Life of Brian (1979) Edit

A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him.

A blessing! A blessing!

A boy called Brian

A boy called Brian

A little ego trip from the feminists?

A lot.

A man called Brian

A miracle! A miracle!

A miracle! A miracle!

A miracle! He is the Messiah!

A new world, a better future!

A talent? That's more than he earns in a month!

A teenager called Brian

Accusative, accusative!

Ah. We have no Woger.

All I can say is, go ahead, be crucified!

All of a sudden, up he comes, cures me!

All right, all right, all right. We'll soon settle this.

All right, all right.

All right, all right.

All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine,

All right, centurion.

All right, here he is, then. Come on, Brian. Come and talk.

All right, I am the Messiah!

All right.

All right.

All right. Bag of otters' noses, then.

All right. Do we have to?

All you've got to do is to go out of that door now...

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the right side of life

Always look on the right side of life

Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?

And

And a good, steady pace.

And a pickpocket!

And all I said to my wife was,

And always look on the bright side of life

And always look on the bright side of life

And Boris Mineburg.

And cwucify him well. Yes.

And death's the final word

And don't wear your best sandals.

And forthwith issue our demands.

And from our fathers' fathers' fathers. Yeah.

And from there proceed directly to the hypocaust.

And go out and get pissed

And have one off the wrist

And he gave them Wait, were there three?

And he grew

And he started to shave

And his face became spotty

And his voice dropped down low

And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration...

And if nothing else, it's taught me to respect the Romans,

And it's taught me that you'll never get anywhere in this life...

And let's face it, as empires go, this is the big one,

And make our way to the northwestern main drain.

And nobody will really know where lieth...

And not just from us. From our fathers and from our fathers' fathers.

And sing and scream my name out!

And so say all of

And so say all of us

And that we shall not submit to blackmail.

And the sanitation.

And the whore of Babylon...

And then you try to clean up on my juniper bushes!

And this'll help things turn out for the best

And throughout the lands there'll be a great rubbing of parts.

And try to stop the Romans nailing him up!

And want to see girls

And what have they ever given us in return?

And what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time.

And, of course, we point out that they bear...

Anyone else feel like a little giggle...

Are the fuckin' Judean People's Front.

Are there any women here today?

Are they gone?

Are they... wagging me?

Are you not thinking of giving it a miss this year, then, sir?

As much gold as I could eat.

At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer,

Be now entered in the minutes as probationary martyrs to the cause.

Behold his mother! Behold his mother!

Belt up! Will you let me down if he comes back?

Better keep listening. Might be a bit about, Blessed are the Big Noses.

Biggus.

Biggus... Dickus?

Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

Blessed art thou! Hosanna!

Blessed is just about anyone with a vested interest in the status quo.

Bloody donkey owners. All the same, ain't they?

Bloody Romans. Can't take a joke.

Bri

Brian, can I introduce the gentleman who's letting us have the Mounts on Sunday?

Brian!

Brian! Brian!

Brian! Brian! Brian!

Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian!

Brian! Come and clean your room out!

Brian? Brian, you were fantastic.

Brian. Brian Cohen.

Brother! Haha! What's your name?

Brothers, we should be struggling together.

Brothers!

But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct and the roads

But before you join us, know this:

But don't worry too much about the myrrh next time, all right?

But of the face and head.

But otherwise, we're solid. Are you with us?

But Romans, go home is an order, so you must use the

But that he can have the right to have babies?

But this time, I guawantee you will not escape.

Campaign for Free Galilee.

Can I go now, sir? Aaah!

Can you go straight out? Line on the left, one cross each. Now

Can't you understand?

CC N

CCCru

CCrucifixion's too good 'em, sir.

CCrucifixion's too good 'em, sir.

Chaffinch brains. Jaguars' earlobes.

Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.

Citizens, we have Samson the Sadducee Strangler,

Cockadoodledoo!

Come back! Stop!

Come on. Who threw that?

Come on. You got all your demands worked out, then?

Completely new motion. Uh, that, uh,

Conjugate the verb to go.

Could you be quiet for another five minutes?

Could you be quiet, please? What was that?

Crosses over your left shoulders,

Crucifixion party Wait for it!

Crucifixion party, by the left, forward!

Crucifixion party.

Crucifixion's a doddle.

Dative!

Did I hear you right? Eleven? This cost me 12. You want to ruin me?

Disperse them? I haven't addressed them yet.

Do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings...

Do not tempt him, shallow ones!

Do we have anyone in our pwisons at all?

Do you mind? I can't hear a word he's saying.

Do you understand? Even and I want to make this absolutely clear

Don't be silly chumps

Don't forget you're one of 'em!

Don't grumble Give a whistle

Don't keep saying that.

Don't pass judgement on other people...

Don't pick your nose.

Don't push that baby in the Savior's face.

Don't you do you mind me! I was talking to my husband.

Don't you swear at my wife.

Dromedary pretzels, only half a denar. Tuscany fried bats.

Education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing...

Education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads,

Eighteen years of total silence, and you shhh me!

Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow

Even if they do say Jehovah.

Every night, they take me down for 20 minutes, then they hang me up again,

Exactly.

Excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing,

Feel the quality of that. That's craftsmanship, sir.

Finished!

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

For life is quite absurd

For the last 18 years, I've wanted to shout...

For this is his sign that all who follow him shall do likewise!

For your right to have babies, brother

Forget about your sin

Forward all!

Found this spoon, sir.

Frank Goliath, the Macedonian babycrusher,

From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian.

From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta.

From the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors,

Full responsibility when we chop her up...

Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man

Get a move on, Big Nose. There's people waitin' to be crucified out here.

Get away with crucifixion? It's

Get off! Get off out of it!

Give it a miss?

Give the audience a grin

Give us a sign!

Go away!

Go home. This is motion towards, isn't it, Brian?

Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors...

Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.

Grew up to be

Guard, do we have any cwucifixions today?

Guards, search the house.

Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

Half a denary? Me bloody life story.

Hands up all those who don't want to be crucified here.

Hava nagila

Hava nagila Hava n'ra, n'ra

Hava nagila, hava nagila

Have a scone. Make yourself at home. You klutz!

Have the birds got jobs?

Have you ever seen anyone crucified?

Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody...

He did! He did!

He grew

He had you there, mate, didn't he? That'll teach you a lesson.

He has a wife, you know?

He has given us a sign! He has brought us to this place!

He has given us a sign.

He has made the bush fruitful by his words!

He hurt my foot!

He is the Son of God, our Messiah.

He is! He is the Messiah!

He wanks as high as any in Wome.

He was a centurion in the Jerusalem garrison, sir.

He was a centurion in the Roman army.

He was a Roman, Brian.

He's a very naughty boy. Now, go away!

He's been taken up!

He's deaf He's deaf He's deaf as a pppost, sir.

He's ma He's m He's ma

He's ma He's m He's ma

He's mm He's mm

He's not well again.

He's sorry he led the Fifth Legion straight to our headquarters.

Hello. Your family arrived, then?

Here you are, mate.

Here, I've got an idea.

Here! Here!

Hey, bloody Romans!

Hey, your nose gonna be three foot wide across your face when I'm finished!

Hey! ls there another way down?

Hey! Say that once more, I'll smash your bloody face in.

HHe's de He's de He's dedede

Him, him, him.

Hmm? Hmm.

Hmm. Aaah!

Homage? You're drunk! It's disgusting!

How about a retrial? We got plenty of time.

How blessed are the sorrowful. They shall find consolation.

How blessed are those of gentle spirit.

How blessed are those who know that He's a god.

How blessed are those whose hearts are pure.

How much more personal can you get?

How much, quick? It's for the wife.

How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

How shall we go away, master?

I agree. This is a complete waste of time.

I could do that, sir. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose.

I didn't bring you here. You just followed me.

I didn't touch him!

I didn't want to sell this stuff. It's only a job.

I do feel, Reg, that any antilmperialist group like ours...

I don't know. And he gave them some talents.

I don't really want to.

I don't think you can say it's too good for them. It's very nasty.

I hadn't said a word for 18 years till he came along.

I have a very great friend in Rome called Biggus Dickus.

I have no time for lawbreakers.

I haven't got anything against the birds.

I like orders.

I may be of thome athistance if there is a thudden crithis.

I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they?

I might have known it would end up like this.

I now propose that all seven of these exbrothers...

I propose we go without further ado. May I have a seconder for

I say you are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

I say, could you just see my wife?

I say, get off those bushes. Go on. Clear off.

I say, those are my juniper bushes!

I shall... welease Bwian!

I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face.

I think he wants to know which way up you want to be crucified.

I think it was, Blessed are the cheese makers.

I think they must have popped by for something.

I told him. I said to him, Bernie, there'll never make their money back.

I want to be one.

I warn you, I'm gonna punch you so hard, you Roman git!

I was blind, and now I can see!

I was gonna ask him if he'd make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week.

I was hopping along, minding my own business.

I was only asking her to shut up so we can hear what he's saying, Big Nose.

I was only It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg.

I was to be taken to Rome, housed by the Forum

I was too busy talking to Big Nose.

I wasn't gonna pick my nose. I was gonna thump him!

I wasn't picking my nose. I was scratching.

I will not have my friends widiculed by the common soldiewy.

I wouldn't have nothing to do. Oh, thank you.

I'll be with you in a few moments, all right, dear?

I'll thump him if he calls me Big Nose again.

I'll, I'll never forget you.

I'm a kike, a Yid, a hebe, a hooknose!

I'm a poor man. My sight is poor.

I'm alive! I'm alive!

I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell of a time.

I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell of a time.

I'm healed! The master has healed me!

I'm kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

I'm not a Roman, Mum! And I never will be!

I'm not *******. I'm a Roman.

I'm not oppressing you. You haven't got a womb.

I'm not the Messiah! Do you understand? Honestly!

I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen?

I'm warning you, if you say Jehovah once more

I'm worrying about what you've got against birds.

I've got one or two things to say.

I've had enough of this wowdy, webel behavior!

If he can keep off the tail for more than 20 minutes.

If I knew the secret of eternal life, I wouldn't say.

If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have all this.

If it's not a personal question?

If questioned, we are sewage workers on our way to a conference.

Iike the seeds of the grain.

Ilt says Romans, go home.

In letters ten foot high, all the way around the palace.

In that time

In the autumn years of her life,

In the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land...

Is it too big? ls it too small?

Is just the beginning!

Is not the miracle of the juniper bushes enough?

Is there another path down to the river?

Is this some kind of joke?

It doesn't matter now. I might as well enjoy myself.

It doesn't matter. You're all gonna die in a day or two!

It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us, doesn't it, darling?

It really doesn't matter. The point is, there were these two servants.

It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

It's a bit late for that now, isn't it?

It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back!

It's a slow, horrible death.

It's all clear.

It's all right, Matthias.

It's dangerous out there.

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

It's not gonna shift one Roman soldier!

It's not my fault they haven't eaten.

It's our revolution. We can all do it together.

It's such a senseless waste of human life, isn't it?

It's such a senseless waste of human life, isn't it?

It's the chap with a big nose's fault. He started it all.

It's written, that's why.

Just a moment, would you? Jailer, how many have come through?

Just before you draw your terminal breath

Just for a few hours.

Just lie down. I haven't got all day.

Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing

Just remember that the last laugh is on you

Just some, uh, ******* joke, sir.

Keep in a straight line, three lengths between you and the man in front...

King of the ****!

Ladies and gentlemen, the next contest...

Language! And don't pick your nose.

Larks' tongues. Otters' noses. Ocelot spleens.

Leave him alone.

Led by a bottle, more like. Go on out.

Let him go! Please!

Let me come with you, Pontius.

Let me shoulder your burden, brother.

Let us Let us pray.

Lf life seems jolly rotten there's something you've forgotten

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true

Like, uh, Sillius Soddus or Biggus Dickus, sir.

Line on the left. Yes, thank you.

Listen, I'm only telling the truth. You have got a very big nose.

Listen, if you wanted to join the P.F.J.,

Listen. The only people we hate more than the Romans...

Look at it! It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel.

Look out!

Look, he's not giving you any money, so piss off!

Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying Jehovah.

Look, there was this man, and he had two servants.

Look, you've got it all wrong.

Look! Oh! Oh!

Look! There he is! The Chosen One has woken!

Look. We've had a busy day. There's 140 of you lot to get up.

Lord, I am affected by a bald patch.

Lre, eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt.

Making it worse? How could it be worse?

Manacles?

Master, your people have walked many miles to be with you!

Master! Master!

Master! Master! Master!

Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath?

Matthias?

Me with a poor, dying grandmother? Ten?

Me? No. I'm just a poor old man.

Messiah! Show us the Messiah!

Morning. Now, we will be on a show as we go through the town,

Mum!

Must reflect such a divergence of interest within its power base.

My addwess is one of the high points of the Passover.

My brotheronlaw is the exmayor of Gath!

My ears are grizzled. Yes?

My eyes are dim. I cannot see.

My eyes are old and bent.

My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be put in manacles...

My legs are grey. My ears are nulled.

My legs are old and bent.

Never have any change. Oh, here's a touch.

Next minute, my livelihood's gone.

Next? Crucifixion?

Next? Crucifixion?

Next? Crucifixion?

Next.

Nice one, centurion. Like it.

Nice to do business with you.

Ninebladed not two or five or seven, but nine

Ninetyf ninetyf

Ninetysix, sir.

NNNNo, sir.

NNot with these bbastards, sir.

No blackmail!

No girl named Brian

No Spencer Tracys! Or we shall release no one!

No Weginalds,

No Wudolph the Wednosed Weindeers.

No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian.

No, I'm only pulling your leg. It's crucifixion, really.

No, it doesn't. What's Latin for Roman?

No, it is a sign that, like him, we must think not of the things of the body...

No, let us gather shoes together! Let me!

No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten.

No, no. Brian.

No, no. Spiwit, bwavado, a touch of dewwingdo.

No, not dative!

No, of course. Look. I hate to make a fuss

No, sir. Couldn't find anything, sir.

No, that's not what I meant at all!

No, they got them up there, lying around on the ground.

No! That's the point! Don't let anyone tell you what to do!

No. What you said just now. It was quite extraordinary.

Not a girl named Brian

Not a single, recognizable, articulate sound has passed my lips.

Not as nasty as something I just thought up, sir.

Not having a womb which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans'

Now hear this! Blessed are they...

Now take my case. They hung me up here five years ago.

Now, don't jostle the Chosen One, please.

Now, fuck off!

Now, piss off!

Now, stop following my son!

Now, stop that! And go away!

Now, what is your name, Jew?

Now, write it out 100 times.

Now, you listen here. He's not the Messiah!

Of uttering the name of our Lord.

Oh, come on. Let's go to the stoning.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Come on, haggle.

Oh, do pipe down.

Oh, great. Great.

Oh, I hate wearing these beards.

Oh, I see. It's like that, is it?

Oh, I see. Very good, very good.

Oh, I was gonna say, otherwise there would be a lot of them.

Oh, I'm alive! I'm alive! Hello, birds. Hello, trees.

Oh, it's all right. He's sorry.

Oh, it's not as nnnana

Oh, it's still a good sign by any standard.

Oh, lay off him.

Oh, lay off me! I've had a hard time!

Oh, look, I haven't got time to go to no stonings.

Oh, my foot! Oh

Oh, no!

Oh, not like these, sir. Look at this.

Oh, now, now. We've got a couple of days up here.

Oh, Reg. Reg, Judith.

Oh, shit!

Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. Hail Caesar and everything, sir.

Oh, uh, about 11, sir.

Oh, uh, hello, officer.

Oh, uh, People's Front of Judea. Officials.

Oh, well. One born every minute.

Oh, what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face!

Oh, ye N

Oh, yeah, if we didn't have crucifixion, this country'd be in a bloody mess.

Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. They did give us that.

Oh, yes, solidarity, Reg.

Oh, yes, thwow him to the floor, please.

Oh, yes.

Oh, you lucky bastard.

Oh, you're not so bad yourself, Conch Face.

Oh!

Oh! I think I'm about to have a cardiac arrest.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.

Oh. Right. That's your last warning.

Oh. Well, that's jolly good. Well, off you go then.

Okay. And you're much more important than they are, right?

On behalf of the movement.

Once in the sewer, timing will be of the essence.

One cross each, line on the left.

One minute, I'm a leper with a trade;

One more time, mate, I'll take you to fuckin' cleaners!

One total catastrophe like this...

Only the true Messiah denies his divinity.

Ooh, that wasn't a minute!

Open up!

Or else you might get judged too.

Or woman to rid himself

Or you might get judged yourself.

Otherwise Ow!

Our commando unit will approach from Fish Street under cover of night...

Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.

Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.

Out of their bloody minds, but still... Iook at that!

Out the door! Out! Bashing me with tales about Oriental fortunetellers.

Ow! Lay off! We haven't started yet!

Packet of gravel. Should be a good one this afternoon.

People called Romanes, they go the house?

People of Jewusalem,

People's Front!

Permission to disperse them, please.

Pharisees separate from Sadducees.

Pilate? What's he want to see me for?

Please, please help me. I've got to get

Plenty of time. Lots of people get rescued.

Popped by? Swarmed by, more like.

Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our Father. Amen.

Promised me the known world, he did.

Provided the movement never forgets...

Quiet! Silly person.

Really? What was his name?

Reg has explained it all to me. I think it's great, what you're doing.

Reg, for God's sake! It's perfectly simple.

Reg, it's me, Brian.

Reg!

Right, my lad. What have you been up to?

Right! This calls for immediate discussion!

Right.

Right.

Right. And

Right. You're in.

See if I care. I might have known

See, if you hadn't been going on, we'd have heard that, Big Nose.

See? It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer.

See? Not so bad, once you're up.

Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

Send them back on the hour, every hour.

Seventeen. My last word. I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead.

Sex, sex, sex. That's all they think about, huh?

Shall be given

Shall ride forth on a threeheaded serpent!

She did! She did!

She's called lncontinentia.

Shhh.

Show us another miracle.

Shut up, you ******* turd!

Shut up! What is all this?

Siblings, let us not be down on it.

Signed, on behalf of the P.F.J., etc.

Silly bitch. Get in the way on me.

Silus the Assyrian Assassin

Sir, uh, we don't have a Roger, sir.

Sixteen years behind the bell, and proud of it, sir.

Slaves, asses' milk,

Slipped him a few shekels? You saw him spit in my face.

So always look on the bright side of death

So eunt is?

So I could go free and live on an island somewhere.

So let's just stop gabbin' on about it. It's completely pointless.

So let's not let the side down.

So there you are!

So we gotta get up off our asses and stop just talkin' about it.

So you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he, then?

So, you dare to waid us?

So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?

Some things in life are bad.

Sorry the place is a bit of a mess.

Sorry. I thought we'd started.

Spare a talent for an old exleper?

Speak! Speak to us, master. Speak to us!

Spespspespspspspeak up a bit, sir.

Splitter!

Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours.

Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone...

Stop it.

Stop! Will you stop that?

Stwike him, centurion, very woughly.

Suicide Squad, attack!

Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies,

Surely, we should be united against the common enemy.

Symbolic of his struggle against reality.

Take him away and release him.

Take the shoes and follow him!

Talkin', passin' resolutions, makin' clever speeches.

Tell him about the raid on Pilate's palace, Francis.

Tell us more!

Tell us! Tell us both of them!

Ten? Are you trying to insult me?

Terrific race, the Romans. Terrific!

Terrific work, Brian.

Thank you, Brian.

That doesn't sound very wise to me.

That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.

That showed them.

That That's mine! Hey, he's a baby! Oh!

That their fathers put there only just the night before about 8:00.

That there be immediate action

That we must gather shoes together in abundance.

That's enough. That's enough.

That's Judith, Mum. Judith, Mother.

That's just what Jesus said, sir.

That's the motion to get on with it, passed with one abstention.

The aqueduct.

The babe they called Brian

The demon shall bear a ninebladed sword.

The entire apparatus of the Roman lmperialist State,

The fresh water system and public health,

The Judean People's Front!

The Judean People's Front!

The lepers are queuing.

The little rascal has spiwit.

The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!

The point is, the birds, they do all right, don't they?

The things possessed by their fathers...

Their glorious deaths shall unite us all in

Then he, having his way with me, he had

There is a Roman feast later in the evening, so you must move fast.

There is no food in this high mountain!

There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death...

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray,

There's a mess, all right, but no messiah. Now, go away.

There's a multitude out there!

There's no messiah in here.

There's no pleasing some people.

There's one place we didn't look. Guards!

There's still a few crosses left.

They are weary and have not eaten.

They believe he can give them hope hope of a new life,

They bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had.

They can really make you mad.

They dragged him off! They want to crucify him!

They must think the sun shines out of your ass, son.

They must think you're Lord God Almighty.

They only hung me the right way up yesterday, so don't you

They shall be satisfied.

They shall see God.

They started following me yesterday.

They've brought forth juniper berries.

Third person plural, present indicative. They go.

This boy

This has just been retiled. So, terrorists, careful with those weapons.

This is his gourd.

This is supposed to be a ******* section.

This is the moment for Habbakuk to get out his prong.

This man called

This man called Brian

This man commands a cwack legion!

This time I want to hear no Weubens,

Those little things...

Those people out there are following him because they believe in him.

Those possessed by devils, try and keep them under control.

Though he himself will not be taking part in any terrorist action...

To pwove our fwiendship, it is customawy at this time...

To rid this country of the Romans once and for all.

To see right prevail.

To the welfare of **** of both sexes and hermaphrodites.

To them only...

To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you.

To welease a wandewer fwom our pwisons.

To you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.

Turning left here, we enter the CaesarAugustus memorial sewer,

Two points, two flats and a packet of gravel.

Uh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything,

Uh, how many have come through?

Uh, how many have come through?

Uh, read that back, would you?

Uh, several seditious scribes from Caesarea.

Uh, you just sent him for crucifixion, sir.

Um, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are.

Um, it's not my cross. I was, um, holding it for someone.

Um, oh, oh, i.

Um, women taken in sin, line up against that wall, will you?

Unless we can smash the Roman Empire within the next 12 months.

Unless you're prepared to do a fair day's work for a fair day's

Until I blow this whistle.

Up and down like the Assyrian Empire.

Up through into the main audience chamber here,

Up you go, Big Nose.

Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me

Vewy well, I shall welease Woger!

Vewy well.

Vewy well. I shall welease Wodewick!

Vewy well. That's it.

Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.

Wait, wait. We do have a Bwian.

Was it something I said?

Wattled by a wabble of wowdy webels.

We are the Judean People's Front Crack Suicide Squad.

We don't any leaders. You're so right.

We don't want any more Samaritans around here.

We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Brian of Nazareth,

We may have a little job for you, Brian.

We must pay homage to him.

We must see him. We have brought presents.

We the People's Front of Judea brackets, officials, end brackets

We will carry it for you, master.

We will now be directly beneath Pilate's audience chamber itself.

We wish to praise the infant.

We worship you, O Brian, who are lord over us all.

We'll be back, oddball.

We're entitled to be crucified in a purely ******* area.

We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here,

We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle...

We're gonna kidnap Pilate's wife, take her back, issue demands.

We're the People's Front of Judea!

We're the People's Front of Judea!

We've got a luncheon appointment.

Weally, centuwion, I'm surpwised to hear a man like you...

Welease Woger! Welease Woger!

Well done, Brian. Keep it up, lad.

Well, all right. We'll have two with points and a big, flat one.

Well, apparently he's going to inherit the earth.

Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.

Well, Bwian, you've given us a good wun for our money, what?

Well, don't blame me. I didn't ask to sell this stuff.

Well, go and talk to him somewhere else. I can't hear a bloody thing.

Well, how are you, then, officer?

Well, I can't hear a thing. Let's go to the stoning.

Well, I suppose I should've told you a long time ago

Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, we are not the rescue committee.

Well, if it's not a personal question, are you a virgin?

Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother...

Well, it's a joke name, sir.

Well, it's not exactly friendly. They have me in manacles.

Well, no, sir.

Well, no, sir. I think it's a joke, sir.

Well, now don't think you can get around me like that.

Well, obviously, it's not meant to be taken literally.

Well, quite frankly, siblings, I think five years is optimistic...

Well, that's all right, then, Brian. Sit down.

Well, there is an animal called a balm... or did I dream it?

Well, they can stop following you right now.

Well, they think I'm the Messiah, Mum.

Well, tough pity for you, Fish Face. Oh!

Well, weren't they nice?

Well, what about Wodewick, then?

Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at 2:00 in the morning?

Well, why didn't you say? He's over there.