Malcolm in the Middle - Season 1 Edit

A bad news/ good news thing here.

A bubble bath!

A candy bar?

A chance to spend a few extra minutes with my sons, enjoying their company...

A couple friends and I want to explore

A couple of cots and a drain in the floor.

A direct, continuous linear relation

A knife, my bedroll and some emergency rations.

A laser guided bee cannon.

A lengthy hospital stay is the perfect environment

A little something to remember me by.

A pageant, though.

A scapegoat... thanks.

A secret, deadly project.

A single creative thought here.

A stinkin' son of a...

A superheated spike shot out by power charges.

A Tale of Two Cities.

A Tale of Two Cities.

About how I got my black eye.

About sending Francis to a work farm

Absolutely not: We had an agreement.

Absolutely not. You need at least two more days.

Actually thought I'd be flattered by it.

Actually, son, after death

Actually, that was a pretty good excuse.

Adult supervision.

After "killer robot" is going to sound reasonable.

After all, it's only my Aunt Helen.

Agreement? You just like bossing me around!

Ah, the fatal scratch.

Ah.

Ah.

All I come home to every night are three howling cats and... Bob.

All I know is your mother must carry some sort of internal antidote,

All I'm taking is a canteen...

All I've got are all the reasons

All kinds of financial plans available.

All of the boys and girls on your street are my friends.

All right, but if I'm giving the talk,

All right, class.

All right, everyone in the car as is.

All right, let's see it.

All right, men.

All right, then

All right, you guys are doing me a favor

All right!

All right!

All right.

All right. Okay.

All right. Take him to his room.

All these issues with my mother.

All three boys are getting it at the same time.

All washed.

All you got to do is ask them.

All: How?

All: Oh, yeah!

Almost dies 1,000 miles from home

Am I the only one that cared about her?

And all I get are complaints!

And all this time I was at least partially responsible

And all you have to do is apologize

And an 8:00 p.m. Curfew for the entire academy!

And apologize to that poor, dead woman.

And attack weaknesses in your character.

And begged you to come back, I don't care.

And believe me, I will get you back.

And besides mental and physical abuse, sir,

And besides, Otis is not a pet.

And besides, winning seems to make you so happy.

And can make him smoke a whole carton.

And constantly watching him...

And Dewey, I'll try to make this easy for you to understand.

And Disneyland.

And don't let Malcolm out of your sight.

And don't think I can't smell those Gut Busters coming out of your pores.

And don't touch the microphones.

And even if she does, I'll just tell her

And everyone in school responded.

And everything works out for the best.

And free car washes for a year... Just sign.

And gracefully, I'd like to be noted.

And he came from nothing, just like you boys.

And hereby offer my full apology.

And hide it.

And I already feel

And I brought the cocktails.

And I didn't have a quarter anyway.

And I dropped a frying pan on my foot

And I got a big black toe.

And I guess you kids really didn't do any major harm...

And I haven't even started reading it.

And I hid it under Mom's pillow.

And I knew you'd give it away.

And I understand how tempting a place like that can be.

And I want to go to the concert with Julie!

And I want to take

And I will get on it.

And I work the state fair.

And I, uh, see, I fully intend to pay for...

And I... I...

And I'll get out of the funeral.

And I'm bored out of my mind.

And I'm not doing it again.

And I'm really sorry for that

And I'm totally getting one of these for Christmas.

And I've been nothing but pleasant.

And I've been very good lately.

And if gifted kids are supposed to square dance, then you'll do it.

And if they love each other and take the proper precautions, they'll have sex.

And in the meantime

And it isn't the kind of thing that could be solved...

And it smells like wet dog.

And it's actually kind of good.

And it's our job to make sure that future comes crashing down on them...

And it's our job to make sure that future comes crashing down on them...

And keep on walking.

And l I think that Malcolm may be ditching because he's afraid that...

And leave a mark for Mom to see?

And let him dock your pay 150 bucks

And lying is one of them.

And making his life more miserable than it already is.

And Mom's not here to yell at us.

And my wife has the flu...

And no one will do anything

And no one's... excluded.

And none of it means anything to any of you people

And now I have to figure out a secret way to answer her

And now I just can't find him anywhere.

And now she's probably going to invite someone else.

And pay a little visit to Mr. Jackson's Lexus.

And pay a little visit to Mr. Jackson's Lexus.

And point and bump, and point and bump...

And point and bump, and then we glide.

And Reese hit me because he said

And remember, don't hurt my brothers.

And return all the elements in your body back to the soil.

And right now

And say every last one of these terrible things...

And see which one comes out alive.

And sexy...

And she's all yours.

And she's going to reveal herself

And she's the one who sent me here.

And shove it in that deep fat fryer full of lard.

And sit down?

And slept with the district manager's wife.

And stand at attention for three hours

And stay home from school.

And tell me you don't want this car.

And tell them I won't be coming in.

And tell your mother to feel better.

And that was during pledge drive, man.

And the drinking and the fighting...

And the one time I ask you for something...

And the police came.

And the robot's translational displacement

And then just ran off.

And then there were ants on her bones

And then you actually

And then, I was playing with my imaginary friend

And then...

And they put you on the embalmer's table

And they wouldn't bother making it "forbidden"

And to make sure of that, if you don't win

And turn everyone else into slaves.

And turn everyone else into slaves.

And twisted it toward his own mad ends

And until you focus, Francis

And wait for Mom to top our last punishment.

And we are darn well going to do it.

And we can't make it look like we're doing it on purpose.

And we'll see if that satisfies you.

And we're definitely not going to school.

And we're not distracted by any kind of social life.

And what the hell do you need a "Q' for anyway?

And when I'm not?

And when is it due?

And when Satan tempts us, what do we do?

And when you made chipped beef on toast last week

And why don't you just put the remote down?

And with God's help, we can say "no!" to weakness.

And yesterday, she had our cable turned off.

And yet even he understands the importance of obedience.

And you are going to give me

And you don't hear me complaining.

And you don't understand why

And you have to work the graveyard shift

And you just have to trust that there's a good reason for it.

And you like fighting me every step of the way!

And you must be Porthos.

And you still managed not to do your homework?

And you wake up at the last second.

And you want to know something?

And you'd, you know, torture us all for it.

And you're making no progress with Wendy.

And you're not here so...

And you're twisting it into your guilt trip.

And your mother's heart all in the same afternoon.

And, ooh, Jordan almonds.

And, uh, by the looks of today's turnout

And, well, I folded.

And, well, you're completely obsessed with your mother.

And... I was thinking I should come for a visit, you know, like today.

And... lamb chutney.

Announcer: ...And Rusty Malcolm...

Announcer: And there they go.

Another cashier job with flexible hours

Another hour.

Another time, then.

Any second now her face is going to split open

Anyone else die in the last

Anyone else here would sell you down the river in a second.

Anyone for doubles?

Anyone want the last olive?

Anything that's nice, I can't do.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Anyway, I'm really sorry.

Anyway, this week...

Anyways... thanks.

Apologize and accept the consequences.

Apparently my shoulder muscles are asymmetrical

Apple or g****?

Are going to go down to work

Are mixed with the God knows what.

Are revenge, payback, envelope.

Are you aborigines?!

Are you going to be in there all day?

Are you happy you crippled your mother?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you sure you're not embarrassed

Are you sure you're ready for that? I mean really ready?

Are you?

Are... are you sure you're really...

Arms and legs crossed at all times!

Arms up.

As for this Aunt Helen business, no one knows what I would've

As long as we're on the same page.

As soon as I get home, I'm gonna marry her.

As the storm raged overhead,

Ask louder.

At approximately 1700 hours...

At every funeral we go to.

At least I didn't raise a thief.

At least then I can fight back.

At least they're no good at it.

At school? It's the only break I get.

At the battle arena.

At the water slide park from work.

Ate the frog.

Athos, Aramis...

Aunt Helen died?

Aunt Helen is personally bad mouthing me to God.

Aunt Helen used to say

Aunt Helen.

Aw, I'm so gutless.

Aw, man, I still play with that.

Aw, Mom, a dead suit?

Aw, nothing that wasn't obvious already.

Aw, Stanley.

Aw, that's just the jitters.

B E A G G R E S S l V E!

B E A G G R E S S l V E!

B E aggressive!

Back to the grind.

Be aggressive!

Be strong.

Be thankful for small favors.

Beats me.

Beautiful girls with self esteem issues.

Beautiful yet deadly.

Beautiful, huh?

Because anything

Because I also think it's wrong to blab this kind of thing.

Because I was first choice for your job and I turned it down.

Because I'm going to stash this with Aunt Helen.

Because I'm hopped up on goofballs.

Because I'm not feeling very well

Because I've given up

Because if you give the letter to Mom

Because she'll be so mad at you

Because that's like admitting he's right.

Because they make me loopy.

Because you always do.

Because you do everything half assed.

Because you're our big brother and you wouldn't do

Because you're treating me like a baby!

Because, through some fluke, I was lucky enough to get her.

Been grounded in the first place.

Bees shot out with the precision of a laser.

Bees shot out with the precision of a laser.

Before you leave, you go in there

Before you say anything

Before you say anything, Malcolm

Before you start talking.

Between the motorcycle

Between the rotary actuator

Big mouth shut until after the funeral.

Bingo! We got it!

Block, chop, they're on the ground gasping for air. It's over with.

Bon appétit.

Bon soir.

Boring, goring, zoring, loring, doring, noring, foring.

Boy, has it been two days already?

Boy, it's stuffy in here

Boys, I'm going to share something with you...

Boys, they're called Gut Busters.

Boys, this talk is very important,

Boys, your mother's mobile.

Boys!

Boys!

Bring it on, Homeo.

Build a robot in the house?

But at least some part of me can stay connected...

But at least some part of me can stay connected...

But before I do, I want to talk to you.

But don't you worry, Officer Karl.

But finally

But for me, this was special.

But had no intention of doing, you did but didn't mean to?

But he didn't steal it: He returned it.

But honestly, I just find it exhausting.

But I do know what it requires.

But I don't have time right now.

But I don't want you to buy me for me. It's for your own good.

But I have a plan... I want you to take the letter

But I hope that we can make all this

But I know you kids like that in line stuff.

But I need you to hit me.

But I really like her

But I want you boys to understand something

But I would have played with the carpet cleaner

But I'm not going to kick her when she's down.

But I've been planning this for years.

But if she did see the letter

But if you think you're ready, my advice is to get it over with quickly.

But in life being good doesn't always get you the things that you want.

But it doesn't make any sense.

But it will make your mom happy.

But it's just this.

But let me just show you what you can accomplish if you stick with it.

But let's not make eye contact for a couple weeks.

But like I said, it was just an accident. I swear.

But Mom...

But no one ever said life is fair.

But not too loud...

But now my brain is filled with mom guilt.

But now that we're going to the funeral

But Reese is...

But she can't prove it without this.

But she was gone...

But she won't notice

But she's probably just mixed up, right?

But since you seem to be motivated more by losing

But sir, these guys are going to kick my ass if I win

But Spangler insisted I play a real game.

But that's a just a lame excuse.

But the annoyances are starting to outweigh the guilt.

But the gist of it is, we got to tear up the house.

But the point is, you can have your old job back!

But then she'll know you can forge her signature.

But then, the pool gods can be fickle

But this is getting out of control.

But this is like... words

But this is off the charts.

But this is perfect!

But this is something I believe in.

But today's the end

But wait till I put on the big blade

But we can make him think we're giving her the letter.

But we do have something in common.

But we do need to find a way to get past this. Agreed?

But we had to go have children instead?

But what can I do to put you in that car today?

But what if I try my best and I still lose?

But when Malcolm didn't show up for school today...

But when one does get through, it's a doozy

But why?

But you can just see for yourself.

But you could have made that shot.

But you don't commit to anything, son.

But you don't have to be that way with me.

But you have to fight the crowds for everything.

But you have to keep going at each other like rabid monkeys!

But you're the only one that knows how to use

But you've got a lot to learn about boys.

But you've really thrown yourself

But, Hal...

But, hampered by a lack of depth perception...

But, luckily... you're not a grown up yet!

But, um, luckily I was here to put it out.

But..

But...

But...

But...

Butterfly!

Butts.

Buzz, zap!

By this change in your attitude.

By threatening you with a killer robot.

Bye.

Call...

Calling here 'cause she always made your mom cry.

Can afford to have their vacations ruined.

Can I get my phone back?

Can I have some milk?

Can I have some milk?

Can I offer you some cookie dough?

Can I play video games?

Can I watch TV?

Can we go get sodas?

Can you buy me a Herbie, please?

Can you explain that, Francis?

Can you imagine the man

Can you move your hand a little to the left?

Can you name one thing in your life that you don't blame on your mother?

Can you think of anything that rhymes with cadaver?

Can you undo my hooks?

Can you... do both?

Can't we at least do a load of laundry or something?

Can't we just talk?

Can't you give your mother and me five minutes of peace?

Can't.

Canteen, knife, survival blanket.

Car!

Caroline, I don't want to...

Caroline: Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm, so private, so guarded.

Carry on.

Cats ate her face.

Cats ate her face.

Cats ate her face. Dewey knows more about it than I do.

Certain questions arise.

Charles Dickens

Check the peephole.

Circus will eat a wet dog food sandwich.

Circus!

Clean.

Closer, sweetheart.

Clyde, Kevin!

Come down.

Come down.

Come in, cadet.

Come on, already, think of something!

Come on, come on, do it for Mama.

Come on, come on.

Come on, dig in before they harden.

Come on, get him!

Come on, go!

Come on, guys, let's be reasonable.

Come on, Malcolm.

Come on, my dad's in the backyard.

Come on, Reese, I really have to go!

Come on, Rusty!

Come on, sir. Just say it.

Come on, this is the lamest thing I've...

Come on, you're just letting me win, aren't you?

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come, Death. And welcome."

Coming home?

Commandant on the floor.

Continue.

Cool

Cool. A dead suit.

Correction... killer butterfly.

Could I ask one favor?

Couple of days of observation...

Craig, what are you doing here?

Craig.

Craig...

Crying wolf?

Cut it out. Cut it out.

Dad got us free tickets

Dad had a tattoo?

Dad, cut it out!

Dad, don't move.

Dad, it's street hockey, not clown school.

Dad, listen...

Dad, no, I can't come home!

Dad, please.

Dad, that was unbelievable.

Dad, what are you doing?

Dad, what happened to Aunt Helen?

Dad, will you please finish teaching me how to skate?

Dad, you have to stop it!

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad.

Dad... I want skating lessons.

Dad's skating trophy

Daddy?

Daddy's getting a cramp in his leg.

Damn

Damn it! He hid the letter.

Damn.

Dang, I thought I'd at least get a few minutes in before he busted me.

Dare you.

Darn it.

Darn it.

Darn it.

Dear Malcolm, this isn't just food.

Dewey, get me some iced tea.

Dewey, have you forgotten me? I thought we were friends.

Dewey, I think you're confused.

Dewey, stay with us.

Dewey, we discussed this.

Dewey, what am I going to do with you?

Dewey, why don't you help

Dewey, your mother and I want to talk to you

Dewey: I did. He keeps coming back.

Dewey: I hate my brothers.

Dewey: I hate my brothers.

Dewey: Present?

Dewey?

Dewey...

Dewey...

Did Grandpa really punch Jimmy Carter in the face?

Did he say Greg?

Did he shoot her?

Did they have to drain the pool?

Did you call that girl?

Did you ever hear of such a thing? They say it's genetic.

Did you listen to anything Spangler said?

Did you read that article in People about him getting a divorce?

Did you really give my red blanket to the poor kids?

Did you say something?

Did you see Dewey outside?

Did you take this, sir?

Didn't work out.

Didn't you just hear me? I said no.

Didn't you understand?

Discipline

Dismissed.

Do it now!

Do not bend your legs.

Do not raise your head.

Do this... the hard...

Do we all want

Do we at least get to see any flaming wrecks?

Do we do any of those things?

Do what together?

Do you have anything stronger?

Do you have some business with my son?

Do you hear what I am saying, Francis?

Do you know how expensive this was?

Do you know what we're going to do to you if you win?

Do you know what your problem is, cadet?

Do you really think me

Do you think he told Mom?

Do you think we're wealthy?

Do you think we're wealthy?!

Do you want 'em divided up fairly or not?

Do you want to end up like Francis... or Uncle Pete?

Do you want to play something?

Do your ears work?

Do your lowers.

Do... something.

Does a lot of solo work.

Does this look anything like a "Q'?

Don't be such a baby.

Don't be such a baby.

Don't forget to mail these bills.

Don't get cocky

Don't pressure the boy, Hal.

Don't touch the candy, the price tags

Don't touch the register.

Don't worry about it. No one's home.

Don't worry, here it is

Don't worry, son.

Don't you dare!

Don't you dare!

Don't you even care how humiliating this is?

Done at that funeral because we're not going.

Done.

Done.

Dr. Reese paid her a little visit.

Drink your milk.

Drive fancy cars.

Drowning boy! Drowning boy!

Dude, hard core.

Dude, your mom rocks.

Dudes, come on!

Duncle

E pluribus unum.

Easy. Let's start with the obvious runners up.

Edwin Spangler.

Eew! What is that?

Egg! Come on!

Egg! Cut it out!

Egg?

Eight ball, corner pocket.

Enjoy the ride.

Enjoy the sun and wait for them to take me home

Enjoy yourself.

Especially since you're stuck with the extra ticket.

Even if we manage to keep mom fooled

Even marrying Mom?

Even though I had nothing to do with it.

Ever since I can remember

Every single one of them.

Every time anybody denies a lie, they're called defensive.

Every time I breathe in, I almost pass out from the pain.

Every time I turn around, I hear someone

Every time she gets mad

Everybody hates me.

Everyone did. Horrible woman.

Everyone else in the world gets to.

Everyone in the world gets to do everything except me!

Everything I have stinks.

Everything I said before still goes.

Everything I want, I can't have!

Ew!

Ew! No. This is better.

Exactly which methods would those be?

Exactly!

Exactly.

Except for things she's mad at.

Except this time, we're just trying to keep the house.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse us, please.

Face.

Fair enough.

Fair warning.

Familiarity breeds contempt, cadet.

Feel free to thank the cadet after I leave

Fight harder, Wildcats!

Fight harder, Wildcats! Help us out! Fight!

Fight, fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight!

Finally something cool about being smart.

Fine

Fine

Fine!

Fine!

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. I take it back. Your mother was a saint.

Fine. Just so you know, when I'm done in the garage

Firecrackers

First it bloats up like a balloon

First of all, this is all circumstantial.

First off, they're able to think maybe three minutes into the future...

First, we sort by the number of holes

Five minutes I should know about?

Fooling around with some ideas.

For 230 consecutive days.

For a couple months.

For a couple of them.

For about four or five days, so we have to prioritize.

For all I know, there's a new wrestling champion

For any other reason

For as long as I can remember

For being so helpful.

For crying out loud.

For eight hours

For every senseless act of self destruction.

For instance, I think it's wrong

For not going in to work today.

For some reason.

For sports.

For that high voltage probe.

For the competition.

For the evil banshee she really is

For the rest of this semester.

For the sake of my manhood, today I'm ditching school.

For the third time, green.

For the work farm in Arizona?

For this family.

For what?

For you

For you to catch up on your homework.

For you to put your name on sales reports

Forget it.

Four hours?!

Fourth and fifth.

Francis has it: So does Uncle Pete.

Francis is dead to us now!

Francis ratted on us to Mom!

Francis told me

Francis, I let you blow off a lot of things around here...

Francis, I'm sorry. I really have to go.

Francis, it's very important that you understand

Francis, please lift up your right foot.

Francis, where have you been?

Francis, will you help me decide on my leg extensions?

Francis, you can't win.

Francis: Oh, isn't he beautiful?

Francis: Okay, listen up:

Francis: Ow!

Francis..

Free thought.

From now on, no one has to do anything.

From Southern Alabama State.

Fudge! It seems I've scratched again.

Game.

Gay rodeo's in town.

Gentlemen, start your excitement, because here they come!

Get a glass!

Get a glass.

Get dumped on for no good reason.

Get it before Mom wakes.

Get laughed at and fight with Reese.

Get some collateral damage

Get to it!

Get to the car!

Get your dad a beer.

Get your jacket, we're going back to the store

Get... skates.

Gets their ass kicked.

Getting beaten into a coma by a good boy cheerleader.

Girl: Okay, set in a row.

Girlfriend!

Girls like green apples, right?

Give him some air, guys.

Give him some air. Back up.

Glibness. What a surprise.

Go ahead, do it

Go ahead.

Go check the mail.

Go get your own juice.

Go on.

Go on. Yeah. Go ask them.

Go ride the horsy out front.

Go, Malcolm!

Go, Wildcats, go, go.

Go, Wildcats, go, go.

Go, Wildcats, go, go.

Go, Wildcats, go.

Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go... to... the neighbor.

God knows we enjoy it, sir.

God, I am so much better than you.

God, she is magnificent.

God, why can't he be like his brothers?

Goochy, goochy, goochy, goo.

Goochy, goochy...

Good boy.

Good boy.

Good for you.

Good job, Don!

Good luck.

Good man!

Good playing.

Good!

Good.

Good. Now, here's how I see it:

Good...

Gosh!

Got the baby monitor all set up here.

Gotcha!

Great.

Great. Now I can't even be mad at him.

Greatest man in the history of the sport.

Green apple soap.

Gretzky shoots!

Guess it can't be a special day without sodas, huh?

Guys, come on. Do you have any idea

Guys, seriously...

Guys, stop it

Ha, ha.

Ha! You're crying.

Had it not been for Francis' long history of crying wolf..

Had to die and inconvenience

Hal, it was a bunch of old record albums.

Hal, it's time for the talk.

Hal, please.

Hal, will you do me one favor?

Hal, you have to get ready.

Hal: There we go.

Hal!

Hal?

Hal?

Hal?

Hal...

Hand me that loofah.

Hands out front so you get a balance.

Has been hustling pool at the local bars.

Has commandeered this project

Has killed the part of me that cares.

Has retaken the lead with only 100 laps to go.

Have the last candy bars of your childhood.

Have the nerve to ask us to risk our butts for you?

Have you ever heard of such a thing? I never heard of such a thing.

Have you had a bowel movement?

Have you had a bowel movement?

Have you seen my pun file?

He calls it "the brotherhood of the wheel."

He did it, didn't he?

He didn't say a word on the way home

He died two months ago.

He does not need you marching in here, puffing up your chest

He doesn't even call it skating.

He has to pay!

He hasn't slept in four days.

He is right.

He is vicious, he is ungrateful...

He knew that I was prepared to kill him.

He laughs at the other Canadians!

He made a rule... no one in the family could buy skates...

He made one final lunge for the rudder.

He must suffer!

He needs to go home, okay?

He needs to rest.

He only cost me $20.

He said a lot of things

He scores!

He taught Francis and Reese and they've never been the same after.

He thinks military school is tough?

He wants juice.

He was going to bury it with Aunt Helen.

He was right in your eye line

He was so reckless, it was crazy.

He won!

He wouldn't do that. You did it!

He'll be fine in a few days

He's a traitor!

He's being a total jerk!

He's here right now.

He's just sitting there.

He's looking at the VCR.

He's not lying.

He's out of breath.

He's over there.

He's retiring.

He's right over...

He's right.

He's ripping phones out of the walls.

He's scared enough as it is

He's smoking, he's dancing around in his underwear.

He's too smart.

He's totally harmless.

Hello, Francis

Hello, Mother?

Hello!

Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Help lift.

Help us out! Fight!

Help! Ow! Help!

Her firstborn child

Herbie"s not available in stores.

Here comes Rusty Malcolm into the pits.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, talk to your brother.

Here.

Here's the deal:

Hey, boys

Hey, buddy.

Hey, come on, we can do this.

Hey, Dewey, wake up!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, look, kids.

Hey, how about that, boys?

Hey, how are you?

Hey, I watch lawyer shows.

Hey, I'll check his special place.

Hey, I've been sugar coating it for you

Hey, it's me.

Hey, Ju...

Hey, kids, it"s a new, improved Sleepy Time Herbie

Hey, Malcolm, everything okay?

Hey, Malcolm?

Hey, Malcolm.

Hey, Mom, doesn't Malcolm have to wear

Hey, Mom, I'm just warning you

Hey, Mom, where's the iron?

Hey, no cutting in line. Oh, it's you again.

Hey, picture this.

Hey, Reese, I think I just saw that girl you liked

Hey, Reese, remember when Dad taught you how to skate?

Hey, Reese, which one stinks more?

Hey, thanks for pulling them off me.

Hey, there, girlie.

Hey, who won?

Hey, why don't I drive you boys to school today?

Hey, you can tear up the house if you want

Hey, you don't go to the fat thing

Hey, you want to see something very, very cool?

Hey! You can't leave this mess here.

Hey.

Hey... fellas!

Hey... the Three Musketeers.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dewey.

Hi, Francis.

Hi, Hon.

Hi, honey.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Malcolm.

Hi, Malcolm.

Hi, Malcolm.

Hi, Mom. Uh, I was just thinking about how much I missed you guys...

Hi, snitch.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Where are your brothers?

His name is Egg.

Hit it.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hold it... Hold it.

Homework?! You're not giving him homework

Homosexuals riding horses and such.

Honestly, Hal, I don't know what's wrong with Reese.

Honestly, son, it'll be the highlight of my day.

Honey, can you buy me a box of these cookies?

Honey, I know it seems like a pattern

Honey, let me handle this.

Honey, which juice don't I like...

Honey, you know you don't have to talk

Hookers?

Hooray!

Horsy.

How about my skates? Can I at least try on my skates?

How could it be good for me?

How could you be so stupid?

How could you let her see me in my underwear?

How could you take this?!

How could you?

How did she die?

How long is this funeral going to take?

How long you in for?

How many laps are there?

How many sodas have you had?

How should I know.

How was it, huh?

How would that hurt a robot?

How you are?

How?

How'd she know we were lying?

How'd you know Dewey's bike wasn't really stolen?

How's Mom?

How's the ear?

How's Uncle Fred taking it?

How's your... love life?

Huh, who knows why?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh.

Hurry, the sun's coming up!

I already marked it out of inventory.

I always think better under pressure...

I always wondered where we got it from.

I am ashamed of you...

I am at a crucial point in my rehabilitation

I am being incredibly supportive.

I am commandant of Marlin Academy.

I am going to find another job...

I am going to kill him!

I am going to kill him.

I am not a child.

I am not defensive.

I am not fixated.

I am not going back on anything I said before.

I am not saying that at all.

I am the only one who truly understands you, Inga.

I am tired of all the things you didn't mean to do.

I asked you to do one thing that...

I broke the window with?

I brought you a little something

I can do this.

I can explain...

I can finally get everything straightened out with Julie.

I can get you out of school.

I can make a huge mess, build a killer robot

I can make you happy.

I can make you taller, I can make you better looking.

I can make your brothers be nice to you.

I can tellJulie a really cool story

I can wet my pants in public and it would be a lateral move.

I can't apologize enough for these barbaric accommodations.

I can't believe Dad had a wild side.

I can't believe he cut me off

I can't believe it!

I can't believe it.

I can't believe Mom tricked me like that.

I can't believe my mom missed them

I can't believe they're missing this.

I can't believe you!

I can't believe you.

I can't believe you.

I can't breathe.

I can't move.

I can't spend two days in the woods tied to a chair.

I can't take this anymore!

I can't talk to you right now.

I can't tell you.

I can't wait till I get zits.

I can't wait to get on the rides

I can't.

I can't.

I cannot believe you said that to Dad.

I cook, I clean, I spackle, I plunge

I could forge her signature.

I could have done that myself

I could have made up a million different escape plans

I could really use some support here.

I could say the same thing to you.

I could see it wasn't just an idle threat.

I could show you one if you want.

I cued it up to the best part.

I did a terrible thing today.

I did something bad.

I did the most brilliant thing of all:

I didn't come to work because

I didn't want to disturb her.

I didn't want to tell you this, but if you don't buy me, you'll die.

I do get some sick thrill out of trouble.

I do have a very good reason

I do.

I don't care anymore! Anything's better than this!

I don't deserve this.

I don't even mind having Krelboynes in the house.

I don't have skates.

I don't know how that thing got in my backpack.

I don't know how yet, but there's definitely a way I can justify this.

I don't know what to do. I tried everything to make her like me.

I don't know what you mean.

I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I don't like it.

I don't know why Mom makes me get up at 8:00.

I don't know, but something's upsetting him.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know...

I don't mind walking.

I don't think he's thought too much about it.

I don't think Mom even remembers she has a son named Francis.

I don't think you're in any position to call the shots.

I don't want to be a hard case here, but these kids physically attacked me.

I don't want to go anymore! Just leave me alone!

I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want you around my house anymore.

I don't want you ripping off my little brothers.

I even kind of liked your bad boy side, too.

I feel like I have a belly full of broken glass.

I feel like... maybe I could... change.

I figure I'll commit to it first and come up with a plan later.

I figured out what she likes.

I figured you'd like a few weeks without drill practice.

I finally figured out how Mom could tell we were lying.

I finally found my joke cards.

I focus.

I forgave you years ago.

I forgot it.

I gave him that.

I gave it to Dewey.

I get to plug this cord back into the TV.

I got a good one.

I got all that rebellion right out of him.

I got him, honey!

I got him! Don't worry.

I got it, I got it!

I got my sons, we're bonding

I got nothing.

I got one!

I got one!

I got to callJulie.

I got to go to work

I got to remember that.

I got to say, as far as gay rodeos go

I got to tell you, man

I guess I get scattered

I guess nothing.

I guess so.

I guess the pool gods are smiling on me today.

I guess we move on to plan "B:" lying.

I guess we'll pick you up at 2:00.

I guess we'll pick you up at 2:00.

I guess we're just going

I guess you can start off by finding out stuff about her.

I guess.

I had all these crazy, romantic dreams.

I had to give it to the one person

I had to tell her about the bike.

I had to think of the one place

I hate being poor, okay?

I hate me.

I hate my brothers.

I hate my brothers.

I hate my brothers.

I hate those gigantic pink...

I hate to inform you, brain boy, it's not about you, it's about me.

I hated her!

I have a big book report due tomorrow

I have a Chinese chicken salad, a tangerine

I have a problem. I need your advice.

I have been at work all day.

I have had it!

I have Ho Ho's... real Ho Ho's.

I have no response to that.

I have the floor.

I have these... strange, new feelings.

I have to finish my homework.

I have to get good.

I have to get my speech ready.

I have to go... work out.

I have to reseal the shrink wrap.

I have to say, Lois, I'm surprised

I have two four inchers, five three inchers and three two inchers.

I have... nothing else

I hear she kisses with tongue.

I hear you, old fella!

I hope you'll remember for the rest of your lives.

I hope you're not planning

I just don't get it.

I just got a call from the sheriff

I just had to wait until you were all old enough to appreciate it.

I just know I don't want to get caught.

I just remembered.

I just thought

I just want to tell you, I don't want to hear it.

I just want you and I to know how things really are

I just want you to know what you guys are in for.

I just wanted to be nice.

I just wanted you boys to know what you were in for.

I kind of drove a backhoe into their swimming pool.

I knew exactly what everyone would do.

I knew Francis wouldn't leave us alone

I knew it!

I know a lot of kids say they like school.

I know enough to play a stupid game of street hockey now.

I know how hard this is

I know how you guys feel.

I know I look like an idiot, but I'm kickin' ass!

I know I'm going to pay for this, but... Reese loves Wendy!

I know it sounds crazy

I know it's expensive, but I don't ask for a lot.

I know now that this was not an accident.

I know there's other people worse off than me.

I know we've had our differences

I know, I know.

I know, I'm just rubbing it in.

I know, it's still a little slow.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. It's almost mystical.

I learned my dad is actually capable of doing something cool.

I left port that day a 16 year old boy.

I like the tattoo, Mom.

I like you, too.

I like you.

I love this car.

I madeJulie Rulerman hate me.

I may be stuck here in this militaristic loony bin...

I mean it.

I mean, all those years I blamed my parents

I mean, he did most of the work on the way over.

I mean, I have always been the good parent.

I mean, I haven't even known you that long

I mean, I thought that I was, but when I'm around you

I mean, I was skeptical at first,

I mean, is that so bad?

I mean, it's a funeral.

I mean, it's not as if I caught him with a cigarette...

I mean, it's not like Birmingham.

I mean, look at the way both our mothers abandoned us.

I mean, she was a good woman.

I mean, we're a lot more liberal here

I mean, when I am in school

I mean, you know what I hate most of all?

I mean, you're so different than the local boys.

I moved it to the back of the closet.

I moved those to the attic.

I named him.

I need insulin.

I need someone

I need someone to put in a good word for me.

I need to talk to you.

I never get to go.

I never thought I'd be happy about a Monday

I never thought...

I never would've learned conversational French.

I now consider myself totally free

I only ate half of it.

I only like me.

I only like me.

I only like me.

I only like me.

I only like me.

I owe you one.

I pay attention.

I picked this trick up in camp last year.

I prefer a Saratoga four wide...

I push myself.

I really, really mean it.

I returned a man.

I ripped it from his hands and stared him down.

I said, stop it!

I saw her cheering for the football team,

I see you survived.

I should go first.

I should've just walked away.

I shouldn't have

I shouldn't have ratted on you guys.

I shouldn't talk to myself.

I smell smoke.

I spent years hounding him and scolding him

I started this, so I should be the one to end it.

I stomped on it.

I swear, I'm not even a part of this family anymore.

I swear, this whole family is falling apart.

I swear, when you put tap to it

I swear, you are absolutely fixated on mothers.

I talk to my Harold all the time.

I think he may have body issues.

I think I'm losing.

I think I'm starting to bring out the rebel in you.

I think I've captured your voice rather nicely.

I think it's okay to wake her up for five minutes.

I think it's wrong you keep a little bag of"herbs"

I think maybe I got a little overexcited.

I think me and Lois number two here

I think so. Why?

I think those are ours

I think we got a little something up our sleeve

I think you'll find I play pool with my whole ass.

I think you'll find I play pool with my whole ass.

I think you're old enough to see the effect they have.

I think you've been in the garage long enough.

I thought he said Craig.

I thought I was going to spend today in the garage

I thought it was going to be

I thought Malcolm was a genius

I thought they were just being silly!

I thought this was porno.

I thought you hadn't read it.

I thought your flight wasn't until 11:00.

I told her to stay away from him!

I told you I was sick!

I told you that baby voice creeps me out.

I took something from Mommy's store.

I tore this family apart

I tried reasoning with him.

I tried to help him. I gave him advice.

I understand, Dad.

I understand.

I used to be like you.

I used to have to forbid her from

I want it! I want it! I want it!

I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it!

I want to be that woman

I want to know why you've been letting me win.

I want to wear my pajamas to school.

I want you to get to school on time.

I want you to leave.

I want you to leave.

I want you to say that again when she gets here.

I want you to smell the leather

I wanted to be a blackjack dealer in an Indian reservation.

I was freeing the alleged frogs, sir.

I was hoping you'd say that.

I was just wondering

I was really adopted, wasn't I?

I was this close to going medieval on him.

I was?

I wasn't eating. I was saving.

I will not have this house come crashing down around me...

I will work every graveyard shift right alongside you...

I will.

I wish that were true.

I wish this felt half as cool as it sounds.

I wish we could do that.

I won't go to the crazy thing.

I won't put the stomach pump on the bill

I won't say it!

I would have to call work and...

I wouldn't worry about that. Mom's feeling a lot better.

I, myself, fired a few rounds as it slithered away...

I'd feel more sympathetic, but two months with no TV

I'd get... to say that.

I'd give it to.

I'd help you kids out with your robot.

I'd just end up humiliating you

I'd like you to meet.

I'd really like a Herbie doll.

I'll be fine. I just need to ice it.

I'll be in my room.

I'll be Kevin.

I'll come up with an idea later.

I'll get points for being sympathetic.

I'll get the tongs.

I'll handle this.

I'll have to wait for another relative

I'll just tell her it came special delivery.

I'll see you later.

I'll see you out there... in a month or two.

I'll tell you one thing...

I'll tell you what...

I'll try to be more like a Jack Russell terrier, sir.

I'm a diabetic.

I'm a Krelboyne with a brother who's a cheerleader.

I'm almost done, sweetie.

I'm asking about Aunt Helen.

I'm calling him Otis

I'm either bored, terrified...

I'm getting a scope for my BB gun.

I'm getting hungry.

I'm giving up my entire day for this this thing

I'm giving you a sponge bath.

I'm giving you exactly ten seconds

I'm going down hard.

I'm going down, cadet.

I'm going to beat you at your own game.

I'm going to go see Mr. Pinter and beg for my job back.

I'm going to have a Band Aid on my crotch?

I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to say Reese.

I'm incredibly boring. Do you know who's boring? Me.

I'm just not coordinated unless I'm hitting somebody.

I'm just sorry that they had to put you through all of this. That's not fair.

I'm lying there with that little flimsy paper thing on me...

I'm not complaining: I'm constipated.

I'm not going to do that.

I'm not going to have any fun anyway, so why try?

I'm not going to let you down again.

I'm not going to throw away

I'm not pressuring him. I'm just asking

I'm not saying violence is cool, but that was cool!

I'm not there because you sent me away.

I'm on it.

I'm on your side.

I'm ready to go.

I'm really not a bad guy.

I'm really not.

I'm really sorry, you guys.

I'm sick of going to school every day smelling like feet!

I'm sleepy.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry for hurting you all those times.

I'm sorry that I came out feet first, Mom.

I'm sorry to bother you at home...

I'm sorry, Dad. I've just been buried here.

I'm sorry, we can't afford to live lavishly anymore.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was just giving an opinion.

I'm starting to think it might be us.

I'm starting to think it might be us.

I'm still in here, perv.

I'm stopping you from quitting your job

I'm the most worthless, putrid loser in the world.

I'm the top skate dog. Understood?

I'm thinking of asking Dad for skating lessons.

I'm this close to sneaking out of the whole thing.

I'm toilet papering her house tonight.

I'm too mad to be sick.

I'm trying to be pleasant

I'm trying to see if I'm inspired by its symbolic bid for freedom.

I'm trying.

I'm using the bathroom whether you're in here or not.

I'm watching him.

I'm way ahead of you.

I'm your teacher!

I'm, uh... here...

I've been looking for you for days.

I've done nothing except chicken out

I've ever seen in 15 years at this institution.

I've gone way past that.

I've got a guest coming over.

I've got better things to do.

I've never been able to fight back

I've never seen her this sick.

I've seen professionals do much worse.

I've taken the liberty of canceling your next three classes.

If a bunch of Krelboynes and I

If I feel like it.

If I had done something to you, but...

If it gets me out of square dancing, fine.

If it hadn't been for this

If it wasn't something totally bitchin' on the other side.

If she's busy being mad at someone else, like at us.

If that doesn't work, I'm out of ideas.

If there's one thing we know how to do down here

If they've got a hand truck, don't open it.

If we set fire to the house

If you could wash this shirt for me?

If you do, Spangler's going to take it out on us.

If you eat enough of me, I can make you president,

If you have any problems, you can come to me.

If you just say it!

If you only take between five and seven dollars.

If you'd taken proper care of him in the first place.

If you're interested, I have some passes.

If your father doesn't find a baby sitter, nobody's going anywhere.

In A Deep Voice: Hello?

In all my efforts to get through to you I have tried every method I know how.

In another six months, they'll be bored with you.

In confidence as a friend

In front of the school, and...

In front of the whole school.

In international news, boring, boring, boring.

In the car.

In the coming hours,

In the eye!

In the garage.

In the hopes of finally getting you to straighten yourself out.

In the kiddie sprinkler.

In the short time that you have been under my care

In the top left drawer of her dresser

In the VCR.

In your bottom left drawer

In your brand new Porsche.

In your...

Including traveling time? All day.

Independence...

Insolent, arrogant, cavalier.

Into this whole hog, haven't you?

Inventor of the in car urination system.

Is a very special little girl.

Is both terrifying and...

Is it just "Hi"?

Is it too much to ask

Is Malcolm here?

Is Malcolm here?!

Is no reason to be a pig.

Is not just for the wealthy anymore.

Is she just being nice?

Is she trying to say she likes me?

Is that before or after I go TP her house?

Is that the one with Jean Valjean?

Is that true, April?

Is this a friend of yours?

Is this going to be a daily thing? Because we got a schedule...

Is your job really so important

Isn't A Tale of Two Cities

Isn't going to stop me from kicking your ass.

Isn't it wonderful?

It actually was pretty bitchin'.

It basically means

It could be weeks.

It does wonders for the local economy

It doesn't just say "keep out."

It doesn't mean that we don't love you.

It goes a little more like this:

It had to do with me finally taking responsibility for my own actions.

It happens sometimes.

It hurts! Ow!

It is not enough that you do this every day.

It is nothing to get defensive about.

It is procreation, not recreation!

It isn't.

It makes me cry.

It makes no sense.

It really means a lot to me to know that I can come to you when I need to talk.

It says "forbidden."

It sounds illuminating, sir, but I have biology.

It takes two days to prep him, but it's worth it.

It took me five years to get your father to burn his off.

It took us three hours

It was 39 cents a pound.

It was a close call.

It was just beautiful.

It was so nice of your agency to give us a second chance.

It was stupid.

It was Thursday, and...

It was very wrong of me. I'm truly sorry for my inappropriate behavior

It was worth it

It would've been different

It's a character builder. I think it'll be good for you.

It's a excellent way to learn basic survival techniques.

It's a Mighty Man.

It's a snake.

It's about a girl.

It's about family.

It's about the melding of man and machine.

It's actually your head that shrinks.

It's all lies. I had nothing to do with it.

It's always you!

It's an act.

It's an expression of how we all feel about you.

It's an intriguing question.

It's an open competition.

It's anarchy, baby.

It's Battle Bots! And it's a free for all

It's beautiful!

It's been ten days since Mom lost her job.

It's called chemistry.

It's Dewey's birthday next week.

It's Edwin.

It's for the guy controlling the robot.

It's Francis.

It's genetic.

It's going to be far worse for me than it is for you.

It's going to be four tires..

It's good to be alive

It's got to be more simple, like a sledgehammer..

It's hereditary, and it goes back for generations.

It's hot, it stinks...

It's how to fix this.

It's in a box marked "laughter thoughts."

It's in the Constitution...

It's just a snake, right?

It's just too perfect, sir.

It's like pulling a giant Band Aid off your crotch.

It's like some sort of horrible science experiment in there.

It's like that.

It's locked!

It's lumpy.

It's Malibu Rum in a lotion bottle

It's Monday morning

It's nice when we can do things together as a family.

It's not fair.

It's not for the robot.

It's not for the robot.

It's not funny anymore!

It's not half as bad... as what Reese did!

It's not like it's a matter of life and death.

It's not my fault we're poor!

It's not supposed to be like this.

It's not that hard.

It's not there.

It's not what it looks like.

It's okay. It was ugly.

It's perfect.

It's pretty. It's my favorite one.

It's some kind of freaky mind game she's playing with me.

It's someone else's kids, but it's not.

It's the first case of scream induced back trauma they've ever seen.

It's the least we can do.

It's this guy down the hall.

It's time for the talk, Hal.

It's time to wake up!

It's too unreliable.

It's two days in the woods.

It's ugly. I hate it.

It's understandable, cadet.

It's very important

It's why your great grandpa went to work on that oil rig in Peru.

Jelly in the pockets, the fly's broken

Jerk!

Jimmy Westcott. He plays football.

Julie knows that. She's not even in my class.

Julie organized

Julie, I'm sorry.

Julie, listen, I'm sorry I'm canceling out so late.

Julie: Malcolm?

Julie!

Just be pleasant and noncommittal.

Just because I'm not looking.

Just because you had surgery

Just brought by your mom's paycheck.

Just came in this week.

Just come down.

Just didn't seem like fun.

Just follow my lead.

Just give me a minute and I'll be ready to go.

Just give me some time to think.

Just how well things turn out.

Just Just shut up and go to sleep, okay?

Just like he is.

Just like when this one

Just looking.

Just open the door! Let me out! Come on!

Just playing around.

Just put the remote down.

Just remember we're best friends.

Just say it.

Just shut the door, Krelboyne.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride, boys.

Just sounded like she may have been a little bit distant.

Just to get you out of riflery.

Just try anything that doesn't make her cry.

Just try to relax.

Just turn it off, Malcolm

Just wait.

Justin: You're the man, Richie!

Keep your arms and legs crossed at all times

Killer robots?!

Killing live animals in the name of science is inhumane.

Knock it off, you little...

L I guess so.

Last week we had curly fries.

Laughter thoughts?

Leave him alone!

Leave me alone! Your insane neediness is driving me away!

Leaving aside for the moment...

Left... your backpack.

Leftover eggs from breakfast.

Let me adjust your bra strap

Let me show you how it's done.

Let me talk.

Let the people who work here do that.

Let your arms work with...

Let's check it out.

Let's do it

Let's go! I'll be waiting in the car.

Let's go. Chop, chop, here we go!

Let's have a look

Let's hear it for Francis, you guys!

Let's just end this before it gets out of control.

Let's just go find Dewey.

Let's just go.

Let's just say, pills and sandwich... not effective:

Let's rock.

Let's throw in the new chrome turbo wheels

Life's funny that way.

Lifeguard, help!

Like the monosyllabic mouth breathers you are.

Like when a boy likes a girl... normal and healthy?

Like when a family member dies, and we're supposed to go

Limiting the cabinet's attitude

Listen to the words. Good. Boy. Cheerleader.

Listen, as far as the bill goes

Listen, don't tell your mom, okay?

Listen, you just be very careful then, okay?

Listening to them on my quadraphonic

Lois did not have an operation.

Lois will get through her operation.

Lois, I just had a meeting with Mr. Pinter...

Lois, if this makes any difference

Lois: After all I do

Lois: Boys!

Lois: Francis!

Lois: Look, Francis

Lois: Malcolm, Reese, knock it off.

Lois: Oh, my God!

Lois: Oh, my God!

Lois: Reese, how could you?

Lois: Thank you for coming on such short notice.

Lois: This is the last time I take you boys anywhere!

Lois: What do you mean what happens when you die?

Look at me! Look at me!

Look at me! Look at me! I'm crazy! I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot!

Look at Reese.

Look at that.

Look at this dog.

Look at this.

Look, fats...

Look, guys, I know you want me to lose

Look, honey, you're probably very bright...

Look, I can write on my tongue.

Look, I don't know why I do the things I do.

Look, I just don't want to go to this stupid funeral.

Look, I know where this is going...

Look, I, uh, used to be your age...

Look, I'm sorry about all this.

Look, if I told you, you'd just freak out.

Look, it isn't really what I want to do.

Look, Lois, you can tell these clowns

Look, Mom

Look, Mom.

Look, oh, I'm crazy! Lookit! Ooh! Ooh! Pay attention to me!

Look, Reese, maybe I can help you.

Look, sir...

Look, we're not poor anymore!

Looking for your money.

Looking very much like yourself

Looks like he found the sugar.

Lord, I'm coming home

M Mighty Man?

Make it ten.

Make it two boxes.

Make it two.

Malcolm

Malcolm cut school today?

Malcolm has always been different.

Malcolm will go right for the letter.

Malcolm, does it look like I'm open for business?

Malcolm, don't think you can take off that nose plug

Malcolm, I need to see you in the backyard.

Malcolm, I think you should say something to your classmates.

Malcolm, let me explain...

Malcolm, that was wonderful!

Malcolm, this isn't about love.

Malcolm, we go at the speed I say.

Malcolm, what is all this stuff from your teacher?

Malcolm, where have you been? You got to get in on this.

Malcolm, you are going to look me in the eye...

Malcolm, you're not going to give Mom the letter.

Malcolm: But if you tell us, we'll come down.

Malcolm: I'm not spreading my legs!

Malcolm: No!

Malcolm: No!

Malcolm: Okay, give me the tape.

Malcolm: Ow! Get outta here!

Malcolm!

Malcolm!

Malcolm!

Malcolm!

Malcolm?!

Malcolm.

Malcolm.

Malcolm...

Malcolm...

Malcolm...

Man (on TV): ...get out of this one.

Man, how does he do that?

Man, I don't know why she puts up with you.

Man, just get the letter

Man: You little losers. I've had enough of this.

Marlin Academy is the best thing

May the best man lose.

Maybe even emperor of the world.

Maybe I should just rename this

Maybe I should take it out

Maybe I'll askJimmy to go.

Maybe it's time to stop sticking dirty things in your ears.

Maybe some other time.

Maybe the greatest man ever.

Maybe today could be our little island getaway.

Maybe we should do this another time

Maybe we should just give the letter to Mom.

Maybe we should just let her sleep.

Maybe you could...

Maybe you should try taking a really deep breath

Maybe. Ask me again in four seconds.

Men... a terrible tragedy has befallen us.

Missed it!

Mission accomplished.

Mm hmm.

Mm, and don't you worry, honey.

Mm, what's this?

Mm. Boys?!

Mmm.

Mmm...

Mom and Dad had it in their closet

Mom and Dad's wedding portrait

Mom being gone was fun at first

Mom has the letter.

Mom keeps some money

Mom kills most germs on contact

Mom really loved Aunt Helen, huh?

Mom said...

Mom slept all weekend

Mom thinks...

Mom was just really pressuring me about coming home

Mom was right.

Mom went way overboard.

Mom will think I did it

Mom, did you know that I almost died?

Mom, I can't eat this stuff anymore

Mom, I hate wearing Reese's hand me downs.

Mom, I spilled!

Mom, I think we should go to Aunt Helen's funeral.

Mom, I'm really sorry.

Mom, I'm really sorry.

Mom, stop it.

Mom, this has gone too far.

Mom, why didn't anybody tell me?

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! You have to stop Reese!

Mom?

Mom?

Mom? Dad?

Mom? Hello?

Mom. Mom...

Mom...

Mom...

Mom...

Mom's been sick with the flu all weekend.

Mom's favorite lamp.

Mom's sick.

Money rules.

More trouble than we've ever been in, in our entire lives.

My appendix burst!

My back gets cold.

My back.

My brother... he can't swim.

My child is sick.

My dad was some kind of skating champion a long time ago.

My dad's going crazy.

My dad's like a total fanatic about skating.

My efforts were useless.

My father tries to buy my love.

My God, would you look at this thing?

My lifemate and I, we both drive 'em.

My mistake, sir.

My mom has been torturing me with guilt.

My mom's in her bedroom, so you gotta keep it down

My mother the... blank."

My pleasure, Rusty!

My shoulder muscles are asymmetrical and it pulls my vertebrae out of alignment.

My shower head.

My son nearly lost his life...

My spiritual side, but...

My suit keeps riding up.

My, you're a smart little boy.

Nah, I... I don't know.

Nah.

Neat. We'll start tomorrow.

Next time you lie, you have to take a shower first.

Nice guy.

Nine...

No

No

No big deal.

No big deal. They just pick up and they go again

No broken clavicles.

No bruises, no evidence...

No bruises, no evidence...

No crime.

No evidence, no conviction.

No food, no shelter.

No friends, no TV... we did absolutely nothing

No friends...

No hot water, no television...

No one liked this woman

No one realized that I'm the one who held this family together.

No one's that bad.

No problem.

No, but I guess my mom was.

No, but... Richie should be right about now.

No, Dewey, it's stuff they like, not you.

No, he has finally done it this time.

No, he just threw a rock at the motorcade and ran off.

No, I am not.

No, I guess I deserve it.

No, I should get to work.

No, I won't.

No, I won't.

No, if you put a ten foot crack in them, they drain themselves.

No, it's Caroline Miller, Malcolm's teacher.

No, it's Dickens.

No, it's just...

No, it's more of a suggestion.

No, it's probably no point in me ever trying to.

No, l I said I didn't, and then you said...

No, l I was looking at the... the other thing.

No, look at his eyes. What are his eyes doing?

No, no, Craig. It was Francis.

No, no, no.

No, no, silly. You are

No, no.

No, not my problem today.

No, Reese. Whatever it is, no!

No, sweetheart.

No, sweetheart.

No, thanks.

No, that won't work on me because I know

No, wait, we can't. Someone will see us

No, wait!

No, wait. I can make it through the whole list.

No, we need a balance between speed and torque.

No, you can't do that. Just...

No, you don't. You're going to help me.

No, you look.

No, your father used it to clean the barbecue.

No!

No!

No!

No! Inhumane is sitting in a car for two and a half hours

No! Let me up!

No! Wealthy people

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Don't you know how embarrassing that could be for me?

No. I got to feel it.

No. I mean the way he's been acting.

No. I only worked 38 hours a week.

No. I said I hadn't written it.

No. I'll take care of it.

No. I'm just really pissed.

No. It turned out to be one of those comas

No. It's not a candy bar.

No. Sidney Carton says that right before they behead him.

No..

No... tired.

No..."We did the right thing."

Nobody's T shirts cover their stomachs...

Nope.

Not going to tell you what I'm going to do until you come down.

Not supposed to do that either.

Not to mention the most talented...

Not wearing that nose plug, you're going to spend the day

Not yet.

Not yet. But he stepped over the line, and I don't think there's any way back.

Nothing!

Nothing? She's dead.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing. Just business.

Now go get ready for Aunt Helen's funeral.

Now I love you!

Now if I were you, I wouldn't try to distract me and...

Now we're even

Now we're even.

Now we're even.

Now we're..

Now with super sleepy fuzzy fur.

Now you have to say "uncle" in my butt.

Now, boys, remember, as far as your mom knows...

Now, Craig, uh...

Now, get out of here.

Now, honey, that's not quite true.

Now, I am going to tell you a story about my life

Now, I don't want to spoil the surprise...

Now, I think I can talk her into letting you come home.

Now, I want to tell you about what happens

Now, I was never fortunate enough to serve in combat...

Now, if you need anything, just holler...

Now, let's see you skate through those cones.

Now, look...

Now, picture that

Now, remember, this is supposed to be fun.

Now, some people will tell you

Now, son, you are on the precipice.

Now, that's it. Okay? We're done. Go home.

Now, unfortunately, if the boy is from our family

Now, what do you have to say for yourself?

Now, when I get home

Now, you just, uh, sign right there

Now, you said what you said, and we can't change that.

Now, your first reaction is probably going to be one of understandable...

Now!

Now... after an incident such as this...

Oddly thrilling.

Of course we are!

Of course, there's a lot to be said

Of course.

Of everything that is beautiful in the world.

Of everything that is beautiful in the world.

Of Francis having an emergency appendectomy

Of overanalyzing past and current positions...

Of the Shao Lin Dragon series.

Of two months of being grounded.

Of what?

Of your punishment.

Oh, and if you pass Francis on your way to Siberia, tell him I said hi.

Oh, and that chocolate factory tour.

Oh, Aunt Helen looks just lovely.

Oh, boy, what have you done now?

Oh, boys, boys.

Oh, boys, boys.

Oh, Chester? He's a cheerleader too.

Oh, come on, how cute is that?

Oh, come on, think.

Oh, come on, think.

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on.

Oh, cool!

Oh, dang!

Oh, doesn't he look just like a little dust mop?

Oh, dude, I need you to do me a giant favor.

Oh, for the love of God!

Oh, Francis, I wanted to thank you again

Oh, Francis, you are just wonderful.

Oh, Francis...

Oh, geez, he's a little young, don't you think?

Oh, geez.

Oh, God, how I miss that woman.

Oh, God, no.

Oh, God, no. Your mom hated her.

Oh, God, that tattoo.

Oh, God.

Oh, great. Frannie, can you spray me?

Oh, he's a new boy in the house

Oh, he's got the talent, but he's reckless and wild.

Oh, he's just a little slow.

Oh, hello, boys.

Oh, hey, son.

Oh, hi, Craig. What's going on?

Oh, hi, honey. Where you been?

Oh, ho.

Oh, honey, it's okay. It's okay

Oh, hundreds.

Oh, I am in such pain because of my back.

Oh, I forgot.

Oh, I hate cops. Cops, eh...

Oh, I need you to call work

Oh, I see you've added four ponies from last year.

Oh, I thought it was Victor Hugo.

Oh, I'm in.

Oh, ma...

Oh, man, she got my pants wet, too

Oh, man!

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man. You're crying.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Is that real?

Oh, my God! What a mess!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh, look at this!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no. I really want to.

Oh, no, no, no. It's just the little one.

Oh, no, this is fine.

Oh, no.

Oh, no... you're not ready for those just yet.

Oh, okay.

Oh, Reese, come to Mama.

Oh, regrettable.

Oh, screw it.

Oh, she's a very lucky lady.

Oh, shut up, Reese!

Oh, spring cleaning?

Oh, spring cleaning?

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, this poor woman has no idea what she's walking into.

Oh, this? No, I'm just...

Oh, very, very nice, Bridget.

Oh, wait, it is!

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, well.

Oh, what's wrong?

Oh, when I was a girl...

Oh, yeah, they're over there.

Oh, yeah? Well...

Oh, yeah. Go.

Oh, yeah. Life's fair.

Oh, you did not almost die.

Oh, you don't have to hide anything, honey.

Oh, you're ours... and we love you

Oh, you're serious.

Oh? Well, what is it?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. A blond.

Oh. Thank you, Reese.

Okay, and then what?

Okay, boys

Okay, don't overreact.

Okay, everybody, stop worrying.

Okay, from now on

Okay, go on.

Okay, guys...

Okay, here it goes

Okay, here she comes.

Okay, I think I can cry now.

Okay, it'll only hurt for a second

Okay, just keep looking at him.

Okay, just stop it

Okay, kid, you've got

Okay, listen, I've got kind of

Okay, look. I'm a little claustrophobic.

Okay, Mom, we got it. We're still grounded.

Okay, Mom.

Okay, Mom's only going to be gone

Okay, so if we give you Dewey's bike

Okay, that's it. You just lost these, pal.

Okay, we're going to assume this was a four incher from the share pile.

Okay, well, you can wear

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. But since I'm asking to build a killer robot

Okay. I think you've had enough.

Okay. I'm off work in five minutes.

Okay. Um, why shouldn't I have to clean toilets for the next three months?

Okay... okay, here we are.

On a kid's right to choose his own school hours.

On a lucky shot?

On doing something stupid, like winning.

On the one hand, you're probably going to get caught...

On the other hand...

On three.

Once again, I waltz with Lady Victory

Once you begin the path, there is no leaving the path.

One favor, now, I want you just to...

One of the suits that Uncle Fred left you

One simple word.

One step at a time, Malcolm.

One suggestion: Do you have a tube top?

One, I'm not supposed to, and two, I don't even like to think about it.

One?

One..

One...

Only with concrete instead of all that grass.

Ooh, I got an idea.

Ooh, nice one.

Ooh, smooth as a seal.

Ooh!

Ooh! Feel ten pounds lighter.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Open it!

Open.

Or am I just some kind of crazy dreamer?

Or B) Acting like I don't like her

Or C) acting like I've never even thought about A or B.

Or confused aboutJulie Houlerman.

Or I'm going to lock the two of you in the car for the rest of the day.

Or I'm going to pound you within an...

Or is it when I'm not under pressure?

Or last year, when we were saving up for Disneyland?

Or left leg?

Or lighten things up with a little Samurai Bloodfest.

Or mastering tai chi, or playing pool...

Or or cruising around on my hog?

Or wait till dad gets home and give him both barrels?

Or whatever crappy award they give you for winning.

Or you can quit and slink away

Or, uh, should I say...

Or... we can...

Order yours now through this special...

Otherwise, they never learn anything.

Otis is a symbol.

Our beloved Patton was set upon by a serpent and devoured.

Our cable!

Our engineering and machining skills...

Our hearts go out to you in your time of need.

Our parents are paying for room and board

Our son Francis did.

Out of the way, guys! Drowning boy!

Over something so small as a game of pool?!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Help!

Ow! Ow! Reese!

Paint?!

Pardon?

Patterson has just reversed...

Patton.

People build killer robots

People don't realize how hard we work...

People told me not to come to your house.

Perfect example.

Perfectly good pie filling

Pheromones.

Picture yourself, 0400, awakened from sweet dreams of Mommy

Pills and milk... effective.

Pinter: My hands are tied here.

Play along and pretend you believe him.

Please be Mom.

Please be Mom.

Please be Mom. Please be Mom.

Please tell me Richie has the letter.

Please, take your time, take your time.

Please?

Plus, they completely destroyed a $300 pneumatic drill...

Poof.

Pray out the gay.

Probably teaches you geometry.

Probably three or four.

Process... And one and down and over.

Program... tickets...

Put Mom or Dad on the phone.

Put Reese on the phone.

Put Richie back on the phone.

Put them in a ring

PutJustin on the phone.

Putting my catheter in.

Quieter

Ready as I'll ever be.

Ready for that water slide.

Ready?

Ready? Here we go.

Really, nothing good could come from it, and

Really, sir?

Really?

Really?

Really? See, that must be fascinating...

Recess is over.

Reese is going to kill me the second we get home

Reese is right.

Reese loves Wendy!

Reese polished off all the cereal

Reese took a swing at me: Francis took a swing at me... that I can deal with.

Reese wiped his booger on my lunch bag.

Reese, I am so sorry.

Reese, I've done some soul searching..

Reese, it's not about that.

Reese, just stop this. You're acting like a moron.

Reese, listen.

Reese, that was incredible.

Reese, this is not the time for complaining.

Reese, we couldn't do anything all weekend.

Reese, what the heck are you doing?

Reese, you're a guy. Guy cheerleaders are the lowest of the low.

Reese: Hey, Dewey.

Reese: I didn't do anything, Mom.

Reese: I said spread your legs!

Reese: Just tell us!

Reese: Spread your legs!

Reese: This is awesome!

Reese!

Reese!

Reese? Come on out. We need to have a talk.

Reese...

Remember when Grandma drove into the living room?

Remember when Hendrix beat him playing horse

Remember, honey, how I promised you

Remove all piercings.

Richie has coupons.

Richie!

Right

Right across his rear end.

Right away, Mr. Pinter.

Right before he steals a loaf of bread?

Right leg...

Right now you are actually better off being as far away from me as possible.

Right there. The bottle is perfect.

Right.

Right.

Roll to the goal. Huh?

Rubbing it in!

Rule number one: You can't question my ways.

Run. No kidding. Run.

Run. No kidding. Run.

Rusty do something?

Rusty Malcolm maintains the lead high off the third turn...

Rusty Malcolm wins the stock car...

Rusty Malcolm won!

Rusty: Great beverage work, Hal!

Rusty: Great beverage work, Hal!

Rusty!

Same to you, sir.

Sane children would appreciate this

School doesn't even start till 8:15.

Score!

Screaming and fighting, and I pray to God

See, it's about strategy and technique.

See, that comment was playing off the concept

See, you do the right thing

See? Problem solved.

Seeing people from all over, the different cultures...

Send a picture to my mom with "I told you so" written across it.

Sent outside into the bitter cold

Sent those guys over.

Seriously, we have

She can't dismiss it, she can't argue about it

She can't twist it around and make it my fault

She could smell the fear on us.

She does it on purpose.

She forgets about everything else in the world

She is a fighter.

She is never going to be your dance partner.

She is never going to be your dance partner.

She just went down to Alabama

She keeps saying how important this is.

She said that if I wanted to come home for the summer

She says she wants the parents...

She slept straight through the last 48 hours.

She still thinks it's Sunday.

She talked to you? About me?

She thinks it's Sunday.

She was a damn fine woman.

She won't even think about me for a few days.

She worked so hard to get me to stop.

She'd kill me if she found out.

She'll know it's not Sunday.

She's a cheerleader.

She's completely going back on it

She's doing this to me on purpose.

She's going to do the same thing for you.

She's got a temperature of 104.

She's real trampy.

Should I be impressed or horrified?

Shouldn't have to, but guess what?

Shut up about your mom for half a second.

Shut up! He sold us out!

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut your filthy mouth.

Sir, before you continue, I feel I have to mention

Sir, can I ask

Sir, I didn't mean...

Sir, I'm obviously the victim of an elaborate conspiracy to frame me.

Sir, if I played for real

Sir, what are you doing?

Sir!

Sir?

Sir?

Sit back and laugh my ass off.

Sit down!

Six world records.

Slow down. Slower. Slower.

Smokin'!

So be sure to try the new and improved Chip A Roo cookie today.

So clumsy.

So connected to you.

So do I.

So everything goes to hell.

So help me!

So I don't want any more of your stupid pity, okay?

So I joined the cheerleading squad.

So I just need your credit card number to...

So I need your undivided attention.

So I'll let you in on a little secret.

So I've decided to let you off...

So if we have any more kids, they're on their own.

So in addition to you getting nailed

So mom won't care so much

So no one will know the difference.

So now, I'm just going to lie down

So petty that I would throw a tantrum

So sensitive and full of passion.

So take... the lessons.

So that wheelchair

So that you can see for yourselves how much you can accomplish in this world...

So the thing you've been threatening to do all day

So there we were... the ocean, my stepfather and me.

So they can reinsert it when she gets here.

So they say that my fourth and fifth vertebrae are out of alignment

So we can't do laundry, we have to share baths

So what did you want to talk about?

So what do you say?

So where's the real letter?

So why do we have to pretend like we did now?

So you boys have to behave.

So you have some extra time.

So, basically, everything I tell you

So, do we give Mom the letter now

So, do you think she's okay?

So, I wanted to share him with you before he went...

So, if you'll just sign here...

So, it's got to be around here somewhere.

So, looking forward to school?

So, Malcolm, you going to go down the Liquidator this time?

So, that's a "yes" on the concert?

So, um...

So, um...

So, were you close with your aunt?

So, what's the report on?

So, your aunt's... not dead?

So?

So? Clean it up.

So...

So...

So...

So... you know my routine?

Somehow I felt that eight hours of joyless, mind numbing crap

Someone claiming to be the Commandant might call you.

Something from all this.

Something like that... Francis?

Something quiet.

Something that I shouldn't even have to ask you for...

Something that never would've happened

Something will turn up

Sometimes decent, hard working people

Sometimes you have to act like it's hot when it's really cold.

Son, are you on drugs?

Son, do you know what a wet nurse is?

Son, do you know, once you start there's no going back?

Son, what were you thinking?!

Son, you have the worst attitude...

Soon as I can, honey.

Sorry, I have to make a call.

Sorry, man.

Sorry, my therapist says it's a compulsion.

Sorry, sir.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Oh, God.

Sorry. Store policy is very clear about stealing.

Sounds good, Mom.

Sounds good.

Sounds great.

Spangler: My mother was neither a madonna or a whore!

Spangler: Oh, my God! Patton, no!

Spit it out.

Spit.

Splash on the house and, with any luck

Square dancing.

Standard technique...

Stanley, I'm sorry, I...

Stanley, you are incredible.

Start to devour your flesh

Stealing 200 frogs from the biology lab and setting them loose on the highway!

Steam cleaner.

Stick your arms out! We have to sell this!

Stick your head in the car one last time, okay?

Stock car races!

Stop being crazy.

Stop clouding your mind. This is a process.

Stop it right now! I mean it!

Stop teasing him, Reese!

Stop trying to drug my food.

Stretch. Nose to knees, nose to knees, and... release.

Stubby thumbs.

Success!

Sucks.

Sure, it's easy

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Survival weekend?

Survival weekend?

Sweet home Alabama...

Sweet...

Swish.

Take another look at that console

Take it easy, tiger.

Take it from me...

Take my I.D.

Talking with you has helped me work out some things with my own family.

Tanya, I'm kind of having a dilemma here..

Tanya, I'm so confused.

Tanya, that was fantastic.

Tell her I'm the one that brought it by.

Tell me exactly how you want me to behave

Tell us.

Ten hut!

Than I have in six years of teaching.

Than you think we are

Thank God, somebody I can talk to.

Thank you, Tanya.

Thanks, Don. Uh..

Thanks.

That a cocksure, smart mouthed youth

That allows me to leave whenever I need to take care of my kids.

That boy has been nothing but trouble.

That can't be good for you.

That could be interesting.

That doesn't make any sense to me.

That doesn't sound like Dad.

That exotic island vacation

That focus is the key to her power.

That guy was such a mess when I met him.

That has ever happened to me.

That has ever happened to me.

That helped, right?

That I'm the only one that knows

That includes by accident.

That includes hovering

That includes just looking.

That is a good one.

That is a picture of me.

That is not true

That is Rusty Malcolm.

That is such good news!

That is ten pages, single spaced, of filthy name calling.

That is the bravest thing I've ever seen you do.

That just makes it take even longer.

That leaves us with the matter of who is responsible.

That makes me the oldest brother.

That means we get to spend two whole days out in the wilderness...

That means we need a place with a total lack of caring

That nose plug thing was bogus

That our parents strongly disapprove of this.

That skinny guy!

That story had nothing to do with my mother.

That thing is a little project

That was a terrible

That was an amazing story, sir.

That was good.

That was just the pace lap.

That was the best 12 minutes of my life.

That was to me, not at me, right?

That was totally cold blooded.

That was very nice.

That way, we not only destroy the stuff

That we all have specific notions of gender appropriate roles.

That we have not been apart for one night in 18 years.

That woman sends home two or three fliers every day.

That won't be easy...

That would be a bold choice, sir.

That would destroy everything within a ten foot perimeter.

That you be bored and squirm a lot.

That you can't allow yourself five minutes of pleasure?

That you could be the woman who changes me

That you didn't write.

That your father and I enjoy one day?

That your hair keeps growing, but that's... that's a myth.

That'll be all, cadet.

That's a shame.

That's all I care about.

That's all I got so far.

That's all?

That's because you're not in a skating state of mind.

That's before I spent an entire day with your hand on my ass! You owe me!

That's funny.

That's got to hurt.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

That's just your incentive.

That's Les Miserables.

That's my house!

That's not a signature.

That's not even half the size of the one I gave you...

That's okay, honey

That's okay, sir.

That's okay.

That's okay. We're still friends.

That's right, boys.

That's right, square dancing.

That's something inside me, right?

That's the mislead.

That's the thing... There's, like, ten of them!

That's the Wildcats' battle cry.

That's the Wildcats' battle cry.

That's the word, right?

That's true...

That's what's important.

That's why Aunt Helen is getting a new friend.

That's why I forgot to do the assignment.

That's why I'm here...

That's why you have to use them carefully.

The All Alabama Gay Rodeo is in town again.

The best part is

The boy here says you could use some company.

The boy's fighting me, Lois.

The crystal pinks are mixed with the frosty pinks

The doctor says I have to stay in bed for three days...

The easy... way...

The first one who laughs

The good news is, that makes your tuition an issue.

The guy pushed him off...

The guys want their..

The kid's never brought me one thing in his entire life.

The Krelboynes dance on the tetherball courts...

The list is endless.

The manager there has an enlightened outlook

The microphone, register... candy... price tags...

The new brochures came in.

The one with Jean Valjean, where he's says

The only problem is that our parents

The only thing I ever did wrong

The only thing lower is that guy that never takes his hand out of his butt.

The pain that I was in... that I am in.

The perfect killing machine.

The Pledge of Allegiance just comes alive.

The point is, we never should've

The real field of dreams...

The school asked for an honor guard.

The stuff you're teaching me is stupid

The talk, Hal.

The terrible guilt I'm feeling is punishment enough...

The washer and dryer without getting shocked.

The way you whined about it

The whole thing herself

The woman who took care of me every day after school...

The words that come to my mind

The wrecks are just sort of a bonus.

Then by color.

Then chew it.

Then she slid into the trash and ran off.

Then shrivels like a raisin.

Then tiny microbes

Then you shall be miserable indeed

Then, of course, I'll be involved...

There are at least 20 things I will not tolerate

There it is!

There should be a letter there

There was so much I wanted to tell her,

There were at least a dozen shots that you've held back on.

There will be no hot water for this floor for the entire month.

There you go.

There you go... all pink and shiny.

There's a certain thing that happens between normal, healthy people.

There's a flight leaving in half an hour and I already booked it...

There's a phone...

There's no explaining it.

There's no reason for me to go

There's no winning with you

There's nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend.

There's only one thing left to do...

There's six steps?

These are two of the worst kids I have ever encountered in my life.

These family gatherings are always the same.

These your boys?

They all bought me. Your parents have lots of money.

They appear to be Raisinettes, sir.

They are going to hear all about it when I get them home.

They are snake droppings, found in your footlocker.

They are, aren't they?

They buy fresh pasta.

They consider that part time.

They did have to drain the gym.

They don't have their scapegoat around

They don't know what to do with themselves.

They get worse as they go along.

They had to vacuum out the contents of my intestines.

They have a fake letter.

They just have to wipe their eyes

They paraded every Tom, Dick and Harry through that room to look at me.

They stayed inside while you were out playing ball with your friends.

They take a sausage, stuff it with cheese, wrap it with bacon...

They told me to ride a horsy and I'm not a baby

They were behind the water heater.

They won't let us over anymore.

They'd never think

They'd never think of looking.

They'll be long gone when you're roaring home

They're getting cold.

They're going to be the neediest.

They're hot until I deposit my paycheck.

They're indescribable.

They're just hiding it.

They're late.

They're looking at you.

They're looking back at me.

They're not looking to you

They're right there in the kitchen. Why don't you go ask them?

Thing to do to your little brother.

Things aren't usually like this.

Think you can cry?

This class is turning me into a total weirdo.

This family needs a scapegoat.

This is a good opportunity

This is a whole new low, Reese.

This is about safety and proper technique.

This is all a dream.

This is an improvement, right?

This is going to be great.

This is going to rule.

This is going to sound cliched, Hal

This is great.

This is his present.

This is just an excuse.

This is just the crap people find

This is me time.

This is the last Sunday

This is the single greatest thing

This is worth it.

This isn't baby stuff, Dewey.

This isn't fair.

This isn't fair. You're taking my pain

This isn't my mom.

This means total commitment.

This one's pretty entertaining.

This photo made me realize something.

This place sucks.

This stinks.

This stuff about you.

This tastes like crap.

This thing's an open casket, right?

This was a stupid idea in the first place.

This whole thing stems from you feeling like I treat you like a child.

This works pretty good, Mom.

This would've been the funnest thing ever.

This...

This...

This'll be great!

Those are peaches.

Those aren't olives

Those guys are wimps.

Those things look really expensive.

Three days... one extra for lying.

Three or four... hun...?

Three rooms to go, and already I have enough evidence..

Three seconds to tell me

Three!

Thursday. I didn't bring it home.

Till tomorrow.

To be as involved as possible with the children.

To be seen with your mother?

To build something that dangerous.

To die to bury this thing.

To distract them from looking for the big one.

To ditch school?

To ditch this funeral.

To focus your mind

To ground them for life.

To have to agree to disagree.

To look after him for awhile.

To my face.

To raise our school colors

To tackle something like this on an empty stomach?

To take the fall.

To take your mind off the pain.

To tell me why I shouldn't put you on latrine detail

To the man who held you in his arms the moment you were born.

To the neighbors.

To the things that give me my humanity.

To their funeral?

To work in mysterious ways

To you.

To, at... what's the difference?

Today it's rice and macaroni.

Today sucked.

Tomorrow, I told you.

Too bad. Thanks to you, no one has to do anything anymore.

Too late now.

Took me two kids to win that argument.

Took the bike...

Top skate dog.

Totally your fault!

Touching.

Trust me, whatever you're going through is not half as bad as what I'm facing.

Turn out anything at all like you planned?

Two blues, one pink.

Two months after using the same excuse

Two months!

Two months!

Two...

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. Dewey, honey

Uh huh. Mm hmm.

Uh huh. What's her name?

Uh oh, eyes down.

Uh oh.

Uh uh, you said "duncle."

Uh, aah...

Uh, Houston, we are good to go.

Uh, I'm on a special diet...

Uh, okay.

Uh, Roger that.

Uh, that's okay, Dad.

Uh... okay, here we go.

Uh... what seems to be the trouble here, Officer, uh... Karl?

Um, Francis...

Um, Mom, where'd you hide that football

Um, the guys want their blueprints back.

Um... Mom?

Until after pancakes.

Until after they take lessons from him.

Until Mom gets home?

Until reveille is called.

Upgrade.

Usually, the honor guards just sit around and gawk

V l C T O R Y.

Velcro. I win the pool.

Very thorough.

Very well.

Victory, yes!

Victory... success!

W Where...?

Wait a minute, I have an idea.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Somebody stepped in something.

Wait a minute. You think I'm gay?

Wait a minute...

Wait for it.

Wait for it...

Wait for the reverse.

Wait, I don't get to wear them?

Wait!

Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. We need your help.

Wait. You think I'm gay?

Wait...

Wait...

Want to see your skates?

Wanting to deny your poor Aunt Helen her due.

Was all the work I did to cover your butt.

Was that on your assignment sheet?

Was that really beef?

Was this Dewey's present?

Watch me crash and burn! (Hooting)

Water under the bridge.

Way

Way to go, man

We all are.

We all have 29 inches of fries so far.

We also put in the new skid control system.

We are going to play again

We are now officially desensitized to violence.

We can do that.

We can pretend today's Sunday

We can save Francis.

We can say "no!" To all things unnatural!

We can start in on Monks of Death

We can stop this right now with a little dignity

We can... do this...

We can't give Mom the letter. She'd kill him.

We can't just take Mom's word for it.

We could all just do whatever we want

We could make him think

We couldn't watch anything but PBS for a week.

We didn't do anything!

We didn't even do anything that bad.

We didn't want to have to worry you over nothing.

We don't have any money, though.

We each take a two inch bite out of this one.

We each take a two inch bite out of this one.

We got spirit!

We got spirit!

We got spirit! Whoo!

We hated that yappy, little rat

We have a duty to this family

We have a winner!

We have been working on around here.

We have had our share of conflicts.

We have to!

We just have to hold on a little bit longer.

We just wanted to scare you.

We kind of went with it.

We laugh our asses off.

We laugh our butts off.

We need... more torque!

We never intended to show the letter to Mom.

We obviously have different definitions of"wrong."

We owe it to him.

We should just give this to Mom and let him fry.

We take out the driveway

We want our blueprints back.

We want to enter the competition.

We were brilliant.

We were hoping you'd say that.

We were just wondering...

We were just... sort of...

We work so long.

We'll do it the hard way.

We'll go.

We'll have to drive creatively, but we might make the end.

We'll just stay inside and watch T..

We're backing out of the contest.

We're doing better.

We're doing it my way.

We're going to Disneyland?

We're going to have to get in real trouble

We're going to her funeral.

We're going to sit here, bored out of our minds

We're in the middle of Alabama.

We're just going to go continue our punishment.

We're not coming down until you tell us what you're going to do.

We're not giving Mom the letter.

We're not giving Mom the letter.

We're not supposed to injure my friends.

We're not supposed to let people see me in my underpants.

We're on our way to Aunt Helen's funeral.

We're rebels.

We're screwed when Dad gets home.

We're scuzzy, dirty backstabbers

We're stuck in the house with nothing to do

We're supposed to be in school.

We're supposed to be there for each other.

We're wild men!

We're working.

We've always had trouble with baby sitters.

We've been doing a lot of work on folk movement...

We've done can drives.

We've got four hours of this.

We've got the designs, we've got the desire

We've got the sun, the sand, the palm trees.

We've had a vote.

We've had to economize before.

Wealthy people

Well, at least lend me a jacket! Or some food!

Well, at least she doesn't know I skipped school all week

Well, at least you have your home and your family.

Well, Cadet

Well, can't you get unemployment or something?

Well, did he do it?

Well, he was never very lucky.

Well, honey, here's the thing.

Well, how about this?

Well, I am

Well, I assure you, ma'am

Well, I guess it's mission accomplished.

Well, I guess you boys had some time to think about what you've done.

Well, I guess you shouldn't tell your parents, then

Well, I hope you've all learned something today, huh?

Well, I stopped by to pick up your boy's homework.

Well, I suppose if it's school work...

Well, I suppose you're entitled to complain.

Well, I sure hope so.

Well, I was thinking

Well, I'm glad to hear that, Hal.

Well, if it isn't the snitch.

Well, if that's what you want to do.

Well, it's been a pretty productive day.

Well, it's easy on such a beautiful back.

Well, it's that pop psychology nonsense that...

Well, Malcolm, I'm sorry that my mother's sister...

Well, maybe we should just set fire to the house and find out.

Well, more like an hour begging, really...

Well, no, no, no.

Well, okay.

Well, Reese is a horrid little boy.

Well, since you think you're old enough to use these kind of words...

Well, someday, you're going to meet a nice girl.

Well, Spangler has that oversized gerbil.

Well, tell Lois I stopped by.

Well, that doesn't happen, except maybe the first time.

Well, that he may not seem... graceful.

Well, that includes Jesus.

Well, that is none of your business.

Well, that's just gravy.

Well, that's okay.

Well, that's very serious.

Well, that's what going to ha...

Well, there's my cab.

Well, they're important to me.

Well, this all sounds pretty serious.

Well, this just plain hurts my feelings.

Well, we have to start early. We've got a lot of ground to cover.

Well, we just finished the 45th and final video

Well, well

Well, what about me, hmm?

Well, what about my design for

Well, when did she die?

Well, yes

Well, you can guess again.

Well, you can't keep him.

Well, you got him here early, that's good.

Well, you seem to be on a roll, cadet.

Well, you should be glad he only wore it once.

Well, you'd think I'd get bored

Well... ask your brothers.

Well... bad.

Well... I'd go with the flame thrower.

Well... since you said please.

Well... the emergency room

Wendy Finnerman... she hates me.

Wendy, I really like you.

Wendy?

Were you crying?

What a beautiful beach.

What a waste!

What a... geek.

What am I supposed to do with this?

What are the odds, huh

What are you asking Dad for?

What are you boys doing?

What are you doing home?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you looking at, monkey boy?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you? A hamster?

What book report?

What can I do?

What can I say? I love the theater.

What did you do?

What did you roll in?

What did you take?

What do mean, "fired"?!

What do we have here?

What do you have behind your back?

What do you have?

What do you mean, "uh oh"? What did he do?

What do you think a guy like that pays for socks?

What do you think of this one?

What do you want to do first?

What does happen is this:

What does she mean by that?

What does that mean?

What does the sign say?

What exactly is "Personal Fulfillment Week"?

What good will it do anybody?

What guilt?

What happened? What happened?

What have we taught you about snitching?

What have we taught you about snitching?

What I'm trying to say is that when your mother and I don't buy you a toy,

What if we get caught?

What is Egg?

What is in the hand?

What is it with the men in this family and tattoos?

What is it?

What is it?

What is she, a mind reader?

What is that?

What is there to do?

What is wrong with you two?!

What kind of neighborhood are we in?

What kind of pressure I was under!

What makes you think I want to do anything with you?

What Spangler's going to do to me if I lose?

What the hell is that thing?

What were you saving it for?

What you did to me was an act of war.

What you going to tell Mom?

What, are you growing potatoes in there?

What, what, what, what, what, what, what?

What, what, what, what, what, what, what?

What, what, what, what?

What, what, what, what?

What, with four boys totaling 112 hours of labor

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Already?

What? I took a shower. Is that a crime?

What? Mom, wait.

What? She hated her?

What?!

What?!

What?!

What?!

What...?

What'd he do?

What'd he say?

What'd she say?

What'd you do to it?

What's he doing?

What's in your mouth?

What's intense about it?

What's that all about?

What's that spell?

What's the worst that could happen?

What's this stuff?

What's this?

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong, pal?

What's wrong, Reese?

What's your favorite color?

What's your name, son?

What's your problem?

What's your problem?

Whatever I do, whether it's teaching you boys

Whatever you want... that I got on my knees

When a boy really, really likes a girl.

When a Krelboyne makes fun of you, you know you're in trouble.

When are you going to be done?

When I could be surfing the beaches of Europe

When I get well, I am going to beat you blue, mister!

When I live only eight blocks from campus.

When is the last time you moved your bowels?

When they ask if somebody has a few words to say?

When they ask if somebody has a few words to say?

When they clean out the garage.

When we've played pool?

When you don't sleep at all.

When you have a job.

Where are we going?

Where did I put the damn paycheck?

Where do you think you boys get it from?

Where do you think you're going?

Where does that money go? Sounds like a big scam.

Where is that brochure

Where she hides our Christmas presents?

Where the skies are so blue.

Where they think you're dead

Where they think you're dead

Where was I? Francis?

Where were we?

Where's my hog?!

Where's your eye?

Whether it's a wedding, funeral or court date

Whew! That routine won me a gold medal, a macrame plant hanger...

Which do you think looks better...

Which part of"no hurting my brothers"

Which someone's going to pay for.

Which vertebrae?

Which won't matter at all

Who are you?

Who cares, man?

Who is he?

Who is responsible?

Who knows?

Who says we're not going?

Who spends $150 on a bottle of cognac?

Who wants a latte?

Who wants to make five bucks?

Who's been helping you on your spirit kicks?

Who's Bob?

Who's Jimmy?

Who's that by?

Who's this?

Who's your...

Whoa, that was easy, even for him!

Whoa! They're beautiful!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why am I doing this?

Why are all the hotel rooms booked?

Why are you dressed like that?

Why are you still messing around with those record albums?

Why are you taking so long? Let's go.

Why can't you just tell me what it was like?

Why didn't you join the football team, doofus?

Why do you think I'm gay?

Why does everyone do that? What does he do?

Why doesn't everyone just leave me alone?!

Why don't we just all sit down

Why don't we take it for a test drive?

Why don't you both just shut up?!

Why don't you just

Why don't you just come down?

Why don't you just go play army man somewhere else?

Why don't you just sit down?

Why don't you just take the pain medicine the doctor gave you?

Why don't you just tell us?

Why don't you sit down like I asked you to?

Why don't you stop telling me what to do?

Why don't you turn off the machine

Why God feels the need to take away everything that I love...

Why have you been holding back

Why haven't you changed the channel yet?

Why is that like some big character flaw?

Why would he go right for the letter?

Why would you do that?

Why, did you apply there?

Why?

Why'd you say you liked her again?

Wildcats, we got spirit!

Wildcats, we got spirit!

Wildcats, we got what?

Wildcats, we got what?

Will do.

Will end... badly.

Wiping the floor with my cadets.

With a crushed Mighty Man?

With a little persistence and determination.

With a selection from trip hop wizard Tricky.

With an apology or a simple punishment.

With limited supplies and no food.

With my leg on a pillow and then put ice on it.

With my mom here and explain it to her

With my rear end flapping in the breeze for all the world to see

With no TV.

With your finger a half inch away from it.

Within the time limit.

Without A) Acting like I like her

Without getting something

Without me to blame everything on

Without my mommy for a few days.

Without you making a big deal out of it.

Woman: "No soliciting."

Woman: I don't know, sweetie.

Woman: Modeling isn't all glamour.

Work so hard.

Worse than band, worse than Krelboynes.

Would he like a cookie?

Would never allow us

Would you just take the darn pill... dear?

Wow, usually we don't get someone storming off from the table

Wow, you have made a great deal here, Hal.

Wow.

Wow. I can't find a flaw in his logic.

Wow...

Wuss.

Yeah, and I'm so glad the gay thing isn't an issue

Yeah, but Richie has the letter.

Yeah, come on in.

Yeah, fine.

Yeah, he just ran off and quit for no reason.

Yeah, he put a great big "Lois"

Yeah, he wants to smell good for... Julie!

Yeah, I guess we do.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I'm cleaning house, all right.

Yeah, it's here.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, the other two aren't going to be anywhere near you.

Yeah, we're kind of in the same boat

Yeah, well, me, too.

Yeah, well, she won't believe it

Yeah, well, that was a long time ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know, I been thinking...

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Actually, not just today.

Yeah. Hey!

Yeah. I don't know anything about pain...

Yeah..."If you do something bad, don't tell

Yelling so loud you actually throw out your back.

Yes or no, no questions asked.

Yes, but get a glass.

Yes, I called her and told her I couldn't go to the concert

Yes, I do

Yes, I'm serious.

Yes, it has been a long time.

Yes, it is. It's absolutely fair

Yes, sir, that they are. Couldn't be prouder of them.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. I believe you lost that finger trying to start the school lawn mower.

Yes, you will. You always do.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! He nailed it!

Yes! I knew this moment would come.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. It's just right, left, right, left, reverse, pose.

Yessiree, Bob.

Yesterday for dinner, we had macaroni and rice.

You almost died.

You are back on rice cakes, mister, starting now!

You are gifted.

You are going to get your own outlet.

You are going to hear things that are going to horrify you.

You are going to march right up to that coffin

You are going to return this bottle to Mr. Pinter

You are good to go in five, four, three, two, one.

You are in serious trouble, cadet.

You are never going to make it... in the armed forces or anywhere else.

You are not a weirdo.

You are officially old enough to get your own juice.

You are so cute when you sneak in alcohol.

You are so dead.

You are such an idiot!

You be Clyde.

You being half of that, I might add.

You boys take care of your dad.

You butt wipe!

You can break the cycle Dad was talking about!

You can give me $90,000.

You can just put it right back on the shelf.

You can keep track of the laps.

You can thank the cadet after I leave.

You can yell at us now.

You can't even remember a simple six step routine.

You can't even see, but are on you right now

You can't fire me for this.

You can't just stick the word "family" in front of something

You can't leave me out here with nothing!

You can't leave that kid alone for five minutes without picking on him!

You can't quit! I've worked too hard for you to quit!

You complain when I'm pleasant

You could not possibly comprehend

You couldn't keep your

You crossed the line, Reese.

You deserve so much more.

You did exactly what I thought you'd do.

You did.

You didn't give them any satisfaction.

You didn't love Aunt Helen. You hated her!

You didn't mean to come in four hours after curfew.

You didn't mean to replace the morning reveille record

You do it.

You do, huh? How do we feel?

You don't even do inventory

You don't even have to worry about it

You don't expect me

You don't get it.

You don't have a BB gun.

You don't have to do that.

You don't know

You don't pay attention to anything!

You don't want them to do si do without you.

You don't want to talk about it, do you?

You either take care of this yourself

You feeling okay?

You foist if off on me because you make so many mistakes.

You geek! You deserved it!

You going to be okay with that?

You going to go play hockey?

You got it.

You got to trust me on this one, Francis...

You guys

You guys did it, like, ten times.

You guys would never do that to me.

You have done nothing but bitch and moan since I got here

You have done nothing but pester us.

You have five five inchers and a four incher.

You have good ideas all the time

You have got to redo the nail polish.

You have hated me since the minute you got here

You have incredible hands.

You have no idea what this machine is capable of.

You have to admit, it is kind of funny...

You have to do something.

You have to learn that disappointment is all part of being a grown up.

You have to make me suffer, too.

You have to stay home because of your ear infection.

You heard Dad. I'm doomed!

You heard me.

You idiot!

You idiot!

You in there, buddy?

You just missed the big fire.

You kids remember

You kids, let's get going.

You know it was just an accident, right?

You know the drill

You know what else I hate? Those what do you call thems? Those...

You know what this means?

You know what? I don't care.

You know what? I hate bigots too. Oh, I hate bigots.

You know what? I hate bigots too. Oh, I hate bigots.

You know what? I have had it with you, mister.

You know what? Screw it. I'm sick of this.

You know what? Thanks to your attitude we are now a day behind.

You know what? You can have the rest of the day

You know you could help.

You know you're not supposed to skate in the house

You know, do the things she likes to do.

You know, Francis

You know, Hal, owning a Porsche

You know, how I was shipped off here and you were left with your wet nurse.

You know, I have learned more in two hours with you...

You know, I hope you are at least learning

You know, I'm sure I'm neglecting

You know, I'm trying to be there for Mom

You know, it just occurred to me

You know, it's amazing how much you can get accomplished

You know, sometimes bad things happen

You know, sometimes I forget what I told you

You know, that Julie Houlerman

You know, the one with the really long blonde hair.

You know, there are a couple of people

You know, this room isn't so bad.

You know, uh, this is a little intense.

You know, we haven't been on an outing in a long time.

You know, when you open up to people

You know, you should be so glad

You know, you think what you want, okay?

You know, you were named after Rusty, Malcolm.

You know... actually, it's my favorite, too.

You like the theater, you're good with decorating

You listen to me, you idiot!

You look different.

You look terrible!

You made me look like an idiot.

You made your phony point.

You may have spoken too soon, sir.

You may not like my methods...

You may not wear anything around neck.

You must be joking.

You only get the bike if he eats the whole can.

You open this door right now.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself getting Reese to sandbag me like that.

You put your initials by this number.

You questioned his ways. Never question his ways.

You ratted on us about Dewey's bike.

You ready?

You ready?

You really shouldn't say hurtful things to grownups.

You remember that from just watching?

You ripped the phone out of the wall.

You said I'm not supposed to.

You see how people look to me

You see that blue car down in front?

You see, son? Words hurt.

You see, this is Rusty's last race ever.

You seem compelled to break every rule, to flout every convention.

You seem to be practicing pretty hard.

You should go to the arcade on Hillcrest.

You should see it.

You slipped me drugs. Oh!

You sold me out to Mom.

You sound funny

You the man, Circus.

You the man, Francis.

You the man!

You the man.

You think I want to be cleaning out the gutters

You think it'd be all right

You think your brother will lend me his corset?

You turn right back around, mister!

You two are going to have so much fun together

You volunteer a small crime

You waited so long with Francis: Look what happened there.

You wanna know everything that's been happening?

You want it in writing?

You want me to send a picture?

You want some more water, Uncle Louie?

You want to split lunches?

You want to... do something?

You wanted to see me, sir?

You were going to make Aunt Helen spend eternity

You were perfect.

You what?!

You will always be surprised

You won't know where or when, but you're gonna pay.

You You people.

You, me, working this shelf... together.

You, um...

You... mocking me?

You'll never guess what Reese did.

You'll think of something.

You'll win the next one.

You're a good boy.

You're a good son.

You're already in enough trouble as it is without bringing in a pet.

You're creepy.

You're dead.

You're eating my buttons.

You're gay?

You're going home with a plaque or ribbon

You're going to bury that with her?

You're going to die.

You're going to get lost.

You're going to start with these.

You're going to use to make fun of me?

You're going to wear it all day

You're never going to be a winner

You're not allowing me

You're not alone.

You're not asking: You're ordering.

You're not exactly making me regret my decision here, Lois.

You're not giving me a sponge bath.

You're not giving up something important.

You're not going to turn me in, are you?

You're not stepping foot out of this house today.

You're not supposed to yell in the store.

You're not the only ones who've suffered

You're our big brother!

You're right.

You're right. I'm terrible.

You're sick.

You're starting to look better.

You're stinky.

You're supposed to protect us, not betray us.

You're taking a backpack to the funeral?

You're the bad one. The system can't work with two bad cops.

You're the good one. Enjoy your moment in the sun.

You're totally going back on it

You've got to stop him.

You've truly captured your young male friend's Speedo.

Your apology.

Your best game, cadet.

Your body undergoes a fascinating series of changes.

Your father and I

Your father has been quite a project.

Your father mowed the lawn

Your father's lack of responsibility

Your little friend find his way out?

Your mom is great.

Your mom lost her job, and we're pretty broke.

Your mother's paycheck.

Your parents want to buy me for you.

Your skates are in here.

Your social life.

Yow.

15 NASCAR titles.

117 minus three times 29 divided by three minus...

(Gasping) (Gasping)

(groans) Dude...

(Loud Ripping Sound) (Pinter Yells)

(smacking loudly) Now we're even.

* All right * * All right *

* Doo, be, doo be doo * * Doobee doobee do be dah *

* Doo, be, doo be doo * * Doobee, doobee, doobee do *

* Doobee doobee do be dah * * Doo, be, doo, be, doo *

* Doobee doobee do be dah * * Doo, boo, doo, be bah *

** [Continues] Glide... and glide...

A Tale of Two Cities. Which you haven't read.

April? April, that's her.

Break me. Okay.

But I've told you about that already. Not me.

But, Dad... Uh uh. I'm not your dad.

But... you know my routine. Yes, I do.

Can you buy me a Herbie? No, they're too expensive.

Finally. Malcolm, you're in on this talk too.

Fine. I'll talk to him. That's not what I'm asking.

Francis? It's Francis?

Hal. (Gasping)

He's wide open! Shoot! Shoot!

Hi, sweetie. Hi, Mom.

his nose plug for his sinuses? Shut up.

Honey, what are you doing up? Don't you "honey" me.

Huh? No TV.

I can't help you. Yes, you can!

I know what's more embarrassing. What?

I like you. I hate you!

I took a shower. I knew it!

I wasn't ready for this from Malcolm. Those soap salesmen.

I'll do it. Yeah, right.

I'm not even in the water

I'm the nice one. Yeah, that's true.

Instead. All right. I'll try it your way.

Is that a new tie, sir? Four seconds.

It's a girl. It's a girl.

Just sign. No, I think

Lois: Oh, my God! What did you do?

Maybe so, but you're doing it. What?

Me?! Why do I have to be here? Relax.

No, I was reading. You don't read.

No, it's an addendum. When did you get that?

No, thanks. What?!

No, you can't do that! Yeah, why not?

No! Come on! You have to!

Number 16? Yeah.

Oh, how many words? 750.

Oh, man. Mine!

On Les Miserables? Yes. No!

One more thing. Yeah?

Only 12 more miles to Wavetown, USA. Yay.

Quit while you still have some dignity. Oh, and let her think I'm a quitter?

Really? Hey, how's this?

Richie? Yeah?

Right. But you just said you did.

Say "uncle"! No!

Sir, I... Floor.

Surprise! Surprise!

Ta da! Wow!

Thanks. No problem.

That is where I was going. Oh. Good. Let's get started.

the polycarbonate body? It's a...

They're exactly the same. Dewey.

Two days? Uh huh.

What am I supposed to do? I don't know.

What are you doing? Nothing.

What are you doing? What's the point?

What do you think you're doing? Taking my skates to go play hockey.

What hog? Ah ha!

What? Your father

What?! Think about it...

When am I ever going to use this? Full range of motion.

Who are you talking to? Francis.

Why do I have to... Ah ah ah.

Yeah. You don't understand.

Yes! Yes!

You do? Of course.

You don't like either. Oh, right.

You feeling a little limber now? Mostly I feel sleepy.

You have more than me. No, I don't

You have to talk to Wendy! I can't! I freeze up!

You're going to keep the food? Yes.

You're kidding, right? No.

You're kidding. Why?!

Your back. Oh, yeah.

Your brother in there? Where else?

...and it looks like Rusty Malcolm will win his final race!

...hole.

...O R Y.

...on the state legislature sponsored initiative

...this type of governmental interference...

...you

'cause she would have to sign for it

'Cause we're not going to school.

'cause you're enfeebled.

'Course I did. What does that have to do with anything?

"'tis but the pale reflect of Cynthia's brow

"A priest, a rabbi and Uncle Fred are..."

"Are playing golf with Saint Peter."

"Ditching."

"Five across.

"Francis' "I didn't mean to' file."

"I have more care to stay than will to go.

"I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye

"It's a far, far better thing I do..."

"nor that is not the lark

"Olaf Mortenson" of Wheatville, Montana?

"Only snitch when asked to snitch."

"The horse you rode in on" is optional.

"the vaulty heavens so high above our heads.

"whose notes do beat

"Would you like some milk, Mother?"

("Fernando"by ABBAplaying)

("Sukiyaki"Sung InJapanese)

(Alarm Beeping)

(Alarm Clock Ringing)

(All Gasp)

(All Grumbling)

(All Screaming)

(all sighing)

(Applause)

(Applause)

(baby voice): I think I can manage

(Barking)

(Bell Ringing)

(Bell Ringing)

(Blow Landing)

(Blows Air)

(Both Laughing)

(boys cheering)

(Boys Whoop And Cheer)

(Boys Yelling)

(buzzing)

(Cackling)

(car horn honks)

(Cartoons Playing)

(Cheerfully Goofy): Wake up! Wake up!

(cheering)

(cheering)

(Cheering)

(cheering)

(Cheering)

(Chuckles Nervously)

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckling)

(Chuckling)

(chuckling)

(Chuckling)

(Chuckling)

(Chuckling)

(chuckling)

(chuckling): Oh, yeah.

(Clamoring)

(Clapping)

(claps hands)

(Class Bell Rings)

(Clearing Throat)

(clears throat)

(clicks)

(cooing): Hello!

(Coughing)

(Crashing)

(crowd screaming)

(dial tone)

(Dial Tone)

(Disco Music Playing)

(Disco Playing)

(Dog Barking)

(dog howling)

(Door Opens, Then Closes)

(Doorbell Rings)

(Drill Buzzing)

(Drill Whirring)

(electrical crackling)

(Falsetto): I like you, too.

(Feedback)

(flat): Oh. Hi, Mr. Jackson.

(funky dance music plays)

(Gagging)

(game activates)

(Gasping)

(gasps)

(gears growl)

(Giggling)

(giggling)

(Girls Squealing)

(Glass Breaking)

(Groaning)

(Groans In Pain)

(Groans)

(groans)

(groans)

(Groans)

(Growling)

(Growling)

(grunts)

(Grunts)

(heavy sigh)

(horn honks)

(howls)

(howls)

(howls)

(humming upbeat tune)

(Humming)

(Imitating Radio Static)

(Imitating Static)

(inaudible)

(Inhales Sharply)

(Inhaling)

(Knock At Door)

(Knocking Continues)

(knocking on door)

(knocking)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

(laughing)

(Laughing)

(laughing)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

(laughing)

(laughs loudly)

(laughs)

(Lois growling)

(Lois Retching)

(Lois screaming)

(Long, Gassy Whine)

(loud whirring)

(loudly): Hello?

(Making Ghostly Sounds)

(man #2 on TV) Yeah, Sarge. I miss her somethin'awful.

(man on TV) You got a girl?

(man screaming)

(man screaming)

(Metallic Squeaking)

(Moaning Painfully)

(Moaning)

(Moans)

(moans)

(muffled): Call... animal... control.

(Muffled): Too slow.

(music continues)

(music continues)

(music continues)

(music playing loudly)

(music stops)

(No Audio)

(No Audio)

(phone ringing)

(Phone Ringing)

(Phone Rings)

(Piano Accompaniment)

(Playing Licks)

(pounding on door)

(quietly): Don't you dare hurt her.

(rapidly breathing)

(raspy voiced): "Oh, you're going to miss me when I'm gone."

(Reciting): Sweet home Alabama...

(record scratching)

(Retching)

(Scraping Sound)

(screaming and shouting continues)

(screaming continues)

(screaming)

(screaming)

(screaming)

(Screams)

(Screams)

(Screeching)

(Shrieks)

(Sighing)

(sighing): You're right.

(sighs)

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(Sighs) So, did your life...

(siren wailing)

(Siren Wailing)

(Snarling)

(Snarling)

(Sniffles)

(Sniffling)

(Sniffling)

(Sniffs)

(Sobbing Loudly)

(Sobbing Resumes)

(Sobbing)

(Sobbing)

(Sobbing)

(sobbing): Why can't I go?

(Squealing)

(Stops Sobbing)

(Tapping On Page)

(telephone rings)

(Thud)

(Thud)

(Tires Screeching)

(TVplaying men in battle)

(Two Gunshots)

(Vacuum Cleaner Running)

(Vacuum Cleaner Stops)

(Voice Echoing)

(weakly): You think that's going to appease your guilt?

(wheels clicking softly)

(Whimpering)

(whimpering)

(Whimpering)

(whimpers)

(Whirring Stops)

(whirring)

(whirring)

(Whispering): Where'd you put it?

(whispering): Yeah, Francis, your father's giving a speech

(whispers): Jerk.

(whistle blowing)

(Whooping)

(Yelling Continues)

* 'Cause we are the champions **

* Ah ah ah *

* Ah ooh *

* All right *

* All right *

* And bad mistakes *

* And softly strumming your guitar *

* And sounds of bugle calls were coming from afar *

* And we mean to go on and on and on and on *

* And we'll keep on fighting *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* And you're not so big *

* But I've come through *

* Can you hear the drums, Fernando? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Can you repeat the question? *

* Christmas with leather *

* Doo, be, doo, be, doo *

* Doo, be... *

* Doo, doo wah. *

* Doo, doo, doobee *

* For liberty, Fernando *

* Freaks fly together *

* Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me *

* Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me *

* Gotta move on *

* Gotta move on *

* Gotta move on *

* I could hear the distant drums *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't know *

* I don't want to work... *

* I just want to watch you dance *

* I remember long ago another starry night like this *

* I would, my friend, Fernando *

* I've had my share of sand kicked in my face *

* I've made a few *

* I've paid my dues *

* If I had to do the same again *

* In the firelight, Fernando *

* It's Christmas with leather *

* Life is unfair. *

* Life is unfair. *

* Life is unfair. *

* Life is unfair. *

* Life is unfair. *

* Life is unfair. **

* Life is unfair. **

* Life is unfair. **

* Makin' all the big boys scream *

* My friends *

* No time for losers *

* Rising up the dance floor *

* She's always... *

* Talk about, talk about talk about movin' *

* Talk about, talk about talk about movin' *

* The stars were bright, Fernando *

* The stars were bright... *

* There was something in the air that night *

* There was something in the air that night *

* There's no regret *

* They were shining there for you and me *

* Though we never thought that we could lose *

* Till the end *

* Time after time *

* Town to keep me movin' keep me groovin' with some energy *

* Town to keep me movin' keep me groovin' with some energy *

* Turn it up now *

* Turn it up now *

* Turn it up now *

* We are the champions *

* We are the champions *

* We are the champions *

* Well, I talk about it, talk about it talk about it, talk about it *

* Well, I talk about it, talk about it talk about it, talk about it *

* Went up to the... *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* Yes, no, maybe *

* You were humming to yourself *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

* You're not the boss of me now *

$150 bottle of cognac?