Barbershop: The Next Cut (2016) Soundboard Edit

A kid just died.

A mother's child...

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ain't nobody said they was gonna give no money

Ali right. You good, Eddie?

All I'm doing is workin', brother

All right, baby girl.

All right, I'm good. Thank you!

All right, looking good.

All right, ma.

All right! Congratulations!

All right? Neutral grounds where both sides

All right.

All right. Question...

Am I or am I not

And 47s and Desert Eagles,

And almost lynched twice.

And go up a size in the jean department?

And got a tweet from somebody named thottiepimpin

And I want to shout it from the rooftops.

And if you don't have that remaining balance on Monday,

And not cheat in the back room of the barbershop

And of course, yours truly.

And really for us.

And second time,

And that we don't approve of who you're associating with!

And the word is out about Calvin's Barbershop.

And their accents were so thick,

And undisputed queen of daytime television,

And whatever the hell else you're going through,

And wishing you a good morning!

And you come here playing.

And you donating all the profit?

And you should have heard!

Anyway...

Are we good or not?

Are you dumb enough to fall into that girl's trap?

Are you riding or not?

Are you serious, Rashad?

Aren't you and Uncle Shad like brothers?

Ass cheeks so separated...

Because he's still gonna wake up one morning

Because I love you, I care about you.

Because it was on the way.

Because of you, Cal.

Before you say something,

Big boy, I'm sorry about that, man. Misunderstanding.

Bitch ass ****a.

Bitch, we've been in here 17 hows.

But I'm only one half of the leadership here, so,

But to me, you're much more than that.

But we need y'all.

But y'all know me.

But you and me? We raised a smart kid.

Calvin

Calvin, what he doing here?

Can come together peacefully

Can't believe you doing this to me, yo.

Can't even go to the barbershop no more

Can't win for losing.

Chicago, stand up.

Come here, son. This the barber shop.

Come on back and say it to my... Don't! No, don't.

Come on, Eddie! Show him!

Come on, G. Come on, man.

Craig came by here 20 minutes ago looking for you.

Dad! You see this?

Damn, man

Dear Chicago,

Disappointed

Do you know how much were gonna lose if that enclosure happens?

Don't do it.

Don't matter.

Down there.

Draya, I'm good.

Even Kanye got rid of Amber for Kim's sexy ass.

Everybody ain't tryin' to wear one of them granny sofa suits you got.

Excuse me?

Fake weaves and fake asses.

Fifteen fish dinners for bingo night?

First of all, I'm standing right here. I can hear you.

Folks coming home from church are getting ready

For Anthony...

For what?

For years it has been a war,

Found a way to do just that.

Get them to support.

Girl, keep the change

Give me a break!

Go on and retire.

Good looking out, A

Good night, Rashad!

Goodness.

Had a girl come over to my house last week,

Hard and us go hand in hand.

He looks at that bird.

He was crazy.

He wears dresses now.

He's angry and he's 14.

Hell, no

Hell...

Here they come!

Hey, babe.

Hey, Dad!

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Mr. President. New Democrat right here.

Hey, what up, everybody? Hey, Angie.

Hi, Terri.

Him and your dad,

Hit these streets. Oh! Hey! Hey!

Hoes know what to do and when to do it!

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on!

How is it out there?

I ain't got no money.

I appreciate your vote of confidence,

I believe he's gay.

I don't care about no basketball.

I don't care what happened!

I don't give a damn about no commitment!

I don't have nothing else to say to you.

I don't see why you don't understand how dangerous it is out there

I don't think we should. What do you think?

I don't want no puppy licking on me

I feel good

I got love for everybody in this neighborhood.

I got somethin' for y'all, man.

I gotta get Maya anyway. You're on the way,

I gotta walk away.

I just wanna say thank you.

I just...

I mean, I've heard that, like, twice already today.

I mean, Swizz Beatz.

I need eight 32 inch TVs. No plasma, man.

I need you to listen to me for a second.

I promise you.

I should have never come between you and Rashad

I used to cut Barack's hair back in the day.

I want to put the ceasefire back on for the neighborhood

I was 15 this morning. Am I right, Raja?

I'll be there. Rashad, handle that for me.

I'll make it up to you.

I'm a little concerned, man.

I'm available for catering, uh, business luncheons,

I'm just a man, baby.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry, may I ask who's calling?

I'm talkin' about for us.

I'm telling you, man,

I'm tired, Eddie.

I'm tired, too.

If you and your man had something real,

If you're that smart, keep your elbow tucked.

In any... In any way.

In this country to be a black person than right now.

Initiation with the Vice Lords.

Is the same reason why I wanted to move the shop to the North Side.

It sounds too freaky for me.

It'll help decrease violence in the neighborhood.

It's done, okay? It's over.

It's good to see you

It's just that you have your whole life taken care of,

It's like we have two toddlers in the house

It's not a bad deal

It's rare.

Jackie, I mean, no shade,

Just not that one

Just real quick.

Leave Kels alone, God damn it,

Leave me alone!

Let me get this photo.

Let me line that unibrow a little.

Let's be reasonable.

Let's celebrate!

Let's do this, man

Listen a minute! No! No! Look...

Look at me, Jay!

Look, I feel terrible about what happened to Anthony.

Look, I'm going to need you to keep your son away from mine.

Look, I'm just saying, hypothetically, okay?

Look, not in here!

Lord, they shooting! They shooting out there!

Lupita's got a Dark Caesar, and it's one of my most requested cuts.

May I speak to Calvin, please?

Maya Ange who?

Maybe I can talk my way out of it.

Mr. President, I just want to say,

My bad, girl.

My first fight...

****a, spell it.

****a, what you talking about?

No, look. I've been skeptical about that kid

No, no. I'm sorry, Jalen...

No, nothing happened.

No.

Nobody's touching my unibrow.

None of us!

Nothing happened

Nothing we've done has worked.

Now you look like my son again.

Now, don't get robbed.

Now, if you wanna have a real conversation,

Oh, God.

Oh, I need more time, God. I don't wanna die a virgin.

Oh, man.

Oh, yes, yes!

Oh, you a trip.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... You know what? I hate to agree with Dante,

Okay, come on, young man.

One Stop, can you sign this?

One woman is good enough for me.

Ooh, hey, hey, hey, now, wait a minute.

Open up a shop on the North Side.

Or Walter Scott, or Tamir Rice, or Freddie Gray from being killed?

Pick up the ball?

Please.

Police got him working back to back double shifts.

Preach.

Private parties, Shivas.

Quiet!

Rashad, baby!

Relax, Adrian Peterson

Rewind that.

See, that's the problem right there

Seem like y'all losing him.

Shad!

Should it also mean that there is no place in our...

Sit back down!

Sit on down for a second. Get on.

Six packets.

Slow down

So after a while, it just..

So let me know if I can help out, girl.

So we use that, right?

So you playing celebrity barber and I'm Mr. Mom now?

Stop the violence, y'all!

Surround sound, 5G

Take that jacket off.

TERRY. his your girl, Terri. Leave it

Thank you! Appreciate it.

Thanks. Appreciate it

That ain't gonna happen. You understand?

That Jalen's been hanging around with.

That one right there.

That was my fault.

That was probably crazy.

That would be stereotypically delicious.

That's cool, Calvin.

That's important

That's why all y'all want it.

That's why I'm not giving up on you.

That's, like, five minutes ahead of every call

The President of the United States of America is black.

The world knows you as the birthplace of the skysc****r,

Thelma Carter. With the big tongue.

Then I think that we have a plan!

There's no such thing as watermelon flavored fried chicken.

They do, they all want a big package.

They're about to come in here with AKs

They're right in the midst of a 48 hour ceasefire

They've been real cool to me.

This ceasefire shit is over. It's over.

This n**** saurus of a man walking around here giving us

Thought you'd die before you left that shop, Eddie.

To be peaceful for two days?

To come in here and solve our problems.

To Holy Cross is a little bit extreme?

Told you, man.

Took no holiday for the long weekend.

Two black dads getting along.

Uh... I was thinking,

Unless you really wanna do it.

Uprooting the shop is a big decision

Wait. What...

Was to decrease violence in the neighborhood

We ain't having sex on demand, I ain't no piece of meat.

We appreciate your small business.

We are here because of fathers like you and sons like Jalen,

We gotta explore all of our options.

We gotta take our streets back.

We need to at least hear her out now

We raised a smart kid

We usually have that schedule worked out a little better.

We're concerned about the people

Well, frankly, Mr. Palmer,

Well, if you need anything,

Well, let's go outside!

What conversation?

What size is them Jordans?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell you need to be bringing that in here for?

What up, bro?

What up, G ball?

What?

What's up, man?

What's up?

Whatever happened to you coming around

When I'm at school, my boys are the ones that got my back.

Where's he at, Kenny?

While you downtown talkin' about the South Side,

Who you're associating with.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Cal, this is not Fight Club.

Why are you trying to take everything I like away from me?

Why is it corny to be smart?

Why is it corny to do what you're asked?

Why you always gotta say something about Kenny?

Will still be alive come Monday morning.

With a suit on that ain't goin' to court.

Wow.

Y'all better just leave Barack alone. He's one of ours.

Y'all little ****as better be.

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, maybe we could just give away free gifts.

Yeah, thought so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Let's cause a little mix up.

Yeah. Where's your camera crew, Jimmy?

Yo, Calvin, what's the Wi Fi password?

Yo, thanks, Yummy.

Yo, there go those dudes from this morning.

Yo!

You ain't doing shit out there worth a damn...

You already plan to leave us behind.

You always do

You can't defy science.

You crazy.

You damn right!

You didn't kill grandmothers. There is no boundary.

You don't be talking to me, I talk!

You don't think I know that?

You gonna call me, right?

You good?

You got some of those wasabi nuts?

You gotta sign a waiver and a release of liability.

You have a break yet?

You have a good day!

You know the rules, baby boy.

You know what it is.

You know what, I've happened to have enough of him.

You know what? The other night...

You know you love the ladies, especially the sisters.

You know, one way in, one way out,

You may be the talent, but I'm the face

You probably shot them all.

You sound like a real bitch right now.

You still gotta honor what she's sayin', though

You taking Jalen's word for it.

You think racism don't exist no more?

You're just a weak ass man, Dante.

You're so smart, Jalen.

Dude, shut up! It's crazy!

Get in the house. Baby

How you doing? Doing good now.

How you doing? I'm doing great

I'll holler at you, J. All right.

I'll see you around again soon. Later

I'm gonna see you again next week. Okay

I'm proud of you, bro. Oh, thanks, Calvin.

I'm smarter than that! Whatever!

Just a second. You all right?

Laugh all you want to.

Let's talk... No. I'm gone. I'm out!

No, I got this. Okay.

No, man. You sure?

Okay, Eddie. Come on, man. Oh

So get used to it. All right, Yummy.

Sorry about that, man. It's all good, man.

That's right! Whoo!

They love it! Who?

Touch up? Mmm hmm.

Wait a minute! Let me get at her!

What up, Jimmy? What's up, man?

What? Mmm hmm.

What? Yup!

You better get her now! Ladies! Ladies, listen

You know me, boy. Thank you, man!

You like it? Mmm hmm.

You say yes? No, I said...