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Bachelor Party (1984) "Bachelor Party" is a hilarious comedy film released in 1984, directed by Neal Israel. Starring

Bachelor Party (1984)

"Bachelor Party" is a hilarious comedy film released in 1984, directed by Neal Israel. Starring legendary actor as the main protagonist, the movie revolves around his character's wild and outrageous bachelor party thrown by his friends before he ties the knot. This raucous celebration leads to a sequence of uproarious misadventures and chaotic events, making it a memorable night for all involved.

Filled with a talented ensemble cast, the film also features Tawny Kitaen, Adrian Zmed, and William Tepper, who add their comedic prowess to the mix, delivering unforgettable performances. If you're in the mood for an uproarious and rib-tickling journey, you can dive into the world of "Bachelor Party." To experience the sounds and ambience of this iconic film, you can play and download its incredible soundtrack here.

A beautiful, manly experience.
A bevy of...
A bit of a warm up. We spend an hour with Nymphos Without Pants.
A buck's a buck.
A donkey that doesn't wanna be recognized?
A funny, funny guy as well as being a wonderfully talented human being.
A little vino... would be keeno!
A Litton microwave, a Cuisinart...
A man who has traveled over 3,000 miles.
A man whom none of us have seen since he left town.
A man whom we affectionately call Peckerhead!
A set of Sears' best metric tools.
A week from this Saturday, I turn in my amateur standing and I... I go pro.
Aaghhh!
Adorable. Come on, let's get started. Are we married?
Ah! Vino!
Ahh, youth!
Al, how are you?
All my years as a photographer, I've never seen such a natural. The camera loves him!
All right, all right, all right.
All right, all right.
All right, boys, break it in.
All right, maybe not.
All right, now. Stop that.
All right, OK, now we're all here. So what's the big announcement?
All right, this is it.
All right, you're not into science fiction. OK.
All right!
All right.
All right. I think I've got just what you're looking for.
All right. OK.
All right. OK. All right, all right, all right. This is it.
All the best. It should happen to me, man.
All the burners are occupied at this time, so I'm just gonna have to improvise here.
Alligator!
Always a pleasure.
An elevator ride around the block, a pogo pump, or a pogo swirl,
And butter, that's another thing. Clogs you up with snot.
And fill in as our keynote speaker.
And here's Max's partner. A gal who doesn't believe happiness ends with primates.
And hookers and drugs and booze...
And I am suave, debonair
And I know I'm perfectly capable, so you don't have to worry.
And I like how you run... baby!
And I love you.
And I think, if I really apply myself,
And I want somebody who understands commitment!
And I was suffering in ecstasy
And I'm afraid that my grandchildren are gonna be little assholes.
And if that failed, I'd try more persuasive action.
And now, to our honored guest Rick and his lifelong friends, I say, gentlemen:
And sometimes people say things they don't mean.
And then some.
And we made a few changes. I think the boys will really be interested.
And wear each other's underwear every Sunday. Nothing is gonna change!
And what are you girls giggling about?
And you have a fun shower. Use soap.
And you're irresponsible. A show off.
And your parents can't be too thrilled about this.
And, uh...
And, very soon, you're gonna be Mrs Great Guy, all right?
And, very soon, you're gonna be Mrs Great Guy, all right?
Angels above can't take my little demon
Another one of these, huh?
Any of those right?
Are these on or am I wasting my time?
Are we gonna have girls at our party?
Are you all right?
Are you together? If not, maybe introductions are in order.
At least Gary's coming up with the real thing.
At least we can make sure you go out in style.
At least your wrists will be smooth and kissable.
Attention, passengers.
Aw, come on, honey! We'll take turns!
Back exit!
Banzai!
Because you never say maybe
Before or after I have my nervous breakdown?
Before we move on, I have a little surprise.
Big hassle now, bro. Soon they go to customers.
Bobbi and Phoebe are gonna throw me a shower. It's gonna be so much fun!
Bobbi was less shocked, of course. She's used to seeing something that size.
Bobbi, what is going on?
Bond. James Bond.
Boys! Come on inside and have lunch!
Brad!
Bun.
But bestiality?
But I didn't want them.
But I've made my decision, and we're gonna do it.
But if you want your marriage to last, you have to change some things about yourself.
But then straight to bed, young man.
But this is a piece of work!
But what do you think happens at bachelor parties?
But you and Sue, you're mature people. You'll work this stuff out.
But, by the fourth month... by the fourth month you're just... you're numb.
By the way, I also do engine work on BMWs.
Bye!
Children, on the bus.
Chips?
Close your eyes. Drift off to sleep again, OK?
Cole, I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to Rick.
Cole, I've had enough. How about you, huh?
Cole, read my lips now.
Cole?! My God, son, what are you doing here? What happened?
Come here, Mrs Gassko.
Come here, you little vixen. I'm gonna set you straight about something.
Come here.
Come in!
Come on, Brad, it'll be good for ya.
Come on, come on!
Come on, fellas... Fellas!
Come on, guys!
Come on, just stay with me, guys. When a night gets dull, call in a pro.
Come on, Rick, let's go.
Come on, Rick!
Come on, Rick! Party!
Come on.
Come on. I got something you can't resist.
Come on. I knew it was you.
Come sit down and I'll get you some punch.
Congratulations.
Cousin, I can only speak to you from experience.
Customers in same hotel.
Daddy, what are you doing here?
Daddy?
Damn you, Rick!
Debbie is an adult. She can do what she wants.
Debbie, Cole is just trying to save you from making a mistake. A big mistake.
Debbie, I didn't do anything!
Debbie, I don't believe you!
Debbie, I don't know about this.
Debbie, it's Pamela.
Debbie, look, it's Tina.
Debbie, please, I know what I'm doing. Now just go. Go!
Debbie, please! Don't be naive. Men are pigs.
Debbie, you're a hooker! I don't believe it!
Debbie!
Debbie!
Debbie!
Debbie!
Debbie!
Debbie!
Debbie! He's gonna hurt you.
Debbie! You're coming in with me!
Debbie...
Depends on mileage.
Diagnosis?
Diana Ross is playing next week. I got three tickets.
Did anyone order an asshole from room service?
Did you happen to see Tina's face?
Do you have any idea what you're giving up? Any idea? An inkling?
Do you know what a jam sandwich is? You take two pieces of bread, jam 'em together...
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Do you understand?
Do you, Richard Ernesto Gassko,
Does the name Debbie mean anything to you?
Don't have a great time. You catch my drift, Mr Traditional Guy?
Don't screw me up. I told her I'm going to a plasma convention.
Don't tell me to shut up. We don't need sex, we just have to find the room.
Don't you understand? She hates me. She hates my guts. It's over!
Dr Stan!
Drugs to the right, hookers to the left.
Easy. Easy. And hold.
Eat me.
Ed, this is the biggest turnout we've ever had. Hey, this is our mascot.
Ed, we're so glad you could come at the last minute
Eh, me hearties?
Everybody's busy in the bedrooms right now, but come on in.
Everyone, go! I'll hold them off. The rest of you make a break for it.
Everything! Wild parties. Running around like a maniac.
Excuse me.
Excuse us. Mom, let go.
Fabulous.
Fair enough?
Fine, good. Resume party.
For better for worse, for richer for poorer,
For the last time, I'm telling you to get off of there!
Forget that. This part's so much better.
Fuck me!
Fuck...!
Fuck...!
Gary, how's the big stallion?
Gentlemen, I'm not gonna beat around the bush on this thing.
Gentlemen, ladies, for your viewing pleasure, meet Max,
Get a hold of yourself. What room are they in?
Get going, Rick. You're late enough as it is.
Get him! Get him, get him, get him!
Get outta here! Go! Go!
Get outta here.
Get outta there!
Get the hookers in a circle. We're gonna put Cochise out of business.
Girls back in 45 minutes
Girls, let's get outta here...
Girls, why don't we go inside and have some lunch?
Give me this thing! What is the matter with you?
Gives me mucus. Clogs me up with phlegm.
Go for it!
Go for it! Go for it!
Go on. Just don't touch anything.
Go, baby! Do it, brother! Lay that pipe! Drive it home, brother!
Go! Go! Go, go, go, go!
God, he's kidnapping her! Back to the bus!
God, look at those guys! What a hunk!
God, now she's really gonna see what kind of a jerk off she's marryin'.
God, this doesn't waste any time, does it?
God, this is beautiful.
God! What a gross thing to do.
Gone just a few seconds and I miss him already.
Good evening, ladies. Follow me.
Good point! Good point! Good point.
Good to see ya again.
Good. First, you're a slob.
Goodbye, darling.
Goodbye, Mom. Thanks for everything. It was great.
Great!
Great.
Great. I want some. How much?
Gross!
Grrrrr!
Grrrrrr!
Guess what, buddy? Debbie and her friends just walked in here.
Guess who's here? Another surprise guest.
Guy paints a beautiful picture.
Guys, this is Chippendales' star attraction.
Guys, this is the problem with American cars!
Guys, we are going out for some air.
Guys, what should I do? Should I take the car, or should I take Debbie?
Guys!
Guys!
Guys!
Guys!
Guys!
Guys!
Guys! Guys!
Ha ha ha what?
Ha ha ha!
Have a good time.
Have I had sex with anyone in this room tonight?
He hired some of your girls for a bachelor party?
He says he's having a wonderful time and thinking of changing his name to Spike.
He'll never be true to you the way I would.
He's being liar to me.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello. Concert Tickets.
Help me put this crap together and we'll get outta here.
Help! Rick!
Her smile terrified me
Here's today's deals. OK?
Here's your orders, ladies. You can help yourselves.
Hey, be right there, guys.
Hey, bro! What it be?
Hey, do me a favor. Don't call me again, OK?
Hey, guys, excuse me. I gotta go shake the weasel.
Hey, have you seen Debbie?
Hey, I understand.
Hey, I'm really looking forward to this bachelor party.
Hey, it's a traditional event, and I am a traditional kinda guy.
Hey, it's Cole!
Hey, it's dark in here.
Hey, keep your slimy paws out of my food, man. Order your own food.
Hey, lady, how much?
Hey, look at the cans on that bimbo.
Hey, nice seeing you.
Hey, Rick! You and I, we're not through yet.
Hey, screw you.
Hey, thanks, Dad. Listen, we gotta go.
Hey, wait a minute. Hold it.
Hey, you bastards! I'm gonna live!
Hey, you don't look half bad! Let's see how you are in the sack! Yeehah!
Hey, you ready for this big party?
Hey, you ready for this big party?
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Big Brad!
Hey! Hey, you guys can't do this!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! I oughta smack you.
Hey! I've changed my mind! I don't need a blood test. I'm not even gonna get married.
Hey...
Hey...
Hi, baby. You're new here.
Hi, Brad.
Hi, guys, how's it goin'?
Hi, ladies.
Hi, Sister! You look terrific today!
Hi, Tina!
Hi!
Hi! Come on in!
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. We were just walking by and we heard the music. Can we come in?
Hit the ball easier, son. You don't have to kill it.
Hiya, fellas!
Hmm, yeah, I understand.
Hmm?
Ho ho ho! Look at those babies!
Hold it, hold it, hold it. I've got the key.
Hold it! Hold it!
Hold it! It's not Gary. It's Michael.
Hold on! Please, just give me a chance to explain!
Hold on. I'm crazy about this one. Your own baby Jedi.
Hold on. Wait.
Holy shit!
Holy shit! I'm going to get Milt right now.
Honey, everything is gonna be all right.
Honey, the boys have something to discuss.
Honey!
Hookers!
How about Boy George? The Police?
How about some air? You can take in some air. That'd be nice, wouldn't it?
How about this? Come on, we're married now. This is perfectly legal.
How about this? Does this look great or what?
How can I... how can I turn this down?
How dare you!
How nice.
How'd it go?
I am looking for this dung head who took my women.
I am marrying Debbie.
I am not complaining, but I usually don't like my filth this clean.
I am so happy for you!
I am your friend and you don't even tell me!
I called her and told her that you were about to be put on the unavailable list.
I can't believe my money's been wasted.
I can't believe we're doing this.
I can't sleep.
I can't trust you!
I can't understand you getting married.
I could be a totally changed person by the time we finish lunch.
I don't believe it!
I don't believe it! Mrs Rick Gassko!
I don't get it. The dirty parts were there yesterday.
I don't know.
I don't know. I just feel scared.
I don't think your brother did such a good job of fixing the dressing room doors.
I don't want that! I want you!
I fell in love with a little demon
I figure why beat around the bush, but, I mean, this pup is fertile,
I got a bachelor party at the Parkview Hotel.
I got a surprise for ya! And I think you're really gonna like it!
I got something for that.
I got this boss, curly dark black hair
I gotta admit my tennis is a little rusty, but polo... There's a game, eh?
I gotta change the oil.
I guess I can't.
I had a wiener right in my hand.
I had to get out of the house anyway. My daughter's having a bridal shower.
I have a great idea. Why don't I just pal around with you guys for a while?
I have flown in someone dear to all of us.
I have to admit, even for Rick, that was beyond the Valley of Good Taste.
I hope you choke, you animal.
I hope you die, you bastard!
I hope you like potato salad. It's chunky style, my favorite.
I just bet my balls, and shook on it.
I just got that car two months ago. It's got everything, it's got...
I just heard from O'Neill. Oh, God, I'm so excited!
I just wanna let 'em know where I am. I'm expecting an important phone call.
I just wanna party!
I killed the mule! I killed the...
I know how much this meant to ya, but I couldn't do it, OK?
I like you...
I love Debbie. I made a promise and I'm crazy about her.
I love going out.
I love it! I love it!
I love that attitude!
I love you guys and I always will.
I love you guys! This is great! This is beautiful!
I love you.
I may as well have left my genitals at home!
I mean it, Rick. All you have to do is dump Debbie.
I mean, it's gonna come straight from the old shoulder.
I mean, like, from what I hear, it's a tradition. And you're a traditional guy.
I mean, no fancy stuff or anything...
I miss that so much, Ricky.
I need you to promise me.
I said that's another example...
I should call my service. Is there a phone I can use?
I should never have stopped and saved that drowning infant.
I sure do.
I tell ya, Mrs T, this is really some spread. This is pretty good chow.
I think everyone's here now.
I think the man has done a very good job with the party so far.
I think you're an asshole.
I told you not to call me again! You're full of shit! Eat my...
I told you, men are pigs. I saw those swine just standing there.
I understand commitment! I love you!
I understand that the guys have some fascinating women lined up for you.
I viewed it yesterday. Great director, good lighting...
I want my bitches back.
I want some wine!
I want to ask you a question first. You're my older brother. Let me ask you some advice.
I want you to know that this marriage
I was dreaming
I was drowning in a pool of sweat
I was impressed when they opened the World Trade Center,
I would hate to be in your shoes, pal.
I'd like to adopt this 17 year old Korean girl I've had my eye on.
I'd like to get you on an operating table, just once.
I'll break you in half! Now shut up and get outta here!
I'll give you a different kind of high
I'll pull out your lights! I'll rip out your guts!
I'll take this theater. Ryko, take the one down there.
I'll take you on.
I'm a doctor! I can't do this!
I'm from Decatur, Illinois
I'm going to get the fuck out of here.
I'm having a great time!
I'm having the best time. I love you guys! I love everybody!
I'm having the same caterer for your shower that we had at our Christmas party last year.
I'm just very fast. You haven't been able to see me. There... I had it twice!
I'm killing myself.
I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers.
I'm sorry that the noise woke you up. I will take care of it right away.
I'm very happy for you. Name your first six kids after me, OK?
I'm weak, Sister! I'm just so weak!
I've been getting calls all night. God only knows what they're doing in there.
I've got this. You wanna share this?
I've had enough of this.
I've seen better.
I've seen better.
If Debbie finds out about this, I am dead!
If I don't get my car back, you're dead, mister!
If I find out Stanley's been screwing around, I'll kill him.
If I was that kid, I would breast feed until I was 17 or 18.
If I were you, I'd worry less about the shower and more about Rick's bachelor party.
If I'm not back in half an hour, call the paramedics.
If Stanley's there I'll rip his butt.
If this is about the facts of life, I got it covered.
Ilene, are you crazy? Come on, let's go!
Ilene, I trust Rick. He promised...
Ilene! You're looking very well.
In a second.
In sickness and in health, until death do you part?
In the bedroom.
Is not in any way gonna jeopardize my relationship with my pals, damn it.
Is that the foot long?
Is there a Rick Gassko registered there?
Isn't it childish getting revenge on the guys like this?
It just so happens... I'm a great guy
It must be the thrill she gets When he lights her cigarette
It was a moving experience. I thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
It's a party! Party, Ricky!
It's a pleasure, Al. I'm always glad to help out.
It's a veritable UN for dinner here, so Swedish meatballs!
It's action they want? Well, we're the guys to give it to 'em.
It's good to see you, Brad.
It's long, it's to the fence, it's to the wall! It's gone!
It's not her mind you have to change. It's Mr Shit For Brains in there.
It's you!
It's your childhood chum and mine, Brad Mollen!
Jay!
Jesus Christ!
Just a little tricky, that's all. Guess I put in a little too much nuclear waste, huh?
Just forget about the marriage for a couple of hours.
Keep your voice down. I've got the wife in the other room.
Kill!
Kill? I won't do anything that drastic. I just won't get married.
Kiss him all the way down! All the way down!
Lean in a little more.
Let me fix you up here. Let's show the gold.
Let you have them at cut rate price for 45 minutes.
Let's get naked.
Let's get outta here.
Let's go! It's a raid!
Let's go. Come on, everybody inside!
Let's have a bachelor party, with chicks and guns and fire trucks
Let's leave 'em alone for a minute, huh?
Let's try something a little special. Try these on, Timmy.
Let's try this right here. Now get ready.
Lights!
Listen, I gotta run. I gotta make sure the guys have got the hookers!
Listen, Rick, I'm willing to trade you my new Porsche for Debbie. An even swap.
Listen, you and your wife got problems, Brad?
Little demon, little demon
Little demon, little demon
Little demon!
Look at that guy's buns!
Look who's here. It's Tina.
Look, Rick, I'd rather be dead. But if this is what you want, good luck, man.
Look, uh... why don't you make yourself comfortable, all right?
Looks like the only guy who got screwed was you.
Looks that way.
Ma... Ma, I'll talk to you later.
Maybe after the orgy tonight we can get together, have a cup of coffee or somethin'?
Maybe checking him for a hernia.
Maybe it had something to do.
Michael, hang around down there for a while. We're gonna come down.
Michael, when are you comin' over?
Michelin tyres, brand new.
Mmm! Mmmm!
Mom, come on, we'll have a great time. You might even get lucky.
Mom?
More... persuasive action?
Mother, what is Cole doing here?
Move it out, move it out, move it out!
Mr Chef? Your vegetables are on fire.
Mr Nicholas, better known as Nick the Dick.
Mrs Phillips. You're next.
Mrs Thompson, do you have any more of this dip? It's, like, really excellent.
My dearest family member, get in there. She's incredible.
My God! What are you people doing in here?!
My hands were shaking
My head was aching
My job.
My marriage sucks. It's all crap. It's just a big pile of shit!
My name is Tim. I'm always available.
My number's in the book.
My shower.
My stomach was so upset
Next!
Next!
Nick the what?
No hookers! No hookers!
No kidding! Well, that's interesting.
No problem.
No, as far as they're concerned, the only good Rick is a dead Rick.
No, Debbie, not that bedroom!
No, I'm not like the rest of the boys
No, it's a stag party, and that means that does stay home.
No, let me correct that. An immature asshole.
No, no, no. I will, but the party's young and it's just starting up.
No, no, no. We have some manly things we have to do, and this is no place for a woman.
No, not her! Not her!
No, not yet. Where is the groom?
No, that's incorrect.
No!
No!
No!
No! No!
No! No! Anything but that!
No? Maybe it's just me.
No. And he won't leave me alone.
No. No. Cos I love you guys. I love my friends. I love everybody!
No. We will at least finish this set.
No... I just wanna be alone.
Nope, this is definitely the food that prison riots are made of.
Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are gonna throw for me.
Not in this case, however.
Not one minute longer or Milt will come for you.
Not true. I had a bunch of sex tonight.
Now I want this to be a surprise for the groom, so you never saw me, OK?
Now this isn't your ordinary party crowd here. There are professionals in here.
Now you go and get yourself some clothes. You look awful.
Now you stay out of trouble, young man.
Now...
Nurse, take over.
O'Neill...
Of course we don't allow that sort of thing here, ma'am. No.
Off! Off!
Oh ho! Wow!
Oh, baby... What about?
Oh, Cole! A car for Debbie?
Oh, Daddy...
Oh, eat my chair!
Oh, gee, two on a Quaalude. That's bad luck.
Oh, God Almighty!
Oh, great.
Oh, he must, if he took time off from his Hitler Youth rally.
Oh, hell, all right. All right, I will. All right, OK. I will. All right.
Oh, hey, O'Neill, I just lied. Nothing happened in there, all right?
Oh, hi, Mom. No, no, no. I didn't know it was you.
Oh, hi!
Oh, I couldn't be better. This is the best. This is great. I love this. This is the best.
Oh, it's amusing?
Oh, it's, like, so good!
Oh, listen. I'll see ya Saturday for the...?
Oh, my God, our dad is here.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh! You're actually marrying Rick!
Oh, no! Not her!
Oh, no! Shit!
Oh, O'Neill! Great!
Oh, of course you do. And I trusted my ex, Kevin, too.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! I don't believe this!
Oh, sure. No problem.
Oh, that's a fair trade. A cotton ball for all my blood.
Oh, that's beautiful! What a car!
Oh, that's nice hair. I'll try to make sure no one smokes around you.
Oh, this is good.
Oh, Tina! Stan's wife!
Oh, too bad. That's a waste of some good fat. Are you going to eat your potato, darling?
Oh, well now, this is good.
Oh, well, a seeing eye hooker. This is a nice service.
Oh, well, maybe you'll feel just a little better after this.
Oh, well, that's brilliant.
Oh, what a clever use of prophylactics. This is beyond my wildest dreams, guys!
Oh, yeah! That's a beautiful car, Rick.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. A real diplomat.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh! Hey! It's OK. It's all right. It's broccoli flambé. It's supposed to do that.
Oh! Mrs Klupner, why didn't I see this before?
Oh! Oh! God!
Oh.
Oh.
Oh... I am stunned.
Ohh, God...!
Ohh!
Ohhh! Those!
OK, come along, children!
OK, gentlemen, the gods have answered your prayers!
OK, I can see you're not impressed. And you're right. I hate it too.
OK, let's go, guys. Come on, Brad.
OK, Nick, or is it Mr Dick?
OK, Ricky, all finished.
OK, Ricky. Wanna hold out your arm?
OK, Rudy. Screen.
OK, Ryko, lights!
OK, this side 27. This side 17. Ready? Here we go. Go, go, go!
OK, we got veal.
OK, we're here. How do we get this donkey inside?
OK!
OK.
OK.
OK. All right.
OK. Go get him.
OK. Now hold that pose, Mrs Klupner.
OK. OK. I promise. You got it.
OK. What's first?
Olivier is in that, right?
One of these days, I'm gonna burn the Thompson court right to the ground.
Ooh, yeah. Chic in the sun, yeah.
Ooh. Small theater.
Open up! You're under arrest!
Or a pump with an underground hammer.
Or Milt cuts your balls off.
Or the way his nostrils flare Every time he combs his hair
Our buddy is gettin' married.
Our relationship.
Out the window is something I wanna show you.
Out the window? Oh, this is gonna be a surprise. I'm a nut for surprises.
Out!
Pain is such a rush.
Pamela, how are you?
Pamela, you're here! How nice! Come say hello to our guest of honor.
Pamela! Hi, how are you! Good to see you!
Parmesan.
Phoebe?
Please, we're in a hurry.
Presidents have stayed in this suite. It's gorgeous!
Pretty heavy, hey, dude?
Raul!
Remember, you promised me no screwing around.
Rick is just gonna love all of these.
Rick, buddy... pal of mine...
Rick, goddamnit!
Rick, I don't think I wanna go.
Rick, I knew you were a vile, disgusting degenerate,
Rick, I really think I'm in love.
Rick, I wanna talk to you.
Rick, I want to cut through the BS.
Rick, stop it! Get that thing away from me!
Rick, take me, please.
Rick, take me, please.
Rick, we don't have a dog.
Rick, you promised me.
Rick!
Rick!
Rick!
Rick!
Rick! Mr Goldsmith, this is my brother in law. He's getting married.
Rick! Oh, Rick! Rick!
Rick?
Ricky! Go, babe. Get in there, my brother.
Right after work.
Right.
Right. Eggs and milk.
Room 1002.
Rudy!
Rudy! Here, boy! Hey, Rudy!
Ryko, come on, take a break!
Screw Sting!
Screw that!
Second, you're unmotivated.
Seems like only yesterday I showed ya how to give a blow job.
Sex is my one thing. I'm good at it.
Sex with a donkey. Incredible.
Shake.
She crawled up beside me
She decided to come over and give you a little something.
She did?
She hates me! I'm no good for her. I'm just gonna end it all right here!
She pees standing up! Not her!
She reminds me of my wife. She was so young when we met.
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Should! Should!
Shut up!
Since you're gonna do this...
Sister, if you ever get lonely after vespers, I'm the man to call.
So by the fifth month, hopefully, football season starts.
So I see. Well, thank you. It's been very nice talking to you.
So I'm gonna give this to ya right from the hip.
So what do we do about it?
So, Cole, how's your game coming along?
Sold. 45 minutes, no problem.
Some air?
Somebody I could really respect.
Somebody I could spend all my time with.
Something interesting is gonna happen here.
Sorry for the interruption, folks. We now return you to the arts.
Speech! Speech!
Stan, I am so glad we had this chat. You've really answered my questions.
Stan, is this supposed to be like this?
Stan, you're beginning to depress me.
Stan! You lying dog!
Stand back! I'm a doctor!
Start your boners.
Step away from the curb, children.
Step on it, driver. We don't wanna miss our plane.
Still gonna play cards every Friday night.
Stop with this! We're supposed to be hookers! Act sexy!
Stupid people!
Stupid people!
Sure! Come on in! Join the party, babe.
Surprise!
T minus 3, 2, 1. We have ignition!
Take care, babe. We love ya.
Take Deborah Julie Thompson as your lawful wife,
Take in some air, huh?
Take that drink right there.
Take that off! Take it off and drive it home!
Talk to the pimp.
Thank you for being Catholic, and for choosing the St Gabriel school bus.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You've made me the happiest spice in the world!
Thanks, man. We'll see you girls later. Ciao!
Thanks.
Thanks.
That doesn't mean it was Rick's party.
That feels so good.
That Peckerhead! Where is he?
That was not a joke, guys!
That'd be great! They're wonderful!
That's a coincidence. It's supposed to.
That's another example of better living through chemistry.
That's good. That's good.
That's great. I'm glad. Thanks.
That's my new Porsche.
That's that meat with that cheese on it. See, I don't eat cheese.
That's the old Rick!
That's when I saw two eyes glowing in the dark
The big show's gonna start in one minute. Come on!
The bitch!
The captain has turned off the No Smoking sign.
The caterers. My gown.
The Dick.
The future.
The honest scoop? The first month, from the beginning, is terrific. It's great.
The honeymoon. Our apartment.
The lovely Miss Desiree!
The magical, sexual mule!
The marriage is off! You can screw around with your friends for the rest of your life!
The party's upstairs, sir. They made me get naked and...
The Police concert's sold out? My customers are gonna kill me!
The second month, things calm down a little bit.
The team bus just pulled in!
The wedding. My parents.
Then... it's on to the real thing!
There could be some major damage here.
There's 36 theaters. They could be anywhere.
There's been a change of plan. We're sending the girls to his house instead.
These are twins of pleasure.
They made me get naked and hung me out from the window. It was so scary and I fell.
They seemed like nice guys.
They sit on your face, anything you want.
They're gonna be just fine. Just fine.
Think about it, OK?
Think they drink tea and play Scrabble?
Third month, you're looking through old phone numbers, old girlfriends...
This being Milt.
This big lug is in love and he's got a lot of major appliances laying around.
This goes beyond my wildest dreams.
This is a party, remember? Go out there and party.
This is a respectable establishment. We don't go for any funny business here.
This is gonna be great!
This is gonna be great.
This is gonna be some night, huh? Are you ready for this? Are you ready?
This is pain.
This is terrific. You're gonna like this. Huh? Huh? Huh?
This is the best 3 D I've ever seen!
This is the happiest moment of his life and you guys are giving him a hard time.
This is the Parkview Hotel. I am the hotel manager.
This is your bachelor party, and you're not havin' a good time.
This is your party! Your bachelor party! You haven't had sex with anyone yet.
This time I'm gonna do it, and nobody's gonna stop me.
This time I'm gonna do it, and nobody's gonna stop me.
Tickets? Tickets?
Tickets. Hey!
Timmy, why don't you go to sleep? There we go. Good boy. There we go.
Tina. OK.
To girls with big tits.
To have and to hold from this day forward,
To me, this is an incredible shot.
To tell you the truth, I'm envious. I wish I had someone who was in my every thought.
To us.
Tracey? I am a mortal man, O'Neill. Of course I remember Tracey.
Uh oh. It's Mr Laughs.
Uh, Stan...
Uh... I'm sorry. It needs something special here.
Uh... maybe we should go in now.
Um... I'm Dr Tina Gassko.
Understand?
Unrelenting, constant challenge to the senses.
Usually I just have a jam sandwich for lunch.
Veal... Par...
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait!
Wait a minute. Whatever happened to hand jobs?
Wait, wait. What do you mean? What changes?
Wait! Just hold on! Wait!
Was I kidding? Was I kidding?
We are now leaving Nun Central on our journey to hell and beyond.
We are supposed to be hookers. Act sexy.
We got him now!
We got veal... Par...
We tried some doubles this morning but it didn't work out.
We want women!
We who are about to go apeshit salute you!
We'll keep that in mind. Cole Whittier, ladies and gentlemen!
We're here.
We're just gonna put you in a safe place until after the party.
We're talking marriage, kids, the whole thing.
We've had some big speakers, but no one with your marketing experience.
We've known each other since grade school,
Well, here we are.
Well, hey, the meal is just about ready, so it's time for spice...
Well, hey... Hey, if she can walk, I don't know my business, you know?
Well, how about the Middle East? You all right with that?
Well, I like to stretch myself on occasion.
Well, if I go back on my word, I'll kill her.
Well, it's either Swiss steak, meat loaf... I dunno. Charred flesh of some sort.
Well, let's get this thing going. Tray, please, Michael.
Well, maybe I did. I don't know. I forgot.
Well, maybe your marriage oughta lay off the grains for a while.
Well, Mr Thompson, that's really quite a list. And you're right. You're absolutely right.
Well, thanks for tellin' us, man.
Well, thanks, pal!
Well, there you go, ma'am. End of the line. Last stop.
Well, there you go, ma'am. End of the line. Last stop.
Well, what's Debbie's Blue Book value right now?
Well, you know your father enjoys his company.
Well...
Well... all right, but do your homework, and you can watch TV for a half hour,
Well... let's get ready, you guys. Let's get going.
Whacked out of his brains on drugs.
What a decision I have to make here.
What are you doing?
What can I expect from this marriage thing? What is the honest scoop?
What did you say, Stanley?
What did you say, Stanley? What did you say, Stanley?
What do you mean?
What do you mean? They look great!
What does she think she's doing?
What is the sense of living?
What is this?! What is going on?!
What meal would be complete without a little dead meat?
What presidents?
What, are you nuts? Look at my tits! They're perfect!
What, my Debbie?
What?
What?
What's going on?
What's the matter?
What's this word?
Whatever you do, you don't say nothin' to Tina, OK? She'll kill me.
Where is Debbie? Where is Debbie?
Where the hell is he?
Where's the young man?
Which is fine, except that you're marrying my daughter
Who the hell put this shit in my beer cooler?!
Whoa! The cops!
Why are you going through with this?
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why don't you lean into the picture with your child?
Why...? Why would I want to do that? I trust Rick.
Will you go out there and have some fun and have a few laughs, please?
Will you relax?! I have everything under control.
Will you stop fooling around? I need to talk.
Woke up screaming
Women every night. Nakedness. Gone!
Women mean nothing to me, and that is why I am so in love with you.
Women!
Women!
Wonderful!
Would you get that animal off of me?
Wow!
Wow!
Wow! Twins!
Yeah, hi. Is this 1381 Franek Street?
Yeah, me and Debbie are gonna have kids right away.
Yeah, Parkview Hotel, room 1002. What about it?
Yeah, right, well, um... here's the new address.
Yeah, that looks like fun, hm?
Yeah, well, Rick and his pals are probably knee deep in whores by now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! All the things that make life worth living for!
Yeah!
Yeah! This is a bitchin' place!
Yeah? And what are we having?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Bye.
Yep.
Yes, America's favorite food: Dead animal flesh.
Yes, I am, sir.
Yes, I do. You dump her and I'll give you cash.
Yes, it's spice time, and the lucky spice is...
Yes, of course we're hookers.
Yes, sir.
Yes!
Yes! Cleveland wins the pennant!
Yesterday we found a bunch of pornos in the back seat of O'Neill's car.
You are a married man, right? I am about to be a married man.
You are so tense.
You be careful with that bus. It's a rental.
You bet.
You can't do this!
You can't.
You do?
You don't know? You had it all figured out. You had a plan.
You dress like a bum.
You girls is the hookers, right?
You got it.
You got it.
You guys can't believe... This is a human being doing this. Watch this.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Congratulations, buddy.
You had to open your mouth. You had to say something. You had to say hookers!
You have no self esteem, no thought about the future.
You heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party.
You just ate Purina Cat Chow.
You know, Brad, marriage is a dicey thing at best.
You know, I... I know a way that we can seal this bargain.
You know? Just... It's incredible.
You know...
You may kiss the bride.
You may now move about the cabin freely.
You promised me you wouldn't make love to anybody else.
You remember how crazy she was about you?
You remember Tracey?
You said no hookers! You said no hookers!
You see that out there?
You should go give Debbie a call right now. There's a phone in the back bedroom.
You wanna do the honors?
You wanna order?
You were always sneaky, Stan. You were always very, very sneaky.
You wouldn't hurt your own brother, would you?
You... you're the only one I've ever wanted.
You'll have some American grandkids in no time at all.
You'll love these shots. Thank you very much, Mrs Reeves. Have a nice day.
You'll really like these. I have a couple of pairs myself. They fit very nice.
You'll see. As soon as you get married, everything changes.
You're a hell of a guy, and you're doing a hell of a job.
You're getting married...
You're gonna be OK. Everything's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it.
You're inconsiderate. You're insensitive. You're insincere.
You're kiddin'! Boy George has a yeast infection?!
You're making a big deal out of nothing.
You're right, Mr Thompson.
You're right. You're absolutely right.
You're sure about this?
You're through, mister.
You're through, mister. When Debbie hears about this, she will never see you again.
You're unrefined. You're obnoxious.
You're vulgar. You're inappropriate.
You've had it! I'm gonna get you!
Your bachelor party.
Your kid is more hip, more now, more '80s.
Your parents. Our friends.
Your tuxedo.
10,000 plus a GE toaster oven,
1002.
1002.
1003... Aha!
$200. Great.
7500? Not interested.
Are they still out there? I'll check. Wait.
Are you sure you don't want me to go? How about no?
Are you sure you're OK? Yes.
Band? O'Neill sent us.
Better and better, sir. Good.
Can I help you? We're the band.
Cole! You're coming with me!
Come with me! Just give it a rest.
Debbie! Debbie! The car!
Detroit? Beyond the sun?
Did I say hookers? I didn't mean... You said hookers.
Did you check this out? Kick it! Kick it!
Doc, I'll pay my bill! Don't hurt me, please! I'll kill you!
Excuse me... What?
Football. You got ball games. You got Monday Night.
God, I love that car. I am very, very happy... for the two of you.
God, you're a slob! Yeah, but I'm a fabulous cook.
Good shot! Thank you, sir.
Hello, everybody! Am I late? Not at all. We're just finishing lunch.
Hey, a toast! To Rick and Debbie.
Hey, he look familiar? Very.
Hi, babe! Hi!
Hi, guys. How's it goin'? How are you, you animal?
Hookers? He didn't say hookers.
How about tomorrow? I'll bring weenies. Well, I have, uh... club.
How are you, Cole? Fine, just fine.
How's your wife? I hate her. I hate her guts.
I can't wait to see what those guys are up to. Me either.
I don't believe it. Come on!
I don't believe the groom has had you yet. No, not...
I don't believe you. You don't? Oh, fine. Good.
I got it. You got what?
I hope Ilene is all right. I hope those guys are all right.
I just wanna find him up there... Shut up with that.
I know. But I have a very good excuse. There can be no excuse for tardiness.
I thought she was just next to you. No.
I want women. I got women.
I won't! I swear on my mother's grave. Your mother's not dead.
I'd like that. Good.
I'd like to pay for this. Could you wait till the song is over?
I'm gettin' married. Yeah, right, yeah.
Is there anything I can do for ya? Oh, no...
It looks awful. Well, looks can be deceiving.
It's a great car. Oh, the best!
It's amusing. What now?
It's good to see you. You too.
It's gotta be on this side. No, it's this side.
It's up to you. Gentlemen.
Just where do you guys think you are? The Library of Congress?
Let's just give 'em what they want. What?!
Look, I don't want any trouble. Oh, come on, just a little.
Low mileage. It handles like a dream. Well, so does Debbie.
Medically speaking? Yeah.
Mr Thompson, I... No, let me finish.
Mrs Thompson... Cole...
My car? Where is it? It's outside.
Nice seeing you again, Rick. You too, Mrs T. Let's do this every day.
Now what do we do? Let's just split up. We'll go this way.
Now, if I may make some suggestions? Oh, feel free.
Oh, my God. Ohhh!
Oh, really? Yeah, and, uh... here's a fifty.
Oh, Tracey...? Yeah.
OK, who serves? Your turn, Dad.
Ready? Yo!
Really? Really.
Rick, I want Debbie. You do, huh?
Rick, I want to make you another deal. Oh, be still, my heart!
Rick, you're lying! It was a joke! Debbie!
Rick! Yep.
Right in there. The bedroom? Tracey's in the bedroom?
Shall we tell her? Yeah.
Something amiss? My car is gone!
Son, I don't want you to give up on her. I have tried to change her mind.
Thanks for your help, Ed. We appreciate it. Any time, Al. Good night.
The boss said deliver hookers. We are not hookers, you big dumb ape!
The Porsche! The car! Take Debbie... The car!
The wedding is off, chief. Bear. Chicken, chicken, chicken!
They're on the tenth floor, sir. I'm going up there. I'll take care of this.
This better be important. This guy gets along with everybody.
Tracey is in the bedroom? Heaven awaits.
Tracey was crazy about me? Oh, Rick, you're so funny!
Wait a minute. Does Cole know about this? You went with him for two years!
Wanna hear something great? You betcha.
We'd like to order now. Hey, no sweat. No sweat, guys.
Well, how about this? Still drawing a blank.
What are you doing? Just welding up a little dinner, that's all.
What are you doing?! Debbie, you'll always be mine!
What have you done with your hair? You're late again, Rick.
What the hell are you doing? I'm slashing my wrists.
What time's it over? Uh, Rick. Let's talk.
What's goin' on? Nothing's goin' on!
What's happening? Debbie's marrying Rick!
What's with the costume? I don't know! Listen, do me a favor.
What's wrong? Nothing. Nothing. Let's get crazy.
When do the girls show up? Gary is taking care of that right now.
Where are we going? Out.
Where can I try on these pants? Right over there. Can I take these for you?
Where the hell is everybody? I don't know.
Where's the women? There's no women. Rudy, one thing at a time.
Who don't you say nothin' to? Tina?
Who was that? I don't know.
Why don't we name it after we eat? Good idea.
Will your friend do this? He'll do anything for money.
With an electric razor? I couldn't find any razor blades.
Yeah, but how can I do that? If it were up to me, I'd reason with him first.
Yeah, right there. Thank you.
Yeah? Mm hm.
You don't see a problem here? Not really.
You gotta lighten up, man. No, Rick, I don't care any more!
You look great. Oh, thanks, honey.
You really are gonna do this? Yeah.
You want this? You betcha.
You're a pimp? You look like Gandhi. I'm telling you I am, Joe.
You're gonna have a bachelor party? Sure! You bet!