The Hangover Part III (2013) Edit

A Chinese guy came in here earlier.

A little Chinese man that no one in town has seen or heard of.

A what?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! What the fuck is that?

Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about that.

After we stick Chow, Alan and I are gonna take him down through the lobby.

Aha. You're in luck, because I actually am the prescribing doctor.

Alan, aside from the fact that you shut down a freeway...

Alan, give me your phone. Quick.

Alan, if you know where he is, you tell this man right now.

Alan, listen.

Alan, maybe never say that part again.

Alan, sit down.

Alan, take that.

Alan, tell me right now, why is Black Doug kidnapping us?

Alan, they're coming, grab the last bag.

Alan, this is an intervention.

Alan, what are you doing?

Alan, what are you doing? Alan.

Alan, what did you do?

Alan, what did you do?

Alan, you are the best.

Alan, you been talking to Chow?

Alan, you can do this. I'll catch you.

Alan, you can't change your mind. Everybody's counting on you.

Alan, you okay?

Alan, you're just too fat.

Alan, you're not thinking straight.

Alan.

Alan.

Alan.

Alan.

Alan. What is this?

Alan. You are not well.

All good?

All I feed them is cocaine.

All right, it's the next exit, then four miles straight into the desert.

All right, let me just shimmy down.

All right, we need a plan.

All right.

All right. On three!

All the charges have been dropped.

Also Las Vegas, Nevada.

Amazing.

An intervention? Really?

And chicken.

And everything got fucked.

And get going.

And he's gonna hunt me down until he gets it.

And it all started four years ago when this moron...

And left him his gun?

And make sure the little fucker's tied up.

And my gold.

And my new best friend.

And thank you for killing my fucking dogs!

And that's Blanca. Blanca's been with us since Alan was a baby.

And then once you're there, he's got security posted at the door.

And there it is.

And this is Timothy. Timothy lives across the street.

And whether you know it or not...

And you're my man.

And you're not gonna like this part.

And you're smart and you're funny and everybody loves you.

And, frankly, it suits you better.

Another theory is that you're lying.

Anything?

Are you coming or not?

Are you my real dad?

Are you okay?

Are you ready to do this?

Are you sure about this?

As many of you know...

At the time, I thought it was Chow like goodbye.

Ave

AW, shit! Oh, shit.

Aw. Man.

Aw. That's sweet.

Basically, been killing it down here.

Be waiting in valet. Engine running, ready to go.

Because he's a greedy piece of shit who used us.

Besides, they remind me a lot of myself.

But don't push off.

But he's gone, no one can find him.

But I figure the wolf pack has the best chance of finding him.

But I know something no one else knows.

But I need you, Stu. I can't do this alone.

But I pray for you.

But if you cut wire on both panels at same time, alarm disabled.

But maybe we should wait.

But she's my soul mate.

But this one, my Mexican villa...

But we can't keep lying to each other.

But you're not gonna like it.

But, no matter what happens, remember:

But, no, that's all we have. Chow said he blew the other half in Bangkok.

But, uh...

By who?

Can I trust you?

Can we just stick to the plan?

Can you bring me a few options?

Can you take Stu instead?

Cassie, I'm hungry. I thought you ordered Chinese.

Change of plans. Tell him we're going to Vegas.

Check it out.

Check it out.

Check it out.

Check this out.

Chillax, Doug, we're all adults here.

Chow go to prison, all my property seized.

Chow is a cancer.

Chow loses temper sometimes.

Chow used to be on top of the world.

Chow, open the fucking door!

Chow!

Chow!

Chow!

Chow!

Chow!

Chow?

Chow?

Chow.

Chow.

Chow.

Chow. Chow, that's the truth.

Chow. Chow, wait.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, Stu.

Come on.

Come on. Go, go, go.

Come on. He's not that bad.

Come on. I wasn't gonna let you go. You're my boy.

Could you not spit inside my minivan, please? Jesus.

Couldn't stop three fuckups and a Chinaman with a pair of wire cutters.

Damn. Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one.

Deal's a deal.

Dear Alan, I threw urine on prison guard today.

Dear Leslie, OMG, the McRib is back! Why was it ever gone?

Definitely. Tattoo was the worst. Nightmare.

Did you get it?

Did you hear that guy?

Did you know that just a couple blocks from here...

Did you know that?

Die?

Do what alone? We have no idea where he even is.

Do you even know how to get home?

Do you even know what's going on?

Do you guys mind taking your shoes off? I'm a germ freak.

Do you have any idea how much time and man hours it would take...

Do you remember me?

Don't die.

Don't say you're welcome for almost killing me.

Don't struggle. Let go.

Don't tell me that. You can't lose him!

Don't you get it?

Don't, don't, don't!

Doug is my insurance. He stays with me.

Drop down to me.

Dry desert air.

End of conversation.

Everybody okay?

Everyone I know

Everything all right?

Everything okay?

Exactly!

Exactly. That's why I called you down here.

Except for me, but I was born bad.

Excuse me, fucking asshole.

Excuse me, sir?

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Have you happened to see the driver...

Farewell, Leslie Chow.

Fat fuck.

Fatty, it feels good to be out.

Fills in the puzzles, whatever he can, and then leaves.

Fine.

Five weeks ago, Chow escaped from maximum security detention.

Floating over you while you make fuck on your wife?

Follow him.

Follow me.

For your information, that's green.

For your loyalty.

Forty two. I'm 42!

Fuck it, just cut the middle one.

Fuck me!

Fuck this guy.

Fuck you, Alan.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! I lost him!

Fuck.

Fuck. Leslie!

Get down! Get down!

Get down. Get down.

Get in the car.

Get the fuck... Hang on!

Get to work.

Get your ass back over here.

Give me the phone, please.

Go ahead with your own life Leave me alone

Go ahead, chief.

Go, go, go!

God! Chow, cut it out!

Goddamn it!

Goddamn it.

Goes away in the end

Gonna tell him you're happy he's out and you'd love to see him.

Good luck finding a dentist who will write fake prescriptions.

Good, good.

Good. Let's go home.

Gotta keep low profile right now. Chow wanted man.

Grab the gun!

Grow up, Alan.

H9)'...

Ha ha ha. We're gonna die finally.

Ha, ha. I got him!

Ha, ha. I'm saying hello. We're dogs, remember?

Ha, ha. I've done that.

Ha, ha. Ruined.

Ha, ha. That's so true.

Ha, ha. This is the best day of my life.

Ha, that's cool, ha ha ha.

Had three beautiful homes in three different countries.

Have you ever witnessed a moment with that much heat?

Have you seen my...?

Having said all that...

He and Alan swim together.

He brought his two wives...

He died in it.

He fucked me in the ass.

He gave Chow a fighting chance.

He has a thick Asian accent.

He is completely out of control.

He is the best.

He pawned a gold brick.

He played Captain Jack.

He refuses to talk.

He said he wanted three things:

He should lose weight. He'll find a woman. The dude's lonely.

He stowed aboard a shipping freighter bound for the West Coast.

He took your minivan. We could report it stolen...

He wanted some girls, some guys and some bath salts.

He wants to meet Alan tonight at 8. It says come alone.

He was looking to make some less than legal investments.

He was my life partner, heh.

He was my life partner.

He would often tell me, almost on a daily basis...

He's a world class rat, and you three were his accomplices.

He's alive. He's okay.

He's all mine!

He's been a cancer since the first day we met him.

He's coming this way.

He's in fucking Vegas.

He's in the trunk.

He's not gonna kill you, Chow! He just wants his gold back!

He's okay.

He's out of his fucking mind!

He's super friendly!

He)', you coming?

Hector. Run upstairs and grab a pair of sweatpants for Alan here.

Heh. Right? Whatever.

Help!

Her mother's totally on the edge, and if all this weren't enough...

Here we go.

Hey Phil.

Hey, Alan, I was just talking to Cassie. She's an amazing woman.

Hey, Alan, just want to say what you're doing is really brave. We're proud of you.

Hey, Alan, you hungry?

Hey, Alan?

Hey, chubster, I'll call you in a week. We'll get together.

Hey, Dad?

Hey, fat stuff.

Hey, guys? I'm feeling better now.

Hey, Phil? Yeah?

Hey, Stu?

Hey, Stu?

Hey, Timothy. Little cold for a swim, isn't it?

Hi.

Hid it inside the basement wall.

High five.

His beak is so sharp!

His name's Jeff. You guys would love him.

Ho ho ho. Aah!

Hold on a second.

Hold on, I'm coming to you.

Hold on. I have something for you.

Holy shit, it worked.

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy...

How did this happen?

How do you kill what's already dead? Heh heh heh.

I almost died, Phil.

I am invisible!

I am well off. You are my 40 year old son...

I am, I am.

I believe I can fly

I believe I can touch the sky

I can think of so many people I would rather have died first.

I can't be your hero anymore.

I can't believe my daddy is dead.

I can't go back there.

I can't remember what it's called, but it's supposed to be magnificent.

I can't see anything!

I can't see! Stop, motherfucker!

I cannot do this!

I cleaned your room. I see things no one should ever see.

I could be a good wife to you.

I could feed him from my tree house.

I didn't mean that.

I don't care what you say anymore

I don't enjoy talking to you that way.

I don't have a gray wire. I have red, green and yellow.

I don't know why you insist on making me blow my top.

I don't know why you insist on making me blow my top.

I don't know, like an alley.

I don't know.

I don't know. He just sits in the waiting room and reads Highlights magazine.

I don't know. You gotta understand, I've been out of that world a few years now.

I don't know. You tell me.

I don't like this plan.

I don't understand.

I feel sick.

I feel so fat.

I find her much better than your wives.

I focus on the pain

I gave him a card for an escort service and he took off.

I got a pretty dope sense of humor, bro!

I got him.

I got it! Whoa.

I got married a year ago to a surgeon.

I got my phone. No fucking keys, though.

I got the right fucking guys! Get him up. Pick him up. Put him here.

I gotta go, little man.

I have a wonderful life!

I have boobies now!

I have over 60 apps on that phone.

I hurt myself today

I just wanna talk to him.

I just want him to tell me where my gold is.

I know and I do. You're my best friend. But, Alan, why would you buy a giraffe?

I know every square inch of this place.

I know that now.

I know you mount my sister. I've seen it. Many times.

I know, right?

I know.

I left my phone in the minivan.

I like that.

I like your T shirt.

I looked everywhere for him.

I love cocaine!

I love you so much. We all do.

I love you too.

I love you, Alan.

I made it so you could eat at least three before hitting a fatal dose.

I mean, he just fell and then he's dead.

I mean, Jeff knows everything and he's cool, but...

I mean, that's terrific. I think that calls for a toast.

I mean, what's the worst that's happened? The tattoo?

I mean, white hot heat, bro!

I mean, you know how he is.

I must resign from the wolf pack.

I need to call the doctor, make sure everything's okay.

I need you to roll over here and chew off these hand ties.

I offer him a truce.

I pick up after you for 30 years.

I played skee ball for, like, 45 minutes. It was a pretty sick workout.

I saw it once in a pornography.

I should have thought this through!

I think I killed him.

I think that sounds like a great idea.

I think we got a live one.

I told myself I would never come back.

I took Mom there for her birthday, played a little blackjack.

I totally get it...

I unlocked the latch between the back seat and the trunk.

I was gonna say I got this strange e mail the other day.

I wasn't sure what it meant, but now I think it might be from Chow.

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

I will never change.

I'll always remember the last words he said to me:

I'll ask a stranger.

I'll be in the limo.

I'll get it, I'll get it. I'll get it.

I'll see you around, Carlos.

I'll see you at 8.

I'll send for you at 8:00.

I'll text you the details. Be there at 6 a.m.

I'm a 44 slim.

I'm banned from the casino for life.

I'm fine just the way I am. I want to go home.

I'm fine.

I'm gonna die, Phil.

I'm good up here.

I'm in a stare off.

I'm just a dentist!

I'm Marshall.

I'm on my way.

I'm out of my fucking mind!

I'm proud of you, Alan.

I'm ready.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still missing the original half.

I'm trying.

I'm wearing women's underwear. Ha ha ha.

I've always wanted one.

If he's so lonely, why don't the you spend more time with him?

If we show up without it, he'll kill me.

If you cut only one wire, it triggers alarm.

If you're lucky, you trap it in the trunk of your limo and you kill it.

Igotanidea.

In Tijuana.

In what way?

Is it okay if I go say hello to the little guy?

Is that Chow?

Is that it?

Is this record accurate?

It all ends tonight.

It funny because he's *******.

It is it.

It says 200 yards up on the right.

It says here you're a dentist.

It sounds like a bad scene.

It was a lay up.

It was an accident.

It was from Leslie.

It was great talking to you.

It was my Shangri La. Now it's gone.

It was pretty weird.

It's a cute top. Where did you get that shirt?

It's all right!

It's all we got.

It's an escort service.

It's beautiful. I checked it out online. Great reputation.

It's been so long.

It's breathtaking.

It's buried behind this wall.

It's called Paris Hotel and Casino, and it is magnificent.

It's gone. I blew the first 2O million in Bangkok.

It's great to be back.

It's invincible, and you're not. You're just out of your fucking mind.

It's just kind of an emergency, so...

It's locating.

It's locating.

It's never easy, is it?

It's not funny!

It's not gonna work.

It's okay!

It's over, Leslie.

It's piece of cake.

It's so heavy. Do we have a lighter one?

It's true! I swear to God, it's true!

It's unfair!

It's worth a shot.

It's your lucky day.

Jade is there a place we could talk that's a little bit more private?

Jeff. Who's that, your fake dad?

Jesus Christ, Alan.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus!

Just point to the wire you want me to cut.

Just trust me, you don't want to go over there, okay? Not this one.

Just warming up.

Keep it to yourself It's my life

Las Vegas, Nevada.

Leslie Chow is madness.

Leslie Chow never lived here.

Leslie Chow stole $21 million from me...

Leslie Chow. He's an international criminal. Look it up.

Leslie, get down from there! Please! You're gonna hurt yourself!

Leslie, you're one of the coolest and nicest guys I've ever met.

Let me out, we split the gold four ways. Everyone wins.

Let's go get this fucker.

Let's go in the kitchen. You guys want coffee?

Let's make a deal.

Let's put the bags in the back seat.

Let's see if he left anything in here.

Letter after letter of total nonsense...

Lewd behavior, Cracker Barrel, Christmas Eve.

Like my mother.

Like, kick yourself out a little bit.

Linda really wants to stage an intervention for him.

Listen, I'm in a bit of a pickle, Alan.

Living in my house. Living my life.

Lock your doors! Doug, lock your doors!

Look at the giraffe.

Look out! Oh, shit!

Look up.

Look, Marshall wants his gold.

Looks like a Diesel.

Looks like he ditched it.

Make sure you put in enough to kill them.

Maria

Maria

Marshall gonna kill me!

Marshall?

Marshall? How you know that fat fuck?

Masturbating on a city bus. Yep, that was me.

Maybe an escort would.

Maybe Stu wasn't clear.

Me and my boys looking to get our freak on.

Me too.

Mm.

Mom, I'm with a customer!

Mom.

Mother, Oreo smoothie, now!

Motherfucker.

Motherfuckers!

Move!

Move.

Mr. Chow?

My bad. I'm colorblind.

My bad. I'm colorblind.

My blood will be on your hands!

My chickens!

My dad was nice too. We did everything together.

My fault, Alan.

My God, he's got the voice of an angel.

My God, that was so intense.

My head of security.

My homes...

My house.

My sweetest friend

Never change.

Never, ever.

Nice stuff.

Nice!

No chance.

No felonies. One arrest:

No felonies. One arrest:

No more silent treatment?

No offense, but we're not letting you handle any drugs. You'll kill someone.

No one knows it's there.

No one there but the guard dogs. Stu?

No one wants to see that.

No, Leslie, we can't be friends anymore.

No, Leslie.

No, my middle one could be different. The wires are all twisted.

No, no, no. Don't get up. Will trip motion detectors.

No, no. And again, I'm so sorry.

No, no. It's not what you think. There's this guy Marshall.

No, that's perfect. No, it's like a three hour drive from here.

No, wait, wait, wait. If your phone's in the minivan...

No, we... We miss you.

No, you spit in your own hand.

No, you're fine. Just...

No!

No.

No.

No. Hold on.

Nobody eats four marshmallows, Stu.

Not anymore, motherfucker.

Not anywhere, Stu. My house.

Not only does he refuse to talk to me...

Not this time.

Not with that fucking attitude.

Nothing hurts Chow.

Nothing worse than losing your phone.

Now get down from there before you die!

Now let's go find a fucking pharmacy.

Now that I'm getting married, I'm gonna be spending a lot more time with Cassandra.

Now what?

Now, who's coming with me?

Of course.

Oh, boy.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God, it's not always about you, Stu!

Oh, God, it's not always about you, Stu!

Oh, God, what did he do?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Look at him now.

Oh, great.

Oh, he does that from time to time.

Oh, hold on. I have something for you.

Oh, I know one. His name is Stuart Price.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you worked for PETA.

Oh, look how happy this fucking guy is.

Oh, my God, is anybody else falling asleep?

Oh, my God, you guys...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! So gross!

Oh, my God. Ha ha ha.

Oh, my God. It is.

Oh, my God. Where do you think it's going?

Oh, my life is great! I have a wonderful life!

Oh, no.

Oh, now you wanna talk, blue eyes?

Oh, now you?

Oh, please, I'm an expert.

Oh, please.

Oh, please.

Oh, please. Like a squirrel doesn't want a nut.

Oh, please. We're rich.

Oh, really?

Oh, right.

Oh, shit, check it out.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. I must've mixed up the bags.

Oh, sorry. No can do.

Oh, thank you for saying that. She is an amazing woman.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Look. You went to the pier today. How was that?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you got me.

Oh! Fuck me!

Oh! Fuck!

Oh! God!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, go on. Get out of here, all of you.

Okay, I'm here.

Okay, on three, cut the gray wire.

Okay, so here's the deal:

Okay, then. Ciao.

Okay, you're still holding the one I left you with, right?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Done!

Okay. Good idea.

Okay. Sure.

Okay. Wow.

On three. One, two... Chow, stop!

One of them made it back...

One, two...

Ooh, I got into cockfighting.

Ooh, I would love to see him.

Ooh, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Out to the back.

Ow! Ow!

OW. Ahh.

Ow. Oh, fuck!

Pardon me, little loser.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Phil gets it.

Phil Wenneck.

Phil, call Security!

Phil, I can't. I can't.

Phil, I don't know, I swear. I haven't talked to him in months.

Phil, you okay?

Phil!

Phil.

Place will be crawling with cops.

Please, Alan.

Please, this is a huge mistake.

Please. I need help.

Plus 10 years.

Plus, she lets me mount her...

Prescription drugs.

Pretty high end, so good luck getting anything out of them.

Pretty much. Heh, heh.

Probably because he left town.

Put him in the limo and come get us. We'll meet you at valet.

Quick, give me some sugar. Come on, come on, come on.

Ready?

Remember the marshmallows in Thailand?

Right, but he may have been trying to pawn some gold.

Right?

See that? Chow come back for you.

See you in 20 minutes.

See, that right there, and you're acting all fidgety, plus you look like shit...

She says there's this crazy Chinese guy...

She smiled at me again, from inside the shop.

She split 10s.

She's rude.

Shh, shh, shh.

Shit!

Shit!

Shit! What's going on?

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Oh, fuck.

Shoot it! Shoot it! Shoot it!

Shotgun.

Sid Garner was a beloved husband...

So beautiful.

So do you like this new Jeff guy?

So he'll never know it's gone.

So how many rooster birds do you have, Chow?

So I pay him a visit.

So much.

So we talked to Tracy today...

So you're saying I would've died if I had had four?

So, Alan...

So, what do we do now?

Some dot com millionaire. He's never here.

Someplace where we can sneak up on him and drug him.

Someplace where we can sneak up on him and drug him.

Sometimes I can still feel your little head on my chest.

Sorry.

Speaking of which, you ever get tested?

Stay low like dog.

Stay out of this, fatty.

Step away from the bags. Let's go!

Stop the car. I don't want to do this anymore.

Stop the car. I don't want to do this anymore.

Stu, do not lose him.

Stu, don't freak out, but you need to look down.

Stu, the window!

Stu, what's going on?

Stu, you okay?

Stu.

Stuart Price.

Stuart?

Take the limo. Hector has the keys.

Talk to me, Stu.

Thank you for desecrating my home!

Thank you for ripping me off.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Cassie picked it out for me.

Thanks, Phil.

Thanks, Phil. It was my dad's.

Thanks.

Thanks. Jeff bought it for me.

That depends.

That does sound awesome.

That insane theory is the only reason I'm still alive?

That is just terrific. Right?

That motherfucker.