Despicable Me (2010) Edit

A 2 year old could have written this. All right.

A dozen boogie robots! Boogie!

A little,

A mud pie.

A quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude.

About that,

About this other villain who stole the pyramids.

Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it.

Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer.

Actually, we can't skip the dance class today.

Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today.

Again!

Agnes, come on.

All night long.

All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens.

All right, girls. Come on, let's go.

All right.

All right. But just a few more minutes.

All right. Now, when we put our cups together,

All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector.

Almost over. It's almost over.

Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one.

And a knighthood.

And Agnes?

And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary.

And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears

And he's a dentist!

And here he is in the bathtub.

And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best.

And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.

And I don't appreciate it.

And I really don't see how we can afford this.

And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor

And I see you have made a list

And I will be the greatest villain of all time!

And I will be the greatest villain of all time!

And I will never let you go again.

And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas.

And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody,

And it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children.

And lay eggs in our brains.

And lift, and stretch.

And now he knows he could never part

And one, and two...

And P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him,

And replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

And that's Agnes.

And the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky.

And there's probably something in your closet.

And they are

And turned his whole life upside down.

And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds.

And what will he do next?

And where will he strike next?

And without a bedtime story,

And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money?

And you can hold your breath for 30 seconds?

And you guys are all right in my book.

And you had better be in this car!

Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.

Anybody come to adopt us while we were out?

Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption?

Apparently, it's a big deal.

Apparently.

Are these beds made out of bombs?

Are you insane?

As I suggest that all of you do, as well.

As I was saying...

As you can see,

Assemble the minions!

Assemble the minions!

Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin.

Because there are literally thousands of them.

Become the man who stole the moon!

Believe me, I am completely focused.

Boo ya!

Boo! Better luck next time!

But all you gotta do to win it

But am I upset? No, I am not!

But he pinkie promised!

But he's a V.

But I figured that you would want to see this!

But I have been working on something very big!

But in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats.

But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder,

But scary.

But that's not all.

But these girls are becoming a major distraction!

But try not to toss and turn.

But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story.

But we can't. We're all hyper!

But we have had a pretty good year ourselves,

But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on!

But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth!

But what about the other people who ordered cookies?

But you have to jump now.

Butt.

Butt.

Butt.

By definition, it cannot be fixed.

Bye!

Can I drink this?

Can I hold your hand?

Can we get stuffed crust?

Can we just wait a few more minutes?

Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk?

Check out my new weapon.

Come on now, it's bedtime.

Come on, let's go get that moon.

Come on!

Come on!

Come to papa!

Cookie robots. I said cookie robots.

Cookies for sale.

Cool.

Cotton candy!

Could you excuse me for just one second?

Crowbar?

Crowbar?

Curse you, tiny toilet!

Dave, listen up, please.

Debbie, passed on.

Despicable me

Despicable me

Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell.

Did you see that?

Didn't I get you already?

Do you have any idea

Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be?

Do you have my cookies for me?

Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids?

Do you still think it's a great sale day?

Do you want a demonstration?

Do you want to explode?

Does this count as annoying?

Dog.

Doing what?

Don't care.

Don't do that!

Don't make me laugh! No.

Don't worry, I will catch you.

Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking.

Down, boy!

Dr Gru.

Dr Nefario!

Dr Nefario.

Duh! Back at my place.

Edith, stop it!

Edith! What did you put on my desk?

Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies.

Excuse me, girls.

Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Fine.

Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before?

Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated.

Fluffy doggy!

For some people.

Four boxes of mini mints, two toffee totes,

Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray!

From those three little kittens

FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard,

Get as close in as you can.

Get back in the kitchen!

Get me Perkins.

Get the picture?

Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk.

Girls, girls, places!

Girls, I want you to meet Mr. Gru.

Girls, let's go.

Girls, this is Kyle, my

Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector tude!

Go away. I'm not home.

Go, and hurry!

Good luck with that. Okay, I'm out of here.

Good luck, little girls!

Good.

Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything.

Goodbye, recorded message.

Great. Thanks for that image, Edith.

Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word?

Gru, you and I have been working on this for years.

Gru!

Gru!

Gru! Gru, can you hear me?

Gru?

Hang on, Gru.

He is a... I don't know.

He is gonna kick your butt.

He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes.

He just stole a pyramid!

He never should have said goodbye.

He's going to adopt you.

He's gonna be begging for mercy.

He's just kidding, Agnes.

He's not coming, guys.

He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!

Hello, Fred.

Hello, girls!

Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers,

Hello, I am Gru.

Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but...

Hello!

Hello?

Here we go! One! Two!

Here we go.

Here you go, 52 big ones.

Here, watch this.

Hey, can we order pizza?

Hey, Carl! Hey.

Hey, chillax.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, hey, hey! A toy!

Hey, that one looks like me!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey! What! Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, girls!

Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls.

Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Home sweet home.

How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you.

How do you remove them? Is there a command?

How do you remove them? Is there a command?

How you doing?

I accidentally closed my eyes.

I am the greatest criminal mind of the century.

I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle.

I bet the mom is beautiful!

I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears.

I call it the Nefario Principle.

I can make it!

I don't like this book. This is going on forever.

I don't think he's a dentist.

I don't understand.

I give you the opportunity of a lifetime,

I got the shrink ray, all right.

I got the shrink ray!

I got you.

I got your leg, I got your leg!

I grab the moon. I sit on the toilet.

I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it!

I have fired up my resume

I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on.

I have provided everything a child might need.

I just came up with it now, actually.

I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday.

I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid.

I know how much you like to laugh

I know how you must be feeling.

I know.

I love everything about your plan, except for one thing.

I love you, too.

I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure.

I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure.

I received a call that you wanted to return them.

I said dart gun, not... Okay.

I think I can live with that.

I think we can do a little better than that, don't you?

I told you not to touch my things.

I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times.

I was just thinking

I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist.

I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right?

I will get the girls ready.

I will see you in six hours.

I, too, have encountered great disappointment,

I'd like to see this shrink ray.

I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me!

I'll stuff you all in the crust!

I'm afraid you're too late, Son.

I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector.

I'm coming, Margo. Hang on!

I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies!

I'm having a bad, bad day

I'm having a bad, bad day

I'm having a bad, bad day

I'm here for the girls.

I'm joking!

I'm just saying it'd be nice.

I'm really scared!

I'm so proud of you, Son.

I'm sorry.

I've got him! I've got him!

I've got it!

I've got it. I've got it.

I've got the moon!

I've got the moon!

Idiot!

If they were really real

If we don't start getting our money back...

If you don't do something about it, then I will.

If you take it personal, that's okay

If you take it personal, that's okay

In a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray,

In real life, I am a spy.

In terms of money,

Inside. Now, I was saying...

Is a recording.

Is knock down that little spaceship there.

Is money from the bank to build a rocket.

Is responsible for this heinous crime?

It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker.

It is just a toy. Now stop it!

It is still no, so go to sleep.

It means you don't get the unicorn!

It poked a hole in my juice box.

It was your cousin's idea.

It'll be okay.

It's a anti gravity serum.

It's a mathematical term,

It's about time that I get my way

It's beautiful.

It's easy!

It's everything we've dreamed of.

It's like my heart is a tooth,

It's over. Goodbye, Gru.

Jerry! Stuart!

John?

Jump now!

Just don't come out of that room again!

Just like me.

Just one more.

Just so you know,

Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there!

Justin!

Justin!

Keep reading!

Knocked over!

La, la, la, la I love unicorns

Lame.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

Leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

Let me go!

Let me think.

Let's face reality, Gru.

Let's go. Let's go!

Let's go. Let's try another game!

Life is full of disappointments

Light bulb.

Like Santa!

Like sleeping?

Like taking candy from a...

Like that young fellow out there named Vector.

Look at his little buns.

Look at my face!

Look at that fluffy unicorn!

Look at this. Watch me!

Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby...

Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there,

Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon!

Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni!

Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype!

Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good?

Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon.

Margo, I will catch you.

Margo!

Me, me, me.

Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book!

Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book!

Minions, assemble!

Miss Hattie, what are you doing here?

Mom! What are you doing here?

Mom.

Morning, Gru!

Mr. Perkins, your son is here.

My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly.

My unicorn!

Name one person who ordered more cookies than me.

NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more.

Next, we are going to steal,

No need to continue. I've seen quite enough.

No, I'm fine. Go ahead.

No, I'm not playing with it.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor.

No, no, no! There he goes.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no!

No, no.

No, no. Me, me, me.

No, stop!

No, that was someone else.

No, what are you talking about? These are kittens!

No, you didn't. This

No, you haven't. I invented it.

No!

No!

No! No! Stay away from there!

No.

No.

No.

No.

Not cool.

Not likely.

Not now, for dinner.

Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be.

Not you two!

Now it loves me Now I love it

Now make them drink the milk.

Now those are cookie robots!

Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options.

Now you brush the fur.

Now, I know there have been some rumors going around

Now, I realize that you guys probably heard

Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head!

Now, the girls.

Now, the rest of the plan is simple.

Now, we have located a shrink ray

Of course, of course.

Of some of your personal achievements.

Of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru?

Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, poop.

Oh, poop.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty...

Oh, yeah! Unpredictable!

Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering

Oh, yes. My pinkie promises.

Okay, all right. Good night.

Okay, bedtime.

Okay, bye.

Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine.

Okay, girls, go play.

Okay, girls, let's go.

Okay, girls, let's go.

Okay, girls! Girls!

Okay, girls.

Okay, girls. Time for bed.

Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine.

Okay, here we are.

Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet,

Okay, my turn.

Okay, okay! I'll fix it!

Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules.

Okay, okay. There's the library.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

Okay, that is enough, little girl.

Okay.

Okay. As I was saying... Hey!

Okay. But first, we're going to dance class.

Okay. I'm on it.

Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working.

Okay. Yeah.

Okey dokey. Beddie bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams.

One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this?

One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this?

One big unicorn, strong and free

One giant leap for mankind.

Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go.

Or sneeze or burp or fart!

Or was it a villain who's actually successful?

Over?

P.S., he is not getting the moon,

Pause for effect,

People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that.

Pinkie promise?

Piranha gun! Oh, yes!

Pizza? You just had lunch.

Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby.

Pretty impressive!

Pretty please!

Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!

Quick! We can't let him get away!

Quiet down, fish!

Ready? Edith?

Really?

Rubbed their eyes and started to yawn.

Rule number one.

Said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed!'

Send him in.

Seriously, I'm going to count to three!

Seven, eight, nine...

She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.

She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one.

Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my...

Simmer down. Simmer down!

Sit down!

Six...

Sleepy Kittens?

So how will we get to the moon?

So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves.

So long, Gru!

So, all I need

So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite.

So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas?

So, I bought one so I could pet it

So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?

So, so excited!

So, this is, like, your house?

Some fella just stole a pyramid.

Some nonstick spray?

Some nonstick spray?

Somebody broke that.

Somebody's got a frowny face.

Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water!

Sorry about that. Where were we?

Sorry to bother you, Mr. Perkins,

Sorry, buddy. Show's over.

Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult.

Sorry. Sorry!

Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they want to go.

Sort of.

Squid launcher! Oh, yeah!

Steamrolling whatever I see

Steamrolling whatever I see

Stop! Stop!

Suckers!

Suckers!

Super cool stuff you wouldn't understand.

Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please?

Tell her you wanna keep us.

Ten, nine, eight, seven,

That changed his heart.

That guy is huge!

That is all.

That it might be nice to deliver Mr. Vector's first.

That the bank is no longer funding us.

That the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

That was awesome!

That was you, wasn't it?

That'll be $52.

That's a Cheeto.

That's fantastic. Wonderful.

That's freaking me out. What is she doing?

That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry?

That's one small step for man,

That's the horn!

That's Third Street. The dance studio...

That's very, very big, very important.

That's weird. What is going...

That's what I'm talking about.

The answer is clear.

The dentist thing is more of a hobby.

The end.

The larger the mass of an object,

The moon is as good as ours.

The moon!

The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.

The quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off!

The recital?

The recital? Don't... That's stupid!

The world will give me whatever I want to get it back!

Their mother replied, with a voice like silk,

Their mother smiled and said with a purr,

Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed.'

Then their mother sang a lullaby.

Then three little kittens came around

Then we go to the B's. Then we...

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

There we go. And now we drink.

There! There! There it is!

These aren't pajamas! This is a warm up suit.

They are my cousins.

They are not pajamas!

They are true.

They made him cry.

They need to go.

They're saying he makes all other villains look

They're very good!

Things have been so lonely since my wife,

This is beddie bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it!

This is claustrophobic!

This is gonna be the best book ever!

This is literature?

This is very important.

This time, good triumphs,

Though while you sleep, we are apart,

Thought he was happy as he could be.

Three little kittens started to bawl,

Three little kittens, with milk all gone,

Tic Tacs! Where was I?

Tim! Mark! Phil!

Time to deliver the cookies!

To pull off the true crime of the century.

Tonight we are going to read a new book.

Too small! This is too small for me!

Try this on for size!

Try to protect their beloved landmarks.

TV!

Two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco nutties.

Under what circumstances would we use this?

Uni, uni, unicorns I love them

Uni, unicorns, I could pet one

Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them

Unless they're dead.

Up ahead! Up ahead!

Using this and whatever else we can find!

Vector, open up!

Vector! That's me,

Very good!

Very!

Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector!

Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet.

Wait, wait.

Walking to dance class.

Watch them, and keep them away from me, please.

Watch, this is so fun to see

We are doomed.

We are going to steal...

We can't afford any distractions!

We did it! Come on, girls, let's go!

We got it!

We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position.

We have no money.

We sold 43 mini mints,

We stole the Statue of Liberty,

We will have the capability

We will make the clink sound with our mouths.

We won't.

We'll just keep getting up and bugging you.

We'll never ask for anything else, ever again!

We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes?

We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a...

We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class.

We're selling cookies so, you know, we can have a better future.

We've been working on this for a while.

Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.

Well, a younger villain.

Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman.

Well, here's the dealio.

Well, I am here to put those rumors to rest.

Well, I am not driving you to dance class.

Well, I suppose the plan will work with two.

Well, it is not for sale.

Well, thank you!

Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it?

Well, very nice presentation.

Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron!

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day.

What about the air?

What about the floor?

What are those?

What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen!

What are you doing?

What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here!

What are you girls doing back there?

What are you looking at?

What did we do?

What happened to the ship? It's big again!

What I really wanted to show you was this.

What in the name of... What?

What is it?

What is this for?

What kind of dog is that?

What the... Those girls sold me cookies!

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? He punched my shark!

What? I'm just walking.

What? What happened?

What? What happened?

When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!

When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud.

Who is this mysterious hero?

Who needs the bank?

Who's Debbie?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that?

Whoa! Cool.

Why are you so old?

Will you read us a bedtime story?

With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit.

Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this?

Ya? Okay, fine.

Yay!

Yeah, all right!

Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yes, he does. An ugly girl!

Yes, we will build our own rocket

Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works!

Yes, you are. I heard you.

Yes, you may touch the air!

Yes, you may touch the floor.

Yes!

Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy!

Yes?

You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish?

You blew up the whole thing!

You did not!

You don't have it?

You don't seem terribly focused, Gru.

You done been shrunk!

You gave us back!

You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash!

You had your own cooking show

You have a face como un burro.

You have to fix it.

You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy.

You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you!

You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon.

You know, we're supposed to start with the A's.

You missed me!

You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over?

You use them when you tell the story.

You wanted to see me?

You were sitting on the toilet.

You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle

You will not touch anything.

You.

You're funny!

You're funny!

You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!

You're never gonna be my dad.

You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you?

You're not going to get any raises.

You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message!

You've been at this for far too long with far too little success.

You've got to be pulling on my leg!

You've gotta let us play for it!

You've turned out to be a great parent!

Younger than you, hungrier than you,

Younger than you.

Your chance to make history,

Your mommy loves you with all her heart.'

Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right?

Your wife.

30 choco swirlies, and 18 coco nutties.

Amen. Amen.

Are we on TV? What are those? Children?

because if you do... What does this do?

But my plan... Is a great plan.

But we're not tired! Well, I am tired.

Clink, clink. Clink, clink.

Clink. Clink.

Clink. Clink.

Come on! All right, all right, all right.

Come on! Come on!

Come on! We want a story. Three sleepy kittens!

Do the effects wear off? So far,

Hello! What?

Here you go. What is it?