Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law - Season 1 Edit

A few months ago during the Adventure of the Sunken Safe Deposit Box...

And any enemy of Dr. Quest is an enemy of mine because ...

And because someone is the genetic parent of the child...

And his shoes suddenly had laces when up til then they'd always been slip ons.

And how would you describe your relationship with them?

And I don't see why biology should get in the way

And programmed it, your honor, to get the boys...

And separating them by weight, we should see...

And that happens this very day!

And that man, your honor... is in this very courtroom

And when I'm not working on my projects...

And you?

As in ... time in doing what?

At last we meet again!

Avenger, call Dr. Quest in [caw]

Avenger, my personal digital assistant

Bannon

Bannon

Bannon

Bannon. Bannon. (beep beep)

Because they were hitting a small white spheroid with a cudgel

Best parent?

Birdman!

Bootylicious? Yes, your honor?

Bouncing it off the tractor beam housing of all things!

Boy, that went well today

Boys, um.... your father and Race were... buddies

But first... I need to speak to the boys.

But he throws like a girl. Both so did Martina Navratilova...

But it was clear to me that Bannon was the primary care giver.

But maybe I should have made more time the boys.

But now they're not. Understand?

But that doesn't mean she wasn't macho in many other important ways

But they have taught me so much more. They've taught me to care, to nurture...

But where would he have gotten one of those, huh?

Could you be so good as to tell us what you witnessed?

Do you push that and then you leave it down?

Do you really want to feel him?

Doctor... doctor... Zin.

Does that make him the one best fit to raise said child?

Dr. Benton Quest.

Dr. Quest, it's a pleasure. [caw] Ahh!

Dr. Quest... tell us a little about your relationship well...

Drink your juice box

Drinking cold American beverages

Executive ball clicker

Fascinating.

Forgot my keys... oh.

Get ready to feel the power... of attorney!

Go on, Bill. Nice job, Bill!

Harvey Attorney! Habeus Corpus! Marvey Attorney!

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law ...

He's my traveling companion

Hey ya know he's my dad

I can't think of how he could have done it...

I did see him talking to Dr. Zin the other day

I do, your honor

I don't know Benton. I guess I think of the boys as my own.

I have to tell you, Zin's robot was perfect.

I hired him to look after the boys ...

I owe Dr Quest very much

I owe Dr. Quest very much big time

I said I'd live on to defeat you...

I think it's time you gave him another chance.

I treasure them. I love them dearly.

I want you to know that your father loves you both very much

I wonder if you actually ever could think you ever possibly spent enough...

I'd like to call to the stand...

I'd say a celebration is in order

I'd say I'm a good father.

I'll take the case!

I'm going to step right up and toot Mr Birdman's horn

I'm taking the boys, Benton

I'm their bodyguard and tutor.

I've a mind to kick your little ass...

I've raised them and I think it's only fair.

It doesn't seem like Race.

It is not that simple.

It was Mystery of the Lizard Man, right?

Junga! Junga hungry! Jungry hungry!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today ...

Like a way of accelerating particles to subsonic speed...

Lizard man, lizard man, and uh... lizard man.

Look what you've done to my damn tractor beam housing.

Look, I don't understand why bases ball means so much to everyone.

Look, I knew that this might be difficult, so ...

Lord I'd had enough of you two!

Magic!

More decent than baseball?

Most desirable?

Most nurturing?

Mr Bannon, how long have you known the boys?

Mr. Bannon, how long have you known the boys?

Mr. Birdman? You better have a damn good explanation for this

Mr. Vultero, your witness.

My long time partner is challenging me for custody of my boys.

Next witness.

No no, wait a second, uh

No, let's see, I tried that one already...

Nothing further!

Now if you don't mind, in your opinion could you tell us who the best parent is?

Of course you do, Race. You're like a second father to them.

Oh drat! This confounded machine doesn't make any sense!

Oh, dear. Come on, Benton

Oh, god. I thought I had this right...

Oh, man ...

Oh, of course, their names. Certainly...

One minute, I'm a pennyless orphan stuck in a street sweeping caste ...

Ooh, Dr. Zin is Dr. Quest's archenemy

Opening arguments

Order! Order in the court room!

Order! Order!

Please call me Benton.

Quickly to the vulture craft!

Race ... Race Bannon.

Race and I met one night ...

Race mysteriously became left handed ...

Race owes Dr. Quest very much big time

Race, I can't believe I didn't remember you were on vacation.

Race... you're tired.

Ravi! Jimmy! Look who I have the video phone.

Right! Uh...

Right. From what I saw it was Mr Bannon who was with the children the most

Scotch, scotch. Scotch, scotch

See... the bartender that gave Race a drugged frozen lime daiquiri during the House of Tasteful Men

Shut up, you weirdo

Since I know he'll never do it himself

Since I know he'll never do it himself * I'm gonna have to sign off *

Sit down and shut your hole!

So what does this Mister ...

So... I stopped off at the liquor store and got a couple of magazines that I think will explain everything.

Sorry!

Stan, they're eleven. Right...

State your first name, last name and occupation

Stenographer, read back what I just said

Sure, Quest was there, physically.

Sure. From what I saw during Mystery of Lizard man...

Sure. Race works for my dad.

Take a couple of days... ow, ow.

Tell me, does Race have any new buddies?

Tell me, Mr Bannon... what do you have to say ...

Tell me, Mr. Bannon ...

Thank you, Dr. Quest.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Your witness.

That ain't right... (disco music) Get on up and move your butt

The Adventure Princess Yeti Snow Princess took a lot out of both of us.

The blond one who's name is...

The cat's in the cradle and the silver ball

The next, I'm on this really cool needly plane that goes really really fast

The sum, which equals surprisingly the mass of the atom...

There is important work to be done. To make things more decent.

They mean... they mean everything to me.

Things that a father does with his son ... s.

This is most inappropriate behavior on your part.

This man created a robot Race Bannon

Uh, Mr. Birdbath, bean bag ,whatever your name is...

Um... something about a Lexus

Umm... how do you make a T again?

Using just magnets for instance...

Vulturo, it was last week

Wave forms, constant rates Nothing further!

Way to go, Harvey.

We [mumble] people of the Quest family ...

We go on adventures together in steamy jungles and the like...

Well, four years, almost half their lives.

Well, four years. Almost half...

Well, Mr. Vulture... vulture? Vulturo...

Well, uh, yes, um.... well there's a blonde one...

Well, uh... I'm not sure. I see, you're not sure.

Well, uh... mmm, hmm.

What are their names?

What do the boys mean to you?

What do you have to say about this?

What do you have to say about this?!?

What if that's not good enough... being a second father?

Who's the cat with the beak?

Why yes, I think I have.

Why, Race, I guess.

With your boys

Would you mind telling me who taught them?

Yes, and well generally some of those would include?

Yes, I.. I lectured them several months ago

Yes, I'd say they definitely know how to play.

Yes, uh... What makes Mr. Bannon believe he has any claim on your children?

Yes, well... I've got a rather serious problem.

Yes, where Race? Tell us where uh

You're up, Mr Buttermilk

Your witness! Yes, your honor.

Boys. What's this?

Hello, Dr. Quest. Hey, Dad.

How long is she... He.

I don't catch your meaning. I want the boys, Benton, full time!

May I call you? ... Mr. Birdman.

... And there's not a damn thing you can do about it!

... And um, slip on shoes, and um...

... But as time went on, he became a second father to them...

... Dictating August 14 at 2:34 p.m. ... dictating ...

... I see.

... Other than using a life size body mold of you.

... Parents of these two adorable young boys

... Time with your boys?

... umm... dictating ... [typing] [pop] ... [click] ... [fart] [caw]

... was the same man who, judge, later dinged your Lexus and drove off without exchanging insurance information

... What I know in my heart must be true

... Would you mind telling me if Jonny and Hadji know how to play baseball?

(car alarm) (dog barking)

(excuse me) I've taught them how to drive a hover boat

(pause)

(rutabaga murmuring)

(ssh!)... How to tie a tourniquet

[buzz] Yes?

[caw] Ahh!

[gibberish]

[tropical birds chirping]

* A Dr. Quest to see you, Mr. Birdman. * Send him in.

* Hi, boys! *

* I put a Post it note on the fridge. You never read my post its. *

* I'm gonna have to sign off *

* That was the Ornithologist? The results were negative. *

* Um, hey fellas, guess what? Bad connection? *