The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005) Soundboard Edit

A ha! Towel!

A proper cup of tea would restore my normality.

Actually, I rather liked it.

Actually, it was. This is a back up. Earth Mark II.

All right. I know that sponge. All right!

And 'Who Is This God Person Anyway?'

And a very surprised looking whale.

And now all we need is the missing piece of the puzzle.

And then, make sure,

And you yourselves shall take on new, more primitive forms,

And you've been tooling around the galaxy with the guy who signed the order.

Anything else he's got two of?

Arthur, grab my hand!

Arthur?

Bang, bang, bang, bang!

Beeblebrox, universally considered

Best laid plans of mice, you know.

Bring me the request to pursue fugitive forms.

Bummer? They're shooting at us! What are we gonna do?

But in fact, the message was this...

But the restaurant is at the other end of the universe.

But then the galactic economy collapsed, and seeing that custom built planets

Captains use them when they really need to concentrate.

Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, Zaphod.

Come on.

Computer, take us to Magrathea!

Continue.

Did you know we built planets?

Did you?! Did you?!

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

Do you have a second home planet?

Do you think it was a bit strange I was trying to shake hands with a car?

Do you wanna know the ultimate question?

Either die in the vacuum of space,

Fire, fire!

Follow me

Freeze!

Geronimo!

Get him off me! I'll kill him! I'll kill...

Here you are then

Hey, Slim, are you wearing my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours.

How you doin', Pinhead? Thank you. No, really, it's me.

Humma Kavula!

I didn't...

I haven't been avoiding you.

I hereby kidnap myself and I'm taking the ship with me.

I just want to be loved?

I just want to say, there's been some sort of terrible mix up, hasn't it?

I need some help!

I see where you've become confused now. You see, we were experimenting on them.

I think, it's all a little...

I think.

I want you to meet a friend. Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.

I write poetry, because

I'm boiling! Here's the form, sir.

I'm coming, sir.

I'm famous.

I'm getting a lot of hostility from you, Alex or...

I'm gonna get us outta here. How do you drive this thing?

I'm sorry. I've got a terrible memory for species.

I've seen it. It's rubbish.

Is that something you're likely to say?

It also says that if you hold a lungful of air,

It doesn't matter.

It is important to note that, suddenly and against all probability,

It must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

It should give him some zest for about ten minutes or so.

It's crazy.

Just wait a sodding minute!

Left, right, left, right.

Let's go somewhere.

Look out!

Luckily, it was destroyed when the Earth was.

Many millions of years ago,

Marvin!

No hard feelings, okay? Sorry to hear about your planet..

No, don't take the brain! Don't take the brain, mice!

No, no, no

No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that

No!

Normality, right.

Not me alone, but I did my part.

Not that anyone cares what I say,

Now positively identified as the source of the offending remark.

Now, according to the Galactic Penal Code,

Now's not the best time. They're going to demolish my home.

O' Deep Thought,

Oh, kidnapping the President!

Oh, no!

Oh, yes, here we are. Earth.

Oh! That's one hour for lunch, everybody.

Okay, frightened now, frightened.

Okay, I think we...

Okay, in we go!

Okay, look...

Okay, okay. Calm down, calm down. Get a grip now.

Okay, we're wobbling.

Or tell me what you thought of my poem.

Or we will take action as defined and permitted by...

Or your own spaceship.

People of Earth, a round of drinks, for everyone on me.

President of the Galaxy! I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.

Put this in your ear.

Resistance is useless.

Right, you're coming out!

Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper bag over our heads, or something?

Shut up! Get a job! Wash your filthy hands!

So much for the laws of physics.

So, Earthlings, I present you with a choice.

So, it wasn't destroyed?

Some parts of my personality weren't exactly what you'd call... presidential.

Sorry.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop shooting at us! Stop it!

Tell me.

Thank you.

Thanks very much, Marv!

That's good. That's good, Arthur. Run with it.

That's my house!

The answer to what?

The chances of being picked up within that time

The computer says we have a couple of hitchhikers in our receiving bay.

The plans and demolition orders have been on display

The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria.

The underlying metaphor of the humanity of...

There seems to be something jamming my guidance system.

They said they won't demolish your home until they've finished the beers.

Time is an illusion

To design and build a stupendous super computer

To have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel

Tricia McMillan. Okay.

Tricia... Trillian, sorry. There's something I have to tell you.

Trillian, I just wanted to say, you were right, of course.

Unbelievable!

Underneath this mean, callous, heartless exterior,

Vogons.

We came to worship you. He followed us and...

We can't just step into that... that! We don't know where it leads.

We just... we come back, we pick another one. It's no biggie.

We've just sent to converge with your craft.

Welcome home.

Well, I kind of had this idea that we could...

Well, I'm game. We'll see who rusts first

Well, yes, interesting rhythmic devices,

Were small blue creatures with more than 50 arms each.

What about, what's 6x7?

What am I supposed to be like? You know. Green? Bleeping?

What are you doing on this spaceship?

What the hell are those things?

What the hell is that?

What was in that food?

What?

What's the point?

What's this? This is nothing. Yeah, we're gonna die.

Where Arthur went to a fancy dress party

Where do you have in mind?

Who are we waiting for again?

Who, the director of robot arm repair?

Whoa!

Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I?

Why don't you talk to me instead?

Why so edgy? You wanna know why I'm edgy?

Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.

Workers of the Earth, I bring good tidings of peanuts and beer!

Yeah, we're gonna die.

Yes, to complete the program.

Yes, yes, yeah, please.

Yes! Well, so did I.

You could do all of that, but it's not gonna... Well, I'll ask... I'll just ask.

You saved my life that day, and now I'm saving yours. Please drink.

You should teach your pal a lesson, Ford. He's a guest on my ship.

You were right.

You'll find writing implements to your left...

You're the first preson who's done that right.

You're too gorgeous, baby. Stop it. You drive me crazy.

All right! I want to get off.

All right. Thanks, buddy. Okay, okay.

Arthur, if this is about your house No, it's not about the house.

Arthur! Tricia!

Back off! What's going on?

Belgium. Belgium.

Eat! Eat!

Give us the ultimate question then. I can't. But there is one who can

Good man, good man, good man.

Hardly. Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.

Hey, come on. You idiot!

Hey, Ford. Hey.

Hey, you forgot your towel. No!

Honey, they framed me! Are you an idiot?! Serously?!

I'll stay here. Okay. All right. Hold that. Okay.

I'm not a journalist. We're just hanging out.

No. We're on the Vogon planet

Now we'll get a signal. What is a Vogon?

Oh, get me home, Ford! Arthur, your home is..

Oh! And there she was.

Okay, Ford! Yeah, I'm here.

Okay. That's stupid

Say what? That is brilliant.

Sit, Earthman. Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.

Sod it all. No!

They have these on Arcturan mega freighters. They took my head

Tricia McMillan. Well, Tricia McMillan.

What are you doing? They took my head.

What is normal? What's home?

Where? Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.

Yep

Yes, sir. Get me Vice President Questular.

You know what I mean? No, no, no!

You zarkin' frood. Hey, come here, come here.

...is to be fed to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

"O freddled gruntbuggly..."

"Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts"

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish ♪♪

♪ The world's about to be destroyed ♪

♪ There's no point getting all annoyed ♪

♪ Thy Handkerchief to bring us back to Thee ♪