Failure to Launch (2006) Soundboard Edit

A man ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do in his own house.

Against all odds.

Al, I don't want another recliner. I want something new

Albert!

All right, cool.

All right!

All right.

Am I out?

And blackmailed your way into getting your girlfriend.

And I know that must have been very awkward

And one truth I've learned, a child is a parent's greatest joy.

And that made you go crazy and turn into a total bitch.

And you haven't been a very good friend, either.

And you said you needed your basketball shorts,

And you, Tripp, are not.

And, usually, people leave me alone.

Anyway, it just seemed easier.

At this point, we're just waiting for his mom to kick it

Based on the initial personality assessment,

Beautiful.

Because it's all about storytelling, and myth,

Beer? Glass of wine?

Brings up the other thing I gotta tell you.

Bullshit. No, no, no, no, no, man, I'm not afraid of love.

But I can't, because there's a bird outside my window

But I'm not done with lunch.

But the second that I found out about Amy, I was gonna end it.

Bye bye, Melissa.

Can I have one?

Can I have some water?

Cheers.

Cheers.

Circumstances?

Come here.

Come on, Tripp.

Come on!

Damn it!

Deception's a poison. It's like margarine.

Did you move that umbrella stand?

Do you smell something?

Does she ever get it confused with her real life?

Don't be an idiot, Son. Your mom and I love you.

Easier.

Get the fuck out of my car

Goodbye.

Got a little family dinner

Hang on. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm too excited.

He bonds with me.

He offered to give me a full body scan next week, free of charge.

He's really sweet.

He's saying no, Tripp.

He's so tame.

He's..

Heck, when I was growing up, nobody had self esteem,

Hello.

Hey

Hey, guys.

Hey, Mom, Pop, I thought y'all were going out.

Hey!

Hey! Hey, buddy!

Hi, ladies.

Hi.

Holy moly

How cute?

How many others were there? Before me

I don't have time right now to explain to you how business works.

I don't know what your daily rate is,

I hate to say it, boys, but it is time to take the girl home.

I have a theory.

I have fun, they have fun. It's good for me, it's good for them.

I hope you like fish.

I just have a problem with a mockingbird

I know. I do, too.

I like to come home to a nice place.

I love you, too. Shake on it.

I made this beautiful dinner tonight

I promise you, when this is over,

I think it sounds kind of pretty.

I think you'll be okay. Fly

I think you're being a jackass.

I told Paula about Amy.

I want to encourage you to see past that bottomless sense of betrayal.

I was having lunch with a girlfriend

I would love to own a boat like this, but it's not the right time in my life.

I'm a power guy. Power. Like power boat.

I'm fine, guys.

I'm in uncharted waters here, boys

I'm just saying, you know, they might...

I'm pretty fortunate to still be here.

I'm real good.

I'm sorry.

I'm the explore new areas of your sexuality guy

I've experienced emotions that I didn't even know I had.

If that turns you on, then you want a powerboat

Is it a small group, like a basketball team?

Is it working now?

Is that a problem?

It's a chipmunk bite.

It's a great pleasure to meet you both.

It's a mockingbird

It's about finding a solution.

It's just coffee. You don't have to marry him.

It's nice, huh?

It's orthopedic, and I need it.

Jibe ho and making off the sheet?

Just don't go anywhere, okay?

Let's see it.

Listen, we didn't, either. Come on in.

Lives in Seattle, I think. Married an Indian girl.

Melissa

Mom, Dad, you like her. Paula, you like them

Mom, Pop, you want some more vino?

More compact?

Move, move, move!

Nice shot!

Nice talking to you.

No biting! No biting. No bite, no bite. No, no, no, no...

No, thanks. I'm just gonna stay over here till it's over.

No.

Not at all

Oh, and I just ruined everything!

Oh, come on, Tripp!

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, it's fine. I'll set another place.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! She's going to say something.

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Happy is what I'm all about

Oh! In...

Okay,

Okay, look, the salesmen don't mind because I bring them coffee,

Okay, watch this.

One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand!

Only what you take with you.

Or do you want to spend it with me?

Paula,

Paula?

Please, Tripp, let me just explain to you.

Please, you don't understand.

Really?

Remember, we're the visitors here.

Right. But for booze.

She gets serious.

She sees this elderly couple and they're holding hands,

She's miserable, Tripp

Shut up, dude! Don't help him!

Shut up! Shut up you crazy bastard bird bitch!

So how long do you think he's gonna sleep for?

So I put them in the laundry.

So that I would have to break up with you.

So we can move upstairs.

So you...

Son, you see her?

Strange.

Take a deep breath here and...

Thank you.

Thanks, Gretchen.

That does, too

That is pretty much how it works

That's good. A negotiator here. All right.

That's gorgeous!

That's nice

That's so sad

That's too many words to learn. I just want to get a suntan.

The tall one just got fired from Kinko's

Then I realized that that was only part of it.

There you are! Look alive!

There you go! Stay down, Paula! Stay down!

There's talk of making it permanent

They're still so in love.

This is a nice rock.

This is about Tripp not being an appropriate client.

This is the one I want

Those are my rules. I can change them if I need to

Together in one room. Good times.

Under the same roof.

Unless you start dancing again, you're broke.

Wait!

Was a brilliant, romantic, yet ultimately flawed idea,

We can have a little bit of fun, can't we?

We should have done the flowers.

We thought you went home.

Well,

Well, a Ionely guy with a big boat payment.

Well, I say the whole thing comes down to being afraid to spank.

Well, let's just say maybe he hasn't met the right girl

Well, look at you.

Well, this way we can share everything.

What are you doing?

What did the doctor say?

What do you say?

What is he doing? Is that a squirrel?

What, like two months ago!

What?

When we hired her, I..

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait just a second.

Why?

Wow, look at you.

Wow! Well!

Yeah, of course I am.

You don't make wind sitting on a boat in a dock

You don't need to explain to me how business works. I'm not an idiot.

You ever heard of Amy?

You gave me the look.

You got it.

You had sex with him?

You know, more chores, more responsibilities, that kind of thing

You want a treat from the big city, boy?

You're dumping Paula?

You're gonna have to start deviating.

You're insane.

You're right. Now hold on.

You're telling me it's not real?

You're the only human to my knowledge who's been bitten by a dolphin,

Don't forget your snack. Thanks.

Is it throbbing? No

Look at you! I love it.

Morning, Mom. Morning

Nice suit. How you doing? Thank you. Hi

Now! Okay.

Oh, my God! Is he okay? I don't know.

Oh, thanks. He's okay.

Okay, honey, here you go. You're the best, Mom.

Paula? Yeah.

Right. Thank you, babe. But I didn't get to it.

Thanks. Hey, Kit, good luck with the...

Thanks. She's a keeper, man

There she is. Hey, Paula. Hi

Tripp! Tripp?

What is it? It's your money

Yeah. But his permanent address

You know, I do have a question. Absolutely. Anything.

You ready? Yeah.