Tuca & Bertie (2019) - The One Where Bertie Gets Eaten By A Snake Edit

A "misnake."

A baby could have painted this.

A dessert?

A person I've never met, but am inclined to respect.

A special kind of bourbon that only tastes good

Ah, you're gonna kill it, bertie,

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Come on.

Ah! Your baby totally beefed all over me!

All of you.

All right. I have one rule for you.

Also, yes, I did get a new sweater.

And bury that pitch in the woods, bertie.

And even if he was a ten, I wouldn't care.

And finally, don't make me wear pants.

And furthermore,

And he didn't even touch the free wine,

And he's going to take me out again today.

And I get in my own head about reacting in the right way.

And I got to prep for it.

And I had to take care of you?

And if you can't see that because I'm not inside a snake,

And it is the idea that I'm about to say.

And it's better, chef garcia.

And know that you're hurting yourself.

And miscellaneous!

And more time baking cakes that look like croutons.

And name each individual toe.

And remember, set your expectations sky high.

And salads don't know anything about me.

And speaking of toilets, I'll be right back.

And super visible to the people I wish would leave me alone.

And tell a story?

And that is the 12th reason why I, tuca toucan,

And then live the rest of your life as poop, I guess.

And they come in one flavor.

And this time, I won't be afraid of the pop.

Annoying me?"

Anyways.

Are you cheating on me with a woman named spamela?

Are you sure?

Aw, crud.

Aw, I hate rules. This sucks!

Awesome!

Back when I drank, the more people tried

Be an ice bitch.

Because I can feel speckle look at me

Because I was inside a snake.

Because you were so adamant just a second ago.

Because, honey, I'm gonna look at them

Being a whiner!"

Bertie,

Bertie, don't you get it?

Bertie, for a guy as fine as figgy,

Bertie, I'm sad.

Bertie, make your face look less approachable.

Bertie, that is the opposite of dessert.

Bertie, what happened?

Bertie, who's been eaten by a snake."

Bertie, you are living your best snake self and I am here for it.

Bertie: Hey, jamie, does this wafer look like kale?

Bertie: I got a too cute face. That's my problem.

Bertie: So, tell me more about figgy.

Bertie: You got eaten by a snake?

Big day for speckle. (exhales)

Bleh! I don't know anything about salads

But bug bundts was the actual good idea.

But everyone needs to be alone sometimes.

But how do we build on that with desserts that are fun

But I also want to follow your rules.

But I can't care about you

But I liked that you hadn't figured it all out yet.

But I never will because it will not happen.

But maybe we should set up some ground rules.

But not now. I'm invested in your thing.

But sure, let's hear them.

But the second your thing gets less interesting,

But then, when you bite into it, it's actually...

But things were a little off this morning.

But this time I made them. I did it.

But we agreed, no drinking in front of you.

But when I'm in a snake,

But while I've got you, I want to be with you.

But you know what's even sweeter?

By another snake on the way there.

Chef garcia already hates my ideas.

Chocolate, red velvet, french vanilla,

Clearly, I do not got else!

Consumers love wintersnacks, right?

Cookie.

Cool.

Damn it!

Damn, bertie, that's nasty.

Dessert salads.

Did I send you down a slippery slope?

Did you get a new sweater?

Do it, bertie!

Do the sneaky beaky snakey bakey.

Does it involve looking at stuff?

Does this look like an olive?

Don't apologize to me. Apologize to her.

Don't ask me to stop drinking.

Don't drink so much I have to take you

Don't get eaten by a snake.

Don't you think if I got else, I would have said else?

Each package has six distinct bugs

Eaten by a freaking snake.

Eaten by a snake? I swear to god.

En! I'm open!

Eventually, this guy's gonna poop you out.

Everyone thinks you're being healthy.

Ew, I would never.

Excuse me. Move. Oh! Come on. Really?

Female announcer: The miracle of birth,

Female announcer: The northbound snake train

Figgy and I were talking about it today

Figgy, are you there?

Figgy, I don't think this is...

Fine. Come in. Stay out.

For a minute there too, but then I found this.

For real? Oh, no.

For us to rise to the occasion.

Game voice: Winner!

Get eaten by a snake. No, sirree.

Give a few days. He'll grow back.

Good morning, baby.

Good night, tuca.

Great job.

Great! The thing I was worried about also turned out fine.

He can't see me, so I can just... Enjoy myself.

He didn't steal a fire engine or crash a fire engine,

He probably just got a little self conscious

He took me to a fancy art show

He's a better drunk than I ever was.

He's just doing the fun parts and not the sad parts.

He's not going to call, is he?

Here's a new dessert idea.

Hey, bertie, there's something different about you.

Hey, could you stop eating my salad?

Hey, now, I I didn't realize

Hey, that lady doesn't know you.

Hey, what happened to all my lasagna ingredients?

Hey! What's my one rule?

Hey. Chef garcia, get your ass over here.

Hi, again. Hi.

Hmm, I like it.

Hmm.

Hope the snake I'm in doesn't get eaten

How should I know? I am also inside a snake.

How'd you feel the next morning?

Huh. Yeah, maybe.

Huh...

I always look in toilets before and after I use them.

I can't go into work like this.

I can't pitch without my snake power!

I can't. I have to come up with a whole new thing.

I could never just have a drink with dinner.

I didn't sign up for it.

I don't know a word that is less dessert than "salad."

I don't really follow up on what happens next.

I don't want to lie to you and pretend that I'm okay with this.

I don't want you to feel like you can't be yourself around me.

I feel so powerful.

I felt bad. But figgy wasn't like that.

I got eaten by a snake.

I have an announcement.

I haven't been given rules since I was ten rings old,

I I made samples. Would you like to try?

I I'm not scared.

I just can't.

I know how I was around alcohol.

I know nothing I say is going to change you,

I know. Babies.

I like not cool, tender, emotional bertie.

I like podcasts, too. And music.

I love and accept you as you are.

I love him, bertie.

I love you too, sweetie tooks.

I love you, but I know myself and I'm not going to change.

I love you.

I made all six bugs and I added even more bugs

I mean, I'm invisible to all the people I want to see me,

I mean, yeah, I always want a drink,

I should've thought of that.

I think you're doing a great job.

I want to play a game on my phone.

I was wrong.

I worked so much harder on the bug idea,

I'd like to see that,

I'd take care of him like you took care of me.

I'll call them porks in a towel.

I'll call you in a few days, yeah?

I'll give you a minute.

I'll just kiss myself night night.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll tell you what I'm not going to do.

I'm fine. I got eaten by a snake, who cares?

I'm going in with all my holes open.

I'm going to drink like crazy.

I'm going to wake you up gently so you don't startle, okay?

I'm gonna break out the champagne.

I'm in a snake now. So what?

I'm late. Time is a dick.

I'm open! I...

I'm pitching a new product line to chef garcia

I'm sorry if I made things weird with all my rules.

I'm sorry, I I'm just trying to work.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm stuck doing this project just because I pitched it

I'm too freaking cute!

I'm very confident on this matter.

I've designed six distinct flavor profiles:

I've had the best time with you.

If I could just be a cool, tough, emotionless snake.

If only I'd pitched that while in a snake.

In fact,

Is making my snake have to go, too.

Is there anything we can do?

Is this because I let you drink at dinner?

It sounds like you're going into this with both eyes open.

It was never about the snake.

It's kind of funny

It's not hurting anyone.

It's not right for wintersnacks.

It's playful, it's clever, and if you eat it at work,

It's smart in a stupid sort of way.

It's weird that you keep bringing it up.

It's what the pants represented, bertie.

Jamie, what do you got?

Je ne sais quoi, birthday sprinkles,

Just one.

Kill it dead.

Let's assume no.

Let's hoof it from here.

Let's just...

Let's keep hanging out. It's only 9:00 p.M.

Look at all these suckers getting eaten by snakes.

Look, the only reason why I set those rules is

Looking at some cards, huh? I like to look at stuff.

Love the hat.

Maybe he needs to hear you say that.

Maybe I liked the salads more because you were in the snake.

Maybe you should go.

Me, swallowed by a snake?

Mini bundt cakes shaped like bugs.

Miniature croissants with tiny hot dogs inside?

My ex made me wear pants and she was bad news.

My low income housing complex is up for design review.

My sincerest apologies.

My triangle cookies were real touch and go

Nah, just looks like a moldy wafer.

Nah, she's in there good.

Nah. What else you got?

New pastry. All right.

Nice one.

No home brewing.

No one takes me seriously.

No, I get it. Bugs.

No! I need this, please.

No. Not now. Not now.

Nobody cares what I think, anyway.

Nope, that's just pigs in a blanket.

Not because it's alcohol, but because it's annoying.

Not being eaten by an eagle.

Nothing. No, everything's fine.

Now I'm also going to be the employee

Now on platform six.

Of course he is.

Of course this would happen to me.

Of life's glorious pageant.

Off? How?

Oh, as soon as we're done hanging out,

Oh, boy, here we go.

Oh, god. Oh, god!

Oh, I get that.

Oh, I know how to drink without getting plastered,

Oh, I know that voice.

Oh, my god, a snake!

Oh, my god, that's exactly what I want her to say.

Oh, my god.

Oh, no thanks, I don't really want to...

Oh, no, the snake is pooping you out!

Oh, no. You're not getting out of this that easy.

Oh, oh, mommy!

Oh, shit! Oh, what time is it?

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Are you okay?

Oh, you would not believe the day I have ahead of me.

Oh! (giggles)

Oh?

Oh.

Okay, bertie, what do you got?

Okay, maybe one more drop?

Okay, okay.

Okay, remember when I said the magic was in you?

Okay, see you soon.

Okay, team, what do we have today?

Okay, then. Don't worry about me,

Okay, while you're here, maybe you can help me

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

Okay. So, it's bug bundts. From before.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Olive her.

On a tuca scale, he was like a two.

Once a week. Twice, t tops.

One of the flavors is now "bugs."

Only if you're worthy. (chuckles)

Ooh, that sounds good.

Ooh, that's a great window design.

Operation tuca dates an alcoholic is a success.

Or maybe it was a better idea.

Or maybe you pitched it better.

Or maybe you pitched it worse,

Or set a fire engine on fire.

Ouch. Ow.

Our drink special is the philosopher's pretension.

Ow!

Ow! Excuse me.

Ow! What the...

Perfect. Eaten by a snake.

Please stand clear

Presenting...

Quick question. Is the snake inside an eagle?

Really murder the crap out of that pitch,

Really? Wow.

Remember when you used to drink?

Roller rink? Ballet? Make a big a pizza pie?

Salad?

Say the idea.

She'd probably say, "great idea,

Shoo. Shoo.

So you can drink?

So, I hope you've got nice feet

So, speaking of fun parts...

So, technically, you're not in front of me.

So, yeah, I'm pretty much done.

So, you drink. I used to drink, I get it.

So, you should probably spend less time wondering why

So... You got some new ideas today?

Some of my best ideas come to me in my dreams.

Sometimes it's like, why did we even sign up for this, right?

Sorry to the competition for what they're gonna have to...

Sorry, I couldn't see. I'm inside a snake.

Speckle, I got my pitch approved!

Speckle.

Streaking at this middle school science fair?"

Talking to this stranger for no reason would disrupt you,

Thank you for noticing.

Thank you.

That got eaten by a snake?

That he let his guard down in front of you.

That looks like a salad,

That she sucked because she made you wear pants?

That's it? I just have to wait?

That's sweet.

That's the voice of someone who just got porked in a towel.

That's weird, ignore that last part.

The 9:00 a.M. Of nights.

The fact that I'm not getting eaten by a snake anytime soon.

The magic was 1,000% the snake.

The magic was in you all along.

Then douse the floor with bleach

Then you're making a big mistake.

They represented that she made me wear pants.

Think of things that are in salads.

This is just what I need.

This is what passes for art?

Those nights you got really sloppy

To get me to quit, the more I didn't want to.

To those who are true of heart. Ha.

Today's many baked goods present an opportunity

Tuca: Bertie, I figured out my new thing.

Tuca: You know it.

Tuca: Yup. And I got figgy drunk.

Ugh! This is so hard.

Ugh.

Uh huh. Okay.

Uh oh! Bertie, I think seeing your snake go

Uh, no. No. I do this when I'm alone.

Uh, yeah, I was thinking cookies that are triangles,

Uh, yes. Okay.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... Salad.

Um, excuse me, I I think your baby...

Um, I got eaten by a snake.

Was that your main takeaway on kara?

We don't need to make a thing out of it.

We need to celebrate.

Well, for what it's worth,

Well, I got eaten by a snake.

Well, I'll tell you your problem.

Well, I'm off to work, I guess.

Well, you can't come in here.

What am I going to do? Chef garcia is on her way.

What did I do?

What do you think? I got eaten by a snake.

What do you want to do today, big fig?

What do you want to do tonight?

What do you want?

What else I got?

What happened to the salad thing?

What I've got is going to knock your socks off.

What the hell?

What?

What's garcia gonna say?

What's your work?

Which is impressive because the art was really bad.

While I was in a snake.

Whip up some prototypes and make them isosceles.

Who knows? Anyway, I chose salads.

Who the hell is spam and why does she keep calling you?

Whoa.

Why are you dwelling on the past?

Why did I pitch this crazy idea?

Why don't you bring in some more ideas tomorrow?

Why don't you call me when you're feeling better?

Why don't you just make the thing you want to make?

Why don't you leave her alone?

Why would I...?

Will be delayed one hour due to a medical issue.

Will not be eaten by a snake.

With even more complicated backstories.

With their own shape and backstory.

Yeah, but right now I'm in this snake.

Yeah, go ahead! It's snake rules, baby.

Yeah, okay, but you only liked that pitch

Yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah, that'll happen.

Yeah!

Yeah! Let's break it out and snake it out.

Yes, chef.

Yes, that's been established.

Yes. But w what if it's a dessert

You don't think I know that?

You don't want to spend a night alone

You got eaten by a snake.

You just have to live your life inside the snake for a few days.

You know what? I was being a jerk just then.

You know, everything would be so much easier

You know, figgy, I was thinking about what you told me.

You know, I usually get anxious during sex

You should get some sleep.

You think?

You thought that was going to be a snake, didn't you?

You two had a good time last night?

You want a drink, don't you?

You want to spend another night with me?

You're in a snake now.

You're looking particularly confident.

You're right, I broke your rule.

You're right. I'm gonna go tell him.

Your leaves are dying.

Yup. In the future, to prevent this,

(cracking) figgy?

(crunching) ooh, a delicious salad.

(hisses) (yowling)

(snoring) bertie?

(splats) paintballer: Why?!

(tittering) (baby retching)

♪ tuca ♪ ♪ and bertie. ♪

Are you listening to a podcast? What?

Aw. Okay, I'm gonna bounce.

Babe! (crunching)

Couldn't be me. Great.

Damn it! Woman: Would you hold my baby for a sec?

Don't drink in front of me. Sure.

Ew! Whoa!

Figgy? (rustling)

He drinks? He drinks, bertie.

Help yourself. (crunching)

I'm out of here. (timer dings)

Mwah. (giggles)

to the hospital. Easy.

we all sosceles for... Bertie.

while we were out hunting. What?

Whoa, boy. Turns out

Wow. But it's okay.

...Bug bundts.

"medical issue"?

"what else you got?"

(baby cooing)

(beeps)

(bell dings)

(birds singing)

(choir sings)

(chuckles) isosceles, you sosceles,

(chuckles) welcome to two twigs.

(crunches)

(crunches)

(crunching)

(crunching)

(crunching)

(crunching)

(crunching)

(dogs barking)

(door chimes)

(exclaims)

(exhales)

(exhales)

(explosion)

(gagging)

(gasps)

(gasps) they're perfect.

(groaning)

(groaning)

(groaning)

(grunting)

(grunts)

(grunts)

(gurgles)

(gurgling)

(hissing)

(hissing)

(hissing)

(hissing)

(hissing)

(kissing): Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

(knocking at door)

(knocking on door)

(line rings)

(meowing)

(mockingly): "tuca, please quit."

(mockingly): "tuca, you have a problem."

(mockingly): "who are you and why are you

(phone ringing)

(regular voice): "a problem with you

(regular voice): "bitch, you think I know?"

(regular voice): "why don't you quit

(scoffs) not on my watch.

(screaming)

(screaming)

(screaming)

(screams)

(shoes screeching)

(shouting, laughing)

(shouts)

(shrieks)

(shrieks) a snake!

(shuddering)

(shudders)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs) I didn't have time to think of anything.

(sighs) I've got a big day tomorrow.

(sighs) why do I care so much, speckle?

(slurping)

(slurring): Come on, I just need for myself sometime.

(stammers) this was my only idea.

(tuca grunts)

(vocalizing)

(vocalizing)

(yawning): Ah...

(yawns) oh.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ and tuca and bertie, tuca and bertie ♪

♪ do the sneaky beaky snakey bakey ♪

♪ do the sneaky beaky snakey bakey. ♪

♪ hallelujah! ♪

♪ it's just not fair ♪

♪ oh, baby ♪

♪ oh, I want you to snake me, babe ♪

♪ snake it all night ♪

♪ snaking it up ♪

♪ snaking it up ♪

♪ snaking it up tonight ♪

♪ till the feeling's right ♪

♪ tu tu tuca ♪

♪ tuca and bertie and tuca and bertie and bertie and tuca ♪

♪ we are snaking it up ♪

♪ whoa, baby ♪

♪ you're snaking me down. ♪