The Rocker (2008) Edit

A band, huh? So, what do you call yourselves?

A fresh start, you know, get my life back on track.

A penis on a grown woman's face.

A penis.

A.D.D.

A.D.D. A.D.D. A.D.D. A.D.D.

A.D.D., let me introduce you to the mighty Vesuvius.

Absolutely not.

Act like we're back in the garage.

Add? Huh.

After all we've been through? And you sell me out just like that?

Ah, look at you, Cleveland!

Ahem. You want to share this with the rest of the class, huh?

All right, mate? Sticks, this is the bloke what you replaced.

All right, you guys. Let's just think about it like this.

All right.

All right. Can you feel the excitement?

All right. Here we are.

All right. Here we go. Rock 'n' roll!

All right. If he delivers a gig, I'll give him a chance.

Am I the only one seeing this? Why is no one else reacting?

AMELIA: God. FISH: I have news...

AMELIA: Hello? Hey, it's D.V. Put me on shout, yo.

AMELIA: Oh!

AMELIA: This does not suck. CURTIS: You're the man.

And he, like, mimicked their... Aah!

And I want you to know it is never too late.

And I'm not missing the show of my life because of you.

And if this was a week ago...

And it goes on like that.

And now he can't walk during graduation.

And now I'm ready to work here until I die.

And Señorita Horowitz kind of got really stoned...

And somebody kind of drew a, uh...

And soul crushing. Don't forget soul crushing.

And they are in the promised land...

And they have worked so hard, and want this so badly.

And us feeding it right back to them? That is what it's all about, my brothers.

And you know what?

And you'll piss off the record company, which I do not suggest you do.

And you're gonna crap your khakis when you hear this.

And...

ANNOUNCER [OVER SPEAKERS]: All hail the mighty...

Any last requests?

Anyway, if you really are my uncle...

Are you gonna blow this because of some stupid grudge?

Are you gonna finish that?

Are you sure, man? It's kind of hard to tell with his clothes on.

AZIZ: Jeez, this would be a great album if I could ever listen to it.

Bang a gong, get it on. Bang a gong.

Be gentle.

Because he loves you.

Because I would never use that to describe you, ever.

Billy, hang up that phone.

BO Y: I'm telling you, that's the naked drummer.

BO Y: I'm telling you, that's the naked drummer.

But I can make it up to you. What if I told you...

But I'm not, really. I'm here.

But if one hair on his head is harmed, I will kill you.

But my team at Matchbook, we see more than money.

But still, don't tell your mom.

But that is just not me anymore.

But what about the sweet love, where you say, Hey...

By the way, I'm Stan. I'm kind of with the band.

By the way, you better not be here when we get back.

Can I have it?

Can I have it?

Check, check, check. Check, one, two. Check, one, two. Check. Check.

Check, check. Test hit.

Close. It was an old band.

Come on, guys. Let's go. Stage dive. Stage dive.

Come on, it's okay to be nervous.

Come on, Matt. We're going. Tour's over.

Come on. Girlfriend, we need you. Come on.

Come on. Just let it go. Play the gig. Please.

Come... Just meet me up here.

Cool as a fan, man. You're a cool, cool kid.

Cool. Great. Well, come on. Let's go. Let's rehearse.

Cougar's got claws.

CROWD [CHANTING]: A.D.D. A.D.D.

CROWD [CHANTING]: Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish!

Curtis said that the drummer was older. I just... I figured college.

Curtis, had you gone up to him and just said it from your heart...

CURTIS: All right. Come on, let's go.

CURTIS: Yeah, yeah. DAVID: Uh oh.

Cut it, please. Cut...

Daddy bailed when he was 4, so...

Damn right.

David Marshall, head of A and R for Matchbook Records.

David Marshall. We've met a couple times.

DAVID: Ha ha ha! FISH: Hoo hoo!

DAVID: May I introduce A.D.D.'s first video. Pow!

DAVID: Over a million hits and counting.

DAVID: There it is. It's like a school bus for assholes.

DAVID: What about you, Norm from Cheers?

DAVID: You guys realize if you open for Vesuvius...

Did you always have that knee brace in your dream?

Different skill set. Still important. Can I look at what you are writing?

Don't chase something you're never gonna get.

Don't say that.

Don't talk! You are not allowed to speak!

Don't you hate how the camera itself adds 10 pounds?

Double head.

Dude, he can't be killed. He can't be killed.

Dude, we are a band, okay? Bands share everything.

Easy to remember.

Eleventy billion, trillion...

Ever since you forced Fish out...

Every mother's dream. Let's go, Jeremy.

Everybody at Matchbook is happy you worked out your thing.

Everybody loved it and they were singing along with the words.

Everybody thought they peaked when their sixth album went platinum...

Except Fish. Obviously, that would be a little awkward.

Excuse me a sec.

Excuse me, everyone? May I have your attention?

Excuse me?

First blow off. Let the games begin.

First fan. Ha ha!

First marquee.

First recovery.

First technical difficulty.

FISH [WHISPERING]: It's not stealing when you're family.

Fish is the heart and soul of this band. We've been together since high school.

Fish, Fish? Breathe, breathe. You have to breathe.

Fish, no one has eaten more takeout than you.

Fish, we kissed. Once. On tour.

FISH: A gig! Yes!

FISH: And in conclusion, ladies and gentlemen...

FISH: Be right back. More like awesome news.

FISH: Do you have any idea how rare that is? That kind of energy...

FISH: First tour bus.

FISH: Hello?

FISH: I am a golden Fish!

FISH: I don't need you!

FISH: I'm gonna do whatever I want. Watch this.

FISH: Is Curtis at home? Who is asking?

FISH: It's insane. What do you think?

FISH: It's not very good. It's very, very depressing.

FISH: Let's do this. Woo hoo!

FISH: No. No.

FISH: Oh, jeez.

FISH: Oh, man, thanks for letting me stay here, Mr. Lee.

FISH: Oh, man. This is where rock 'n' roll came to die.

FISH: Okay. All right.

FISH: Thanks.

FISH: This is gonna be great.

FISH: What next, guys? BARNEY: Oh, that's a lot of Robert.

FISH: What you working on?

FISH: What? Is anybody else seeing this?

FISH: What's next? Let's keep going.

FISH: What's next? Let's keep going.

FISH: Yes. Yes!

FISH: You know, I'm gonna take a rain check.

FISH: You were out of your mind. Chewing the keys off the board.

Fish. It's okay. Are you okay?

Five minutes? What? We're headlining. We shouldn't go on till 11.

Follow my lead.

Fridge with beer. Beer I didn't pay for.

From the prom.

Funny. Good. I'm just saying it's weird...

Galardy's Bar & Grill.

Gee, nothing gets by you, does it? Yes, I have a tattoo, and I am a mom.

Get it on, all night long, bang a gong, get it on. Rock me, Amadeus.

GIRL: I love you, Matt.

Give me a rebel yell on three. Three, two, one!

Give me your phone.

Give up your dreams. Get a haircut, Fish. You'll never rock anymore.

Go ahead and get to know him better. Give him a nickname. Any animal.

Go back to Cleveland, Cleveland.

Go backwards in slow motion, then say the words backwards.

Go.

Good. Good to know. Okay. We're in the pressure cooker.

Guys, they're gonna put money behind you. That means videos, touring...

Ha ha! Uh oh!

Hang on. A gig? Like when U2 plays and everybody's like:

Hang on. I'll call you back.

He can take it.

He can't be killed.

He deserved it, man.

He doesn't know the songs, and I thought he'd be here early.

He said he didn't need to, he could play with us in his sleep.

He said he feeds on God juice and miracles spring forth.

He stays. That's that.

He's a zombie!

He's been taking some time to recharge the old batteries.

He's come all the way from Los Angeles to meet you, Robert.

He's dead.

He's just taking the piss. You know, one of me mates.

Hello, Concrete Jungle?

Hello, kiddies. You're the band we're supposed to launch.

Hello, rat.

Hello, this is Fish. What?

Hello, Yoko.

Hello, YouTube.

Hello?

Hello? Is this thing on?

Hello.

Hello. Hello there. Hi. I don't think we've been introduced.

Hello. I'm here for A.D.D.

Here we are. Check it out, guys, huh? Not bad.

Hey, are you ready? We're on in five minutes.

Hey, Fish, Fish, Fish. Listen.

Hey, guys. So I kind of got suspended from school today...

Hey, hey. I thought you said we weren't gonna do that.

Hey, hey. Let's rock.

Hey, man. What's wrong?

Hey, Uncle Rob, can I talk to you?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, I thought you were grounded.

Hey. Read my lips, asshole. You're fired.

Hey. Thank you.

Hey. We were supposed to start two hours ago.

Hi, Jeremy. Hi, Jeremy's Mom.

Hi.

Hit me.

Hit the brakes, man!

Hit the omelet bar.

Holy sh... Oh, wow. Hey.

Holy shit. I think that's Robert.

Hop in.

How could it not be about a job?

How'd that ever work out?

Huh? That's right!

Huh.

I always hope maybe, you know...

I am breaking up with you, so quiet.

I am fantastic. You don't break up with me.

I am never opening for Vesuvius.

I am not doing that, okay? I am not opening for them.

I am not opening for no Vesuvius.

I am not opening for Vesuvius. They can open for me.

I am with the band A.D.D. I have a demo.

I can't believe you called the cops on me.

I can't... I can't hear you...

I certainly love your objectives, and Stan speaks very highly of you.

I didn't force him out of the band. He quit.

I do notice that your last job was a few months ago.

I do. And so do you.

I don't even wanna talk to him about it. It's so frustrating and it's so unfair.

I don't know why you're blinking more than a normal person...

I don't really listen to heavy metal music.

I don't think it's fair. These kids cancel their tour...

I don't, but at least I'm living in the present.

I either throw up or get the runs before every show.

I feel like I cut loose when I'm on stage.

I got A.D.D. right here with me. This way.

I got the best seat in the house between the guitar and bass...

I got the best seat in the house.

I got us the hottest video director in town.

I guarantee.

I had a job, an awesome gig that was gonna pay $ 100...

I hate that term. It disgusts me.

I have a silly question. Do you have any hand sanitizer?

I have a way...

I haven't played in front of an audience in 20 years...

I haven't played the drums in 20 years. Drumming is pain...

I heard women like a more mature look, so...

I hope you know that I'm getting paid whether we practice or not.

I just wanna say, I am so excited we're on the road.

I kind of brought hash brownies to the Spanish Club luncheon.

I led them to the land of milk and honey and three ways and orgies...

I liked your look.

I lived my life saying, What if...?

I love this kid. Love him. You speak your mind.

I love you, Matt.

I may go moon a trucker.

I mean, it's stupid to think anybody but me would be into it.

I mean, think about it. Fish will land on his feet, right?

I mean, you know, that'd be cool.

I really appreciate it. Yeah, those rice bags look comfortable.

I sat right there for Metallica...

I saw Ozzy bite the head off a bat on that stage.

I say...

I swear if you don't stop annoying me, I'm gonna shave your head in your sleep.

I think I'll take a nap. Excuse me.

I think it's about a job.

I think we lost him.

I think, well, what he's trying to say in a...

I tried growing up, okay? For 20 years.

I tried it. I hated every moment of it, and I'm not going back to that.

I trusted you. I vouched for you and for the safety of these kids.

I want you all to know that me and my band...

I was actually just wondering if you'd play with us at our prom gig.

I was going 60.

I was in an all girl punk band.

I was thinking maybe, you know, just me and you could go together.

I was wondering if you'd play the drums with us, just for one night.

I will drag you down to hell with me. I will eat your souls.

I will not buy beer for you and your friends...

I'd be wearing silk underwear right now.

I'd better stop.

I'd still be the pretty child.

I'll be gentle.

I'll burn you a copy.

I'm feeling really good about the future, you know?

I'm glad it wasn't last week, then.

I'm gonna cut to the chase, because that's how I do, but...

I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna shoot you with this old Bolex, stop motion, you're gonna be animated.

I'm not even embarrassed by it, and I'm embarrassed by, like, everything.

I'm not leaving you out, Mattie. I'm saving the biggest hug for you...

I'm not what you would call a social butterfly.

I'm not, either. And don't call my uncle Little Drummer Boy.

I'm really sorry she made me drop a dime on you.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so nervous.

I'm so nervous. I'm gonna be sick.

I'm sorry if you guys have a problem, but that's the way it is.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure you guys got a lot of heat. Lot of people coming after you.

I'm the drummer in the band from the...

I'm working on a song.

I've never asked one to go to a movie or maybe go to dinner, or...

I've never kissed a girl.

If A.D.D. has more tunes like that, then Matchbook is very interested.

If it isn't the one man band.

If we can bring that to an audience, even for four and a half minutes...

If we can drive around with no place to go...

If you guys have been dying to spend some time in Cleveland...

Instead of a canoe paddling in a pond, we were a tank flying down a mountain.

Isn't it something, Cleveland? A.D. D!

It does make you feel invincible, huh? Like everything is possible now!

It goes:

It is never too late to rock.

It is the naked drummer.

It just needs a little bit of love and a lot of product.

It makes me wanna kill myself.

It might be kind of cool...

It must be freeing. It's gotta be freeing, huh?

It was better than good. It was sweet.

It was like that scene in Titanic. You know, the one where they all die.

It's a person I'd like to stab.

It's a song?

It's all about text chats and Playbox with you guys.

It's all right, mates. It's difficult to meet your heroes for the first time.

It's Amelia. She's just having a really tough day.

It's called tough love, kid.

It's his loss. He's the one missing out.

It's just about finding the right showcase.

It's just focusing on the perfect showcase.

It's just one more night, one more show. Just finish what you started.

It's like winning the lottery...

It's not fair.

It's okay, buddy.

It's really good stuff. It's like poetry.

It's the etchings of time, man. These guys have really lived, you know?

It's the prom. It's over at 11.

It's Vesuvius' show. Don't wanna make them look bad.

Just a really incomprehensible way...

Keep going.

Keep stealing my lines, I'll punch you in the eye.

KERR: He didn't fit.

KERR: Right. He's gonna be fine.

KIM: See? It goes red, blue. FISH: I'm lost.

KIM: Sweetie, you were wonderful. Fish, that was awesome.

KIM: Um...

KIP: Welcome back.

Know what I mean? The rope a dope. We're laughing, laughing, then boom!

Know what I'm saying? We need to freshen the look of the band.

Know what our lives would be like?

Know why you're in this band? You're a joke.

Lennon and McCartney rolled into one.

Lennon's rolling over in his grave to hide the boner you just gave him.

Leon, come here, come here.

Let me tell you how it's gonna be. You're gonna suck it up...

Let's get ready to do this show. Come on.

Let's just push the tempo. Say, I'm not bitter.

Let's start looking for a new drummer.

LEX: From the top!

LEX: Jesus, man, keep going!

LEX: Thank you.

Like a Cleveland up and comers open for Cleveland legends thizz ang.

Like all of this is... Ah!

Like he'd lived with animals or something, in the woods.

Like I said, he's a great drummer.

Like you mean it!

LISA: Come on, Robert. Let's go.

LISA: That's the attitude, Robert. Thanks, sis.

LISA: Two arrests in three weeks?

Listen, I had no idea real life was so boring.

Listen. We need to talk to Curtis.

Loads of bands use drum loops.

Loads of elevators play Celine Dion. That don't make it right.

Look at me, Amelia.

Look at me. I am not the world's most handsome guy here.

Look, guppy, I don't think I can do this anymore.

Look, I love Fish. I do. I love that guy. And I never say love...

Look.

Make a path.

Make it turn into a camera.

MAN 1: Go away.

MAN 2: You guys suck. WOMAN 2: Losers.

MAN: All right, thanks.

Matchbook Records just offered us an awesome contract...

Matchbook Records?

MATT [WHISPERING]: I can't believe we're stealing my mom's car.

Matt is also in a band, playing the prom.

MATT: A.D.D.

MATT: Come on, guys.

MATT: I'll call you guys. Please do.

MATT: So good, man. You were so good.

MATT: So good. FISH: Yes.

MATT: Uncle Rob?

Matt.

May I have permission to go with my mates...

Maybe it's I heart Matt LeBlanc from TV's the Friends.

Maybe you want to take a can of shut up.

Midwest tour.

Mike check. Check. Can you hear me?

Mm. That must have been tough.

MOM: Just please be careful. AMELIA: Okay.

Mom?

MOTHER: A penis.

MOTHER: And?

Move a tiny bit.

Move a tiny bit.

Move a tiny bit. Wait a minute.

My brother in law in Vesuvius.

My brother.

My line in the sand has been drawn.

My mom's not gonna let me go to Indiana.

My work here is done.

Never fear, niños. Got our laminates. All access. Drives the chicks wild.

New Vesuvius, fellas.

Nice ride.

Nice show. Whoo!

No one likes the demo.

No, because I show you respect, and then you don't listen.

No, just us three. The band.

No, music definitely plays an important part.

No, no, no.

No, you're not. Seriously, you're not.

No. A tour with parents is not a tour. On this point, I will not bend. That's it.

No. Forget it, Billy.

No. I spent my whole life taking it easy...

No. It's A.D.D., as in attention deficit disorder.

No. No way.

No. Yeah. I know, I keep trying to download the homework...

Not sure which. My choice. Hmm. Make a decision.

Not the way you thought, but you've made it.

Not to mention, it keeps it all in the Matchbook family, which is good.

Nothing. Nothing. You're a tough cookie...

Now get your devil box out of here.

Now go talk to her and quit pussing out.

Now it's time for your prom king and queen's first dance.

Now, as far as the 'do goes...

Now, ladies and gentlemen, A.D.D.

Now.

Of course not. Who said life was fair?

Of course.

Oh, crap.

Oh, dude, this is that thing they were talking about on Stern.

Oh, get a job!

Oh, God. Okay, all right, Fish?

Oh, God. Okay.

Oh, good, you changed it, because Add really blew.

Oh, I'm gonna be responsible, all right...

Oh, Indiana.

Oh, my God, Kerr. You killed him.

Oh, my God, they just called again. They want that joke back.

Oh, my God. He was like a jet plane.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna get that checked out.

Oh, my God. They're lip synching.

Oh, my goodness. That was great, guys. Unh! Give it up.

Oh, my...

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey, buddy. Hey, man. What a coincidence, huh?

Oh, right.

Oh, thank you. I'm really flattered, actually.

Oh, there was talk of you guys opening for Whitesnake...

Oh, Trash, Trash, it's Fish. Fishy. Fish and chips.

Oh, uh oh. Look out, everybody. Genius at work.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Oh, whoa. Curtis, 1991 called. They want their teenage angst back.

Oh, wow. Mattie, oh, it was so incredible.

Oh, yeah, if by awesomely sweet, you mean a horrific train wreck...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you a fan? I mean, how could you not be, right?

Oh, you're serious. Oh, wow. Okay, I'm sorry.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. What is that?

Oh...

Okay, perhaps last night he was a bit ostentatious...

Okay, what's your point, Matt?

Okay, yeah. He said he won't open for Vesuvius.

Okay? We have gotta cut loose.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Good luck with that.

Okay. I'll try back.

Okey dokey.

On your left, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

One of those ones I've been looking so hard for.

One, two, three, four!

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Ooh.

Or streak up and down the bus, or take a nap.

Out of nowhere, we're singing and humming the tunes. Why?

Ow, ow, ow. My carpal tunnel. Okay, put me down.

Ow! Ow!

P. A: Clear the hall. Vesuvius coming through. Vesuvius coming through.

Phew.

Playing this gig...

President of the label wants his nephew in the band.

Pretty cool.

Pretty much, yep.

PRINCIPAL: A.D. D, ladies and gentlemen. A.D.D.

Promised Land is my song. I came up with the title.

Pulled the skin from your faces...

Rats?

Really? If you hadn't been such a jackass, I wouldn't have to be here.

Really? You? A rain check, huh?

Relax. I figured you guys could just practice with Paul.

Rent...? No, no. I was...

Right between the guitar and the bass.

Robby, you know I love you...

Robert Fishman.

ROBERT: I'm busy.

ROBERT: Ow! Robert!

Robert?

Rock 'n' roll.

Same floor and everything.

Save some room for my drums, baby...

Say the words backwards.

Screw these people. It's a free show, dumbass. You don't have a choice.

See you guys. Rock hard.

Seriously, we need to stop this right now.

Set up. Come on.

She's the one sitting over there in the blue T shirt.

Shorties, and I decided to call it an early night tonight.

Shut up, Paul.

Shut up, Stan. Get out of my house, Robert.

Sing it.

Sing!

Slam dance!

Smile? No smile?

Smiling is for the weak.

So have you heard? Matt got into MIT.

So I don't want you to listen to a word he says, okay?

So I wanna say to you right now...

So I was wondering maybe if later you'd wanna get a bite to eat.

So I've taken four webcams...

So sweetie, what time is your mom picking you up?

So this is supposed to be a guitar.

So true. I don't understand it, but that's heavy, man.

So what happened to the old S.W. band? Why'd you give it up?

So you'll be on your feet...

So your choice.

So your dad took off when you were just a little kid?

So, Fish.

So, what brings you to the House of Lee?

So, what do you think, huh?

So...

Some people carry a rabbit's foot, I rock a pocket of puke.

Somebody threw this at me, and it's got a telephone number...

Someday one of these bad boys will have your name on it, C note.

Sorry.

Sorry. You know what? I'm sorry.

Stage dive.

STAN: Just had dinner with him. LEON: Get out of here.

STAN: Matt. Violet, Matt, stop it.

Stop. Stop.

Studio 3.

Sure. Yeah. I'll tell Mattie.

Take care, kiddo. You're a rock star. Whoo!

Take it easy? Thanks, the Eagles.

Take this.

Talk about your missed opportunity. Imagine if he was still in Vesuvius.

Testing, testing.

Thank you very much. You have a great night.

Thank you, Stan.

Thank you. You're closed?

Thanks, Fish.

Thanks, Mr. Lee.

Thanks.

Thanks. My left ankle is making a pretty serious clicking noise.

That allows me to slide wherever I care to go.

That is the moment we knew we were gonna be huge.

That makes sense. Last time I saw you, you were building a robot.

That needs to be fixed.

That was eight years ago, when I was 10.

That, my friends, is what happens when you're a rock star.

That's a mother I'd like to make sweet love to.

That's a nice suit.

That's like 500 albums.

That's my brother in law.

That's pretty great, right?

That's the sound of the money truck backing up to your door.

That's... This guy's hilarious.

The big chair...

The magic of rock 'n' roll. Come on, where's my posse?

The magnetic but tormented lead singer...

The mixing board...

The phone's been ringing off the hook with offers.

The soundproof glass window. The giant headphones.

Then I like to rest and unwind a little bit. Please move.

There he is. I don't recognize you with clothes on.

There it is.

There they are. Woo hoo! A.D.D. Ha ha!

There, okay? Now you've had the experience.

There's a lot of biz buzz on you back in Hollyweird, my man.

There's just one hitch.

There's no need. It's a done deal.

There's the cutest little jazz club...

There's two things in this world I do not trust when they're wireless...

These people came here for live music.

They want you to replace Fish.

They were adults! You're an ad... They were adults.

They were mouthing your words. You were good, Fish.

This is how you pay me back? By being a drunken, irresponsible, drunken...

This is it. This is what it's about, living our dream.

This is really, really important to me.

This is what being a rock star's all about!

This just isn't working for me. I'm sorry. I think it's time...

This little puppy...

This thing on?

This, my friend, is called the drive test.

Those are on me, and those are imported.

Those girls are a dime a dozen. That is why you are in this band...

Those were some great moves, by the way.

Thought we weren't supposed to use the V word in front of Uncle Rob.

Tomorrow never comes.

Too loud is not in my vocabulary. How dare you?

TRASH [IN ENGLISH ACCENT]: Gobsmacked, eh?

TRASH: Who?

Trust me. I know.

Trust me. One track, you're gonna be hooked for life.

Twenty years of What if...?

Uh, Curtis? Honey? Your play date's here.

Uh, okay. The shirt that reads I heart Matt in rhinestones?

Um, so are you familiar with the term PILS?

Um, we were wondering if we could buy you guys a beer or something.

Unfortunately, they are not of age. Fortunately...

Wait, I get it. You guys don't know what it means to go on tour.

Wait. My name is on the list?

Wait. So we're on in five minutes? Seriously, five minutes?

Waited in line two hours last night to get it. Supposed to be amazing.

Wanna get there before all the good T A l L is taken, know what I'm saying?

We are doing it. We're living our dream.

We are gonna be huge!

We are playing the Tiger Room in Fort Wayne, Indiana...

We are through the looking glass, amigos.

We are through the looking glass, amigos.

We can spell.

We got an Ashlee Simpson situation here.

We have not yet rocked Akron.

We lost him.

We need a drummer, okay? And you play the drums.

We need Fish.

We see beyond the gimmick of the naked drummer.

We're finishing the tour.

We're going behind bars, man! This is awesome.

We're gonna be signed. We're gonna be signed.

We're gonna bodysurf you on out of here. Come on. Let's go.

We're gonna bounce that down.

We're gonna hang out in the studio a couple weeks, do more recording...

We're gonna look for new management.

We're hitting the road.

We're not gonna sell him out because some rich kid...

We're not the same without him. You know it.

We're on the Internet. On the Internet.

We're talking an album, a tour...

We've kind of exhausted all our other options, so...

Well, as it happens, by coincidence, it was the new album...

Well, even though he's a genius, he's an idiot.

Well, I'm not exactly sure...

Well, the cyanide and razor blades are in the glove box. Help yourself.

Well, there's a crazy mojo working with Mr. Dark and Broody there...

Well, usually, Curtis's little friends call me Ms. Powell.

Well, you know what? Look at me now, day job!

Well, your body's changing.

Well? You ready?

What did I say about raining on my parade?

What did you just say?

What do you say?

What do you wanna do next?

What have we got to lose?

What if I said yes already? Where does that leave us?

What is this, Full House? Are you kidding?

What is wrong with you?

What? This music is great, and I can prove it.

What? We rocked the balls off that place!

What? Yeah! No, hold on. Hold on.

Whatever. I just need you to do a little babysitting...

Where is Jeremy? I swear, I am gonna kill him when he shows up.

Where's the girl?

Who could that be? Guys, this is your new drummer, Paul.

Who wants to play some crappy school dance anyway?

Who writes these songs, anyway?

Who's this geezer? Why do you have British accents?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! It is not a good idea to go out there.

Whoa.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Yes!

Why do you guys have British accents?

Why don't we turn this frown upside down?

Why would we do that? I'll tell you why. Because the songs kick F ing ass.

Why? Because A.D.D. has a gig.

Why's everybody being quiet?

WOMAN 1: You suck.

WOMAN: Do not tell me that this was about them.

WOMAN: No. Well, now you have. Ow.

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo!

Woo hoo! Rock and roll. Thank you, Cleveland!

Wow! All these years, wearing a suit to the office.

Wow.

Wow. That heat is tremendous.

Wow. That's... Five minutes. Eye of the tiger.

Yeah, Fish, having a laugh.

Yeah, great.

Yeah, I didn't pay taxes in the '90s.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess for me, it's always been more about the music.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's a guitar. It's really fun. Do you wanna play?

Yeah, so am I in?

Yeah, that would be great.

Yeah, there we go. All right.

Yeah, U2! I love you.

Yeah, we were kind of looking for someone...

Yeah, with 20,000 Vesuvius fans just chilling on the driveway.

Yeah, you only come by when you need something from my mom.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! What a show! Come on. Mattie, chest bump.

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right, I gotta go. I'm in a tremendous amount of pain.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah. I'll be in my office.

Yeah. It's sweet, huh?

Yeah. Put a safety pin in my T shirt and I'm a badass. Good times.

Yeah. The camera and food, right? If you like that, you're gonna love this.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. These songs need to be heard, man. Seriously!

Yes. Time to party hearty. Hello.

You are an adult. I mean, technically.

You are not allowed to drive...

You are such an idiot.

You can do what you want. I just think you might want to start to take it easy.

You can take away the wheels and his right to free speech...

You can't cancel the t... Lower my voice.

You can't cancel the tour.

You could see A.D.D. there with a really good seat between the guitar...

You don't ask your parents for permission to rock.

You don't turn your back on family.

You feel me, Jack?

You going to ask to hear something every time you see me writing?

You got a good thing going.

You got a good thing going.

You got an opportunity to capitalize on this YouTube thing.

You guys are sweet.

You have already made it to the promised land, okay?

You have integrity. You inspire me. You're like 6, and you inspire me.

You have no idea.

You have no idea. I'll see you guys.

You have to go backwards for me to make it forward, get it?

You just print up a fake flyer on Photoshop...

You just ruined that show and you're never playing with this band again.

You know what else? A.D.D. just landed itself a new bricklaying drummer...

You know what I mean? I think it's time we put him out of his misery.

You know what this is. This isn't real. In real life, I am Curtis's mom...

You know what?

You know what? I just realized I'm not in this hotel.

You know what? You're right. Yeah. No, he stays. Good call.

You know, I'm sorry. I just don't date my son's friends.

You know, if that's the look that they want, they should just...

You know, verse, chorus, verse, chorus. You've heard the song.

You know, we don't stop. We don't stop for anything. We just...

You know?

You know? He's sloppy and stupid, and he's full of life.

You know? It's just icky.

You know? So you got my vote.

You look like Miss Saigon.

You mind if I sit?

You miss what you never knew.

You never even moved forward. You didn't give being an adult a chance.

You never remember my birthday. You called me Max until I was 11.

You put my kids through college.

You rocked it.

You said you didn't have it figured it out either.

You shouldn't be chasing something you're never gonna get back.

You stay until you get back on your feet, huh?

You think The Beatles went to their mums and dads:

You think we should open for Vesuvius?

You traitors!

You Tube sensation A.D.D. have gone from total unknowns...

You wanna hear the new Vesuvius?

You want my advice?

You were better than Kurt Cobain. You're like Hurt Cobain.

You were mean and manipulative, and you completely forced him out.

You!

You'll be safe, right?

You're a monster.

You're back already, huh? How were the smallies?

You're doing it.

You're embarrassing me in front of her. Just be respectful.

You're familiar with the term MILF?

You're gonna have more ladies than Jay Z got Mercedes.

You're gonna need two dicks.

You're gonna shoot a music video.

You're hysterical.

You're just living in some moment that happened 20 years ago.

You're looking to score. I can respect that.

You're so wet.

You're welcome.

You're... You're very well proportioned.

You've been a pretty terrible uncle over the years.

You've got attitude, you've got edge...

Aah! ALL: Oh!

All right, band meeting. Okay. Huddle up.

All right, just put it on. Okay. Okay.

Amelia? AMELIA: Just go away.

And hit this so you can get extra points. I love this song. This song is awesome.

And you call yourself my nephew. He's right.

Blue. Blue.

Can you hear us? Is this working?

Come here. Ah, ah.

Come on. Come on. All right.

Come on. Hey. Hey. Hey. What?

Cool. All right.

Damn it, Rob. Which is terrible, by the way.

David Marshall, Matchbook Records. Hey. Kim Powell. I'm Curtis' mom.

David's right. Thank you.

Definitely a fast runner. I didn't know how fast he was!

Deodorant. Buses. Chicks. I'd just rather not.

Devil's Nursery rocks. AZIZ: Look at those faces.

Did you just sneeze on my face? No, that wasn't me.

Did you just...? Lucky charm.

Do you have a girlfriend? Ha!

Do you sleep with your eyes open? No, I'm fine.

Don't be so mature. You want my advice?

Don't you do this. Well, I do.

Drama. FISH: No!

Excuse me? How dare you call yourself a musician?

First sound check. Yeah.

Fish. Listen to me. And I'm eating manna...

Fishman. You all made bail. Yes.

For good reason. This isn't a joke to me. You think it is to us?

Good job. This part's gonna blow people's minds.

He came up with the name Vesuvius. Yeah, he's great.

He's a big drummer boy. I'm the mother, you're the child.

He's right. People are digging... I don't care if you're selling out arenas.

Hey, are you guys sitting down? One second.

Hey, that's right. Fishy.

Hey, wh... Sorry, Uncle Rob. Were we too loud?

Hey, what did the label say? Let's start with some beers first.

Hey. Can I? Sure, come on in.

Hey. Fish! No, no! I can't do it. I won't do it.

Hoo hoo! All right.

How? Let's ride.

How? Thank you. The fans.

I bet he can still play. Yeah, but he's ancient.

I break up with you. What?

I break up with you. l... No.

I can't hear you. Hey. Guys. Guys.

I decided we were. Guys, we should discuss this later.

I didn't know you were staying here. Yeah, I love this place.

I do. Abandonment issues.

I don't have any better ideas. Okay, fine. Go talk to him.

I don't think that went too well. What a baby.

I don't think we're that desperate. He was an original member of Vesuvius.

I don't trust Drummer Boy... What?

I interrupted you. You just said what I was gonna say.

I know. Oh, that's good. Watch out here.

I like that. It feels really good. What do you guys think?

I love you. I'm so proud of you. Love you too.

I should have been a naked drummer! Absolutely. Here's the dealio.

I told that idiot stylist not to brush it. Let me see.

I'd like to get back to work. How many songs in that book?

I'll go talk to him. No, no. Just sit. I'll do it.

I'll go too. Oh, be quiet, Stan.

I'll see you guys in the Hummer. Go.

I'm gonna be so sick. A little pre show ritual.

I'm gonna be so sick. A little pre show ritual.

I'm gonna hop in the Hummer. Good idea.

I'm kicking your ass is what I'm doing. You're not even.

I'm kind of... You know? You sure? I don't care.

I'm not gonna get in that thing. That is a nice ride.

I'm sorry. I just can't. Hey, what's wrong?

Imported. Sounds like good news, right? BILLY: Or bad.

In your dreams, pal. Sis, come on.

It's a camera, it's not a mike. I can hear you.

It's called Bitter. Butter?

It's late. We're tired. You're like a bunch of grandmas.

It's Xbox. Whatever.

Last night it was both. Gross. Leave me alone.

Let me see that. Hey, hey. A.D.D., you were amazing.

Let's go. Come on. You're a bad man.

Let's keep up this energy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Like, his stride was really big. Yeah, really big.

Lisa, come on. Give the guy a break. Thank you, Stan.

Matt, where is he? He said he would be here.

Mattie? I trust you. MATT: Yeah?

Mattie's right. I mean, he would have. MATT: He would've done it in a second.

Ms. Powell? Mm hm.

My friends call me Fish. Fish.

Nice haircut, by the way. Thank you.

No way, man. I told him he's out. MATT: You can't deny it.

No, my mom's not gonna let me go. FISH: Listen up, kiddies.

No, seriously, if you've never heard... Seriously, I'm not interested.

No! Yes.

No. Okay. Sure.

No. Don't stare. I'm not staring.

No. No, this isn't happening. Listen to me.

Not bueno. MOTHER: And?

Not feeling like a rock star. I'll go talk to her.

Oh, all right. See you later. Okay. All right.

Oh, dude, you gotta hear this. No, I don't.

Oh, God. Okay. FISH: Okay, here we go.

Oh, now, that was classic Vesuvius. Billy.

Oh, there we go. Shh. Oh, God.

Oh. STAN: That's my boy.

Oh... ...wondering what I would say to you...

Okay, I'll go. LISA: What?

Okay, Tomorrow Never Comes. This is sick. Fish.

Okay? Okay.

Okay. Lisa?

Okay. Now listen to me.

Okay. Okay? Follow my lead.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Well, you know, I got...

Ow. Ooh, I'm sorry.

Phone! ROBERT: Jeez.

Prom is in two days. Not for us, it's not.

Really? Yeah.

Really? FISH: Oh, yeah.

Right. Yeah. Kids are in the back.

See? I look like shit, okay? Go away. Listen, it's just hair. It's no biggie.

So and you're his older sister? That's very flattering. No, I'm his mom.

So any luck getting us a gig? Yeah.

So fast. Fast runner.

So long, Mattie. So long...

Sweet! Oh, my God.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks. That's good stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, yeah. No problem.

That was kind of awesome! It's gonna be all right.

That? Okay. Yeah.

That's your uncle. That's my uncle.

The only way he'd ever get to go. STAN: Hey.

The song's pretty g... Taking a little noodle break.

These are some great lyrics. Thank you.

They so lack vision. Cut! You moved too much. Okay?

This guy! And this guy!

This is some... Who is she?

This Paul thing is good for us. Are you kidding me?

Try Tomorrow Never Comes. Curtis, are you watching this?

Uncle Fish has got you there, big fella. MATT: So moist.

We can hear you. Okay, let's do this.

We're like a family. No.

Well played, my lady. Shall we?

Well, it's short. What?

What about the church retreat excuse? What's that?

What are you doing? That's good.

What are you guys doing? Just telling Big C here the game plan.

What are you talking about? I'm just saying...

What do you say? A band's a family.

What is happening? Excuse me, Kip?

What was that for? To shut you up.

What? What were you gonna say?

What? You heard me, Curly Sue.

What's going on? Go ahead.

What's he doing? FISH: From the bridge. Let's do it.

What's this for? For the rats.

Whatever. I could ask my uncle.

Where's the girl? Don't hold your breath.

Which one is she? She's sitting at the bar, in the blue.

Whitesnake, man. Dude, I love that band.

Whoo! Yes!

Whoop, whoop! Whoop. KIM: See you.

Will you be okay? Yes. I'm gonna be fine.

Woo hoo! First venue. CURTIS: All right.

Yeah, I hear that. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a song. Let's hear some.

Yeah, well stand up. I got great news. Okay.

Yeah! Ow!

Yeah! Bouncing it down! Whoo! What does that mean?

Yeah. And you can have it, gratis.

Yeah. Now we're a rock band.

Yeah. So my name is on that list.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah!

Yeah. Yeah!

Yeah. Go have fun. CURTIS: Come on, let's go.

Yes? Listen, can we call this a day?

Yes. That's what I'm talking about! CURTIS: That rocks.

Yes. Yes! Our band is sweet. No!

You all right? Yeah, top of the world.

You are delusional. You got that right, sourpuss.

You don't listen to me. We're a band and we stick together.

You have a tattoo. KIM: What? Where?

You know what that sound is? Anybody? No.

You may never get this chance again. Come on.

You miss what you never knew. It is? You like it?

You recording? Yep.

You said drunken. I know.

You stole my car, Robert. I topped off your fluids.

You think they'll like us? We're gonna make them like us.

You were in a band? Mm hm.

Zammit's Metal Racking. Hello, Zammit's Metal Racking. What?

... and a sold out tour in just three short months.

... real time virtual network.

... then interfaced our computers to create a non delayed...

... to a top 10 album, a number one single...

... vermillion times bigger than you!

... Vesuvius.

...a date back at the club with a couple of shorties, so...

...a little closer to our age, but thanks.

...a pregnant 17 year old lead singer...

...an e mail address, and it's big.

...and bass. And the bass. Best seat in the house.

...and blew the doors off with Devil's Nursery.

...and don't rain on my parade, okay? Because I'm living my dream.

...and feel, I don't know, something.

...and having the lottery ticket ripped up in front of your face.

...and he's not gonna take it?

...and his name is Fish.

...and I can't play prom.

...and I know you think you're getting past it...

...and I'm walking around in the desert for 40 years. I'm Moses.

...and I've wanted to engage her, but I just get so nervous.

...and it is awesome.

...and me likey.

...and now I'm making up for lost time.

...and out of this house in what, about a week?

...and passed out in the locker room.

...and rock the world for the rest of eternity? No!

...and so maybe, possibly...

...and that is phones and marionettes.

...and the universe keeps shoving Vesuvius back in my face.

...and they are not. Because you have looks and personality.

...and treated myself to some human carpaccio or face jerky.

...and you are... Oh, you are just a guy who won't grow up.

...because A.D.D. needs a sloppy ass Robert Fishman type drummer.

...because Baby Huey over here isn't responsible enough to be an adult...

...because Fish's Age of Rage has begu...

...because you brought me here. Uncle Rob, we don't need...

...because you have a tattoo, but you're a mom.

...blast the music, and feel like we're on top of the world...

...breaking the ice with, you know, the ladies.

...breaking the ice with, you know, the ladies.

...but I don't want him to spend the rest of his life thinking, What if...?

...but I never thought I would be standing here.

...but I think it had something to do with the fact that...

...but I'm gonna get a smile out of you yet.

...but letting you stay here isn't gonna solve your problems.

...but my annoying brother is hogging all the bandwidth.

...but sometimes opportunity knocks twice, right?

...but the guy's practically in a full body cast.

...but then they came back...

...but then we're humming the songs. It's the rope a dope.

...but this is not getting past it. It has been 20 years. Let it go.

...but you know what? Before I reveal said news...

...by Vesuvius.

...come out next month when A.D.D.'s gonna be doing a free arena show.

...coming off the crowd and feeding us?

...has a chance to play Q Arena in front of 20,000 screaming fans...

...how important it was for you and the band, he would have done it.

...I am double the legal limit for after show parties.

...I am the best sloppy ass Robert Fishman type drummer there is.

...I could get us a gig? I'd say you're full of shit.

...I don't know how to speak to a girl, other than you.

...I got a little carried away and out of control, and I'm sorry.

...I promise you that on the road, these kids will have an experience...

...I would have attacked you all like a fierce wolverine.

...in honor of their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Huh?

...is going to debut next Monday as the number nine video in the country.

...is probably the closest I'm ever gonna get to...

...is that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for them.

...it's kind of a buzz kill having you on the tour.

...it's mature that you approve of him hitting that sweet stuff.

...jump off the stage and twist both ankles?

...nor rent you my password to porn sites.

...on big slab l 5 round yardstick 40... Citizens band, huh?

...Saturday night. We are hitting the muh huh fuh ing road.

...show it to your parents, and you're at a show.

...so I will go.

...someday, my dad would hear one of my songs...

...stay as long as you want, and here's some cash so you can fix your car.

...take it from someone that's been at war with their hair.

...that I heard about so that I can learn about the Bible...

...that swooshes me around the studio.

...that you're cool with Fish banging your mom.

...the awkward, neurotic, super nerd... That's me. That's me.

...the kind of ironic, postmodern you know, punk girl...

...then strap in, young'uns.

...then we know we're onto something.

...then we've got something.

...they're calling our names. Come on. Let's roll.

...this went from being a band...

...to a little pub called Shea Stadium...

...to being you and some people behind you.

...unlike any they have ever experienced!

...until you reported your car missing. Oh, take responsibility!

...wants to play rock star. Forget it. All right.

...wasn't exactly what MTV was looking for.

...way up there for Mötley Crüe, behind the stage for Van Halen...

...we can still practice.

...we need to work on some things, including stage presence.

...we will never live down, then, yeah, it was super awesomely sweet.

...what I would do to you.

...with his performance style, but you can't deny the fact that he's got chops.

...with its thousands of mysterious buttons.

...with Uncle Fish at the kit, and let me run with it?

...you know, and meet other teenagers who share my interest in the Bible.

...you know, if he were in the band. We'd have it all:

...you will do this one thing for me.

...you'd have said yes.

...you'll get to play in front of 20,000 people.

...you've got pure, unfiltered badass ed ness. Yeah.

[AIR PUMP WHIRRING]

[ALL CHATTERING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

[ANKLE CLICKING]

[ANKLE CRACKS]

[BAND PLAYING PROMISED LAND]

[BEATBOXING]

[BOTH SINGING]

[BOTH YELL]

[BOTTLE SHATTERS]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[CLICKING TONGUE]

[CROWD BOOING]

[CROWD BOOING]

[CROWD CHEERING IN DISTANCE]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD GASPS]

[CROWD GASPS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYS CAVALRY CHARGE]

[ELECTRIC GUITAR TUNING]

[ENGINE STALLING]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

[FISH CHEWS AND MOANS]

[FISH GRUNTING]

[FISH GRUNTS]

[FISH GRUNTS]

[FISH SINGING OFF KEY]

[FISH YELLING]

[FISH YELLS]

[FOREIGNER'S FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME PLAYING NEARBY]

[FURNACE RUMBLING]

[GLASS BREAKS]

[GREAT ESCAPE PLAYING ON CD]

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[IN ENGLISH ACCENT] Hang on. Hang on. We know him, mates.

[IN ENGLISH ACCENT] Hello, Mum. Hello, Dad.

[IN ENGLISH ACCENT] No.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Give it up right now, daughter of Beelzebub.

[INAUDIBLE]

[KIM GIGGLES]

[KNOCKING]

[LAUGHS]

[MAKES BEEPING NOISES]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

[MATT SNORING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[PHONE RINGS]

[PLAYING BITTER]

[PLAYING BITTER]

[PLAYING GREAT ESCAPE]

[PLAYING IN YOUR EYES]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[SHUDDERS]

[SINGING BACKWARDS]

[SINGING BITTER]

[SINGING]

[SINGS BACKWARDS]

[SINGS BACKWARDS]

[SINGS FORWARD]

[SMACK] [JEREMY GRUNTS]

[SNEEZES]

[SPARSE APPLAUSE]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUMP]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[TOMORROW NEVER COMES PLAYING BACKWARDS]

[TOMORROW NEVER COMES PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[WHISTLES]

[YELLING]