Frasier - Season 1 Edit

A buddy of mine is running the Widows and Orphans Fund benefit,

A capital idea. We'll join you and give these kids

A car backfired and half of them wet their gowns.

A creative approach, but hardly a long term solution.

A Frenchman who lived in a self contained underground ecopod.

A funny thing happened the other day. One of my patients had a Freudian slip.

A good health care provider is up with the cock.

A home? He's still a young man.

A Hugo Boss tie.

A lesser critic would have wasted our time

A Lichtenstein? He sounds perfect.

A little treat for Dad. Some Devonshire clotted cream.

A man doesn't just turn and run.

A manic depressive and the rest feel their lives are going nowhere.

A model! How wonderful! For you...

A nice big Band Aid! Nice try.

A painful, gut wrenching experience.

A ponytail and a T shirt under his coat?

A ponytail and a T shirt under his coat?

A pre eminent neo fauvist and you put her on hold!

A remarkable man. 30 years on the police force.

A Rent a car, thanks to my brother.

A very romantic dinner. Thanks, Elaine.

A well dressed man. He's wearing wing tips and a trench coat.

A woman with bad breath was licking my face.

About a horse driven sleigh ride and a balloon trip.

About living life for the little joys and surprises it can give us.

About two months ago

Absolutely.

Absolutely. We've been just horrid.

According to this, there was a three week period

Actually, I do most of my shopping by phone.

Actually, Maris and l had our rehearsal dinner here.

Actually, that rumour about someone being let go: it's true.

Actually, this is quite stimulating in a lower depths way.

Actually, yes, but don't worry. I'm frequently wrong

Actually, you're onto something there, Dad. Yeah...

After a few drinks, she gets amorous and won't take no for an answer.

After all I've done for this station!

After school only "Patches" didn't show up.

After the Christmas party, I poured a colleague into a cab,

After you met with Dad the other night,

Agreed, but they went on and had a very happy life together.

Agreed?

Ah, Dr Crane, you're home.

Ah, Italia!

Ah, no, I mean just those of you who are calling in!

Ah, seems I got you going there, OK! All right, then.

Ah, well, lucky everything.

Ah, yes. There are a million stories in the naked city.

Ah!

Ah! Look who just crawled in: Dr Frasier Crane.

Ah. There's one sure way to get the truth.

Ah...

Alan in Accounting got it from Stephen in Promotions,

All I got was a cheap glass of wine. Loire Valley, my ass.

All it was was "Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Notre Dame."

All kids start out cute, then somewhere along the way,

All Lupe wanted was to be remembered.

All of a sudden, something flew up in my eye.

All right, but she might as well be.

All right, but stop shadowing me! I don't need a nursemaid!

All right, Dad. Why don't you see my doctor?

All right, Frasier. Just give me the brick and no one will get hurt.

All right, he was driving it.

All right, I had to tell him something.

All right, I'll do it.

All right, if that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse.

All right, just give me your word.

All right, my deal. Dollar ante to start. Five card draw.

All right, you go claim the washing machines. I'll go get the laundry.

All right, you've had your fun. Show is over. Go back to your homes.

All right!

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. I'll tell you something about myself that you don't know.

All right. Listen carefully to what I say. Your problem...

All right. Look at this.

All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?

All they're getting is a gourmet meal

All you have to do to win is run those last five balls.

Almost everybody's having the Christmas platter.

Almost nine.

Almost stereotypical of a man who spent his entire life behind bars.

Already? I thought it was going well.

Also included is our garlic cheese bread.

Am I some sort of canine enigma?

Amen.

Amidst a great gaping silence?

Among other things.

An amusing play on words! A regular George S Kaufman.

An old case from the police force, the weeping lotus murder.

And "The Sunday Times" is very heavy.

And a batch of Grammy Moon's famous sticky buns.

And a credit to the psychiatric profession.

And actually lived happily ever after.

And BANG, he drops dead of a heart attack

And brew you a nice pot of tea?

And close that barn door. We got a lady in the house now.

And Coach Medwick just stood there going... Whatever that means

And considering my track record lately, I'd expect your support.

And didn't that just dress it up.

And enjoy your African erotic art.

And every time I do, I'm uplifted by its beauty

And everything. When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought?

And fall asleep drooling on the couch.

And fashionably late, of course!

And for highlighting it in yellow.

And have come to the incontrovertible conclusion

And he cheats on his wife.

And he did. And he does.

And he needs some local celebrities for his bachelor auction.

And here, you can still see the edges of a dress and a handbag and sandals.

And how do you repay me?

And how's work?

And I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to see you again...

And I don't want it cooked, just lightly seared.

And I had to cut him out of his pantyhose.

And I just can't understand how someone like Gary,

And I know where you live, and I'll track you down!

And I left rather abruptly.

And I never understood it during my formative years,

And I notice the garbage man looking at me

And I was repeating it to someone, he heard me. That's why he told you.

And I'm calling to inquire about your minimum dress code.

And I'm Frasier Crane... The lo ove doctor.

And I'm left holding the bag, literally and figuratively.

And I'm not stopping till I do.

And I've often condemned him for it.

And if you can't commit, it's best for both of you to break it off.

And if you feel the same, I hope you'll find it in your heart

And if you're having problems with your mother, I'd be glad to listen.

And imagines how beautiful she'll look on tomorrow's front page.

And it takes forever to fill out the name tags.

And it was going to be hot.

And let me remind you once more that our topic today is intrusion...

And looked up my entries from our last summer together at the lake.

And maybe save a small forest.

And my social life consisted of hanging around a bar every night.

And no more of this "Dr and Mrs Crane" formality.

And nobody liked these more than Grammy.

And none of us could contain our laughter.

And now my father and his dog are living with me.

And PBS has a documentary on the swing bands of the '30s and '40s.

And pecked out this chef d'Å"uvre,

And place them on the objects you would like bequeathed to you

And pretending to lose the key

And probably end up spitting out my teeth like Chiclets

And quick release suspenders.

And rip your smelly old sneakers out of a homeless man's hands.

And said they can't get over why someone died?

And said, "Hey, let's turn it into a restaurant!"

And says he can't because he has a fear of touching anything sticky.

And she only talks about herself.

And she told me that this painting was not her work.

And she was supposed to look after my daughter.

And she's just collapsed in tears. She's sobbing uncontrollably.

And show you why it's the best engineered chair in the world!

And something about you tells me I'd like to.

And start with the hors d'Å"uvres.

And stuffs her into a bowling bag.

And take me out behind the woodshed?

And thanks to radio boy here, most of Seattle agrees with me.

And the crotch of my pantyhose is creeping down to my knees.

And the others: go out and treat yourself to something special.

And then burning up the court on Sundays?

And then someone who takes care of himself can die at 41.

And then they don't even show up.

And these incredible buns of steel. Feel them, Doc. C'mon, feel them!

And they had Father Mike filling in. I hate that!

And this beautiful pair of sneakers flew off a car and landed on my feet.

And three is such an awkward number, you know, at a...at a dinner.

And thus my son is, which makes me sort of, well... No, I'm not *******.

And what in God's name is pulping?

And whatever the consequences to me, I'm willing to accept it.

And won't that be nice?

And you are..?

And you didn't jump, huh?

And you kept referring to Jerry, with the identity crisis, as "Jeff".

And you know as well as I do, history is full of sexy limpers.

And you know what we do when we get a house call from the doctor.

And you stopped me.

And you thought I was going to embarrass you.

And you?

And you'll be a stronger person for it. Do you follow me?

And you're going down hard.

And, if we're lucky, it'll be one day soon.

Any chance of getting a table for four on Saturday, at, say, 8:00?

Any doubts, check with a fellow in Manchester named Nigel Tavers.

Any good?

Anything else I can do?

Anything else?

Anyway, my point is,

Anyway, tell your father I stopped by. I felt so silly crying the other night.

Apparently about as much as you do.

Apparently not!

Apparently, Mr Mann heard your programme.

Apparently, you're the only one who missed it.

Are you implying you want to fight me?

Are you taking separate elevators again?

Aren't you a little hothouse orchid?

Aren't you forgetting something? Shouldn't we talk about this in private?

Arlene? Bob Brisco's about to jump into the office... Oh, he did?

As a man with normal sexual urges.

As God is my judge, I swear Mrs Presley Bismuth

As I peered out through the darkness,

As I was leaving, Dad decided to cook lunch by the glow of a small kitchen fire.

As in "Gee, what a lovely burden"?

As long as your conscience is clear. Mine wouldn't be.

As Marianne rushes to the guest room with a bucket of ice water,

As Pam belly crawls across her living room...

As some of you may know, yesterday,

As we head into our second hour, I'd like to lighten things up a bit.

As we speak, I'm wearing oversized polka dot boxers

As you can see from my résumé.

As your brother and as your friend, why are you doing this?

As your brother, as a therapist, I think you have to let this go.

Ask me what?

Ask yourself, have you tried to sit down talk to him? I mean really talk to him?

At least he went quick.

At least I didn't get spontaneous nosebleeds.

At the cabin, there's an old stump that the local children enjoy kicking.

At the end of the evening, he tendered his resignation.

At the meeting, I convinced my fellow psychiatrists to play a prank on him

At the Topaz Room. It sounded harmless.

Attempt to get Bulldog his job back

Aunt Vivienne said she looked like a knackwurst tied in the middle.

B A T H.

Back after this.

Bad news?

Barry, I've got to put you on hold

Be patient. You don't want to drag your leg behind you like a dead branch.

Be right on it.

Bearing in mind the slightest error either way, and it's ruined.

Because as he put it, "Women don't like a spare tyre on a man."

Because I feel fine. And I don't like Dr Jennings.

Because I have one.

Because I was so humiliated.

Because someone hasn't been smelling so fresh lately.

Because someone is long overdue for a tub.

Believe me, I've checked.

Belt up, both of you!

Besides, I got Mom's small features while you got Dad's chunky thighs

Better get going.

Better known as the Mouth.

Between the trees I saw Dad and Mrs Lawlor in each other's arms.

Big talk from a Volvo.

Bonnie "The Auto Lady" Weems?

Bonnie drinks more than she should at these parties,

Bonnie Weems is kind of an office legend.

Borrow a page from my book: move to a new city. A new state.

Boy, I can really pick 'em, can't l?

Boys, please, don't fight! Are you forgetting what day it is?

Brace yourself.

Bring back a suitcase full of memories. Will you do that?

Bring the darling in.

Bulldog called. He wants you to take his slot on Christmas.

Bulldog has devoted 15 years to radio

Bulldog meant big numbers to us. We need him back.

Bulldog tendered his resignation.

Bulldog, how long have you been...?

Bulldog, I already told you that...

Bulldog, my son Frederick is flying in to spend the holidays with me.

Bulldog? Oh, what a shame.

Burial... Casket... Caterers?

But after a while became quite hungry.

But Christmas...

But don't tell anybody. I was sworn to secrecy

But he complained about his salary.

But he was French there's no explaining their taste.

But he's always struck me as a really interesting guy.

But her face... It's so sad!

But I always respected his integrity.

But I certainly do enjoy it.

But I did expect lots of beige. And look, I was right.

But I didn't mind, really. Gave me a chance to listen to your show.

But I don't have one.

But I don't think it goes with anything here.

But I gave him a little okey doke!

But I go out, get him a telescope and it kindles this romance.

But I have an extensive background in home care and physical therapy,

But I just couldn't get over it.

But I really didn't think it was going to happen.

But I remember a lot of laughing, dancing.

But I suppose the best we can do

But I thought we had a date.

But I took the liberty of checking out a few convalescent homes for him.

But I warn you, in this town, we don't settle our differences with street fights.

But I was watching you

But I'm having a jolly time unless it's the champagne getting to me.

But I'm in the middle of an exciting chapter.

But I'm sure that soon we'll all be getting along swimmingly.

But I've been around long enough to know that people get fired.

But I've grown comfortable with this part of myself

But if he thinks he can hide behind his paper like a school child behind a tree,

But if I bribe him with sweets...

But if it's any consolation, in time, your father and I forgave them.

But if you don't, it'll look stupid!

But if you throw that brick,

But if you wouldn't mind, could you just let me read my book?

But in this case, it's not people one of our parents had an affair.

But isn't there something else here?

But it's a chore to get him to do his exercises.

But it's the only thing left for me!

But just a tiny tear in the tiniest artery, and poof you're gone.

But look how nice you look for me?!

But lucky for you, we still have Marco on line two.

But my family is getting together after five years.

But no amount of liquor would make me sleep with that porker!

But not a mauve. Something in between,

But now that I know a bit more about you,

But on the rainy days I was there for you.

But promise me one thing. Don't sit here and get more depressed.

But she's taken to her bed again. I still have no idea how tall she is.

But speaking of autographs, I have a problem with this painting.

But that suit!

But the day will come when you will have the last laugh.

But then, my eyes are tearing up.

But there is one little thing,

But there was still one rawhide chew toy out there for the Bulldog.

But they always land on their feet. I've counselled a few people like you.

But we're not a Jackie Collins novel. It's ridiculous.

But whatever questions I do ask you must answer truthfully.

But why is your father twitching?

But you be the judge. Oh, hello, Dr Crane.

But you could be nicer to the waitress.

But you know what? It's all one big clarinet lesson.

But you mother liked a ball game too. She'd even have a hot dog.

But you're not alone.

But you're not mourning the loss of your boyfriend.

But, hey. You're OK. You won't be alone tonight.

But, no, not our Mr Mann.

But, you see, you've proved my point. I'm not the least bit queasy, I'm fine.

By a cab driver with a ponytail scraping gum off the seat.

By presenting a well thought out, point by point,

By ten, my writing had gotten tighter.

Bye.

Can I get you, uh... a soft drink?

Can I use your phone?

Can we get in? I've been trying for months.

Can we go back for a second?

Can you hold on a minute?

Can you tell me that your advice to Marco

Can't be with my son, had an argument over something stupid with my father.

Can't have my coffee. Can't have my breakfast

Careful! That's a Wassily!

Casing the joint! She spent two years with Mother Teresa.

Catherine is mine now. I'm in and Marco's out

Chalk it up to random violence.

Champagne?

Child development is not my thing. My specialty is adult relations.

Chilli peppers?

Chopper Dave? Ray the "Greengrocer"?

Christmas, that very magical time of the year

Chuck, I'm sorry I offended you.

Claire, you are in mourning.

Close enough.

Coffee's made and I took the liberty of doing a shop.

Come on, Eddie, it's past your dinner time.

Come on, Eddie.

Come on, Elaine.

Come on, Frasier, hit him first!

Come on, I'm a little out of practice!

Come on, let's finish decorating the tree.

Come on. There's a gin and tonic out there with my name on it.

Come on. There's a lull at the salad bar.

Constructive critique of this show.

Cops have an instinct. Mine tells me this case can be cracked.

Corndog dipped in curare?

Cos this is the first night I've been out in a year.

Could be.

Could be.

Could I see the other side of that one?

Could it be?

Could you coax this back to life? It's Maris's favourite.

Couldn't you have met Billy after the clarinet lesson?

Crane. Frasier... Doctor.

Crawling around the room meowing

Cut the speech. We all know why I'm here.

D'go y'gou sp'geak g'g speak'g?

D'go y'gou sp'geak g'g speak'g?

Dad, all I ever have is a bran muffin and a touch of yoghurt.

Dad, come and sit down, please.

Dad, Dad, Dad. Dr Newman is dead. He died an hour ago.

Dad, Daphne!

Dad, did you see me? My hands are trembling.

Dad, have you mentioned Eddie yet?

Dad, I can't read my paper. Eddie's staring at me.

Dad, I don't want to use those this year. I picked up these yesterday.

Dad, I'm sure this piece is dear to you,

Dad, if you're worried that you talked me into something

Dad, it's for you.

Dad, let's go into Roz's booth. You can touch anything in there.

Dad, Niles and I and Maris would like you to join us for dinner

Dad, Niles, put your names on these stickers

Dad, please, shh. I'm trying to listen to my heartbeat.

Dad, welcome to your new home.

Dad, what's happened to your suit?

Dad, you come in here. OK, back off! Just give us some time! Please!

Dad, you mind? I've had the most humiliating evening.

Dad, you still have your billy club?

Dad! They're laughing at me

Dad?

Dad...

Dad...

Dad... Listen. I don't want to offend.

Dad's old friends from the precinct.

Dad's so set in his ways.

Damn it, that's another one. I'm losing my shirt here.

Danielle, slow down a little bit. I can't understand you.

Daphne pretty name. Do people call you Daffy?

Daphne left dinner in the fridge, if you're hungry.

Daphne, could you excuse us for a moment?

Daphne, the salad is exquisite.

Daphne, this is where you come in, the actual finding of the body.

Daphne, what are my things doing here?

Daphne, would you give me a minute alone with these two?

Daphne, you should come. We have a traditional Christmas.

Daphne!

Daphne!

Daphne?

Daphne.

Daphne. Daphne Moon. I moved in yesterday.

Dear God. Peachfuzz, Jingle Bells... I can't remember the rest.

Deep down, chicks are just like guys we all want the same thing.

Delightful story, but I think the toast points need replenishing

Did a crate of freshly painted Rembrandts just arrive?

Did he mention he only stayed with you to keep his options open?

Did her plane almost crash?

Did I ever tell you what this button does?

Did I say this was my first basketball game? I did, four times.

Did it occur to you she might be lying?

Did it occur to you that I might win?

Did you keep your patients waiting?

Did you play some games? I mean, board games.

Did you, er, get a good look at the guy?

Do it quietly. It's not an oral exam.

Do that and I'll forget the 200 bucks.

Do this for me.

Do we have to do this now?

Do you have a table for three?

Do you know anything? I'm afraid it might be me.

Do you know who's driving Bonnie Weems home tonight?

Do you mind?

Do you own a Paxton or were you blowing sunshine up Gary's skirt?

Do you see anyone else drive their father out into the street to drink?

Do you see anything there, hmm?

Do you think we've lost the ability to appreciate the simple things

Do you want to go across the street and have an expensive coffee drink?

Do you want to hear something cute?

Doc, I heard what you said to that kid who fantasises about killing his parents.

Doctor Crane?

Does it matter in what order I make them?

Does Noel still have that autographed picture of Captain Kirk in his cubicle?

Does she play Canasta?

Does this foul mood mean you were unable to unload the bogus Paxton?

Does this mean my job is still safe?

Doesn't it bother you that your father cheated on my mother?

Doing his usual bang up job.

Don, it's a common problem. I'm listening

Don't aggravate him!

Don't be a greedy guts. Let's have a look

Don't bother calling Aunt Vivienne. You want to know the truth? Fine.

Don't BS me. I do not look great.

Don't do that! He's getting out of his car now.

Don't even think about it!

Don't feel bad. I was a cop for 30 years, and they still fake me out occasionally.

Don't get me wrong, I was going to ask you, too.

Don't go there. Look, this is not your fault.

Don't go!

Don't let it bother you.

Don't look at me. I throw a towel over it when you're not home.

Don't look!

Don't mind me. I'm just getting some ice.

Don't put any stock in office gossip.

Don't put any stock in office gossip.

Don't tell me you want me to baby sit.

Don't touch! It's sophisticated equipment.

Don't worry, we won't tell you what's in it.

Don't you back out, either, because I know where your office is, too,

Don't you ever think about dying?

Don't you think she's overreacting a little?

Don't...don't cry.

Double bourbon, rocks, and spill a little in the glass.

Down, Eddie, down.

Dr Crane took your father to Armani.

Dr Crane, can you get up?

Dr Crane, Leonard from Everett is on line two.

Dr Crane, we have Stewart who has a problem with delayed gratification.

Dr Crane, were you sniffing my hair?

Dr Crane, were you sniffing my hair?

Dr Crane! You naughty boy! Peeking in on other people's privacy!

Dr Crane?

Dr Crane? Claire on line four is having a problem getting over a relationship.

Dr Crane? From the radio?

Dr Crane? I'm Bonnie Weems.

Dr Crane...

Dr Frasier Crane. My condolences.

Dr Jennings rang. Dad skipped his physical again!

Dr Jennings' office said you hadn't shown up today.

Dr Newman dying so young threw me for a loop.

Drop a quarter and take a couple of minutes to pick it up, huh?

During that same period. Here.

Easy? This is killing me!

Eat your food.

Eddie is long overdue for a ba...

Eddie, scoot, scat!

Eddie!

Eddie?

Eddie?

Eddie... Glad to see my rules about the couch are taking hold.

Eight years we've been together.

Either my territory's being violated or I worry about what he's up to.

Either that, or it'll seem like eternity.

Either you risk hurting their feelings,

Elaine,

Elaine, this is Daphne, my son Frasier. This is Elaine Morris.

Elaine.

Enchanting.

End of discussion.

Enjoy it while you can, because it's going back to the dealer.

Enjoy the party. Tell me when you're ready to go.

Enough about death!

Especially now that our marriage is over.

Especially when he challenged you to a fight and you stood up to him.

Especially when it comes to that old bugaboo, sex.

Ethan is having a problem at school.

Even though it's not a Paxton, I really like it.

Even today.

Even when I was tomcatting around, I loved that woman.

Evening, Dr Crane.

Evening. Your brother brought champagne!

Ever heard of Lupe Velez?

Ever run into a guy like Marco?

Ever since acquiring that painting, I look at it every day

Every entrée comes with soup or a trip to the salad bar. One trip only, please.

Every five words there's one of his precious dot dot dots.

Every item was carefully selected. This lamp by Corbu, chair by Eames.

Every time I come close to breaching my ethics, I get sick.

Every time I couldn't make it for a drink, they'd say, "Got a clarinet lesson?"

Every time I do something bad, I get caught!

Every time I had to go in a dark building, I froze.

Every time we touch and kiss, I get queasy.

Every time you went to the telescope to see Irene, you hid your cane

Everybody in this restaurant is enjoying the dinner. Can't you do the same?

Everybody's good at something.

Everyone, your attention please!

Everyone!

Everything set for tomorrow?

Ewww!

Exactly!

Except for women 35 to 54 who think that I'm sort of a God.

Except for women 35 to 54 who think that I'm sort of a God.

Except last Saturday, when I took her and her 12 friends ice skating.

Except our surname and strong calves we have nothing in common with him.

Except that Jackie is a transvestite.

Except without the warmth.

Excuse me

Excuse me, excuse me. Exactly how long have I been asleep?

Excuse me, it seems your friends can't pay the 200 they owe,

Excuse me! Excuse me! Are we done?

Excuse me! Wait a minute!

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Might I interject one tiny thought into this conversation?

Excuse me. Something embarrassing happened.

Expose him to the finer things

Fabric softener and twice in the fluff cycle.

Face down in the birdbath.

Fair enough.

Father Mike's trying to get everyone to re enact the Nativity scene.

Fight as in a fist fight?

Finally a little peace and quiet around here.

Finally I sit down and read a crisp, new newspaper.

Find out why everyone's talking about Pittsburgh!

Fine Arts Forgery Department.

Fine.

First I have my coffee, sans eggshells

First you screw things up with Marco and now you're dumping me!

Fits like a glove. Hi, Niles.

Five bucks says you can't tell the ex con.

Flake or not, you are in my charge. You should have something nutritious.

Flowers, candles, silk sheet, white satin gown, full hair and make up.

Fluffing your knickers.

For crying out loud! Thank you, Hank.

For goodness' sake, I'm happily married.

For instance, Franklin D Roosevelt.

For not fighting Billy Kriezel 30 years ago.

For once you'll face the consequences of hanging up on callers!

For some cocktails and such.

For someone with so many problems, she certainly is popular.

For that dinner in 20 minutes.

For the saddest Christmas story we've heard.

For your information, he is a successful media consultant.

For, one day this man will join the pantheon of the immortals.

Forgave them?

Forget about it. I already have.

Forget it. Five years of litigation will be eight times the painting's price.

Forget that police mentality. Don't you believe in second chances?

Forgive me.

Fortunately, I haven't shaved for hours. You should loosen your tie.

Frank's an interesting study.

Frasier Crane does not put out.

Frasier has left the building.

Frasier has left the building.

Frasier has left the building.

Frasier, did you read Derek Mann's column? You were mentioned.

Frasier, do you have a handkerchief?

Frasier, I love your show. My friends and I listen to it almost every day.

Frasier, is he our real father?

Frasier, last night when I got home, that incident with Dad and Mrs Lawlor

Frasier, look who's here.

Frasier, she's phenomenal!

Frasier, there's quite a crowd out there.

Frasier, there's something I want you to see.

Frasier, what are you still doing up?

Frasier, where are your ethics?

Frasier, where you been?

Frasier!

Frasier?

Fried eggs swimming in fat, served in a hollowed out piece of white bread.

From Lake Chelan.

From our garbage, but still it's enchanting.

Full blood panel?

Fully explore each one in turn,

Fuzzy Navel blended nice and frothy.

G'george Ste'g'pha'g'no'g'poul'g'os.

Gary was a health fanatic. A vegetarian.

Gary? I broke up with him three weeks ago.

Gee, I just love it when you include me in your show.

Gee, you look great.

Gents, dinner's up. Can I help you clear your papers?

Get Dad and Daphne their own apartment.

Get down!

Get used to it.

Gets a little flaky when the weather is dry.

Getting a bit long in the tooth for it, too, if you ask me.

Girly food.

Give him a couple of hours. When he gets home, we'll settle this.

Give it a try, please. What else are you getting?

Give me that. This is Dr Niles Crane. I've never been treated so shabbily.

Give me the other earring. Maybe I'll get something

Give me the phone.

Give or take a foot.

Gives you some idea about the ride over here.

Gladys, listen, can I put you on hold for a second?

Go ahead

Go and make a fool of yourself, but I won't.

Go call his secretary! She can stop him!

Go chase yourself.

Go someplace where my father,

Go, Seahawks!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go.

Go.

God, and to think I was going to have sex with you!

God, I should have seen this coming. He almost had a coronary,

God, I wish I had fired you when I had the chance.

God, the oestrogen level is off the charts out there.

God! That job was my life, and now I've been blackballed

God...

Goes head first into the toilet. That's how they found her.

Good boy, Eddie. Just get down. Good, good, Eddie

Good boy. Now, you stay there.

Good dog.

Good evening everyone.

Good evening. Lovely night, isn't it?

Good lord, there she is.

Good luck with the fight.

Good luck.

Good news. I parked on a broken meter. We're getting a freebie

Good night everybody!

Good night, everybody!

Good night, Seattle, we love you!

Good night, Seattle, we love you!

Good night, Seattle, we love you!

Good night, Seattle, we love you!

Good, Dad.

Good, you're up. Now we can get this picture taken.

Good.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goose liver pâté?

Gossip is the lifeblood of the corporate world!

Gossip sullies good people's names and creates suspicion and mistrust!

Got it.

Got it. Two gutless wonders!

Grammy used to add a pint of rum to the recipe

Grammy would say, "He might as well be a dead man."

Great, he's getting to know the neighbours.

Great! These big shot doctors keep you waiting for an hour

Great. Ten bucks on your dad.

Guilty, yes

Guy was no good

Half the von Trapp children were having hot flashes.

Hank Krinski, well, he had three bypasses before he went.

Hank, listen. Turn down your radio and just talk into your phone.

Happy holidays.

Hard to tell, isn't it? They all look like they did time!

Has a young woman been here approximately 5ft 9¾,

Has anybody spoken for his parking space?

Has dating changed much in the last 40 years?

Have a happy holiday and I'll see you next week.

Have I got this tie on right?

Have you ever considered getting yourself a route?

Have you ever heard of Lupe Velez?

Have you heard my new gimmick for the show?

Having a look at that murder case again?

Having somebody like you in the auction really adds class.

He always humiliates me on the air.

He and I talked, and I learned what happened that summer.

He asked me to pick him up from work.

He calls himself a quarterback? I've passed kidney stones more accurately.

He came home one day, saying he hated the smell of fish.

He challenged you, and you're backing down?

He concludes that changes in breathing

He could've had high blood pressure, popped pills, drank like a fish

He cut you off.

He deserves a fresh start

He did that with your little trophy?

He doesn't do much, either

He even attacks your "dim witted sidekick call screener".

He graduated from Princeton, has a house on Mercer Island and a sailboat.

He had an office in my brother's building.

He had less than 10% body fat.

He has quit because of a rumour you spread!

He has this "unique" opportunity for an "incredible" Christmas.

He is a witty, virile, charming man,

He just chipped the paint. I did that with his head.

He just didn't want to commit to me.

He just sits around watching TV or doing the occasional crossword.

He just won't believe me when I tell him Irene isn't my type.

He knew where all the parts were. But most of them were his.

He must like making dots with the crayon he writes this drivel with!

He must.

He overheard me, blew up, quit his job.

He really was a dead man.

He said he only stayed with you until somebody better came along.

He said, and I quote, "l hate Frasier Crane."

He screamed about having his expense account on hold.

He shouldn't become the object

He smiles, and he's missing a tooth. That's when the romance went out of it.

He started it. He made fun of the elbow patches on my blazer.

He thanks you for the toy gun you gave him.

He thinks he should be in a larger market, like LA or New York and..

He threw my Golden Mike at me.

He tried to get fresh with her. She threw a hammerlock, ran him out.

He walks down his walkway, he picks up his newspaper,

He was a jailhouse snitch. He helped us.

He was already putting them on.

He was going to teach ballroom dancing.

He was in fact sipping a Fourcas Dupré.

He was too busy working so we could have the nicer things.

He was voted most congenial in his cell block.

He was with his wife and meant to say, "Pass the salt."

He went to see him and found him on the bathroom floor

He won't hurt a woman.

He worked in fine china and glasswares.

He writes that "Mann About Town" column. The things he says!

He'd lie there on the sofa, and you couldn't wake him.

He's already burst into the office with Miller. God, this is a disaster!

He's an Australian tourist who just needed ten dollars...

He's doing it again. Must this dog stare at me all the time?

He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.

He's ecstatic.

He's getting off an elevator. He's walking down a long hallway.

He's gigantic.

He's gonna listen to the show.

He's got a good heart, he's smart, he's substantial,

He's got a model of a colon on his desk. He keeps his tongue depressors in it.

He's got the wife that won't let him visit. I can't stand her.

He's me mum's favourite. Dad flicks the crust off his kidney pie at him.

He's not here, Niles.

He's our top personality,

He's playing goalie on the pee wee soccer team. Chip off the old block.

He's sitting there with his wine and his little chuckle at my expense.

He's still napping. My grandfather used to nap every day.

He's the gentleman showing Bethany Van Pelt the photographs.

He's very successful. I saw a Lichtenstein hanging in his office.

He's weird. He gives me the creeps. All he does is stare at me.

Hello, all.

Hello, Bulldog.

Hello, Claire. I'm listening.

Hello, Daphne. Good to see you. An enchanting scent you're wearing.

Hello, Doug, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.

Hello, Dr Crane.

Hello, Dr Crane.

Hello, Eddie.

Hello, everyone.

Hello, Frasier.

Hello, Hank, I'm listening

Hello, Leonard. I'm listening.

Hello, Marco, I'm listening.

Hello, Marianne. I'm listening.

Hello, Martin. This is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.

Hello, Pam. This is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.

Hello, Russell, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.

Hello, there Frasier

Hello, yes, the Fine Arts Forgery Department, please.

Hello, you're on the air.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello? Hey, Tiffany.

Hello? Maris...

Hello? No, no, this is Frasier, hi. I'm fine.

Hello? Oh, Daphne. How was your evening?

Hello? Oh, hi.

Hello? Yes. Oh, hi, Niles.

Hello.

Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'll drive you home tonight.

Hello. This is Dr Frasier Crane

Hello. This is Dr Frasier Crane.

Hello. You wanted an autograph? Uh, how should I make this out?

Hello... Oh, just a second. Dad, who do I ask for?

Her career hit the skids so she decided to make one final stab at immortality.

Her fabulousness dumps me here

Her friend has rented a home in Austria.

Her name was Helen.

Here we are.

Here we go.

Here we go. Three Paul Bunyans.

Here you go, big winner. Buy yourself something pretty and frilly.

Here you go.

Here you go. I'm glad to be out of that black one.

Here, I'll have one. Mmm... Warm.

Here's a 20.

Hey, a telescope! That's a beaut! What's the occasion?

Hey, Bill, glad you could make it.

Hey, Bulldog! You're soaking wet.

Hey, Bulldog.

Hey, come in. These are my poker pals.

Hey, Dad... Wow.

Hey, Doc, you know Bonnie Weems?

Hey, everybody, it's the doc!

Hey, everybody, let's help a poor man get a nice Christmas dinner. Come on.

Hey, Frasier. Hi, Mr Crane. What brings you here?

Hey, how's that turkey platter? Good as last year's?

Hey, I bothered you people enough. I better go.

Hey, I know! Why don't I take us all to The Timber Mill?

Hey, lady, if you make any of them, it'll be a miracle.

Hey, Roz, you've been around the block a few times.

Hey, That's T.J. Smith he's a linebacker for the Seahawks!

Hey, that's the Space Needle there.

Hey, there's a fan in the hall who'd like your autograph.

Hey, Tim, merry Christmas!

Hey, we're not buying you dessert.

Hey, where'd you just come from?

Hey, where's my tickets to the "Sonics" game?

Hey, you there! You in the Firebird! Yes, you, stop that honking!

Hey!

Hey! I don't have to sit here and listen to that!

Hey! Somebody lose a set of car keys?

Hi, Dad. You look kinda tired.

Hi, Frasier, Niles.

Hi, I'm back.

Hi, Irene.

Hi, Niles.

Hi, Niles. Where's Maris?

Hi, Niles. You may not remember me...

Hi, we're back.

Hi, we're back. Roz, whom do we have on the line?

Hi, who's this? Hey, Doris! Yeah, Marty Crane.

Hi! How you doing?

Hi..

High card deals.

His face must have turned redder than a Pichon Longueville.

His own partner stayed only 15 minutes.

His yawns may smell like swamp gas, but his spelling's improving.

Hm, that's interesting. You noticed the space.

Hold it, you want to take that call for the same reason

Hold on, I have to ask you something.

Hold on, there's another call. Hello?

Hold this. Come on! Now!

Hopefully, when we're here, of course.

How about Friday?

How about it? Figured it out yet?

How about it? Let's take our first call here

How about some real men calling in instead of crybabies like Chuck?

How about you?

How am I doing? How are you doing, Niles?

How are you, Patrice? I'm Martin Crane, this is Daphne Moon.

How can you make a judgment about someone from one phone call?

How can you say that? He wasn't old! He was my age!

How can you say that? I am insulted!

How could Dad cheat with Marion

How do the calls look today?

How do you get them so soft?

How do you know?

How I envy you, Eddie. The biggest questions you face are:

How long has this been going on?

How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator?

How much longer do I have to do this?

How much more appetising food becomes when you add the word "log".

How should I expect anything out of you?

How was it?

How was your buddy's retirement party?

How would I benefit by having a fist fight?

How you doing, boy? I'm glad to see you, too

How's Father?

How's that for a segue?

I advised him to break up with her.

I almost had to sedate him

I am not a piece of Lalique.

I am not rationalising! There is nothing wrong here!

I am not responsible for him going up there and popping off to the boss.

I am sorry if I embarrassed you

I am telling you.

I appreciate the gesture, but what do you know about the art world?

I appreciate what you did, but you should have told me.

I appreciate what you're doing, but a man's knickers are...

I appreciate your attempt to spice up our family history,

I ask him to hand me the honey and he gets this freaked out look

I baked you sugar cookies.

I bare my soul to Seattle.

I believe I have.

I bought it for Maris but it, unaccountably, turned against her.

I bought the comforter on Dad's bed. I suppose you noticed that. Well...

I broke it off in a grate.

I broke it off in a grate.

I called earlier. Someone said Mrs Newman would be here.

I came to see how you are, but I only have a few minutes.

I can almost hear my left ventricle slamming shut as I speak

I can handle criticism. How was I today?

I can imagine how embarrassing that was.

I can imagine. Why do you think that's so?

I can see the love in your eyes.

I can use my bully pulpit to expose that man for the fraud he is!

I can wear my new suit

I can't be alone without falling on my ass and you're stuck with me.

I can't believe this is happening. How can this be so easy for you?

I can't claim to understand it eight ball in far corner

I can't do that.

I can't even look at you.

I can't just turn it on and off like a faucet.

I can't make any sense of it.

I can't read my book or have any peace in my own home.

I can't seem to get over the feeling that something could happen to me.

I can't stand meself before I floss all that gunk out of me teeth.

I cannot function.

I care. Any psychiatrist worth his salt would care.

I caused the problem, so I'll take care of it.

I celebrate the ethnic mosaic that is America, but nonetheless...

I could come over and create a scene!

I could stay for coffee.

I couldn't find it, but I'll try something else.

I couldn't help but overhear. That was a very nice thing to say.

I couldn't stand for that.

I deal with human frailty every day.

I did a layout for "Seattle Style".

I did, then we had Niles.

I didn't do anything to it. I never saw this painting before.

I didn't have to get shot in the hip to know I wouldn't like that.

I didn't know Mrs Newman had company.

I didn't know what I was saying. I hadn't had lunch.

I didn't paint it.

I didn't realise that working on Christmas would ruin your plans.

I discovered he had spent the night with a delightful creature named Elaine.

I do! Be a love and watch that man with a cane.

I do.

I do. I like her from a distance.

I don't believe it. This is incredible!

I don't care. I'm not without resources. My tae kwon do instructor says,

I don't know if he's having a good time or if I've overexcited him.

I don't know if you had the lights on or... I don't know how you like it.

I don't know where, but I promise you one thing...

I don't know who Derek Mann thinks he is,

I don't know.

I don't know. Eddie, must you?

I don't know. No way!

I don't know... Eh... How was his health before he died?

I don't like to engage in gossip but you have nothing to worry about

I don't mean to disturb you, but Arlene wasn't...

I don't mind the happily ever after part. It's the dating part.

I don't mind you being tough on this place,

I don't need your approval. I don't need you for anything

I don't recall when we met,

I don't suppose that during that party you got your shoulder tattooed?

I don't think Dad's interested.

I don't think I made my bed today.

I don't think public office is for Dad, but..

I don't think that woman bathes.

I don't think that's possible

I don't think you see how serious this is.

I don't want it.

I don't, but she does the auto show, right?

I even turn on the TV at home

I feel an overwhelming need for solitude.

I feel stupid as hell.

I figure out why a maniac kills a hooker

I find that a knee to the groin does the trick.

I fixed your breakfast. I made eggs in a nest.

I found her attractive! Is it strange another man might, too?

I gave up my tickets to the theatre, to the symphony....

I got a date with Elaine in 1412.

I got a surprise for you.

I got pizza rolls but the expiration date was yesterday. Are we game?

I got the lights from the storeroom.

I got to take a squirt. When I come back, we'll play fetch.

I gotta clear one thing up. There's this photo album.

I graduated in psychosocial behaviour.

I guess I let a little secret out there.

I guess I owe that to the old man, don't l?

I guess so.

I guess there's only one thing left.

I guess they don't talk about me when I'm not around.

I guess you should be with your family. It's more traditional.

I guess you're right, Dad. It's just a tie.

I guess.

I had a clarinet lesson!

I had a great time on our date. Don't you feel the same way?

I had a lot invested in it.

I had a picture of what it was going to be like and then... I don't know.

I had an affair

I had my "fear of abandonment" workshop. I've already skipped twice

I had my most hellacious date ever.

I had plans, too. This may be a shock, but one of them wasn't living with you.

I had the strangest dream.

I had to get a ladder and climb up there wearing only a towel, wet and shivering.

I had to get out of the house.

I had to listen while you were sitting on my chest.

I had to stay chained to the radiator in my room.

I had to take me undies off to zip it up.

I hadn't thought about it for some time, but thanks for reminding me.

I hate to think that when my son's your age, he'll think of me as a...

I have a sore head and a crackerjack lawyer, so don't crowd me.

I have had quite a bit, haven't l? Oh, who cares?

I have money. Would you like to go for double or nothing?

I have never been more impressed with a human being in my life.

I have never looked so forward to a Christmas since I was your size.

I have sensitive nipples.

I have sketched an accurate psychological profile of you all,

I have to check on somebody. How's it going there, Barry?

I have to ease into my day slowly.

I have to get their card. I need someone for our summer barbecue.

I have to go. Maris is despondent. They kicked her out of "Cats".

I have to. If I don't, I'll throw up all over your shoes.

I have.

I have. There's a billboard for your show down on 16th Street.

I haven't been in the radio game that long

I haven't formed an opinion yet.

I heard a rumour that management was thinking about lightening the load.

I heard a rumour that somebody is being let go.

I heard of a documented case where a man and a woman met, got along,

I heard that it was Bulldog that was going to get sacked

I heard your show today.

I hope you didn't go to too much trouble.

I hope you're just yanking my giggle chain.

I just can't believe that it's...it's our father.

I just don't understand why he did that.

I just finished my exercises with Nurse Ratchet.

I just have one question for you.

I just put it off to the side so I wouldn't trip over the damn thing.

I just thought he needed a bite of a reality sandwich.

I just tuned into the gonzo sports show today

I just want you to do what you said you'd do.

I keep running this over and over in my mind

I knew I had to do something, anything.

I knew if I kept being afraid, I'd never be able to do my job

I knew it the first time I saw him. You can always tell.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Damn it!

I knew there was a good reason.

I knew you were out there.

I know an agency. I'll ask them to send a few people over.

I know Dad's wanted to have you for a long time.

I know he's not great looking, I know he drives a '73 Dodge Polaris,

I know I'm out.

I know it doesn't help much now

I know that Bulldog was here and said some regrettable things to you.

I know this is a stressful time. It's new for all of us,

I know we promised not to, but I was out shopping...

I know you did and Bill here misplaced his Wall Street portfolio.

I know you would never resort to that sort of thing.

I know you'd like me to come up with an answer to this whole thing,

I know you're upset.

I know, but my numbers have been down lately.

I know, I can use my radio show.

I know, I know.

I know, I was at your graduation

I know, son. That's why I said I was the one who had the affair.

I know! Maris's lovely Aunt Patrice is in town visiting from Washington DC.

I know. I couldn't bear to disappoint her.

I know. It's eclectic.

I know. Maybe we could just exchange résumés over appetisers.

I know. You want what's best for both of us. You want to get me out of here.

I let her go. What she's been doing lately has been ticking me off.

I like it. Gives it a zing.

I liked it before I even knew who Martha Paxton was and, frankly,

I listen to you all the time and... Well, maybe you could help me.

I loosened it for him.

I love a Monday. How was your weekend?

I love the solitude. I miss Frederick, of course.

I love to see old family photos.

I love your show!

I loved your mother.

I made him this rich coffee cake.

I made you this spice rack.

I make a very decent living, I really do. This is not necessary.

I marched inside and locked the door until he cooled down.

I may be just a girl from Manchester, but I have to tell you.

I may surprise you. I probably am more "with it" than you think I am

I mean for dinner.

I mean it.

I mean, her friends heard it and called her.

I mean, well, how you... light it. Well, how you like to light it.

I meant burden in its most positive sense.

I might as well face it. I'm just a loser, I'm a zero,

I might've known this would happen. It's Billy Kriezel all over again.

I must have left it at the office. I can just go and get it.

I must pick up my big shoes.

I need an extension cord to plug in the vibrating part.

I need some fresh air. Are you OK?

I never had a great relationship with him,

I never had a great relationship with him,

I never miss it.

I never really have understood this game.

I never thought opposites attract.

I never told you this, but Lilith did the same thing to me.

I never understood it when I first played it

I never will forget this Christmas. Thank you. Thank you all. Thanks.

I opened at $100. Who knew that would be the only bid?

I pick up my newspaper every day,

I pictured someone a little more... not quite so...

I played in local competitions and club tournaments...

I prefer if you guys stay here.

I probably would have been better off if I had! Some shrink you are (!)

I purchased a painting by one of our premier artists

I put Maris on the train to Chicago. I am desolate without her.

I realise it has been a pretty tough day for most of you.

I realise it's a sunny day,

I realised I hadn't made the proper provisions for my own death.

I realised that I could turn my eyelid inside out, the way kids do at camp.

I really appreciate it.

I really should be going. I've got to get ready for work.

I recognize him from the paper. That's Derek Mann.

I remember you taking me to the doctor and here I am taking you.

I remember you when you ran around in your undies with your pail and shovel.

I said "agreed"?

I said do time with.

I said down.

I said I'd take care of it.

I said some things that went over the line.

I said that? Actually, you were more verbose.

I saw his picture in a medical journal. He even looked like me.

I saw on the news, there's a bunch of falcons

I saw the plaque by the cash register

I say it's high time you gents went to a woman doctor.

I say we celebrate. A round of victory lattes on me.

I say we make a strict rule. If anybody does anything nasty, we move on.

I say, "Did you get a good look?" He says, "No. Turn around."

I say, let's expose this Derek Mann for what he is,

I see all sorts of things have been going on behind my back! Get...!

I see why people take matters into their own hands.

I see why you'd want him to live here

I see you're first timers. This is how it works.

I see.

I see.

I seem to have lost my wallet.

I should have asked you myself.

I should never have come up. Nothing's changed.

I specially treated the back for easy wall adhesion.

I spent a year studying at Cambridge.

I spent Monday on the bathroom floor.

I stained my dress, over plucked one eyebrow,

I start my "healing with humour" support group tonight and...

I still can't get over those players. They're positively gigantic.

I still do, but he makes it impossible.

I stop for gas and pump it myself while he reads the sports section.

I suppose I like my gents more on the manly side.

I suppose it could be any number of reasons fear of rejection, shyness...

I suppose you're far too... You would? Oh, that's marvellous!

I suppose you're right.

I talked to him days before I met her.

I tell you, Niles, I haven't felt this way in ages.

I think now would be a good time.

I think she likes me.

I think what he means is,

I think you've already done that.

I thought Daphne could nurse it back to health

I thought I'd started my life with a clean slate

I thought that putting my affairs in order

I thought the cops shut it down after the last shooting.

I thought we might have a conversation.

I thought you liked my Maris.

I thought you took after your mother, liking the ballet and all that.

I thought you were going to return it.

I thought you were OK about this.

I thought you'd get a kick out of it.

I told him his wife came on to me at the Christmas party,

I told them to take two they're small.

I told you we shouldn't have just stopped by.

I told you, Frasier. He can't tell the difference.

I took action, Russell, and you can too.

I took something private and made it public.

I traded in my golf clubs for one of these.

I trimmed that speech to 2½ hours and I open with a funny Al Gore joke.

I understand about one's morning ablutions.

I understand you being defensive, but I had a right to know.

I understand.

I understand. So why don't I pop into the kitchen

I want my money back!

I want to apologise for what I said on the radio.

I want to carry you to that Eames classic

I want to look through my legs and see wing tips.

I wanted to do it because you're my father!

I wanted to have some time with you but now I'm so upset I have to leave.

I wanted to tell him I'm sorry. Would you please give him my best?

I was afraid I might walk in on an embarrassing moment.

I was apprehensive about going out with you tonight,

I was clinging to a life that wasn't working.

I was going through old pictures of your mother and me.

I was going to ask that peculiar man from building services to help me.

I was hoping Daphne could take a look at this plant.

I was in the middle of my workout, but I can always pump iron later.

I was just about to put sugar into Coach Medwick's gas tank,

I was just passing by and thought I'd stop in for a career.

I was just struck by one of life's little ironies,

I was just trying to protect her.

I was just wondering if my sweet boy is going to be a monster when he's 12.

I was looking forward to going out with you boys. We'll do it some other time.

I was mentioned in Derek Mann's column

I was one of the last guys. The money was running low.

I was out there. I was ready. You saw that, right?

I was passing by and I've come to beg a favour.

I was repeating a rumour that Bulldog was going to get sacked.

I was scared. I remember you holding my hand.

I was trying to decide whether or not I should bother you.

I was under doctor's orders to stay out of direct sunlight.

I was walking through the hobby shop.

I wasn't easy to live with, and she had plenty of reason for doing what she did.

I wasn't relishing the idea of three hours on right brain left brain synergy.

I went home, I cried my eyes out. I swore I would get even.

I will never do that again, well, except for this time.

I will use my considerable education and not to mention...

I wish all of you happy revellers out there a merry Christmas,

I wish this was one of those times.

I wish you all the very best of holidays.

I won't be outperformed by a Barcalounger.

I won't enjoy my dinner until this is in the trash.

I won't know that kind of joy for another 40 years.

I won't make it till 8:30. I must change.

I won't.

I wouldn't dream of popping by unannounced.

I wouldn't let her stay home alone.

I wouldn't say that.

I wouldn't trust him if he wasn't surrounded by cops.

I... I'm doing this for myself.

I... Well, I mean...

I'd better go find a place in the crowd.

I'd better set an extra place at the table, then.

I'd go to her house and find her out in the garden in a wedding dress

I'd hate us to lose it because of one stupid thing.

I'd like a petit fillet mignon very lean, but not so lean that it lacks flavour.

I'd like to hear from someone who's having a good Christmas.

I'd like to know how people live with my work.

I'd like you to consider giving Bulldog his job back

I'd like you to meet a friend of Gary's, Dr Frasier Crane.

I'd lock people up for that.

I'd love to have a beer with you.

I'd love to tell you, but your big head's in the way.

I'd never get to see my son hit his first home run.

I'd swear Dad was left in a basket on our doorstep.

I'll answer her. Write down, "My name is Martin."

I'll apologise when she comes with the dessert. Which should be any time now.

I'll be going to me room right now.

I'll be in my room holding my breath.

I'll be off to the left if you tear his ear off and want to throw it to me.

I'll bet she didn't like that.

I'll check if there's someone substituting for him.

I'll clear out, but remember,

I'll cut to the chase by using myself as an example.

I'll demand my money back.

I'll dispense with the usual adolescent teasing

I'll drive!

I'll find out what caused his heart attack

I'll get him for this. And his little dog too.

I'll get it.

I'll give him a piece of my mind.

I'll go out on a limb and take that as a compliment.

I'll go to the station, talk to the monster,

I'll have a Ballantine.

I'll have a large piece of cheesecake.

I'll just fix us a snack.

I'll just have the Christmas platter.

I'll just put another quarter in the meter.

I'll make the best of it. Hi ho, Daphne, you're looking luminous.

I'll make this simple, I want my money.

I'll move my things in tomorrow.

I'll nip to Crabtree & Evelyn and buy a bar of lavender soap.

I'll say. You want to hear them? I tape everything in this office.

I'll see you later, OK?

I'll see you next weekend. OK, bye bye.

I'll send Dad and Daphne to the movies. I'll cook for you. Be at my place at 8:00.

I'll take your money, but I was looking forward to pulping this guy.

I'll tell you later.

I'll tell you when you can look. Not now. Not now.

I'll wager I can sink these five balls with a single shot.

I'm a bad, bad man.

I'm a beloved household name and I've been screwed!

I'm a nervous wreck. I must calm down. Double espresso, please.

I'm a psychiatrist. Maybe we could take this out in sessions.

I'm adult, I've been to med school, I have a position in this city.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to...

I'm afraid if we stay under the same roof

I'm afraid so.

I'm conducting a seminar on multiple personalities

I'm Dr Frasier Crane.

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I love my new life.

I'm game if you are.

I'm getting a very good feeling about this

I'm giving it a try.

I'm glad to hear that. You don't have anything to be self conscious about.

I'm glad you're open. All other places are closed or booked up.

I'm going out.

I'm going to help along your little romance

I'm going to my room! You two hens have wasted enough of my time

I'm going to try to use the ladies' room without touching anything.

I'm having a few friends over for a little gathering this Friday night

I'm having a thought.

I'm having a young lady over on Friday.

I'm having one now.

I'm in love, and I don't care

I'm just sitting here waiting.

I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.

I'm late for my dysfunctional family seminar.

I'm late for work.

I'm leaving all sorts of bodies in my wake today.

I'm Marco's girlfriend... Excuse me, ex girlfriend, thanks to you.

I'm not actually gonna go through with it, Dad.

I'm not allowed to ask any questions about your line of work,

I'm not arresting you

I'm not putting my name on your stuff!

I'm not putting this on my head! I'm a respected professional!

I'm not sure how to say this, but...uh... I...

I'm not sure this isn't last year's.

I'm not talking about that kind of pain.

I'm not the kind of person who can hear news like that and just forget about it.

I'm not thrilled about it either. And I am not a perv.

I'm off to my poker game. It was nice seeing you again, Dr Crane.

I'm picking up something from you

I'm proud of you.

I'm quite the Anglophile. I'm sure Frasier and Dad told you.

I'm ready now, baby!

I'm scheduled to do the noon to four slot at Christmas.

I'm scheduled to do the noon to four slot at Christmas.

I'm separated from my little boy.

I'm serious, let's go!

I'm something of a squalor buff.

I'm sorry about the blow up earlier.

I'm sorry about what happened. You've got every right to be mad.

I'm sorry I bothered you. I just came to offer my sympathies.

I'm sorry I had to tell you, but at least now you know the truth

I'm sorry if it sounds priggish,

I'm sorry, Dad. It just caught me off guard.

I'm sorry, he sees things that others don't.

I'm sorry, I'm asking too many questions.

I'm sorry, I'm suddenly feeling a little queasy. I...

I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else.

I'm sorry, Niles, I'm trying to read.

I'm sorry, talking over the blades, you know! Whoop, whoop, whoop!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. That was inconsiderate. Mille grazie

I'm still hoping.

I'm supposed to be happy I'm here?

I'm sure Daphne's got something in the fridge I can heat up.

I'm sure he appreciated your candour.

I'm sure he was a good man.

I'm sure Le Cigare Volant has a dress code.

I'm sure that'll make him so happy.

I'm sure you do.

I'm sure you felt the same way.

I'm sure your father was glad to have us out.

I'm talking about listening to your family's history.

I'm talking about your emotions, your soul.

I'm talking steamy,

I'm talking to one person in my audience.

I'm talking to the dog

I'm three feet away. There's nothing wrong with my hearing.

I'm willing to give it a shot if you are.

I'm... I'm sure they did check. Those people are very thorough.

I've agreed to go out with Jimmy tomorrow night.

I've already told him no. How long will that man nag me?

I've been a little overemotional since Dan died.

I've been around a long time

I've been dating this older guy and what if... You know...

I've been made a fool of by this...this thing.

I've been sending Elaine psychic messages.

I've been watching two dozen underweight women in leotards

I've discovered that most unexpected deaths occur in the home.

I've done enough adjusting. I'm in a new city, I've got a new job.

I've done my best to make a home here for you.

I've ever done in my life,

I've got a fascinating book, comfortable chair and a soundproof booth.

I've got a juicy piece of news. And it's reliable:

I've got news for you,

I've got news for you. People like this place. I like this place.

I've had a shower.

I've had my share of patients die on me.

I've just been fired.

I've listened to you making cracks about the food.

I've made meatball sandwiches,

I've met Aunt Patrice. She's a loon

I've never been to experimental theatre before.

I've only been in the US for a few months,

I've prepared copies for you,

I've seen the future. Its name is Marco.

I've started to notice flaking spots on my skin.

I've taken your father for his morning constitutional.

I've waited so long for this moment. I'll let you describe your work,

If a doctor's going to have me bend over,

If any of Ethan's classmates are listening...

If Dr Crane sees you, he'll throw both of us off the balcony!

If either of us could work the VCR, we'd tape it, but...

If he back pedals any faster, he'll trip over his walker.

If he'll kiss my ass, maybe we can work something out.

If I am robbed of the richness of my morning routine,

If I could, I wouldn't be talking to the likes of you two now, would l?

If I didn't feel so guilty I'd do what I should have done in the first place

If I do, these boys are square. If I miss, you double your money.

If I gain an ounce, she goes ballistic. She makes me weigh in every morning.

If I had tried to set Dad up with a woman, he would've refused.

If I have to tell one more stranger the story of my life

If I miss, you can pulp him. I'm feeling generous tonight.

If I were Mother Teresa, I'd check my jewellery box.

If it wasn't biologically impossible,

If it wasn't for gossip, we wouldn't know how much everybody makes.

If it will make you any happier I'll get the egg timer and I'll set it for three minutes.

If it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel.

If only her room was down that hall.

If only Jeffrey Dahmer had picked up a squash racket.

If only we knew when he was about to arrive.

If people were concerned about their privacy,

If she asks you up to her place after dinner, close the d****s.

If she saw how you've behaved tonight, she'd be ashamed. I know I am.

If that was so, no one would be having a relationship.

If the bidding gets slow,

If the maître d' happens to be a housewife, we're in.

If the onion rings aren't as big as your head, you get them for free.

If the reason why things didn't work out between you and Irene was... well...

If the Seahawks beat Buffalo, I'll do my show hanging by my feet.

If there's a lull in the conversation we've got board games, playing cards.

If we could get somebody really famous from the radio station...

If we try hard, we can maybe have the best Christmas we've ever had.

If we want an unobstructed view...

If you are responsible for getting Bulldog sacked,

If you bring him two or four, he'll send it back

If you call sitting in your waiting room reading old magazines a great time,

If you change your mind, it should be a hoot.

If you could show restraint after so much humiliation,

If you don't mind my saying so, you're losing some of your elasticity.

If you ever find justice in this world, let me know, will you?

If you fell for that one, you're going down,

If you just came to see Daphne, you don't have to stay.

If you need one, you'll know.

If you want to be technical Bethlehem was in the desert.

If you were in the sixth grade, you'd be sitting in a tree, k i s s i n g.

If you weren't a bit self conscious about your hip?

If you'd like to get together sometime, give me a call.

If you're ever in Washington. I'm in the b'gook.

If you're ready to accept that, I could suggest..

If you've got really fine pieces of furniture,

Illegal in 48 states kind of sex!

In a few days, it'll blow over.

In a slightly better light, shall we?

In fact, my brother and l are a lot more like my mother.

In Manchester, me mum was steering me towards the butcher's son.

In one of those gowns where your bum peaks through.

In that case, corn nut to rook 7.

In the bathroom, getting a drink. Eddie!

In the Greater Seattle area, the number is 555 KACL.

In the house, Freddie's favourite movie.

In the middle of dressing for the evening,

In the prime of our lives, with nothing to do on a Saturday night.

In theatrical circles, they always say,

In this business because of my stupid temper.

In time, you will embrace this, think of it as a new chapter.

Induces alternate states of consciousness.

Instead he said, "You've ruined my life, you blood sucking shrew."

Instead of sinking all five with one shot, how about sinking all six?

Instead, I'm in this stinking hellhole on Christmas day,

Irene and l are exchanging family histories.

Is a healthy part of adulthood at any age.

Is a heat lamp over a large order of fries.

Is a not uncommon result of long periods of time

Is about to embark on a night of romance,

Is Dad still asleep?

Is it? All right, allow me to present exhibit "B".

Is live for the little joys and surprises that life affords us.

Is Maris organising the...Arts Council benefit again this year?

Is my head a large piece of kibble?

Is she here?

Is she writing anything else?

Is that all? I'm a big boy.

Is that what you'll be doing tonight?

Is that your mother? Your masseur, your Mercedes?

Is the coast clear? Where's the supermodel?

Is the ultimate expression of our humanity.

Is there a reason you're telling me this story?

Is this a bad time? You seem upset.

Is this the charming gentleman you were talking about?

Is this the Crane residence?

It certainly does.

It certainly does.

It certainly is taking a long time getting out of this parking lot.

It completely unnerved me as I had never thought of my father

It deserves to be heard by a larger audience. Hee haw! Hee haw!

It didn't work out the way I'd planned but...

It does not say that!

It doesn't matter if they match. They will go together.

It doesn't sound like the kind of restaurant we'd like.

It doesn't. I knew when I chose this career, I'd be open to criticism.

It feels strange, a son asking his father how his date was last night...

It goes with all occasions.

It happened long ago and it's not anything I'm proud of.

It hasn't been that long. Give it a chance.

It is a table for four,

It is the magic that is me.

It makes it easier when we dance.

It may have escaped your notice, but I'm a grown woman.

It must feel awful silly when that cane trips you up.

It must have caused Mom a lot of pain.

It need not ruin your Christmas.

It needs a minor adjustment. What's all this hair on it?

It pinches a bit under the arms,

It says here that it is a Paxton. The signature..

It says, "Hello, there, stranger."

It says, "Martin, was it something I wrote?"

It seems no matter where I light, I get interrupted.

It shattered her calm.

It shouldn't be a long conversation. I'm talking three minutes of your life.

It sounded louder on the dais.

It sounds like you may have a serious condition known as agoraphobia

It was "Eureka!" I actually said, "Eureka!"

It was a compliment.

It was a new jar, but he wasn't taking risks.

It was about Margaret Thatcher's secret for growing zinnias

It was different then. It was more of a garden room...

It was during the, uh...

It was flattering.

It was great. I really miss those guys. Bad news, though.

It was just for customers of those stores.

It was like he was thinking of someone else. I know I was.

It was nice meeting you, Daphne, and, uh, Frasier.

It was one phone call.

It was rather interesting. One of them did time in prison for fraud.

It was such a pleasure meeting you.

It was the most humiliating experience of my life.

It was the time when you and Mom were fighting a lot.

It was to discuss taking his show national! Don't you know anything?

It was very nice what you said

It was, then they spoke once and then Dad said she wasn't his type.

It would be absurd to bring it into a place like this with the kind of element...

It would be so satisfying

It, uh..

It'd be my pleasure. Daphne, this is my brother Niles.

It'll have a liquor licence.

It'll never happen. Niles, you can have it.

It's 4:25, and this is Dr Frasier Crane.

It's a chance to have an evening together as a family.

It's a gag. We don't exchange gifts.

It's a gift. Well, cheerio.

It's a hobby. Some guys build boats.

It's a long story. Do you really want to hear it?

It's a possibility. Sometimes he starts breathing funny.

It's a tough business, this radio game.

It's all the rage in Washington. You know who speaks it all the time?

It's almost as if you'd spent time living in a cramped, confining area.

It's amazing, it can pump 1,800 gallons of blood each and every day

It's an actual log cabin with actual deer grazing in our yard.

It's at the cleaners. I got some creamed chicken on it at Phil's retirement dinner.

It's been a lot of laughs, but it's late. We better get going.

It's certainly an interesting situation she's in. Don't you think so, Roz?

It's clear what happened. Dad and Mrs Lawlor had an affair.

It's fine.

It's for you.

It's great because I'm in radio.

It's hard even getting out of bed, not to mention the cold weather.

It's here that I help the emotionally distraught through their troubled lives.

It's in my top drawer.

It's innocent. Just think of it as having like 100 more channels to watch.

It's ironic: my 63 year old father

It's just a bad dream, I promise you.

It's kismet.

It's mostly social. Me and the girls just bumping the gums.

It's my pet peeve:

It's nice to meet all of you. I've got beers for everyone.

It's nice you're still so dedicated.

It's not fancy but it's good, wholesome American fare.

It's not good to make rude gestures at other drivers.

It's not just the suit. It's his taste in everything clothing, films, music

It's not like I could pick the lottery.

It's nothing big. Just little things I sense about people.

It's October 21!

It's out of the question! Cancel!

It's over. He's cut her out of his life.

It's quite extraordinary.

It's really making my joints hurt.

It's relaxing.

It's safe with us.

It's sharkskin. Look at the way it changes colour when I move my arm.

It's sort of cute. He's holding her hand...

It's the Elliott Bay Towers,

It's the ******* version of a wake.

It's the most perfect canvas I've gazed upon.

It's the price I pay for celebrity. But thank you for bringing the paper.

It's time for a station break.

It's time we embraced that, right?

It's times like this that most families...

It's unfair. Well, there's no explanation for it.

It's us.

It's your choice, but I sure wish you'd come and have dinner with me.

It's your imagination.

It's your money.

It's... It's not you, it's me.

Jeez, I'd miss so much.

Jeff, are you a betting man?

Jill would love to know you came. She's right over there.

Jilted lovers, a man who's afraid of his car,

Jimmy Berman had this weird disease. I visited him in the hospital.

Jimmy. Who'd have thought? How do you even know that guy?

John and Marianne never take her, her father and his new wife.

Julie Andrews is singing there. They're having dinner with her afterwards.

Just a few miles out of my way. At rush hour.

Just a little too obvious.

Just about done with this thing.

Just answer the door.

Just because some doctor dies doesn't mean you will

Just because the man was in prison he seems to be marked for life.

Just because you look stupid doesn't mean you have to act stupid!

Just bring us those three, medium rare, all the fixings.

Just busting your chops.

Just for the last hour.

Just go on with what you're doing and everything should turn out all right.

Just hang on a second. I will escort you personally

Just in case, I've got dibs on his parking space

Just kidding. Don't drink and drive.

Just kill me.

Just look, people going about their lives.

Just once would it have killed you to say one lousy "thank you"?

Just pick your steak.

Just say it with me. Come on: M'gar'g'tin...

Just the compulsives. It was part of their therapy.

Just thinking about what he did sickens me.

Keep up the good work.

Keep your ablutions on a need to know basis. Thank you.

Knock it off. Elaine won't even talk to me any more.

Knock, knock! Can I be of any assistance?

Know what you are?

Knowing the effect it would have on Mom and us?

Kristina Harper. I just bought you

Kristina, I'm not really sure if I can...

Kristina. Buonanotte.

Ladies, keep your articles of clothing off the stage.

Lafite, don't fail me now!

Lake Chelan? Ooh! This guy must be terrific.

Last week, he introduced me as Martina Navratilova's girlfriend.

Later would be better.

Le Cigare Volant!

Leave the waitress a good tip. She deserves it.

Leaving the lights off so as not to attract bats and moths.

Leonard, your problem is too difficult to deal with in the time we have.

Let it go. Things don't always work out how you plan.

Let me get out of your way.

Let me get you a beer, Dad.

Let me know if I can get you anything else.

Let me stop you there. I'm siding with your wife here.

Let us get something clear. I'm not a morning person.

Let us see if we can beat it.

Let's celebrate life with this Château Certan '75!

Let's drink to that. Boom!

Let's expedite this departure, if you would. Thank you so much.

Let's just say a father knows certain things about his son.

Let's not cry over spilt milk. Now, we have a free evening.

Let's see what else the Seattle skyline has to offer.

Let's see who's on line five. Hello, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.

Let's see, you got a hankie. Terrific.

Let's skip the first course, which is crow,

Let's take a moment for this message from Carpet Fresh.

Let's welcome our guest of honour, the renowned artist, Martha Paxton!

Like many, I'll spend the time in the loving embrace of my family,

Like when I took you for your first tetanus shot.

Lilith had an affair?

Lilith?

Linda, Frank and Jimmy. This is my son, Frasier.

Linda, Frank, Jimmy, nice to meet you.

Lines are open. Please give us a call. Who's up next, Roz?

Lines one to eight are people who think you're chicken

Listen to yourself, Bob.

Listen, I suggest you give your motives a thorough examination,

Listen, if he was that resistant, why did you stay with him?

Listen. When Frederick grows up, will you tell him what Lilith did to you?

Live long and prosper.

Lobster Newburg?

Look at it this way.

Look at this place! I've never felt so conspicuous in my life.

Look who I'm telling this to!

Look, Crane, you're new to the radio game.

Look, do me a favour. Don't hate your mother for this.

Look, it's coming back up!

Look, let me tell you something.

Look, they're starting to fight.

Look, you can't feel guilty about that. Mom's been gone for six years now.

Look, you're...

Losing weight is a struggle, it takes a commitment.

Luckily, we were able to put it behind us, but I'll tell you...

Lucky for you, I saved it. Look at Derek Mann's column.

M & M's?

Madam, your chariot awaits.

Made me think what caused the rift between our families.

Making a commitment to another human being

Mann can't even write grammatical sentences.

Many have gone on to lead productive lives. Dad's just being narrow minded.

Marco called and said he wanted to get back with you.

Marco has relationship problems.

Marco is not a patient, he's a caller. There's a huge difference.

Marco?

Marco's on line two.

Marion Lawlor came by today to apologise for the other night.

Maris and Daphne are roughly the same size.

Maris and I were discussing this. We should share the responsibility more.

Maris fires her gun to scare them away

Maris had a run in with a rude Directory Assistance operator.

Maris is having one of her episodes.

Maris lost her earring. Daphne crawled under the bed to look for it while I...

Maris means the world to me.

Maris, what's wrong? Oh, pumpkin.

Maris's Junior League is rehearsing their spring musical "Cats".

Martha Paxton says it's not a Paxton!

Martin cares for you and he misses you very much.

Mary Poppins and the hound from hell can't find me.

Mature people should use their intellect to settle differences.

May get me through mine.

May I help you?

May we always remember to share with those less fortunate.

Maybe before he starts, Miller will tell him what the meeting was about.

Maybe Dad's just patching things up.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I can find him a hobby. Any suggestions?

Maybe I haven't done my best.

Maybe I told him that not because it was good for him but good for me.

Maybe I will

Maybe I will have one of those M & M's.

Maybe I'll sit under the shade of a tree and read in a quiet park.

Maybe I'm just not a kitchen person.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding.

Maybe it was trampled into the hallway carpet

Maybe it's because you're 41 and I'm not.

Maybe our listeners have an opinion. Who's on the line?

Maybe she just wasn't his type. If only we knew someone who was.

Maybe some other time. I'd like to continue my quest for solitude

Maybe we should drop the subject.

Maybe we should pay him back in some way,

Maybe we should set Dad up with her?

Maybe we should take these guys outside and wise them up.

Maybe you should keep it under the tree.

Maybe you're just... a little too warm, huh?

Me father worked on the docks, me grandfather. All me brothers do.

Me theory on death is, you're whisked down a dark tunnel

Me wait to open a Christmas present? Yeah, right.

Me, you already had problems with.

Me? The way you were carrying on

ME?!

Meantime, this is Dr Frasier Crane, KACL 780 talk radio.

Men and women are basically the same.

Men can be such pigs

Merci. A bientôt!

Merry Christmas, everybody?!

Merry Christmas, Seattle!

Merry Christmas, Seattle!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Welcome to "Lou's".

Mind if I linger? I've always been sort of a kitchen person.

Miss Moon...

Mm, that was the best Salmon Marseille I've ever had.

Mm...

Mmm. Suppose this stuff's bulletproof?

Mmm... Uh uh...

Mo Hanson, my old desk captain, was killed in a boating accident.

Mom and Dad fell out with the Lawlors.

Mom likes to water ski a little. She hikes, oil paints...

More than anything, he'd like to be back together with you.

Morning, Dad, Daphne. Morning, Irene.

Morning. I want to thank you again for the show last night.

Most nights, I stay home and I help her with her homework.

Most people mention the view or high ceilings, but you mentioned the space.

Move, change, do something. If it's a mistake, do something else.

Moved in with me and this morning, over coffee,

Mr Crane often puts off his nightly bath just so he can hear your show.

Mr Dorsey invited him over to watch the ballgame.

Mrs Chitcherelli wanted to buy it.

Mrs Everly, you old bat, I know it's you!

Mrs Newman. I'm Dr Frasier Crane. I was a friend of your husband's.

Mrs Newman...

Ms Paxton, oh, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting.

Ms Paxton? Dr Niles Crane. It's an honour to shake your hand.

Must be the ranch dressing.

My 63 year old father

My appointment was meant to be half an hour ago. Let's get out of here.

My brother, Niles. Teddy, our engineer.

My car's in the shop. I need a ride home tonight.

My chest is pounding, my knees are like jelly

My dad tells me, he's filled you in on our little bet.

My date gets a stretch limo, dinner, floor seats at the Sonics game,

My father had an appointment 30 minutes ago.

My father, Martin Crane. Dad, this is Daphne Moon.

My God, the man tried to strike you?

My God, you could show a movie on his back.

My God! Daphne, why?

My goodness, has anybody checked to see if he's really dead?

My goodness, I'm on today!

My goodness, shouldn't you be mixing?

My goodness, what a handsome, sinewy young bloke!

My head, my heart, my gastrointestinal system, all shout,

My housekeeper Mary is a fan of your little radio programme.

My leather chair, my Tisami lamp.

My life is kind of over, but you got company...

My mother flew in from Wisconsin to be with me today.

My mouth is watering.

My name carries cachet in this town.

My radio show suffers and, like ripples in a pond,

My sentiments exactly.

My wife and I love your show. Could I have your autograph?

My wife had left me, which was very painful.

Nah, that's tomato juice, you can see the can

Ned Miller wants to see me to can my butt!

Ned Miller! Yo, Jack!

Ned Miller's the most mean spirited man I've ever met.

Ned's told us how he got mugged on his way home from the soup kitchen.

Need a bit of chalk for me cue.

Neither are Scotch pines or snow ornaments.

Neither do I. We're alike.

Next door, an attractive young woman is working at a computer,

Next time I came to one of those doors, I went right through it!

Next week.

Nice nurse, though. Betty, I think her name was.

Nice of you to buy your father a new suit.

Nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Oh, and who might this be?

Nice to see you all.

Niles, can I get you a beer, pork rinds?

Niles, here's your picture.

Niles, I can't thank you enough. I feel this urge to hug you.

Niles, I don't know what I'm going to do. Dad and I had another fight.

Niles, I think she's having a stroke or something.

Niles, is this a new car?

Niles, just listen to me. She'll resent any interference.

Niles, may I borrow your phone? Thank you.

Niles, recommend someone.

Niles, sorry I'm late.

Niles, what are you doing?

Niles, will you help me out here?

Niles, wipe that stupid smirk off your face.

Niles, you are so mean.

Niles, you don't even pump your own gas.

Niles!

Niles! I was specifically not expecting you.

Niles?

Niles... Niles!

No Dad, it's just g speak.

No kidding. She almost put my eye out.

No kidding. She was a hooker.

No one ever loses more than $500 or $600.

No one stampeded! Good guests just know when to leave.

No one takes advantage of Frasier Crane!

No one's really been interested

No place fancy. We don't want a heavy meal with deserts.

No problem.

No problem.

No sudden moves. I'm too pumped. I feel like popping someone!

No time for artsy fartsy stuff.

No time to talk, Slim! I'm off to war!

No way!

No way!

No way!

No way! No way!

No wonder he didn't want me to go with him.

No, but I was wondering

No, but if you come back later, you can have the place to yourselves.

No, but it's super for me.

No, but Niles remembered this time when he saw you and her hugging.

No, calm down, son. Listen to Daddy.

No, Dad. She didn't.

No, go ahead. We could hang radishes! Put a nice broccoli on top!

No, he has worms.

No, he played four times a week if he wasn't at the gym working out.

No, I don't think civilized people behave that way.

No, I don't think so. I know Dad. Don't meddle.

No, I gave my last money to this poor guy in front of the building

No, I just got this feeling when I touched the picture.

No, I mean she had four brothers.

No, I need these in order.

No, I seem to have lost my appetite.

No, I'll be in San Francisco with my uncle.

No, I'll stay here for a few minutes.

No, I'm dating a sea captain with a peg leg.

No, I'm just on edge. I want everything to be perfect

No, I'm not, but...

No, I'm onto something here.

No, I'm sorry. I'm putting my foot down. Eddie is not moving in here.

No, I've never had a serious boyfriend

No, if we leave now, he'll spot us.

No, it was a B 52.

No, It's in Dr Crane's room.

No, maybe I should, uh... I'll take this in the bedroom.

No, no, come in. It's just family.

No, no, everything's going to be... Oh, dear.

No, no, I... I got it.

No, no, my ex wife is, though,

No, no!

No, no. You can't go. Case closed

No, not the '75. That's too good for the likes of us.

No, not yours. I mean, ours, to eat.

No, she was bumped from first class.

No, thank you.

No, thank you. I gave a small soiree which Martha Paxton attended

No, thanks.

No, that's not necessary. We had dinner the other night,

No, the job's tonight, but we could have dinner later.

No, this guy was for real. He even said...

No, wait, um...

No, we cut to the news 30 seconds ago.

No, we shared a cab.

No, we were just having dinner when you were "with your buddies".

No, what's wrong? Come on, tell me now

No, you see, I forgot, uh...

No, you should at least stay for breakfast.

No, you've got your ethics!

No! Don't ever change. I like you just the way you are.

No! I mean, what I mean is...

No! Station just gave him a bonus.

No.

No.

No. I usually end up in restaurants alone.

No. I'd like to leave some blood flow for the clot to go swiftly to my brain

No. Marco, you don't want your ex girlfriend back

No. The experience is very vivid.

No...

No... Oh, this is odd. Now it's in the hallway.

Nobody has told me whom to date since school. And I didn't listen then.

Noel, the Mole?

Noel? Noel Shemsky from Sales? That's who your date is with?

Nope.

Nope.

Not a man at all, but half a man

Not a morning person, are we? Never you mind I am.

Not any more. They just towed your car.

Not many sons would do that, not without getting paid.

Not really.

Not that being tall is the only measure of a man...but it's a bloody good one!

Not that I'd know anything or should, but... Warm buns, Elaine.

Not that I'm not delighted to see you,

Not that you were bored...or excited. Well...

Not the salad. Derek Mann. Why would he write that?

Not to mention the nicknames...

Not twice.

Nothing

Nothing, but if Dad's eating here, this can't be a good restaurant.

Nothing. I just stopped by to get an opinion on a gift for Maris

Nothing... No, wait.

Now drop it.

Now I know where Maris gets her sense of humour.

Now I know why your son is such a great guy.

Now let's get the hell out of here!

Now let's return to our calls

Now my coffee

Now that I've answered everything, do me a favour.

Now that you've got Bulldog his job back,

Now we know why.

Now you're settled in, I've got to run.

Now you've ruined the ending.

Now, don't do anything rash. Try to vent your anger first.

Now, how about seafood crêpes?

Now, if we could just find a naked one.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do.

Now, my personal possessions

Now, Niles, Jimmy's a nice guy. And Daphne can take care of herself.

Now, sit down. Breakfast is ready

Now, that is downright rude!

Now, when I've decided what I'll do about Jimmy, I'll let you know.

Now, where did you hang my painting?

Now, why don't you put your skirt back on and do some dishes?

Number 20?

Oddly enough, I'm having trouble getting into it.

Of course I do. Don't forget, Maris is five years older than I am.

Of course I have to catch the bugger first.

Of course you can come by. Great. I'll see you then.

Of course, as so often happens, roughhouse turns to tears.

Of course, Aunt Patrice.

Of course, he didn't limp so much as roll.

Of course, I can't take care of him.

Of course, I'm sure later I'll be hurling, but, well...

Of course, the laughter was to hide our tears.

Of course. I completely understand. I'll just pop into the loo.

Of course. I have a feeling I'm going to be excused a lot in this house.

Of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life

Of some scurrilous rumour that, as yet, hasn't a shred of truth to it.

Often, I come home and see cans lined up,

Oh wait, where's Eddie?

Oh, a bachelor auction. It'd be fun to pick a man off the block

Oh, actually, bad news. The lecture's been cancelled.

Oh, all right!

Oh, all right. So, does this mean you're hoping to get lucky?

Oh, all right. Why don't you just spend the night? Take the couch.

Oh, and they're going to spend an entire day at Euro Disneyland.

Oh, banger, Dad?

Oh, boy... Why are relationships always so hard?

Oh, by the way,

Oh, by the way, I only have one kidney. Guess who has the other?

Oh, coffee cake!

Oh, come on, Camille. I need to talk to you.

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, damn, it wasn't the fish!

Oh, Daphne, you're here, too.

Oh, dear God, it wasn't a dream.

Oh, dear God.

Oh, dear, I just insulted you, didn't l? Sorry.

Oh, dear... This is not good, not good at all.

Oh, Dr Crane!

Oh, Dr Crane!

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Oh, for God's sake. I've told you everything I'm going to.

Oh, for Pete's sake! Just tell them how you feel.

Oh, Frasier!

Oh, give me that!

Oh, glory be. Oh, happy day.

Oh, God, save me from my adoring fans.

Oh, have you been crying?

Oh, he's looking this way. Turn around.

Oh, hello, Frasier.

Oh, here it is.

Oh, hi, Father Mike.

Oh, hi, Roz, it's you.

Oh, I know what you're doing.

Oh, I know who you should see! Dr Gary Newman!

Oh, I look forward to my next trip to Seattle!

Oh, I love America.

Oh, I'd like to end today's show on something of a personal note.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Oh, I'm sorry. When I went to pick up this Linzer torte, I thought of Gary and...

Oh, it does say that!

Oh, it's funny. The twists and turns of fate.

Oh, it's lovely!

Oh, it's not important who. Well, it's Seattle's own Martha Paxton.

Oh, it's such a beautiful night. The city is lit up like a jewel.

Oh, lately, I've been having this overall sluggish feeling

Oh, lecture me on the complexities of the human mind.

Oh, let me get that.

Oh, let's give a look.

Oh, like you've never had before!

Oh, look at this!

Oh, look who I'm saying this to. You don't have an idea in your head.

Oh, look, there's a place for cumin. Most people overlook that.

Oh, look, there's Irene!

Oh, Maris left for Chicago already?

Oh, my God, it's great!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my goodness, you've got a neck!

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, my, is that Kugel? Excuse me.

Oh, my, that's it!

Oh, Ned, I... I'm so sorry.

Oh, Niles, what brings you here?

Oh, no thank you. I have everything under control.

Oh, no, no. I'll just observe the triumvirate.

Oh, no, really? Great.

Oh, no!

Oh, no! Why? He's the top sports guy in town.

Oh, no. Don't worry. I couldn't help myself, either.

Oh, no. If he knew I brought this here, he'd kill me.

Oh, no...

Oh, now I remember you.

Oh, of course. It was at the, uh...

Oh, of course. It's Maris and her home tanning bed.

Oh, right.

Oh, Roz, you really shouldn't have.

Oh, save the best part for me, eh?

Oh, she likes archaeology. She's on a dig in Honduras right now.

Oh, shut the hell up, will you?

Oh, stop, stop!

Oh, sure. The real trick is drinking coffee. I keep burning my eyes.

Oh, sweets from the sweet.

Oh, thank you. It's been driving me crazy.

Oh, that poor guy

Oh, that was a cheap shot!

Oh, that's not necessary...

Oh, that's OK, I should have warned you, but...

Oh, that's right, I forgot. You're psychic.

Oh, that's right. You weren't in my precinct.

Oh, the one that came in with Jimmy. She was shooting pool.

Oh, then by all means let it dangle. Perhaps they have a local chapter.

Oh, then she's fine.

Oh, there you are. Come on, boy

Oh, there's the elevator. See you later.

Oh, they're all Marcos.

Oh, this is a mirror. I thought maybe you were having an unveiling later.

Oh, well, look what we have here. Will one tube suffice?

Oh, well, you can take it. You're a tough little nut.

Oh, well... Why don't you come to our house?

Oh, what fresh hell is this?

Oh, what fresh hell is this?

Oh, why don't you go home? I can take over for the next two hours.

Oh, yeah, that's a Crane first date all right.

Oh, yeah, the Junior League head brought up the subject of a hooker

Oh, yes, I remember this. It's breathtaking.

Oh, yes, I'm getting a feeling. It's in your father's room

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, yes, of course. Why?

Oh, yes, there, there, shh.

Oh, yes. But a word to the wise.

Oh, yes. Kyle. Give him my regards.

Oh, yes. Mm...

Oh, you think you can spot a crook just like that?

Oh!

Oh! And nothing I can say will change your mind?

Oh! Are Dad and his lady friend still playing telescope footsie?

Oh! But not from the adorable ones.

Oh! Good morning, Dr Crane.

Oh! How was your encounter with Dad's poker buddies last night?

Oh! I did it again. I insulted you.

Oh! Mm!

Oh. Well, yes, we could, couldn't we?

Oh. You could probably use this.

Oh... I guess that helps fill her day.

Oh... Niles, he passed bad cheques.

Oh... Oh, hello, Lilith.

Oh... Oh, she's holding a note.

Oh... Oh!

Oh... Well, we're moving.

Oh... You'll be fine. Just go on out there and have a good time.

OK, but my programme's coming on.

OK, fine.

OK, I'll make up the spare bedroom.

OK, I'm coming peacefully. Let me get my jacket.

OK, I'm going to turn it on.

OK, just to make sure this is on the up and up, let's use six balls.

OK, Lorraine, calm down and listen to what I say. Will you do that?

OK, now. No, not now!

OK, Roz, who do we have?

OK, Sherlock, you got centre stage.

OK, Tom. You win the prize

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. Hug, hug, hug?

OK. I live at the Elliot Bay Towers. Around seven?

OK. I'll make an appointment.

OK. I'm ready to go.

OK. You're here now.

On Saturday night at Le Cigare Volant, one of the hottest new restaurants.

On the Columbia Tower.

On the counterbalance, around 7:00 is fine.

On the way there, she saw a tattoo parlour.

On top of that, my practice had grown stagnant

Once she promised to take me ice skating.

One after another like little tin soldiers...

One can only imagine what inspired you to paint it!

One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow

One hand washes the other around here.

One more thing. My friend Sandy got called in on the same job

One of his old police buddies called.

One second? That's our personal best?

Only a few minutes left. I'd like to end on a personal note.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oops, we lost Todd.

Or anything else one picks out of the garbage

Or file it away under the heading "Sometimes life sucks".

Or is Roz destined to live a life of hopeless, loveless spinsterhood?

Or keep her in some never never land where everyone is nine forever!

Or what he can remember of it before Lilith smashed it with a croquet mallet.

Or you spend the rest of your life diving for cover when they drop on by.

Our lines are open. So please give us a call.

Our topic today is intrusion,

Over Northern Italian cuisine, I'll choke on a breadstick!

Own cute and cuddly Mr Science!

Pam on line four has a family problem.

Pasty little thing, didn't fancy him.

Patrice and I've had a great time.

People did try to fix me up.

People get fired but they always get back on their feet.

People of our generation think that sex is a private thing.

People, don't you have lives of your own?

People, turn off your damn radios!

Pepperoni pizzas and sausage rolls. Will you need anything else?

Perhaps a Beaujolais Nouveau would be more appropriate.

Perhaps we should invite Daphne to join us.

Perhaps you find it hard to think of your daughter as an adult.

Perhaps you should start by telling us about yourself.

Perhaps your son wasn't sensitive in seeing how your life was changing.

Personally, I'll get myself a meal at one of Seattle's fine eateries.

Pink in the middle. Not true pink,

Pityriasis rosea.

Plain or peanut?

Played a little slow on the golf course? Arrogant JERK!

Please bear in mind that your husband is a coroner.

Please folks. Honour what the man says.

Please stay. I'll come to you later

Please, come in. I'm Allen Freedman. Gary was my cousin.

Please, nobody refers to having sex as "getting lucky" any more.

Please, scoot! It's a private situation.

Please.

Poor Grammy. For weeks, she kept insisting: "'E's napping, 'e's napping."

Possessed with the hereditary Crane good looks.

Practical, no, but...

Pretty glad it did.

Pretty good. Just yesterday, I was crossing the street,

Put Frasier and Niles, in matching sweaters, on the old Packard.

Quelle surprise.

Quite a place, huh? Used to be a sawmill.

Rationalisation, the last refuge of a...

Rationally, I should be able to handle this.

Read it, enjoy it, and above all, treasure it.

Read this.

Ready?

Ready?

Ready?

REALLY sorry.

Relationships don't have to be hard.

Relax, I'll take care of it.

Relax, will you?

Relax. Read a magazine. Here, take the Cosmo quiz.

Remember "The Sound Of Music"?

Remember what Mom always said. "A handshake is as good as a hug."

Remember when this piece was in the gallery, everyone wanted it?

Remember when we lifted that dollar from Mom's purse,

Remind me again what you do for a living.

Remind me again what you do for a living.

Remind me again. Which one of Kyle's eyes is really looking at me?

Remind me of how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet.

Renata told you that?

Renata, honey... Sandy's waiting downstairs in the car.

Renata, you know...I am a psychiatrist.

Renata? I must say, I had a rather enjoyable evening.

Rest assured. The refrigerator is stocked with your favourite beer.

Ridiculous. Not all criminals are recidivists.

Right now I'm not sure there are any men

Right now it sounds very inviting.

Right now?

Right then, I knew you'd never be a cop.

Right, Dad.

Right.

Right. "Father, did you boff a neighbour while we were roasting marshmallows?"

Right. They were even going to give some Aunt Vivienne a call.

Right. What shall we do?

Ronald, Diane, will you step in here?

Rose is a nice name. It was Mother's middle name.

Roz, aren't you screening these calls?

Roz, at the party tonight. Nice gal. Ask her out.

Roz, could you get my briefcase? I left it in the studio.

Roz, hang on to them. I'll stay here in here for a while.

Roz, he scammed you.

Roz, we have time for one more.

Roz, why does everyone break into hysterics

Roz!

Roz!

Roz? Uh, just what is a sump pump?

Run for it!

Russell? I think we lost him.

Said a quick prayer for the driver, dislodged the wedgie of a lifetime...

Same determined chin, sweater vest, ever so slightly receding hairline.

Sandy will take her when I get back and that'll leave just the two of us.

Scrambled the call letters, spilt yoghurt on the control board,

Seattle, come on, I know you're out there.

Secretaries with bag lunches, children with balloons.

See how you like waiting all naked and helpless and goose bumpy.

See, there they go.

Seems Maris is a bit high strung. Maybe she should see someone.

Senator Thurmond is not in your closet.

Send the help to the room. I never get to hear any good stuff.

Seven or eight of us were on this drug bust.

Sex is something between you and the person you're doing it to!

Shall I put the little red one back on so you can make your choice?

Shall we step into the drawing room? Please have a seat.

She asked, "Are these meatballs the messiest thing you've ever seen?"

She came down to the radio station to chew me out.

She can see you through the telescope.

She couldn't remember the words to "Memory".

She cut herself out of it. She'd put a few pounds on.

She doesn't know he's coming. He's opening the door

She eats nothing. She's a total diet freak.

She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.

She figured she'd at least be remembered for the way she died.

She had fancy taste, but she had too much class

She left me outside to get a butterfly tattooed on her shoulder.

She left.

She probably didn't hear your show.

She sadly chose as her last meal

She said she was only with me because I was on the radio.

She says, "Crime never stops, even in the dairy state."

She shouldn't go out with that guy.

She spends the night. Next, it's being broadcast all over Seattle.

She still wakes up screaming.

She suddenly slumped down on the bed in her half slip and sighed.

She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed

She trips in the bathroom,

She was the one who brought it up!

She was wrong. This is a part time position. It won't work out.

She won't call.

She won't go against your wishes if I'm any judge of character.

She won't go out or answer the phone.

She wore a brown dress with a belt.

She'd like an autographed photo.

She'll be delighted.

She's a model.

She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident.

She's coming this way. Hide!

She's fine.

She's great looking and she can really hold her liquor.

She's had me over for coffee. I'd like to have her over for dinner.

She's holding it up.

She's not my type.

She's on your bed... asleep under the guests' coats.

She's out in the car.

She's psychic. We've decided to find it charming.

She's riding the rails as we speak

She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling Directory Assistance?

She's shy at first.

She's sitting in her window wearing a stunning green dress.

Show him the world that he's only read about in TV Guide.

Show these women celebrity beefcake and they go nutso!

Shut up, Niles.

Since Maris has dropped out and we have an extra space,

Since you're here, go call your old man.

Six months ago, I was living in Boston.

Six months ago, when Lilith and l were really on the rocks...

Skin the colour of Devonshire cream and eyes that gaze into one's soul

So did I.

So did I. What is the matter with me?

So do the many listeners that rely on my advice to help them in their lives

So fight dirty and throw the first punch.

So Frasier made fun of Billy's crew cut.

So Gary liked fattening desserts?

So Hayson just gets away with it.

So he starts taking care of them

So he was sedentary all week

So how is Dad's therapy going?

So I dug out my old boyhood journal

So I ended the marriage and moved back here to my hometown of Seattle

So I said to the gardener, "Yoshi, I do not want a Zen garden.

So I see. "Yesterday, Dr Frasier Crane got on my case

So I step out of the shower, I look out the window,

So I'll have to pardon my French beat the crap out of them.

So I'm a goner, huh?

So it feels like there's someone else there.

So let it eat a hole in your stomach

So now you know. You stuck your nose

So she plans this lavish suicide.

So that he'd stop lumbering through life like some great polyester dinosaur.

So the elephant says, "He's with me."

So the newest on air personality drives her home.

So they won't know how old SHE is.

So those grieving don't have to be concerned with their appearances.

So was my husband. They made a mistake.

So what do you want to talk about?

So you scoundrels can plan some high jinks?

So you want to be closer to Dad, but you don't actually want him around.

So you're selling Bulldog down the river?

So your experience of the Christmas spirit would be

So, dear listeners, when Mr Mann's column arrives on your doorstep,

So, Frasier, how are you doing on your own?

So, Gary, go to Italy.

So, it wasn't that he didn't want to commit.

So, which one is your dad?

So... How did you two meet?

So... I bet I could get you that drink now.

So...have you ever made love in the kitchen?

So...how was your date last night?

Soft and supple, yet strong right down to the beautiful almond shaped nails.

Some of the guys are having a beer. Why don't you come?

Somebody's here. I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye, Mom.

Someone has a very high opinion of herself.

Someone is being let go. It's not you, it's Bulldog.

Someone should have been cleaned up

Someone stole my tape! This is total BS!

Someone to cook, clean and help Dad with his physical therapy.

Someone who consumes cigarettes and burgers can live to be 83

Someone who has maybe learned a way to beat the holiday blues.

Something about a Billy Kriezel.

Something more provocative happened

Something's fallen in my potato.

Sometimes I get me signals crossed.

Sometimes the bad guy wins and things you thought would help you,

Sometimes there's nothing like a good steak.

Sometimes, he's really funny. What did he say?

Sorry I'm late but I got a call for a job.

Sorry to hear that, Gary. I'm listening.

Sorry, Frank, I can't hear you. I've got your money stuck in my ears.

Sorry, I must have drifted off again.

Sorry, Niles. I didn't realise you'd stopped talking.

Sorry. I'm not myself until I've shaved and showered.

Sorry. It's this thing with my father and this person he wants to hire.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. The news went over. Do that again.

Spend the evening with your daughter.

Spent exclusively in their company.

Spent mostly in the pool halls of Manchester.

Sports. You go out there, break some heads.

Squeezing or counting?

Station manager wants to see me after work.

Stay on the line. We'll give you the name of a therapist.

Stay tuned for the news.

Stay!

Steak, potatoes, fixings?

Step back into the shadows, HL Mencken,

Still, he did well with the ladies. Of course, they were all prostitutes.

Stoli Gibson on the rocks with three pearl onions.

Stop showing crime scene photos.

Strangely, I could have sworn Irene's middle name was Marie.

Stubborn, cold man I've ever known.

Suddenly you don't look so good, sister.

Suit yourself. I like the company.

Sure you wanna go through with it?

Sure. Don't you?

Sure. This way.

Sweat dripping down your back, neighbours pounding on the walls.

T.J., Marty Crane!

Ta ta.

Take care of your teeth that look is not flattering on you.

Take me as an example.

Teddy, my man.

Tell me about it.

Tell me more.

Tell me, what is it with guys like that?

Temper, loner, bit unsocial.

Thank goodness, we took after Mom.

Thank you (!)

Thank you for coming, Dr Crane.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for helping me out. Now roll out that trolley. I'm starved.

Thank you for your call

Thank you for your call.

Thank you for your call.

Thank you for your call.

Thank you for your call. Roz, whom do we have next?

Thank you so much for your concern.

Thank you, but I need a night to myself.

Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions?

Thank you, gentlemen. And now, if you'll excuse me,

Thank You, Lord, for bringing this family together.

Thank you, no

Thank you, Pit Bull! I had a lovely time!

Thank you, Roz

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you! Certainly playing fast and loose

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I think I will.

Thanks for calling first.

Thanks for pointing that out. Being born and raised here, I never woulda known.

Thanks Frasier. I guess I don't say it often enough but you're a good kid.

Thanks, boys.

Thanks, but I thought I'd just spend a quiet evening at home.

Thanks, but I wouldn't like it.

Thanks, but I'm not.

Thanks, Harry. I owe you one.

Thanks, Jack.

Thanks. Don't you have a dog to wash?

Thanks. There's something I don't say often enough...

Thanksgiving, he ate too much turkey,

That certainly isn't the boys.

That doesn't get big ratings. No! "Get on with your life and ruin hers."

That file's getting pretty thick.

That I wasn't ready to do, you're wrong.

That I'm a drunk, incompetent, that my wife is a big fat slut!

That implies we were acquainted at one point.

That is Eddie.

That is indefensible! Your wife is not overweight!

That is not the point.

That is so fresh.

That makes us so special.

That must be... La Paxton!

That must have ruined the evening.

That proves I had an affair?

That psycho Bulldog and l got into it this afternoon.

That still sounds better than a urologist with a bad comb over.

That takes a couple of years, doesn't it? You're the shrink.

That the criminal among us can only be...

That was 30 years ago.

That was Dad.

That was just a rumour. You didn't tell him?!

That was the FIRST time I was nine.

That was Tiffany Schwartz. This is Tiffany Martinez.

That was very thoughtful of you, Noel.

That was when you wore the wax earplugs and the slumber mask.

That wife of his is driving him nutso.

That woman is not Dad's type.

That would have been a very dramatic exit,

That you didn't slam the car into reverse, speed back there,

That'd be a terrible thing for a father to miss.

That'll turn him around.

That's a comfort.

That's a good boy. All right.

That's a healthy way of looking at it.

That's a nice thing to say

That's a nice way to greet your brother. Cafelatte, per piacere.

That's a rare fertility symbol from a small nomadic tribe in Ghana.

That's a turkey log with mashed potatoes then Yule log for dessert.

That's about it for today. This is Frasier Crane KACL talk radio, 780AM.

That's all right. As a health care provider,

That's all the time we have today.

That's always lovely to hear.

That's amazing. She did have four brothers.

That's an interesting question, Niles, and I don't care.

That's Armani?

That's certainly different from the usual "Best Regards".

That's Dad, but the person next to him has been cut out.

That's fantastic! Do me, do me!

That's good advice for us all.

That's great, Dad. I feel better now.

That's it for today. This is Dr Frasier Crane saying,

That's it. Daphne put an eggshell and some allspice in it.

That's it. I've had enough of you two jackasses.

That's lovely. I'd like to meet you, too, sometime.

That's me!

That's much better. I'll go run your bath.

That's my bishop. Eddie ate the real one.

That's my new owner.

That's not necessarily bad.

That's not necessary, Daphne. We don't want to spoil our appetites

That's ridiculous.

That's right, that dinner in 20 minutes!

That's so cute

That's sort of why I'm here.

That's the beauty of being in a limo unless the driver's drinking.

That's the point of this experiment, to tell each other something

That's very charming, but Elaine is in 1412.

That's where I read, where I do my most profound thinking

That's where things might just get a bit prickly.

That's who I'm talking about.

That's why I live here now.

That's why we don't get involved with our patients. Or their girlfriends.

The "call on the other line".

The answer to our problems might be right under our noses.

The best advice I can give you is to either confront your monthieur or...

The best response is no response at all.

The broken vocabulary, jailhouse pallor,

The brown one.

The champagne is chilled, a platter of hors d'Å"uvres...

The chef didn't exactly dally over the remoulade, did he?

The courts and the police, aren't there when you need them.

The Crane family specialty.

The criminal is the very wily Linda!

The criminal mind is complex. They can fool you.

The criminal mind is complex. They can fool you.

The doctor with the radio show?

The doctor won't be able to make your appointment today

The doctor's running late. You'll be first when he gets in.

The dog is eating the food, the pianist is too intrusive,

The entrance to your garage is blocked

The fact that I got shot in the hip was purely coincidental.

The famous radio psychiatrist Dr Frasier Crane!

The fish was dry.

The food is to die for.

The fresh air's good for him.

The good rooms at the "Y" fill up early.

The good rooms at the "Y" fill up early.

The guy you got out of the way so you could keep his girlfriend.

The guys rode me about that for years.

The half and half's curdled and the garbage disposal's jammed.

The idea is to have a normal, honest conversation

The lady at the agency...

The last thing I remember is someone shouting out:

The lines are open.

The location and numbers of my bank accounts, my safety deposit keys,

The man is unstable. He took a swing at me the day he hired me.

The man who drove me out of my own home!

The Marco who didn't want to commit?

The meters don't run at night and neither do you.

The mud pie is coming (!)

The mud pie is coming!

The neighbour who plays his stereo too loud.

The number for my attorney... Niles, what are you doing?

The number of the nearest gastroenterologist.

The one I used to sue the contractor or to sue the personal trainer?

The one who bought me looked crazed.

The only problem is I don't see Daphne or Jimmy.

The only way I can get the knot right, is if I tie it on Eddie first.

The other day, I kissed her for no reason whatsoever.

The passion that is Venezia!

The person who sits next to you at the movies

The phone's right there.

The picture of you trying to converse with Dad's cronies is priceless.

The Pinot Noir is far too stagy...

The point is that I crept out onto the screen porch,

The point isn't where we have dinner but that we have an evening together.

The point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back!

The rest of the show was pretty good. It was a good show, wasn't it?

The rest of the year belongs to the rich

The rolling hills of Toscana, the art of Firenze,

The rumour wasn't true. Of course, you already knew that, didn't you?

The saddest thing is, Elaine, Dad is paying for my mistake.

The sex was OK, but he was kind of limited.

The ship has already sailed on that one.

The situation is not the same now.

The station is way over budget and somebody's getting the axe.

The system ain't perfect.

The theme is Santa's workshop. Put on your little elf hats.

The thing is, this is good food.

The thought of making love to me makes you sick to your stomach?

The vultures are circling.

The wacky gang from the office?

The way to solve this is to ask your father.

The whole idea of getting somebody in here

The world's full of superficial guys.

Then I can disassociate myself from him.

Then I have a low fat, high fibre breakfast.

Then I promise I'll never do it again.

Then I thought, helping others through their troubles,

Then she came back to me, which was excruciating.

Then the towel fell off

Then what's my problem?

Then, Bob "Bulldog" Brisco and the Gonzo Sports Show.

Then, one day, we couldn't wake him.

Then, yes, we had a laugh riot.

Then...I thought of Frederick.

There are.

There he was, proclaiming the Petrus to be the superior wine,

There I was, hanging naked from a goalpost, and everyone was laughing,

There is just one more duck to put in the row.

There is more to life than sump pumps.

There is no Australian consulate in Seattle.

There is, who the murderer was.

There must be one small thing I keep overlooking.

There must be some explanation

There must be some misunderstanding. This isn't a live in position.

There was no room in your study with my furniture in.

There was so much more I wanted to know about the man.

There was this time, a while back,

There, the man standing to the left of the statue.

There's a bug going round.

There's a lady with a telescope looking back at us!

There's a new kid in town.

There's a vein throbbing in your forehead.

There's all these pictures with the same woman cut out of them.

There's an excitement about this. I... I feel tingly.

There's an old couple watching telly.

There's been a lot of tension between us.

There's no way I'm talking to him!

There's nothing like the smell of charbroiled meat.

There's nothing you don't say often enough.

There's some nonsense

There's something I'd like to talk about.

These angels exist?

These guys are professionals.

These steaks come from prize beef... What the hell are you doing?

These things are a two way street.

They call him "The Enforcer". He's put two quarterbacks in hospital.

They decided the best way to cut the budget was to get rid of MY salary.

They did, when we shared a cabin.

They didn't mention that either.

They don't serve tripe in Seattle, do they?

They get into that know it all stage.

They got a band out there

They got over it. Why can't you?

They had no spots in the laundry.

They had one in the window wadded up inside a mayonnaise jar.

They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.

They have got to move the bathroom closer to the studio!

They have the best Thousand Island dressing in town

They haven't picked a spot yet. Maybe I should tell them about this place.

They hung them from the goalpost.

They keep changing my time slot. I'm really bummed!

They really look out for your health here.

They were supposed to fight

They wouldn't take it back.

They'll sue you for slander.

They're always beating me up.'

They're artificial. They're made out of soy.

They're breaking it up.

They're coming, Eddie!

They're gonna have him for breakfast.

They're just sizing each other up.

They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy.

They're listening to Chopper Dave's Rush Hour Roundup!

They're very good.

They're your husband's parents. What does he suggest?

Thick.

Things have a way of working out anyway.

Things were slow, so your father asked me to shill.

Think about it. Get back to me.

Thinking he was tasting a Château Petrus,

Thinking I would assume a felon would be a man.

This aroma is triggering a sense memory. Something familiar.

This attack is totally unwarranted. I'm a healer, for God's sake.

This couch is a replica of the one Coco Chanel had in her Paris atelier.

This dish a Lalique or a Steuben?

This fresh fennel smells wonderful, doesn't it?

This got me thinking about my father

This happens to a lot of people.

This has been kind of fun. But I really have to go.

This has made me feel better. I can handle my mortality better now.

This is a bad time.

This is a perfect opportunity for two guys on the loose

This is a photo album Mom prepared of the same period.

This is awkward. Let's get out of here.

This is better.

This is Daphne Moon. These are my friends. Linda, Frank, Jimmy

This is Dr Crane coming to you on Christmas Day.

This is Dr Crane saying, "Have a good evening, you deserve it."

This is Dr Crane saying, "Have a good evening, you deserve it."

This is Dr Frasier Crane, KACL 780 talk radio.

This is Dr Frasier Crane.

This is for family only.

This is how they repay me? No, I'll quit first!

This is just a rumour.

This is KACL 780AM, talk radio,

This is KACL's own Chopper Dave, your eye in the sky for traffic!

This is my dad and Daphne Moon.

This is my house! Can I have one thing the way I want it?

This is never to be brought up again, understand?

This is Norman, these other people I don't know.

This is one of our favourite haunts.

This is taking it too far! Look at this!

This is the kid who used to get his head flushed in the toilet, right?

This is the last one. Try to keep an open mind.

This is the perfect spot for an ideal viewing. Oh, God...

This is the second time in two days you've given me a paper.

This is weird. It's not even Halloween yet.

This is your idea. You say something first.

This is... Oh, got 'em, got 'em

This isn't my coffee. Where's my finely ground Kenya blend?

This last week with Dad, it's been a living hell.

This might be for the best.

This offends him, so he starts pulling up Maris' prized camellias.

This won't be anyone's favourite solution,

This would be an Englishwoman named Daphne.

Those who encroach on our sense of personal space.

Though washing one's hands 20 to 30 times a day IS obsessive compulsive,

Three, two...

Throw your coats on the couch.

Tiffany! You just spoke to Tiffany!

Timber!

Time to get to know one another.

To be frank, I don't spend my idle hours imagining how you live.

To come to my place tonight at 8:00 for dinner...

To do my bidding and fulfil my every desire.

To get your mind off the fact that in five minutes

To help out a fellow human being.

To hit a sports bar, have a coupla Brewskis, maybe take in a game.

To just slash his tyres or throw a brick through his window!

To literally hang around the house

To make anyone feel second rate.

To me, he was always just "Dad". Well, that's absurd.

To retaliate would be to stoop to his level.

To show that you can't get away with this

To think that you would give up your money which you can ill afford

To what do I owe this occasion?

To wish you a merry Christmas.

To you, it's Niles and... uh...

Tony, shouldn't you be watching the door?

Tony? He's on the road with Whitesnake all the time.

Tosh! Civilisation won't progress

Touché. And on that subject, I heard your show today.

Toulouse Lautrec. Although he was a little person.

Towards a white light and you get all the jokes you never got before.

Traditional English breakfast.

Try to mess with Dr Frasier Crane.

Try to see it from my position. I couldn't see my son. I had a fight with my father.

Two cafe supremos. Anything to eat?

Two of the players are cops, the third one's done time.

Two years ago, some punk robbing a store put a bullet in my hip.

Typical mob mentality. I hope the fire exits are clearly marked.

Uh huh, uh huh.

Uh uh...

Uh... Frasier?

Um, this is clearly the most inappropriate thing

Under the duvet with a two week migraine,

Unfortunately, the pills don't set well with the enchilada combo plate

Unless my eyes deceive me, that's Dad sitting over there.

Unless someone points out when people's manners are remiss.

Unless you have to parade around the office

Unless you've got people crashing on it?

Until our poor dad had to convert the pantry into a trophy room.

Until somebody stated the obvious

Use the can like the rest of the world.

Usually it's strongest during my time of the month.

Very droll (!)

Very funny. You should play it on my show.

Wait a minute. I'm getting something on you.

Wait till your father gets here.

Wait, Bulldog. I can't let you leave like this.

Wait! You can stay. We can visit.

Wait. I'm getting something on you. You're a florist.

Wait. What are we doing tonight? "Antonio's", "Le Cigare Volant"?

Wanna hear my pet peeve?

Want my tickets to the Sonics game?

Was based on his best interests, and not on your own?

Was great classical music.

Was I ever that young?

Was scent marking the divan.

Was she nice, interesting? What did she say?

Was that a little swan you made?

Was to help ease my burden, not to add to it.

Watch him!

We all are at some point. You thought the 1812 Overture

We all freeze people in roles with which we are most comfortable,

We also thank You for Your other gifts.

We always cover mirrors at a shivah

We are mature, thinking people, not cavemen.

We both need to be loved and to love someone,

We both want to feel that we matter to someone.

We brought it in for you.

We call that "avoidance". Don't change the subject. Tell me what you think.

We can be thankful I didn't make toad in the hole.

We can see more mobility in his hip and his flexibility is improving,

We could use some music. Anybody play the harmonica?

We did spend a lot of time together. Never on Friday nights, of course.

We didn't know better back then. His mother smoked during pregnancy.

We doctors are always looking for the answers.

We don't know about each other, something vulnerable.

We don't know that was Mrs Lawlor. It wouldn't prove they had an affair.

We even spat off the top of the Space Needle. I'm sorry, I cracked.

We go to my place to make sweet and sour shrimp.

We got any butter around here?

We have a chance to get reacquainted.

We have a strict policy here. All sales are final.

We have Don on his car phone. He's having a weight problem.

We have eggs and bangers, or sausages,

We have Gary on line two. He and his wife had a fight.

We have Marco on line two.

We have Marianne on line 4, she's concerned about her daughter.

We have Martin on line one. He's having a problem with his son.

We have now come to the sanctum sanctorum: my studio.

We heard your show, so romantic! We all have our fingers crossed.

We heard your show. I loved the way you handled that Derek Mann.

We in the radio game call this "the booth".

We know who can play the ass.

We left a gruesome trail back to the tree house that day

We lost power in Studio C. I have to do my show here.

We may be barbarians, but we pay for our pillaging.

We must tell our friends about this place.

We need further cutbacks in those high priced salaries.

We never have a chance to sit and talk.

We played basketball every Sunday.

We really want to do this for you.

We should sit here until we've cleaned our plates.

We thank you, Lord, for the food we're about to eat.

We toured the Loire Valley and we bought four cases of this.

We went through the front door and the first guy took one, he died.

We went to the arboretum, a fashion show,

We were in bed and he dropped dead?

We were never simpatico.

We were on our way to Armani

We will pause for these messages.

We'll be back after these messages.

We'll be back after these messages. Can't I put that on tape?

We'll be back after this message from "Pizza, Pizza, Pizza".

We'll be right back after the news.

We'll be right back after these messages.

We'll be right back after this newsbreak.

We'll bring you a bone, Eddie.

We'll contact you. If not by telephone, then through the toaster.

We'll do irreparable harm to our relationship.

We'll each have our own space and can put an end to all this bickering.

We'll expect you tomorrow around noon.

We'll have creamed corn, rub liniment into each other's joints...

We'll help you pay for a home care worker.

We'll make dinner and we'll even rent an Angie Dickinson film.

We'll make this a surprise.

We'll simply try to blend in. Fortunately...

We're all eating right here, like a family. End of discussion.

We're all locked in. I must find out how this ends, Doc.

We're at the end of our hour.

We're back from your father's physical therapy.

We're back. Roz, who's our next caller?

We're back. We have a surprise caller, Derek Mann.

We're dying to try the new rib joint on Bellevue Way.

We're going to have the best time!

We're going to prove we are not snobs.

We're in!

We're just about out of time. My, my, this day has flown by.

We're just having a drink.

We're not getting along and it's not getting any better.

We're not really very similar people.

We're on in one minute!

We're putting them in the basement.

We're spending the evening together. Let's make the best of it.

We've been having this discussion since we were children.

We've been trying to find something we have in common.

We've got a dress code.

We've got hot links and coleslaw and I rented a Charles Bronson movie.

We've learned all we need to know about you. And a dash extra.

Welcome to my salon.

Welcome to the show. How can I help you?

Welcome to The Timber Mill.

Well, all right, let's say it my God given gift to intuit.

Well, anyway, a lot of what he said was... my fault, you see.

Well, anyway, here you are. I won't be needing this any more.

Well, aren't you a bobby dazzler!

Well, as we try to forget the image that summons up...

Well, bottoms up!

Well, come on in. Have a seat.

Well, except for Billy.

Well, frankly, I don't care about your conscience

Well, good. Way to go. Now, on your way.

Well, goodbye, Frasier.

Well, he's just gonna have to wait!

Well, how... wonderful.

Well, I can always pray there's a postal strike.

Well, I certainly enjoyed it. But I should be going.

Well, I suppose I do.

Well, I think it meant that he packed too much.

Well, I wouldn't have been fooled.

Well, I...

Well, I...I must say I've never been so touched in my life.

Well, I'll just get out of your hair.

Well, I'll see you then. Ciao!

Well, I'm not, my sister's not, none of my friends are.

Well, I'm on to you, mister.

Well, I'm too successful to feel awkward. Where did we meet?

Well, I'm... sure she'd say the same thing.

Well, if it helps, I suspect your son already knows how you feel.

Well, if you really mean it, I'll go.

Well, isn't this nice? Feels just like home.

Well, it is getting late...

Well, KACL team, what is on the agenda for today?

Well, maybe I could get him a wood burning set

Well, not me dying. But you know what I have thought of lately?

Well, now we come to the issue of...my remains.

Well, of course you didn't. You created it, you gave birth to it.

Well, Roz, I think we got Santa Claus himself on the line?!

Well, thank you for letting me be here today.

Well, thank you, Dr Crane!

Well, thank you!

Well, the food's ready. Let's start.

Well, the other children are just acting out of jealousy and immaturity.

Well, the phone rang, I...

Well, the wardrobe is a little different, but...

Well, the, uh...dishes are done

Well, then yes, Gary, you... You should get the sump pump.

Well, then, we're agreed about what to do with Dad.

Well, there is a reason I came to talk to you.

Well, these things happen.

Well, this has been fun.

Well, this is where it stops. I'm not running any more.

Well, this year we're going to be a little more artistic.

Well, to shake anything of yours is an honour.

Well, uh...

Well, um... I got to run. I'll call you later.

Well, unless I just keep eating M & M's, which is a distinct possibility.

Well, we'll be calling you, Miss Moon.

Well, what can I say but "Bravo, Marco"?

Well, yes. I guess it wasn't so hard to say after all.

Well, you do make quite a picture in the morning

Well, you know, Ned,

Well, you look very nice.

Well...

Well...

Well... Here goes nothing.

Well... Thanks for the chat, Niles. You're a good brother

What about the opera?

What about you?

What am I supposed to do? I've been cheated!

What are the alternatives?

What are they doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you here for?

What are you talking about?

What brings you to Seattle? I came to see Maris,

What can I get you?

What can I say? I don't think about these things like you do.

What can we do?

What consequences?

What did it mean when the naked man came in carrying the suitcase?

What did you say?

What did you two kids do last night?

What do you mean?

What do you mean? They've lost our reservation.

What do you think he does to me?

What do you think of what I've done with the place?

What do you think, Seattle? Are there any non Marcos out there,

What do you think? Is it how you imagined?

What does your father say about this?

What else are you getting?

What else do you notice, Sherlock? Like, where's your mother?

What for? Simply because of a harmless remark?

What I'm driving at is that sexuality

What if I die tomorrow? You will argue over that African mask.

What if no one bids?

What if you're left standing there with flop sweat trickling down your back

What is it that makes us Crane boys such targets?

What is it?

What is so fascinating about me?

What is that heavenly aroma?

What is that?

What is this place? A radio station or a nuclear missile site?

What is this, anyway?

What is your problem?

What kind of mother are you?

What now? It's Saturday night, 7:45. We won't get in anywhere.

What shall we do?

What she lacks in taste, she makes up for in vigour.

What the gallery owner did was wrong and humiliating.

What the hell brought that up?

What the hell was that?

What trenchant criticism (!) Move aside, Voltaire (!)

What troubles are to pigs so are these charlatans to my mental acuity!

What was your point?

What we had was pretty good.

What weather!

What were you doing back there?

What would you tell someone who called in

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Was I kneeling on you?

What? What?

What'd you do that for?

What's Dr Newman's number?

What's eating you?

What's going on? Frasier wants me out of here because he's got a date?

What's the name of that vicious lawyer you use?

What's this about getting your affairs in order?

What's wrong?

What's your damage?

Whatever happened to feeding our souls?

Whatever you want.

When a man has paid his debt to society,

When Aunt Patrice visits, Maris dives

When Dad spotted this at a discount store.

When Daphne said she was going out with him.

When each moment is as unique as a snowflake never to be recreated.

When everybody stampeded for the elevator.

When Frasier told me he'd hired an English woman,

When Frasier was a kid, I'd take him to the police station where I worked.

When he died, his skin was all yellow. Just wasted away to nothing.

When he was filled with Christmas spirit.

When I brought a toothbrush over to keep at his apartment.

When I moved in I didn't realise

When I say I'm driving Bonnie Weems home?

When I told Maris, it was all she could do to keep her eyes from dancing.

When I was trying to get it out,

When only the loneliest most depressed people would call in!

When people go on about their mundane lives

When she went to hug you, you moved away.

When somebody took my clothes while I showered?

When there are 50 vacant seats.

When they passed out equipment, this guy was in the back of the line.

When we first met, I was attracted by your remarkable beauty,

When we got to her, it was hanging by two tendons.

When we got to her, it was hanging by two tendons.

When you get angry, your ears turn red.

When you insult this restaurant, you insult me.

When you started doing these things, the relationship was over.

When you were a kid, what was that skin condition you had on your butt?

When you're a cop, you've got to handle things like that,

When you're in the position you're in, and I'm in the position I'm in?

Whenever you approached a breach of ethics, you'd get queasy.

Where do I pay?

Where I parked, the sign said

Where is Frasier? I could use help.

Where is the justice in this?

Where is the justice? Where can I turn to?

Where it didn't belong. Are you happy now?

Where Mom and Dad had screaming matches every night.

Where the hell's my Cosell tape?

Where you can see the mantel mirror that reflects to the waterbed?

Where's he coming from, Spokane?

Where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.

Where's my Lasorda tape? This is total..!

Where's my paper? Who stole my paper?

Where's the rubber band? This paper has been read.

Which explains the redundancy "vapid" and "vacuous".

Which should give us plenty to talk about in the new year.

While below her a burly man is sopping up a large pool of blood.

While she was here, she told me what really happened.

While the two of us, a man and woman, both attractive and eligible,

While you pull yourself together. But stay on the line, I'd like to help you.

While you're getting tattooed,

Who am I kidding? She won't show up.

Who are capable of falling madly in love.

Who are these people coming over tonight?

Who cares?

Who did everything right, can just die.

Who else wants a piece of me?

Who got it from the manager's secretary.

Who is this guy? Another trendy kid who's got three earrings,

Who knows why anybody does anything?

Who said you could turn around?

Who told you that I was going through with it?

Who was dismembered and scattered in a warehouse?

Who was that babe o rama?

Who's Derek Mann?

Who's our next caller?

Who's that scrawny chap

Who's your pick for the Giants/Saints game this weekend?

Whoosh!

Whose bumper sticker says "lf you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you."

Why are you just standing there?

Why are you only wearing one heel? You break it off?

Why are you only wearing one heel? You break it off?

Why are you telling me this?

Why are you telling me this?

Why can't we just do what my wife and I did

Why didn't he acquire her sophistication?

Why didn't you take him?

Why do I tell you anything?

Why do you avoid the doctor?

Why do you think that's so?

Why doesn't she fly instead?

Why don't I pop in the kitchen and get us all some refreshments.

Why don't I take Dad's things into his new bachelor quarters

Why don't we make this more interesting?

Why don't you go and live in a bubble?

Why don't you go get it?

Why don't you just pull up a chair and join us?

Why don't you tell him?

Why don't you tell him?

Why is it that every time we talk, we end up talking about your sex life?

Why is no one eating the mousseline of duck?

Why not do it on the elevator?

Why not? Wait, she's writing something!

Why settle for someone who isn't madly in love with you?

Why were you talking about my personal life on your programme?

Why would a man of your intelligence say a thing like that

Why would he miss happy hour at "El Paquino's"? He's a boozer!

Why would he say it on the radio?

Why would I do that? I'm married, I love my Maris.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Will you cut it out. Irene is not sitting in her window!

Will you do that, Russell?

Will you give it a rest?

Will you look at that? What a comfy chair. I always say,

Will you two relax? A word to the wise...

Will you?

Wise woman

With a snide comment about this or a smart little putdown about that.

With a total stranger who could be a perv.

With her soft, sensual hands and her loving...manner.

With luck, we'll complete our dining experience in 20 minutes.

With my older brothers at the age of six.

With neither artifice nor evasion?

With that silvery mane, twinkling blue eyes and whisky voice,

With the fish belly complexion and rain hat?

With their fancy houses, expensive foreign cars.

With tips for a man who drives a van.

Without getting on each other's nerves.

Women have been poked and prodded by male doctors for centuries.

Women that age should know better

Won't it be sadder here all by yourself?

Working on the docks has always been a tradition for us Moons.

Would help me to deal with this, but it hasn't.

Would somebody help me with the coffee?

Would they leave their blinds open

Would you come in for a moment?

Would you excuse us, please?

Would you have handled it differently?

Would you like to join Maris and me Friday night?

Would you mind if we moved to the sofa?

Would you two get out of here?

Would you, Frasier?

Wow, I never knew that.

Wow! In all these years you've never asked me that.

Wow. Your wife is really lucky.

Yeah, but he was just like me, highly educated, sophisticated.

Yeah, but when you only have one, you get less particular.

Yeah, but when you only have one, you get less particular.

Yeah, could be anything.

Yeah, give my best to the guys. Thanks. Yeah, bye.

Yeah, he's a good kid.

Yeah, I dug out the old crime scene photos.

Yeah, I see.

Yeah, isn't it great!

Yeah, it was.

Yeah, it's nice hearing yours.

Yeah, my pleasure.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, telling Seattle about me shacking up with a neighbour.

Yeah, that was my son.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, we got a band.

Yeah, well, we won't quibble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're making a bigger jackass of yourself than I thought.

Yeah.

Yeah. I listen to your show. I'm a big fan of yours.

Yes, a patient of mine got me a huge break on a lease.

Yes, and the light at the end of that tunnel

Yes, but attraction to one's own sex

Yes, but don't take it personally.

Yes, but it's not a Paxton.

Yes, Daphne, I think it is.

Yes, he used to make a game of locking us in a cell

Yes, I am. Can you tell me why...?

Yes, I bet you could.

Yes, I heard.

Yes, I meant every word.

Yes, if we want a picture for the Christmas card.

Yes, it's special.

Yes, Leonard, and your comments on intrusion?

Yes, Maris and l drive to the cabin tonight.

Yes, she also told me about the time you left her with the coat check girl.

Yes, soon!

Yes, that she knows where I live and she still drives.

Yes, that will be the crowning touch.

Yes, this is my dad.

Yes, totally passionless.

Yes, we Crane boys sure know how to marry.

Yes, well, I rarely get to the shore any more.

Yes, well, uh... Good night.

Yes, with the dog. Eddie's legs are going like mad.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. But I think anyone could feel this one coming on.

Yes. Even if things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway.

Yes. I don't have my life any more.

Yes. I'm sorry for your loss.

Yes. I'm very flattered that you listen to my little show.

Yes. On line four, we have Russell from Kirkland.

Yes. Perhaps I should describe your duties.

Yes. The one on the radio.

Yoo hoo! It's right here.

You all come again anytime you like.

You and l have to broaden Dad's horizons,

You and your precious morning routine.

You are a naughty boy. Don't go getting any ideas.

You are the most cold, unapproachable,

You bent over, dropped your drawers

You bloodhound, you've treed another one.

You bought me for $500. That's a lot of money.

You boys still say a prayer before you eat?

You can do that?!

You can no longer sit me on top of some stupid old Packard!

You can see everything in that building.

You can stare at me all you want. I am not going to go see Ned Miller.

You can still see the tile marks on my face.

You can talk about your medical school, your intellect, your place in this city...

You can transmit? I thought you were just a receiver.

You can't come?

You can't date someone who's involved with your patient.

You can't eat by yourself in the kitchen. I'll join you.

You can't keep anything nice.

You can't spend your life being obsessed with death.

You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Marco.

You can't take care of him. You're getting your new life together.

You could have gone home after lunch. I thought you'd enjoy this.

You couldn't have served bacon?

You cut it close, Frasier was almost eating sidewalk.

You damned radio shrinks. You couldn't just tell him to stick with it!

You did good

You didn't want Irene to see you. You care about her.

You disgust me, you parasitic fraud!

You do. Something is stopping you from having a relationship with her

You don't get it. She's always doing this. She's a flake.

You don't get out much, do you?

You don't know his medical history.

You don't leave your daughter on some street corner

You don't need to remind me. Billy's dad was a cop, too.

You don't still have the brochures from those...those rest homes, do you?

You don't suppose there's a chance that you and Maris could..?

You don't think Bulldog's getting canned?

You don't understand, I...

You don't want anybody else to have her.

You dropped two commercials, left a total of 28 seconds of dead air,

You find her attractive, do you?

You follow her to work. You eavesdrop on her calls. You open her mail.

You get him to apologise to me... Oh, hell, why don't I just say it?

You get to pick the cut you want off the beef trolley.

You go back to bed now... I love you, too.

You go, "l came here in person, while some joker at home

You guys were so positive! The meeting tonight...

You handled that smoothly, Dr Crane.

You have occasional bouts of colitis, don't you?

You have plans Friday? No, I have plans Saturday.

You haven't dated much lately, have you?

You haven't heard a word!

You haven't heard the half of it. And my girlfriend threw me out

You haven't seen the second question.

You haven't spoken to me except to ask for more Cheetos!

You hired me to look after your father.

You insinuate the palette but never lean on it.

You just put a "g" in every syllable. So, you would be M'gar'g'tin g'Crane.

You know Dad's aversion to doctors.

You know my salary?

You know that makes me crazy!

You know the pompous twit who's president of my wine club?

You know what a sweet tooth he has. And he wouldn't even take one bite,

You know what I'd have told him?

You know what I'm talking about.

You know, and I've been running ever since.

You know, as a tribute to Dad,

You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun,

You know, this cookie dough is not that bad.

You know: "Elaine in 1410, come to dinner, come to dinner."

You know...I don't think so.

You let out a little chuckle and then you die.

You little hooligan, get off that couch! You're not supposed to do that.

You mangy little cur! Get! Get! Get! Oh!

You may not remember but I have warm toes.

You may not remember me. Marion Lawlor.

You mean she figuratively hangs around the house.

You mean the man who's driving me crazy.

You met him on a bus, didn't you?

You met peeping into her apartment.

You must go to his boss and get him his job back

You must have seen that on some of my papers.

You must have this painting. Are you the owner?

You must meet my brother Niles. Oh, Niles!

You must stop spying on her and get on with your life.

You never know when love can bloom between two different people. Daphne?

You never realise how hard that's going to hit you.

You really think that's necessary?

You remember Aunt Patrice?

You remind me of Bob Hope when he dresses up as the Fonz.

You said your mother "literally" hangs around the house.

You said yourself he was fun to spend time with.

You said, "lf you act like a barbarian, you will become one."

You say my brother called?

You should come to my "healing with humour" support group.

You should not antagonise a man

You should talk about this. I'll just pop back in here

You should try my Salmon "Enchanted Evening".

You shouldn't encourage her. I don't want people looking in on us.

You think a real one would have lasted since 1967?

You think you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job!

You took the time to come here!

You took your mind off the shot by reciting the names of Puccini's operas.

You two are worse than gossipy washerwomen.

You two just leave me alone. This is not my fault.

You two take after your mother, don't you?

You used psychology, threw a gender bender at me,

You want a fight so bad, name the time and place.

You want cheese on that?

You want me to tell you my problems like those gomers on your show?

You want to change your career and leave your boyfriend.

You want us to forge some great father son relationship,

You want your messages?

You wanted to get closer to Dad.

You were a policeman, weren't you?

You were looking at the "National Geographic" with a flashlight.

You were this close to helping me

You will have lost something more valuable than your money.

You will have lost...your mind. You can't do this!

You won't be able to hear yourself. We're on a seven second delay.

You won't be able to hear yourself. We're on a seven second delay.

You won't be happy until I have a black eye

You won't be having any of those tonight

You won't be sorry. They've got five toppings for your baked potato.

You won't let go of this thing!

You wouldn't answer my phone calls, so I hope you're listening.

You wouldn't have gotten anywhere with this gourmet meal routine.

You... bought me?

You'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey.

You'll adjust.

You'll be fine. Remember, this is a street fight,

You'll be the handsomest gent at your friend's retirement party.

You're 41. It's time you learned something.

You're a card player?

You're a dog, aren't you?

You're a good brother too.

You're a shrink. You know how it is

You're a terrifically attractive young woman, maybe a bit overemotional...

You're agreeing with me, hoping I'll tire and leave.

You're back on the beat!

You're back quick.

You're being a good father letting him go.

You're damn right!

You're Daphne?

You're going to get your clock cleaned.

You're going to give a speech, aren't you?

You're in a place of business here.

You're in a store, the clerk is helping you and the phone rings

You're itching to give your money away.

You're jumping to conclusions.

You're letting this delicate English rose be sullied by some sociopath?

You're listening to Dr Frasier Crane

You're listening to KACL,

You're mourning the loss of what you thought your life was going to be.

You're never out of earshot!

You're never out of earshot!

You're not drinking, are you? He's not drinking.

You're not getting away with this. I am not leaving!

You're not *******, are you?

You're not *******, are you?

You're not the one jumping into the Rottweiler pit carrying a pork chop.

You're obsessed with what you think you're missing,

You're on, but you're underestimating me.

You're on.

You're quite a package.

You're right.

You're right. He said he was going to Duke's with the boys.

You're right. They may be having a good laugh about this right now.

You're shining me on!

You're shrouded in an aura of guilt.

You're still trotting this out? He's been trying to solve this case for 20 years.

You're the greatest! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have a radio.

You're unclear on this concept?!

You're upset, but don't take it out on me.

You're upset. I'll return it for you.

You've always been like this. You were a fussy kid and it's got worse.

You've been awfully quiet.

You've been exchanging notes for the last three days.

You've been listening to Dr Frasier Crane, KACL 780.

You've been on the phone for 1½ hours.

You've been to Jimmy's apartment, huh?

You've blessed our table with Your bounty.

You've captured the Zeitgeist!

You've got something on your bathrobe.

You've got to call Ned Miller and get this whole thing cleared up.

You've got to have your coffee, got to have your quiet.

You've got to take one call at a time from now on.

You've had your walk on the wild side. Let's go.

You've never had colitis!

You've seen the executive offices, the advertising offices, lunchroom.

Your brother called.

Your country and your family are to die for. Food is to eat.

Your dad will love it.

Your father's coming. Stand in front of it.

Your feelings for Irene are separate from those for Mom. If Mom was here,

Your head photographs even bigger than it is.

Your in laws?

Your loyalties are seeping through.

Your monthieur?

Your mother was a good person.

Your radio show must do well.

Your shoe's untied.

Your shot, girlie.

Your sons have some cockeyed notion that you had an affair 30 years ago.

Your turn.

Your ultimate goal is still the same.

Yuck, we're friends. Now, get ready, you're on.

15 seconds, gents.

94, 95, 96, 97,

780 on your AM dial.

'Can I tell you my pet peeve?' Sure.

'Good, 'cos I was listening, too.' And you are?

'OK.' Good girl. Your problem...

'She's pressing me for a commitment.' What's holding you back?

'Shh! Yes.' (Whispers) Then why don't you...

'Well, I...' No, it's called "jealousy".

'Yeah?' Yeah! Thank you for your call.

'You're chicken, Crane. Admit it.' I'm not chicken!

"Be a sport, Niles

"Peachfuzz"? Coach Medwick made that one up.

(Frasier) 'Thanks for picking me up.' No problem.

(Hank) 'Am I on?' Yes, you're on the air.

(Man) Move it! Oh, shut your bloody cakehole!

(Shouts) Did you tell him? Don't yell.

(Shouts) Let him go, you big ugly oaf! Shut up!

(Shouts) Oh, yeah, bulldog's out! Shh!

555 3000. Thanks.

A couple of years? It'll go by before you know it.

A drink of water? No.

A lot of stuff. So, you'll be seeing each other?

About how he... Yes?

After I'm gone, you can live guilt free. You think this is about guilt?

All right, I call. What you got? Full boat, aces up.

All that's missing is a mariachi band. They're setting up.

Allow me. Thanks.

and a handshake at the door. Boring!

And for you? The same.

And I said "no... Dad, please!

And I said "no... Dad, please!

And there's not enough proof. Is it impossible?

And you look radiant! I look like crap

And? You know my view of pop psychiatry.

Another call's coming in. I'll take this one. Hello?

Anything is possible. Why don't you ask him?

Are you a photographer? No, I'm a model.

Are you encouraging me to fight? You gave him your word.

Aren't you going to answer it? You get it.

At least say hello to Aunt Patrice. I'm not driving out there.

Blood pressure? Textbook

Bowtie pasta... And the asparagus tips...

Bulldog? Hiya, doc.

Bulldog? Oh, well, you know...

But it's a forgery. If it is, it's a damn good one.

But they're not! No!

But why would she lie? Because she's 12 and mad at me.

But you seem like such a nice guy. I am a nice guy.

Can I assist you in the kitchen? No, I have everything well in hand.

Can I get in on the action? Of course.

Can I get you anything? How could he say something like that?

Can I get you something from the bar? Oh, dear God, yes.

Can I watch my programme now? One second.

Can we just get the picture taken? I've got it all set.

Christmas belongs to guys like us. Right.

Come again? She trots it out at parties.

Come on

Come on, you're just a little nervous. Hello?

Come on! He called. He'll be right here.

Come to Papa. Hug, hug, hug, hug! All right!

Cool. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Could you take Dad out? I wish you'd said Saturday.

Dad doesn't get along with Maris. Who does?

Dad, wait. I'm going to Duke's for a nightcap.

Dad! You wanted me to pick one.

Dad's so judgemental. He is,

Daphne, get me that pad and pen! What for?

Delivery for Martin Crane. In here.

Did Elaine show up or not? Who are you?

Did you hear that, Niles? I'm sold.

Did you know Gary well? Oh, well. Yes, I did.

Dinner? Perfect.

Do you have to watch TV right now? Yeah, my programme's on.

Do you want to break up with me? I don't want to.

Doctor Crane? I'd love to. I mean... I...

Does this tie go with the jacket? You look smashing.

Don, what was that?' Oh, it was the radio.'

Don, where are you? 'I'm just driving around

Don't behave this way at the cabin. We won't. I'm not going to the cabin!

Don't say that word. What word?

Don't tell your girlfriend about that. She's not my girlfriend!

Dr Crane! From... Yes, the radio.

Drink? No, thank you.

Dweeb? Thank you.

Eddie, we're a burden. You're twisting my words.

Eddie? Ta ta.

EKG? Perfect.

Elaine's a buyer at Bon Marché. I do a great deal of shopping there.

Ethan, where are you calling from? 'Home.'

Ever met a woman who's not the one? Yes. Five years after I married her.

Excellent, he was never sick. Heart disease?

Except for one thing. I'm not going. What?

Fine. Now you're the psychiatrist? I give up.

Fine. Tell me where they went. The, er, Topaz Room.

For a cab to the consulate? How did you know?

For Dad? I love Devonshire clotted cream.

Frasier, can you lend me ten bucks? Did you forget your wallet?

Frasier, for you. It's the nag. Oh, Lord.

Frasier, I got a favour to ask you. What is it?

Frasier, over there. Dad...

Frasier? Yes.

Funny running into you here. I'm always here.

Gary never mentioned you. Well, we weren't actually friends.

Gary was in phenomenal shape. Didn't smoke, never touched coffee.

Get in the car. What are you doing here?

Give me the brick, Frasier. And let him get away with this?

Glad you could join us, Niles. I wouldn't have missed it.

Go. This is stupid.

Good lord! What was he like? Quite personable.

Good morning to you too. Morning was two hours ago

Good night. See you.

Goodness! What are you doing here? We might ask you the same thing.

Got another one of your hot dates? If you must know, yes.

Got your keys? Don't be out too late. Frasier!

Hardly. We hardly speak at all. Really?

Haul ass. The store is about to close. Right.

Have a seat, Miss Moon. Daphne. Thank you.

Have you got any raw cookie dough? Even more lethal. Let's see.

Have you seen today's 'Times'? No.

He conked his head on the hood. You are shameless!

He lived to be 93. Really?

He overheard me. Oh, God!

He said that? To most of Seattle.

He's no sociopath. This degenerate should be put away.

Hello, boys. (Both) Hi, Dad.

Hello, Dr Crane. Hello. Where's Dad?

Hello, Ethan. I'm listening. 'Hi, Dr Crane.'

Hello, Frasier. Hello, Niles. Merry Christmas.

Hello, Marco. (Marco) 'Hi, Dr Crane.

Hello, Niles. Sorry I'm late.

Hello, there. Hi, Daphne.

Hello. Hello, Dr Crane.

Hello. What brings you here?

Hello. You remember Roz?

Hello. I don't think we've met. We have, a few times, Roz Doyle.

Hello. Staying for dinner? Yes, love to.

Her fabulousness. Want that dough? I'd better not.

Her name is Catherine. How long have you known her?

Her oldest son is an accountant. He was the breech birth?

Here, Bill, help me out. Oh, no, no.

Here, put this on it. You've been wonderful in this crisis.

Here. Thank you.

Here's your coffee. Anything else? Yes, the cheque, quickly!

Hey, there. Dad, what are you doing here?

Hey! You like the yellow ones too? People tell you they're the same.

Hi, Dr Crane. Hi, Roz. Hi, Noel.

Hi, guys. How was your nap?

Hi! We finally made it.

High blood pressure or cholesterol? No.

His entire column is about your show. Not very flattering, either.

His suit was at the cleaners. Not him. You.

Hiya, Doc

How about an evening of fine dining? Perfect. But where?

How about those Seahawks? No sports.

How do I look? Wow.

How do you spell that? Why?

How old are you? 'I'm 13.

How was your exam? Pretty routine.

How would I live without you? Now, now. That's enough.

How you doing? OK.

How. Remember in school

How's Freddy? He's fine.

Huh? I'm done. Please take this seat.

Hurry up! She'll be here any minute. All right.

I always use those lights! Dad...

I assume you're here for a reason. Yes

I brought this for dinner. Hey, Niles. You're early.

I call him Eddie Spaghetti. He likes pasta?

I can take care of myself. OK!

I can watch them from here. Forget the falcons.

I could put this under the heat lamp. No, no. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

I didn't know about your cocktail party. That makes two of us.

I didn't realise Gary was *******. You're kidding?

I don't care. But my sister and her new baby...

I don't mean to complain... Then don't.

I don't recall that. That's right.

I don't resort to brawling. You accepted the man's challenge.

I doubt it. Let's take a look at that

I even care about you. Don't make me hurl.

I feel a fool myself. Why would you care?

I feel sorry for the poor thing. I feel sorry for Niles.

I feel terrible. So do I.

I got to run up to Payroll. OK.

I got to run up to Payroll. OK.

I had a great time last night. Me, too.

I hate lawyers! They make wonderful patients.

I have a little... The Dr Frasier Crane on the radio?

I just thought you'd like it. That's great, thanks!

I just want to play cards. Great place you got, Marty.

I knew that dinner was not to be. Sorry.

I knew they weren't scared. We weren't.

I like your accent, you're from? Manchester.

I liked your friend, Roz. What?

I may have underestimated you. Really?

I need a hug to prove we're friends. I am not hugging you, you're grungy.

I ordered all the fixings. I don't eat bacon. It has nitrates.

I ran away from him when I was ten. I remember.

I see a man. Yeah?

I seem to have cleared the room. I want to talk to you, mister.

I think it would be best if you leave. Oh, all right.

I think we finally found it. Yeah.

I told him not to. So?

I told you not to bring her here. I ran out of ways to entertain her.

I used him to sue the first one. Give me his number.

I usually say goodbye over appetisers. At least you're not stuck with the bill.

I wanted to save an article

I was afraid of this. What?

I was just saving the best for last. Uh huh.

I was looking at the maps. That's what makes it scary

I was willing to go to your place. We'd better take a rain check.

I will. OK.

I wish I was coming with you. So do I.

I wonder if it's their first date. They seem to be having a good time.

I'd be delighted to help. So you'll ask Bulldog?

I'd like to be a fly on the wall that night. You wouldn't be the only one.

I'd rather not have any wine... Just a moment, just...

I'll buy some hand towels. Sit down!

I'll have a decaf latte with skim milk. I'll have the same.

I'll just call Information. No need. I have it on speed dial.

I'll make points for this, won't l? A ton.

I'll throw in the little one too. "Throw in the little one"?

I'm an idiot. No, don't feel bad.

I'm Bobbie, Gary's aunt. Dr Frasier Crane. My sympathies.

I'm Daphne. Daphne Moon. Frasier Crane. Please come in.

I'm famished. Me too.

I'm from Manchester, England. Really? Did you hear that, Dad?

I'm giving her our number. No, don't do that!

I'm glad you changed your mind. Me too. Thanks for our little talk.

I'm in the mood for a good steak. What?

I'm just trying to be the good son. Don't worry.

I'm Martha Paxton. Of course. Who else could you be?

I'm missing lunch for this. You could stand to miss a few

I'm not having her living here. Why not?

I'm nothing, a has been. Pickle?

I'm sorry to put you out. No problem.

I'm sorry. I had 200 bucks on that shot.

I'm sorry. Your sympathy touches me (!)

I'm sorry... You made me miss that shot.

I'm wearing her down. Who's that for? It's for Roz.

I've been nine for three years. Really?

I've been wandering the streets. I heard what happened.

I've got a date. Oh, great.

If I can't, I'm in the wrong business. You want to bet on that?

If only I believed it myself. Excuse me.

If this is a bad time... It's a perfect time.

Ignore him. I'm trying to

In that credenza. Point it at that.

In the kitchen. Don't be ridiculous.

In your house you make up the rules. 'Thank you.'

Irene's middle name is Rose. So?

Is he here? Where do you meet these people?

Is it his hip again? I don't think he can live alone now.

Is she still...? As a melon, yes

Is that a musical group or a pet? It's his new wife.

Is that all? 'Yeah. Thank you, Dr Crane.'

Is that the police? What are they doing here?

Is this about 2,000 square feet? Yeah, about.

Is this your first visit here? Yes.

Isn't it? Of course it is! But I took you in.

Isn't that healthy! You don't talk to your dad like that?

Isn't that lucky? You can share it. I'll pop it in the fridge.

It makes me nuts. What makes you think that?

It must be a clandestine rendezvous. Sly boots. He didn't want us to know.

It says that? It might as well.

It'll never happen. Thank you, Dad.

It's 7:05, and Martha isn't here. I won't have to sedate you, will l?

It's 8:00 and I'm still a pumpkin. It is two minutes to 8:00. Relax.

It's about time. Hello, Don! (Don) 'Hello.

It's annoying! What's your problem?

It's Billy Kriezel. Where?

It's continued on 12. I've read enough!

It's my job. I'm a waiter. We don't want anything, thank you.

It's none of your business. It is.

It's not a bug. What is it, then?

It's OK, we've all been there. But I really did misplace my wallet.

It's plastic! Of course it is.

It's shivah. Excuse me?

Jimmy's an ex con? You proved your point.

Just roll it up! Oh...! Let him go!

Let me borrow that pad. What are you doing?

Let me explain. You've done enough.

Let me take your wrap. We were driving and I thought,

Let us take you. I'll take a cab. I've had enough of you.

Let's double our bet. Oh, well, I might as well.

Let's drink to the driver not drinking! Man, you're really looped... Great!

Let's go sit at the table. OK.

Let's hang it up before it gets wrinkled. It's supposed to resist wrinkles.

Let's have a look. I'll model it for you.

Let's talk about this. There's nothing to discuss.

Like you care (!) I do care about the gomers.

Likewise. Oh, no. You can do better than that!

Lilith isn't sending Frederick. Why not?

Listen, can I get you something? Mm mm.

Lock up your daughters! Yeah, OK.

Lovely accent. Manchester? How did you know?

Lovely party, isn't it? Yes, it is.

Maris. Yes, Maris.

Martini, Niles? No, I'm driving.

May I take your...poncho? No, I never take it off at parties

Maybe I could write you a cheque? My element don't take cheques.

Maybe one of these would help. Beer's not good for dogs.

Maybe you should have that Martini. I can't, I'm driving.

Maybe... No. He wasn't bad in bed.

Merry Christmas, Dr Crane. Oh, merry Christmas, Elizabeth.

Merry Christmas! 'Same to you.

Merry Christmas! Oh, Roz, you shouldn't have.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Mm hm. It's all right. This one's on me.

More wine? No, I want to discuss this painting

Morning! Morning, Dad.

My allergies are acting up. You're exaggerating.

My husband's funeral. Yes! Of course!

My pleasure, Martin. 'You hear that? I said thank you!'

My tie! She cut off my tie! Isn't that great?

Nice to meet you. Please.

Nicknames

Niles has all the information he needs. Fair enough.

Niles, say something. Dad, wait.

No opera. Agreed.

No way! Who was that?

No, but Marco told me what you said. Oh, he did, did he?

No, I won't. All right.

No, I'm a psychiatrist. Well, it comes and goes.

No, I've just poured a glass of wine. I see.

No, not Eddie! He's my best friend. Get me my beer.

No, please. You don't understand. It doesn't matter, even pennies.

No, really? Really.

No, that's the dentist in Boise. Oh, right.

No. I can check. I still have all our notes.

No. I can check. I still have all our notes.

No. It wasn't flattering.

No. As if it's any of your business. But you're...?

Nope. Jimmy!

Not really, I'm the new president. Kudos, indeed.

Nothing matches. It's a style of decorating. It's eclectic.

Nothing. Come on, I'm interested. Tell me.

Now it's my turn. Oh, don't.

Now we're in the intersection! Oh!

Now what? I'll call the police.

Now you can claim your steaks. "Claim" them?

Number 19? Please don't make me go out there.

Number 21. Ladies, start your engines!

Oh, almost without exception. Yes, yes.

Oh, b'ge a good sp'gort, N'giles. What?

Oh, come on, you old... Frasier, don't push it!

Oh, for crying out loud. I've every right to be upset.

Oh, Gail! Aunt Bobbie!

Oh, God, not Father Mike! No, it's not him.

Oh, God! What?

Oh, I don't like this one bit. What are they doing?

Oh, I'm sorry

Oh, it finishes well. Would you like more?

Oh, jeez, thanks, pal. You bet.

Oh, jeez! It's all here in this easy to read binder

Oh, Martha! How is the old dear? She and I go back a long way.

Oh, my God! He's fine.

Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!

Oh, no. We do this every Monday.

Oh, put it down. What happened here?!

Oh, sorry. That's it? "l hate Frasier Crane"?

Oh, sure. Down the hall, second door left.

Oh, that was Mom! Yes.

Oh, what do you mean? It's poker night tonight.

Oh, yes, it does. You've never seen me with one.

Oh... Interesting.

OK. How about us having a beer together?

On what? Well, you look like a betting man.

Ooh, he's a tall one, too. Roll up your window!

Open yours. This is just...

Other than this one? Always a flip answer.

Outside! Wait!

Perhaps only evenings. I heard that!

Pick you up outside in five minutes? Great. Thanks, Noel.

Pickle? No, thanks.

Please don't be mad. What for?

Please, come out. No!

Put the hat on! You can't tell me what to do.

Remember why you moved him in. Refresh me.

Roz! I saw what I wanted and I went after it.

Sex, right? Yes!

She forgot I was out there. How old were you?

She isn't! She is!

She looks busy. Well, I can wait. Will you excuse me?

She should be looking after Dad! He's in the bathroom.

She stepped out. Oh, well, I'm off.

She tells people I'm younger. Why do you think she does that?

She wanted to, but I said no. Why?

She won't. How do you know?

she'd want you to get on with your life. OK. When I'm ready.

She'll be mad if she finds us here. Let's make ourselves scarce.

She's a kook. I don't like her. She'll only be here when you're not.

She's in the back. What happened to Jimmy?

She's not going. She is!

She's one of the finest in Seattle. She? No, no, no way.

She's pretty nice. Sexy, too, you dirty old man.

She's waving, I'm waving back. Don't do that.

Sherry, Niles? Thank you.

Six more weeks of winter, I see. Oh, dear God!

So how are you? Fine. You?

So I don't have to shake hands. How delightfully eccentric.

So what did you do? I forced myself to forget it.

So you like Elaine? I like Elaine.

So, Dad...? Yeah, yeah.

So, Doc, who bought you? No idea.

So? He'll be here any minute

Some brie? No, I don't want any brie.

Some kids spray painted you. It looked good?

Somebody has to win. If they were playing this weekend!

Something like that. It's not only you who got screwed.

Sorry, just observing. No, don't apologise.

Sorry. You owe your dad five bucks. I'm afraid I do.

Sounds great. See you then. Bye.

Still drinking Ballantine's, I see. When you kick off, they'll go bust.

Still, I'd like to have seen it. Why didn't you say so?

Stop staring! I wasn't staring.

Stopping you from being stupid

Sweetcakes, you seen my engineer? Someone's talking to you, Frasier.

Tell her I'm not home! She knows you're home.

Tell me you didn't say that. Oh, it was just the Lafite talking.

Ten seconds. I'm not talking to him.

Thank God you know what's right. I was just making sure you did.

Thank you. Santa's going to be good to Frederick.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Wait, she's writing something else!

Thank you. What's in the bag?

Thank you. You want one? Uh, no, thanks. Have a seat.

Thanks for a lovely evening, Martin. I'll call you later.

Thanks. Actually, it's mine.

Thanks. Hey, bud!

Thanks. I could use a hot shower

That babe can take care of herself. I told you so.

That was a good show. Thank you.

That was a pretty good show, eh? Sure, whatever you say.

That was Marion Lawlor. I last heard that name as a kid.

That was your mother? Yeah.

That's entertainment. Hold on. Did you listen to the show?

That's her! Oh, my God!

That's it? You call that vulnerable? It hurt!

That's kind. I'm Marjorie from 11,

That's me. I really appreciate this.

That's what I was going for. Thanks a million, Frasier.

That's why I'm alone. Oh.

That's you. I'd be delighted to drive her home.

The Giants. No.

The meanest. The second one.

The radio station. Nice to see you again

The roast looks beautiful. I hope this works.

The sad thing is, he's right about us. Are we really such snobs?

The Saints. No.

The Timber Mill? You get a steak this thick for $8.95!

the underdeveloped social skills... Hey!

The usual procedure is... Testing, testing...

Then swaddle me in Christmas cheer. 'OK. I was driving home.

Then you stopped seeing the Lawlors. This is stupid!

There you go. Gee, I'm so embarrassed.

There's a problem we should discuss. Is it Dad?

There's no room for her! What about your study?

These guys know what to do. Especially with easy marks like Roz

These people have plans. How I envy them.

They're very fashionable. But chilli peppers aren't Christmas!

They've already hung up. Thank God.

This is my daughter Renata. Hello.

This whole thing's stupid. Not to me.

Those are bacon bits. I didn't ask for them.

Three days. Have you two...?

Three raise maximum. You sure you won't play?

Try tucking in your watch fob. That's a Phi Beta Kappa key.

Turn around. Well, I...

Two hours early. Shut up!

Ugh! Wait for me!

Use your chillies! Oh, I don't want them any more!

Want to bet? Yeah, five bucks.

We are not calling her

We are talking about...? Of course we are!

We can't leave Dad alone with her. I'm sure they're doing fine.

We discussed it last night. Of course.

We should give them their privacy. Yes, I suppose you're right.

We'll call Aunt Vivienne. Who's that?

We've barely touched our salads. Great service.

We've got to apologise to Dad. You're right.

We've got to rescue her. Just sit down.

Well, enjoy. Where are you going?

Well, merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Well, wish me luck. Go, champ. That a boy.

Well? What?

What about Daphne? You heard what she did.

What about this chair? I'll move it.

What are they doing? They're talking. He's smiling at her.

What are you doing? I'll hang it on the door.

What are you doing? Leaving you alone.

What are you reading? You wouldn't find it interesting.

What are you talking about? I already won our little war of words.

What did she do to it? Nothing, just loved it

What do you say? OK, I'm not mad. Get ready.

What do you say? Terrific.

What does that mean? You can clear out for me Thursday.

What does your mother do? Wisconsin Attorney General.

What does your stomach say? My stomach?

What happened to Bulldog? Who told you?

What happened? We talked

What have you done? Nobody calls me Peachfuzz!

What is it? I have no idea. Roz said not to touch it.

What line is Stewart on? He hung up.

What picture? The picture for the Christmas card.

What shall we do? Hide!

What the hell is wrong with you? I don't know!

What was her name? Irene. No, they've broken it off.

What was that? He's quitting.

What was that? They handle murders and robberies.

What was wrong with that one? She was casing the joint.

What would you do? Take that corn nut off the board.

What? He asked if I'd like to go for drinks

What? Niles thinks Dad had an illicit affair.

What? Uh...

What? Well, maybe...

What's going on out here? Oh, is this Martin?

What's going on? Unless you killed a hooker, not much.

What's your point? I guess I don't have one. It's just me.

Whatever you say. I don't believe it.

Where are you going? I'll be back.

Where are you going? I'm staying.

Where are you off to? Poker night.

Where did that idea come from? Frasier saw you with Marion Lawlor.

Where do you meet these people? I answered his ad.

Where do you want it? Where's the TV?

Where should I put this coat? Just throw it on the bed.

Where the Beatles are from, right? Oh, no. That's Liverpool.

Where's Maris? Episode.

Which is? It's about Gary.

Whichever you like. Peanut.

Who are Tony and Whitesnake? Our two dogs.

Who are you using? Michaelson's.

Who told you that? You did.

Who was a snitch? Jimmy.

Who was the bozo in your case? Oh, God.

Who? Lupe Velez. A movie star in the '30s.

Who'd like some wine? I would.

Who's Billy Kriezel? A kid who tormented me

Who's from Manchester? No one.

Who's got the best Seattle talk show? We do! We do!

Who's next? 'Wait!

Who's next? Don wants to tell us about a time

Who's our next caller? Hank has trouble with his neighbours.

Who's this on line three? Todd.

Why did she do that? They like to keep the place casual.

Why didn't you tell me it was Mom? Cos it's none of your business!

Why didn't you tell me the truth? I did.

Why don't we decorate a palm tree? No need for sarcasm!

Why don't we just stay in? That's a great idea!

Why don't you grow a moustache? It wouldn't suit me.

Why don't you, then? I told you, I can't!

Why is he yelling? Oh, God, I was yelling again.

Why not the USA? They filmed "The Sound Of Music"

Why would he say that? Must be the carrots.

Why? Because Ned Miller is firing him.

Why? She'll think I'm being too forward.

Wish it was a birthmark. So do I.

With your what? 'My monthieur.'

Won't Mrs Crane be coming? I'm afraid not.

Wonderful, I can't wait. Stop grumbling. It won't be so bad.

Would you like a drink? Sure, something light.

Would you like a glass of wine? Actually...

Wouldn't you? You moved away from the window.

Yeah, I'm quite a catch. You are.

Yeah, thanks, Marty. Yeah, it was great.

Yeah? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, Dad.

Yeah. How'd you know? I must confess I'm a bit psychic.

Yeah... "My name is Irene." Her name's Irene.

Yes, hello. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Yes, I am, Philip Hayson. I'm Dr Frasier Crane.

Yes, I did, didn't l? Boy, I can't wait to see that.

Yes, I remember you. Is your Dad home?

Yes, indeed, I do own a Paxton. She's on line three.

Yes, it is. We've been here for 15 minutes.

Yes, she is a looker! There's a voyeur in all of us.

Yes. Thank you.

Yes. Where are they holding it?

Yes. What brings you here? Oh, nothing.

Yes... Yes, I am. Good.

You can't be serious. 'Just as I figured. You're chicken.'

You can't do this. Just go home, be with your mom.

You can't pay? Oh, no. I can pay.

You can't. I'll fill in for Bulldog.

You could have mentioned that to us. And spoil the fun? Ah, cheer up.

You do have one, don't you? Yes.

You do this. I play along. Come on.

You don't care much for your mother? Well, duh (!)

You don't like the champagne? No, I can see the bottom of my glass!

You followed me, didn't you? We were worried.

You found yourself a new suit. It's a beaut.

You get a free dessert. Oh, boy.

You got 30 seconds. Get in there. Not yet. Are you ready?

You got the job. Wonderful!

You guys ready? Two cafelatte supremos.

You hated sports. So does he!

You have to let him go. Of course I have to let him go.

You haven't even met him. They're all depraved animals!

You having a merry Christmas? Now that you ask, no, I'm not.

You know I saw what you just did. What did I do?

You know who that is? She looked familiar.

You left her in the car? I cracked open a window.

You look awfully warm too. Oh, I am! Yes.

You look nice. Yeah?

You look nice. Yeah?

You mean about you and Elaine? Damn right! I was so embarrassed!

You mean you'd take him in? Dear God, no!

You owe me $200. I don't have that kind of cash on me.

You poor thing. I'm used to it.

You really see all that in my hand? Mm hm.

You really think he's interested in her? Yes, I think so.

You recognise that handsome rogue? Wow!

You rented a restaurant trolley. No, I own it. You don't have one?

You said "cold" twice, Mr Egghead. Egghead! Egghead!

You said "egghead" twice too! You are infuriating!

You said that to Ned Miller? Yeah, he even took a swing at me.

You see, we'd switched the labels. What scamps you are

You sure? You gonna get on my back, too?

You talk to your mother like that? We talk about everything.

You think they'll never grow out of it. Eventually they do.

You were with me! You were spying on me?

You won't forget to ask Bulldog? I'll leave a note on his hydrant.

You would have kicked his butt. From here to Tacoma.

You would have, half an hour ago

You'd do that for me? Why have a priceless couch

You'll have no more trouble from me. OK.

You'll make an exception. I can't

You'll see your boy again soon. I know.

You're a good son, Frasier. Oh, God, I am, aren't l?

You're a man! You'd look ridiculous. Something to drink?

You're being irrational. Don't call me irrational!

You're Daphne? Yes, I am.

You're insane! Perhaps, but you just ran a stop sign.

You're kidding. No. Her boyfriend called the show.

You're not giving a traffic report. I yelled?

You're putting me on. She had a lot of men in her life.

You're right. Damn...

You've been like this all week. I can't get any peace in my own home!

You've been retained. Oh, wonderful! I had a premonition.

Your father? He's not the type. That's what I think.

Your turn to pay? You know me so well.

... Frank! Wrong. Frank's an undercover cop.

...at times it tore me up.

...how can I help you?

...pull together and draw strength from each other.

...searched the credenza

...since so many of you seem to forget that!

...that I actually climbed out on a ledge and wondered if life was worth living.

...then I did some shopping. Niles, sherry?

...there was a time of depression I went through that was so terrible...

...way!

...we decided to pop over.

...when he could ask the date herself.

...winning cup after cup,

...work on your self esteem. Thank you for your call.

...you know where he is, and he can't stay there forever.

..98, 99, 100! New high for me!

..98, 99, 100! New high for me!

'and expect us to stop and entertain them

'and I saw her outside talking to some guy in a black BMW.'

'and stay quiet until they drove away.'

'Any advice, Dr Crane?'

'Because I'm smart. I have a 160 IQ.

'But I am alone, Dr Crane.'

'But I hate my voice in my head, too.

'but if we dip into our savings,

'But it's 1,800 bucks, without the Splendours of the Vatican package.'

'but then I say things that don't make a lot of sense.

'Cos the Crane boys don't take clarinet lessons any more.

'Derek Mann.'

'Don't back out.'

'Eight months ago my boyfriend and l broke up. I just can't get over it.

'Eight months ago my boyfriend and l broke up. I just can't get over it.

'Hello, can you hear me?'

'Hi, Dr Crane. I'm a little nervous, but here goes.

'Hi. It's my in laws.

'I'm having problems with the other kids.

'I'm in the astronomy club and I hate sports.'

'I'm worried my son doesn't know that I appreciate what he's done for me.'

'I'm, er...

'I've been feeling sort of, you know, depressed lately.

'it doesn't sound as good as in their own head.

'It's about my mother. She's getting on now and she hasn't much of a life

'It's all right. I think I've got a hold of myself.

'It's just, same old apartment, same old job. Sometimes...'

'It's not really my problem, it's more like her problem.

'Kids, you can't live with them,

'Kinsley Square, outside your office, by the old statue, noon tomorrow.

'l don't believe it, another call!'

'l don't like his voice much either but it's better than mine.

'l don't want to hurt their feelings.'

'l eat healthy, I work out, but I can't lose a pound.'

'l find that advice patronising, simplistic and uninspired.

'l guess I didn't see he had a whole new life planned for himself.

'l had to call a neighbour in to do the message on my answering machine.

'l hate intellectuals with superiority complexes who nitpick your grammar

'l hate my voice so much,

'l haven't seen another person in eight months.'

'l insisted they sleep in separate bedrooms.

'l kind of got in the way.'

'l know no one likes the sound of their own voice, especially on tape,

'l learned yesterday why this is called "the season of giving."'

'l looked back and saw this homeless guy.

'l moved in with my son, and it ain't working.

'l pop my favourite movie, "The Sound Of Music", in the VCR.

'l realised, I'd left my favourite pair of sneakers on the roof of the car.

'l spoke to you and I took your advice I broke up with my girlfriend.'

'l still think I should get the sump pump.'

'l think it was two years. It was around Thanksgiving...

'l tried not listening to myself when I talk,

'l used to get depressed on Christmas. Then I found a way to beat it.

'l wake up, and I remember that Christmas morning.

'l walked into my mother's bedroom crying, and I said, "Mommy!"

'l want to keep my options open, in case somebody better comes along.'

'l will. Next time. I promise. Thanks.'

'lf I went to the mall I'd break out in a cold sweat and have to run home

'Look, nobody calls me half a man, especially some Ivy League twit.

'My 22 year old arrived home for a visit with her boyfriend.

'My life's not going anywhere. It's not that bad.

'My monthieur! You must help me!'

'My wife's hell bent on going to Italy this year.'

'No, I thought we'd throw pies at each other (!)

'No, I turned my radio off after you blasted that other guy.'

'No, I'm saying it.'

'No, it was too dark. I think I made a big mistake, Doc

'nobody could be depressed. I mean nobody!'

'Not that I get a lot of calls, anyway. Go figure.

'Nothing. But now I'm afraid to go outside at all.

'Oh, gosh. That's call waiting. Do you mind if I take it?'

'OK, I'm back!'

'OK, I'm back.'

'OK. Go ahead, Dr Crane.'

'Oui, my monthieur, every day.'

'Several years ago I became afraid of large, open spaces.

'She doesn't want to do anything, go anywhere.

'She got furious. She's been upset with me all week. Am I out of line here?'

'She literally hangs around the house all day. It is very frustrating.'

'Shh! They're here!'

'Should I ask her to take me back?'

'So are you up to it, or aren't YOU man enough?'

'So I just thought, "What the hell?" And I kept driving.'

'So what do you say we settle this...like men?'

'Sometimes I oughta keep my trap shut.'

'Sorry, I've got to go. I'm hearing noises from the guest room.'

'Sorry. I'll be right back.'

'That's it?'

'The other day he had us drop to the floor

'The other night, I couldn't get her on the phone. So I drove by her house,

'The pain isn't going away. It's like I'm in mourning or something.'

'The real surprise here is they pay you to dole out this balloon juice.'

'There's a lot of tension between us.'

'they can't fit any more pins in my hip.'

'They drop over all the time without calling

'They have trouble saying that stuff.'

'Watching Julie Andrews lead those adorable little tykes through Salzburg,

'we should buy a new sump pump for the basement...'

'What's it gonna be? You gonna fight me or not?'

'when you ask for help. That's what I've got a problem with.'

'Yeah, the leaves were off the trees and...'

'Yeah, well, anyway, I like taking a vacation as much as the next guy,

'You can't get away from your own voice.

'you can't shove them back in the womb.'

'You haven't heard my problem. She's already dating someone else.'

'You know how it is with fathers and sons.

'You've got that right! I've been telling him that ever since I got there!'

"'The puppy Santa gave me won't wake up."'

"Amazing trick microphone. Squirts water." Nice.

"Are your nipples sensitive?"

"Elegy In Green," in your own words.

"Every exit is but an entrance to somewhere else."

"for not giving a point by point criticism of his radio show.

"Give me your address. I'll send the money back with interest."

"Go out there and make it a great evening, Seattle."

"Golden Acres. We care so you don't have to."

"his pompous, sanctimonious style, his self congratulatory references,

"I'll move to Yokohama."

"in his underwear is getting first rate service." Don't you hate that?

"Is that Dr Crane from the radio hiding there behind you?"

"it is a tonic for my troubled youth." How old were you when you wrote this?

"It's hard to say what to hate most about Crane's show,

"It's OK!"

"l HATE Frasier Crane."

"l hate Frasier Crane."

"l hate Frasier Crane."

"lf I want to rake gravel every ten minutes for inner harmony,

"Live with my work." I love that phrase. This way, please.

"Mary, here's wishing you good mental health. Frasier Crane."

"Niles".

"one wonders if he graduated from medical school

"or from some mind controlling cult."

"or his voice, a mock sympathetic tone so sickly sweet,

"Pump iron" (!)

"Renata" that's a pretty name. It must have...

"Shake your money maker!"

"Somebody better comes along!" Marco, do you hear yourself?

"Somebody better comes along."

"Start with a good piece, and replace the rest when you can afford it."

"that is a thing, with which he has a problem."

"The Holotropic Mind" by Stanislav Grof.

"Though summer at the lake seems but a vapid, vacuous experience,

"We're just a couple of short ferry rides from Frasier's." So...

"Well, he asked for it..."

"Who's going to walk me? Who's going to feed me?"

(# "Moon River" plays)

(All) Merry Christmas.

(Auctioneer) Our next bachelor on the block is public TV's

(Auctioneer) Sold! To that determined lady in the back row for $500!

(Awkward silence)

(Barks)

(Barks) Java to go!

(Barks) Oh, we're low on dog food

(Barry sobs)

(Bell rings)

(Bell)

(Bell)

(Blows whistle)

(Both laugh)

(Both pant)

(Both shout) Merry Christmas!

(Both talk at the same time)

(Both) # Deck the halls with boughs of holly

(Brakes screech)

(Car horn blares)

(Car horn blares)

(Car horn blares)

(Car horn)

(Car horn)

(Catherine) 'What?'

(Cheering)

(Chuckles)

(Clears his throat)

(Clears throat)

(Click)

(Click)

(Clucks)

(Clucks)

(Crowd jeers)

(Crowd) Oh!

(Crowd) Oh!

(Daphne) 'Up you come.'

(Don fakes static noises) 'I'm going into a tunnel! Bye!'

(Donkey brays)

(Door opens. Women scream and yell)

(Door opens)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Doorbell)

(Elevator bell)

(English accent) Hello. Caught with me hand in the biscuit tin!

(Footsteps)

(Frasier) 'Ewww!'

(Frasier) ♪ Moon river... ♪

(Frasier) Morning, Daphne.

(Frasier) Splendid, splendid.

(Giggles)

(Girl's voice) 'May I take your order, please?'

(Girl's voice) 'Please speak into the clown's mouth.'

(Groans)

(Growling and yapping)

(Growling and yapping)

(Growls and yaps)

(Growls)

(Hank) 'Hello, am I on?'

(Hank) 'Hello?'

(Hank) 'Hello?'

(He plays passionately)

(Hums Bizet's "March Of The Toreadors")

(Hushed) Hello.

(Indistinct)

(Irritated) He'll call you back.

(Italian accent) 'Drop your pants, bend over. I take your temperature.'

(Klaxon honks)

(Knock on door)

(Laughs)

(Laughs)

(Man drones on) 'l hate my voice

(Man sobs) 'No, I'm not!'

(Man) 'Hello, Dr Crane. This is Jeff.'

(Man) 'I'm sorry. That was the last time. I'm OK now, I'm really OK.

(Man) 'It still traumatises me, Dr. Crane.

(Marco) 'l started seeing this woman two years ago.

(Mariachi band strikes up)

(Martin Crane) 'I'm a first time caller.'

(Phone rings)

(Phone rings)

(Phone)

(Phone)

(Phone)

(Phone) Help yourself.

(Piano is playing jazz)

(Piano playing jazz)

(Plates shatter)

(Rattling and thumping)

(Screams and a gunshot)

(Shouts) Don't touch that!

(Shouts) Father Mike from "Religion On The Line" is getting dumped!

(Shouts) I did it! I scorched him!

(Shouts) I just heard a hot rumour! Bulldog quit!

(Shouts) Keep it under your hat, Very Hush hush!

(Shouts) Nice to meet you, Niles!

(Shouts) No one's salary's a secret!

(Shouts) Platter!

(Shouts) Pompous and sanctimonious, am l?

(Shouts) Somebody stole my tickets to the "Sonics" game! That stinks!

(Shouts) Thanks! Why aren't you going?

(Siren)

(Sobs)

(Sobs) 'No, I don't!'

(Sobs) 'Well, I'm a mess!

(Suspense music on TV)

(Tapping at door)

(Telephone clicks)

(Thumping)

(Thunder and rain)

(Timer dings)

(Woman with a French accent) 'l have a problem with my monthieur.'

(Woman) 'I've fallen in the shower so many times,

(Women cheer and yell)

(Women cheer)

(Women cheer)

(Women scream and yell)

(Women shout)

(Yelling on the phone)

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe...

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe...

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Yeah, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ And maybe I seen a bit confused Well, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with

♪ But I don't know what to do with those

♪ But I don't know what to do with those

♪ But I don't know what to do with those

♪ But I don't know what to do With those salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ But I got you pegged!

♪ But I got you pegged!

♪ Don we now our gay apparel

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la... ♪

♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Maybe I seem a bit confused

♪ Maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged!

♪ Maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ Maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ Maybe I seem a bit confused Yeah maybe, but I got you pegged!

♪ Maybe I seem I bit confused

♪ Mercy!

♪ Mercy!

♪ Mercy!

♪ Mercy!

♪ Mercy!

♪ Oh, my

♪ Oh, my!

♪ Oh, my!

♪ Quite stylish

♪ Quite stylish

♪ Quite stylish

♪ Quite stylish

♪ Scrambled eggs all over my face

♪ Scrambled eggs all over my face What is a boy to do? ♪

♪ Scrambled eggs all over my face What is a boy to do? ♪

♪ Thank you! ♪

♪ They're calling again

♪ They're calling again

♪ They're calling again

♪ They're calling again

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again ♪

♪ They're calling again Good night! ♪

♪ They're calling again Good night! ♪

♪ Those tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Toreador, don't spit on the floor

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Use the cuspidor a What do you think it's for a? ♪

♪ Well, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ What is a boy to do?

♪ What is a boy to do? ♪

♪ Yeah, maybe...but I got you pegged!

♪ Baby, I hear the blues a calling Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a calling

♪ Oh, my!

♪ Oh, my!

♪ Scrambled eggs all over my face

♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs

♪ Well, maybe..

♪ When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza..

♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged!