A Bagpiper, a Kangeroo, an Irish poet, and Mother Theresa walk into a bar . . . . . . . the barman, who was drying a glass, lifted his head and asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods The bear asks the rabbit "do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" "Nope" So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase. I don't think hes alright now. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A broom only likes one brand of comedy. Dustpan. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A classic: what do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A cow fell off a truck in Russia Apparently he hadn't been Put in properly. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A disability, a curse word and a radical interpretation of scripture walk into a bar nothing happened welcome to /r/cleanjokes from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A dog with only 3 legs walks into a saloon in the Old West He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A farmer in (x town) who rolled over a cart of horse manure... Is reported in "stable condition." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A funny bird is the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can He can hold in his beak Enough for a week And I don't know how the heck he can! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A guy walks into a bar Ouch from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" And the horse answers, "They've started a round of layoffs at the plant." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A long joke jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man enters a store and asks for a color printer, the cashier asks "What color?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man once thought he'd discovered a new primary color but it proved to be merely a pigment of his imagination. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man started to throw words beginning with 'th' at me I dodge this, then and there but I didn't see that coming Tim Vine from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man walked into a doctor's office . . . He said to the doctor: "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor said: "Well don't go there any more." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man walks into a bar... He says "Ow" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man walks into a fancy dress party carrying a woman on his back... The host asks the man why this is so. "Oh, I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle" says the man. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man walks into an apple store and...... farts every one is really angry and there all shouting so he says it's not my fault you don't have windows from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man wanted to name his son a very long name... ...so he named him Miles from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today... ...while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A mathematician was constipated, how did he solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil and paper. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A pair of mittens says to a hat, "I'll stay here, you go on a head" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A penguin walks into a bar... He goes up to the barman and says, "Have you seen my father in here today?" The barman says, "I don't know, what does he look like?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A photon checks into a hotel... The bellhop asks him if he has any luggage and the photon replies "No. I'm travelling light." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. The photon says, "no, I'm travelling light. " from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A poem for Valentine's day Roses are red Poppies are red The grass is red Oh no my yard is on fire from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A Polar Bear walks into a cafe He says, "I'll have a burger and.... a coke." The waitress says, "Okay. But, why the long pause?" The bear says, "I don't know. I was born with them." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A police officer bought a robot this robot was fueled by sodium and alkaline, but could only hold enough for 24 hours at a time. so every morning he had to charge it with a salt and battery. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar... ...and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A red ship and a blue ship crashed on an island together the survivors were marooned. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A sad can goes to get recycled. He was soda pressed. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A sentence and a phrase is arguing, what did the sentence say? I know where you're coming from this phrase, but I can't see your point. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A Siri joke!: Two iPhones walk into a bar... ...Carrying a set of iPod shuffles. The bartender says: > Let those iPods sing, man! He was an iSurfer on iPad mini. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A skeleton walks into a bar orders a beer and a mop. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A skeleton walks into a bar The bartender says, what will you have? Skeleton says, a beer... and a mop from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A skeleton walks into a bar... Asks for a beer and a mop. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A skelleton goes to the bar and says "Can I have a pint and a mop..." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A stamp collector walks into a bar... He walks up to the hostess and says, "You're more beautiful than any stamp in my collection" She replied, "Philately will get you nowhere." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence... "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A termite walks into a bar... And asks the nearest person "Hey, is the bar tender here?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A termite walks into a pub And asks "where's the bar tender?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A Thanksgiving Joke What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s? There's a little bit too much grayvy. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A vampire stopped coming to my nightly poker games. All I said was that he made too many mistakes... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A woman files for divorce from her husband... citing that he makes too many Star Wars puns. When asked if this is true the husband says, "Divorce is strong with this one." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
A WWII Joke! What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial? "I was just following odors." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Noel. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Accidental Seafood I tried dolphin once...but not on porpoise. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Actually, there are but two types of people Those who can extrapolate from limited data ... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
After watching a strongman competition... it amazed me to see how much the human body can lift without pooing itself. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the "L" out of them! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Always put sunglasses on your tree. Then, you'll get the proper shade. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
An idea for a board game... BONOPOLY Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
An ion walked up to Lost and Found and reported that he had lost an electron. The clerk asked:are you sure? The ion replied :Yes, I am positive.VCN from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
An oldie but goldie! *How do you stop a charging bull?* ***Take away its credit card!*** wa waa waaaa! ~Skip from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
An Olympic gymnast walked into a bar... She didnt get a medal... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Armadillo The world needs more armed dillos. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Ask your doctor if left is right for you. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones? They got veloci raptured. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Bad scary film I was watching a really poorly done scary movie last night, it was horrorble. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Balloon's What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Barely amusing Japanese joke Why are snakes so difficult to pick up in Japan? Because in Japan, snakes are hebi. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Batman doesn't have nightmares Nightmares have batman from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Bee jokes, courtesy of my niece (age 8). What did the bee use to dry off after swimming? A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles? A honeycomb. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Better be named after what? If you had to choose, would you prefer having a disease named after you, or be named after your mother in law? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Book, you look so much thinner! I know! I had my appendix removed! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Branson My wife and I went to Branson, Missouri. I think our hotel caters to senior citizens because it had a free incontinental breakfast. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested... ...charged with battery. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Broken pencils... ...are pointless. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Broom advocates for cleaner work environment. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Bulls from all over India sent a petition to SC asking it to classify them as 'Jallikatu Bulls'. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
By shear coincidence... ...all these sheep look the same... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Can February March? No, but April May. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Can you tell me what you call a person from Corsica? Course a can. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Captain Ahab's crew were highly efficient sailors In fact, they were running like a whale oiled machine. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a martini. The bartender asks "olive 'er twist?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Chemistry Student I'm a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium. He replied, 'Na, I don't'. Lucky sod, he's only ever right periodically. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Choose a major you love and you won't have to work for a day in your life Because that major probably has no jobs (not an original) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Clean joke about sorority girls Why do sorority girls only travel in odd numbered groups? Because they *can't even*! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Coco The Clown took his car back to the garage this week. The door wouldn't fall off. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Cogito Ergo Spud. I think, therefore I yam. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
College My son took Rock Climbing in college but he had to drop the class. He couldn't find any "Cliff Notes." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Congratulation on the new baby, from your family... except from me because I don't really care. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Darth Vader told me he knows what i'm getting for Christmas He said he felt my presents... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Define "Will" Isn't it obvious? It's a dead giveaway! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Definitions Bigamist An Italian fog. Myfunsalow "I am broke" in Italian. Innuendo Italian for suppository. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did I tell you I'm joining a gym in Gainesborough? Because I'm all about those gains bro from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did someone say "purple"? Sorry, it must have been a pigment of my imagination! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did y'all hear the one about the professional jump roper? Never mind. *Skip it*. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did ya hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about NASA finding bones on the moon? Yeah,the cow didn't make it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about Scrooge's drinking problem? He had a dickens of a time with spirits. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about that spicy knight? Sir Acha. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? You didn't hear? It made headlines! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the farmer that fell into the field machine and lost half his body? He's all right now! : ) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the fortune teller that... Had bad breath, calluses all over his body and couldn't win a fight? He was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with halitosis. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide? He lost the huile d'olive from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Now he's fully recovered. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the guy who invented a knife that can cut four loaves of bread at once? He's calling it the "Four Loaf Cleaver." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the homemade poison ivy remedy? You can make it from scratch. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the kidnapping in Delaware? Don't worry, he eventually woke up. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the lawyer for U2? He was Pro Bono from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Woohoo! I'm making these up!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the Native American who went to a party and drank 37 cups of tea? They found him dead the next morning in his tea pee. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested? He was held without charge. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the ointment... Did you hear about the ointment that couldn't stop talking about politics? When confronted, he said he was just trying to be topical. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field. From: http://www.dadlaughs.com from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to prom? He had no body to go with. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the stallion and the mare? They had a stable relationship. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the two monocles at the party? They made spectacles out of themselves. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the two silk worms that got in a fight? It ended in a tie. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the wedding between the two antenna? The service was terrible, but the reception was great. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear that H.P. Lovecraft wrote a cookbook? It's called the Necronomnomnomicon. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear the joke about the fast car? I would tell you but I think you're too slow to get it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear the Offspring song about how to store mummies? "You gotta keep 'em desiccated" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear the one about the three eggs? Too Bad. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you hear they're republishing that Simple Mathematics study guide? It's the revised edition. (Revise Addition) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you know that 1 in every doll, in every doll, in every doll, in every doll are Russian? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you know that in high school, Robert E. Lee was voted "most likely to secede?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you know that it's traditional to serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap? There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you know that protons have mass? >Yes Well I didn't even know they were Catholic! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you know yesterday was National Middle Child Day? Don't worry, no one else remembered either. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Difference between a dead squirrel and a dead drummer in the road? http://imgur.com/PKibj The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Do you guys/gals like horse jokes? Yeah or neeiiigghh? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Do you have a hole in your sock? "No ..." *(looks at sock)* . . How'd you get your foot in it? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Do you know why the bike couldnt stand by itself? It was TWO TIRED!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Do you know why there's no casinos in Africa? Because there's too many CHEETAHS! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Do you think George Clooney has an iTunes playlist called Clooney Tunes? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Dolphins don't do anything by accident.. Always on porpoise. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Don't you hate jokes about German sausage? They're the wurst! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Ever heard about that movie called Constipation? It never came out. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Every journey has a beginning. ahem Just a small town girl Living in a lonely world... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Every morning I run around the block 5 times... ...Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike... It's a vicious cycle. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame so here's my first original joke! why is it impossible to surprise a snowman? .. he has ice in the back of his head from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Fart tutor wanted, must have references from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Finally decided on my thesis paper. It's a LOTR themed essay in defense of Sauron Titled "Getting away with Mordor" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
First original joke! Why did the rapper visit the urologist? Because his flows were so sick. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
First post and an original How much does a Chinese elephant weigh? .................. Wonton from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. (not an original) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Garbage men have Hefty contracts. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Gravity makes a terrible friend. It's always holding you down. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend. [X Post from r/Fantasy] They're both cauldron. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have a very Joseph Christmas! We shouldn't discriminate by sex, you know. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you been injured in a car accident? call 555 bottom feeders. We will do anything for money. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you ever heard the one about the dust bunny and the mud pie? Well then sorry, I only tell clean jokes. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you guys ever heard of the crazy Mexican Train Killer? He had...... Loco Motives from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you heard about that hot Thai lounge singer? Yeah. They call him *Frank Sriracha.* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you heard about the 2 Spanish firemen? Jose and hose B from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you heard about the Black Magic book for orphans? It's called the necro**mom**icon from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you heard the one about the agnostic with dyslexia and insomnia? He tossed and turned all night wondering if there was a dog from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Have you seen the movie Constipated? No? Why? Cause it hasn't come out yet! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Heard the one about the corduroy pillowcase? It's making headlines. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Heart attack When is the worst possible time to have a heart attack? When you are playing Charades. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Hello this is a sample of this voice. I can say anything you want me to say from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
HELP! We need your best joke you have! We will choose the best joke and make a video of it, just for you! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Here's a funny joke I heard about pizza oh nevermind. It's too cheesy. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Hope you guys like clean humor videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNt aTq0hxM from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space? It's a little meteor. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the aquarium win the battle? Giant Fish Tanks. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the burglar get into the house? Intruder window from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs? He was delighted. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan? He was de lighted from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the geologist develop a career as an expert in sinkholes? He fell into it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the metal get the wrong idea? He was misled. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the musician catch his fish? He castanet from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the Pillsbury Dough Boy Die? A Yeast Infection from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the pilot like his hotdog? Plane. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the prostitute get promoted? She slept her way to the top! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do cows get their gossip? They herd it through the bovine. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do sailors finish a corny joke on a boat? Ba dum ship. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do trees get online? They just log in... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you call for a bath? With a Teletubbie. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you catch a bra? You set a booby trap. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you catch a one of a kind rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a very calm rabbit? The tame way. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you catch a unique rabbit? *unique* up on it! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you count cows? With a cowculator. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you find Will Smith in the winter? You search for Fresh Prints. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you get Pikachu on the bus? Poke 'em on! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you kill a vampire from the South? With a chicken fried stake from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you kill bread? Bake it for a little while, and it will be toast. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much? Because they built their stuff with reads! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you know you put the right joke in the right thread? Don't worry, someone will tell you. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you make 7 even? remove the "s" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you make a computer your best friend? You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you make a kleenex dance? You put a little Boogie in it! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it! (Not sure of the spelling, heard it from someone). from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. :) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you make gold soup? You use 14 carrots. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you pay for things in the Czech Republic? Cash or Czech Edit: a word from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you prepare for a party in space? You Planet Thanks u/BostonCentrist from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheburg. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a cactus do his math homework? He uses a cacti lator! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a duck pay for lipstick? She puts it on her bill from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty! Thought of you guys! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a mathematician get Tan? Sin/Cos from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does a plant walk? It uses a plant stand. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does Han Solo like to get around Endor? Ewoks from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff? Straight jack it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does the farmer count up his cows? ...with a cowculator. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How is a rabbit similar to a plum? they are both purple, except for the rabbit. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear? It was a brief chase... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? CHANGE?! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8 from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many ears does Captain Picard have? A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many goals did Germany score? gerMANY from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FOUR! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? it's a pretty obscure number.... i'm sure you haven't heard of it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many magazines did the racquetball footwear company make before going out of business? Tennis shoes (Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup? It seems kinda unwieldy to me) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? # from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many roads must a man walk? 42. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb? V. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes 5 episodes. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian.... I'll get my coat... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just 1 but it will take 3 episodes. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentacles. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ten tickles from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much did the pirate charge for corn? He sold them for a buccaneer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services? An arm and a leg. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much do drum shaped sofas cost? 5 dollars per cushion. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much do pirates pay for earrings? about a buck an ear. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much does a pirate earing cost? A buccaneer from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much does a truck full of bones weigh? A skeleTon from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears? A buccaneer! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How to create a clean joke Step 1. Find a dirty joke Step 2. Clean it from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
How was the Roman Empire cut in two? With a pair of Caesars. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I am not pro gay. I am not even amateur gay. But, I support their rights. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I asked my soap who it voted for, it said... I'd lather not say! note: This one came to me in the shower just now, gotta go back in now. Oh, the irony! I think. ~Skip from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely... ...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I bought a duckdoo yesterday! 'What's a duckdoo?' "quack, quack" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...and so far, all it's been doing is gathering dust. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day. My amazing girlfriend told me this one from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I came into this subreddit expecting jokes about soap. I am mildly disappointed. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I came up with a joke about my old cell phone Nevermind, it tends to get terrible reception from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I can make a movie with my hand. All it takes is a FLICK of the wrist! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I can't stand Russian Dolls... They're always so full of themselves! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig ... Maybe not a funny joke but at least it is deep. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I do my best when my manager puts a gun to my head. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I don't have the faintest idea why I passed out Just a short pun from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I farted on an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels. From /r/PeterL from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I fear for the calendar... ...its days are numbered. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I feed my cat lemons. He's a real sour puss. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I fell off a forty foot ladder today.... lucky I was on the bottom rung. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I finally finished baby proofing the house. Let's see those babies get in here now. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I find hanging around in coffee shops A great way to espresso yourself from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I forgot where I threw my boomerang. Oh wait.. It's coming back to me now. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I had a conversation with a Mobius strip... It was one sided. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I had a joke about time travel but you guys didn't like it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I hate girls with double standards unless they're pretty from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I hate people who talk about me behind my back... They discussed me. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I hate when you're trying to be cheesy but everyone is laughtose intolerant. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed... ...but none of them work. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I have found that there are three kinds of people; Those who can count and those who can't. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I have the opposite of a photographic memory i have a potatographic memory. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s). from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I heard a great joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it will come back to me eventually. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I heard it's a good night to see the Perseid meteor shower . . . . . . but I haven't heard how it got dirty. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I heard she accidentally spilled her chocolate milkshake on her white poodle knick knack paddy whack give the dog a... bath!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I invented a time machine... ...next week. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just bought a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just found out I'm colorblind It came out of the yellow. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters... Its shift work. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just invented a new word! It's called "plagiarism". from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just met someone who was a steam roller operator. He was such a flatterer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I just read this article about short term memory I don't remember what it was about from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I knew this guy who would ask men at church, "is your tie made out of bird cloth?" <blank stare> "It's cheep, cheep, cheep." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I know a guy who collects candy canes... ...they are all in mint condition. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I know a woman who owns a taser... Let me tell you, she's stunning! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I like camping but... it's so in tents from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I like my jokes they way I like my robots. Killer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I like my slaves like I like my coffee Free. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I like my slaves like I like my coffee: Free. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I love graphs! I used to be obsessed with them... I've calmed down now though, you've gotta draw the line somewhere from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I love self deprecating humour. Shame I'm no good at it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I love when I have dramatic realizations over my morning cereal... ... I call 'em "breakfast epiphanies" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I made a model aircraft. I wanted it to be an unpainted smooth finish wooden aircraft. So I made a plain planed plane plane. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I made half a cup of tea the other day... It was so nice I had two. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I may be middle class, but I'm hard. *Al dente*, you might say. **Jimmy Carr** from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Lays. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I named my cat "Curiosity". He killed himself ... Nine times. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before hoes.. There needs to be a balance. A homie hoe stasis from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I rang up a local builder and said, "I want a skip outside my house." He said, "I'm not stopping you." **Tim Vine** from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I read a story about a kid that ate 4 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting... It said that he later had a massive vowel movement. Maybe a dirty joke. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I said bring your coffee maker whenever you want Them: great headphones on planes is heavier than flying over TEAs from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I saw a documentary on how they make jeans... It was riveting. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I saw a middle aged man staring at a picture of his very first steps. With tears in his eyes, he told me he regrets ever replacing the steps with an elevator. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I saw an all frog production of Frozen yesterday... It was toad aly cool! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I still remember what my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket... "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I support farming and math... I'm pro tractor. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I the shell off a snail yesterday... you'd think it would move faster, but it was really kinda sluggish. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I thought about starting a business selling halos... ...but the cost of overheads was too high. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I thought I had a brain tumor but then I realized it was all in my head. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I thought the dryer shrank my clothes.. turns out it was the refrigerator from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I tired playing soccer But I couldn't get a kick out of it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high she looked surprised. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I tried to change my password to 14days... The computer said it was two week. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I try not to spend too much time online... ...but Wi Fight it? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I used to be addicted... to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x post from /r/jokes) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I used to work at an orange juice factory... I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I wanna make a joke about sodium. But Na. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Unlike the passengers in his car who were screaming and yelling! http://www.thedailyenglishshow.com/friday joke/98 how to die/ from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I wanted to put a pizza joke here ...but it was too saucy. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, "Keep Frozen." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was driving today... And saw a sign that said, "Steamed Crabs". I began to wonder: "What made them so mad?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was going to go to a clairvoyants meeting the other day but.... it was cancelled due to unforeseen events. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was gonna make a joke on Reddit.. .. but I guess you've already Reddit somewhere. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was thinking of ways to become transgender... So I figured I'd fly to Paris. Because then I'd be abroad. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was watching a TV program on various Religious orders and how the use stringed instruments. I was appalled by the amount of sects and violins! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. And then it hit me. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went for a job interview today... The interviewer said to me, What would you say your greatest weakness is? I said, I think Id have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went in to a pet shop and said, Can I buy a goldfish? The guy said, Do you want an aquarium? I said, I dont care what star sign it is. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went to a seafood disco last week... ...and pulled a mussel. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went to a shredded cheese convention the other day... it was grate from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went to the dermatologist about something on my neck and they said I just needed to scrub it!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I went to the store and asked for a one handed sailor... he said sorry, "I'm a wholesaler." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I would make a sparrow joke... But they don't fly very well. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I would never exaggerate... ...in a million years. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'll always remember what my uncle said before he passed on up... "Flying houses? Talking dogs? That movie looks dumb." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm a social person. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm calculating how much it would cost to install lights for a little league baseball field A ballpark estimate would be perfect from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm getting mighty fed up with these sheep human hybrids! What is with ewe people!? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, I am outstanding. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm in the terminator musical. I'll be Bach. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm making a band! I started a band called 999 Megabytes...we havent gotten a gig yet. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm naming my TV remote Waldo... ...for obvious reasons. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm not really sure I'm understanding this financial crisis in Greece... It's all Greek to me. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm reading a book about anti gravity. I can't put it down. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm reading a book about anti gravity... ... It's impossible to put down from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm so sad because my friend is moving to Shanghai. More like Shang bye. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm tired of people calling America the dumbest country in the world Quite frankly, I think Europe is! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I'm very keen I could tell he was bald at the drop of a hat. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I've just made a meeting site for retired chemists It's called Carbon Dating from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
I've won the war! My pants fit! **Congratulations, have you lost weight?** Even better... I've bought new pants!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If all of Ireland sank, what part of it wouldn't? County Cork from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If I ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan I'll say "I knew you were trouble when you clocked in." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If Mr. Bean lost one of his legs he'd be cannellini! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If the house is in the kitchen, and Diana's in the kitchen, what's in Diana? A state (Indiana) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you bury someone in the wrong place then you have made a grave mistake. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. *They're normally around 90 degrees.* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you have bladder problems. Urine trouble. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom? European. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you're American, when are you not American? When European. Or when you're Russian. Any more? :) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
If you're not buying kraft mac and cheese you might be buying an impasta. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Im trying to get into classical music... ...but I cant find any original recordings. All the music is performed by cover bands. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Is it just me... ...or are circles pointless? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Is your refrigerator running? Well, you better get glasses, and stop doing drugs from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
It's an emergency! I need underwear jokes. My baby sister needs underwear jokes for some mysterious reason. I need your guys help! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
James Bond went to get a haircut. The barber asked him if he wanted to dye his hair as well. Bond replied "Dye another day." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Jesus wrote a play about a tornado. It was an Act of God. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Joke request Tell me your best joke that includes "July" "fourth" and "fire" Let's see what you've got, Reddit! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Just found this sub the other day and I've come to this realization... Currently, this subreddit seems to be in quite the pickle. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Just heard this on a PBS kids show... What did one wolf say to the other wolf? Howls it going? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Just went to an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Just wrote a book on reverse psychology... Don't read it! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... ...but it's definitely up there. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Kind of a kid joke What kind of cereal do zombies like? Kellog's All Brain from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock Who's there? Impatient cow. Impatient co He already left. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock Who's there? Ash Ash who? Bless you.. P.S. kids love it from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock Knock Who's there Boo!! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock Who's there? Abby. Abby who. A bee has stolen my wallet. (I will show my self out) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock! **Who's there?** *Tank* **Tank who?** *You're welcome* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE! ***sombrero **** ^sombrero who,,,? *****SOMBRERO VER THE RAINBOW**** from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock. Who's there? Doorbell technician. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock Knock... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock... "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Control Freak now you say 'Control Freak who?'" :) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock Knock... 1.Knock knock. Whos there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there? Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock knock... Who's there? I did up. I did up who? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock, Knock... Who's there? The K.G.B. The K.G.B. wh... **SLAP**! WE are K.G.B., WE will ask questions!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Whos there? Control Freak. Con Okay, now you say, Control Freak who? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Last night, I had a dream that I was walking on a white sandy beach... At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Like most people my age... I'm 27. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Linuxmint 13 or 15 question why does 13 have lts and not newer versions? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Makeup beauty Omg = oh my girl so cute next morning without makeup Omg = ohh My God omg/omg = life without wife from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Mary had a little lamb. She's not a vegan anymore. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? "Oh, I do not know, DIABETES MAYBE!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Me have great grammar... Me learnt everything I know from Sesame Street! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Mints I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Mom asked if I wanted to race toy cars with my neighbor Chucky. I responded, "Nah, that's child's play." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
More retailers should adopt the "Leave A Penny / Take A Penny" system. It is literally, common cents. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My "go to" zoo joke I tell this to my wife and kids every time we go to a zoo... Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A. Elephino from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My biggest problem with passive smoking is having to follow the smoker around. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My brother said he's incontinent. Yeah, he said he's wet his pants in nearly every nation in the world. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My brother... Likes driving black and white F1 race cars. They call him the F1 racist. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My Bucket List * ~~Five gallon bucket~~ * ~~Mop bucket~~ * Bucket hat from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My buddy said he'd give his right arm to be ambidextrous I can only admire such dedication. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My buddy says he is the world's worst at self deprecating humor. he worried once he was too modest. Then realized he was wrong. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My buddy the hacker took the quiz "What Beatles song best describes your life." The answer he got: "My Way". from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My buddy went to a foreign country to get his sex change operation. Now he's a dude who's abroad. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My dad's not an alcoholic... ...He just collects empty bottles, sounds so much better, doesn't it? ~ Stewart Francis from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My daughter hit me with this one while preparing for dinner Why did the table love playing volleyball? Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My dog chewed up my laptop... I guess he wanted a byte to eat! ^imagine ^this ^in ^zoidberg's ^voice from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My finger became really swollen after I jammed it Friday. And thats how I found out Im allergic to jam. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My first job... My first job out of college was a "diesel fitter" at a pantyhose factory... As they came off the line, I would hold them up and say, "Yep, deez'll fit her!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My friend gave me a balloon and told me not to pop it.. but I blew it! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My friend says she's doing good but she means well from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My friend told an out of place joke about police searches. But I don't think it was warranted. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My girl asks why I love chocolate so much. Well, I have several Reisens... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My Girlfriend told me she didn't want anything for Birthday I didn't give her anything :O #ThugLife from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer... I said, No, wait! I can change! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all of her musical instruments. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says "Your password is incorrect", I type in: "incorrect" and the silly thing still tells me the same thing. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My old roommate's bathroom was so dirty I had to clean the soap before using it. (Seriously.) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My plumber finally quit on me... He couldn't take any more of my crap. Sorry that this isn't a CLEAN joke. Heh from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My relationship is like Monopoly. She gives me too many Chances. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My shower had a bit of mildew but all it took was a little... scrubbing!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My teacher's nickname in school is Flush. He always has the same suit. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
My uncle wanted to give all his sheep a sex change... But it entailed too many ramifications! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Need help While scratching my ear with key few hours ago, audio on my brand new TV went off. Does anyone know good TV Service. Sh... I think my Laptop sound died too. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Never play poker with a pieces of paper. They're bound to fold. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Never trust an atom They make up everything from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Never try to kill a termite with a napkin. It'll only get bigger. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
New Internet acronym: RALSHMICOMN Rolling Around Laughing So Hard Milk Is Coming Out My Nose from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Nickelback walks into a bar.... So Nickelback walks into a bar, and there is no punchline, because ruining music isn't funny. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
No matter how much you push the envelope... ...it's still stationery. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
No matter what anyone said, I was never going to take the stand. It's 1000 pages, for Pete's sake! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Noah wasn't much for civilized society . . . You could say he was an arc ist. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Note for Santa Dear Santa, Please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Old Chinese proverb: Man who not shower in 7 days makes one reek. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Old game show bloopers...I miss this kind of humor today Found this video randomly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv3gK2bmkAk&feature=related from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
One Eskimo said to the other, "Where is your mother from?" The second Eskimo says "Alaska." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
One fifth of people... ...are just too tense! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
One potato asks another: "Are you sure we are related?" "Yes I yam!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
One time we ran out of soap so we had to use hand sanitizer!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
One time, a cow saved my life It was bovine intervention. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Original physics joke. I'm very proud. I was organizing my desk the other day and the Entropy Police gave me a ticket for disturbing the chaos. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Other uses for chloroform 1) A great conversational piece when talking to the cops about using it 2) Make the day go by faster 3) And finally, as a reagent. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Overheard: Augustus Caesar on New Year's Day: "I keep writing 'B.C.' on all my checks." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Overheated some milk in a lab experiment today... ...and asked the teacher if it would affect the result. Her response? "To a degree." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Pac Man What should you do before you criticize Pac Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Passwords 123456 abcdef Password from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
People dont like having to bend over to get their drinks... We really need to raise the bar. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover. How now brown chicken brown cow? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Programmers tend to byte their food from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer (No idea) Q: What do you call a quadriplegic deer with no eyes? A: Still, no eye deer. (Still no idea) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Q) What do you call a group of 8 rabbits? A) Rabbyte! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Q)What will you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative? A) NapKin from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Reinventing Yourself http://dryinginside.blogspot.com/2012/10/reinventing yourself doesnt always work.html from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Request: Jokes for the sick? I have a good friend who was just hospitalized, hopefully nothing too serious. I'd love to send him a few short, clean jokes to cheer him up. Thanks! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Santa keeps his suits in the clauset. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Says she: "Say something soft and sweet" Says he: "Marshmallow." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Scary Halloween Joke **Person 1:** Knock knock! **Person 2:** Who's there? **Person 1:** A GHOST!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Schooner or later, sailors... ...engage in rudder nonsense. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Science joke The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here" He orders a drink A Tachyon walks into a bar Who wants to hear a Tachyon joke? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Science Jokes Thread on AskReddit! For your amusement: http://en.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1auxsf/what are some funny scientific jokes that you know/ from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Seven days without a joke makes one weak. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Shall I tell you the joke about the body snatchers? Best not, you might get carried away. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Shout out to... ...baseball players who have three strikes. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So a polar bear walks into a bar... and says, "I'll have a gin.....and tonic" The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?" And the polar bear says, "Oh, I've always had them." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So I was feeling down the other day... My friend wanted to cheer me up, so he told me 10 jokes to make me feel better. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So I work in a Steak House and all the people there are really lazy So I must say after working there: That it's rare to see a job well done from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So today is Earth day on what grounds are we celebrating? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So, a guy gave his friend 10 puns, hoping that one of them would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
So, I have this new knock knock joke You start... (when you get it) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Soap addiction I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Someone dropped their Scrabble in the middle of the road... ...that's the word on the street anyway. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Someone sly sheared sleeping sheep. Talk about shear terror. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Someone talked to me today about having two X chromosomes. Typical woman. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Sports: So how's the shoestring game goin'? Right now, it's ***ALL TIED UP!*** Oh my oh my! I couldn't find a cornylamejokes subreddit, so... ~Skip from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Starcraft: Why did the marine vote for the dragoon? He was Protoss from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Superman and Eyore had a baby. The baby's name? Supereyore from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Tasted the best Borscht ever! It'll be hard to beet. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The cheesiest joke ever. "I don't feel grate." Block of Cheese before it got shredded. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza store... and says, "Can you make me one with everything?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The fast food restaurant for babies. "Welcome to Gerber King, may I take your order?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The Fine Bros. 'React' announcement was like a television with no antenna. Poor reception. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The Great Yarn Race **Joe:** Did you hear about the great yarn race? **Jane:** No. Who won? **Joe:** Well, they had to weave their selves through the obstacles and in the end, it was a tie. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The hairdresser's oath First, harm no 'do... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The hole in the boat So two guys steal a boat and get drunk. Kane of them goes "Hey, there is a hole in this boat". The other says "don't worry it's not ours". from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The joke of 2016 Trump from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The only one of its kind on this sub Want to hear a dirty joke? horse fell in the mud! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The other day, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow... I called her up and asked, ''Did you get my drift?'' from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... "darn it..." I muttered. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The pollen count that's a difficult job! [Credit to Milton Jones] from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The preacher today used Star Wars as a sermon illustration. I felt it was a little forced. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The reason angels can fly... ...is that they take themselves lightly. **G. K. Chesterton** from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The scientists a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking. Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The signature dish of a restaurant called the Twisted Rooster: Mobius Chicken Strips. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The three unwritten rules of /r/cleanjokes are: 1. 2. 3. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
The victim's body was found in the kitchen surrounded by eight empty boxes of cornflakes. Police suspect it was the work of a serial killer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary code and those who do not. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There are two types of people in this world 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There once was a girl from Nantucket... Who carried her ice in a bucket. She walked down a hill. She had a great spill. And when she got up, she said, "I'm going to watch my step next time!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There once was a jealous zombie... But he ate his heart out. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There was a depressed sausage... he thought his life was THE WURST. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There were two flies sitting on a toilet seat... one got pissed off. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There were two snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other... Can you smell Carrots? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There's a guy at the office today wearing full camo. At least I think so... I haven't seen him in a while. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There's a TV channel where you can buy all the Pope's speeches It's called "Papal View". from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c: from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
There's only one problem with reading articles about space based technology It all goes waaaay over my head. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, no ones laughing now. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
They told me I had type "A" blood... turns out it was a typo. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, Is that a fret? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This dermatologist waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder... She's reluctant to make a rash decision. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This is 2 girls with 1 cup. [A.K.A. Friends At (a) Cafe Bar](http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/friends at cafe bar high res stock photography/156534295) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This is an X and Z conversation... Y are you in the middle? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This mallard waddled into a bar... Should've ducked. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This Post just says it all! It all. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
This summer I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say, 'Get a life' on them. Demetri Martin from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Three drums and a cymbal rolled down a hill ba dum dum ching from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like... bananas! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Today I brought a computer back from the dead. I've decided that this makes me a techromancer. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Today, the doctor told me that the bottom of my heart has stopped functioning. My girlfriend will be disappointed; that's the part I loved her from. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Today's my cake day! And I'm going to eat it too! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Totally original joke/first post: What do you get when you play a Frank Sinatra record at twice the speed? "Shrank Sinatra" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
TV playback craziness [Through the eyes of Adrienne Hedger](https://www.facebook.com/HedgerHumor/photos/pb.630201143662377. 2207520000.1443863939./1179935295355623/?type=3&theater). :) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two antennas met on a roof . . . Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married, the ceremony was awful but the reception was brilliant. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two artists had an art contest... It ended in a draw from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two atoms walk into a bar... One says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two balloons are floating across the desert One balloon says to the other, Look out for the cactussssssssssssssssssss! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two bookworms were having a dispute... ...across an open book until one bookworm moves closer to the other and says, "well then, I'm glad we're on the same page." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two chimps are in the bath One says "ooh oooh eek eek" The other one says "well put some cold water in then!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two competing podiatrists opened offices next door to each other... They were arch enemies. Edit: Spelling from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two dogs are going on a walk down the street They walk past a few parking meters and one dog says to the other, "Hey, check it out! Pay toilets!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tss! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... ba dum tss from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two fish in a tank Fish 1:Uh, Greg? Fish 2:What Fish 1:How do we drive this thing from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two fish in a tank. [x post from r/Jokes] One asks: How do you drive this thing? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Says the first. "Moo!" says the second from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two peanuts were walking down the street.... And one of them was assaulted from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two pretzels.. Two pretzels went walking down the street, one was "assaulted" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Two wrongs don't make a right... but three lefts make a right. And two Wrights make a plane 6 lefts make a plane. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Velcro What a rip off. Joke by Tim Vine. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear a construction joke? I'm working on it. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Two white stallions fell in the mud. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear a joke about Nitric Oxide ? NO from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear a joke about unemployed people? Nevermind, they don't work. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke joke jooooke! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Want to hear a clean Joke? Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty one? Bubbles is a man from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Want to hear a dirty joke? This boy trips and falls into some mud. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Want to hear a joke about a crappy restaurant? Nevermind, I'm afraid it may be in poor taste. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it is too cheesy. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's probably too cheesy. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Was going to make a joke about science but I know for I wont get a reaction... from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
Wash the alligator clips with rubbing alcohol during flu season Protect yourself from catching a terminal illness. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
We always bought our cars used, this one was as black as the night that is, until we washed it!!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What age were pigs discovered in? The Saus Age. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? A bat! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What are caterpillars afraid of? DOGerpillars! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What are twins favorite fruits? Pears from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What are two doctors with colds An ironic Paradox. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter? envelope from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What bird can write underwater? A ball point Penguin! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What cars do cows drive? Cattleacs from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What cars do wolves drive? Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What celebrity never payed with a cheque or credit? Johnny Cash. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree? Camembert! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What city loves to eat sandwiches? Koldcutta from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What colour T shirt would win a race? Red, because it runs the most. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What concert tickets should cost $0.45? 50 cent feat. Nickelback :P from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What di you call a snowman in may? A puddle! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did aged mother cheddar say to her son the day of school photos? Looking sharp. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach. Sorry. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did batman say to robin before robin got in the car? get in the car from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Captain Ahab say when he harpooned a whale's tail fin on the first try? "Well that was a fluke." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Cholera say to Malaria? Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Cinderella say while waiting for her photos? Someday my prints will come from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did daddy fish do when mommy fish got herself lost? ...He flounder from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What Did Delaware? A brand New Jersey! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Descartes say while shopping online? I think therefore I Amazon from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did earth say to the other planets? You guys have no life! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice cream? Sure, Bert! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did fish say when she hit the wall ? Dam(n) !!! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did music tell the pancakes? B flat. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one casket say to the other? "Is that you coffin?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one computer CPU say to the other after getting hit? Ow! That megahertz! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one dry erase marker say to the other? I'm bored! (As in board) Another one from my 9 year old. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one duck say to the other? Quack! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one earthquake say to the other? Hey, it's not my fault. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one frog say to the other frog? Time's fun when you're having flies. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one frog say to the other? Time's fun when you're having flies. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one math book say to the other math book? We've got a lot of problems. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one math book say to the other? Don't bother me; I've got my own *problems!* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one nose say when the other nose said "I love you"? "Back achoo!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one octopus say to the other octopus? Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess? "It's stale, mate." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? 'Do you smell carrots?' from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I`ll meet you at the corner. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did socrates learn from the T rex? i dino from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did Tennessee? What Arkansas. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the 0 say to the 8? ... Hey, nice belt.. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the 0 say to the 8? Let's make a snowman! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the 8 say to the 0? Hey, fatty from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the amazed Kazakhstani say? That's Astana shing from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the American call Karl Marx when a shrine was dedicated to him in Japan? A Kami. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the apple say to the pear? [Man, go] away! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the bartender say to the jumper cables? You better not try to start anything. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home? She moved. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the blue denims say to the black denims? I guess we have different genes! *knee slap* ... I'll see myself to the door from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the Buffalo say when his child left for college? Bison from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the bunny say to the frog? [My name is Rabbit, not ribbit!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYkDxsaHlkg) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the corn say when it was complemented? Aww, shucks! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day? Deja Moo! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the dad buffalo say when his offspring left for college? Bison from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? "Look grandpa, no hands!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the elephant say to the horn less rhino? "Rhino horn?" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the Estonian student say in language class? I'll never Finnish. *dodges tomato* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the eye say to the other eye? Something smells between us. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the famous musician say the moment he was born? *I'LL BE BACH* from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the figurine say when the boot flew past her protective dome? "That was a cloche call!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? Oh, Dam. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? Dam from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . . from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the floor say to the desk? I can see your drawers! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the french butter say when it got stocked in the cooler? Beurre... I came up with this today while grocery shopping. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the German air force eat for breakfast during WW2? Luftwaffles from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the German physicist use to drink his beer? Ein stein. From Big Nate, as told by my kid. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the German policeman say to his nipples? You are under a vest! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the g**** say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just gave a little wine from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the green g**** say to the purple g****? "Breathe, stupid!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the green g**** say to the purple g****? "Breathe you idiot! Breathe!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the green light say to the red light? I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the hammer say to the drill? You're too boring. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the horse order at the bar? Chardaneiiiiiiggghhhhh from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the horse say when he fell over? "Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up." from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the host serve his guests for The Simpsons marathon night? Disco Stew! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the hot dogs name their child? Frank from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the Hungarian say to the annoying kid? "You're nothing budapest!" from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the knob say to the door? I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! ~Skip from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the koala bear say to the barber? You ca lip this? from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the lazy surgeon say to his patient? Suture self! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the llama say when asked to a picnic? Alpaca lunch! from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire? That he needed to address the situation from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? (x post from /r/3amjokes) [It's pasture bedtime!](http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/what did the mama cow say to the baby cow/) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the mama pig give her baby pig for its rash? ***OINKMENT!*** > (This exchange that I found on /r/tumblr makes this joke even funnier to me: > http://i.imgur.com/EzT0Bkd.jpg) from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the mexican firecheif name his kids... Hose A and Hose B from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side. from Arnie Tells Clean Jokes!
