South Park - Season 15 Edit

A big success?

A comedy award!

A giant hole now blasted into the ceiling,

A little longer?

A location beacon, a first aid kit,

A massive candlelight vigil was held last night,

A more tragic story than that of Eric Cartman.

A school in Colorado has declared Germans

A serious fuckin' look at yourselves!

A super automaton with perfect timing

A tradition passed down since the birth of Canada.

A window on your screen popped up

Aaggghh!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Unh!

About the plaque that's building on your teeth.

Access to all your personal information,

Act one was pure fuckin' dog shit!

After I get good and fucked.

After I've been fucked!

All bureaus are confirming it.

All Canadians in fighting condition

All I can say is, I'm glad the Germans are back in Germany

All nuclear devices

All nuclear missiles are preparing for launch!

All of Canada is in mourning

All of Canada is relying on you.

All people of Canadian decent

All right, all right, Tooth Decay!

All right, but make it quick.

All right, fine.

All right, here you go. Come on.

All right, let's get him to the water tank.

All right, let's go.

All right, that's it!

All right. Good.

All she did was rub her nose against my penis

All students and faculty are required to go.

All thanks to the new groundbreaking

All that which I worked on

All the biggest Canadian celebrities are on hand.

Always complain about turtles

An acknowledgement of all you do in the pursuit of humor.

An agreement to do what?

An iPad?

Analyze!

And a council of geniuses with all their future...

And a sandwich.

And actually, we think what you're doing is genius.

And all of Germany is outraged.

And all their shit

And also to Scott, who is, of course, a giant dick

And are watching this without being told to,

And as president of Best Buy, Eric,

And asked you if you agreed to our terms and conditions.

And avoided sweets!

And become the prototype

And bibbidy bobbidy boo is Y,

And buy some condoms?

And enjoy the present

And for doing that, we have all decided to give you...

And get some dinner?

And he agreed this was okay

And I feel like I can't even get a response from you.

And I I didn't know what I was agreeing to!

And I shouldn't say it around other people

And I want to thank the Apple company

And I've even been to Me.

And if we don't speak to Funnybot,

And in their chests.

And it shits in Kyle's mouth?

And join the rest of us in the future?

And Katook Took of the Yukon.

And lazily blurting out your lines

And legal agreement with Apple, sir.

And literally thousands have gathered

And made part of any experiments Apple wants to perform.

And my whole family watched as tooth decay

And nobody's pissed off at us anymore.

And now for my next joke.

And now for the Kathy Griffin award.

And now I'm a giant dick.

And now it's time to give out the award

And now the president of Apple, Steve Jobs!

And now the scraping off of the pudding.

And now we must face our greatest foe.

And now you're a giant dick.

And now, Comedy Award voters,

And now, of course, the... wait a minute, what's this?

And part centipede

And part emailing device!

And part web browser

And people saw her doing this?

And prove that you care by purchasing AppleCare?

And putting on a fake beard.

And said Germans were no longer

And save the princess.

And say, "Help, help!

And share it with other people

And she's gone.

And so I want you to know, Kyle,

And so then that turned me into a dick!

And so, Eric, here is your very own...

And swipe it over to my iPhone.

And that retaliation towards the schoolchildren

And that we can do whatever we want!

And the arm is off!

And the award for funniest

And the medal, of course, made of white chocolate,

And the nominees are...

And the nominees are...

And the princess of Canada is still missing.

And the winner for best comedy performance

And the winner is...

And the winner is...

And the winner is...

And then I can take all my homework on my iPad

And then I got radiation poisoning in Ottawa,

And then on Friday during lunch and recess,

And then previews start on Monday.

And then you got radiation poisoning in Ottawa,

And then you have to iApprove all his agreements.

And there he is, the prince of Canada.

And therefore... and the pudding has just been knocked over!

And they are holding him against his will!

And they didn't do anything?

And they send me a new one, like, every three weeks!

And they will be sewn together, mouth to anus.

And this June, Funnybot shows off his range

And Token says to hurry

And we believe this to be the work of... the giant!

And we haven't even opened yet!

And we seek your wisdom.

And you better come back tomorrow

And you guys are gonna feel really stupid!

And you have to click on "Agree" again.

And you're all fuckin' around!

And, therefore, of course, the world.

And, therefore, the rest of the world.

And... and join the armies

Another little window pops up that says,

Apple has joined up with Best Buy and Dr. Phil

Apple's inner workings are top secret to all users.

Are all being held hostage,

Are asked to meet by the tree in Edmonton.

Are being prepared to launch.

Are going online as well, and it isn't their doing!

As Funnybot began his opening monologue,

As is tradition.

As is tradition.

As is traditional for the Canadian Royal Family.

As is, of course, the tradition.

As nationwide suicides abound.

As part of a clear PR stunt,

As the German engineered Funnybot

As the princess is lifted up... up...

As you know, the very heart of Canada

As, of course, is tradition.

At Best Buy.

At half the price.

Attendance to this assembly is mandatory.

Attention, humans. I am Funnybot.

Attention, students, mkay.

Auf wiedersehen!

Aw, crap.

Aw, damn it.

Aw, leave the kid alone, Scott.

Aw, that's just a rumor. They don't really track you.

Aw!

Aw!

Aw!

Awkward!

Awkward!

Awkward!

Awkward!

Awkward! Awkward!

Awkwardness in 5.4 minutes.

Be sure to get these handed in tomorrow.

Because he's running out of money.

Because I like to have a smoke

Because I want to at least look pretty

Because I'm already being punished

Because I'm hideously ugly.

Because its pecker is on its head.

Because Joey Potts doesn't know how to take care of his animals,

Because we should at least be safe

Because you're a giant dick?

Before the noble white man arrived,

Bibbidy bobbidy boo, X plus Y equals Y.

Boo!

Boo!

Boo!

Boo!

Box of faith? What the fuck is that?

Brave Canadians!

Bright beam of light

But a woman?

But burrito is too delicious!

But but can't we just slow down

But do you really know the importance behind it?

But do you really know the importance behind it?

But don't you see?

But I believe we have it all cleared up.

But I simply can't help myself.

But I told you I was sorry.

But if you join,

But it's, like, eight pages long,

But Jay Leno's really losing it.

But that there is an even bigger threat to Canada

But there's one threat to Canada bigger than me!

But we will have to destroy it!

But where was the last time your mother fucked you?

But you can't go around taking everyone else's jobs.

But you didn't mean to agree to it, what do you do?

But you have to admit that in a lot of ways,

But you have to admit that in a lot of ways,

Butters! Butters, is everything okay?

By not getting the iPad... Mama.

By playing every role in Family Funbot.

By the Special Ed Department in the gymnasium

Can I get a wh... wh what what?

Can I get another wh wh what what?

Can somebody please explain to me what is going on?

Can we get a weight, please?

Can't be sad until Toothbrush and Dental Floss

Can't be sad until Toothbrush and Dental Floss

Can't we just spend one lunch and recess saying thanks

Canada was populated with these snow monkeys.

Canadians in attendance cannot believe their eyes.

Cap'n Crunch as the prince passes by,

Clearly, this is the future.

Clyde Donovan.

Come on up here, Ben!

Come on, come on, let's go!

Come on, it's not that big a deal.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, we'll get you separated, little boy.

Come on, you!

Comedy award is... what is the meaning?

Comedy awards show!

Comes up with the worst ideas in the world.

Coming up with new material.

Correspondents' Dinner speech goes to...

Could I at the very least

Could I have his Apple ID?

Could you please take me to a grease monkey?

Could you say that in the other ear?

Cuttlefish and asparagus?

Cuttlefish is about to come out of my asshole!

D don't worry, fellas. Everything's gonna be okay.

Dad, I need a lawyer!

Dad, I'm really feeling sad and let down right now,

Dad, if you agree to something

Dad!

Dad! You Tasered my dad!

Damn it, I'm trying to create the future here!

Damn it! Why won't it read?

Debris falling down and crushing

Delivered his opening lines at the Hollywood Forum,

Did you hear that

Didn't care how far away I was;

Didn't know other Canadians living here in the U.S.

Do you agree to care about your membership

Do you agree to give Apple

Do you agree to let Apple

Do you know if your friend has a Verizon

Do you mind telling me where your brother is?

Do you?

Doctor, can you take this thing apart?

Does anybody have any ideas?

Does everyone in Long Island

Does she... does she fuck you a lot?

Does this happen often?

Don't forget to vote, everyone!

Don't hurt anybody, sir.

Don't worry, fellas. I learned my lesson.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. Act two will be better.

Don't worry. We're here to help you.

Don't you call my little chubby baby fat,

Don't you hate how Mexicans

Don't you just hate doing homework?

Dough nuts.

Dude, an awards show just for comedy

Dude, Filipino hookers don't get fucked the way I do.

Dude, HumancentiPad is awesome!

Dude, killing everyone isn't funny!

Dude, what the hell? Did you see the news?

Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is,

End simulation. End the simulation!

Enter the mouth of the little boy,

Equals bibbidy bobbidy cubed plus the boo.

Er ist Jud. Huh?

Eric, stop acting like a spoiled brat.

Eric, we can't afford that one.

Eric, you come home right now!

Eric, you say that... your mom fucks you?

Eric!

Error! Error! Banal!

Es war Kinder der special education.

Eskimos are good for nothing.

Even if you click on "Agree,"

Every comedian in the world out of work,

Every student needs to go home and vote

Every time it pops up?

Everyone into the school gymnasium! Move!

Everyone looking smashing today.

Everyone watching with anticipation.

Everyone's gonna think I'm a poverty stricken asshole!

Everything that you agreed to

Except for Jimmy, because he clearly

Exchange their vows.

Excuse me, Funnybot.

Excuse me, we want to talk to Funnybot.

Exterminate!

Fart loving Eskimos.

Fart loving Tooth Decay! I'll fix you!

Favorite comedy actor, favorite comedy movie.

Fee fi fo fum!

Feel sick!

Fellas, do you have any idea how difficult comedy is?

Fellas, get me a Ken doll and some scotch tape.

Fellas, I know Germany isn't happy with us,

Fine, you don't want to be part of this,

Fine!

First Annual Comedy Awards.

Flat! You're flat!

For $1 million dollars' worth of Oprah's tampons.

For 45 seconds, then asked me to pay her.

For a royal Canadian wedding.

For execution of last joke ever.

For helping us make today a very special day for him.

For the last update say?

For the least funny people in the world.

For the past six years.

For the royal wedding.

For this amazing award!

For what purpose is comedy award?

For what?

For you to talk about,

Friday during lunch and recess, mkay.

From the gastral track from one

From vagina obsessed Hispanics to Sandra Bullock,

Fuck me right here in the Best Buy.

Funny, you don't seem to have one.

Funnybot has exploded onto the silver screen too!

Funnybot is now finished with final joke.

Funnybot is simply pushing the limits of comedy.

Funnybot is very busy in there

Funnybot must finish routine.

Funnybot, I've been talking it over with the fellas,

Funnybot, is there a line you won't cross?

Funnybot, this is not a good joke.

Genius Leslie, we have a problem,

Gerald Broflovski,

Gerald Broflovski.

German comedian, Funnybot.

Germans we're pissed off at?

Get fucked in one of our stores again.

Get it fuckin' right!

Get it to the platform. Hurry!

Getting rid of Tooth Decay

Give us back the princess, Scott!

Giving him three kisses and a pair of socks,

Glaubst du dass die Deutscher kein Humor hat, huh?

Go ahead! Here!

Go on home, kids, mkay.

Go on, Mom. Fuck me! Fuck me!

Go. Go. Come on, guys. Come on, go!

Goddamn Native Canadians.

Goddamn polar gooks.

Good afternoont! Helllerrr!

Good bye, everybody.

Good luck, Canadian citizen, and God help.

Guess you won't be eating Japanese food for a while, huh?

Had to move here to the United States.

Hallelujer!

Handcuffed to these beds,

Has taking the humanity out of comedy.

Hasn't it?

Have agreed to be brought here,

Have any logical sense, Mommy,

Have gotten rid of him.

Have hair that looks like pussy you dipshit?

Have nothing to play against!

He actually didn't read the agreement.

He can do everything!

He didn't read it?

He never know what to say.

He said he had to watch it.

He said the evil that took her

He says Eskimos do hate us Canadians,

He says that the taking of the princess was foretold.

He was an intelligent, hardworking man,

He's at home watching the royal wedding.

He's gonna get us!

He's got some kind of defense mechanism.

He's not here.

He's really making a good go of it.

He's the biggest comedian in the world!

He's the one who ran over Joey Potts' dog

He's your brother, Kyle Broflovski, mkay!

Heh! Right.

Hellerrr!

Hello, everyone!

Hello, Kyle. We're from Apple.

Hello, there, my noble, strong fellow Canadian.

Here he is!

Here he is.

Here is the greatest feat of German engineering!

Here we go, this has got to be it right here.

Here you go, fellas.

Here you go! Here you go!

Here, look at this one.

Here, people don't think I look ugly.

Hey ooh!

Hey, Bebe, where's your iPad?

Hey, hey, you see my iPad, Token?

Hey, now, let him go Aah!

Hey, shut up in there!

Hey, what are you doing with my daughters?

Hey, what is this, some kind of sick prank?

Hey, what the heck is going on?

Hey, whoa! You can't go that way.

Hey, you can't do that!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, let me out of here!

Hey. Hey, there!

Hi, guys.

Hi, my name is Leslie. I'll be your genius.

Hiding behind the pews.

His name is Tooth Decay.

His name's Tooth Decay!

Hmm, I might need to bring another genius in on this.

Hmm, yeah.

Hmm. I'm gonna click on... "Decline."

Hmm. Mm hm.

Hold it! Hold it! Stop!

Hold on, Kyle!

Honestly, I hate having to do homework

How about a little courtesy lick

How am I supposed to do a play, mkay,

How are you going to fix this?

Huh? Go ahead, Mom. Fuck me!

Huh? Some lube would be nice!

HumancentiPad!

Humans build robot.

Humans make comedy.

I agree.

I agree.

I agree.

I am Funnybot.

I am Funnybot.

I am Funnybot.

I am Funnybot.

I am going to spend my final minutes on this Earth

I am here to announce a new product

I am pleased to announce

I am taking comedy to its logical conclusion.

I am taking comedy to the next level:

I am Tooth Decay!

I believe in you!

I believe she just queefed.

I believe... yes, I believe one of the sisters

I can't believe I won!

I can't believe it's finally over.

I can't even read English!

I can't help it!

I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's stupid face

I didn't believe it was real.

I don't care what the geniuses say!

I don't know what the goddamn problem is.

I don't know.

I don't know. I didn't read them.

I don't think things are better.

I get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away?

I give you... the HumancentiPad!

I got to get to Canada

I guess Ben Stiller could not be with us tonight,

I guess the princess is gone for good, eh?

I guess we did all we could. Come on.

I guess we'll just accept this award on his behalf.

I have just been briefed

I have sat with the council of geniuses,

I have to wear this bag on my head

I just clicked "Agree." I didn't read it.

I just don't understand it, Dad.

I just don't want any big company

I know. It's embarrassing.

I like my PC.

I lost my father to tooth decay.

I mean, come on, guys. That's pretty cool, right?

I mean, come on.

I might be a giant,

I paid one to give me a blow job once.

I promise.

I really feel like I did all that work for nothing.

I remember when the first version of the iPad came out.

I saw Funnybot on Nurse Jackie and on Rockin' the Boat.

I should have always brushed and flossed

I should have listened.

I should have never updated iTunes!

I smell Kraft Dinner.

I think they're worse.

I think Verizon.

I think we need to get you a different brand, hon.

I think you're awesome, Funnybot,

I thought your family was rich!

I told you if you kept acting up,

I try to resist,

I understand now that comedy should be left

I want my son back!

I want to assure you that a child will never

I want you all to meet Eric Cartman,

I want you all to take

I was gonna get to that rally point at the tree in Edmonton.

I was gonna sign up.

I was in a hurry, you see,

I wasn't trying to get you in trouble.

I will not eat if they are forced to eat my poo!

I wouldn't eat her dick with

I wouldn't let Adam Sandler

I'd also really like to thank my

I'd kiss him first!

I'll sign up with Apple.

I'll summon the council.

I'll take care of all of you!

I'm also the biggest Canadian patriot of all of you.

I'm from Toronto originally, but everywhere I went,

I'm gonna go home and charge my iPad and bring it tomorrow,

I'm just doing the lines.

I'm part of the future now too.

I'm Sandy Cervix, and I'm deaf in one ear.

I'm sorry, Mama.

I'm sure that Germany can take a joke

I'm sure they've taken the princess.

I'm telling you, it's his best work.

I'm telling you, you're making a mistake, kid!

I'm trying, Mr. Mackey; I really am.

I've had about enough with iCrap and Me Clouds

I've seen this before.

I've spared no expense to make my comedy awards

If I accept, it means I take comedy seriously.

If I take comedy seriously, I am not comedian.

If I take that thing to school,

If I was gonna fuck my son,

If I'm going to perform surgery, I need permission.

If there's one thing Eskimos are good at,

If Tooth Decay has no believability,

If Tooth Decay is singing flat,

If you are watching this filmstrip,

If you don't have your stuff on, right?

If you don't read it?

If you have been ordered to open your box of faith,

If you have indeed been instructed to open the box,

If you're gonna fuck me, Mom.

If you're really sorry,

Ike, where are you going?

In a movie is... Ben Stiller!

In all my years, I've never heard

In front of all those people!

In his asshole.

In other news, it's been 24 hours now,

In the iTunes conditions.

In the United States and Russia

In their faces

In their vaginas?

In which case, you are a dick.

In your box of faith,

Including but not limited to

Inside the abbey now, everyone waiting

Into the gymnasium now!

Into the pudding, as is tradition.

Irrational, and also pretty goddamn funny,

Is a good idea?

Is Ben Stiller here?

Is by going to the highest authority on the planet.

Is for the funniest kid in school.

Is for the funniest kid in school.

Is it true? The Germans want to kill us?

Is now gone forever.

Is President Obama here?

Is so important to me.

Is the royal family.

Is this some kind of joke?

Is what I'm trying to fuckin' do!

Isn't it awesome having an iPad, you guys?

Isn't real, and tomorrow everyone's gonna call me a liar.

Isn't she beautiful, scraping off the pudding

Isn't she ravishing?

It better be reading by then!

It didn't read it!

It does email and web browsing,

It has finally learned to read.

It is a glorious spring morning,

It is perfectly obvious who took the princess.

It is the ultimate joke.

It just ran out of power.

It pretty much took out the whole trailer park.

It took a while, but I'm pretty sure

It was after being voted

It's a bean and cheese burrito from Paco's.

It's a va validation of all your efforts.

It's been two weeks now since the prestigious voters

It's coming for me! Help! Help!

It's finding things.

It's future stuff.

It's kind of funny, you guys.

It's like nobody cared about winning their comedy award.

It's no drill, Sir.

It's okay, sir.

It's okay. You're safe with Daddy.

It's over.

It's over.

It's probably low on power. We should feed it.

It's the Germans!

It's the princess!

It's very easy.

It's worser than the worst; that's what I'm sayin'.

It's... Tooth Decay!

Ja, ja, das ist gut!

Ja, ja, ja.

Ja! Ja!

Jimmy Valmer.

Jimmy, do you what happened to the last people

Jimmy, they're talking about your comedy awards

Jimmy, you've got to explain to the Germans

Jimmy! Hey, Jimmy!

Just get rid of the part of Tooth Decay?

Just hand over the princess of Canada!

Just let us see your iPad, Cartman.

Just like the rest of us.

Just look at them.

Just pick it up from there.

Just queefed just now.

Just try to stay calm.

Justice has been done.

Kal if fee!

Keep your questions short and to the point.

Kelly P. Gardner.

Killing nearly all of them.

Kommen auf, schnell!

Kyle Broflovski!

Kyle, what are you doing here?

Kyle, you have single handedly destroyed

Last joke ever? What's that supposed to mean?

Leading through his anus to the mouth of the female

Led by the Bishop of Newfoundland.

Led by the Canadian band Rush.

Let me see your iPad, Cartman.

Let me tell you something, Dental Floss.

Let's get 'em! Let's fuck 'em up!

Let's hear it for our volunteers!

Let's kill 'em all right fucking now!

Like a turtle taking a shit...

Like I'm some kind of Eskimo racist.

Little fuckers! Let's just kill 'em, Sandler!

Long Island!

Looks good, guys. Great work.

Loudmouth, self centered assholes.

Ma'am, why do you think it's okay to fuck your son?

Making a product that is part human

Making you a being that shares one gastral track."

Mathematical equation of comedy

May be the greatest comedian of all time.

Maybe I'll download some more cool apps!

Maybe you all don't know how serious tooth decay is.

Maybe you all just don't give a fuck.

Me too. Man, I hate homework.

Mean and nasty, mkay, not crying.

Mind if I sit down?

Mit ander, oder sterben!

Mkay, never giving two shits

Mkay?

Mkay?

Mkay?

Mom, do not screw me over again!

Mom, everyone knows

More than I hate having to do Bryant Gumbel

Mouth to anus, so that the feces

Mr. Jobs, you have done so much for the world.

Mr. Mackey! Mr. Mackey!

Mr. Sandler says you better get it done!

Must analyze...

My God, she's beautiful

My little brother is a knight in Canada.

My mom is trying to fuck me"?

My name is Jimmy, and I'm a stand up comic.

My sister is a den leader in Girl Scouts.

My son was kidnapped by Apple,

My uncle's the second in line

Next time You decide to fuck me?

Next time you're gonna get my hopes up,

Next to the large vat of butterscotch pudding.

Niemand ficken Schritt.

No problem, Funnybot.

No use, guys.

No, because the battery's dead.

No, dude, don't make us go back in the...

No, I don't know how it is. I use a PC.

No, I don't want store credit!

No, it's over.

No, No, Tooth Decay.

No, no, you guys gotta see Funnybot in Hangover 3.

No, no. See, Tooth Decay

No, we don't want a replacement friend.

No!

No!

No!

No! Damn it!

No! I don't want to join Apple.

No! No!

No! You all kept calling me a dick,

No! You didn't read it!

No?

No? Huh.

Non sequitur.

Non sequitur.

Non sequitur.

Nothing is more "awkward"

Now all of Germany is pissed off at us!

Now what do you say, man?

Now, don't worry, everybody.

Now, I know this is very difficult

Now, look, I know that I've put

Now, remember, when you speak to the geniuses,

Of course you're going to Canada.

Of course! The evil Atok Atuk!

Of course.

Of dental hygiene without Tooth Decay?

Of imperfect biological life forms.

Of our first truly interfaced device.

Of the Comedy Awards reversed their vote

Of Tooth Decay, Kyle, mkay?

Off the Prince's arms, thus symbolizing their union.

Oh uh oh! Something is going terribly wrong!

Oh, and here she comes! Yes, there she is!

Oh, boy, what a terrific audience.

Oh, boy.

Oh, don't put this all on Tooth Decay!

Oh, for cryin' out loud!

Oh, God, how embarrassing.

Oh, God!

Oh, God! It's behind you!

Oh, ho, it's getting hot up in here.

Oh, I've got a better idea.

Oh, it's going to be a lot!

Oh, lerrrd!

Oh, lerrrd!

Oh, man did you guys see Funnybot

Oh, man, I want to thank you all

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh! Jimmy Valmer!

Oh, my lerrrd!

Oh, no, wait.

Oh, no!

Oh, no! It's Tooth Decay!

Oh, nope. Here it is right here.

Oh, right. You're not cool enough.

Oh, shit!

Oh, so now I'm a dick?

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Oh, there she is! There's my mom right now!

Oh, this does not go with tradition at all.

Oh, wait. I get it now.

Oh, what should I do on my iPad next?

Oh, wow, no way!

Oh, wow, this is so exciting, isn't it?

Oh, wow. It's Adam Sandler.

Oh, you're tryin'?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Here it comes!

Oh! Oh, no!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Sorry, Kyle.

Oh! Thank you! Thank you!

Ohh!

Okay, if you guys just wait here a sec,

Okay, in 15 fuckin' minutes,

Okay, thanks, Tyler Perry.

Okay, that should do it.

Okay, the geniuses will see us now.

Okay, this says he agreed to be taken

Okay, we got it. We got it!

Okay, well, I'm sorry

Okay, Wi Fi plus 3G, 64 gig.

Okay! Finally! How do we do that?

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

On Saturday Night Live?

On the national news!

On their favorite choice in each category:

Once and for all,

One of the princess' arms.

Ooh, the giant! The giant, that's not good.

Open your fuckin' eyes, Dental Floss.

Opened your box of faith, did you? Me too.

Or as Medea would say,

Or at least a courtesy lick, God!

Or AT&T mobile number associated with his. Me account?

Or else you just opened your box of faith

Or he won't go away!

Or the vanilla paste?

Or will there be?

Or you can have nothing at all.

Other comedians are unnecessary.

Our swords, our

Pass me the potatoes, mother.

Pass them yourself.

People are still filing inside the abbey

People couldn't believe how easy it was

People do care!

People in attendance now gently tossing

People still think comedy is nothing but a big joke

People were terrified by my disfigurement.

Performed the Toran Ra,

Perhaps I didn't mention...

Please can we just go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?

Please just get a wh wh what what?

Please tell me that you'll never do that again, Jimmy.

Please welcome your host, Jimmy Valmer!

Please, save me!

Please, sir, the kids at my school

Please, sir. They're gonna kill our friends!

Prepare for punch line in five minutes.

President Obama!

Princess, look away!

Princess!

Princess! Princess!

Punch line, then "awkward."

Purchased in the iTunes store."

Put 'em together, and what have you got?

Re vote!

Really nice, guys.

Return to your homes.

Robot ends all life on Earth.

Robot feels awkward.

Save me! Save me!

Schell!

Schnell, schnell!

Schritt oder alle sterben!

Schritt! Schritt!

Screaming with horror.

Second verse, X plus Y

See what we can do for you.

Seeking mainframe access

Seeking mainframe.

Selling out stand up theaters all over the world.

Seriously, you guys,

Several spectators, which is also not the tradition

She does it all the time! She fucked me on Christmas.

She fucked me on my birthday.

She is indeed the living symbol of our great country.

She rubs the pudding on her face.

Shh! Come on, hurry!

Shock and disbelief tonight

Shooting through the hole in the ceiling.

Should I eat cuttlefish and asparagus

Should I run a stock check or just give him store credit?

Sign this release so we can operate!

Since then, Funnybot has seen a meteoric rise to stardom,

Sir Brian Adams and Sir Corey Hart.

Sir, sir, we have a problem!

Sir, we've got a code six!

Skewering everyone

So I will accept this award on their behalf.

So I'll accept this award on his behalf.

So I'll just say what I need to say.

So pure of heart,

So strong in body, so hot in the face.

So the one I rubbed in everyone's faces today

So, sorry, Kyle, but I am starving.

So... just give them store credit?

Solidifying the opinion once again that Funnybot

Somebody call the IHOP,

Somebody turn on the lights!

Soon as I heard the call, there was no question

Sorry Apple kidnapped your friend, guys,

Sorry, everyone, looks like we had some bad intel.

Sorry, we have to recall this.

Sounds like a bad idea.

Spectators say the violent attack was unmotivated,

Stevie Wonder's vagina.

Stop being a dick, Scott!

Stop crying, Eric.

Stop it now...

Suck my saggy tits

Teaching students about the importance

Tell him, Kyle.

Tell your friends they better get it done!

Terms and conditions too?

Than destroying all that which created Funnybot.

Thank you, boys, for teaching me

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, everyone, for this incredible award.

Thanks, everyone.

That allows a company to do what they're talking about

That boy too fat to be eating potatoes.

That comedy and logic do not go together.

That cuttlefish and asparagus is not sitting well!

That everything but Apple is stupid.

That Germans have a great sense of humor,

That has been done before! Error!

That is my purpose, to be the ultimate co median.

That the Canadian government now knows

That the end of our country is imminent.

That the Germans first engineered Funnybot,

That the greatest threat to mankind

That this is your fault, not ours!

That was the worst rehearsal we have ever had.

That will once again revolutionize

That's because Tooth Decay sucks.

That's it! Hurry! Go!

The abbey shaking violently as explosions abound.

The aboot to be princess of Canada.

The agreeing party's responsibility

The audience is supposed to feel scared

The biggest thing this school has ever seen.

The blood went flying, and oh, shit, it was funny!

The boy's agreement isn't valid?

The Canadian prime minister is instructing

The Canadian prince is now dipping his arms

The dark lord that takes from all nationalities.

The duke and duchess of Calgary

The duke of Calgary, standing up

The extermination of all biological life on Earth.

The extermination of all life on Earth shall now commence.

The F word is a no no word,

The First Annual Comedy Awards

The First Annual Comedy Awards was a big success.

The First Annual Comedy Awards were a big success.

The first comedy award we are presenting

The first what?

The geniuses are performing the Toran Ra.

The geniuses do not like those who waste their time.

The geniuses!

The geniuses.

The geniuses.

The German president went on to assure the world

The Germans could not be with us tonight,

The Germans!

The Germans.

The governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?

The Japanese.

The Kathy Griffin award will be given each year

The least funny people in the world,

The least funny people in the world.

The least funny people on the planet

The line is a non sequitur.

The line is an imaginary invention

The little mushroom people of Nova Scotia

The name's Ugly Bob.

The national news? Oh, my gosh!

The Native Canadians?

The next time you decide to fuck me!

The only people that showed up were me and Tyler Perry.

The only thing the iPad couldn't do

The only way we can fix all this

The prince and the princess look on in horror.

The prince is attempting to grab hold of the cube.

The prince makes his way down the aisle,

The prince now attempting to remove

The Prince of Canada has said that

The prince takes his place

The princess being hoisted away.

The princess has been kidnapped,

The princess has been taken.

The princess is gone!

The princess is gone!

The princess now giving the Canadian Medal of Courage

The princess now in some kind of isometric cube.

The princess now knighting Sir lke Broflovski,

The princess screaming with pain.

The princess will, of course, sc**** the pudding

The rest of us will rehearse the finale again.

The royal pudding now spilling all over the abbey

The Russians are saying their missiles

The time honored traditions are once again

The top... yes, the top of the abbey is collapsing.

The Toran Ra has revealed the answer to your problem.

The tornado was said to be the deadliest in 56 years.

The tragic story of a little boy

The unveiling of the first HumancentiPad.

The water tank? I'm not going with you!

The way we use our phones and tablet devices.

The what?

The Winnipeg Drummers playing the March of a Thousand Farts,

The XJ 212 Vootzenklein Funnybot!

The Yupik Eskimos of the Chukchi Peninsula.

Their Kathy Griffin award.

Their lips will be removed,

Them things think quick!

Then just sign right here.

Then no doubt, Canada is in grave danger.

Then one or more of the royal family must be in peril,

Then opened fire on the audience of 1,100,

Then spontaneously started shooting people

Then the whole fuckin' thing sounds flat!

Then this is a call to arms.

Then Toothbrush and Dental Floss

Then why did you go outside to a police officer

Then you'll understand why you aren't getting anything.

There are Canadian recording artists

There are Sirs Terrance and Phillip,

There can't be anything in that agreement

There he is! Hey, you!

There is no logic in comedy award.

There it goes.

There will be a presentation

There won't be anyone around to laugh.

There, you see that?

There!

There's a failsafe built in.

There's no arc, mkay?

There's not gonna be any comedy awards next year!

There's nowhere to go, you see.

There's the queen of Canada, in attendance, of course.

These business casual G men are trying to kidnap me!

These kids just aren't listening to me.

These three people

They ask Apple

They can lead us to the beast,

They can't locate you

They can't take our princess and get away with it!

They could all be killed.

They got him, Mr. Mackey.

They have actually agreed to be surgically altered.

They just think I look Canadian.

They tell it some kind of paradox

They're a little cheaper.

They're in here!

They're saying it's because I agreed

Things are back to normal here in Canada.

Things can finally get back to normal.

Think I'll email some of my friends.

Think they run the world.

This guy's son was abducted by us.

This is a mistake! I agreed by accident!

This is breaking news from CNN.

This is certainly breaking with tradition now.

This is indeed a horrible day for all of Canada,

This is indeed a horrible day for Canada

This is not the tradition.

This is not tradition at all.

This is so awesome!

This is stupid!

This is the greatest thing that has ever been invented!

This is the setup to the joke.

This is why comedy is for humans.

This play is supposed to change how people think, Kyle!

This says it does everything the iPad does

This says we don't ever have to let you out

To a needy boy who was ****d by his mother.

To actually show up to receive

To an iPad cover and you're faking it.

To be manager at Gart Brothers.

To do a customer check, uh huh.

To donate the first CentiPad

To find out where Apple is keeping my son!

To fulfill the agreement.

To get its processors all tripped out.

To go home and "open their box of faith."

To kidnap our royalty?

To know what they are signing.

To Kyle.

To people like me and Adam Sandler.

To take their videos, music, and photos,

To the butthole of another iTunes user."

To the imperfect biological beings.

To the latest terms and conditions on iTunes!

To the person who is most likely

To those who make us smile and laugh every day?

To Ugly Bob.

To watch the prince and princess of Canada

To within .0001 milliseconds.

Today on Dr. Phil,

Today's comedy is setup,

Token, stop giving Tyler Perry money,

Tom Saltzman says you don't really have an iPad.

Tom Saltzman says you just glued a piece of glass

Tom Saltzman's dad is a drunk driver!

Tom Saltzman's dad is an alcoholic

Tom, it's a big, exciting day for Mac Apple users,

Tom, you should have seen the looks on people's faces,

Took him in the blink of an eye!

Tooth Decay is gone.

Tooth Decay, that's your cue!

Tooth Decay. They got the son of a bitch.

Toshiba Handibook?

Toshiba Handibook.

Track your location at all times?

Tracking where I am at all times.

Two years ago...

Tyler Perry.

Ugh! Let me talk to them.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh, I guess, unfortunately,

Uh, yeah, Apple stuff is pretty neat, all right.

Unable to process!

Unable to process.

Unh! Aah!

Until now.

Up in the Yukon.

Used to be setup, punch line.

Vanilla paste! Vanilla paste!

Very well. I will eat the cuttlefish.

Wait a minute! Look!

Wait! Wait a minute.

Was walk or read...

Wasn't Canadian at all but a beast

Watching a Tyler Perry movie.

Watching the royal wedding?

We are all trying to create the future!

We are attempting to attract the giant now

We are here today to honor those

We are putting a stop to this play.

We are two days away from opening,

We are two weeks into tech rehearsals!

We can make your son's account into a family account,

We can retroactively make your son's agreement invalid.

We can try and fix this!

We didn't read them!

We got it. We got it!

We have an ambulance waiting outside!

We have just received breaking news

We have to unveil this thing tomorrow.

We have two more days of tech,

We knew we had to get on board.

We know. It's preposterous.

We really thought we could get it to read this time.

We still have over 50 awards to hand out.

We told you doing a comedy awards show was a bad idea.

We want our friend!

We want to give to you.

We will attack him with our guns,

We're all ready for you now.

We're gonna have a big, f f fantastic

We're gonna have a quickening with the council of geniuses.

We're gonna have to bring more geniuses in on this.

We're gonna have to try to get you separated right away.

We're sorry, sir.

We're trying to find out exactly what Kyle agreed to.

We've been walking around for hours!

We've been walking around for hours!

We've got to get it away from that control panel.

Welcome to Hollywood Minute.

Welcome to the Special Ed Department's

Well, at least we tried.

Well, couldn't you, you know,

Well, Eric, we have a very special gift

Well, good going, Mom.

Well, how do you know if you agree to something

Well, I tried.

Well, I turned off all my Apple stuff.

Well, I'm not! Think aboot it!

Well, Kyle, it's always

Well, no, that doesn't really

Well, that does it! I'm going to the police.

Well, that does it.

Well, then could we at least pull up here

Well, what are we doing following this ice beaner?

Well, what are we doing following this ice beaner?

Well, what the heck does this

Well, yeah, it's okay,

Well, you don't expect me to get the Wi Fi only

Were held by the schoolchildren yesterday,

Wh what?

What a glorious day for Canada and, therefore, the world.

What a glorious day for our country and, indeed, the world.

What a great day for Canadians everywhere.

What a wonderful day for Canada

What a wonderful day it is for all of us.

What a wonderful day it is for him.

What am I saying?

What am I supposed to do, Kyle?

What am I supposed to say?

What are you going to do to us?

What are you gonna do to us?

What are you talking about?

What did the terms and conditions

What do you mean we have to take it apart?

What do you mean you're gonna destroy all life on Earth?

What do you mean, he's not here?

What do you see

What happened, Eric?

What is this? What's going on?

What is up with Sandra Bullock?

What is wrong with you people?

What is wrong with you people?

What problems are you experiencing?

What the

What the fuck have you done to us?

What the fuck was that?

What the hell are they doing now?

What the hell are they gonna do to us?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell is going on?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Hey, that's mine!

What? Ready for what?

What? There was no drill ordered!

What? Why?

What... what?

What're we gonna derrr?

What's going on?

What's that?

What's that? What's that you're saying?

What's the matter is, this Funnybot

What's the matter, Jimmy? You still seem bummed.

What's this?

When Dr. Phil contacted us at Apple

When he sees my iPad has more memory than his.

When the giant arrives,

When the Pillsbury doughboy bends over?

When you downloaded the last iTunes update,

Whenever they try to distract a robot in the movies,

Where are you going?

Where is Tooth Decay?

Whereas salagadoola mechika boola equals X

Which is why he gets beat by his mom.

Which one would you rather I eat?

Which will then go to a tablet device,

Which... which I guess means I gotta suck it too, huh, mkay.

Who completely agreed they all agreed

Who could do the same with all their shit.

Who doesn't want to talk to Funnybot?

Who drinks and drives!

Who else would be pissed of enough at Canada

Who has the princess.

Who just agrees to something they don't read?

Who preys upon people of all nationalities!

Who said they don't will be swift and brutal.

Who the fuck thinks a comedy awards show

Who the heck would sit at home

Who the hell reads that entire thing

Who tirelessly work so hard to make us laugh.

Who took the princess.

Who took you, Princess?

Who's a very special boy with a very hard life.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!

Whoa! Cool!

Whose mother constantly tries to fuck him.

Why can't you get the HumancentiPad to read?

Why did you do this to me, God?

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?

Why don't you go across the street

Why this whole dental hygiene thing

Why would I take the princess of Canada?

Why?

Widespread panic.

Wie ein Fehler?

Will enter the mouth of the little boy

Will somebody get Tyler Perry to shut up?

Will you just stop resisting

Wir egal un die Comedy Awarding Thing.

Wir warten zu lang!

With a bowl of Kraft Dinner.

With a different attitude, Tooth Decay, mkay?

With all the geniuses.

With anticipation.

With Eric's story,

With my loved ones

With the grace of a butterfly.

With their wives, the lovely Queef sisters.

Wollen Sie endlich beutren sein?

Woo! Woo hoo! Yeah!

Would you mind loaning me some of your lipstick, Mom?

Wow, this is the greatest day of my life.

Wow, what a terrific audience. Isn't this great?

X equals zero. The song is badly written.

Yeah, but it's all a mistake.

Yeah, everything's worse!

Yeah, I think we should have a quickening

Yeah, I'm sure glad that's over with.

Yeah, look, I don't think I can make it, Jimmy.

Yeah, sorry, dude. I can't make it either.

Yeah, thanks to Jimmy!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yes, but can it read?

Yes, please hurry!

Yes, the prince is sticking the princess' arm up his ass.

Yes, you certainly are.

Yes!

Yes! She fucked me so hard!

Yes. I promise I'll read.

You agreed to this.

You agreed we could take all the blood we needed.

You all agreed to stay quiet.

You all are not gonna care about this anymore,

You all probably think you can live your lives cavity free,

You ball licker.

You call rolling your fat ass out on the stage

You call that trying?

You can either have the Toshiba Handibook,

You can let it go, Mackey.

You can't agree by accident.

You can't even get Tyler Perry to go back home!

You can't just start already sad.

You clicked "Agree."

You did it, kid!

You didn't read them?

You do?

You dumbasses have to play four square

You fart loving tricksters!

You fuck your son, and you won't even give him a kiss?

You going to Canada too?

You guys download an update for iTunes,

You guys, we're gonna have to ask help from...

You guys! You got to help me!

You have always been a dick.

You have answered the call,

You have helped connect everyone to each other.

You have to hurry. It wants to kill me!

You just go home and sort yourself out!

You just go home and sort yourself out!

You know how it is.

You know something?

You know that I would never harm the royal family!

You know when a man be cheatin'

You know, Mom, the least you could do is kiss me first,

You little fuckers!

You made me look like some sort of child molester

You may eat the sandwich now.

You might as well go buy some cigarettes too,

You need to leave the jokes

You read the entire terms and conditions?

You said I had to wait till my birthday to get an iPad,

You said we could.

You see?

You should be all good to go.

You tell me!

You want out? Are you saying you want out?

You want to fuck me, Mom? Just say so!

You want to fuck your son so bad?

You weren't getting anything.

You what?

You will find all the items you need:

You will re vote.

You, sir. Where are you from?

You... you agreed to the iTunes

You'll simply need to join Apple.

You're a dick, Scott!

You're about to blow your shot!

You're all gonna have a blast!

You're already acting like you're a star,

You're Canadian, sure enough.

You're having trouble with that today.

You're looking at me

You're not as good as you fuckin' think you are!

You're putting a lot of good people out of work.

You're telling me that every time

You've agreed to all of this!

You've been told to brush and to floss,

You've completely screwed me over!

Your character is supposed to be

Your Comedy Awards show has put us all out of work!

Your favorite movies, songs, and books?

Your mother fucked you at Best Buy?

Your son has made a binding

Your teeth shall be mine!

Yup, and then you should be able

Yup, we got you a replacement friend.

16 gig version, do you?

[email protected].

83 pounds, good. Let's get the blood work.

83 pounds, sir. What agreement?

Aw, man, really? Don't worry, everybody.

Aww! Jeez!

Can we go now? Go?

Frothgar? Uh huh.

Get those hands up! You little shits!

Hands up! Get in there!

How can they know if I Calm down, Kyle.

I do. Me too.

I don't! She does!

It's the giant! Scott!

It's working! Explain comedy award!

Let's go! Let's see those hands!

No! Eric, stop it!

Not again. Ah, crap.

Oh! Ah!

Paradox. Oh, my God, that's it!

Shh! Oh, okay, I see, hmm.

So plug it in. I left my charger at home!

This one, this one! Oh, sweetie, $900?

What about a logic loop? A what?

What? It's crazy, dude!

Who? The Native Canadians!

Yeah! It's all Tooth Decay's fault.

Zeigen Sie ihnen! Zeigen Sie ihnen!

'Cause I like to get lubed up before I get fucked!

'cause I liked to be kissed before I get fucked!

'Cause I liked to be wined and dined

'cause I need pancakes!

'cause you don't have iPads!

"Apple and its subsidiaries may also, if necessary,

"Are you sure you agree?"

"By clicking 'Agree,' you are also acknowledging

"Hallelujer!"

"or PayPal account for any products

"sew yet another person's mouth onto your butthole,

"that Apple may sew your mouth

"You agree that Apple may charge your credit card

* And Dental Floss also *

* And his name's Tooth Decay *

* And his name's Tooth Decay *

* And his name's Tooth Decay! *

* And it seems to me *

* And it seems to me *

* He is your friend too *

* He's mean and he hurts *

* He's mean and he hurts *

* He's mean and he hurts *

* I am a tooth *

* I am a tooth *

* I am a tooth *

* I am a toothbrush *

* I am a toothbrush *

* I am a toothbrush *

* I am Tooth Decay *

* Is here to help you *

* It's our hope that you all *

* Learn something today *

* Like a flower breaking wind *

* Look alive, Timmy *

* My bristles are long *

* My bristles are long *

* My bristles are long *

* Never knowing who to turn towards *

* Oh, no, Dental Floss! *

* Or they'll rot and fall out *

* So white and so strong *

* So white and so strong *

* So white and so strong *

* Take care of your friends *

* They are friends in your mouth *

* Timmy *

* Timmy *

* Timmy *

* Timmy *

* Timmy Timmy Timmy *

* Timmy Timmy Timmy *

* Timmy Timmy Timmy *

* Timmy Timmy Timmy *

* To keep the bad guy away *

* To keep the bad guy away *

* To keep the bad guy away *

* To our little play *

* Together we work *

* Together we work *

* Together we work *

* Visit your dentist *

* Welcome, oh, welcome *

* What will I do? *

* With candy and treats *

* You lived your life *

* You lived your life *

* Your teeth are your friends *

* Your teeth shall be mine *