The Bob Newhart Show - Season 1 Edit

A A And for some reason, having a fat body doesn't threaten you.

A bunch of us were flying with the team to Ann Arbor for the big Michigan Northwestern game.

A long, thin tube.

A totally irrational fear is a very real thing to these people.

Add one cup of bourbon.

Add the whites of four eggs, one cup of bread crumbs

All right, everybody. Y You want to make sure you have your airline tickets.

All right, honey. Let's sit down and talk about it.

All right. E Everybody, you want to settle down and take your seats?

All right. Emily, maybe you'd better start by...

All right. I'll I'll see you all at Gate 47.

All right. I'm gonna be right here through the whole trip.

All right. Now, the airline called

All right. Y You want to start with some questions?

Always inquisitive. I'm right again.

An oxygen mask will drop in front of you.

And cancel the two on 54 on the 31 st.

And Emily said you were sensational.

And for me, would you please turn the plane around? [ Mouths Words]

And he's logged over 25 million miles without incident.

And I don't know how to deal with it.

And it's it's just gonna be fun for one of us.

And my wife and I were gonna stay in New York over the weekend...

And nobody's afraid to get in an elevator which is held up by one thin little cable.

And once we're up in the air, we can walk around and talk and share our feelings.

And pull firmly down on the mask and place it over your nose and mouth thusly.

And return to Chicago on your Flight 54 on the 31 st.

And so far it doesn't sound like there's anything in this recipe...

And that's why I invited Howard Borden.

And then I noticed that my hands were sort of sweating.

And then take off without me.

And there there's still a lot of places left to see in Gary, Indiana.

And we're going up in an airplane together.

And when I first started flying, I realized that's where I wanted to be.

And when that plane started rolling down that runway...

And, uh, I just want to remind you we'll all be flying to New York on Friday...

Any mail?

Anything else you want to know?

Anyway, if there's still an opening on your “fear of flight“ workshop to New York...

Anywhere on that chart it can tell me whether I have any phone calls or messages?

Ar Aren't you gonna answer the question?

As we discussed in the office many times...

As you said yourself, uh, you overeat because, uh...

Back to the way I had 'em before I changed them.

Because in order to get you the commercial discount...

Bob, can I speak to you outside, please, for a minute?

Bob, there's something I never told you.

Bob, you don't have to tell me about fear.

Bob?

Boy, I'm sorry I'm late, but I got lost.

But I I really want to lick this thing.

But now I feel better about everything.

But, uh, since he isn't here yet, I'd like to introduce my second surprise.

But, uh, you you won't have to worry a about a thing.

Bye.

Can I askyou a question?

D Don't let the sound disturb you.

Did Did any of you go to the airport as I suggested...

Did flying have anything to do with the fact you chose Gary, Indiana?

Do you tell those people in your workshop...

Don't mention to them that you're a psychology group.

Don't talk about flying. I'm trying to talk Emily into flying into New York with me.

Door Closes 1

During the war.

E Emily, you you never told me you were afraid of flying.

Em Emily, do you do you have any hostility to to Mr. Carlin?

Emily canceled out. I got to unconfirm the confirmation.

Emily doesn't think flying's safe?

Emily, Emily, Emily You think I'd spend my life flying ifit wasn't safe?

Emily, so so he had one rotten flight. I mean, how often does that happen?

Emily, what are you talking about? Where're you gonna go?

Emily, you want you want to explain w what led to your your fear of flying?

Emily?

Fine, Dr. Hartleyjust fine.

First time the pilot ever got sick.

For 22 on the 29th.

For a 50 foot trip?

For people who are afraid of places like New York City...

Get me the airline on the phone, would you?

Getting 2O people on a plane who are afraid of flying...

Great. Uh Oh, I think the New York Philharmonids in town.

Guess what?

Guys, as you've probably guessed, that's the sound of the engines starting up.

H How long has your brother been afraid of flying?

Happens every time we go over those darn mountains.

Having a beautiful body, you feel, threatens you.

Hawaii or Acapulco?

He He'll be all right. l l'll look after him.

He said he'd call before I left the house.

He said some very reassuring things.

He was spread eagled across the airplane door holding Mr. Gianelli in.

He's a salesman. He gets mugged there from time to time.

He's my neighbor, but he's also a navigator on one of the big jets.

He's not too crazy about Detroit either.

Hello, Bob, Emily. Can you spare a drink?

Hello? Hi, Bob.

Hello. Yeah, hi. This is This is Bob Hartley.

Hey, Bob, I thought Emily didn't go with you to New York.

Hey, Bob, is the flight of the chickens still taking off for New York this weekend?

Hey, Bob.

Hey, that's wonderful!

Hi, Bob.

Hi, honey.

Honey Honey, relax.

How about those two over there? They'd be right near that exit.

How is it gonna look if my wife is the only one who gets

How'd the weekend in New York go?

Howard Borden is a navigator. He's been one for over 15 years.

Howard from across the hall?

Howard, I'm trying to convince Emily that flying is safe.

Howard, perfect timing, I was just talking to Emily about flying.

Howard...

I am now going to point out all the emergency exits.

I can listen with my hands in chicken.

I can tell you anything you want to know about yourself.

I could be late for dinner tonight.

I created a scene.

I deal with it every day at my work.

I don't believe you.

I don't know why I said it. I just thought it was kind of cute.

I don't know, Margaret. Bob hates chicken.

I don't like it. I feel threatened by it.

I don't want to talk about it. It's all over.

I feel you have a lot of hostility toward me.

I felt faint, and my heart was racing.

I got to have a seat with a door.

I guess I guess we could discuss our feelings now...

I had to tell them you were something else.

I have to admit. I was a little edgy about flying.

I haven't gotten to the wonderful part yet.

I it's all right to tell them that they're being stupid.

I It's calledjet lag.

I just fall to pieces. I really fall to pieces.

I just got back from Los Angeles. It was the hairiest flight I ever had.

I just started a little too early, that's all.

I knew it. 'Cause I itjust It didn't sound like you, you know?

I know I'm not nervous. I always stutter when I'm nervous.

I love shopping on 5th Avenue.

I made a jetliner full of people turn around, let me off...

I mean, did you did you lose your tickets?

I mean, did you miss your plane?

I mean, I can't speak in front of a lot of people.

I mean, I love you. And when you love somebody...

I mean, I thought you told me it was gonna be a small group.

I realize it's Flight 21. l l'm changing the 22 people to 21.

I really expected to go more than 5O feet.

I really have to. Yeah.

I thinkyou're artistic and witty and... the other one.

I thinkyoujust answered it.

I thought you told me to turn right, and I made a

I wanted to go to New York with you.

I was wondering Why was I doing that when you were here?

I, uh I have this overwhelming desire...

I'd like you to book my brother on it.

I'm feeling great. Carol just finished my astrology chart.

I'm flying to New York with you.

I'm one of them.

I'm starved. What are we having for dinner?

If anybody wants to do that.

If I don't get the same reservations clerk...

If the cabin pressure changes suddenly...

If you have any problems at all during our flight...

In chicken when you hear it.

In stereo.

In this event, please extinguish all cigarettes...

In your crying th that makes me want to laugh.

Is implying that her fear is better than mine.

It dulls the senses and slows the reflexes.

It may have been even partially my fault. I don't know.

It's a a pleasure hearing you, Mr, Borden. You really set me straight on you guys.

It's going to take a lot more time...

Jerry, I wish you wouldn't refer to it as a “flight of chickens.“

Jerry, l l'd love to help your brother, but by the time I get through...

Just about the way I pictured it.

Just in case that may have slipped your minds.

Just just take a few deep breaths and relax. You'll be fine.

Just press the stewardess call buttons located in the panels directly above your head.

Just to be on the safe side, let's everyone hold up their airline tickets.

Keep my brother in mind.

L I just thought I'd sit and listen tonight.

L I need a door.

L I really just thought I'd sit and listen tonight.

L I understand even the pilots do it. it's just a formality.

L I don't believe in astrology.

L I'd rather not talk about it, Howard.

L I'm not going to be in any condition to help someone who's afraid to get off.

L it was just a little thing.

L, uh I may I may have put you on the plane too fast.

Listen, I'll go see if I can find the name of that restaurant.

Make sure you didn't leave 'em in the office.

Margaret, are you sure you tried this recipe?

Margaret, this is not my fault. Bob said that packing would relax me.

Maybe later, Bob.

Mr. Gianelli called, said you were fabulous.

Mrs. Bakerman, everything fine?

Mrs. Hill?Yeah, I I I can't understand you...

N No, I didn't packyour blue tie.

Nervous? No.

New York? Is that Is that today?

No, I mean I don't believe in astrology.

No, not flying. He's afraid of New York.

No, she didn't. She was referring to something that happened this morning.

No, we we won't need any special help with the band instruments.

No, we figured as long as we're up in the air, we we may as well go somewhere.

No. But I I think the point is...

No. I I just didn't think anybody would be interested in my story.

No. Three is a small group. Twenty people is a mob.

Not to mention humiliating my husband.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Shejust turned another big jet around.

Now Now can I get back to the, uh

Now, a as you all know, this is our last fear of flying workshop

Now, here's our stewardess. I'm sure she has some very reassuring words for us.

Now, originally we were gonna have 2O take the return flight to Chicago...

Now, when you talk to the airline...

Of course you don't. My chart says you're very skeptical.

Oh

Oh, hi, Bob.

Oh, honey. I'm so glad you're laughing at me, and not yelling.

Oh, I don't think anybody would be interested in my story.

Oh, I'm gonna have to sit down and buckle up now.

Oh, I'm just finishing up your astrology chart.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking to Bob.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Oh, it's one of your bigger cities.

Oh, Mr. Carlin. Mr. Mr. Gianelli.

Oh, o okay. I'll I'll pack it now.

Oh, please. Let's not talk about flying.

Oh, sure. Oh, listen, Bob

Oh, sure. When you When you put the braces on the kids' teeth.

Oh, thanks. It helps to think of it that way.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, uh, all the emergency exits are gone.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, honey. I'll see you on the, uh, thing.

Okay. Well, if you ever have a workshop...

One big difference. When your patients get afraid, they don't bite your fingers.

One did.

Or are you moving there for life?

Plane is in the hangar, as they say.

Poor Bob. The last time I remember seeing him...

Re Remember when I asked you where you wanted to go on our honeymoon...

Right. Well, I it was in college.

Right. Yeah, I'd like to change that.

S Some of you have expressed a lack of confidence in the men that fly the bigjets.

She did make it to Ann Arbor, or she wouldn't be here today.

She said, among other things, lam artistic, witty and sexy.

She's a new member to our group, and she's also afraid of flying.

So, I got an extra ticket for you to go to New York with me.

Somethings wrong. I know it. Somethings wrong with the building.

Suffer from this ailment caused by flying too many hours at too fast a speed.

Sure. It's great.

Telling the members of the group when you first became aware of this fear of flying.

Th They'll be fine once we get up in the air.

Thank you, Howard.

Thank you.

Thank you. Hi, Emily.

Thank you. I like you too, very much.

That That freedom. That serenity. The sense of peace.

That either means you're feeling great or you're feeling bad.

That's amazing.

That's big.

That's gonna make him hate this chicken any less.

That's great. What What made you change your mind?

That's great. You know I'm very proud of you?

That's so sweet!

The only problem is you can't drive for at least two hours afteryou eat.

The only time to worry is when you can't h hear the engines.

The part where you're off the ground.

Then continue to breath normally.

Then I realized it was just fear, like you said.

There is no way you're gonna get me on that plane.

There's There's just something in

There's only one thing I can't figure out.

This is Howard Borden.

This is just as safe as sitting in that big armchair in our living room.

This is my wife, Emily.

This is the kind of news you don't want to have your hands...

To laugh.

To sort of get used to the atmosphere and the the feel

Twenty one on Flight 21 on the 29th.

Uh huh. That was going to be my next guess.

Uh, because Emily, by refusing to tell her story...

Uh, first we're gonna have a guest speaker.

Uh, how was your trip?

Uh, I read in this magazine that your pilots today...

Uh, Mr. Carlin called to thank you.

Uh, Mrs. Hill. we've been over this before.

Uh, no. I'm here because I made them turn the plane around.

Uh, some macadamia nuts for him.

Uh, what was the question again?

Uh, what's happening to that drink anyway?

Uh, yesterday, when I brought up the mail, and I was watering the plants...

Unless I Unless I fight the desire...

W W What are you doing?

W What exactly are you afraid of?

W with your mouth full.

We hope you'll have a very pleasant flight to New York City.

We, uh We play harmonicas.

Welcome aboard Pathfinder Flight 21.

Well, honey, thafsjust... stupid.

Well, I I don't know why I couldn't make it this time.

Well, I don't know. I want to give the airline a chance to forget.

Well, I thought I'd let you know before you change the airline reservations.

Well, I was fine in the beginning.

Well, I'm I'm happy to hearyou've been you've been able to control it.

Well, it is a small group. There There are only about 2O people.

Well, now try try not to think of it that way.

Well, of course not, honey. But I don't love them.

Well, thank you very much.

Well, there's there's something I I never told you.

Well, you're in luck. I just happened to reserve the seat next to me.

What are all those people doing in there?

What do you say to that?

What do you think of New York?

When did you start flying, Howard?

When does your next workshop start?

When you cry...

Where where all we did was just play the roar of a jet engine for three hours.

Where they have the best lobster in the world.

Which is your Flight 26 on the 30th.

Who are terrified of flying that they/re stupid?

Why Why do you say that, Mr. Carlin?

Why did you pack all this stuff...

Why don't you have a general discussion? I'll be back in just a minute.

Why, uh Why is Margaret having such a great time in New York and you're not?

Would you like a glass of chicken, Howard?

Would you take your hands out of the chicken? I I want to tell you something.

Yeah, I I just felt a million times better the moment I realized...

Yeah, I'd like to change that to 21.

Yeah, I'm ready to go.

Yeah, uh, Mrs. Bakerman, you want to describe some of your feelings?

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm holding confirmed reservations on your New York Flight 21

Yeah. Now, it's all 21 returning on your Chicago Flight 26 on the 30th.

Yeah. Well, I, uh, think I'd better be going.

You You made them turn the plane around?

You did say you're going to New York for the weekend.

You got a whole slew of messages here.

You got that all?

You just you're gonna cry more.

You just missed.

You know that workshop I'm giving for for people that are terrified of flying?

You know those people you're going to New York with who are afraid to fly?

You know, I I just got this horrible, terrified feeling.

You know, I like you for saying that.

You know, it's funny how everybody's afraid to go up in an airplane...

You know, l l've been thinking.

You know, we really face the same problems. You know that?

You only went to one meeting. I mean, there there was one meeting...

22 reservations to New York.

[ Phone Ringing] Oh, I'll bet that's Bob.

[ Sobbing] There's a

And I just knew I wasn't gonna make it to Ann Arbor. [ Group Murmur/mg]

Any phone call or messages? Mm hmm.

Anybody want to do that? Excuse me, sir. You must sit down now and buckle up.

Aw. l l'll call 'em back and I'll change the reservations...

Chicken. Oh.

Did you want something? Uh, some macadamia nuts.

Emily, what happened to all the bourbon? Oh, I put it in the chicken.

Emily? Uh huh?

Hi, Bob. HLJerry.

Hi, dear. Hi.

Hi, honey. Hi.

HLjer/y [ Sighs]

Home. Emily, you can't go home.

How do you feel? Okay, so far.

Howard did. Well, how did Howard do it?

Howard, look. You want to be some help to me? Yeah.

Howard? What?

I don't believe in that stuff. She also said my feelings get hurt very easily.

I just stuttered, didn't I? No.

I mean, you'rejust a little anxious. [Beeps]

Morning, Carol. Mmm.

Now, what's it called? E Emily and I can go shopping on 5th Avenue.

Oh, don't forget to buckle your seat belt. Yeah.

Oh, my. What What's wrong?

Oh, yes, they will. No, I I mean I won't see, because I'm leaving.

Right. Gotcha. Okay?

Th Then what did you do? I got in the car and went to the airport.

Thank you very much. Good bye. [Knocking]

That's not an exit. It's a restroom. I'll take it!

Uh huh. Well, they're they're finally gonna have to face their fears...

Uh, did I get any mail while I was gone? I'll get it. It's in the den.

Uh, interesting. Oh, it must have been great.

Uh, where do you want to sit? Next to the emergency exit.

Uh,yeah. Yes?

What? A marching band.

What? When you, uh

Where Where do you want to sit? Next to you.

Yeah, it is! It is! Oh, we're gonna have such a

Yeah, we can we can take in some shows. And I know a great restaurant...

Yeah? [ Carol] Emily's calling on one.

Yeah? [Carol ] Airline on two.

You'll see. No.

You're afraid of flying? That's what I said.

You're all confirmed. Great.

You're smiling. Yeah.

[ Beeping]

[ Mews]

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat] Hello, Margaret.

[Crying] Oh, Bob.

[Intercom Buzzing

[Intercom Buzzing]

[jet Engines whirring]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Sighs]