Dr. Strangelove Soundboard Edit

A big plane like a 52 vroom! its jet exhaust frying chickens in a barnyard

A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth

A doomsday device

A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual and certainly without any choice

A moment please mr president

A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country

A safeguard

About 18 minutes from now sir

About 35 minutes ago

After all well let's face it we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to do we

After that they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers

After you've done that report back to me

Ah come on that's ridiculous

Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet

Alexi alexi please I beg you

All circuits switched to c r m discriminators

All human and animal life

All I was told to was get general ripper on the phone with the president of the united states

All listen hon you go back to sleep hon bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can

All other missions have acknowledged recall code

All right

All right charlie i've been wasting too much time on you

All right designating new target 384

All right dmitri

All right now feed me feed me boy

All right tell you what you better do old buddy

All right well listen now who should we call

All the radio gear is out including the crm 114

Also when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive

Always did wonders for a man that jack a little wash and brush up

Am I to understand the russian ambassador is to be admitted entrance to the war room

And also excuse me

And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in it's beginning to look like general ripper exceeded his authority

And as human beings you and I need fresh pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids

And at the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines

And bring me some cigars please havana cigars

And escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control

And for this reason men I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfullness

And I can assure you if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense

And I can swear to you my boy swear to you that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids not a thing jackie

And I think general ripper found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts

And I want every single one collected without exception

And I was in the process of impounding this very one when I happened to switch it on

And i'm equally sure they all died thinking of you every man jack of them jack

And i'm hoping you know jack

And i've got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fellows maybe thinking

And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff we'll fight 'em together boy like we did just now on the floor eh

And in a matter of weeks sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided

And my advice to you jack is to give me the code now

And please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater and help yourself to whatever you'd like

And so because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which rules out human meddling the doomsday machine is terrifying

And that will be all for you sir then i'll see to it right away

And that works out to roughly seven hours 15 minutes endurance for this time

And the computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth health sexual fertility intelligence and a cross section of necessary skills

And turn that thing off

And what if it is true

And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing there will be only one course of action open

And you know what i'm hoping jack i'm hoping you're going to give me the code boy that's what i'm hoping

And you sure as hell won't stop them now

Animals could be bred and slaughtered

Any force trying to enter there would certainly encounter very heavy casualties

Any variation on these rules must come from me personally

Apparently the 23rd airborne division is stationed seven miles away at alvarado

Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes ago from burpelson air force base

Approaching target at distance 10 miles

Approximate speed mach 3

Are there any army units stationed anywhere near burpelson

Are you beginning to understand

Are you calling me jack

Are you certain of that mandrake

Are you in contact with general ripper uh no sir no

Are you sure

As an officer in her majesty's air force it is my clear duty under the present circumstances to issue the recall code upon my own authority and bring back the wing

As I previously arranged the air police will have lists of all owners

As you know the premier loves surprises

At the bottom of uh some of our deeper mine shafts

At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen

Attack range gate on maximum scan

Auto cdc into manual teleflex link

Auto cdc into manual teleflex link (2)

Auto destruct circuits checked

Automatically

Based in america the airborne alert force is deployed from the persian gulf to the arctic ocean

Based on the findings of the report my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious

Be careful mr president I think he is drunk

Blast blast shot away I expect by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting

Bomb arming test lights on one through four

Bomb arming test lights on one through four (2)

Bomb fusing circuits one through four test

Bomb fusing circuits one through four test (2)

Bomb fusing master safety on

Bombardier ready sir

Buck honey i'm not sleepy either

Buck should I get it

Bull! tell him to do it himself

But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger

But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed tops depending on the breaks

But I would guess that dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided

But if you don't get the president of the united states on that phone you know what's going to happen to you

But it is necessary now to make a choice to choose between two admittedly regrettable but nevertheless distinguishable postwar environments

But it is you know a sacrifice required for the future of the human race

But look here doctor wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd well envy the dead and not want to go on living

But since there are 17000 permutations it's going to take us about two and a half days to transmit them all

But surely you can disarm it somehow

But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines and we were afraid of a doomsday gap

But the idea was to discourage the russkies from any hope that they could knock out washington and yourself sir as part of a general sneak attack

But they have one geographical factor in common they are all two hours from their targets inside russia

But this is absolute madness ambassador

But this is fantastic strangelove

But today war is too important to be left to politicians they have neither the time the training nor the inclination for strategic thought

But we got one little budge on them russkies

But we will not repeat not be able to make it back to any base or neutral country

But with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say 10 females to each male

But you look at me now do I look all rancid and clotted you look at me jack eh look eh huh huh

Can you imagine

Can't you stick to the point general

Cease fire!

Certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things

Check auto destruct circuits

Check bomb door circuits one through four

Check gpi acceleration factor

Cobalt thorium g

Cobalt thorium g has a radioactive half life of 93 years

Code prefix locked

Code prefix set

Colonel that coca cola machine I want you to shoot the lock off it there may be some change in there

Colonel! colonel I must know what you think has been going on here

Combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead ha!

Come over here and help me with this belt

Come over here the red coats are coming come on

Commence evasive action right

Condition red sir yes jolly good idea keeps the men on their toes

Confirmed definite missile track

Continue evasive action

Continue evasive action (2)

Continue evasive action (3)

Continue evasive action (4)

Copilot to navigator i'm ready with the fuel figures now

Correct track indicator minus seven

Could you tell me what it's about

Cut off

Da da

Dasvidaniya

Deflection increasing range eight miles

Deflection still increasing range six miles

Degenerate atheistic commie

Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy the fear to attack

Detonator set to zero altitude

Detonator set to zero altitude (2)

Did they torture you

Distance 6o miles

Do I have to think of everything

Do I take it sir that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun

Do you know when fluoridation first began

Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face

Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water why there are studies under way to fluoridate salt flour fruit juices soup sugar milk ice cream

Do you recall what clemenceau once said about war

Do you recognize my voice

Doctor you mentioned the ratio of 10 women to each man now wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship I mean as far as men were concerned

Doggone it sweets you told me that you'd get me to the primary!

Don't say that you're more sorry than I am because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are so we're both sorry all right all right

Don't you know that

Don't you know that general ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare and sent the whole wing to attack the soviets

Dr strangelove do we have anything like that in the works

Dso ready

Dso to captain I have an unidentified radar blip

Each b 52 can deliver a nuclear bombload of 50 megatons equal to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells used by all the armies in world war ii

Ecm locked to target intercept mode

Electronic barometric time and impact

Electronic guidance scrambler to blue grid

Engage emergency power

Engage primary trigger switch override

Estimate remaining fuel at 8790

Even the normal phone lines are shut down

Everything seems to check out all right will advise

Excuse me sir

Excuse me sir something rather interesting has just cropped up

Extinguishers

Feed me you said and I was feeding you jack

Fire the explosive bolts!

First safety

First safety released

First trust no one whatever his uniform or rank unless he is known to you personally

Five miles homing alignment factor to zero mode

For more than a year ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high level western leaders that the soviet union had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon

For pete's find out what he wants

For the sake of our country and our way of life I suggest you get the rest of sac in after them

Four days concentrated emergency rations

Four if prior to this time we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities we will suffer virtual annihilation

Fred buck what's it look like yeah

Freddie how are you fine and you

Freddie the general says could you call back in a minute or two

Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased

Fuel valves three four and six

Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three

Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three (2)

Fused air burst at 10 check 12000 feet

Gee I wish we had one of them doomsday machines stainsey

Gee those trucks sure look like the real thing don't they

General faceman

General faceman I want them to enter the base locate general ripper and put him in immediate telephone contact with me

General I find this very difficult to understand

General I think i've heard quite sufficient from you thank you very much

General is there really a chance for that plane to get through

General it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons

General ripper called strategic air command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code

General ripper sealed off the base and cut off all communications

General ripper sir

General ripper sir (2)

General turgidson a colonel puntrich calling

General when you instituted the human reliability tests you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring

General with all due respect for your defense team my boys can brush 'em aside without too much trouble

Gentlemen gentlemen ah gentlemen

Gentlemen this is outrageous i've never heard of such behavior in the war room before

Gentlemen you can't fight in here! this is the war room!

Give him your phone frank

Give me a rough heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out will ya

Give me full power

Go ahead general

God bless you all

God willing we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids

Goldie did you say wing attack plan r

Goldie how many times have I told you guys that I don't want no horsin' around on the airplane

Good lord

Good luck to you all

Good well it's good that you're fine and i'm fine I agree with you it's great to be fine

Got any witnesses

Gpi acceleration factor set

Greenhouses could maintain plant life

Group captain

Group captain mandrake speaking

Group captain the planes are not going to be recalled

Hang on a second dmitri

Has he got a chance hell yeah he's got a

Has the wing confirmed holding at their fail safe points

Have him brought down here straight away

Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation fluoridation of water

Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water

Have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water or rainwater and only pure grain alcohol

He changed it when he became a citizen it used to be merkwurdichliebe

He said war was too important to be left to the generals

He says according to information forwarded by our air staffs it's headed for the missile complex at laputa

He says it can't wait

He says their air defense now only claims three aircraft confirmed the fourth may only be damaged

He'll see the big board #security #breach #see #everything

He's dead in the bathroom

Heck I reckon you wouldn't be human beings if you didn't have pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat

Hell we've got a five to one missile superiority as it is

Hello I told you never to call me here don't you know where I am

Hello oh yes general turgidson is here but i'm affraid he can't come to the phone at the moment

Hello uh hello hello dmitri

Here no jack let me take that for you i'll take that for you jack

Here's the attack profile sir

Hey what about major kong

Hit emergency power

Hmm strangelove what kind of a name is that that ain't no kraut name is it stainsey

Homing alignment factor to zero mode

How can it be triggered automatically

How does that coincide with your postwar commie conspiracy huh

How long would you have to stay down there

How soon did you say the planes would penetrate russian radar cover

However we are plowing through every possible three letter combination of the code

However we would have enough fuel to ditch at weather ship tango delta grid coordinates 003691

Huh what's cooking on the threat board

I agree mr president

I am as sorry as you are dmitri

I am becoming less and less interested in your estimates of what is possible and impossible

I am general ripper's executive officer

I am general ripper's executive officer so the president will bloody well want to speak to me won't he

I am not I am not getting no i'm just worried that's all

I am positive dmitri

I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration communist indoctrination communist subversion and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids

I commissioned last year a study of this project by the bland corporation

I do not avoid women but I do deny them my essence

I do sir why do you ask

I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it you just get me to the primary you hear

I don't have a phone

I don't know exactly how to put this sir but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be I mean he'll see everything he'll see the big board!

I don't know how well I could stand up under torture

I don't know sir we spoke just a few moments ago on the phone didn't we

I don't like the look of this

I don't want to talk to him colonel i've got to talk to him

I drink a lot of water you know i'm what you might call a water man jack that's what I am

I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious service along these lines

I have a portion of the transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to read it

I have always expected the best from you and you have never given me anything less than that

I just thought I might mosey over to the war room for a few minutes to see what's doing over there

I know how it is baby

I know they're our boys

I mean if the spaghetti hits the fan now we're really in trouble

I mean it's true you've got to believe it

I mean supposing kissoff is lying about that fourth plane just looking for an excuse to clobber us

I mean you take your average russki we all know how much guts he's got hell look at all them nazis killed off and he still wouldn't quit

I must confess you have an astonishingly good idea there doctor

I never told you but you see got a gammy leg oh dear gone shot off

I said premier kissoff is a degenerate atheistic commie!

I said put your hands over your head

I said put your hands over your head and keep them there come on

I see he says he's tried personally several times but everything is dead

I shouldn't tell you this but you're a good officer and have a right to know

I suppose it never occurred to you that while we're chatting here so enjoyably a decision is being made by the president and the joint chiefs in the war room at the pentagon

I think the auto destruct mechanism got hit and blew itself up

I think those fellows in the pentagon have given us some sort of exercise to test our readiness

I think we ought to all just bow our heads and give a short prayer of thanks for our deliverance

I think we ought to look at this from the military point of view I mean uh

I thought I issued instructions for all radios on this base to be impounded

I thought myself our fellows hitting russian radar cover in 20 minutes dropping all their stuff i'd better tell you because if they do it'll cause a bit of a stink what

I told you to take it easy group captain

I uh I haven't had very much experience you know with those sort of machines jack

I want all privately owned radios to be immediately impounded they might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs

I want this flashed to all sections immediately

I want to speak to general ripper on the telephone personally

I want you to remember one thing the folks back home are counting on you and by golly we ain't about to let them down

I was laying train lines for the bloody japanese puff puffs

I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons

I will have poached eggs

I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since adolf hitler

I wonder where they got 'em from

I would guess that they could then work their way back to the present gross national product within say 20 years

I would like to say that in the two years that it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer

I would sooner accept a few casualties through accident than lose the entire base and its personnel through carelessness

I would think that possibly uh 100 years

I'd say you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with

I'll tell you what i'm talking about

I'll try and guess i'll try and guess what the code is

I'll uh i'll just check sir

I'm a religious man myself you know jack I believe in all that sort of thing

I'm absolutely positive about that sir

I'm afraid I don't understand something alexi

I'm afraid not sir

I'm afraid sir I must ask you for the key and the recall code have you got them handy sir

I'm afraid that's impossible sir

I'm coming through fine too eh good then

I'm going to pick up this red telephone which is connected to sac and I hope

I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on bear creek

I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened

I'm not horsing around that's how it decodes

I'm sorry mr president

I'm sorry mr president (2)

I'm sorry sir but those are the figures

I'm sorry sir that estimate was based on the original loss rate factor not at 205

I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low but they're trained to do it you know it's initiative

I'm the only person who knows the three letter code group

I'm very sorry all right you're sorrier than I am but I am sorry as well

I've been to one world fair a picnic and rodeo and that's the stupidest thing I heard come over a set of earphones

I've done as you asked

I've got a lot of wounded men outside

I've got a very good idea what the recall code is and I have to get in touch with sac headquarters immediately

I've only ever pressed a button in my old spitfire

I've worked out our rate of fuel loss at approximately 162 per minute

Ice cream children's ice cream

If a russian attack was not in progress then your use of plan r in fact your orders to the entire wing

If on the other hand we were to immediately launch an all out and coordinated attack on all their air fields and missile bases we'd stand a damn good chance of catching them with their pants down

If you take say 50 h bombs in the hundred megaton range and jacket them with cobalt thorium g

If you try any preversions in there i'll blow your head off

If you'll excuse me sir

In fact they might try an immediate sneak attack so they could take over our mine shaft space

In omsk

In order to guard against surprise nuclear attack america's strategic air command maintains a large force of b 52 bombers airborne 24 hours a day

In the name of her majesty and the continental congress come here and feed me this belt boy

Intelligence sources traced the site of the top secret russian project to the perpetually fog shrouded wasteland below the arctic peaks of the zhokhov islands

Is it that bad sir

Is that the russian ambassador you're talking about

Is the premier threatening to explode this if our planes carry out their attack

It certainly does far beyond the point I would have imagined possible

It could easily be accomplished with a computer

It decoded as wing attack plan r

It decodes as wing attack plan r r for romeo

It looks like we're in a shooting war

It requires only the will to do so

It was just their way of having a bit of fun the swines

It was to be announced at the party congress on monday

It would be quite easy

It would not be difficult mein fuhrer

It's 3 00 in the morning

It's a friendly call of course it's a friendly call listen if it wasn't friendly you probably wouldn't have even got it

It's a variation on peace on earth or purity of essence eop ope it's one of those

It's an obvious commie trick mr president we're wasting valuable time

It's incredibly obvious isn't it

It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept repeating

Jack don't you think we'd be better off in some other part of the room away from all this flying glass

Jack i'd love to come but what's happened you see the string in my leg's gone

Just a minute

Just a second

Just a second (2)

Just came in on the red phone

Just one second operator

Keep smiling through just like you always do till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away

Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking

Let's see if we can stay on the ball

Lights on

Listen do you happen to have the phone number on you dmitri

Listen I can't hear too well do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little oh that's much better

Listen I mean it's not gonna help either one of us if the doomsday machine goes off now is it

Listen i've been all over this with your ambassador it is not a trick

Listen put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss

Listen shug don't forget to say your prayers

Listen to that chock full of stations all churning it out

Listen to that music civilian broadcasting

Lock code prefix

Lock ecm to target intercept mode

Look at the big board they're getting ready to clobber us

Look at this mr president this lousy commie rat was taking pictures with this thing of the big board!

Look boys I ain't much of a hand at making speeches but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is going on back there

Look can I give can I give you just one word can I give you just one word of advice

Look I don't know what sort of stupid game this is you're playing

Look i'm affraid this is not an exercise

Look if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target is this going to set off the doomsday machine

Look something very urgent has come up and I want you to place an emergency person to person call with president merkin muffley in the pentagon washington dc

Look we've got an acknowledgement from every plane except the four you shot down

Look you know exactly where they're going and i'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane

Looks like a missile tracking us

Looks like it's pretty hairy

Lord!

Loss of essence I can assure you it has not recurred

Lost engine power

Lost power got it

Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly

Major kong I know you'll think this is crazy but I just got a message from base over the c r m 114

Major kong is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test you know give the go code and then recall to see who would actually go

Major kong message from base confirmed

Major Kong Rides the Bomb #dr strangelove #riding the bomb #major kong #nuke #nuclear

Mandrake

Mandrake (2)

Mandrake come here

Mandrake mandrake

May I tell you that I have a very very good idea I think I hope I pray what the recall code is

Maybe you'd better get a confirmation from base

Mein fuhrer I can walk!

Mine Fuhrer, I Can Walk #dr strangelove #peter sellers #i can walk #stanley kubrick

Missile complex seven miles east of borchov

Missile still closing distance and tracking steady

Missile still closing range distance 50 miles

Missile still closing true and steady

Missile still deflecting range four miles

Missile still tracking and closing distance range 40 miles

Missile still tracking steady and closing distance range 30 miles

Missile track deflecting

Missions 12 22 30 and 38 are reported destroyed by enemy action

Mmm i'm sorry too dmitri

Mr ambassador!

Mr president

Mr president I formally request that you have this ignorant

Mr president I think they're getting him on the line

Mr president I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens

Mr president i'm beginning to smell a big fat commie rat

Mr president i'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed

Mr president if I may advise under condition red it is standard procedure that the base be sealed off and the base defended by base security troops

Mr president if I may speak freely the russki talks big but frankly we think he's short of know how

Mr president it is not only possible it is essential

Mr president the secretary of state is in vietnam the secretary of defense is in laos and the vice president is in mexico city

Mr president the technology required is easily within the means of even the smallest nuclear power

Mr president there are one or two points i'd like to make if I may

Mr president they have the ambassador waiting upstairs

Mr president we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation

Mr president we haven't been able to reach premier kissoff in the kremlin

Mr president we must not allow a mine shaft gap!

Mr president! I think they're trying the number

My attack orders have been issued and the orders stand

My boys will give you the best kind of start 1400 megatons worth

My orders are that this base to be sealed tight and that's what I mean to do seal it tight

Nah nah we're okay here

Naturally they would breed prodigiously eh

Navigator to captain

Next to you

Nine packs of chewing gum one issue of prophylactics three lipsticks three pair of nylon stockings

No I don't

No I mean when they tortured you did you talk

No i'm certain of that i'm perfectly certain of that dmitri

No i'm perfectly serious operator the president yes the president of the united states

No i'm sure they all gave of their very best

No it is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it

No no dmitri there must be some mistake

No no I don't know what it is no

No no jack not a bit of it

No sir it is not a thing a sane man would do

Not an exercise

Not now but any time dmitri

Nothing

Nothing nothing at all

Now five

Now general ripper is dead is he not

Now general turgidson what's going on here

Now I am going to give you three simple rules

Now I want you to transmit plan r r for robert to the wing

Now in order to prevent the enemy from issuing fake or confusing orders crm 114 is designed not to receive at all unless the message is preceded by the correct three letter code group prefix

Now it appears that the order called for the planes to attack their targets inside russia

Now jack listen while there's still time I beg you let's recall the wing and

Now just one second you just said the president

Now last and possibly most important

Now let's get this thing on the hump we got some flying to do

Now look baby I can't talk to you now my president needs me

Now look colonel bat guano if that really is your name

Now look if our air staff say its primary target is laputa and its secondary target is barchov

Now men in conclusion

Now move

Now once they fly beyond fail safe they do not require a second order to proceed

Now six an unofficial study which we undertook of this eventuality indicated that we would destroy ninety percent of their nuclear capabilities

Now the central display of russia will indicate the position of the planes

Now the president wants to speak to general ripper doesn't he

Now then a specific and clearly defined set of circumstances under which the bombs are to be exploded is programmed into a tape memory bank

Now then dmitri you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb

Now truth is not always a pleasant thing

Now why don't you just take it easy group captain

Now works out at 205

Nuclear reactors could

Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely

Nyet

Of course bucky would rather be with you

Of course it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition

Oh all communications are dead!

Oh blast! i'm still 20 cents short

Oh good any difficulty

Oh hell are the russians involved sir

Oh how odd

Oh i'm sorry I haven't got enough change um could you uh could you make this a collect call operator

Oh no I well I don't think they wanted me to talk really I don't think they wanted me to say anything

Oh oh

Oh only commie stooges huh

Oh shoot there goes six

Oh we were just catching up on some of the general's paperwork

Oh well I don't know jack it's difficult to think of under these conditions but

Oh well I would say sir that there was something dreadfully wrong somewhere

Oh what a load of commie bull I mean after all

Oh yes I can't quite see what you're getting at jack

Oh yes sir

Oh you'll call them first will you uh huh

Okay go ahead try and get the president of the united states on the phone

Okay i'm gonna get your money for you

Okay open up at 200 yards

Old ripper wouldn't be giving us plan r unless them ruskies had already clobbered washington and a lot of other towns with a sneak attack

On no account will a commie ever drink water and not without good reason

On the floor

On top of that I don't know anything about any planes attacking russia

One drug issue containing antibiotics morphine vitamin pills pep pills sleeping pills tranquilizer pills

One miniature combination russian phrase book and bible

One our hopes for recalling the 843rd bomb wing are quickly being reduced to a very low order of probability

One where you got 20 million people killed and the other where you got 150 million people killed

Ope

Operate manual override

Operator hold on I shan't keep you a second

Operator this is group captain lionel mandrake i'm speaking from burpelson air force base

Operator uh look is it possible to make this an ordinary ordinary trunk call well what do you call it you know oh station to station

Otherwise proceed to secondary target

Otherwise we will be totally destroyed by red retaliation

Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year

Our fellows will be inside russian radar cover in about 20 minutes

Our premier is a man of the people but he is also a man if you follow my meaning

Our source was the new york times

Our studies show that even the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks

Peace on earth peace on earth peace on earth poe

Perhaps it might be better mr president if you were more concerned with the american people than with your image in the history books

Personally I think it's taking things a bit too far

Plan r

Plan r for robert

Plan r is an emergency war plan in which a lower echelon commander may order nuclear retaliation after a sneak attack if the normal chain of command has been disrupted

Please sit down

Premier kissoff's calling again and he's hopping mad

Primary target the I c b m complex at laputa

Primary trigger switch override engaged

Probably bought them from the army as war surplus

Psst! mr president you gonna let that lousy commie punk vomit all over us like this

Pulse indent transponder active

Pulse indent transponder active (2)

Purity of essence poe

Push pumps up

Put your hands over your head

Put your hands up on top of your head

Radioactive half life of

Range 2o miles

Range 10 miles

Range gate on maximum scan

Range one mile missile detonated

Range two miles missile still deflecting

Read it

Regrettably yes

Release first safety

Release second safety

Reselect essential power

Right

Right (2)

Right it was directed to the 843rd bomb wing on airborne alert

Right yes

Roger

Roger (2)

Roger (3)

Roger (4)

Roger (5)

Roger (6)

Roger back up circuits switched in still negative function

Roger eight miles

Roger four miles

Roger navigator

Roger ready for final bomb run check

Roger ready to set code prefix

Roger seven miles

Roger six miles

Roger three miles

Roger uh emergency power on still negative function

Second safety

Second safety released

Secondly anyone or anything that approaches within 200 yards of the perimeter is to be fired upon

Set code prefix

Shoot a fella could have a pretty good weekend in vegas with all that stuff

Shoot it off! shoot with a gun that's what the bullets are for you twit!

Sir I have a plan

Sir if the rate of loss does not increase we have a chance to reach target 384 grid coordinate 003691 and possibly make it from there to the tango delta weather ship

Sir that's the icbm complex at kotlas

So let's get going there's no other choice

So will you please say hello to the folks that I know tell them I won't be long

Someday i'm going to make you mrs buck turgidson

Staines get premier kissoff on the hot line

Staines is everybody here

Stand by to set code prefix

Start lever to cut off cut off

Start walkin'

Start walking

Stay on the bomb run ace i'm going down below and see what I can do

Stay on the bomb run boys

Stay with me mandrake

Supposing a bit of water has gone off eh

Supposing I play a little guessing game with you jack boy

Supposing the russkies stashed away some big bombs see and we didn't when they come out in a hundred years they could take over

Surely you must recall sir when senator buford made that big hassle about our deterrent lacking credibility

Survival kit contents check in them you will find one 45 caliber automatic two boxes ammunition

Switch all receiver circuits to c r m discriminators

Switch from green grid to target orange

Switch in back up circuits

Take over ace

Target distance eight miles

Target distance five miles

Target distance four miles

Target distance seven miles

Target distance six miles

Target distance three miles

Target in sight!

Target range grid reference checks

Target reference november bravo xray 1 0 8

Target reference yankee golf tango 3 6 0

Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid

Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid (2)

Tell him to call back

Tell him where you are and that you'll enter the conversation if I say anything untrue but please don't tell him anything more than that

Tell you something else if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be

Tell you what you do

Thank you no I do not support the work of imperialist stooges

Thank you sir

That goes for every last one of you regardless of your race color or your creed

That is correct he is here on my orders

That is precisely the idea general that is precisely the idea

That is the whole idea of this machine you know

That was not an act of national policy and there are still alternatives left open to us

That's a damn lie! I saw him with my own eyes!

That's about the size of it sir

That's all i've been told

That's nice shooting soldier!

That's not meant as an insult mr ambassador

That's private property

That's the way your hard core commie works

That's what we need jack water on the back of the neck and the code

The air force never sleeps

The aircraft will begin penetrating russian radar cover within 25 minutes

The base is being put on condition red

The bomb dmitri the hydrogen bomb

The boys must have surrendered

The court of inquiry on this'll give you such a pranging you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

The doomsday machine

The doomsday machine is designed to trigger itself automatically

The doomsday machine what is that

The duty officer asked general ripper to confirm the fact that he had issued the go code and he said

The emergency base code prefix is to be set on the dials of the c r m

The enemy may come individually or he may come in strength he may even come in the uniform of our own troops but however he comes we must stop him

The fire is out emergency power is on

The fools the mad fools

The general asks if you could possibly try again yourself

The general suggests you call general ripper the 843rd base commander

The hatch is stuck

The idea was for plan r to be a sort of retaliatory safeguard

The main gate

The officer exchange program does not give you any special prerogatives to question my orders

The other way

The people's central air defense headquarters

The planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an average load of 40 megatons each

The radio is gone and we're leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why we'd need sleigh bells on this thing

The radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep

The recall code ope is being acknowledged roger by the elements of the 843 bomb wing

The squares are their secondary targets

The strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras

The string

The teleflex drive cable must be sheared away

The thing is the general is in the powder room right now

The triangles are their primary targets

The undersecretaries are all here of course

The what

The whole point of the doomsday machine is lost if you keep it a secret

The women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature

Then do you mean to tell me general that you will be unable to recall the aircraft

Then he hung up

Then I must insist sir that you give them to me

Then why haven't you radioed the planes countermanding the go code

Then you mean it is possible for them to have built such a thing

There were those of us who fought against it but in the end we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race the space race and the peace race

There will be no shocking memories and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind

There would be much time and little to do

There's a telephone box over there and the line may be open

There's just gotta be something wrong

There's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this

There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now

There's nothing to figure out general

These are the details

They have neither the time, training nor inclanation #strategy #tactics #general #politicians #strangelove

They say he's having a fit about that squad of mp's

They say they don't know where he is and he won't be back for another two hours

They will continue until they reach their targets

They will not reach their targets for at least another hour

They won't accept the call have you got 55 cents

They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go I was singing this song

Third if in doubt shoot first and ask questions afterwards

Thirty four planes 3p recalls acknowledged and four splashes and one of them was targeted for laputa

Thirty megaton nuclear device fused for airburst at 10000 feet

This clumsy fool attempted to plant that ridiculous camera on me

This clumsy fool tried to plant that ridiculous camera on me

This gives us a radius of action sufficient to take out primary and secondary targets

This is general ripper speaking

This is his secretary miss scott

This is preposterous i've never approved of anything like that

This is sac communications control

This is sac communications control over and out

This is the war room #stanley kubrick #you cant fight in here this is the war room #war room #cold war #fight

This is your attack profile

This man is obviously a psychotic

This will block any transmission other than those preceded by a code prefix

Those boys were like my children now they've let me down

Three when they do they are gonna go absolutely ape and they're gonna strike back with everything they got

To ensure that the enemy cannot monitor voice transmission or plant false transmission the c r m 114 is to be switched into all receiver circuits

Today the nation is counting on us we are not going to let them down

Total commitment

Track indicators to maximum deflection

Track indicators to maximum deflection (2)

Transfer switches

Transferred

Try b86543 moscow

Try one of these jamaican cigars ambassador they're pretty good

Twenty megaton nuclear device will be used if first malfunctions

Two can play at that game soldier

Two in less than 15 minutes from now the russkies will be making radar contact with the planes

Uh bomb door circuits negative function lights red

Uh bomb fusing master safeties on electronic barometric time and impact

Uh burpelson 39180

Uh i'm not a sentimentalist at all by nature but I think I know what's in every heart in this room