30 Rock - Season 1 Edit

A 9, a 6, and a king.

A bunch of comedy writers don't know a joke, jeez.

A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin.

A few years ago, Arsenio Hall came to a colleague of mine

A friend is opening up a restaurant in SoHo, I was hoping you'd go with me.

A guy in Suspenders is doing chalk paintings on Canal Street.

A high ranking African American member of the Bush administration.

A large chicken soup to go, please.

A little late in life baby he can parade around Nantucket.

A little slim waisted birdy in a page jacket told me you got nothing.

A little to your right, Tracy.

A live television special with fireworks.

A man on the street commercial for "Tarzan On Ice."

A movie star can't have a big old permanent face tattoo.

A movie version of "The Jeffersons"'? I love it.

A pair of black aces or a pair of red aces.

A plan to do what?

A romantic past.

A sick out. I didn't think he had it in him.

A talk show without a host,

A train wreck? OK.

A weakness of character that manifests itself physically.

A week.

A what?

A white geisha.

A'ight, sure. Thanks for inviting me.

About Gopher from "The Love Boat."

About her upcoming project, "The Rur Jur."

About Hornberger family planning?

About joining the cast of our show,

About what?

About who you are.

Absolutely not, young lady.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Forget it. I won't bother you about anything any more.

Absolutely. I'd be happy to arrange for you to take a ride.

Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be.

Absolutely. We'll give money, right?

Absolutely. We'll work around your schedule.

According to Wikipedia, you were discovered after doing stand up at the Apollo in 1984.

Accounts for 3% of our revenue but takes up 90% of my time?

Ace high.

Actions speak louder than words. Take care of it.

Actions speak louder than words. Take care of it.

Actually, Frank wrote a draft of "Beep, beep, ribby, ribby."

Actually, he's got a pretty weird contract.

Actually, I just came from performing at Vagina Day.

Actually, I think I might.

Actually, I'm allergic to all fish unless it's fried, you know?

Actually, I've been clean and sober for seven months.

Actually, my beeper doesn't have a camera. But it does have a pedometer.

Actually, not this one.

Actually, Tracy, I'm trying to get some work done here.

Admit it. I look ten years younger.

Admit it... You spend just as much time and energy

Advanced Hip Hop, you ready? Here we go.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities

Afghanistan?

After 20 years of working for big companies,

After a hefty portion of asparagus."

After he dyed his hair and got super thin from all the stress.

After the way Jack treated me today, I can't work here any more.

After you, ma'am.

Again with the guns! What is it with men and guns?

Again, I'm talking about the family.

Again!

Against the freedom hating Jenna Maroney and "TGS"!

Ah, cheese and crackers, that smarts!

Ah, dude wears khakis. Uncle Tom, party of one!

Ah, hi, Mr. Donaghy.

Ah, I would be honored.

Ah, it was for a couple of lousy months. Big deal.

Ah, that was really fun last night.

Ah, there you go.

Ah, yes, yes, yes.

Aha, I like you, young man. You shall run my university.

Ahh, hoe that dirt.

Ain't that right, Mr Jack?

Alan? Who's Alan?

Alfredo, 2:00 P. M.

All clovers. I win.

All I'm saying is, is drag is a way for Caucasians

All my efforts to raise awareness...

All of 'em.

All of them.

All of them.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right.

All right, champ.

All right, I'll have my assistant write a check.

All right, I'll see you later.

All right, I'll take care of it.

All right, Jeff.

All right, scout's honour. What do you think of her?

All right, thanks.

All right, then, you're not a lesbian... duly noted.

All right, then.

All right, Tracy, I have the DNA results right here.

All right, turn off the lights and get down.

All right, we have a lot to get through today, you guys.

All right, we're halfway done. Let's take a little break.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Great.

All right. Here we go

All right. I deserve that.

All right. I'll talk to Josh.

All right. It's just Jenna.

All right. Jenna's on next.

All right. Just one.

All right. Nothing that plugs in, you guys!

All right. OK. Fine. Get it out of your system.

All right. That should put me over the top.

All right. There we go.

All thanks to one very, very special white lady.

All the way to Stone Mountain.

All this creative crap, acting.

All you all right?

All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show

All you have to do is agree to host the "Source" Awards on Saturday.

Allergies are all in the mind, Lemon. I used to have a wicked peanut allergy,

Also I love Dane Cook! Wonderful!

Also, can you throw Jenna's name in there for me?

Also, I suspect he may have scurvy

Also, I think Josh Girard is a young Alec Guinness.

Also, I want 5 points on the back end,

Also, that Oscar you have, is made of chocolate.

Also, the opening V.T. is cut, so you just go right out, OK?

Also, you have really pretty eyes.

Also, you're gay, so that's a little confusing.

Although I did see Flower Guy recently, and it was pretty excellent.

Although I guess it's no surprise that Tony Hawk can't play blind.

Am I crazy? The guy's a disaster, right?

Am I going on a date with Tom DeLay?

Am I!

Amazed.

America, which I invented...

An ex porn star who talks to ghosts

And "Attack of the Clones," which was seriously the worst of the "Star Wars

And "Donaghy" kinda rhymes with "party," which is cool

And "Sleep tight."

And 1...

And a bag of barbecue potato chips?

And a chemical peel and something with shark DNA.

And a clock radio.

And a drama about two cops...

And a rising star at G.E. I thought the two of you had a lot in common.

And Academy Award watcher Tracy Jordan is...

And addressed me by my Christian name in front of the gentlemen from Fairfield.

And after that, we can clean the dead birds out the chimney.

And all the time I've been on this Earth,

And already our intercourse is infrequent and unimaginative.

And although they've never won a war

And an addiction to dysfunctional relationships.

And another cool pan was... the trees.

And any subsequent art projects you made with them.

And are all your ex boyfriends rich older gentlemen?

And as long as you go to confession, it's forgiven.

And as much as I would like to attend,

And at a different time in my life, I could definitely see us together.

And beat you in the head with one of my boom booms!"

And before you answer... Super Balls!

And before you know it, I'm making hit movies

And biting off more than you can chew.

And blown it completely out of proportion.

And Brokaw says, "Just go. Don't look back."

And buy two steaks and a bottle of Nair with cocoa butter.

And by "next weekend" you mean tonight...

And by the way, Jessica Simpson would think

And by the way, what kind of moron calls out sick

And came across the cartoon strip "Dilbert."

And certainly not helped by my wildly experimental treatments.

And change all of our minds.

And Christie's auction house when he's depressed.

And come on home.

And coming up,

And completely wrong,

And cough.

And cough.

And cue the pinwheels.

And daytime television viewing?

And Don Geiss says, "Now, there's an executive

And even if I had, I'm just being normal.

And even though I am not into the sex stuff,

And even though I am not into the sex stuff,

And every two years, you take up knitting for...

And everybody says, "Oh, look at Frank. He's so cool.

And everyone forgot except Dennis.

And find something...

And finding a cure.

And for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried.

And fortunately, there were no injuries.

And get this. She was all jealous of me.

And gets into the public water system, we don't know each other.

And good morning to you, sir.

And goodbye.

And guess what, Jack. I'm just getting started

And handle your problems yourself and stop bothering me?

And have lunch with Little Richard,

And having a job... and working.

And he couldn't visualize my "Jefferson" preview.

And he doesn't love it that you did those commercials.

And he even did this to me.

And he just finished writing the sequel. It's called "Urban Fervour."

And he loves hockey, and I'm... figuring it out.

And he told this story about trying to make French toast

And he was a hell of a garbageman.

And he was disrespected at my party!

And he wins the tournament. And that is the plot of "Caddyshack."

And he's a lawyer.

And he's asleep which is OK, 'cause at least he didn't murder me.

And her ex boyfriend is old,

And her. She just keeps getting better.

And how did you two meet?

And how many do you see here?

And how was the sex?

And how's that working for you? Yeah, I thought so.

And I am my feet.

And I am not looking for sperm donors.

And I answer the door in my boxers.

And I can't tell who they're from.

And I carried her all the way to St. Luke's Roosevelt.

And I confess, I appreciate what you do for the show.

And I cursed like a sailor.

And I didn't even see it.

And I didn't leave

And I didn't like it a month ago when it was called "Hobo Eye for the Straight Guy."

And I didn't want any more trouble with her, so I had to give her a promotion, too.

And I do hope the two of you get to know each other better.

And I don't even know whose dog that is. Yes, I steal dogs.

And I don't even think she's British.

And I don't know how you feel about that...

And I don't need any more stress in my life right now.

And I don't think that it's a good fit.

And I don't think you need to introduce the writers

And I expect the same of the professionals who work with me.

And I found him very entertaining.

And I found some naked pictures under her mattress.

And I got confused about the rules.

And I got some V.l.P. Tickets and backstage passes.

And I got that "Baby On Board" sign you wanted to help you get tail.

And I guess I got caught up with this new guy.

And I have a Screener of the movie for you. I want you to watch it.

And I have an idea for a show about a teacher named An.

And I have the authority to fire his girlfriend?

And I hope he took a jacket 'cause it can get real chilly there.

And I just hope that all of you will join me. Thank you.

And I just want the troops to kill everyone

And I just wanted to tell you that.

And I kind of think that's what's starting to happen here.

And I know it's not "TGS,"

And I know the real you.

And I know what this crowd's giving thanks for...

And I leave particles of guys like you in my wind.

And I let you think that I belong there.

And I like to surround myself with people that don't try to stab me.

And I love my job, and I love my friends.

And I made this.

And I named it after my ex wife, and I sank it.

And I need a new clock radio

And I need it. My wife knows about our little secret.

And I never wear flip flops, ever.

And I panic that maybe I waited too long.

And I promised Sha that night that I was gonna dedicate

And I see your $200 and raise you $300.

And I spend a lot of free time blogging about Star Wars.

And I take pictures of interesting doors.

And I think he likes me more than her.

And I think I should accept.

And I think my snake is sick, so I need you to rub his belly till he poops

And I think she takes care of you.

And I think you should consider it.

And I think you're great. And obviously Cleveland is great.

And I thought it was about an hour too long.

And I thought since me and you are best buds... boink...

And I thought to myself, "My God. This is it." Am I right?

And I want a cappuccino machine for the writers' room.

And I want Bianca to see that I'm moving on.

And I want to do it in front of the whole crew

And I want you all to watch very closely,

And I want you to get it out of here.

And I want you to ride me as hard as you can.

And I went in and talked to this editor about it,

And I would do it on your computer, but I'm downloading a game right now.

And I would like Donaghy Estates to be your corporate sponsor.

And I would like to start...

And I would nurse her...

And I would say, "Just hang in there a little longer, Bianca."

And I would sit in the dark and watch "The Love Boat."

And I... lied!

And I'd like us to be... friendly.

And I'll see that with this thing.

And I'll tell you something else.

And I'm Condoleezza Rice.

And I'm giving them to the good people.

And I'm going to solve you.

And I'm here to inspect your chicken nuggets.

And I'm here to talk to you today about a wonderful new synergy.

And I'm here today...

And I'm never gonna be happy until I find that woman.

And I'm proud as a pea cock, baby!

And I'm proud as a peacock, right, my baloney?

And I'm proud as a peacork, baby.

And I'm very proud of you.

And if I am meant to crank out a kid, then I have plenty of time.

And if I don't pay by the 10th, my mom's gonna throw me out.

And if it was up to me, we would be together forever.

And if you choose me, I agree not to take my shirt off.

And if you don't break up with him now?

And if you win, you can get it back.

And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them,

And in the interest of full disclosure,

And it disappoints me to see you without a dream,

And it makes it so much funnier, I think.

And it's easy. I get a lot of work done.

And it's healthy.

And it's kind of tough to stay broken up with someone you have to see every day.

And it's live TV, which is risky.

And it's not "Bee yan ka," like Sanka.

And it's not as nice as it sounds.

And it's not just choking.

And it's not the public speaking.

And it's the season finale of my show this week,

And keeping it together, Kenneth?

And kill Jenna.

And last night was all new for me, so that's good.

And let me tell you something about Mitch. He is disgusting in bed.

And making flowerbeds out of old railroad ties.

And may the Force be with you always.

And maybe someday our children or our children's children

And meet Don Geiss?

And Michael McDonald is denying permission to record any of his songs.

And microwave oven programming.

And microwave technology for incredible speed.

And more than jazz or musical theatre or morbid obesity,

And Mr Jordan himself said, "Don't let no one in who's not on the list

And my boss is super mad at me

And my mother has requested that you join us.

And not the Minister Farrakhan you're thinking of.

And now a word from the White House.

And now depression.

And now he's locked himself in his dressing room.

And now he's the only beeper salesman left in Manhattan, which is cool.

And now I'm talking about it.

And now they're after Tracy Jordan!

And now this idiot. What are we gonna do?

And now this watch.

And now you're getting it wrong with what's her name.

And now you've lost Tracy. Maybe you're burned out.

And now, I am going to get some chicken soup from Josh's favourite place

And now... witness.

And once you get up to the golf course, you'll be working in pairs.

And one about a ******* guy who opens an ice cream parlour.

And one of them will be Don Geiss, and he's gonna get all my attention,

And our Senate hearings.

And parents who raised you

And Paris was, to borrow a phrase,just... bonkers.

And please believe what I'm saying.

And please don't think that everyone hates you.

And prove everybody wrong.

And prove everybody wrong.

And Rick said to me... I'll never forget this...

And Sally Hemings and King George.

And say, "Sock it to me."

And she doesn't deserve you.

And she never got all the way out of her tollbooth.

And she will melt them all together into one delicious food ball.

And she will outlive you. She's like Castro.

And she would say,

And she's bringing her lawyer, which means she's gonna try to bleed

And she's smart and pretty

And she's starting to ask questions.

And she's very stylish, don't you think?

And show it to Don Geiss.

And smack your mom for smoking crack while she's pregnant!

And so Pop says, "Well, what does it look like I'm doing right now'?"

And some pecan waffles.

And sometimes that's gonna make me unpopular.

And Swastikos.

And take it to him and say that I hope he feels better.

And tell her I'm sorry about what happened with me and Keith and them.

And that former call girl went on to become one of NBC's biggest news anchors.

And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson's roof?

And that I must live with.

And that is why we are no longer a couple.

And that lady you European kissed last night was actually a gentleman.

And that makes me want to sit on a knife.

And that nothing's impossible except for dinosaurs?

And that she should be mad at you, not me.

And that was almost a year ago.

And that we should have used those resources to hunt down Osama bin Laden.

And that's how 2006 ended. 2007?

And the corks are popping out of the champagne bottles.

And the doctor said she had diabetes.

And the Friday after that is an orgy over at Elizabeth...

And the gladiators bring it back down.

And The Head is perfectly harmless and totally into Ms Liz Lemon.

And the hostess's dog attacked me, so I had to stab it.

And the kid with the funny hair is liked by women,

And the little monkey was funny.

And the marriage didn't last eight months. And now he's a post op transgender.

And the people who tell me if I'm making more money are called accountants.

And their parent company,

And their tails get all tangled up, and they can't even pull apart.

And then comes to work to have a meeting?

And then delude myself into thinking I could keep up with her.

And then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.

And then I had lunch with Little Richard.

And then I hated it again, and then I got horny,

And then I sent Lutz and Frank out to get us some pizzas,

And then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass,

And then it gets awesome. Eventually their bodies fuse together,

And then it gets awesome. Eventually their bodies fuse together,

And then it gets weird.

And then she shoots my business manager?

And then trying to set me up with someone

And then when he sees them, he goes bananas.

And then work my way across the room in a zigzag.

And then, suddenly, it was like highway hypnosis.

And there is something you should know.

And they cancelled Eddie Murphy's Oscar because he had ran out on Scary Spice.

And they form a multi headed live rat king, and we saw one.

And they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty.

And they never came back.

And they thought my sister couldn't even have a baby, so she's really excited.

And they took away the Microwave Division. I'm having terrible Lemon problems.

And they used their high pitched howling to mess...

And this dude looked me straight in the eyes and said,

And this here is Captain Boots.

And this is Kenneth, one of our pages. Kenneth, this is Devon Banks,

And this is Margaret.

And this is not a dignified way for a 100 year old couple to behave!

And this is the set of "The Girlie Show."

And this is the two bedroom.

And this Other Liz, this accountant girl,

And this year, I'll be a page for a day, and you'll be my boss.

And time off for every ******* holiday, no matter how ridiculous.

And time off for every ******* holiday, no matter how ridiculous.

And Toofer's just afraid of black people.

And try to make a difference at the "Source Awards?

And unlike the rest of Jack's girlfriends, I have all my original pans.

And until you learn to respect me,

And want to be like. Floyd is me 20 years ago. I'm Don Geiss 30 years ago

And we are currently adhering to that plan."

And we could be playing golf with him now instead of Ted,

And we don't know their names, so we call them The Head and The Hair.

And we make love while looking out at the city.

And we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America.

And we were kind of hoping

And we'll be right back.

And we'll talk about getting you back in the movie business.

And we're all in this line

And we're effectively synergizing backward overflow.

And we've decided that we're gonna do this thing

And welcome to "The Star Jones Gastric Bypass Cooking Show."

And what I've gleaned...

And what is the first thing you need to do?

And what is this?

And when I was in the program, we'd give each other a hand.

And when it came on again at 5:30, I taped it.

And when they see you act like a fool, they assume we're all fools.

And when they're not spinning, they look exactly like...

And when you purchase Tracy Jordan,

And when you rehearse, Jenna would really like it... I would like it, too...

And when you screw the pooch the way you did today,

And work that vajayjay.

And working backwards is panning out?

And y'all always meet on Wednesday nights?

And yet no brand has emerged to fill that market gap.

And Yo Yo Ma to the stage, please,

And you better be glad that Jack Donaghy has your back.

And you can act like you hate me, but if I tried to kiss you right now,

And you can just fire me now and I'll go back to teaching improv to senior citizens.

And you deserve to be as happy as I am

And you fix them.

And you hear kind of...

And you keep smiling?

And you knew when Sonny was coming over, 'cause she would take us to the store

And you know what?

And you peel away layer after stinky layer

And you shouldn't marry her, Jack. Please don't marry her.

And you still think our next president should be a woman?

And you watch her. Watch how red her face gets.

And you will never alter d****s in Atlanta again,

And you will see that we don't get along as people.

And you would do the thing in Sacramento!

And you, of course.

And you're a total ingrate.

And you're just gonna sit back and watch.

And you're like, "He's a human being." I got to get some new DVDs.

And you're stressed out, but keep it together, OK? Calm.

And you're the lady at home who watches it.

And you're the only genius that got in the other line?

And your blood pressure is...

And, also, people were yelling,

And, by the way, it is completely inappropriate

And, more importantly, his weaknesses.

And, of course, you know Lemon.

And, Phoebe bought some bonkers underwear, so have fun with that tonight.

And, remember, don't look into the camera.

And, you know, the most important thing is, she makes Jack very happy.

And, you, stop encouraging her. You're an enabler.

And... let's work this out.

Another one bites the dust.

Another prostitute?

Anthony Pellicano

Any dum dum can act, Jack, so be a man and get it done.

Anybody have anything on page one?

Anyone listening?

Anything at all, and you'll have all the money you can dream of.

Anything that doesn't have the words "strip," "salsa,"

Anything, you come to me.

Anything?

Anything. All right.

Anyway, Jack rocks.

Anyway...

Apparently, you can't say he's got a vagina.

Arbor Day, the Boston Marathon, and Hitler's birthday.

Are its origins German?

Are lower than they are in the Sudan.

Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?

Are we gonna talk about this like adults, or are you just gonna throw things at me?

Are we having fun or what?

Are we in trouble or something?

Are we still talking about the sandwich place?

Are you all right?

Are you angry or excited right now? I can't tell.

Are you at that crappy sandwich place again?

Are you black?

Are you dating Condoleezza Rice?

Are you dieting finally?

Are you drunk?

Are you familiar with Six Sigma?

Are you familiar with the GE trivection oven?

Are you familiar with the Japanese art of reiki?

Are you getting married in two days?

Are you going to marry Jack?

Are you gonna be home later? I got to talk to you about something.

Are you gonna sit down? They put out lobster tails, and I want to eat yours.

Are you insane? What'll you do when Tracy asks Jack for his invisible motorcycle?

Are you interested in taking back your country?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? He was smokin'.

Are you kidding? Jack Donaghy's a legend.

Are you peeing?

Are you ready for an exciting and challenging day?

Are you ready to find out who your biological father is?

Are you ready to find out who your biological father is?

Are you ready?

Are you serious?

Are you serious? The guy's done dozens of movies.

Are you serious? The guy's done dozens of movies.

Are you sure you're OK?

Are you sure, Jack? 'Cause she kind of seems like an honest lady.

Are you trying to get on another show behind my back?

Area code 4077 Oh, no. When did this happen?

Aren't you the man who told me to live every week like it's Shark Week

Arn I wrong, or is he in the middle of a staff meeting?

As a way of depriving it of its meaning.

As always, it's been a pleasure fighting with you.

As an option for the future, that's gonna make it so much easier...

As far as compensation goes,

As I live and breathe.

As I'm sure you surmised from that call, I'm seeing a woman.

As long as they're yapping at each other, we're not working.

As part of your effort to protect our dignity.

As you know, I've been studying comedy and learning what's funny.

As you were on the links today with your scorekeeping.

At a Country Steaks all you can eat buffet.

At Chicago All Saints Hospital.

At least you got a clock radio out of it, right?

At night, I laugh so hard.

At present, there is no club drink.

At Snapple, when young fruit ripen, they...

At the investment firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Livingston.

Attaboy.

Attaboy.

Audience, let me ask you a question.

Aw, come on. It's a goof.

Aw, damn it! I knew this was gonna happen.

Aw, it's a cute one. Thanks.

Aw, look at your little face.

Aw, man, you did not just scuff these shoes. P. Diddy wears these.

Awesome.

Awse. We are back in the game.

Baby, I'm sorry. But he's going through some stuff.

Baby.

Back at you, man.

Back in 30 minutes.

Baltimore was amazing. You know Wacky Willy, that DJ from 102.77

Banks here wants to make TV smaller,

Banks is in New York for a reason, and I intend to send him back to L.A.

Banks is no slouch.

Basically, it's erratic tendencies and delusions

Be a good listener, a giver of gifts,

Be my guest. Show me love.

Be prepared for it to get weird.

Be strong, Lemon.

Bear with me. Sorry.

Bears have weak knees.

Because being in a foursome with this man can change your life.

Because Donald Trump was eaten by a lion this morning

Because everyone is getting Vermont maple sco o o o nes!

Because he cuts his own hair.

Because he didn't only involve himself in our work lives,

Because he keeps asking for lemon.

Because he squeezes the sweetest juice out of his workers' mind g****s."

Because he wears shirts with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them.

Because I am not just feminine. I also can project my power

Because I believe that life is for the living.

Because I enjoy his salad dressings and lemonade.

Because I have a big lawyer meeting..."

Because I honestly think that this might be the best show

Because I know that he fell asleep on top of his fiancée.

Because I think a woman is just as powerful as a man.

Because I wanted to submit us for "The Amazing Race"?

Because I was 80% joking about that.

Because I was gonna say, you still have a good body.

Because I'm worried about your scalp pain.

Because if you don't, they'll take advantage of you.

Because it sums up so perfectly what I want to say to you.

Because it uses three kinds of heat...

Because it would be fun...

Because it's a racial slur.

Because it's about how G.E. Is making us do this,

Because it's not just cute guys that buy these magazines.

Because it's Valentine's Day, and you know I don't...

Because of Arsenio's "Woof woof" catchphrase, we settled on dog food.

Because of the Black Crusaders? That's crazy

Because of the Black Crusaders? That's crazy. Tra?

Because of your truth bombs. Remind me, Tracy.

Because people keep messing with me.

Because relationships are hard.

Because that chick is hot.

Because that comes from in here.

Because that one little nice thing that he does

Because the Jets lost.

Because the powerful bread lobby keeps stopping my research.

Because there are racist people in this world,

Because there is a crushing guilt that comes with being a Catholic

Because there's nothing you can call a guy back.

Because they make television

Because we are not burdened by our paste.

Because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum

Because when I was little, my sister peed in it.

Because with the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine...

Because you agreed to this. I did not make you sign anything.

Because you can't have a white dude playing a criminal.

Because you do not cross a Sugarbaker woman!

Because you test great with women 12 to 24.

Because you're very talented and people love you and...

Because young women will buy just about anything.

Because, ultimately, I know they are going to leave him.

Beep, beep, ribby, ribby!

Beep, beep, ribby, ribby.

Before this takes the traditional Donaghy turn for the worse?

Before you say no, I just want to say,

Bernie Mac doesn't do it, 'cause he'd be ugly as hell.

Betcha he reads

Betcha she sews

Betcha they've made me a closet of clothes

Between a movie star and a woman who does commercials for ShopRite...

Between co workers, so...

Between the two of you, you are 100 years old,

Beyoncé, Paula Abdul and Oprah.

Bianca did. But I want that box.

Bianca is neither normal nor happy

Bianca.

Bianca.

Big Creek Parkway.

Big dreams and Little Leagues

Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors.

Black is African American, though.

Black people can't make light bulbs?

Black... shark's eyes, you know?

Bloomberg.

Blue Man, where your feet at?

Blue Man!

Boff Beyoncé, kill Paula, marry Oprah.

Boggle.

Bollocks.

Bologna, salami, boar... whatever...

Bone Osama bin Laden to shame him. And then his own people would murder him.

Booyah.

Both sound good to me.

Boy, he proved them all wrong.

Boy, I'm being awfully open with you, miss.

Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity

Boy, that's a great film

Boy, these titles. They really make you think.

Boy, we, as a group, might not smell great.

Boy, you're gonna need more than that, though.

Bread is one of the worst things in the world,

Break out a bottle of champagne. But not the one that came with the shellfish.

Bring me Caractacus.

Bring your own purse!

Bringing Tracy Jordan was a smart move, Jack.

Brisket!

Brothers talk to other brothers like that. I was being friendly.

Brought on by excessive notoriety

Brush your teeth Brush your teeth

Brushing my own teeth. This is unsuitable.

Bud? Really?

Buddy up.

Build the house, add on the pool and throw yourself into the deep end.

Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.

Burning jets of grease, huh?

Business doesn't get me down. Business gets me off.

But at 3:30 this morning, I happened to see this episode

But broadcast television is big.

But cousin Kenneth sent me all your movies.

But didn't realize it until he met Yoko Ono?

But do you still want a sound hook up so you can listen to rehearsal?

But do you think it's too topical?

But everyone has pulled together, and I am so proud and so pumped,

But for now, I got a great job, a kick ass girlfriend.

But Frank and Toofer said to me...

But Grizz would...

But he has had a pretty serious cardiac episode

But he seems so normal.

But he sent you here to tell me to apologize.

But he was going to church in the middle of the day on a Tuesday.

But he was yelling at Jack.

But he's still insisting on having a Greek Orthodox wedding.

But he's taken, so I'm gonna go out with Steven who I met at the after party.

But here's what I want you to do.

But here's what I want you to do.

But his dressing room has to be cleaned up every day between 11:00 and 11:30.

But how would you know that with your nigh 40 years of public education

But I could possibly get a photo of you with the flowers,

But I didn't say anything about you that I wouldn't have said to your faces.

But I don't think anybody wants to see me do that.

But I don't think it's a good idea

But I figure time is on neither one of our sides.

But I had to give you this gift...

But I hope this will change your mind.

But I just broke up with my girlfriend,

But I just don't think we're a good match.

But I just want to dance

But I know that I will love again.

But I need you to do something of a different nature.

But I really disagree with the church's stance on Cyprus.

But I think I got Nixon to agree to come on the show

But I think I know somebody that can help you with your sex poop problem.

But I want you to know something. You and me...

But I wanted it with romaine