A Series of Unfortunate Events - Season 1 Edit

A big round of applause.

A blonde or a bottle blonde?

A blurry photograph...

A bucktoothed baby, a smarty pants little boy

A child did see that the peg leg was false.

A consultant? Dear God. Why would anyone listen to a consultant?

A cookbook, so we can make dinner.

A dictionary.

A fancy way of saying you're more likely to get what you want

A few crucial objects that I have gathered in my travels

A few minutes late because Mr. Poe missed the turn...

A foolproof way of getting your fortune.

A Fuzzy Navel for the sailor.

A gentleman, at the town market and petting zoo.

A girl your age should know that a taxi is a car

A good labyrinth is full of secrets.

A gorgeous...

A home cooked meal is better than nothing.

A home is where people take care of you, not make you work in a mill for gum.

A hypnotist chooses one word to induce hypnotic suggestion,

A kind and honorable men.

A kind and honorable men.

A legal husband has titular and practical control over any relevant fiduciaries,

A library is like an island in a vast sea of ignorance.

A man like me can acquire any number of beautiful women

A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk.

A message.

A monster that is half bull and extremely unpleasant.

A nice lady who, unfortunately, is not their guardian.

A number of concerned people are worried

A parent or an arsonist?

A phrase which here means

A phrase which here means that the authorities had not caught him

A poet enters the woods and is menaced by revelations

A pretty girl like you shouldn't be working backstage.

A prospective spouse must be chronologically sound and appropriate

A quarantine!

A return to safety, away from menace and disturbing revelations.

A roof over one's head is better than nothing.

A simple misunderstanding.

A smarty pants boy like you ought to be able to figure out that

A statement of active acquiescence by both participants,

A statement of active acquiescence by both participants,

A tall girl, a boy with glasses

A tattoo is just a decorative pigment on skin.

A very wrong name?

A vile and terrible person

A villainous actor and an active villain who has vowed repeatedly

A word meaning healthcare professional who performs eye exams.

A word meaning person who thinks hopeful thoughts

A word which here means a person of the age

A word which here means dreadful and melancholy.

A word which here means very, very wrong, and causing much grief, direction.

Aardvark.

Abacus.

Aberrant.

About Dr. Montgomery.

About even the bleakest situation.

About what would happen that sorry evening.

About your being raised by your closest living relative.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. See? I have my own business card.

Absolutely survives this particular incident.

According to the Encyclopedia Hypnotica,

According to the map, the mill library should be just behind...

According to your deceased parents' will.

Act two, 9:30, unless concession sales are strong.

Acting in the role of parent.

Actually, Dr. Montgomery...

Actually, I'm about to be rather wealthy. So if you'll excuse me...

Actually, Justice Strauss, we really need your help.

Actually, Justice Strauss, we're here to research something else.

Actually, my receptionist has a story to share.

Actually, we often help around the house.

Actually, you catch the most flies with manure.

Adults don't wear costumes unless it's for a charity ball,

After all of those picnics by the shore?

After all of those shredded beef tamales I served to your husband?

After all that unpleasantness with Mr. Snicket.

After all the secrets we had shared?

After all, it's not every day that a man becomes a father of three children.

After all, these three children aren't blithering morons,

After I called the police, I rang up the Herpetological Society.

After Phil's accident,

After the heartbreak, and the lawsuit

After the probably apocryphal figure in Sicilian mythology.

After the treachery I've seen here tonight?

After the treachery I've seen here tonight?

After the wedding, I wouldn't dispose of you like your brother and sister.

After what you've been through,

Again and again escaping from your clutches.

Again with Count Olaf. I must say,

Again.

Ah ha!

Ah, but this is an old friend who severely regrets his actions.

Ah, Gustav.

Ah, here's the turn.

Ah, I see an approaching hurricane, but no theatrical troupe.

Ah, I suppose...

Ah, local ordinances.

Ah, lovely.

Ah, thank you. I'm so grateful.

Ah, that unpleasantness with Count Olaf. No need to scare the man.

Ah, the theater.

Ah, there you are, children.

Ah, there's so much to learn.

Ah, this is just terrible.

Ah, we were so young.

Ah, well, that was a narrow escape

Ah, yeah, uh... SSSSSS.

Ah, yes, perhaps we should both wait with the children.

Ah, yes, the bank.

Ah, yes, the fire.

Ah!

Ah! And these are your papers.

Ah! Just... just push on the wood.

Ah! That moral argument

Ah.

Ah. Well, that is unusual for a baby.

Ahoy, a hairless pygmy!

Alas, poor Sunny.

Alas, the helter skelter life of a working girl

Alive? Where?

All good, true and decent people know that it's time to volunteer.

All I need is a lever, a counterweight and a very large spoon.

All my anxieties are put to rest.

All my life I wanted to be a bride,

All of the artistic and financial aspects of my career are finally coming together

All right, all right. My home is near a large lake.

All right, then.

All storms eventually break.

All the answers are in here.

All the answers are in here.

All the best movies have subtitles.

All the enthusiasm in the world won't get us to participate in your horrible plot!

All the strange and mysterious things that keep happening to us.

All three children felt less miserable than they had...

All we have to do is get one of those brats to murder someone.

All we have to do is saute garlics and onions in a pot,

All we've got to do is use the sail to catch the wind

All you do is saute garlic and onions in a pot,

All your silly codes and obscure literary references

Allow me to introduce myself,

Allow me to recommend the Cheer Up Cheeseburgers.

Allowing the viper to slip out and kill him.

Along with her husband, what's his name.

Also, we don't know.

Although I can't seem to find the sugar bowl.

Although I do know what lies below,

Although I don't know who I think I'm kidding,

Although I may be in line for a promotion, so that might change.

Although it was only a few hours ago.

Although Mother wouldn't let me watch that one.

Although you only have one line, and I think you know what it is.

Although you won't be listed in the program.

Although, I prefer the word certain. Follow me.

Although, I would rather a book.

Although, my drama teacher told me my chances were slim

Although, unfortunately...

Always.

Am I...

An actress and a mother, instead of ending up

An associate of mine named Brillat Savarin famously said,

An E or an A?

An emergency?

An enormous, enormous fortune in my life.

An eye exam is standard procedure for all my patients.

And a bad actor, Stephano,

And a chiffon train rippling down like... like...

And a girl with an enormous fortune.

And a large pot of vegetarian chili.

And a little baby who I think bit a hole in my spare tire.

And a man who, upon hearing the word Nero,

And a one and a two and a chicka booma chick.

And a one, and a two, and a...

And a place to sleep,

And a poisonous plant.

And a very large hat.

And a vile and terrible person.

And about six minutes earlier.

And all of the excessive commercials.

And all of you, ladies and gentlemen, are witnesses.

And all that I can tell you is that, whoever it was...

And all they did was slap together some disgusting sauce.

And also because you ran off

And another one to break it.

And apparently should've been your guardian all along,

And arrive at Damocles Dock,

And as anyone in the theater knows, after a grand entrance,

And as the Baudelaires would discover,

And as you can see from my sunglasses...

And as your father, I am not someone to be trifled with.

And as your guardian, your safety is my greatest responsibility.

And as your legal guardian,

And away from the stick

And be careful in your dreams.

And be careful not to bump into the phone.

And because you want the reward of a charming husband.

And before the Baudelaire orphans were placed under the care of a terrible actor

And brains and heart

And broke the typewriter?

And can you translate the Latin phrase in loco parentis?

And can you translate the Latin phrase in loco parentis?

And catch a train far away from here.

And change the history of the Baudelaires at this very moment

And color blind, too. You must come see me right away.

And cook dinner for his disreputable and largely untalented theater troupe,

And darling, look... you're mentioned, too!

And did they seem like orphans with an enormous fortune?

And didn't involve any high concept science fiction gimmicks.

And do I look anything like this Count Olaf?

And do not attempt to sail that sailboat during a hurricane.

And don't forget your enormous fortune!

And don't take your eyes off those orphans!

And don't touch the baby!

And Dr. Orwell's office had fallen into disrepair.

And dream up the next step in my...

And during the Baudelaire children's unfortunate stay with the Poe family.

And E, the fifth.

And esoterica are obscure objects or documents.

And even if you were lucky enough

And every cent of the Baudelaire fortune is locked up until Violet comes of age.

And every night when I continue my work on the Baudelaire case,

And faked my own death.

And for little Sunny, it is a rattle.

And frankly I don't have an acute literary sense.

And frankly, it's a coincident that defies belief.

And fresh squeezed orange juice...

And gazed out the wide window of Josephine's house,

And get scared afterwards.

And get scared afterwards.

And good night, guests.

And handsome man, Count Olaf.

And has been waiting to hear from you.

And has never hurt a soul.

And has nothing to do with cows or creamy salad dressing.

And have a relaxing lunch.

And have cards made that say anything they like.

And have never done a chore in your life.

And he's employed as an actor, so you know his excitement is genuine.

And he's lying now.

And here... is a winged lizard.

And here... we have the dissonant tortoises,

And homemade pasta.

And how are we feeling, Klaus?

And how do you respond to rumors that this whole production

And how it matches the C in Captain Sham.

And how it matches the V in Violet she wrote in the note

And how it matches think of me kindly, even though I'd done this terrible thing.

And how to get a taxi.

And I almost hurt you, Sunny.

And I am happy to say that because Violet,

And I am now in control of her entire fortune.

And I can see little Sunny here still has nine toes instead of ten.

And I cannot, on behalf of Mulctuary Money Management,

And I didn't think it polite to ask why.

And I don't know what we can do about it.

And I don't need you ruining, like that bar mitzvah.

And I have no idea what the word delmo means.

And I hope that you'll find them.

And I hope you don't mind me saying so, no eyebrows at all.

And I know you miss your parents very much.

And I know you're just trying to be cautious.

And I love that boat that tugs

And I promise there are a great many answers.

And I send them back after I've fixed how they see.

And I should know, I run it. I'm Charles.

And I signed the document with my left hand.

And I think it's because my life is boring.

And I think Mom would be proud of how you made your own pasta.

And I will dedicate myself to their safety, comfort and happiness

And I will go and find the children, who you say have...

And I will not have any orphans mucking it up.

And I would advise all our viewers to turn away immediately

And I'd like to board in time to have a bottle of wine before lunch.

And I'll be taking advantage of Peru's extremely lax guardianship laws.

And I'll join you in the Reptile Room!

And I'm afraid I may have acted a bit standoffish.

And I'm gonna be forced to sack you and send you to live with her.

And I'm reasonably certain that doorbells and telephones are safe

And I'm sorry I put us in danger.

And I'm sorry to say that the alleged entertainment you are watching

And I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so please don't ridicule him.

And I've always thought that the tangiest pulp

And if anyone ever deserved to travel along Lousy Lane, it's you.

And if I'm not mistaken, he lives right...

And if she wants us to cover up the truth and blame the fire on the Baudelaires,

And if we ever have children,

And if you can get past your first impression,

And if you haven't... you cannot possibly imagine it.

And if you look at the labyrinth from the top, it's...

And if you're in ancient Greece,

And in a series of strained, platonic relationships.

And in addition to being her husband, I am also her legal guardian.

And in my important actual consulting expertise business,

And in the apartments of certain lonely people.

And in the meantime, I will be up in...

And in this snow bank.

And in this snow bank...

And in Walden,

And in which he was now a sort of specimen himself.

And inside of it was everything she needed.

And is by the great playwright Al Funcoot.

And is menaced by a rude little girl.

And is still spoken by very irritating people today?

And it encircles a horseradish factory,

And it is my job to report the history of the Baudelaire orphans,

And it is my job to report the history of the Baudelaire orphans,

And it is my sworn duty to carefully research

And it is not with Count Olaf or Justice Strauss.

And it seems like our parents really wanted us here.

And it was impossible to find a good place to lay one's blanket.

And it'll teach 'em how to make flat wooden boards out of trees.

And its look at the world is oversimplified and often incorrect.

And just in time.

And Klaus clipped the iguana's nails.

And Klaus isn't responsible for that accident.

And knowing instantly that something is terribly wrong.

And learning how to prepare roast beef.

And least dangerous animals in the entire animal kingdom.

And like the Baudelaires, she had experienced great loss.

And living with Count Olaf had been more than a mistake.

And look at the C in Cold Soup Ingredients,

And look where she writes I think shopping is terribly dangerous

And make sure you don't get into any trouble.

And making me ferry around this godforsaken lake searching for you.

And most friendly creatures in the entire animal kingdom.

And Mr. Poe would have to have Count Olaf arrested.

And murdered Dr. Montgomery in cold blood.

And murdered Dr. Montgomery in cold blood.

And my delight, might I add, to keep you safe.

And no guardian can help us.

And no one can understand.

And nobody will even know what we're doing

And none of our enemies have air cannons.

And now we're being passed around like hot potatoes.

And now you're jumping to the conclusion

And now you've come back to finish the job

And now, a reception to celebrate my special day. Hit it!

And now, all that's left of them is their enormous fortune,

And now, faced with a perfectly legal last will and testament

And one day the parents rather unexpectedly asked their children

And one of the few people I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth.

And one so small, so helpless.

And one very sharp nose

And our parents are never coming back.

And performing in a theatrical presentation

And pick up a few things that I like to keep in stock.

And place him in jail for the rest of his life.

And placed them into their mouths

And poked at dense beef casserole with their welcome spoons,

And present me with as many ridiculous papers as he wants.

And pretend the rest of the story was just as happy and successful.

And rattled it like a baby in a cage?

And right here is my favorite table for serious research.

And rinse out all the wine bottles for recycling.

And sail across Lake Lachrymose in the middle of Hurricane Herman...

And severe lack of theatrical talent.

And severed one of her toes.

And she does.

And she doesn't have any old friends.

And she's come to throw the Baudelaires a pony party at her chateau.

And sign the appropriate document in her own hand.

And so I wait and work... and grow old dreaming of children.

And so, as Martin Luther King said,

And so... as I used to say to my dearest friend,

And some of those people...

And someone who hears it knows something,

And stay out of our way.

And Stephano is very tired.

And strangers can't get you.

And Sunny banged on a pot with a wooden spoon,

And tell me what you see?

And tell the Baudelaires that their fears that night were entirely rational.

And that enormous fortune is mine

And that eventually all of us will go to sleep, never to wake up.

And that is when I said to him,

And that is when there is one.

And that question is...

And that's me.

And that's when I found these.

And that's when I knew what I had to impart.

And that's when I realized they fit together.

And the children will come with me and we'll settle this once and for...

And the confident closed loop of the O's, she knew who wrote it

And the cruel reality of adoption economics

And the danger of being so high off the ground.

And the delicious meal that you promised myself and my troupe.

And the grammatical mistakes are merely the nervousness

And the incredibly deadly viper wouldn't hurt anyone and we can prove it.

And the life of my children, and perpetuate this treachery?

And the moral aplomb of Ida B. Wells, a phrase which here means

And the moral aplomb of Ida B. Wells.

And the odd behavior of Klaus Baudelaire

And the one you don't.

And the parents I remember would've wanted us to help.

And the plastic surgery to assume a new identity in a faraway town.

And the signing of an explanatory document in the bride's own hand.

And the signing of an explanatory document in the bride's own hand.

And the turbulent waters represent

And the weight of it felt like it had aged them a hundred years.

And the world's greatest actor

And the worst of it

And their home in a terrible fire.

And their Uncle Monty had not.

And then add olives, capers, anchovies, diced parsley and tomatoes to simmer.

And then one day, the whole town burned down in a terrible fire.

And then pretend it's escaped.

And then repeat the word with the letters S C H M

And then the children will be mine?

And then the clerk leads me to the dairy section

And then they'd be put to work.

And then we can treat ourselves

And then we'll invite him to the movies tonight.

And then you are to go straight to your beds.

And then, to top it all off, I forgot to buy a new bread knife.

And then, tonight, we'll go and see our first movie.

And there is a sickly feeling of dark surprise.

And there is no way that that lamp was near that window.

And there is nothing you can say that will change my mind.

And there was even talk of a water park.

And there was even talk of a water park.

And there's nothing in the world that can stop me?

And there's nothing villainous about free healthcare.

And therefore not admissible in court.

And therefore, it cannot have killed Uncle Monty.

And these three children gave me the courage to do so.

And these were three children with very little catering experience.

And this is Mr. Poe. He's been arranging things for us.

And this is my brother, Klaus, and this is my sister, Sunny.

And this is where you will sleep, orphans.

And this man is opening a can of peaches with hands, not hooks.

And this mill... it has too many secrets.

And this series of unfortunate events has come to a close.

And this should just about cover it.

And this will be the worst accident the lumbermill has ever seen.

And those moneys are locked into the tuition fund.

And those two women were in Count Olaf's play.

And to develop our own secret codes.

And to face you, Count Olaf!

And today, finally, we'll all be together.

And wants very much to raise children of her own.

And wash the dishes, and polish the silver,

And watch something more pleasant instead.

And we all know Stephano does not work alone.

And we have boiled potatoes and blanched string beans.

And we know that Count Olaf did. Mr. Poe would never believe us.

And we only ever hear his voice over the loudspeaker.

And we were afraid to make our way across Lake Lachrymose

And we will, I promise, as soon as we clear our parents' names.

And we'd be abandoning those workers. They're victims of Dr. Orwell, too.

And we'll be back to Damocles Dock by morning.

And we're going to talk about it over a fried egg sandwich.

And we're just leaving him there? In the parking lot?

And we're taking you with us.

And wearing costumes.

And what have I done all these years?

And what is the next step, boss?

And what might that be?

And what will I do? Build the sets?

And what's more important, answers.

And what's that thing James Brown said?

And when I have it,

And when that happens...

And where would we go?

And while I cannot say that Violet slept any easier,

And while that doesn't make a good guardian,

And who is Mr. Poe going to believe?

And who suggested that I place you in Count Olaf's care.

And who's going to stop me?

And why not?

And why they're happy to work for coupons and gum.

And winning.

And within moments, the entire Baudelaire mansion

And woman.

And would not catch him for a very long time.

And yet you persistently seem to forget about this.

And you are Klaus, the reader.

And you can shout as much as you want. Your brother isn't here right now.

And you can't very well have book babies...

And you certainly won't find it in time to save Charles.

And you get to know them well enough to tell the dangerous from the good...

And you have no evidence to support these wild accusations,

And you know who'll be laughing then?

And you listen very carefully.

And you must be Sunny.

And you must obey.

And you saw them disembark from the Fickle Ferry

And you walk onto stage, dressed as a judge.

And you.

And you'll do all the dishes.

And you're scheming to get our fortune.

And you've got a new shipment of logs to turn into flat wooden boards.

And your foot falls through the air,

And your name is Stephano?

And your name is Stephano?

And your parents, may they rest in ashes.

And your parents.

And your poor mother's tutu.

And your poor mother's tutu.

And your ridiculous uncle will be back in a few seconds.

And, finally, there is still the matter of Aunt Josephine's house to take care of.

And, frankly, I would like to take advantage

And, if you don't mind my saying so...

And, perhaps, solve the mystery of how they ended up in them.

And, Sunny, you can have the deck of cards.

And, We're going to kick you out and have your license revoked,

And?

And...

And...

Angry burglar? Where?

Answer it! Hang up!

Anwhistle. Josephine Anwhistle.

Anxious Clown Restaurant. This is Larry, your waiter.

Any animal owner will tell you

Any idea where this tunnel lets out?

Any more than butchers, mail deliverers,

Any sort of funny business, and it's curtains for your baby sister.

Any sort of funny business, and it's curtains for your baby sister.

Anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made up that say anything they like.

Anything but seven.

Anything? Anything?

Anyway, you've come just in time. The nurse has just finished her autopsy.

Anyways, apologies for the interruption.

Anywhere but here.

Applaud means go like this.

Are a spy from the Herpetological Society.

Are more metaphorical, or even allegorical,

Are there any snakes in this room that are dangerous?

Are those suitcases alligator skin?

Are two completely different people, step by step,

Are you aware of anything outside that horrible cloud of smoke?

Are you breaking up with me again?

Are you Count Olaf's wife?

Are you free Friday night to attend the theater?

Are you here to continue your research?

Are you leaving?

Are you sure you're not still hypnotized?

Are you sure?

Are you sure? What did they say?

Are you, Baudelaires?

Are you...

Aren't raspberries delicious?

Aren't you a lucky boy?

Aren't you going to say How do you do?

Aren't you smart? It's just an expression.

Arrive... chechem.

Arrived at the mill just yesterday.

As a banker, I'm often very busy myself.

As a world renowned member of the judiciary...

As anyone who's been to a doctor knows, doctors are not necessarily your friends,

As cold as ice would make a lot more sense.

As Count Olaf's evil scheme closed around them.

As decided by myself and my fellow bankers at Mulctuary Money Management.

As enthusiastically as I have dedicated myself to this coconut cream cake.

As far with my left as I can with my right.

As for you, Count Olaf...

As her last words echo again and again throughout her empty and doomed house.

As I imagine it would have on many people.

As I was saying, before the help interrupted...

As I'm sure you know, one way to demonstrate

As if people are having secret meetings to plot against you behind your back,

As if we're watching some on screen entertainment

As if you were babies.

As inventing workshops go,

As it happens, I have just the place in mind.

As long as the vehicle is operational, then we really must be going.

As miserable and melancholy as I am.

As my last will and testament,

As my last will and testament,

As opposed to metaphorical ones.

As our story resumes.

As soon as Count Olaf's back is turned, we need to leave this house.

As soon as he's finished typing up that report.

As soon as Sunny said what she said,

As to how the Baudelaire orphans ended up in Count Olaf's so called care.

As Violet, Klaus and Sunny arrived at their brunch with Count Olaf,

As well as I know the bone structure of the osteoporosis lizard,

As you can see from my coat, hat and ascot,

As you can see, I have provided, at no cost to you,

As you can well imagine, Klaus' legal argument

As you know, I have been working hard with my theater troupe,

At least give them the lamb.

At least here we have a roof over our head.

At least three times a day.

At least, not on purpose.

At Mulctuary Money Management if you need me for anything.

At Mulctuary Money Management.

At Mulctuary Money Management.

At the craggy entrance of Curdled Cave.

At the heart of a dirty and busy city,

At the Lucky Smells Lumbermill during the Baudelaires' time there.

At the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, and I can assure you...

At times like these, surrounded by colleagues and cohorts,

At which one mostly speaks in a series of unintelligible shrieks,

At your service.

Attacks of allergies.

Audition?

Aunt Josephine is dead and she's left us in the care of Count Olaf.

Aunt Josephine isn't.

Aunt Josephine left us in the care of Captain Sham,

Aunt Josephine might not open up, but her safe might.

Aunt Josephine said it wasn't far.

Aunt Josephine said that she and our parents developed secret codes.

Aunt Josephine told us that all the answers we need

Aunt Josephine was desperately afraid of turning on an oven.

Aunt Josephine would've cared.

Aunt Josephine wrestling with an alligator?

Aunt Josephine wrote it's as in it is,

Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought about moving somewhere else?

Aunt Josephine, I really do wish you'd stop saying that.

Aunt Josephine, this is not a sea captain. This is Count Olaf.

Aunt Josephine, we have to tell you something.

Aunt Josephine, what does grammar have to do with developing secret codes?

Aunt Josephine, you must be very worried about Hurricane Herman.

Aunt Josephine, you said you had answers for us.

Aunt Josephine!

Aunt Josephine!

Aunt Josephine!

Aunt Josephine?

Aunt Josephine?

Aunt Josephine.

Aunt Josephine...

Aunt Josephine's fallen for Count Olaf's disguise and for Count Olaf.

Aunt Josephine's note might not have been forged,

Avoiding questions about anything we want to know?

Aw!

Back on top of this cliff.

Bambini?

Bambini? Baudelaire bambini! There you are.

Bambini. It's Italian for children.

Banana.

Banking hours.

Bathroom number seven, the only one you are allowed to use.

Baude liars!

Baudelaire...

Baudelaire...

Baudelaires, are you familiar with the term in loco parentis?

Baudelaires, I know I am a disappointment to you and to countless others.

Baudelaires, I've been more than patient with you.

Baudelaires, I've been more than patient with you.

Baudelaires, there you are.

Baudelaires, we are not going to spend the season in a research laboratory.

Baudelaires!

Baudelaires!

Baudelaires!

Baudelaires! I'm so happy to see you.

Baudelaires?

Baudelaires?

Baudelaires?

Baudelaires?

Baudelaires? Well, I'll find them in a minute.

Baudelaires.

Baudelaires. I wasn't expecting to see you.

Because Captain Sham almost had us in his clutches.

Because he needs something for himself?

Because how you begin your morning can often tell you

Because I brought you... this peach.

Because I have no inventive or mechanical skill whatsoever.

Because I know the shocking truth behind the accidents

Because I read up on all types of snakes

Because I want you three children to feel more at home here,

Because I was gonna take the bread that was cut up

Because I'm taking you to prison.

Because it wants the reward of food...

Because it wants to avoid the punishment of rump pain.

Because it's fun.

Because life is so short, it is so rare to meet,

Because next month, I am going to present him

Because no one is leaving this house

Because nothing sinister has ever come from the real estate market.

Because of my posture, and so I went into the law, but now...

Because of this town.

Because of you know who.

Because of your quick thinking, I only have a small cut on my foot.

Because that would be incorrect.

Because that's just the kind of guardian I am.

Because the word fire

Because there is nothing exciting happening in my life at all.

Because they are painful or incriminating or would create unnecessary clutter.

Because they can be quite sinister and destructive.

Because you chased them up and down the staircase with a knife.

Because you know people who have similar experiences.

Because you...

Because you're not Stephano, you're Count Olaf.

Because, as you can see from my mole, we've never met before.

Because...

Because... I intend to play a little joke

Before Count Olaf and Mr. Poe finish the paperwork.

Before I could tell you that the Baudelaires' uncle, Dr. Montgomery,

Before I knew it, the leeches were attacking me.

Before I was editor in chief of the Daily Punctilio,

Before returning safe and sound to the city.

Before that part.

Before the sand runs out of the hourglass.

Before they can darken my doorstep.

Before viewing any of the horrible and horrifying events

Beg your pardon?

Behind this door.

Being afraid of hurricanes is perfectly rational

Being in a room with a dead body could be very traumatic.

Being so confused by being called Count Olaf

Being that he chased you up and down the stairs with a knife.

Believe it or not, I used to be a fierce and formidable woman.

Believe me, I've had this conversation a million times.

Bertrand Baudelaire.

Besides whatever it is I'm speaking right now.

Besides, coconut leaves a funny feeling in my mouth.

Besides, Count Olaf is after the fortune we will inherit.

Besides, I have to take you to your next guardian.

Besides, I'm sure Count Olaf is hundreds of miles away.

Besides, if he does slip away...

Besides, it's probably the only way anyone could ever hear him.

Besides, that cage is clearly marked Virginian Wolfsnake.

Besides, the women in that play had ghastly theatrical makeup on their faces,

Besides...

Better and better, Baudelaires.

Better and better.

Better than I can waltz.

Better than nothing

Better than nothing.

Between figuratively and literally, do you?

Beverages!

Blast!

Blasted furnaces of hell!

Blissful contemplation of my inward eye.

Blizzards of despair.

Boss,

Boss.

Boss...

Both excellent questions, Baudelaires.

Boxing. Skydiving.

Bravo, children.

Breaking out of prison in Peru.

Bridal dress of my own design...

Briny Beach, please.

Brunch?

Brute force?

Build the sets? Oh, heavens, no.

Business cards aren't proof of anything. Anyone can go to a print shop

Business cards don't prove anything.

But a fear of real estate agents, a term which here means

But a lumbermill is no substitute for a proper guardian.

But a snake can't operate a lock by itself.

But a trio of orphans with those exact qualities

But accidents happen all the time, don't they?

But again and again I remind myself that there was nothing I could do,

But are saving your energy for other matters.

But around now, things are as dead as the cat I ran over this morning.