Mr. Mayor - Season 1 Edit

A baseline understanding of what a borings is,

A bassoon!

A blue ribbon task force

A bunch, I'll bet

A couple of ventriloquist dummies

A formal reprimand is in order, I understand

A free educational video

A French bulldog and an at risk teen

A little exclusion builds character

A little tote bag,

A lot from Jayden

A lot of different eyes

A lot of marginalized communities

A magical sign that you were chosen to lead

A pipe burst at school, so they let us go early

A position once held by that man

A real friend to democracy

A straw ban and some scooter helmets?

A very realistic sex doll

A work opportunity based on her age

About child geniuses

About entering through the garage

About first pitches when they go really bad

About my dad's hidden clown life,

About settling down in Punxsutawney with you

About the kiss of death that you gave me

About the recycling center?

About the whole coyote population explosion,

About unsafe scaffolding around business sites

About when that lady in Playa del Rey shot me

About your empty, materialistic lives

According to LinkedIn,

Act like we're not high

Actually gonna be a father

Actually, I don't even care about the streetlights

After every question is not helping our score

After someone gets shot

After the '94 earthquake,

After yesterday, I'm not gonna win,

Afterwards, just find me

Again!

Ah

Ahh! Sit down, Arpi

Airing the episode where they accidentally kiss

Aka Snoop Dogg, quote, "That bleep be strong now

Alexa,

Alexa, play a song about Sacramento, California.

Alexa, what's the population

Alexa, why can't I sleep?

Aliens taught us how to impregnate palm trees

All my cigars are going bad

All right, as a longtime Bel Air resident,

All right, here's something we have in common

All right, let's just face it

All right, off to bed

All right, questions

All right, uh, I will personally donate steel straws

All right, yes, yes. Go ahead and hit send

All right. All right, all right

All right. I'll be right there

All right. I'll give this a try

All right. Okay. Go to hell, Culver City

All Sergeant Cusack wanted to do

All those rich Brentwood turkeys think

All you really need to do is listen and act concerned

All: [chanting] Let us suck!

All: [chanting] Mayor fight!

All: Let us suck!

All: Ms. Meskimen! Ms

Almost back to normal

Also known as "shoefitti"?

Also known as tumescence, it slowly starts

Also, do you know what "squat" means now?

Also, I have to be at school early tomorrow

Also, make a consistent schedule and stick to it!

Also, my dad had a secret family

Also, personal record for me

Also, saying, "I knew that one,"

Am I allowed to say crucified? Of course

AM. Those are my initials

An Audemars Piguet might be perceived as elitist.

An hour later, you'll forget all about the backstabbing

An old man at home, you dig?"

And "Playboy" in the '90s

And a BuzzFeed quiz I took earlier said I'm,

And a poisonous swim bladder

And a Shonda Rhimes master class on pitching

And according to all the reporters I've spoken to,

And actually, all of you could learn

And affect a person's performance

And all that dumb stuff matters to someone

And all you two have is college debt

And also "jazzy

And also a felon?

And also, Passover's coming up

And Angelinos are back to being happy

And are kind of bragging that you got away with it

And Arpi knows that

And at midnight, we did Bloody Mary in the mirror!

And be a man

And before that, I worked at a Jamba Juice,

And besides, we've known each other for years

And blah, blah, blah

And bowl so much

And boy, did she ever!"

And by the way the truck is riding on the shocks,

And by the way,

And by then, all the food trucks are out of food,

And Ceviche Twitched the whole thing,

And changed "algae bloom" to "bus passengers

And Chief of Staff is the highest

And create a super race

And damn it, Susan,

And don't bother going over my head

And don't get me started on people

And drinking does to the cool kids

And dump them in the stadium

And Emma showed me how to do that

And every time someone mistakes you for an intern

And everyone was like,

And fold like a card table

And for a blogger, he was very hot

And for some reason, she is very sick all the time,

And frankly, Barbara's agreeing to all of this

And frankly, you're being a total psycho

And get resourceful

And give it back to the mini wolves

And Gorgolzop the Elder

And Grover Sepulveda

And has requested the driver to quote,

And have a deep understanding

And he couldn't do it

And he DM'd me and asked if I was feeling okay

And he drives stick, and also my mom packed me raisins

And he gets his hair to curl like that without any product?

And he walked out the front parlor,

And he was later found climbing one of my billboards

And he's always, like, looking in my bag

And he's only here because he's on paid vacation

And her Harry Potter animal is a squirrel

And hey, if there's anything the chief of staff

And hire that person

And his best friend, Dennis

And honestly, it's thrilling

And how mad you get every time you see Neil Patrick Harris'

And I you know what, I hope you

And I also had a couple follow up questions

And I am not to blame

And I am not to blame

And I can do in return..

And I did make first chair,

And I don't know what we're gonna talk about

And I feel like the credit goes to you

And I figure we caneat in the car

And I found 78Questions.com

And I found all those Diet Coke cans in the sauna?

And I get free dessert wings, 'cause it's my birthday

And I get it. Never seen me work

And I get to tell them they're not special

And I had that dream about Cheryl Tiegs?

And I hate that we had to move

And I have to play by the same rules,

And I hope that makes things easier for you

And I know a guy who might just have some tape

And I know you didn't, Rick

And I know you two don't want another night like last night

And I say, "Thank you for telling me that

And I take prescription lozenges so I can just talk

And I think it is admirable of the mayor

And I throw out all the skincare products

And I will fold

And I will never allow it

And I'd have to work till 6:00

And I'll need at least a year for my mom to lose the weight

And I'll show you what all that sun damage

And I'm here to listen, so..

And I'm not buying you a Mercedes

And I'm not here to please people

And I'm not looking to help you,

And I'm pretty sure you're only talking to me

And I'm sorry

And I'm still getting crucified

And I'm telling you how worried I am

And I've got the perfect native replacement flora, milkweed!

And if I were "around more, I'd know that"?

And in LA, there's always some dingbat celebrity there,

And isn't patches what government does best?

And it made me feel like an old grandma

And it seems Orly is part of a group

And it turns out, she

And it turns out, they are not hornets

And it's all because of these icebreakers I downloaded

And it's like, what's even the point of the chair system?

And it's really affecting the kids there

And it's the right thing to do for our turtle friends

And it's the very least that the people of Los Angeles

And just catapults everything south of Hollister

And legs for days

And less stressful

And let all my fellow Angelenos know

And look what got hurt!

And makes me pay a tummy tax

And meditation rooms, and all the tape in the world

And might be filming your kids on the toilet

And mini wolf reproductive services

And move, like, 24,000 miles away from you

And Mr

And my Grindr profile got shut down for quoting Reagan!

And my hair just dries like this

And my uncle won't introduce me

And New American, that was all food?

And no one gives a damn!

And no one liked those things until marketers told them to

And not through a straw

And now it's a soccer ball?

And now you wanna surround her with trash?

And Nurse Kelly has a pretty big opioid problem

And one marmalade loving bear

And one of them had something called erotic dementia

And one of those Tom's savory toothpastes

And people got mad there too

And Phil Mickelson's gonna hit a drive at sunset

And pictures of her in her bra

And please don't try to speak Spanish again.

And put on a movie for my kids,

And rejection emails from Raya

And remember, Slenderman's not real

And returned it to its original orange color

And say that they're not there to make friends?

And see if she can get time off from the hospital tonight

And seeing the look in his eyes their eyes,

And she happens to be one of the neatest ladies that I see

And she hasn't posted anything about any teachers

And she lied to my face

And she seems like a real hard worker

And since he's out, his [ahem]

And singing discriminates against..

And solving business problems is my middle name

And some bitch is calling, like, every day

And somebody turned on the long legs

And someone rented space to an Ann Taylor Loft

And started drinking salt water

And stop the Gorge Borge

And suck it in with your mouth

And take her to the audiologist on Thursday,

And take the "Lady Bird" walking tour?

And take the bread out of the water

And tell you you're better off without him

And that Calvin Klein commercial back in the '80s

And that comes with responsibilities

And that everyone knows,

And that people don't yet think of as edible

And that place is wetter than an Italian

And that took place on a mountain of guano

And that we should be calling them "mini wolves

And that's cool!

And that's not following the agenda

And that's what you're gonna do

And the billboard said,

And the code to the good bathroom

And the faculty adviser overruled

And the food's hotter

And the Health Department has traced it back to our helmets

And the Hollywood Forever Cemetery

And the hot tub was being cleaned?

And the insurance company won't pay for my vaginal mesh

And the Mexican community understandably expects

And the people that live here like clean, open spaces

And their empanadas are like soft, spicy full diapers

And their mental health

And then 20,000 stoned idiots panicked

And then everyone will be talking about how cool it was

And then he starts combing her hair

And then he'll be the first mayor baseball man!

And then Josh Booker, who's a senior at Westlake..

And then one day, he put his hat on,

And then she'll be mayor,

And then Tarzan comes in,

And then three months later, he really died

And then we can all come back

And then we got a little crazy and checked it again

And then we had to cancel your birthday party?

And then we rebrand it as..

And then when Baller went off to college,

And then you get to keep the tote bag.

And then you're like, "Oh, no, is 50 Cent gonna die soon?"

And then, I realized that was not okay

And then, I was like, "No, that's insane

And then, my brain was like, "Pluralize it?"

And there's gonna be banh mi and poke bowls

And they can't get them. Nodding, getting it

And they never brought the cake out,

And they sent us the gift bags in the mail, and by that time,

And they shouldn't be here in the first place

And they're gonna give me a free hat!

And they're not bumming everyone else out

And those hives on my neck are from my blueberry allergy

And time is not on our side

And two, I don't high five white feminism

And underneath it says, "When you hit the fairway

And wait till the fires take care of it

And wake up, ready for another big day

And Wayne Brady, 'cause he just cracks me up

And we can no longer rely on my predecessor's plan

And we could meet Samanthee

And we wait

And we'll go over it together

And we're all the smartest

And when I do the balloon release, do not look at them

And when that happened, I decided to cash out and retire

And when you shared with me that your ideal man

And while Jayden distracted the dog..

And why is he wearing flip flops with a suit?

And yada, yada, yada. Stole my TV, dated my mom

And you do not stand up the construction unions

And you have one job

And you know what I did? You grew a mustache

And you know what?

And you, sir,

And you're all just milling around in shock

And you're displaying a white savior complex

And you're still a sexually viable man

And you're, like, the Laker Vanessa Hudgens hooked up with

And your emotional needs

And, above all, eating on camera

And, fingers crossed..

And, Mikaela, it is not your job to educate these people

And, Susan, I'm starting to understand

Andale!

Andie MacDowell..

Another question?

Any attention to me is when they want something

Any longer than it needs to, but before we use the AutoPen,

Any VSCO girls stress you about cheddar?

Anyone with a Local 63 hat or a tramp stamp

Anyway, "SafeLA, keeping LA safe

Anyway, anyone wanna go play

Anyway, I know it's not any of those other guys

Anyway, impostor syndrome, that's your problem

Anyway, maybe I need

Anyway, so for tomorrow

Anyway, that's the prize tonight

Anyway, there's this thing on TV

Apparently, the city's Discover card

Are "good" and "different from each other

Are bearing the brunt of this crisis

Are going to be expecting a statement

Are my son and I ever gonna be okay?

Are Neil, Jayden, and sugar glider guy

Are no "Amityville Horror" James Brolin

Are they crazy? Arpi

Are violating city policy?

Are you gonna be weird about this?

Are you guys long haul or local?

Are you Jayden Kwapis? Yeah

Are you kidding me, Chloe R

Are you missing a tooth?

Are you okay? Nell?

Around the Earth and then right back here?

Arpi here

Arpi wasn't exaggerating

Arpi, but I'm gonna be fine

Arpi, I wanna do the right thing here

Arpi, I'm sorry,

Arpi, in this metaphor, bowling

Arpi, why don't we spend the afternoon

As a resident of Greater Los Angeles,

As a short, high paying PR challenge

As free as every prisoner in America should be,

As if our days could get any worse

As really good friends

As seriously as we do sock height

As she wants us to think because the literal mayor

As well as any men married over seven years

At all in this moment, do you?

At Barbara's birthday lunch

At Dodger Stadium

At least buy me dinner first

At least you can walk to your car at night

At my nephew Telvin's wedding

At some point, the left is eating itself..

At the NBA Finals

At the top of a yogurt were a person

At their airport because of noise pollution

At Universal Studios

Avoca Go Girl cookies,

Avocados are local

Babysit Arpi Meskimen

Back in the '80s when city hall didn't even give women chairs

Banana!

Base notes of tonka bean and oakmoss who is that for?

Basically, when I see a cut open pomegranate

Bathing suits, dancing at a cultural day,

Be a hero

Be careful

Beat this building till the candy comes out

Because bar trivia starts right now!

Because being compassionate

Because being mayor is 90% photo ops and animal funerals

Because Carlos and Michelle are equals

Because Ceviche and I wanted to see "Stab Massacre 2

Because choking on plastic straws

Because I care about things that you care

Because I don't want Orly to think that I'm

Because I have a sex tape of my supervisor

Because I should be there

Because I uprooted her life with this mayor thing

Because I'm a boy!

Because it doesn't reflect my experience

Because it's hardworking Angelenos like these

Because maybe Samanthee could come by

Because my brother in law is the DOT liaison

Because my city needed me

Because my priority is Orly

Because my psychic told me this place had avocados

Because nothing's set in stone

Because of me, he won 68% of the vote

Because of my love of the city

Because of my oversized genitals

Because of who my dad is

Because she has been..

Because tangerine seltzer squats,

Because that day, the mayor quit

Because the doctor was a mommy! Uh, who is this oh, oh!

Because their relationship would impact

Because these new rules are important

Because this is easy

Because until that's confirmed,

Because when I do, Tommy grabs my tummy

Because you did ask appropriately

Because you passed

Because you're nervous about the concert

Because you're the Pelosi to her low res AOC

Because your privates are parallel

Before I take your questions,

Before she embarrasses the city

Before we hop back into the next scenario,

Before we take it to the mayor

Being class president doesn't even mean anything

Being first chair doesn't mean anything

Being with other guys, right? So?

Believe it or not, the city of Los Angeles

Believe me, no one here is more disappointed

Bench too much press? Max out on supersets?

Besides me, this floor houses the Mayor's Commission

Billboards

Billboards for "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"

Billy McFarland hired Adriana Lima

Bleh!

Boo you!

Boo?

Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring,

Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring..

Boring. You don't understand

Borings are all about depth

Borings, they are anything but

Born in 1981, I like to think I might be the original Jayden

Both: "Back at my company..

Both: Ew. And I can't tonight

Both: First boy "Ghostbusters

Both: Good morning

Both: Lunch tastes like pancakes

Both: Psht!

Both: The straw ban stands

Both: When was L.A

Boy, oh, boy, do wasps love it

Boy, these last couple of days have been very special

Boy, this is a... Don't say it

Brand new, still in the case,

Bread always going bad before you could finish it

Brown,

Bus lane. Here come the buses

But 20 years ago, I would've really sealed this deal

But a dog got a chair?

But according to a "Fresh Air" interview with Calvin Broadus,

But all three have pledged their support

But also somehow, HPV squats

But Barb in maintenance gets an Applebee's gift card

But because drinking through a straw

But boys have magical worms

But by the time I got to Empanada Acoso,

But cancellation comes for us all

But Carlos should only be reported

But do not say anything to Arpi, okay?

But driver to driver..

But everything's all goofed. Goofed

But first, I do need something from you

But FYI, on the 733 bus,

But good job, I guess,

But he doesn't have the leg meat

But he just checks my ID and says nothing

But he's not planning on giving her that chance

But I always thought that by now I'd at least have, like,

But I don't need you humiliating the office

But I don't think anyone is going to ask you

But I don't think of us as a serious match

But I don't wanna get sued

But I feel terrible about what happened today,

But I have to pay $50 million a year

But I hope they're in there making honey

But I know the receptionist

But I need to take the lead on this

But I'd strongly suggest you decline

But I'll describe it to ya

But I'm also a human being looking for connection,

But I'm going to go out to dinner with her,

But I'm gonna do it my way

But I'm keeping the hundo

But I'm not interested in your sexual advances

But I'm still perceived as a kooky, old woman,

But I'm still rooting for you

But I'm telling you, there's a vibe

But I'm the mayor

But if I do stay,

But if that were really true, would we have stopped

But if you don't want to talk about

But if you like it..

But in my attempts to find her,

But isn't friendship more important than job goodness?

But it doesn't end with you

But it turns out you can't transport them dead

But it's a first date, so I doubt she'll bring her parents

But it's gonna be okay

But it's got a taste for skirts

But it's not going to be our priority today

But it's not his fault. Most TikToks are bad

But it's probably best not to hug anyone

But just as friends

But just because someone calls you out

But just remember to emphasize job creation,

But L.A

But LA is a desert with 3 million stoned idiots

But look at me now

But lower socioeconomic standing

But Mayor wise, this isn't great

But not in the way you might think

But not when I said I'm being sarcastic

But now I know that her biggest regret in life

But now she thinks this is a real relationship

But now this guy's calling me,

But now, I'm unretired

But Olivia P

But Orly was saying nice things in her postings

But pay with your own money

But she's super liberal

But so far, the best of the bunch is Sforg,

But still, you two are going down

But that's just what they call it!

But that's only because if my mistress gets pregnant,

But the city should be able to share the cost

But the music, it's just constant

But then Mr

But there isn't a single person here

But they wouldn't come to their senses,

But this is an emergency

But this morning he told the whole city

But this seems bad, right?

But we can't afford housing for the homeless?

But we still have to figure this out, hmm?

But what about helmets? It's simple

But what about side hugs?

But what if the secret is part of the thrill?

But when I was at Comic Con, I got my picture taken

But when you do make them,

But why is it a picture of a sloth giving the middle finger?

But you can always tell me anything

But you can hang out here, little homey

But you do it so your mom can brag at church

But you don't need a license

But you fell asleep last night while I was talking to you

But you have nothing to worry about

But you know how I get through the day?

But you know what?

But you might wanna ask yourself,

But you need to do me a favor first

But you won mayor

But you wouldn't stop singing along with the radio

But you're in power now,

But, ma'am, don't fall in love with me

But, now I have Emily

Butt in the air, belly full of milk

By depression, stress, or anxiety, lack of exercise

By doing it in public

By the circle, sir

By the Eritrean American fishmonger at Ralph's

By the register at a grocery store?

Bye

Bye. Bye

Call my mommy!

Call my pediatrician!

Call Scary McTinybird

Cameos I got for her

Can somebody please call my wife?

Can you get me a poke bowl with brown rice and extra sesame..

Can you get that box for me, hon?

Cannabis is legal for adults. You're 15, Orly

Carlos and Michelle were so mad at each other

Carly is married to an MMA fighter now

Celebrating the good in us all

Celebrating zero deaths at Six Flags this summer

Celibacy

Ceviche knows a guy who likes to buy

Ceviche's coming over to finish our chemistry project

Changing the code on the executive bathroom

Charter schools, yay or nay?

Checked, re checked,

Chief of staff is the boss

Chief speechwriter for Maxine Waters?

Classic California story

Cleaning up my predecessor's mess

Clearly you haven't read my most recent op ed

Clothes with the tags still on it

Clustered in there

Come on

Come on, you need a new picture and I am gonna

Come on. He really is something

Come on. Okay, fine

Common street names include wa wa, the drink, God's tears

Conference this morning in civics we're doing a unit

Conflicts in the region predate

Conversation starters

Cool

Couldn't click his heels

Couldn't we just put them in a bin or something?

Cover page says "City Bulget

Cows have four stomachs

Coyote wise

Created by this sorting facility?

Dad, stop it! I'm your son!

Dad, this is a workplace!

Damn it

Dang. No empanadas for you

Daniela. Beautiful name

Decent lunch food for once?

Democracy at work,

Demonstrating how to tilt fluid out of a cup

Depend on the illicit drug trade to live

Deputy Mayor Meskimen and Mr

Deputy mayor of Los Angeles

Deputy speechwriter for Governor Brown?

Derek and I just had the funnest time

Despite having Jayden on my team

Did you Oh, yeah

Did you buy a monkey's paw? What is happening?

Did you know she wanted "Grey's Anatomy"

Did you know that quinoa

Did you not see the official school TikTok?

Did you post the black square on Instagram?

Did you see it, or

Discussed the, um, legalities of your situation?

Do not chew

Do not judge that you are having thoughts

Do one of you guys have, like, a coat hanger?

Do you do this every time I'm away?

Do you know his last name's not even Legend?

Do you know how many area scuba divers

Do you like food?

Do you remember what happened in seventh grade

Do you usually straighten your hair?

Do you wanna ditch and go memorize

Do you wanna maybe grab some lunch?

Does he secretly hate the oil plan?

Does it come from a romance novel

Does that make you feel better?

Doesn't mean we're gonna do anything from that

Doesn't mean you're a bad person

Doesn't mean you're being complicit

Dolly Parton bought everyone the vaccine,

Don't eat it! Oh! Oh!

Don't give up, don't take no for an answer

Don't gloat

Don't listen to anyone who says its real name

Don't stay up too late. Don't do drugs

Don't worry. Not my first chair rodeo

Don't you have anyone in your life

Don't you think the other girls are to blame here?

Double sided. The good stuff

Download our free helmet sharing app, "SafeLA

Dressed as her favorite mascot

During the half hour you were in the bathroom

Dynamics in the workplace

Eastside, beast side

Eating antioxidant rich Himalayan nut butters,

Eats more 'cados than the City of Angels,

Eh, it was good. Palm trees, Arpi

Either way, how dare you

Emily won't respond to any of the Mark McGrath

Emma gets to go to a Glossier pop up tonight

Emphasize how bad the optics are

Especially for one of us, who's much older than me

Even consensual relationships should be reported

Even in his 70s, he never left a room

Even though there's school tomorrow

Even thought about having a child

Ever since I went in that IKEA ball pit

Every Creepy Boy Does Daddy's

Every time someone holds a door for you

Everybody get back

Everybody grab a partner,

Everyone agreed to hunker down and bowl because

Everyone takes a section to proof

Everyone thought I was a pedophile

Everything, whoa, all the time

Everywhere you turn, there is a graffito

Except for lavender and fennel popsicles

Except for with sex. Now, that's different

Exclusively eats the feces of other fish

Excuse me, fellas, uh, sorry

Extremely gullible

Feminism

Fill bathtubs

Fill it with dead palm trees,

Fine. I'll come to you

Finstas ruin lives

First column is E, C, B, D, D, C,

First on the agenda,

First question!

Food trucks come from all over and they park outside

For 20 years, I gave you something to dream about

For a dog he was pretty hot,

For all of LA

For all other parties, the city will provide

For an America that never existed

For cute internet kid videos

For dedicated bus lanes,

For distance learning is malware

For electric scooters

For everything from pine nuts to pomegranate juice,

For having a front bulge in her pants

For her 15th work iversary!

For losing the costume!

For my business, they turned me away

For our photo IDs? My life is over

For pretty much every day of the year

For red lights while I'm on my bicycle

For Sophie and Cameron Higbee Day

For starters, the divorce was their fault

For the "Property Brothers" marathon

For the "Vallarta Noticias,"

For the 1932 Olympics to trick people

For the city

For the constant folksiness.

For the homeless

For the Meatless Monday school lunch initiative.

For the millionth time

For the over 60 body, there is no working out

For the rollout of our free helmet sharing program

For us to work off of

For you as we discussed yesterday

For you in the briefing room