Birdman (2014) Edit

A billion worldwide, guaranteed! You are larger than life, man.

A cat playing with a dildo gets more than that.

A douchebag's born every minute!

A film!

A little note.

A man becomes a critic when he cannot be an artist...

A pint of whiskey, please.

A poor...

A wistful distance, underscored by a gentle breeze...

About being humiliated out there!

Above them all.

Absolutely not.

Actors equity is a very strong union, sir!

Actors in position.

Actually, you did.

Adrenaline.

After a while, I made myself numb, so.... but my...

Alchemillas. Or something that smells nice.

All right. See you tomorrow.

All that matters is what she writes about us in 500 words in the times.

All you have to do is...

Amazing, amazing.

And all the people on board are, you know, crying.

And by the way, I'm not pregnant, so there's one thing not to worry about.

And he sent this back afterwards.

And he told me it was because he couldn't see her...

And he told me it was because he couldn't see her...

And he was yelling, I love you, I love you, bitch! What do you do with a love like that?

And here's the thing... you have four lines after that

And I didn't want to tell you this, but Martin scorsees...

And I just want to let you know that, no matter what happens...

And I keep waiting for someone to tell me I made it.

And I walked...

And I'm going to close your play.

And I'm thinking, oh, boy...

And the French ambassador's coming.

And the next time you screech...

And this... Is how long humans have been here.

And you know what? You're right! You don't!

And, let's face it, dad...

And, uh, this play is kind of starting to feel like...

And...

Annie? Clear the theater, send everyone to dinner and give me some lights!

Another blockbuster.

Anybody.

Anyway, like I was saying...

Are we good here?

Are you drunk?

Are you laughing?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? You seem....

As soon as we announced he was taking over, the advance doubled.

As you're probably aware, barthes said:

Ask her what he did after she left him.

Ask Nick. I want you to ask Nick if he thinks that's love.

Bang!

Bang!

Be careful.

Because when he got us out there...

Because you threw a kitchen knife at me...

Before people started to forget who was inside that bird costume.

Believe or not, this is power.

Birdman 4? You do birdman 4?!

Birdman, like icarus...

Birdman: The Phoenix rises.

Birdman!

Birdman! Hey, birdman, whooo, look at that!

Bleeding's the most honest thing he's done so far.

Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared...

Blood was spilled both literally and metaphorically by artist and audience alike.

Bones rattling! Big, loud, fast!

Break a leg, Mr. thomson.

Breathing in, I am calm.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Bring the curtain down.

But I think what you're saying is love is absolute.

But I wasn't.

But I'm not going away. You know I'm right.

But long after you're gone, I'll be on that stage...

But my body doesn't seem to agree.

But you didn't even see it. Did I do something to offend you?

By the time I got down to the hospital, this kid, this fucking teenager, was dead.

By the time we got to the hospital, the kid was dead.

By the time we were done with them, we just, you know...

Bye bye... And fuck you.

Call 911!

Callow. Callow is a label.

Can I tell you something funny?

Can we discuss this like two mature artists? What is the big deal about...

Can we not get hung up on knowing lines? Can we just work on this? Tear it apart?

Can you give me more of that? You know, fear?

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine? I'm telling you, this guy's heart was breaking...

Christ, what a nightmare.

Come on, people, don't be so pathetic.

Come on! Just do it!

Come on. I've been helping Lesley get off book for a month.

Come on. Just get the contract done. Please, Jake. I'll get the money.

Come on. Stand up!

Cool.

Could have been anybody, I guess.

Crazy, druggy, wise ass daughter, milf y wife with perky tits.

Creeps in this...

Cut it out! I'm serious, Mike.

Dad, what kind of... shut up!

Dad!

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad.

Dad.

Did you intend to shoot yourself!

Did you know farrah fawcett died the exact same day as Michael Jackson?

Did you replace my gin with water, man?

Do it again.

Do me a favor. Don't get your panties in a twist over a preview, like some rookie...

Do me a favor. For once in your life, honest to God, shut up for a minute.

Do what?

Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?

Do you know what this is? Do you even know what it is?

Do you know where to go?

Does anybody give a shit about the truth other than me?

Don't be a dick. Give me an autograph.

Don't call me Mike. Call me Mel.

Don't do it.

Don't fuck with me, Mike.

Don't hang up. Don't hang up.

Don't kill the messenger.

Don't make me feel self conscious about my marriage while my wife is sitting...

Don't worry about it. He's a handful, huh?

Don't worry... it'll be used to scoop up dog shit tomorrow.

Don't write anything. Why would you write anything?

Don't write what she said. I didn't put any baby pig....

Don't you ever worry that I'll give you a bad review?

Dude, you rock!

Dude. Seriously?

Ed! Eddie, Eddie, don't do that!

Ed?

Eddie, please, just... Just give me the gun.

Eddie, please!

Eddie! What are you doing here?

Entitled, selfish, spoiled children.

Even after I said to him, your wife's going to pull through, he was still depressed.

Even after I told him the wife would pull through, he was still depressed.

Everybody says, oh, Mike is so honest. Mike is so motherfucking truthful!

Everybody's back. Larry needs to see him for a fitting.

Everything. You've been doing a really good job, honestly.

Everything's the same, I guess.

Feed me a line.

First preview tomorrow.

Flames. Sacrifice.

For fuck's sake, just jump already.

For God's sake, are you getting drunk?

For what?

Forget about her.

Forget about the times... Everyone else has.

Forget the understudy. Cancel the first preview.

Fuck it. We'll make a comeback. They're waiting for something huge. Well, give it to them.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!!! Shut the fuck up!

Fuck you. Don't put me on the spot.

Fuck! They put him in a cape, too? I don't care.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fugitives are scared, you know? Fugitives are on the run.

Geraldine page. Helen Hayes.

Get a better one. Have some self respect. Please.

Get him out of here!

Get him the fuck out of my play.

Get off me. What are you looking at?

Get off!

Get the fuck out, you assholes!

Give me 10 minutes to grab my things, give me 10 minutes and we can... don't hang up.

Give me a minute.

Give me another one.

Give the people what they want... old fashioned apocalyptic porn.

Gladly.

Go figure that out.

Go out there every single night and pretend to be somebody else in front of all those people?

God, you look like shit, brother.

Goddamn it! The motherfucker hung up!

Good for you.

Good luck with that.

Good night.

Good. That's terrific.

Gravity doesn't even apply to you.

Great idea.

Handsome.

Happy? I'm fucking euphoric!

He beat the shit out of us. But at least when he was beating us...

He got a new nose! And if doesn't like that one, we'll get him a new one!

He has a thing for nuns in diapers.

He just woke up.

He said he has to be a redneck.

He shot himself in the mouth, but he screwed that up, too. Poor ed.

He shot the nose off his face!

He stole your front page. He's stealing your show. He thinks you're a joke.

He used to carry this .22. We lived like fugitives then.

He was fucking drunk, man.

He was in terrible shape. His head swelled to twice the size of a normal head.

He was never around.

He was ready to die for it.

He was right, though.

He'd call me at the hospital and say:

He'll be fine.

He's a Hollywood clown in a lycra bird suit.

He's an asshole.

He's an avenger.

He's doing the next hunger games.

He's doing the prequel to the X Men prequel.

He's not that bad!

He's playing you.

He's the actor we've been waiting for.

Here we go.

Here. Try these...

Here... I don't know what that is, just take it.

Hey, apart from that, uh...

Hey, aren't you riggan thomson? Holy shit, let me get an autograph.

Hey, birdman!

Hey, fellas, when do I start?

Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask! I don't even know him. What's your point?!

Hey, Jimmy, you got a smoke?

Hey, look, it's riggan thomson!

Hey, man, can I help you?

Hey, Sam! What did you feel like the night your father tried to kill himself?

Hey, Sam.

Hey, that's on me. She's a friend of mine.

Hey! Is this for real, or are you shooting a film?

Hey. What's up?

Hollywood's heading here, tabby.

Holy shi...! Where are your underpants?

How about that, huh? Did you see that coming?

How did he screw up shooting himself in the mouth?

How did we end up here?

How do you always manage to find a new way to humiliate me?

How do you do it?

How do you know the lines?

How do you suppose I do that? How...

How do you want me to do that?

How is he?

How'd you know I'd be up here?

How's that for truth, you dick?!

How's that going?

I am calm.

I am so tired of this. Is this water?

I can alter the suit, but we're going to have to make new trousers and shirts. And underwear.

I can tell, because you... I just want to give you a range.

I can't afford to listen to you.

I can't smell them.

I can't.

I can't....

I did the work, I raised the money and I arrange the press!

I did, actually.

I did, yeah.

I did?

I didn't know you were here tonight.

I didn't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I didn't think he could do Broadway.

I didn't want that baby.

I didn't want that baby.

I don't believe this. The unexpected virtue of ignorance?

I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't exist.

I don't feel threatened at all.

I don't have to be drunk to say what I think.

I don't know if drugs fried her brain or what...

I don't know, you seem abnormally calm.

I don't know... what do you think, boss? You want to do this with me?

I don't pretend out there. I told you.

I don't think it's high enough.

I drove out to...

I got a chance to do something right.

I got a play to do!

I got this little voice... Talks to me sometimes.

I got to take it. I got to.

I guess we make choices in life, and we choose to live with them.

I guess we make choices in life, and we choose to live with them.

I had to fight my way out of the water and went up to the beach.

I hate this job.

I just got out of rehab. It's the closest thing I get to a drug.

I just sat on the beach for a while, looking out at the ocean.

I just wanted to be what you wanted.

I just wanted to be what you wanted.

I just wanted to be what you wanted.

I knew what Mike was capable of and I brought him in anyway.

I know where to go.

I know. And you believed me.

I look like a Turkey with leukemia!

I love this city.

I love you.

I made it happen.

I mean, crying. Praying, right?

I mean, the plane was rattling and shaking.

I mean, what are we doing here?

I mean, who the fuck are you?! You hate bloggers, you mock Twitter.

I missed my last two periods.

I need it to feel real, okay? I need that intensity.

I need the money.

I only heard his name mentioned in passing.

I only heard his name mentioned in passing. I wouldn't know.

I pretend just about every place else, but not out there.

I really am sorry.

I really wanted to be a mom.

I really wish I hadn't videotaped her birth.

I rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital.

I said, motherfucker, are you threatening me? If I so much as get a letter from a lawyer...

I saw you in hothouse at the geffen. You were great.

I think he's drinking real gin.

I think it's really happening.

I think maybe I deserved it.

I think they're trying to remind us that that's all our ego and self obsession are worth.

I think we should cancel the preview.

I think you're saying love is absolute.

I thought I lost you, buddy.

I told them the first thing that came into my head.

I told you to stop, you fucking animal.

I told you.

I want to know something.

I want your shit out of the apartment.

I was a kid, in high school...

I was a shitty father, wasn't I?

I was drowning. I'm just not capable of...

I was fucking miserable.

I was in the moment. I thought you were, too. I'm sorry.

I was just trying to give you a range.

I was rolling around like a maniac in the sand...

I was up to my chest when I felt the first one.

I was watching you onstage and all of a sudden...

I wasn't even present in my own life, and now I don't have it...

I will never get that image out of my head.

I will.

I wouldn't know. You'd have to know the particulars.

I'd be afraid I couldn't get it up.

I'd pull your eyes out of your head...

I'd rather not talk about it.

I'll call his agent.

I'll fix the blood rig.

I'll take that as a yes.

I'm finished!

I'm fucking disappearing.

I'm glad you're an actor and not a writer, 'cause that was, like...

I'm going to destroy your play.

I'm going to get a vase for the flowers.

I'm going to go home.

I'm going to kill your play.

I'm gonna crab up on your ass and fucking choke you out!

I'm good. I don't need it.

I'm great, actually.

I'm happy! He's alive! My best friend is alive! And...

I'm just not capable of that kind of...

I'm Mike... Shiner.

I'm not a mental formation. I'm you, asshole.

I'm not even here.

I'm not even here.

I'm not even here.

I'm not fucking you! I'm riggan fucking thomson!

I'm not sleeping, like, you know... At all.

I'm not sure that I said thank you.

I'm pathetic!

I'm self absorbed? Look at you.

I'm sorry, what was the question?

I'm sorry.

I'm sort of hoping it was Lesley.

I'm sure you will...

I'm telling you, this guy's heart was breaking because...

I'm the one keeping this afloat!

I'm the wrong person to ask, he says, but what's the intention?

I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know him.

I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know him.

I'm the wrong person to ask...

I'm thinking of refinancing the Malibu house.

I'm tired, dude. I can't do this anymore, Jake.

I'm trying to do something important!

I've been reborn, brother. And I can see the future.

I've been so preoccupied with all the....

Icarus.

Idiot.

If anybody talks to you about it, it was an accident.

If I need to be drinking gin, who the fuck are you to touch my gin?

If she likes us, we run. If she doesn't, we're fucked.

If the 2nd act is half as good....

If this doesn't work out for you, you fuck off back to your studio pals...

If you want the face stuff, it's not open till tomorrow. What?

Ignorant, but charming. Now, you're just a tiny, bitter cocksucker.

In the days before Nick's depression started to eat away at him...

In the days before Nick's depression started to eat away at him...

Is blood coming out of his ear?

Is he breathing?

Is he fed up with the subject? Deflecting guilt over the marriage?

Is he up?

Is it any good?

Is it bad? Did you even see it? Let me read it.

Is it good or bad? 'Cause I really...

Is it true? Scorsese?

Is it true? Shiner?

Is it true? Shiner?

Is it? I don't know.

Is that a threat? What wheelchair?

Is that crazy?

Is that good or bad? Riggan!

Is that what I'm saying? Am I saying love is absolute?

Is that what this was?

It doesn't matter.

It is a tale...

It was a preview! Nobody gives a shit!

It was killing him.

It was love, Mel. To Eddie, it was. I don't care what anyone says.

It was tweeted by @prostatewhispers.

It wasn't all Dr. drew or anything, but that dude from American pie was there.

It won't be the first time I've been humiliated.

It'll be incredible! It'll be real.

It's a beautiful day.

It's a full house. We're sold out!

It's a little bit too much. I can tell, because you... I just want to give you a range.

It's a thing I have. I don't know, it's a gift.

It's actually going well.

It's also not true. See, I can pretend, too.

It's always we, brother.

It's comforting.

It's first preview tomorrow night. Let's get to work.

It's funny. I was sitting here, waiting for you...

It's going great out there. You're so good. I mean it. I really mean it.

It's going really well.

It's just been so crazy around here, you know?

It's just on a cocktail napkin.

It's like a candle burning at both ends, but it's beautiful.

It's my chance to finally do work that means something.

It's not important, okay? You're not important... get used to it!

It's pathetic.

It's the bird fucking man! Hey, come look at this guy!

It's the same.

It's your house... do what you want with it. Just be there for our daughter.

Jake, it would have been a disaster. That guy's the worst actor I've ever seen.

Jason robards. Marlon Brando. And now riggan thomson.

Jeremy renner! He was nominated. The hurt locker guy.

Jesus Christ!

Jimmy!!

Jump!

Just because I didn't like that ridiculous comedy you did with Goldie hawn...

Just find me an actor... a good actor. Woody Harrelson!

Just find me someone.

Just make it go away.

Just one picture! Kids, get next to him!

Just put the gun down, ed. She doesn't love you anymore.

Just put the gun down, ed. She doesn't love you anymore.

Just sign it.

Kind of scary, but it is comforting.

Knock, knock, knock! Terri! Terri!

Lackluster. That's just a label.

Larry? Larry?

Last chance for places.

Leave her alone. If you're not drunk, don't talk like you are.

Leave me the fucking tools that I need!

Lesley? Uh, Lesley's moving on.

Let me put the blood rig on.

Let's go. Come on. Get up.

Let's go. Walk.

Life is but a walking shadow,

Like you said...

Lilacs.

Listen, what I said...

Look at all these roses.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me. I was drowning.

Look at that!

Look at that.

Look at these people, at their eyes... they're sparkling.

Look, I'm the wrong person to ask. I only heard the man's name mentioned in passing.

Look, you're my attorney. You're my producer. You're my best friend.

Make it work with one line. I didn't even know the man. Right?

Marginalia? Are you kidding me? It sounds like you need penicillin to clear that up.

Maybe not to you or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral...

Maybe.

Me, neither.

Me, too.

Me?

Measuring your worth in weekends?

Mel and I had been together five years...

Mel, don't get him started.

Michael fassbender.

Mike who?

Mike, come on.

Mike. He said it's for his character... part of his process and that shit.

Mine, too.

Miss Dickinson.

Mr. roth? Okay, don't leave, please.

Mr. shiner.

Music out. Cue 34, 35 ready.

Music.

My father was a mean fucking drunk. You understand?

My little sister....

Neither of them has clean underwear.

Never mind.

Next, an exclusive interview with Robert downey, Jr...

Nice touch.

No amount of booze or weed or attitude is going to hide that.

No, absolutely not. That's why...

No, I don't...

No, I get it, I understand. She needed to have a dad...

No, I mean here. Now.

No, I'm actually not. You do look hideous.

No, I'm good, I'm good.

No, no, forget that. Just stay with me.

No, no, no. Me, too.

No, no, no. You did good. Are you kidding? You did great.

No, no. I'm getting hard... feel that.

No, she's just going through...

No, um... when I was in rehab, they made us do this.

No, we can't, Mike! Maybe up here, you're Mr. truth...

No, you don't. That's what previews are for.

No, you were....

No, you're birdman.

No.

No.

No.

No. It was how he tried to make up for it...

No. Okay, okay. Everything's too small.

Nobody gives a shit but you!

Nobody? My massive hard on got 50,000 views on YouTube.

None of this costs you fucking anything.

None of this even matters. I don't exist. I don't exist.

None of this even matters. I don't exist. I don't exist.

Not because I didn't love Nick, and not because I didn't love the idea of it, but because...

Not because I didn't love Nick, and not because I didn't love the idea of it...

Not really.

Nothing is a problem for me onstage.

Nothing matters until that old bat from the New York times comes opening night!

Nothing, just try to fuck me in front of the audience!

Nothing.

Nothing. Two years, and he's never said anything like that to me.

Now go out there and do what you were born to do.

Now I spend every fucking day...

Now I spend every fucking minute praying to be somebody else. Somebody I'm not!

Now I spend every fucking minute trying to be something else, something I'm not.

Now is it true you've been injecting yourself with semen from baby pigs?

Now two million people agree with him.

Now you're about to destroy what's left of your career.

Now, please, do me a favor, I'm begging you... don't fuck it up!

Now, you're the director. Get him under control.

Oh, can we take one picture!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Really?

Oh, great. Great.

Oh, honey, can't we just go to dinner?

Oh, I didn't expect you to just jump right in.

Oh, look at me! Look at this! Look, look, look!

Oh, my God! You know who that is?

Oh, my God.

Oh, no! That's the thing... I'm the wrong person to ask. I think it's, fuck you.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shoot. I'm sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, you really fucked up this time.

Oh, you're such a doll. Thank you. You're so sweet.

Okay, hang on. Who is this barthes guy? Which birdman was he in?

Okay, he's fucking terrible.

Okay, I don't even know what the fuck that means.

Okay, I'll do it.

Okay, let me think.

Okay, listen. You're going to get hit with a brandishing a weapon charge.

Okay, Mr. roth, please hear me out. Will you?

Okay, then jump on my face!

Okay, well, I just wanted to say that.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay. But you don't even know if it's any good or not.

Okay. Look.

Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

On my back, it was like somebody was holding a frying pan to me and really burning.

One million, three hundred thousand hits in the last 2 hours.

Or do I take it off and use it on you?

Or not.

Or not.

Our perfect dream actor is not going to knock on that door and go,

Out! This is a personal matter! A personal matter!

Out... Out....

Page 12. Page 12.

People would've wanted to see that.

Pimple faced gamers creaming in their pants.

Poor ed, my ass! The guy was dangerous!

Popular? I don't give a shit.

Pretty good. Yeah, I'd be a lot better if I could get...

Put the gun down. She doesn't love you!

Ralph will sue us. He will sue us and he has a case.

Ralph, Ralph, Ralph.

Read it.

Read it.

Real blood.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? What is it?

Remember our last anniversary party?

Riggan thomson, best known as the face of birdman, tries not to lay an egg on Broadway.

Riggan, everyone's set for 1 4. They're ready for you.

Riggan, I'm missing him.

Riggan, listen to me. Please, for the love of God, listen.

Riggan, they're ready for you.

Riggan, this is what you wanted.

Riggan, we are in the motel. Last scene has started. You're not here.

Riggan, you don't have to be a great father right now. You just have to be one.

Riggan!

Riggan?

Riggan.

Right before he did it, his eyes were so sad and lonely.

Roland barthes was a French philosopher, and if you knew anything about the history of...

Sadly, it was with Mike shiner on a fake motel bed in front of 800 people.

Sam and I are going to grab a bite after she's finished.

Sam... Lesley.

Say something else.

Say what you want, but I know what it was.

See? There you go, you motherfucker.

Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery!

She does look like she licked a homeless guy's ass.

She does. Yeah. She can even sit or stay or roll over, if you have any treats.

She has a great ass. I have news for you, too.

She's trying to stay away from everything and everyone

Shit.

Shit.

Shut the fuck up. You don't get hard on my stage unless I tell you to.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up! Fuck you! Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up and listen to me for once!

Shut up! Shut...

Shut up.

Shut up.

Sir, you can't go in there!

Sir, you did not pay me!

Sir! Sir! Where are you going?

Sir! Where are you...? Sir!

Sixty's the new thirty, motherfucker.

Smart girl.

So break a leg.

So carver's the reason you became an actor?

So I went up to the mouth hole and I asked him.

So I'll tell you what. You take this fucking...

So I'm going to work with the chicken.

So we took the old couple up to the O.R.

So we took the old couple up to the O.R.

So what's happening?

So you wrote your own lines, huh?

So you're not a great actor. Who cares? You're much more than that.

So, each dash represents a thousand years.

So, I went up to the mouth hole and I asked him.

So, who are you?

So?

So...

So...

So... I'll go, uh, do that.

Some drunk kid plowed his old man's pickup...

Son of a bitch, your days are numbered!

Son of a bitch.

Sorry. You're right.

Stop saying we!! There is no we!

Stop smiling. You're freaking me out.

Stop that shit!

Stop viewing the world through your cell phone screen! Have a real experience!

Take a look at page 20.

Take it easy, ed. I know this is hard.

Take it easy, okay? I know this is hard.

Tell me something.

Tell me. Why do I always have to beg people to love me?

Tells me the truth.

Terri, I know you're in there!

Terri!

Thank the lord and pass the biscuits. I finally have an actor to dress.

Thank you for an honest performance. Ray carver.

Thank you for coming out. Thank you. We're expecting some great pieces.

Thank you.

Thank you. I appreciate that support.

Thank you. Your ass is great.

Thanks for coming in on such short notice, Mike.

Thanks for stopping by.

Thanks, Tommy.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

That all say the same thing. I didn't know him.

That clown doesn't have half your talent...

That didn't seem to be a problem for you onstage.

That got her into rehab in the first place.

That guy's an asshole, huh?

That looks nice. Anything but roses.

That means something to who?

That smell.

That was a little too much. It was a little too much.

That was a present from the crew. Don't fuck with them... they're union.

That was amazing!

That was interesting.

That was just me...

That was kind of sweet.

That was p.T. Barnum's premise when he invented the circus...

That was...

That wasn't an accident.

That's a joke, right?

That's a label, too. These are all labels. You just label everything.

That's a shame.

That's amazing. You don't look anything like each other. What do you do?

That's fucking horrible, man. I'm sorry.

That's going over to Ms. Dickinson.

That's going to be Sam's house.

That's good bird, man!

That's good. Give me my cue again.

That's great.

That's how you got me into this shit!

That's not love and you know it. Why do you insist on calling it love?

That's pot. Relax.

That's right, I was... I was just fine.

That's Sam, my daughter.

That's so fucking lazy. You're a lazy fucker.

That's sweet.

That's true. I haven't read a word of it, or even seen a preview...

That's truth.

That's what you always do... you confuse love for admiration.

That's when I knew I was going to be an actor. Right there.

That's why they call them previews. That's where you figure out what the play is.

The blood that has been sorely missing from the veins of American theater...

The button's on the bottom.

The cultural work done in the past by gods and epic sagas...

The husband, the old man, was depressed for the longest time.

The kind of love I'm talking about, you don't try to kill people!

The kind of love that I'm talking about, you don't...

The man was crazy! He was capable of anything!

The money came through. I just need to transfer it into the account.

The one who looks like she licked a homeless man's ass?

The only opinion that matters in New York theater is hers.

The only thing that's real on this stage is this chicken.

The point is, you don't know the guy. We fucking get it.

The reserve is gone!

The studio will call, we're going to get book deals... you'll see.

The truth is always interesting.

The water was full of jellyfish.

Then I'm just standing here with my cock out.

Then we should ask her to leave.

There are things more pathetic than that.

There is a three block line of people waiting for you.

There it goes. I'm sorry.

There's a distance to it all now.

There's nothing in here about technique, about structure...

There's nothing in this milk carton! Your performance is fake.

These are people who pay half price to watch us rehearse. Stop caring.

These dashes represent the six billion years that the earth has been around.

These people don't know what you're capable of.

They drive me fucking crazy.

They have coffee here.

They love this shit. They love blood. They love action.

They talk about Ralph? He did it. The motherfucker did it.

They were all over me.

They're laughing at me.

They're lighting candles for him in central park. Turn on the TV.

They're praying for him all over the country. He did it. You did it!

Things that are happening in a place you ignore...

This is a big leap you've taken.

This is a hospital!

This is about being respected and validated, remember? That's what you told me!

This is Broadway. And I'm here, finally.

This is carver! He left a piece of his liver on the table each time he wrote a page!

This is exciting.

This is good. You want some?

This is it?

This is my town and to be honest, people don't give a shit about you here.

This is the kind of review that turns people into living legends!

This is the theater, sweetheart. Don't be so self conscious.

This is what I do. You wrote this adaptation?

This is what you wanted, wasn't it?

This is what's left! I'm the answer to a fucking trivial pursuit question!

This is where you belong.

This isn't a backlot, riggan, this is New York City. This is how we do things.

This isn't the '90s anymore.

This play cost me everything.

This play is going to last forever. It's going to open in London, Paris.

This play's a drama. It's about...

This set is fake, the bananas are fake.

This stage has belonged to a lot of great actors, but you are not one of them.

This. This. What is that?

Thomson has unwittingly given birth to a new form, which can only be described as...

Threatened to sue us.

To be fair, you make it really easy.

To be honest, I didn't give a shit.

Tomorrow's my first opening night on Broadway.

Tonight they were laughing, tomorrow they'll be tweeting. Who cares?

Tonight was about seeing if it's even alive, if it can bleed.

Tonight wasn't bad.

Too much? It's a little bit too much.

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Twenty little leopards laughed at two lofty lions.

Twenty little leopards laughed at two lofty lions.

Twenty little leopards laughed at two lofty lions.

Under the bed at home, I think.

Wait. Will you fucking wait?

Wait... you know my lines, too?

We all should be ashamed when we talk like we know what we're talking about...

We are not dead.

We are.

We can't afford to lose any more money and we can't afford to lose Mike.

We can't afford to lose any more money.

We don't belong in this shithole.

We gave it away.

We had it all.

We handed these poseurs the keys to the kingdom.

We have a full house. Jake just told me.

We have no actor. And if we cancel the preview, the press will smell blood.

We have to start from scratch with less than 24 hours.

We lived like fugitives then.

We should have done that reality show... the Thomsons.

We were the real thing, riggan.

We'd have made great parents.

We'll use Meg Ryan's guy. Who cares?

We're gross.

We're pursuing financial remunerations for the injuries...

Well, feel free to take the script up until you feel comfortable.

Well, get dressed. Riggan's daughter is hanging around... she might walk in here.

Well, guess what? There's an entire world of people

Well, I didn't know, but I kind of hoped maybe.

Well, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry.

Well, I know how much this means to you.

Well, I'm a fucking actor.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm popular.

Well, she is a little... Something.

Well, thanks.

Well, that's a fucking lawsuit.

Well, this is the theater.

Well, you know, there's you, there's Jake, the masseur wore a condom...

What about you, Nick? Does that sound like love?

What are we doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing? Homework?

What are you doing? Where are you going?

What are you going to do, replace me?! Get fucking Ryan gosling or some shit?!

What are you still doing here?

What are you trying to prove? You're an artist? You're not.

What are you writing, a review?

What are you, 78?

What do we talk about when we talk about riggan thomson?

What do you have to do to get a job these days?

What do you mean?

What do you think I should do?

What do you think my friend Tabitha will do to you in the times, you fucking dilettante!

What do you think?

What do you want me to say? My health lasted longer than the money.

What for?

What is it? Look at me. Look at me!

What is that?

What is the worst thing that he did to you? Seriously.

What is wrong with you? He tried to...

What is wrong with you?!

What kind of flowers did you want?

What part of this don't you get? You're dead.

What pictures?

What the fuck?! It's like my head was a jar of bolognese!

What the hell did you do that for? I liked that poster.

What the hell happened?

What the hell was going on up there?

What?

What?

What? Hey, no, wait. Look, look, I'm sorry. Can we just...

What? Hey, what?

What? That's the best you've been.

What? What?

What?! You've got to be kidding.

What'd he do now?

What's going on?

What's so funny?

What's so funny?

What's the matter with me? Why do I always have to beg people to love me?

What's wrong with me?!

What's wrong?

When I imagined myself on Broadway, I never saw the dancing reindeer.

When we first met, you made a comment about my ass.

Where are you going?

Where are you going? The understudy'll be here.

Where did you read that?

Where is it? I can't believe this.

Where is Lesley?

Where you going, man? Was that too much?

Who fight to be relevant every single day!

Who tells coy, slightly vomitous stories on letterman.

Whoa! What the hell is going on?

Why are we talking about...?

Why aren't you saying anything?

Why did we break up?

Why did you do that?

Why do I always... Beg people to love me?

Why do you care? Point is, I made it go away.

Why don't I have any self respect?!

Why don't you get your wings and your bird suit?

Why must actors have to resort to this?

Why not?

Why would somebody go from playing the lead in a comic book franchise...

Why would you do that?! We were onstage!

Why would you...? For this play?

Why?

Why? I just want you to tell me why.

Working with riggan thomson's like waltzing with a monkey?

Would you mind having a picture with us here?

Would you mind?

Wrestling with complex emotions, 'cause that's what we do.

Yeah, but fake miserable. Hollywood miserable.

Yeah, good, right?

Yeah, I guess you're right...

Yeah, I'm going to lay down.

Yeah, I'm having a beer.

Yeah, it is. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Yeah, it's fantastic, except for one thing.

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah, this is what I wanted.

Yeah, well, I mean...

Yeah, well, I wasn't...

Yeah, you! What else is new?

Yeah?

Yeah? I mean, so what? That was it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And the new pope, too.

Yeah. Good.

Yeah. The kind of love I'm talking about is....

Yeah. Yep.

Yes, he is. But tomorrow night at 8:00...

Yes, I'm drunk. I'm supposed to be drunk! Why aren't you drunk?

Yes! Yes! The kind of love that I'm talking about, it is absolute!

Yes.

Yes. Okay, yeah! The kind of love I'm talking about is absolute.

You are a God.

You are doing a play based on a book written 60 years ago...

You are lame, riggan...

You are...

You better get back to your seat.

You can do it.

You can't get it up in six months and now you want to fuck me in front of 800 strangers?!

You could jump right back into that suit, if you wanted to.

You deserve to be loved, Eddie. You do.

You deserve to be loved, Eddie. You do.

You deserve to be loved, Eddie. You do.

You didn't see what I just saw.

You don't even have a Facebook page! It's you who doesn't exist!

You don't get to come here and pretend you can write, direct and act...

You don't, do you?

You don't, do you?

You fucked with the period, you fucked with the plot so you'd get the best lines.

You fucking prick.

You get that mongoloid look when you're hung over.

You got 80,000 followers in less than a day.

You got it.

You had a career, dad, before the third comic book movie.

You have any idea the people who have walked on these boards before you?

You haven't seen her. She's always around, watching everyone, like little miss creepy.

You headed to Hollywood, Mike?

You just wiped out the entire human race.

You know I'm proud of you, don't you?

You know what I mean.

You know what I'm talking about.

You know, before you come tomorrow night.

You know, I don't think this is for me. The whole....

You know, I've always dreamed of being a Broadway actress...

You know, it's great.

You know, the last time I flew here from L.A...

You know? Boom.

You know... Just the three of us.

You look so old in person.

You make them jump, laugh, shit their pants.

You mistake those noises in your head for true knowledge.

You motherfuckers, this is a hospital! Get the fuck out of here!

You never know the particulars. I think what...

You nobody piece of shit!

You nobody piece of shit!

You occupied a theater which might have been used on something worthwhile.

You okay, man?

You people are full of shit!

You ready for your last preview?

You really don't give a shit if people like you or not.

You risk nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing!

You said it was a sunburn.

You save people from their boring, miserable lives.

You seem sort of....

You spent your life building a bank account and a reputation... and you blew 'em both.

You sure it's mine?

You suuuuck!!

You think he'd do it?

You threw all the guests out of the house and you threw all the furniture out the window.

You told them the first thing that came into your head? Right.

You tower over these other theater douchebags.

You want me to call somebody for you?

You want to fool around with me?

You want to get on your knees and unbuckle my belt,

You went to rehab?

You were fine.

You were really good, cabrón.

You wouldn't believe the crowd outside. They said some people paid up to $500 a ticket.

You write a couple paragraphs, and you know what?

You wrote a few changes and mumbled, you self absorbed prick.

You'd have to know the particulars.

You'd have to know the particulars. Particulars sounds like my grandmother.

You'll find out.

You're a lazy...

You're a little bit crazy. You should start using that onstage.

You're a movie star, man!

You're an actress, honey.

You're an asshole, Jake!

You're an asshole.

You're beautiful and you're talented...

You're beautiful and you're talented...

You're becoming a trending topic.

You're doing this because you're terrified, like the rest of us, that you don't matter.

You're drinking?

You're fucking, so fucking annoying! Shut up!!

You're happy about this?

You're just going to stand there?

You're kind of a great mess.

You're Mr. natural. Mr. fuck the scene just stare at my massive hard on.

You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Let's be clear on that.

You're not farrah fawcett, riggan.

You're not funny!

You're not kidding.

You're not ready yet. That's fine.

You're saying what? You're saying love is absolute.

You're such an asshole!

You're the original. You paved the way for these other clowns.

You've been hanging around here...

You've been what?

You've got to be shitting me. Where is it?

Your costumes are hanging in your dressing room.

Your gun is ridiculous. I can see the red plug in the barrel...

Your stage? Let me tell you something.

Your zipper's down.

150,000 years.

350,000 views in less than an hour.

...a serial killer. Or Justin bieber.

...and dancing midgets! You can't say midget anymore.

A lot. A lot, exactly! Fuck you. Yes!

About what? About your being special.

Almost there, buddy. Last preview. Okay. Cool.

An accident? An accident.

And I love Sam. I know.

And you did it, okay? I know.

Are you excited? Yeah.

Are you finished? No.

Are you fucking kidding me? No.

Are you... Okay? Why?

Aren't you scared at all? About what?

But it's a full house! We'd have to refund... just do it.

By Tabitha Dickinson. Read it out loud!

can I make a suggestion? Do you mind? No, not at all.

Can I sit down for this? Yeah, sit. Good idea.

Come on, what? You're drunk.

Come on. Yeah.

Did I do something to disrespect you? Not yet.

Did you have to treat him? I didn't have to, but I did.

Do theater critics love him? They want to spooge on him.

Do you need to...? No, it's fine. Just sit here for a second.

Do you talk to her? Yeah, we talk.

Does he sell tickets? A shitload. Ask me if the theater critics love him.

Don't do that thing where you... make it about me? Never!

Ed? Why?

Ed.... I don't exist.

Feed me a line. Okay.

Fuck you! No, fuck you, you coward.

Get up! Ow! That hurts!

Give him whatever he wants! It's four times what we paid what's his name!

Go into the reserve. It's gone! We spent it on fog and fake trees...

Good. Thank you.

Happy? Yeah.

He's good, huh? He's incredible.

Hey, is she okay? She'll be fine.

Holy shit. When can I meet him? He's with Larry now.

Horrible. We'd have been... ...Awful. We'd have raised...

How about Jeremy renner? Who?

How are you, Larry? Better now you're here. Take off your clothes.

How can you be so calm? What are my other choices?

How do you know Mike shiner? We share a vagina.

How do you know? He told me.

How you doing? Good. Great.

How'd it go? Good.

How's Ralph? He'll be fine.

I don't care. Yes, you do! You care.

I hate roses. And you hate roses.

I have a lot riding on this play. Oh, is that right?

I have a Twitter page? Yeah, I set it up today.

I have to go shopping again. Just sew something, you old fuck!

I know you're caught up in all this stuff, but... stuff?

I know. It was weird, but it was kind of cool.

I might have said that. You might? Come on, let's go.

I remember. Locked yourself in the bathroom.

I think we need to talk. No, no.

I thought he was doing the thing... he quit. Or got fired.

I want him gone. No!

I want to ask another question. You already did.

I will call the police. No, you won't. Let's read your fucking review.

I'm a theater actor. I don't give a shit. You care.

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that. Okay.

I'm going to Starbucks. Want anything? I'm good.

I'm sorry, what? As a method of facial rejuvenation?

I'm thinking of refinancing... no, I heard you. I just need a second.

Jake. Yes. Ask me if he sells tickets.

Leave me alone. You were a movie star, remember?

Lesley? What?

Let me look at it. It's done.

Let me see. No way. You look hideous.

Let's play a game. A game? What are you, eight?

Let's really do it. Let's fuck. No, are you crazy?!

Listen... no, you listen to me!

Mike fucking who? Shiner.

Mike's available. Mike who?

Mr. thomson. Steve.

No, I didn't do it. Okay, I'll write you're denying it.

No, I won't. Okay?

No. And you never will.

No. You said dare.

No. No. 'Cause my father was.

Not a bad first act, huh? Not bad at all.

Okay? Okay. Yeah, yeah, I can be ready. I can be ready.

One more. Go ahead.

Or not. Ouch!

Out in front of the theater in ten minutes! Don't overthink it.

Pretentious, but happy. I wasn't happy.

Really? I'm going to scare the shit out of them.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yes!

Right on his face. Everything for a reason.

Right there. ...Right there.

She brought me down. And stayed?

Shut up! Eddie, please!

shut up! Just don't do anything stupid.

Shut up. More than this piece of shit.

Something soothing. It all smells like fucking kimchi!

That would've been good. Shut up!

That's a second question. It's a second part.

That's all she's had, so she's confused. Yeah, I get it.

That's not true. I know, but did you do it?

That's, uh.... Tabitha Dickinson, yes.

The sun bed is here. What does that mean?

This is not important! It's important to me!

Truth or dare? Dare.

Truth or dare. Oh, come on.

Truth. No, it's too late.

Truth. No.

Truth. You're boring.

We cannot do that! Of course we can! It's our show!

We got the cover of the arts section! Fuck the arts section!

We hired an understudy. Use him. No.

We're not drunk. We're having a few drinks. Exactly.

We've got a put in tonight. Who?

Welcome aboard, Mike! Thank you, captain.

Well, I'm thinking. Fuck me hard. Just give it.

What are you doing here? Just tell me why.

What are you doing? I don't want to look at this anymore.

What are you doing? Nothing.

What are you doing? Posting a photo of you on your Twitter page.

What are you doing? Waiting on Larry.

What is this? Chunky peanut butter.

What'd you say? Me?

What's my point? Yeah, what are you saying? Spit it out!

What's wrong? He's an asshole.

Where are we going? To get you coffee.

Which is it, quit or fired? With Mike, it's usually both.

Who is this guy? He used to be birdman.

With the play? You saw what. No. You and Sam.

Wow, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm just kidding.

Yeah, like? That moustache.

Yeah, really? Yeah, I think people liked it.

Yes! Jake.

You find another actor? No.

You fucked Janet rossbach in our bed. Skip over that part.

You have Sam. Not really, I don't. I mean, she's....

You think he'd come in this evening? I'll call and find out.

You're riggan thomson, right? Sorry to interrupt.

You've had more than a few. What, are you counting?

...a miniature, deformed version of myself that just keeps...

...A vigil for actor riggan thomson.

...about intention. It's just a bunch of crappy opinions...

...all of our yesterdays...

...and all of a sudden, I couldn't remember why we broke up.

...and an hour later, were telling me how much you loved me.

...and comic strip characters.

...and dive back into that cultural genocide you guys perpetrate.

...and don't tell me how to do my job.

...and I don't know how many times I've heard I love you, but it wasn't until that night...

...and I never intended to tell him.

...and I'm lucky to have you. Okay?

...and I'm never going to have it.

...and instead she got this guy who was a...

...and look around, so I could see the street the way I used to when I was your age.

...and nothing has changed. You guys know if you crank out toxic crap...

...and put them in my own skull...

...and the sound of birds...

...and then is heard...

...and tomorrow,

...backed up by even crappier comparisons.

...because he couldn't turn his goddamn head to see his goddamn wife.

...but after the opening tomorrow,

...but in the real world, where it counts, you're a fucking fraud!

...but just because I wasn't ready to love myself.

...but to me... God, this is my career!

...but we will eventually, because that's the only way I'll get a chance to say I'm sorry.

...but you can't.

...by constantly trying to convince me that I was special.

...crying.

...did not mean I did not love you.

...earning my living, baring my soul,

...following me around and, like...

...for a thousand rich old white people...

...from day to day...

...full of sound and fury...

...george Clooney was sitting two seats in front of me...

...grasping at the last vestiges of his career.

...had a car wreck, out on the interstate.

...hallmark...

...have lighted...

...he couldn't turn his goddamn head and just look at his goddamn wife.

...he had no idea I was pregnant...

...he never knew I was pregnant, and I never intended to tell him.

...he wasn't thinking about taking us out to his toolshed.

...he's going out on that stage and risking everything.

...he's the fucking man of the hour.

...hitting me in the balls with, like, a tiny little hammer.

...I guess the question we should ask ourselves is...

...I just wasn't ready to love myself.

...I missed the moment, really.

...I thought it was a pretty fun crowd, huh?

...I'm not a Broadway actress, I'm still just a little kid.

...I'm really grateful to you.

...if I ever give you a bad performance.

...in an 800 seat shithole like this.

...in your own propaganda piece without coming through me first.

...is casting his new film, and.... Don't tell anybody.

...it'll explode into millions of eardrums.

...it's going to be Clooney's face on the front page, not mine.

...Malibu.

...malicious, cowardly...

...no more!

...of recorded time;

...one hour till curtain. Why don't you rest a bit?

...oprah...

...people will line up and pay to see it!

...petty pace...

...player...

...Ralph to stop, you know, acting.

...right into their camper.

...rolling around with that poncy theater fuck...

...shittily written review and you shove it right the fuck up...

...signifying nothing!

...since I was a little kid. And now I'm here, and I'm...

...so you look like a kid with a plastic toy when you point it at me.

...straight into the water.

...super realism.

...that barthes said....

...that bastard would smile and say:

...that has already forgotten about you!

...that struts and frets his hour upon the stage...

...the next morning, when Sam looks at the paper...

...the press is getting pictures off your computer.

...the same way a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier.

...the way to dusty death.

...the wife, through the eye holes.

...They're fucking in a motel room.

...through most of the night.

...through the eyes. Couldn't see his wife.

...to adapting Raymond carver for the stage?

...to battle the impression you're a washed up superhero?

...to even attempt real art.

...to the last... Syllable...

...told by an idiot...

...trying to be somebody I'm not!

...trying to make yourself invisible behind this fragile little fuck up routine...

...want a times feature, which is the worst idea right now.

...was depressed for the longest time.

...what's going on with you?

...when we talk about love.

...who's busy following up his billion dollar iron man franchise...

...whose only concern is where to have cake and coffee afterwards!

...with a nice pair of cufflinks and that fucking chin.

...with the equally successful avengers series.

...without a raging fire or a raging hard on. I'm broke.

...wrapped them in full body casts.

...yeah, I'm pretty sure it's yours.

...you are not doing this for the sake of art, you're doing it to feel relevant again.

...you don't try to kill people.

...you had that goofy look in your eye and you just...

...you want to know about real love, there's this old couple...

...your wrinkly... Tight ass.

'Cause...

$6.50.