Beth Smith Soundboard Edit

A real man stands by his woman.

Am I evil?

And what good was the S?

Are you getting sick?

Are you going to build them?

Are you OK?

Argentina.

Asshole.

Bend your knees. Bend them.

Beth.

Beth.

But not on a horse, on a human.

Come on, this is what you wanted.

Crap.

Dad.

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?

Do you want homeless people to have homes?

Do you want me to be happy or do you want me to be in prison?

Does this conversation seem tedious to me?

Does this conversation seem tedious to me?

Don't blow me off, I'm drawing a line.

Dumb asshole.

Excuse me, ma'am.

For moving you.

Fuck you.

Get a job.

Get the fuck out of here.

Good luck.

Grace.

Hahahaha

Happy anniversary, Dad.

Haven't we spent enough time on you?

He just came back into my life and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's Secret?

He just came back into my life and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's Secret?

Hello.

Here we go right to the victim role.

Hi.

How could you make my son miss an entire semester of school?

How is this possible?

I admit it, I screwed up.

I am afraid that my kids will get expelled.

I am going to go back to the room to finish my book.

I am not putting my father in a home.

I am not putting my father in a home.

I am wiped out.

I appreciate the stress you're under

I better get going.

I can't believe I'm finally having this conversation.

I don't know, man. Italy, Greece, Argentina.

I don't want whatever is happening here to stop.

I feel like I've spent my life pretending you're a great guy and trying to be like you.

I feel terrible that I misjudged you.

I got pregnant at 17.

I just wish I got to see more of you.

I like that.

I love you.

I mean, I still put myself through veterinary school.

I mean, not like he's a hot girl, he can't just bail on his life and set up shopping someone else's.

I need 5 minutes.

I need 5 minutes.

I think I've had enough.

I think in my head I was doing it all for the kids.

I told you not to practice kiss the living room pillow. The dog sleeps on it.

I want you to stand in the corner and face the corner and talk to nobody.

I'm Beth.

I'm finally happy.

I'm going to take you to the real world.

I'm gonna make you flying saucer shaped pancakes.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm performing surgery.

I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier.

I'm sorry that was so rude. I came to you for help and now I'm insulting your intelligence and look where intelligence gets you.

I'm sorry you think you deserve an apology.

If you ever bring this up again, no more bacon.

If you want to keep your penis, you should say out loud I prefer to keep my penis.

In your dreams, bitch.

In your dreams, bitch.

Is there anything you can do to clean this place up?

Italy.

Jerry Smith.

Jerry.

Jerry.

Jerry.

Knock, knock. Jerry, my manager gave me an hour for lunch and I thought, hey, why not swing by where your wife works? We're losing him. OK, he's back. Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason. Well, it's lunch. I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia. Losing him stabilized. Okay. I only asked Jerry because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery on horses. Excuse me. OK, let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy. Will...

Like talking to a brick wall.

Morty has a friend.

My job involves performing heart surgery.

No, you don't understand your dad. People think your dad ate you.

No.

Nooo

Now take a deep breath.

Oh Jesus Christ, one of these.

Oh my God, I'm my father.

Oh my God, this is your fault.

Oh yeah, this should play out just fine.

Oh, here we go, right to the victim role.

OK, Ouch.

OK, weirdo.

OK.

Please don't leave me again.

Please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason.

Remember that time you left a comment underneath that YouTube video when someone replied and called you a dumb ass? So you replied and told them it takes one to know one. And then you stayed up all night hitting refresh on your browser waiting for them to reply and then you fell asleep crying?

Selfish, irresponsible ass.

So now what do we do?

Square your shoulders.

Straighten your back.

Thank God.

Thank you, sweetie.

That came out wrong. That came out very wrong.

That is so sweet.

That's amazing.

This was the most romantic weekend I've ever had.

To a nursing home.

Turn around.

Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart.

We don't have time for this.

We should pack up and leave town now.

Were you born with your feet in your mouth?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? We're in the middle of an adventure.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you, an idiot?

What do I do?

What is Taddy Mason LLC and why is our phone bill $700?

What is that supposed to mean?

What kind of question is that?

What the hell is happening?

What the hell?

What?

What? Why didn't you notify us?

What's going on?

Whatever.

Why is our phone bill $700?

Why is our phone bill $700?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, I'm successful, but what if I hadn't? I'm just saying somewhere along the way I lost that wide eyed girl from Muskegon.

Yes.

Yes.

You can't do it, can't you?

You can't just fucking apologize.

You don't stop living until I say so.

You don't understand.

You don't understand. I have to make this right because it's my fault that you're in here.

You dumb asshole.

You know what?

You really not see what's happening here?

You're saying I should leave Jerry?

You've made your point.

$700.