Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013) - Season 5 Edit

A "protected buffalo"... self defense.

A beautiful wedding dress, you deserve to find one.

A bunch of names.

A complicated preexisting relationship,

A confession out of?

A confession out of?

A distracting childish marriage.

A funeral? I want dahlias.

A good interrogation.

A Grey pantsuit or something.

A hideout in an old brownstone.

A little bit of a mix up

A little bit stressed out. Please help me, Sarge.

A mermaid cut with tulip frickin' sleeves!

A sedative I take because I'm junkie scum.

A small, attainable goal

A stamp that says...

A success?

A suspicious bag.

A white dress to my wedding.

A woman.

About a wall of Amy photos.

About having a witness Which you are.

About him constantly, but it doesn't matter.

About how every day's a honeymoon with you.

About how fast Daenerys got from Dragonstone

About how things went down, man.

About looking for a wedding dress?

About NutriBoom. All right!

About Owen winning "Top Chef Junior,"

About the briefing? No.

About the broken toilet up here,

About to catch our white whale.

About your own mortality.

Absolutely. You work the case,

Accepted the terms and conditions without reading them.

According to this picture from JFK,

Accusing me of quote unquote hating my own goddaughter.

Actually, from experience, she is more right.

Actually, it technically wasn't just one night.

Actually, it was a school bus,

Actually, it's maybe better for me to go first

Actually, we call ourselves The Steak Studs.

Actually, we got engaged.

Actually, you know what? That's not fine.

Actually, you might want to check out

Addams Family themed wedding vows rap?

Addressed to Deputy Commissioner Stevenson.

Admiral Level NutriMasters

Adrian, open up.

Adrian! What a coincidence.

Adrian. What are you doing here?

After my best friend died in an active shooter situation.

After the meeting, I will be handing out new...

After you and Robert fought

After you, and he got off here.

Again, is the gold coin thing based on something I said?

Again, junkie scum also again, not your fault.

Again, the situation's still developing,

Agreed. Let's just grab Cheddar

Ah, did not work at all,

Ah, I bet that works with a lot of animals.

Ah, just another exciting day for the sleuth sisters.

Ah, Travis. Great, you're here.

Ah, well, that settles that.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! It works.

Ah. What a weirdo.

Aha, so you admit it.

AKA the "Rush Hour." You know what? Let's do this.

AKA your main commish competish.

Alicia found a florist in the city that was

All dressed in my nice jacket I only wear for special events.

All Latina policewomen right now.

All right, Bill said that the offices

All right, can we just focus on finding the veil?

All right, Dario, tell Lieutenant Wells what you told us.

All right, fine, I see your point.

All right, fine, two oh damns.

All right, fine, we'll check out your guy

All right, fine.

All right, I'm not saying I'm on board with this

All right, it feels like you Googled

All right, let's crush this list.

All right, let's get a move on.

All right, let's go talk to him.

All right, let's go!

All right, look, Charles, I know you're upset,

All right, look. I didn't wanna have to do this,

All right, look. We only have one option left.

All right, now let's hold on to each other for balance

All right, Rosa, time for some senior seduction

All right, she should be here any minute.

All right, Terry will pay me back later.

All right, that's enough.

All right, there are seven days until the wedding,

All right, these people really know Bill,

All right, we got this.

All right, weirdo, not something we usually

All right, what about book two? Maybe it's a code.

All right? If this was a movie, no one would be on your side.

All right? The first thing we gotta do,

All right.

All right.

All types of successes.

All units, hold your positions.

All we have to do is decipher

All we have to do is figure out who my arch nemesis is,

All we have to do is solve

All we have to do is solve it before Booth is done

All you need to do is sign a few things.

All: Boom, boom, Jay!

ALL: Shipwreck!

ALL: To Jake and Amy!

Almost. Now think,

Also, are you guys doing that thing where someone gets to

Also, can you tell us how to get out of here?

Also, Dana from the bar, what color was her hair,

Also, for real, addiction is a disease.

Also, I come off quite youthful.

Also, I thought it'd be funny to mess with you guys.

Also, it's fun to watch you get destroyed by a toilet.

Also, quit vibing, and help me solve this.

Also, we're gonna need you to take us there,

Also, why does he keep saying I'm 24 karat gold?

Also, yesterday,

Although I doubt your dog cost $10,000.

Always remembers a friend's first.

Amateur move.

Amazing. That is actually perfect.

Ambush 'em with the intel about his wife.

Ames. She's gonna be okay.

Amy Santiago still had a one night stand.

Amy Santiago, I would marry you any time, any place.

Amy Santiago. Amy, look.

Amy, be very careful about throwing around accusations

Amy, I too have a gift, okay?

Amy, we're a go!

Amy, you are an amazing cop and a great leader,

An "Addams Family" themed rap,

An Art History PhD?"

And 45 minutes.

And a big goofy grin.

And about the meeting.

And accidentally included a link

And all this dental talk

And all those strategies you've been coming after me with,

And also a cake delivery

And answer the phone when the armory calls

And are probably gonna go to jail.

And as for you, my supervisor and I reviewed your case.

And as soon as everybody sees that I'm a cop,

And at that time, it will be your head

And because you were supposed to get it fixed last week,

And big, hard boobs on both men and women.

And Charles all day long, and it didn't work.

And chart a course to the restaurant?

And connected to a string that Gina is holding.

And cook some pudding?

And deal with the reality of the situation.

And did you kill him, and what did your cab driver look like?

And discovered some blueprints.

And do you, Jake Peralta,

And Dr. Ronald Yee came to the precinct

And emotional cores...

And everything on the line?

And everything will be okay.

And extra amino acid, so you get the perfect balance.

And for you to stand behind me

And gentlemen, welcome to my bachelor party.

And gentlemen.

And get their financial records.

And go to the wedding.

And guess who's heading up the task force?

And hand the officer in charge a list of items.

And hasn't left the premises in years.

And have you ever been up to where the body was found,

And he booked it for your wedding as a surprise.

And he did so well.

And he got out of Rikers a year ago.

And he hasn't spoken to Philip in over a year.

And he knew where you liked to park the truck.

And he look exactly like you.

And he used the wrong "you're"

And he's the one that made the bomb threat.

And her horrible daughter Dakota to drop out

And here I am.

And here is a shot that our crime scene photographer

And here they come.

And here we go.

And here we go.

And hey, if you guys need any pointers

And Holt told me to do it, so.

And how do you think I got Janet

And I After the briefing.

And I agree. You should drop out.

And I also sent in a letter

And I assure you,

And I bet the Feds would be interested

And I can't get anything done.

And I can't stop drinking it.

And I can't wait to get inside and unlock my NutriFuture.

And I definitely can't. Breaking promises is how

And I didn't realize till I was already out of the building.

And I didn't use some glass award

And I feel like that's all you can really do, right?

And I got you to say you knew where the body was found,

And I had to sleep in a dresser drawer till I was three.

And I had to think to myself, why am I even here?

And I have other appointments.

And I love you both.

And I loved hanging out with your dorks.

And I need you to find a replacement.

And I need your help.

And I never learned to use the brakes.

And I no longer start spontaneously weeping.

And I realized, I haven't looked at

And I spent my whole time in the corner

And I think you're gonna like it very, very much.

And I want a mermaid cut with tulip sleeves.

And I wanted to be the one that got him.

And I was hoping to actually do something valuable like help Rosa.

And I was wrongfully imprisoned last year.

And I would like it to have some lace.

And I'll be excited for you to be commissioner after me.

And I'll be totally fine with it if it's him.

And I'll coordinate with the, um...

And I'm Aunt Linda.

And I'm going as one of your NutriCruits.

And I'm gonna play "Amy Come Back."

And I'm no expert, but it seems like

And I'm pretty sure he didn't identify me.

And I'm telling Bruce Willis you suck.

And I'm worried about dancing in front of our friends.

And I'm your new commanding officer.

And I've been acting selfishly.

And I've gotten to use it three times.

And I've never been happier.

And if they won't do a rush job, make them. Use force.

And if you don't cooperate, we'll have no choice

And if you told me yesterday

And instead, it's just starting to be about some dude.

And it all led up to this moment

And it has been a true pleasure to watch

And it hits you: your uncle's cabin.

And it keeps making me think about my kids.

And it killed him when you said he was sloppy and impulsive.

And it seems that John Kelly

And it was a disaster.

And it will be. We're having a drunken adventure!

And it's Rosa, right?

And jeopardize the entire case.

And Kevin Costner's flawless British accent

And left your phone in your office,

And look here.

And look what I found in Boyle's wife's closet.

And looking at girly dresses isn't going to help.

And multiple wounded, all civilians.

And my gift to you

And no other reason. All right.

And nobody even cares about etymolo

And none of you have eaten anything.

And not buy any of them due to weak tabs.

And not into the other babies and it's like,

And not to toot my own bugle,

And now I run the bomb squad. I also started traveling.

And now I'm gonna be the one to fix it.

And now into what I'm sure will be

And now we just have to find your letter.

And now...

And Olivia is sitting at the hot senior table

And on June 10th My dad's birthday.

And only a fool would play.

And other taunts that normal people care about.

And out of the ceiling there,

And pretend we did the stupid hunt.

And probably should have told you about my new family.

And progressive and a hell of a lot better

And right now we're feeling like we want a new investigator.

And right now, no one is noticing you.

And ruined this day.

And said the accelerant used in the fire was turpentine.

And say his name.

And say, like, three

And secondly, you signed the contract.

And shaves his armpits.

And she promised us she didn't.

And she said, "Yep, here."

And she's been retweeted by the mayor.

And she's caught in a Brooklyn Heights shooting right now.

And shoved it in the elevator.

And since she's having a rough day,

And singlehandedly take down all the bad guys.

And skin is clear as a summer day.

And social media is a part of politics now.

And somehow it got underneath his goggles and hit him in the eye.

And spending your life with your soul mate.

And still keep their attention.

And stop talking about wedding dresses?

And sustainable method of hurrying?

And take the contract out of his man purse.

And taught a course on forensics.

And tell me what you figured out.

And Terry releases him outside.

And test it.

And thank you for coming, ladies

And that comes to $10,000.

And that is the only one we're gonna use.

And that your whole family is a bunch of friggin...

And that's scary. We're like snapping turtles.

And the 9 7 is locking down the area.

And the alarms keep piling up. It's kind of making me feel

And the best part is...

And the cab driver had a beard and an earring

And the day before that, and the day before that,

And the day you told me you would marry me.

And the fastest way to get followers

And the other half is divided between the two of us.

And the victims are in our blah blah blah,

And then burn it to the ground.

And then burn that place to the ground.

And then he started crying,

And then he told me about his lymphoma,

And then I went to open the trunk,

And then it got more and more awkward to bring up,

And then Robert and I talked after.

And then we show up at the final location

And then who knows what'll happen?

And there was only one person that knew we were cops.

And they brought a robot.

And they talk about their emotions.

And this creepy guy named Bill.

And this plastic bag filled with matches and magnesium strips.

And to possibly say, "You can't handle the tooth."

And tons of cuss words.

And try and clear my head.

And unsure of my very future with the NYPD.

And very obedient. I would be...

And way too long.

And we don't exactly have a text relationship...

And we had to get our cake out of the sun; and

And we have been ordered to stay in this precinct by the commissioner.

And we have the best rapport.

And we haven't been able to contact the owner.

And we haven't done one bachelor party thing!

And we haven't figured out one damn clue.

And we need to cancel our NutriConrtracts.

And we ran a 10K together, and then I arrested him.

And we solved his puzzle.

And we think we know what you need to do.

And we're here to brighten your day.

And we've both been referred to as... El Ganador.

And when you left your phone at the office,

And when you tweet again,

And which night does the cleaning crew

And why is Cheddar wearing a beret?

And why is he in swim trunks?

And will therefore be a horrible spouse.

And would love to be...

And you call yourselves The Batch Boys?

And you came to me 'cause I'm the only one

And you can pay off your debts, starting with Amy.

And you don't have your car keys,

And you guys all acted like I was crazy.

And you have proven that a billion times over.

And you have to cancel the gig.

And you haven't drunk once.

And you really didn't find any usable forensic evidence?

And you were wrong. That happens to everybody.

And you will die alone!

And you, Jake Peralta,

And you'd never be tipped off to the fact that I let him go.

And you're gonna spend the rest of your life in prison.

And you're the only one who knows where he is.

And your BP's at 290. Oh, 350.

And, to be honest, when I first got to the Nine Nine,

Angela How can I

Announce to the squad.

Any news, Sergeant?

Any other questions?

Anybody else that might have done this? Any enemies?

Anyone on the street could be they.

Anything you want. Now, let's roll out,

Anyway, congrats you two.

Anyway, Holt wants us to interview

Anyway, I don't see how this is bad news.

Anyway, I made the threat, but there's no bomb.

Anyway, meet the new recruit I signed up.

Anyway, our first order of business will be

Anyway, we're always looking for new talent.

Anyway, you know that if you guys want

Anyways, Hitchock and Scully, to distract the captain,

Anyways, off to third grade!"

Anyways, thanks for the gun.

Anyways, things went south when I got addicted to drugs

Apparently that's a trigger for me.

Apparently, one of the candidates for commissioner

Appendicitis.

Approaching at 12:00.

Are already melting.

Are behind that roped off area.

Are in this suitcase.

Are responding to the scene right now.

Are struggling, and they need you.

Are the exact same name. Let me ask you this:

Are the right person for me.

Are we even sure they're here?

Are you actually mad that someone might not hate you?

Are you doing this on purpose?

Are you done trying to get into Amy's pants?

Are you ready for your first briefing?

Are you still angry?

Are you sure?

Are you sure? Because the journey I went on today taught me

Are you that desperate for everyone to know

Are you the commissioner?

Are you the one I'm looking for?

Aren't you?

Around me. I'm a part of your life.

As a distraction to get us out of the nursing home

As an NYPD officer, you're more likely to be

As long as I'm getting that job done, and you know I am.

As soon as a criminal tells them they didn't do it?

As you were making it out to be.

Asking for approval,

Aspirin for the morning after.

Assignments.

At 3:34, I'll go into the armory

At least, that's my experience.

At NutriBoom HQ starts in two hours.

At the end of the night, we don't have to do

At the exact moment my truck burned down.

At the ice cream bar?

At the NutriTower Life Base

At you all day long, you big piece of crap.

Aw, Jake, I am so honored

Aw, that's so smart.

Aww, I love you guys.

Aww, that's nice, Ames, but you don't have to say that.

Aww, you're looking at wedding dresses?

Babe, when we're married, we're gonna share everything.

Babies kill their parents.

Back to normal. I can get out of your hair now.

Bad news, Captain. A water main burst downtown.

Bane from "Batman", [grunts imitatively] right?

Bank accounts, health insurance, arch nemeses.

Barb can't be here. You can't just add someone day of.

Basic meaning "basic," Terry.

Basic meaning simple, or basic meaning "basic"?

Be thinking like a bird.

Because an Amy is a tool.

Because being a female sergeant is difficult.

Because every single day that I get to be with

Because everybody's gonna be at Gaga.

Because he says it's all circumstantial.

Because his hands were tied up.

Because how cute would Cheddar look in this hat?

Because I bet you haven't thought about me once

Because I care! Oh, I feel so good.

Because I didn't ruin your wedding.

Because I have a trick.

Because I kind of dated one of the dudes in it.

Because I love "Die Hard" more than any other movie,

Because I love the Bering.

Because I love you and I want you to be happy,

Because I still think it's about 50/50.

Because I want him here.

Because I wanted to do something.

Because I wanted to kill Amy.

Because I'm not a million years old.

Because I'm thirsty. Got it. Great.

Because it's time to party.

Because most people want to become actual doctors.

Because my groom gut has a catchphrase.

Because one of those notes is really gonna pull a thread.

Because our first order of business

Because Terry never loses his key.

Because that's where he stashed his cash

Because the commissioner race,

Because the Feds were investigating you.

Because the little sailor outfit

Because they have such strong ideas.

Because they will only make you better.

Because we're gonna catch him.

Because we're pretty sure it was you.

Because we've had a lot of crazy days.

Because while wearing a wedding dress,

Because whoever took Robert's phone

Because you don't know about my big ass moral compass.

Because you were so careful?

Because you're scared.

Before he went to Paraguay.

Before our friend gets back today.

Before Saturday. We have 24 hours

Before you said "okay"? Was that secretly your favorite one?

Before you say yours out loud.

Being a good husband doesn't mean you have to pass some test

Besides, 140 characters is far more

Besides, I won't be tweeting anymore.

Between my new squad and my old squad.

Between the two of us, you are more believable as a

Between uniformed officers and detectives,

Big Bill, Big Eric, Big Drew, Big Dave, Super Thick

Big shocker.

Big time. The trick on that:

Bill, did you bring those things I asked for?

Bodega on Smith. Perp is heading east on Baltic.

Bomb! There's a bomb!

Boom, boom, Charles. Boom, boom, Jay.

Boom, boom, guys. both: Boom, boom!

Boom, boom!

Boom, boom!

Boom, boom! No boom, boom.

Boom! That's right.

Boomer Maxwell? What kind of name is that?

Boomer's not running the special unit anymore.

Boomer's not running the special unit anymore.

BOTH: All hats are dumb.

Both: Debbie Stovelman. Boom, boom.

Both: Hello.

Both: Hello.

Both: Hello.

Both: Hello. Hello.

Both: Jay Chandrasekhar!

BOTH: You lost your sense of smell in a...

Boy, you really thought you had him with that one, huh?

Boyle isn't picking up and I called Genevieve.

Boyle, I don't even have a dress.

Breaking suspects down.

Broken his heart, hired him to play at my wedding,

Buh bye, Connie!

Building wide distributions a day.

Burn.

But "missing meds" hardly sounds like "firing Cheryl,"

But all of this, the puzzle,

But allow me to introduce you to our complaint specialist.

But also still cool. He's gonna be an Ironside!

But as long as we're with the right people,

But as long as you're with the right people,

But as of now, there are three dead

But Bill, tell us all about yourself.

But have you considered shutting the truck down?

But he's a polka dotter. Polka Dotter

But how do we get in, you ask?

But I could say it. It's a tactical mistake.

But I did manage to speak to a captain at the 9 7,

But I do have some bad news.

But I don't think my aunt would do anything illegal.

But I figured you'd want to be included.

But I gotta pee real bad.

But I had to invite my friend Barb.

But I have a source on the nominating committee.

But I have an idea for a new ring bearer

But I know you love them.

But I like living life on the edge.

But I love that you attempted it.

But I made you a new one.

But I met Amy eight years ago.

But I shouldn't be surprised,

But I think I did an admirable job.

But I thought Cheddar was sick...

But I wanted tonight to be fun.

But I wasn't super jazzed about Mason.

But I'll be setting up my own accounts,

But I'm afraid we're gonna need to see some proof.

But I'm here,

But I'm not. I'm still the same loser

But if Diaz is unharmed,

But if we apply enough pressure,

But if you don't, I will kill myself.

But in my mind, it just seems like

But it could take a while.

But it was Robert's name on the business, correct?

But it's a huge savings and we can make up the rest

But it's a very stressful day and I thought things would

But it's fine. I'm just gonna get it.

But it's just an old abandoned building.

But it's too dangerous to move.

But like it or not, the decision is political,

But maybe there's a silver lining here.

But my beat boxer isn't here.

But no matter. So, shall we recap the night

But now I have to go to the dentist?!

But really, it was the loneliness that killed him.

But Robert's are in his pocket

But Rosa is one of the good guys.

But seriously, don't worry. I'm a cop.

But she was at her grandson's play.

But she's not going in alone.

But spiraling isn't gonna help anything.

But tell him the real tragedy, Terry.

But thank you for your help.

But thank you. Seriously, you saved the day.

But that doesn't play so well with juries.

But that reminds me, you two,

But that would be a terrible movie.

But the business idea is solid.

But the DA won't bring a charge

But the fact is, we don't have enough.

But the fact remains,

But the good news is, your groom gut is all fired up.

But then I accidentally killed

But then I realized,

But there has to be someone that knows where those coins are, right?

But there is this girl Wanda in my Mommy & Me class.

But there's no money in the budget.

But there's not really a bomb, so it's just temporary.

But they can't get to him.

But they didn't sound hopeful. Well, I'm glad

But to file a report against the company.

But under no circumstances will we

But we are two smart and capable people

But we don't have time for this, so figure it out!

But we got you a bouquet.

But we had a good partnership.

But we have no murder weapon, no witnesses,

But we know someone who's a high level

But we were extremely rich.

But we're in the NYPD.

But what if Charles never knew?

But what if Philip never went to the cabin?

But what specifically are the words

But when are you getting your makeup put on?

But when we ran all the credit card receipts,

But where is he... No, wait we're stuck in a loop.

But who else would leave a whole rotisserie chicken in there?

But who would know where the gold coins are?

But why don't we take this map and this sextant

But why? You still haven't told me why.

But you could have figured out where the wedding was

But you didn't take your car?

But you gotta admit, it does seem like

But you hate chocolate. It has "too much taste."

But you know he didn't do it.

But you never know when you're gonna find your dream person.

But you should always listen to an Amy

But you should just do what I used to do

But your puzzle was too hard.

But, Charles, didn't you just tell me you fired someone?

But, here you go.

But, uh, my uncle only has one neighbor,

But, you know, that's why they put it in a dry cleaning bag.

By a children's cereal mascot.

By a shaft of light?

By attending today's meeting of President's Club

By my mom.

By the power vested in me by the state of New York,

Call Diaz. Get her cell.

Call me a loose cannon.

Calla lilies? Do you think I'm planning

Called me that means you don't.

Called me that means you don't.

Calling ourselves "doctors."

Came across some blueprints, felt guilty, and wanted to save your life.

Can I speak to you for a minute?

Can I talk to you outside for a sec?

Can we all get back to police work

Can we get in the venue or not?

Can you get me out?

Can you show him to Interrogation Room C, please?

Can't wait for you and Kevin to come over and meet the baby.

Captain, I'm trying to get your account reinstated,

Captain. I know you don't eat pizza,

Car's here.

Cardi B, please bless this flush.

Carl Winslow made me want to become a cop.

Certain letters on that graffiti wall will be illuminated

Changed lanes without signaling.

Charles already gave us a name.

Charles put in the paper!

Charles would be so upset if we bailed.

Charles, are you just finding out about this too?

Charles, I highly doubt the entire food truck industry

Charles, it looks amazing.

Charles, look, you're gonna

Charles, tell us everything we're doing tonight.

Charles, this isn't looking good for you.

Charles, why are you spitting on it?

Charles, will you put this picture of me up on the wall?

Charles, you're going as Bill

Charles!

Charles! Charles knows where they are.

Charles.

Cheddar wears little booties in the snow,

Cheddar!

Cheddar!

Cheddar? Are you crazy?

Chuck, how's the truck been doing?

Clear means, and a nonexistent alibi,

Clearly, you've never seen me with the elderly.

Come back to me.

Come here.

Come on, Adrian, admit it.

Come on, don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?

Come on, girl.

Come on, Jake, you know they shut that down.

Come on, Scully!

Come on, slideshow.

Come on, Terry, you already have

Come on, you already said Charles couldn't do this.

Come on, you know we didn't commit arson.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Look... My best friend is out there.

Commander of the Nine Nine's uniformed officers,

Congrats on the bomb squad.

Congratulations once again to Jake and Amy.

Congratulations. Thank you!

Congratulations. Thank you.

Continue.

Copy that. You want the eyes scratched out?

Crazy cop/sane cop,

Creating a bond that will last forever.

Creating a bond that will last forever.

Credit where credit is due,

Crushed by scaffolding than to die on the job.

Crying wedding band man bun?

Current PSI 456 MAX CAP 204000 LPM."

Damn it, Dario. Why'd you say there was no bomb?

Damn it, I wish there was some way to know

Damn it, New York.

Damn it! He's getting away again.

Damn it.

Damn, really?

Damn, that is so cool.

Damn, you guys are good.

Damn.

David Stovelman murdered his wife.

Dear Beyoncé, Solange, Rihanna,

Definitely call you Raymond, Raymond in the Kangol hat.

Definitely not. You're cutting in too soon

Denied.

Destroy a legal document? I can't do that.

Detective Brett Booth from 6 3.

Detective Jake Peralta asked me to drop by.

Diaz, 3118, show me going.

Diaz? Rosa Diaz?

Did he already send you nine follow up emails

Did you ask Gina to submit a work order?

Did you change your mind about the whispering?

Did you give the squad a simple goal?

Did you hear anything from Olivia?

Did you just solve it that easily?

Did you kill him? No.

Did you know you had the wrong murder weapon?

Did you solve the puzzle?

Didn't his number two say he had to leave a bunch

Digging around while she's away.

Do any bachelor partying without Charles.