The Boss Baby: Family Business Edit

A baby in a position of power.

A big lesson.

A little. I don't know.

A plus. Oh, boy, you are smart.

A real one.

A second chance.

A statue?

A very bad, bad baby.

A very wise person once told me,

Aah! Thank you for sharing.

Aah! You missed me!

Actually, I prioritize a good work life balance

Actually, there's no "U" in "team," either,

Adieu.

Adios, niños.

After all, the only thing holding your child back is...

After Tabitha sings her solo, right?

After Tabitha sings.

Ah, ah, ah. No, no, no.

Ah, I forgot to set Wizzie for daylight savings!

Ah. If you want something done right, do it yourself.

Ah. The elite.

Aha!

Ahoy!

All he cares about is work.

All of a sudden, he shows up with a pony.

All right, let's boogie.

All right, pep rally's over.

All right, you know what? You're going to baby jail.

All right. I'm afraid you can't disrupt class any longer.

All the pressure's on me, Pop.

All us. But my next app...

All your friends together, and we can rehearse together,

ALL: A failure!

ALL: Boo!

ALL: No!

Alone.

Also cute.

Always.

An infinite amount of monkeys banging on typewriters?

An older sister who could drive.

Ancient Greek.

And a positive environment where my ideas are valued.

And as a bonus, we stopped Armstrong, too.

And as for my baby brother, Ted,

And be good, Tina.

And buenos días.

And enjoy the show.

And eventually, you have to grow up.

And everybody else last.

And Hawaii.

And how would it fly?

And I couldn't have done it without my husband.

And I deal out every meal.

And I think you two are better together than you are apart.

And I'm a terrible father.

And it only lasts 48 teensy weensy hours.

And my telescope.

And now the moment we've all waited for!

And one, two, three and one, two, three.

And our first subject today is...

And report back to me.

And so is BabyCorp.

And that day is coming sooner than you think.

And then where's Tim?

And there'll be cake. Cake for everybody.

And turn it into participation trophies.

And what about Ted?

And what kind of thing is that, Flock of Seagulls?

And with my first step, I ran away from home.

And wreaked havoc on my circadian rhythms.

And yeah, Templeton, don't be late.

And yet, uh, annoying.

And you and I will always be brothers.

And you can see the notes.

And you don't even get paid.

And you got to say, "Yes, yes, yes!"

And you should always be nice to your brother.

And you wanted to take it all away.

And you, my pudgy protégé.

And, uh, restoring the closeness that we once felt.

And... the IRS.

Annyeonghaseyo.

Another day won't hurt, right?

Anytime.

Anyway...

Apps. They're writing apps.

Are the ultimate learning machines.

Are you focused?

Are you gonna let grown ups push you around?

Are you kidding me?

Are you okay?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Armstrong is using an app to brainwash the parents.

Armstrong wants to get rid of parents somehow.

ARMSTRONG: (LAUGHS) You'll see I'm right.

ARMSTRONG: (OVER SPEAKER) Goodbye, children.

ARMSTRONG: (OVER SPEAKERS) Welcome, children.

ARMSTRONG: Good morning.

ARMSTRONG: Happy B Day, everybody.

ARMSTRONG: Hello.

ARMSTRONG: How do you do there, fellas?

ARMSTRONG: Kudos for Tabitha.

ARMSTRONG: Next subject.

ARMSTRONG: Oh, that's a good question.

ARMSTRONG: Once again, Tabitha's on the board.

ARMSTRONG: That's correct.

ARMSTRONG: Voilà. Feel free.

ARMSTRONG: Welcome, parents, to our holiday pageant.

ARMSTRONG: Yay, yay, yay. (SIGHS)

ARMSTRONG: Yes. And you know what they say about having

Armstrong's turning the parents into zombies

As you can see, we've got a new colleague

Attention, babies. Bienvenue.

Attention, everyone.

AUDIENCE: Aw.

Auf Wiedersehen.

AUTOMATED VOICE: (DISTORTED) Your time has concluded.

AUTOMATED VOICE: If you would like to make a call,

AUTOMATED VOICE: It is time for recess.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Proceed on the current route.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Recalculating.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Turn left.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Turn left. Proceed on the current route.

AUTOMATED VOICE: You've arrived at your destination.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Your time out begins now.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Your time out has concluded.

Aw, hey, Precious.

Aw, it's just... it's too bad that you're never gonna

Aw. It's full of babies.

Aw. You see that?

Awesome! Yeah!

Awesome.

B Day will happen, whether you like it or not.

B Day?

Babies only.

BABIES: (CHANTING) Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!

BABIES: Ooh.

BABY 2: Cool.

BABY: (WHISPERS) Psst. Here you go.

BabyCorp has developed a new super duper baby formula

BabyCorp is more of what I call

BabyCorp wants to get the team back together, huh?

BabyCorp will take care of the rest.

Back in my day, we wrote memos.

Back in my day, you had to earn one of these babies.

Beat it!

Because I'll... Armstrong?

Because if there's one thing I've learned,

Because the hand acts as a... as a key.

Been so long since I've used silverware. (CHUCKLES)

Being creative and using your imagination...

Being in Yellow Level, did you?

Believe it or not, I used to be just like you.

Believe it or not, Jimbo is mayor now.

Best friends forever.

Beyond blue?

Beyond which the laws of physics break down?

Bienvenue.

Bingo.

Boom shakalaka.

Boom! Bam! Poo! Poof!

Both of you.

BOTH: I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

BOTH: Yeehaw!

Boy, could I use a spy camera right about now.

Bring it on, Nathan.

Bring out the baby.

Buckle up, boys.

Buckle up, Templetons.

Bunch of cool jobs, really.

Business school, law school. None of them.

But a little smaller.

But a single word changed my life.

But after a while, you... you just stop trying.

But all that was about to change.

But being a dad is the coolest job in the world.

But Dr. Armstrong is a baby.

But every once in a while, you get a second chance.

But family sure does.

But how do you afford all this?

But I will say it was never business.

But I'm trying to do my homework,

But it's hard for me.

But luckily, you get a do over.

But my next app...

But not anymore.

But only when we weren't looking.

But please enjoy this

But teamwork doesn't seem work.

But the point is you have to grow up sometime.

But these little doodads will let you

But we already have a Christmas tree.

But we're trying to brainstorm here.

But you can, Tim. You can.

But you can't turn back time, can you?

But you know what? Your dad didn't mind.

But you made a family.

But you two never see each other.

But you're a great dad.

But, BabyCorp, I...

But, Tim, your parents are coming tomorrow.

But, Uncle Ted, I missed you so much.

Butt dialed?

Can anyone tell me the horsepower of a 302 engine?

Can I give you a hand?

Can you vote yet?

Can't sit here.

Carbon, boron, beryllium, lithium, helium, hydrogen.

CAROL: Because you're young and strong, honey.

CAROL: Don't you want him to come?

CAROL: Good night, sweetie.

CAROL: Hey, what's the matter?

CAROL: Honey, hold it up. Hold it up.

CAROL: Now, you're gonna wake up tomorrow

CAROL: Oh, look, look. There she is.

CAROL: Oh, sweetie, don't worry.

CAROL: That's so sweet.

CAROL: Tim! You actually made it.

CAROL: Time to go buy a Christmas tree.

CAROL: What has gotten into you?

CAROL: What? Don't you want him to come?

CAROL: Where are you guys?

CAROL: Where are you?

CAROL: Whoo! Daddy o Andretti!

Cheers to the revolution.

CHILD: (ON PHONE) Tina, we have another assignment for you.

CHILD: All operators are currently napping.

Childhood was the worst three years of my life.

Children can be so cruel.

Claiming to be the world's best dad.

Climb that corporate ladder

Closer still.

Closer.

Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!

Come back here, you. (CHUCKLES)

Come back!

Come closer.

Come in. Where are you?

Come on, everybody.

Come on, this is the candy volcano of doom!

Come on, Tim.

Come on. Let's try.

Come on. We're gonna be late for... Oh!

Come on. You can do it.

Cool dad. (GRUNTS)

Could you let me through, please?

CREEPY GIRL: Where'd I go?

Cut to our pizza party.

Cute kid.

Dad, help me!

Dad, the homework, it's just too much.

Dad, what are you doing?

DAD: Wha...

Daddy, BabyCorp can't wait any longer.

Daddy, come in. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,

Daddy, Daddy, come in. Can you hear me?

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Daddy, Daddy.

Daddy, don't say no.

Daddy, how many fingers am I holding up?

Daddy, no. Please stop.

Daddy, they're gonna recognize you.

Daddy, Uncle Ted.

Daddy! Listen, we have to shut down the server.

Deal?

Did the kids just say we're doomed?

Did you forget to call him?

Did you pull it right?

Did you two have a fight or something?

Do not be late.

Do you want to talk about your feelings now while I'm on hold?

Dobro pozhalovat'.

Doesn't mean you have to grow apart.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

Don't answer it.

Don't do that.

Don't go, Tim!

Don't hit that button. Don't hit that button. Aah!

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me. Don't look at me!

Don't look down. Look straight ahead, okay?

Don't move. Maybe they won't see us.

Don't open the door.

Don't they understand it's the fate of the world?

Don't we, girls?

Don't worry. I'm fine, Uncle Ted.

Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?

Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?

Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?

Don't you understand? I'm blue!

Double handedly.

DR. ARMSTRONG: (OVER SPEAKERS) Just imagine, baby surgeons.

Dweeb. Nerdlet. A real poindexter.

Easy breezy, taco peasy, boys.

Ee...!

Every birthday party, every Christmas morning,

Every morning when you wake up, I will be there.

Every night at dinner, I will be there.

Everything in the lyrics is actually happening to you.

Everything Tim did, Teddy wanted to do.

Ew, gross. It went everywhere.

Ew.

Exactly.

Except for the arm, you mean.

Except Tim didn't wear glasses.

Except your obnoxious voice. You hear that.

Faster, Tim.

Fine!

First one on the board. Ding, ding, ding.

First theorized that the universe has a limit

First, the ride, and now a a full sit down dinner.

First, we need to make a quick pit stop.

Forced together again.

Forever starts today. (CHUCKLES)

Forever.

Founder of The Acorn Center for Advanced Childhood.

Frankly, I don't see how that's legal.

Fraud.

From the very, very beginning

Get back in the box, Bo Peep.

Get down from there.

Get it together, man.

Get the cord, get the cord, get the cord!

Get the cord. Get the cord.

Get up. We got to go.

Give my creature life!

Given that the rigor of your previous school

Glue is bad!

Glue me, glue me, glue me.

Glue!

Glue!

Glue! (LAUGHS)

Glue.

Glue.

Glue.

Glue's good.

Go get 'em, tiger. (CHUCKLES)

Go get some ice cream after.

Go left! Go left!

Go on.

Go on. (GRUNTS)

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go, go! Move! Move!

Go, Marcos... uh, Dad. Go!

Go, Tina.

Gold star for you, Daddy.

Good heavens.

Good night, Dr. Hawking.

Good night, Lamb Lamb.

Good night, little Tina. Mwah!

Good night, sweetheart. Mama's gonna kiss you.

Good night, sweetie.

Good night, sweetie.

Good night, Tabitha.

Good. I could use a break.

Good... try.

Got it.

Got to go. Lightspeed out.

Grandpa?

Great, matey.

Guess we'll just have to melt down your big old statue

Gumption, even. Very admirable.

Guys, come on.

Ha! Got your nose.

Hand downs, Norma Rae. This is my time.

Hand over the bottle, mullet.

Hands up, diapers down.

Hang on!

Happy holidays, coppers.

Have a chance to reboot your relationship and...

He can't do that.

He kicked me off the mission.

He really looked up to his big brother, though.

He really rose to the occasion.

He scores! He scores!

He shoots, he scores!

He was so proud of his little brother.

He who findeth keepeth.

He wouldn't leave him alone.

He's a ba... You're a baby.

He's always got a work meeting or a business trip

He's new.

He's talking about Armstrong.

Hello? BabyCorp?

Hello. My name is Dr. Erwin Armstrong,

Help. Tabitha fell off horsey.

Helps me fall asleep!

Here at The Acorn Center, we believe

Here at the center, we believe babies

Here we go. What's the crisis, sweetie?

Here.

Here. Stick around. Stick around.

Hey, but you look great, though.

Hey, forget "works well with others."

Hey, hey! The key still works!

Hey, I was just...

Hey, if you want, I can help you with your song.

Hey, Lamb Lamb.

Hey, my old...

Hey, that's my leisure suit.

Hey, want to go scare the crap out of Mom?

Hey, what the...

Hey, what would you say

Hey, you did sort of ruin the mission.

Hey! (SCREAMS)

Hey! What was that for?

Hey.

Hey. There's no "I" in "team."

Hi, Daddy.

Hi.

Hi. I I'm new here.

Hilarious!

His best friend was an alarm clock.

His brain sure doesn't move at light speed.

Hmm.

Hold on to your chaps, pal.

Hold on to your holster.

How about another round, you tough guy? Come on!

How about this one? It's a classic.

How about you watch me have a little toast?

How am I gonna get backstage if I'm not in the pageant?

How are we gonna get up there?

How dare you question my power!

How do I look?

How else you gonna pull it?

How to get to the principal's office.

How... is... your...

How's your bonding trip?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh.

Huh. It's like I know you from somewhere.

Huh. Something tells me this isn't day care.

Huh. Well, how about that.

Huzzah!

Huzzah! (LAUGHS)

I ain't going back to the clink!

I beg your pardon?

I call him. I invite him. He never shows up.

I call shotgun.

I can come to school with you, and you can get

I can give you 20 minutes.

I can make him prance.

I can make Muttonchops do whatever I want.

I can prove that everything I'm saying is real.

I can stay close to Armstrong.

I can turn back time...

I can't let Mommy see me talk,

I can't wait to see the look on my dad's face when I sing.

I can't. I just can't.

I could never do your job.

I crawled. I did things with glue

I did it. I did it.

I did?

I do that sometimes.

I don't know, I was just working on this.

I don't know. Maybe it's already too late.

I don't like to mix the two,

I don't see your statue.

I don't think so.

I expected that you

I feel like you really understand me.

I forgot you were an old man.

I give up.

I got told what to do all the time.

I got you, Tabitha.

I got you.

I got you.

I got you. I got you.

I guess we did.

I guess.

I hate public radio.

I hate to interrupt, but may I make a suggestion?

I have a beautiful voice.

I hope to grow up and be a success, just like you.

I I mean, we just met.

I just can't do it right now, okay?

I just hope Tim's back in time for the pageant.

I just want him to be proud of me.

I knew there must be a perfectly logical explanation.

I like glue.

I like ponies.

I like ponies.

I like your pony.

I look forward to greeting you at the breakfast table.

I love Stock Crush.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Tabitha Templeton.

I made a lot of money...

I made it all the way to Armstrong's office,

I made this vocalizer for Dr. Hawking.

I mean, you work around the clock,

I mean, you've got this.

I mean... thanks.

I miss my teeth.

I noticed you can be a little absentminded.

I promise you this:

I quit!

I repeat, you're a baby.

I ruined the mission. (SIGHS)

I said a lot of stuff to that kid.

I see a baby pony.

I see that you've angered my baby ninjas.

I should've given you a warning.

I still got these. (GRUNTING)

I still have an overactive imagination,

I still keep in touch with the old gang, too.

I still love you, Daddy.

I suggest you let your attorney do the talking.

I suppose I can live with that. Tim?

I swear I didn't leave that message.

I taught babies to code.

I think I finally got this parenting thing figured out.

I think it's time we both grow up.

I think it's time we both grow up.

I think some guys at my gym take this stuff.

I think that's doable.

I thought it would be easy.

I thought we both had to grow up.

I thought we had all the time in the world.

I wake up in the morning, I block.

I want to see her fail.

I want to sing the song.

I wanted to be successful, too, you know.

I was always jealous of you.

I was always the successful one.

I was desperate.

I was expecting you.

I was just worried about Tabitha, you know?

I was talking about me and Precious.

I will be there.

I wish you were here.

I wonder why they didn't mention that in your file.

I...

I... (GRUNTS, YELLS)

I'll give you that.

I'll hold them back.

I'll implant a device.

I'll save you!

I'll send them a check.

I'll show everybody.

I'm blue! I'm blue!

I'm blue. You're yellow.

I'm coming for you.

I'm cool.

I'm gonna email it to you.

I'm gonna go where navigation says.

I'm gonna have to, you know, uh, stop you.

I'm gonna save you from the bubbling lava!

I'm home.

I'm just... alone.

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Come on.

I'm listening to white noise!

I'm not talking about the show. I'm talking about B Day.

I'm not yellow. I'm blue.

I'm on a supersecret mission from BabyCorp.

I'm so excited.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you,

I'm sorry I missed your one wedding.

I'm sorry that I missed your graduations.

I'm sorry, Connie. I have to cut this short.

I'm sorry, Nathan. I'm doing my best.

I'm sorry, Wizzie.

I'm sure your dad will be back

I'm the best darn cook in the county

I'm trapped in the dum dum holding tank.

I'm younger than you.

I've been on hold forever!

I've been on hold so long I got a tooth growing in.

I've decided who's going on the mission.

I've got something better than a partner.

I've got the glasses. See?

If Armstrong's philosophy keeps spreading,

If I were there, I'd pinch you so hard.

If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.

If you two can put up with each other a little longer.

If you want something done right,

If you want to get ahead.

If you would like to make a call,

In "teamwork," either.

In fact, you know, you remind me a lot of myself

In the most user friendly photo app ever made.

In the snow...

In time to see you in the pageant.

In your face, Leslie!

Inappropriately lavish gift instead.

Including my dad.

Intentions, of course, but they're not experts.

Is absolutely okay.

Is an unknown variable.

Is being alone.

Is he talking to me? He better not be talking to me,

Is imagine that you're inside the song.

Is it really you?

Is it? I didn't notice.

Is just a little oomph.

Is now in session.

Is that me?

Is that the baby Jesus?

Is that the police?

Is the real brains behind the operation.

Is there a big one of those whatsits at school?

Is there terrible ones? Is that a thing?

Is this some kind of a ninja boy band?

Isn't it a bit early for terrible twos?

Isn't that right, little Nathan?

It could be the end of childhood.

It is you.

It looks better on her.

It says a lot.

It was a good story, wasn't it?

It was always personal.

It was at that point I realized I was smarter than my parents.

It'll be fun.

It's all in the phones.

It's all real.

It's an emergency.

It's business, Leslie.

It's called a GAGA device.

It's flooding the room.

It's game over.

It's just that you tend to procrastinate.

It's just, he's really good at this kind of thing...

It's like she doesn't even need me anymore.

It's like she looks right into your soul.

It's like, "F minus. See me after class."

It's lonely at the top.

It's Night of the Living Boomers.

It's not gonna be good, though.

It's not personal.

It's not that she hates you, Tim.

It's one, two, three and one, two, three.

It's so cute!

It's so real! It's so real!

It's so sad.

It's so thin.

It's starting. It's starting.

It's the beginning of the baby revolution.

It's The Good Night Show.

It's the perfect disguise.

It's this whole thing.

It's, uh, very, uh, feisty, but please sit down.

It's, uh... it's a hockey alarm.

JANICE: Grandma's coming in hot!

JANICE: Mm. Yes. High strung.

JANICE: They were best friends.

JANICE: Yeah, I don't like him.

Jealousy, fear. Hey, I faced the same obstacles.

Joining us today.

Junior!

Just because you grow up

Just because you grow up, it doesn't mean

Just when I got good at this whole parenting thing.

Keeps hands to self. Check.

KIDS: ♪ We're in this together ♪

KIDS: Diwali!

Kind of intense.

Ladies and gentlemen, he scores!

Lame o. Dorkus to the max.

Las Posadas!

Let me do it, Nathan.

Let me see your face.

Let's get some sleep!

Let's get to the nut, the nugget.

Let's roll.

Like... like I did with my brother.

Listen, all you got to do

Little bit more.

Live from your bedroom, starring Dad and Mom.

Look at you.

Look holier!

Look, I'm sorry about what I said at recess.

Looks like we have to stop Armstrong ourselves.

Loss of bowel control, chubby thighs"?

Love, the best brother in the world.

Makes good use of classroom materials. Check.

Makes me want to make a sad face.

Mama? Papa?

Man, Wizzie, she's growing up so fast.

Man, you guys are beyond generous.

Marcos Lightspeed.

Marcos, wait. Where are you?

Maybe we'll see you soon.

Meanwhile, with my new purple status,

MEGHAN: And break a leg.

MEGHAN: Hey! You're on, Templeton!

MEGHAN: Oh, Nathan, Nathan, let me do it.

MEGHAN: Psst.

MEGHAN: Yeah, Templeton.

Men. Am I right?

Mine were child psychologists

Mm hmm. Yep.

Mm.

Mm. Ow!

Mmm, cherry.

Mmm. (CRUNCHING)

Mmm. (GARGLES, SLURPS)

Mmm. For very special babies.

Mmm. Lolly?

Mmm. Power.

Mmm. The best of the best.

Mmm. There's a meeting today...

Mmm. We have a secret level.

Mom and Dad.

MOM: You came home.

Mom.

Mommy and Daddy, let's hug 'em... to death.

Mommy says no running in the house.

Mommy, Daddy, I missed you so much.

Months of hypnotic research embedded

Mwah.

My file?

My good arm.

My life is pretty perfect.

My name's Tim, and this...

My real mission was getting you two back together.

My schedule is brutal tomorrow.

My scientist of the week award.

My soft spot.

My texting hand!

My whole family is going to be there,

Nah, we got some family business.

Nailed it.

Nana? Mom?

NATHAN AND MEGHAN: And one, two, three

NATHAN: All right, all right, all right.

NATHAN: I can't wait.

NATHAN: Ugh! You always come in a beat late.

NATHAN: You are blowing it, Templeton!

Neither one of us.

Never see him... (FRIGHTENED WHIMPERING)

Never touch another man's pony.

New colleague, why don't you introduce yourself.

Next subject.

Nice plant.

Nighty night.

Nine and a half. Ten!

No crying is permitted in the separation zone.

No fractions, no fractions, no fractions. Whoa!

No judgment.

No kidding. You had no business

No more devil baby.

No more need for costumes.

No more parents.

No more rules.

No need. I have my own mission now.

No way!

No, Daddy, not all schools are evil.

No, honey, I can hear you fine.

No, I didn't! It was my brother.

No, I'm not gonna call him right now.

No, I'm not.

No, I'm telling you,

No, no, it's not... it's not your birthday.

No, no, no, no. Wizzie, it's me.

No, no, no, tally... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

No, no, no! No!

No, no, no. It's not the time for celebration.

No, no, Tim. You suck.

No, no! No, no, no! No, no! No, no, no!

No, no. It's fine.

No, no. No, no, no.

No, not my bows.

No, really? What, are we going sailing?

No, the Box makes you crazy.

No, you can't.

No, you were so great.

No!

No! No.

No! Someone help me, please!

No! Stop passing.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Just be cool. Be cool.

No. No, it's not that.

No. This time, it's even worse.

No. What?

Not "ooh." "Boo."

Not bad, Templetons.

Not even you.

Not that's it's all five star.

Not to his face. He was very litigious.

Nothing would get off the ground.

Nothing would happen.

Now all we need to do is sit back, relax

Now let's crack that big nut. (GRUNTS)

Now we can make parents do whatever we want.

Now we just sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

Now, anybody have any ideas?

Now, aren't you a cutie in that little karate outfit.

Now, go back to sleep.

Now, I already used this, so I know it's safe.

Now, I can't get ahold of Dad or Uncle Ted,

Now, I just wanted to remind you

Now, I'll be your eyes and your ears in the audience.

Now, I've arranged for a school bus

Now, in the past six months,

Now, the tea's hot, Connie.

Now, this top secret document...

Now, we have secret intel

Now, what about being lonely?

Now?

Objection, Your Honor.

Of course they do.

Of course, I mean that facetiously,

Of course.

Oh là là!

Oh, and, uh, by the way, I know why you're here,

Oh, come on, nativity!

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Every Everyone get together.

Oh, Daddy.

Oh, don't forget Lamb Lamb.

Oh, don't worry about us. Get to the server.

Oh, I am in on the mission.

Oh, I got to get the plant and the bug we got to plant.

Oh, I was, uh...

Oh, I wish Teddy could have been here.

Oh, isn't it great to see them fighting again?

Oh, it's priceless.

Oh, it's so cute. What's the app called?

Oh, man, this is so cool.

Oh, my God! It's so real!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe this.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, thanks.

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Are we gonna have a talk in your office?

Oh, no. It's about to go worldwide.

Oh, no. It's not working.

Oh, no. No, no, it's leaving.

Oh, piano playing bunny, you slay me.

Oh, remember when he said our boss was trying to kidnap us?

Oh, right in the breadbasket!

Oh, sorry. This seat is taken.

Oh, sweet.

Oh, Tabitha.

Oh, that was fun.

Oh, that's right. (SCOFFS)

Oh, this is Lamb Lamb.

Oh, Timothy.

Oh, Tina, you little klepto...

Oh, we miss you, too.

Oh, yeah. It's already in the parents' phones.

Oh, yeah. Way beyond.

Oh, yes, 17 long months.

Oh, yes. I...

Oh, you're serious.

Oh! (BABBLES)

Oh! Tina!

Oh?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

Oh. Hey, that's a little too high now.

Oh. Huh.

Oh. Remember the time he sued us?

Oh. Right, right. (CHUCKLES)

Oh. So sorry.

Oh. Thanks, Marcos.

Oh. Time for recess.

Oh. Whoa, whoa.

Oh. Whoopsie. Your little horsey fell off.

Okay, he's cool.

Okay, I'm just... I'm afraid

Okay, looks like we got to split up.

Okay, time out! This has gone far enough!

Okay, we need to find the big whatchamacallit

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Going home.

Okay. Wizzie, you're... you're not helping.

Okay...

Okey dokey.

OMG, that's a lot.

On my signal, unleash heck.

Once you grow up, you can never go back.

One is the loneliest number.

One job.

Only I can do that.

Ooh, Find My Nose.

Ooh, I want to help. What what do you want me to do?

Ooh, it's gonna change the world forever.

Ooh, it's gonna change the world.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Yay!

Ooh, this is rarefied air

Ooh.

Ooh. You're going on a brother bonding trip.

Oops.

Opportunity knocks.

Or a conference call.

Or baby astronauts.

Or here. Or there.

Or I'm doomed.

Or she's gonna start squealing and hugging me,

Or the most popular apps that money can buy.

Or two, for that matter. (LAUGHS)

Ouch. There's the awkward stage.

Our most advanced class.

Out of Popsicle sticks and bubble gum!

Ow! Ooh!

Ow! Which one?

Ow. Stop it.

P.S. Duck.

Palm Doodle.

Parents, right? (CHUCKLES)

Particle physics.

Pew, pew, pew, pew!

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up,

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Choo choo!

Places! Places, everybody!

Plant these surveillance devices,

Please come in. Entrez vous?

Please don't say "love."

Please hang up and try again.

Please, no, don't hurt my statue.

Please.

Pollution, politics, wars.

Precious, my noble steed.

Precious, sic him.

Precious. Precious!

Pretty impressive.

Product testing?

Psst. Hey, Tabitha.

Psst. Psst. Daddy.

Pure genius.

Put that down. Put that down. Put that down.

QT Snap is the app that's going to change the world forever?

Questions?

Quick, to the acorn!

Quite annoying. Yeah.

Ready or not, here I come. (GRUNTS)

Ready?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? You're just gonna throw that right there, huh?

Relax.

Remember, flash photography in the auditorium

Remember, your size doesn't determine your strength.

Remind me to get the number of your muttonchop guy.

Research and development?

Right, Tina?

Right.

Right.

ROBOT VOICE: Don't cry.

ROBOT VOICE: There, there. All better.

ROBOTIC VOICE: Hell l l l l...

ROBOTIC VOICE: Please stop.

Roy Federman. Just tell him I sent you, okay?

Rusty, roll it.

Sad? Uh, yeah, maybe.

Said nihonium to the other elements in the periodic table.

Sail away! What time is it?

Say hello, Dr. Hawking.

Sayonara, Mama and Papa!

Sayonara, Mama and Papa.

School is...

Seating position is determined by class rank.

See you at the pageant tomorrow.

See, Tim, this is why I work alone.

Sharks, getting shot in the head with an arrow,

She comes from a secret corporation run by babies.

She did it.

She just doesn't respect you.

She's a real chip off the old block.

She's alive!

She's been sent from up there.

She's keeping an eye on me.

She's my daughter!

She's my niece. (SCREAMS)

She's your daughter. I get it.

Shouldn't you pick up?

Show a little respect.

Showing up for things all of a sudden.

Sitting is... stupid!

So I need your help, big sis.

So soft.

So surprised, you said it twice. (CHUCKLES)

So they'll do whatever he wants.

So why bother with a school?

So you can infiltrate the school and find out

So you're saying the voice mail was some kind of call for help.

So, hey, uh, what you doing?

So, how'd you like your first day?

So, Marcos... Lightspeed?

So, what, did you flunk coloring class, kid?

So, what, they're gonna send in the Baby SEALS or something?

So, why is the pageant stressing you out so much?

Some kind of prank?

Somebody who can, uh...

Something doesn't smell right.

Sometimes I'm a race car driver.

Soon, the world is gonna be our playground.

Soon, they take you for granted.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry, sweetie. I can't do Christmas on the 25th.

Sorry, what?

Sounds like a cartoon name.

Spends time wisely. Check.

Stay calm, Tabitha.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Ow, ow, ow!

Stop, stop, stop. Come back!

Stop. No, do it. Do it.

Stop. You're embarrassing me.

STUDENT: Oh, over there!

STUDENTS: Good morning, Dr. Armstrong!

STUDENTS: Healthy competition.

STUDENTS: Marcos!

Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it.

Suck it, Ted.

Suckers.

Sure, Tim.

Surprise me. Say yes.

Surprise, surprise.

Sustained.

Sweet dreams.

Sweet.

Sweetheart, I cried.

Sweetie, it's the program.

T Tabitha? Is that you?

Tabitha and I are growing apart,

Tabitha can handle it.

Tabitha has set the bar.

Tabitha, do you have an idea about that?

Tabitha, don't interrupt. (CHUCKLES)

Tabitha, hang on!

Tabitha, will you please help me out?

TABITHA: ♪ Catch my eye ♪

TABITHA: ♪ We know that ♪

TABITHA: All right. My turn.

TABITHA: And this is my closet.

TABITHA: Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?

TABITHA: Good night, Mom.

TABITHA: Grandma! Grandpa!

TABITHA: Hey, Mom?

TABITHA: Hey. We're home.

TABITHA: I'm trying.

TABITHA: It's nothing.

TABITHA: Ten and a half more years, Grandma.

TABITHA: That's it?

TABITHA: That's okay.

TABITHA: That's so Dad.

TABITHA: Which intersect at the acorn!

TABITHA: Yay, Templetons!

TABITHA: You put my sister down.

Tabitha?

Tabitha. (SIGHS)

Tabitha's father has a very active imagination.

Tabitha's on next.

Take a picture. Show your kids that you love 'em.

Tallyho, Precious!

TED SR.: Hey, who's the new guy?

TED SR.: Or that his baby brother could walk and talk

TED SR.: Those guys did everything together.

TED SR.: Yeah, no peeking.

Ted, I need upsies... now.

TED: Apparently, there's no "A"

TED: Apps. They're writing apps.

TED: Aw.

TED: Go for his lollies!

TED: I know tuition is pretty steep,

TED: I weep for the future.

TED: Interrupting what? I don't hear anything.

TED: It's just a school.

TED: Let him through.

TED: Make it rain, baby.

TED: Merry Christmas, Tim.

TED: My people will take care of that.

TED: Okay. Our clock is ticking.

TED: Psst.

TED: Santa's got something for everybody.

TED: Sayonara, baby!

TED: Take it from me, you have to be aggressive

TED: Tallyho, Precious!

TED: They see us, Tim. They see us.

TED: Uh, yeah. Well, keep in touch, Tim.

TED: When the moment is right,

TED: Whoa.

TED: Yeehaw!

TED: You'd risk the future of the world

Thank goodness, BabyCorp. Well, BabyCo...

Thank you for choosing to be excellent.

Thank you, navigation.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. (SIGHS)

Thank you. I accept.

Thank you. There's the...

Thanks, babe.

Thanks, Marcos Lightspeed.

Thanks, Marcos.

Thanks, Marcos. And thanks for all your help.

Thanks.

That all competition is...

That Armstrong is scheduled to address the audience,

That controls the parents' phones.

That Dr. Armstrong leaves his office every morning at 11:15.

That I'm not proud of, but I made it.

That Tabitha's pageant is tomorrow night.

That you once felt.

That you two were working together.

That'll be great for my report.

That's cute and old timey.

That's it? No hello?

That's literally the title of the book I'm working on.

That's more like it.

That's my big brother.

That's my dad's.

That's my galaxy model right up there on my shelf.

That's my girl.

That's right.

That's right. Why? What? The school's expensive.

That's so sad.

That's the spirit, Daddy.

That's what the suit says.

That's why I volunteered for

The age of parents is over.

The baby's in the cradle.

The Box?

The difference in "try" and "triumph"

The flake has landed.

The girls need us. (GRUNTS)

The jealousy.

The jokes were good, right?

The moment that we've worked so hard for is almost here.

The only thing holding us back is them,

The only thing you're ever gonna succeed at

The photos will spread like a diaper rash.

The point is I'm all in on the Templetons.

The school is the problem.

The sweet breath of freedom.

The trial of Timothy Leslie Templeton

The truth is...

The world's leading producer of bauxite is...

The wrong tune.

The, uh, petty disputes,

Their brains are turning to mush.

Then I went blank.

Then start acting like a block.

Then stuff you into a box!

Then they stop coming to you for advice.

There must be a way out of here.

There was a rocket full of puppies,

There, there. All better.

There's a big old no touchy switch backstage.

There's a crisis at BabyCorp.

There's a difference.

There's not enough evidence, BabyCorp? I...

There's our little angel.

There's the old enthusiasm I like to see.

These last final precious moments together.

These schools have been popping up all over the world.

They can help out.

They exposed me to 10,000 hours

They had their chance, and what did we get?

They pushed me around.

They should use their precious time

They think that's a terrible idea.

They will eventually write Shakespeare?

They're zombies!

They've been here the whole time.

Things are about to get weird.

Think, think, think, think, think.

This explains why Tabitha's been pulling away from me.

This is bad. No.

This is kind of dark.

This is my emotional support plant.

This is my life's work.

This is really disappointing.

This is so cool. This is so cool.

This is so great. (CHUCKLES)

This is so weird.

This is some ridiculous mistake.

This is where we monitor all threats

This isn't a time out.

This pony hates me. Oh!

This school is stressing Tabitha out.

This top secret program reveals

This whole time, I was thinking about

This... We got to get this. Here we go.

Three and a half miles home...

Three and a half miles?

Three and a half, six... Somewhere in there. (CHUCKLES)

Thursday?

Tim and Ted are on a trip.

Tim, I'm gonna give you the name of a doctor.

TIM: (COBBLED FROM RECORDING) Hello. This is your brother.

TIM: (GRUNTING) Hey.

TIM: (RECORDED) Good night, sweetie.

TIM: (SOUTHERN ACCENT) Well, and then sometimes

TIM: (SPOOKY VOICE) Or a surgeon, if need be. (CHUCKLES)

TIM: ♪ Well, if you want to sing out, sing out ♪

TIM: All I do is block.

TIM: All in all,

TIM: But we always stick together.

TIM: Did you move? I didn't move.

TIM: Hello.

TIM: Here we go. It's all you.

TIM: Hey, Tabitha.

TIM: I'm not crazy!

TIM: I'm on it.

TIM: Left! Left! Left!

TIM: Mm.

TIM: Now, some might say

TIM: Oh, yeah. Right.

TIM: Okay, so... so that's it, then.

TIM: Right, right, right, right, right!

TIM: See? I'm cool.

TIM: She brings home the bacon, too,

TIM: She's the breadwinner of the family.

TIM: So, even though you're only a kid once...

TIM: Sorry.

TIM: Tabitha!

TIM: The end.

TIM: They got the head size right.

TIM: Time is a funny thing.

TIM: Uh, Carol?

TIM: We have our ups, and we have our downs.

TIM: We're so proud.

TIM: Wow. This is so amazing.

TIM: Yeah, they haven't changed much.

TIM: Yeah! Woo hoo!

TIM: Yeah. See?

Tim!

Tim! Get to the fire alarm!

Tina, come in. B Day is happening now.

Tina, I think I got it. Yes!

Tina, stop! (GRUNTING)

Tina, Tina, come in. It's Daddy.

TINA: Ah, that was really sweet, Daddy.

TINA: Daddy!

TINA: Here you go, sis.

TINA: I can make him dance.

TINA: If you're fishing for a compliment, you caught one!

TINA: Now you're thinking!

TINA: Okay, Pops. Now.

TINA: Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up,

TINA: This will allow me to control his suit.

TINA: Well, actually, there's one more little thing.

Tina! What is your problem?

To babies around the world.

To be here at 8:00 a.m. sharp!

To be, or not to be? Tabitha.

To develop faster, push harder.

To get Uncle Ted.

To me helping you rehearse for the holiday pageant?

To send inappropriately lavish gifts

To the baby revolution and to me.

To the golden years, when it was just you and me.

To... no more parents. (LAUGHS)

Tomorrow, we'll talk about your problems.

Trial? Wait, what... what are the charges?

Truly comprehend what I'm trying to accomplish.

TV dinner?

Two, actually.

Two? Let the bells ring!

Ugh, come on.

Ugh! I just get so nervous.

Ugh. He's not responding.

Ugh. Well, then we'll take care of it.

Uh oh.

Uh, as a matter of fact, I've been observing you.

Uh, babies.

Uh, can we get on with this?

Uh, cool. (GASPS)

Uh, don't worry. I got it.

Uh, he's busy.

Uh, hello.

Uh, how about a standing ovation?

Uh, I will be there in one shape or another.

Uh, let's see.

Uh, my name's Ti... um, Marcos.

Uh, no, not the police.

Uh, okay.

Uh, so what's the problem?

Uh, that's my mom.

Uh, the more the merrier.

Uh, Tim, what do we do now?!

Uh, uh, tell her you're packing.

Uh, wait. Your tie's crooked.

Uh, wh what brings you into town?

Uh, why... why wouldn't he be there?

Uh, yeah, you know, like a dork.

Uh, you shall not pass.

Uh... Whoa!

Um, Dr. Flam... baisley?

Um, liability issues.

Um, that's that's an eyebrow.

Um, upstairs now.

Um, who are these extra plates for?

Uncle Ted really misses you.

Uncle Ted was a magical talking baby.

Uncle Ted, please stay for Christmas. Please.

Uncle Ted, you're here! You're really here.

Uncle Ted! Heads up!

Uncle Ted! Pull the fire alarm!

Understand my baby talk.

Unfortunately, people are, uh, not ready for a...

Very celebratory right now.

Wait a minute, that's... that's Tabitha's school.

Wait, no, no. Stop!

Wait, so you never actually quit?

Wait, wait.

Wait, wait. Dad's here?

Wait. Are you t talking?

Was that so hard? Baby steps.

Way beyond. Ooh.

Way to go, Tabitha.

Way to go! (WHOOPS)

We can build a hot air balloon

We can work on this tomorrow, okay?

We can't possibly include your data,

We did it!

We did it.

We didn't know anything about the real world.

We got 15 minutes, people.

We got to stop him.

We had a deal, Tim.

We have it in cherry, g****, orange and lime.

We have to stop Armstrong before the formula wears off.

We may be small, but we're about to teach grown ups

We meet again, doorknob.

We must not be late for our first day of school.

We need some eyes on the prize, visual confirmation here.

We need someone backstage. Tim, that's you.

We need to shut it down before it goes global.

We need to think outside the box.

We should give them some privacy.

We the jury find the defendant...

We were just kids.

We win! Get ready to order some pizzas.

We'll meet outside Armstrong's office at 11:15.

We'll sneak in, and we'll plant the bugs.

We'll talk about that later.

We're going rogue. I like it.

We're just having fun.

We're upstairs, uh, packing.

We're, uh, rebooting our relationship

We're, uh...

Weird kid.

Welcome, welcome.

Well played.

Well put.

Well, he grew up to be the boss, all right.

Well, hey, at least we have

Well, I better get going if I'm gonna walk those

Well, I did single handedly save the company.

Well, I hope you're hungry.

Well, I think that went well.

Well, I work alone... Or at least not with him.

Well, I... I gave her to my daughter, Tabitha.

Well, I'd say the bickering,

Well, I'm the boss, applesauce.

Well, it didn't really make a lot of sense.

Well, it's personal to me, Lindsey.

Well, let's not grow up too fast.

Well, Marcos, Tim Time is like a black hole

Well, my parents, they're a little wacky, so...

Well, quite the family reunion.

Well, servers get really hot, so you need air ducts.

Well, so far, it's Tabitha number one

Well, Tabitha fell off her pony.

Well, that was unsettling.

Well, that's just horribly rude of you all.

Well, this is the rest of my story.

Well, unless you get to be a kid twice,

Well, what's your name, new friend?

Well, yeah.

Well, you can't be the block. I'm the block.

Wh What does that mean? I'm the block.

Wha...?

What a bunch of diaper sniffers. (GRUNTS)

What are we gonna do now?

What are you afraid of?

What are you doing here? (GRUNTS) Why are you yelling?

What are you doing? It's the cops.

What are you doing? No, no, no! No!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What can they possibly offer you?

What do you think? What do you think?

What Dr. Armstrong is really up to.

What gave us away?

What happens on the playground stays on the playground.

What have you done to me?!

What I wanted and not what she needed.

What if everybody said no?

What is all this?

What is it this time?

What is it? A creature of the night?

What is this?

What maniacal underground fortress doesn't have ninjas?

What the frittata?

What the heck are we watching?

What was... Hey!

What What's with the face?

What?

What? It actually works.

What? It's time for your good night song.

What? No. Not the Box. Not now.

What? What are you doing? No!

What? What could be more important than my mission?

What? What's going on?

What? You never told me you had

What... Did they really just leave?

What... No, you can't leave me alone with your parents.

What's going on?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's that supposed to mean? (GRUNTS)

What's the issue? Talk to me.

What's the matter?

What's up, y'all?

What's what's Tim Time?

When I volunteered for this gig,

When I was your age,

Where are we going?

Where are you going?

Where do you think youse going? You lost?

Where has the time gone?

Where things like reality and being on time get lost.

Whew, doggie! And the house wins again.

Whew.

Which he will do right here at the very end.

Which is a good thing.

Which is now.

Which is really weird, to be honest,

While I keep an eye on our new baby, Tina.

While I was talking in my sleep.

Who doesn't?

Who knows which scientist

Who made me part of an experiment.

Who wants cake?

Who wants to go outside and play?

Who wants to play Shawshank?

Whoa oa oa oa oa oa oa oa...!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! (LAUGHS)

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. (CHUCKLES)

Whoa. (YELLS)

Whoa. Are you kidding me?

Whoa. How about your favorite bedtime story?

Whoa. Slow down.

Whoa. This is exactly like Bill Gates' rec room...

Whoa. This is it?

Whoa. This place even looks evil.

Whoa. Where did you...

Whoo! Yeah, this is fun!

Why do parents get to be in charge, anyway?

Why don't you both suck it?

Willkommen.

Willkommen.

Wish me luck.

Witches? Is it the baying of the hounds of hell?

With a superior intelligence like my own.

Without a jacket.

WIZZIE: How should I know? (GRUNTS)

WIZZIE: It's 8:45 p.m.

Wizzie!

Wizzie?

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo! Yay, Templetons.

Woo hoo! Yeah!

Working as a team, we will strike at the pageant.

Would be expecting me, so there.

Would you like some fruit?

Wow. Everybody seems to know.

Wow. Point taken.

Wow. That was so great.

Wow. What a palace.

Wow. You knew that?

X is equal to the derivative of...

Yah! Pixie dust! Aha.

Yay, Tabitha!

Yay!

Yay!

Yeah, but in a good way.

Yeah, but some things are more important than money.

Yeah, Dad!

Yeah, he looks just like Tim.

Yeah, I know. Me, too.

Yeah, I'm a latchkey kid, so I eat whatever I want.

Yeah, I'm a lot taller in my mind.

Yeah, mission accomplished.

Yeah, Tabitha. Get him.

Yeah, that's a... I'd say that's a good thing.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, they could help out.

Yeah, we need to talk.

Yeah, well, that TV dinner is not gonna microwave itself.

Yeah.

Yeah. Colorful, characterful, and I like it.

Yeah. Right.

Yeah. School is evil.

Yeah. You look like Tim.

Year after year after year.

Yep, where there's crying, there's my brother.

Yep.

Yep. I'm in the family business.

Yes, babies are gonna run the world one day.

Yes, first, they start spending less time with you.

Yes, Marcos.

Yes!

Yes! (LAUGHS)

Yes! No.

Yes! What?

Yet.

Yippee!

You always have to be the hero, don't you?

You are a legend in this joint.

You are, if I may, extremely intelligent.

You can go ahead and take off. I have urgent family business.

You can take the pony home.

You can't even quit if you wanted to,

You can't stop time.

You cast me into eternal darkness

You could go public and make millions.

You did it.

You did such a great job.

You didn't even come to my graduation.

You didn't even come to my wedding.

You don't need parents.

You failed me, Tim.

You get sent to the principal's office.

You go get 'em, Tabitha.

You got to wake up every day

You grow up and grow apart.

You guys really know how to baby a baby.

You guys should really change the locks.

You had one job to do.

You have produced an heir, Timothy?

You have to be there.

You have to do it without your brother!

You have to grow apart.

You just can't disappear.

You just don't remember. Tell him, Tina.

You know what, BabyCorp?

You know what, kid?

You know, Doc, childhood doesn't last forever,

You know, I could use somebody like you.

You know, I'm... I'm sorry we don't see each other anymore.

You know, Ted was quite a handful himself.

You know, the one about...

You know, you two are brothers in every single way.

You know?

You make others work well for you.

You mean Dad's stories are true?

You might feel very emotional, have some mood swings.

You need a cover story.

You need to sneak in there,

You probably just didn't do it right.

You promised you'd be there always.

You see, Daddy, BabyCorp is more of what I...

You sleep butt dialed me?

You there, what century is this?

You used to love it. (MIMICS EXPLOSION)

You were partners.

You would never treat Lamb Lamb this way.

You you can talk?

You, suck.

You'll be headed back to your office.

You'll be singing a different tune at rehearsal.

You're a bigger target.

You're amazing.

You're back on the mission.

You're breaking up. I'm losing you.

You're embarrassed of him?

You're funny, Uncle Ted.

You're gonna be great.

You're here.

You're never gonna take me alive, see?

You're only a kid once.

You're overreacting.

You're really...

You're right. I blew it.

You're smart. You're strong.

You're so funny.

You're the best boss I ever had.

You're too little and too late.

You're welcome anytime.

You're... You... You you...

You've given me the greatest gift of all.

YOUNG TIM: Dear Boss Baby,

Your best is going to keep me out of going to Juilliard.

Your son is so talented.

Your your parents are gonna pick you up.

11:15.

11:30. Stick to the plan.

15. Got it. The block is focused.

300 horsepower with a four barrel carb.

...horsey fell off. (REWINDING)

...the days lasted forever. Two.

...welcome, Marcos, to Blue Unit. (GASPS)

...well, they went by so fast. Four.

...you're all grown up. Eight.

"It's all about the dough." (LAUGHTER)

(ALARM RINGING) (GRUNTS) Time's up, halflings.

(ALARM STOPS) (TABITHA GASPS)

(ALARMS STOP) I guess I'm just not feeling

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. You know what they say:

(ARMSTRONG STAMMERING) (TINA GRUNTS, YELLS)

(BABIES CHEERING) Yes!

(BABIES MOAN SADLY) Why?

(BELL DINGS) TIM: Wow. (GROANS)

(BELL DINGS) Yes! Yes! She did it!

(BLOWING) Always trust... Holy...

(BOTH GRUNTING) (RECORD SCRATCHES)

(BOTH GRUNTING) CAROL: Push it. No, no, pull.

(BOTH PANTING) It looks like this is it, Tim.

(BOTH SCREAM) (WIND WHISTLING)

(BUZZER SOUNDS) It's locked.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Oh, that's the wrong answer.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Uh oh. (BABIES GIGGLING)

(CAMERA CLICKS) (YELPS)

(CAMERA CLICKS) What?

(CAROL GASPS) (RINGING CONTINUES)

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (GROANS, SOBS)

(CHEERING) Does that sound fun? Good.

(CHIMING) Thanks so much for coming in, ladies.

(CHUCKLES) Mmm.

(CHUCKLES) Thank you.

(CHUCKLES) Tina. (TINA LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES) You're weird. I am?

(CLAMORING) (SIREN WAILING)

(CLANG) Ah, ba bad dog.

(CLATTERS) (TIM GASPS)

(COOS) Okay.

(COOS) On... purpose.

(COUGHS) Hmm? Huh?

(CRACKLING, SIZZLING) (SCREAMING)

(CRYING) ARMSTRONG: (OVER RADIO) What?

(DAD SOBBING) (MOM LAUGHING)

(DOOR CLOSES) (SCOFFS)

(DOORBELL RINGS) (GASPS)

(DOORBELL RINGS) (WHISPERS): Mom and Dad.

(FINGERS SNAP) Okay, Tim, focus.

(GASPS, PANTS) (PIANO PLAYING)

(GASPS) (MUFFLED BABBLING)

(GASPS) (MURMURING)

(GASPS) (OVER GAGA): Gasp.

(GASPS) I'm back!

(GASPS) Yes! Right?

(GASPS) Oh, my son. (MOM GASPING)

(GLUGGING) (TED YELLS)

(GROANS) CAROL: Tabitha, would you mind

(GROANS) Ow.

(GROANS) TIM: Fine.

(GROWLING) (CAROL AND TABITHA GASP)

(GRUNTS, WHOOPS) Pull. No, okay.

(GRUNTS) (ARMSTRONG SCREAMS, WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTS) (BABIES YELLING, LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS) (CHAIR CRASHES)

(GRUNTS) (FIRE ALARM RINGING)

(GRUNTS) (THUNDER CRASHES)

(GRUNTS) (TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS) (TOY SQUEAKS)

(GRUNTS) Do you want cream or sugar?

(GRUNTS) Oh, my gosh, Tabitha.

(GRUNTS) Theater kids only.

(GRUNTS) TINA: Oh, no!

(GRUNTS) Let go. No, you let go.

(GRUNTS) Now what? (BABIES CRYING)

(GRUNTS) Tina! Tina!

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) (PANTING)

(JANICE SCOFFS) (TED SR. CHUCKLES)

(KIDS GRUNTING) I go to sleep, blocking.

(LAUGHING) (PLAYS OMINOUS CHORDS)

(LAUGHING) TED: No, you didn't.

(LAUGHS) (GASPS) Late.

(LAUGHS) I got you so good! (TED GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS) Tim Time. Tim Time.

(LAUGHS) Very good. (TINA GASPS)

(LAUGHTER, BABBLING) Attention.

(LAUGHTER) JANICE: Teenagers. Ugh.

(LAUGHTER) Really, guy?

(LINE RINGING) (GASPS)

(MUMBLING) Oh, really?

(NATHAN GROANS IN FRUSTRATION) (PIANO PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES)

(NINJA BABY SHOUTS) Whoa!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) TIM: Sorry.

(PHONE RINGS) But, hey, he always remembers

(ROARS PLAYFULLY) Run for your lives!

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) (KIDS CHEERING)

(SCREAMING) (EXCITED CHATTER)

(SCREAMING) TED: Woo hoo!

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS) Woo hoo!

(SCREAMS) Cut it out. (MUTTERS)

(SCREAMS) It's too real! It's too real!

(SCREAMS) Oh, no!

(SCREAMS) See, Tim?

(SCREAMS) You can't hug money, you know.

(SCREAMS) Every parent will pull out their phone.

(SCREAMS) Whoa! Sorry.

(SIGHS, GASPS) Señor Lightspeed.

(SIGHS, GRUNTS) (APPLAUSE)

(SIGHS) (HORSE NEIGHS)

(SIGHS) I'll succeed in the mission.

(SQUEALS) Cool! (LAUGHS)

(STRAINING) (SCRAPING)

(STUDENTS GASP) (BUZZERS SOUNDING)

(TABITHA LAUGHS) Oh.

(TED CONTINUES WHISTLING) (TIM SPUTTERING)

(TED GASPS) Stock Crush.

(TED LAUGHS) Sorry, Officers.

(TED SCREAMING) WIZZIE: What? What?

(TED YELLS) TIM: Get dressed.

(THUNDER CRASHES) CAROL: Yay! TABITHA: Woo hoo!

(TIM SCREAMING) CAROL: Tim?

(TIM SCREAMING) TED: Whoa!

(TIM SCREAMS) Upsies.

(TIM YELLS, GROANS) Where is she? Where is she?

(TINA SIGHS) Hey, where is Tim, anyway?

(TINA YELLS, LAUGHS) Oh, Tina!

(WHIMPERING) ARMSTRONG: Listen.

(WHIMPERS) No, no, no. Look. Look.

(WHINNIES) Aah!

(WHIRRING) Have a seat, please.

(WIZZIE LAUGHING) (CAMERA CLICKS)

(WIZZIE SNORING) Did you hear that?

(YELLS) (GRUNTS)

(YELPS, GRUNTS) (TABITHA SCREAMING)

♪ 'Cause there's a million ways to go ♪ (GASPS)

♪ ♪ (WHINNIES)

♪ Ah ah ah ♪ (CHATTER STOPS)

♪ And if you want to sing high, sing high ♪ (WHIMPERING)

♪ Busted. ♪ (SIRENS WAIL)

♪ Busted. ♪ (SIRENS WAILING)

♪ Busted... ♪ ♪ Busted... ♪

♪ Busted... ♪ ♪ Busted... ♪

♪ Circumference all around. ♪ Yes.

♪ Hear those cheers ♪ (CAMERAS CLICKING)

♪ How is it, D? ♪ ♪ It's tricky, tricky... ♪

♪ I know that there are ♪ ♪ You know that there are ♪

♪ I know that there are ♪ ♪ You know that there are ♪

♪ I know that there are... ♪ ♪ You know that there are... ♪

♪ Sail away... ♪ (GRUNTS)

♪ See the sunset and the sunrise ♪ (GASPING)

♪ Sing out ♪ Yes, let it out.

♪ So we're all doomed ♪ TIM: ♪ All, uh... ♪

♪ The opportunity's yours ♪ (WHOOPING)

♪ The world looks so good through our eyes ♪ Wow.

♪ To sing low, sing low ♪ Whoa.

♪ Uh huh ♪ (SCREAMS, LAUGHS)

♪ With your dad... ♪ What?

♪ You know that there are ♪ Whoa. Marcos, wait up.

A geek. I know. No.

A plus! Come on.

A plus! See me after class. (TABITHA CHUCKLES)

a side hustle for me. Uh huh.

Absolutely. Uh, for now. (TINA GIGGLING)

Agnostic! (MUSIC STOPS)

Ah ah ah ah. Just give me.

Ah! Thank you.

All the way in? All the way in.

Am I right? (GRUNTS) Impressive, huh?

Ambush. Exactly.

And Hanukkah! (SCREAMS)

And look what you're wearing. Uh...

And namaste. (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

And now I'm getting mad! It's late.

and one, two, three. MEGHAN: One, two, three.

And one, two... Oh, come on!

And special guest, baby Tina. (LAUGHING)

And Tabitha... Thank you!

And this is my fish. (TAPPING)

And with a minute to spare. (DISTANT EXPLOSION)

and you saved the world. (SHUSHING)

And... enter. ARMSTRONG: No, no! Stop it!

And... go. (LAUGHING)

Anybody else? Right here.

Are you? Good God, no.

ARMSTRONG: Darn it. TABITHA: Dad!

ARMSTRONG: Oh, boy. Weak sauce, Nathan.

ARMSTRONG: Sayonara, Marcos. (GASPS)

ARMSTRONG: Uh, okay. I know, right?

ARMSTRONG: Yeah. (LAUGHS) What are we gonna do?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Children only beyond this point. Hey.

Aw, that's cute. Check it out.

Aw. We can play on it later when no one is looking.

B Day? B Day.

B Day. (BABIES CHEERING)

BABIES: Oomph! Go big or go home.

BABY: No! Come on, people.

BabyCorp is taking it from here. Ah.

Billions. Billions.

Blues on the other side. (GROANS)

bonding trip? Aah! Whoa.

Boom! Don't do that!

Booyah! (STUDENTS GASP)

BOTH: Cookie! Of course, his wife, Staci,

BOTH: He did? JANICE: Oh, yeah.

Breach of contract! (GRUNTS)

But I never said... Exhibit A.

But she's acting strange, Dr. Federman. (LAUGHING)

but there is an "M E." T E A M...

But they're not your bows... anymore. (SOBBING)

Bye bye. (BUTTON BEEPS)

Bye, Daddy. Bye, Daddy!

Bye, Marcos. Lightspeed.

Bye, Mommy. KIDS: Bye, Mommy!

Bye, Templeton family! CAROL: Bye bye.

Can we? Can we? BABY: Glue.

CAROL: Come on. Get off.

CAROL: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. TABITHA: A little help here.

CAROL: To the right, honey. Yes, I have a family.

Cartoons are my babysitter. (TIRES SCREECH)

Cat Chat. (CAT MEOWS)

Come here, my little tabby cat. Yay! You're here!

Come on, Pa, hit me. (BURPS)

Come on. (GRUNTS)

Dad, no! No! What?

Dad, stop! (SCREAMS) ADULTS: Hugs.

Dad, what? I did not... (GALLERY GASPING)

Daddy, can't never could. No. (LINE RINGING)

Daddy, do you read me? (TIM GROANING)

Daddy, please stay focused. (CHUCKLES) Oh.

Doesn't he look familiar? I don't think I do.

Eat your vegetables. Nahii!

Even that Nathan kid? Nathan.

Even though it is your daughter's school. (SCREAMING)

Everything! Gotcha!

Fine. Fine!

Fire! (BABIES GRUNT)

Five. Six. Tim, no peeking.

For real? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Get down! (YELLS)

Get that pacie out of my face! Excuse me.

Glue! (JIMBO YELPS)

Glue. TED: I'm proud to be a yellow.

Go, go, go, go, go. Push it up.

Go, Templetons! Oh! Okay.

Go, Tina, go! (WHOOPS)

Good dilation. Open up. (GROANS)

Good night, Mom. Mwah!

Got it. Got what?

Grab whatever. We got to go. Don't panic. Do not panic.

Ha! (TINA SCREAMS, LAUGHS)

Ha! (WHOOPS) (GRUNTS)

Ha! Leslie. (LAUGHTER)

He did? (LAUGHTER)

He is such a square. A square?

He... I... TED: She can't talk, Tim.

He's going in the Box. (MURMURING)

He's so busy we hardly see him anymore. (TOY SQUEAKING)

He's still your brother. (LINE RINGING)

He's such a bad boy. STUDENTS: Ooh.

Hello. (ELECTRONIC CHIME)

Her dad must be a genius. (APPLAUSE)

Here we go. Come on.

Here we go. Here we go. Oh, my gosh.

Here you go. Ooh. Thanks.

Hey, cool guitar. Yeah.

Hey, hey. No, no, no, no. Thanks, sis.

Hey, no, no, no, no. Including exposing himself

Hey, there you are. Oh, hello! (COUGHS)

Hey, want to see something really, really cool? Sure.

Hey! You got this, Tina.

Hi, Tabitha! (GASPS)

Hi. CAROL: Oh, Tim.

Hide, hide, hide! Three.

Hide! (TED AND TIM WHIMPERING)

Hide! Where are you hiding that baby?

Hmm. (SQUEALING)

Hmm. (TIM SCOFFS) Parents, they have the best

Hmm. Marcos Lightspeed.

How about unconditional love? (GASPS, YELLS)

Hugs. Hug Grandpa.

Huh? (TIM SCREAMING)

Huh? Aw.

Huh? What?

Hyah! (WHOOPING)

Hyah! (YELLS)

I can't. I can't. (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

I did? You did.

I don't know what has gotten into her. (GASPS)

I found a cure! (CHEERING)

I had to cut costs someplace. (BOTH GRUNT)

I have a brother. Yeah!

I have to be there for her. Look who's worried about

I have to say, you got a lot of issues. Sure. Yeah.

I know. I... Where's Tim?

I mean, it's incredible. Oh, oh. (CHUCKLES)

I mean, you have electricity? Well, yeah.

I missed you so much. Mm... wah!

I need upsies...! Oh!

I offered you the world. (BOTH YELL)

I repeat, you're a baby. (SCOFFS)

I say let's call your parents. TIM: Oh, no.

I taught babies to code. No.

I think it's time you read your file. (GASPS)

I tried to... Where's Tim?!

I was in the Box, okay? (BABIES GASPING)

I'll do it myself. Stop!

I'll do it tomorrow. MEGHAN: Seriously?

I'll see you after school. Okay.

I'm better with this kind of thing! Oh!

I'm blue! Aah! I'm blue. (BABIES LAUGHING)

I'm gonna fall! Tabitha!

I'm late. ARMSTRONG: Next subject.

I'm not lonely. Mm hmm.

I'm the block. No, you're not! Stop it!

I'm the block. Tim, enough.

I'm this many. I'm this many.

I've always been the block. Yeah. Not even close.

In any case... (GASPS)

into the best school in town. (LAUGHTER)

Is it your fibula? Talk to me. Whoa.

Is that what you said? Mm hmm.

Isn't that nice? (TOY TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

It even happened to me. Nine.

It really does. (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)

It was sabotage. Sabotage. Exactly.

It's called QT Snap. Oh.

It's in the acorn. Whoa.

It's just this one, okay? Okay.

It's not your mission. Aw.

It's starting. It's starting. (SIGHS) Finally.

It's the school. ARMSTRONG: Everybody, wave.

It's the yeast I can do. (CHEERING) Yeah, Mama!

It's Tim. (GASPS)

It's time for the candy volcano... Mmm, mmm.

JANICE: Oh. (CHUCKLES) (CAROL LAUGHS)

JANICE: There she is. TED SR.: Hello.

JANICE: Well, not to his face. TED SR.: No, no.

JIMBO: Tree! (SIREN WHOOPS)

Just like you and me. (TINA GIGGLING)

Keep it up, Pops. Yeah, well, about that.

KIDS: ♪ It's wintertime ♪ (TIM MUMBLING)

Knocked his block off. Ah, poopy.

Lamb Lamb's okay. See? Yay!

Let's pick up the pace. No!

Look at how big you are. You're almost a teenager.

Look what you made me do. (GASPS) The fire alarm.

Looks like it. So you'll, um...

Mama gonna kiss you. (TIM CLEARS THROAT)

MAN: Yo, Jimbo! Now, the Triplets...

Marcos. Marcos Lightspeed. (HORSE NEIGHS)

Max Planck. (BELL DINGS)

Me first! (GRUNTS)

Mm hmm. Yes, I do. (BUTTON BEEPS)

Mmm. Yeah. (GASPS)

Mom? Dad?

My helicopter's double parked. Bye!

My treat. No! You can't do that.

My wife, Carol. It's a miracle!

NATHAN: Oh! Australia.

NATHAN: Ooh, me! Itself.

No more rules. (CHANTING CONTINUES)

No more screen time. (CLAMORING STOPS)

No, I don't need help using my... (RINGING STOPS)

No, I'm not... (RINGING STOPS)

No, no, no, no. No! Adios, Marcos.

No, no, no. Boom shakalaka?

No, no, no. Wizzie, stop. Yes! Yes!

No, stop. Aah...! ♪ 'Cause no matter ♪

No, we don't. No, we don't. Yes, we do. Yes, we do.

No! ...and restore the closeness

No! BABIES: Huh?

No! Great.

No. But you're mad at him?

No. Oh, yeah.

No. No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. Come here!

No. Nope. Nope. (TABITHA CHUCKLES)

No. Oh, that's a keeper. TABITHA: Oh, Tina.

Nope. Huh.

Not even a "Hi, Mom"? What?

Not we. You?

Now go for it. (AUDIENCE CHATTERING)

of Mozart, language lessons and public radio. Huh. Wow.

Off to the Box they go. (NINJA BABIES YELLING)

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. (BABY LAUGHS, GRUNTS)

Oh, busted. Yeah, it was obvious

Oh, come on. That was a gift. (GALLERY GASPING)

Oh, great wheel of li... Wait. (SHUSHES)

Oh, he could be very... TED SR.: Uptight.

Oh, I am focused, all right. No, no.

Oh, man. That was crazy. (SNORING)

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Tabitha!

Oh, no! (ZOMBIELIKE GRUNTING)

Oh, no. The fountain.

Oh, no. TIM: I mean, um,

Oh, oh, oh! Me, me! Oh! You, Bo Peep.

Oh, right. Precious. Precious! (CONTINUES WHISTLING)

Oh, so is yours. Liars.

Oh, thank you, parents. (APPLAUSE)

Oh, that's a keeper. Oh, they can see us.

Oh, that's good. TABITHA AND TINA: Of doom!

Oh, this is bad. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, yeah. He loved showing him off.

Oh, you made it. Look who's here!

Oh! Tabby's in the tree. Ah! Oh!

Oh. Isn't that right, baby?

Oh. Hi. (TINA COUGHS)

Oh. Sorry. Uh, no, that's, uh...

Okay. (BABY LAUGHING)

Okay. (SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Okay. Uh, no. (STUDENTS GASP)

Okay. Um... Dad.

Okay. What's the problem? (SIGHS) (LINE RINGING)

OMG! Uncle Ted is the best! (NEIGHING)

on special occasions. (TABITHA SQUEALS)

Ooh. (LAUGHTER)

Ooh. Hello.

Oomph! Yeah, baby! (CHEERING)

Ow! CAROL: Tina!

Ow! Ha!

Ow. (GROANS) Godspeed, boys.

Packing? For what? (TABITHA YELLS)

Pets aren't allowed in school. Aah! Precious!

Pixie dust! (LAUGHING, CHEERING)

Please don't touch me. (BABIES LAUGHING)

please hang up and try again. Ah. Just my phone.

Put on your coat. Nein!

Put that down! Get back here! (LAUGHING)

Put that down. Put that down. Tina!

Really? ARMSTRONG: Well, you got grit.

Say, "Ah." Are you okay? Wh What are you doing?

Sayonara. No, no, no. No. (SCREAMS)

See you at the pageant. Got to go. Bye. Okay.

Set. Go!

setting the table? Okay, Mom.

She can talk. A lot.

She did? She did?

Shh! It's Marcos. What are you doing here?

Shh. (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Shoo. Shoo. (CHUCKLES) (SNEEZES, BABBLES)

Show me how to download that. Everyone has it.

Shut it down, Tabitha. What are you doing?

Sick burn, Nathan. (GRUNTS)

So sorry. I... Sorry. (MAN GRUNTS, MUTTERS)

So the mission's back on? Yeah.

So what? I don't know.

so, uh... so there. (BUTTON BEEPS)

Sorry about that. No.

Sorry, Pops. Ow.

Sorry, what? He's planning a baby revolution.

Sorry! I am so sorry. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Spatula. Spatula.

Spork. Spork.

Stop that. It's complicated. (RINGING STOPS)

Stop what you're doing. (CHATTER STOPS)

STUDENTS: Ooh. (LAUGHS)

STUDENTS: Opa! Oprah! (CHUCKLES)

stupid. (STUDENTS GASP)

TABITHA: Bye, Mom. All right, bye, honey.

TABITHA: I guess. (GASPING)

TABITHA: I guess. CAROL: Of course you do.

TABITHA: I'm gonna get you! (PRECIOUS NEIGHS)

TABITHA: Really? Yeah.

TABITHA: Woo hoo! Yay! (TINA SQUEALS)

Tabitha! (ARMSTRONG GRUNTING)

Tagalong Teddy, we called him. (TABITHA CHUCKLES)

Take a nap. Nyet!

TED SR. AND JANICE: Together? They're bonding.

TED SR. AND TABITHA: Selfie! How do you do it again?

TED SR.: There she is. (GASPS)

TED: (RECORDED) You're a baby. TINA: What?

TED: Hmm. All that matters is that you're here.

TED: Hyah! (NEIGHING)

TED: It's mine! (YELLS)

TED: Oh, yeah? TIM: Yeah!

TED: Ow! Oh, right.

TED: Really, Tim? (GRUNTING)

TED: The baby, Tim? (SHUSHES)

TED: The Box? The Box?

TED: We have to stop the show. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Ted? I canceled all my meetings.

Teddy. Teddy, you're here.

Thank you, chief. (TABITHA CHUCKLES)

Thank you, Connie. CONNIE: Nighty night.

that can turn a grown up back into a baby. (BABY COOS)

That is a keeper, too. Hey. Hey.

That was weak. (GROANS)

That's a little too high. ♪ And if you want ♪

That's it. There you go.

That's Marcos. I gotcha.

That's my girl. Woo hoo.

That's really Dad? Yep.

That's so great. We've got to go. (CHUCKLES)

That's what I'm talking about! (LAUGHS) Woo hoo!

That's what. No, no, no. No.

The ayes have it. We the people!

The baby revolution has begun. (BABIES CHEERING, LAUGHING)

The baby's in the cradle. Mmm. (SLURPING)

The crowd goes wild! (TINA LAUGHING)

The girls need help. TED: No kissies!

The server. Yes. Yes.

Then break your arm. What?

There's no point, okay? (RINGING STOPS)

They call me a stay at home dad, which means... Let's go!

They can see us. Aw.

Think, think, think, think, think, think... (GROANS)

This is the Crisis Center. Whoa. Wow.

this supersecret assignment. TOY: Mommy.

This way. (GASPS)

Tickle monster! (CAROL CHUCKLES)

Tim left me a voice mail. He did?

Tim, I'm coming up there. (TINA GASPS)

TIM: Before you know it... Seven.

TIM: But the years... Wait! Over here.

TIM: Excuse me. (ENGINE REVVING)

TIM: Hey there, Tabitha. (CAROL WHOOPS, TINA LAUGHS)

TIM: It's true. Gotcha!

TIM: Oh, cool closet. And this is my bed.

TIM: Ow! TED: Sneak attack!

TIM: Stop interrupting. (TINA GROANS)

TIM: Whoa! AUTOMATED VOICE: Turn right.

Tim? (TABITHA SPEAKS MANDARIN)

Tim? Ted? Mom.

Time for us to go! (GRUNTS)

Time's up. (ALARM RINGING)

TINA: Baby on board! (TIM WHOOPING)

To be. That's correct. (BELL DINGS)

to see your daughter sing? Yes!

to the audience. (AUDIENCE GASPS)

To the right. How come I have the heavy end?

Turn back. Turn back. Oh, here we go.

Ugh. He's a mess. (CHUCKLES): Yeah.

Uh oh. Okay.

Uh oh. So you're not gonna do anything?

Uh, a hockey game. Hey!

Uh, seven? (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Uh... really? Mmm.

until you're the last baby standing at the top. TIM: Wow.

Upstairs? That's right. BabyCorp.

Very good. Yes, Tabitha! (APPLAUSE)

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So soon? Oh, no.

Wait, wait. I see light. (TOY TRAIN TOOTING)

Wait, who's the block? I'm the block.

Wait! (MUSIC STOPS)

Wait. No! Save me, Daddy! Save me!

Wake up! What year is it? (ALARM RINGING)

Was it Tina? Oh, yeah.

We could have been partners. (GROANING)

We overslept! We overslept? (GASPING)

We overslept. Wake up, little halflings!

We'll see about that. (SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

We're all in it together. Every man for himself.

we're breathing. (GROANS)

We're going on a brother bonding trip. Ow!

Well, that's about time. Yeah.

Well, you're looking at him. Bingo.

What did you do?! Check this out.

What is it, Tim? I don't know.

What is with you? (TIM CHUCKLES)

What? Now? TED: Yeah.

What?! Daylight can't be saved, Tim.

What's the crisis? Yeah.

Whee! (GRUNTS) ("PUSH IT" BY SALT N PEPA PLAYING)

When I was a kid... YOUNG TIM: One.

Where is he? Uh... (KIDS CHATTERING, WHOOPING)

Where is she, Tim? CAROL: Ted.

Where you going? Home.

Where? I don't have much time to explain,

Where's Tabitha? Tabitha?

Where's Uncle Ted? What?

Where's who? What? I came as fast as I could.

Which arm is it? Left or right? Huh?

Which one? I only had one!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, blue. Whoa!

Whoa! (SCREAMING)

Whoa! I like your pajamas.

Whoa! Tabitha!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa...! (BABIES WHOOPING)

Why did we bring him? Daddy, get down from there.

Why? Do you need help using your phone? (LINE RINGING)

With my butt. (CAROL CHUCKLING)

Wizzie, shh! Quiet, quiet. It's a time for celebration!

Wizzie, shh. Be quiet. What? What is it?

WOMAN: Hey! ...out of Dundle Floofers.

WOMAN: Hey! Right.

Worse than kittens? Yes.

Wow. (TINA LAUGHS)

Wow. My geode rock collection.

Wow. Whoa! ♪ 'Cause there's a million things to be ♪

Yay, Tabitha! That was beautiful!

Yay, yay. (BABIES CHEERING)

Yay! Ooh. Uh, can we get in the box, too?

Yeah, baby. Yes. (WHINNIES)

Yeah, I guess sometimes you just... (RINGING STOPS)

Yeah, I'm a new friend of Tabitha's... Hey, stop.

Yeah, Templeton. It's one, two, three

Yeah, that's my girls! (TED LAUGHS)

Yeah! (CHUCKLES): Okay.

Yeah! What? No. Why?

Yeah. I mean, I knew you'd make it.

Yep. What does it say?

Yep. Sorry. Oh, no. (MUTTERS)

Yes! (LAUGHTER)

Yes! No.

You are exactly who I need. Yes!

You are gonna have a time out. STUDENTS (GASPING): The Box?

You back off, candy pants. (YELLS, GRUNTS)

You can take my seat. (SIGHS)

You did Stock Crush? (CASH REGISTER DINGS)

You have to get him here for the holidays. (LINE RINGING)

You know what you are? Mm?

You look okay. Whoa.

You promise? I promise.

You promised you'd be here. (MAN GROANS)

You saw my file? (TIM SIGHS)

You shall not pass! (ZOMBIELIKE MURMURING)

You thought it. I mean, I noticed it,

You want me to be a baby? Hey, it's what you do best.

You want some of Grandpa? Everyone, get Tagalong Teddy!

You. (CHUCKLES)

you. KIDS: You!

You're a big pageant guy, huh? No, no, no.

You're from BabyCorp? Yes.

Your ears will bleed. Oh, please.

...I hardly get to stay at home.

...maniac!

...our little second grader who just got accepted

...think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think!

'cause I... you obviously don't have an arm. I I...

"Carry the four." (CHUCKLES) Gosh.

"emotional outbursts, fits of laughter,

"No." Say it.

"Oh, run for your lives! Run for your lives!"

"Warning: may cause drooling, babbling,

("IT'S TRICKY" BY RUN D.M.C. PLAYING)

("THE TIME WARP" FROM ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW PLAYING)

("TOGETHER WE STAND" PLAYING)

("WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE" PLAYING)

(ALL GASP)

(ALL GRUNT)

(ALL GRUNTING RAPIDLY)

(ALL GRUNTING, WHOOPING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL WHOOPING, GRUNTING)

(ALL WHOOPING)

(ANGELIC CHOIR VOCALIZING)

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

(AUDIENCE MURMURING QUIETLY)

(BABBLES, GRUNTS)

(BABBLING RAPIDLY)

(BABBLING)

(BABBLING)

(BABBLING)

(BABIES CHEERING)

(BABIES CLAMORING)

(BABIES COOING, MURMURING)

(BABIES GASPING)

(BABIES GIGGLING, BABBLING)

(BABIES LAUGHING)

(BABIES YELLING, LAUGHING)

(BABY GRUNTS)

(BANGING ON GLASS)

(BELLS JINGLING, ALARMS BLARING)

(BOTH BABBLING)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(BOTH GASPING FOR AIR)

(BOTH GASPING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(BOTH GRUNTING AND GROANING)

(BOTH GRUNTING RAPIDLY)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SIGH)

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

(BOTH YELL)

(BOTH YELLING, GRUNTING)

(BOTH YELLING)

(BOTH YELLING)

(BOTH YELLING)

(BUTTON BEEPS)

(BUTTON BEEPS)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(CAROL SIGHS)

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(CHILD CRYING)

(CHILDREN'S CHORUS VOCALIZING)

(CHILDREN'S CHORUS VOCALIZING)

(CHORUS VOCALIZING)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) And there it is.

(CHUCKLES) Can I talk to you in the kitchen?

(CHUCKLES) I didn't even notice.

(CHUCKLES) I'll be right back. We're, uh...

(CHUCKLES) Nothing's gonna ruin my B Day.

(CHUCKLES) Sweet.

(CHUCKLES) Thank you. Thank you.

(CHUCKLES) They used to call me.

(CHUCKLES) Very warm welcome. Thank you.

(CHUCKLES) With my butt.

(CHUCKLES) You do?

(CHUCKLES) You're amazing.

(CHUCKLES) You're right, Connie.

(CHUCKLES): But sometimes, feels like

(CHUCKLES): That's okay.

(CHUCKLES): Yeah. You'll get used to it.

(CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKLING): Don't you worry, okay?

(CHUCKLING): He'll understand, right?

(CHUCKLING): Hey. Oh, it is on, Lindsey!

(CHUCKLING): I know. It's pretty weird, isn't it?

(CHUCKLING): Oh, no.

(CHUCKLING): Right? We were partners.

(CHUCKLING): Wow. Turn around.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CONTINUES WHISTLING)

(COOS SOFTLY)

(COOS SOFTLY)

(COOS)

(COUGHING)

(COUGHS)

(CRYING)

(CRYING)

(CRYING)

(CRYING)

(DEEP VOICE): This is Ted Templeton, a man.

(DING)

(DOOR CREAKING)

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(DOOR OPENS)

(ECHOING OVER SPEAKER): Testing.

(ECHOING): Don't you think I'm a little old for that now?

(ECHOING): I missed you so much.

(EERIE CHUCKLING)

(EERIE CHUCKLING)

(ENGINE ROARS, TIRES SQUEAL)

(EXCITED CHATTER)

(FADING IN DISTANCE): Remember last time!

(FANFARE PLAYING)

(GARGLES)

(GASPS SOFTLY)

(GASPS, SQUEALS)

(GASPS, WHISPERS): I'm listening.

(GASPS, YELLS) There's Tabitha.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS) At long last.

(GASPS) Glue is good.

(GASPS) Gramps?

(GASPS) I'm having a panic attack.

(GASPS) Kittens?

(GASPS) Never abuse the snooze button!

(GASPS) Oh, no.

(GASPS) Oh, no.

(GASPS) Okay. Where is he? Where is he?

(GASPS) Tina?

(GAVEL SLAMMING)

(GENTLE MELODY PLAYING)

(GLUGGING)

(GLUGS, BABBLES)

(GLUGS, SCREAMS)

(GLUGS) Whoa!

(GRAND ORCHESTRAL FANFARE PLAYING)

(GROANING, SPITTING)

(GROANS)

(GROANS) ♪ Sail away, sail away ♪

(GROANS) Back. Back, you little monsters.

(GROANS) He broke my arm.

(GROANS) I got to lose this baby fat.

(GROANS) I have to sing.

(GRUNTING, SPITTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING): Glue. Glue. Glue.

(GRUNTING): Yeah. My schedule's pretty brutal, too.

(GRUNTS, GASPS)

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

(GRUNTS, WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTS, WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) And we got another tree.

(GRUNTS) Not so fast.

(GRUNTS) Oh, no. It's Carol!

(GRUNTS) Right, right, right.

(GRUNTS) Stay away from my server.

(GRUNTS) Thank you.

(GRUNTS) Um, he has performance anxiety.

(GRUNTS) What are you doing?

(GRUNTS) What's going on?

(GUITAR PLAYING SOFTLY)

(GUITAR PLAYING)

(HORN HONKS)

(HORNS HONKING)

(HUMS A TUNE)

(HUSHED): What are they saying?

(HYPERVENTILATING)

(INSECTS TRILLING, BIRDS CHIRPING)

(JIMBO WHIMPERING)

(KIDS CHATTERING)

(KIDS CHEERING)

(KIDS VOCALIZING)

(KISSES) Good night, Uncle Ted.

(LAUGHING WILDLY)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING): Just kidding. It's hilarious.

(LAUGHING): No fair, Dad. You peeked.

(LAUGHING): Oh, it is crazy how smart she is.

(LAUGHING): You should've seen your face.

(LAUGHING): You're over there in the choo choo.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS): No.

(LAUGHTER, SQUEALING)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(LOW RUMBLING, OBJECTS RATTLING)

(MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING)

(MIMICKING WHITE NOISE)

(MOCK GASPING)

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(MUSIC FADES)

(NEIGHING)

(NINJA BABIES CRYING)

(NINJA BABIES SPEAKING GIBBERISH, LAUGHING)

(NINJA BABIES WHOOPING)

(NOISEMAKERS BLARING)

(OFF KEY): ♪ There's no place like home ♪

(ONE PERSON CLAPPING)

(OVER GAGA): Can you hear me, Daddy?

(OVER GAGA): Daddy, we have to pull the plug.

(OVER GAGA): Okay, okay. Uh, there's a...

(OVER GAGA): Papa Bear, can you read me?

(OVER GAGA): Uncle Teddy, are you in position?

(PANTING NERVOUSLY)

(PANTING)

(PANTING)

(PANTING)

(PANTING)

(PANTING): Of course not.

(PANTS, WHIMPERS)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(PIANO PLAYING GENTLE TUNE)

(PLAYING "IF YOU WANT TO SING OUT, SING OUT")

(PLAYING "MAY" FROM THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION)

(PLAYING GENTLE MELODY)

(RAPID BABBLING)

(RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)

(RETCHES)

(RETCHES)

(RINGING STOPS)

(ROARING): I'm Godzilla.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS) Now what?

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS, LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS) Oh, my gosh, you're talking!

(SCREAMS) You're here!

(SCREAMS) You're just jealous, helmet head.

(SHOUTS)

(SHOUTS)

(SHUDDERS) Unhand me, vile ogre!

(SHUSHES) It sounds like it's coming from the baby's room.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) Do we have to?

(SIGHS) Finally.

(SIGHS) It's like they always say:

(SINGSONGY): Floaty, floaty, float.

(SINGSONGY): Sayonara.

(SINGSONGY): Sayonara...

(SLEEPILY): ♪ Sail away, sail away... ♪

(SLOW MOTION YELLING)

(SLOW MOTION): Oh, no!

(SLURPING)

(SLURPS) ...after school.

(SLURPS) Mm.

(SNIFFLES)

(SNIFFS) Blueberry.

(SNORES, WHINES)

(SNORING)

(SNORING)

(SONG ENDS)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY THROUGH STATIC)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

(SPUTTERS, SPITS)

(SPUTTERS) Great galloping gargoyles!

(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)

(STAMMERING): Wha What? What are you saying,

(STATICKY): Listen, you know, I acknowledge your anger.

(STOPS PLAYING)

(STRAINED GRUNTING)

(STRAINING): Just a little further.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

(STUDENTS CLAMORING)

(SUCKING RAPIDLY)

(TAPE REWINDING)

(TED CHUCKLING)

(TED GRUNTING)

(TED GRUNTS)

(TED STRAINING)

(TIM CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(TIM GASPS, LAUGHS)

(TIM GASPS)

(TIM PANTING)

(TIM SCREAMING OVER PHONE)

(TIM SCREAMS, TED LAUGHS)

(TIM SCREAMS, WHIMPERS)

(TIM SIGHS HEAVILY)

(TINA LAUGHING)

(TOY PHONE RINGING)

(TOY SQUEAKS)

(TOY TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

(TRADITIONAL HINDU MUSIC PLAYING)

(VOICE CRACKS): You can't handle the awkward phase?

(WHIMPERING)

(WHIMPERING)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHINNIES)

(WHINNIES)

(WHIRRING)

(WHISPERS): Hello?

(WHISPERS): I have to get out of here.

(WHISPERS): It's a clip on tie. (SHUSHES)

(WHISPERS): Okay. Good night.

(WHISPERS): The Box.

(WHISTLE BLOWS, TRAIN POWERS DOWN)

(WHISTLING AND SPUTTERING CONTINUE)

(WHISTLING)

(WHISTLING)

(WHOOPS)

(WHOOPS)

(WINDOW SQUEAKING)

(WIZZIE LAUGHING)

(WIZZIE SCOFFS)

(YAWNS)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLS, GASPS)

(YELLS, LAUGHS)

(YELLS, MUMBLES)

(YELLS, SCREAMS)

(YELLS, SPITS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS)

(YELLS) Get up.

(YELLS) Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(YELPS, GASPS)

(YELPS)

(YELPS)

(ZOMBIELIKE MURMURING)

♪ 'Cause there's a million things to be ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ♪

♪ And if I want to be free, be free ♪

♪ And if you do it your way ♪

♪ And if you want to be free, be free ♪

♪ And stars at night ♪

♪ Be free ♪

♪ But due to ice caps melting ♪

♪ Catch my eye ♪

♪ Catch my eye ♪

♪ Climb with me ♪

♪ Divided we'll fall ♪

♪ Divided we'll fall ♪

♪ Doomed. ♪

♪ Ever planned ♪

♪ Everything I have and call mine ♪

♪ Exchanging glances ♪

♪ Fear no danger ♪

♪ Find that sand ♪

♪ Find that sand ♪

♪ Fly that high with me ♪

♪ Fly that high with me ♪

♪ For the holidays ♪

♪ Give me courage ♪

♪ Give me courage ♪

♪ Give me courage ♪

♪ Global warming's here ♪

♪ Good night song ♪

♪ Hand in hand ♪

♪ Hand in hand ♪

♪ Here we go, it's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪

♪ How far away you roam... ♪

♪ I know that there are, I know that there are ♪

♪ I know that there are. ♪

♪ I think it's very vital to rock a rhyme... ♪

♪ I'll always be here for the rest of your life ♪

♪ I'll always be here for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Is all yours ♪

♪ It feels like summer ♪

♪ It's all our parents' fault ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

♪ It's the best time of year ♪

♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪

♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪

♪ It's tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky ♪

♪ Laugh and cry with me ♪

♪ Laugh and cry with me ♪

♪ Like the moon ♪

♪ Like the moon and stars at night ♪

♪ Lovers... ♪

♪ Make big plans ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh ooh, ooh ooh ♪

♪ Reach with me ♪

♪ Reach with me ♪

♪ Rest your head ♪

♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪

♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away. ♪

♪ Sail that ocean ♪

♪ Sail that ocean ♪

♪ See the sky ♪

♪ See the sky ♪

♪ See the sunset and the sunrise ♪

♪ Share my dreams ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ So I can land ♪

♪ So I can land ♪

♪ So I can land... ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand ♪

♪ So together we stand. ♪

♪ So together we stand. ♪

♪ So together we stand. ♪

♪ Strangers in the night ♪

♪ Strangers in the night... ♪

♪ Strike up the band ♪

♪ Strike up the band ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Tell me your thoughts ♪

♪ Than it's ever been ♪

♪ The snow has disappeared ♪

♪ The wheels on the bus go pi R squared ♪

♪ The world looks so good through our eyes ♪

♪ This bond is tighter than we ♪

♪ This bond is tighter than we ever planned ♪

♪ This bond is tighter than we ever planned ♪

♪ To rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky ♪

♪ To rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky ♪

♪ To rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky... ♪

♪ Tomorrow's brighter ♪

♪ Uh huh, it's easy ♪

♪ We have to shut down the pageant. ♪

♪ We know that ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We know that divided we'll fall ♪

♪ We live in harmony... ♪

♪ We speak a language no one else can understand ♪

♪ We speak a language no one else can understand ♪

♪ Well, if I want to sing out, sing out ♪

♪ You can do it today ♪

♪ You can sing what you want ♪

♪ You know that there are ♪

♪ You only need to try ♪

♪ You only need to try ♪