The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988) Edit

A Gainsborough, Ming vases... Priceless.

A hunch won't stand up in court. Where are your hard facts?

A little tight in the crotch.

A lot of things, sweetie pie! A peek a boo session with bullets

A luxury item, to be certain, but as you can see,

A man named Nordberg, a police officer.

A Panamanian ship.

A parachute not opening, that's a way to die.

A photograph.

A player will do it, in the 7th inning stretch.

A respected businessman, a civic leader.

A speciaI division of the Police Department,

A vast, commercial development built by me.

A weak nation, a weak people, a people ripe for destruction!

Acres of them, as far as the eye could see.

Actually, I need another pair of cuff links.

Actually, I'm on duty. We're on stake out tonight.

Adcock, check for anyone suspicious looking.

All right, all set!

All right, but promise me that you'll be careful.

All right, he worked at Ludwig's Shipping.

All right, just relax, take it easy...

All right, just trust me on this, Ed. I know I'm right.

All right, move on... Nothing to see here! Please disperse!

All right!

All right! You're out of here!

All the questions kept coming up again and again,

An angry husband? A gay lover?

And a very special game it is, as we all know,

And attempted murder on his own docks.

And clear up any doubts that you may have about him.

And da da da da da da

And don't ever let me catch you guys in America.

And everything a cop in the field needs. We call it the Swiss Army shoe.

And Frank Drebin loves you.

And girl dies in a tragic blimp accident

And he's up on the mezzanine.

And I was hoping we wouldn't come up dry.

And if we're all very nice to him, he will agree not to press charges.

And it seems to me...

And Monday morning, we want you back...

And now, as the crowd settles back down,

And perhaps, afterwards, we can...

And speak to someone in Personnel, if you don't mind.

And that somewhere was the harbour area.

And the bombs in the air

And the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day.

And the land of the free!

And the salt water preserved him.

And these are our beans.

And we'll get our first glimpse of the Queen,

And where the hell was I?

And yet, single minded of purpose and deadly when it finds what it wants.

Anyone who manages to conceal his identity as an assassin.

Apply the brakes...

Are you all right, lieutenant?

Are you enjoying yourself, my dear?

Are you running another errand for your boyfriend?

Are you sure you won't have something to eat?

Are you telling me that Nordberg...

Aren't you afraid it may go off accidentally?

As Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

As Mr Pallazzo will now sing our National Anthem.

As one of the three cities she will visit on her American tour.

As she begins her first visit to Los Angeles in over five years.

As the Angels take the field, we're ready for the first pitch ceremony,

As you know, I am quite busy making

As you requested, Frank, we took some fibre samples from Nordberg's jacket.

At first glance it appears to be only the normal cotton fibres.

At the annual saps convention.

Ball!

Ball?

Ball.

Before anything gets into the newspapers.

Bingo!

Birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf,

Block the plate!

Boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl,

But apparently the umpires have Fishonee in a rundown.

But as soon as he regains consciousness,

But does no permanent damage. Let me demonstrate on Ed.

But how will you get her near the target?

But I am not the kind of man who takes this type of thing lightly

But I have to get my rest this evening, tomorrow being Arbor Day and all.

But I'd give it all up to live in a world without crime.

But I'll be thinking about you. I'll call you tomorrow.

But I'll have my assistant provide you with anything you need.

But if there is something illegal going on in this company, I must know about it,

But my night was just about to begin.

But there is some concern, on the part of those I represent,

But this is our hill.

But we need to know the facts quickly,

But when we focused in closer, we discovered a fine white powder.

By the dawn's early light

Call it a hunch, woman's intuition... Ludwig knows more than he's telling us.

Can you spot me a twenty? How about now?

Catch it! Catch it!

Cowards no longer willing to fight.

Cream only, please.

Dave Spiwack ready to face Jay Johnstone.

Destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo...

Did anybody catch the licence plate? Anybody get a look at the driver?

Did it slip down again?

Did Ludwig lie to me?

Do any of you understand how a man can hurt inside?

Do what? Play ball!

Do you have any idea what was out there just five years ago?

Doc says I should be on my feet in a week.

Doctors say he's got a 50 50 chance of living.

Dominique, service for two, please.

Don't forget, I have a responsibility to the stockholders.

Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive.

Don't you worry. Your husband will be all right.

Down the wrong way of a one way street.

Dr Alford, I have Mrs Kepley's chart if you're ready to go over it.

Drebin, Police Squad! Follow that black car!

Drebin!

Drebin...

Due to the extraordinary efforts of some of our civic leaders,

Ed and I drove down to the docks where Nordberg had been found floating.

Enrico Pallazzo, Enrico Pallazzo...

Entering without a search warrant,

Ethel!

Even if he has to search every one of them.

Even the guy running the scoreboard says he was out.

Everywhere I look something reminds me of her.

Excuse me... Could you tell me... Is this an official bat?

Extend your middle finger...

Fair ball!

For the lead in this exciting American League West Contest.

Fortunately, the bullets missed vital organs,

Frank, get a hold of yourself.

Frank, it's the right fielder!

Frank, it's the truth.

Frank, stop it!

Frank, that's horrible.

Frank, that's not your desk.

Frank!

Frank!

Frank! Al, it's Frank!

Frank. This is terrible.

Frank... I've been looking all over for you.

Funny Face.

Funny Face...

Gave proof to the night

Gee, has it been that long? I don't feel like Chinese tonight, anyway.

Generously donated by Mr Vincent Ludwig.

Gentlemen... This is getting us nowhere.

Gently extend your arm...

Get a good night's sleep. I'll see you in the morning.

Get out of my way!

Get the switch on the bottom of the bed.

Getting caught in the gears of a combine.

Give this man some drugs. He's in pain.

Good back here. Let's see your shirt. You should take a large.

Good cop. Needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlum.

Good luck, pal... Are you all right? Let's see if that uniform is straight...

Good night.

Good, I think you'll like them.

Good. That's good.

Great. What about the fibre samples?

Has Officer Nordberg told you anything?

Has this officer... what's his name... Nordberg been able to...

Have you found him yet?

Having your nuts bitten off by a Laplander.

He just wants to talk with you

He never wanted to hurt anyone.

He tried to push something at my boys.

He was found by the night watchman.

He was no cop, he was dealing H.

He was safe. He never tagged him with the ball.

He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.

He'll be all right in a couple of minutes.

He's alive, though he's on life support.

He's an intriguing fellow, this Lieutenant Drebin, don't you think?

He's back in a coma.

He's got a picture of your wife!

He's right, but I wouldn't wait to fill out those organ donor cards.

He's such a gentleman, he's so generous.

He's the only one outside of us who knew that Nordberg was still alive.

He's welcome back at Police Squad.

Hello, everybody, I'm Curt Gowdy, along with Jim Palmer,

Her hair was the colour of gold in old paintings.

Here's something we developed only yesterday.

Heroin, Frank.

Hey, Frank...

Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!

Hey, look out!

Hey, who are you?

Hey, you're not supposed to do that! Wait a minute! Stop him!

Hi, Ed, Ted. You got those fibre samples yet?

His name is Nordberg. He's a cop.

Hold it, Ludwig!

How about dinner?

How about that Queen, ladies and gentlemen?

How about that?

How about that?

How about this? You think we were born yesterday? You didn't do anything?

How hot and wet do you like it?

How I loved her, but she had her music.

How is your meat?

How well do you know Nordberg, Frank?

I am a man who appreciates the finer things in life. This...

I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.

I can carry out your request. My price is $20 million.

I can't get her out of my mind. What about the guy?

I can't spare anybody. We're in charge of security for Queen Elizabeth's visit.

I did everything for her. And now she's gone.

I didn't want to get stained or wrinkled, at least not yet.

I do not wait for him, he waits for me!

I don't believe it!

I don't know. I've only just met him. He seems very nice.

I don't know. My memory ain't so great.

I don't trust him, and I don't want you to get mixed up in anything dangerous.

I don't want any more trouble like you had last year on the south side.

I doubt that it will be her.

I gave him copies of the files for pier 32.

I had a wonderful day, Frank. I can't believe we just met yesterday.

I had no proof, but somehow I didn't quite trust him, either.

I have a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.

I hope you brought your appetite.

I just wanted a glass of Bosco and then slip under my blankets.

I knew it!

I like cops.

I love you, too, Nordberg.

I love you.

I must find a way to get down and search those players.

I must kill Frank Drebin.

I must kill Frank Drebin.

I must kill Frank Drebin.

I must kill Nordberg, I must kill Nordberg...

I must kill Pahpshmir.

I must kill the Queen.

I must kill the Queen.

I must kill the Queen.

I realise that... now.

I respected you. How could you do something so vicious?

I saw that. There is only one more out before the 7th inning stretch.

I say, wipe out Washington and New York.

I see...

I think I just have.

I tried to call last night. I even went by your place. Where were you?

I trusted her. Followed my heart foolishly.

I used to have that problem.

I want you to know I practise safe sex.

I wanted to see what the lab boys had come up with on Nordberg's jacket.

I wanted to see what the lab boys had come up with on Nordberg's jacket.

I wanted you to know, now...

I was out walking, all night.

I was wrong about you.

I went to the hospitaI with Ludwig's records

I wouldn't want to live, anyway.

I'd known her for years, we used to go to all the police functions together.

I'll get it! I'll get it!

I'll go through this as fast as I can and get them back to you tomorrow, maybe.

I'll have my men on the alert, but you'll have to stall them.

I'll have you out of here in a couple of...

I'll snoop around the docks.

I'm a very lucky woman.

I'm afraid so. She just ran off with some guy.

I'm boiling a roast.

I'm going down to Ludwig's office. I'll find out if you're telling the truth.

I'm going to have to learn to forget.

I'm here to... Excuse me...

I'm just as handy in other rooms of the house.

I'm Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad.

I'm so excited to be here.

I'm sorry that I yelled at you yesterday, really.

I'm sorry, Frank. I'm giving you 24 hours to clear Nordberg.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Don't fire the gun while you're talking.

I'm sorry, my dear.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm worried about you.

I'm sure Her Majesty will enjoy this game.

I'm sure those lovely ladies would agree.

I'm sure you will.

I'm sure you will.

I'm telling you, the answer is in Ludwig's office.

I've been hurt before.

I've finally found someone I can love, good clean love.

I've got nine more.

I've got to get inside.

I've heard police work is dangerous.

I've loved you since the first day I met you, and I'll never stop.

I've taken too much of your time already...

If it wasn't, I'd be out of a job. I'd be back on the circuit riding moto cross.

If not, I am warning you, get off my back!

If one of those players is the killer, Frank is going to find him.

If the press picks this up with Nordberg still in the force,

If we do nothing else this week,

If you don't love me, you might as well pull that trigger, because without you

In full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards.

In some of their polls I am more popular than their president.

In the home of the land

In the twilight's last gleaming

Indeed, it is for all the people,

Interesting... Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.

Inviting you to join us for this all important ballgame.

Is Ludwig going to shoot the Queen in front of 60,000 fans?

Is that understood?

Is there something wrong, Mr Ludwig?

Isn't this best handled by the police?

It could be any one of those players.

It doesn't make sense, you know. Good policeman, bright future...

It is. That's why I carry a big gun.

It was about 4:00 p. m. when I returned to Police Squad.

It was almost midnight when I got to my door.

It was easy, my dear. You forget I spent two years as a building contractor.

It wasn't on Ludwig's records.

It would embarrass the police and the city.

It's a great day for Americans everywhere. This man alone...

It's a topsy turvy world, Jane,

It's an engagement ring. I would have given it to you earlier, but...

It's disgusting the way they splash this stuff all over the newspapers.

It's good to see you. I came as soon as I heard.

It's hard to tell.

It's not gonna be easy.

It's not very much, but pretty good for an honest policeman's salary.

It's set to react when the spray hits the sensors.

It's sweet of you to be concerned, but you're wrong about Ludwig.

It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy.

It's way past the time we talk.

Jane, I realise this is an unusual request.

Jane, I think you should know that I visited Ludwig's place last night.

Jane, listen to me.

Jane, since I met you, I notice things that I never knew were there before.

Just leave it there. It's all right.

Just that he's an Olympic gymnast, and it's the best sex she's ever had.

Just think, the next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Kill him.

Ladies and gentlemen, Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth ll.

Ladies and gentlemen, let us honour America,

Ladies and gentlemen, now taking the field, your California Angels!

Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the California Angels and the City of L.A.,

Last minute arrangements for the royal visit,

Let me get you some Kleenex.

Let me just show you one more thing.

Let's grab a bite to eat.

Let's have a round of applause.

Lieutenant Drebin to see you, sir.

Like bubbles in a case of club soda.

Like eating a spoonful of Drano.

Like they say, cops and women don't mix.

Look at that, the missing evidence in the Kelner case.

Look out there!

Look, there he is.

Ludwig is a well respected, kind man. Too bad you don't know him like I do.

Ludwig is planning to have someone assassinate the Queen.

Ludwig?

Matthews, stake out that end.

Maybe it's just that cops and women don't mix.

Maybe we're just two lonely souls, who have found each other.

Maybe...

Mayor, will the city hire additional police officers during the Queen's visit?

Medical emergency!

Meet him at the 7th Street stockyards, near the 53rd Street entrance.

Miss Spencer, this is Lieutenant Frank Drebin from Police Squad.

Most of the objects in this room I have collected over a period of many years.

Mr Drebin! If you have evidence, then use it.

Mr Ludwig said you called it off.

Mr Ludwig! You startled me.

Mr Pahpshmir?

Mr Pallazzo, our head usher will be here in two minutes to take you onto the field.

Mrs Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm.

My father went the same way.

My father went the same way.

My God! He was innocent.

My God! It's the third out.

My poor Nordberg. He was such a good man.

My stockyard meeting, butterwings. Or don't you remember setting that up?

Next thing we know, some thug tries to knock Nordberg off at the hospital.

Nice to meet you, too.

No matter how silly the idea of having a Queen might be to us,

No, and I've searched almost everybody.

No, I really mean it. You're very special.

No, no flowers. Thank you.

No, no, it's nothing.

No, unfortunately there was another attempt on his life.

No, without evidence, we've got to let him make the first move.

No!

No!

No! No need to tell me anything.

No! This is going to get you back on the force, Frank. We're all right behind you.

No. But I found this at home in a drawer.

Nonsense. This solution is not bold enough for Libya.

Nordberg. It's me, Frank.

Now I was going to question him on drugs

Now let's go, quietly!

Now put it in reverse.

Now that land is able to generate

Now there's a sight I've never seen.

Now we'll take you for a little walk.

Now, now... I don't want to upset you.

O'er the ramparts we watched

Of course I will, Funny Face, for you.

Of course. Perhaps some other time.

Of course... Dominique, send in Miss Spencer.

Of Ming vases and oil paintings?

Oh, Frank! Everyone should have a friend like you.

Oh, say, can you see

Oh, say, does that flag... banner

Okay, but be careful.

Okay, play ball!

Okay.

On the occasion of Her Majesty's royaI visit,

One moment, ma'am.

One who doesn't know he's an assassin.

Or I promise you, it will cost you dearly.

Or sticking your face in the fan.

Over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

Please believe me.

Please disperse! There's nothing for you to see here. Keep moving!

Please welcome internationally renowned opera star, Enrico Pallazzo.

Police! Halt!

Police! Throw down your guns.

Poor dear...

Queen Elizabeth has included the City of Los Angeles

Represented here today by Lieutenant Frank Drebin.

Right. Nordberg. It's me, Frank. Your buddy.

Security...

She had a full set of curves,

She hung out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

She was giving me a look I could feeI in my hip pocket.

She'll be going straight from here to a formaI reception hosted by the mayor,

Show him in.

Showing some of those unusual moments in baseball over the years.

So am I.

So do I.

So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?

So we can root out any wrongdoers.

Something like this happens.

Sorry, fellas.

Sorry, Your Honour, but we have reason to believe

Stabbing a guy in the middle of the park

Stay where you are, Drebin.

Stoplights...

Strike two!

Strike?

Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.

Take a look for yourself.

Take care of yourself, baby.

Take the names of everybody here for questioning.

Take this, you lousy scum!

Tell me, Mr Pahpshmir, have you ever seen sensory induced hypnosis?

Tell me, Mr Pahpshmir, in all the world...

Ten times the amount of profit per square foot.

Terrorist

Thank you for your help, Miss Spencer.

Thank you, Ed. I want to know one thing. Is it true about Victoria?

Thank you, Lieutenant Drebin.

Thank you, Mayor.

Thank you, Your Honour.

Thank you, Your Honour. Protecting the safety of the Queen is a task

Thank you.

Thank you. I wish there were some way I could repay you.

That depends on what I'm late for.

That is gladly accepted by Police Squad.

That knocks out your victim for a few minutes,

That Ludwig is involved in a plot to assassinate the Queen.

That may be, but breaking into Ludwig's office, you're taking a big chance.

That only makes things easier, princess.

That shirt looks familiar.

That the United States, the Great Satan, is but a paper tiger!

That this portion of the Queen's American goodwill tour is...

That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron!

That we still had our flag

That would clear my good friend's name.

That you'd be able to complete so difficult a task.

That'll be fine. But there's no rush. I mean, whenever you're through.

That's a honey of an ankle bracelet you've got there.

That's beautiful.

That's my policy.

That's not the umpire, Your Honour.

That's quite a tempting offer, lieutenant.

That's ridiculous! Where is this evidence?

That's right, Bob, and it's a balmy, beautifuI evening for it, too.

That's terrible. This world is such a violent place.

That's the way I want to go.

That's why I vacationed in Beirut,

That's why I want you to... well...

That's why they're trying to knock me off.

The Americans believe I'm a nice guy.

The Americans must be made to suffer. We must humiliate them.

The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed.

The City of Los Angeles is proud to present to the royaI family

The game is on the way.

The gloves are off, I'm playing hardball. It's 4th and 15, and a full court press.

The Mariner shortstop, number four, Armando Fishonee.

The Mayor had made him chairman of the Queen's reception committee.

The mayor would have you arrested on the spot. You must stay out of sight.

The one they'd found on the dock.

The price is not a problem.

The Queen arrives the day after tomorrow.

The umpire... He saved the Queen's life.

Then it's all over. All of this is meaningless.

There he is!

There he is! Go for it, Stephanie!

There was never anything between me and Vincent Ludwig.

There, that's better.

There's a gun on the floor, sir.

There's someone else here who wants to thank you.

There's something I ought to tell you.

There's something on the side of your mouth, Al. No, the other side.

There's the throw by the catcher,

They are objects which I feel reflect my personality.

They can't kick you off the force, Frank, it's just not fair.

They got married last week.

They were taken down at Ludwig's docks.

They're not here for you.

This city, and I guess the whole world, owes you a debt of gratitude.

This completes our first shipment of heroin. 100% pure.

This is a rare samurai pen, a gift from Emperor Hirohito.

This is all happening too fast.

This is not the time or place to talk.

This morning I bought something for you...

This one fires a pin sized dart

This particular one is valued at over $ 20,000.

This should be it, lieutenant, shipping and employment records for pier 32.

Those are the players' wives on hand to enjoy the game with us today.

Those broad stripes and bright stars

Though there's only a 10% chance of that.

Three! Strike three!

Tim McCarver, Dick Vitale, Mel Allen, Dick Enberg...

To get her out of my mind, find some peace.

To her Majesty Queen Elizabeth ll.

To see if I could jog Nordberg's memory.

To think I trusted you. I made a big mistake.

To what do I owe the honour?

Tonight became some time!

Too bad, sugar puff.

Two can play at that game!

Unbreakable, impervious to everything but water.

Understand?

Unless he's a drooling vegetable, but I think that's only common sense.

Until they include us in the peace process.

Very hot and awfully wet.

Vincent Ludwig is one of the most respected members of the community,

Wait a minute...

Wait! I've gotten you guys into enough trouble already. I'll go alone.

Wave over all the free

We all have a stake in seeing

We also would like...

We are letting the police handle it, my dear,

We better check around. I'll talk to the harbour master.

We can all take pride that the Queen has chosen our city to visit.

We can't allow personal feelings to get in the way of duty.

We could have been something.

We have placed the Queen's security in the hands of Police Squad,

We must conceive at least one terrorist act that will show all the world

We must strip their entrails out and drive them to Damascus,

We tested it. Pure heroin.

We were partners for nine years, and he's my best friend.

We'd better check this out.

We'll see if he can still play the guitar.

We'll take a cruise just like last year.

We'll wait for the exchange of line ups and the start of today's ballgame.

Weird Al Yankovic is on the plane.

Welcome home, Frank. Good work in Beirut. We all heard.

Well, I would think,

Well, if you put it that way.

Well, it burned in the fire.

Well, now, Ed, life isn't always fair.

Well, of course he hasn't been able to tell us a thing so far,

Well, the Queen's visit has brought a sell out crowd. Could be a record!

Well, this certainly comes as a shock to me, lieutenant.

Well, you know how important this game is for the Angels.

Well...

Well...

What about Nordberg? I came as soon as I heard.

What are you doing here?

What do you say, Cummings? Are we going to do this today?

What I'm trying to say is that, Wilma, as soon as Nordberg is better,

What is journalism coming to?

What so proudly we hailed

What the hell were you doing there in the first place?

What was she wearing at the wedding?

What? And spoil three years of good public relations.

What's in the past doesn't matter anyway.

What's the use? What good are these damned awards and citations now?

Whatever scum did this, not one man will rest for one minute until he's in jail.

When I see five weirdoes dressed in togas

When Nordberg said, I love you, he was telling you the ship's name.

When there are no leads, you have to start somewhere,

When you're better, we'll go sailing together.

Where's the police officer who was on guard at that door?

While the fans wait for the first pitch, they're watching 'Angel vision',

Who did this to you?

Who was this character in the hospitaI?

Who were they?

Who will be able to share in the celebration...

Who would do such a thing?

Why is he not here now? I do not like being made to wait for him.

Why should I tell you?

Why was he trying to kill Nordberg, and for whom?

Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records?

Why?

Wilma, can you think of any reason why Nordberg was at the waterfront?

With the Queen of England ready to toss out the first ball.

Without utensils.

Would that be with cream and sugar, sir?

Wung Woos? Back in business? I thought they closed down 3 years ago.

Yeah, I can see it now.

Yep, this was starting to get interesting.

Yes, but there's an even more ideal assassin.

Yes, he's in the intensive care ward of Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.

Yes, Your Honour, very clear. Good day.

Yet, she was on the road 300 days out of the year.

You be the judge of that.

You came down here to get a hot story, didn't you?

You can tell a lot from fibre samples if they aren't too wet,

You can't throw an umpire out of the game.

You do not go far enough, General Amin.

You familiar with that face?

You haven't said a word. You seem nervous.

You idiot! He ran out of the baseline in the first place.

You love Frank Drebin.

You lying on top of the Queen with her legs wrapped around you.

You really mean that, Jane?

You ruined my life, Drebin. Now I'm going to ruin yours.

You said we should have dinner sometime.

You see these cuff links I'm wearing? They're not just cuff links.

You seem to know your way around a kitchen.

You think I'm a big hero, the man of the hour.

You're both right. Surprised to see me, Mr Ludwig?

You're clean.

You're gonna have to give me a couple of days on that one.

You're late.

You're not just saying it because we exchanged bodily fluids?

You've been very cooperative. I'll make a note of that in my report.

You've got to listen to me. I've important information for you.

20 million deposited, Omani Bank, Zurich, upon proof of Queen's death?

38, 39, 40. It's all here.

A Mr Pahpshmir is here. Show him in.

And back on the force! Nordberg, that's wonderful!

And how's that? What do you mean?

Believe me... Hum me another one, shnooky lumps.

Can I interest you in a nightcap? No, thank you, I don't wear them.

Care for some tea? Yes, please.

Cuban? Dutch Irish. My father was from Wales.

Doesn't matter. Hey, watch it!

Don't let them get that third out. Right, Ed.

Drebin! Frank!

Drugs. Hey, Nurse.

Give him a shot. Quickly. No, no, heroin.

Goodyear? No, the worst.

Have you seen that ship? I don't know.

He likes East German men. And what about you?

He should be here now, understand? Yes, sir, I'll send him right over.

He was safe! He was out!

He's out! Safe!

He's still alive, then? He was shot six times.

Here, you can take this back. Whose is that?

Hey, look at that! Come on, let's get him.

How about a raincheck? Let's just stick to dinner.

How about this? I remember. Why do you want to know?

I brought everything. Well, then, dig in.

I can't see anything. Use your open eye, Frank.

I can't tell you that. Maybe this'll help.

I just had it stuffed. Let me help you with that.

I must kill... Jane!

I really do appreciate your inviting me. The pleasure is all mine, my dear.

I really don't think I should. You still don't think so?

I remember you. What do you want? I want to ask you some questions.

I was only doing what I was told to do. Like make love to me?

I was young, I needed the work. No...

I... I love you, Jane.

I'd like to see Officer Nordberg. I'll need you to sign...

I'll go with you. No, you stay with Ludwig.

I'm afraid it doesn't look good. What do you mean?

I'm just making dinner. Are you hungry? Maybe just a bite.

I'm short handed already. Wilma, I promise you...

I'm telling you, he was dirty. Snivelling scum, I ought to run you in.

I've got rights... Look, Ed!

I've had enough. You're out of here! What do you mean?

It better be. All 40 kilos. FinaI shipment's delivered in 3 days.

It starts in 20 minutes. I'd better get down there.

Its value is beyond estimation. Most fascinating.

Jane! Frank.

Leave the girl alone. I am. I'll kill you.

Lieutenant Drebin sent him home. Lieutenant Drebin?

Lieutenant... The feeling is mutual.

Magnificent office you have here. Thank you, lieutenant.

Maybe this'll help? I still don't think I should tell you.

Maybe this'll refresh your memory. Still kind of hazy.

Mayor... But don't thank me.

Mr Ludwig... Yes?

Mr Pallazzo? Yes?

My pleasure. Well?

Nice beaver! Thank you.

No way for a man to die. You're right, Ed.

Nordberg! How are you, buddy?

Nothing to report so far, chief. Don't worry, Al.

Nothing's going to happen. I didn't do anything...

Protecting the safety of the Queen... Louder!

Right, we'd better be on the lookout. Excuse me, ma'am...

Safe. Safe?

Safe. Safe? What do you mean?

Ship... boat. That's right. A boat.

Thank you, Frank. You bet.

That's so horrible. I know, Ed.

The car! Follow that car. Stephanie, check your mirror...

Then we won't arouse suspicion. Okay, let's go.

Then we'll expect payment. Don't worry.

There he is! Easy...

Turn right! Follow him to the right. It's okay...

We're testing that new antigraffiti wall. Looks like we have a few customers.

We've got all the exits covered. I ought to arrest Ludwig right now.

We've got some action out there. What's up?

What did you do about it? I just think about baseball.

What have you got? I overheard Ludwig after the banquet.

What will you lab boys think of next? Now that you mention it.

When I'm finished with Mr Nordberg. Yes, doctor.

When? Tonight.

Where did they find Nordberg? Right out there.

Where would you like it sent? Frank, I'm so glad you came.

Where? At the baseball game.

Where's Nordberg? He's right here.

Yes, I'll do my best. That's better.

Yes? Mr Pallazzo? I am the head usher.

You killed five actors, good ones! Your Honour...

You killed him! No. He's just stunned.

You know anything about him? Not much.

You want this, chief? Yes, thank you, Al.

You want to take a dinghy? No, I did that at the press conference.

You've done it again. MazeI Tov! Good work, Ted.

Your Honour... Did I make myself clear?

...and Dr Joyce Brothers,

...and the plane has taxied to a stop.

...anyone can be an assassin.

...especially...

...I wanted to wait until we were alone.

...quite a handy weapon.

...the Queen's public appearances.

...to get to know Lieutenant Drebin a little better, find out what he knows.

...will be...

...with a promotion to captain, of course.