Revenge of the Nerds (1984) Edit

A homecoming victory against State tomorrow.

A little more challenging.

A sorority? No! Guy!

A special, blue ribbon fact finding commission

A Tri Lamb.

About fucking time!

According to your by laws,

Adams College. Home of the Atoms.

Adams!

Against the nerds or the Tri Lambs.

Ah!

All our lives we've been laughed at and made to feel inferior.

All right, Booger.

All right, girls. Let's go for the burn.

All right, men. I want everybody to listen up.

All right, men. Listen up!

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right! Come on, Takashi! Go!

All right! Enough of this social bullshit. Grab a cot.

All right.

All right.

All we ever think about is sex.

Alpha Betas are okay

Also, there's a television, uh, for your viewing pleasure.

And from the Lambda Mu team, Dudley Dawson.

And he designed the javelin to go along with Lamar's limp wristed throwing style.

And help out in any way possible.

And I don't want my boys' minds worried about where they're gonna live.

And I have a micon data link

And I know that no member of my fraternity

And I think it'll be a very nice place for you to enjoy your studies.

And I urge that they be found guilty.

And I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other nerds.

And I'm not gonna let 'em take it away from us.

And if we don't, we're nothing but the nerds they say we are.

And now, our tri captains.

And number three, the musical show and skit competition.

And observe us to make sure we're Tri Lamb material, okay?

And on that farm he had some pigs. E I E I O

And one! And two! And three!

And sexual orientation.

And that's just the beginning.

And three! And four!

And tonight,

And we certainly won't discriminate.

And we will get to the bottom of this dastardly deed.

And we'll be up to our necks in nerd shit.

And we'll do the rest

And we'll pass the rumaki and the cheese puffs.

And we're here to say

And you got a great sense of humor.

And you're probably all still very disoriented.

And, uh, now aerodynamics is just sort of a hobby.

Any group that petitions can become a probationary Tri Lamb chapter.

Any of you that have ever felt

Any room you want! Ready? Break!

Anyway, college is a whole new ball game.

Anyway, I won't be alone. I got Lewis.

Anyways, I'm not gonna be alone. I got Lewis.

Are all nerds as good as you?

Are you guys still watching the Pi's?

Are you kidding, Gilbert? We can put a fridge and a microwave right there.

Are you kidding? Zoom in.

Are you okay?

Arnold, that's the girl we saw.

As you can see, we've provided accommodations for you

As you can see, we've provided accommodations for you

As you know, we have no chapter at Adams College,

As you know, we have no chapter at Adams College,

At center, number 53, Harry Reagan!

At defensive back, number 38, Kevin O'Leary.

At ease! At ease! At ease!

At which time the driver will chug a beer.

At wide receiver, number 84, Danny Burke!

Aw, come on. You're gonna make some lucky girl very happy.

Aw, man, he's wasted!

Aw, you college guys are all alike. All you really care about is getting laid.

Because of the... Of the housing situation,

Before we take this matter to a vote,

Betty Childs.

Bombs away!

Booger.

Break!

Burke, Burke, he's our man! If he can't do it, Ogre can!

But all we have to do is get a national sponsor, and we're in, right?

But I don't even want to go to college!

But I must tell you, gentlemen,

But it has become a tradition here at Adams, the belching contest.

But the only way to become president is to win the homecoming carnival.

But we were lucky.

But when I got into college, I decided that I wanted something

But when you're working with a computer, you gotta build something with your mind.

But you just can't drop me off in a gymnasium.

But you're right. Their action tonight

But, gentlemen, you have got to want it.

But, Gilbert,

Buy a pie for charity! Thank you.

By a bunch of goddamn nerds.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, son.

Bye. Thanks for the ride.

Camera. The periscope.

Can be one of the most important decisions in a man's life.

Can you do it again? Do it again!

Can't believe we finally made it.

Chose to accept us

Come here.

Come on, baby! Yeah!

Come on, Betty. Show me what you got.

Come on, Burke! You're an Alpha Beta!

Come on, Gilbert. Let's go to college.

Come on, guys.

Come on, Lewis. Let's go.

Come on, looks great. Come on, Wormser.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Get it up! Get it up! Come on! You're shit!

Come on.

Come on. Remove it. There's somethin' comin' up.

Come on. Rise and shine.

Come on. Step up.

Could have perpetrated such a callous, heinous act

Count one. Keep it up. Two...

Crush this ice for me, will you?

Dad!

Dad's waiting outside in the car. It's all packed.

Damn! You Mu's sure can party!

Daniels, Paul.

Dead ant, dead ant dead ant.

Dean Ulich, I am an Alpha Beta,

Dean Ulich, if my boys say it was the wiring, I gotta believe them.

Dean, we got a big game coming up

Definitely.

Demands an immediate retaliation.

Did we send pictures to everybody?

Did you find a house?

Do you think maybe they'd let us put in a little refrigerator for snacks and things?

Do you want it?

Don't be so negative. We're gonna have the time of our lives.

Don't come back!

Don't move the camera.

Don't tell my mother I was nervous, okay? I wouldn't want her to worry.

Don't worry about it. Wait a second. Just wait a second.

Don't you touch that boy.

Dooley, Edward.

Down! Down! Down!

E I E I O

Earl, show the petitioners in, please.

Easier gettin' it down.

Eat a pie for charity! Come on! Let's go!

Eat a pie for charity. Step right up.

Eighteen minutes and seven seconds.

Excuse me, but, uh, why?

Excuse me.

Excuse, please. But why do they call you Booger?

Fill 'er up, baby!

Fireball, fireball, fireball, fireball.

Fireball, fireball, fireball, fireball.

Fireball! Fireball! Fireball! Fireball!

Follow me, boys.

For sure.

For those of you, who weren't selected by any fraternities,

Frankly, I'm not too wild about this next event,

Freshmen are sitting pretty in there.

From, number one, field events,

Fuck you!

Fuck!

Gable, Gable, he's our man! If he can't do it, Burke can!

Gable, how we doin'?

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Get 'em out of here!

Get off!

Get out of here!

Get out! Jerks!

Get outta here!

Get them!

Gilbert, don't be a fool.

Gilbert, help me with the trunk.

Gilbert, I really don't think Miss Childs would have sent us over here

Gilbert, it's probably not over yet. There's a fraternity for us.

Gilbert, this is gonna be really neat.

Gilbert, we almost have the same prescription.

Gilbert, yes. Come on.

Gilbert, you better get up. They're here.

Gilbert?

Gilbert.

Gilbert.

Give me those back! Come here! Hey!

Go, son.

God, Betty, you're like a goat.

God, take your towel off, please.

God, that was fun tonight.

God, you were wonderful.

God! I'm in love with a nerd!

God.

Good morning, Poindexter.

Good.

Got it.

Got your father's good looks.

Great.

Great.

Guys like you have to weigh your choices very carefully.

Guys, we are never gonna get a fair shake as long as Stan Gable is president.

Hair pie!

Hair pie! Hair pie!

Hair pie? Thank you.

Hair pie. Hair pie!

Hair pie. Hair pie.

Harold, you have a special gift. You need college to develop it.

Have any of you guys got dates besides Gilbert?

Have you ever made love to a woman?

Haystack, flame on, buddy. Flame on!

He had but one hope,

He's right, U.N.

Hello, Lambda We're the Pi's

Here an oink Everywhere an oink, oink

Here. Lemme show you.

Here's one that will see us!

Here's why. Uh oh.

Here's your pin.

Hey, buddy! Here!

Hey, great, U.N.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Lewis, what time you got? I'm trying to work out our exact E.T.A.

Hey, Lewis. Come here. Sit down.

Hey, take it easy.

Hey, this is some good shit.

Hey, you.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Judy. Gilbert.

Hi, there, big boy.

Hi, U.N.!

Hi.

Hi. I came about the room for rent.

Hold it, Coach!

Hold those arms out straight!

How about now?

How could you ever get tired of that ass, Takashi?

Hurry.

I been out combin' the high schools all day.

I bet we'll have the highest grade point average of any chapter you've got.

I can't believe it! Did you see that?

I can't believe what they've done to that house.

I can't believe you asked her out.

I could never get tired of Betty.

I do too, really.

I do want to assure you that this move is in no way permanent. It's only temporary.

I don't know about the best, Lewis. It'll certainly be the messiest.

I don't know what this world is comin' to. See that man over there?

I don't know why everybody's so uptight.

I don't know.

I don't think U.N.'s having a very good time.

I drink to that.

I envy you, Lewis. This is one of the finest institutions in the country.

I feeling nothing at all.

I got 2:37. Dad, how fast are we going?

I got to find a place to live. Is okay I leave early?

I gotta go find a place to live.

I just don't like the idea of leaving you here all alone.

I just found that out tonight.

I just wanted to... To say that... That I'm a nerd.

I knew nobody'd pick us, Lewis.

I know there's alumni here tonight.

I know this move has probably been very sudden for all of you

I know what we're gonna do.

I know. That'd be so great.

I love you all! I love you all! Thank you!

I mean, after all,

I mean, it's, uh, godlike in a way.

I mean, our chapter will be open to people of all races and creeds.

I mean, uh,

I never really wanted to believe that.

I paid my money.

I really don't think Betty Childs is that kind of person, Gilbert.

I say we blow their fucking houses up.

I take great pleasure

I think I found a house.

I think robots are sexy.

I think we got something good going,

I think you'll make a fine addition to Tri Lambda, and I wanna welcome you aboard.

I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche bag, but that's in Ohio.

I told you we'd find a better place.

I wanna do it. All this kissing's made me horny.

I wanna see you and the other girls in the locker room now!

I want to be with people my own age.

I was fine when you went away to computer camp.

I was thinking mostly of the, uh, aerospace field.

I wasn't meant to interface with a machine.

I wish I was goin' with you.

I would get up and redeem myself

I would like it clearly stated in the record, Miss Childs,

I'd like to announce that we've made our selection already.

I'd like to announce that we've made our selection already.

I'd like to introduce to you the men that are gonna bring you

I'll say. Parties. Meeting new people. This is really gonna be great.

I'll take three of these kings out, and we'll replace them with three fresh cards.

I'm a nerd, and, uh, I'm pretty proud of it.

I'm a nerd.

I'm glad to see you... You guys finally fought back.

I'm glad. Come on.

I'm gonna call them and tell them you're coming.

I'm gonna see to it that each and every one of you is taken care of.

I'm in a difficult situation here.

I'm not being negative. I'm just being nervous, okay?

I'm not scared, really.

I'm on my way to accordion class now. Wanna walk with me?

I'm really sorry that I snapped at you.

I'm saying you gotta be...

I'm saying...

I'm sorry about your windows, fellas.

I'm sorry to inform you that your membership has been denied.

I'm tired of watching 'em brush their teeth.

I've assigned each of you a different part of the list.

I've got a date with a Tri Lamb.

I've, uh, got the old cruise control set at 35.

If everyone follows directions,

If I was you, I'd do somethin' about it.

If they win homecoming, they're gonna take over the Greek Council.

If we don't get approved by the Tri Lambs, we won't even be a fraternity.

If we don't impress the Tri Lambs, we'll never get in.

If you like sweat socks

If you're good, you can do somethin' no one's ever seen before.

In officially opening this year's homecoming carnival!

In the eyes of my father, my maker and my coach!

Into our new fraternity, Lambda Lambda Lambda.

Is there anyone here with allergies?

Isn't it fantastic?

It is a black and white television. More good news,

It is, really very comfortable here.

It says, "Nerds, get out."

It's a beautiful day, isn't it? It's gonna be a great year.

It's a definite high.

It's a definite high.

It's a lot bigger than I expected.

It's a panty raid!

It's all tied up,

It's as simple as that.

It's called a fireball, man. Watch.

It's Gilbert Lowe!

It's Gilbert Lowe!

It's gonna be a great year.

It's like we're refugees from a war!

It's no use.

It's okay. I understand. Tomorrow morning, we'll find a better place to live, okay?

It's out of my jurisdiction. Sounds like a fraternity prank.

It's right next to mine. It'll be perfect for us.

Javelin

Just checking.

Just good? Then what the hell are they selling so many of them for?

Just join us, 'cause... Hi.

Just kidding.

Just try it!

Just you and the Alpha Betas.

Kiss this, nerd.

Kneel, gentlemen.

Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu!

Lambda Lambda Lambda boys

Lambda Lambda Lambda!

Lambda Lambda Lambda?

Lambdas all the way

Leading the conference in reception,

Leave him alone. Coach, I said leave him alone.

Let the initiation begin.

Let's get skinny! And one! And two!

Lewis,

Lewis, if you don't want the bed by the window, I'll take it.

Lewis, we're gonna control the Greek Council next year.

Liars!

Life is but a dream

Like Davy Crockett always said, be sure you're right, then go ahead.

Like, uh, more mature.

Liquid heat.

Listen, if Stan calls, tell him I'll call him back, okay?

Live over at the Alpha Beta house

Look at that! Look at that!

Look at this counter. Could be good.

Look who's comin'.

Looks like salad.

Made up of myself and, uh, Miss Betty Childs

Make pile here.

May I see that, please?

Maybe if you're not busy sometime, we could have a cup of coffee or something.

Maybe we can have "robster craws."

Maybe we should cancel the party.

Maybe we should watch TV.

Me either. Maybe we should eat.

Me too. Uh, for those who do have allergies, um...

Meeting adjourned.

Merrily, merrily Merrily, merrily

Mmm, Stan.

Mom, you remember the first time you left home?

Mopery is exposing yourself to a blind person.

Move it or lose it!

Move it!

Move it! Move it! Move! Move! Move!

Move!

Move!

Move! Move! Move it!

Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

Must be the music. I'll put on something he'll like better.

Must've been the electrical wiring.

Nature's thermometers.

Nerd.

Nerds!

Nerds!

Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!

Night, Booger.

No one's gonna be free until nerd persecution ends.

No, we can't cancel the party. U.N. Jefferson's coming. We got to impress him.

No, we can't resort to violence.

No!

No! I'm not angry.

No.

No.

No. I met a girl.

Nobody cares. Don't you understand that? The university doesn't care.

Not girls, Gil. Women.

Not just a girl, Poindexter, but a Pi.

Nothing. Nothing.

Now say, "Hi, U.N."

Now we got a little score to settle with the Alpha Betas.

Now, I figure with lunch and two A.R.V.'s

Now, our two time all American quarterback,

Now, this season started out fine. We won some big ball games!

Number 10, Stan Gable!

Number two, the charity fund raising booth

Of next year's Greek Council.

Offensive guard, number 64, Rich Valeroy.

Ogre, go get a pie. Find out what the hell's going on here.

Ogre!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Ogre.

Oh, goody!

Oh, hair pie?

Oh, I getting tired of Betty.

Oh, I know Mr. Skolnick.

Oh, I know.

Oh, I see your point.

Oh, I'll be fine.

Oh, I'm so proud of you two boys.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, now what?

Oh, okay.

Oh, see, I got two sevens, and two sevens beats a frush.

Oh, shit!

Oh, smile pretty, chickies.

Oh, Stan.

Oh, Stan.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's horrible, you guys having to live in the gym.

Oh, yeah, well...

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Okay. Thank you.

Okay, don't... Don't touch now.

Okay, everybody ready?

Okay, everybody, listen up! It's time for stair diving!

Okay, hold on for a second.

Okay, I focus now. I set timer.

Okay, I programmed him with all the rental units in the area.

Okay, kid.

Okay, the object of the race is to complete 20 laps around the track,

Okay, when do I deal?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Here goes.

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

Oliver Scott and Bill Daniels.

Omega Mu!

One more! One more!

One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four! Come on, girls! Fat is your enemy!

One! And two! And three! And four!

Only humans can be inhuman.

Ooh! Aah! Alpha Beta!

Ooh! Aah! Alpha Beta!

Or a dork or a geek.

Or at least until basketball season.

Our defensive captain, number 79, Fred Polowosky!

Our first of two finalists, Frederick W. Polowosky.

Our house Our house is burning down

Our house, our house Our house is burning down

Our next competition will be the Trojan Horse.

Our next event is one that goes all the way back to the Peloponnesian War,

Our next order of business, new membership.

Out! Out! Out! Get out!

Ow.

Panty raid!

Panty raid!

People judge you different than they did in high school.

Please answer when I call out your names.

Poindexter, Arnold?

Poindexter, do you wanna fuck or not?

Posquito, Lawrence.

Put me down. Goddamn... Put me down!

Rakhim, Taj.

Really are the best

Really believe in you, son.

Relax, Gilbert. Remember, we got it covered.

Remember. There's 6,127 students at Adams,

Right, right. So I guess we'll see you in about, say, uh, 20 years.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

Rubbers? What do we need rubbers for?

Says me,

Says who?

See if Betty's up. Dooley, throw me a beer.

Seven, and eight, and stretch those arms.

Shit, Hank, What is that stuff?

Shit, we forgot to practice.

Smile, girls! You're gonna be beautiful!

So I say I gotta be free. So I say I got... I gotta be me.

So that's 7,107.32 boobs.

So, getting into a fraternity can be the most important thing in a man's life, huh?

So, let the music begin!

So, um, I switched to computers.

Someday my son will grow to be a man.

Sorry! Excuse us.

Stan!

Stan's gonna kill you!

Step aside, mama. I wanna see some of that muff.

Stepped on, left out, picked on, put down,

Sure, I'm sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Swing low, sweet chariot

Take a break, Chip.

Take it.

Take off your mask.

Tell Stan Gable that we're the guys that Betty Childs sent over.

Thank you, Betty. Uh, Miss Childs.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks to faulty wiring, we have no place to live, right?

Thanks, wimp. Get yourself one.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That are... That are quite acceptable

That hasn't been a real problem yet, Dad.

That isn't what the fire department thinks, Stan.

That looks good, Lamar.

That nerd saw me naked! Oh! Get out!

That the evidence is overwhelmingly against the Alpha Betas

That was wonderful.

That would drive 'em crazy.

That'd be a good place for the entertainment center, too.

That'll just bring us down to their level.

That's 29 rejections so far.

That's amazing.

That's my Pi.

That's right, Arnold.

The Alpha Beta Pi team leads.

The computer's your friend.

The Delta Kappa Gamma fraternity has selected as its new members,

The dirtiest thing ever said on television. I don't know.

The fraternities will select their new members tomorrow.

The Greek Council.

The key to each season is homecoming.

The Lambda Mus are a surprising second.

The overall winner will be determined by total points

The sisters of Pi welcome our newest fraternity, Lambda Lambda Lambda.

Their phone's been busy for two hours.

There's a lot more of us than there are of you.

There's nothing we can do about it.

There's only one organization that can handle this.

There's something fishy about these pies. Let's go check it out.

There's your roommate, pal!

Therefore, I feel a vote at this time would be, shall we say, premature.

These are the Alpha Betas! They're the football players.

They taste better than they look.

They're really spontaneous people. I'll call 'em.

They're trying to throw a party, and they can't get any dates.

They've got a line around the corner. Guys are buying two, three pies apiece.

This gym's really gettin' to me.

This is a stationary camera.

This is an historic moment.

This is bullshit. I want bush. Pan down.

This is trichloromethaline. It counters all effects of alcohol in your system.

This party isn't going very well, is it?

This robot will be better than a maid.

This robot will be better than a maid.

This sucks. I gotta get rid of some of this anger.

This'll be our early warning device, so we don't walk in on each other.

This'll prevent doubling up, and we'll be able to blanket the area in no time.

Those bastards, they trashed our house.

To achieve optimum efficiency,

To their great big jocks

To this year's champions...

Toshiro.

Uh...

Wait a minute! Watch out!

Wait a second, Lewis. Are you sure about this?

Wait a second. Hold it right there, Lamar.

Wait, wait. No, no, wait.

Wait. Aren't Alpha Betas, like, all jocks and face men?

Wait. Betty. Come on.

We are allowing the freshman class to join and live in fraternities.

We are.

We arrested him for mopery.

We can manage this move with as little inconvenience as possible.

We can take over the presidency of the Greek Council.

We can't get soft.

We can't let up! We gotta stay tough.

We can't sit back on our laurels.

We could be your partners in the homecoming carnival.

We figured pretty girls like you might be able to suggest a fraternity.

We have news for the beautiful people.

We love you when you're mad!

We prefer your high I.Q.'s

We really need some help.

We should be on the road approximately seven hours,

We take league, we get a bowl bid.

We think you are special guys

We thought you could use some more pigs for your party, nerds.

We win homecoming, we take league.

We won't let you down either.

We'd like to be escorts to your party Saturday night

We'll never find dates.

We'll never get into Lambda Lambda Lambda now.

We'll put the bar over here, and the hors d'oeuvres over there.

We're gonna have the best dorm room on campus.

We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and

We're movin' out, and I mean now!

We're nothing. We let them destroy our house.

We've got bush. We've got bush!

We've got to become the best fraternity on campus.

We've got to go now, honey. Your dad has an appointment.

Welcome to the real world.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Well, according to our charter, you must have a national fraternity as your sponsor.

Well, boys, I mean men, here we are.

Well, don't be, okay? 'Cause everything's gonna be great.

Well, gentlemen, as president of the Greek Council,

Well, gentlemen, you are now probationary Tri Lambs.

Well, Gilbert, here's our new home.

Well, I think we got even with the Pi's.

Well, I'd like to propose a toast to U.N. Jefferson,

Well, I'm afraid he's right.

Well, it won't look terrific for long.

Well, let's see if shit floats. What do you think of that idea?

Well, look at you now.

Well, they should've thought of that before they burned their house down.

Well, we're having a party Saturday night. Would you like to come?

Well, we're not.

Well, what's done is done. Now, where am I gonna put my athletes?

Well, you better have another hit.

Well, you know, boys, choosing the right fraternal organization

Well, you're just beginning. Relax.

What about you, Booger?

What an opportunity for you guys.

What are you looking at, nerd? Huh?

What are you... What are you doing?

What do you mean? Let's go. Why not?

What frat do you think is us?

What is a nerd?

What is Alpha Beta doing?

What is the dirtiest thing ever said on television?

What organization is that?

What'd the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

What's mopery?

What's that?

When you went to Adams you might have been called a spaz

When you were a baby in your crib,

Where are those good lookin' sorority girls you're supposed to have dates with?

Whether you think you're a nerd or not, just come down and join us.

Which hooks this phone to the computer in the robot.

Which is why we agreed to see you.

Which means the musical show and skit competition will decide the winner.

Which one?

While stopping every lap for a mandatory pit stop

While you and your boys rebuild theirs.

Who, in his ultimate wisdom,

Who's there?

Whoa!

Whoa. Look out.

Whoo!

Whoop! Here. Come here.

Why don't we have a party? You can come down and celebrate with us

Why? Because we're smart?

With an oink, oink here and an oink, oink there

With an oink, oink here And an oink, oink there

Won't you take a piece of Pi

Wonder joints.

Wonderful.

Working with a computer's great.

Wormser, how many cameras do we have left?

Wormser.

Wormser's a master at aerodynamics

Would you meet me after the pep rally tonight?

Would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline?

Wow. This campus is awesome.

Yeah, everybody except for, uh, Lambda Lambda Lambda.

Yeah, sure. Oh, no. Here. Let me get it.

Yeah, those jocks ruined everything.

Yeah, well, uh, when I was in high school,

Yeah, you're right. Adams is the best.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah? I sure hope so. What if it isn't, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I know just what to do.

Yeah. Are you very good, or...

Yeah. Let's say one of us is up here with a woman?

Yeah. Listen, um, would you like to dance?

Yeah. Looks like we're in for quite a change.

Yeah. Perfect. Good.

Yeah. They're gonna love us.

Yeah. This is way better than the dorm.

Yeah. This party sure worked out well.

Yeah. You wanna switch glasses?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes! Is it cold in there or what?

Yes.

Yes. And I was just as scared as you are.

Yes. But you guys have got that certain something I know they'd be interested in.

Yes. I like that nightie.

You are the gentlemen who wish to form a fraternity?

You asshole.

You can all sing along. The words are really easy.

You can do it! You can do it!

You can request a foam rubber pillow.

You can stay here in the gym for as long as you like.

You changed your mind.

You did things to me you've never done before.

You don't have a fucking chance, nerd.

You get the laundry money, you get the new cars.

You gonna eat this?

You got other angles, Lamar?

You got your alumni support, you got that jock dorm,

You gotta believe that you can do it!

You gotta win a hand first.

You guys seem pretty cool. Take these for later.

You guys went way too far this time, and you're not getting away with it.

You have to take us on a 60 day trial basis.

You have very little chance of becoming Tri Lambs.

You just got your asses whipped

You just hold it right there.

You know Adams has got the best computer department in the country.

You know women. They're probably just being fashionably late.

You know, Coach. I think I'm gonna let these boys

You know, Dean, this school ought to be more careful.

You know, Gilbert, if we get in, maybe we can have our old room back.

You know, Gilbert? I feel different already.

You know, if, uh, we get into Lambda Lambda Lambda

You know, some people, they can create with their hands.

You know, that cheerleader set us up, Lewis.

You know, this is really a great room.

You let that nerd beat you, and you're nothing! Understand?

You oughta feel it when I don't mix it with water.

You put what?

You see, instead, I am going to organize

You see, only the president of the Greek Council can call a vote.

You wanna do it on the moon?

You will be provided with the best possible food, shelter and accommodations.

You will be with people your own age when you're older.

You win that one, you got your alumni support.

You win!

You won't be left out in the cold.

You'll be dead by then, Gilbert.

You'll just get yourself hurt again.

You'll... You'll be on your own.

You're both gonna do great. I'm proud of you.

You're gonna do fantastic here.

You're jocks. Go live in the gym.

You're nerds.

You're nothin'! You're scum! You suck!

You're smart, easygoing.

You're so kinky.

You're that nerd!

Your father looked down at you,

Your father would have been proud of you too, Gilbert.

58% of which are girls. So?

A.R.V.'s? Average restroom visits.

Ah. Good.

All right, baby! What'd you expect?

Almost there, Wormser? This should do it.

And that's exactly what we're gonna do. Yeah!

And where the hell are we gonna live? Yeah. What about us, huh?

Arnold, that's her. Go to the right.

Besides, we're college men now, right? Right!

Big deal. Gilbert.

Booger. Booger.

Bye, Mr. Skolnick! Drive careful, Dad!

Come on, Betty. Let's go pump some iron. No, Stan. I don't think so.

Come on, buddy! Kick his ass! Go, go, go, go!

Come on, guy! Only one more lap to go.

Come on! Let's go, Burke! Here we go! Oh, no!

Come on. Let's go. Where?

Congratulations. All right!

Dawson, Dudley. Call me Booger.

Do you have one? No.

Do you wanna dance? Okay.

Drink the whole beer. Go, go, go! Come on, Danny!

Eat a pie for charity. Thank you very much. Eat a pie for charity!

Feeling anything now? Oh, no.

Focus! Focus it, Lamar. Focus!

Four. Okay.

Fuck you! Fucking A!

Gable, check this out. What is it?

Gable. Yeah, Coach?

Get outta here! Yeah! Move your ass!

Give me an "A"! Give me a "D"!

Give me an "A"! Give me an "M"!

Give me an "S"! What's it spell?

Go to their room. Yeah, go in their room.

Go up. Go up. Go up. Up?

Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!

God, those pigs sure were greasy, too. I have to get the smell off.

Good morning. Okay.

Good night, Gilbert. Good night, Lewis.

Good night, Lamar. Good night, Wormser.

Good. Where you goin'?

Great party. Thanks.

Great, 1,258 bucks. Better than last year. The nerds are over 2,000.

He no stand no chance now! Go, Takashi!

Hello, Lewis. Hi, Gilbert.

Her name's Judy. Judy's a nice name, Gilbert.

Hey, Lewis. What is it, Gilbert?

Hey, Suzy. Hi, Betty.

Hey! Where you goin', nerd? Just leave me alone.

Hi there. Hi there.

Hi, Betty. A nerd.

Hi, Betty. Hi.

Hi, Flo. Hi.

Hi, Gilbert. Hi.

Hi, girls. Are you guys looking to join a sorority?

Hi, Judy. Hi, Gilbert!

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Remember me? No.

Hiya, buddy. Hi!

Hold it, son! Hold it! Hold it! Come on!

How about the freshman dorm? What about the students living there now?

How are you? I'm fine.

I beg your pardon? According to your by law...

I do. Yeah, but that's with a guy.

I don't know. Just relax. Be yourself.

I don't know. They all look alike to me. Yeah.

I don't think the Pi's are gonna show. They stood us up, huh?

I say we blow the fuckers up. No, we can't do that.

I think they're talking about us. No way.

I thought it was for rent. Fuck off.

I want you to take care of yourself. I will.

I... What do you want?

I... I... Do you have a room to rent? Not for rent.

I'll break his goddamn neck! You will do nothing of the sort.

I'm much more worried about you. I'm gonna be just fine.

I'm not kissing a nerd. You have to.

I'm up. You Okay?

I've come about the room. What do you want? Go... Go away!

Is it good, or is it great? It's good.

Is this the Stewart residence? Why are you here?

Isn't college great? This is going to be a great year.

Isn't this gonna make a lot of noise? It's got a built in silencer.

It is outrageous, man. What is it?

It'll help with the women too. Women?

It's inhuman. Oh, it's not inhuman.

It's okay. It's not okay.

Joe, what are you doing here? Hiya, boys.

Judy's gonna invite the Omega Mu's over. Oh, no. Not the Mu's!

Just like high school, right? This is college.

Latrelle, Lamar. Lamar Latrelle.

Lewis, where are the Pi's? I don't know.

Lewis. U.N.?

Liquid heat. It burns.

Look at this! Ah.

Looks terrific, doesn't it, Stan? Yeah.

Maybe we could help them out. Yeah?

Maybe we should've gone to City Tech. Come on. Tech's nothin'.

Mom, that was just for two weeks. I can take care of myself.

Mr. Wilson? Yeah.

Nerds! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre! Ogre!

Nerds! What are we waitin' for?

Nerds! Where are they?

Night, Takashi. Good night, Poindexter.

No, not really. Oh.

No. Oh. Well...

Of course not. Don't sweat it. Thanks.

Ogre! The Ogre!

Oh, fucking great! Go, go, go!

Oh, is that right? Yeah.

Oh. Come on, pal.

Oh. Jesus.

Okay, okay, come on! You feeling okay?

Okay, Takashi, show me your cards. Okay. Two and four kings.

Okay, Takashi, what do you got? Oh, I think I have a "frush."

Okay. Okay. Here. Hit this one.

On their what? In their jocks.

Ooh! Aah! Alpha Beta! On your mark!

Ooh! Aah! Alpha Beta! On your mark! Set!

Pies for charity. This can't be!

Premature? Yes.

Right! And these freshmen...

Say cheese! Cheese!

Set! Ooh! Aah! Alpha Beta!

She's not that kind of a girl, Booger. Why? Does she have a penis?

Shit! I won! I won!

Smell this one, nerd. Hey, Coach, Coach,

So am I. Really?

So as of now, that dorm is ours! Right? Yeah!

So I say I gotta be free Free

So I say I gotta be me Me

Stan Gable. And you're?

Stan! Yeah?

Takashi, Toshiro. Here, sir.

Thank you. Pies for charity.

Thank you. Good luck to you, too, Burke. Fuck off.

Thanks, Dad. I won't let you down. I know.

That a way, Og. Stan. Hi.

That sounds expensive. Arnold, this party's important.

That's completely unfair! This is bullshit!

That's good, yes? Oh. No. No, you got too many kings.

That's good. Thanks.

That's outrageous. Are you angry, U.N.?

That's very good. Can you go in that room?

The... You play the accordion? Yeah!

These guys are never gonna accept us. Why wouldn't they?

Uh, Gilbert... Yes, sir?

Uh, what's your name? Judy.

Up to your room. You wanna go up to my room?

Very nice to meet you. Nice meeting you.

Wait till you see Lamar's throw. How come?

We got dates! I never been out with a girl before.

We were the highlight of their party. I know.

We will try to provide you... Now, let's move it out! Move it! Move!

We're college men now. Isn't college great?

We've got Pi's. Mmm.

Well, how is it? Good.

Well, let's get those nerds! Nerds!

What did the Pink Panther say? Dead ant. Dead ant.

What did you say? You heard me.

What do we do? We got to beat 'em at their own game.

What is that? Is that yours? Oh, it's my accordion.

What the fuck is a frush? A "frush."

What? One of those nerds just asked me out.

What's Pi stand for? Hair pie.

What's up, Betty? Somethin' wrong? Yeah.

What's your name? Lewis.

Where? Right there.

Wormser, Harold. Present.

Wormser, haven't you had enough? No.

Yeah! I can't hear you!

Yeah! Yes!

Yeah? I'll eat their ancestors!

Yeah. I could call my sorority sisters.

Yeah. They're a bunch of pigs.

Yeah. You're sure?

Yeah. She's a nice girl. Big deal. Did you get in her pants?

Yep. For selling pies?

Yes? Hi.

Yes. Have you been up all night?

Yes. How come?

Yes. No. No. Yes.

You built this yourself? Yeah.

You can do it! God!

You can't get away with this. Oh, no, I'm afraid I can.

You could? You think they'll come right over?

You feeling anything yet, Takashi? Booger, I feel nothing.

You got it. Thanks.

You gotta get rid of these. Oh.

You gotta let them know that you want it! I want it!

You guys are Alpha Betas all the way. Totally. For sure.

You know karate? Oh, no.

You know, I love the accordion. Really?

You okay? Yeah.

You'll tell the guys? I will!

You're nice! No, I'm not!

Yup. Definite possibilities.

'Cause all jocks think about is sports.

'Cause we look different?

'Cause you can have complete control.

"Dear sirs, thank you for applying to Delta Kappa Gamma."

"In the future, we recommend that you not include a group photo."

"Ogre, you asshole."

"Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."

"We've gone over your application, and it wasn't even close."