Not Another Teen Movie (2001) Edit

A life.

A mix tape? That's so sweet, Ricky.

A tie?

After all the shenanigans you pulled last season...

After you've succeeded in making her feel special...

Alison was bitter when we broke up.

All right, goddamn it! Hit the showers, goddamn it!

All right, Kara and Sara.

All right, Marty.

All right, that's it.

All right.

All right. Be careful. You only have three...

All you gotta do is run out the clock.

Am I right?

Amanda Becker.

Amanda Becker's like a flower.

And I love...

And now, ourhometown hero...

And payback.

And remember, son: No parties.

And so is his bag.

And tell Janey what's true in your heart.

And the "eew" in "jujitsu."

And the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism."

And the "suck" in "liposuction."

And this time, I don't want your car.

And we're back.

And when I do that, I want you to massage my tongue with yours.

And you thank God he created something so perfect.

And you. Miss Other Side Of The Tracks Awkward Rebel With Glasses.

Anyone?

At John Hughes, there are no cliques, no exclusive social groups.

At the prom

At the prom tonight

Attention, please.

Austin, she's an illusion.

Aw, shit.

Baby's got back. Hunch, that is.

Be seen in public.

Be strong, Mitch!

Because I am not a cheap slut.

Before I really knew me.

Before the end of the year, we all get laid!

Being a foreign exchange student is scary...

Betty...

Beverly! Could you come in here?

Blue 15!

Blue 33! Set!

Blue 83!

Bunch of candy asses. Lousy practice!

But chances are, one night I'll get wrecked and have sex with some girl.

But combined, those two make up one pretty decent chick.

But he has been untrue

But I think I can help you.

But I'm not gonna fall for it. How big a dumb ass do you think I am?

But I'm the best friend, and I've been in front of her the whole time...

But if you go out there and you give it your all...

But you'll find that the students are very accepting.

By Ricky Lipman.

Can you imagine what they do in there?

Catch you guy later.

Catherine, that's disgusting. You're my sister.

Check! Road trip!

Christmas, 1989. Dad had been fired from the zipper factory.

Class, let's open our books and continue with our poetry lesson.

Coach reckons we should take a knee. We're up 42 0.

Coach says it's okay to bleed from the ears.

Come on out of there, honey. Quit farting around.

Come on, leave him alone!

Congratulations!

Congratulations. You blew my perfect season.

Congratulations. You just got your first slow motion entrance.

Couldn't take it. Went to the airport.

Couldn't take it. Went to the airport.

Damn it. That's true.

Damn, Shorty, Dog is pretending to be Asian, and shit.

Damn, that shit's whack.

Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for My Left Foot.

Did you get any action this weekend?

Do you know where Austin went?

Do you know where Mr. Keller's English class is?

Do you like him? Are you attracted to him?

Do you mind?

Do your thing.

Don't forget the paint covered overalls.

Don't forget the paint covered overalls.

Don't move.

Don't you forget our deal. She wins, you're mine.

Don't you guys mess with him again.

Dude, I heard there's an undercover reporter posing as a student.

Dude, no way, dude.

During practice, in the hallways, in the lockers, taking a shower...

Eat my shorts!

Emergency numbers are by the phone.

Even a hippie albino. She could be prom queen.

Even ifit with dirty slut

Ever want to be the most popular girl in school?

Exactly.

Excuse me, everyone!

Excuse me, everyone!

Excuse me, sir. Do you know where Janey is?

Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Eyes closed.

Eyes closed.

First, you earn her trust.

Five more concussions and you'll die. You should take it easy.

For a price.

For God's sakes, don't try anything fancy!

For the thousandth time, I said, "Swallow that thing."

Freeze, bitch!

Fucking teenagers.

Gentlemen, tonight we go to our first high school party.

Get down! Enemy fire!

Get off her, man!

Girl go pee pee not what I want to see see.

Give it back!

Give me a W!

Give me a Y!

Give me a... Lick my pussy ass cock shit!

Give me an H. Give me a U.

Give me your hand! Just give us the gun, Janey.

Given the right look, the right boyfriend...

Go get her, son.

Go to her.

Go! Fight! Win!

God.

Goddamn it, let's go now! Thirty two draw!

Goddamn it, Reggie Ray!

Goddamn it! Get in the game!

Goddamn it! Let's do it again!

Goddamn it! Let's show some goddamn hustle!

Goddamn it.

Good luck, young man.

Goodness.

Grandma? Grandpa?

Grandpa stuck a finger in my ass! Cum face!

Great. Great.

Guys, I appreciate this, but...

Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail.

Happy birthday, honey.

Happy birthday, sweetie.

He is kind of cute, but...

He just looked at me.

Heavens to Betsy.

Hello?

Here I go, I'm gonna forget about Jake

Here it is.

Here?

Here's Ricky!

Hey, Arthur.

Hey, how you doing? Welcome.

Hey, I found a buffalo nickel!

Hey, Jake.

Hey, shithead, that's mine.

Hey, watch it, man!

Hey! Come on, guys, back off. That's enough, okay?

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Jake. It's all wet.

Hi, my name is Catherine.

Hi.

His name is Les...

Hold it right there, mister.

Hold on, I've got lotion on my hands.

How could Priscilla dump me, Jake Wyler?

How did you get in here? I deadbolted the door.

How did you talk me into this?

How many times have I said I'm not going to Princeton?

How will we ever lose our virginity by graduation?

How you plan on buzzing Brillo?

Hungry?

I actually got to go. Sorry.

I agree gree.

I also replace the urinal cakes.

I am not going to let you hurt Janey again, okay? Besides, I love her.

I am the cheertator.

I asked Janey to the prom And she doesn't know why

I bet she great bonk.

I brought your special friends from the center!

I can't believe nobody's ever taken a dump on your chest.

I can't believe what we just did, Molly.

I can't wait until Friday's game.

I can't.

I did it. I'm a miracle worker.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it. It's a tie.

I don't care what coach reckons.

I don't care what you have to do! He stays in the game, goddamn it!

I don't conform to typical high school norms.

I don't know about her.

I don't know what that was for.

I don't know what you mean. We do our own cheers. Right, girls?

I don't like sundaes.

I don't like those, either. Goodbye, Jake.

I don't screw every pathetic guy that gives me a letter.

I don't think you understand.

I don't want your life!

I feel the same way.

I give them handjobs.

I got two words for you, Jake:

I got you for the rest of your lives. You're mine.

I guess.

I had to take on all of her responsibilities:

I have no money I have to make my own dress

I have this dream ofjust hopping on a plane and going to Paris.

I heard about what happened with Priscilla.

I heard about what happened with Priscilla.

I just hope it doesn't cause any permanent damage.

I knew it. That was a line from She's All That.

I know he rented a room at the Sunrise Motel. Room number six.

I know, Dad.

I let everyone down.

I love it when Janey drinks I love it when Janey blinks

I love it when Janey says hi

I love it when Janey says See you in English

I love it when Janey talks I love it when Janey walks

I love this boy

I love you too.

I made that bet before I knew you.

I make the cheercisions, I will deal with the cheeronsequences.

I masturbate to that movie.

I mean, would you give him head?

I need ammo! I can't hold them off much longer!

I never thought I'd hear myself say this...

I never want you to do anything that compromises who you are...

I reckon I'm feeling better.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I remember those. Push her belly, she'd piss all over herself.

I said I'd turn you into prom queen when I thought you were ugly...

I say we make like a tree and branch...

I smile, stay out of the conversation...

I think you'd really like her work.

I want to do it here on the dance floor.

I want you.

I was invited.

I wish a guy would take me out for dinner.

I wish I didn't make that bet

I wish we could resolve this fight

I'd love to go with you.

I'd say you're one big fucking train wreck.

I'll be late to pick you up.

I'll be right back.

I'll be so high, I won't know where the phone is.

I'll call you a cocktease and we'll break up.

I'll do my best to make things right

I'll see you in English.

I'm a golden goddess!

I'm a straight shooter. I call them like I see them.

I'm getting pussy no matter what

I'm gonna be sick.

I'm gonna leave you two alone.

I'm gonna win herback No matter what it takes

I'm looking for somebody really messed up.

I'm not dressed to go to a party. I'm a complete mess.

I'm not pressuring you.

I'm okay!

I'm only in the song because I'm a black guy

I'm really glad you showed up, Janey.

I'm sorry, Jake. We met over spring break.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. That was my Tourette's.

I'm supposed to be the only black guy at this party.

I'm taking you to Preston's big party.

I'm taking your Ferrari to buy hookers.

I'm talking about a real shitbomb.

I'm the cool guy who's learned the error of his ways.

I'm the wise janitor.

I've been an alcoholic Since my first tourin Nam

I've been meaning to get that fixed.

I've loved her since I first saw her.

If I could go back, I never would've made that stupid bet.

If I don't get there in time and tell her how I feel...

If Jake is only asking you out to get into your pants...

If Janey wants to be a rug muncher, that's her decision.

If my parents hear I got detention, no dessert for a week.

If there are no more cheeruptions, we can cheertinue.

If you do, you'll always wonder, "What if?"

If you don't like it, you can work at my firm.

If you're going to have sex, do it in my parents' bedroom.

If you're interested, I thought we could go out sometime.

Ifl couldjust turn back the clock

In a few hours I'll be queen of the prom

Is anybody home?

Is that the best you can do?

Is that what your generation considers humor?

It could happen

It could happen

It could've happened to anybody.

It doesn't look good, coach.

It might seem crazy, but you'll have to trust me.

It smells in here.

It was a once in a lifetime experience that will never happen again.

It was raining really hard that night...

It's a good night for smoking.

It's a locker room. It's no sexier in there...

It's gonna happen, gonna happen

It's her birthday, Dad.

It's in the past. Think about your future.

It's just a bet. Okay, man?

It's just a football game, Jake. Besides...

It's just what they bring, okay?

It's pathetic.

It's time to play some football!

It's weird that he's talking to me now.

Jackpot.

Jake knocked you up, didn't he?

Jake made a few paint stains in his pants thinking about Janey.

Jake Wyler.

Jake, are you trying to ask me to the...?

Jake, it's okay.

Jake, what are you doing here?

Jake, you've taught me to be myself.

Jakey, Jakey, about to make a big...

Janey Briggs, please report to the office.

Janey stainey stained pants overalls?

Janey will show you to your first class.

Janey, are you all right?

Janey, come in.

Janey?

Janey? Sweetheart?

Just give it four years.

Just go, goddamn it.

Keg coming through. Hey.

Later, Dad.

Let's find you a prom queen, Mr. Let's Find Me A Prom Queen.

Let's get all you jocks in one group...

Let's get it straight. This isn't a cheerocracy.

Let's go, Wasps!

Let's try again.

Lfyou're finding words to stop a girl from leaving, now would be the time.

Lick my pussy ass cock shit!

Listen right now!

Listen, boys.

Listen, honey...

Ljustjerked offin yourFrench toast

Look alive out there! This isn't a goddamn tryout!

Look at me, my breasts are perky, yes

Look at that. Oh, my God.

Look how talented you are.

Look, she's replaceable.

Look, you can't just start a slow clap at any old time.

Look, you may have lost those glasses and that ponytail thing...

Lose the I'm The Cute And Sensitive Popular Boy routine.

Love me! Harder!

Make me proud, son.

Malik, could you hold these books?

Marty! Marty! Marty!

Maybe it's that construction.

Maybe tell Janey a little S E C R A T P...

Maybe you should get on that plane and go to Paris.

Melanie.

Mitch, leave your sister alone.

Mom was pulling in tricks to make ends meet.

Motherfucker.

Mr. Briggs?

Mr. Keller? Over here. Right here. Please.

Mr. Not First String Anymore, isn't first string anymore.

My sophomore year, I ran 14 in on my own with a sprained ankle...

Next time, I'm cracking skulls.

Nice combination, Crissy!

Nice shot, Jake.

Nice turtleneck.

No longer steal Grandfather's porn.

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused.

No longer will we use blindfolds when we jerk each other off.

No parking.

No, don't throw it to me.

No, he asked me out.

No, honey. I'll probably just be way too drunk.

No, I'm just happy being on the field.

No, no, no, anyone but her! Not Janey Briggs.

No, not that.

No, way too easy.

No!

No.

No.

No. Cancer.

No. Listen, Jake...

No. No.

Nobody's allowed down here.

Nobody's covering that hole!

Not here. Down there.

Not scoring any cock, either?

Now, it is traditional for the king and queen...

Now...

Off the road, you glasses and ponytail freak!

Oh, and the door will not be locked.

Oh, God, Janey. A car accident.

Oh, God. I can't believe you fell for that crap.

Oh, God. No.

Oh, hell, just go.

Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too drunk to remember.

Oh, is that amusing?

Oh, it's already been broughten.

Oh, Jake.

Oh, Jake.

Oh, Jake. Nothing could ever come between us now.

Oh, my God, there's Jake. He's so popular.

Oh, no. Too much information would be telling you...

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, that is whack!

Oh, you bet.

Okay, hold it right there.

Okay, let's move it, people!

Okay, make a wish, dear.

Okay, Wyler, I've got no choice. You're the only quarterback I've got.

Okay.

Once you've got her trust, it's time to make her feel special.

Only 25 seconds remaining, and the season...

Only by blood.

Over here?

Paris Air, flight 805 to art school in Paris...

Paris. Thank you, sir.

Peachy. You brought a routine?

Pick a song with her name in it. That always works.

Please pick me. I'm the one.

Priscilla.

Priscilla's freaking out now that Janey's lost her ponytail.

Prom queen, material.

Prom tonight

Prom tonight

Really?

Really?

Really?

Reggie Ray, have you seen Janey anywhere?

Relax, all right? It's going to be okay.

Right, but what is "it"?

Right, you never noticed those either.

Right. Do you know where she went?

Rosco, go.

Rosco!

Say "good day" to Reggie Ray.

See you in English.

Set, hut!

Set! Hut!

Shakespeare, MoliÈre...

She died when I was 6.

She doesn't love you!

She is so perfect.

She looks as good as a dumpster full of gristles.

She said she was going out to get my dad a bottle of gin...

She took forever this time.

She went out there. On her own. There's Charlie everywhere.

She'll forgive my mistakes and realize I love her.

She's got a gun! Janey's got a gun!

She's got paint on her overalls! What is that?

She's not attracted to you!

She's right.

Shit, we missed it. Let's keep going.

Shit!

Shit.

Sit down. He got the wind knocked out of him.

Sit.

Six.

So they're slightly disfigured and connected.

So what if we have the same mother

So when you really think about it, what's the point?

So, you asked your four eyed circus freak to the prom yet?

So, you in love?

So...

Some time to talk to you.

Something about Paris. Her tour was over.

Sometimes I wish my life was a fairy tale...

Son of a bitch!

Stop being such a little bitch.

Stop! How is any of this supposed to be helping me?

Sure. Why not? I am the token black guy.

Take a look at the kid standing beside you.

Take it easy, miss.

Tell me who your daddy is! Tell me who your papa is!

Tell me you didn't quote Freddie Prinze Jr.

Tell me, Mom, what should I do?

Thank God I got to you in time.

Thank you, Daddy.

Thank you, Ricky, for that interesting poem.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for the advice, Daddy.

Thanks, Malik.

That cracker is white! Can't he see that, yo?

That girl with the glasses and the ponytail?

That has to be the worst pass I've ever seen, ever.

That is appalling.

That is true comedy.

That is very admirable.

That make me kind of sad in pants.

That time when we were in line at that theater...

That was cool.

That's all I know.

That's defense right there.

That's for being really weird.

That's good. No drinking and driving.

That's great! I've always wanted to discuss...

That's it.

That's it. I've got it.

That's Mom!

That's my boy.

That's not the guy I want to be

That's okay, son.

That's okay. You can just use your mouth.

That's right.

That's what I'm here for, pumpkin tits.

The announcement of the prom king and queen.

The good news is...

The good news is...

The only reason I came here was to tell you to leave me alone.

The sublime poetic genius of a clever turn of phrase.

Then I go to college. We'll spend the occasional weekend together.

Then I spent Saturday and Sunday making you this great...

Then Janey would still be with me

There are three things you need to do...

There he is. It's Freddie. He's wearing a tux.

There's a girl about to board a plane to Paris right now that I love...

There's a girl boarding a plane right now to Paris, that I love.

There's a whole otherperson inside ofboth of us.

There's an art school but I can't afford it.

These were humorists.

They're not looking for sex. They're looking for love.

Think you'll be prom queen? Well, think again, Janey.

This is Areola, our foreign exchange student.

This is it.

This is the final call forParis Air flight 805 to art school...

This is the place to buzz the Brillo.

This isn't funny!

This make me kind of happy in pants.

This year we gave it to Lupe, the Mexican finger painter.

This year's prom king is...

This year's prom queen is...

Three pubescent libidos to take us on a series of wild adventures.

Tonight

Tonight I'm going to fuck my brother

Translation: We're shit out ofluck.

True love is what I want the most

Two concussions left. Reggie Ray.

Two dollars!

Two dollars!

Unless I raise $26,000 before the admissions cutoff.

Way to go, Jake!

Way too much information.

We ain't white We ain't white

We all know where this is going.

We already heard that one. Asshole.

We always make that pact.

We are the North Compton Wildcats

We can't talk until she starts moving again.

We definitely ain't white Break it down, ****a

We got time for one more play.

We here.

We know what happened last time Jake called the plays.

We love you, Marty!

We resent that!

We saw you at our practice. I know you stole our routine.

We were just sitting here.

We'll become the masters of our sexual destiny.

We'll call you later to check in.

We'll divide into groups so you can get to know your peers.

We'll get our asses kicked Friday!

We're black, we know it

We're dancing.

We're trusting you, Preston.

We've been waiting for this since puberty.

Welcome to the party.

Well then, you better bring it.

Well, bombs away.

Well, I believed in you. I always believed in you.

Well, if you stay, we really only have the summer.

Well, isn't that wonderful?

Well, that wasn't exactly the kind of truth I was expecting.

Well, there is this popular boy, Jake.

Well...

Wham, bam! What the fuck just happened?

What about her?

What about the Fratelli sisters?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing? Get out of here.

What bet?

What do you expect from me?

What do you say, kiddo?

What do you think I should do?

What happened to Marty wasn't your fault.

What in God's name is going on?

What the hell was that?

What the hell?

What up, my yellow brothers? Chinks in the house!

What you see is what you get.

What?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's she doing here? She graduated four years ago.

What's up, man?

What's up, Reggie Ray?

What's up? I met a whole other person inside ofyou.

What's your name?

When I was a freshman, I threw 176 touchdown passes.

Where is she? I thought she'd be here by now.

Where's my little angel?

Which is nice.

Who are you?

Who does she think she is?

Who's that?

Why don't you just drop it, Austin?

Why is it when I tell a guy to put it anywhere...

Why? A job interview?

Will you be that guy?

Wise up to Jake's bullshit. Stop being such a dumb ass.

With this letter. Amanda Becker will know the truth:

Would you two please try and be a little open minded?

Wyler, we got this wrapped up.

Yeah, I know. We just had sex five minutes ago.

Yeah! I'll make you forget all about losing prom queen.

Yeah.

Yes...

You admire the beauty. You watch it blossom.

You always had a thing for ugly girls...

You better watch your tongue, young man!

You can't go through life being scared.

You could certainly use the popularity points.

You got it, Priscilla!

You got to go out there, believe in the ball and throw yourself.

You guys should hit the road.

You just bought yourself another detention.

You know what I think about poetry?

You know, I was just making a snack.

You little shit.

You losers should hang out in the back.

You make sweet, sweet love to her.

You mean Janey?

You never saw me as the girl in glasses.

You obviously stole that from Karate Kid.

You put the "ass" in "embarrassment." The "boo" in "taboo."

You really mean that, Jake?

You smell good.

You smell her.

You take away the makeup, the clothes...

You taught me a lot about myself too.

You want one?

You were passed out on the table.

You'd never suspect everyone here is a professional dancer.

You'll call me a slut.

You'll know.

You'll never be more than a friend!

You're a unique rebel, Janey!

You're accepted for you, not who you hang out with.

You're bleeding on my suitcase.

You're both on.

You're intelligent and insightful. You don't get the respect you deserve.

You're leaving me for this guy?

You're not going to cry now, are you?

You're on, Austin.

You're the cruelest girl in high school.

Your new prom queens are...

"Ten Things I Love About Janey." Oh, not again.

And that's what first base is. Okay.

Another one. But I was...

Another one. Had enough? No.

Are you for real? Do you want to learn or not?

Bring what, Priscilla? Bring it.

Can he play? He's in a coma.

Can tell you kind of like that. Hey! Let's get back to the throw.

Come on, don't do this. No, I'll hang around.

Completely fake. Yeah, that's not her real hair color.

Condoms. Check.

Damn. Shit. Yeah, I know.

Do you think I'll have sex with you? No! You don't understand.

Does she go to our school? It's not even the same person.

Don't listen to him. Austin.

Don't mess with a bull. I'm shaking.

Down the hall, on your left. Sweet, dude.

Eenie, meenie, minie... Moe.

Excuse me. What are you doing? Let me give you some advice, Jake.

Get your ass in there. You sure?

Go get her! Go for it.

Goddamn it! Blue 21! Hut!

Got your mom's car keys? Check.

Happy birthday! Janey's making faces.

Hello. Father O'Flannagan?

Here. You can keep it. Tiff.

Hey, Janey. Hey, Jake.

Hey, Janey. What's up? Excuse me?

Hi, Jake. Catherine.

How did you...? I've been watching.

How long have you been here, anyway? A while.

I am so happy to be in America. You have a sunny disposition.

I can keep going. Go!

I confused. Shut up, Wang Chung.

I have no pigment Any girl with a guitar is hot.

I heard a ruckus. Can you describe this ruckus, sir?

I like your backpack. Grazie.

I love that thing with his eyebrows. Those sideburns.

I need to ask you a favor. It's about time.

I say give the ball to Marty. I'mjust happy being on the field.

I say we get the ball to Marty. Damn.

I told you not to let me drink. I gave you a nonalcoholic beer.

I'm a hero! Walk it off!

I'm a unique rebel. More like you're a lesbo.

I'm going to go. Okay.

It's my mother. You have her eyes.

Janey... Yes, Jake?

Nice hands, Marty! I did it.

Not easy to get lucky here. Girls are sensitive.

One more for Ox or for Mitch? Another.

Peace out, brother. Honest mistake.

See? That wasn't so scary. It was nothing.

She's wearing the same outfit as me. It looks much better on you.

Show us how drunk you are! Go for it!

Sleeping bags. Check.

Take this. Thanks.

That's for hurting her at the party! This is really turning me on.

That's for taking Janey to the prom. You put the...

That's not fair. Cry me a river, dickface.

That's Pretty in Pink. Are you sure?

This is the final call... Why not?

Two weeks ago! I just got first hair on ball.

Wait. Get back here!

Want another one? Yes.

Want to dance? Only if we're horizontal.

We haven't spoken in four years. Actually, more like six.

We're freshmen. What's with the attitude?

What is wrong with this family? Hey, do you want my help or not?

What was that ruckus? I no hear ruckus.

What's going on? Something beautiful.

What's that buzzing sound? I just need a minute, here.

Where do you want the speakers? In the dining room.

Where's Janey? Miss Run Home To My Daddy...

Why are you in here? Why am I in here?

Yeah, I think I am. Well, who is this guy?

You bought another one. Eat my shorts.

You did great out there. I blew the game, Janey.

You got another. Good!

You got it! Good.

You gotta wait for the right moment. When is it the right moment?

You missed your prom? Yeah.

You need to start dating. I don't date. You know that.

You through? Not even close, bud.

You'll always wonder, "What if?" I'm a hero!

You're a pussy, Wyler! Do it for Marty's torso!

Your mom's a... Ho.

...a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum and a subdermal hematoma.

...adjusting to a new school, a new country.

...and get you slutty girls over here by me.

...and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

...and I'll bet that you can't turn her into prom queen.

...and rolling them up Into little Janey hairballs

...and say things like "Damn," "Shit," and "That is whack!"

...and she just doesn't realize it yet, but she will.

...and some guy would come and take me away.

...and that squad always tries to bring it.

...and the roads were slippery.

...and the roads were slippery.