Bob's Burgers Thanks-hoarding - Season 8 Edit

A And you need to come upstairs.

A second stomach. Where's the wishbone?

Ah, let's just take a little peek.

Ah, well, that's what tablecloths are for

Ah. Oh, it stopped.

All anyone will smell is delicious turkey.

All of it... and wrote down

All right, go get plates and silverware

All right, I'm gonna go call him from the bedroom

All right, let me get you a new shirt and, uh,

All right, sounds great.

All right, we'll figure it out.

All right. And the trick is, with the rubs,

All this stuff can be fixed.

All wound up, and it's a real turnoff.

Almost as good as the one I left at home

An old telephone without a receiver.

And act like you're putting it in the oven

And everything was all put away and now it's everywhere.

And everything will be ready for our noon meal.

And her boyfriend, oh, uh, have I never used his name?

And I call this Magic 8 Ball with all the water drained out

And I caught my shirt on the dresser handle,

And I I was thinking about spatchcocking.

And I spat g**** juice everywhere.

And I still barely have enough time

And I turned around to look what happened

And I went smack, right into the door!

And if anyone comes and asks anything about it,

And if they say, "Vinny's out of the joint?"

And it's different. I'm just nervous.

And just close the doors! Ow!

And let's take 'em to the Dumpster!

And making stuffing.

And my mom next to "Terry."

And my mom would yell back,

And now my sister is staying near the airport

And now you're making us do stuff, right?

And putting up with my stuff.

And say, "Thank you, milady."

And that hoarder needs our help.

And that one's probably got enough food stains on it.

And the kids and I will set up out here, okay?

And the perfect turkey's in the oven.

And the rest of those darn Belchers."

And the timing of the yams was off.

And then come to my place to have dinner!

And then my neighbors would yell, "Shut up!"

And then the cuckoo scared me,

And then you massage in the rub

And then... go from there.

And this pile hates him.

And when he sits at that table and he says what he's thankful for,

And you ask, "Does this love me?"

And you can have a nice Thanksgiving

And you have a whole Thanksgiving dinner up there,

And you press it flat. It cooks more evenly.

And your dining room looks so beautiful.

And, you know, most people

And, you know, we're here, so...

Are trying to see who can find the best thing.

As it would to fix up the dining room.

Aw, and we'll help you carry the stuff you want back up.

Because you had problems last week!"

BELCHERS: ♪ That makes you the waffle ♪

BELCHERS: ♪ That makes you the waffle ♪

BELCHERS: ♪ That makes you the waffle ♪

BELCHERS: ♪ That makes you the waffle. ♪

Bob, come on, I'm desperate here.

Bob, he's our friend.

BOB: Linda, can I get a hand in here?

BOB: So, tomorrow, you just take this guy out

BOB: Teddy, uh, wh what happened to you?

BOB: We gotta get out of this Dumpster.

BOB: Well, we got you a good bird, Teddy.

Bob! I'm looking at your notes,

Burn it? In the alley?

But he has too much.

But I don't keep 600 pounds of food in my dining room.

But is it in love with you?

But it already has some stuff in it.

But it just got more and more painful, so I stopped.

But lots of chopsticks

But Teddy said not to go in there.

But the dining room is part of Thanksgiving.

But the pictures don't match and the green beans are burning,

But this isn't my thing.

But we can't write that. Can we write that?!

But we found a dining table under all of the stuff.

But who should I sit between?

But why do you have all this stuff?

But, Teddy, now you're alone on Thanksgiving.

Can I have a word with you in the kitchen?

Can you push it over to the...?

Can you write in cursive?

Come on, guys. That'll be fun, right?

Come on, where's your Turkey Day spirit?

Completely for nothing.

Cook his Thanksgiving dinner, and we did that.

Dad gets weird about Thanksgiving.

Definitely put my sister next to her husband,

Did I tell you guys I'm using a new brine?

Did you try tapping his food bowl?

Does this stool love me? Yes.

Don't know how it got in here; It's perfectly good.

Don't overthink it. You get yourself

Don't say another word. I'm gonna write it all down.

Don't touch anything gross.

Eh, it's probably me. I get panic stink.

Eh. Bob, open up.

Exactly when you're supposed to put these in the oven.

Exactly, Bob.

Find something we can use as a runner

Fixing the chair, obviously.

For de cluttering where you hold something up

From inside your house to not inside your house.

From takeout in the drawer next to the sink.

From the kitchen and set up the table.

From upstairs down here, live in the Dumpster.

GENE: For different moods.

GENE: That was a good 'un, Pa

GENE: The back is a festive beige.

GENE: This is so good I'm gonna wish for

GENE: You're mistaking lust for love.

Gene. It's when you take the backbone out of the turkey

Get ready for Turkey 2: Judgment Day!

Go on

Good news, Teddy. The dinner will be ready

Good one, T.

Good thing I... spatchcock!

Great

He can't have gone far; Let's check outside.

He says he's gonna borrow it from a job site,

He'll say, "Linda."

He's probably hiding something creepy,

Hello.

Hello.

Helps get you through the day, then what's the big deal?

Here in the middle of the room?

Here, I brought some aftershave for that.

Hey, look, the other half of the waffle maker.

Hey, Teddy, what are you doing?

Hmm. My outlook for beating that is not so good

Hmm. Want to talk about the two legged chairs?

How about a sheet?

How do you decide what the best thing is?

How many people are you having?

Huh. Lot of stuff.

I already had two. It just spreads the smell around.

I call the light bulbs. I promise I'll be super,

I can't believe all of this was in one room

I can't do that. I just have the one on my bed.

I can't look. I mean, I'm gonna go back in the kitchen

I can't wait to grow up and get my own place

I could take a nibble.

I could use a rub.

I don't know how to do any of that stuff!

I don't know. I'm nervous, Bob! I'm freaking out here!

I don't know. My sister, her husband, my mom,

I guess I could call Dennis.

I have a new brine I'm trying,

I I didn't have time to get into it.

I I don't get weird.

I I mean, I thought he had so little,

I I mean, we're gonna change the location of some of it

I I'm gonna write down instructions for your dinner.

I I'm taking out the backbone.

I knew I was saving those for something.

I knew that. (Laughs) This?

I know, but getting a Dumpster on such short notice?

I know, but I've never hosted before.

I mean, Thanksgiving happens once a year.

I mean, we're all here for Teddy, of course, but dig in.

I miss him. But that's okay

I sanded it down to refinish it, but then I started working

I smell something funky.

I sure don't need all those things that we put in the Dumpster.

I thought women had to deal with unfair body expectations.

I tried to tough it out, but I...

I was rushing around, trying to get everything ready for today,

I was supposed to go to my sister's for Thanksgiving,

I was thinking, like, maybe just a couple of armloads of stuff.

I was trying to shave with an old razor.

I wasn't listening.

I wonder how he's doing over there.

I'll get over it.

I'll tell you what, you can start peeling the carrots if you want.

I'm a fixer, I fix things.

I'm asking you, help me out.

I'm fine. I'm just gonna bring some of my stuff back upstairs.

I'm gonna fix that waffle maker soon.

I'm gonna put these into piles

I'm holding a little spelling test tension right back here.

I'm I'm... I'm just so happy.

I'm off the hook. Them coming tomorrow is better.

I'm saving that until I find the other half.

I'm the front runner with that Gerald Ford bobble head

I've always been a fixer.

If he's following my very clear instructions,

If I start the carrots at 11:30 tomorrow,

If I was supposed to start the turkey yet.

If this is how I go, this is how I go.

If those tips could talk.

If we find that son of a bitch cuckoo, I call it for best thing.

If we soak 'em in gas, they'll burn real pretty.

In kind of a judgey way.

In the closet here, but stay out of that room.

Is Dennis the Dumpster Fairy?

Is he in the bathroom? Knock, knock.

Is it noticeable?

Is on their way, and he's missing.

Isn't this great?

It does smell good. Guess I could have a bite.

It isn't hurting anybody, right?

It might be okay to give up on the half a waffle maker.

It won't take much time

It's a five. You just said it.

It's a great time. I'm just fixing a couple of things.

It's actually making me sick. Is that normal?

It's foolproof.

It's how you get the turkey flat for spatchcocking.

It's just kinda echo y in here because of my couch.

It's not "stuff," Bob. It's things.

It's not fun, Linda. I got to cook and what, uh,

It's not weird to try and make it perfect.

It's probably why you like butter so much.

It's right there

Just as long to put everything back

Just call the Dumpster Fairy?

Just pretend like you're putting those carrots in the oven.

Just put "Mom" for my mom... She'll know what that means.

Just, um, that was a lot of work,

Kids, don't touch those. Put that stuff back

Kids, have you seen Teddy?

Kids, no. Teddy's not living in the Dumpster.

Kids, shh shh.

Kids, we're helping him. Grab something.

Let me get some paper.

Let's check in here.

Let's just take a shot and go with... Terry.

Let's keep looking for the candles.

Like a dead body or an indoor hot tub.

Like I do every year, but now my mom's flying in,

Like, almost too much. It's embarrassing.

Lin, we came here to help him

LINDA: ♪ An aquarium pump don't belong in the dump ♪

LINDA: Bob, Teddy, come out here please!

Look at those legs

LOUISE: Like unopened, blank VHS tapes.

LOUISE: Orange peel for flavor

LOUISE/BOB: We have to go to Teddy's

Many hands make work easier. Or something.

Maybe a small shopping bag.

Maybe I'm gonna move 'em upstairs if I want to.

Maybe we can arrange them like candles?

Maybe wipe the blood off your face.

Maybe. No.

Me and my sister just call him Boy toy,

Mm hmm. Things I'm fixing up. I'm a handyman, you know.

Mmm, those are good. Give me the other one.

My mom missed her flight,

My mom's new, slightly age inappropriate boyfriend.

My sister and her husband are Dana and Dan.

N Never mind. You're... You'll be fine.

Needs its last basting,

No pressure for a perfect meal or perfect setting.

No. Drained 8 Ball.

No. I was gonna get the pump working

No. This is great.

No. Why does he need five plungers?

Nothing much in there... just a couple of personal things.

O Okay. Well, let's eat while everything's hot.

Oh, and it's a beaut.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, God, what are you doing?

Oh, good knock knock.

Oh, good!

Oh, hey. Nothing.

Oh, how fun.

Oh, I think that ship has sailed, Teddy.

Oh, I was just thinking that we'd put everything

Oh, it's real.

Oh, my God. Teddy's family

Oh, so, just snap off the tops, huh?

Oh, Teddy, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, the Dumpster's here. It's here.

Oh, wait. What about some place cards for the table?

Oh, wash it off quick. That's...

Oh, whoa.

Oh. (Inhales) Mmm, Bobby.

Oh. Hey, then... why don't you join me?

Oh. It did? Yeah, that happens.

Oh. What happened to your cheek?

Okay, but just watch this, Lin. I have to crack the chest.

Okay, Dennis is bringing a Dumpster by in a little while.

Okay, everyone, let's focus on the food.

Okay, here you go. Just slip this on.

Okay, I think I have it

Okay, I'll tell you what

Okay, I'm back, ha ha. Uh, pick up a dish

Okay, just grab the peeler right there

Okay, my redemption dinner is served.

Okay, now let's let's get all that stuff back.

Okay, Teddy, I heard of a technique

Okay, Teddy, Thanksgiving is

Okay, Teddy. Does this love you?

Okay, Teddy. I I did all the work...

Okay, then I I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Okay, this is the pile that loves Teddy.

Okay. All right.

Okay. And then we pull the chairs over.

Okay. I think there are some candles

On the floor, but he hasn't RSVP'd.

On this cuckoo clock to fix that

Once I'm done with the rub, we'll put this in the fridge,

Ooh. Now let me just flick your pits.

Or as I call it, turkey lube.

Or it might be easier to just move a couple things

Or our fairy god Dumpster?

Or they're already burnt, and I didn't know

Plus, there's a big stain on the table.

Probably better than I did.

Put all the... Put the... put that stuff back

Right before your family arrives and it's gonna be perfect!

Right? Is that a five or an "S"?

Right. And I'm a cook,

Right. Why didn't you just say that?

See if we get that filled up.

Set out plates? Right? Is that what you do?

Shouldn't we call a doctor or a TV show?

Show us exactly where you want your guests

So am I. You don't hear me bragging about it.

So everyone grab as much as you can from these two piles,

So it's easier for my sister to pick her up

So nice and clean?

So she can pick her up in the morning.

So where should we put these bad boys?

So you can have Thanksgiving dinner in there

So you can't hear me swearing about all this.

So, first I'll show you how to do the rub.

So, where are you gonna set up your table?

Some basic instructions for you.

Sometimes. But, boy, could they yell.

Spatchcocking? With those hips? Honey, no.

Still no candles.

Super gentle when I throw them in the Dumpster

T R E E E E E.

Tablecloth? What's a tablecloth?

Teddy and a stool, sitting in a tree...

Teddy has a box of doorknobs for some reason.

Teddy is a hoarder.

Teddy, can you get a Dumpster over here?

Teddy, hold that sad thought for one sec. I'll be right back.

Teddy, I don't know. We closed early,

Teddy, I might regret asking this,

Teddy, I'll go grab you a shirt

Teddy, look at all this. It's a lot.

Teddy, you sat between your parents

TEDDY: "Put in oven at 2:00 for 45 minutes at 350 degrees."

TEDDY: ♪ My parents were the two halves of the waffle maker ♪

TEDDY: ♪ My parents were the two halves of the waffle maker ♪

TEDDY: ♪ My parents were the two halves of the waffle maker ♪

TEDDY: I can fix it!

TEDDY: I can fix it!

Teddy! Teddy!

Teddy?

Teddy's a hoarder.

Teddy's so lucky to have friends like us.

Teddy's sounds like a disaster.

Tell you what, you and Bob start on the food,

Th That's it. Nice and easy.

Thank you guys for all your help with my stuff.

Thank you. I mean, we might as well stay, right?

Thanks for coming! Happy Thanksgiving! What took you so long?!

That doesn't bobble.

That I think will help you decide

That I wish I was with right now.

That looks like it could peel a carrot.

That loves me. It really does.

That makes you a waffle.

That was my sister.

That would spruce this sucker up a little.

That's how you want to represent yourself cooking?

That's the spatula.

That's what Emeril does. "Bam"?

That's why God invented gravy.

The living room is nice enough

The most important meal of the year,

The permits, the red tape... What am I supposed to do,

The stuff you wanna keep is back where it was. And then some.

The the turkey was a little dry.

The... I It's that thing right next to the carrots.

There's plastic utensils and paper plates

They should be done right when the turkey

They were a little cold by the time everything else was done.

They would yell and yell,

This can't go to the dump, Bob. It's not trash.

This is a very, very great... Nice job, everybody.

This is awful!

This is bad. His family's coming

This is really good.

This is the pile that likes him, but is ready to move on.

Time to take back Thanksgiving!

TINA: And old thermometers.

TINA: I think the spatchcocking broke it.

TINA: I'm a tryp to fan of what you did with this turkey.

TINA: Ow.

To cover up the stain on the table, okay?

To do everything I have to do for our Thanksgiving.

To help him with his Thanksgiving,

Ugh, give me some wine. Give me some wine.

Ugh. That's the... that's the part you don't eat.

Uh, I I guess it's it's great.

Uh, okay, but is this a good time to do that?

Wait a minute, I messed up our Thanksgiving.

Wait, did you bring broken chunks of concrete up here?

Wait, the turkey's gonna be ready in an hour,

We did this all too fast.

We don't have time to de hoard his dining room.

We found your dining room.

We looked in every room, twice.

We need to be here for him, okay?

We pushed you too hard

We say, "Yeah, Vinny's out, and he's got big plans."

We we spent so much time at Teddy's,

We'll come over and help you, Teddy, all right?

We'll just hang out.

We're supposed to say, "Vinny said it was okay."

We're taking a little table setting break.

We're talking about the bird, Gene. We're gonna rub it.

Well, glad we could help, so we should probably go, right?

Well, how do you usually do it?

Well, I was going to say "sentence."

Well, if keeping stuff to fix

Well, it helps to say it out loud so I get it right.

Well, kids, call time out on your little game.

Well, once I get the food going,

Well, that was the last of it

Well, uh, maybe maybe take a shower.

Well, when I was a kid, I'd just sit between my parents,

Well, you can add orange peel...

What about this?

What are we gonna do with all the stuff that doesn't love him?

What do you mean it sounds like I'm in a Dumpster?

What is this, some sort of hookah?

What? It just smells kind of like my locker.

What? No, that's a storage room.

What? When? What? Yes.

When they would argue.

Where could Teddy have gone?

Where is he?

Whether or not they love you, okay?

Which makes the turkey, like, the king of foods.

Who cares? It's all the same temperature in here...

Who needs luck when I got these Polaroids? Ah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. A Dumpster?

Why is everyone so disgusted by turkey preparation?

With a room full of newspapers and engine parts and..

With your family at the dining room table.

Would be turned on by a new brine.

Would you, uh, give the potatoes a stir?

Yeah, but this seems like a bubble letter situation.

Yeah, but you're making it work.

Yeah, how'd that get there?

Yeah, I guess that could work.

Yeah, it would take us

Yeah, my arms are pretty tired from writing the place cards.

Yeah, Teddy. This stuff is going to the dump.

Yeah, that's good rebar.

Yeah, that's not how it goes. You sound ridiculous

Yeah, we all have our things.

Yeah. It is... (stammers)

Yep

You don't just give up on stuff; You can fix it.

You guys weren't supposed to see it

You just break off the concrete and voilà.

You kids do that, and I'll keep going with Teddy.

You know construction people, right?

You know it when you see it.

You know what? I'm already doing it,

You know, we just ate an entire Thanksgiving meal

You look like you just got beat up by an Edward Scissorhand.

You were the peacemaker.

You're crazy, Bob. It was good.

You're right, let me fix it.

Your mom and dad are the two halves of the waffle maker.

98 degrees "Fartenheit."

350 degrees. Why why would it be an "S"?

(groaning nervously) Okay, Teddy, all we have to do is get

(screams) Teddy?

(sighs) Uh, fine. Oh, your breath.

(thud) Teddy? Is that you?

A BLS. So what are the names of your family?

A box of doorknobs. A box of doorknobs who?

Aah

Aah. What the...?

all nailed down now.

And a little on the cheeks. (Teddy screams)

and gently make your way to the neck. Wow.

and I'll help you with that. Is this peeled enough?

and only one fork. Hmm.

and peel the carrots

and put him in the oven for... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

and see what Bob's doing. Okay, I'll handle it.

And the rub as the paint. Lot of metaphors, Bobby.

Are you crying? No.

as hard as I can. (Teddy groans)

Attaboy, attaboy. Right. Yup. Nice job.

Cheaper rent. Great light.

Come on, just push it the other way. No.

Could we use this as the runner? Eh

Did ya get... Yes! Oh, right in my mouth.

Do I tip or...? What, what..

Easy. Easy. Easy. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Eh, it was fine, I guess. What?

Fine, I'll go second. Okay

Fine! How does my hair look? It it's a little messy.

Free rebar. Free bar.

Get it? It was so good and I ate so much,

Go, go learn how to cook. "Bam." Right?

Go. Okay, right. Yes, going

Ha! Flick it. Right. Yeah, put it in there.

Hates him. Okay, what's the fourth pile?

Hold the handle. Teddy

I can't even finish this... Pie?

I care too much, Tina be shopping. What?

I I don't think that's a real thing. It is

I win! What?

I'd let that hold my turkey. Right?

I'm I'm covered in poultry. Okay.

I'm gonna go get my camera. Your camera? Why?

I'm keeping that. Huh.

I'm not an idiot. You're holding the blade.

is to go under the skin. All right? Yep.

It burns! It burns! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It doesn't make any sense! Come on, Bobby, help me out!

It means a lot. Of course.

It's an aquarium pump. Do you have an aquarium?

It's beautiful. No.

It's not very Thanksgivingy.

It's Teddy. He's not doing well. (Teddy shouting)

It's... No, right. Yes. Right.

KIDS: Whoa. Oh, my God!

Knock, knock. Who's there?

LINDA: Oh, that stuff loves me. Loves her

Louise. You're coming, too, Miss Missy

Mom has her wine. Oh, there it is. Thank you, Gene.

New best thing! Beat that! Impossible.

New front runner. (chuckles nervously)

No, I do not. Uh, Linda,

No, I got it. Right. You're holding the blade.

Not lately. We invited Teddy to join us

Off with their heads. (Laughs) (chuckles)

Oh, God. (Teddy shouting)

Oh, my face! Did I get ya?

Oh, my God. (chuckles)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. And now you know.

Oh, no. Oh.

Oh. Yeah. Give me the wine. Oh, oh.

Okay. Good luck tomorrow, Teddy.

Okay. Not a whole lot of plates

On it. Give me space. All right. Good. Yep.

on the coffee table. Perfect.

One less thing to do tomorrow. Right, right.

Push it the other way. Just take the picture!

rid of some of this stuff, right? What?!

Right? Nice and cozy, though, right? Eh.

so I can redeem myself. So you can redeem yourself.

so I'll I'll just finish. Right. You finish.

so they wouldn't argue so much. Did it work?

So you start at the bottom, Yeah.

Teddy, go! Right?

Teddy, this is crazy. I'm a visual learner

TEDDY: I can fix it! ♪ But is a Gerald Ford bobble head ♪

TEDDY: I can fix it! LINDA: ♪ A phone with no receiver ♪

TEDDY: I can fix it! LINDA: ♪ Who really cares ♪

TEDDY: No. Okay, sorry to bother you.

Teddy! Here, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.

Teddy! Teddy, where are you?

Tell me again. Gene, no.

Thanks, Linda. Oh, the smell.

then he should be doing just fine. (phone rings)

Then we sit on the couch, right? Very sad.

This is better. That's right.

This is so much better. There he is

This? That's the spatula again.

to be underwhelmed. Louise.

Tomorrow's better? Tomorrow's way better.

Uh oh. Uh, you know what? Ow. How do you... Ow. Ow.

Uh, surprise. Oh. Oh.

Uh, what? I need your help

We already ate. Oh, we, uh...

What? I I thought you'd want to see me do it.

Whoa. Whoa. I'm with her.

Write write write it up. Bob, no.

Yeah, that's a good idea, Teddy. Mm

Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I'm...

Yeah. No, no, no, no.

Yeah. No.

Yeah. Think of the meat as the canvas. Oh

Yep, the king. Okay. Got it.

Yes. Wrong

You do it. Ah...

You found it. (gasps) New best thing.

You got to come over to help me! Okay.

You guys are weird. (phone rings)

You know what this means? Please don't say..

You may have mentioned it. The brine blogs are going nuts.

You told us, Bob. We know.

You were trying to fix things. Oh, yeah.

"Mind your own business, Finelli's,

(chuckles) Th That's a ladle.

(chuckles): It's not peeled at all.

(gags)

(gasps)

(gasps) Oh, my God, I'm having a brain smart.

(grunting): You have to be pretty strong to do this.

(imitates sad trombone): ♪ Wah wah

(laughs) ♪ Bwah bwah ♪ to you, Louise.

(mouth full): Mmm. This is amazing, Bob.

(panting): Bob! Bob. Bob.

(quietly): Are we sure we want to get into this?

(sighs) All right, well, I I guess I could write out

(sighs) Fine.

(sighs) I really wish I had spatchcocked the turkey.

(sighs) Never mind, it's filled with pennies.

(sighs) Why are you so nervous? It's just your family

(sings fanfare) Here he comes, right?

(sniffling) Yeah. You were just trying to help.

(sniffs) Ew. What is that?

(spits) Ugh. Mmm. Good wine.

(Teddy grunting)

(voice breaking): Mmm. It really is.

♪ About two legged chairs? No one but Teddy ♪

♪ Give it to Teddy ♪

♪ My parents were the two halves of the waffle maker ♪

♪ Should be chopped up with a cleaver, 'less you're Teddy ♪

♪ That doesn't really bobble worth your trouble? ♪

♪ Where you'll have the best Thanksgiving ever ♪

♪ You're welcome. ♪ (Vocalizing)

♪ ♪