Dave (1993) Edit

A dirty business we're in, sometimes.

A lot of them are in shelters, but some of them are still out on the street.

A million visitors go through the White House every year...

A teleprompter.

After lingering in a coma for almost five months...

Agriculture?

Alan has worked out a sort of training program.

Alan, we still gotta control this guy.

Alan.

All right.

All right. All right. Here's something right here.

All you have to say is, "Thanks for doing this, Ellen."

America isn't what we say here tonight.

An America, prouder than the one we found."

An unrehearsed program presenting inside opinions and forecasts...

And by the way...

And everybody works on Monday.

And fell on my nose.

And he's just

And I can't think of a better way to ensure his legacy...

And I didn't live up to my part of the bargain.

And I suppose I know what you think of me personally.

And I think each one of you is entitled to the whole truth.

And if one person could start to feel that way, and then another person...

And if you can find a way to cut $650 million from the federal budget...

And it's not about the paycheck. It's about respect. It's about looking in the mirror...

And Lola's been in your office crying for almost an hour.

And look, there it is.

And no Boy Scout is gonna come in here and take it away from me...

And registration.

And the coloring....

And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet

And then at 0830, I want a complete briefing on the whole surf situation."

And then now to say this. This guy's out to lunch.

And then the big finale at, the Talent Club.

And this is Bob Alexander, our chief of staff.

And unlike his previous stroke, it has left the president fully incapacitated.

And we have work to do so we're not to be disturbed.

And when our poor president has another stroke...

And while we're on the subject...

And you're gonna get it to the hospital.

And your family?

And, could you arrange for dinner for two in the dining room?

And?

Another patriotic secretary?

Any questions?

Anyone would've done that.

Are you saying this is a conspiracy?

Are you sure this goes somewhere?

Are you threatening me?

Arnold, thank you so much.

As all of you know, my former chief of staff has implicated me in a scandal...

As I was saying, nobody expects you to be Bill Mitchell overnight.

As soon as she comes in, we'll move you out to the balcony.

As soon as we sat down...

Ask me how I did.

At 10:45 last night, President Mitchell, coming home from the Monroe Hotel...

At some point, we're gonna have to call the vice president.

Baby

Baby?

Back to the cottage.

Because I'm really not in the mood.

Because, hey, things aren't fine.

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

Better to have a job than collecting a welfare check.

Bill Mitchell...

Bill stopped looking a long time ago.

Bob Alexander and eight other members of the Mitchell administration...

Bob Alexander has accused me of....

Bob just made all that up.

Bob.

Bob.

But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption...

But Dave, something has come up and I think we need to talk about it.

But don't put on this "man of the people" routine and then do something like this.

But I have an idea...

But I've always tried to respect the role you wanted me to play.

But that's not even the worst part.

But we don't know where to start. Maybe that's what it is.

But we make fun of the president. We knock the president. But it's a tough job.

But, Alan, this is wrong.

But, sir, we've tried to kill it.

But, you see, that's not the whole story.

Call Bob. Call Alan. Tell them I want to see them now.

Call me if there's a war.

Can I get you something to drink?

Can I keep this?

Can't get out of it.

Can't say.

Cancun?

Caring about his wife, spending time on her favorite issues.

Certainly, sir.

Clear the aisle. Clear the aisle.

Clears away the cobwebs. And the sorrow

Come here.

Come on, number six.

Come on, seven.

Course. Watch.

Cows, cows, calves, Metcalf.

Damn it, Bill.

Darling, they're waiting in the Press Room. I really think you ought to get in there.

Dave Kobic. Time for a change.

Dave, I can't hire anybody else. I can't.

Dave, I've been over this a bunch of times. It doesn't add up.

Dave, these things get awfully complicated sometimes, and I think you have to...

Dave.

Dave.

Dave.

Dave.

Dave. I'm Alan Reed, White House communications director.

Dave...

Depends.

Diane, could you come in here for a minute?

Diane.

Did you get the fund raising thing I sent you? Yeah, City Council.

Die, you pond scum.

Do I need to dial nine?

Do you ever....

Do you have the paperwork on Simpson Gardner?

Do you know why I don't want to?

Do you know?

Do you like magic?

Do you think you're a little paranoid?

Doctors report that he should be up and back to his normal schedule soon.

Does she look mad?

Doesn't look very good. They say it hit both sides of his brain.

Don't cry. Murray.

Don't get carried away. I'm not that good at it.

Don't touch anything on that desk.

Don't we, Bob?

Don't worry. We'll think of something.

Don't you have anything to say to me?

Don't you like playing games with the other kids?

Duane said he'd leave a car right over there.

Duane's guys, he's got them all under control.

Each one of these charges is absolutely true.

Ellen. Ellen!

Ellen. Ellen. Ellen.

Ever use it?

Every night my honey lamb and I

Everybody else is buying the "minor stroke" story.

Everybody together now. Everybody pay attention.

Everybody!

Everything's here.

Excuse me. Yeah, hold on. It's right here.

Excuse me. You can't stop here.

Excuse us.

Extend them.

Eyes.

False alarm. I'm fine. Everything's fine.

Fertility beads.

Fine.

Fine.

First cover of Time magazine and I need a shave.

First thing we'll go over is the mannerisms.

Five, carry the one...

For example...

Forty two presidents and their wives have lived in the White House.

Frankly, it's hard to recall the last time both houses of Congress...

From the nation's capital, The McLaughlin Group.

From today...

Get a doctor! Move it!

Get my, I want my ears checked. Would you do that?

Get out of here as fast as you can.

Go to hell, Bill.

Go, go, go.

God bless America!

God bless you! God bless America!

God bless you. Thank you.

Good boy!

Good luck.

Good morning, Bob. How are you?

Good morning, kids. How are you? Thank you for that nice welcome.

Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. President.

Good morning, Mr. President. I was really worried.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good night, Mr. President.

Good night.

Good night.

Good to be back. Just a false alarm. Nothing to be worried about.

Good to be home.

Good.

Good. What about her?

Great name.

Great, great, great. All right.

Great.

Hail to the chief He's the one we all say "Hail" to

Hang on.

Hang up.

Has the president taken leave of his faculties? I ask you, Eleanor Clift.

Has this guy been having too many Happy Meals for lunch or what?

Have you been exercising recently?

Have you ever driven through a red light?

Have you ever seen the look on somebody's face...

Have you ever thought about wearing a sweater?

Have you got someone to double for me there?

Have you spoken to the president?

He asked me to come.

He can show some life, even act like a child.

He has faced death in the eye and been transformed by it.

He has no hair.

He is now rejuvenated.

He realized he didn't have to be a zombie.

He thinks this country's fine and we should go about doing business as usual.

He was only doing his job.

He'll be a prison reformer in Denver in a year.

He's all right.

He's got the power. That's why he's in the shower.

He's here.

He's in love.

He's like, "At 0700, I want an hour of volleyball.

He's not a president. He's an ordinary person.

He's not?

He's okay.

He's only doing what you told him to do.

He's showing the strength of character he did after he got elected.

He's walking. He's Bob Alexander, our White House chief of staff.

He's, you know.... Somebody's...

Heck, I even thought I was helping.

Her?

Here it comes.

Here we go. Oh, no, poor Joe.

Here you are on the cover.

Here's the moderator, John McLaughlin.

Hey, Bob, what do you think?

Hey, guys. Not now, okay?

Hey, maybe you can come back sometime. We can go to, Camp David or something.

Hey. How are you, Mabel? Hi, Jennifer.

Hi, Dave. Where are you?

Hi, Dave. Where are you?

Hi, I'm Ellen Mitchell.

Hi, there.

Hi.

His job? His job? It's not his job! It's my job!

His personal physician pronounced him in perfectly good health.

Home.

Hon?

Honey, call, Murray. Tell him we're on our way, okay?

Honey.

Hot lunches for little kiddies.

How about you?

How are you gonna get home?

How could you do something like this to me?

How could you?

How did you get started?

How do you do?

How much do you usually get paid?

How?

Hundredth cabinet meeting. It'll be a nice touch.

I barely know him anymore.

I believe so, yes.

I call a press conference.

I can kill an ordinary person.

I can't believe it!

I can't go into hiding.

I can't keep all of this a secret.

I can't say.

I can't say.

I didn't have anything to do with this First Liberty nonsense and you know it.

I didn't know what was going on.

I do this thing.... My friends love this.

I don't have enough work for the people you already gave me.

I don't know.

I don't know. I hadn't really...

I don't think so, Howard, no. If you'd killed it, it would be dead.

I don't think so.

I don't think you were pretending.

I don't understand.

I don't want him caring about his wife. What about the vice president?

I don't want to look like a prick.

I don't want you to do this because you're forced to.

I got people up on the Hill talking impeachment.

I gotta go now. The plane's leaving. Call you later. Bye.

I gotta go now. The plane's leaving. Call you later. Bye.

I guess I am.

I guess something important must be going on for the president to go through all this.

I guess.

I had nothing to do with this. He called it himself. I swear to God.

I had to care more about what's right than I do about what's popular.

I had to care more about you than I do about me.

I had to care more about....

I have examined him thoroughly...

I have the feeling that when people find out about the $500 cash rebate...

I heard you. You said, "Cut $650 million off the federal budget...

I just don't feel that way.

I know the president's supposed to serve four years, but now it may be 15 to 20.

I know we haven't always gotten along. I know we've disagreed politically.

I know what you think. People hire us to impersonate the president and first lady.

I know, it's difficult for all of us...

I know. It looks awfully bad and I'm really embarrassed...

I like it.

I liked doing it though.

I liked helping people that I hadn't even met before.

I love it. It's great. All we've gotta do is cut Star Wars.

I love that speech.

I made him. I built him.

I made him. I built him.

I mean, about me?

I mean, I assume you're married.

I mean, if you had one more chance to be president...

I mean, not the fancy stuff with all the helicopters...

I mean, would you let yourself be killed to save his life?

I never wanted to hurt anybody.

I once caught a fish...

I ought to be willing to give up this whole thing...

I plan to continue Bill Mitchell's call to arms.

I run a temp agency. You know, secretaries and stuff.

I said you're fired. Go on, get out of here.

I saw you on TV at the funeral and....

I saw your light was on, so I just....

I see a lot of places you could save, but I can't make those choices.

I see what you mean.

I shouldn't be here.

I suppose it's true.

I think I've been pretty cooperative. I'd just like to know where we're going.

I think I've found some ways to put back the homeless section...

I think if you refer to Item 3 on the memorandum...

I think that's great.

I think there are certain things you should expect from your president.

I think we can get started now.

I think you better take a look at this.

I think you ought to save all the money you have.

I told her his blood pressure went up after a little incident at the hotel.

I understand.

I want you to do it because it's the right thing to do.

I want you to do it because you're acting in the best interests of your country.

I want you to do this because you want to.

I want you to look like pricks.

I was a shoe salesman.

I was pretty good though, wasn't I?

I was really worried.

I was wondering, if you don't mind, how did you get...?

I was.

I would've taken a bullet for you.

I.... I swear I thought that was a legitimate deduction.

I'd just kind of like to know where he is.

I'd like to begin with an announcement that...

I'd like your resignation on my desk by the time I get back.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll see what I can do.

I'll take care of this.

I'm afraid the president's not in very good shape.

I'm feeling much better.

I'm fine.

I'm gonna get back to you. I gotta go. Bye.

I'm gonna kill him.

I'm not certain about that.

I'm not nobody.

I'm not one of your little bimbos.

I'm not sure I'm this hungry.

I'm not sure. I might have.

I'm not the first lady anymore.

I'm not the president. I mean....

I'm okay.

I'm out of here.

I'm so sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to talk...

I'm sorry, the only time that I have available is the 25th.

I'm sorry, you're not allowed in here.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. I got carried away.

I'm sorry. I thought we were alone.

I'm sure it's keeping you up nights.

I'm sure you'll be comfortable here.

I'm talking to you. Will you please turn around?

I'm the government.

I've had some experience with this.

I've...

If he makes it, he's gonna be a vegetable.

If I kill it, I'm gonna look like a prick.

If I'm not, then...

If I'm not...

If I'm not...

If you can convince her, you can convince anybody.

If you look at a photograph of Bill Mitchell...

In a bittersweet ceremony in the capital, Vice President Gary Nance...

In order to get the rest of the money, we're gonna have...

In order to get the rest of the money, we're gonna have...

In the boldest initiative yet of the new Bill Mitchell administration...

In the car, I think.

Ironically, the indictments came just 48 hours after final passage...

Is he going to...?

Is that funny?

Is that right?

Is the first lady still there?

Is there a lawyer in the house?

Is this job stuffjust a smoke screen?

Is this legal?

Is this merely overcompensation...

Issue one, the new Bill Mitchell.

It didn't take.

It doesn't happen often, Bob, but you're right.

It is Dave, isn't it?

It was a stroke.

It was some magic. You made their funding disappear.

It worked.

It would be wonderful for you and great for the president.

It's a three. The zombie will return.

It's a work of art.

It's actually kind of serious, Dave.

It's an eight. The zombie is gone.

It's gonna be fine. We're gonna fix it.

It's gonna be great.

It's great.

It's in the faces and the smiles of a Sunday afternoon.

It's in the gentle kindness...

It's just more than most people do around here.

It's not bugged. It's okay, Murray.

It's okay.

It's pretty bad.

It's simple, Alan.

It's the middle of the afternoon. I'm working.

It's the middle of winter. They're gonna turn off her heat. She needs a job.

It's time to go. Better get inside.

It's Wednesday. Everybody works on Wednesday.

It's where the president holds most of his press conferences.

Jeez.

Jesus Christ.

John, the illness just crystallized his thinking about his own presidency.

Judiciary?

Just a short term thing. Straight temp job.

Just don't call him, Al.

Just get rid of the grin. You look like a schmuck.

Just kind of blend in more.

Just put us on a spit and bring in the sauce.

Just then, I felt like I wasn't pretending anymore.

Just watch.

Just what you think I mean.

Keep it simple.

Kind of the same way.

Kovic Temps.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

Lately, it's been, pretty much full time.

Lawrence Metcalf. He's right there.

Let me ask you a question now right off the bat.

Let me just say, from one chief executive to another...

Let me read this to make sure I get it right.

Let me try.

Let's get him out of there.

Let's go over it again?

Let's hope this yutz can pull it off.

Let's move it up a half hour.

Let's say your mother is in the car and you...

Let's talk a little bit about desserts.

Like I was saying, if we took that cash...

Like that.

Like the program I presented when I ran for president.

Lola, what happened?

Look at Dave's tracking polls. They'll burn up in your hands.

Look at this. "Vice president's office linked to S&L scandal." Alan, you're a genius.

Look, can we stop with the 20 questions?

Look, I'll make this easy on you.

Look, if there's been some mistake...

Look, there's no visitors at...

Look....

Looking after the diet.

Lots of shelters were in this bill.

Lots of things.

Louie, Louie

M A

Mabel says it's too far on the bus. Jennifer's boss tried to hit on her.

May I come in?

Me too.

Me too. Okay, well, thanks, Murray.

Members of the Congress.

Mind if I sit down?

Move him out.

Mr. and Mrs. Kovic, I'm not gonna give you a ticket.

Mr. Kovic, it's not my fault. I learn on the IBM, okay?

Mr. Kovic, we're not here about your taxes.

Mr. President, did you commit the crime?

Mr. President, I don't believe that's on your agenda today.

Mr. President, I understand how you feel...

Mr. President, may I speak frankly with you?

Mr. President, slip your arms in there...

Mr. President, what did you know and when did you know it?

Mr. President, with the work your wife has done with the homeless...

Mr. President?

Mr. President.

Mr. President.

Mr. President...

Mr. President...

Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States.

Mrs. Mitchell, we're gonna do it right out here.

Murray, I can't tell you the whole story. It's kind of a national emergency thing.

Murray, she flies on an IBM.

My nose.

Nance. I thought...

Next thing I know, I'm a councilman.

Nice.

Nine.

No doughnuts.

No signs of paralysis. No circulatory changes.

No, I don't want to wait a while. We can't.

No, I sure don't.

No, I, must've left it at home.

No, no, no, we're not upset with you, Dave.

No, sir.

No, thanks.

No, this.

No.

No.

No. Have you compared the photographs, Larry?

No. Please.

Norman.

Not anymore.

Not even you.

Not many people are gonna pay much attention now, but....

Not yet.

Not yet.

Nothing to do the water or anything else you drank.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Now Justice Blankfort...

Now look over here.

Now, allegations of wrongdoing have also been made against Vice President Nance.

Now, as this evidence will prove, at no time...

Now, I don't know why you've turned your attack dogs on me.

Now, I....

Now, is this true, Frank?

Now, let me stress again, this is a minor medical problem.

Now, let's say...

Now, some of this can be done.

Now, some of this can be done.

Now, the way I see it, we need $650 million in order to...

Now, whenever he stands at a podium...

Now, you drive safely?

O K L A H O

Occasionally, we have to make some cuts. And in order...

Of course, they're lawyers.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, poor Joe.

Oh, no, poor Joe.

Oh, no.

Oh, sir.

Okay, let me just add that, to the tally here.

Okay, let's get back to work.

Okay, let's go.

Okay, let's go.

Okay, now, instead of giving them money...

Okay, so that's $23 million...

Okay, they're coming. Let's go.

Okay, you ready?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Before we get started...

Okay. Good.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. We got the nurses for 50 grand apiece, and the doctors for 100.

Oklahoma

On a political rehabilitation scale of zero to ten...

On occasion, for security purposes...

On the way to the shelter, you looked at my legs.

Once people start talking about a scandal, it's hard to talk about anything else.

Once.

One day, my wife says to me:

One of the things that happens when kids become homeless...

Open it, please, Duane.

Open. Like this. Like this. Neat. Neat.

Over here, Mr. President!

Over the last few months, Bob and I have come to believe in different things.

Over the last few months, Bob and I have come to believe in different things.

Please? Murray. Murray.

Polo, climbing.

President Mitchell!

President Mitchell's right. Putting people to work is what we ought to be doing.

Put that away. Let's wait till the speech first.

Quickly. Quickly.

Rain Oklahoma

Randi.

Really?

Really? You got a sweater vest? You could wear a tie.

Relax.

Remember the convention speech?

Remember, you are the president.

Reports that he had suffered a severe stroke are erroneous.

Right away, sir.

Right on the podium. Except on "America," he points.

Right.

Right.

Right. Very good. Very good. Let's try one more.

Say, what's with the cameras?

See you.

See, I could veto this Simpson Gardner thing if I wanted to, but I don't want to.

See, I do impersonations, so I use that television with my work.

See? It was there all the time.

See? Okay, here's me.

See....

Set out a bold goal and you don't say how you're going to get there.

Seventy three percent with seniors, 84 with working mothers.

She doesn't always like this stuff. It might soften her up.

She got her hair cut to look... Perfect match.

She hardly ever sees him. She won't have a chance to tell.

She has a hang up about the royalty thing.

She has a hang up about the royalty thing.

She hates me.

She seems to hate him now more than ever.

She walks in, you wave to the press, she leaves.

She walks in, you wave to the press, she leaves.

She was giving a speech at Bryn Mawr. I managed to catch her before she left.

She's emotional. She's attached to the president.

She's got three kids. Her husband's a diabetic. Diabetic?

She's terrific. She can do anything.

She's very special. She's beautiful. She's a princess.

She's, Amnesian.

She's, really exotic and wonderful.

Should I go tell them? Or did you want to?

Since when do you care about the homeless?

Sit alone and talk and watch a hawk

Sleep tight.

So confident is the White House about the president's recovery...

So even though they're late...

So fine, let's talk about it.

So here at Helping Hand, they play a lot of games...

So I tell my boss...

So one Would speculate that it's about the charges...

So that means now you would get killed for me too.

So the...

So this is good. We're doing good. We're doing real good. We're on our way.

So we're spending $47 million so that somebody can feel better...

So, what can we do?

So, your job is to protect the president all the time? That's your whole job?

Something top secret.

Sometimes we need our friends...

Sorry, I didn't understand. Ever since the stroke I get a little...

Souvenirs. Towels and stuff.

Spokesmen of the First Naval Hospital...

Stand up. There you are again, coming off the helicopter.

Step out of the car, please.

Stop whining.

Sure.

Sweaters make my neck look too thick.

Take care.

Take today. The president woke up, broke the law, got caught, he pardoned himself.

Ten hut!

Thank God.

Thank you all.

Thank you for doing this, Ellen.

Thank you for doing this, Ellen.

Thank you very much!

Thank you, Arnold.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you, one and all.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, officer. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks. We haven't worked out the final harmony.

Thanks for coming on such short notice.

Thanks for coming on such short notice.

Thanks, Duane.

Thanks, Murray.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. We work very hard at it. I mean, she....

That is a full day.

That last guy was a joke.

That was quite a thing you did today.

That would've given those children homes.

That'll be plus 47....

That's a secret.

That's all I have left.

That's at a press conference. Otherwise, they're almost always on the podium.

That's great.

That's it. So let's get to work. Thank you.

That's right, Bill. Kids are homeless too.

The answer is in this riddle.

The Commerce Department.

The Commerce Department.

The dreams...

The entire United States of America.

The first lady?

The first lady. I mean, couldn't I start with a cousin?

The first lady. I mean, couldn't I start with a cousin?

The guy got sick, right? He recovered from his illness.

The House will be in order.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

The most important thing to remember is his general presence.

The nation mourned as President William Harrison Mitchell...

The new president promises a leadership of fairness.

The New York Times.

The president has requested this rare, joint session of Congress...

The president wanted some ice cream.

The president wanted some ice cream.

The president was able to attend to some official business on Wednesday...

The president's bedroom is on that side, the first lady's is over there.

The proposal brought swift reaction, here on Capitol Hill.

The Secret Service man is right outside the door.

The stroke hit at 8:42 p. m...

The sun will come out tomorrow

The U.S .News hammered us, but they're always tough on that.

The upper house and the lower house.

The way they say you'd take a bullet for the president.

The whole press corps is right out there.

The whole thing takes a couple of weeks.

There are a lot of things about this country that we should be discussing.

There'll be sun Just thinkin' about tomorrow

There's a transformation. Don't know what they're putting in the water.

There's no mistake, Bill.

These are amazing results. I must say, Mr. President...

These are from the people of Burundi.

They barely talk anymore.

They just blend together into this great, big noise...

They know hats in Burundi. Look at this.

They look like they could fly.

They tried this in Russia and wrecked the country.

They weren't very enthusiastic.

They're all kids.

This could get me into a lot of trouble.

This is a mistake. We shouldn't be doing this right now.

This is crazy.

This is good.

This is Sander Vanocur at the White House.

This is the definition of modern leadership.

This isn't my presidency, this is his presidency.

This may seem a bit strange at first...

This place is probably bugged.

Throwing out the ceremonial first pitch...

Till there's none tomorrow.

Tom. Tom. We have a limited amount of posters.

Tomorrow, I love you Tomorrow, it's only a day away

Tomorrow, tomorrow, we love you, tomorrow

Try it out.

Try to find someone who looks like me this time.

Turn around.

Twice.

Two weeks after his brush with death...

Under the terms of the 25th Amendment, Nance has been acting with full authority...

Unfortunately, money management's only gonna get us halfway to our goal.

Up and around?

Usually it's a barter kind of thing.

Veterans Affairs?

Vice President Nance...

Vice president?

Vice president's a good man, isn't he?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. What's wrong with the magic trick?

Wait. This is a very special sandwich.