Naked Gun 33 1-3: The Final Insult (1994) Edit

A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod,

A first class job costs 5 million.

Accepting the award for Mr Broncowitz is Margaret Redfeather.

After a long and generous cavity search,

After being retired for six months, I was finally back in action.

After comparing handwriting of every known bomber

After folding the laundry, I went to the Karlson Clinic.

After making a slight adjustment

After making a slight adjustment

Ain't no prison yet could hold me.

Alimony had been set by the court. Right, Mr Clayton?

All I know is it's downtown and big.

All right, all right. Whatever.

All right, copper, you killed my ma!

All right, in here.

All right!

All right.

All right. I'll do what you say.

All right. I'm glad that's all cleared up.

America will be brought to its knees by this terrorist act.

An adult movie.

And combed my hair differently.

And Florence Henderson, Analysis Of A Proposal.

And for his tale of genetics gone haywire in a retirement community,

And found them to be from the rare Canary Island pine,

And get out as quickly as possible.

And his first colour feature in 1966,

And I don't mean one of those major league baseball Steve Howe kinda last chances.

And I knew that eventually our dream would come true.

And not get caught up in blame.

And now, today's lucky lotto numbers.

And see those porpoises crammed into tiny tanks,

And the Pope!

And the stars are shining bright for the 66th Academy Awards.

And the winner is...

And the winner is...

And the worst of them all, Rocco Dillon.

And this Chateau le Blanc '68

And this operation was no different.

And three.

And what are you doing in my bathing suit?

And you haven't shot anybody in months.

And you made the police look like international heroes.

And...

Any last words before I throw you off?

Apart from some chafing, we made good progress.

Are you sure we've never met?

At an event that the whole world will be watching.

Attention shoppers. Be sure to check out our special on aisle 7.

Attica! Attica!

Back from commercial in five seconds.

Back in your seats, you little weasels!

Be home, Frank. Answer the phone.

Because good men don't just fall out of the sky.

Bend over and pick it up for me,

Best actor in a Columbus movie?

Better move back.

Big Shiny Spears.

Billions of years ago, the Earth was a molten mass...

Blink and I start shooting.

Breathe, honey. Breathe, Jane.

Bummer. What a mindbender, huh?

But fail this time and my people won't be so forgiving.

But let's get to the subject at hand. Pick up the envelope.

But not once have you paid alimony to my client,

But on the day of our wedding, she never showed up.

But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now,

Butcher half of them now.

Camera 2, move in on the old lady.

Can I keep this one?

Can't... Can't we all just get along?

Cell inspection.

Check the tyres and fluid levels.

Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye.

Cigarette?

Come and get me, Drebin!

Come here, sexy.

Come on, Nordberg. We've got to get Frank.

Come on, son. You can do it. Eat some beans!

Come on.

Come to your senses. You killed a man. You're a hero to every woman.

Coming, Lieutenant!

Congratulations, Dad. It's a boy!

Contacting paper mills in that area

Cool.

Cool.

Court will recess until after the morning feed.

Cue talent.

Dead. Then that's it.

Defence, Ms Davis Jacob Steiner Laszlo?

Delivery room. This must be it.

Did you find Tanya's address, Frank?

Didn't I try to adopt that 18 year old Korean girl?

Dinner, wine, romantic music.

Disposing of the dirt was a problem I solved

Do you know the penalty for perjury?

Do you know the penalty for perjury?

Does it have to be between 1 and 10?

Does that radio work?

Don't ever take your men for granted,

Don't harm her.

Don't lie to me. You're under oath.

Don't lie to me. You're under oath.

Don't make me...

Don't panic. Stay with it.

Dr Kevorkian's home phone number?

Dr Rosenblatt, foreplay in room 7, please.

Dr Rosenblatt.

Early in the construction.

Ears you want to stick your tongue into.

Easy, now. Talk to me. What happened, Ma?

Ed, what's happening, my man?

Ed! Nordberg! It's been a long time.

Every one of these movies was a box office hit, except for one.

Everything's under control.

Excuse the mess. It's my ironing day.

Fail? Show me one man who can stop me.

Fans are clamouring to see their favourite celebrities.

Faster than saying spread 'em, I was in Statesville Prison.

Films such as Sandals And Loincloth, 1958,

Firm buttocks, ample breasts,

First I'm gonna make a list of who I'm gonna kill in the next few days.

First you shoot blanks, now you're letting all the heat out...

Florence Henderson is going to win!

Follow me, and we'll do the necessary paperwork.

Follow me.

Forget it.

Frank is a man. He'll see you locked away forever.

Frank is just another word for loser.

Frank, help!

Frank, I feel really bad about all of this.

Frank, I hope you can hear me.

Frank, I love you.

Frank, I've learned my lesson. And though it may be too late for me,

Frank, let me take that. We've got a surprise for you.

Frank, let's make tonight something special.

Frank, think of all the crime out there.

Frank, we have a problem with a terrorist threat.

Frank, we missed you last night at the fondue party.

Frank, you Iying weaseI weenie.

Frank! What's this?

Freeing up that tuna for our nation's hungry.

Get a camera up there. This could be my best work.

Get information about Tanya's link with the bombing,

Get out!

Get rid of the bomb!

Get your tickets ready, 12, 22, 18, and 9.

Gets me out of breath just watching. To RaqueI...

Getting along okay, sweetie?

Give it to me!

Give me that gun!

Go easy. That's your second bottle of Chanel.

Go to three. Ready, four.

Good morning, Mr Smith. This way.

Good thinking, kid. Now, let's get some shuteye.

Goodbye, Frank.

Got it all worked out right here.

Got the passes?

Grab him!

Have you seen my pigeon?

Have you tried sexy lingerie? Some lacy underwear, a black teddy?

Having a baby is a big responsibility.

He had to trust me.

He has no idea what a woman wants.

He said he'd never go back to police work. Once a cop, always a cop.

He's caught up in the cable! Do something!

He's masterminding the bombings from inside the prison.

He's planning to blow up the Academy Awards.

Here.

Here's a dedication to Frank from Jane, who just called from a taxi.

Here's my cup. Back to work.

Hey, aren't we far away?

Hey, look! It's the President!

Hey, Rocco, who's the old hag? She take one in the face?

Hey, she's married. What if her husband comes looking?

Hey, she's referring to me.

Hey, that was close.

Hey, who's the stud?

Hey! Stop!

Hey! You call this slop?

Hi, Mr D. Hi, Mrs D.

Hi, this is Frank. And Jane.

Hiya, Frank! You look terrific!

Hold on.

Home of some of the most violent sociopaths in the country.

Homo sapiens?

Honey, I've been waiting all day.

Honeymoon Bay Road. I bet they're alone there now!

Hopefully, an intruder and not an in law, like at my bachelor party.

How charming!

How could you?

How did you think we'd end?

How's my little boy?

Hundreds of pounds of dolphin meat that could be fed to cats,

Hurry up. You're letting the flies in.

I brought you some of Frank's never fail fudge!

I can barely catch my breath. Turn it over to RaqueI.

I can't help thinking each time I go to the zoo

I can't keep up with him. Mine hurt, especially on the long ones.

I can't seem to straighten it out.

I convinced Rocco to dig a tunneI.

I could have two lovers.

I do remember.

I don't know her middle name. I need the action.

I don't know how much longer I can take it.

I don't know.

I don't think we should have Phil Donahue back next year.

I don't want to kill nobody unless I have to.

I dropped out of the sap of the month club.

I fell on a rake.

I get it all the time. It's the underwear ads.

I got a target that'll make City Hall look like chicken feed.

I got something big on the outside. I could use you in my gang.

I had no idea if Tanya would recognise me,

I had only a second to admire the view. I had to watch out.

I hate heights!

I hoped you'd like them. Made them from scratch.

I just frosted some cupcakes.

I knew I'd bump into you. I want answers, cherry cakes.

I know now that's why you couldn't perform decent sex.

I know what I'm doing.

I know what I'm doing.

I know, but he's unhappy here.

I know. I remember the Osmonds.

I lost her address. She moved twice, I couldn't keep up.

I married the wrong man.

I may have yanked it too much.

I miss you so much.

I never realised there'd be so many.

I never thought that was possible.

I never thought we'd end this way.

I never thought you'd go back on your word.

I never want to see him again.

I officially give you my gun.

I reached my destination, Maximum Security,

I read that.

I realise that now, and other things.

I really appreciate your seeing me like this.

I remember it well. Her name was Gabriella.

I remember the plans we made. Things were going to be so perfect.

I remember wishing we could take everyone with us.

I smelled cop on him the minute I saw him.

I thought my life was over untiI that one glorious day.

I treat him like my brother, the one I didn't kill.

I understand. Take your time.

I used to be white.

I want all you ladies to remember something.

I want the world to know you're the perfect man.

I want to get as far away as possible.

I want to have a baby. Whenever we make love, you get a headache.

I want you to meet a real square egg, Nick The Slasher McGirk.

I was heartbroken. I figured she had fallen for another man,

I was surrounded by pimps, rapists and murderers.

I was talking about your mother.

I was the drummer for the Osmonds.

I was wrong. Taking you away from Police Squad was a mistake.

I went to see the Village People. They're a stone soul gas, man.

I wonder what the devil he wanted?

I wrote it on a hanky, and I can't remember what I did with it.

I'd be safe, so would everyone else.

I'd have to make pork chops.

I'll ask that again.

I'll just get off my feet.

I'll shave your back like last time.

I'll shoot if you don't do as I say.

I'll stay here. You check the wings.

I'll stay out of your hair.

I'm coming with you, Ma!

I'm coming, Ma!

I'm Ed Hocken. This is Officer Nordberg.

I'm going inside the big house.

I'm going to make love to you for hours and hours.

I'm hauling a load of rice cakes to Big D. Coming with me?

I'm just contemplating my next move.

I'm just frightened.

I'm not going to think. Why start now? I love you.

I'm out for the new me.

I'm sure it won't take too long.

I'm taking the dame away from you.

I'm tired of the lies.

I'm used to being out of breath...

I'm wearing the nightgown you bought me for our honeymoon.

I'm worried. He should have called by now.

I've been busy.

I've been on a job where I'd have given my eye teeth for a hostage.

I've been watching you. You handle yourself good.

I've got a better idea.

I've got ointments, lotions, creams, books,

I've never kissed lips so innocent, so pure.

I've worn them all. They don't work.

If Rocco thinks you're a cop, you might end up dead.

If she made me as a cop, I'd be tonight's meat loaf.

If the warden gets one look at this...

If there's anything you need.

If we could send good thoughts,

If we pull this off, it's 5 million big ones.

If we suspect anyone of attempting to escape,

If you want to step up to the price,

If you'll excuse me, I'm next.

In my book, that chapter's called Look, But Don't Touch.

In the back yard with my uncle.

In the back yard with your uncle?

In your wildest dreams!

Include some of the greatest moments on celluloid.

Indecent Instincts and Sawdust And Mildew.

Is supposed to be served slightly chilled!

It has no feeling. It's kind of numb.

It seems like only yesterday.

It was an accident. Call the police.

It was going to take all my police experience just to stay alive here.

It was like being in the stands at an LA Raiders game.

It was nothing, Jane. I was doing Ed a small favour!

It was that or go out in a laundry truck.

It wasn't my fault. That cow shouldn't have been in the road.

It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number.

It'll be...

It'll have to be within the confines of my own home.

It's a beautifuI night in Los Angeles,

It's all right. You'll be dead.

It's always important to have a disguise

It's bad enough not having a baby, but I warned you about Police Squad,

It's for you.

It's great!

It's in honour of your 30 years on the force. Nordberg.

It's just I won't ever see you again.

It's like being in charge of sanitation at a Haitian jail.

It's not exactly the back yard, but it'll do.

It's not that big a roast, Nordberg.

It's okay. It's not the bomb.

It's room temperature.

It's the bomb!

It's these pants. I usually wear a fuller cut.

It's Weird Al Yankovic and Vanna White.

Jane and I would like to keep the handcuffs as a souvenir.

Jane, Frank, here's what I suggest.

Jane, I want to join you, to help you kill as many men as possible.

Jane, I'm here. Frank is here.

Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.

Jane, why don't I soak in the tub for a couple of days?

Jeez, you two, knock it off!

Jesus, Phil!

Just be Jane and Frank, lovers.

Just call me Nick The Slasher McGirk.

Just calm down, ma'am. How many bodies did you find in your pool?

Just shove your tongue in as far as you can.

Just some dizzy dame. Probably broke down. I'll take her to the bus depot.

Keep flashing the big eyes and I'll rotate your jaw.

Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball,

Kiss me. Please kiss me.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's my pleasure to present...

Ladies and gentlemen, to present the Best Picture award,

Ladies and gentlemen, to present the lifetime achievement award...

Led us to a distribution centre in Tacoma.

Left hand blue. Whose hand is that?

Let me just check your tickets.

Let me open this.

Let's burn rubber.

Let's see, Vanna White and Weird Al Yankovic.

Lights out. Lockdown in two minutes.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feeI things out.

Like a midget at a urinaI, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Listen, I've got a fool proof plan.

Listen, you've got one last chance.

Logically, you're psychotic, so you have the envelope, I'll have the gun.

Look at you, traipsing all over, just to spite him.

Look, baby, I am what I am and I do what I do.

Look, I'm the muscle in this pen. Just stay out of my way.

Looks like Phil Donahue throwing up in a tuba.

Lord, what's that?

Louise, there's no such thing as the wrong man.

Lovely gown. Is that Cool Whip?

Ma, why not kiss and make up?

Ma! I'll get guy cramps!

Maintenance. Clean up, room 7. Stat.

Make tonight a special night.

Mary Lou Retton for Fatal Affair.

Mary Lou Retton, Fatal Affair.

May he rest in peace, in the arms of our... Jesus Christ!

Maybe it's your fault.

Meet the newest member of our gang.

Might be good to feel that cold, hard steel

Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips,

Morgan Fairchild, Final Proposal.

Move it, sister!

Mr and Mrs Drebin, please. I'm diabetic. I think you should go now.

Mr and Mrs Drebin, right?

Mr Drebin, I want to go straight.

Mr Smith, how are we doing?

Mr Smith?

My dearest snooky wookums dumpling buns,

My little lady cheesy puppy.

My little love biscuit.

My little lover sparrow.

My little shnooky wookums.

My money's on Sawdust And Mildew.

My people are very upset.

My prospects look bleaker than a gerbiI's in a bathhouse.

My puppy wuppy wover.

My purse! Somebody help me!

My purse! Somebody help me!

Nah, it's no use. She'll never come back.

Nice digs. But I'm here for the action.

No further questions, Your Honour.

No more little miss perky, devoting her life to one man.

No phone, miles from civilisation,

No phone, miles from the nearest town, Playboy channel. Perfect.

No problem.

No, the pin, she's a nurse.

No, you muffin head, the dame. We hit trouble, she's a bullet shield.

No!

No? I know your type. Come on, baby. We're two of a kind.

Nobody is safe. You'd be protecting Jane.

Nobody move! Any vibration may set this thing off.

Nordberg, look! That's Frank at the Academy Awards.

Nordberg, Police Squad. Hello? Hello?

Nordberg, put it together.

Now I had to get on the inside.

Now that Tyrone was in solitary, it was just me and Rocco.

Now that's more like it.

Now, I've got some lamb to put in the oven.

Now, which one of you is impotent?

Now, you two have been married for six months?

Objection! Your Honour, I...

Oh, boy, did that hurt.

Oh, boy. This is really great.

Oh, Frank, how could you? We need time apart to think about us.

Oh, honey, it's just that I love you so much.

Oh, Jason.

Oh, my God! Look at Donahue!

Oh, my God! Look! It's disgruntled postal workers!

Oh, my God! That's the one!

Oh, my God! You killed him!

Oh, no! Not him again? Please, God.

Okay, enjoy the awards.

Okay, there's the man from Bryce Porterhouse.

Okay.

Olympia Dukakis and James Earl Jones.

Olympia, would you do the honours?

On a hunch, we analysed the paper.

On that tower's a device that's gonna net us 5 million bucks.

On the life of Mother Teresa, Mother.

Once word of the escape was out, we headed for the tunnel.

One day we'd have our own Frank Drebin Jr.

One dead disco dancer.

One more push. That's it.

One more second, Mr Donahue.

One on one, with as little dribbling as possible.

One thing's for sure. There's no room for her here.

One woman's ordeal to overcome the death of her cat,

One woman's triumph over a yeast infection,

Order. The jury will disregard that statement. Continue, Counsellor.

Our children can't be raised in fear.

Our friends gathered to celebrate our love.

Out of the way.

Papshmir?

Papshmir.

Please read the prosecution's last statement.

Please welcome internationally renowned singing star, Pia Zadora.

Possibly a week.

Power to the brothers! Kill whitey!

Pressed against my thigh once again.

Prosecution rests.

Pull out the bomb or I'll shoot the dame.

Push! Here it comes now.

Put on the 24 hour Johnny Mathis station.

Put the dame in the trunk. I'll meet you and Ma round back in 10 minutes.

Quiet. You don't know me here.

RaqueI Welch and the host of his own talk show, Phil Donahue.

RaqueI, just a second. I just had a thought.

RaqueI, so many go to bed hungry in this nation.

Read the card, moron.

Real slop has got chunks in it!

Relax, Ma.

Relax, Ma.

Relax. There's time.

Repeatedly defying a court order.

Right, Slasher. You know what to do.

Right, Slasher. You know what to do.

Rocco could tell from my escapade in the shower

Rocco had arranged for a car to meet us.

Rocco will kill you, whoever you are.

Rocco's mom was quiet. I felt she didn't care for me coming along.

Rocketeer? Lady And The Tramp?

Roll tape. Go to clip. Aspirin, please.

Safe!

Screw the commercials!

Screw with me, he'll make you feel pain like never before.

Serving a stretch in Statesville,

Set against the background of the Donner Party crossing.

Set against the background of the Hindenburg disaster.

Set against the background of the tragic Buffalo Bills' season of 1991.

Set!

Shannen Doherty, Basic Analysis.

She's a goner, Rocco.

She's my mother.

Shivering in the night.

Shut up. I'm trying to get some sleep.

Sign in here, please.

Sign these at the bottom and leave them with the nurse.

Sir Richard Attenborough for his musical

Sir, killing a gang member's only an $18 fine. Just mail it in.

Sir?

Sit, sit.

Six.

Slasher is Frank Drebin of Police Squad.

Slasher McGirk, meet Tanya Peters.

Some make a living neutering animals.

Some retirement. I'm leaving, Frank.

Someone who could do to her what I never could.

Sorry about this, but it's official police business.

Sorry about this. Loved you in Coneheads. You, too.

Sorry. We were rooting for Florence Henderson.

Spike Lee, X ll, The Merchandising.

Stations, stores, government buildings...

Steven Spielberg, Geriatric Park.

Still no word of Frank or Rocco's gang.

Stop the stairs, Joey!

Sweaty Boatmen, 1959,

Sweetie, Mommy said no pounding when she's in session.

Take a number.

Take it from me, this place changes a man.

Tanya? It was another woman. Frank wasn't lying.

Ted, I'm talking about the powder.

Thank you for the advice. I'll try that recipe, Miss Peters.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you, Sheriff.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. The little woman got me a Thighmaster.

Thanks to you, we still have our escape plan. Let's have it.

That bomb belongs to me. Hand it over, Drebin.

That lousy, two bit, copper punk!

That might be the envelope with the bomb. Keep looking.

That ought to do it.

That was the day you became my wife.

That was the happiest day of my life.

That's a big target, but why should I think anything would be different?

That's a goodbye kiss, sister.

That's aisle 7.

That's all I have, Your Honour.

That's no way to be walking around. Get some clothes on.

That's the way I like it.

That's true. Funny how you miss the little things.

That's where Rocco is going to strike next.

The award for this year's Best Picture goes to...

The devastation in Florida.

The explosive is a very fine powder.

The fresh air will do you good.

The last few feet were dug on the run.

The Leather clad Centurion, 1960,

The man is Rocco Dillon.

The nominees for best director are...

The paper's from Statesville Prison.

The plan was to get in,

The tape was very entertaining.

The thought of Iying nose down in skid marks

The thrill of the chase, to be a man.

The winner is...

Then take this with you.

Then you'll kill everyone here.

There he is! Stop him.

There was an article in Cosmo, Why all men are pigs.

There was crime all around me. I couldn't stop it.

There was more dirt than I thought. Disposing of it was becoming tricky.

There.

There's been a rumour of a possible breakout.

There's fresh clothes in the back.

There's only one way to find out where Rocco will strike next.

These were taken by a news photographer.

They added 75 new categories.

They got Tyrone.

They look familiar.

They said I couldn't do drama.

They will be punished severely.

They're always upset. They're Arab terrorists.

They're going to blow that place sky high.

They're in Hawaii. Together.

They're small, easy to move, eat less, smell nice.

Things that vibrate.

This is more like gruel!

This is room temperature! What do you think we are, animals?

This is the suspect's girlfriend, Tanya Peters.

This is what I'm talking about.

This is your ticket to another 20 years, Dillon.

This programme's been interrupted.

This show is being seen all over the world.

This was more than I could handle.

This year's lifetime achievement award winner's credits

Throw me a gun!

Tim and Erica Brown. Okay, enjoy the show.

To present the award for best director,

To present the award for best supporting actress,

Tonight's going to be special.

Transmit them through these cameras, to the leader of China.

Two bags for a dollar. Great.

Two most distinguished actors,

Tyrone, I got the escape plans right here. Just you and me.

Unfortunately, the trail ended there.

Use their fur to keep hundreds warm.

Very impressive.

Wait a minute! Give me my baby back!

Wait a minute. An escape plan!

Wait a minute. Don't I know you from somewhere?

Wait!

Wait. Before we're all blown up, can I get my underwear out of my crack?

Watch the tower, Slasher. This is what'll happen tonight.

We arrived at the rendezvous point, a Los Angeles city high schooI.

We call it the Denver jockstrap.

We detected a high quantity of nitroglycerine.

We don't know about that. Let me take that urine specimen.

We found a list of the bomber's plans at the scene.

We got a big day ahead of us.

We got that housekeeper you always wanted.

We have to call Frank. He'll protect us.

We have to send someone in there.

We have to send someone in there.

We haven't had a night like that in a long time.

We haven't had a night like that in a long time.

We heard about you and Jane.

We kept digging.

We know women make the best hostages.

We like to go in the back yard, throw it around for a while.

We may have a lead on a suspect in the City Hall bombing attempt.

We must get those envelopes before they open any more.

We need a favour.

We need you to go undercover at the clinic.

We think it was a love triangle.

We thought it might cheer you up.

We wanted to embarrass the United States,

We were supposed to be married,

We'll go to my friend's cabin by the smelting plant.

We'll see how it works.

We're gonna detonate it this evening

We're gonna win this. I can feel it.

We're testing out a prototype for an anti carjacking device.

We're the Drebins. We're not home right now so leave a message!

We've been worried about you. Where's Rocco? Where's Tanya?

Well, all right.

Well, Ed.

Well, from now on.

Well, I can't. Jane and I have a special evening planned.

Well, if I'm going out, I'm going out happy.

Well, if I'm going out, I'm going out happy.

Well, look who's here. Hi, Frank. Nice to see you.

Well, RaqueI, this certainly is a speciaI evening.

Well, we shot a lot of people together. It's been great.

Well, we'll need a statement from you down at the station.

Well...

What a waste that is.

What about Jane?

What are we?

What are you doing?

What did you and your uncle find out?

What the hell?

What? Oh, yes. Kitty litter.

What's all this? Who's the skirt?

What's this? Another letter from your mommy?

When a woman says no, she means yes.

When did you notice the problem?

Where are my manners? Come on in.

Where are you going?

Which grows only in Oregon.

Who's down there? Slasher.

Whoa! I've given up police work, Ed.

Why don't you want a child?

Would you, lover?

Wouldn't Mr Happy like that?

Yeah, we got us an insurance policy.

Yeah? How?

Yeah.

Yes, but...

Yes, I was sorry to hear about his suicide.

Yes!

Yes. We really appreciate you seeing us, Doctor.

Yes. When he comes over to visit,

Yet, cat food's full of tuna.

You and 10,000 other people. Move along.

You go on about your business.

You hear me, copper? One push and Mrs Drebin is linoleum.

You just have to work at it.

You just watch your step, McGirk.

You know what to do. Distract him so I can plant the bomb.

You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot

You like me. You really like me!

You may continue, Ms Spencer Drebin.

You might end up dead is my middle name.

You pull out the bomb and you'll kill me anyway.

You saved my bacon, McGirk. I'd be in solitary if you hadn't done that.

You should look your best even though you're by yourself.

You want to kill him, Ma?

You were one of the first test cases for minoxidil, weren't you?

You were recommended by our last therapist.

You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

You'd be protecting all the Janes of the world.

You'll be called.

You'll be home in time to make dinner.

You'll never get away with this.

You're all man. I like that in my men.

You're all woman. I could tell by looking at you.

You're chirping loud for a new canary.

You're coming on to me big time, sister,

You're getting a little bit too nosy, McGirk.

You're listening to KSAD, all depressing, all the time.

You're lying. Now I know why Ed's been calling.

You're right! We are men! We are men!

You're so cute.

You're so insensitive.

You're supposed to be the best terrorist bomber in the world.

A problem? No, no.

A sperm count. In here?

And the winner is... So many are cold,

And you got something? Yes.

Are you okay in there? I could use a little help.

Are you saying you're not a cop? Well, yeah.

Are you sure? Positive. We analysed the fibres

Are you thinking of Frank again? They're playing our song.

Aren't you being hasty? I don't think so.

Burnett wants in. Burnett's one of the guards!

But you'd be dead. This is complicated, Rocco.

Can I help you? I'd like to see a doctor, please.

Can you tell us where it came from? I'd be glad to.

Counsel is leading the witness. Sustained.

Dental plan? Full coverage.

Didn't forget anything, did you? I hope not.

Do you want a videotape to help? Do you have Dances With Wolves?

Don't move! Now, pay attention!

Frank, it's a boy. I know!

Frank, slow down! Hurry up!

Frank, you know we're here for you. Thanks, Ed.

Frank! Are you all right? I'm soaking wet.

Frank! Are you all right? I'm soaking wet.

Frank! Glad you could make it! Welcome, buddy.

Give it up, Rocco. You're history. Look, George Hamilton!

Give the man back his letter. Buzz off, butter cheeks.

He left me. You left him.

He might find the bomb. Not if I find him first.

He must be a great guy. He breaks promises.

He's married to his work. You'll always come in second.

Hello there. Excuse me.

Here's the plan. You'll never stop Rocco.

Hold on. Frank Drebin, Police Squad.

Hours? Like our first time together.

How about that kiss? Yes.

How do you know? You're never home. He resents that I work.

How'd you trace it to the prison? Right here on the letterhead.

How's Tanya? Tanya's the same.

I beg your pardon? Oh, nothing.

I got to go comfortable. Okay, but that's it.

I love you. Wrong answer.

I never want us to be apart again. Oh, Frank!

I say we bump her off. Let's plug her here.

I want the purse, lady. Help me!

I'll do it. I wouldn't feel right about that.

I'll get the talcum powder. No, I had a nightmare.

I'm a cop. Pretty speech, Frank.

I'm breaking out of here. All right,

I'm getting a bit rusty. It could happen to anybody.

I've got that data on the bomb. What did you find out?

If you would. For what?

Is this the toilet seat thing? It's babies, Frank.

Isn't that a unusual? It's happened before.

It tastes like... That's fertiliser. Another case.

It's a good plan. I've had better.

Movie stars only. Come on.

No! The bomb's in the envelope. You're right!

Not one move. That barrel's cold.

Number 17. Oh, no.

Oh, my God! I'm not falling for that, sister.

Police Squad is certain... I'd love a cupcake.

Really well. Whatever.

Rocco could be anywhere. Where could the bomb be?

She's itching to use her new gun. I know the feeling.

She's Tanya Peters. Tanya Peters?

Shoot her, I'll empty the envelope. Frank, think about it.

Silver hair. About 6'2.

Sit down. Take it easy. Thank God you're all right.

That coffee smells great. I grind my own beans.

That was Hurricane Andrew. That's what they told the public.

That's good enough for me. Me, too.

That's private! Let's see what we have.

That's the guy! Get him!

That's the guy! I'll get him.

The winner is... This is going to be dynamite.

This girl was the diversion. We had them enlarged.

This is 17. Have we met before?

We're here to prevent a disaster. You're too late.

We're in a bind, Frank. What about Hedges and O'Malley?

We've got to go. We're not invited. We're cops.

What are you doing? Just freshening up.

What do you think? Great setup.

What else? Just this.

What? I'm glad I could help.

What? Is six taken?

What's going to happen to me? I have an idea.

What's that? The Best Picture award.

Where is Jane? I don't know.

Where's the bomb? In the Best Picture envelope.

Where's your prison number? It's unlisted.

Which button is it? Not that one!

Why don't you ask who's frigid? That would be him, also.

Yeah, and I'm Robert de Niro. Mr de Niro, we must get inside.

Yeah. No dice! Then I'll plug her.

Yes. Don't do it. Anything else?

You got the camcorder? Here. Which room?

You know her? Don't you remember in the 1970s?

You must be proud of him. I am.

You should talk. Listen to you.

You'd think you're married! What'll we do with her?

You're back on a case, aren't you? No, I swear. It's another woman!

You're *******? No. You're Rocco's girl.

Your chances are one in a million. Better than any state lottery.

Your crowning achievement. It's for both of us, Ma. All set!

$5 million buys me.