Will Ferrell Soundboard Edit

A christmas tree buddy chopped it down in the park

A special one what a bunch of hippie dippie baloney

Absolutely ma'am i'd love to sign your baby you're not gonna wanna wash that forehead you hear me

Actions have consequences

Activities

Al now brown cow how now brown cow al now brown cow

All i'm asking for is total perfection

All those races I won that was for you you know that I did just like you told me if you ain't first you're last

And thanks for stopping by but mainly stay classy

Are you really the decider? #will ferrell #decision maker #george w bush #boss

Awful #terrible #hot ones

Behold minion metro man's cape look closely tell me what you see dandruff yes it's his dna

Blue you're my boy thank you sir

Boo Will Ferrell Sounds

Bunk bed looks amazing

But a home i mean where in all of god 's green goodness

But as unspecial as I am you are a thousand billion times more unspecial than me

But I had something far far greater my amazing intellect and knack for building objects of mayhem

But I really wanted to see you and I think you're beautiful and I um I feel really warm when I am around you and um my tongue swells up

But now I am too hurt I am shocked and offended and hurt

But we bought it at the toy store we did but the way i'm using it makes it an adult thing

By the way I think you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world

Can't wait to see my dad we're gonna go ice skating and eat sugarplums

Christmas is right around the corner and what better gift to give a loved one than the jackhawk 9000 available at wal mart

Coffee sales are through the roof sir glad to hear it let's rebuild that roof to be even higher! the roof team is on it

Dad i'm in love i'm in love and I don't care who knows it

Dear 8 pound 6 ounce newborn infant jesus don't even know a word yet just a little infant and so cuddly but still omnipotent

Dear god Will Ferrell Sounds

Dear lord baby jesus or as our brothers to the south call you jesus we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of domino's kfc and the always delicious taco bell

Dear tiny jesus in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny little fat balled up fists

Did we just become best friends?!

Did you eat peanut butter or something you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth

Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here

Did you want to hear me say it i'll say it here it is from the blackest part of my heart I am sorry!

Discovered by the germans in 1904 they named it san diago which of course in german means a whale's vagina

Do you like guacamole?

Does santa know that you left the workshop

Don't worry about this big black monolith thing that's blocking out the sun

Don't you know I would never say the word fuck I would never fuckin' ever fuckin' say that! ever!

Don't! stop! she's using her nosy reporter skills on your weak willed mind to find out all our secrets

Enough with the easy questions #will ferrell #too easy #too smart #interview #questions

Everyone turn away things are gonna get crazy we're gonna make animal noises

Fighting scene

For god 's tricky

Get out just go we are through through! because of your actions you scorpion woman

Go fuck yourself san diego

Go fuck yourself san diego

Happy Birthday Derek!

Happy birthday to you #happy birthday #happy birthday song #sing happy birthday #hbd #will ferrell

Hard time in a pickle

Have a good day oh I forgot to give you a hug

He bought their affections with showmanship and extravagant gifts of deliciousness

He must be a south pole elf

He took the name metro man defender of metrocity I decided to pick something a little more humble megamind

He's an angry elf

He's an imposter!

He's not santa claus! he's not santa!

Hell you're just a bag of bones

Hello Miss Lady

Hello neighbor Will Ferrell Sounds

Hello this is ron hello who's there i'm talking hello who is this

Help me jesus! help me ******* god!

Hey guys great job on the radio station thank you sir we love listening to this song over and over again

Hey have you seen these toilets they're ginormous

Hey y'all dont say that

His strength's too much! oh I work out!

Honestly if I didn't know any better i'd think this was your first day of being evil

How do I look minion do I look bad disgustingly horrifying sir

How long do you think you'll be with us I hadn't really planned it out but I was thinking like forever

I appreciate it guys just trying to help out even though it was weird and perverse

I believe it's jogging or yogging it might be a soft j i'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time it's supposed to be wild

I better take the lead this way looks exciting no it says exit which is the abbreviation for exciting right

I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many I don't know if you heard me counting I did over a thousand

I can taste it on my tongue

I could be wrong but I believe diversity is an old wooden ship that was used during the civil war era

I did fart

I didn't know you had elves working here

I don't know

I don't know how to put this but i'm kind of a big deal

I even wrote it down in my diary veronica had a very funny joke today I laughed at it later that night

I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis

I feel like I'm in Highlander #wow #highlander #will ferrell #dream #fantasy

I have very little time to get to the gym so I have to sculpt my guns at the office

I honestly thought I was going to be ****d for a second

I hope that both of you have sons handsome beautiful articulate sons who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away!

I immediately regret this decision

I immediately regret this decision

I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain but I didn't have a mountain I had a newsroom and a camera

I know it's hard to understand but this is dad's stuff okay all of this that you see before you is all your father's and everything is thought out very

I like to whisper too

I literally didn't even listen #hot ones #didnt hear your question #what did you say #not listening

I look good i mean really good everyone coming feel goo

I love scotch scotchy scotch scotch here it goes down down into my belly

I love the way they're talking to you 'cause they're winners winners get to do what they want

I love you (explicit)

I love you so much

I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen

I need to get my drink on #get my drink on #will ferrell

I realize that but sometimes you got to look in the mirror and say 'when in rome'

I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you

I remember when I had my first beer

I sent you to this planet to teach you about justice honor and nobility I am your father

I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!

I want to be on you

I want to be on you (2)

I was eight days old and still living with my parents how sad is that

I will not eat cat poop

I'll drop that mother fucker

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the eiffel tower out of metal and brawn that's what kind of man I am

I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!

I'm going to punch you in the ovary that's what i'm gonna do a straight shot right to the babymaker

I'm not a baby i'm a man I am an anchorman

I'm not gonna call him dad

I'm not messing with you it's just nice to meet another human who shares my affinity for elf culture

I'm not prepared I really am not prepared at all this is a surprise i'll tell you

I'm not stupid no one lives forever no one but with advances in modern science and my high level of income I mean it's not crazy to think I can't live to be 245 maybe 300

I'm not sure what to do with my hands be good to hold them down by your side

I'm ron burgundy

I'm shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots

I'm so tired of running rampant through the streets

I'm the bad guy I don't save the day I don't fly off into the sunset and I don't get the girl i'm going home

I'm very important I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany

If I take one bite will you get me a steak if I take one bite of shit will you bring me a steak

If my parents could see me now sir i'm sure they're smiling down from evil heaven

If you ain't first you're last (2)

Imagine the most horrible terrifying evil thing you can possibly think of and multiply it by six!

Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy

Internet Ate it Up #will ferrell #midnight with chris hardwick #george w bush #viral #internet #meme

It is a crappy cup of coffee no it's the world's best cup of coffee

It looks amazing

It seems i'm i'm not an elf of course you're not you're 6 foot 3 and had a beard since you were 15

It's not gonna be fine! Ever! #not ok #never gonna be fine #will ferrell #conan

It's not personal it's just business lord business

It's not very shiny

It's so damn hot milk was a bad choice

It's terrible! she has beautiful eyes and her hair smells like cinnamon!

Just as I thought your good cop side's making you soft bad cop

Just think about it we have it all yet we have nothing it's just too easy now

Just watch out for the guns they'll get you

Ladies and gentlemen could i please have your attention

Last time I looked in the dictionary my name is ron burgundy

Let's dance dick weed

Lick my butthole

Long Fart

Look the most glorious rainbow ever do me on it

Minion i'm a villain without a hero a ying with no yang a bullfighter with no bull to fight in other words I have no purpose

My finger has a heartbeat

My giant blue head!

My papa yeah he didn't make master tinker till he was 490

My penis is tingling right now

Ninety eight percent of us will die at some point in our lives the darkness is creeping towards you whether you know it or not so a little planning can go a long way

No but things worked out pretty good they gave me a restraining order

Nope

Not even if there's a fire

Now hit the showers!

Now I suggest you and your wife mrs jim beam you guys go take a chill pill

Now my evil power will be unlimited! can you feel me

Oh I almost forgot I won't be able to make it fellas veronica and I are trying this new fad called jogging

Oh no we woke up the momma

Oh wow that was a great inspiring legend that you made up

Oh you don't know what's good for bad

Oh you're a villain all right! just not a super one!

Oh! ooh wow it's sucky oh wonderful yes

Ok titan it's time to go down in style

Ollo it's hello hello like that

Only thing you ever done with your life is make a hot daughter that's it that is it!

Prime minister of malaysia bad awards come on

Reaction to Summer Break #summer break #school #students #summer

Ricky first of all where did you learn to drive like that in a car car handle really good yeah

Roundhouse your ass

Sh shut your mouth

She will never find out that's the point of lying

She's really great i'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom

Should've known you'd try to crash the party oh I intend to do more than crash it

Shrug #will ferrell #shrug #whatever #george w bush #you got me

Sleepwalking Coffee

So dad I planned out our whole day we'll make snow angels and then we'll go ice skating then eat a roll of toll house cookie dough as fast as we can and then to finish we'll snuggle

So did you uh sleep okay last night great I got a full 40 minutes

So good news I saw a dog today have you seen a dog you probably have

So you're like my space dad yeah i'm like your space dad

Son of a bee sting she's turning the entire office agai

Songbird of my generation

Susan i've never heard you talk like that are we about to get it on because i'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now

Syrup in coffee why didn't I think of that can I try some

Thanks but I don't sing oh it's easy it's like talking except louder and longer and you move your voice up and down

That idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on

That's it be free my beautiful dove!

That's super frustrating it makes me just wanna pick up whoever is standing closest to me and throw them through this window and out into the infinite abyss of nothingness!

That's when I learned a very hard lesson good receives all the praise and adulation while evil is sent to quiet time in the corner

The box for this one said ages 8 to 14 that's a suggestion they have to put that on there

The Gossip Queen Handshake

The ninjas are trying to get me the ninjas are trying to get me

The power of flight invulnerability and great hair

The room's starting to spin real fast because of gayness

Then it hit me if I was the bad boy then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all

These bears are massive they looked a lot smaller from up there

They named it san diego which in german means a whale's vagina

This burrito is delicious but it is filling

This house is a fucking prison on planet bullshit!

This House is a Prison

This is gonna be terrible #going to be bad #hot ones #going to be terrible

This next meeting could run a little bit deadly

This place reminds me of santa's workshop except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me

Titan what's that supposed to mean it was the only name I could trademark

Toilet Paper

Turn the music off! i'm still talking!

Uh oh sounds like someone needs to sing a christmas carol

Wait a minute pick up attempt i'm offended

Was that a fart?

We are laughing and we are very good friends good buddies sharing a special moment

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups candy candy canes candy corns and syrup

We just have so much to be thankful for first off my sons no longer act like retarded gangbangers amen

We just want to take a moment to talk to you about snow blindness in cats it's affecting more and more cats every year and it scares the living shit out of us

We should stick to what we're good at being bad

We're at the abandoned observatory no we're not! don't listen to her she's crazy

Welcome to the neighborhood

Well guess what no one ever told me I was special I never got a trophy just for showing up! i'm not some special little snowflake no

Well here's the deal i'm the best there is plain and simple I mean I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence

Well I happened to be speed walking nearby when you called in a suit it's called formal speed walking but that's not important

Well I like the christmas jesus best and i'm saying grace when you say grace say it to grownup jesus teenage jesus bearded jesus whoever you want

Well I mean we need to get that done I want eight foot speakers

Well let me just quote the late great colonel sanders who said i'm too drunk to taste this chicken

Well use the forget me stick oh right

Well you gotta listen to me here okay you gotta win to get love everyone knows that I mean that's just life

What are you talking about I lived my whole life based on that well now what the hell am I supposed to do

What who do they think puts all their toys under the tree well there's a rumor floating around that the parents do it

What you need to worry about is this question that i'm about to ask you who wants a taco

What's a christmas gram I want one

What's diablo mean it's like you know it's like spanish for like a fighting chicken

What's the highlander it's a movie very good it won the academy award for best movie ever made

What's the plan well it mostly involves not dying I like that plan

What's the point of being bad when there's no good to try and stop you

When you oppress people, they rise up

When you work on your mysterious lady part stuff you should have the right tools too so that's why you should use maypax the official tampon of nascar

Who if you were to rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94

Who is this man we've infused with godlike power

Why don't you go back to your home on whore island

Why don't you just say it i'm the worst toy maker in the world

Why you smiling like that I just like to smile smiling's my favorite

With all due respect I had no idea you got an experimental surgery to have your balls removed

Yeah but okay but if you won how am I gonna win think about it

Yeah I want speakers that you can hug with your arms and your legs and just feel the beat

Yeah I'm a decider! #will ferrell #decision maker #manager #george w bush #boss

Yes I can I can think of a lot of things to say like you're a dirty bitch

You are a real hooker and i'm going to slap you in public

You are a smelly pirate hooker

You are destined for I didn't quite hear that last part but it sounded important destined for what

You can use my office and afterwards maybe we can go to lunch!

You did it! congratulations world's best cup of coffee great job everybody it's great to meet you hi

You gotta watch it when I get into autograph mode

You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie I mean that thing is good I want to be friends with it

You have your ubulus muscle that connects to the upper dorsinus

You know the drill oh no! not the drill!

You know what we can take them okay just start making as many snowballs as you can

You like sugar huh is there sugar in syrup yes then yes!

You look hilarious who sent you papa elf

You look ravishing it truly is beauty and the beast I might add a handsome beast

You sit on a throne of lies

You smell like beef and cheese you don't smell like santa

You stay classy san diego

You woke the bears why did you do that

You're getting fired for that #will ferrell #fired #george w bush #lay off #youre fired

You're just a woman with a small brain with a brain a third the size of us it's science

You're so wise like a miniature buddha covered in hair

You've been blessed with unfathomable power what kind of power unfathomable it's unf without fathom

You've got a dirty whorish mouth

(phone rings) buddy the elf what's your favorite color