Rutherford Falls (2021) - Season 1 Edit

A barrister's wig,

A blender

A brand new, state of the art museum

A bunch of years ago, Lawrence Rutherford wrote and signed

A classic bout,

A cross roads for all kinds of Minishonka life,

A cutting edge retail tourism community.

A den of glorious bacchanalia.

A fight ensued, and enraged,

A full ride to Northwestern?

A guy at work said he'd pay $500 for this.

A historical landmark.

A house fried rice, and six honey walnut shrimp.

A huge conglomerate that makes everything

A legally binding agreement with the Minishonka.

A little ding. 1%.

A lot of it was pretty solid.

A lot of memories coming into focus.

A lot of my traditional ways,

A lot of these Rutherfords are military heroes.

A metropolis of longhouses.

A place where our people won't be overlooked...

A powder keg.

A reminder, though

A restaurant 20 years ago?

A slight change o' plans.

A state of the art ass kissing machine.

A straight up human rights violation.

A team of corporate lawyers comes up here

A team of corporate lawyers comes up here

A tinderbox?

A traditional Minishonka way of life

A very accurate first impression, so...

A whole year, no requests, no visits, no emails.

A woman named Lynda Carter was born in our town.

About acquiring her collection.

About how my ancestors colonized this land

About racism made by white people?

About something that you just

According to existing Indian commission settlements,

According to Kaufman, this place used to be

Across Indian country.

Across the room because he saw you

Actual secret treasure.

Actually knew Ronnie D'Angelo,

Actually, don't even know where he went.

Actually, he didn't say it, he wrote it

Actually, I just got back on people's good side,

Actually, I'm not sorry about that.

Actually, it's more like a lie hose

Affectionately known today as Big Larry.

After his brother, Horace.

After my father."

After the Jared Fogle scandal.

After you told me you wanted to get on his good side?

Agreeing to renounce his paternity.

Ah, God.

Ah, one of these years, Rog.

Ah, that's good.

Ah, that's the last train.

Ahh, that stuff about the white baby.

Ahh, this is huge.

AKA my house.

Albeit a seemingly woke one,

All because of a butter knife.

All I'm saying is I think there's a solution

All I'm trying to do is protect our history and culture.

All in the service of founding the very town

All it takes is a light touch and the proper tool.

All of this was ours.

All over the antique clothing.

All right, get out of here.

All right, gonna need four dozen bagels,

All right, here we go.

All right, I'll see you soon. See ya.

All right, I'm gonna change your mind.

All right, it was totally unexpected.

All right, look, I'm getting out of town for a little bit,

All right, put this on! I will.

All right, tell you what.

All right, you heard Kaitlyn.

All right?

All right.

All right.

All righty, then.

All that stuff belongs to my people.

All the baskets.

All the greatest feminist icons

All the way to Illinois and back.

All the way to Lake Placid.

All this other stuff,

All we have is barely a hunch.

All: What? No.

All: Whoa!

Allow me to present the newest innovation

Allow Nathan to keep his home,

Almost certainly right about this.

Almost died,

Along the eastern seaboard.

Already scheming like a political power couple.

Also an unlimited diorama budget.

Also had a private island

Also, don't say "your people."

Also, I have SAT prep in the morning.

Also, I just need to shoot the elephant in the room right now.

Also, I know that my mom is watching this.

Also, I like him.

Also, I owe the casino $80,000.

Also, this is crazy,

Also, you don't have to do that thing

Also, you missed your 4:00 p.m. Kind Bar,

Although she'd be doing a lot better

Although, anyone can see they're mostly your fault.

Although, now I'm almost kind of wishing, like,

Although, while Ariana Grande

Always saving up for a honeymoon in Italy,

Among the people in this room.

Amounts to roughly $350 million,

An amazing, epic, juicy, fulfilling life.

An exciting new chapter.

An exhibit worthy of the Met.

An idealist studying journalism,

An inspiring narrative that people

And a can of natural wine,

And a fur pelt every year, correct?

And a lot less spiders.

And a nearby native American reservation

And a state and a town

And a VHS copy of "Young Guns II"?

And actually, we're closing early,

And after that, I'll thank the sponsors

And all of its rich culture.

And all of that is okay.

And allow you to say a few words.

And also for making fun of the Tesla charging station.

And also, Bobbie, I really am sorry.

And an invite to a baby shower.

And as And as the first Black mayor

And ask her to return her Minneshonka collection

And author of a book about my family's history.

And bank accounts.

And be the badass everyone knows you are?

And befriended their Native American counterparts,

And besides that, these kids spent months on their projects.

And Big Larry represents our history

And Bobbie will be getting even more furs

And boots clearly taken from a pirate costume.

And build a fair and honest empire,

And buy yourself some new slot machines.

And by the time his land deal is up for final approval,

And by the time I had gotten two master's and come home,

And Cameron Jones, you're a vegan.

And can let this go.

And change this town's name to Minishonka Falls,

And changed the tree ordinance, right?

And correctly using the term literal.

And cue Nathan.

And delivers them to the other's family.

And didn't get your story.

And don't offer him anything to eat or drink.

And don't you have bigger things to worry about

And each is a source of pride in our nation.

And erected a statue of old Lawrence,

And especially because we didn't find

And every move I make

And everything you went through.

And express some vulnerability?

And fade into the background.

And for that reason he will never be promoted.

And frankly, this town sucks without you in it.

And get ready to pick up a sack of opportunity.

And getting some casino ambience

And give me a chance to prove to them

And God given power.

And got caught in that big, red paddle.

And Greta what's her name, but that's it.

And growing a profitable economy are mutually exclusive.

And guess what?

And he also was pretty stinky

And he always had the town in mind.

And he enjoyed a hot slice

And he hates chapter books,

And he looked like he needed support.

And he needs to take care of his crap on his own.

And he served in Afghanistan.

And he should stay in the way.

And he wants me to be his Mickey Mouse.

And he'll most likely leave when his story is done,

And he'll shake his hand, and he'll say,

And here he is in dreads speaking in full Patois.

And his dumb winter sweaters he wears year round.

And his spirit will emerge.

And historical decisions, use of the company helicopter.

And History Museum?

And hope that more of you like it than don't,

And how do people not realize that my family is meaningful?

And how Mom and Dad slept in separate bedrooms

And I came anyway,

And I can give you money

And I can tell you're getting hangry,

And I can't buy any more leggings, so thank you,

And I can't not tell him he's too hot.

And I dare you not to support me.

And I distinctly heard you say "genocide."

And I don't get it.

And I don't like it,

And I don't mean spirit in, like, a native way.

And I found something Wait.

And I got the proof right here.

And I guess the horses are the council.

And I had this Neutral Milk Hotel T shirt

And I have to give you credit.

And I have zero interest in working for the casino.

And I hope you've enjoyed my film.

And I just felt like you totally had to know,

And I just totally biffed it.

And I just wanted to say thank you

And I know it'll make you upset, but...

And I know there are better people for this job,

And I listened to that podcast.

And I need folks like you to help me pull this off.

And I need people like you to get what I want.

And I need some backup. Hey, man.

And I need you to do nothing.

And I only rent it from the library,

And I personally am going to throw

And I pretty much know them all.

And I should grow my bangs out.

And I suppose if I were the first Native mayor

And I think he might have a drinking problem.

And I think maybe we hold back

And I think there's something in there

And I want you on the team.

And I wanted to donate some of my beadwork.

And I was dumb enough to try to help.

And I wasn't,

And I would love to show you around.

And I would never get in the way

And I'd like you to be part of it.

And I'll try to hire them.

And I'm happy to wait for you to die for most of

And I'm just trying to build a coalition.

And I'm kind of a tuning fork for who falls

And I'm leaving,

And I'm not gonna start today.

And I'm really so sorry, Reagan.

And I'm selling old fashioned lemonade.

And I'm somehow able to live with myself

And I'm sorry I wasted your time

And I'm super close to figuring out

And I'm taking this biscuit.

And I'm using this job to advance my cultural center, so

And I'm willing to overlook the cultural appropriation.

And I've come to the conclusion

And I've had a pretty crappy day myself,

And if it can just be picked up and tossed around willy nilly

And if it doesn't work out,

And if it's done right,

And if that's the case,

And if two people from very different backgrounds

And if you disagree, you can burn in hell.

And if you don't get that,

And if you think selling this house the right thing to do

And if you throw in a cow with a cute name,

And if you want to talk about stealing,

And improved Cultural Center.

And in life.

And isn't it always better to be part of the plan?

And it feels like...

And it sets all of us back by, like, a hundred years, right?

And it was totally amazing and awesome,

And it would be cool if one day a Minishonka girl

And it's about how you did this noble gesture for our town.

And it's all about your decision to move Big Larry

And it's been passed down in our family ever since.

And it's not like you're trying to avoid my questions.

And it's right where I would've put it.

And it's un frackable.

And Kate's "wellness business" is a Ponzi scheme.

And keep up the fight.

And Lawrence Rutherford gazed upon the majestic valley,

And let us never forget

And let's go judge the upperclassmen.

And long after I'm dead, there will be Minishonka

And look around, bud.

And look professional.

And lost.

And made its home here

And made its Indigenous people faceless.

And making claims that I'm secretly Puerto Rican,

And Mark Francis,

And Maya, you come with me.

And messy and complicated for us to ever think

And more about how it made you feel.

And more that it's an important part of our culture.

And most importantly, figure out where I came from.

And my cultural beliefs.

And my personal podcasting hero,

And Nathan, we want you to be our Mickey Mouse.

And no one's buying my raffle tickets on Instagram.

And no Rutherford has actually owned a dairy cow

And not live in an ancient money pit in New Jersey.

And not visit the cultural center

And nothing else.

And now everybody's jealous.

And now take three steps forward

And now they're giving me gifts.

And now we bully others together.

And now you parade your elitist college education

And now you're too bougie for these

And now, I would love to take any of your questions.

And now, our museum associate director/intern, Bobbie Yang,

And now... to the podcast studio!

And of course we can discuss your many demands.

And once written, can it be changed?

And our heritage, and he means a lot to a lot of people.

And our people will not only exist

And out.

And plus, I have Josh.

And pretended to be our friend.

And probably some other places. [giggles]

And provide you with mozzarella sticks.

And put him down somewhere else?

And Rascals Wrestled Riches from the Rest of Us."

And read old Lawrence's journals.

And remember, the goal of attending

And Repatriation Act?

And Rick did eventually go on that honeymoon, right?

And see if everything's NAGPRA compliant.

And set up a squash game for me and Terry, please.

And settle the Big Larry issue once and for all?

And she came here.

And she has botched LASIK surgery!

And she's hung up.

And shove it up your fair and honest butt.

And shove it up your fair and honest butt.

And single moms, who are the real heroes.

And so a statue was erected

And so have the hands of power.

And so, Big Larry stands,

And so, in 1638,

And so, okay, call me back.

And some of them were pretty graphic.

And some people just don't like you.

And sometimes that surprise was

And sometimes, those interests are at odds.

And speaking of Hitler,

And squashes you like a bug.

And squashes you like a bug.

And stole a prized thoroughbred.

And tailored suits.

And that history can benefit us all.

And that is all of our faults.

And that one time that Dad threw your television

And that statue, which sits on my family's land,

And that sucks.

And that was directed by the exceedingly white

And that woman was Taylor Swift.

And that you have no legitimate affiliation

And that you're probably a little bit worried about

And that's when I realized I needed road snacks.

And that's when you get it. That's how it works.

And that's why I've changed my mind,

And the enamel washes off super easily.

And the episode is good to go.

And the good work we're doing here.

And the history of America is the story of us.

And the liability of our company.

And the Minishonka are square.

And the only reason I took this job

And the other guy is, like, okay to play?

And the rest is yours to spend.

And the Rutherfords always had the final word.

And the shoulders, and the chest,

And the smells, make a fresh start, reinvent myself.

And the students. Different awakenings.

And the town is up in arms.

And their accountants' Teslas.

And their women's shelters. Exactly!

And then Josh confirmed it even though I asked him not to.

And then later, that.

And then we'll do another run through.

And then you can treat me however you want.

And then you go, like, steal stuff from my family?

And there was some damage to the property.

And there were a bunch of bowling scores at the bottom.

And there's 45 events this year

And there's a bunch of crap spray painted all over him

And these fur coats are to die for.

And they are from a man addressed to your mom,

And they are jerks. Mm hmm.

And they don't exist.

And think clearly about your next

And this isn't some Confederate statue

And this statue?

And this Triple B is officially over.

And those quietly on your side can say,

And those that hate you, which frankly is most people,

And throw away the PC key.

And thus began

And thus begins step two.

And thus declared,

And thus founding Rutherford Falls.

And toss him aside.

And trustworthy in my corner.

And turn to the right.

And unfortunately, power comes from money.

And voters like it when you leave

And wants to see where it goes.

And Wayne's sister goes to Yale.

And we can do better.

And we cannot go home until we put it back on.

And we don't leave until we get this hashed out.

And we have history, but also people would freak

And we honor the original spot

And we intend to be repaid every penny.

And we must walk through it.

And we share our unique ideas,

And we'll get straight down to brass tacks.

And we're gonna do it to ourselves?

And we're not really talking right now,

And what does an associate director do exactly?

And what happened at the wedding,

And whatever you think of him, Nathan is helping me.

And while I appreciate you seem to have read

And while I feel bad for the guy,

And while it might not make for a feel good story,

And while it's not exactly what I was expecting,

And who doesn't love to swim?

And why it's so important that he's there.

And with that said, I have a hypothetical.

And you and Ray invited literally everyone

And you awaken things in me.

And you calmed me down by telling me

And you can't cha oh, my God!

And you gave me the phone number to the Pentagon.

And you have no sense of community or family.

And you haven't won any tickets."

And you said to open it in case of emergency.

And you think my life's work is evil.

And you tried to help me, and I see that now.

And you walk by a store with this in the window.

And you were like, "Okay." Okay, then.

And you would give me the Minneshonka items, right?

And you'd think I would be working at a museum,

And you'll get paid to keep doing what you do.

And you'll have to play catch up.

And you're gonna tell the people at your firm

And you're not gonna get away with this.

And your ability to

And your meal's free. And your picture goes

And your twin sisters Stacey and Marcy?

And, for that reason, I'm out.

And, huh, signal dropped or something.

And, I mean, what is so great about being a Rutherford?

And, uh,

And, uh,

And, uh,

And...

And...

And...

And... [chuckles]

And/or bennies,

Another will always pull them back down.

Any more than I have to.

Any non white babies who might be listening.

Anyone see the resemblance? I definitely see it.

Anyway, I am here to ask

Anyway, I'm just hoping maybe you can fill in some blanks

Anyway, look, there is some family stuff

Anyway, this isn't about me.

Apologies.

Are a complete and total disaster.

Are bordering on purposefully hurtful.

Are either of those in the honey walnut shrimp?

Are on their way up.

Are one of the great mysteries, huh?

Are slight different versions of Ariana Grande.

Are so Frenched up.

Are that basket and those bangs.

Are you kidding me?

Are you my best friend,

Are you suggesting we cut those budgets for your project?

Are you sure you want to give them away?

Are you sure your knowledge of your language is accurate?

Art, and culture,

As a child of immigrants

As a joke, but please never stop.

As a sitting board member

As a witch's tit.

As doing so serves both of our interests.

As evidence against me.

As guidance and inspiration for our future?

As I stepped off that train in Rutherford Falls.

As members of the Minishonka tribe struggled

As old Buford Rutherford used to say about generosity

As the first Black mayor of Rutherford Falls.

As the sun is cresting over Big Larry like a halo.

As the town's first Black mayor

As told through the point of view of electricity.

As will the new and improved

Astronaut ice cream. [all gasp]

At all of the items in your carriage house,

At best, it's a local traffic issue.

At Buckheart Lodge.

At Jensen Hall,

At least this one is profitable.

At least, it's not just her.

At my great aunt Joan's.

At odds with a lot of your cultural beliefs.

At one point, he was dead set on naming it

At one white guy today.

At the casino entrance.

At the Denver Art Museum.

At the family heirlooms in your carriage house.

At the same time?

At the time the agreement was made.

At the town council meeting in three months.

Avery P. Rutherford's frame room?

Aw, thank you.

Back into your jaws.

Back to Manhattan,

Bad shit. Mal Merde.

Basically like a monster that eats your poop.

Basically, Terry asked if I

Baskets were woven.

Be a damn shame if something happened

Be better placed on Spencer

Bea Rutherford, New York state's first female cop.

Beating red, white, and blue.

Because at the meeting,

Because Cobra Commander was no help at all.

Because his Saturn won't make it

Because honestly, y'all can keep on hating on me

Because I deserve it.

Because I did a deep dive on his Twitter.

Because I put gas in it,

Because I'm not a child.

Because I'm on the precipice

Because if one crap starts to climb up,

Because if you were drinking at Maggie's,

Because it makes things different.

Because literally everything costs money.

Because now, many of us live in a country

Because of my position in the community.

Because of your actions,

Because that's what we do, Josh,

Because the bucket is the problem.

Because the new location is pretty cool.

Because the PC police are apparently here.

Because then there's always someone there to yank us back.

Because they feel obligated.

Because they're cheaper in bulk,

Because this article in "Indian Gaming Quarterly"

Because this map is not quite to scale,

Because unlike the other two,

Because we're not a monolith, and that's a good thing.

Because you come from a society

Because you just started a war.

Because you're my brother and I love you,

Because, spoiler alert, I'm a bit of a talker,

Because, you know, you're like a shark

Been a while.

Been doing this a long time,

Befell Rutherford Falls,

Before "Hamilton."

Before he even has a chance.

Before I announce the winners

Before I give those items to Terry.

Before Joan changes her mind

Before she dies trying to drop a hint.

Before someone else does and paints us as the villains.

Before they even make their nut.

Before we judge all the entries.

Before we speak on this.

Before you donate.

Behind the tree is a mama bear.

Being friends with white people.

Being pulled down by protesters.

Belongs in a landfill.

Besides slanderous Minishonka land acknowledgements,

Besides, you got your wish. Mickey Mouse.

Between our two sovereign nations.

Between you and me, it's kind of a messed up way

Between your actions

Big Larry is literally our company logo,

Big Larry will stay put

Big Larry?

Big Larry's gonna stay right where he is.

Big Larry's not one of those statues.

Blake Jensen, Quinn & Hall. Hi.

Blake Jensen?

Blended tomatoes for soup,

Board member, or shareholder of Rutherford Inc.

Bobbie, if raises existed

Bobbie, what's up? There's a reporter here.

Bobbie, your film was pandering,

Bobbie? Yes.

Both fighting on the same team.

Both: Airbnb.

Both: Dad! I'm sorry.

Both: Here we go.

Both: Surprise!

Both: The same time at the same time.

Both: Yes. Oh, my God.

Brave settlers landed in a new world.

Bring it in. All right.

Bronze was very expensive at the time,

Buckheart Lodge.

Built by Mohawks,

Burgers needs a pickle, right?

But a lot of Westerns were shot on Navajo lands.

But a major budget increase could have a huge impact.

But actually, the cultural center is intended

But allow me to stay on it under your terms?

But also I am onto you,

But also maybe you

But also your benefit.

But also, it's the best idea, and you know it."

But before I do that,

But by a trusted elite.

But clearly, there was some kind of betrayal

But compromises have to be made.

But do not say anything about the wedding.

But every time we level up, so do they.

But for us, it was a way to express ourselves.

But have you taken a moment recently

But he drank that entire basketball of gin.

But he is a respected scholar. Mm.

But he kept pushing it off and putting it off, and

But he seems like a killer, right?

But he was always a great confidant of my mother's.

But he's also really sweet, and he loves me,

But he's the guy that my mom was...

But hey, don't take it personally.

But honestly, babe, I think she may be a dud.

But honestly, you look great up there.

But I am determined to move us forward."

But I am here to listen,

But I am thrilled to announce

But I appreciate your candor.

But I can tell you I'm optimistic.

But I can't promise you anything.

But I could cite at least 15 cases

But I did get to learn the great American pastime,

But I don't want it to affect the weekend.

But I find myself in quite a pickle.

But I had the best time by myself.

But I have some good news,

But I haven't talked to a single person.

But I know she would want someone

But I love this museum.

But I may have to consider my options

But I sense a kindred spirit in you.

But I should head out.

But I think my Great Uncle Calbert might be able to help me.

But I think you know Josh.

But I think you're right. There's nothing here.

But I totally hear

But I want you to hear it.

But I was looking at old beadwork to get ideas and stuff

But I was Miss Indian World.

But I will not waste time

But I will peel off at the Cultural Center.

But I will run across this field and choke you!

But I will say if you're getting warm or cold.

But I work for the cultural center.

But I'm freaking pumped.

But I'm married. What, no?

But I'm not going anywhere.

But I'm sticking toothpicks in them.

But I'm sure that they were all acquired

But I'm telling you, the best way to protect

But I'm the one who got picked.

But I'm worried we don't have enough bagels.

But I'm your friend.

But if he wants to disappear for weeks on end,

But if they did, they'd be in storage

But if we cut corners...

But if we keep the town and council on our side

But if you listen,

But if you would allow me to explain

But if you're interested in Minishonka history,

But in holding firm,

But in return, I want the budget

But is "A Different World" off the table,

But is it complicated culturally?

But it sure beats a sink shower in an RV's bathroom.

But it's a nice life, enjoy the right now.

But it's also about everything.

But it's also the best idea, and you know it.

But it's because I'm the first dang Black woman mayor

But it's bordering on offensive in this case.

But it's not like you hate each other.

But it's the little moments in our lives

But it's traditional.

But it's what I need from you.

But love the enthusiasm.

But maybe now that I'm an outcast too.

But maybe someone there can help me tap

But maybe you already have enough stuff?

But merely an example of corporate generosity.

But my cousin really needs a job,

But Nathan said you'd like this more.

But Nathan, this world is way too big

But Nathan, you're stirring up all kinds of weird shit.

But nice to meet you.

But no matter what, I'm guaranteed to piss off someone,

But no, mission not accomplished.

But not here with your own people.

But now I get it.

But now it seems like no no one

But now you're legally bound

But on the other hand...

But once you have to look a person in the eye,

But pardon my French, he was a real shit head.

But perhaps I've been too rigid in my thinking.

But quite the moving speech, Mr. Rutherford.

But Reagan and Nathan are here.

But Reagan's not answering my calls so

But seriously, hon, don't sweat this Maya stuff.

But seriously, not everyone gets to tell their story.

But seriously, what are you two doing for our people?

But she passed away a few years ago.

But she's effective.

But so close, it drives you crazy.

But sometimes you just have to plant your feet and say,

But teach a man the fundamentals

But tell him it's an extra you had from home.

But that land includes

But that was 15 years ago?

But that was huge.

But that's in the past.

But the future is now.

But the guy's lazy and has no ambition.

But the legend of Mal Mer

But the rest of these look pretty good to me.

But the short answer is,

But the town remains mostly the same size

But the tribe is willing to offer a fair sum,

But then she said, "They're all bad."

But there should be a red folder

But there's a saying:

But there's more to be done,

But there's so much stuff here.

But they are no longer voiceless.

But they are very soft.

But this idea comes straight from my new associate director.

But this is a very old house with a million stories.

But this is a work of art, and it's not for sale.