King of the Hill - Season 3 Edit

A BOY YOUR AGE OUGHT TO WORRY

A BROTHER?

A bunch of us are going to hang out at the mall.

A CHILD AND A VEGAS TRIP.

A CHILD DOESN'T JUST COME OUT OF NOWHERE.

A DETROIT LION, TWO OF 'EM.

A GIRL, ASKING FOR SOMEONE NAMED BOBBY.

A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT, FOLKS.

A LITTLE OF MY OWN ADVICE THIS MORNING.

A PRETTY, PRETTY OUTFIT FOR A FUNERAL.

A PRETTY, PRETTY OUTFIT FOR A FUNERAL.

A REAL HEADACHE

A SERIES?

A TWO DAY INFATUATION TO A 20 YEAR MARRIAGE.

A WEEK'S SALARY SAYS THAT BOX IS EMPTY.

A, A, B, A, C.

AAAH!

AAH!

ABOUT A PROCEDURE CALLED IN VITRO FERTILIZATION.

ABOUT BUCKLEY?

ABOUT DYING, AND... I GUESS

ABOUT GETTING DATES AND MAKING A TEAM AND...

ABOUT GRISLY ACCIDENTS FROM THE LOCAL NEWSPAPERS.

ABOUT THAT DANG OL' MEANING OF LIFE, MAN.

ABOUT THAT STUFF.

ABOUT YAY HIGH, POSSIBLY SHOUTING OBSCENITIES?

ACTUALLY, WE ARE HERE TODAY TO BUY A CRIB.

AFTER AN APPROPRIATE PERIOD OF GRIEVING, SIR.

AFTER NEIGHBORHOOD CAT COME INSIDE AND PEE ALL OVER IT.

AH, ANYWAY, STORY BEGIN WITH MAN BEING CHASED BY FEROCIOUS TIGER.

AH, FORGET IT.

AH, GOOD. TAKE YOUR SEAT.

AH, I COULDN'T TELL HIM.

AH, I WAS GOING BACK ANYWAY.

AH, LOOK AT HIM, PEGGY.

AH, NO!

AH, SHUT UP, BILL.

AH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, PEGGY.

AH, THE COUCH IS GONE! NO!

AH, THERE IT IS.

AH, THERE.

AH, WELL, THAT'S SWEET.

AH!

AH!

AH. I GET IT.

AH. UH... IS THERE...

AH...

AIN'T GOT NO DANG FRIENDS

AIN'T NO LUCKY PIERRE, MAN.

AIN'T NOTHING KEEPS YOU SHARP FOR DEER SEASON

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BABYCAKES?

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, NANCY?

AKA JIM HELSTROM.

ALL ABOUT THAT OLD EVIL, MAN.

ALL I MADE WAS YOU

ALL OF A SUDDEN, I FEEL DIRTY.

ALL RIGHT, BOBBY, I'LL BITE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT IF YOU LEAVE IT OUT

ALL RIGHT, COME ON, JOHN! COME ON! HE'S GOING ALL THE WAY!

ALL RIGHT, I CAN DO THIS.

ALL RIGHT, IF I DRIVE ALL NIGHT

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO HOME.

ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU AROUND.

ALL RIGHT, SHE'S LOCKED ON BOBBY'S SCENT.

ALL RIGHT, SON.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

ALL RIGHT! WAY TO GO, MAN! WHOO HOO!

ALL RIGHT! WAY TO GO!

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU.

ALL RIGHT. NOW, IF WE'RE GOING TO FIND HIM

ALL RIGHT... WELL, LET'S SEE.

ALL THE TOP FERTILITY EXPERTS SWEAR BY IT.

ALL THEY FOUND LEFT OF HIM WAS HIS NAME TAG.

ALL WEEK, I HAVE WATCHED YOU JUMP THROUGH HOOPS

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS

ALL YOUR TEETH.

ALMOST AS LOW AS YOURS.

AM I ADOPTED?

AMERICAN.

AND A SAD OCCASION.

AND ANYWAY, PEGGY AND I

AND ATTEMPTED MURDER OF A POLICE OFFICER.

AND BEFORE IT ALL WENT HORRIBLY WRONG

AND DATING'S ALL ABOUT WHO WINS AND WHO LOSES.

And Didi.

AND EAT IT.

AND EMPLOYEES ARE SUPPOSED TO WEAR PANTS

AND EVERYONE ELSE ALREADY KNOWS, AND ISN'T INTERESTED.

AND FIND OUT WHERE HE CALLED FROM.

AND GOT A HAT.

AND GUT HIM UP GOOD.

AND HANK THINKS HE'S HELPING

AND HAULS THIS AWAY.

AND HE WAS BEING CHASED

And I ain't coming back.

AND I AM BEGINNING TO SUSPECT

AND I CAN FEEL WE'RE GETTING CLOSER, HONEY.

AND I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR THAT EITHER.

AND I KNOW IT?

AND I KNOW YOU LOOK DOPEY IN SHORT PANTS

AND I NEVER LOOKED BACK.

AND I SEE TEN DOGS OUT THERE.

AND I THINK SHE'S IN A FAMILY WAY.

AND I THOUGHT YESTERDAY'S GARBAGE SMELLED GOOD.

AND I WANT IT RARE.

AND I WAS HOPING ONE OF YOUR STUDS...

AND I'LL HAVE THE B.L.T., PLEASE.

AND I'LL HELP MYSELF TO THE SALAD BAR. THANK YOU.

AND I'LL LOOK LIKE A FAILURE.

AND I'M ALWAYS MAKING OBSERVATIONS, ALL DAY LONG.

AND IF YOU GET SICK BEFORE THE FINISH

AND IF YOUR KISS IS ANYTHING LIKE A FRUIT PIE

AND IT'D BE AWFULLY GREEDY OF US

AND IT'S TWO MILES AWAY.

AND MAYBE I SHOULD NOT KNOW THAT ALL MEGA LO MART EMPLOYEES

AND MAYBE SOME OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS BUT MOSTLY JUST ME!

AND ME AND PEGGY COULD SIT UP IN BED AT NIGHT

AND MY DYING SHOULD BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST

AND MY MEN STILL GOT THROUGH.

AND MY PARENTS GOT ME LADY BIRD.

AND NOW HE WANTS IT BACK.

AND NOW I'M AFRAID OF PROPANE.

AND NOW MEGA LO MART HAS PR0PANE

AND NOW THIS?

AND NOW YOU'LL REALIZE JUST HOW SILLY...

AND PENGUINS DIE A COLD, HORRIBLE DEATH.

AND PLEASE, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY.

AND ROGER ROLLED OUT OF THE POCKET, RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE.

AND RUN AWAY WITH ME.

AND SAID HE SAW YOU OVER HERE.

AND SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT BUCKLEY?

AND SEE ONE HUNGRY TIGER.

AND SHE SAYS...

AND SHE TOOK ME AROUND THE BLOCK A FEW TIMES, AND...

AND SING KARAOKE TO STAY AWAKE.

AND SPIT IN YOUR COFFEE EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK.

AND SUCH A PRETTY YOUNG THING AS WELL.

AND TELL DALE HIS WIFE'S CHEATING ON HIM.

AND THAT'S THE LAST ONE

AND THAT'S WHY HE BLEW UP.

AND THE BOY'S TASTE IN MUSIC'S GETTING BETTER, TOO.

AND THE MAN WAS

AND THE WORLD LOOKS FLESH COLORED AND UNAPPEALING.

AND THEN THEY WERE GONE.

AND THEY BRING THEIR MONEY WITH THEM.

AND THEY DID THE NEXT BEST THING.

AND THEY GET THERE LATE

AND THEY HAVE A FAIRYBOOK MARRIAGE.

AND THEY'RE FROM A SPECIAL STORE

AND THROW IT OUT.

AND TODAY YOU WERE TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS

AND TWO WILL BE TWICE AS GREAT

AND WANTS US TO RUN OFF TOGETHER.

AND WATCH SOME TELEVISION?

AND WE COULD TRAVEL

AND WE HAVEN'T PLAYED CHECKERS IN YEARS.

AND WE'LL HAVE A PUPPY AGAIN

AND YOU CAN PRINT THAT."

AND YOU NEED TO KNOW.

AND YOU NEVER JUMPED THROUGH ANY HOOPS FOR ME.

AND YOU!

AND, AND JOHN REDCORN

AND, WELL...

AND, YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T HAPPEN?

AND...

AND... THE NEW HUSBAND.

ANGIE DICKINSON HAS LOST HER LOOKS."

ANOTHER MILE OR TWO.

ANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS TO PLAY WITH.

ANY MAN WHO SKIPS OUT ON HIS BAIL

ANY WAY THAT YOU WANT.

ANYBODY AT ALL?

ANYONE ELSE WHO'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS

ANYTHING THEY NEED TO SEE

ANYWAY, NANCY SHOULD COUNT HERSELF LUCKY

ARE FULL, SEE?

ARE YOU BUSY?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ARE YOU LOCO?

ARE YOU READY TO SOFT ROCK?

ARE YOU SUGGESTING I BREAK THE LAW?

ARLEN FLORIST.

AS A BUDDHIST, OF COURSE, I GET COMFORT FROM A STORY.

AS I RECALL

AS SOON AS YOU STEP FOOT OUT THERE

AS THE CHILD OF THE HOUSE.

AS YOUR FATHER'S AND MINE, NOW, WAS IT?

ASK YOUR QUESTION.

ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON

AT BAT.

AT BUCKLEY'S WAKE, MANNING THE GRILL.

AT FIRST, I DIDN'T MUCH LIKE BUCKLEY, I ADMIT

AT THE DOCTOR'S ANYMORE, SUG.

ATTABOY, BOBBY.

ATTEMPTING TO FLEE THE SCENE OF THE, QUOTE, "ACCIDENT"?

AW

AW, DANG IT.

AW, DANG.

AW, SON, YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORRYING

BABY BROTHER...

BACK ATCHA.

BACON DOESN'T HAVE A HEAD ON IT.

BALL PARK NACHOS.

BE A VIOLINIST.

BE CAREFUL, HANK

BE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, FLAPPING HIS WINGS

BEAUTY DOESN'T LAST FOREVER.

BEAUTY DOESN'T LAST FOREVER.

BECAUSE I "BETTER HALF" DINNER ON THE TABLE WHEN HE GETS HOME.

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO TIE UP THE LINE.

BECAUSE I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

BECAUSE IF IT IS

BECAUSE IF YOU LAY ONE UNPROFESSIONAL HAND ON PEGGY

BECAUSE IT'S STILL FRESH FOR YOU.

BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WOULD HIRE HIM.

BECAUSE THAT'S BAD.

BECAUSE THEY'RE EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONAL BOUNTY HUNTERS.

BECAUSE WE CAN'T SPELL RAMONE.

BECAUSE WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

BECAUSE YOU AREN'T AS IN LOVE AS ME AND MARIE.

BEER.

BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG.

BEING WITH THE GRIBBLES

BELIEVE ME, BOBBY

BETWEEN THIS SUN AND THE INCREDIBLE AIRTIGHT CONSTRUCTION

BEYOND THE TRI YARD AREA.

BIG DEAL.

BIG NUMBER.

BILL

BILL, DON'T MOVE A MUSCLE.

BILL, YOU'RE IN FAVOR OF A FLAT TAX.

Bill: ARE WE THERE YET?

Bill: WHY, I DON'T KNOW, DALE.

BINGO!

BOBBY HAS A GIRLFRIEND?

BOBBY HAS A GIRLFRIEND?

BOBBY HILL?

BOBBY, ARE YOU IN THE BATH YET?

BOBBY, ARE YOU OKAY?

BOBBY, BOBBY, YOU ARE ONLY 12.

BOBBY, CHECK THE PARKING LOT FOR YOUR GRANDPA'S CADILLAC.

BOBBY, DID YOU KNOW THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON

BOBBY, DO THAT WALK AGAIN

BOBBY, I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU CAN COMPARE

BOBBY, I'M GOING TO BE NEED YOU

Bobby, it's Marie.

BOBBY, MOVE.

BOBBY, THAT IS NOT A MINT.

BOBBY, THEY'RE FRIENDS

BOBBY, VEGETARIANS CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

BOBBY, WAIT. THIS IS GETTING WAY TOO INTENSE.

BOBBY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BOBBY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO HIT THE BATTING CAGES?

BOBBY, YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY.

Bobby: DAD

Bobby: SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET, MARIE?

Bobby: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, GUYS?

BOBBY!

BOBBY?

BOBBY. LUANNE, HONEY, IT'LL BE FINE.

BOBBY'S MARIE IS 14 YEARS OLD.

BODY WORK...

BOOMHAUER'S ON SECOND, AND NANCY'S HEALER'S

BOUNTY HUNTERS.

BOY, HE'S GOT THAT RIGHT.

BOY, THAT SURE IS A CUTE STORY.

BOY, THAT'S SOME MIGHTY FINE HOUNDS

BREATHE.

BUCKLEY AND LUANNE ARE IN THERE!

BUCKLEY WAS PRACTICALLY A SON TO ME.

Buckley: HEY... SO FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY

BUCKLEY.

BUDDY, NO.

BUILDINGS EXPLODE

BUSY. TAKE A MESSAGE

BUT

BUT DO NOT STARE.

BUT DON'T TELL THEM THAT.

BUT DOYLE HARCAVY IS A MUSING MACHINE.

BUT HE'S GOT A GOOD HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS.

BUT HE'S ONLY 12.

BUT HERE I AM, A CHILD.

BUT I AM NOT BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT MORE

BUT I CAN ALWAYS TAPE IT.

BUT I DO HAVE TO MEASURE YOUR SPERM COUNT.

BUT I GUESS THINGS WORKED OUT OKAY.

BUT I HAD TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

BUT I LIKE IT.

BUT I NEED THOSE MILES

BUT I WAS USING IT.

BUT I WON'T TELL IF YOU DON'T.

BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, SON.

BUT I'M KIND OF TAPPED OUT

BUT I'M NAIVE AND TRUSTING PERSON.

BUT IF I DON'T LIKE IT, I'M STANDING RIGHT BACK UP.

BUT IF WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WEAR SHORTS TODAY

BUT IF YOU WERE ASKING

BUT IN A LIGHTS ON SORT OF WAY.

BUT IT GOES AWAY AFTER A FEW YEARS.

BUT MINE ARE HOLY TERRORS."

BUT MINH CUT HER LEG ON A TACK, SO WE DUMP IT HERE.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT THE RESULT

BUT ONLY ONE OF THEM KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE.

BUT PEGGY'S JUST BEING NICE TO YOU.

BUT REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST GOT LADY BIRD?

BUT SHE'LL MUSE CIRCLES AROUND HIM

BUT THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HAVE A BABY.

BUT THAT'S JUST HOW I WAS RAISED

BUT THE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT SAID

BUT THE COUCH IS A HAPPY PLACE.

BUT THE THING

BUT THEN I MET SOME MEN, WE WENT TO A BAR

BUT THEN WHEN I SAW HOW MUCH HE PISS OFF MY NEIGHBOR

BUT THESE TWO LIONS WERE CLOSING IN ON HIM.

BUT THEY SHOULDN'T EAT THEM...

BUT THIS REALLY NICE POLICEMAN

BUT THOSE ARE DOG HORMONE BISCUITS

BUT WAIT... WAIT A MINUTE.

BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

BUT WE'VE BOTH WORKED TOO HARD TO GIVE UP NOW.

BUT YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG.

BUT YOU SEE HOW WORKED UP YOU GOT?

BUT YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND FOR WANTING TO TELL ME.

BUT YOU'RE GONNA COME IN AND FIND OUT

BUT, NO, SHE CAN'T.

BUT...

BUT... BUT... BUT THAT, UH... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

BUT... WE KISSED.

BY A FEROCIOUS TIGER.

BY CLIPPING ARTICLES OUT

BY MAKING ME MORE AND MORE STRESSED OUT.

BY MISTAKE, OF COURSE, AND SHE RAN AWAY.

BY MY MOTHER AND FATHER, NOT A TEST TUBE.

CAN BE HUNTED LIKE AN ANIMAL, ALTHOUGH NOT EATEN.

CAN BE HUNTED LIKE AN ANIMAL, ALTHOUGH NOT EATEN.

CAN I HAVE SOME RICE AND PLAIN TOAST, PLEASE?

CAN PLAY TOGETHER.

CAN WE PLEASE

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?

CAN'T WATCH ENCINO MAN

CARE TO TAKE ON OUR 72 OUNCE TOP SIRLOIN STEAK?

CAREFUL, EVERYONE.

CHAMPIONS, ALL OF THEM.

CHILDLESS AND LONELY

CHROMIUM PICKLE O NATE EVERY ORIFICE, EVERY DAY.

CLASSIC COVER UP.

CNN LOGO IN THE COR... OH...

COINCIDENTALLY, IF HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN HERE TONIGHT.

COLONEL, LET ME BE THE FIRST

COME ON

COME ON

COME ON GIRL, COME ON.

COME ON, GIRL, LET'S GO.

COME ON, HANK.

COME ON, HONEY. HOLD MY HAND.

COME ON, MOM, DAD, WE'RE LEAVING.

COME ON.

COME ON. SMELL THE PIE, GIRL

CONGRATULATIONS, CLASS OF THURSDAY, A.M.

CONGRATULATIONS!

CONNIE SAYS HE RAN AWAY, AND HE'S ALREADY

CONSUMES 500 CHICKENS?

CORE, CORES, SORE, SORES, OH!

COTTON IS SMALL AND SNEAKY.

Cotton: Yeah, it's me.

COTTON.

COTTON'S MISSING.

COULD EXPLAIN TO YOUR HUSBAND.

COULD YOU MAKE THAT AN L.T., PLEASE?

COULDN'T HEAR YOU, HANK.

COULDN'T WE JUST TRY IT?

COWBOY HALL OF FAMER ROGER STAUBACH.

DAD, DAD...

DAD, HOW'D YOU FIND ME?

DAD, I JUST MADE HIM UP.

DAD, I WANT TO GO HOME.

DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DAD, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

DALE GRIBBLE IS YOUR FRIEND.

DALE WILL NEVER FIND US HERE, AND WE NEED TO TALK ALONE.

DALE, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.

DALE, NANCY IS NOT THE WIFE YOU THINK SHE IS

DALE, THE BOY IS NO MORE.

DALE, UH...

Dale: * I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE... *

Dale: I'LL TELL YOU HOW

Dale: WELL!

DALE...

DAMN IT, BILL.

DAMN IT, DALE!

DAMN.

DANG IF HE DIDN'T KEEP GOING

DANG IT, PEGGY.

DEEP DOWN IN THE FOREST, MAN.

DID ANYONE ELSE SNIFF TODAY'S GARBAGE?

DID WE COVER CHOKE HOLDS AND PEPPER SPRAY?

DID YOU FIND HIM?

DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE BUCKLEY

DID YOU SEE THE SUNRISE THIS MORNING?

DIDI WOMAN, HURRY UP WITH MY BAGS.

DIET, HORMONES...

DINNER'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE LATE.

DO NOT BOTHER BUYING A ROUND TRIP TICKET.

DO ONE ABOUT COOKIES.

DO YOU ALLOW CHILDREN IN THE CASINO?

DO YOU AND YOUR BROTHER HAVE TIME TO GRAB A BEER?

DO YOU NEED A LICENSE?

DO YOU THINK HE NEEDS SHOCK TREATMENT?

DO YOU?

DOES DALE KNOW?

DOES IT BOTHER ANYONE THAT WE'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS

DOES NOT MEAN YOU DID NOT GIVE 110 MILLION PERCENT.

DOESN'T IT SCARE YOU?

DOESN'T TASTE LIKE BUCKLEY.

DOGS DON'T TELL LIES.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, HANK.

DON'T MAKE HER DANCE.

DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT.

DON'T SHAKE HIS HAND; LET GO OF THAT.

DON'T STAND TOO CLOSE TO THE MACHINES, HANK

DON'T WANT TO RUSH 'EM.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT PEGGY.

DON'T WORRY, OLD JOHN R. WILL FIX HER UP

DON'T YOU UNSTRAP ME.

DONNA SAID THAT?

DOWN AT THE STATION TO PREDICT THE WEATHER.

DOWN.

DOYLE HARCAVY, DOYLE HARCAVY.

DR. RAJAV BHUDAMANJUR, MAN

DROPPED IT OFF.

EASY... EASY...

EASY... EASY...

EIGHT MILLION ON YOUR SPERM TEST

EIGHT MILLION.

EIGHT THE HARD WAY.

EIGHT TOPLESS BARS AND NO COTTON.

ENOUGH FOR US TO HAVE A BABY.

EVEN HIS OWN DADDY DON'T KNOW.

EVENTUALLY, THEY JUST GAVE UP

EVER SINCE THE EXPLOSION

EVERY GIRL WANTS TO LOOK PRETTY, RIGHT HO.

EVERY SONG I PLAY SOUNDS LIKE "FEELS SO GOOD."

EVERY TWO HOURS AND YELLING AT ME.

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

EXCEPT THE DEAF ONE.

EXCUSE ME.

FELLER THAT TOOTHBRUSH UP THAT MAN'S BOTTOM, MAN.

FIGHT THE OC CU PA TION!

FIGHT THE OCCUPATION!

FIND THE BODY YET, QUINCY?

FINE HOUNDS. MM HMM.

FINE.

FINE. GO.

FINISH IT IN AN HOUR, AND IT'S FREE.

FIVE MINUTES, THAT'S ALL.

FLEA DIP, TARTAR SC****, WORM SHOT?

FOR A BLOOD RELATIVE OR A CLOSE FRIEND.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AND WORSE INCLUDES DALE

FOR BRADLEY AIR AND HEAT.

FOR HER TO MATE.

FOR QUALITY PURPOSES

FOR STARTERS, WE CAN TRANSITION YOU TO BOXER SHORTS.

FOR THAT NEW CAR SMELL.

FOURTEEN.

FREEZE!

FREEZE! BOUNTY HUNTER!

FREEZE! BOUNTY HUNTER!

FRIENDS?

FROM ARLEN TO WHO KNOWS WHERE.

FUGITIVE'S NAME IS JAMES "JIMMY" HELSTROM

G'IH! G'IH!

G'IH! G'IH!

GATHER AROUND, EXPECTANT FATHERS

GAVE ME HIS HOME PHONE NUMBER

GET A ROOM, YOU TWO.

GET GOING... RAMONE

GET OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR.

GET READY TO PUMP PROPANE TOMORROW.

GETTING TIRED?

GINGKO BILOBA.

Girl: Hi. Can I speak to Bobby, please?

Girl: Hi. Does Bobby Hill live there?

GIVE ME HIS ADDRESS!

GIVE ME THAT!

GIVE ME YOUR FIVE BEST.

GO AHEAD, COME UP WITH ONE.

GO TO HELL.

GOD, THIS IS A GOOD JOKE!

GOING OUT WITH PEOPLE OLDER THAN YOU.

GOOD BYE, BOBBY.

GOOD EYE.

GOOD GIRL.

GOOD GOD!

GOOD GOD!

GOOD LUCK, AND TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT I TAUGHT YOU:

GOOD LUCK. LET'S GIVE HIM

GOOD NIGHT... MARIE.

GOOD THINKING, SON.

GOOD WORK, BILL.

GOOD, GOOD WOMEN.

GOOD. 'CAUSE THAT'S THE PUNCH LINE.

GOT A BISCUIT IN HER OVEN.

GOT NO NOTHING

GOT TO FIND ME MR. TERRY JERRY

GOTTEN A FEW Bs TO RAISE MY AVERAGE.

GRANDPA TOLD ME AT THE BAR.

GREAT NEWS, LADY BIRD.

GREAT. PEPPERONI IT IS.

GRIBBLE RESIDENCE.

GRIBBLE, YOU CRAZY.

GUILTY CONSCIENCE, HUH?

HA HA, JOE JACK.

HA! MINE'S SO DAMN WIDE

HALFWAY DOWN, HE GRAB ONTO A BRANCH.

HANG IN THERE, LADY BIRD.

HANK HILL, IF YOU ARE THINKING OF FLYING YOUR DOG

HANK, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?

HANK, HANK, HANK.

HANK, HAS YOU BEEN HAVING TROUBLE BABY MAKING?

HANK, I HAVE BEEN SITTING

HANK, I KNOW YOU ARE FRUSTRATED

Hank, I need you to raise Didi's baby...

HANK, I'M IN LOVE!

HANK, IT'S IMPORTANT.

HANK, IT'S MR. STRICKLAND.

HANK, LADY BIRD.

HANK, MY STEPSON...

HANK, OLD GIRL, STRICKLAND'S BACK IN BUSINESS.

HANK, PLEASE CALM DOWN.

HANK, REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO HOLD HANDS

HANK, SLOW DOWN.

HANK, STOP IT.

HANK, TALK TO THE BOY.

HANK, THAT THERMOMETER'S FOR COMPANY.

HANK, THERE'S SOMETHING I JUST FIGURED OUT

HANK, WE'VE BOTH WORKED VERY HARD

HANK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

HANK, WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME

HANK, YOU ARE MY FRIEND.

Hank: AND THAT THESE ADVANCES WOULD MEAN

Hank: EXACTLY.

Hank: OH... UH, BUSY.

Hank: OH... UH, BUSY. OCCUPIED!

Hank: THANKS FOR THE TUNE UP, EARL.

Hank: WHAT DO I WANT? A LEFT? A RIGHT?

Hank: YOU'LL SEE.

HANK!

HANK! HANK!

HANK! RED ALERT!

HANK.

HAVE A $5,000 INSURANCE POLICY.

HAVE A LITTLE PRIDE, BILL.

HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN AN OLDER MAN

HAVE DECIDED TO STOP TRYING FOR ANOTHER BABY

HAVE YOU GOTTEN FATTER, FATTY?

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHO'LL TAKE CARE OF BOBBY

HAVING A CHILD WILL BE SUCH A BLESSING.

HAVING SOME WAFFLES, ARE YOU?

HE COULD BE ANYWHERE

HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT.

HE DOESN'T HAVE THE BEST BODY ON THE ALLEY

HE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW

HE GETS THAT FROM HIS MOTHER.

HE GOING TO DIE

HE HAD ME LOAD HIS BAGS INTO THE CADILLAC CAR.

HE HAD TO TAKE THIS JOB

HE HEADED FOR THE SIDELINES

HE IS JUST TRYING TO HELP US.

HE IS LESS EXPENSIVE

HE IS THE ASSISTANT MANAGER

HE KNOW, FOR SURE...

HE LIT SOME SWEET GRASS, AND THEN I DRIFTED OFF.

HE LOOK UP...

HE NEVER GETS A DAY OLDER.

HE REFUSES TO TAKE HIS PANTS OFF.

HE SAW A STRAWBERRY... CUP OF GATORADE.

HE SEE A WILD STRAWBERRY, GROWING FROM SAME BRANCH.

HE SEE ANOTHER HUNGRY TIGER

HE SELLS LIFE INSURANCE ON TV.

HE STARTED BREAKING PLATES.

HE SURE CAN SWING. WHOO!

HE TALK 'BOUT THEM DANG OL' CHILLY WILLY, MAN.

HE TELLS A JOKE AT A FUNERAL.

HE WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK HER IN THE EYE.

HE WOULDN'T HAVE INVENTED STEAK SAUCE.

HE'LL EVER FIND HIM.

HE'LL WRITE PRODUCT DESCRIPTIONS

HE'S A STEAK EATING MACHINE.

HE'S BEEN ON THE RUN ABOUT TWO DAYS.

HE'S BEEN TELLING ME LOTS OF THINGS.

HE'S IN LAS VEGAS.

HE'S RIGHT, MRS. HILL.

HE'S RUN AWAY.

HE'S SEEN WHAT WE'VE DONE WITH IT

HE'S TOO YOUNG.

HECK, IT'S THE SAME TECHNOLOGY WE USE

HELL, IF IT'S A CONTEST ON WHO'S THE BETTER DADDY

HELL, YOU MUST BE READING DOYLE HARCAVY.

HELLO, DAD.

HELLO, DR. DOWNES.

HELLO, JOHN REDCORN.

HELLO?

HELLO?

HELLO?

HELLO. PEGGY HERE.

HELP, HONEY.

HER HEAD ACTUALLY HURT.

HERE YOU GO, MR. DAUTERIVE.

HERE, I'LL GIVE YOU A MASSAGE.

HERE.

HERE'S A FRUIT PIE; YOU GET LADYBIRD.

HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, SWEET MEAT.

HEY, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

HEY, BOBBY, COME STAND WITH ME.

HEY, COME ON, KID.

HEY, DAD!

HEY, DALE, WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEY, DALE.

Hey, Dale.

HEY, DID I EVER TELL YOU

HEY, GUYS

HEY, HANK, YOU GOT A LIGHT?

HEY, HANK!

HEY, HANK'S WIFE.

HEY, HEY.

HEY, IS BOBBY HOME?

HEY, IS THIS A MAKE OUT PARTY?

HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HEY, JOSEPH.

HEY, KID, WHERE'S YOUR HALL PASS?

HEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

HEY, THAT'S THE BEST SO FAR.

HEY, THERE'S A COUCH IN THE ALLEY.

HEY, YOU TWO, I'M TRYING TO EAT.

HEY, YOU WANT IT DONE QUICK OR YOU WANT IT DONE RIGHT?

HEY! GET OFF HER.

HEY! MAN, LOOK UP IN THE SKY, MAN!

HI, BOBBY.

HI, JOHN REDCORN.

HI, JOHN REDCORN.

HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.

HMM, ARE YOU SURE THEY CAN USE IT TO LOOK AT HANK?

HMM, YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH MY CREDENTIALS

HMM. WELL, I GOT TWO FIVES ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME.

HMM... MM MM, MM MM.

HMM... MMM...

HMM... NO.

HMM... STUPID.

HOLD UP, PEGGY!

HONEY, HE SAYS CUSTOMERS ARE LINED UP OUT THE DOOR.

HONEY, HOW ARE THE STEAKS COMING?

HOPEFULLY, IT'S A LONG WAY OFF.

HOW ABOUT RENTING A VIDEOTAPE?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE

HOW CAN SHE?!

HOW COME YOU NEVER HOLD YOUR WIFE'S HAND?

HOW COULD YOU BE A LOOK THE OTHER WAYER?

HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW?

HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME WHAT WAS GOING ON

HOW COULD YOU TELL NANCY WE WERE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT?

HOW DO I LOOK?

HOW DO I SAY THIS WITHOUT BREAKING YOUR HEARTS?

HOW MUCH BUDDHISTS SURE LIKE A STORY.

HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

HOW ONE LITTLE BOY CAN GET SO DIRTY IN A CEMETERY.

HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?

HOW WILL YOU EVER FIND HIM?

HOW YOU DOIN', ARLEN?

HOW'D YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?

HUH?

HUH?

HUH.

HUH.

HUH.

HUH. LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE FINALLY GOING TO CUT DOWN

HUH. NOW, IS THAT SOMETHING

HURRY, HANK!

HYPNOTICALLY GROTESQUE

I AIN'T GOING BACK.

I AIN'T GOT A NARROW UR EETEE.

I ALREADY HEARD THAT JOKE, KHAN.

I ALWAYS KIND OF BELIEVED THAT PLAYING WITH THAT PUPPY

I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WAS A QUITTER.

I AM NOT GOING TO DIE.

I AM SHOCKED.

I AM SICK OF YOU ACTING

I AM STILL A JOURNALIST, DARN IT.

I AM TRYING TO DO SOME CREATIVE WORK

I AM VERY... EXCITED.

I BARELY KNEW BUCKLEY.

I BET IF I WERE STUCK IN A TRUCK

I BET MARIE AND ME HAVE KISSED MORE IN TWO DAYS

I BET YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE HEADACHES ANYMORE.

I BROKE UP WITH BUCKLEY SECONDS BEFORE THE EXPLOSION

I CAN GET TO VEGAS BY THE MORNING.

I CAN PRESCRIBE A SPECIFIC SERIES OF SEXUAL TECHNIQUES.

I CAN THINK OF ONE PERSON WHO DOESN'T

I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN BEING A CONCERT VIOLINIST

I CAN'T FIND BOBBY.

I CAN'T FIND HANK, BILL OR BOOMHAUER.

I CAN'T HAVE HER SPAYED.

I CAN'T MOVE HER FOR TWO HOURS.

I CANNOT LIVE THE LIE ANYMORE.

I CANNOT WORK WITH YOU COMING IN HERE

I COULD PASS THE CHILD MYSELF, IF I HAD TO.

I COULDN'T HELP READING YOUR LIPS.

I CRY RIVER OF TEAR FOR BUCKLEY.

I DID NOT BLOW UP THE MEGA LO MART.

I DIDN'T BLOW IT UP!

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BRING YOU BACK.

I DIDN'T DO ALL THAT THERMOMETER STUFF WITH YOU

I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT, BUT I DID IT ANYWAY.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE STILL ALIVE.

I DIDN'T PLAN FOR THIS

I DIDN'T THINK I'D LIKE FRUIT PIES, BUT THEN I TRIED ONE

I DIDN'T, SO LET'S GO HIT SOME BALLS.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. DOYLE HARCAVY IS RETIRING FROM THE "MUSINGS" COLUMN.

I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I DON'T CARE MORE ABOUT...

I DON'T EAT MEAT.

I DON'T EVEN FIND HER ATTRACTIVE.

I DON'T EVEN GET SOME OF IT.

I DON'T EVEN WEAR THAT ANYMORE.

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

I DON'T HAVE TO BUY ANYTHING

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU

I DON'T KNOW IF I GAVE MEGA LO MART MY NOTICE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE MEN IN THAT BAR TOLD YOU

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW. I LIKE DANCING.

I DON'T KNOW. THE HANDLE COULD BREAK OFF.

I DON'T SEE WHY.

I DON'T WANT IT BACK.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A PROP COMIC.

I DON'T WANT TO LOOK PRETTY ANYMORE.

I DOUBT SOME LITTLE BABY

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

I FIGURE IF IT'S SAFE ENOUGH FOR HUMANS IN FRANCE

I FINALLY DECIDED TO BREED HER

I FINALLY LET MY LITTLE GIRL START DATING

I FORGET HIS NAME.

I FOUND SOME MORE.

I FREAKED OUT.

I GAVE THE JOB TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

I GET IT.

I GET OFF A SHOT, I WING HIM

I GET RID OF IT

I GET UP EVERY DAY AND STARE DEATH IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.

I GIVE YOU AN "A" FOR EFFORT.

I GOT AN EVEN BETTER JOKE FOR YOU.

I GOT DIDI PREGNANT AND YOU CAN'T WITH HANK'S WIFE

I GOT HEIN...

I GOT THIS STORY ABOUT A TIGER.

I GOT TWO!

I GOTCHA.

I GOTS HER KNOCKED UP.

I GOTS TO HAVE THAT TALK WITH YOU

I GREW TO LOVE THAT BOY.

I GUESS BOBBY WAS RIGHT.

I GUESS DINNER WILL BE A LITTLE LATE TONIGHT, HUH?

I GUESS I COULD USE SOME HELP DRIVING.

I GUESS SOME THINGS ARE BEST LEFT UNSAID.

I GUESS THAT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.

I GUESS THEY WANT TO GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME.

I GUESS Y'ALL EXPECT ME TO CRY FOR BUCKLEY

I GUESS YOUR LOVE WASN'T AS STRONG

I HAD MY HAND UP FIRST.

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT EXPLOSION

I HAD TO GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE.

I HAVE ALREADY SCHEDULED ANOTHER TREATMENT FOR NEXT WEEK.

I HAVE MY REASONS.

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I HAVE TO JUMP OFF TREADMILL?

I HAVE WEEKLY DEADLINES NOW.

I HAVE YOUR TEST RESULTS.

I HEARD ENOUGH FROM YOU!

I hope you all ain't out looking for me

I I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY'LL EVER REPLACE HIM.

I I JUST GOT MY FIRST MUSING.

I I WASN'T EXPECTING CARPET.

I I'D TAKE HIM TO BASEBALL GAMES

I JUST ATE A 72 OUNCE STEAK DINNER IN 37 MINUTES.

I JUST CAME TO LET YOU KNOW

I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE...

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY, UH...

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT..

I JUST HAD A HEADACHE SESSION WITH JOHN REDCORN.

I JUST PHONED TO TALK ABOUT THE COUCH.

I JUST THOUGHT IF WE HAD ANOTHER PUPPY IN THE HOUSE

I JUST WISH I COULD SCOOP UP YOUR PAIN

I KNEW IT! I'LL NEVER GET PREGNANT.

I KNEW THAT STUD WAS NO GOOD.

I KNEW THIS WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, MISTER.

I KNOW HIM.

I KNOW HOW IT GOT HERE.

I KNOW HOW.

I KNOW IT HURTS, LADY BIRD.

I KNOW JUST THE PLACE.

I KNOW THAT, BUT AS I RECALL

I KNOW THAT, HANK.

I KNOW THAT.

I KNOW YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED

I KNOW, AND, PEGGY...

I KNOW, DALE, I KNOW. I MISS IT, TOO.

I KNOW, I KNOW

I LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THAT EXPLOSION.

I LOOK SO GOOD IS 'CAUSE THERE'S NO COMPETITION.

I LOST THE STEAKS. HUH?

I LOVES 'EM.

I MEAN

I MEAN SHE'S NOT IMAGINARY

I MEAN THOSE DANG OL' RELIABLE SOURCE, MAN

I MEAN, BUCKLEY AND I WEREN'T MEANT TO BE

I MEAN, I AM SHOCKED.

I MEAN, IF YOUR DAD CAN HAVE A BABY...

I MEAN, LOOK AT JOSEPH.

I MEAN, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE WE ALL COULD DO?

I MEAN, NANCY'S GOING TO TELL DALE, AND...

I MEAN, THAT'S HOW THEY ADVERTISE IT.

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE CONNECTION?

I MEAN, WHEN THE BOY'S 18, YOU'LL BE..

I MEANT LIE DOWN.

I MIGHT BE A LITTLE LATE.

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT THERE. MAY I?

I NEVER KNOW QUITE WHAT TO DO WITH MY HEAD

I NEVER LOST TO YOU!

I PLAY BOGGLE, AND THAT TAKES VERBAL ABILITY

I PROMISE YOU, I WOULD NEVER HEAL YOUR WIFE

I PUT HIM ON THE SPEED DIAL.

I PUT THOSE ON HER.

I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU'LL EVER HAVE CHILDREN.

I REALLY WAS CHOKING AT THE FOOD COURT

I SAW SOMETHING ON THE NEWS

I SAW THE INSURANCE FORMS FROM YOUR WEENIE DOCTOR.

I SAY, WE GET RID OF THE COUCH OURSELVES.

I SHOULD GO.

I TAKE CARE OF OUR SON.

I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR SENDING ME AN ANGEL

I THINK HE'S A DANCER AT CHIPPENDALES.

I THINK I COULD DO IT AS WELL AS ANYONE ELSE COULD.

I THINK I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.

I THINK I'D RATHER HAVE ANOTHER BABY RIGHT NOW

I THINK IT'S TIME WE SEE A FERTILITY SPECIALIST.

I THINK THIS HAT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

I THINK WE ALL DO.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE OKAY.

I THOUGHT I'D LIKE TO TAKE

I THOUGHT WE WERE MORE THAN THAT.

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.

I THOUGHT YOU USED THE DOPPLER RADAR.

I USE SPORTS.

I WANT TO BE ALONE.

I WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT IS

I WANTED TO DANCE.

I WANTED TO GET YOU THOSE EARRINGS YOU LIKE?

I WAS EXPECTING...

I WAS IN A PROPANE EXPLOSION

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CALL YOU ABOUT THE COUCH.

I WAS SO WORRIED.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT A WAY TO GET YOUR COUNT UP.

I WILL DO IT MYSELF.

I WILL.

I WISH LADY BIRD WERE HERE.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FRIENDS.

I WOULD HAVE TO BE PRETTY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

I WOULD'VE APPRECIATED THE COURTESY OF A PHONE CALL.

I WOULD'VE ASKED FOR A MONKEY.

I, TOO, AM HURT.

I... LIKE... MILK.

I'D HAVE WORKED HARDER OVER THE YEARS.

I'D SAY SHE'S GOT ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

I'D SEE YOU HERE.

I'LL ASK HER.

I'LL BE DEAD.

I'LL BREED HER ONE OF THESE DAYS.

I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I'VE FOUND A MOTEL.

I'LL CHECK.

I'LL GUT HIM!

I'LL HAVE THE CHOPPED SALAD, PLEASE.

I'LL HAVE TO SCHEDULE A REGULAR NIGHT WITH JOHN REDCORN.

I'LL JOIN YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU OUT THERE.

I'LL TAKE THE BOY.

I'LL TELL YOU, BOBBY

I'M AFRAID OF PROPANE.

I'M AFRAID SHE'S GOT A NARROW UTERUS.

I'M ALL RIGHT, PEGGY.

I'M AN ARMY BARBER.

I'M BALD!

I'M BREAKIN' UP WITH YOU.

I'M CHARTING LADY BIRD'S TEMPERATURE

I'M COOL, MAN

I'M DONE, HANK.

I'M DRINKING BEER.

I'M FINE.

I'M GIVING UP. YOU WIN.

I'M GOING IN.

I'M GOING IN.

I'M GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE AND STUDY PROP COMICTRY.

I'M GOING TO GO WRITE THAT UP

I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.

I'M GOING TO NANCY'S.

I'M GOING TO PINPOINT THE EXACT PERFECT MOMENT

I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER.

I'M GONNA LEAVE OUT THE BELLHOP PART

I'M HONORED YOU COULD SHARE LADY BIRD'S SPECIAL EVENING

I'M IN MR. POWELL'S CLASS.

I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE A BREAK

I'M JUST NOT WILLING TO REACH FOR IT.

I'M LATE FOR A BACHELOR AUCTION.

I'M MARIE.

I'M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW MY LOVE.

I'M NOT GOING TO USE HAIR OR MAKEUPS ANYMORE.

I'M NOT GOING TO...

I'M NOT SAYING BOBBY GOES TO EITHER OF YOU.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY GIRLFRIEND MARIE THINKS ABOUT THAT.

I'M PREPARED FOR THAT.

I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE ABLE

I'M REAL SORRY ABOUT BUCKLEY, LUANNE, AND YOUR HAIR.

I'M SITTING ON THE COUCH, AND I'M OUTSIDE.

I'M SO ALONE.

I'M SO GLAD YOU AND I COULD HAVE THIS LITTLE TALK.

I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SORRY, PEGGY.

I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT SO FAR IT APPEARS

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BURDEN YOU.

I'M SORRY. YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.

I'M SURE I'LL...

I'M SURE THAT EVEN DOYLE HARCAVY HAD TROUBLE SOMETIMES.

I'M TIRED OF MAKING THE WORLD LOOK PRETTY.

I'M TOO OLD TO BE HAVING BABIES.

I'M WEARING A WIRE FOR AN UNRELATED MATTER.

I'VE BEEN SITTING IN AN IGLOO.

I'VE BEEN THERE MYSELF.

I'VE DECIDED NOT TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD.

I'VE GOT SOME LONG STEM ROSES FOR JIMMY HELSTROM.

I'VE KNOWN DALE AND NANCY FOR YEARS

I'VE NOT YET BEEN ABLE TO ASCERTAIN WHERE.

IF I AM A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL BOUNTY HUNTER

IF I KNEW THIS COULD HAPPEN

IF I'D BEEN OLD ENOUGH TO TALK

IF IT WILL SHUT YOU UP...

IF IT'S A BOY.

IF SHE CAN JUST GET PAST HER HEADACHES.

IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

IF THEY ARE HIDING BEHIND THE DOOR

IF WE EAT THEIR GARBAGE

IF YOU ASK ME, DOYLE HARCAVY WASN'T THAT GOOD.

IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING FAST

IF YOU GET ME A GLASS A MILK.

IF YOU GET ME SOME MORE OF THESE COOKIES.

IF YOU LEAVE, SHE WINS

IF YOU WANT A FAMILY MEMBER TO USE THE COUCH.

IF YOU'D OPEN YOUR EYES, HANK.

IF YOUR DOCTOR HELPS YOU AND PEGGY GET PREGNANT

IMPORTANT THINGS TO CRY ABOUT.

IN A LITTLE PLASTIC BAG

IN A SWEET, TRUSTING SORT OF WAY.

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?

IN FACT...

IN MEDICINE MIGHT HELP US

IN MY OWN SIDE YARD?!

IN THE HOUSE?

In the next four hours

IN THE REAL WORLD, BEAUTY FADES

IN THE WAY THAT I HEAL THE WIVES OF OTHERS.

IN THESE FUEL FILTERS.

IN VITRO? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IN YOUR PANTS.

IN YOUR THINGY?

INTO AN IN VITRO FERTILIZATION PROGRAM

IS A COLD GLASS OF LEMONADE.

IS A WORLD WITHOUT BUCKLEY A WORLD WE WANT TO LIVE IN?!

IS EVERYTHING...?

IS GOING TO SAY ANYTHING

IS IT 'CAUSE OF THAT SKINNY PIPE

IS NOWHERE NEAR AS SERIOUS AS N N NANCY'S.

IS THAT HER?

IS THAT IT'S NOT VERY OFTEN

IS THE FOURTH MOST PAINFUL LOSS

IS THERE ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE?

IS TO LOWER THE TEMPERATURE.

IS TO STOP TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.

IS YOUR OWN DEATH.

ISN'T IT, BOOMHAUER?

ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

ISN'T THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO?

IT AIN'T THE STUD'S FAULT, IT'S LADY BIRD'S.

IT CAN BE BLOWN OFF YOUR HEAD.

IT COULD BE WEEKS BEFORE THE CITY COMES

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE TELEVISION.

IT DON'T MATTER, MAN.

IT GONNA CAUSE A TREE FALL LIKE 5,000 MILES AWAY, MAN.

IT HELPS IF YOU THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.

IT IS ALSO MY HOBBY. GOOD LORD.

IT IS GIVING ME A WHOPPING HEADACHE.

IT IS HARD TO FEEL SORRY FOR THAT LITTLE BOY.

IT IS MY JOB.

IT IS WITHIN OUR GRASP.

IT MAKES ME SICK JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

IT TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR

IT WAS THE SAME COLOR AS MY GIRLFRIEND MARIE'S HAIR.

IT WAS THE SWEETEST SIP OF GATORADE

IT WAS THE SWEETEST TASTING STRAWBERRY HE EVER HAD.

IT'S A BODY AWARENESS TECHNIQUE.

IT'S ABOUT NANCY.

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY SAID IT.

IT'S ABOUT TIME.

IT'S ADULT HUMOR, CONNIE.

IT'S ALL OLDIES ALL THE TIME.

IT'S ALL RIGHT

IT'S CALLED THE TELLINGTON TOUCH.

IT'S DR. BHUDAMANJUR, MR. HILL.

IT'S FROM BROOKSTONE.

IT'S FUNNY, DAD.

IT'S GOING TO BLOW!

IT'S GOOD NEWS.

IT'S HANK'S FAULT.

IT'S JUST LIKE WHEN WE WERE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.

IT'S LIKE THAT LIKE THAT

IT'S LIKE THIS, MAN, THE DUST AND THE WIND, MAN

IT'S LIKE THIS, MAN.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BORN INTO THIS WORLD, MAN.

IT'S MY SCRAPBOOK.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

IT'S OUR GIFT TO YOU

IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE, MR. HILL.

IT'S PROBABLY SAFE ENOUGH FOR DOGS IN AMERICA.

IT'S PROPANE, HANK.

IT'S PROPANE! THIS ROOM'S GONNA BLOW!

IT'S SCIENCE RUN AMOK.

IT'S TAKEN HIM 13 YEARS TO CURE NANCY'S HEADACHE.

IT'S THE SAME THING.

IT'S TWO OF YOUR OLD FRIENDS

It's Vegas, Hank.

IT'S VERY HUSH HUSH.

J. HELSTROM?

JO HOHN REDCORN.

JO HOHN REDCORN.

John Redcorn: PE HEGGY HILL.

JOSEPH IS NOT JAMAICAN, AND NEITHER IS DALE

JUMP, LADY BIRD! JUMP!

JUST A DANG OL' ACTOR, MAN.

JUST A SEC, PEGGY.

JUST DO NOT EXPECT ME TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK.

JUST DROPPING OFF A NEW HEALING HERB FOR NANCY, UH...

JUST GIVE ME THE FREAKING BLANKET.

JUST LAST WEEK, WE CAUGHT ONE OF THEM SIPHONING GAS

JUST LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU REALLY NEED IT.

JUST LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE.

JUST LIKE HE DOES FOR NANCY

JUST LIKE JOSEPH IS YOUR BOYFRIEND.

JUST LOOK AT YOU

JUST NOD SLOWLY.

JUST ONE, BUT I LET THE MACHINE GET IT

JUST PRESS "PEGGY'S MOTHER."

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M WILLING

JUST TELL ME WHY YOU WERE DANCING

JUST THINK, HANK.

JUST TRYING TO BE POLITE, SON.

JUST, UH, CHECKING THE PERCENTAGE OF MAN MADE FIBERS

KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

LADY BIRD HILL, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

LADY BIRD IS GOING TO BE A MOMMY

LADY BIRD IS GOING TO BE A MOMMY.

LADY BIRD IS IN HEAT.

LADY BIRD, NO.

LADY BIRD?

LADY BIRD'S BEEN ACCEPTED

LADY BIRD'S GONE!

LATER, BUCKLEY.

LET ME GET A GLOVE ON AND HAVE A LOOK SEE.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

LET ME GIVE YOU PIECE OF ADVICE.

LET ME SEE THAT.

LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT, LADY BIRD.

LET'S GO

LET'S GO BIKE RIDING

LET'S MAKE SOME HOUND DOGS.

LET'S SEE IT OFF AGAIN?

LET'S START WITH CHUCK.

LETTING MY STEPDAUGHTER BUY ME A CRIB.

LIKE BILL.

LIKE HUNTING HUMANS.

LIKE KISSING, FOR INSTANCE.

LIKE LEANN RIMES.

LIKE THAT DANG OLD

LIKE WHEN I WAS ONE YEAR OLD

LIKE YOU CARE MORE ABOUT THAT DOG

LIKES 'EM?

LIVE WITH IT A WHILE.

LOOK AT HIM RUN.

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, BOBBY.

LOOK AT ME.

LOOK AT THESE PICTURES

LOOK, BOBBY, I DON'T THINK

LOOK, CAN'T WE JUST DISCUSS IT FOR FIVE SECONDS?

LOOK, IF THE LADY DOESN'T WANT TO DANCE

LOOK. I'M DOING YOUR FAVORITE COMEDY BIT.

LUANNE, HONEY, LOOK.

LUANNE, WHAT'D THEY SAY AT THE POLICE STATION?

MAKES YOU REALIZE WHAT A BLESSING HE IS.

MAKING LOVE TO YOUR PARTNER.

MAMA'S COMING.

MAN FALLS OFF.

MAN, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, HANK

MAN, SEE, LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN.

MAN, WHAT DO SITTIN' LIKE A BUNCH OF DANG

MAN, YOU DON'T TALKIN' ABOUT THEM DANG OL' URBAN LEGEND.

Man: WELCOME TO THE SURVIVORS OF PROPANE EXPLOSIONS

Man: Yeah?

Maria: HANK! LOOK OUT!

MARIE BROKE UP WITH ME.

MARIE SAYS SO.

MARIE, COME BACK.

Marie: A CUP OF RICE, PLAIN TOAST

MARIE!

MAYBE GRANDPA'S IN THERE.

MAYBE HE'LL FIND A WAY TO GET YOU A BABY BROTHER.

MAYBE IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST, YOU KNOW.

MAYBE THAT WAS A MISTAKE.

MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE IT DOES FEEL SO GOOD...

MAYBE WE ARE AFRAID TO SHOW OUR LOVE.

MAYBE WE COULD PUT THAT THING TO SOME USE

MAYBE YOU LEFT HER PEN OPEN...

MAYBE.

ME AND BOBBY ARE BORED.

ME AND MARIE JUST BROKE UP.

ME, TOO.

MEDICAL CONDITION THAT'S CAUSING DALE'S WIFE TO...

MISTAKE?

MM HMM?

MM HMM.

MM MMM.

MM MMM. NO. NOT EVERYBODY KNOWS, HANK.

MM...

MMM.

MMM.

MMM. GOBBETS OF MEAT FROM THE SKY.

MMM...

MMM... HMM.

MOM AND DAD ARE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER KID.

MOM AND DAD BROUGHT HER HOME FOR ME

MOM, CAN I STAY WITH YOU FOR A FEW...?

MOM, I'M NEVER GOING

MOM? DAD?

MORE SPAGHETTI OS?

MORNING, DALE.

MORNING, DALE.

MORNING, JOHN REDCORN.

MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.

MR. DAUTERIVE, WAS I ADOPTED?

MR. DAUTERIVE...

MR. HANK HILL, AND I DECIDE

MR. HILL, ONLY WHEN YOU DEAL WITH YOUR FEAR OF DEATH

MR. HILL, RESEARCH SHOWS THAT HEAT LOWERS FERTILITY.

MR. HILL, TELL US HOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH YOUR GRIEF.

MR. STRICKLAND

MR. STRICKLAND BETTER REFUND OUR $500.

MR. STRICKLAND OFFERED YOU YOUR JOB BACK?

MRS. PEGGY HILL, NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

MS. HILL, PERHAPS YOU

MS. HILL, WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM EXACTLY?

MUST BE PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THEM EXECUTING

MUST HAVE GONE OUT AGAIN.

MUST HAVE TAKEN THEM A LONG TIME TO COUNT IT.

MY ARM'S BEEN BLOWN OFF BY PROPANE.

MY DAD HAS ALL YOUR RECORDS, AND I WONDER

MY DAD SAYS IF GOD DIDN'T WANT US TO EAT MEAT

MY FRIENDS THINK YOU'RE A RIOT.

MY GIRLFRIEND MARIE'S A VEGETARIAN

MY GRANDMOTHER QUILTED THAT BLANKET.

MY HAIR!

MY HANDS ARE TIED.

MY HUSBAND CALLS ME HIS BETTER HALF

MY HUSBAND IS IN THERE.

MY JEANS ARE IN THE WASH.

MY LADY BIRD HAS A NARROW UTERUS.

MY NAME IS HANK TAXPAYER, AND I WANT THAT COUCH REMOVED

MY NAME IS RAMONE TAVARES.

MY NAME?

MY OLD UNDERWEAR?

MY ROSE COLORED GLASSES ARE OFF

MY SOURCES TELL ME THAT HANK'S THE PROBLEM.

NAH, NOT IN TWO YEARS.

NAH. I GOT TO GO.

NAME OF THE BOY WAS...

NANCY AND JOHN REDCORN DID SOMETHING TO YOUR DOG?

NANCY AND JOHN REDCORN...

NANCY IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH JOHN REDCORN?!

NANCY LIKES HER MEN THIN AND PALE OF FACE.

NANCY TOLD ME DALE HAD A JAMAICAN GRANDMOTHER.

NANCY, HOW COULD YOU?

NANCY, JOHN REDCORN, JOSEPH...

NANCY?

NANCY?

NANCY?

NANCY? ( music stops )

NANCY'S HEADACHES ARE VERY SEVERE THIS MORNING.

NEGATIVE.

NEGATIVE.

NEVER AGAIN SIPPING WINE

NEXT PERSON?

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOUR GRANDMAMMY'S

NICE HAT.

NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN

NO DAMAGE, NO SCRATCHES, NO DENTS, NO DINGS.

NO GOOD SKELETONS IN THE OL' CLOSET, MAN

NO HARM, NO FOUL.

NO MORE HEADACHES, RIGHT?

NO ONE HAD TO TELL ME.

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HELP YOU CHEW OR CUT THE MEAT

NO ONE UNDER 21.

NO PROBLEMO ON THIS END.

NO WAY.

NO, AUNT PEGGY.

NO, BUT THE GAL WHO CUTS HIS HAIR WAS.

NO, DAMN IT, DALE!

NO, GOD BLESS YOU, DOCTOR.

NO, I DIDN'T SEE A THING.

NO, I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE KISSING.

NO, I'M SAYING THEY'RE VERY EFFECTIVE.

NO, IT WASN'T.

NO, IT'S TERRIBLE!

NO, LADY BIRD, NOT NOW.

NO, NO, HE'S AS SLOW AS YOU...

NO, NO, NO! ( hissing )

NO, SIR. JUST DRYING THE INK

NO, THANK YOU.

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

NO, THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.

NO, YOU DON'T NEED JOHN REDCORN TO GET RID OF A HEADACHE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO! IT'S WRONG ON HUMANS AND IT'S WRONG ON ANIMALS.

NO.

NO.

NO.

NO.

NO.

NO.

NO.

NO. ALL RIGHT.

NO. DAD!

NO. I MEAN...

NO. I MEANT THE LONGER ONE ABOUT SLEEPING DOGS.

NO... UH...

NOBODY KNOWS YOU FOUND ME YET.

NOBODY SEE IT; NOBODY DONE... DON'T EVEN HAPPEN.

NOBODY'S AFRAID OF DEATH.

NOBODY'S IMPRESSED.

NOT CARPET.

NOT NOW, DALE.

NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.

NOT THIS WEEK.

NOTHING MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.

NOTHING WAKES ME UP FASTER THAN COFFEE."

NOTHING'S WRONG, BOBBY.

NOTHING'S WRONG.

NOW COME ON HOME.

NOW GO PLAY OUTSIDE.

NOW HE LOOK DOWN.

NOW LIE QUIETLY FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT

NOW LOOK AT YOU

NOW THAT HE'S GONE, I FEEL A BIG HOLE IN MY LIFE.

NOW, BEFORE WE GO

NOW, EITHER YOU TELL HIM, OR I WILL.

NOW, HANK, HONEY, JUST BECAUSE YOU SCORED

NOW, HANK, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS COUCH IS FOR.

NOW, I'LL TELL YOU YOUR MIDDLE NAME

NOW, LUANNE

NOW, LUANNE IS GOING

NOW, PEGGY, YOU'RE SORT OF FREAKED OUT

NOW, WHAT IS IT THAT I DON'T KNOW?

NOW, WHEN BILL DIES, MAYBE.

NOW, WHEN BILL DIES, MAYBE.

NOW, WHO'S READY?

NOW. YOU KNOW, AT YOUR AGE, COTTON

OCCUPIED! OCCUPIED!

OF AN AMERICAN MADE TRUCK

OF COURSE

OF COURSE COFFEE WAKES YOU UP IN THE MORNING.

OF COURSE HIS DAUGHTER JUMPED OUT A WINDOW.

OF COURSE NOT. WHY WOULD I?

OF COURSE THE AVERAGE MAN HAS A COUNT OF 100 MILLION.

OF COURSE YOU DO, AND I APPRECIATE THE LIE

OF COURSE, JOHN REDCORN.

OF COURSE, YOU'D BE A LOT MORE HELP

OF GAIN AND LOSS

OF HUNGRY CHILDREN.

OF STRICKLAND PROPANE.

OF WHAT A HUNGRY IRISH CHILD LOOKS LIKE.

OH, ALL RIGHT, HANK, MAYBE NOBODY ELSE

OH, ALL RIGHT, HANK, MAYBE NOBODY ELSE

OH, AND YOU'RE ALREADY SHOWING.

OH, AND, LUANNE.

OH, BILL, THIS IS SO STRANGE.

OH, DON'T WORRY, AUNT PEGGY.

OH, DOYLE HARCAVY KNOWS CHILDREN

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, HANK

OH, GEEZ, HANK.

OH, GOD, WAS BUCK STRICKLAND IN HERE?

OH, GOD.

Oh, god.

OH, GOOD, I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT, HANK.

OH, HANK

OH, HANK, I GOT IT.

OH, HANK, I'M SURE PEGGY'S HEADACHE

OH, HANK, PLEASE.

OH, HANK, THANK YOU.

OH, HANK, THEY NEED YOUR HELP

OH, HANK, YOU POOR THING.

OH, HANK!

OH, HANK.

OH, HANK.

OH, HE PLUCK IT...

OH, HE'S JUST GOING TO POKE AND PROD MY NAKED NETHERS.

OH, HEY, CONNIE.

OH, HEY, I GOT AN OLD PAIR OF BOXER SHORTS

OH, HEY, LOOK.

OH, HEY.

OH, HI, HANK.

OH, HONEY, WHAT

OH, I AM SO SORRY, MINH

OH, I BELIEVED HER.

OH, I BELIEVED HER.

OH, I HOPE HE FINDS BOBBY BEFORE DARK.

OH, I I KNEW.

OH, I LOVE THE BLOOPERS.

OH, I NEEDN'T, SHOULDN'T I?

OH, I SEE.

OH, I'M FLATTERED THAT YOU ASKED ME

OH, I'M GOOD.

OH, I'M NOT GRIEVING.

OH, I'M ON A DATE WITH MY TWO FAVORITE MEN.

OH, I'M SORRY, MR. STRICKLAND.

OH, IF THIS OLD COUCH COULD TALK.

OH, INTERESTING CHOICE OF WORDS, MR. HILL. "LIE."

OH, IT'S NICE TO BE SMART, AUNT PEGGY

OH, IT'S OKAY.

OH, LOOK, THE COUCH.

OH, MAN, LOOK AT THAT JOHN REDCORN.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD! DALE!

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY LORD.

OH, MY WORD.

OH, NO

OH, NO, NO, NO. WE WANT TO.

OH, NO, NO.

OH, NO!

OH, NO! LADY BIRD!

OH, NOT AT ALL. WE WERE IN THE SAME SITUATION WITH BUDDY'S MOTHER.

OH, NOT AT FIRST.

OH, NOT MUCH.

OH, NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

OH, OH, MY! OH, MY LORD!

OH, PEGGY.

OH, SEE? YOU ADMIT YOU LOVE HER MORE.

OH, SHE'S MY WIFE, HANK.

OH, SUGAR CUBE.

OH, THANK GOD, YOU'RE OKAY.

OH, THANK GOD.

OH, THANK GOD.

OH, THE HEATER

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

OH, UH, PEGGY.

OH, UH... THIS IS MY WIFE PEGGY.

OH, WAIT.

OH, WELL, ISN'T THIS LOVELY?

OH, WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.

OH, WELL, WHEN YOU FINISH

OH, WHEW.

OH, YEAH

OH, YEAH, UH HUH, SURE. I'VE HEARD OF THAT.

OH, YES.

OH, YOU DON'T TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF

OH, YOU SWEET MAN.

OH, YOU'RE STILL HERE.

OH!

OH!

OH!

OH! BOGGLE. BOGGLE, BOGGLE.

OH! DID I SAY THEY WERE TRADING IN THEIR DOGSLED?

OH! I E MAIL KAHN.

OH! OH!

OH! OH. OW.

OH! SCORE. SCORE, SCORES

OH.

OH.

OH.

OH. DIDN'T THINK

OH. HE WAS PROBABLY JUST LOOKING FOR HIS MOM.

OH...

OH... ANY CALLS, DIDI?

OH... I GET IT.

OH... MY GOD.

OHH.

OHH.

OKAY

OKAY, BOBBY, I GOT TO GO.

OKAY, BOBBY.

OKAY, GRANDPA HILL IS NOT A MISSING PERSONS

OKAY, GRIBBLE, THIS IS IT.

OKAY, I GUESS. MMM.

OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU FOR AN APPOINTMENT.

OKAY, LET'S ALL SHUT UP, PLEASE.

OKAY, LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

OKAY, THEN, IT'S SETTLED.

OKAY, WHATEVER.

OKAY, WHO I TELL? WHO I TELL?

OKAY, YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES TO COMPLETE THE ETHICS EXAM.

OKAY, YOU LEARNED KICKING DOWN DOORS

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY.

OKAY. DO YOU HAVE POPULAR MECHANICS?

OKAY. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE:

OL' COUCH JOCKEYS LAZY SITTIN' LIKE...

ON ACCOUNT OF ME NOT HAVING

ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR DADDY'S NARROW DOO HICKEY.

ON ALL THE SALES ORDERS I WROTE THIS MORNING.

ON EVER HAVING A CHILD OF THEIR OWN

ON THE IMPREGNATION OF HANK'S STEPMOTHER.

ON THESE EGGS FOR 40 YEARS.

ONCE.

ONE OF MY BOYS FINALLY GETS

ONE OF THEM FIRE FIGHTING PLANES SCOOPED IT UP

ONE WAY TO INCREASE THE NUMBER OF HEALTHY SPERM

ONLY EIGHT?

ONLY PEOPLE LIE.

OOH, DAD "MISS ARLEN HOSTESS SWIMSUIT COMPETITION."

OOH, I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE

OOH, MAN, I TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.

OOH, ME, ME. I'LL TAKE IT.

OOH, MY HAIR FEELS WEIRD.

OOH, MY REPORTER'S INSTINCTS TELL ME

OOH, THAT'S JUST RUBBISH.

OOH, THIS PLACE GIVES ME THE DEJA VUS.

OR ANY PART WHOM OF

OR HIRED SOMEONE TO DO IT.

OR IF THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE

OR LEADING THE FIGHT AGAINST THE OVERUSE OF ANTIBIOTICS.

OR LIKE A DANG OL' CANDLE IN THE WIND, MAN.

OR ON A CEREAL BOX OR ANYTHING, IS SHE?

OR WHEN I GET BORED, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST.

OR WILL YOU HAVE TO PUT ME UNDER?

OUR BOBBY WAS ONLY ONE.

OUR FREE DIAPER CHANGING SEMINAR IS NOW BEGINNING.

OUT OF A COMPANY TRUCK...

OUT OF LAKE ARLEN.

OUTSTANDING.

PACKED INTO HIS SERGIO VALENTE JEANS.

PASS THE BEANS.

PAULY SHORE, 1992. CLASSIC.

PE HEGGY HILL.

PEACHES.

PEGGY CAME TO ME WITH A HEADACHE.

PEGGY HAD HER HEADACHE CURED BY JOHN REDCORN.

PEGGY HAS A MUSING NOW AND THEN

PEGGY HILL NOT KNOW! THAT IS SO FUNNY!

PEGGY HILL WANTS TO LEAVE HANK

PEGGY HILL, WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT

PEGGY HILL, YOU NOT KNOW?

PEGGY WENT TO JOHN REDCORN FOR A HEALING.

PEGGY WOULD NOT BE INCLUDED IN ANY GUARDIANSHIP SITUATION.

PEGGY, HOW COULD YOU?

PEGGY, HOW WOULD YOU EVER GET STUCK IN A TRUCK?

PEGGY, I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF DECRUMBING THE TOASTER.

PEGGY, I DON'T KNOW HOW

PEGGY, JOSEPH IS NOT BOBBY'S BOYFRIEND.

PEGGY, MY DAD GOT OUT.

PEGGY, NO.

PEGGY, PLEASE.

PEGGY, PLEASE.

PEGGY, QUICK, CALL BUCK STRICKLAND.

PEGGY, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

PEGGY, THIS IS VERY NICE OF YOU, BUT I JUST FEEL AWKWARD

PEGGY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Peggy: "YOU HEAR THE EXPRESSION

Peggy: EVEN IF I DO GET HANK TO SEE THE DOCTOR

Peggy: HANK, FRIES ARE UP!

Peggy: HE IS OUR MIRACLE CHILD.

Peggy: I JUST DON'T KNOW

Peggy: IT'S CALLED AN M.R.I. MACHINE.

PEGGY.

PEGGY...

PEGGY... RELAX

PEGGY'S GOT SUCH A TRUSTING NATURE.

PERHAPS YOU'D BE MORE COMFORTABLE

PERHAPS. SOUNDS TO ME THAT WHAT YOU'RE REALLY AFRAID OF

PHOTOJOURNALISM WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING.

PICKING OUT COLLEGES.

PICTURE A WIDE, OPEN FIELD

PLEASE, DAD, THERE'S A CHILD PRESENT.

PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP ME! HANK!

PLENTY OF WOMEN WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE YOU.

POOR HANK AND HANK'S WIFE.

POOR, NAIVE PEGGY.

PRETTY SMART OF ME, HUH, MOM?

PREVIOUSLY ON KING OF THE HILL.

PROBABLY HAD A COFFEE TABLE.

PROBABLY NONE OF MY BUSINESS ANYWAY. SANDER.

PROPANE AT MEGA LO MART?

PRYIN' IN THEM FAMILY SECRETS

PUT A LITTLE ANDREWS SISTERS ON THE PHONOGRAPH...

PUT YOUR FACE BACK THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE SOMEBODY SEES YOU.

PUT YOUR LEMONS IN A VISE."

RAMONE TAVARES?

REALLY.

REDBOOK SAYS LOSING A BOYFRIEND

REDCORN'S GONNA SCORE AGAIN!

RELAX, PEGGY.

REMINDS ME OF MY GIRLFRIEND MARIE

REPLACING DOYLE HARCAVY.

RIGHT BETWEEN GRANDMOTHER AND PENIS.

RIGHT. SO WHEN HE FIGURED OUT I WASN'T REALLY A SISTER

ROGER EVER TASTED.

RUBBER BAND.

SAVE THE CRUMBS!

SAY, I WANTED TO ASK YOU, HANK.

SAY...

SCOOT OVER, WOULD YOU, HANK?

SEAT BELTS, PLEASE.

SEE YOU LATER, DAD.

SEE, THE THING IS

SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY

SERIOUSLY, BABY

SEVEN GENERATIONS OF THE FINEST GEORGIA INBREEDING.

SHAKE HANDS. SHAKE HANDS.

SHAMELESS TRAMP!

SHE AIN'T FAT.

SHE ALWAYS BELIEVES THE BEST IN PEOPLE.

SHE BENT MY HEAD BACK; SHE TUCKED HER HAND...

SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE SAME KIND OF...

SHE DOESN'T NEED A MAP.

SHE JUST MATED.

SHE LIKES TO DRINK HER COFFEE BLACK, TOO.

SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME.

SHE STILL LIKES LOTS OF THINGS I LIKE

SHE WAS THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED.

SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO WEAR ANYTHING IF YOU SPAYED HER

SHE'LL SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE

SHE'S ALMOST 13 YEARS OLD.

SHE'S CHEATING ON JOHN REDCORN?!

SHE'S GOING TO DEHYDRATE IN THERE.

SHE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR.

SHE'S NOT MY WIFE.

SHE'S ONLY A DOG.

SHE'S PERFECT.

SHE'S REAL, RIGHT?

SHOVEL IT IN, HONEY.

SHUG, LISTEN, I LOVE DALE

SIERRA? IS THAT DALLAS?

SIGNED, DALE GRIBBLE, BOUNTY HUNTER."

SIR, CAN YOU ASK THIS GENTLEMAN

SIR, THIS IS ABOUT MY LADY BIRD.

SIR, WE ARE THEY.

SIR, YES, SIR.

SIT DOWN.

SIT THROUGH A FOUR HOUR TRAINING COURSE.

SMART AND WELL FED.

SO DID YOU GET WHAT'S HER NAME KNOCKED UP YET?

SO GOOD, DOES IT, SON?

SO HERE'S SOME CDs I DON'T LISTEN TO ANYMORE.

SO HOW YOU FIXED FOR PROPANE?

SO I GUESS YOU'RE UP HERE

SO I'M NOT CRYING FOR BUCKLEY.

SO I'M ONLY TELLING COMPLETE STRANGERS.

SO IS IT LIT?

SO IS LADY BIRD GOING TO BE A MOMMY?

SO LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT.

SO SHE CAN'T HAVE PUPPIES?

SO THE MONEY MELTS 'CAUSE IT'S A SNOWBALL.

SO THEY HAVE TO STAY IN A HOTEL.

SO THEY TAKE A BUS TO THE CAR STORE

SO THIS, THIS IS WONDERFUL.

SO WHEN CAN I EXPECT YOU BACK?

SO YOU CAN SEE THE ONLY SENSIBLE THING TO DO

SO YOU'RE FLIPPING UP THE BOARD

SO YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK TO BEAUTY SCHOOL THEN?

SO, DAD, UH, YOU

SO, DOCTOR, IS SHE GOING TO BE A MOMMY?

SO, WHAT'LL IT BE

SO, YOU KNOW.

SO, YOU'RE SAYING HE...

SO? SHE'S A VEGETARIAN.

SO... HOW'S SCHOOL?

SOAK YOURSELF IN PEACHES THREE TIMES A DAY, HANK.

SOCK PUPPETS ARE FOR BABIES.

SOME GUY RUBBING YOUR NECK HELPS YOUR HEAD.

SOME PORTIONS OF THIS TELEPHONE CONVERSATION MAY BE RECORDED.

SOMEBODY PUSH YOU OFF YOUR BIKE, SON?

SOMEBODY'S GOING TO HAUL IT AWAY.

SOMEONE'S A LITTLE GRUMPY WITHOUT HIS DINNER.

SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.

SON, IT'S ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS PLAYING A PRANK.

SORRY, HANK.

SORRY, MAN. I DON'T...

SOUNDS GOOD, DAD.

SPERM COUNTS ARE DROPPING ALL OVER THE WORLD

SPORTS, MOSTLY, YOU KNOW.

STILL JUST LOOKING?

STOP IT! CAN'T YOU HEAR THE HISSING?

STRANGE SINEAD O'CONNOR ACT.

SULKING ABOUT THE HOUSE IN SOILED UNDERWEAR

SUPPORT GROUP.

SURE, DAD, I'LL BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE.

SURGERY.

T... WHAT DID I SAY?

TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?

TALKIN' THAT OL' ORVILLE REDENBACHER, MAN

TAME THAT SLAB OF BEEF, BOBBY.

TERRY OR JERRY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

TEST TUBE PUPPIES.

THAN ANOTHER PUPPY.

THAN BOTH V.I.P. AND ORIENTAL MASSAGE.

THAN TALKING ABOUT THE COUCH?

THAN YOU DO ABOUT ME, YOUR HUMAN WIFE.

THAN YOU HAVE IN YOUR WHOLE MARRIAGE

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU, LAS VEGAS, AND GOOD NIGHT!

THANK YOU, MOM.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, ARLEN.

THANKS FOR BLOWING UP THE MEGA LO MART.

THANKS, DAD!

THANKS, DAD.

THAT A MAN OF 75 FATHERS A CHILD

THAT BOY'S NO DEADER THAN MOTHER TERESA.

THAT GUY'S AMAZING.

THAT HAS BACON, BOBBY

THAT HIS GRANDMOTHER ISN'T, EITHER.

THAT I COULD BE SO STUPID.

THAT I REALLY LIKE BOBBY.

THAT I'LL LOOK IN ON DIDI AND THE BABY

THAT LITTLE FERRET THINKS HE CAN HAVE IT ALL:

THAT LITTLE FIRECRACKER GRABBED MY REAR.

THAT MEANS WE'LL NEED A SAMPLE.

THAT MEANS WE'RE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

THAT MEANS WHEN SHE WAS THREE

THAT NOT A GOOD PLACE TO BE.

THAT OPERATES WITH FEW, IF ANY, GOVERNMENT CONTROLS?

THAT THERE WERE NO OTHER SURVIVORS.

THAT WAS AWKWARD.

THAT WAS JUST WONDERFUL.

That was practice! That was practice!

THAT WAS THE FINEST DEEP DISH PIZZA I EVER TASTED.

THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE!

THAT WAY, I COULD BE YOUR OPENING ACT

THAT WOMAN IN HUNTSVILLE.

THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, MR. HILL

THAT WORKED FOR ME WAS PEACHES.

THAT'D BE GREAT.

THAT'D BE THROWING AWAY

THAT'S 12 IN A ROW, HANK.

THAT'S 20 SECONDS.

THAT'S A CUTE BABY, I TELL YOU WHAT.

THAT'S A LOT OF MEAT, SON.

THAT'S A REAL GOOD ONE FOR THE 15th TIME.

THAT'S A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

THAT'S BORING.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S ENOUGH CHICKENS TO FEED A WHOLE STARVING VILLAGE.

THAT'S HOW IT STARTED WITH NANCY GRIBBLE.

THAT'S IT, BOBBY.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S MY KIDNEYS.

THAT'S NICE

THAT'S NONSENSE, DALE.

THAT'S NONSENSE.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S THEM

THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.

THAT'S WHAT I MEAN, I AM APPALLED.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK.

THAT'S WHERE WE STAND

THAT'S WHY I STILL HAVE MY EYEBROWS.

THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET LADY BIRD PREGNANT.

THE BIG OAK TREE THAT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BALL PARK.

THE CONTEST IS OVER.

THE DOCTOR SAID LADY BIRD CANNOT GET PREGNANT.

THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELDS COULD DE FERTILIZE YOU.

THE GARBAGE TRUCK'S HERE!

THE HUNT IS ON.

THE LAB REPORTS CONFIRM IT, ALTHOUGH I SUSPECTED AS MUCH

THE LIBYANS HAVE TO OFFER.

THE MANGER BABIES.

THE MORE YOU HOLD IN, THE MORE YOU PUT ON

THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I FELT FAN FREAKIN' TASTIC.

THE ONE PERSON WHO REALLY SHOULD.

THE ONLY REASON

THE ONLY THING I EVER WANT TO GET USED TO

THE OTHER NIGHT, WHEN YOU WANTED TO KISS

THE PASSING OF BUCKLEY IS A GREAT LOSS

THE PRACTICAL JOKES, NOT SO MUCH.

THE RESULTS OF YOUR SPERM COUNT BACK FROM THE LAB.

THE STORY ABOUT THE MAN AND THE TIGER?

THE THOUGHT OF MISSING ALL YOUR FAMILY'S SPECIAL MOMENTS.

THE VET SAID SHE WILL NEVER KNOW THE PLEASURES OF MOTHERHOOD.

THE WAY THAT... HAT ACCENTS YOUR... HEAD.

THE WHALES SING OF JOY AND SORROW

THE WHOLE IDEA HAS UPSET BOBBY TOO MUCH.

THE WIDOW HILL IS ON HER OWN.

THE WORLD TOGETHER.

THEN I GUESS YOU'RE ALL DONE WITH JOHN FREAKING REDCORN.

THEN OUT OF CORNER OF HIS EYE

THEN OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE

THEN WHY DOES YOUR LUNCH BAG SAY "BOBBY HILL"?

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO STAND IN THAT ALLEY.

THERE ARE WHOLE VILLAGES IN IRELAND

THERE ARE? LIKE WHAT?

THERE YOU GO, LITTLE FELLA

THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE.

THERE'S NO HOT WATER!

THERE'S NO POINT IN BLAMING YOURSELF.

THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU.

THERE'S TWO MORE INSIDE.

THESE THINGS TAKE TIME.

THEY ARE GIVING ME THE "MUSINGS" COLUMN

THEY ARE READY TO HATCH.

THEY BEAT THE AGGIES, BUT THEY COULD NOT BEAT THAT TRAIN.

THEY DO IT WITH A NEW MACHINE CALLED AN M.R.I.

THEY DUMPED IT RIGHT WHERE WE STAND.

THEY GAVE UP ON HAVING A CHILD OF THEIR OWN

THEY GO RIGHT FOR THE CROTCH

THEY LIE LIKE DOGS. HMM.

THEY MADE ME A WIG.

THEY MADE ME A WIG.

THEY MIX YOUR BOYS WITH ONE OF MY LADIES IN A TEST TUBE.

THEY THREW HIM OUT.

THEY TOLD ME A BUNCH OF THINGS I CAN DO

THEY USE IT FOR EVERYTHING.

THEY WANT ANOTHER BABY REAL BAD.

THEY WERE FOLLOWING US TO THE MALL

THEY'RE MY DAD'S FAVORITE.

THEY'RE NOT UNITARIANS.

THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

THEY'RE USING THIS NEW EXPERIMENTAL FERTILITY DRUG.

THEY'VE TESTED IT ON ANIMALS.

THINK BIG NUMBER.

THINK BOGGLE.

THIS COULD BE LADY BIRD'S LAST HEAT.

THIS FEELS WRONG.

THIS GUY NEVER STRIKES OUT.

THIS HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH MY DAD.

THIS HAT'S MY LICENSE.

THIS IS A PICTURE

THIS IS A VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD INVESTIGATION.

THIS IS DEPRESSING.

THIS IS HANK HILL.

THIS IS JUST A PICTURE OF THE TV, LUANNE.

THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL CALL, JOHN REDCORN.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

THIS IS THE FIRST I'VE HEARD OF IT.

THIS IS THE WAY THAT RATIONAL PEOPLE DEAL WITH DEATH, HANK

THIS IS, UM, SUCH EXCITING NEWS.

THIS ISN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

THIS WAS NOT YOURS.

THOSE ATTACK DOGS WILL ATTACK YOU TO SHREDS

THOSE COST $26.

THOUGHT I'D DROP BY FOR A SURPRISE VISIT.

THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTSMART ME, DID YOU...

THREE TIMES A WEEK.

THREE. CRAPS, YOU LOSE.

THROW IT ON THE GRILL. LET'S GO.

THROW IT OUT.

THROW SOME BIRDS IN THERE IF YOU WANT.

TIGER CHASE HIM TO EDGE OF CLIFF.

TO "HOWDY, MA'AM" THE DEBUTANTE.

TO BE ALIVE.

TO BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE WHILE I'M GONE.

TO BUCK STRICKLAND'S HAIR STYLIST, TOO, DID YA?

TO CONGRATULATE YOU

TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT

TO DRINK BEER YOU SAT ON.

TO EXPECT A SECOND MIRACLE.

TO GET LADY BIRD PREGNANT.

TO GET OFF THE COUCH SO WE CAN DO OUR JOB?

TO GET TO MY GREAT AUNT'S FUNERAL NEXT YEAR.

TO HAVE A MAN LIKE YOU.

TO HELP WITH HER MIGRAINES.

TO HELP YOU LOOK ANYMORE TONIGHT.

TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR ALGEBRA HOMEWORK, CONNIE.

TO LOOK DIFFERENT, MAYBE EVEN

TO MAKE ANYONE LAUGH EVER AGAIN.

TO MICHIGAN TO GET HER PREGNANT

TO OVERCOME THE DIFFICULTIES CAUSED BY HANK'S...

TO RUN AWAY.

TO SEEK OUT THIS BUCKLEY FELLOW, GET TO KNOW HIM.

TO THESE OTHER GUYS?

To wear this hat.

TOLD YOU, HANK; LONDON AND FRANCE.

TONIGHT WAS FUN, BOBBY.

TONIGHT YOU'RE GOING OUT ON A DATE

TOO OBVIOUS.

TREASURE.

TRUTH BE TOLD, HANK, MY COUNT USED TO BE NINE MILLION

TRUTH, TOO, MAN IT HAPPENED TO ME.

TRYING THIS AT HOME?

TRYING TO GET LADY BIRD PREGNANT

TURNS OUT THERE'S ALL SORTS OF THINGS YOU CAN DO.

TWO DAYS AND FOUR HOURS AGO

TWO ESKIMOS WANT TO BUY A CAR TOGETHER

UGH.

UGH.

UGH. WOW.

UH HUH.

UH HUH. UH HUH.

UH UH.

UH, ACTUALLY, LUANNE, I DON'T NEED YOU TO TEACH ME ALGEBRA.

UH, BACK HERE.

UH, BOBBY, I KNOW IT'S NOT GOOD

UH, CAN HE CALL YOU BACK?

UH, CAN I HAVE YOUR FREQUENT FLYER NUMBER?

UH, DALE, IF THE SHOE WERE ON THE OTHER FOOT

UH, DALE.

UH, DIDI WOMAN, I NEED A DRINK.

UH, EXCUSE ME. I HAVE AN OUTSIDE COUCH.

UH, HELLO?

UH, HEY, PEGGY.

UH, HOLD ON A SECOND.

UH, I DON'T KNOW. I...

UH, I GOT TO GIVE LADY BIRD HER HORMONE BISCUIT.

UH, IT'S IT'S ONLY NATURAL TO BE SAD...

UH, LET'S SEE, HOW SHOULD I PUT THIS?

UH, MAKE THAT A LION.

UH, MUST BE THE POLLEN

UH, NO, SON.

UH, NO, THANK YOU.

UH, NO. THAT'S NOT THE REASON I ASKED.

UH, OKAY

UH, RIGHT, SIR.

UH, SUFFER... UNDULY.

UH, SURE.

UH, THE SAMPLE YOU PRODUCED SHOWS A COUNT OF EIGHT MILLION.

UH, THEY DO?

UH, THIS HUNTING HUMANS...

UH, THOSE FORMS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE CONFIDENTIAL.

UH, WELL, I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT.

UH, YES, WE WERE JUST...

UH, YOU NOT... LOOKING... DOWN THERE.

UH..

UH...

UH... DALE.

UH... I WISH I COULD, BUT MY HANDS

UH... IS IT PROPANE?

UH... SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

UH... STILL TENDERIZING.

UH... SURE. OKAY.

UH... THANKS, DAD

UH... WELL, ME

UH... YEP.

UH... YOU KNOW.

UM... IF YOU SAY SO, COTTON.

UNTIL HE'S GONE FOR 48 HOURS.

UP AT MICHIGAN STATE.

VIKINGS WERE THE FIRST VISITORS T TO THE MOON.

W WHAT'S WRONG?

WAIT A MINUTE.

WAITING FOR HIM ON THE GROUND BELOW.

WAKE GRILLING IS SOMETHING YOU DO

WAKE GRILLING IS SOMETHING YOU DO

WANT THAT, TOO?

Want to come?

WANT TO GO PLAY IN THE CEMETERY?

WANTED FOR UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.

WAS THE ONE THING THAT FINALLY RELAXED ME AND MY URETH...

WE AGREED WE WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE, INCLUDING FAMILY.

WE ALWAYS DRINK BEER IN THE BACK OF MY HOUSE.

WE ARE OUT OF DOGGIE DIAPERS.

WE BOTH ARE, MISTER.

WE CAN USE STAR 69

WE COULD GO SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES AT THE MALL?

WE DID IT, PEGGY.

WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SAY GOOD BYE.

WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME

We don't have much time, so let's get right to it.

WE GOT TO GO FIND HIM.

WE HAVE SOME REMAINS THAT WE'RE ANALYZING.

WE MUST BE GETTING OLD, CONNIE.

WE NEED TO THINK LIKE MY DAD WOULD THINK.

WE NEVER GET TO TALK, YOU AND I. WHY IS THAT?

WE SHOULD HANG OUT TOGETHER ANYMORE.

WE TALK.

WE TRY TO DUMP IT IN FRONT OF GRIBBLE'S YARD

WE WAS USING FOUR LAYERS OF PROTECTION

WE WERE HOPING THAT THE ADVANCES

WE WERE JUST DANCING.

WE WERE STARTING TO DEPEND ON THAT COUCH TOO MUCH.

WE WILL JUST COVER IT UP WITH MAKEUP, AND IT'LL BE FINE.

WE WON'T KNOW FOR ANOTHER 20 SECONDS

WE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

We'll find out if you've got what it takes

WE'LL TAKE THE NEXT FLIGHT OUT.

WE'RE 12, BOBBY. WE ARE OLD.

WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN, MRS. MANGIONE.

WE'RE GOING TO...

WE'RE NOT FALLING FOR IT, KAHN.

WE'RE NOT HAVIN' ANY TROUBLE.

WE'RE NOT MUCH BETTER THAN THEY ARE.

WE'RE ONLY FRIENDS.

WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY OURSELVES.

WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO

WE'VE... WELL..

WELCOME TO MY WORLD, PAL.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, AND THEN MR. KRINSKY CALLED

WELL, AS YOU KNOW, BOBBY HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, DAD, I THINK WHAT PEGGY'S SAYING

WELL, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I CHECKED AROUND.

WELL, GO AHEAD, SAY IT.

WELL, GOOD, YOUR HEADACHE'S GONE.

WELL, HE DOES LIKE THE LADIES.

WELL, HE IS NOT THE FRIEND THAT YOU THINK HE IS.

WELL, HE STOPPED CRYING.

WELL, HOLD ON, HANK.

WELL, I ASSUME THAT SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND

WELL, I BET THE CITY JUST HAULED IT AWAY.

WELL, I DID HAVE A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT

WELL, I DIDN'T GET EITHER THIS YEAR.

WELL, I DON'T EAT ANYTHING WITH A HEAD ON IT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING.

WELL, I FEEL FOR YOU, I REALLY DO, BUT YOU MARRIED

WELL, I KNEW THAT.

WELL, I KNOW. IT'S JUST...

WELL, I LET LADY BIRD SNIFF ONE OF YOUR FRUIT PIES

WELL, I...

WELL, I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE.

WELL, I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE.

WELL, I'M A VEGETARIAN, BOBBY.

WELL, IF YOU AND BOBBY ARE MEANT TO BE, THEN IT'LL HAPPEN.

WELL, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP TRYING

WELL, IT JUST HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

WELL, IT TAKES TWO TO TALK ABOUT IT

WELL, IT'S GETTING THERE

WELL, LET'S SEE, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO FAKE MY WAY THROUGH IT. UH...

WELL, MR. HILL, I'VE GOT

WELL, OH, MY.

WELL, ROGER TOOK A DRINK OF THAT GATORADE.

WELL, SHE HAS TO MAIL IN A SAMPLE COLUMN THIS WEEK.

WELL, SHUG, I DON'T THINK SHE KNOWS ABOUT US.

WELL, SOMETIMES A WOMAN NEEDS TO HEAR IT.

WELL, SON, THE WORST PART'S OVER

WELL, SORRY, BOBBY. THAT'S THE DEAL

WELL, STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.

WELL, THAT IS IT.

WELL, THAT JUST TEARS IT.

WELL, THAT'S ALL HE WANTED THEM TO FIND

WELL, THAT'S NOT REALLY YOUR BUSINESS, IS IT?

WELL, THAT'S NOT REALLY YOUR BUSINESS, IS IT?

WELL, THAT'S THE GOOD THING ABOUT DEATH.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES

WELL, THEN, GET OUT OF MY WAY.

WELL, THEN, YOU HAD THE FUN OF TRYING, BOY!

WELL, THOSE HEADACHES ARE GOOD AS GONE.

WELL, UH, THERE WAS THIS MAN

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WELL, WHAT AN INTERESTING CHAIR.

WELL, WHEN THAT HAPPENED, I WAS AFRAID YOU WERE DEAD

WELL, YEAH, I THINK ABOUT IT, HANK.

WELL, YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND GRIEVE

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS FLIPS UP THE BOARD

WELL? HOW'D HE TAKE IT?

WELL? WHAT'D THE TEST SAY?

WELL.

WELL...

WH... UH... OW! OW!

WHAT ABOUT BUCKLEY?

WHAT ABOUT US?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY OLD COUCH?

WHAT DO WE DO?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE SQUIRRELS AWAY?

WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND ME HAVE SOME FUN TONIGHT IN VEGAS?

WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING A VEGETARIAN?

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT IF I KEEP TRYING, AND IT...

WHAT IS IT THAT YOU HAVE AGAINST JOHN REDCORN?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

WHAT KIND OF GAME IS SHE PLAYING?

WHAT SHOULD I DO, LUANNE?

WHAT THE "H" ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT YOU DOING SITTING IN A WIND TUNNEL, HANK?

WHAT YOU GOING...

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT? ARE YOU SURE?

WHAT? GRILL?

WHAT? OH, GOD.

WHAT? PEGGY, WHAT...

WHAT? YOU SAY SOMETHING, HANK?

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH NANCY, AND DALE DOESN'T?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT'S HE GOT FOR US THIS MORNING?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT THAT?

WHAT'S TAKING THEM SO LONG?

WHAT'S THIS?

WHAT'S WRONG, LUANNE?

WHAT'S WRONG, SHUG?

WHAT'S WRONG, UNCLE HANK?

WHEN A GIRL BREAKS YOUR HEART.

WHEN DO I GET TO SEE DAD?

WHEN IT TOOK YOU 30 MINUTES TO PRODUCE A URINE SAMPLE.

WHEN SO MANY BIG THINGS ARE WRONG AND EVIL?

WHEN YOU KNOW ABOUT NANCY IS WEIRD AT FIRST

WHEN YOU'RE GONE?

WHEN YOU'RE LOSING TO ME AT CHECKERS.

WHERE AM I CALLING?

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY SEWING WHOOSHES ON TENNIS SHOES

WHERE DO YOU THINK HE CAME FROM?

WHERE DO YOU THINK HE CAME FROM?

WHERE IS SHE?

WHICH HASN'T AFFECTED ME IN ANY WAY.

WHILE I COPY BOTH SIDES OF YOUR INSURANCE CARD.

WHILE IT'S STILL FRESH.

WHILE STILL FULFILLING MY DUTIES

WHO ARE YOU?

WHO IS IT?

WHO IS THIS, PLEASE?

WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT LOOKING LIKE A FAILURE.

WHO TOLD YOU?

WHO TOOK A FOUR HOUR COURSE, LEARNED CHOKE HOLDS

WHO WAS IT, DAD?

WHO WERE THOSE GUYS?

Who's this?

WHOO EE!

WHOO HOO! COME ON!

WHY ARE WE DRINKING BEER IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE?

WHY ARE YOUR ARMS SHAKING, MR. BOUNTY HUNTER

WHY DO YOU KEEP GIVING ALL THE CASES

WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THE WORD "GIRLFRIEND"?

WHY DO YOU THINK WE NAMED OUR SPACECRAFT AFTER THEM?

WHY DON'T I TRY A HEALING SESSION WITH YOU?

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO CHECK THE POKER TABLES?

WHY DON'T YOU TRY ON THAT LOVELY WIG?

WHY DON'T YOU TRY SOME OUT ON ME?

WHY IS THE

WHY NOT YOU?

WHY WERE YOU DANCING WITH THOSE GUYS?

WHY WHERE YOU DANCING WITH ALL THOSE GUYS?

WHY WOULD I HAVE A GUILTY CONSCIENCE?

WHY WOULD SOMEBODY LEAVE A COUCH BEHIND MY HOUSE?

WHY WOULD YOU BE JEALOUS OF LADY BIRD?

WHY, DALE.

WHY, I THINK YOU GAVE YOUR NOTICE, NITRO.

WHY, THEY HAD A FAIRYBOOK MARRIAGE.

WILL YOU BE ABLE TO OVERCOME

WILL YOU CHECK ON IT, HANK?

WITH ALL THOSE GUYS?!

WITH JUST ANY OLD DOG.

WITH LADY BIRD, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WITH OUR LIVES.

WITH PHOTOJOURNALISM.

WITH THE FINEST MAIL ORDER SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT

WITH THE HOTS FOR MY TRACK TEAM PHYSIQUE.

WITH US, BUCK.

WITH YOUR FRIENDS, SCRATCHING YOUR CAT, OR CATS.

WITH YOUR PARENTS, AND WE KNOW HOW YOU LIKE

WITHOUT MILK BALLS, HUH?

WOULD ANY OF YOU FINE FOLKS

WOULD ANYONE CARE TO COME UP

WOULD KNOW HOW TO DIAL STAR 69.

WOULD YOU LIKE A BEER?

WOULD YOU LIKE A MAGAZINE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN FOR SOME PIE?

WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW?

WOW, I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

WOW, IT'S HOT IN A DOG'S HEAD.

Y'ALL EVER THINK ABOUT DEATH?

YEAH, BUT IT WAS FUNNY.

YEAH, HANK, YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO PUT IT TO A VOTE

YEAH, I KNOW.

YEAH, I REMEMBER.

YEAH, I THINK

YEAH, I'D LOVE TO GIVE YOU A RAISE

Yeah, I'm at the corner of Sierra and Flamingo.

YEAH, MAN, I TELL YOU WHAT

YEAH, MY...

YEAH, SO, UH...

YEAH, THAT'S A LITTLE BORING, CONNIE.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YEAH, THEY FLEW A DOCTOR IN FROM CALCUTTA.

YEAH, WELL, WE WANT TO SEE ENCINO MAN

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, YOU KNOW THE ONLY THING BETTER

YEAH? OH, YOU'RE GOOD.

YEAH.

YEAH.

Yeah.

YEAH.

YEAH. WELL, ANYWAY, THE LIONS WERE BLITZING

YEARS OF CHRONIC TENSION HAVE ONLY MADE IT WORSE.

YEE HA! WELCOME TO THE PANHANDLER.

YEP, I CHANGE MY OIL EVERY 3,000 MILES

YEP.

YEP.

YEP.

YEP.

YEP.

YEP.

YEP.

YEP.

YEP. IT'S PROBABLY..

YES, AND I'VE SEEN THOSE REASONS

YES, AND LOOKING BACK NOW

YES, AND, WELL, IT'S MADE ME REALIZE

YES, HEADACHES CAN OFTEN BE CAUSED BY STRESS.

YES, SON?

YES. I MEAN..

YES. VERY TIRED

YES... I WOULD.

YET YOU STILL REFUSE TO GIVE ME A CASE?

YO, MAN. DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT... HEAR IT FROM ME, MAN.

YO, PEGGY'S GOING TO HAVE A HARD TIME

YOU AIN'T IN COMPETITION WITH ME!

YOU ALMOST DIED TODAY.

YOU AND MOM WON'T HAVE ANOTHER BABY.

YOU ARE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE AFRAID OF PROPANE

YOU ARE.

YOU BETTER NOT

YOU BRING HIM BACK, HANK.

YOU CAN DO IT, SON.

YOU CAN KEEP TRYING BY YOURSELF.

YOU CAN USE AS TEA COZY.

YOU CAN USE BOGGLE.

YOU CAN'T JUST WALK BACK OVER THERE

YOU CAN'T LET HER GET TO YOU, SON.

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.

YOU CAN'T MATE A PUREBRED BLOODHOUND

YOU COULD WRITE THAT COLUMN, AUNT PEGGY.

YOU DECLINED AN OPPORTUNITY TO GRILL;

YOU DIDN'T TALK

YOU DIM THE LIGHTS

YOU DIRTY BIRD.

YOU DO WITH A LOCAL ANESTHETIC

YOU DON'T BUY 'EM, YOU ONLY RENT 'EM.

YOU DON'T EVEN, DON'T WANT...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE TEST NOW.

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET PREGNANT...

YOU EITHER DIE OR YOU DON'T.

YOU EVER HEARD THE SONG "PEACHES"?

YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.

YOU GOT A DEAL. ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT A GOOD HUSBAND THERE.

YOU GOT ME.

YOU GOT THE JOB, THE PRESSURE'S OFF

YOU GOT THE PRICKLY HEATS?

YOU GOT TO SEE THIS.

YOU GOT YOURSELF THERE, BUCK.

YOU GUYS ARE JUST IN TIME.

YOU HAD BEAUTIFUL HAIR."

YOU HAPPY?

YOU HAVE ANOTHER KID

YOU HAVE BEEN POUNDING THE BE "HAYSUS" OUT OF THAT BEEF SINCE NOON.

YOU HAVE TO RESPECT MY NEEDS, TOO.

YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD ABOUT IT.

YOU HEAR THAT, PEGGY?

YOU KISSED ME.

YOU KNOW YEAH

YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM?

YOU KNOW MY TERMS.

YOU KNOW THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES TO HIS CLIENTS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M TIRED.

YOU KNOW, EXERCISED, CUT BACK ON THE FRUIT PIES

YOU KNOW, GETTING DATES.

YOU KNOW, HANK, I...

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN YOU GUYS KISS.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, I JUST DON'T LIKE TO DRINK ALONE.

YOU KNOW, I'M FEELING KIND OF OVERHEATED MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, I'M VERY INTERESTED IN THINGS LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, JUST THINKING ABOUT THE COUCH.

YOU KNOW, MARIE

YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M SITTING IN A CHAIR

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A BABY BORN INTO THIS WORLD

YOU KNOW...

YOU LEARNED MUSTACHES, MAILMAN SUITS AND OTHER DISGUISES.

YOU LIKES THE ANDREWS SISTERS, BOBBY?

YOU LOOK AT HIS PICTURE IN THE PAPER

YOU MADE BOBBY.

YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. THAT'S ALL.

YOU MAY NOW CALL YOURSELVES

YOU MEAN RIGHT NOW?

YOU MIGHT WANT TO OPEN THIS.

YOU MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED HER A LOT.

YOU NEED TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE.

YOU NEED TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE.

YOU NEEDN'T CONCERN YOURSELF.

YOU NEVER PUT A THERMOMETER IN MY EAR.

YOU POOR, POOR MAN.

YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID OF GIRLS.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE STANDING AFTER YOUR ACCIDENT.

YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE UP.

YOU STILL LOVE DIDI.

YOU THINK HE'S OVERCHARGING ME?

YOU THINK I LIKE TO SEE THAT OUT MY KITCHEN WINDOW?

YOU THINK I PLANNED FOR THIS?

YOU TOLD IT GREAT.

YOU WANT TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE

YOU WANT TO KISS?

YOU WANT TO KISS?

YOU WERE AN UNTRAINED, UNTESTED NO HAT.

YOU WERE BORN WITH A NARROW URETHRA.

YOU WIN

YOU WON'T GO TO WORK;

YOU WORK FOR ME.

YOU WOULD LEAVE ME THERE

YOU WOULD THINK THAT, BUT I AM SUCH A GOOD KISSER, MOM

YOU'LL SEE. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.

YOU'RE A LICENSED NEW AGE HEALER.

YOU'RE A NATURAL.

YOU'RE ALIVE!

YOU'RE BLAMING ME?!

YOU'RE CALLING HIM A QUACK?

YOU'RE GREAT.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS

YOU'RE JUST MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF, BOBBY.

YOU'RE JUST PINCHING AND SLAPPING AND POKING ME.

YOU'RE JUST SOME DELUDED BUG SPRAYER

YOU'RE MY WIFE.

YOU'RE NOT IN COMPETITION WITH ANYBODY.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONE

YOU'RE SAYING HIS METHODS AREN'T EFFECTIVE?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DANCE WITH JUST ME

YOU'RE TAKING IT PRETTY HARD.

YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S A POORLY TRAINED, QUASI LEGAL POLICE FORCE

YOU'RE TRANSFERRING, MR. HILL.

YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING FOR 12 YEARS.

YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A BIG BUCKET OF CRAP."

YOU'VE MENTIONED THAT, PEGGY.

YOUR BABY AND COTTON'S BABY

YOUR DAD GOT BLOWN UP.

YOUR DAD SAYS THAT?

YOUR DADDY'S THE RIGHT AGE TO BE HAVING BABIES.

YOUR FATHER AND I HAVE DONE THINGS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.

YOUR FATHER AND LUANNE WILL BE OUT SOON, HONEY.

YOUR FATHER HAS KISSED ME. PEGGY!

YOUR FEAR OF PROPANE.

YOUR FRIENDS FROM THE BEAUTY ACADEMY

YOUR MAMA WAS HAVING TROUBLE GETTING PREGNANT

YOUR PARENTS HAD THAT DOG A WHOLE YEAR

YOUR URETHRA WILL DISAPPEAR.

YOUR WIFE LOVES ME

YUP, IT'S, UH, 30%.

14? I DON'T KNOW WHAT BOBBY'S BEEN TELLING YOU

36 DOWN; ONLY 36 OUNCES TO GO, SON.

100.4. SHE'S READY FOR A STUD.

100.7.

HANK! CHUCK!

I GOTTA LET YOU GO. YOU'RE FIRING ME?

'CAUSE I'D LIKE TO THROW MY HAT IN THE RING.

'cause if you are, you ain't going to find me

'CAUSE IT DOESN'T REALLY GO ANYWHERE.

'CAUSE OF THE WAY I BEEN ACTING SINCE THE EXPLOSION.

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHERE'S THE ROMANCE?

'SCUSE ME, FOLKS.

'SCUSE ME, LADIES.

'SCUSE ME.

"'LIE LIKE A DOG' OFTEN ENOUGH

"AT 27 WHISTLER TERRACE

"BORROWED: ONE DOG

"BUCK, STOP LETTING THE EMPLOYEES

"EVERY TIME WE LOOK THE OTHER WAY

"FILL CUP TO LINE."

"I THINK, THEREFORE YOU ARE," MAN.

"IF SOMEONE IS LYING TO YOU

"LET'S FACE IT.

"MIX PINEAPPLE JUICE WITH CLUB SODA

"PURPOSE: NAB FUGITIVE

"RECEIPT FROM DALE GRIBBLE, BOUNTY HUNTER.

"SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

"THAT IT IS ALMOST A CLICHE, BUT, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT

"THE ANDREWS SISTERS"?

"THEY SAY CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING

"THEY'RE A PERSON.

"WE ADD A LIE TO A LIE.

"WE ALL KNOW A CERTAIN PERSON

"WE MADE YOU A WIG."

"WELL, THIS REPORTER IS NOT GOING TO LIE ANYMORE.

"WHEN IT COMES TO STARTING THE DAY

"WHO IS LYING TO HER HUSBAND.

( "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" blasting from inside)

( baby crying and screaming )

( barking )

( bell rings )

( Bill sighs )

( blowing raspberry )

( blows air through lips )

( Bobby crying )

( Bobby crying )

( Bobby gurgling )

( British accent ): OH... HMM.

( British accent ): YOU'RE RIGHT AS RAIN, WHAT WHAT?

( burping )

( car alarm sounds )

( car engine starting )

( cheering )

( cheering )

( cheering )

( cheering ) ( cheering )

( cheering and hooting )

( cheers of encouragement )

( choking ): YES.

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling )

( chuckling ): STRAWBERRY.

( chuckling ): WELL...

( clearing throat )

( clears throat )

( contented sigh )

( continues crying )

( continues vomiting )

( cooing )

( crying ): WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

( dance music playing )

( deep sigh )

( deep voice ): MM HMM. HE WAS HERE.

( door opening, closing )

( doorbell chimes )

( doorbell ringing )

( doorbell ringing )

( doorbell rings )

( dry chuckle ) VERY FUNNY.

( exhales )

( explosion )

( footsteps running )

( fork scraping plate )

( frustrated sigh )

( gagging and vomiting )

( gasping )

( gasping )

( gasping )

( gasping )

( gasping )

( gasping ) STOP THAT!

( gasping ): OH, MY LORD!

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( gasps from crowd )

( giggling )

( groaning )

( groaning )

( groans )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( grunting and yelling )

( guffawing )

( Hank and Peggy chuckling )

( heavy sigh )

( high pitched voice): EE AW!

( hissing )

( horn honking )

( horn honks )

( imitating Elvis ) THANK YOU.

( kiaiing )

( kissing noises )

( laughing )

( laughing )

( laughing )

( laughing )

( laughing )

( laughing ): OH, SUG...

( laughing harder )

( laughs )

( laughs )

( laughs nervously )

( Marie laughing )

( men grunting )

( men laughing )

( mouthpiece hissing )

( music stops )

( music stops )

( Nancy moans )

( noisy chewing )

( noisy eating )

( old man groan )

( panting )

( panting )

( Peggy laughing )

( Peggy laughing )

( Peggy sighs )

( people cheering )

( phone ringing )

( phone ringing )

( phone rings )

( playing "Feels So Good" )

( playing "Taps" )

( relieved sigh )

( retching )

( revving motor )

( ringing )

( screaming )

( screaming )

( screaming )

( screams )

( screams )

( screams )

( short scream )

( shrieks )

( sighing )

( sighing )

( sighing ): ...ALL FOR THE BEST.

( sighing ): FOR GOD SAKES, PEGGY, COME ON.

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( singing along ): * WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT ME *

( sirens wailing )

( slurping )

( slurping )

( slurping )

( snarling )

( snarling, barking )

( sniffing )

( sniffling )

( sniffling )

( sniffling )

( sniffling )

( sniffs )

( sniffs )

( snorts )

( sobbing )

( sobbing )

( sobbing ): BUCKLEY.

( sobbing ): I KISSED MARIE ON THIS COUCH.

( solemnly ): LUANNE, TAKE OFF HER UNDERWEAR.

( speaking gibberish )

( speaking gibberish )

( sputtering )

( stops abruptly )

( strumming ballad )

( theme from Sanford and Son playing )

( theme from What's Happening? playing )

( tires squealing )

( vomiting )

( wailing )

( weak laugh )

( whale songs playing on tape )

( whimpering )

( whining )

( whispering ): NARROW URETHRA.

( whistles )

( yawns )

( yelling )

( yelps )

♪ ...TILL I COME MARCHING HOME. ♪

♪ BIG, BAD JOHN. ♪

♪ DON'T SIT UNDER THE APPLE TREE ♪

♪ EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL, IN ITS OWN WAY ♪

♪ GOIN' TO THE COUNTRY ♪

♪ GOIN' TO THE COUNTRY, GONNA EAT A LOT OF PEACHES ♪

♪ I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE ♪

♪ I CAN'T... ♪

♪ LIKE THE S... ♪

♪ There's a tear in my beer... ♪

♪ You were on my lonely mind... ♪

$500, THE FIRST SESSION, $400, EACH ADDITIONAL SESSION

♪ GONNA EAT A LOT OF PEACHES..