American Wedding (2003) Edit

A special haircut.

A three hour drive? Kick fuckin'ass.

A wedding. [Scoffs]

A wedding. A wedding, yeah.

A witty saying proves nothing. Voltaire.

About, uh, about how my problems always seem to work out.

Absolutely.

Actually, I I never should have allowed...

Actually, I'm getting a little burned out on all the intellectual stuff.

Actually, um,

Ah, let's see. There you go. This should do nicely.

Ah, thank you. Right. I'll, uh, get the dogs.

Ah, yeah. Got the mop.

Ah, you think you're so pretty

Ah. Uh, well, yes.

Ajingle witty proves everything for my friends and I.

All right.

All right. [Dog Growling]

All right. She She said she'd probably be at one of these bars here on Halstead.

All your dreams are waking up and right now

Also younger than the sun

And a European pumpkin peel facial for me, please.

And all that just radiates from your oh, so sexy self.

And And And I certainly appreciate your your your courtesy, sir.

And And besides, sometimes it's... it's nice to be a little more traditional.

And and I'm... I'm just some ungrateful dog rapist.

And did I mention Hey, pay attention

And every penny from my last paycheck

And finally I realized, duh, you love the girl, marry her.

And had everyone go, Ooh, and, Ahh,

And hang it up so you can tear me down

And he just loved me too. [Chuckles] Yeah.

And I just see the chakras and the things I can do to her and...

And I realized something.

And I realized that the reason things always work out...

And I thinkJim has sacrificed for you.

And I understand the angst. I mean, it's your wedding.

And I want you to be a lady

And I'm not gonna let anything ruin it.

And I'm over you.

And I'm starting to realize that Mom and Dad's idea of appropriate behavior...

And I've got nothing left to lose

And if I can't bring it together for one day,

And in closing, you have been a naughty, naughty girl.

And it is my solemn vow...

And it was an awful idea. But I suppose it's the thought that counts.

And it's gonna be oh, so good.

And it's like he's been paying more attention to the dogs than me.

And it's natural. It's perfectly natural.

And it's okay. I... I don't have to use my napkin.

And knowing you gotta change the things you've been through

And let me tell you, your mother, bless her,

And let the good times roll.

And make this face like...

And make you move Uh huh

And Michelle Anabeth Flaherty,

And Mr. Idiot Behind The Desk canceled it.

And not buy into my misery

And she's dancing like she's never danced before

And somehow you always come out of it better than you went in.

And start again... start again fresh.

And that's all that matters. Grandma.! Grandma.

And the pool table. And the car.

And the two room suite I have upstairs. Come here.

And the woman I can't be without.

And this town is making me sick

And together we will float into the mystic

And together we will float into the mystic

And wait till you meet Michelle. You're gonna love her. She's sweet as sugar.

And what is this, uh, popping... popping what? What question?

And when that foghorn blows you know I will be coming home

And you

And your rudeness and obscenities won't change anything.

And, Isn't she elegant?

And, oh... Oh. Oh!

And, Steven, we still adore you, honey.

And, uh... [Clears Throat]

And, uh... [Clears Throat]

Another day to make my stand

Another loser anthem Whoa oh

Anxious might be more accurate.

Anything else you need? No. No, that's, uh...

Anything I can do.

Aplace on earth

Apparently you missed when Cadence kissed me.

Are a perfectly natural, normal thing.

Are they here? Well, I'm Cadence, Michelle's sister.

Are we going to Chicago to see titties?

Are you completely insane?

Are you happy now, man? Why are you here?

Are you just saying all of this?

Are you saying I'm impolite or something?

Are you... are you kidding me? It was amazing.

Are you... Are you talking about our team or an actual team?

As the sea

Asleep at dawn

At least they all brought gifts.

At least you could describe to the lovely woman how delicious it is.

Aw, beautiful.

Aw. [Pop On Jukebox]

Aye yay yay. Oh, my God!

Baby

Baby Drivin'you crazy

Back away from the animal.

Back off! All right, forget it. We give up.

Bangkok! [Yelps]

Be careful. She's feisty.

Because Finch meister doesn't make any friggin' sense.

Because he just checked on the dogs. Good work, man. I did.

Because I I, um... I moved it... I moved it.

Because I'll say the things that I know that you like

Because I'm freakin'you, baby Drivin'you crazy

Because of me. It's not because of you.

Because you have to make love work.

Before the future... longer talk,

Being smart is so hard. [Chuckles]

Belvedere, ma'am. Oh. Belvedere.

Better bring them in from the car. They've been cooped up.

Between Grandma and Stifler and Cadence. The cake. The cake!

Bitch!

Boning.

Both.

Both.

Boy, pubic hair was just not an issue when I was dating.

Brandi, you left the mop in the car. Hmm?

Break it on down Huh, what

Bro, that's it?

Buck up, fellas. Show some enthusiasm.

Burnin'off and on

But as they say, we will always have Paris.

But boning aside, um, I think they call it making love...

But doable. What else?

But everything it all just feels the same

But he did it, and he did it for you.

But I also have confidence. You're one big floppy cock.

But I could never live the way they want

But I will have some of that wine, sir.

But I'm dancing

But in the meantime, I don't think it would hurt to get a little rowdy this weekend.

But it's impossible to describe a feeling.

But right now

But she only comes when she's on top

But she only comes when she's on top

But since all of you are the best man,

But there's still a few of us in the other room if you want to join us.

But wait till you seeJim standing up there at the altar tomorrow.

But we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.

But when that magic night does happen, uh,

But, my fuckers,

By deflowering ourselves.

By You're a hero.

Bye. Good luck with the dress.

Cabernet seve... um...

Cabernet seve... um...

Cadence Jesus!

Cadence, let's leave the crayton here, shall we?

Cadence, this is Paul Finch. Finch, meet my younger sister, Cadence.

Cadence, where are you going? Oh, Mom.

Cadence!

Cadence.

Call me. Damn, Stiffy, you got some moves.

Can I get a little zip zip Looky, looky [Buzzing]

Can I stop worrying then? Michelle, he's been nothing but nice to me.

Can still make me, uh, squeal like a pig.

Can't hear you. Louder! Louder!

Can't I just watch?

Caught your hand inside the till Slammed your fingers in the door

Chaining together of two people.

Challenging. Indeed, challenging.

Cheers, gentlemen, sweetheart.

Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass.

Chocolate. Ah, sh...

Close your mouth when you chew, Steven. Don't do that.

Close your mouth when you chew, Steven. Don't do that.

Coach, this is kinda gay.

Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am.

Come on! You cannot run You cannot hide it

Come on. Come on. Anybody awake?

Come on. Let's see some determination.

Congratulation, jism. [Laughs]

Congratulations.

Could I see it?

Could not be more thrilled for you, Jim.

Could you just dance for me, please?

Cutie. Thank you for everything.

Dad. The ring.

Damn. But I saw...

Determination.!

Dickhead. You do not send shit to my office at school.

Did I say that out loud?

Did you find Leslie? Fuck your stupid dressmaker, man.

Did you guys break up? How tragic.

Did you guys break up? How tragic.

Did you guys break up? How tragic.

Did you see the stylish kids in the riot

Dirty whore! Shut your hole! Obey!

Do I still gotta do this bullshit meeting?

Do it for Daddy.

Do it.

Do the colors of the rainbow

Do these go in your ass tonight or mine?

Do this. [Groans]

Do you have a serving dish ready?

Do you have enough blankets? We're fine. Thank you.

Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party.

Do you know how long she's been waiting for a day like this?

Do you know Jim Levenstein and Michelle Flaherty? Yeah.

Do you really wanna be another trend

Do you really wanna be like them

Do you think that I could get some Jiggy, jiggy

Don't break character ever again.

Don't fuck around.

Don't have any more because it's gonna spoil your appetite.

Don't know why I'm still afraid

Don't make me listen to this stupid broken record again

Don't make me listen to this stupid broken record again

Don't push it. Sorry.

Don't wanna bejust like you

Don't worry about him. You don't worry about him.

Don't you ever mouth off to Officer Krystal,

Don't you touch him. He's been hurt.

Don't.

Dress me up in women's clothes Messed around with gender roles

Drive carefully. There's more bags in the study.

Drivin'you crazy

Droppings from the gods. Ooh!

Dude, how the hell do you even think you're getting married?

Dude, no.

Dude... Hey, I got shotgun.

Dye my eyes and call me pretty

Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic

Essentially, it turns the refrigerator into an oven.

Even you, Stifler.

Everybody here in the small town

Everybody here in the small town

Everybody say, Bye. 'Bye.

Everybody says the same thing to you Fuck!

Everybody, just quiet! Lower your voice.

Everybody, please. Everybody just calm down here.

Everybody's got their problems

Everybody's looking for something

Everything is, uh... Everything is perfectly fine.

Everything they tell you is messing up your mind Don't laugh at me.

Everything you want is wrong and right now

Everything's free. What do you want?

Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Stifler.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Extra attention means you're concerned.

F for presentation.

F... What are you talking about?

Fabulous. Seeing that was worth anything.

Feeling tired

FI FI FI FI Flex

Finch said Stifler talked to her.

Finch, she thinks you were being sarcastic.

Finch, you don't think there's one girl you're destined to spend your entire life with?

Finch. Is she gonna be around tomorrow night?

Finchy, you gotta know that I'm over you now.

Fine. Adios.

First of all, what what you're feeling is so normal and perfectly natural.

Follow my lead.

Follows you back home

For the first time in my life...

For your bridesmaids' bouquet.

For, uh... you know, to get things, uh, ready for the rehearsal.

Forget it. Goy.! Grandma?

Fought with kitchen knives and skewers

Free

Freedom

Freedom

Freedom

From sunrise right through brunch, on more than one occasion.

Fuck, no. No, no.

Fuckers, it's not my fault!

Fuckers.

Fuckface! What part of This sucks my ass do you not under fuckin' stand?

Full bodied, masculine wine.

Full bodied, masculine wine.

Gather up some flowers, slice 'em and dice 'em,

Generally I'm just me. If people don't like it, then that's their problem, right?

Gentlemen, I would like to introduce...

Get a real job That's what they said to me

Get me another one, darling. Come on.

Get some help! Harold, call the police! No, no, please.

Getting all, uh... was getting all worried.

Girl that I've... I've been with.

Give us a drink.

Go ahead, surprise me.

Go put something on that I must clean off with my tongue.

Go to college, a university

Gonna have sex with Cadence

Gonna have sex with Cadence

Gonna have sex with Cadence Uh huh.

Gonna take that booty to the nudie dimension Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey

Good luck. Thank you, sir.

Good talking to you.

Good work. Hey, no problem.

Good, Connor. Very good. Good, DeBoer.

Grandma, I want you to meet some people.

Grandma, this is Michelle.

Grandma, we love each other. [Mumbles]

Grandmother fucker.

Grandson's getting married tomorrow.

Granny? What? Focus! Focus! Focus!

Great.

Grooming.

Guys, are we having dinner?

Guys, what are you doing? Where's Jim's grandma?

Ha!

Hark, now hear the sailors cry

Harold! Let's get that cleaned up.

He didn't want to do it. He said he didn't want to ruin what we had...

He said he'd be the only one here tonight. What the fuck, shit brick?

He uses the F word excessively.

He'd just look up at me... Maybe you could dance.

He's friends ofJim's and mine and, oh, everyone's.

He's not here. Park the cars down there where he won't see them.

He's okay. Are you all right? Are you okay?

He's... He's a... He's a maniac. And you're a maniac, you know that?

Hear, hear!

Hello, dear.

Hello. Hello. I'm Mary Flaherty.

Hello. How do you do?

Here you go. One serving dish. Excellent.

Here, let me get that.

Here's a thought. Grow a sack, fill it with some balls,

Here's to a wonderful wedding.

Hey there, you sweet manly thing. [Chuckles]

Hey there. Hi there.

Hey, Finch, I think they got your size.

Hey, Finch, what's the capital ofThailand?

Hey, Finch... I know, shut up. Kevin.

Hey, great party. Uh, Mr. And Mrs. Flaherty, I presume.

Hey, guys! Hey, hey.

Hey, guys. Thanks for coming out here and meeting me.

Hey, I hate to be nosy and impolite, but, um,

Hey, I'm gonna give you a quote to live by.

Hey, Jim. Stifler.

Hey, let's keep this to ourselves. Huh? Okay?

Hey, listen, I I I I think we both know that Officer Krystal and me have this...

Hey, party guy. Having a good time, huh? Can I get you a gin and tonic?

Hey, Paul, uh, do you have a camera?

Hey, pussy's pussy.

Hey, shithead. I didn't cancel my reservation.

Hey, somebody untie me.!

Hey, tough guy.

Hey, wait, Stifler. Stifler, hold on.

Hey, when you get your bachelor party together, I manage some girls in town.

Hey, you know, my friend would really dig your vibe. Will you wait here?

Hey, you're not finished yet, are you, Finchy?

Hey.

Hey. Any luck?

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Jim, I cannot believe you.

Hey. Oh, it's so good to see you.

Hey. What?

Hey. Wow. You are a bear.

Hi.

Hi. How are you? Congratulations.

Hi. Stop looking into my eyes. Sorry. Sorry.

Hi. Where's the girl? [Gasps]

High time is no time for deciding

Hilarious, huh? Yeah. [Laughs]

His name was Arnie, and... Oh, he was so cute.

Hmm. Sorry, Finch meister. I got plans with Cadence.

Holy fuckin' shit! This is major!

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Stifler.

Holy shit.

Holy... Well, there you are.

Honestly, now... Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?

Honey child Honey child

Honey, you don't honestly believe that Michelle is still a...

Horny, like I wanna bone.

How am I gonna hold it together for the rest of our lives?

How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl?

How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy?

How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy?

How do you... How do you know how to do this?

How does he make you feel?

How fast life can be compromised Hey, flower fuckers, you there?

How much you bench?

How so? How How do you mean traditional? I'm thinking about the wedding.

How thoughtful. [Mouthing Words]

How you feeling, sexy? Pretty good.

How's it going?

Huh? No, no, no, no! Stop! What?

Hungry.

Hungry. [Chuckles]

Hypothetically, Dad. Oh, hypothetically.

I

I

I actually feel like I can't mess anything up.

I already called upJim's mom, got the info.

I am missing my soap. Well, don't you worry about your soaps.

I bet you won't. Would you care to join us?

I came here to do something...

I can't believe part of me wanna say

I can't believe this. They're really gonna make the dress for me?

I can't believe you're doing this. Just calm down, dude.

I can't do that. I can't... She learned all that from band camp.

I can't eat sugar. I know, because you're diabetic.

I can't imagine.

I can't wait to see this disaster.

I cannot believe my son is gonna pop the question.

I certainly have. I have. I've boned.

I could use a guy like you on my team.

I couldn't be happier. Thank you.

I did fuck your mom.

I did no such thing anywhere.

I did no such thing.

I didn't answer my cell. So he was, uh,

I didn't know you were gonna be here.

I do not deserve a girl this cool.

I don't care Whoa, whoa

I don't do apologies so good.

I don't ever wanna be you

I don't feel so insecure Hello?

I don't have to fear it and I

I don't know how, but you do. Everything is gonna be fine.

I don't know who should ho hold onto it.

I don't know who should ho hold onto it.

I don't know. I hope he likes me.

I don't know. I just call it boning.

I don't know. I mean, you look so nice, I feel underdressed.

I don't know. They said to hide.

I don't recognize half the people in this place. [Doorbell Rings]

I don't think I've ever felt that way about a guy.

I don't want to discuss this. Quiet! Oh, quiet yourself.

I feel a bit sad that tonight our little Michelle is going to be a woman.

I feel I've come to realize

I found you sleeping next to me I thought I was alone

I got my finger on the trigger and you're in my way

I got the fever for the flava of the coochie

I got the pants! Please!

I gotta do ya till the next song saves ya

I gotta go.

I guess we'll just wait for 'em to call us.

I guess. What the...

I had actually been trying to figure it out for a while.

I had four assistants working two full days on that wedding.

I had no idea. I'm their good friend Steven.

I had trouble finding the words to tell you how I feel.

I have something to look for in a woman now.

I have something very precious here.

I hear that all the time, but it never gets old. Aw.

I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.

I hope you'll be more careful with the next one.

I I didn't... No, you know, you're right. Fuck 'em.

I I don't... I don't remember.

I I guess I just wanted to say thank you.

I I lf you want to come to the wedding, I'm sorry, you cannot act like this.

I I look at her body...

I I really hope that, uh... that that we can just...

I I was kind of hoping that, uh...

I I will get it for you. Nonsense. I can get a cutting board.

I just do.

I just don't feel quite like a virgin in it.

I just wanted to let you know that...

I just wanted to makeJim look good for you guys.

I know it. [Sighs]

I know that your love is true indeed

I know. What's wrong with us? I don't have to fear it and I

I like that. [Mouthing Words]

I like you.

I locked you out You cut a hole in the wall

I love chocolate more than life itself. More than life itself.

I love the way the tulips accentuate the, um...

I love these guys. Hey, you guys want more Snausages? Huh? There you go.

I love you!

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you...

I mean, are you kidding me? You know, I thought I had grown out of this...

I mean, do you act differently around certain people? Namely me.

I mean, do you think he really likes you? Like...

I mean, I don't want to seem slutty or anything. I'm trying to attract a decent guy here.

I mean, I swear, I'm running out of room in my brain for everything.

I mean, I think he likes me.

I mean, if ever there was a time to be happy and smile the biggest smile,

I mean, we're so happy. And I know you're excited. I can see it in your face.

I mean, your cheeks, they're flush. I wish your mother could be here.

I meant to clean that up this morning. How embarrassing.

I must have forgotten my camera at home, Steven.

I need assurances that I'm gonna get some quality action at this wedding.

I never really did like these things anyway.

I presume we're having white wine with the turkey.

I promise.

I promised you the wedding of your dreams,

I put serious thought into that letter.

I say we split up and ask around for a Leslie Summers.

I see you, baby shaking that ass

I see you, baby Shaking that ass

I still can't get my vows right.

I taught him that.

I tell you somebody's fooling around

I think I can spell... Seriously, man. Seriously...

I think I know what you're gonna ask me.

I think it was Voltaire who said,

I think with the Summer Blossoms. Mm hmm.

I think you and I...

I think you should get to know us first and then decide.

I think you're the most special girl I've ever known.

I thought you could persuade Mr. Finch to share his room.

I thought, uh, the the dish was broken.

I told him to be nice, or or he couldn't come to the wedding.

I told you this wedding would be worth it.

I travel the world and the seven seas

I try to keep a low profile.

I used to have this pet bass. Oh.

I wanted us to write our own vows for the wedding, and now I can't do mine.

I was always kind of a C student.

I was curious. Didn't see you here.

I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar.

I will take care of this. I will take care of this. [Stifler] Hey. Hey, James.

I wish I could follow you

I wish that I could follow through

I would like to propose a toast.

I would love to. Thank you. Well, come on.

I wouldn't get into too much detail on that.

I, uh... I must have came to the wrong place. Stifler.

I, um... I just have a couple of things I wanna say.

I... How did you get up the nerve to check out a gay bar?

I... How do you explain love?

I... I... I'm just...

I... I'm a master of the Tantric art.

I'd really like to tell you why I think I'll make a good husband.

I'll change. I'll change.

I'll cross that bridge when I find it

I'll frame it. Then I'll write my memoirs.

I'll get it. It's in this closet.

I'll have turkey.

I'll meet you at the closet. The closet.

I'll take charge from here.

I'm a better person when I'm with Michelle. Nobody else can... No, no, no, shithead.

I'm a dog lover.

I'm a one way motorway

I'm a road that drives away

I'm a streetlight shining

I'm a white light blindin'bright

I'm bouncing off the walls again Whoa

I'm bouncing off the walls again Whoa

I'm bouncing off the walls again Whoa

I'm bouncing off the walls again Whoa

I'm confident that I can give you my blessing.

I'm crashing at Kevin's.

I'm cultured. I'm sophisticated.

I'm freakin'you baby Drivin'...

I'm freakin'you, baby

I'm freakin'you, baby

I'm freakin'you, baby Drivin'you crazy

I'm going to go check on the dogs. Yes, yes!

I'm gonna save your ass in this wedding.

I'm gonna teach you to dance like a Baryshiniankov.

I'm impressed.

I'm Jennifer. Well, Jennifer,

I'm just glad that's not me.

I'm keeping it safe in my room, you silly Sally.

I'm looking like a fool again

I'm looking like a fool again Whoa

I'm looking like a fool again Whoa

I'm looking like a fool again Whoa

I'm looking like a fool again Whoa

I'm looking like a fool again Whoa

I'm not an intellectical'Einstein. I'm not...

I'm not sure.

I'm on it. Thank you.

I'm overjoyed.

I'm preparing for the festivities.

I'm really afraid that this is how it's always gonna be.

I'm sick of waiting.

I'm so proud to be joining your family.

I'm so sorry about this. I just came by to make sure everything was in order.

I'm sor... I can't... I can't make that promise.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. No, not yet. But you will be.

I'm special. You're special. We're all just a bunch of special fuckers, aren't we?

I'm still a nympho. Oh, I'm still a perv.

I'm still a nympho. Oh, I'm still a perv.

I'm sure Leslie always helps associates of assholes.

I'm sure you both learned your lesson and I suppose I understand.

I'm surprised to see you don't have tits.

I'm the guy who just killed all the flowers for the Levenstein band geek wedding.

I'm the happiest man in the world.

I'm trying not to lose my head. Uh huh.

I'm working, dude. Well, dude...

I'm your fire at your desire

I'm... If lf lf you weren't married.

I've been looking out for your sex life since high school. You what?

I've blown it on you

I've got something really nice cooking up for you. Well, we love surprises.

I've just never walked into a room and...

If I call you a crotch face, you ball scratching Finch fucker.

If I call you a crotch face, you ball scratching Finch fucker.

If I should find a helping hand

If I were gay, you'd want me. Really.

If I were lying, I'd think of something better than a kiss.

If you insist, Fraulein.

If you weren't real I would make you up

If you're gonna blame anybody here, blame me.

Impolite would be an improvement. Look,

In a blessed union and bladdah, bladdah, bladdah and crap.

In a heartbeat. Oh, yeah. Mm hmm.

In fact, I think I know who should hold onto this.

In fact, why don't you both go check on the dogs and...

In the real time world no one sees her at all

Is because you guys have always been there to back me up.

Is everything okay in here? The study can get a little chilly.

Is it kinky? I don't think so. No.

Is it Swiss or French chocolate?

Is over

Is she here? Unbelievable.

Isn't that precious?

It is my distinct pleasure to introduce you...

It puts the dress in the drawer and it does as it's told.

It shouldn't take long. Just don't let her talk to anyone.

It was my favorite shirt. Uh, okay.

It was something like this. [Warbles]

It's a chocolate truffle. Ooh, yummy.!

It's a crazy party, huh?

It's a dress, a visit to band camp.

It's a miracle.

It's about goddamn time. Jackpot.!

It's about time somebody finally came out and said it.

It's all my fault. I'm a bad person.

It's all set. What's set?

It's amazing, Gram.

It's because Grandma thinks it's 1801.

It's chilly in here.

It's disgusting!

It's fantastic. Fantastic.

It's for you. It's get to work, fucker.

It's gonna be fuckin' great. Oh, my God!

It's gonna be like, You like this shit, Mama?

It's great.

It's impossible.

It's it's all the more meaningful.

It's It's deeper than that.

It's just a matter how you solve them

It's like it's... I'm never gonna be able to explain it.

It's not so much about who's the dog and who's the fire hydrant tonight.

It's on like Donkey Kong, bi i itch.

It's shaving your balls.

It's time for me to boom boom with the bridesmaids, Finch fucker.

It's too late to start now

It's too late to start now

It's... it's gonna break his heart.

It's... It's one of my favorite stories. Where should I begin?

Jam 'em all together and cart that crap down to the wedding.

James Emanuel Levenstein...

Jesus!

Jesus!

Jesus! Damn it, Stifler.

Jim didn't pick just one. Or I mean, he he couldn't decide.

Jim just wants a groomsmen's meeting before the wedding.

Jim needs to learn to dance for his wedding.

Jim said that?

Jim sucks donkey dick! Jim sucks donkey dick!

Jim sucks donkey dick! The answer's no. Okay? I'm sorry.

Jim was supposed to rescue him, untie him, give him mouth to mouth.

Jim,

Jim, have you thought this through?

Jim, he's not doing it to be nice. He's doing it to bone Cadence.

Jim, I apologize for recommending her to you.

Jim, if you hope to be the provider and protector for our firstborn daughter,

Jim, if you put half as much energy into your marriage as you put into tonight,

Jim, is this true?

Jim, look what you did. Look what I did?

Jim, you have unique friends.

Jim, you learned to dance.

Jim, you've given me everything I've ever wanted.

Jim, your suspicions are confirmed.

Jim?

Jim. Hey, John.

Jim's got single friends, right? Yes.

Just as we made them. Oh, I'm sure they will.

Just follow my lead. I'll try.

Just like way back in the days of old [Mouthing Words]

Just like you This is the anthem Throw all your hands up

Just relax and let it go.

Just relax, take it slow...

Just shouts sophistication.

Just stay calm. I'm available, she's available. It's all good.

Just... just try not to be, uh, you know, uh,

Keep going. It's good.

Kevin wasn't assaulted. [Gasps]

Kids, Michelle's parents are here. Come on. We're waiting.

Know you like I take your back

Kristof, please pardon my friend's uncouth behavior.

Krystal, you can drop the act. This isn't a real cop.

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Laid

Left box turn. Left box turn.

Lessons. Okay. I have to convince her parents that I'm not a shithead.

Let me just refresh your memory, partner. Dear Steve,

Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic

Let's get you married. Hmm?

Let's see. Uh...

Like a big, fluffy linen closet at the end of the main hallway.

Like a real hero. Kind of like me.

Like I said, this is awesome.

Like... [Sucking]

Lisianthus. Double Lisianthums.

Listen, breeder, not every gay man wants to have sex with you.

Listen. This isn't working, guys.

Look at this shit. What am I supposed to do now?

Look at you, you pathetic, little weasel.

Look at you. You've gotta stand like a man.

Look it, Jim. Kevin. Boy, this really makes me important to the wedding, huh?

Look the same to everyone

Look, I'm Leslie Summers, and you've got yourself a dress.

Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think... I think...

Look, maybe we should just wait for... Jim.

Look, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to.

Look, you're... you're okay.

Look. Don't... Don't worry. I will... I'll come up with something.

Look. Just... If you can find the time, uh, to fit it in,

Looks used and abused today

Louder! Y Y Y Y Yes. Bachelor party.

Love is something you do.

Love is very difficult to describe.

Love isn't just a feeling.

Love life, get paid and then get laid.

Lovely to see you fellas. Thank you. [Mouthing Words]

Magically sprout a dick, shove it up your ass, start fucking yourself with it.

Make it stop.

Make yourselves at home. Right this way. Thank you.

Mama don't want this. This is the only piece that I have.

Marriage is a binding,

Marriage is not about, uh, animal lusting and and kinky sex games.

Master put the mop in my fanny.

Maybe a blow job or some titty grabbin'. [Laughs]

Maybe German. Oh, really?

Maybe you couldjust, uh, you know,

Maybe you should just leave, Stifler.

Maybe you'd wanna make things extra special tonight.

Maybejust a little finga Sticky, sticky

Maybejust a little uh uh Looky, looky

Mich, you're in love. Shh.

Michelle Anabeth Flaherty,

Michelle and I love each other very much.

Michelle said the wedding was doable, right?

Michelle wants a dress that she can't get.

Michelle, I am so sorry.

Michelle, I think you need to stop. Okay, keep going.

Michelle, I... I'm gonna ask you something that I've never asked you before.

Michelle, it's not because of you at all.

Michelle, where... where are you going?

Michelle, you are the one woman I want to be with...

Michelle? Hey. Hey. [Chuckles Nervously]

Michelle.

Michelle. Michelle.

Michelle. Oh, my God.

Michelle's grandmother's... my mother's... wedding ring.

Midnight? All right. Yeah. Okay.

Might be a little bit different than mine.

MILF. MILF.

MILF. MILF. MILF. MILF.

Mm hmm. It's like real America...

Mm, it's good. Is it? Is it sweet?

Mm, it's good. Is it? Is it sweet?

Mmm

Mom and Daddy's got the best cocaine

More than I could...

Mother of God.

Moved out of the house so you moved next door

Mr. Big Spender. Hope you didn't blow your wad on this, son.

Mr. Fuckface Finch called here,

Mr. Styfler, I already told you...

My dick looks like a corn dog. I got cake all over my balls.

My friends and I just drove all the way from Michigan...

My God, he shaved his entire pubic region,

My heart's beating out of my chest

My kitchen is not a toilet. Okay?

My love Oh, how I cherish you, my love

My mom made me take it for three fucking years. Yeah?

My napkin? [Man] Mr. Levenstein.

My son.

My therapist said not to see you no more

Never ending, permanent...

Nice to meet you. You're reading Descartes.

No one has ever slapped my ass like that.

No one's ever pinched my nipple with such ferocity.

No pussy for you, Finch.

No pussy, no dancing. How's that for polite? [Raspberries]

No pussy, no dancing. Okay?

No Stifler.

No way, bro!

No, I mean you and me.

No, I'll drive with you. Oh, thanks, Cadence.

No, ma'am. Just getting started.

No, ma'am. Just getting started.

No, no, no. Don't check on the dogs. They're fine.

No, no, somehow I think she's probably better off with you.

No, she's going up to Chicago with Michelle for the final dress fitting.

No, that's my favorite...

No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style. They're cultured.

No! Hmph!

No? Hmm.

No. Let's see.

No. No, these aren't gonna work.

No. No, you can't. But you've got to know when to stop, don't you?

No. No, you have to learn sometime.

No. Y You know Leslie... He knows Leslie S... Okay, look.

None of that pleading the Fifth crap!

None of that you go, we go bullshit.

Nor did I, sir,

Not me. That's what I wish. You know, this is...

Not to mention you passed on Nadia. Dumbest fuckin' thing ever.

Not yet. Your mother and I...

Not, uh... Not so bad, huh? All right.

Nothin'.

Nothing better than when they're fresh. Nothing better.

Not*******. No wedding, Jimmy! No wedding.

Now

Now is the time. Okay. Okay!

Now remember, it's called a car, not a fanny.

Now what I need you to do is drag your ass down to your little store,

Now what we need... a cutting board.

Now,

Now, I thought about what you said, Kev.

Now, I told everyone that you were up north with my parents.

Now, if we leave right now,

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to.

Now, Jim, let me handle this.

Now, obey! I obey! I obey!

Now, please, vanish.

Now, we need Leslie to make it for us. Can Can you please help us find her?

Now, which one of you is the best man?

Observe the fuckin' Stif meister.

Of course he's screwed. He's getting married.

Of course not. Why? Do you act differently around me?

Officer Krystal und Fraulein Brandi.

Oh, and by the way...

Oh, boy. Let's go look at the candelabrum, honey.

Oh, boys. Anybody seen the bride's parents?

Oh, Brandi, Brandi. What are you doing? You're not in Eastern Europe anymore.

Oh, cake, huh? Hope it's good.

Oh, come on. This woman loves chocolate.

Oh, crumbs on the shirt. That's bad. Okay. That's fine.

Oh, dude. Now that's fucked up.

Oh, for heaven sakes. You brought your sons?

Oh, fuckin' right, doggy!

Oh, gee. Thanks for inviting me to the graduation party, fucker.

Oh, give me that. Smell this.

Oh, great. Come on over. Oh, great. Come on over.

Oh, hello. Harold Flaherty.

Oh, here they are. Hi, boys. Don't stand up.

Oh, here's, uh... here's this, by the way.

Oh, hey. Gettin' a little frisky. [Smack]

Oh, I'll just drive up north all by myself.

Oh, it's okay, Mary. What's going on?

Oh, Jim, you've gotta stop masturbating. It's melting your brain.

Oh, look, look, look, look.

Oh, looks like you found Samantha's Sweets.

Oh, m maybe you could take, like, a mental note.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Grandma!

Oh, my God. Michelle. Michelle.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Oh, my goddess. My queen. My MI LF. Oh.

Oh, my goodness. Well, honey,

Oh, my Lord.! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Oh, no

Oh, no. I need help with my vows, not my period.

Oh, oh, oh! [Mouthing Words]

Oh, really? Guess what, shit brick, it's a wedding.

Oh, right.

Oh, she's okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, Dad. She's okay. She's just a little tired.

Oh, shit.

Oh, someday you will. Maybe.

Oh, Steven! Steven!

Oh, the caterer said she was saving the truffles for tomorrow.

Oh, there you are.

Oh, these are great.

Oh, w w we've never met your son.

Oh, wedding this. Suck my ass that.

Oh, why don't you retell us now?

Oh, yeah, excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? Listen up, ass jockey.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. He is pretty good.

Oh, yes. Isn't their chocolate just to die for?

Oh, you are so beautiful. Oh, I just wanna...

Oh, you're fucked now, Jim. [Cackles]

Oh, you're not a bad person. You were just trying to help out your best friend.

Oh, you've never tried it?

Oh, your vows. Your vows.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Let's dance. Dance?

Oh! Okay, sit.

Oh! The summer that was so hot.

Oh.

Oh. [Clears Throat]

Oh. Fuckin' right, doggy! That's good cake!

Oh. I haven't been this confused since I got my first period.

Oh. Well, then, I guess it doesn't matter...

Oh. Well, we have now.

Oh. Whoa! Ready to go?

Oh.!

Ohh! [Finch Moans]

Ohh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Ohh. Anything for a French person.

Ohh. Let me tell you something.

Ohhh oh

Ohhh oh

Ohhhh! Ohh!

Okay, first, nothing is impossible.

Okay, Frodo.

Okay, I know... I know what you're doing. Look. Have you seen yourself?

Okay, if you never mention that ever again, that'd be great.

Okay, let's go.

Okay, Michelle. Michelle.

Okay, so you take lessons, you know, right away.

Okay? I don't care if Kevin starts crying because Finch bit his cock off.

Okay.

Okay. [Groans]

Okay. All right then. What do you have in your hand there?

Okay. Hey, look, man. I gotta go.

Okay. I gotta go, okay?

Okay. My mother hasn't been well.

Okay. Now Now what exactly is this here?

Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Michelle.

Okay. Okay. Okay?

Okay. So we won't be bothered. We can just, uh, totally relax and no worries.

Okay. Well, I, uh...

Okay. What's the problem?

On the floor

On the valentine

One day where where everyone's eyes are on me for a change.

One more song for the radio station

One more song for the radio station

Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

Ooh, yep, that's what I'm talking about. [Laughs]

Ooh! Make that two.

Ooh! That's better, fucker! [Knocking]

Ooh! You're welcome, cock block!

Ooh. Dick. Fucking hate not hating you.

Ooh. Those flowers look hideous.

Or because you really care about the wedding?

Or because you really care about the wedding?

Or something like that. I don't know. It was great. God, I miss him, but...

Our dogs. We never travel without them.

Out... It's not what it looks like!

Ow! Is there any room for me?

Ow! Oh, you like it.

Pack it up, bitch.

Perfectly natural.

Pink roses.

Please, please come in. Lovely to meet you.

Pretty soon you're gonna want me to shave your balls.

Proud grandmother coming through.

Psst!

Pumpkin. [Stammers]

Pussy!

Put my style Put your style

Put the cake down. Check it out. I made it myself.

Read my lips

Real ones. All right.

Really sucks. Go fix it.

Really? Oh, I'm afraid we've never met. Oh.

Really. I got style.

Recon.

Reluctantly, I am asking for your help.

Right! Yeah!

Right.

Ring! Hold on a second. Hello. [Laughs] Okay.

Ritalin's never gonna feel the same

Rudy and Sam would like to meet him too. Oh, yes.

Run away tonight

See if I forgot anything. I don't think... Oh. Oh, oh.

See that, shit brick. Told you I won.

See, I was saying that soon... we could talk.

See, my mom didn't know that there was a misunderstanding. Push it! Move it!

Shaking that ass Shaking that ass

Shall I clean? [Giggles]

She actually liked me being that imbecile.

She doesn't want me to worry that she might be worried.

She got the power of the hoochie

She said I'm so obsessed that I've become a bore

She said you're like a disease without any cure

She wasn't into the heavy intellectual stuff.

She's a beautiful girl, and you're you.

She's a beautiful girl, and you're you.

She's a college girl. If you were a college guy.

She's a maniac, maniac

She's gonna be like, Fuckin' right, doggy, give it to me.

She's gonna wanna dance Fred Astaire kind of shit.

She's got it

Shit brick, come on.

Shit, I've got a frosted ass crack. Hey, Finch,

Shit! Give me 10 minutes?

Shit. How do you know she's the right girl?

Should I shave my balls? Do you shave your balls? How do you do it?

Shoveled up like muck Set the night on fire

Since you now wish to stay here,

Sir.

Slight tongue action too.

Smell the sea and feel the sky

So don't bother looking for them or anything, you know.

So go ahead and take a picture

So hot. All right. Look what I got.

So I'm worried.

So, can I see the ring?

So, can I see the ring?

So, did you do all this just to have sex with me...

So, Finch, what are you gonna do with that fancy NYU diploma?

So, has Michelle ever told you the story ofhow we fell in love?

So, how long do we have to stay in here for?

So, how long have you been a sommelier, Mr., um...

So, I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I freaked you out with the whole kiss thing.

So, let's not focus on that.

So, mademoiselle, I'm sure that you can appreciate...

So, my mom found the dogs playing with something unusual this morning.

So, to our new son in law, may we say Erin Go Braugh.

So, uh,

So, uh, Cadence say anything about me?

So, uh, Jim said that you've always kind ofbeen there for him...

So, uh... So that's where they'll be.

So, we hired a fake cop and we tied up Kevin and put him in the closet.

So, when's Mark getting in?

So, when's Mark getting in?

So, you got a date for this thing?

So, you guys have to be psyched to be done with college.

So, you like my pants, Stiffy? Whatever, dude. As long as the girls are worth it.

Some of my favorites. [Chuckles]

Someone much wiser than you, I'm afraid, Finch.

Something must have disrupted the power.

Son of a... You little shit.

Sorry, chief. That only gets you halfway there.

Sort of behavior, but I keep messing up.

Spying is deceitful.

Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it.

Steve, come over here.

Stiffy! How slimming is this, huh?

Stifler was in here earlier flipping switches.

Stifler, maybe you could forget about your dick for one second and actually be useful.

Stifler, why in the world are you focused on me?

Stifler, you are not bailing on Jim.

Stifler, you said you spoke toJim. I did. I was secret about it and everything.

Stifler?

Stifler. Oh, man.

Stifler. Save it, dickhead. I'm working.

Stifler.! Granny.!

Stifler's mom. [Continues]

Such a... such a crazy plan to happen in the first place.

Suck my dick. Ron Jeremy.

Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow.

Suddenly, suddenly

Sure thing, babe. Good.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Take a spin, baby

Tall Oaks.

Th That?

Th that's, um... that's a temporary thing.

Thank you, but you... you're the cute one.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, my God. Thank you.

Thank you. See?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Whoo.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks for helping out.

Thanks for, um... Come on. Thanks for watching the dogs.

Thanks, assholes.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, man.

Thanks, shit brick.

Thanks. [Clears Throat]

Thanks. Yeah. Thanks?

That is exactly how our wedding is going to be.

That is the basic philosophy of the Finch meister.

That kind of thing's so lethargic to me.

That monsieur here is stuck right between Scylla and Charybdis.

That someday soon we could have a little talk.

That sounds good. We'll see you later.

That this is the rudest thing I have ever encountered,

That underneath all the fucks and shits and blow mes,

That was good, Jim. Real nice.

That was really sweet of you.

That was the summer when, uh... Oh!

That was, uh, my dad. That was, uh... He couldn't get through on...

That we can all just forget about this and and and move on...

That would make me think otherwise.

That you ever met was me

That you're gonna remember for the rest of your life.

That? Knockin' on wood.

That... I know, Dad.

That's 'cause you killed them, Stifler.

That's a very confusing time for any young lady.

That's bullshit.

That's fucked up.

That's gonna stain. We're gonna need a mop.

That's her. Holy shit, dude.

That's not all. [Laughs]

That's pretty good. You're fuckin' right it's good.

That's right.

That's That's right. At Tall Oaks.

That's That's what I think.

That's the spirit, sweetheart.

That's the thing. She cares too much to tell me.

That's who would actually make the dress. And I'm afraid Leslie has gone for the day.

That's... That's a start.

The answer's no. I can dance.

The box is empty. But But I'm on my way,

The cleaning lady did.

The coming together of two families from different backgrounds.

The compressors need time to reset after a power loss, or they overheat.

The dress she wants is Amsale. They have a store in Chicago.

The first girl he ever hooked up with...

The first tits this guy ever saw...

The flowers stay refrigerated until morning.

The food and the drink are really bad.

The good news for you... What's that?

The grand, fucking facilitator to attend the wedding.

The ladies, uh, never complained when they were...

The longer a marriage lasts,

The needle's skipping and repeating never reaching the end

The neighbors complain about the noises above

The neighbors complain about the noises above

The old bitch sucked. We had to ditch her.

The problem is you can't eatjust one, can ya?

The Stif man digs what's underneath. [Chuckles, Moans]

The Stif man showed him the way.

The strip bar has got free hot wings before 7:00.

The wind is gone

Then, are you going to get it? Yes.

There is no time to redo all that work.

There is no way to remake all these in time, is there?

There you go. Okay. You keep fighting the good fight, sir.

There's a very sensitive person who is just thirsty for acceptance.

There's always room for Plato and Aristotle.

There's no keg anywhere.

There's one thing that'll make this wedding perfect.

There's... Yeah. Jesus, now what?

These are my people. They're gay?

These last few weeks have really been something for my lovely wife and me.

These things keep happening to me.

They all say she's crazy

They are expecting your call. Go ahead. This is so cool. Oh.

They don't give up and I don't give in Okay, okay.

They just think they raised a proper, little band girl.

They say in heaven love comes first [Woman] Whoo hoo.!

They think you're an angel...

They're all for me, Kevin.

They're going up north with, uh... with my parents...

They're nice, aren't they? Yes. Artificial. Nice try.

They're worth it. Oh, and if you've got some good wine too, that'll score some points for you.

They're worth it. Oh, and if you've got some good wine too, that'll score some points for you.

This bed is on fire with passionate love

This dog's great! Is it weird that it feels good?

This guy is the fucking master.

This is a wonderful situation.

This is Bear.

This is exactly what I'm talking about, Steven. You can't behave like this.

This is huge. It's... It's like watching monkeys use tools for the first time.

This is one of those moments, Jim,

This is some ring. Look at the rock on this baby.

This is the anthem Throw all your hands up

This is the waltz. Waltz. Okay.

This is... This is true. This is good. Guys, here's to the next step.

This isn't a graduation party. Time to go.

This mofo right here does not want the Stif meister,

This shit is crazy.

This sucks.

This whole thing was about thanks?

This... This right now is is sort of the preliminary talk...

Threw away my reputation

Threw away my reputation

Titties, ta tas, casabas, bazoongas all up in our friggin' faces!

To find my fiancee the wedding dress that she deserves.

To get inside, girl

To give everything I am to you.

To our lovely daughter Michelle, L'chaim.

To quote someone I've learned quite a bit from,

To the shore of

Told you that guy wanted to fuck me. [Laughs]

Try not to bruise it

Turned out better than I ever imagined.

Twenty four hours on an empty brain

Twice.

Uh huh. [Laughs]

Uh huh. Is it creamy?

Uh, and I mean that in the good sense, son. Do you follow what I'm saying?

Uh, and let's hope we can sip many happy shivas together.

Uh, I I guess I wouldn't know.

Uh, I I guess I wouldn't know.

Uh, I'm a little busy.

Uh, let me go check.

Uh, let's see, that would be never.

Uh, let's see, that would be never.

Uh, nope.

Uh, so, cleaning lady,

Uh, sorry, Paul Finch. Girl stuff.

Uh, that was my dad.

Uh, the longer you can go,

Uh, we have... we have right here a 1999...

Uh, we've been going out for, what, three years.

Uh, without sex.

Uh, you should take ballet or something.

Um, and I'll keep you company.

Um, Finch, rudeness and obscenity won't change anything.

Um, I think I saw some Pine Sol in here too.

Um, no.

Um, sometimes I watch the Discovery Channel, and...

Um, stuff coming out, stuff going in.

Um, the wedding's not for another hour.

Um, uh, hey. Hi.

Um... [Clears Throat]

Unifying, eternal,

Use your napkin.

Voltaire can suck on my balls.

Voltaire? Stifler, please, who was Voltaire?

W Wait. Hold on. Let me get this straight.

Wait a second.

Wait a second. Come on, Stifler.

Wait. Hold on. Jim's getting married, isn't he?

Wait. Okay. Wh What if, uh... What if you, uh, plan the bachelor party?

Wait. You know, actually, I think I'm gonna go stretch my legs with the Finch meister.

Waking up on the bathroom floor

Waltz. Okay.

Wanna make ya bounce Every single ounce

Wanna rock your gypsy soul

Wanna rock your gypsy soul

Wanna see us kiss?

Was at my party at my cottage.

Watch your penis. I got it.

We adore you. You'll take good care of it.

We are gathered here today to join these two great people...

We are talking about getting Michelle a dress in Chicago.

We can get there by the time they close... a three hour drive.

We don't quit at halftime, ma'am!

We need a serving dish. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course.

We put her someplace no one will find her. [Clicks Tongue]

We should all be so happy.

We were born before the wind

We were wondering where... where the mop was.

We'll find a wonderful place somewhere. I promise. We'll keep looking.

We're having a great time. I think I've got it all.

We're sick of all your crying Will you ever shut up

We're so close, and there's still so much to do.

We're trying to run interference and,

We're... Well, yeah, I guess I hope he likes me.

We've always tried to make the best of every situation.

We've been expecting you. How was your trip?

We've experienced some things we didn't think were possible.

Well, hey, I managed to sneak one right past her.

Well, I can see you're very surprised to see me here. A little bit.

Well, I made it. Where's Michelle? The washroom?

Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man.

Well, I suppose, uh... I suppose it all started at, um...

Well, I'll tell you, Mary. I can't recall a single moment with either one of them...

Well, I'm sorry, Jim. I didn't realize how much pressure we put on you.

Well, I'm trying to savor the flavor right now.

Well, if this is your idea of a proposal...

Well, is it? No.

Well, it's just this one day.

Well, it's nice to meet you. Yeah, you too.

Well, let me put it to you this way, Jimbo.

Well, maybe it's time we have that special dinner chat.

Well, Michelle, we did it. Happy graduation.

Well, Mr. Belvedere, it's gonna be one fucked up wedding.

Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milk shake.

Well, seems like everything worked out. Magnificently.

Well, Stifler, Jim's grandma doesn't approve of the wedding.

Well, tastes like twigs and berries.

Well, that worked out.

Well, that's an honest answer.

Well, the good things are never free

Well, the wedding should be rather entertaining.

Well, they're around town doing some wedding stuff. That's cool.

Well, uh, lunch is, uh, served.

Well, we meet again.

Well, when you're doing other things with Jim...

Well, where? I'll go get it.

Well, you get an A for effort. This is amazing.

Well, you know what? I'm a gonna get laid, Finch fucker.

Well, you should come to law school, man. You know I could use the company.

Well... [Chuckles] I almost got ya.

Were because of me.

Were right to bide your time

What a pretty name.

What about her parents? I think her mom kind of likes me.

What about the dining room? I know you'll just love him.

What are you looking at? I'm not a steak.

What Break it on down

What do I have to say

What do I have to say You got bigger.

What do you think, girls? Isn't this adorable? Bye, Cadence.

What else? I don't know what else.

What happened here?

What I'm saying is this is the anthem throw all your hands up

What is his defining characteristic?

What is it?

What is this, a dance off?

What made Grandma come around? [Continues]

What makes you think you're invited?

What the fuck are we talking about?

What the fuck, Buffalo Bill?

What the hell is our team?

What, this... What, the pink too much?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I can dance.

What? I told her it was a neck massager.

What? You mean you lost it? Of course not.

What's gotten into you? I meant ow.

What's happening here?

What's up?

What's, uh... What's the problem?

Whatever. Fuck it. I'm walkin' anyway.

When he needed you, so I thought maybe you could help me.

When you're not, um, boning...

When your dad sees the look on Grandma's face...

Whenever you get a chance.

Where did you get that?

Where did you get that?

Where no one lives

Whew! Whoa! I gotta hear it

Which is pretty amazing.

Which room is yours?

Which would baffle most cultures around the world.

Which would be like a... a quiet, uh, private dinner talk.

While you're there, stick a finger up both their asses.

Who am I to disagree

Who did this to you? I'm sure he's okay. Are you okay?

Who sucks donkey dick? Jim sucks donkey dick!

Who the hell uses the word deflower?

Who was that?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

Whoa. You have a deep voice.

Whoo [Grunts]

Whoo hoo hoo.!

Whoo! Baby, you know what I'm sayin'? Oh!

Whoo! Uh huh.

Whoo. Two cold ones.

Whoops. [Giggles]

Whoops. Can you see my fanny?

Why do you think, Michelle, they call it making love?

Why don't you go get those critters out of the car and we'll start on some cocktails?

Why don't you use it

Why? Did she say something?

Why? Why ha... What do you mean?

Will you just take a shit already?

Will you marry me? Yes.

Will you push faster? I'm tired.

With a dildo show? Sure.

With my chances on the danger line

Without a doubt! [Laughing]

Without all that corporateness and catchy jingles. Well, what's wrong with a good jingle?

Wombles bleed Truncheons and shields

Wombles bleed truncheons and shields

Would you please shut up with that stepping? Put your glass down.

Wow.

Y'all got the feeling Sing if you're with me

Y'all got the feeling Sing if you're with me

Yeah, baby, she's got it

Yeah, baby!

Yeah, but you always manage to get yourself into serious shit,

Yeah, great. You can blow me after practice.

Yeah, he does.

Yeah, I bet you could. You are big.

Yeah, I hated it. No, you're really good.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it's creamy. Easy to go down, right?

Yeah, no problem. Hey, who's your friend? Uh, K Kevin.

Yeah! This is disgusting!

Yeah? What? I can't hear you.

Yeah.

Yeah. Cadence,

Yeah. Fuck those fuckers.

Yeah. I love old people.

Yeah. I'm gonna cry at the ceremony.

Yeah. Me too.

Yeah. Really don't wanna talk about it right now. I just wanna go home.

Yeah. Um, uh, you need to come into the kitchen right now.

Yeah. Well.

Yep.

Yes, he is boneable. [Chuckles]

Yes, I am. Oh, you son of a bitch.

Yes, uh, good. Um, go on.

Yes! We celebrate the death ofJim with a party in his honor.

Yes.

Yes. Big, fluffy linen closet is good. Okay.

Yes. Evidently. What else would you be here for?

Yes. Yes, Finch. Thank you.

Yes. You have a phone call.

Yes.! I was just saying to your friends that...

You

You ain't gonna want to miss this.

You are quite the gentleman, Stifler.

You are such a gentleman, Steve.

You are... Oh, you're a wreck. What...

You bet it is.

You called two days ago and canceled your reservation.

You can't do that. I am so sorry about my... my cousin. She's not used to our customs.

You can't do that. Silence, fucker!

You could have told me she was behind me.

You didn't eat shit, okay?

You didn't freak me out.

You didn't get to cleaning, little bitch fucker? Huh? Ow!

You didn't prance around here like a ballerina for the whole week.

You don't have to be embarrassed if you want to add more spiciness to our relationship.

You don't remember?

You don't score until you score!

You Don't wanna bejust like you

You fuckin' stalker.

You got it, champ. [Groans]

You guys in a sporting goods store. Very good.

You have a long way to go.

You have been staring at those dogs like a hawk all day.

You hooked up with one other girl for, what, 10 seconds.

You kissed Stifler? Yeah, but then he freaked.

You know how he is. But everything is, uh... everything is okay now.

You know I cherish you, my love

You know I cherish you, my love

You know I cherish you, my love [Stifler] Pick up the pace.

You know what? I think you guys are out of luck. Why don't you go home?

You know what? Let's just leave the surprises till tomorrow, huh, guys?

You know why I don't remember is because I actually did not move it.

You know, actually, um...

You know, and then Paul Finch hired an exotic dancer instead of a real actor.

You know, down in that general area.

You know, I promised her her wedding... you know, the wedding of her dreams.

You know, I really love your shirt. Do I know you?

You know, I think he's screwed.

You know, I was so nervous she was gonna spot me. Here's the ring, son.

You know, it's about compromise and sacrifice.

You know, living at my parents' house,

You know, Ma, I know things haven't been going well for you. I know that.

You know, Michelle is the only, uh,

You know, Michelle,

You know, son, I think this is probably the right time to tell you that...

You know, there's nothing like a local pub.

You know, there's that whole tradition: the first dance at the reception.

You know, this has actually made quite an impression on me.

You know, when is the right time? Is there a right time?

You know, you're bitching and complaining like you got it so tough

You know, your body is going through, uh, changes.

You know. Yeah. Thing? Mm hmm.

You like it, huh? How much? Boob.

You look really cute tonight. Thanks.

You make me feel special.

You may kiss the bride.

You mean, like like spying on, uh... like spying on Michelle?

You my electrical lip balm flava

You need some air. You need some air.

You need to take another look around.

You never heard me say that.

You obviously don't care about this wedding or anyone in it.

You really are an asshole.

You really care about this wedding, don't you?

You really do, but it's hard. It's really hard.

You remember how tough they were last year.

You remember last time when you wanted me to take a ride in your fanny? Of course.

You selfish boy. Next time, bring enough for everybody.

You sneaky devil.

You still pissed about me and Cadence?

You still pissed about me and Cadence?

You think she's happy now? Wait till tomorrow.

You understand where I'm going? I do. I, uh... I think I, uh...

You wanna try and pick me up?

You want some help? Here. Let me... Let me help you out there.

You want this for here or to go?

You wanted to see me, Michelle?

You what? Don't worry.

You wipe that shit eating grin off your face, you punk ass little bitch.

You.

You. You look cute. I... Oh, thank you.

You'll get to meet him.

You're a dirty cop, you're a prissy maid and I am your filthy cabana boy in need of much punishment and cleaning.

You're a motherfucker.

You're a terrible liar, Stifler.

You're driving me crazy When are you coming home

You're getting married. I mean, what's this like?

You're goddamn right I do. Whoo hoo!

You're just in time for Voltaire's greatest hits.

You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno.

You're not a very stealthy thief.

You're not, like, getting bored with things, are you?

You're okay. I I I mean, uh... I mean, I like you.

You're right. Love isn't just a feeling.

You're right. No, no, no. Okay. Shouldn't have brought it up. Maybe...

You've embarrassed me and Harold and Mr. Belvedere.

You've gone too far this time

You've gotta be kidding me. No.

You've ruined everything.

Your body's not quite what I was expecting, but that's okay.

Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it.

Your mother said you don't have a cleaning lady.

Your pants. I got the pants!

Your penis!

Your posture tells your partner where to go.

[Both Yelling] [Gasping Continues]

[Breathing Heavily] [Screams]

[Chuckles] Cadence.

[Chuckles] I won't forget this moment.

[Clippers Buzzing] Oh, pretty, pretty shy, whoa

[Gagging] [Harold] Steven, that is so selfish.

[Gasps] You naughty girl.

[Groans] Shut the fucking door!

[Harold] Is it fresh? Oh, it's so fresh.

[Jim Laughs] [Brandi] Oh, dear, I'm so sorry.

[Jim] Stop enjoying it so much. Lick it off!

[Man] Hey, honey.! Oh, my God. What the fuck is going on?

[Mary] You're a disgrace to the police force. I'll be giving you an enema!

[Mouthing Words] Sahara and Desert Rose...

[Mrs. Flaherty] Shh. Okay.

[Roars] [Roars]

[Screams] HolyJesus!

[Thud] What was that?

[Thud] What was that?

[Yelling] Come on. Work it! Hustle!

[Yelps] Oh!

[Yelps] Why don't you go dust with your perverse European cousin?

All right! Jesus!

Are you Miss Zyskowski? Who are you?

Are you okay? [Whimpers]

At least give her a tiny nibble. Give it to Mama.

At least something you can actually wear again. Wear again.

Beautiful lady. Sure.

Bet you do. But I don't know why you do...

Can I get a Hallelujah? Hallelujah, Stifler!

Come on. Is that all you got? [Gasps]

Damn it.! [Tires Squeal]

Delightful. Who's excited about the wedding?

Did I get that right? Very good.

Don't go in there. Lord knows what they'll do to you. I love this dog!

Eat 'em up, fellas. Give me some.

Every word of it. That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard.

FuckJim, man! This is for us. Take her top off.

Get over here, you little rascal. We were just talking about Michelle's wedding band.

Hello. Jim, it's Dad. Uh, you left the ring at home.

Hey, Harold and Mary. Oh, hi, kids. Hi.

Hey, Paul. Hey, Kevin. Mom, I want you to meet Steven.

How do you know? Because I just checked on the dogs.

How much you weigh? Why?

I I I was just trying to get him off, Dad. That is your son?

I mean, you look like you're ready to burst. Uh huh.

I see you, baby shaking that ass Ah!

I think it's best if I... Oh, um...

I'll show you fuckers. Bye.

Idiot. Well, break it in half. Come on.

It's gonna be a great day. I'd like my surprise right now.

It's in there. It's not in this closet...

It's so sweet. [Gagging]

James. Yes.

Jesus, Stifler. Whoo hoo hoo hoo!

Jim, I'll help you with the turkey. Okay.

Jim. Hmm?

Jim. No, it's not what it looks like.

Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night [Mouth Words]

Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night [Mouth Words]

Listen to me. This is for your own good. [Gasping]

Motion seconded. Motion carried.

No, it's mine! Steven, give it to me.

No, this is hurt! Ow!

No? I don't have it.

No. Give me the G darn truffle.

Not so much. All right. Let's, uh...

Nothing. Then why the excitement?

Oh, my God! You boys have been very messy.

Oh, no. Oh, no! Make it stop. Make it stop.

Oh, well, you have no idea. Actually, I do.

Oh, why is that? Come on. [Dog Grunts]

Oh! What?

Oh! Ah! Oh, Jimmy, no!

Okay, what's happening here? You need to speak to my dressmaker.

Okay. Who let this boy out of the closet?

Or are we gonna have a bachelor party? Fuck yeah, we are!

Or better yet, go blow your dad! My dad?

Say, Please, Harold. Please. Of course.

She's here to protect and serve. Quiet!

Shit. Jim, she hates me.

Stick a finger in my ass! [Gasps]

Sure, it does. No fuckin' shit it does.

That's very cute. What happened to my invite? Got lost in the mail, fuckface?

That's weird. You just wait.

The dads aren't here yet? I'll go find him.

They are fast here. And nicely attired. What's going on here?

They're sophisticated. So they're gay.

Think Finch is a possibility? Oh, Finch is boneable.

This is a good situation. That's what I'm saying.

This is awesome! [Krystal] Oh, you like that?

This one? No, the other one.

To the real Steve Stifler. Hi.

Walk me to my car. No, I'm not walking you...

We think there's some in the... in the basement. I'll get it.

We think there's some in the... in the basement. I'll get it.

Wha... I've got my own techniques.

What are you doing here? Happy fuck day, ass mouth.

What are you doing, son? Jim. My dogs!

What do you call those again, sir? Double Lisianthus.

What? Yeah, I'm that guy.

What's wrong? Oh, shit.

Yeah. [Barks]

Yes, it is. You bet it is.

You boys are gonna talk. Uh... Uh...

You can't? You hired help on our account? That is entirely unnecessary.

You dirty, little pervert! Okay.

You don't mind, do you, Steven? No.

You gotta take your pants off, man. [Gasping]

You guys know Leslie Summers? Uh, we're trying to find her.

You have no idea. Even if I overlook the fact...

You what? Who put what where?

You're an asshole. I know.

You're not invited! Hold!

Your friend here was just leaving. Eat shit.

'Cause Daddy's a regular here. Do you want to get a drink?

'Cause I don't ever wanna I don't ever wanna be you

'Cause I don't know if it's for sure

'Cause I want you to be my lady

'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out.

'Cause I'm still here Whoa, whoa

[All Coughing]

[All Laughing]

[All] Cheers.

[Both Chuckle]

[Both Gasp]

[Brandi] Au revoir.

[British Accent] Absolutely. It's what he's here for, is is the wine, obviously.

[Cackles]

[Cackles] You been naughty, Brandi? You been fuckin' naughty?

[Cadence] But you don't think it's too sexy, do you?

[Cadence] These are really nice. I mean, for a bridesmaid dress.

[Cadence] Yeah, but sometimes nice isn't so nice.

[Chattering]

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles] Harold.

[Chuckles] Shaving.

[Chuckles] Yeah, I think I could.

[Chuckles] Yes, I'm afraid he's no Ulysses.

[Chuckles] You look very familiar, Steven.

[Clattering]

[Clattering] [Stifler] I can't see anything here.

[Continues]

[Continues] Are you awake?

[Continues] You guys keep working this hard, we'll be able to beat the Wildcats.

[Coughing] Oh, my...

[Crowd Gasping]

[Crowd Gasping]

[Crowd Hushes, Murmurs]

[Crowd Laughing]

[Crowd Murmuring]

[Dance] Read my lips

[Dog Panting]

[Door Closes] Finch, he he does make a good point.

[Door Opens] Hey!

[Exhales Deeply] [Cadence] I dumped him.

[Exhales Deeply] Fuck this shit. It's not worth it.

[Finch] Oh, my God.

[Finch] Oh, Stifler's mom. [Blowing Bubbles]

[Finch] Oh, Stifler's mom. [Blowing Bubbles]

[Finch] You know what? We should probablyjust go.

[Gasping, Screaming]

[Gasps]

[Gasps] Hold on. Hold on.

[Gasps] What?

[Giggles]

[Giggles]

[Giggles] How can I clean you if you are not dirty?

[Glass Clinking]

[Groaning]

[Groaning] What are you, a dancing clown?

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans] I don't care!

[Growling, Barks]

[Grumbles]

[Grunts] Are you just gonna stand there and drool?

[Harold] See ya. [Chuckles]

[Huffing]

[Inhales] Ohh!

[Jazz] [Jim's Dad] But, uh, Grandma's okay.

[Jim's Dad] Bye bye. [Phone Beeps Off]

[Jim's Dad] This is just the old pre wedding jitters, son.

[Jim's Dad] You're gonna have a fun weekend, Ma.

[Jim's Mom] Jim, honey. Shit.

[Jim] All right, Stifler. Um,

[Jim] And I promise to love you for as long as I shall live.

[Jim] How the hell did this happen?

[Jim] Isn't it great? We're getting married.

[Jim] It's so forever, you know. It It's, uh...

[Jim] Oh, um, that... that's mud.

[Jim] Pink roses. Yeah.

[Jim] She's real pretty, huh?

[Krystal] Who knows what kind of kinky shit they're getting ready for us.

[Laughing]

[Laughing] Hoo! Fuckin' right!

[Laughs, Squeals] Look at this.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs] Cool.

[Laughs] Great!

[Laughs] What do you mean?

[Light Rock]

[Light Rock]

[Man] Go, big boy.! I'm your Venus

[Man] Let's all welcome Mr. And Mrs. Jim and Michelle Levenstein onto the dance floor.

[Mary Chuckles]

[Mary Chuckles] Please come on in.

[Mary] I'd like to book a tee time for my husband...

[Mary] With what? Come on over. We need you.

[Mary] You know, maybe you can call them. [Woman] Oh, okay.

[Meowing, Sucking]

[Meowing, Sucking]

[Meows] You been here long?

[Michelle Groans] That's like something Mom would say. Yeah.

[Michelle Scoffs] It's a wedding. They'll all be decent guys.

[Michelle] But it was Mark. I thought you really liked him. He was nice.

[Moaning]

[Muffled, Indistinct] [Laughs]

[Mumbles] I like you.

[Ominous Synthesized]

[Piano]

[Piano]

[Plane Engine Roaring]

[Scoffs, Snickers]

[Scoffs, Snickers] Of course not.

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs] Whatever you and Finch are pulling, she seems to like you both.

[Screaming] [Harold] You can't do that.!

[Screams]

[Screams] Take her top off!

[Shudders, Groans]

[Shudders]

[Sighs] And, damn it, I'm... I'm gonna do it.

[Sighs] This is amazing.

[Sighs] Very well. It is so hot in here.

[Skipped item nr. 165]

[Skipped item nr. 238]

[Skipped item nr. 362]

[Skipped item nr. 710]

[Skipped item nr. 800]

[Skipped item nr. 1024]

[Skipped item nr. 1117]

[Skipped item nr. 1246]

[Skipped item nr. 1267]

[Skipped item nr. 1296]

[Skipped item nr. 1602]

[Skipped item nr. 1737]

[Skipped item nr. 1737]

[Slams Bottle Down] Fuck you, Finch.

[Slurping]

[Smack]

[Smack] Oh. Game over.

[Sniffs]

[Sniffs] Ooh, food smells great!

[Squishing]

[Stammering] You are all in for a hard punishment now.

[Stifler Cackling]

[Stifler Giggles] Fresh.

[Stifler Scoffs]

[Stifler] Already done that. [Finch] Very good of you.

[Stifler] Come on. Keep working.!

[Stifler] Five, six, seven, eight.

[Stifler] Hey, where are you going?

[Stifler] Let's get this dress shit over with.

[Stifler] Oh, amazing.

[Stifler] Oh, baby. I'm so ready for this.

[Stifler] Oh. [Laughs]

[Stifler] Oh.! Oh.! Oh.! Yeah.!

[Stifler] Okay. It's so good to see you.

[Stifler] Whoo.!

[Stifler] Wow.!

[Stilted] Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge.

[Sucking]

[Thud] [Water Sloshing]

[Thuds] Stifler, get up.

[Up tempo Pop]

[Whines]

[Yells] [Clattering]

[Yipping] I'm talking to you.

[Yipping] Let him finish.

[Zipper Unzips]