"Weird" Al Yankovic - Amish Paradise Edit

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of

And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that

And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

At 4: 30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows

But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it

But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me

But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare

But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare

But you'd probably think it bites

But you'd probably think it bites

Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter

I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek

I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat

I really don't care, in fact I wish him well

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears

It's as primitive as can be

It's hard work and sacrifice

Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool

Like Robinson Crusoe

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Living in an Amish paradise

Not a single luxury

Not a single luxury

On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife

On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife

Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anudder

So don't be vain and don't be whiny

So don't be vain and don't be whiny

Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

There's no cops or traffic lights

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar

There's no time for sin and vice

Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?

Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?

We been spending most our lives

We been spending most our lives

We been spending most our lives

We don't fight, we all play nice

We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years

We sell quilts at discount price

We're all crazy Mennonites

We're just plain and simple guys

We're just plain and simple guys

We're just technologically impaired

Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art

Yech

Yech

You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell

'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell