Evan Almighty (2007) Edit

A flood? Rolling out.

Access is just a word you're using to hide what's really going on here.

According to my source, the show hasn't even started yet.

All right, boys! Let's go! Let's go!

All right, Eugene, Congressman Long's bill. What is it?

All right, everybody! Say escrow!

All right, see you later!

All right. So our little Marlboro Man moment didn't work out so well.

All right. Well, let's just start over.

ALL: Baxter! Baxter!

ALL: Baxter! Baxter! Baxter!

ALL: Change the world!

ALL: Change the world!

ALL: Escrow!

ALL: I pledge allegiance to the flag

ALL: Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Alpha and Omega Hardware?

Also, the new Congressional plates just came in.

An alpaca. They rarely spit at people unless frightened or abused.

An ark is huge! I don't even know where I would begin!

An increase in domestic commerce. If you happen to like those things,

And a shrimp's heart is in its head. Really?

And Congressman Baxter.

And Congressman Baxter's coffee habits?

And eight lots? What are you going to do with eight lots?

And I don't think the big man himself could do a better job. Pretty cool, huh?

And I get my own room, right? Yep.

And I know that with great power comes great responsibility.

And if anybody asks, tell them a flood's coming.

And it's in!

And Jordan was very precise.

And let me tell you something, you guys are gonna love this place.

And maybe a couple weekends after that.

And now you are going to hold my dishes.

And one more jackass.

And pulling the down payment out of your home equity? Very gutsy move.

And that I am now in a position of great power,

And that I am now in a position of great power,

And the adverse effects it may have on your bill?

And the next seven days, no showers, no storms.

And then passed out the surrounding lands to a group of private investors.

And they finally fixed the phones. My new extension is 614.

And to the Republic, for which it stands...

And when you finally show up you look like the fifth Beatle.

And when you were a little boy, you were afraid of Gumby.

And with the land use bill, he's gonna do the same thing with the national parks.

And you know what? I think there's something for our fishermen up there.

And you say we're going to have a flood?

And you're seeing live images of New York Noah's ark

And you're still sucking up.

And, by God, it's gonna happen. Now you look down there.

And, ultimately, man must

Are birds.

Are you gonna run with the pack or are you gonna lone wolf it?

Are you kidding me?

Are you okay? I'm fine.

As soon as you're feeling up to it, of course. You get yourself better.

Aviaries, sir.

Awkward!

Baxter's only a freshman, sir, but I think you'll find he is locked and loaded.

Beautiful, isn't it? I remember creating this valley.

Beautiful!

Because if I could be like one man, it'd be him.

Because the rain and the floods are coming.

Because we didn't leave our lives in Buffalo so you could sail the S.S. Depression.

Because you strike me as the type of guy who knows how to hit the ground running.

Birds follow you.

Board the ark! Save yourselves!

BOTH: Change the world!

BOTH: Leg power!

BOTH: We are hamsters!

Boy or girl? A little boy. And here he is.

Boys, will you excuse us, please? Your father and I need to have a little talk.

BOYS: Yup.

Build the ark.

Build your boat.

Building an Ark the Old Fashioned Way.

Busted.

Busy, busy, busy, busy. Nice meeting you. Take care. Oh, and...

But before we sign off, we'd like to congratulate our very own Evan Baxter,

But don't worry, sir, he's definitely not way mean.

But how...

But I got to get going, because, frankly, I have an ark to build.

But if you survive, they give you a bigger den. Have a seat.

But my husband says God told him to do it.

But today is the day! It has to be. This just doesn't make any sense!

But we got into this as a family

But what's interesting is how it got into private hands.

But you want to stop progress to save the Earth. Go for it.

But, Evan, we have to talk about the ark. It has to come down.

But, two by two, animals of all kinds are working with Godspeed to build this ark.

Bye guys Bye bye

Bye, guys! See you later.

Bye. See you. Good luck, honey.

Can I go to the bathroom? Me, too?

Can I tase him?

Can you at least tell me what you're building?

Care to join me?

Careful pulling out. Pedestrian in the crosswalk.

Cold today, huh?

Come on, BMIC, Big Man in Congress. Evan Baxter, the shark on the move.

Come on, Dad, why can't we keep him? I mean, we've got a new house.

Come on, Evan, be reasonable. You got to get rid of that beard.

Come on, Evan, this is it! This is why we came here!

Come on, let's go.

Come on, Rita!

Come on.

Come on. I mean, a beard? A beard's so dirty.

Come on. Just let it go, just let it go.

Come on. We're in here!

Coming right up.

Congratulations!

Congressman Jenkins, Congressman Whitehall, Congressman Freeman,

Congressman Jim Dodd, head of Ways and Means.

Congressman Long did this? Did you say neighbor?

Congressman Long eating your hot dog.

Congressman Long got the approval to build a dam

Congressman Long's assistant just dropped this off.

Congressman Richard Stamp, head of Commerce,

Congressman, I'm sure St. Francis would be envious.

Congressman, your name is being removed from this bill.

CONGRESSMAN: No, of course not.

Congressman!

Congressman!

Congressman! Hey, Marty!

Congressman! There you are!

CONGRESSPERSON: The flood.

CONGRESSPERSON: Will the Chairman yield?

CONGRESSWOMAN: I pledge allegiance to the flag...

Cover me up! Keep me dry! Cover me up! Keep me dry!

Dad, guess what? I got all your stuff packed up so that we can...

Dad, I don't think that's the rains.

Dad, we can do this, but we're gonna need some help.

Dad, what are you doing? I'm watching this.

Development means the advancement of jobs,

Dictate what happens in this country.

Did you fall in a mine shaft?

Did you just come out of a coma?

Did you say build a boat?

Do me a favor. Love me less.

Do the dance.

Do we have anything unleavened?

Do you have a point, Congressman?

Do you hear that? The rains are upon us!

Do you know what happens when one of these wolves decides to fend for itself?

Do you see him?

Do you smell anthrax?

Do you want to explain yourself, Congressman? What is going on?

Does God know he's going to get you fired?

Does this mean we're moving back home?

Don't worry about it, you guys. Come on, eat up.

Don't you dare take that ark down.

Dropped like a leaf during the Pledge of Allegiance.

Dylan, get back inside! It's too dangerous.

DYLAN: Dad, there's a note.

Dylan! Jordan! Check it out! Your mom's building an ark!

Dylan.

Eight pounds, 11 ounces.

Either him or Kareem.

Enjoy that office.

Enough already!

EUGENE: He was actually right.

Evacuate immediately! You have three minutes!

Evan Baxter! You have gone from newsman to congressman to caveman.

Evan Baxter. Born June 15, 1962.

Evan, even if it kept raining, it's not like it could cause a flood in a day.

Evan, faith will not fight this bill. The CINPLAN vote is today!

Evan, sit down.

Evan, talk to me.

Evan, that was brilliant. Risky, but brilliant.

Evan, think of the kids.

Evan, what happened to you?

Evan, what happened?

Evan, what is going on?

Evan, what is happening to you?

Evan, you did it. You built the ark.

Evan, you got to tell me these things. Think of the publicity angle on this!

EVAN: Baxter family, this is what's called a scenic vista.

EVAN: Careful, everyone. In the ark! In the ark!

EVAN: Come on, do the dance. DYLAN: I'm not doing the dance.

EVAN: Gentlemen, I have saved the best for last.

EVAN: Here it is! Welcome to the good life.

EVAN: Here we go. RYAN: Oh, my God!

EVAN: Keep it straight.

EVAN: Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes day one

EVAN: Pretty amazing, isn't it?

EVAN: These too heavy? It's all right? JORDAN: No, it's fine.

EVAN: Well, I guess they don't want to go.

EVAN: Wow.

EVAN: You guys all right?

EVAN: You psyched? Are you ready?

Evan?

Everybody! Please! Get on the ark!

Everyone, up the ramp! Onto the deck! Come on! Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Excuse me. Are you all right?

Excuse me. Can I get a refill, please?

Excuse me. Do I know you?

Fine.

First things first. I have been asked to junior cosponsor a bill.

Fish follow you.

Forget it! Many a man's been humbled by his first day in Congress.

From now on, let's keep the surprises to a maximum of, say, none. Understood?

G.

Gave that dog a home.

Gen 6:14.

Gene, plates, now. And Alex at the Buffalo office had her baby.

Gene! Heel!

Genesis 6:14.

Genesis 6:14.

Gentlemen, good to see you.

Gentlemen, I'm sure you're all wondering why I've assembled you here today.

Gentlemen, welcome. What an honor to have you here.

Gesundheit.

Get it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.

Get off the boat now or you will be removed by force.

Get on the ark! Everyone, on the ark now!

Get that ball in position! We're clearing them out!

Get the door! Get the door!

Give me a minute. Lets see if I can convince Noah

Go back to the Hill and show them that you can and will fight this bill.

Go crazy and build a gigantic ark.

Go find out where his license plates are. Everybody else, back to your holes.

Go to the car!

Go, go, go! Get on the ark!

Go, go, go! Get out!

Go, go, go! He tried to eat me!

Go, go, go! On the ark! Go, go, go!

God appeared to me and told me to build an ark.

God bless... Well, you. Okay.

God is the creator of the Heavens and the Earth.

God told you to build an ark? Yes.

GOD: Go four wood. Get it?

GOD: Until September 22, midday.

God? Does God know he's destroying our lives?

God? You talk to God?

God.

Going over Todd's Bill?

Good boy.

Good God!

Good job.

Good Morning

Good Morning

Good morning kitty Keep moving... break it up

Good morning, chief!

Good morning, chief. Good morning, Rita.

Good Morning, how are you?

Good morning, Rita.

Good morning.

Good. I'm introducing the CINPLAN bill in 2 weeks. C SPAN is covering it live.

Good. Maybe this young stud can help me get these old mares on board.

Goodbye, Evan.

Got it.

Got it. Pause. Come on, Evan, this is huge.

GPS: Huntsville, Virginia. Prestige Crest, four miles.

Gross!

Guess what? this weekend we're going on a Hike ing trip

Guys, Dad's very proud of his new car.

Guys, I can't let Long see me this way, okay?

Guys, I'm fine. I'll be inside.

Guys! Guys!

Guys! No, no! Get out! Get out! Oh, my hair!

Ha, ha, ha!

He is trying to get me fired!

He likes a morning latte with a cruller, a decaf espresso after lunch,

He met a dog. What do you think he prayed for?

He prayed for good visibility, good weather on the hiking trip tomorrow.

He said there was going to be a flood and that I should be prepared.

He thought it would be funny.

He's exhausted from reading that bill. I got woozy from just carrying it.

He's filling the boat with two of every kind of animal.

He's going to have to introduce it to the committee immediately.

He's thirsty. No, no, no.

Heaven's Evan, The Weirdo with a Beardo.

Hello, Congressman. Mind if I park my boat here for a little while?

Hello, I am Evan...

Hello, there. Hi.

Hello!

Hello.

Here they are!

Here we go. I got it. Keep it... That's it!

Here's a look back at his run for office.

Hey dad look! 2 doves that's supose to be good luck

Hey, Ahab! This is it?

Hey, anybody home?

Hey, Dad, an iguana can stay underwater for 28 minutes.

Hey, Dad, he's back!

Hey, Dad, I think there are more animals than yesterday.

Hey, fleabag, out of the way.

Hey, guys, what's the point?

Hey, guys, why the long faces? We're off on a new adventure!

Hey, hey, hey, good morning.

Hey, hon, save me one, okay? Okay.

Hey, I am proud of my new car. Look, I'm a politician now.

Hey, I wrote the thing and I have a few questions.

Hey, I'm the one who has to read this thing!

Hey, keep it down, you guys! Okay?

Hey, Long came through with that seat on the House Resource Committee.

Hey, Marty, what's up?

Hey, Mom. John Lennon, good to see you again.

Hey, putty tat.

Hey, who has opposable thumbs? Anybody?

Hey! A little help?

Hey! Hey! Hey! No. Okay.

Hey! When you're on my lawn keep it in your pot!

Hey. Did you hear? Junior cosponsor of a bill.

Hey. Hey.

Hi.

His name is Evan Baxter, but now he goes by New York's Noah,

Hmm?

Hmm?

Home, Canada. One or the other.

Honey, come here. Sweetheart, be careful. Come here.

Honey, did I miss something? How long have you been growing that?

Honey, I think you're blocking my photo.

Honey, the clouds are moving away.

Honey, the clouds are moving away.

Honey, you don't need to pray for that to happen. I will make that happen.

Honey!

Honey?

Honey?

Honey. We have to go. They're going to destroy the boat.

How about a little help here?

How are we gonna do this?

How did you get in here? I'm calling the cops.

How do I stand up with a piece of wood? Here we go.

How do we change the world?

How does it work?

How'd you know that?

Hurray... Yeeaa... high five it We're going on a hiking trip

I agree. I think we should get on the ark also.

I am a pack man, sir.

I am a U.S. Congressman!

I am going through adult puberty!

I am going to be so pissed.

I am happy, successful, powerful, handsome, happy.

I am successful, I'm powerful, I'm handsome, I'm happy.

I am successful. I am powerful. I am handsome.

I am, i thought about what you said and you're right, i need to get my head on straight

I can do this. Help!

I can make any sort of movement, and they will not get off!

I can't do that.

I can't shave, Marty. When I shave, it grows back out.

I couldn't agree more.

I didn't do that, did I?

I do because I love you.

I don't know what's going on, or what you're going through,

I don't know. Maybe I'll build a boat.

I don't see him.

I don't think you know the new kid Eugene Tennanbaum. I found him at G.W.

I feel like that old Indian in front of all the garbage.

I got a boo boo! I got a boo boo! I got a boo boo!

I got a delivery for Evan Baxter!

I have a draft of your support letter.

I have to do the new house dance.

I invite you to join myself and my cosponsors, Congressman Dodd,

I just deliver, guy, huh? You got a complaint, call the number!

I just wanted to say that I think Joan makes a good point,

I just wanted to say that I think Joan makes a good point,

I know this sounds crazy.

I know, sweetie!

I know! I know. Whatever you do, you do because you love me!

I like the alpaca. He spits.

I love that story, Noah and the Ark.

I love you. Thank you.

I mean, I picked it out, but you created matter and everything, so...

I mean, we should hang out socially. I just got a ping pong table.

I might need security. Thank you.

I need to finish the ark!

I need to settle into my house. I need to make a good impression at work.

I need your face back. I need you back.

I never thought this...

I now issue a new commandment,

I prayed we would become closer as a family.

I promised my kids... Eugene.

I really think I need to do this.

I see where you're going with this, Congressman. Good work!

I see you got my housewarming gift.

I set the alarm for 7:00.

I smelled a rat the second we got that office.

I think they want me to save them!

I think we can walk from here.

I think we should get on the ark.

I want you to build an ark.

I wanted you to see the original design.

I'd rather you didn't.

I'll be right back.

I'll get the door!

I'll tell you one thing, these birds had a nice big meal before they flew in here.

I'll tell you what. You build it, I'll fill it.

I'll tell you.

I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.

I'm bringing you into my land use bill

I'm building a boat. You're building a boat?

I'm building an ark.

I'm considered a bit of a storyteller myself.

I'm freaking out, because of the future just listen you just got a new job ...

I'm giving you one last chance. Repent.

I'm God.

I'm gonna give you one last chance. Take down this boat.

I'm gonna take them to my mother's. Evan, I think you need help.

I'm good.

I'm in the public eye, and as you know, when you are in the public eye,

I'm just stressed and you are gone

I'm just stressed and you are gone

I'm Marty Stringer. I'm Congressman Baxter's chief of staff.

I'm not doing this. It's insane!

I'm not freaked out, why would i be freaked out?

I'm not gonna turn you in to the principal. Mostly because I am the principal.

I'm personally going with whatever Congressman Baxter decides,

I'm...

I've been to church! And that does not sound like God to me.

I've got a letter of intent here about Congressman Long's bill.

I've seen this circus act before!

If Congressman Long wants to pass it this quarter,

If Evan got shot in the head, you're the first suspect.

If he gets any crazier, we may end up in the White House.

If he's not in that meeting, we're all out of a job.

If it hadn't been for the ark, my family, the neighbors...

If it were me, I would take all the help I could get.

If someone prayed for their family to be closer,

If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience?

If that comes out your front,

If the ark isn't finished by then, you will be.

If they pray for courage, does God give them courage,

If this flood really does happen, Evan help us.

If we give him water, he's just going to come back.

If we're going to stop this thing, you need to get down to Capitol Hill now!

In a nutshell, he is disgusting. Case in point.

In his support of this bill. Congressman, let me warn you,

Is it too much to ask for a little precipitation?

Is really not part of my plans here.

Is that a llama with a hammer?

Is that it?

Is that rain? It's raining.

Is that when it's going to happen? September 22, midday?

Is this curb appeal or what?

Is this, like, a midlife crisis?

It chooses to run with a pack.

It doesn't work!

It kind of stopped raining.

It might be something fun for the family.

It was clear cut from this valley to make room for all those houses.

It was just a weird ride in.

It was the kids.

It would appear Evan Baxter was right about the rain,

It'd be great in case it floods or something.

It'd probably be you.

It's 200, 300 years old.

It's a disaster. I don't know how to build something like this.

It's a pretty big job.

It's a wife thing, sir.

It's good to see you! Your hair looks great. It's very regal. Man, I love your hair!

It's just we're going to miss our friends.

It's named after him. It's the lake! It's the lake!

It's not that bad!

It's not time yet. Go on. Go on.

It's not? No.

It's September 22, and we're all still here.

It's their instinct.

It's time.

It's world changing time!

Jerks.

Joan, please, you gotta believe me.

Joan, please. I'm not doing this. It's not me. It's him.

JOAN: Evan!

JOAN: Honey, be careful! EVAN: Watch it!

JOAN: Honey? You okay? You need something?

JOAN: Never heard of them.

JOAN: No, please, no.

JOAN: Oh, my gosh.

JOAN: Packing, so it would really help me out if you would...

JOAN: What?

Joan!

Joan? I know you probably saw what happened, but I can explain.

JON: Guess this comes as no surprise to those who remember his campaign promise,

JORDAN: How's Buster doing?

JORDAN: That's our house?

JORDAN: This is perfect.

Just a minute. No, no, no, no. Dirty, dirty, dirty! Big one!

Just a walking petri dish, that dog.

Just as cute as a button. Not bad for such an ugly woman. Weighed in at...

Just go home, get some rest and start on that ark. You hear me?

Just hanging out with some old friends.

Just like Noah and his family. Everybody entered the ark side by side.

Just open the door!

Just trying to spice up the love life.

Just wanted to say thank you for everything.

Just, please don't make us do the dance anymore.

Keeping it fresh. Keeping it real.

Later, gator.

Leg power!

Let me ask you something.

Let me make you see what I'm talking about.

Let's do the dance.

Let's finish this sucker.

Let's get this bill passed, shall we, Congressman?

Let's just say that whatever I do,

Let's see if we can get some congressmen to follow you.

Leverage it up! Leverage. Okay.

Like skipping important building code checkpoints.

Like that?

Like the one you're sending with your bill?

Listen to me! The time has come!

Listen! Listen!

Long just called. He's on his way with the powers that be. Who are they, Gene? Talk.

LONG: All those in favor of the Public Land Act, please signify by saying, Aye.

LONG: And God is talking back?

LONG: At its heart, this bill gives private citizens access

LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please! These animals are trained!

Long's been sitting on it for ages...

Look over to the right. That is your new home.

Look, you got to cover for me. I don't want anybody to see...

Looks like the drought's finally over. Good news, eh, Congressman?

Lucky guess, Baxter. Lucky guess.

Lucky guess.

Make thee an ark of gopher wood...

MAN 1: As you can see behind me, New York Noah's prediction came true.

MAN 1: Good morning, Congressman Baxter. Hello.

MAN 1: Ladies and gentlemen, you don't have to go home.

MAN 2: Good morning, Congressman Baxter. Good morning.

MAN 2: Of course now, the question is, how will these animals be returned

MAN 2: We're not gonna make it!

MAN 2: We're wrapped. We love you. Thank you.

MAN OVER TV: There's been a flood at Prestige Crest

Man, if I get the bird flu, he is paying for my medical bills!

MAN: Careful!

MAN: Get down, you fool!

MAN: Hey, Baxter! Kiss your ark goodbye!

MAN: House Resources Committee is now in order.

MAN: Turn this thing around!

Marty, I told you, I will let you know as soon as...

Marty, will you comment on Congressman Baxter's change of appearance?

Marty, you are not the vice congressman. I am the legislative...

MARTY: Good morning.

MARTY: Those are rock star plates, man. You can park anywhere.

MARTY: You're building something?

MARTY: You're right on time.

Maybe he meant a flood of knowledge or emotion or awareness.

Me either.

Me, too. But can we keep some of the animals?

Me? I don't know. Praying just...

Might I ask who told you?

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Mom, can we go upstairs? JOAN: Yep.

Mother's Carroll Ann Parker. Father, Eugene Evan Baxter.

Mr. Baxter, could you give us some direction on these kitchen cabinets?

Must have the wrong address.

My hair grows longer every day. This robe... God sent me the robe.

My husband... Have you heard of New York's Noah?

Needs to dominate creatures

Never heard of it. Gene, here, now. Rita, why didn't you tell me about this?

Nice sound to that. I like it.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Congressman. Why do you have raw beef hands?

No, Captain Ahab! Your time has come!

No, I can't do that. Nope, nope, nope. Not gonna happen.

No, I heard you, Evan. The whole world heard you.

No, I wasn't.

No, it's pine and maple.

No, no, I didn't.

No, no, no. Oh, my gosh!

No, no! Get away, get away! Go!

No, no. No, this isn't right.

No, no. No. That's hilarious, though.

No, nothing. Just dropped something.

No, sir.

No, sir.

No, you don't! There we go.

No!

No! Hey! Listen! We are 416, not 614!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. It's 6:14.

No. It's a long story.

No. No.

No. Okay. No, no. No. No, no. No.

No. Please! You don't understand!

No. They said that couldn't happen.

No. You can't do that. Not looking like that. You have to go shave!

Nobody voted for you. If Evan gets shot in the head, you do not automatically...

Not as well as I'd like.

Not bad for a freshman dorm room, huh?

Not going to happen.

Not hungry.

Not in front of all those people. Don't say it. Don't say it.

Not now, Noah!

Nothing. Just sort of a weird ride in.

Notice how the mountains line up east to west.

Now, the locals fought this thing for years.

Now, you have to come to a decision.

O.K. God warned noah about the great flood was coming...

Obviously, the stresses of this office have proven too much for you.

Of course they are. I get it. You know anything about animals, son?

Of course. Voodoo clock speaks again.

Of the Baxters' new and exciting life.

Of the United States of America

Officer! Officer! Officer! Carjacker! Carjacker in the car! Carjacker in the car!

Oh no honey, i've known you 20 years... ...i know your stressed

Oh, and another thing, he wants you to read it today.

Oh, and you might need this.

Oh, come on, son. I hand you your first cosponsor ship of a bill,

Oh, come on. Yesterday we're in the basement.

Oh, good. The doctor's here.

Oh, I'm an idiot.

Oh, it was great. Yes. Thank you, sir.

Oh, look, there he is.

Oh, man. Okay, that's good.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. This is happening. This is really happening.

Oh, no, no, no, no, get him away!

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Hey, would anyone mind if I close the window?

Oh, no. I really didn't expect this.

Oh, no. No need! Look! Look. There's one right there. Right there.

Oh, these

Oh, this is nice! This is really nice!

Oh, this is so cool.

Oh, you'll be impressed.

Oh. Oh. Congressman Long. Yes. Oh, I'm so sorry about...

Oh...

Ohh... ohh... hey! Thank's for sharing

Okay, Eugene, talk.

Okay, Evan, who do you know? What do you mean?

Okay, every other Sunday.

Okay, guys. A little bit more.

Okay, guys. Watch it. Watch it. Coming through. Watch your back.

Okay, it's between your maple and your old growth Brazilian cherry.

Okay, Ry, let's clean all this stuff up. Dad's got work to do.

Okay, Ryan, this is why we can't keep him.

Okay, someone's had enough Animal Planet for one lifetime.

Okay, that's great. It's longer.

Okay, well, thanks for clarifying.

Okay, yeah, to answer any questions you may have,

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. All right. You want me to wear the robe? I'll wear the robe.

Okay. Dylan, go with them. Please?

Okay. No.

Okay. Oh, no, no, no.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's it. I'm hanging up now.

Okay. Time's up! We're coming in!

Okay. You know what? This conversation is a little thing I like to call over!

On the boat, sir.

One act of random kindness at a time.

One act of random kindness.

One minute!

One, two, three!

Open the door?

Or does he give them opportunities to be courageous?

Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Or how the congressman is getting them to do it,

Or they'll take it down and arrest you.

Or you will be forcibly removed.

Otherwise, it's impossible!

Ouch, that hurts.

Ow!

Pending investigation of Congressman Long for profiteering...

People want to change the world, don't know how to begin.

People! The flood is imminent!

Piece de resistance.

Play nice. Play nice.

Please have the congressman removed.

Please help me change the world.

Please! Everyone! On the ark!

Poor Buster!

Really? What did you pray about?

Repeat after me, We are hamsters!

REPORTER: Congressman!

Right on through Tuesday

Right! Yeah. But I can't. It doesn't work.

Right. So?

Rita, any sign of him?

Rita, I think I have to do the dance.

Rita, if Evan shows up... I'm sorry, sir. I'll be with you in just one...

Rita, it's me.

Rita, tell him what you know.

Rita, this is no time for jokes. I'm not kidding.

RITA: Are you ready, sir?

RITA: Hate to break up your little weenie roast.

RITA: Why couldn't the man just buy a Corvette?

Rough week? JORDAN: You look really funny.

Ryan, no, don't do...

RYAN: Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Go. Go. Go.

RYAN: Dad, look!

RYAN: Dad, this is really weird.

RYAN: Dad, you're busted.

RYAN: He can't keep up.

RYAN: I get first dibs!

RYAN: This is awesome! JORDAN: This is so cool.

RYAN: This is so totally awesome!

RYAN: Whoa!

Saving the animals, okay. I can roll with that. That's a good idea.

Say ah.

See, if you had an ark, you'd have a place to put them all.

See? I told you. And you owe me five bucks.

September 22, midday.

September 22. That's the day of the flood.

Shake it off, Evan. It's over. The nutcase is gone.

Shake it off, shake it off! Shake it off, shake it off!

She's a big Loggins and Messina fan.

She's right This is cracy

Side by side.

Six pounds, 14 ounces.

So here's the skinny.

So how about it? Feel like living on the edge?

So I had the stalker here do some research.

So if I need to get a message out there, or get a congressman elected

So that's why the tools. And you are responsible for the wood?

So this dry, hot weather will continue.

So you can make us look stupid? 'Cause I go to church every Sunday.

So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter for Eyewitness News. Good night.

So, God,

So, how'd you like that office?

So, I have come up with a little construction project for us this weekend.

So, tell me, Congressman, are you freaking out on me or what?

So, why are you here?

So, you had nothing to do with the flood? Like where the ark landed exactly?

So, you stand by and shake your pom poms while Long and his buddies get rich.

So?

Somebody is in a good mood

Something tells me, if God got them here, he can probably get them home.

Sort of a walking search engine. Watch this. How many stars on the flag in 1818?

Sounds like a plan. Are you all right?

Sounds like an opportunity.

Spending time with your family, making them very happy.

Still expecting the big flood.

Still to be collected, two giraffes, two elephants

Stop it! This is stupid!

Stop it. Come here.

Stop stammering, son. We all play hooky from time to time.

Successful. Powerful. Handsome. Happy.

Such a shame. You had possibilities.

Sure.

Surprise, surprise, surprise. Gomer Pyle.

SUSAN: And that's the news.

Ta da! This, my friend, is a power office, to remind you of the mission!

Take it down.

Take the stuff to the car, guys. I'll be there in a minute.

Tell him, guys.

Tell me what?

Thank you for the new car and for the house.

Thank you honey O.K.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.