. We'd go "woo Ioo Ioo."

And after all we've been through!

And bought a P trap. I can't kill any more time. Let's go.

And by the way, I want them back.

And Dad can't say boo about it.

And Dad can't say boo about it.

And energy efficient, clean burning propane gas...

And enjoy life for all its rich, mellow flavor.

And even old Peg was there. Remember?

And even...

And every strain of flu the Orient could throw at us!

And fly jets, and maybe even be an astronaut.

And get out of this godforsaken store!

And get out of this park without getting caught.

And I am still excited about going to the mower show. Come on, let's go!

And I do not approve. Permission denied.

And I don't know what you did to this gentleman in his underwear.

And I hope that your leg gets better real soon...

And I looked at it...

And I used to crawl around on the hood and buff it till it shined like Christmas.

And I won't let him grow up to be a woman hating old fool.

And I'd be honored for you to meet my...

And I've tracked it to within 10 yards of your campsite.

And if I start to pick and choose, the whole system just breaks down.

And if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass.

And if you ever try to take him away, so help me God...

And if you teach that Sex Ed class, so help me, I'll...

And if you're projecting this anger onto me...

And it's your fault for not nipping it in the bud.

And kiss your butt goodbye.

And Kramer comes sliding in just like he always does.

And may I be so bold as to ask you to tell your subjects about...

And not a 55 gallon drum more.

And now for the final test.

And now Team Hill is gonna bury that whooping crane together...

And Peggy Hill is far behind.

And show what she can do.

And so many things to do.

And the Duke himself, John Wayne, was really named Marion.

And the wig I styled for the Beauty Academy is ruined.

And then you have to eat them.

And then you turn the page, it...

And they were sewing my feet to my knees.

And they've got a pool.

And those who don't will be dead.

And times got hard after NAFTA sent the pinata jobs north.

And two and a sixteenth.

And vomited on their auto executives.

And we ask him to breathe life into our spirit bag.

And we drive back to Arlen with that big ass Boggle trophy...

And we eliminated 300 logging jobs.

And we had beat them Nazis in Italy.

And we will do just that in the dumpster behind Stuckey's.

And we're looking for a missing whooping crane.

And what is a tap and die?

And what to do about them.

And when you're older, I hope you're lucky enough to find a girl...

And with his features.

And you are right beside me, Hank.

And you are right there next to me. My coach. My man.

And you better cut it out if you know what's good for you.

And you boys get out there and bag some snipe!

And you can't get on base without taking a swing.

And you just have the one son?

And you start getting a monthly visitor.

And you still get headaches every night.

And you're allowed to bring a coach. You wanna be my coach?

And you're there, too, like some beauty queen of yore...

And you've made it so hard for him, he's afraid to ask.

And, Dale, I'd say the same applies to your Joseph.

ANGELS: Good morning, Charlie.

ANNOUNCER: And on display in Booth 5, the blade from Slingblade.

ANNOUNCER: It's on the green.

ANNOUNCER: It's on the green.

ANNOUNCER: Sunday! Sunday! And Saturday.

ANNOUNCER: Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

ANTHONY: Do you work outside the home, Mrs. Hill?

ANTHONY: Getting back to the Hill family.

ANTHONY: He punched him!

ANTHONY: Mrs. Hill, how did you get this here on your forehead?

ANTHONY: Never mind.

ANTHONY: You say he hit his son with a bat?

Anyway, Hank, would you please tell Boomhauer...

Are they still playing that game where the cow's gotta drop dung in a square?

Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Well, you should be!

Are you saying I am not good enough to teach my own son?

Are you siding with your woman?

Are you some kind of man? Or are you a little boy?

Are you upset?

As in, "It was not my pleasure to make your acquaintanceship."

As long as the sacred fire is burning, the oath of silence is suspended.

Ashes to ashes, man. It's that dang old ashes to ashes.

At any hour of the day or night, and teach anything!

At the same time, 500 miles away...

Aunt Peg, I found this timing belt in the laundry.

Baby want a bottle? A big dirt bottle?

Ball one.

Bametomyam.

Bare breasted, Rolls Royce angel!

Bash it! Bash it!

Be there, as the biggest names in mowers unveil the latest grass cutting technology.

Because I'm coming to you, man to man...

Because I'm never gonna have sex.

Because of his narrow urethra

Because Peggy Hill is gonna teach that class!

Because the devil took Bobby off to the Hotel Arlen.

Because you're my friend.

Besides, it is not up to the United States government...

Best lawn after mine!

Bethany, it does not matter if your avocados are hard.

Better let some air out of my left tires.

Better than Bill? Or Dale?

Big, white, stubborn ass!

Bill, get his pants and shoes.

Bill, my lawn is in a constant state of readiness.

Bill, what are you doing here?

Bill, you don't want to be mixing and matching your petrochemical.

BILL: Don't worry, Hank.

BILL: Don't worry, Hank.

BILL: Hey, getting your lawn ready for Cinco de Mayo?

BILL: I'll take that jerky now.

BILL: Me!

BILL: Peggy wants me to barbecue 20 pounds of Mexican sausage.

BILL: Wow, would you look at this place?

BILL: Wow! That's more than a human woman does in a lifetime.

BILL: Yeah!

BILL: Yes, buddy. Give it a chance.

Bob, just keep put, stop!

Bobby here gets the second.

Bobby Hill.

Bobby honestly doesn't think that you love him all the time.

Bobby is my boy.

Bobby ought to know about 'em.

Bobby vomited with one pack to go.

Bobby was sent home from school for starting a sexist riot today.

Bobby, are you all right? Come on out.

Bobby, don't forget to bus your tray.

Bobby, don't you get it? Your dad made all that up.

Bobby, get over here now!

Bobby, Hank, hold on. I got it.

Bobby, hey, that's my work. Now just sit still, okay?

Bobby, honey.

Bobby, I know you can't talk in front of him.

Bobby, I'm proud of you for what you did at school today

Bobby, if you're gonna fake dial...

Bobby, look, just because your mom's been using those words...

Bobby, never make fun of your grandpa's legs.

Bobby, Randy, Garth, pass your silence sticks up.

Bobby, son, you just talked.

Bobby, take your daddy's pants off.

Bobby, the patch goes on your shoulder!

Bobby, what are you doing?

Bobby, who was that?

Bobby, why did you write this? You know your grandpa lives in Houston.

Bobby, why don't you...

Bobby, you are too young to own a firearm.

Bobby, you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Bobby, you gotta try and forget all that gobbledygook...

Bobby, you heard your mother. Get over there.

Bobby, you will not. We eat our dinner in the kitchen.

Bobby, you're coming to a time in your life when you're gonna start...

BOBBY: [Coughing] Okay.

BOBBY: And then some weirdo came over and was asking us a bunch of questions.

BOBBY: Creak.

BOBBY: Dad, I'm dying out there.

BOBBY: Dad.

BOBBY: Feed, my queen. Feed

BOBBY: Fu... PEGGY: Pardonnez me.

BOBBY: Great! Now all we need are five more of those...

BOBBY: Hey, Dad! Over here! HANK: Go deep, Bobby!

BOBBY: Hey, look at that chubby white one.

BOBBY: Hey, that's my rug.

BOBBY: Hi, Grandpa.

BOBBY: I got one!

BOBBY: I want to get that Straight Arrow patch so bad.

BOBBY: Let's go! Let's go! My parents are gonna be home any minute!

BOBBY: Looks like it's just you and me, Mom.

BOBBY: Mom, hand over the cigarette!

BOBBY: Mom!

BOBBY: Mr. Gribble? HANK: Dale, no!

BOBBY: Okay.

BOBBY: Okay. The guy at Home Depot said all we gotta do...

BOBBY: Quick! Pull the knob!

BOBBY: Si.

BOBBY: Thanks for the tip.

BOBBY: That was close.

BOBBY: That's my closer, Dad.

BOBBY: The stain's not coming out! I'm gonna put it on high.

BOBBY: This really can't wait.

BOBBY: Wematanye.

BOBBY: Woo Ioo Ioo.

BOBBY: You can't do nothing.

BOBBY: You sure you can get that ring out? I can't afford any more screwups.

BOBBY: You won, Mom!

BOBBY: You're all wet, Dad!

BOBBY: You've had enough cake, Kahny.

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby! Aunt Peg! Come in here!

Bobby! You just got four in a row.

Bobby? Is that you?

Boggle champion of Dallas for seven non consecutive years.

Boggle is nothing like Cow Bingo, Hank. Boggle is a game of wits.

Boggle Playing Chicken.

Boggle? Boy, the Elks will do anything for a dollar.

Boing!

Boomhauer and Dale will bring up the rear.

Boomhauer, pass them. I got an idea. Pass 'em up.

BOOMHAUER: Dang! Somebody pick up that dang old rock!

BOOMHAUER: Give them a little pressed ham.

BOOMHAUER: I tell you what you do...

BOOMHAUER: Yeah, man, dang sure right about that.

BOSS: Is this the Hill residence? Who am I talking to?

BOSS: Son, this is the State Social Services.

Boy wants his dinner in here.

Boy, Aunt Peg, the words I don't know could fill a dictionary.

Boy, how'd you manage to swing that with Peggy?

Boy, I'll tell you what. This family goes through microwaves...

Boy, it does feel good against the skin.

Boy, that wife of yours is pretty good.

Boy, this takes me back.

BOYS: Now! Now!

BOYS: Women's work! Women's work!

BOYS: Woo Ioo Ioo...

BOYS: Woo Ioo Ioo...

BRENT: Cissy Cobb is off to an excellent start in Round 1.

BRENT: Hello, and welcome to the Texas State Boggle Championships.

BRENT: Incredible! What a scrapper! What a save!

BRENT: Peggy Hill is using the opposite strategy.

BRENT: Peggy Hill was writing up a storm. But will it be enough?

BRENT: She needs 10 more points, and she only has one word remaining.

BRENT: The players will now read their word lists, starting with Peggy Hill.

BRENT: There goes Peggy Hill's pencil!

BRENT: This is awful. I think it's all over for Peggy Hill.

BRENT: We're in the final round of this championship match...

BRENT: What an incredible upset!

Bring your checkbook!

Brother Bird, I have given you a last flight and made my peace with you.

Brought his son over to learn the facts of life.

Buff, varnish, wax, buff.

BURNETT: Why, hello there, Peggy Hill.

But all those people at the block party, they won't.

But are you looking for, like, a tool or something?

But because of a mutual, unspoken agreement...

But before we begin, please bring your permission slips up to my desk.

But for God's sakes, girl, lock the door.

But Grandpa said I could...

But he's a war hero.

But he's got no shins.

But I am a substitute teacher.

But I am just a little too busy living here...

But I guess she's never coming back.

But I have to get ready for work.

But I knew Uncle Sam needed me. So I lied and signed up.

But I know where you live, Sex Ed teacher.

But I think old Sigmund Freud might have a thing or two to say about it.

But I thought they were your best friends.

But I was gonna spray for fire ants today.

But I'll tell you what my truck really needs.

But I'm not a kid anymore.

But I'm not gonna say what they are, because I'm a gentleman.

But I'm your exterminator.

But if we approach it with common sense...

But it was full of Tojos!

But it's hard.

But it's hard.

But look at her. Something's wrong.

But my lawn, Dale! You don't mess with a man's lawn!

But not "harp" and not "chord."

But she's a woman. How could she know better than Grandpa?

But sometimes I need a little help.

But the regulations say we can't take custody of the boy without an interview.

But there are a lot of other things that I'm supposed to do.

But there's still some more "tile" for you to look at.

But Uncle Hank said nothing bigger than a.22.

But we haven't smoked for 12 years.

But we still get to play practical jokes, right?

But what I was really wondering...

But what if the Wildcats give 110 percent, too?

But women don't like his style, because you all are like the peahen.

But you might want to blow out those candles.

But you? Not once.

But, of course, smoking is wrong...

Bye bye.

Can I go back to bed, Aunt Peggy?

Can I shoot him full of BBs?

Can you dig it?

Can you imagine how I'd have turned out if my dad had loved me no matter what?

Can't hear you, Dad!

CHARLIE: Good morning, Angels.

Check it out, man. Talk about road trip. The Big D Motel, man.

Cheering her heart out when we were down 28 0.

Chuck says, "Always unplug your iron after use."

Cissy Cobb, 73 points!

CISSY: Don't kid yourself. He's probably too embarrassed to watch me beat you.

Classy and smart, like Peg.

CLERK: What exactly is it you're looking for?

Coaches note. It's a good day for "sometimes Y."

Come and get it, boys.

Come and get it! Come on!

Come and get your Tootsie Rolls!

Come back here. I'm gonna kick your ass!

Come join the block party!

Come on, Aunt Peggy. You can do it.

Come on, Bobby, up.

Come on, Bobby.

Come on, Bobby. You're coming to work with me.

Come on, Dad. Open up.

Come on, grease monkey! Let's tangle!

Come on, Hank. It's just for the weekend. We'll be back on Sunday.

Come on, Hank. Will you just give it a chance?

Come on, I need to make up the income. I'll do it for free.

Come on, kids! Let's go! Everybody in the car! Ándele! Now!

Come on, man. We're missing the mower show! Let's go!

Come on, Peggy. There's a Parker Brother I want you to meet.

Come on! If we save them, we can play with them.

Come on.

Come on. Only one pack left.

Concealed by an undergarment.

Contact football? No, you're not old enough for that.

Contact football? No, you're not old enough for that.

Cotton, I'd love to debate this with you...

Cotton, I'll do the dishes. I like to.

COTTON: Bash it! Bash it!

COTTON: Bobby, come on over here, boy!

COTTON: Kill it, boy!

COTTON: Kill it, boy.

COTTON: Mr. Kahn, I'll have a mai tai.

COTTON: Oh! Crack it! Nail it!

COTTON: That's it! PEGGY: Come on, Bobby.

COTTON: What do you say I drive you to school today, Bobby?

Could be far off helicopters.

Dad, can me and Bobby bring life preservers?

Dad, do you ever have sex anymore?

Dad, I don't work at a gas station.

Dad, if you want to drive Bobby to school, use my truck.

Dad, that's not respectful adult child growth dialogue.

Dad, this here's my new neighbor.

Dad, we'd love it if you stayed.

Dad, you crazy son of a gun.

Dad, you old skunk.

Daddy loves you whether you get your Straight Arrow patch or not.

Daddy threw it out. She went after him with a fork.

Dale, fire ants don't sting you all at once.

Dale, get off of me.

Dale, I didn't come here to..

Dale, I don't want you to spray my lawn anymore.

Dale, I think he's saying Peggy's the new Sex teacher.

Dale, I think you released the brake cable.

Dale, I'm gonna need you to give me the keys now.

Dale, is that you?

Dale, let's not make this any harder than it has to be.

Dale, what are you doing?

Dale, you giblet head, we live in Texas.

Dale, you sure you want to be messing with Hank's truck when he's not around?

Dale, you went too far this time!

Dale, you wrote it on this map! "3:00 a.m., planted ants."

DALE: "Liberace's Mower, no flash photography."

DALE: All right!

DALE: Bobby, don't move a muscle! BOBBY: What?

DALE: Damn straight. BILL: You got that right.

DALE: Hank?

DALE: Hey, Hank, congrats on the lawn, friend.

DALE: Hey, I know what's wrong with your truck.

DALE: I only used as much poison as necessary...

DALE: I wouldn't advise that. You risk getting a queen.

DALE: I'm gonna help get him this alternator off.

DALE: I'm only a professional exterminator.

DALE: If you keep your mouth shut, I'll make you a business suit.

DALE: Nancy, you've been going to that healer for 12 years...

DALE: No, I didn't.

DALE: No!

DALE: Now, you listen here, Kahn...

DALE: Oh, Hank. Can I speak with Peggy?

DALE: Oh, yeah. That's nice.

DALE: Organically grown, no chemicals.

DALE: They found some other depraved harlot to teach that Sex Ed class.

DALE: They're not jokes, Bill. They're painful lessons

DALE: They're silk worms.

DALE: Well, well, well.

DALE: You don't know who I am, but I know where you live.

DALE: You don't know who I am.

DALE: You shouldn't have fired me! You know what I'm like!

DALE: You want to know about ol' Hank?

Dale!

Dale!

Dale!

Dale?

Dale's spraying too much poison on it?

Dallas? I don't want you going to Dallas at all!

Damn it, you're my boy.

Damn it! I killed a whole day fixing that car.

Damn it. It looks like we're delayed a couple hours.

Damn strapping tape!

Damn, I've poured my whole life into this lawn.

Damn, won't start. I guess I'm not going anywhere.

Damn!

Damn. And I filled up on silence sticks.

Dang old John Candy, John Belushi, night before they dug their graves.

Dang, no more bouncing that ball!

Dang.

Dee Dee is 39, thank you very much.

Dee Dee, come on out here, and gab with Hank's wife.

Dee Dee, we're bunking here tonight.

DEE DEE: Suppertime, Colonel.

Dee Dee's out in the car. I had her pack up.

Detroit hasn't felt any real pride...

Did I just hear what I almost heard?

Did you do some shopping?

Did you hear about Hank Hill?

Did you see in the report, how he dented my Geo?

Did you see that, Hank? Tell your woman to give him back his gun!

Did you try burping the alphabet?

Did you want someone who's licensed and bonded?

Didn't you read this? "Cancer. Heart disease. Emphysema."

Dioxaphiliphide 6000...

Disappointment? No. You make me proud

DJ 1: That's right, brother. DJ 2: Right.

DJs: And don't forget it is Quatro de Mayo!

Do I have an assignment for you.

Do I have to take you out back with another carton of cigarettes?

Do not, I repeat, do not take the brown herbal Ecstasy. Thank you all.

Do you still like...

Do you want to be married to Bill?

Doesn't mean she's bad. She's just trying to do her job.

Don't ask. How was your weekend?

Don't be shy. There are no wrong answers here.

Don't bother, Uncle Hank. I can't hear the solenoid plunger.

Don't do this to me in front of everybody.

Don't knock it. We got the long end of the stick on that one.

Don't let it worry you, Peggy.

Don't listen to her, Bobby.

Don't miss the Dallas Mower Expo! Be there!

Don't play lawyer ball, son.

Don't sass me, boy.

Don't stop at first base, son! Go all the way, Bobby!

Don't tell her, but I got them cheap. Both lefties!

Don't want to get a hose imprint.

Don't worry, Bobby. You played a good game.

Don't you know not to barge in here when I'm in the shower?

Don't you know that more people die of smoking than die...

Don't you see I'm working here? Close the dang door.

Don't you think she'd have bought some new socks by now?

Don't you want to live in a house with a pool?

Don't you worry. He's in the system now. I am on my way.

Down off your high horse!

Drop. Drop it.

Due to one of them snipe hunts last night...

Each time you talk, I take a bite

Easy, Dale. Bill and I'll take the lead.

Easy. Don't draw attention. We're almost there.

EMCEE: Bogglers, take your marks!

EMCEE: Coaches, please clear the gaming floor!

EMCEE: Coaches! Please clear the gaming floor.

Everybody hates you.

Everybody pile out, right now.

Everyone thinks your party's cool, Bobby.

Everything rides on this pencil!

Everything you said was all a lie?

Ew!

Except, of course, a bargirl.

Excuse me, ma'am?

Excuse me, where is the hardware department?

Excuse me.

Family.

Fat kids are always the funny ones.

Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn.

Feelings of fondness and more...

Feels like a shag carpet with dirt.

Feels like home.

Feisty!

Finding ways to use nature...

Fine day, isn't it, boy?

Fine. Side with him.

Fine. This shouldn't take very long anyway.

Finger painting?

First, I think it Bill. But then I think, can Bill read?

For all our sacred heating and cooking needs.

For crying out loud!

For God sakes, Bobby, what nationality are you?

For God's sakes, the man mows with the grain.

For goodness sakes, Hank, you are fully clothed.

For goodness' sake.

For heaven's sake! That flesh eating virus has claimed another victim.

For Order of the Straight Arrow this weekend.

For the rest of your long, miserable life, you will carry the scar of failure.

For the sake of this family, you have got to do it.

For the Texas spotted owl, the snail darter, and the endangered whooping crane.

Forgive me, my queen, I spoke out of turn.

Foul mouthed old man to spend another moment in my house.

From Gym to Home Ec! I took an oath, darn it!

From some bureaucrat regulatory handbook.

From your favorite exterminator?

Function! Function, damn you!

Get it? Global.

Get that stuff off of her. She looks like Fran Drescher.

Get the grass out. There it is.

Give me some light! Now! I can't see!

Give me that thing!

Give me that!

Give the kids the proper names for things.

Give you ear hair, yo.

Go ahead, pick yourself out a live one.

Go all the way, honey! Yeah! Go all the way, you perv!

Go messing up my head with that dang old secondary nicotine like that, man.

Go on, woman, get me my dinner.

Go on. Get me my beer, woman.

Go to it.

God love that poor man.

God, it just...

God, my head hurts.

God, no, that's all right. I guess I'll do it.

God!

Going to pay a bunch of little twig boy bureaucrats like you...

Good as ever.

Good boy. Here's your treat.

Good eye, honey, good eye.

Good for you for choosing your friend over your lawn.

Good God, Peggy, this was on my Road & Track.

Good Iooking breakfast, Peg.

Good Lord, Cotton. You gave him a loaded shotgun?

Good luck, Peggy Hill. Goodbye.

Good luck, Peggy! W l N!

Gosh, Peg, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were anxious to see us go.

Got to go.

Got you. I was in the Order myself.

Gracie, this is Mr. Hill

GRACIE: Well, he sure came to the right place

Gripe about y'all every time that dog crosses the street...

Guess who's going to the mower show? If you guess right, you can come with me.

H l L L.

Ha ha.

Ha penis.

Ha penis.

Half of them bite, the other half are on defense.

Half of them play for the Cowboys.

Hank Hill! What on God's earth were you thinking?

Hank is more believable.

Hank, Bobby and me have decided he's gonna stick vegetables up his nose.

Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer.

Hank, for God's sake, I need a little support here.

Hank, honey...

Hank, I couldn't get the words out.

Hank, I'm thinking of entering a Boggle tournament over at the Elks.

Hank, it was an accident.

Hank, the boy can barely reach it. Lower the pinata so he has a chance at it.

Hank, the neighbors.

Hank, there is a tile in the bathroom...

Hank, we have a visitor.

Hank, what do you say to another lawn spraying...

Hank, you fixed my car yet?

Hank, you won the big game.

HANK: All right.

HANK: Amen. ALL: Amen.

HANK: Are you okay?

HANK: Beautiful.

HANK: Bill, I'm trying to talk to my...

HANK: Bobby, hey!

HANK: Bobby, spit it out! Spit it out!

HANK: Bobby, you're up.

HANK: Come on, Boomhauer, if you're gonna prune, prune.

HANK: Cripes! Put that thing down!

HANK: Dale?

HANK: Damn it. There it is again.

HANK: Guys, I can hear you.

HANK: Hey, Dad.

HANK: Hey, Dale. There's your wife's... BILL: Healer.

HANK: Hey, easy, Peggy. That's my MVP trophy.

HANK: Hey! Hey!

HANK: Hey! Out of there! What are you doing, Luanne?

HANK: Hold on, boys. Before we go...

HANK: I am Kicking Elk.

HANK: I did what had to be done. I got rid of an anti lawn element.

HANK: I didn't mean to let you down. I just...

HANK: I don't know why everyone's so gaga over Kahn's lawn all of a sudden.

HANK: I gotta go do some stuff.

HANK: I said git! Get out of here! ANTHONY: Okay.

HANK: I'll pass.

HANK: I'm checking in. The name's Hank Hill.

HANK: I'm gonna kick it harder if you don't come over here!

HANK: Ladybird, didn't Luanne make you look pretty?

HANK: Let me tell you, Bobby, there's nothing funny about these sounds.

HANK: Look at the batter, boy! Watch the ball!

HANK: Look at the batter, boy! Watch the ball!

HANK: My Lord! That's a whooping crane.

HANK: No one said it was gonna be easy, son.

HANK: No, I said American. Here, let me show you.

HANK: Not now, Bobby! I'm in the middle of something!

HANK: Now look here, you are gonna smoke this entire carton.

HANK: Now we will say the oath of the Order of the Straight Arrow.

HANK: Oh, boy!

HANK: Oh, God!

HANK: Oh, no!

HANK: Oh, this'll take care of that, believe me.

HANK: Okay.

HANK: Over here, Peggy!

HANK: Peggy, I didn't do it for me. I did it for Arlen.

HANK: Peggy, look!

HANK: Peggy, where's that receipt? LUANNE: Uncle Hank!

HANK: Peggy?

HANK: Peggy? PEGGY: I'm in my office.

HANK: Peggy.

HANK: Run, Bobby! Run! Come on, run!

HANK: Run!

HANK: Son, would you please knock it off? You're driving me nuts.

HANK: Swing, Bobby! Swing! Swing!

HANK: That's the dangdest thing.

HANK: This grout is supposed to stay white for 20 years.

HANK: Well, as long as we're down here...

HANK: Well, call him out, boys. He's not just gonna show up.

HANK: Well, what do you think? A few more inches?

HANK: What in the heck?

HANK: What the heck are you writing?

HANK: What the hell is wrong with you all?

HANK: You're fired!

HANK: You're not making this easy on me, boy.

Hank! What are you doing?

Hank! Where the hell have you been?

Hank?

Hank? No sir, Bobby's his pride and joy...

Hank's got a lot of problems.

Happiness. Ha penis.

Happy birthday, Bobby!

Have a good time. Here's a Funsaver. Take lots of pictures.

Have you ever seen Hank hit his child, Bobby?

He asked me.

He asked you how many kids we have. He didn't ask you about my glands.

He beat up his son.

He certainly won't listen to me, now, will he?

He didn't ruin it. He made it fun.

He gave him a 50 cent raise.

He lost his shins defending Texas in World War II.

He married his 16 year old nurse.

He reminds me of me, before my growth spurt.

He said that he told you last week that this investigation was off.

He said yes.

He speaks only with honor.

He talks about tasting his own burp.

He taught me the most wonderful lesson a child can learn.

He'll be out of here tonight.

He's got big plastic teeth, he screams all the time...

He's got the best lawn in Arlen.

He's got the best lawn in Arlen.

He's Japanese.

He's just a little boy.

He's just itching to take my truck for a joyride.

He's Laotian. Ain't you, Mr. Kahn?

He's not gonna take over the family gas station.

He's only been out of yours for 11 years.

He's probably just refilling my rosin bag.

He's the devil.

He's the Little League coach.

He's waiting for you out on the porch.

Healing process takes time, honey.

Hell, no.

Hell, what's a rule for, if you can't break it once in a while?

Hello, Dale.

Hello, I'm a social worker with the state.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Bobby?

Here are your silence sticks.

Here, Hank.

Here's the first thing I'm gonna do, I'll tell you what

Here's to three of the bravest individuals in all of Arlen!

Here's your tournament tote bag, a schedule of events, and a Boggle lei.

Hey there, Enrique.

Hey there, Mr. Quarterback.

Hey, all right! You guys smoke, too?

Hey, baby! How about a couple of beers!

Hey, back off!

Hey, Bobby, go plug this in the garage for me.

Hey, Bobby, your mom's gonna teach Sex Ed.

Hey, Cobb, for $7.50, I can ride the mower that cut the Grassy Knoll.

Hey, cutie, you got papers?

Hey, doesn't the smell take you back?

Hey, don't look at me! Keep your eye on the ball.

Hey, don't recline o mite while I'm talking to you!