Hogan's Heroes - Season 1 Edit

A beauty, huh, Schultz?

A captain could do it.

A chain operates a trap door.

A colonel as Kommandant?

A Colonel Schneider and his staff

A dispatch from General Burkhalter.

A doctor?

A dream of playing today

A fantastic operation.

A formation of the command...

A Gestapo Leutnant is there.

A Gestapo officer here?

A legitimate escape attempt

A little time on the Eastern front

A magician like Newkirk?

A manicurist in an underground barber shop

A plane? From England?

A scroll. That's pretty fancy.

A sergeant?

A sergeant.

A simple escape and a simple dynamiting

A slight explanation, Colonel Hogan, about last night.

A special friend of a Cabinet Minister.

A Tiger tank entered the camp.

A train blowing up.

A traitor, if you will,

A tunnel is what it is.

A V bomb, huh?

A very funny joke.

A week's rest and you'll be as good as new.

A woman.

About Major Campbell and the WAC Captain?

About meeting a very rich man

About that thing sitting out there on the truck,

About the German High Command.

About the man in charge.

About to become corporal.

About what? About what?

Absolutely.

Acceptance speech?

Achtung! Achtung!

Achtung! Attention!

Across the saddle... No, they can't do that to me,

Actually, sir, the new type has many built in safeguards

After all, you belong to us, too.

After he steals the tank.

After I get clear.

After roll call?

After the Germans padlock the place.

After them! Go!

After we take it apart and make blueprints of it.

After you report him as missing.

After your acceptance speech, of course.

Against accidental firing.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah, ah. I don't believe you.

Ah, all is lost.

Ah, beautiful evening, isn't it, Schultz?

Ah, come on, you call yourselves guard dogs

Ah, Hogan. Come in, come in, come in.

Ah, Lieutenant.

Ah, so... a strange coincidence

Ah, Wagner, we were just talking about you.

Ah, we're going to have to blindfold you though,

Ah, you are confused, Ogan.

Ah, you're right where you should be, Lieutenant.

Ah! Colonel Hogan.

Ah! My record is perfect.

Ah! Welcome to the mint.

Ah. Swell.

Ah. That is bigger than a piano.

Ah...

Ah... and your explanation, Colonel Dugan?

Aha!

Airplanes, falling down fences, music without musicians.

All 15 not here?

All Germany is looking for me,

All guards turn out for the search!

All I see is a colonel

All I see is prisoners.

All I want is a simple diversion,

All I wanted was an oil change.

All prisoners?

All prisoners.

All ready, Colonel.

All right keep your men on him.

All right, all right, knock it off.

All right, all right, so I blew it.

All right, all right, this is what we've got to do.

All right, all right, this is what we've got to do.

All right, all right.

All right, break it up.

All right, Governor.

All right, have it your way.

All right, here it is

All right, hurry it up and be careful

All right, I'm on me way.

All right, Kinch.

All right, LeBeau.

All right, let's go

All right, look, we don't have a chance

All right, Olsen, get your gear together, get ready and go out.

All right, so he's tough.

All right, so you're Mata Hari.

All right, some other time, Schultz.

All right, three minutes till roll call.

All right, what's the identification code?

All right, you got everything?

All right? She's more than all right, she's... a he.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Hold it, hold it.

All right. Let me look around first.

All right. Right this way.

All right. Right this way.

All right. Sounds reasonable enough.

All right. What's it for?

All we need is someone to create a diversion

ALL: Drei, vier,

ALL: More! More! More!

Allow me to show you my baby.

Alone with the rocket to look it over

Along with Lieutenant Harris.

Along with Lieutenant Harris.

Alongside of the tunnels we've got.

Americans. Hot dogs. Beer.

An airplane.

An escape tunnel?

And a fantastic man in charge.

And a fat POW would give it away.

And asked for a big tent.

And be put in charge... of all prison camps.

And brings it here into the barracks.

And call a submarine.

And chances are, I've heard it.

And Colonel Hogan... Yeah?

And decided to take you underground

And do you know what else?

And for this moment, I thank you.

And go as Tokyo Rose.

And good luck.

And he prefers us to stay.

And he's in charge of operations.

And help the others.

And his star will carry him through.

And I hope that in the future

And I realize the Inspector General has no other choice

And I was curious

And I'll go on down a bit and start cutting.

And if it's important enough,

And if there's a man missing...

And it will not be enough to have 15 men.

And leave the orchestra?

And me in it, no.

And now I have seen.

And now prisoners tuned into the BBC?

And pushed the button.

And put in a picture window.

And rejoin his own national forces.

And she's German, too.

And so I want to thank each and every one of you

And somehow, I think it will happen.

And Stalag 13 will be among the top ten

And take pictures of it

And tell me what you see.

And that is why you hear nothing

And the Americans didn't send him.

And the guilty men will be put in the cooler

And the radio got smashed.

And the train is due when?

And then back to the routine

And then he's going to take it off again.

And then we had an escape,

And they did not send me, I volunteer.

And they must answer, We are Little Red Riding Hood.

And they will find me.

And this morning,

And this tunnel except in emergency.

And under cover of the search,

And we come up through our wine cellar...

And we returned safely to the base.

And we'll just...

And we've blown the whole ball game.

And what does it say in your little Geneva book about that?

And what we've got here is no gentleman.

And when we came to look for the tank, well, it, uh...

And where's Tiger? Right behind you?

And why not?

And you are prisoners.

And you can't find four lousy commandos?

And you don't know Major Campbell?

And you see nothing?

And you, too, Hogan, if you had a bit of sand.

And you'd better do it quick.

And your how would you say it your, um...

And, of course, you will bring along your personal staff.

And, uh... before telling you,

ANNOUNCER: CBS presents this program in color.

ANNOUNCER: CBS presents this program in color.

Another day here, and I would order you shot.

Another day, another rocket.

Another place, we might have even become friends.

Any damage to the motor?

Any luck?

Any more firecrackers, Carter?

Any radio.

Any time now.

Anybody order a piano by mail?

Anything happening?

Are all worked up about it.

Are getting a real bang out of their mail.

Are you mad?

Are you out of your mind? You know the orders.

Are you suggesting that I'm responsible?

Are you sure this corporal's all right?

Are you volunteering for active duty, Herr Kommandant?

Are you, um, threatening me?

Aren't they just west of here?

Around the rest of the place,

Arrest myself?

Arrest that man!

As a fallen hero borne off to Valhalla

As a German civilian.

As a matter of fact, sir, it comes from your headquarters.

As a matter of fact...

As a violation of the Geneva Convention,

As a warrior, you must feel it deeply.

As a warrior, you must feel it deeply.

As another guarantee that soon the war will be over.

As coldly efficient as I am.

As I look upon the sea of smiling faces before me,

As Kommandant of Stalag 13, out of my own free will,

As long as you got 'em warmed up.

As long as you're inspecting, sir,

As one of the top ten camps in all Germany.

As prisoners of war, our sole obligation is to escape.

As to stagger the imagination,

As you were, it's only Schultz.

As you wish.

At approximately 2100 hours.

At ease.

At Stalag 13.

At the moment he's digging.

At the race track who bought him food,

At your disposal.

Au revoir.

Aw, tais toi! Tais toi to you!

Aw, tais toi.

Awaiting permission to come up, sir.

Away from Goering at that party.

B l7's.

Back away. Slowly... back.

Back, back, back, back, back.

Bad show?

Bad show?

Bad show.

Barbarians!

Baroness is behind me.

Baroness Lili Van Schlichter.

Baroness...

Be quiet and listen to the music.

Because I want to tell you a very funny joke.

Because in the underground

Because it is here.

Because they're afraid of the dogs.

Before the ceremony, hmm?

Begging the Kommandant's pardon.

Begging your pardon, Tiger.

Being a woman

Besides which, he denies everything.

Better not.

Better watch your head.

Beyond words.

Big Bad Wolf calling Red Riding Hood.

Bismarck, get out, you stupid dog. Raus.

Bit flabby, but you're English.

Bit of a close call, Colonel.

Blanket? Colonel...

Blast it all, Hogan.

Blimey, Colonel, if you could pull that off,

Blow up his headquarters?

Boy, are you running the camp.

Boy, you're a shrewd one, General.

Boy, you're clever.

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Brought a lovely fraulein to our officers....

Bum, bum, ba ba ba bum, rum pa pum pum pum,

BURKHALTER: Go ahead, Wagner.

BURKHALTER: I shall be there at 0800 sharp.

But as one who is fighting for the same cause

But can you do me one favor?

But do you realize how many people are hurt

But don't take away their dream.

But even now,

But friendly.

But he had one little problem

But how you will get it out

But I am well aware, Colonel Hogan,

But I assure... Do not assure me.

But I don't understand.

But I have to go call the submarine.

But I must insist...

But I warn you... during this inspection visit,

But I... Forget it.

But I'd leave out the ugly incident

But I've just got to learn.

But if you should happen to be near a post office

But it is all over now.

But it is necessary for you to look at the facts.

But just.

But men, like yourself.

But of course I'll choose my own.

But of course.

But she's Klink's secretary!

But that would be spying.

But that's a bit thick.

But that's free enterprise.

But that's not him.

But the blueprints are all in.

But the chateaubriand...

But the commander who will alter the course of history

But the guard spotted me.

But this is an all male camp.

But to relieve me of my post.

But we had to give it up. They were all kettle drums.

But what about the official report to Berlin?

But what?

But where would it land?

But why?

But why?

But would you care for a little schnapps in celebration?

But you are bad luck.

But you choose to stay behind

But you got to stop these guys from making coffee in the thing.

But you were surprised when the man was not put in solitary.

But, General Hofstader,

But, uh... just in case,

By having their exercise period canceled for three weeks.

By his fellow students at the gymnasium,

By men tortured beyond the limit of their endurance.

By tearing out each nail with his teeth.

By the bale.

By the end of the half, it was evident...

By the way, have an egg.

By the way, is this your coin?

Call in Colonel Crittendon at once.

Can you suggest an explanation?

Can't find Little Red Riding Hood,

Can't you make a phone tap off Klink's office

Care to see our factory?

Careful. That's it.

Carrying the dogs that are out looking for Olsen.

Carter, got into a German uniform.

Carter, got into a German uniform.

Carter, tell Schultz one of our men is missing.

Carter, what made you think of taking out the motor?

CARTER: Hey, Colonel.

Carter...

Caught every time.

Caught every time.

CBS presents this program in color.

CBS presents this program in color.

Certainly not.

Certainly, Herr Kommandant.

Chateau Lafitte must have rest in the beginning.

Cigarette lighter.

Cigars?

Clutching a prisoner of war by the throat.

Coal miners! The very best.

Code name Tiger. Part of Operation Tiger.

Colonel Burkhalter?

Colonel Crittendon

Colonel Crittendon is in the cooler for attempted escape.

Colonel Crittendon of the Royal Air Force?

Colonel Crittendon, you are a soldier.

Colonel Crittendon's the senior officer in charge.

Colonel Hogan would bite more than your tongue.

Colonel Hogan,

Colonel Hogan,

Colonel Hogan, does the name General Von Platzen

Colonel Hogan, how do I look?

Colonel Hogan, I am very busy today

Colonel Hogan, I have sent for you

Colonel Hogan, I'm a very busy man.

Colonel Hogan, if you do not feel worse

Colonel Hogan, is treason?

Colonel Hogan, just tell me one thing.

Colonel Hogan, last night, just at roll call,

Colonel Hogan, may I present

Colonel Hogan, please!

Colonel Hogan, please.

Colonel Hogan, please.

Colonel Hogan, this is against regulations,

Colonel Hogan, U.S. Army Air Corps.

Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan! Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan! Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan?

Colonel Hogan. Huh?

Colonel Hogan...

Colonel Hogan...

Colonel Klink is going to be Kommandant of the Year.

Colonel Klink, ja.

Colonel Klink, just what is it you're implying?

Colonel Klink, now, just where do you think

Colonel Klink, when I get back to Berlin, I shall recommend

Colonel Klink, you've never had an escape

Colonel Klink, you've read Napoleon, of course.

Colonel Klink.

Colonel Klink. Yes, Herr Inspector General?

Colonel Klink...

Colonel Robert Hogan, senior officer

Colonel Schneider is on his way to Berlin.

Colonel Schneider will arrive tomorrow.

Colonel Schneider?

Colonel,

Colonel, before you begin,

Colonel, he's on his way.

Colonel, it is a catastrophe!

Colonel, spies are notoriously unreliable.

Colonel, the spies have loused up our whole operation.

Colonel, the sub just sent this.

Colonel, they just brought

Colonel, this is wonderful.

Colonel, why don't we get rid of this guy?

Colonel, women work as crew

Colonel, you can't just take this lying down.

Colonel..

Colonel...

Colonel...

Come in, Big Bad Wolf.

Come in, Goldilocks. This is Mama Bear.

Come in, Red.

Come in.

Come in.

Come in.

Come on, get away!

Come on, I mean, we couldn't play

Come on, you, too.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Give me a bucket.

Come on. Not now.

Come on. Start barking.

Come, Brogan.

Comes in and out every day

Coming out of both ears about last night.

Commandant.

Commander, Third Panzer Division.

Commandos four parachutes.

Commits his life and his career to the fates of battle

Completely equipped with the new and secret Tiger tanks,

Comprenez?

Confidentially, we're having a little trouble.

Congratulations, Klink.

Congratulations, sir.

Containing highly volatile explosives.

Continue to pour from our factories.

Corporal Franston, one of my best.

Corporal LeBeau is our chef, and this is...

Could spend another day,

Couldn't you have looked through a window?

Couple of days? Huh, I'll do it now.

CRITTENDON: Newkirk!

Cupids never hurt anybody.

Curious, as a woman

Curlicues and stuff.

Danke Schoen, Klink.

Danke, Colonel.

Danke.

Danke.

Danke. And, during your search, Colonel Hogan,

Defected is what she did.

Definite medical phenomena...

Definitely bad form for prisoners of war,

Definitely, old boy.

Delusions? I've heard of that in cave ins.

Designating your command, Stalag 13,

Destroyed.

Did I ask for you, Langenscheidt?

Did I pass?

Did I tell you I'm the sole provider?

Did they tell him the truth?

Did you happen to see what gate it went out of?

Did you have to tell me?

Did you meet him? the first tout asked.

Did you say just outside the building?

Didn't it come back yet?

Didn't it come back?

Didn't this man get the message?

Difficult?

Digging?

Dinner, Colonel.

Directly below us, Herr Colonel,

Disappeared, ha.

Dismissed.

Dismissed.

Dismissed.

Dismissed.

Dispatches from Berlin. What is it?

Disturb that wine we just put in there?

Diversion. Diversion.

Do I need the Gestapo asking me questions?

Do the best you can.

Do you happen to know of any such operation?

Do you have an explanation for these, mm...

Do you know what you think you are trying to do?

Do you realize that what you are suggesting,

Do you realize, since this camp was opened,

Do you really feel it's necessary?

Do you think a board of inquiry is going to believe...?

Does your hand need a monocle?

Dogs are on the way.

Dogs?

Don't be funny.

Don't forget the manicure.

Don't hit the water tower.

Don't move, you're covered.

Don't overdo it.

Don't oversell, right?

Don't talk to me, Schultz.

Don't tell me, but wherever it was, put her back.

Don't they know procedure?

Don't worry,

Don't worry, Colonel.

Don't worry, Schultz.

Don't worry.

Don't worry... Take your hands off me!

Don't you guys know a coffeepot

Don't you guys know a coffeepot

Don't you know no one is allowed outside

Don't you know we could all be shot

Don't you, General Klink?

Dr. Schneider, I presume.

Drei!

Drinks and introduced him to pretty girls.

Drive on.

Drive on.

During the diversion. Which is set off when, Carter?

Dynamite's buried there, Colonel.

Each year in auto accidents?

Ecoutez moi.

Ein!

Eins, zwei, drei, vier,

Eins, Zwei, Drei, Vier, Funf,

Eins, zwei...

Either you got it or you haven't.

Elf is next. Eleven, Schultz.

Enough of your American jokes.

Escaped?

Escapes...

Even free, it would take months,

Even if I have to take apart the barracks,

Even to have me replaced.

Ever since you've been at Stalag 13,

Every hair in place.

Every third one is live.

Every...

Everybody knows Campbell.

Everybody raus.

Everybody raus. Everybody raus.

Everybody zuruck! Zuruck! In barracks.

Everybody, raus!

Everything at Camp 13 is in perfect order, perfect.

Everything else...

Everything is in the best of order.

Everything under control always.

Exactly.

Except his temper.

Except it wasn't really an escape,

Except there aren't any dogs.

Excitement, noise.

Exciting, isn't it, Schultz?

Excuse me, Herr General, would you wish me

Excuse me, is that your watch?

Explosions for arriving guests, a funny kommandant.

Explosions...

Fagin.

Fantastic operation.

Fewer distractions.

Figure about ten feet more, huh?

Figured.

Find it at once.

Find out what it is,

Find them! Commandos!

Fire, you dummkopf, fire! Fire! Halt!

Flabby.

For at least six months.

For medicine,

For prisoners of war escaping

For prisoners?

For that, Kommandant.

For the all victorious Third Reich.

For the boom boom and all of that?

For the camp football championship.

For the final time, Herr General.

For the final time?

For the Russian front.

For the shameful happenings here.

For two days until the new launching pad is ready.

For you to report this to Berlin.

For your cooperation,

For your information,

For your inspection, Colonel.

For your plans.

Forget about the paperweights.

Fortunately, it was Schultz.

Four men, huh?

Frau Helga, take this down for an official report to Berlin.

Friends and enemies.

Fritz?

From an amplifier?

From now on, for every attempted escape,

From our side, of course, very commendable.

From the accent, I'd say England.

From the Panzer division.

From the Third Reich.

From time to time

From your side, you would be a fink.

Fullback? Now I know

Fully armed with a highly volatile explosive.

Funf, sechs, sieben, acht,

Funf!

Funf!

Funf...

Funny, I've never noticed.

Further... This man is an inhuman beast.

General Hofstader,

General Hofstader,

General Hofstader, how nice to hear from you.

General Hofstader? Hofstader?

General Von Platzen and his party are here.

General Von Platzen, Colonel Klink reporting, sir.

General, I can assure you, I will find that radio,

General?

Gentlemen, perhaps a little refreshment

German uniforms.

Gestapo men all over Germany

Get 'em to work on it. Okay.

Get away!

Get away. Get away.

Get back! Back, back, back!

Get four men in here, Colonel?

Get inside... Get inside that tank!

Get me out of here!

Get me Sidney Carton.

Get off my side.

Get on your feet, you cowards!

Get that ladder out of here, huh?

Getting in is much easier.

Give 'em a little bit more,

Give me that.

Go boom before move. Over.

Go into Special Services.

Goes on, Klink's office is calling outside.

Going down digging tunnels, can we?

Goldilocks requesting permission to make tuffet

Goldilocks to Big Bad Wolf, what's the problem, Wolf?

Good idea, sir.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Good man. I hope he makes it.

Good?

Good.

Goons?

Got enough guards around, it must be important.

Got some fatigues to go over that for roll call?

Grandstand gesture in stopping the escape,

Granted.

Guard coming, Colonel.

Guard coming.

Guards, dogs, civilians, the whole thing, huh?

Guys risk their lives escaping from other camps.

Had a thumb that weighed a pound and half.

Had to give it up, I'm afraid.

Had you never thought about it?

Half of the airfield of Hamburg is missing.

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

Halt! Halt!

Halt! Halt! Halt!

Hands off Miss Muffet's tuffet, Goldilocks.

Happy digging. See you at parade.

Has a good, nasty ring to it, sir.

Has made things difficult for you.

HAUSER: Thank you, Colonel.

HAUSER: The bomb is to remain here

HAUSER: The equipment

Have the car drive me to the railroad station.

Have to watch those little hooks, Colonel.

Have you no imagination, man?

Have you told him about the Baroness?

Having so much fun, we're beginning to ad lib.

Having trouble with our genial host?

He came to see me play my first soccer game.

He could not pass his examination for the law,

He could pick your pockets wearing boxing gloves.

He deserves a prize.

He doesn't know enough.

He has a pass, but they have no record of him entering.

He is boiling

He is here, Herr Kommandant.

He knows too much.

He received a letter from home today, sir.

He said that the commander who almost daily

He shouldn't know.

He thinks of as his star, his destiny.

He told us that German soil would be sacred.

He was a butcher.

He was a handsome boy, well liked

He was not a very good student.

He was sleeping, Colonel.

He went over the wire.

He will report to General Burkhalter,

He will think of a miracle,

He'll be here in a few minutes.

He'll tell the Krauts about everything.

He's going to fly you out of here.

He's got nothing on him.

He's mad, you know.

He's right, Lieutenant Newkirk.

He's senior prisoner of war officer now

He's still in command.

He's supposed to change the dogs

He's the vet from town.

He's trying to show that major from Berlin

Heil Hitler.

Heil. I I...

Helga,

Helga?

Hello, Colonel.

Hello, I am the Big, Bad Wolf.

Hello, Mama Bear This is Goldilocks.

Hello, Mama Bear.

Hello, Mama Bear.

Hello, Mama Bear. Hello, Mama Bear. This is Goldilocks.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Here are my orders.

Here it is, page five, Chapter four, Section one.

Here you go. That's it. That's it.