Main Content
Sound Added to Your Favorites Soundboard

Log in or create an account to save your favorites, or they'll expire in 4 hours

Error Adding Sound
Error adding sound to your favorites.
Sound Reported
Sound reported and our moderators will review it shortly.
Error Reporting Sound
Error reporting sound. Please use the Contact page.
16 127
Failure to Launch (2006) Failure to Launch is a romantic comedy film released in 2006 that takes a hilariously relatable look

Failure to Launch (2006)

Failure to Launch is a romantic comedy film released in 2006 that takes a hilariously relatable look at the phenomenon of adult children who still live with their parents. Matthew McConaughey stars as Tripp, a charming, 35-year-old man who has never left the comforts of his parents' home. Frustrated with their son's lack of motivation, Tripp's parents hire a beautiful woman named Paula, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, to woo him and encourage him to move out. Hilarity ensues as Paula is faced with the challenges of her unconventional job, including unexpected feelings that develop between her and Tripp.

The film also stars Terry Bradshaw and Kathy Bates as Tripp's lovable but exasperated parents, as well as Zooey Deschanel and Justin Bartha as Tripp's best friends. Failure to Launch is a lighthearted and fun romp that explores the struggles and triumphs of growing up and finding independence.

You can play and download the sounds of this charming comedy here.

A chipmunk, and a vegetarian lizard in the same calendar year.
A copy of that, too, right here.
A couple of years ago, she fell for a guy
A little slack, Ace!
A load?
A shocking number, actually.
About my relationship with Kit?
Absolutely. There's gonna be plenty of time to talk over dinner.
Ace a rooney?
Ace told me everything.
Ace!
Actually, I own my home.
Actually, it's not my boat in any way.
Actually, it's quite simple.
After, I'll show you how to ice your shoulder down.
Al, I never have sex with a client.
All of you.
All right, assuming that pretending to own a yacht
All right, Captain, where are we heading?
All right, fine. I'll start.
All right, I need you to come to me.
All right, listen, you got any more chips and salsa downstairs?
All right, T R l double P going in to get a little squid.
All right!
All right? I was having fun.
All right? You two are the best parents that a boy could ever ask for.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All the people that I care about the most
All they needed was a little push.
All you had to do was tell me.
Am I getting advice
Amazing,
Ambidextrous.
Amen, brother!
Amy is Tripp's first love, and she died six years ago.
Amy is... He's Amy's son.
Amy was his ex fiancée. She died about six years ago.
And all night long it chirps, and it chirps, and it chirps,
And all of a sudden, out of nowhere...
And at least I'm not sponging off my parents
And at the end of it, I looked into his eyes,
And basically turn the entire upstairs into a secondary master suite
And believe me, I did not want that,
And Demo, here, has chosen the life of a wanderer.
And flowers to Tripp from Paula.
And great hair!
And he is still here.
And I always thought it was 'cause I'd miss you so much.
And I don't get nailed on the inheritance tax.
And I must tell you, son,
And I saw it.
And I still like her.
And I will show you a guy who's not afraid of his imagination.
And I would argue that's it's damn good for civilization as a whole.
And I'm sorry that I pointed out
And I'm supposed to be better at this emotional crap
And if there already is a group, I'm curious,
And if you're not ready, you just end up,
And in the end, she will break your heart.
And it's annoying, and I can't get it to shut up!
And it's not as if I waltzed into your life unbidden.
And it's not just about the Naked Room.
And let's face it, after men have sex...
And living on his own by June 15th.
And maybe talk about my old boyfriends.
And now he's...
And now I can't do anything for him, and I...
And now you think Colorado's the answer?
And she died.
And she's leaving.
And she's out.
And sometimes I'm the rebound guy.
And the best part about it is, Mom, Dad,
And the both of you,
And the music selection is a soothing blend
And the only thing I've seen you eat in the last three days
And their son is really happy now.
And then she decides to hold my hand.
And then this music got started...
And then you pretend to like it, too.
And there's jibing, which is turning away from the wind.
And they're not just cute.
And to every one of those out there who sees something different,
And we turned out fine.
And we're perfectly functional.
And when you're done with the rubber gloves,
And who is my hot little wahine, huh?
And who knows how much time is right?
And yet, in America, we're shunned for our lifestyle.
And Yoda says...
And you got these paintballs flying at you at over 200 miles an hour,
And you were the only bargaining chip that I had.
And your bathroom needs cleaning, so I left the stuff in the hall.
And, Mom, Dad, you wanted me out of the house.
And...
Another one bites the dust.
Anyone for a guava smasher?
Anytime.
Apology accepted.
Are not power guys, honey.
Are still living at home.
Are you crying?
Are you gonna pretend to own it?
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
As a matter of fact, I did.
As opposed to you, who sleeps in a king sized bed
Bad finger roll.
Beautiful setting, a simple meal...
Because
Because I had a good life before you.
Because I'm the only person who can tolerate
Because of the flowers!
Because they would miss me!
Because...
Before CGI ruined everything.
Being alone with your father freaks the living shit out of me.
Belay on.
Besides, I need to keep Tripp motivated,
Besides, the guy who does own this boat
Bev? What is that?
Bud has one, too. Do you want to see it?
Bullshit. What are you talking about?
But at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was!
But every single time, we have fun.
But given the circumstances, I don't feel good keeping it, so...
But he goes in anyway, because he is not afraid of his own mind!
But how do you make sure that he'll fall in love with you?
But I do know that I need to be out in the open sea.
But I don't know what I'm doing! I'm not kidding! Seriously!
But I don't really like that place.
But I gotta say, I did not see this coming.
But I never got the chance, because you found out first.
But I think
But I think I see myself more in a 37.
But I'm not, so I'm just gonna say it.
But if you really want to help him, and I think you do,
But it's all you.
But just you're not walking yours. Okay?
But my God! That was great!
But right now, I'm cooking.
But she's a professional interventionist. It's her job.
But that strict program of yours?
But that's everything I've got in my wallet. There's $300.
But the bottom line is,
But the reality is,
But the sex was fantastic.
But to actually take you out on the water on a first date
But we like their friends, too.
But we should definitely get them together.
But you are doing great.
But you could go.
But you led me to believe that it was the handsome minimum wage slacker.
But, really, don't go anywhere.
Bye.
Can I at least give you a ride to the airport?
Can I give you a phone number for some people who can help...
Can I have a minute alone with him?
Can you get that?
Can you guys see me?
Can't. How about lunch tomorrow?
Captain, you just had nachos, two hot dogs, and a bag of peanuts.
Check it out!
Cheers, Paula.
Cheers, sweetie.
Cherry's a little dark.
Come back anytime, Son.
Come here, boy. Come here, boy.
Come here, little boy.
Come here, you.
Come here. Bucket. Bucket.
Come on up, buddy.
Come on, babe! Let's get over there!
Come on, blondie!
Come on, boy!
Come on, get in.
Come on, let's you and I go outside, huh?
Come on, Pop! Whoa, man. Don't you knock?
Come on, Tripp.
Come on! Were we talking to you?
Come on.
Come on. You don't want to say anything?
Come up. There you are.
Cup holders.
Cute.
Damn it!
Damn it.
Dating my best friend for money thing.
Deal.
Did I say that you could come out?
Did you go out with La Z Girl?
Did you really think you'd never get caught?
Didn't you just go?
Dig in!
Dinner and a show.
Do I do the look?
Do something! We're losing him!
Do you have real feelings?
Do you know that I have a contract?
Do you like speed?
Do you like to hear the roar of an engine?
Do you need me to help you with that?
Do you realize that not once have you asked me
Do you want to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life having fun?
Does it count if it was an accident?
Doesn't make you an expert on relationships.
Doing good. This is having fun. Aren't we?
Don't buy a boat, dude.
Don't come back without a foam finger.
Don't do all the work, Son! Make her meet you half way!
Don't do it! Don't do it! I got you! I got you!
Don't judge me, okay? I mean, you, of all people?
Don't stare.
Don't worry, I haven't ratted you out.
Dude, did you just drop me from a 40 foot cliff?
Dude, I'm so sorry.
Dude.
Eastern Wood Pewee?
Enlarge the bathroom,
Everybody loves chocolate.
Everything is going along nice and smooth,
Excuse me, ma'am. She certainly is yare?
Excuse me.
FAILURE TO LAUNCH
Feeding my fish.
Fine.
Fine. Can I have a fruit bar?
Fine. The 32 is nice.
Fine. The tall one's kind of cute. What's he do?
Finger roll. Finger roll. Finger roll.
First of all, that's the geeky computer guy.
First one to paint the skirt gets a beer.
Focus on the future, okay?
For the third straight week.
For years, I've been dreading the day you'd leave
From a fiduciary standpoint, would you say that you had an orgasm?
From my two loser buddies who still live at home?
Get any sleep last night?
Get off!
Get what you want.
Give you a hand?
Gnarly crash!
Go on with your story.
Go, go, go, go!
Go, Omaha!
Go!
God damn it, Demo, get to the point. Come on.
God, I know.
God, I'm so lucky. I mean, I'm so lucky.
God, that is so sad.
God!
Good boy.
Good morning, Son.
Good news, it's Champagne Thursday.
Good night.
Good night.
Good.
Good.
Good. So we can go now.
Gosh, Emotional Crisis Day is so critical.
Got a tissue or something?
Gotta find what works for you.
Gotta find what works for you.
Gotta scratch.
Granted, he used you, but not out of malice.
Guys need to know we not only like them,
Guys, it's simple. The fun's gone.
Half an hour. He's only here for some dental work.
Half of the love, the respect,
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Have sunrise and sunset as your only clock.
Having lunch with a friend.
He always comes.
He could go all the way!
He doesn't fit the usual profile.
He gets that stuff all the time, man.
He helps me through an emotional crisis,
He is as good as moved out.
He lets go of you.
He met a girl.
He moves out.
He never told you that, did he?
He saw a chance for love, Tripp, and he took it.
He seemed like an open and shut case.
He travels so much it doesn't make any sense
He tried to take over the dining room
He was going to tell Tripp
He was too small to even jump up on the bed
He won't return any of my phone calls, and I...
He works out of his basement, but he makes a lot of money.
He'll come.
He's a bum.
He's a radiologist.
He's a troll.
He's attractive,
He's been through an actual tragedy!
He's breaking up with you.
He's cute, too.
He's endearing, and quirky.
He's got a good job, he's got normal social skills,
He's lying.
He's making a move! All right!
He's moving his feet! He's rolling!
He's moving.
He's nice.
He's not a child, Tripp.
He's not a troll. He's... He's...
He's not his nephew. He's not related to him at all.
He's right.
He's right.
He's rolling. Here we go.
He's smart, he's sweet, he's funny.
Hell, you are such a good uncle.
Hello, Dolly!
Here we go again.
Here you go.
Here, take the wheel.
Here, take the wheel.
Here! I...
Hey there, Mr. Axelrod! I thought you were out of town!
Hey, boy!
Hey, but maybe I shouldn't judge.
Hey, but maybe I shouldn't judge.
Hey, come on, we're gonna go rock climbing. Get in the car.
Hey, gang.
Hey, guys, check this out!
Hey, here's something new!
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey! Hey. Can we please discuss this someplace else?
Hey, how many times a week do you think we do it?
Hey, I don't blame my kid for staying.
Hey, I mean, come on, look at you.
Hey, I'd be fine
Hey, Kit!
Hey, listen. FYI, work wise, we're definitely on track.
Hey, man,
Hey, Paula.
Hey, Pop? Seriously, man, was it that bad having me around?
Hey, Pop.
Hey, still need this?
Hey, there's my girl. Come here, you.
Hey, wait for me.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, what's the champagne about?
Hey, you must be Melody.
Hey, you're up! Wow, early risers.
Hey! Tripp. What are you doing here?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
Hi, Paula.
Hi, we need to talk.
Hi.
Hi. I didn't know that you guys were gonna be here.
Hit the road, Tripp
Hiya, Paula.
Holy crap, that's a big wave!
Home again.
Home again.
Honey, I've given this a lot of thought, all right? It'll work!
Honey, it's an Eastern Wood Pewee.
How about Monday?
How do you see the rest of the date playing out?
How great is that?
How in the world did you get him to move out?
How many times did you pump it?
How will I choose?
How you doing up there, Tripp?
How's this surfing if there are no waves?
I actually don't even see why he still lives at home.
I admire the confidence.
I admire the confidence.
I am acutely aware
I am getting this polka dot chair. I've got my own money.
I am so proud of you, Son.
I am the worst person in the world.
I appreciate you staying for dinner, all right?
I assume this technique has worked in the past?
I beg your pardon?
I believe everybody needs to walk their own path,
I believe it's because your life
I believe that. But what do I know about you?
I bought it a couple of years ago from my mom.
I called Animal Control, and you know what they said?
I called you all here together because obviously we have a situation.
I can honestly say that, because of you,
I can't believe it. How'd you do it? Dougie's a sweet kid, but...
I can't do it.
I can't have that in my body.
I can't see her face. Do you have any other angles?
I come here to relax.
I could get out of those ropes.
I cry, he cries.
I did, too.
I didn't have ice cream.
I didn't know they sold beer here.
I didn't know you were home.
I didn't need to see a doctor.
I didn't see anything.
I didn't want you to go.
I didn't want you to leave because
I do not want to feel...
I do sleep well at night.
I don't get it. How does the dog fit into it?
I don't get it. How does the dog fit into it?
I don't hear anything.
I don't know where I...
I don't know why you're whining about this one.
I don't know, beer, wine, chips, rum.
I don't know, I guess because she couldn't fix him,
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. And he...
I don't know. I'm so hungry I can't think. Seagulls ate my lunch.
I don't know. It's not my boat.
I don't really want a new boat.
I don't sleep much.
I don't think this counts as a first date.
I don't usually like reality TV shows, but this is so emotional.
I don't want to hear it.
I feel a little bit bad because I kind of implied to Paula
I fell into a deep, dark crevasse. I was so scared.
I figured. Obviously not a normal chipmunk.
I found a woman I cared about, and she turned out to be a total fraud.
I get sad sometimes, too.
I got great boat shoes.
I got him!
I got it. I got it. Look at this, look at this.
I got shoes for the next time Tripp and I go sailing.
I gotta pee.
I gotta say, I like what you've done with the place.
I gotta tell you something.
I guarantee you will not be thinking about the late, great Mr. Fritz.
I guess I was overly confident.
I guess what I'm saying is, it is time for Tripp
I had a nice time.
I had fun.
I had no idea that he was going to bring me over here.
I had some cream at home that I put on it.
I hate this.
I have a BB gun.
I have a yellow Lab!
I have an announcement to make here.
I have fiduciary responsibilities to uphold.
I have rights, too, you know.
I have to break up with Tripp. I'm terminating my contract, and...
I helped tie the knots.
I installed 27 cameras that cover every inch of the apartment.
I just clean their teeth and chop their balls off.
I just feel really close to you.
I just think you should know that Tripp has had some rough breaks.
I just touched his hand.
I keep replaying it over and over in my mind. I just...
I know a lot of other things. Give me the gun!
I know that nothing can,
I know we all feel some responsibility, but this isn't about blame,
I know. He's always wanted one.
I know. I'm pretty excited about it.
I learned to make them in Maui. These really chase your troubles away.
I like to come home to a nice place.
I looked it up.
I love love. Look, I've had a lot of girlfriends, right?
I love...boats.
I mean it. I think you crazy kids have a shot.
I mean you can't build a house without a hammer!
I mean, come on, what girl wouldn't want to be with you?
I mean, he's getting kind of old,
I mean, how does one get into that field?
I mean, I can only hope that I'm going to be able to give my kids,
I mean, it's my house.
I mean, look at her, she's a boat. She's wood.
I mean, look at you, and look at me.
I mean, sure, he technically still lives at home.
I mean, the entire amount of time we spent together was just a big scam.
I mean, what are you gonna do until you figure it out?
I mean, you don't brush an Irish setter...
I mean, you want to talk about a friend, man,
I met a guy today, too.
I need to buy a gun. How much is this big gun here?
I never meant to hurt you.
I once knew a specialist used to send some of his patients to me.
I say bring it on!
I smell fun.
I smell something.
I take it you like Japanese food.
I take it you're over your dead golden retriever.
I teach special needs kids.
I think that guy just laughed at me. Who are these guys?
I think that I can have your son moved out of this house
I think that I can have your son moved out of this house
I think this would have totally helped.
I think those pants make you look fat, but in a sexy...
I think what we're trying to say is that the two of us are happy
I think you're getting the nod.
I thought it was going to be, but I just kind of breezed right through it.
I tried to end it.
I want to feel the wind.
I want to make the wind, okay? Look...
I wanted all of that.
I was doing fine before you showed up.
I went through all the CDs, but if you end up with some of mine
I wish I could talk to guys like that.
I wonder how they're doing.
I... Oh!
I'd probably recommend something a little, you know...
I'll be gone in a couple of weeks.
I'll give you a Canadian goose.
I'll make you walk home.
I'll meet you here.
I'll pass.
I'll think about it. Thanks for your time.
I'm a rambling man. I'm a tumbleweed. I'm a seeker of truth.
I'm also gonna order a huge dessert, drink too much,
I'm coming!
I'm giving her space, Mr. Axelrod.
I'm going after her.
I'm going down below.
I'm going to get you a flotation device, okay?
I'm gonna go help Dad.
I'm gonna go mow the lawn.
I'm gonna let you get back to feeding your fish.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm happy. Are you happy?
I'm hungry.
I'm just asking, 'cause, you know, maybe we could all get together.
I'm just trying to say, you should be very proud of him.
I'm looking around this table, hombres, and I see three winners.
I'm lucky to still be here.
I'm moving back to Colorado.
I'm not gonna go anywhere.
I'm not gonna sell you this gun.
I'm not understanding. You want Paula to move in here?
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I'm paying for it. I'll stare if I want to.
I'm returning it. I know it doesn't fix anything.
I'm sailing.
I'm so glad you're here.
I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
I'm sorry I slammed the door on your face.
I'm sorry that I pointed out to you that you fell in love with a client
I'm sorry, miss, you're not allowed to eat that in the store.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! Excuse me.
I'm sorry. Was I sipping too loudly for you?
I'm sure there's some reason that you turned out to be a soul sucking,
I'm telling you as a friend.
I'm telling you, I'm getting really excited about this.
I'm truly blessed.
I'm used to having you here.
I've got him.
I've lived upstairs since I was three, and it's been great.
I've never actually been on a sailboat before.
If he has any,
If I don't get the nod, the friends undermine.
If I never set foot on solid ground again.
If I've gotta recline, I'm making it interesting.
If more people thought that way...
In fact, I think tomorrow I'm gonna let him teach me something.
In the same house I grew up in.
In your mother's basement?
In...
Is 'cause he's getting ready to dump them.
Is a bag of Mint Milanos.
Is fundamentally at odds with the natural world.
Is in his heart.
Is it two years? Is it six years?
Is right behind you.
Is that a problem?
Is the medication wearing off?
Is there anything I can do to help?
Is there anything that we need to do?
Is there...
Is this how it's gonna be? 'Cause your note says,
Is this really okay? 'Cause I don't want to intrude on family time.
Isn't this great, guys?
It seems like it would be hard on her.
It totally bonds us.
It wants you to get in. Come on. Get in the car, Tripp.
It was a lousy thing to do.
It was a rewarding and successful work day. That's all.
It was just time for her to meet the parents.
It was last night. We were in a restaurant.
It would be a date if you asked me to have a drink tonight.
It's a classic American novel. How do you not know this?
It's a lifestyle.
It's a mockingbird.
It's an ethical problem.
It's bad enough I have to go out with a loser who still lives with his mom,
It's beautiful!
It's been amazing!
It's called failure to launch. And that's where I come in.
It's called the finger roll. Quick fingers, light on the trigger.
It's Friday.
It's got nice lines.
It's just kind of a weird job.
It's just not fair.
It's like a hotline.
It's like you're connected, you know, to the original seafaring people
It's like you're part of something, you know?
It's Melissa. Okay. All right.
It's not bad, it's just fun. Jibe ho!
It's not like I don't know what I'm doing.
It's okay to cry. We'll turn around.
It's over. She's gotta go.
It's practically narcotic.
It's that goddamn bird outside my goddamn window.
It's Thursday.
Jeffrey is a boy whose mother was gonna marry Tripp,
Jim.
Joyful,
Just 'cause it's a big idea, and...
Just a little fur ball.
Just came by to get some stuff. What are you doing?
Just came by to pick up some clothes.
Just have too much stuff going on in my head. Is that the same thing?
Just know that I'm going to be having an affair within the next six months.
Just remember to turn them inside out.
Just, you know, just...
Killing one is a crime.
Kind of like daylight savings time?
Kit! What are you...
Know that you could go around the world
Labrador retriever killing harpy.
Let it go, guys.
Let's check with Miss Paula, see if she needs anything.
Let's check, shall we?
Let's go for a walk.
Let's go shoot some strangers, huh?
Let's go!
Let's go! Go, go, go, go!
Let's just call it even, okay?
Let's stay on point here, huh? We're picking out chairs.
Like a buffer, you know? Somebody to talk to
Like she does most nights.
Like the Chinese?
Like with Luke gets to the cave, and he asks Yoda what's in there,
Like, then I touched... We touched hand.
Listen,
Listen, can we talk?
Listen, I am so sorry.
Listen, I say there's no downside. They already hate each other.
Listen, if you want to go, that's okay.
Listen, listen, I'll be right back.
Listen, sunshine, I'm not
Look at him. How many chances is he gonna get?
Look at me.
Look how peaceful he is.
Look into my eyes.
Look, I am still in control.
Look, I don't see why it's so complicated.
Look, I've been all over the world.
Look, many young men who should be able to move out, simply can't.
Look, Paula, this has to stop.
Look, this is insane.
Look!
Look! Look! The BB.
Look.
Make off this sheet, like so.
Man, she's got good spatial awareness.
Man, this shirt feels like it weighs 100 pounds.
Maybe a collapsed lung, a bruised sternum.
Maybe a Royal's Number One foam finger.
Me, either.
Meeting the friends is very important.
Met a girl? Tripp meets a new girl every week.
Might be. What's she draw?
Might mow the neighbor's, too.
Mockingbirds are protected under the Federal Migratory Bird Treaty Act.
Mom, Dad, this is Paula.
Mom?
Mom. Pop. Sweetie.
More paintballs in less time means victory.
Move in with your parents?
Move in with your parents?
Mr. Fritz was my best friend
My bad.
My bad.
My grandparents give my baby sitter money
My job was manipulative and deceitful.
My mom thinks it's her dog, but I do all the work.
My teacher, Miss Kramer, has a girlfriend.
Nah.
Next thing I know, she gives me the look.
Nice.
Night, Pop.
No harm, no foul, though.
No offense.
No suit.
No, I don't think that I did that.
No, I just need my 20 minutes.
No, I just want to give you this.
No, I'm doing something with my nephew.
No, I'm good.
No, I've talked to guys tied up before.
No, it's a chipmunk.
No, it's a nickname.
No, it's not a manual on how to kill mockingbirds.
No, no.
No, that's not it.
No, they were downstairs.
No, this was like a big, oversized, like, bobcat, grizzly bear chipmunk.
No, you don't love boats.
No, you don't! Shit!
No, you're not sipping too loud.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. All the restaurants I own are in Europe.
No. Clean that mess up.
No. I mean, what's going on here?
No. No, it's real! It's very real!
No. No. I want to sleep,
No. You know what, I had my phone turned off.
None taken.
Not at all?
Not at all.
Not for me.
Not on my watch!
Not the parents.
Not until I get the nod.
Nothing is doomed.
Nothing like the threat of decapitation to make it a little more interesting.
Nothing.
Nothing. I tripped.
Now I'm...
Now you try to act like it's everyone else's fault,
Now you're getting good.
Now,
Now, basically there's two ways to turn a boat.
Now, I'm going to let you in on the secret.
Now, if that sounds good to you, then maybe you're sailors.
Now, it's my opinion that the root cause is a lack of self esteem.
Now, jibing is something that you never want to do with a rookie onboard,
Now, let's all try to come up with a plan that's not so idiotic.
Now, they're a lot more upkeep, but when you're on one of those,
Now, what type of a boat do you see yourself in?
Of course I have angles. Check it out.
Of course I have real feelings.
Of course, I don't need to tell you that. You're his parents.
Of how completely and totally unhappy I am!
Of losers and shut ins?
Of mid '70s singer songwriters and smooth jazz.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Oh, he's some kind of software writer.
Oh, hey, you're home. Great.
Oh, hey. I'm Tripp.
Oh, hi, fellas.
Oh, I didn't get to the store.
Oh, I got this in Hawaii. This is Lono, the god of fertility.
Oh, I love it.
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh, just a little bit more for the y o u, babe.
Oh, man!
Oh, man.
Oh, Mom, will you knock that talk off?
Oh, my God, it's not working! He's going!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! God, why'd you make me do that?
Oh, my God! He could
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! He's alive!
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
Oh, Oprah talks about that all the time.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! The son of a bitch bit me!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, thank you!
Oh, Tinkerbell! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Oh, Tripp and I had crab today.
Oh, Tripp is just cruising through the steps.
Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah, I never ever have sex with my clients.
Oh, yeah, now I hear it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you know what? No, that's the little guy.
Oh, you're in the market?
Oh! It's Melissa!
Oh! That's nice.
Oh! Wow. I'd love to. Thank you.
Oh. Great.
Oh. That's so wrong.
Oh. Well,
Oh. What's his real name, anyway?
Okay, how about this?
Okay, I didn't have a choice.
Okay, I don't need a whole box. I just need...
Okay, I'm all set.
Okay, look, I don't know what you heard, but...
Okay, look, I know I'm a girl
Okay, look, what do you want?
Okay, sure.
Okay, thanks.
Okay, that's it. That's it. Power. That's me. Yes.
Okay, well, Kit, we're gonna go. See you.
Okay, you two kids have a blast.
Okay, you're upset right now.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Be careful with him.
Okay. Check vitals. Where's the pulse?
Okay. Thank you.
On a twin bed, with Superman sheets that you've had since you were six.
On less than a tank of gas.
On the way, let's stop at Phillip's,
One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand.
One.
Oprah don't know crap!
Or actually, you didn't. You just trotted out your parents
Or actually, you didn't. You just trotted out your parents
Or I end up with some of yours,
Or is it a big group,
Or maybe you haven't heard of the Sixth Amendment!
Other than that, I'll survive.
Other times, when I get lucky,
Our kids,
Our place is much nicer than anything he can afford.
Out? What would we go out for? We've got those brand new chairs!
Passenger? He just took him underwater!
Paula, these are my good friends, Demo and Ace. Guys, Paula.
Paula, this is my mom, my dad, Sue and Al.
Paula, where are you?
Paula, you don't have to pretend to like me anymore.
Paula?
Paula. I did. We had lunch.
Philadelphia Story.
Phillip's...
Play some football. I'll show you how to throw it deep.
Please, God!
Plus he has a lot of pilot friends who let him stay over.
Pop, relax.
Pop?
Pop? Pick a chair.
Pop's naked, in his Naked Room.
Pretty funny.
Putting on her coat.
Really, please take it.
Really?
Really?
Really? Thanks.
Right after I tied myself to the chair and covered my mouth with duct tape.
Right here, where I live,
Right on, man!
Right? And the thing is, Mom, Dad,
Right? Who do you love?
Right. And why are we doomed?
Say good night, birdie.
Say, did you get my message today?
See, double trigger...
See, technically, this is not my boat.
Self sufficient adult.
Seriously, I'm not one of those girls who don't eat. I want...
Seriously. I've never heard you talk this way about a client before.
Seven three.
She has to fix all the other losers out there.
She was devastated.
She welcomes us. And it's not with fear.
She's a lesbian.
She's a nice girl, I'm a nice guy, we had fun.
She's fast, too.
She's got no feelings for you.
She's really great. Really great, Tripp.
She's taking the chair with her when she leaves you.
Shells. Shotguns use shells. Anyway. Whatever.
Shit!
Shit! I'm out!
Should we go after him?
Show's over. You don't need to see that.
Shut up, you whore.
Shut up. Not everything you say is perfect.
Since he was a little puppy.
Since your father retired, I just...
So all systems are go?
So call me crazy,
So can we go now?
So do it. Buy a crummy old boat.
So forget buying a boat. You want to feel pain?
So here's the plan, all right?
So how does Paula do it, anyway?
So I can afford to get laid on every continent.
So I can give you back that sweater of yours that you lost.
So I just point, and then I squeeze the trigger and then boom.
So I simulate one.
So is bastard, but that just means your parents aren't married.
So is that why you tried to break up with me?
So let's give it a shot, huh?
So let's just get it over with, then.
So let's put on our thinking caps.
So many pressures in life, you know?
So she smiles at me.
So then we can stay in and watch one of those drinking movies you like.
So there's room for the both of us,
So what do we do now?
So you came home and he was cooking?
So you dumped Melissa?
So you were bit by a dolphin?
So you're going to need to do a load.
So your parents gave her money.
So your parents weren't home?
So, is Kit short for Katherine?
So, where do you see us going?
So...
Something's wrong with your mom.
Sometimes I eat on Saturdays.
Sorry! Sorry!
Sorry.
Sorry. I tried to do it fast so it wouldn't hurt.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Yeah.
Squid's a little bit greasy tonight.
Starting with the fact that Jeffrey's not Tripp's nephew.
Stay right there.
Stomping down the steps.
Sure they do.
Sure.
Sure. Wait. Tomorrow's Saturday.
Sure. You're driving.
Surprising,
Surprising.
Sweet shoes.
Sweet.
Take me!
Takes the edge right off.
Tell me about yourself. What do you do for a living?
Thank you for that.
Thank you very much for giving me a few minutes of your time.
Thank you, Phillip.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. I am fairly...
Thanks for stopping by.
Thanks.
That I wouldn't say anything, but...
That I've spent with you have been
That is a lovely sentiment.
That is absurd. Tripp is a fascinating case.
That must've been horrible for you.
That must've been horrible for you.
That must've been really hard for you to say.
That shouldn't have happened. It's a reptile of peace.
That way, she has a place to live
That you haven't had a real relationship for the last five years
That you two have given me.
That, really, you don't have the slightest interest in.
That's a 12 gauge shotgun. That's a pretty powerful weapon.
That's a bad word, Jeffrey.
That's a good idea.
That's a refreshing change of pace.
That's amazing.
That's cool, the L for loser. Keep it up, little man.
That's good sportsmanship. Nice dance.
That's good, that's good.
That's great, man.
That's it. Okay.
That's like eight miles. It'll take you two days.
That's my boy!
That's nice.
That's not easy to do.
That's not happening.
That's not what I'm talking about.
That's okay, you guys can stay here if you want.
That's Phillip.
That's right, you call her on her shit, she's gonna call you on yours!
That's right.
That's so nice that you get to hang out with such a sweet guy every day.
That's true.
That's wonderful news.
That's you! You're Luke!
The boy's 35 years old!
The last couple of weeks
The look that says, Hey, I like you.
The one on his feet is called an Anchor Hitch.
The only reason he ever brings girls home to meet us
The point is, my friend,
The right to a speedy and public trial?
The sooner you lose, the sooner you can go shopping!
The thing is, you gotta be ready. I mean, it's a big commitment.
The thing where the woman gets close and you pull the relationship ripcord.
The understanding, the support,
The wife picked it.
Then I let him teach me something...
Then I meet his friends,
Then I ran into Bud and Bev Nestor, and they'd worked with Paula.
Then why didn't you just say something?
Then you'll figure it out.
There will be a second date.
There you are.
There's a lighthouse! Can we go over there?
There's coming about, which is turning into the wind,
There's what you're talking about.
They can imitate car alarms, and telephones, and other birds.
They didn't win it.
They don't.
They finished third in the National Championship.
They go by Devil Babies.
They have these little ridges on the bottom...
They might hear us.
They said I should just enjoy one of nature's most talented singers.
They're 15 bucks for a box of 25.
They're asleep in their chairs.
They're just a drain on your time, your wallet, and your emotions.
They're paying her to be your girlfriend.
Things are good. Tripp is good.
Thirty five years!
This has never happened before. I want you to know that.
This is going very well.
This is not a big deal.
This is not a hobby. This...
This is really nice.
This is ridiculous, not to mention juvenile.
This is what he wants.
This isn't the first time that nature's lashed out at you like this.
This should be an excellent test of our skills.
This was a great white dolphin, all right?
This was a one time emergency situation.
This was the only thing I could do, given the circumstances.
Those don't come cheap, you know.
To get me out of my parents' house.
To lose love is greatest pain of all.
To say thank you to the people that I love the most.
To sleep with you more than once
To spread his wings.
Touchdown!
Tried, as in you failed?
Tripp and Jeffrey are very cute together, aren't they?
Tripp is going to be an independent,
Tripp says they're actually very practical.
Tripp was engaged.
Tripp, as long as you're up, Son...
Tripp, he's saying no.
Tripp, I apologize.
Tripp, I don't know what to say.
Tripp, Tripp, I just think that we should probably talk about this.
Tripp, wait! Tripp!
Tripp, who's your little friend?
Tripp, you should call Paula.
Tripp, your mother was still making you pancakes for breakfast.
Tripp!
Tripp! Come on, it's unlocked.
Tripp! Jibe ho! God, I said it late!
Tripp?
Tripp?
Tripp? Tripp? Dude?
Tripp.
Tripp's in the kitchen.
Truth is, I support your overall goal.
Twelve hundred bucks? Wow. How much are the bullets for this?
Two people we love are hurting.
Unbelievable! Parents?
Unless...
Until I convinced him that the first floor was problematic.
Until I was 10, I had an undescended testicle.
Wait, wait, wait, slow down.
Wait, wait, wait! What are you doing?
Wait! What are you guys doing?
Walk away from the light, little buddy!
Walking the path of the Jedi, that's why.
Wanna have a drink tonight?
Want a cocktail, blanket or anything?
Warm day, huh?
Watch the bike.
We ain't buying that chair.
We can't just sit here and not say anything.
We get to know each other over a few casual meals,
We gotta get rid of that thing. You know we're gonna get sued?
We had a wonderful first meeting. I see incredible potential here.
We have a memorable meeting.
We send flowers to Paula from Tripp,
We should move in together.
We should...
We were good parents, and now we're supposed to be done!
We're all gonna be right here together under one roof, a big happy family.
We're going to blow out the east wall of my bedroom,
We're having a good time,
We're just gonna have to get to know each other all over again.
We're not gonna put that in the house.
We're not here to apologize about who we are, or how we do it,
We've been out one time.
Well,
Well, actually, he's fantastic.
Well, don't act all cool about it!
Well, don't worry about me.
Well, for one, there's the book To Kill a Mockingbird.
Well, for starters, you could make life a little more difficult for him.
Well, good for you, Captain. Hey, can we talk about something else?
Well, he's their passenger now.
Well, hey there, Ace. Glad you could make it, man.
Well, I like that boat, but I really don't...
Well, I was, and now I'm not.
Well, I'm not sure.
Well, I'm working on it.
Well, it smells good, and I'm really hungry. Aren't you?
Well, it was empty, actually,
Well, it's easier when the guy is tied up.
Well, maybe it's just stunned. Do you know CPR?
Well, my friends never touch my hands.
Well, no.
Well, not good, but it was okay.
Well, now that is passion!
Well, our son's a flight attendant.
Well, she certainly is yare.
Well, so far I must say I'm very impressed.
Well, technically, she dumped me.
Well, thanks.
Well, that's a step up.
Well, that's one way to go. But maybe you want to slow down.
Well, they're laptop speakers, so...
Well, this is exactly what she needs. Good choice.
Well, this is my Naked Room.
Well, this is very unexpected.
Well, tonight I see us going back to my place.
Well, Tripp's a really nice guy.
Well, wait, wait, wait. Why is jibing bad?
Well, we're about to sit down...
Well, well, well, well, well.
Well, yeah!
Well, yeah.
Well, you gotta ask yourself some questions.
Well, you know what? It's their loss.
Well, you know, anybody can send flowers, Paula.
Well, you know, you'd be amazed at how many adult children
Well, you're not. I don't know what to tell you, honey,
Well...
Well...
Well...
What about sex?
What are you going to do, baby? Are you gonna cry?
What are you gonna do in Colorado?
What are you gonna do now?
What do you say, big man, huh?
What do you say, Pop?
What do you think?
What happened in here?
What happened?
What I would love is an old wooden boat.
What if he doesn't like me?
What if I hit something?
What if I take you to a restaurant?
What is?
What makes you think she has a real life?
What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?
What the...
What was that rule that you had about never ever having sex with clients?
What you doing? This isn't your usual place, is it?
What, are you really good at cards or something?
What, did I say something wrong? Come on.
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? Hi.
What? Oh!
What? Really?
What? Where are you going?
What's down below?
What's going on? Is that a fork? Are you eating on my boat?
What's he saying, Demo?
What's the look?
When did you redo the galley?
When we should be celebrating our lifestyle.
When you're out there today
When your father's all moody and sullen, and...
Where you show that you share the guy's intense passion for something
Where'd he go?
Where'd that come from?
Where'd you go?
Whereas now, because of you,
Which is exactly what we wanted for you.
Which is why I can't leave my parents' place,
Which should be good for tonight, especially since we didn't have sex.
Who cares, as long as you're out there?
Who did what?
Who gives a shit?
Who says you have to be Ionely?
Who set sail into the unknown and said things like,
Who wouldn't move out of his parents' house.
Who's laughing now?
Who's Phillip?
Who's that?
Whoa, slow down, slow down, Paula.
Whoa, whoa, hold on just a second.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? What...
Why don't you get back to scaring those fish, buddy? Huh?
Why would you do that?
Why?
Why? Are you a screamer?
Will there be a second date?
With them,
Wore a suit for 40 years.
Would be very forward of me, Paula.
Would you like to stay for dinner?
Wow, my forehead itches.
Wow, that's so good.
Wow!
Wow!
Wow! This is fantastic!
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow. Somebody's a little cranky today.
Y'all have a good time.
Yeah, baby!
Yeah, everyone from work went to T.G.I. Friday's,
Yeah, I like it. I love you, Son.
Yeah, I like it. I love you, Son.
Yeah, I wrote that.
Yeah, I'm going to miss you, too.
Yeah, I'm hungry. But my mom here, she's cooking dinner.
Yeah, it was a beautiful dog, man.
Yeah, Thursday came twice this week.
Yeah, you are.
Yeah!
Yeah! I make fun of my parents, but these babies are sweet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And not just any dolphin, either.
Yeah. I see that.
Yeah. Just got the wind knocked out of me.
Yeah. See, once we accept the fact that we're not separate from nature,
Yeah. What did you say you were shooting?
Yeah. What's your point?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes, ma'am, it has.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes!
Yes! It's the perfect solution.
Yes. Is Ace short for
Yet the relationship is doomed to failure.
You always hold your friends' hands?
You are a dirty little fun haver.
You are afraid of love.
You are really close to me.
You bring that weak stuff to the playground,
You can't get out of your barbecue apron.
You could've been happy but you blew it.
You couldn't be more wrong if you called it a Canadian goose.
You did it!
You don't hear that? That annoying noise.
You don't mind that my parents are downstairs right now?
You don't sleep,
You got a lovely home.
You guys want any carrots?
You had no right to do that, man. That's my life.
You have to have all the facts.
You just have to decide.
You just take it easy. I got everything under control.
You know what helps me? Put on the Food Network.
You know what? I'm gonna go powder my nose.
You know what? I'm the one who's in a real relationship!
You know what? It kind of is.
You know what? It's very complicated.
You know,
You know, for a woman your size,
You know, form a support group.
You know, I bet I'd really love it if we ever left the dock.
You know, I thought going on a boat was a good idea because you like it,
You know, if I really had a dog and he really had died,
You know, Kit, just because you finally convinced a guy
You know, listen to the wind and the water.
You know, most guys would've sent flowers, chocolates maybe,
You know, she's hurting, too.
You know, usually I don't sleep with someone on the first date.
You know, when we first met Paula,
You know?
You like Tripp. Tell Tripp you like him.
You live with your parents?
You live with your parents?
You live with your parents.
You look nice, you find out what they like,
You love the idea of a boat.
You love the original Star Wars trilogy,
You met a guy today.
You must be Kit.
You needed time after Amy had passed away, Tripp.
You never even say her name.
You okay, baby? Want some water?
You pumped it more than twice, didn't you?
You scared the crap out of me.
You see what's going on upstairs?
You see, because no matter how much you care for her,
You see, that's the stuff that screams, I live with my mother.
You should buy that boat! I mean, I'm sure it's expensive, but so what?
You should take that as a compliment.
You show me a guy who loves Empire
You still love him, right?
You think you're so smart, but you don't know anything!
You want a little bit of chocolate, baby boo boo?
You want to talk about my life? What about your life?
You went behind my back,
You were bitten by a chuckwalla.
You were concerned about hurting me?
You were never going to.
You won't have to keep paying Paula to be my girlfriend.
You won't last 10 minutes.
You. You're on my list,
You're a rock, Al. You make me a better woman.
You're all getting what you wanted.
You're better off slamming your hand in a car door.
You're buying that?
You're giving him a PowerBar?
You're gonna let her walk away?
You're gonna miss me.
You're in love with our son.
You're jealous 'cause you like her.
You're naked. In my room.
You're right about that.
You're right, you're right. And, normally...
You're sailing!
You're sitting near the path, on a rock.
You're smart, you're attractive,
You're the one who lies for a living!
You're the one who was always staring at her shirt.
You're welcome.
You've been moping around here for two weeks.
You've put me in a very difficult position here.
Young men develop self esteem best during a romantic relationship,
Your bizarre and violent mood swings.
Your entire life is set up perfectly for ending relationships.
Your life was in an extended stall pattern.
Your momma's... She's snoring like a rhino.
Your parents called me.
Your parents hired Paula to date you so that you'd move out of their house.
...no more, no more, no more, no more ...no more, no more, no more, no more
And don't you come back And don't you come back
And don't you come back no more And don't you come back no more
And you were upstairs? Yeah.
Aren't you glad we came? Yeah.
Cheers. Cheers.
Clear the table! Oh, God!
Come on in. Thank you.
Don't hurt him! I'm not hurting him!
Dougie moved out! Dougie moved out!
For what? For you!
For what? To clear my head.
Gently. Open the airway.
Get out of here! Boy, you made it!
go all the way! Go all the way!
Go! Go! Go!
Good question. Can you turn it up?
Have a good day. You, too.
He saved my life, you know. He did?
He's little. I don't know.
Hello. How do you do? Hello.
Here we go. Okay, okay, easy.
Hey, boys. Hey.
Hey, Kit! Kind of fun, huh?
Hey, Mom. Tripp.
Hey, Paula? Hey, sweetie? Yes?
Hey, you know what? What?
Hey. Oh, hey! Hi!
Hi. Tripp, we're going out.
Hit the road, Tripp Hit the road, Tripp
How's the hand? It's fine.
Huh? Go, go, go, go, go!
Huh? Therefore, nature rejects you.
I don't get it. I told you this was a stupid idea.
I haven't figured it out. Well, that's stupid.
I want to feel that beneath... Guys who drink Kahlua and cream
I'll be right outside. Okay.
I'm Paula. I'm Tripp.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Come on, don't.
I'm sorry I dropped you from a cliff. It's okay.
Is he dead? I...
Is he... Hey.
It's a bird! Do it!
It's beautiful. Thank you.
It's very pretty. Thank you.
Let me ask you something, Demo. Yeah.
Look at him! Look at him! No! Shit!
Look in the closet. Hey, just look
Make the wind? Yeah. I'm not a sailor.
No! No!
No! Yes!
Not the look. Why are you bringing up the look?
Oh, snap! That got his attention!
Oh, wow. Hi.
Oh! Oh, Bud.
Okay. And you know Jeffrey, his nephew?
Okay. That's nice.
Or anyone I work with. Oh, good.
or who we live with. No!
She wants to see you. That's enough, Demo!
Sit down! That's a face!
Smart. Wow.
Smells good. I know!
So now we got 40 years of... No suit.
So you don't want to talk. To you?
Sold. No, that's polka dot.
suicidal. No, I know.
Sure, wine would be great, thanks. Glass of wine.
That's good, Son. Cheers.
That's mine. Yes, ma'am.
Then what? Then they love each other.
Think fast! Bye!
This is your house? Yeah.
This is your house? Yeah.
Throw it to Moss. Throw it to Moss! Watch out! I'm going deep!
to have his own apartment. Yeah.
Tripp! Tripp!
Tripp! What happened to jibe ho?
Twice. Good.
Wait. These guys are champions? All right, all right.
Watch out! Watch it!
Watch the safety. No, no, no. No, he's in a run defense...
We are men who still live at home. Yes!
We call it the helm. Okay.
Well, yeah, but... Do it!
Were these up last night? Yeah.
What happened last night? What happened last night?
What happened? Same thing that always happens.
What has happened to you? What's happened to me?
What? I mean it.
What? I'm a boat broker. I sell boats.
What? I'm terrified, Tripp!
What? No, you don't.
What? So, this must be the date
What? You're kidding.
What's going on? Nothing.
Where's he hit? I don't know!
Why don't you sit down? No, no, no, thank you.
Wow, that's lucky. Isn't it?
Wow. Yeah.
Wow. You're feeding it a little peanut? Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty great. Wow.
Yeah! Yeah.
Yeah? Does that intimidate you?
Yeah. ...right in the closet.
Yeah. I'm gonna kill it.
Yeah. Right here.
Yeah. Listen, while we have a minute, Yeah?
Yes! When?
you can't kill a mockingbird. Why not?
You feeling it? Yeah, baby.
You had chipmunk cream? Yeah.
You have an Irish setter? Yeah!
You okay? Yeah.
You want something to drink? Yeah, sure.
You will not have died in vain! Stay down.
You're a power guy? Excuse me.
You're doing it again. What?
...I really want to talk to you about the whole
'Cause I think you guys could work things out.
'Cause it's going to take a stick of dynamite
'Cause we don't want to kill it, just sting it so it flies away.