Nathan for You - Season 1 Edit

A [bleep] Flavored ice cream,

A BIT MORE INCONVENIENT THAN NORMAL,

A COMPLETELY LEGAL REBATE THAT ABSOLUTELY NO ONE CLAIMS.

A GOOD SENSE OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE

A LOT OF PEOPLE COME TO YOUR FUNERAL,

A PLACE WHOSE HISTORY IS AS RICH

A REBATE WILL LEGALLY ALLOW DANIEL

A SMALL TOKEN OF MY APPRECIATION

ABOUT LIKING THE BURGER, BUT I SUSPECTED

ALL RIGHT, DAY TWO

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. WELCOME TO L.A. BURGER.

ALL RIGHT, SO THE NEXT RIDDLE IS UNDER A ROCK.

ALL RIGHT, SO THIS IS THE IDEA I HAD FOR A COUPLE,

All: ♪ BUT IT HA APPENS

All: ♪ DEATH IS SO SAD

AN EXCUSE FOR CHICKENING OUT, BUT I DIDN'T.

AN ORIGINAL FUNERAL SONG BY NATHAN FIELDER,

AND AFTER A COUPLE PEOPLE BOUGHT BURGERS,

AND AFTER TWO DECADES OF DOING CARICATURES,

AND BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A GREAT DEAL,

AND EVEN THOUGH THIS JUMP WOULD BE A CINCH FOR ME,

AND EVERYTHING, I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO MEET, UH, MY FRIEND.

AND GUSTAVO SOLD A LOT OF BURGERS.

AND HE HAS THE BEST BURGER IN TOWN

AND HE STARTED SKETCHING THEM OUT.

AND HE'S, LIKE, A VERY

AND I COULD TELL THAT HE WAS READY TO TRY THEM OUT

And I got a meeting with one of L.A.'S best,

AND I GRADUATED FROM ONE OF CANADA'S TOP BUSINESS SCHOOLS

And I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools

AND I GRADUATED FROM ONE OF CANADA'S TOP BUSINESS SCHOOLS

AND I HADN'T EVEN HAD BREAKFAST

AND I HOPE YOU USE THE IDEA.

AND I MAKE HIM A PHOTOGRAPHER WITH THE BIG BUCK TEETH.

AND I SAW SHE WAS MISSING OUT ON SOME PROFITABLE SERVICES

AND I THINK WE'RE READY TO BEGIN.

AND I TOOK HIM ASIDE FOR A CHAT.

And I was so disgusted I couldn't finish my meal.

AND I'M GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH TO TRY TO GET IT OUT,

AND I'M GONNA GO PLAY A PRANK ON THE GIRLS' TENT.

AND I'VE KIND OF

AND IF THE ATTENDANCE TODAY IS ANY INDICATION,

AND IF YOU DON'T THINK IT'S THE BEST IN L.A

And in the world of business, that's all that matters.

AND IT DOESN'T GET MUCH REALER THAN THIS.

AND IT WAS AMAZING TO WATCH HIM WORK.

AND IT WAS SUCH AN AMAZING OFFER,

AND IT'S GONNA HELP YOU.

And lately, he's been in desperate need of customers.

AND LIE ABOUT THE BURGER. THEY CAN JUST SAY, "YOU KNOW,

And like I predicted, the store was full.

AND NO ONE KNOWS THAT MORE THAN DANIEL ASHIKIAN

AND NO ONE WANTED TO CLAIM THE REBATE.

AND ONCE IN A WHILE,

AND ONCE YOU'RE THERE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL DO IT.

And people were flocking to the store

And put it on your head and then stand outside of the store

AND RAQUEL WOULD BE THE FIRST TO GO.

And see if people come.

AND SENT IT TO ALL THE ACTORS.

And that meant hiring a publicist.

AND THAT WILL CURE EVERY DISEASE?

AND THAT'S PART OF A CURE, AND THE REASON WHY

And the poo flavor.

AND THEN GET OUR REBATE. RIGHT.

AND THEN IT'S AN HOUR AND A HALF HIKE FROM THERE.

AND THINKING, "THAT'S HUGE."

AND THOSE THREE PEOPLE TURNED OUT TO BE

AND THOUGH HE LOVES TO FALL, ONE THING

AND TODAY, I PAID HER A VISIT

AND WHEN I TRIED TO QUESTION PEOPLE, THEY GOT UNRULY

And while I was eating, I saw some...

And with Nick's permission,

AND WITH PEOPLE DYING DAILY

AND WITH THE ACTORS IN PLACE,

And with the flavor in good shape,

AND YOU HAVE TO DRAW A COUPLE.

AND YOU HAVEN'T MOVED ON YET.

AND, YOU KNOW

Anyways, I just wanted to give you that advice.

ARE DRUGS THAT PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES

ARE LISTENING TO THIS RIGHT NOW, GUSTAVO.

ARE YOU YOU'RE MOVING YOUR LEGS TOO.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

AREN'T YOU I MEAN, WHEN'S THIS PROMOTION HAPPENING?

AS ITS PEAK IS HIGH.

AS KEEPING UP WITH THE TRENDS.

AS MEAN AS YOU WANT.

AS YOU COME UP TO VIEW THE BODY.

AT FIRST, GREG SEEMED RESISTANT TO THE CONCEPT.

AT SKYDIVE PERRIS, BUT MOSTLY,

AT THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN.

BECAUSE BEFORE OVER AGE OF FIVE,

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY TRIED THE BURGER.

BECAUSE I THINK IT'D JUST BE BETTER FOR THE REST OF US.

BECAUSE IT SHOWS THAT YOU'RE WELL LIKED.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL.

BECAUSE IT'S THE WOODS.

BECAUSE TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST,

BECAUSE WHEN WE GOT BACK TO L.A. BURGER,

BECAUSE YOU MAYBE GET EXCITED WHEN SOMEONE DIES.

BEING UP THERE WITH THE BIRDS SO PURE.

BEST BURGER IN L.A. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Both: [laugh]

Both: help me, nathan.

Both: MILLIONS. MILLIONS?

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS.

BUT AFTER NEARLY AN HOUR OF RIDDLES,

BUT AS WE SHUTTLED TO THE BASE OF CHILEO,

BUT AS WE STARTED BRAINSTORMING IDEAS...

BUT FIRST, DO YOU FIND THIS DRAWING FUNNY?

BUT I DID.

BUT I GOT KIND OF WORRIED WHEN AN ASIAN MAN SAT DOWN.

BUT I HAD TENTS AND CAMPING GEAR ON HAND.

But I mean, it's not something I would have out here for...

But I needed to know if the taste was accurate.

But I never really meant

BUT I NEVER SLEEP.

BUT I THINK THAT SOMEBODY CAN BE DISHONEST

BUT IF YOU DO ME TO A BABY,

BUT IN THE END,

BUT IT IS A LITTLE BIT APPREHENSIVE

BUT IT'S A GOOD BURGER, YEAH. IT'S EXCELLENT. I LIKE IT.

BUT IT'S ALSO OUR PASSION.

BUT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SEE MY GRANDPA

BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I TRUST YOU

But just when I thought my job was done,

BUT LIKE I SAID, MORE "YES" THAN "NO."

BUT MOSTLY JUST TO, YOU KNOW, LIKE,

BUT MY BEARD WAS COMING LOOSE,

BUT NOT MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED...

BUT OUT HERE I DO NOT MAKE A PEEP.

But over the years, i've discovered that being smart

BUT REALLY IN THE END,

BUT REGARDLESS OF MY FEELINGS,

BUT SOMETIMES, WHEN I DO THESE THINGS,

BUT THEN I SPOTTED HIM...

BUT THEN, THE TIDE SHIFTED.

BUT THEY DIDN'T EVEN SEEM TO CARE.

BUT TO MY SURPRISE THE SHUTTLE WAS ACTUALLY FILLING UP.

BUT WHAT I HAD TOLD NO ONE

BUT YOU CAN ONLY PUSH A PERSON SO FAR.

BUT YOU CAN, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST.

BUT, NO, I DON'T WANT THE REBATE

BY ASKING CUSTOMERS TO DROP IT OFF IN PERSON

BY PETTINGER, BOJANIC, AND HOOPER?

BYE. BYE BYE.

CANADIAN IS A LOT LIKE BRITISH.

CARICATURES ARE INSULT COMEDY.

COMEDY CENTRAL ROASTS,

COMING UP, THOUGH, I RISK LOSING SOMETHING

CURSED WITH THE GIFT OF HAVING TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.

DEPICTED IN THAT WAY.

DIDN'T NEED MY ADVICE, BECAUSE THEIR BUSINESS

DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YEAH.

DOGGY STYLE, SHE'S SAYING, "I LIKE THIS."

Don't have to. Yeah, okay.

Don't have to. Yeah, okay.

DURING THE RADIO SHOW,

DURING THE SERVICE. HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS?

Enjoyed by everyone like asian women...

EVEN MORE PRECIOUS THAN MONEY MY LIFE.

EVEN MORE VALUABLE THAN A REBATE FRIENDSHIP.

EVERY NIGHT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO 7 ELEVEN, HE WAS WITH YOU!

Everybody talks about the importance

EVERYTHING IS EXPLAINED THERE.

EXCEPT FOR ME.

FINALLY, I'D BE ABLE TO EAT SOME SKY

Firstly, did you see someone in here with a beard yesterday?

Flavors in there, but I can't...

FOR MY FIRST SKYDIVE, AND THIS WOULD REALLY GIVE ME

FOR SOME BALLS TO THE WALL RISK TAKING FUN,

FOR THE BEST BURGER EXPERIENCE THEY'VE EVER HAD.

FOR THE FUNERAL OF A FAKE DEAD GUY

FOR THE SERVICE THAT YOU BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION

FORTUNATELY, MOST OF THEM FAILED TO READ THE FINE PRINT

FROM EVERYTHING FROM HEART ATTACKS

FROM GOING EXTREME THAN POSITIVE REACTIONS.

FROM THE INTERNET.

From the very beginning. Right.

Frozen yogurt is one of the most popular treats in america,

GET THIS ADJUSTED FOR YOU HERE.

GETTING TO RELAX A BIT,

GIVE IT TO YOU AND YOU COULD HAND IT TO ME

GIVE PEOPLE THE OPTION OF PAYING FOR ACTORS

GONNA COME AND PICK UP THE REBATE.

GREAT, IT WAS THANK YOU FOR THE SCISSORS,

GUSTAVO MUNOZ OWNS L.A. BURGER IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA,

GUSTAVO WILL GIVE YOU $100 CASH OF HIS OWN MONEY.

Had a poo flavor, you're saying you wouldn't go to check it out?

HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN 23 YEARS OR SO.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO FALL IS HIS PROFITS.

HE HAS YET TO MAKE A NAME FOR HIMSELF.

HE HAS, LIKE, A VERY IMPORTANT ROLE IN OUR FAMILY,

HE ONCE GAVE ME $1,000 FOR NO REASON.

HE QUICKLY BEGAN TO EMBRACE IT.

HE SURELY SHALL SLEEP.

HE TRULY WAS THE KING OF STING.

HE WAS THE ONE THAT DREW IT.

HE'S A CANADIAN WAR HERO,

HELLO, FREDDY. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS PROMOTIONAL IDEA

HER BOYFRIEND IS LOOKING AT A HUMMINGBIRD'S PENIS

HERE, JUST WATCH.

HERE'S YOUR $100 EACH. HERE YOU GO.

HEY. HI. YOU MUST BE NATHAN

HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU

HOW IT TURNS OUT. OKAY. ALL FAITH, ALL RIGHT.

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LISTENING RIGHT NOW?

How that would have to do with you having a small penis?

HOW WAS IT TODAY?

HOW'S IT GOING? HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HOW'S THAT?

HOWEVER, BE ASSURED THAT ONCE THEY GET UP THERE,

HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Hundreds of thousands of people in here maybe...

I YOU KNOW, I BELIEVE THAT IT'S THE BEST.

I AM ROUND AND HARD.

I AM SO SAD.

I AM SO...SAD.

I BEGAN TO DOUBT

I BEGAN TO SEE THAT RAY, LAURIE, AND ELIZABETH

I came to scope it out. Oh, sweet.

I can come up with five off the top of my head.

I CAN PAY YOU. WOULD YOU LIKE $40?

I CAN UNDERSTAND IF YOU WOULD WANNA LEAVE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE STAYED ASLEEP

I CANNOT COMPETE WITH THE BIG COMPANIES.

I CHANGED MY CLOTHES, AND I'M READY.

I do.

I DON'T EAT RED MEAT RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU OKAY, NO, I GUESS NOT.

I don't know. Really?

I EXPLAINED TO DANIEL

I feel like a poo yogurt flavor

I FELT LIKE I HAD MADE NEW FRIENDS.

I found a company online

I FOUND MYSELF REGRETTING THIS WHOLE PLAN.

I GOT THE CROWD PUMPED

I had to go to the bathroom and you lent me your keys.

I HAD YOU DRAW ME, IT WASN'T FUNNY.

I HEAR THE VIEW IS BEAUTIFUL

I JUST COULDN'T TELL WHO WAS LYING,

I JUST WANTED TO GET ON OUT THERE AND EAT SOME WIND.

I LEFT HIM WITH A FEW EDGY CONCEPTS OF MY OWN TO WORK ON,

I LIKE SWIMMING, DEEJAYING, PLAYING THE TROMBONE.

I LOVE BEING OUT HERE OUT OF THE CITY,

I mean, if...

I MEAN, IT WAS AWKWARD, BUT

I MEAN, THE PEARL HARBOR THING IS ALMOST NOT EVEN A JOKE.

I MEAN, THIS IS DEFINITELY

I MIGHT I MIGHT

I NEEDED TO ASSEMBLE A DREAM TEAM OF ACTORS

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD MEET

I REALLY DID LIKE THESE GUYS.

I really needed to sell my idea to Nick.

I SAW THAT THIS WAS WORRYING DANIEL,

I SET OUT TO CREATE THE WORLD'S FIRST PERFECT REBATE,

I TAKE CARE OF ME, I WASH ME, I FEED ME.

I THINK

I THINK PEOPLE WILL CLAIM THE $100,

I THINK THEY SHOULD LEAVE THAT TO MCDONALD'S, YOU KNOW?

I think, like, rat poop on the ground.

I THOUGHT I WAS ABSOLUTELY STILL, SO

I TOTALLY FORGOT I HAD LUNCH PLANS WITH MY FRIEND,

I WANT A MASSAGE.

I WANTED TO DEMONSTRATE FOR CANDY

I WAS DOING WHATEVER I COULD TO HOLD ONTO MY MONEY.

I WAS GOING TO POINT OUT THAT THIS WAS ALL IN THE FINE PRINT,

I WAS PAYING OUT TONS AND TONS AND TONS OF MY OWN MONEY.

I WAS STILL SUPER STOKED.

I WAS STUNNED BY THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE

I WAS SUPER STOKED.

I WENT ALL DIRECTIONS REALLY.

I went for dinner last night at a restaurant.

I'LL LIKE, I'LL OKAY.

I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU. I'M GONNA GO HOME,

I'LL JUST GRAB IT.

I'LL PERSONALLY PUT UP MY OWN MONEY IF THEY DO,

I'M A FRUGAL GUY, SO THIS WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME

I'M A KIND OF MUSIC,

I'm not sure if it's a good idea

I'M SAYING GO AS HARD AS YOU WANT ON ME,

I'M SO SAD. I AM SO SAD.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE '89

I'VE BEEN RESTING FOR A MILLION YEARS,

I'VE HAD OTHER BURGERS I THINK ARE BETTER."

IF IT'S GONNA GET LIKE THIS, IT'S NOT REALLY WORTH IT.

If people read the paper,

IF SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE SOMETHING

If you actually have and it does.

IF YOU ANSWERED YES,

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, IT'S GONNA BE $100 BILL.

IF YOU WANNA BECOME BIG.

IF YOU'RE SAYING I'M [bleep] LYING

IF YOU'RE STAYING, YOU CAN'T YELL AT ME LIKE THAT.

If your yogurt shop is empty.

In eagle rock, california.

IN FACT, MONEY WAS THE LEAST OF THEIR PROBLEMS.

In front of you.

IN LINWOOD, CALIFORNIA, FOR OVER 15 YEARS,

IN MY USUAL DISGUISE TO SCOPE THINGS OUT,

IN TERMS OF THE BUSINESS LEVEL THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.

IN THE END, I REALIZED THAT SKYDIVE PERRIS

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ANGELES NATIONAL FOREST,

In the neighborhood here.

IN THE REAL WORLD.

IN WATER, I SINK DEEP.

Invite kids from all around the block

IS ALL ABOUT GIVING PEOPLE A REAL EXPERIENCE,

IS BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH PRETTY INTO SKYDIVING, SO

IS BY LOOKING AT THEIR FACE WHEN THEY TAKE A BITE.

IS FRIENDSHIP.

IS INVESTIGATING ME FOR ARSON.

Is nathan for you

Is that serious? Yeah.

IS THAT THIS WAS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST HELPING A GAS STATION.

IS THE WIDOW. MM HMM, THE WIDOW.

Is there a real There's no actual...

ISN'T THAT WHERE YOU DID IT MOST?

IT CAN BE HARD TO DRAW IN CUSTOMERS.

It could bring like...

IT DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP, AND BY LATE IN THE AFTERNOON,

IT FELT SO GOOD TO FINALLY JUMP

IT HELPS. I HEARD FROM MY GRANDMA.

IT IS PRETTY INTERESTING. I DON'T KNOW

IT JUST

IT MAY HAVE BEEN A LOT OF MONEY, BUT THEN AGAIN,

IT PROVED TO BE AN INSTANT HIT,

IT REALLY HELPS.

IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYONE CAME OUT A WINNER,

IT SEEMED LIKE GUSTAVO WAS RIGHT.

IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS RUNNING LATE.

IT WAS A REAL SHAME THAT GREG CHOSE TO END THE DAY

IT WAS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY TO SEE GUSTAVO SMILE.

It was amazing how quick you got it.

It was my day off.

IT WAS TIME TO BRING IN MRS. BOYD.

It was time to revisit nick at yogurt haven.

IT WOULD ONLY BE FAIR TO MAKE CLAIMING THIS REBATE

IT'LL BE FUN.

IT'S A FUNNY STORY TO YOUR PARENTS.

IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY, BUT IT'S BEEN AN ADVENTURE,

It's fine.

IT'S GONNA COST ME MONEY, RIGHT?

IT'S IMPORTANT TO EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A CUSTOMER,

IT'S JUST DARK, IT'S HARD TO READ THEM.

IT'S NOT APPROPRIATE.

IT'S NOT THE GREATEST DAMN BURGER IN THE WORLD,

IT'S ONLY JUST BEGINNING.

IT'S PRETTY GOOD. YEAH, IT'S VERY GOOD, YEAH.

IT'S REALLY FUNNY.

IT'S TERRIBLE.

IT'S VERY CLEAN.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT YOU CONVINCE HIM YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

JUST ASK CANDY BOYD.

JUST TO SAVE $13 ON GAS.

JUST TO SHOW YOU WHAT'S CURRENTLY POPULAR RIGHT NOW,

KISS ME, YOU FAT [bleep].

LATE AS USUAL. HEY!

LET ME LET ME TELL YOU WHAT, LET ME

LET ME TELL YOU MY BACKGROUND, FIRST OF ALL

LET'S DO IT, MAN.

LIKE I EXPECTED, PEOPLE WERE FILLING UP

LIKE, THE DEEP SIDE OF PEOPLE'S HUMOR COMES OUT

MAKE IT IN THIS COMPETITIVE WORLD

Make it in this competitive world.

MAKE IT IN THIS COMPETITIVE WORLD.

MAN, WHAT A THRILL.

Maybe have small penises?

MAYBE THEY TELL YOU TOO.

ME AND SID WERE LOVERS.

Might be a news story.

MIGHT LOOK LIKE,

More than a day.

MY ANSWER HELL, YEAH.

MY PLAN WAS A GUARANTEE: TRY THE BURGER,

My plan was working,

My plan... A crazy new flavor that will get people talking.

MY UNCLE REROUTES TRAFFIC.

NATHAN FIELDER.

NATHAN, IT'S MOUNTAIN CHILE, RIGHT?

Nick Batista is the manager of yogurt haven

NO, YOU'RE MEETING WELL, COME, COME.

Normal. 'Cause I was just...

Now I wanted to get an article in the paper

NOW I'M USING MY KNOWLEDGE

NOW THAT I WAS FREE

Now, i'm using my knowledge

NOW, I'M USING MY KNOWLEDGE

Of a good college education.

OF ALL THE WAYS TO MAKE MONEY WITH DEAD BODIES,

OF SEVAN GAS IN BURBANK, CALIFORNIA.

OH, MY GOD.

Oh, my god.

OH, OKAY.

OH, THAT'S YOU. NATHAN.

OH, WE GOT ONE.

OKAY, JUST I NEED YOU TO BE I'M JUST GONNA CLOSE THIS,

OKAY.

OKAY. OKAY.

On how to help his business

ON L.A.'S MOST LISTENED TO MORNING RADIO SHOW.

ON SUCH A TASTELESS NOTE.

ON THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER

ON THEIR REBATE SLIPS.

ONCE I GOT TO THE EDGE, THERE WAS NO HESITATION.

ONLY IN THE PICTURES. WELL, LISTEN

OR A SERIES OF RIDDLES.

OR I'D KEEP MY FRIEND WAITING.

OR I'M GONNA TELL YOUR [bleep] PARENTS!

OR IN L.A.

Or just a regular guy in the neighborhood.

OR WERE THESE PEOPLE JUST COMPLETELY INSANE?

OTHERS WERE LYING JUST TO GET THE MONEY.

People could come with little spoons and they could...

PEOPLE FINALLY STARTED DROPPING OUT.

PEOPLE LAUGHED. I SAW PEOPLE LAUGHING.

PEOPLE WERE OFFENDED. RIGHT.

PEOPLE WILL HAVE A "THANK YOU" GIFT FOR ME.

PERHAPS THE MOST POPULAR IS RUNNING A FUNERAL HOME,

PORTRAYED AS A CARTOON. YEAH.

PUTTING THE REBATE BOX ATOP CHILEO

RAY PREMUS WAS ONE OF THEM.

REGARDLESS, I COULDN'T DO THE JUMP,

REHEARSED AND IN WARDROBE,

ROCK AND ROLL AND STUFF. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

RUNNING A GAS STATION IS NOT EASY,

SCOTT ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO BACK AND DO THE JUMP,

SCOTT SMITH RUNS SKYDIVE PERRIS IN PERRIS, CALIFORNIA,

Seeing the amount of penises,

SHE'S BEEN RUNNING BOYD FUNERAL HOME

SHOOT. BUT STILL,

Shoot. Sorry.

SID WAS A VERY LOVED MAN.

SID WAS CURSED...

Since you're a penis expert, i'm asking.

SKYDIVING, I MEAN... MM HMM.

SO AFTER, I HAD A TALK WITH HIM.

SO BASICALLY, YOUR BUSINESS IS DEATH.

SO HOW HIGH ARE WE GOING, LIKE 500 FEET?

SO HOW SOON DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE IMPLEMENTING IT?

SO I BROUGHT HOLY BOOKS FROM EVERY MAJOR RELIGION

So I conducted a taste test with some strangers.

SO I DON'T LIKE SEEING HIM DEPICTED LIKE THIS.

SO I ENDED UP JUST CHECKING OUT THEIR WEBSITE

SO I MET WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL ACTORS

So I opted for a more grassroots approach

SO I PAID DANIEL A VISIT WITH AN INNOVATIVE WAY

SO I WANT YOU TO CHARGE $1.75 PER GALLON

So I was dropping all my stuff.

So I was like, oh, maybe she's liked it.

So I was thinking,

SO I WAS TOO AFRAID TO GO INSIDE,

So I went to the gold coast lab in commerce, california

So i'd le everyone to try the frozen yogurt

SO I'LL I'LL COME IN AGAIN. OKAY.

SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, EVEN THOUGH IT'S UNLIKELY

SO I'M NOT GONNA BUT, YEAH.

SO IT'S LIKE YOU'RE GIVING IT TO ME ON CAMERA.

SO IT'S NOT TOO BAD.

SO LET'S GO DOWN THE MOUNTAIN.

SO MANY PEOPLE TO WANT TO DO THE HIKE.

SO NOW HE KNEW THAT WHAT I WAS SAYING IN THE PLANE

SO NOW WITH EVERYTHING THAT I'VE TAUGHT YOU,

SO PEOPLE WOULDN'T REDEEM THE REBATE.

SO SPENT THE NIGHT WRITING A SCRIPT

SO THAT'S YOU, THE ARTIST,

So the first step was to actually create the new flavor.

SO THE FIRST THING I DID WAS PAY HIM BACK.

SO WE DROVE BACK TO SKYDIVE PERRIS,

SO WE HEADED IN THE DINER

SO WE'LL CHECK BACK WITH THIS IN A BIT.

SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU GO.

So what do you wanna do?

So what flavors did you get?

SO WHY IS THE PLACE THAT CLAIMS TO HAVE

SO?

So... you're welcome, and...

SOME PEOPLE JUST WOULDN'T GO.

SORRY, I I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE

Sorry, please... Oh. Oh, here.

STILL WEAR MY WEDDING RING 25 YEARS LATER.

SUITED UP AGAIN, AND HEADED ON THAT PLANE

THAN JUST A HIKE.

THANKS SO MUCH. YOU GUYS ARE GENEROUS.

THAT ANY OF THESE EIGHT DETERMINED CHEAPSKATES

THAT AS LONG AS HE WAS UP FRONT WITH HIS CUSTOMERS,

THAT CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE IS PRETTY RAD.

That flavor is poo.

THAT HAD GIVEN UP THEIR ENTIRE DAY FOR CHEAP GAS.

That has this crazy flavor. Uh Huh.

THAT I OWED MY FRIEND $40,

THAT I WAS EASILY ABLE TO LAND US

THAT IS GOOD.

THAT L.A. BURGER'S THROWING ON

That said they could custom Make any flavor.

THAT SEVAN GAS WAS GOING TO LOSE MONEY,

THAT THEY'D BE WILLING TO CAMP OUT

THAT WAS NICE OF YOU GUYS. YEAH.

THAT WE CAN DRINK OUR OWN PEE

THAT'S A LOT OF BALLS, GUSTAVO...

THAT'S SWEET, SO TELL ME ABOUT THAT.

THE BEST BURGER IN LOS ANGELES COMPLETELY EMPTY?

THE CUSTOMERS LEFT HAPPY,

THE FRIENDSHIP THAT WE GAINED HERE IS JUST INCREDIBLE,

THE FUNERAL BUSINESS HAS NEVER BEEN MORE PROFITABLE.

THE MEANER YOU ARE, THE BETTER.

The media responds to controversy.

The next day I paid Nick a visit

THE NEXT DAY, I RETURNED TO SEE THE RESULTS.

THE NEXT DAY, WE ARRIVED AT THE FUNERAL HOME

THE OPTION OF BUYING MORE FRIENDS.

THE PEAK OF MOUNT CHILEO IS ONLY ACCESSIBLE BY FOOT.

THE PLAN I WANTED HER TO GIVE PEOPLE

THE PLAN:

THE PROMOTION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.

THE PROMOTION IS COSTING US MORE THAN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD,

THE RADIO SHOW APPEARANCE SEEMED TO WORK,

THE REST OF GREG'S NEW EDGY CARICATURES LOOKED GREAT,

THE WHOLE WAY IN THE TENT.

THE WOMAN IN THE BLACK HAT

There are better ways to get attention.

THERE HE IS.

THERE IS NO REBATE BOX.

THERE WAS A LINE AROUND THE BLOCK.

THEY DIDN'T REALIZE THEY HAD SIGNED UP FOR A LOT MORE

THEY TELL THEIR PATIENTS TO DRINK URINE,

THIS IS NATHAN FOR YOU.

THIS IS NATHAN FOR YOU.

THIS IS SCOTT

THIS IS SO ANNOYING.

THIS IS THE REBATE.

THIS IS, UM, YOUR VERSION OF AN ASIAN BUSINESSMAN.

THIS MIGHT GO ON LONGER THAN I THOUGHT.

THIS WIDOW JUST LOST HER HUSBAND.

This...

THREE OF THE MOST FANTASTIC PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET.

THREE PEOPLE DECIDED TO STAY THE NIGHT.

THREE PEOPLE WITH SO MUCH FREE TIME

TO ADVERTISE THE CHEAPEST GAS IN THE COUNTRY.

TO BE FAMILY OR FRIENDS AT A FUNERAL.

TO BE HONEST, I DIDN'T EXPECT

TO BE SURE PEOPLE WERE TELLING THE TRUTH.

To check out the new flavor.

TO COLLAPSING DURING A STOCK PHOTO SHOOT,

To come and have a frozen Yogurt Eating contest.

TO DRIVE TO THE BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN,

TO FILL UP YOUR CAR WITH CHAMPAGNE,

TO FOLLOW UP WITH DANIEL.

TO GET A BETTER SENSE OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE,

TO GET EVERYONE TO TRY HIS BURGER.

TO GET THAT REBATE.

To get the word out.

TO GET THIS REBATE?

To have something poo Related in a place that serves food.

TO HELP STRUGGLING SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS

To help struggling small business owners

TO HELP STRUGGLING SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE BUSINESS.

TO LOWER HIS PRICES.

TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THAT MAN WHO JUST DIED,

TO OFFER HER CUSTOMERS.

TO OFFER TO PEOPLE. WELL, I MEAN,

TO PAY HIM A VISIT TO HELP HIS BUSINESS OUT

To pick it up.

TO PICK OUT THE BEST.

TO RE BRAND GREG AS "THE KING OF STING."

TO REMEMBER SID HOWARD DOUBLETREE,

TOLD ME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO COME HIKE MOUNT CHILEO

Tyler barnett.

UH, DOING THE WOMAN OF THE COUPLE FROM BEHIND,

UM, DO YOU THINK THIS ONE, UH...HMM...

UM...

UNBEKNOWNST TO CANDY, I WENT BY THE NIGHT BEFORE

Unfortunately, Tyler didn't wanna take me on as a client.

UP IN YOUR GRANDMA'S ATTIC.

WAIT. WAIT.

WAS COMPLETELY 100% LEGAL.

WAS IT JUST SOUNDED KIND OF INTERESTING.

WAS IT THE THRILL OF SAVING MONEY?

WASN'T AN EXCUSE FOR CHICKENING OUT,

We call it "artificial feces" flavor emulsion.

We can give it a shot,

WE COULD TRY IT OUT, SEE HOW IT GOES.

WE HAVE TO GO AND GET THE REBATE?

WE IMPLEMENTED THE OFFER

We installed the new flavor.

WE JUST HAVE SOMETHING PREPARED.

We know that.

WE MIGHT HAVE TO START CUTTING STAFF,

WE'D HAVE TO INSERT THE PAPER INTO A BOX OR SOMETHING

WE'VE ALL GAINED SOMETHING

WE'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS.

WEARING A SEAT BELT? YEAH.

WELL, WE'RE PROVIDING A FREE SHUTTLE TO THE BASE IF YOU WANT,

WEREN'T JUST CHEAPSKATES LOOKING FOR A DEAL.

WHAT A FUNERAL SERVICE WITH FAKE FAMILY AND FRIENDS

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS IDEA?

WHAT I REALIZED IS THAT MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OF THIS

What I would think of, um...

WHAT JERRY SEINFELD'S [bleep] TASTES LIKE.

WHEN I BEGAN THIS THING,

WHEN YOU DIE, YOU WANT TO HAVE

WHEN YOU PRESENTED AN ASIAN PICTURE

WHEN YOU SAY IT'S THE BEST. IT IS THE BEST, RIGHT?

WHEN YOU SHOW THEM SHOCK.

WHERE I GOT TO CATCH UP WITH MY OLD PAL

WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET MY FRIEND,

WHICH DIRECTION I SHOULD GO WITH IT.

WHICH PROVED THAT TO BE A HIT IN INSULT COMEDY,

WHICH WAS TERRIBLE SCHEDULING ON MY PART.

WHO KNOW HOW TO CONDUCT THEMSELVES AT A FUNERAL,

WHO'S GETTING IN THE CASKET, WAS MORE LOVED THAN HE WAS.

WHY DOES IT HELP YOU IF YOU DRINK YOUR GRANDSON'S PEE?

WHY DRINK MY PEE OR YOUR PEE?

WILL SPEND $200 MILLION ON.

WITH A LINE OF CARS DOWN THE BLOCK.

With a sign that says

With an even better idea.

WITH AN IDEA TO MAKE HER BUSINESS EVEN BETTER.

WITH REALLY GOOD GRADES.

With really good grades.

WITH REALLY GOOD GRADES.

WITHIN MINUTES OF THE SIGN GOING UP,

WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. I DON'T MEAN TO, I [sniffs]

WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS?

WOULD DROP OUT BEFORE REACHING THE PEAK OF THE MOUNTAIN.

Yeah, if you wanna hang out some time outside.

Yeah, mom?

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD TRICKY WAY TO MAKE MONEY.

YEAH, THIS IS GOOD.

YEAH, WE'RE HERE.

YEAH?

YOU CAN ASK YOUR PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS.

YOU CAN FIND A WREATH MADE OF ME

You could fill a bucket full of [bleep] frozen yogurt

YOU DIDN'T LET ME FINISH. OKAY.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, THOUGH.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT, IT'S FINE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET IN PEOPLE'S WAY OR ANYTHING,

YOU DRINK THE GRANDSON'S PEE,

YOU DRINK THE SMALL CHILD'S PEE.

YOU GOTTA FILL OUT FIRST. ALL RIGHT, SWEET, MAN.

YOU HAVE A TEST AT 9:00?

YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW, BUT AGAIN, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CLAIM THE REBATE,

YOU KNOW, I WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY.

YOU KNOW, IN ART, YOU KNOW,

YOU LIKE IT?

YOU LIKE IT? YEAH, YEAH, I LIKE IT.

YOU MIGHT THINK I'D BE NERVOUS

YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.

YOU READY? WE'RE READY.

YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

You should check it out. See ya.

You should reconsider the entire campaign.

YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

YOU WANNA COME?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE $1.75 GASOLINE ANYMORE

YOU'RE PROBABLY CARICATURE ARTIST GREG DOHLEN.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. DO YOU

YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU 25 YEARS AGO,

Yuck. What does it taste like?

. No, I have not ever.

'CAUSE I WANNA LAUGH. OKAY.

'CAUSE NO BURGER PLACE HAS EVER MADE A CLAIM LIKE THIS,

'CAUSE YOU HAVE NO FEAR OF ANYTHING.

'CAUSE YOU'RE SAYING I'M LYING.

[Laughing] I was just telling her.

[laughs]

[radio announcer] 95.5 KLOS

[Snickering]

♪ DEATH IS SAD

♪ HE'S SO SAD

♪ NOW I'M IN ANOTHER TIME ZONE ♪

$6,000?

$16.54.

$100.

A CHILD IS RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE AISLES

A WREATH OF ME

AB SO LUTELY.

ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF DRIVE FROM SEVAN GAS

ACCIDENT OR SOMETHING,

AFTER A WEEK TO GET EVERYTHING PREPARED,

AFTER REBATE.

AFTER REBATE.

AFTER WE WERE DONE WITH LUNCH,

ALL RIGHT, COME.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO COOK SOME BURGERS.

ALL RIGHT, SO IT'S 4:15 A.M.,

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS FUNNY,

ALL RIGHT, WELCOME TO MOUNT CHILEO,

ALL RIGHT. OKAY? ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

AMEN. I TOTALLY AGREE.

And after a week of waiting, the flavor was ready.

AND BY THE END OF THE AFTERNOON,

AND DOING THIS I MADE SOME VERY GOOD FRIENDS.

AND FROM THEN ON, IT WAS SMOOTH SAILING.

AND I TRUST HIM,

AND IT COULD BE A VERY PROFITABLE ADD ON SERVICE

AND MAYBE YOU'D HUG HER AND KISS HER.

AND SHE HIRED SEVEN ACTORS

AND SWEET... RIGHT.

AND TAKE THAT TO THE BANK INSTEAD OF THE REBATE?

AND THAT MUST BE BITTERSWEET FOR YOU.

ANYONE'S PEE? HE SAYS THERE'S NO GERMS.

ARE THESE USED OR ARE THEY NEW?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'M SERIOUS

AS RAY BEGAN LECTURING ME ABOUT ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE,

AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.

BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING MONEY.

BITTER BECAUSE PEOPLE DIE... RIGHT.

BUT AS THE NIGHT WENT ON,

BUT I DON'T THINK IT MAKES ME LAUGH.

BUT I WAS WRONG. THE GUY LOVED IT.

BUT I'M SUPPOSED

But if you wanted to dilute it...

BUT IT'S SAD BECAUSE, "OH..." EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

BUT SOMETIMES THE SOLUTION IS AS SIMPLE

But that popularity doesn't mean much

BUT WHY

BUT YOU DID IT A BUNCH IN GERMANY, RIGHT?

BUT YOU HAVE TO POWER THROUGH THAT

BUYING MORE FRIENDS? BASICALLY,

BY THE END OF THE DAY,

BY THE END OF THE NIGHT,

CAME IN HERE AND HAD ONE,

CANADIAN, UM...

COME OVER, TRY OUR OUR BURGERS.

CORRECT. SO I THINK YOU SHOULD

CORRECT. CORRECT.

DEFINITELY. YEAH, OKAY, GOOD.

DO YOU EVER SEE HIM AROUND, OR

DO YOU GUYS KNOW WON'T BE THE SAME

DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?

DO YOU HAVE ANY INTENTIONS ON GIVING US OUR REBATES?

DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE GONNA HIKE UP A MOUNTAIN

DO YOU WANT A HUG?

DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT BACK?

Do you... Have you seen a lot of penises?

DON'T ACT TOO YOU'RE OVERACTING.

DRINK YOUR OWN URINE? YEAH.

DUDE, I'LL CALL A LAWYER RIGHT NOW

Even by accident you're telling me?

EVERYBODY NEEDS A PAIR OF SCISSORS, I GUESS. [laughs]

EVERYTHING THAT YOU TOLD US TODAY HASN'T HAPPENED.

EXACTLY, EXACTLY. SO IT'S HARD,

EXACTLY. SO IT'S A BALANCE.

EXCELLENT. WELL, WE GOT SOME PAPERWORK

Frozen Yogurt Eating contest.

Genuinely, it would help to know

GOOD TO MEET YOU, MAN.

GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? UH, RAQUEL,

GOOD. IT WAS GOOD.

GREAT, OKAY.

GREG WAS HITTING NOTHING BUT HOME RUNS,

GUSTAVO AGREED TO PUT UP HIS OWN CASH FOR THE PROMOTION,

HAVE YOU DRANK YOUR GRANDSON'S PEE?

HE WAS WILLING TO DRINK PEE.

HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT? UH

HEY, I'M BACK

HEY. OH, LAURIE.

HI, GREAT. GOOD, GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

How can you assure me?

HOW COME I HAVE TO DO THIS FIRST?

HOW'S IT GOING?

HOW'S IT GOING? [laughs]

I AM PROMOTING BECAUSE GRANDSON'S PEE SOMETIMES HELPS.

I AM SEAN CONNERY.

I CAN READ IT FOR YOU IF YOU'D LIKE.

I CAN'T BE ANNOYED? NO.

I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE. [sobbing]

I COULD SEE THAT GUSTAVO WAS GETTING NERVOUS

I DID NOT LIKE THE BURGER, I SOLEMNLY SWEAR.

I DID THIS WHOLE CRAZY THING

I did.

I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS MOVING IT.

I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD GET TO THIS POINT,

I didn't wanna be the first to try it,

I DO NOT THINK THIS IS THE BEST BURGER IN L.A.

I DON'T KNOW

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU DID, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO,

I don't understand the amount...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DRAW CARICATURES THAT ARE A LITTLE MEAN AND EDGY.

I got e vanilla, the euro tart,

I HAVE A FEAR OF KISSING PEOPLE.

I HAVE NEVER I AM SERIOUS ABOUT IT.

I have never tried it.

I HAVE THE BEST BURGERS IN L.A.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR AWHILE. ALL RIGHT.

I haven't.

I KNEW THAT THERE WAS NO REBATE BOX.

I LIKE TO BIKE AND SURF A LOT.

I LIKE YOU, JASON ALEXANDER. I FIND YOU SEXY.

I LIVE UP IN THE DESERT.

I LOST $6,000.

I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO DO, LIKE, A JUMP,

I MEAN, I'M NOT A FAN OF MUSTARD AND KETCHUP.

I mean, it's okay. You can say if you have.

I MEAN, NO THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH IS, I MEAN,

I MEAN, THE MAIN REASON I WANTED YOU GUYS TO CHAT

I MUST SAY, IT IS.

I NEED YOU TO PRETEND TO BE MY FRIEND.

I own a pizza place

I promise you.

I REALLY WANTED TO JUMP. IT SUCKS.

I said the wrong thing at the wrong time again

I saw that you drive a porsche.

I SHOWED HIM A CLIP OF THE WILDLY POPULAR

I think I haven't seen enough penises... like you have to.

I think if you really are considering implementing

I think it's a known fact.

I THINK IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

I THOUGHT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT BE DISHONEST,

I WANT THE KING OF STING. OKAY.

I was actually not working yesterday.

I WAS HAPPY TO SEE SOME PEOPLE WERE BEING HONEST

I was happy with the results.

I was just telling my mom there's this frozen yogurt shop

I WAS SCARED.

I WAS THANKFUL THERE WERE SOME SENSIBLE PEOPLE IN THE GROUP,

I WILL ASK, I GUESS.

I... IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOES IT?

I'D LOVE TO DEMONSTRATE FOR YOU WHAT IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE.

I'M A ME, ME, ME SYSTEM.

I'M CANADIAN. ARE YOU CANADIAN?

I'm just gonna throw this... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not a penis expert. What are you talking about?

I'M NOT SAYING "NO." LET'S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS,

I'M REALLY MEETING A FRIEND FOR LUNCH.

I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND. I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS.

I'M SORRY. WE CANNOT BE MAD.

I'VE HIKED. I LIKE HIKING

I'VE NEVER BEEN UP THERE BEFORE

IF MY NATUROPATH TOLD ME TO DRINK URINE,

IF SOME OF THEM IS GONNA CLAIM IT,

If you heard that a frozen yogurt shop in your neighborhood

IN THE CATEGORY OF INSULT COMEDY,

IS IT REALLY $1.75?

IS IT THE WIND? IS IT WIND?

IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

IT IS NOT WIND.

IT IS THE BEST, RIGHT? IT'S THE BEST.

IT IS THE BEST, YES.

IT SAYS "CANADIAN" YOU CAN DO?

It was a success.

IT WAS CLEARLY WORKING TO BRING IN CUSTOMERS,

IT WAS GOING TO TAKE AN HOUR AND A HALF

IT WAS REALLY BAD. YEAH.

IT WORKS, BUT LET'S SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE

It would be a plus if we got more traffic going

IT'D BE NICER TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE CONSISTENCY

IT'S A BALANCE.

IT'S A ROYALTY FREE MUSIC SONG

IT'S ABOUT 30% ROUGHLY.

IT'S ALWAYS A STRUGGLE.

It's completely edible. It... You could eat this.

IT'S ENJOYABLE TO SEE YOURSELF

IT'S FINE. HAVE YOUR MONEY. HERE

IT'S GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE IF WE GIVE YOU THE $100,

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN TODAY AT TODAY?

IT'S IN YOUR MIND.

IT'S LEAVING THAT AFTERTASTE IN MY MOUTH.

It's like a poo flavor yogurt.

IT'S NOT A MAIL IN REBATE, NO.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

It's not good.

IT'S NOT MAIL IN REBATE.

It's not... I mean... No, I promise.

IT'S SAFER THAN ALMOST ANYTHING OUT THERE.

IT'S TOTALLY OFFICIAL.

IT'S TOUGH BUSINESS

IT'S UP TO YOU.

JOHN, YOUR EYES ARE OPEN.

Just to try that flavor?

LET ME HONEST WITH YOU GUYS.

LET'S DO IT, MAN. I WAS PUMPED

LET'S DO IT. LET'S DO THIS.

LET'S GO TO FREDDY ON LINE TWO.

LIGHTS.

LIKE, WHOSE URINE?

LITTLE SQUINTY EYES AND BIG BUCK TEETH.

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP MY KID TILL 3:00 TOMORROW.

MAYBE THEY CAN DRINK MY GRANDSON'S PEE.

Mix it into yogurt

MM HMM.

MM HMM. SO MAYBE I COULD

MM HMM. [laughs quietly]

Mm. It's got some other familiar...

MONEY WAS CLEARLY IMPORTANT TO MRS. BOYD,

MOUNTAIN CHILE.

MY COUSIN HOLDS ICE CREAM.

MY GAS STATION REBATE WAS UNDERWAY.

My mission was to fill yogurt haven with customers.

MY NAME IS NATHAN FIELDER

MY NAME IS NATHAN FIELDER,

My name is Nathan Fielder,

NATUROPATHS DRINK URINE.

Never tried it.

NO ONE LIKED ELVIS WHEN HE FIRST CAME OUT,

NO PROBLEM.

NO, I AM BEING I AM REASONABLE.

NO, I DON'T LIKE THE BURGER. OKAY.

No, I said I've seen a few penises.

NO, I'M SLEEPING.

No, it okay. Here.

NO, IT'S OKAY. REALLY, SHE'S WAITING AROUND

NO, JUST ANYONE'S PEE.

NO, NO, NO. YOU GET REASONABLE

No, sorry, my hands are full.

NO, THE DEAL IS I STAY, I GET MY REBATE.

NO, THEY'RE NEW. OH, OKAY.

No.

No. 'Cause it's based on real poo.

No. It's totally fine if you have.

NOPE.

Not by accident. It's okay.

NOT GRANDSON'S. ANY LITTLE KID.

NOT OVER AGE OF FIVE,

NOTHING WAS MENTIONED ABOUT A RIDDLE

NOW I'M A BIT NERVOUS. [both chuckle]

NOW THAT I HAD SELECTED MY ACTORS,

NOW, PLEASE JOIN ME IN SINGING DEATH HAPPENS,

OF COURSE, IT'S THE BEST.

Of poo.

OH, COOL. IT WAS TIME

OH, HEY, RAQUEL. WERE YOU JUST WALKING OUT HERE?

OH, HI, MRS. BOYD. HI. HI, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, I SEE, I SEE. LIKE, TO FILL THE ROOM.

OH, MY GOD. THANK YOU.

OH, NICE, MAN.

OH, NICE.

OH, NO. SO YEAH,

OH, REALLY? YEAH.

OH, SURE. THAT'D BE GREAT.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

Oh, the poo. That was my least favorite.

OH, WE'LL JUST GO BACK AND DO IT ANOTHER TIME

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

OH! RAY!

OH.

OKAY, BE QUIET SO WE CAN

OKAY, GREAT. SO THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

Okay, I would not go to that. Next one.

Okay, I'd like to hear one.

OKAY, I'M NOT GOING NOWHERE THEN.

OKAY, IT'S UP TO YOU.

OKAY, SO NO RISK ON YOU, IT'S ALL ON ME.

OKAY, THAT'S FINE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE

OKAY, WELL, IN THESE SITUATIONS,

OKAY, YOU'RE TALKING NOW. YOU CAN'T EVEN DO ANY OF THAT.

OKAY.

OKAY. AND WITH GUSTAVO ON THE GRILL,

OKAY. CAN I ASK,

OKAY. IS THAT OKAY?

OKAY. OKAY,

OKAY. SO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.

Okay. Yeah.

OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S EMBARRASSING,

OKAY. OKAY. OKAY, SO I'LL JUST

OKAY. OKAY. WHAT? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

ONLY ONE PERSON, WHICH IS PRETTY GOOD, YOU KNOW?

OVER THE PAST 24 HOURS,

PEE? YEAH.

People do weird things all the time.

PEOPLE LAUGHED.

PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET THE BEST,

Peppermint? Kinda like licorice.

Peppermint.

PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

Poo. [Giggling]

RAY PREMUS. OH.

RAY. [laughs]

REALLY?

REALLY? YEAH.

RIGHT, EXACTLY. BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE,

Right.

ROCK.

SANTA CLAUS IS THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF.

SCISSORS?

SECOND BURGER. IT'S GOOD.

SEE, I'M NOT I'M NOT SURE, UH,

SHE WORKS IN THE KITCHEN.

SID WAS SUCH A GOOD GUY.

SKYDIVING IS SO SWEET, AND I WAS STOKED

SO HOW DO YOU FEEL IT ALL WENT TODAY?

SO I MEAN, WHEN HE SAYS IT'S THE BEST,

SO I PAID HIM A VISIT WITH A WAY

So I paid him a visit with some advice

SO I SAW YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS IN THERE.

SO NOW THE STATE POLICE MAJOR CRIMES SQUAD

SO THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES DON'T WANT US TO KNOW

SO WE WON'T BE PAYING A LOT.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE ALL GO DOWN THIS MOUNTAIN AS FRIENDS?

SO WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN? NATHAN.

SO YOU CAN DO A LOT OF DIALECTS, YOU WROTE.

So you disagree?

SO YOU WOULD DRINK URINE?

Some. Some.

SOMETIMES, IF WE'RE HELPING A BUSINESS,

STEVE ON LINE TWO. HELLO, STEVE.

SURE, YEAH. I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA GET

SURE. I FORGOT

Take care.

TELL SCOTT THE STORY OF WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING THIS IDEA.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. OKAY.

Thank you. I mean...

THANKS. THANK THANK THEM.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD. YEAH, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

THAT WAS BRUTAL FOR ME.

That was me.

THAT'S A COOL BUSINESS. LIKE, REALLY,

THAT'S CRAZY. YEAH, THAT IS.

THAT'S JUST WHERE THE DROP BOX IS.

THAT'S NOT LAURIE. YES, IT'S ON LAURIE.

THAT'S RIGHT. HOW COME YOU GOT AWAY WITH

That's what I was trying to say...

THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY, YEAH.

THE BURGERS, WELL, DID NOT REALLY SATISFY MY TASTES,

The color. Uh...

THE GENTLEMAN WHO WORKED IN THE GAS STATION

THE NEXT DAY, I HEADED BACK TO SEVAN GAS

THE ONLY DRUGS THAT THE FDA WILL APPROVE

THE ONLY WAY TO CALM THE MOB WAS TO PAY THEM OUT.

THE PLAN:

THE SECOND? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THEIR OWN URINE.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT HAMBURGER, MAN.

THEY'RE, LIKE, LOSING.

THINGS WERE OFF TO AN OKAY START,

THIS IS MY SECOND BURGER

This is, uh... This is what you requested.

THIS WILL NEVER END.

TO DEMONSTRATE MY IDEA,

Ugh.

UH, I LISTENED TO KLOS THIS MORNING TO HEIDI AND FRANK,

UH, I'LL GET THE GAS,

UH, NO, WE'RE GOING TO 12,500 FEET.

UH, WELL, UM

UH..

Uh... I don't know.

UM, A LITTLE. [chuckles]

Um, clearly the look helps. Right.

Um, don't they say people that drive nice cars

UM, I'VE GOT I'VE GOTTEN MORE NEGATIVE REACTIONS

UM, WHAT IS THIS? THIS IS A

UM, WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET, UM

Um...

Um... Huh?

UNLESS YOUR BURGER ISN'T THE BEST.

WAIT, AT THE GAS STATION YOU JUST TOLD US

WAIT, IS YOUR BURGER THE BEST?

WAIT, TIME OUT. SECOND BURGER?

WAIT, YOU CAN'T BE SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW.

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY

We settled on 2 1/2 months to start.

WE'RE GONNA KEEP YOU AROUND. [laughs] THANKS.

WE'RE NOT GONNA PAY THAT MUCH MONEY...AT ALL.

WELL, I WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND, FREDDY?

WELL, I ADMIRE, YOU KNOW, HIM STANDING BY HIS PRODUCT,

Well, I assure you that's not a known fact.

WELL, I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE A STRESSFUL EXPERIENCE FOR YOU,

WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD JUST FINISH IN THE MORNING.

Well, I'm just a regular guy...

WELL, I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE

WELL, IT SOUNDS GOOD.

WELL, PLAY IT. LET'S HEAR IT.

WELL, SCOTT MET MY FRIEND,

WELL, SKYDIVING, IT'S OUR BUSINESS HERE,

WELL, THE BEST WAY TO TELL

WELL, WE AGREE WITH YOU,

WELL, WHY ARE YOU THIS IS PART OF THE DEAL.

WELL, YEAH.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO ANSWER SOME RIDDLES FIRST.

WHAT APPEALED TO ME ABOUT IT

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE SCARED?

What does this taste like to you?

WHAT PERCENT OF YOUR GRADE IS IT OVER?

WHAT TYPE OF REBATE?

What we you basing that on?

WHAT? ELIZABETH.

WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS PLACE

WHAT'S THAT? UM...

When I first came today,

WHEN WE ARRIVED AT THE RESTAURANT

WHERE? MOUNTAIN CHILE.

WHERE'S IT AT?

WHERE'S THE BOX?

WHO SAYS THAT? MY GRANDMA.

WHO?

WHO'S RAQUEL?

WHOO, ANYBODY GOT SOME TOOTHPASTE, OR SOMETHING?

WHOO!

WHOSE PEE?

WHY BECAUSE IT'S CLEAN.

WHY DID YOU GET ME SCISSORS?

WILL THAT WORK? THAT'LL WORK, DUDE.

WIND. WOODWINDS, WIND MUSIC.

WITH THESE DAYS IT BEING MORE ECONOMICAL

WOW, DO YOU WANT $100 OR AN ACADEMY AWARD?

WOW, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE. THAT'S

YEAH IT SOUNDS GOOD.

YEAH, BUT WHY ARE YOU SO MAD?

YEAH, BUT, I MEAN, I DO WANT THAT REBATE.

YEAH, DEFINITELY.

Yeah, I think it's a poor idea.

YEAH, IF YOU'RE SCARED,

Yeah, it does actually,

YEAH, IT MIGHT BE FUNNY IF HE'S CHINESE,

Yeah, it's not a problem.

YEAH, JUST, LIKE, GET OUT THERE.

YEAH, OF MY OWN MONEY, FROM PAYING PEOPLE.

YEAH, OKAY [clears throat] I WOULD I'M NOT LAUGHING.

YEAH, SOMETIMES YOU'RE SCARED FOR SOMETHING.

YEAH, WE'RE ALMOST DONE WITH THE RIDDLES.

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT?

YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S GREAT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, YOU CAN'T MISS THAT. NO.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH. 100 BUCKS, 'CAUSE I MEAN,

Yeah. Cool.

YEAH. I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR

YEAH. LET'S DO THIS.

YEAH. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

YEAH. OH, GOOD.

YEAH. SCOTT SMITH. NICE TO MEET YOU.

YEAH. WELL, YOU SOUND NORMAL.

YEAH. WHY?

YEAH. HI. HOW ARE YOU?

YEAH. IS THAT COOL?

Yes

YES, I PICK UP PEOPLE'S LANGUAGES

YES, WE DID.

YES.

Yes.

YES. RIGHT ON.

YOU ARE A LITTLE [bleep]! JUST GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT,

YOU CAN MEET HIM. OKAY.

YOU CAN'T JUST MAIL IT IN, LIKE JUST

You could make yogurt.

YOU DREW ME HERE. YEAH.

YOU DRINK ANY

YOU DRINK YOUR GRANDSON'S PEE IF YOU GET SCARED?

You just said that you're a penis expert.

YOU KNOW WHAT IS UTOPIA? YEAH.

You know what you could do.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW, AT THE BEGINNING OF ALL THIS,

YOU KNOW, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE HIM.

YOU NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU WANNA GET YOUR REBATE, HUH?

YOU WANT THE KING OF STING?

YOU'RE GONNA DO IT?

YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!

YOU'RE PROMOTING YOUR GRANDSON'S PEE.

YOUR GRANDMA SAID LONG TIME AGO, YEAH.

YOUR SECOND BURGER? WHOA HO HO HO!

AND MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP SELL IT TO YOU.

'CAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE AN EXCUSE, OR LIKE I'M YOU KNOW,

"I don't know how to market a business"

"I'M GONNA PROFIT FROM THIS..." RIGHT, EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

"THREE, TWO, ONE," AND I WAS GONE.

[both laugh]

[cheers and applause]

[clears throat] IT'S A LITTLE BIT HIGHER THAN THAT

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

[laughs]

[laughter]

[laughter] ALL RIGHT, NEXT CALLER, PLEASE.

[sighs]

[sobbing]

[sobs] I KNEW IT!

[triumphant music]

[upbeat music]

[warning beeps dinging]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪ 'CAUSE I KNOW

♪ BABY WHAT WOULD I DO

♪ DEATH IS SO SAD

♪ DEATH IS SO SAD BUT IT HAPPENS ♪

♪ HOW LONG I GOTTA WAIT FOR WAIT FOR YOU? ♪

♪ I GOT TOO MANY ANGLES

♪ I START A HOLY WAR

♪ I WAS UP

♪ IF YOU'D BE HERE TODAY

♪ IT WON'T BE THE SAME

♪ NOW YOU'RE IN ANOTHER SPACE ♪

♪ RUNNING ROUND MY BRAIN

♪ THESE DAYS I JUST CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT ♪

♪ THINGS GET BETTER FOR FRIE IENDS ♪

♪ WON'T BE THE

$1.75 GAS AFTER REBATE.

♪ LOOKING OUT FOR MORE