Being the Ricardos Edit

A big hit television show... what does it get?

A couple of days before shooting started,

A hit television show today...

A list of insane restrictions, which might even include

A long time ago, Lucy accidentally checked the wrong box on her voter registration.

A lot of choices.

A man named Sydney Guilaroff was Metro's chief hair stylist.

A more handsome, charming man than Desi you've never met.

A private session, called her in again, and that's why we're sitting here.

A secret session in California.

A ton.

A witch puts a curse on a woman.

About a minute.

About Desi when Winchell came on.

After all, I gave him the best years of my life.

After hours of testimony, the committee concluded unambiguously

After the testimony, they stamped "canceled" on the card,

Again...

Agreed.

Ah, baby.

Ah, Des, I'm begging you, don't ask.

Ah, I'm way ahead of you.

Ah, it's not.

Ah, let's go back.

Ah, Ricky Ricardo loves America.

Ah, you're on a roll.

Ah! What do we have here?

Ah.

Ah. (sighs)

All right, all right, now you're even.

All right, holding. Get Des.

All right, let's go.

All right, no problem.

All right, then.

All right, well, we'll get back to the flowers.

All right.

All right.

All right. (clears throat)

All right. Nice.

Also you ran with a bottle of champagne in your hand?

Am I comfortable with that?

Am I right, Jess?

Ambition?

Amor, get it through your head.

An eight episode arc starting with Lucy telling Ricky the happy news

And action.

And all I have to do to keep it is kill every week for 36 weeks in a row,

And and even if they did, we don't want to see this girl pregnant.

And and it's not the first time you've asked me to do that, is it?

And answering questions about why motherhood is too salacious

And at the world's worst time.

And covers her eyes with his hands."

And Desi gets his back up and says...

And Desi said?

And do I call you Charlie?

And doing it in front of the whole crew!

And Ethel is married to her grandfather, and it's understood,

And following your advice, maybe every once in a while,

And for the next 30 minutes, I don't want to hear a word that is not in this script.

And go skinny dipping in the pool?

And Hamer's a Communist?

And he misses you when you're in two different places.

And I can cinch the back a little.

And I cut one of the stems, but now it's too short.

And I cut you off.

And I didn't check the wrong box.

And I don't know what you think I owe you.

And I don't want to do the version with my pants off in front of 200 people.

And I have no idea what the fuck you were talking about, Bill.

And I haven't been here because I've been directing at Danny Thomas.

And I haven't heard anything.

And I made one more call to someone, and I believe he's still on the line.

And I pretend I'm stupid, so I'm moving out.

And I saw the card.

And I still can't believe it... an even worse movie.

And I will never doubt your love for me again."

And I'd have to stand behind them anytime I wasn't doing the wash.

And I'll do something about it, but right now...

And I'll do whatever you decide."

And I'm trying to get them just right.

And I've put the decision in his hands.

And if Little Rusty is a Communist,

And if that wasn't enough, he is camera ready on Monday.

And if they don't applaud?

And in previous episodes, we've established

And it takes me a minute and a half to pick a horse.

And it worked out.

And it works pretty well for you, too. Very well.

And it works.

And it's not like you don't owe me a couple.

And Madelyn was a hundred percent right.

And my fervent wish for you is that, one day,

And neither will Philip Morris. Lucy...

And nobody's picked it up?

And not for nothing, but the women are happy.

And now a new message, which is that I look too good.

And now those crappy little parts in pictures you wouldn't pay a nickel to see

And our editor died.

And pull your fucking lungs out. (pops lips)

And put it back in my pocket.

And she needs to be smarter?

And she stomps g****s.

And she'll be back when she's back.

And that man, believe me, is nobody's second banana.

And that wasn't even why I married him.

And that's something for which they won't soon forgive you.

And that's why no one's reporting on Winchell.

And that's why you're talking to me and not Jess.

And the four of us, the cast, we can see the audience.

And the script indicates that Ricky takes his hands away from Lucy's eyes,

And the stage direction for Ricky says "burning."

And the star of I Love Lucy, Lucille Ball!

And then another seven weeks after that before I won't fit in the frame.

And then do it again the next year.

And then I'm going to bring you out

And then merrily, in a slightly exaggerated manner,

And then notices the table setup."

And then took my handkerchief and wiped the lipstick off

And they get their money's worth, so give us a minute, would you?

And they'll loan us Holliday or Hayworth,

And they're smart and tough and they outsmart the men.

And this morning, we'd be reading about it on the front page of every paper.

And to be clear, by "cut the flowers," I mean...

And turns her around."

And unless you count his wardrobe, Donald Glass doesn't understand

And we are joined by a number of members of the press.

And we can put it on the agenda?

And we didn't want to lose Fonda.

And we put her in situations where it's hard not to lie.

And we think it's a shame that no one gets to see it.

And we work from there. What's that one?

And we're about to run into a penalty, so...

And we're having the baby on the show.

And what do you mean it's not the first time

And what was with you at the table read?

And when can we expect you to be funny?

And you abandoned the car there?

And you also know what it is Desi does around here.

And you cheat on me every chance you can get,

And you know what? She'd have blown the doors off the place.

And you liked my answer.

And you said you'd never done that before.

And you say, "Guess who."

And you should go fuck yourself, Betsy.

And you should remind props that I need garden shears in the opening scene.

And you're gonna want to hear what they have to say.

And you're Lucille Ball.

And your ambition is to live in a bigger house.

And, yes, I would.

ANNOUNCER (over radio): It's time, America, time for Walter Winchell.

ANNOUNCER: And now, Lucille Ball with Richard Denning

ANNOUNCER: Yes, it's the gay family series,

Another generation?

Any cultural differences will make for good comedy.

Anyone as brilliant as you were in The Big Street

Anyone at Philip Morris?

Are none of them professional television directors?

Are on an empty soundstage at 2:00 in the morning,

Are there any g**** vineyards around here?

Are they being polite or do they not recognize us?

Are we supposed to believe that Ricky believes that Lucy

Are you being funny right now?

Are you drunk?

Are you interviewing me?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you still with me, sir?

Are you sure this isn't a joke?

Arguing about why we don't have more time.

As a voter intending to affiliate with the Communist Party.

As Liz and George Cooper, two people who live together and like it.

As the underlying premise for a running joke,

As we've heard him do a hundred times, he says...

As you can see, it was not picked up by any newspaper.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Jess.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Okay, positions, everyone.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Quiet on set. Bell!

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Quiet please! Rehearsal's up!

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: That's 15.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: This is places for scene "A"!

At the end of the broadcast.

At the top, it should be clear

Ay, maybe it'd be better if we didn't spend the little time we have

Ay, what do I mean?

Back onstage for notes!

Back then, it wasn't considered much worse than being a Republican.

Back.

Bataan was a hit.

Because he plays Ricky, which he does get a screen credit for.

Because I have talent.

Because I think you should get off this loony diet you're on.

Because it's television.

Because the front door is, you know,

Because the show is tomorrow and I'm fine talking about it now.

Because they're Spanish names.

Because this is the evening edition headline in the Herald Express.

Because we want you at the weight you were when we cast you.

Because you are the "I" in I Love Lucy.

Before the table read. You told them I checked the wrong box.

Believe me, you checked the wrong box!

Believe me, you do not want me to read this sober.

BELLMAN: There is one little town called Turo

Bette Davis, Bacall, Hepburn.

Between 9:00 and 9:30 on Monday nights.

Bill and I can work out the moves.

Bill said, "One way or the other." That's gallows humor.

Bill?

Bill?

Bill? Sam?

Bob and Jess and I were up all weekend

BOB: I think we can get more out of "hypocrite."

BOB: The part.

BOBBY: You got it, Bill.

Build us a little apartment, and that's where we'll live most of the time."

But all your other ideas were good.

But he cared about workers, the working man.

But he holds out his hand and blocks the way."

But her publicist brought her a copy on Sunday night.

But hired as a Goldwyn Girl, and that's what took me out here.

But I don't make that decision.

But I was cleared.

But I was looking forward to you coming out on tour.

But instead of playing the hands over the eyes guessing game,

But it really stops there.

But it should have everything to do with my performance in The Big Street.

But it was Lucy and Desi, so they were either tearing each other's heads off

But it was the original version that made it on the air,

But it's very much my problem, okay?

But lose the IRS scene.

But more people watched the birth of Little Ricky

But only as long as she stays on this...

But still, now we're talking.

But technically, yeah, I am.

But that doesn't mean he's not Cuban.

But that he really believes there are at least seven other men

But that week...

But that...

But that's not what I need to talk to you about.

But the business at the dinner table has to be precise.

But the Herald Express took the word "canceled" out of the document altogether.

But then last week, uh, William Wheeler convened a special session out here,

But there's another shoe.

But unless the story's about me playing cards on the boat...

But we'll overcome that because, frankly, we're not doing Uncle Vanya.

But whatever script you're working on now,

But when does it start photography?

But you ain't gonna do that, right?

But you didn't lose money, did you?

But you do need to know that Danny does jokes... few people do it better.

But you're 35 now.

But your first words out of the gate were no good.

But, like I said, I give him credit.

But, yeah, he's insulted.

But, yeah, it was a scary goddamn week.

By all means, let's unnecessarily add more to what you're worried about this week.

By jumping up and down on everyone who works here

By the IRS agent to corroborate, she can't tell a lie, so...

By the queen of the "B" movies, Lucille Ball.

Call this man.

Called Too Many Girls.

Came up with the same joke at the same time?

Can call me Betsy and I wouldn't care.

Can I ask an impertinent question?

Can I call you Lucy?

Can I make a suggestion?

Can you see where CBS might be concerned that there's an it to have?

Can't get better till it gets bad.

Can't just be a scrum.

Carry a basket of laundry in every scene.

CBS does television?

CBS Television.

CBS wouldn't let us use the word "pregnant."

Come in.

Come on in.

Come on in.

Come on.

Come with me for a drink.

Conf... We're about to do a show.

Copy.

Could be worse.

Could she at least smoke one of the seven brands Philip Morris offers?

Crappy little roles in pictures I wouldn't pay a nickel to see

Damon Runyon left town before principal photography,

Dance, Girl, Dance, playing a burlesque girl

David Hart, head of current programming, CBS.

David Levy, head of comedy development, CBS.

Day three and still no pickup on the Winchell story.

Department stores used to be open late on Monday nights.

Des.

DESI (chuckles): She has a pretty good point.

Desi and his orchestra were booked at Ciro's.

Desi and I have a deal that I won't be drunk at work.

Desi Arnaz is a phenomenally talented man.

Desi has an idea.

Desi loves America as much as that guy.

Desi says, "Thank you," turns back to Lucy and says...

Desi was on a soundstage working with a piano and a drum and Ann Miller.

Desi would be done with work around 4:00 a.m.

Desi, does that work for you?

DESI: "...for I see now that this picture was taken not last Wednesday night

DESI: (chuckles) She's kidding.

DESI: ♪ She could shake the maracas ♪

DESI: Gee, honey, are you sure those bandages are fake?

DESI: Hmm.

DESI: I haven't read the story in the magazine,

DESI: I was passed out a lot of that time.

DESI: It is "Westing gouse."

DESI: Lucy?

DESI: Oye, easy does it.

DESI: Say, "G H O S T."

DESI: She'll start showing in about

DESI: She's 12 weeks pregnant.

DESI: That's somebody's niece.

DESI: The evening edition.

DESI: This vineyard is located in the 19th century?

DESI: Why do you even read that magazine?

DESI: Why does she want to go to a vineyard?

DESI: Why not?

DESI: Yes. We will never argue again.

DESI: You don't pronounce an "H" after a "G."

Desi!

Desi!

Desi's asking to see you in his office.

Desi's entrance, we shoot it both ways and see which one gets the bigger laugh.

Desilu, Lucy's whole career... mine, too...

Did anyone know that?

Did something happen?

Did you get all that?

Do we have viewers who don't know how women get pregnant?

Do we know each other?

Do you get what's happening here?

Do you know that this is not funny?

Do you see Desi as the fifth vice president of a bank?

Does it need to sound ominous? Can't they just come in?

Does Ricky honestly, truly believe that there might be eight different men

Does the FBI have any evidence of wrongdoing?

Does the FBI have any reason to believe that Lucille Ball is a Communist?

Doesn't a P.A. bring you breakfast every day?

Doesn't make me look like a simpleton

Doesn't the table look beautiful tonight?

Doesn't the table look beautiful tonight?

Don't fuck with the Cuban."

Don't make me feel like a bitch because I want to see my husband.

Don't panic. It's simple.

DONALD: All right, let's cut and go again.

DONALD: And we cut. Good.

DONALD: Back to right before Vivian's entrance.

DONALD: Bill, that line's got to take you over to the table.

DONALD: From, "You're right, he's not going to do me out of dinner."

Each move has to be articulate.

Eight weeks.

Elbow him.

Enjoy your evening.

Episode... no, episode nine is now "Lucy Tells Ricky She's Pregnant,"

Especially when his wife is accused of being un American.

Ethel elbows Fred harder.

ETHEL: I can hardly wait to hear you tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.

Ever since I started doing this show, rain bounces off my hair.

Every business decision... the network, Philip Morris.

Every creative decision goes through him.

Every decision I make is based on being near you.

Every reporter within 20 minutes of this soundstage.

Every single decision.

Every time you say you've got good news, it's usually good for you and bad for me.

Everyone almost lost their jobs.

Everyone here stands shoulder to shoulder with you and no one feels funny

Everything's gonna be fine.

Except I don't want to do My Favorite Husband.

Except instead of "Cuban Pete" and the joke about the turtle,

Excuse me?

Excuse me. Donald.

Fellas, can we, um...

Few times a week.

Fight World War II.

First Jess, then the network, then Philip Morris.

First thing, we take this, move it upstage so the camera can see you.

Flat tire!

For a minute there.

For a total of?

For Ricky is funny.

For the crime of being the mayor of a city.

For the love of God, old man, this isn't hard.

For the next 48 hours.

For the record, I won my bet with Desi.

For the rest of the year while continuing to pay our contracts

For the sake of the joke, the audience will take the leap with us.

For your family...

For your rumba number in the movie.

Four. No harm done.

Fred C. Hunt, my grandfather, was a member of the party.

Fred elbows Ethel a little harder.

Fred tells him, "It's a person who says one thing

French toast, bacon and potatoes.

From, "You're right, he's not going to do me out of dinner."

Fuck the committee.

Fuck you.

Fucking madness.

Gehrig came in, didn't come out for 40 years.

Gehrig was his understudy.

Give their approval, and the press will write about it.

Go forward or go back to the dinner scene?

Goddamn it, Viv, most American women look like you, not me.

Good china, silver, et cetera."

Good china, silver, et cetera."

Good job.

Good morning!

Good morning.

Good, because if I'm rewritten by a priest, a minister and a rabbi,

Good?

Good.

Got it.

Got it.

Got to give me credit. When I lie, I give it up pretty quick.

Gracias.

Grandpa Fred raised me from when I was age four.

Grandpa Fred was wrong, Lucy!

Grandpa Fred, Grandpa Fred.

Gruen, the finest watch you can wear.

Half naked?

Hang on!

Has a photostatic copy of the affidavit showing you registered in 1936

Has a very narrow definition of manhood.

Have I read anything about Lucille Ball being a Communist.

Have the room for just a moment?

Have you been cheating on me?

Have you ever had a week like this?

Have you ever seen me drunk at work?

Have you ever subscribed to a publication...

He can't understand why Lucy doesn't notice he's home any more than we can.

He cared about the little guy. He cared about workers' rights.

He could have been talking about Imogene Coca.

He devised the camera system that we use.

He does have to.

He does. I'm a witness.

He doesn't get credit as an executive producer,

He dyed her hair a new color.

He had to sign a loyalty pledge.

He has to spend time away from you so that he can feel like he's not the...

He is American.

He just flat out died.

He loves being an American.

He makes a lot of creative decisions, too.

He means how far, as a percentage of nine months...

He means the meat.

He never used the word "Communist."

He plays it for the studio audience.

He puts his hands over her eyes and says...

He raised my little brother and me, and I wanted to please him.

He runs this show.

He said, "The most popular of all television stars was..."

He speaks Spanish. He was born in Cuba.

He stands there for a full beat, and then another,

He was a sergeant in the U.S. Army and he served in the war.

He was not talking about Imogene Coca.

He was playing cards on the boat Wednesday night.

He was playing cards on the boat Wednesday.

He wasn't insulted. He was laughing about it.

He'd never cheat on his taxes.

He's a hack.

He's betting that the audience will accept the truth,

He's expecting my call.

He's grateful to this country.

He's in second grade, and they made him sign a loyalty oath

He's invited press.

He's killing it at the table read.

He's mesmerized by you, Lucille.

He's never been to Spain in his life.

He's not gonna do me out of dinner.

He's seven years old.

He's the one who thought up Lucy being pregnant on the show.

He's the reason the East Coast doesn't see the show on a foggy kinescope.

He's thinking a lot about killing you now.

He's upset.

Here's Desi Arnaz!

Here's to your new baby.

Here's what you got to understand.

Here's what you have to understand.

Here's what you have to understand.

Hey, company for dinner?

Hey, don't.

Hey, is now a good time?

Hey, Luce?

Hey, Maddie.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. The whole piece was invented out of thin air?

Hi. Sorry.

Hiding me behind boxes and chairs,

His father was the mayor of Santiago, Cuba's second largest city.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Holding?

Honestly had no idea this place was here.

Honey, I read seven newspapers every day.

Honey, the committee.

How about we do it once with your pants on and once with your pants off?

How about you come to the club more to watch the show?

How did you know Patty was short for Patricia?

How do you like the new water glasses, Ricky?

How do you think I got to be a woman in a comedy room?

How long?

How many people know that?

How many people know that?

How many times you got to 'splain?

How much pregnant are you?

How they pick the g****s, how they press the juice out with their feet.

How would she know I hadn't had breakfast?

How?

Howard Wenke, also CBS.

HOWARD: We don't want to bring Mr. Lyons into this.

I am the "I" in I Love Lucy.

I asked you to do me a favor, Jess.

I asked you to give him an E.P. credit, that's all.

I asked, "Did you know you don't come home anymore?"

I believe you.

I borrowed part of your tuxedo.

I brought it up at the table read Monday. There haven't been new pages.

I called all the members of the committee.

I called the chairman of the committee.

I called the editor of the Herald Express.

I can figure out what.

I can see him owning the bank.

I can see it.

I can't do that, and I'm just impressed.

I can't get them.

I can't prioritize the director's feelings over the health of the show.

I can't remember the first line, but we...

I can't remember what her cue was.

I can't see him being the fifth vice president of anything.

I cannot go through that again.

I care about what works, Maddie.

I care about what's funny.

I care about you.

I couldn't understand the difference between those two line readings.

I created this character with you. (chuckles softly)

I dare you.

I definitely feel like performing for tens of millions of people now.

I did the calculation.

I did. I had a cup of coffee and half a g****fruit.

I didn't even know newspapers had red ink.

I didn't get it till about two hours ago.

I didn't hear you.

I didn't say that.

I didn't win my credit in a raffle! I earn it.

I do it all the time.

I do physical comedy.

I do.

I don't care what your first thoughts out of the gate were,

I don't get to choose just one.

I don't have a rumba number in the movie.

I don't have that kind of time.

I don't hear anyone talking about it.

I don't hire the directors.

I don't know what Lucy and Desi were doing,

I don't know who the fuck Little Rusty is.

I don't know why this is tripping you up. It wasn't confusing.

I don't mean "cut the flowers." I mean cut the flowers.

I don't mean literally cutting the flowers in the scene...

I don't ordinarily come to meetings like this.

I don't scare that easy.

I don't see how we could do the show without Desi either.

I don't see how we could do the show without you.

I don't see myself caring about a woman's perspective from a new generation.

I don't understand.

I doubt it, but...

I feel great.

I get paid a fortune to do exactly what I love doing.

I get plenty scared.

I get that there wasn't a stampede to the box office,

I give him a lot of credit for that.

I go home after work, you go to the boat.

I go out and meet him when he's touring, he brings me up for some sketches,

I got it.

I got kicked out of acting school for not being good enough.

I got kicked out of New York.

I got news for you: the less you talk, the more things you hear,

I got the female lead in The Big Street.

I got the part.

I got to 'splain where I was and what I was doing?

I got you some breakfast from the commissary.

I guess they do.

I had a picture open five days ago.

I had no idea it was gonna be a hit.

I hadn't.

I have to exercise my directorial authority.

I have.

I heard on Winchell the other night that you were a Communist.

I I could stay home and be kept by my wife.

I interrupted you. What were you saying?

I just don't understand why, in an apartment this size, Lucy doesn't hear...

I just this minute told Lucy that we don't talk about who wrote what.

I just thought, "Well, the construction department's gonna

I just want it to be a different show.

I just want to say, when I drink, I take off my clothes."

I just wanted to say that this show is made by Desilu Productions,

I just won't.

I know how you're feeling right now.

I know I could any second.

I know it seems like no one said congratulations,

I know that!

I know why you like drinking.

I know you know.

I know, but listen.

I know.

I know.

I know. I read the script, and I'm very, I'm very happy, Lucy,

I know. I'm just saying.

I like doing laundry. I never get the chance.

I like this a lot, Tommy.

I live in a small house.

I look young, yes, but I went through it a long time ago,

I Love Lucy, episode 204.

I Love Lucy: 60 million.

I love you.

I made some phone calls.

I mean Latin names.

I mean, I know he's insulted, so I'm sorry.

I mean, she always has a plan to overcome an obstacle.

I mean, that'd really complete the picture Americans have of Cuban men.

I mean, they just cheered for you out there.

I meant about the flowers.

I navigate male egos for a living, bud.

I need to use the phone to call my fiancé.

I need you to help me save my marriage.

I need you to help me save my marriage.

I never thought of it that way.

I play the roles I'm told to play.

I really don't know.

I said that. I'm talking about the show.

I said what I felt.

I said, "This will all be over by show night."

I said, "Yeah," but I did not...

I say I've got some good news and you say, "Uh oh"?

I see what you think is the problem.

I see you 1/20th as much as your second trombone player.

I see.

I sent a telegram to Alfred Lyons.

I should've stuck with ambition.

I shouldn't have piled on this week.

I still don't know why they did that.

I suppose.

I sure know that, Lucy.

I take my marriage seriously.

I think everyone's acquainted, but let's go around. Joe.

I think I know why you want to see me.

I think they want to pay you less because you're not as funny as I am.

I think they're talking about you.

I think we have mimeos for everyone.

I think we should keep this professional, don't you?

I think you're having a little bit of a breakdown.

I think you're saying the audience is.

I think, given the time, we should move on.

I think...

I thought it was great.

I thought so, too.

I thought they were gonna boo.

I thought you said Fred and Ethel had a big fight and they were mad at each other.

I thought you'd be the first one to refuse to work with her.

I told you it was gonna be like this.

I understand

I understand it's a setup.

I understand there's a casting issue.

I understood the metaphor so long ago.

I wanted to circle back again and express

I wanted to fix this beat.

I wanted to fix this beat.

I wanted to make sure because you haven't been here in a while.

I was answering Mr. Macy.

I was chased to this country, Lucy!

I was cleared.

I was dead wrong.

I was doing some laundry and...

I was good.

I was just gonna say.

I was just told.

I was on the boat playing cards.

I was only in vaudeville 40 years,

I was raised by my mother and my grandfather, a man named Fred C. Hunt.

I was there when it was taken.

I wasn't expecting that.

I wasn't making myself clear?

I wasn't sure. You're quite a ways away.

I watched Jack Benny.

I will.

I won't say names, but it's been dealt with.

I won't say who wrote what, but I can tell you

I work side by side with my husband, who is genuinely impressed by me.

I would strongly prefer that we do it now.

I would think it appropriate she be so credited.

I would. I'd say a lot.

I... (exhales heavily) I couldn't sleep.

I... I showed what I can do, and that's just the beginning of what I can do.

I'd like everyone but Howard to leave the room.

I'd like to find out what's going on before I make that commitment.

I'd like to sell out Chicago and Miami, too.

I'd like to sell out New York.

I'd like very much to have problems at home, but my problem's not home that much.

I'd love for someone to bring me breakfast.

I'd love to hear more of that Moss Hart wit on the show.

I'd take the other side of that bet.

I'd tell you an old joke about a turtle.

I'll be funny by Friday.

I'll be getting the roles that go to Rita and Judy and Bette.

I'll be where I always am.

I'll bet you my next paycheck against your next paycheck

I'll come wherever you are on the weekends.

I'll cut one of the flowers.

I'll cut the other flowers, they'll be too short, and so on.

I'll never make up with him after the things he said.

I'll send someone to pick up my clothes, okay?

I'm a contract player at RKO.

I'm about to make you less comfortable.

I'm at peace with that.

I'm concerned with both, the first thing, second thing.

I'm Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y de Acha III, but just my mother calls me that.

I'm drunk, too.

I'm fine.

I'm from the Midwest.

I'm going to explain that you checked the wrong box,

I'm going to have a priest, a minister and a rabbi review every script.

I'm going to show them the canceled document,

I'm going to tell them what happened.

I'm going to warm up the audience the way I always do,

I'm gonna drive you home.

I'm gonna fix this.

I'm gonna get rewritten by a priest, a minister and a rabbi?

I'm gonna restage the dinner scene.

I'm here to deliver a hard truth.

I'm in my room taking my midmorning nap.

I'm in the chorus and I wanted to say I'm looking forward to working with you.

I'm indifferent.

I'm interested in the idea of doing My Favorite Husband on television.

I'm just saying...

I'm less fond of the committee.

I'm Lou Gehrig.

I'm Lucille Ball. When I'm being funny, you'll know it.

I'm minding my own business, listening to Walter Winchell, and bam.

I'm not a Communist, I've never been a Communist,

I'm not an idiot. I didn't check the wrong box.

I'm not doing that tonight, and here's why.

I'm not sure what you're asking.

I'm now standing in front of a studio audience in Hollywood, California,

I'm opposite Henry Fonda.

I'm pregnant.

I'm reading scripts.

I'm ready and eager to do a half hour domestic comedy for CBS,

I'm saying he's seven years old and they made him sign a loyalty pledge.

I'm saying I count on you to be the firewall, to be...

I'm saying, why wasn't he home, where I and our daughter were?

I'm showing you this because it'll come in handy

I'm sorry your mother looks like a weasel.

I'm sorry, Des, we're gonna have to put our foot down on this one.

I'm sorry. She was jumping on every stage direction.

I'm starting to get a little tired of your casual insults.

I'm sure it's 10:15 somewhere.

I'm sure of that.

I'm sure there's an explanation. This will all be over by show night.

I'm surprised because you're terrible at it.

I'm the executive producer of this show.

I'm the one trying, every week, to...

I'm the showrunner! Not to mention being the creator of the show.

I'm thinking Lucy's invited her to dinner.

I'm... (clears throat) not sure what words to use.

I've already made the calls.

I've been at the studio for almost ten years.

I've been in a current comedy at CBS and I've never heard of either of you.

I've been in it since I was 14!

I've been living on peanut butter sandwiches.

I've got people who'll let me know the moment an editor thinks about it.

I've had to have this conversation a hundred times.

I've heard you make some form of that joke before.

I've lived through the Depression, the Dust Bowl.

I've never been in the president's office.

I've seen other people do it in movies I've been in.

I've thought it, if that means anything.

If Lucy Ricardo's pregnant, the audience's mind immediately goes

If Lucy's gonna be pregnant... Lucy Ricardo...

If the role of my husband... let's call him Shmezy... is played by Desi.

If the theater had the only available air conditioning.

If they boo me?

If they boo you...

If they live past tomorrow, have to live in a reality

If we'd met, I'd remember.

If you tape a show Friday night, means you still have a show.

If your wife played Lucy once in a while,

In fact, most business decisions are made by Desi.

In full view of the audience?

In none of those seven newspapers

In serious movies.

In the course of one week,

In the g****s.

In the meantime, please remember that Lucy and Ricky and Fred and Ethel,

In the portfolio of the Columbia Broadcasting System,

Instead, I think Broadcast Standards and Practices will give you

Instead, you tried to convince him he was the title character or some bullshit.

Invent a way to see what's on the radio.

Irwin Gotlieb, attorney for Desilu.

Is he talking about having me killed?

Is it because you've been going through puberty?

Is it just me or have you lost a little weight?

Is Lucy on the phone too long at the top?

Is she talking to me?

Isn't it possible that two comedy writers working on the same script

It comes with pants, but, uh, I'm wearing them.

It does.

It does.

It doesn't mean anything, Lucy.

It got to me.

It has to be coherent, because if it's anything goes, then nothing's funny.

It It's a telegram for Mr. Arnaz.

It just...

It may have been the only time she ever went up on a line.

It may have ended last night and we just don't know it yet.

It needed to be fixed.

It seemed like she just got lost in her own head for a second.

It sounds like she was...

It was a critical hit.

It was a tribute to him, and to say that I checked the wrong...

It was a very scary week.

It was all my fault.

It was almost like that.

It was Desi's line.

It was good.

It was like her life depended on whether a joke was a "B" or "B" plus.

It was simpler, and it's nobody's goddamn business.

It was terrible.

It was the new bit Lucy put in.

It was Tino.

It wasn't a small favor.

It wasn't Jess?

It wasn't small potatoes when Winchell ended his broadcast by saying...

It won't take long. We just need to make an adjustment.

It works pretty well for him.

It would have been at the top of the show, not the bottom,

It would have led to better parts, except I had to go to...

It would've changed the course of baseball.

It'll be funny.

It'll just take a second.

It's 10:00 a.m.

It's 10:00 a.m., Vivian, so, you know, of course.

It's 30 minutes between races at Santa Anita,

It's a bad idea.

It's a beautiful spring day and Liz is just going to the kitchen

It's a good thing the Mertzes had their awning up.

It's a line from our movie, dumb dumb.

It's a privilege doing this show with you.

It's a tough business.

It's all over!

It's all right.

It's an old picture. We were there together.

It's been a long time, but I remember that week.

It's called Make Room for Daddy. Don't tell me comedy.

It's her process.

It's hit cruising altitude.

It's in four inch type.

It's just a female perspective from another generation.

It's just been a compound fracture of a week.

It's just my way of saying I have no confidence in you at all.

It's just that I got the sense that we...

It's just unusual because it's radio.

It's like a story you'd read a little girl.

It's like when you're not sure if you've left the oven unlocked.

It's madness.

It's me. Hey.

It's nonsense, and it will get worse before it gets better.

It's not a punch. I'm having a baby.

It's not gonna take long.

It's not good for Ethel.

It's not good for you.

It's not hard.

It's not like you've suddenly given voice to your feelings.

It's not that I'm not confident that you can't work out...

It's not you.

It's raining.

It's six to five and pick 'em

It's something new for the character.

It's still "Vitameatavegamin."

It's still a lot more than most people get.

It's time for My Favorite Husband, starring Lucille Ball.

It's working.

Jell O, everybody!

JESS (chuckles): Yeah.

Jess, it's your stage.

Jess, why don't you tell your supporting cast that we don't work for him either.

Jess, you know how much I value you.

JESS: "Lucy elaborately ignores him."

JESS: "She tries to make her way past him on her way to the kitchen,

JESS: Act one, "Interior, the Ricardo's living room, night."

JESS: And we fade to black. End of show.

JESS: It doesn't matter right now.

JESS: It was a scary week.

JESS: Let's go!

JESS: No, it was interesting.

JESS: We'll get there. The point is

JESS: Yeah. Madelyn had a good idea.

Jesus Christ, I just proved out there that the Herald Express got it wrong.

Jesus, Lulu. Four inch type?

Jim, let's go!

JOE: Howard.

JOE: Jesus Christ.

Jose?

Judy Holliday does one thing very well, but it's just one thing.

Judy Holliday? Go to hell.

Just hang on.

Just like that.

Just like with Lou Costello and Stan Laurel, and you get paid.

Katy, I've got some good news for you.

Keep putting me in pictures like The Big Street, you won't hear it again.

Kid, what's going on?

Kid.

Kill.

Kind of people go to a bar on a Wednesday morning?

Know all about that. Did a Damon Runyon picture.

Know what?

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my wife

Last night, I felt it was...

Last week, my wife, Lucille Ball,

Last week, she testified in a closed session.

Let me be clear.

Let me explain why.

Let me take you home.

Let me tell you something about Desi.

Let that be the best thing I ever wrote.

Let's do it again.

Let's do the show. Yeah?

Let's go crazy and say 15.

Let's go to my dressing room and call Desi.

Let's go, please.

Let's just forget about this for a half hour.

Let's run it a couple of times at speed. Hmm?

Let's run it at speed.

Let's talk about it after lunch.

Let's talk about this after lunch, huh?

LEVY: Is it too early to raise a glass?

LEVY: Lucy, we've been here to the show a few times now.

Like for old folks?

Like Lucy turns to Desi and says,

Like Lucy waiting for him at home, would Desi be foolish enough..."

Listen to me.

Listen, why don't we get together for a drink or a swim this weekend,

Little Rusty Hamer, when he signed his contract...

Look for something else, and start working on the first pregnancy show.

Look, I'm not here to get a job for my nephew.

Look, I've noticed there's a lot you can do with your voice.

Look, we've made 37 episodes.

Look, what you got to understand is this.

Look...

Looked at Lucy and said, "The hair is brown but the soul is on fire."

Looking back, it may have been an insult aimed at Lucy.

Lou Gehrig, instead of grabbing his glove, toured with his husband's Latin orchestra.

Love you. But, you know, not really.

Luce.

Luce.

LUCILLE (breathlessly): Everything in the magazine was made up?

Lucille Ball is a member of the Communist Party.

Lucille Ball's a threat to the American way of life?

LUCILLE: "Ghost."

LUCILLE: "He didn't come home and he hasn't called.

LUCILLE: "Westinghouse."

LUCILLE: But the character's still Ethel Mertz, right?

LUCILLE: Can't imagine why.

LUCILLE: Desi's gonna tell the audience.

LUCILLE: I'll take a tetanus shot.

LUCILLE: I'm hazing you a little, Donald.

LUCILLE: Lucy guesses some names.

LUCILLE: Madelyn?

LUCILLE: Now do your thing.

LUCILLE: Since last night? Since 27 hours ago?

LUCILLE: Thank you.

LUCILLE: Thanks for coming down.

LUCILLE: That's tomorrow's Confidential.

LUCILLE: Well, then you're an idiot.

LUCILLE: When I say, "I took the liberty of asking

LUCILLE: Where the hell have you been, you Cuban dimwit?!

LUCILLE: Why? What's the matter?

LUCILLE: You don't have to fuck off,

LUCILLE: You philandering bongo player!

LUCILLE: You're not in trouble.

LUCILLE: You're right.

Lucy and Desi almost lost their lives.

Lucy and Ethel go to an Italian vineyard.

Lucy and I were close.

Lucy and Ricky redecorate, huh?

Lucy and Ricky sleep in separate beds.

Lucy continues the teasing.

Lucy doesn't acknowledge him.

Lucy doesn't see or hear him, which is unusual

Lucy Esmeralda McGillicuddy Ricardo.

Lucy had to be in hair and makeup at 5:00 a.m.

Lucy is so focused on making the table nice

Lucy is trimming the flowers on the table.

Lucy just wanted to move on.

Lucy owned three houses, but sometimes, when she fell into a funk,

Lucy Ricardo is gonna have a baby on television.

Lucy Ricardo is married to a man six years younger than she is,

Lucy Ricardo will be pregnant on the show.

Lucy was under contract at RKO.

Lucy, I'm home!

Lucy, let me out of here!

Lucy, Lucy, Jesus.

Lucy, who is it?

Lucy, you need to tell me right here and now what the hell is going on.

LUCY: Bill? Pat?

LUCY: How do you like the new water glasses, Ricky?

LUCY: Okay, it's started.

LUCY: Why?

Lucy?

Lucy?

Lucy's dumb?

Lucy's eyes and ears are connected to her brain.

Lucy's fine. I mean either's fine.

Lucy's pregnant.

Lucy's sitting in the living room, too, and of course when she's asked

Maddie, I love you.

Madelyn came up with the joke just seconds after I did.

Madelyn was way out of line, and I'll talk to Jess.

MADELYN: ...Ricky gets a visit from the IRS, and the guy wants to ask about

MADELYN: "Because those are Spanish names.

MADELYN: After 47 hours,

MADELYN: Okay, so we find the one vineyard where they still stomp g****s.

MADELYN: Ricky bets Lucy that she can't go two days without lying,

MADELYN: What does that have to do with stomping g****s?

Madelyn's a staff writer. She doesn't bring people their breakfast.

MAN (on phone, amplified): Yes.

MAN: That's fine.

MAN: This way, Miss Ball! Hollywood Citizen!

Many people regard Lucy as clever.

Mary Pat, cut the flowers.

Mary Pat, would you mind asking Desi if I can come see him?

Mary Pat, would you mind giving us the room for a moment please?

May be the last time we're out here.

Maybe they get some large ficus trees.

Maybe we're out of this.

Maybe.

Me?

Meeting with the network and the sponsor right now.

Memorize this.

MGM had her in for a Technicolor test,

Might've been Lucy in All About Eve.

Miss Rosen, will you come in please, with a pad and pen?

Miss Rosen!

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. I've, uh, I got two gentlemen out here who'd like to meet you,

Mm, so did you.

Mm.

Mm. Don Glass is directing this week?

Mm. I'm not sure I'd say a lot.

Mm. It's just not your day.

Mm. Nice dry delivery.

Mm... future.

Mondays through Fridays.

Moreover, we work very well together.

Morning, guys.

Mr. Koerner isn't the president. He's the head of production.

Mr. Lyons doesn't get involved at this level.

Mr. Oppenheimer is here to see you with Mr. Carroll and Miss Pugh.

My ambition is to live in a home.

My ambition? For tonight?

My career's gone as far as it's gonna go.

My entire relationship with Communism is, 20 years ago, I checked a box.

My face, my body, my voice, that's all I get to work with.

My friend and I saw the midnight show and the 2:00 a.m.

My gang.

My point is you're not the problem.

My position is not gonna change.

My serious concern about Ricky's entrance at the top.

Nah.

Never French toast.

No matter what's going on, we all support you a thousand percent.

No one's gonna mess with you ever, Lucy.

No one's gonna stop loving Lucy when you're pregnant.

No one's noticed that?

No, but we work in Hollywood, and something tells me

No, Desi's at home with the baby. We can do this.

No, he's offended. I'm insulted.

No, I don't mean ambition.

No, I haven't been.

No, I was going to ask you why you're not a movie star.

No, it has nothing to do with conditions...

No, it was my fault, honey.

No, it's me.

No, it's me.

No, no, e enough. Enough.

No, no, no.

No, no, not... I couldn't care less about Donald's feelings if I tried hard.

No, no, we're still okay.

No, why do the Ricardos and Mertzes go to Italy?

No, you carry a basket of laundry,

No, you don't.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Absolutely nothing.

No. I was, um...

No. I'm still pregnant from before, but no.

No. That gets you out of the woods, but it puts you into other woods.

No. The Confidential story.

Nobody's picked up the story.

None of that matters right now.

Normal production week.

Not a home, not an institution.

Not a single paper, not a single news network, including your own.

Not for long, pal.

Not just a world class musician, but a very good actor

Not that it makes any difference to me."

Not until you kiss and make up.

Notes upstairs.

Nothing's gonna happen to you. I won't allow it.

Notice that a fourth place is set and say your next line.

Now hit each other at the same time and fall off the chair.

Now it's four or five times.

Now we're cooking with gas.

Now you're scaring the shit out of me.

Now, Ethel.

Now, how would you know I have talent?

Now, I don't want to take another meeting like this

Now, ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome

Now, this can't just be a mishmash of pushing.

Now, this studio has a handshake understanding with Metro and Warner,

Now, what are your terms for making up, Ethel?

Number 12 died last week.

Obviously not an insult aimed at Lucy.

Of course I come home.

Of the House Un American Activities Committee.

Of very exciting names that we think you'll like.

Oh, are you sleepy? You need a nap?

Oh, Bob, Bob, tell Desi that thing you were saying before.

Oh, come on, Ethel. Tell him you're sorry.

Oh, hang on.

Oh, it's 3:00 in the morning.

Oh, no problem. Can my wife play Lucy once in a while?

Oh, no, the meat is fine.

Oh, she will.

Oh, stop. Okay.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's a sign of a poorly written screenplay.

Oh, Wally Pipp.

Oh, well...

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. (chuckles)

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh. Now, sit down, everyone.

Oh. You two want to be alone out here?

Oh...

Okay, come on. And directing this week, Donald Glass is back with us.

Okay, I'm going to put her back in her little apartment now.

Okay, I'm sorry about that.

Okay, Madelyn's got a new joke for the second act.

Okay, well, imagine if Wally Pipp had scheduling problems,

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

OLDER BOB: There was a Broadway show

OLDER MADELYN: After RKO dropped Lucy's contract,

OLDER MADELYN: It ended up being a good show that night.

OLDER MADELYN: Look, she was always tough on the writing,

OLDER MADELYN: There was a minute there

On My Favorite Husband, your husband is the fifth vice president of a bank.

Once I write it, it could be good.

One hour!

One of the best lists I've seen in a while.

One of the stars of Too Many Girls was Desi.

One way or the other.

One where Desi plays my husband.

Or Bill.

Or stand behind chairs.

Or tearing each other's clothes off.

Or the guardian, whoever signs the contract for him...

Or what, Des, you're gonna beat me up?

Or you could quit the film business and just be my wife.

Or, for that matter, see... the front door open when she's standing 12 feet from it.

Other papers are showing the canceled card.

Other papers?

Other than that garbage...

Otherwise it'll be bad for Ethel?

Our casting department has come up with a list

Our director joined the Army during postproduction,

Our groundbreaking camera system that allows the studio audience

Ours was directed by Donald Glass.

Out of the blue...

Out of thin air.

Outside line please.

Outside of that room, we make it a point not to talk about who wrote what.

Page 15. This is still scene "A."

Pass it on to Maddie and Bob, would you?

Patronize me again, and I'll stick my hand down your throat

Philip Morris is never gonna let it happen.

Philip Morris pays for the show.

Picture's up!

Please, sit. Sit here.

Pregnant women often vomit.

Presented to you by Gruen, the Precision watch.

Pretty obviously it's everybody's goddamn business.

Priorities.

Problems at home?

Problems at home?

Push it to next year.

Quarter of a mile back.

Radio.

Really?

Red ink.

Regular scissors aren't strong enough to cut through the stems.

Rehearsal's up!

Remember? You kissed me at the beginning of the week,

RICKY (annoyed): Lucy...

Ricky just stands there.

Ricky knows that Lucy doesn't believe

Ricky opens the door and comes in.

Ricky opens the door, comes in,

Ricky walks up to her quietly.

RICKY: Guess who it is.

RICKY: I thought you said they weren't speaking to each other.

RICKY: Never mind that. What are their names?

RICKY: Who's coming for dinner, Lucy?

Ricky's entrance with his hands over my eyes, that was Jess, right?

Right there are the building blocks of drama.

Rita Hayworth had scheduling problems.

Rita Hayworth is Wally Pipp.

RKO decided to make a very bad Broadway show into...

RKO is dropping your contract.

Roger Otter, Philip Morris.

ROGER: (sighs) She's smoking a Chesterfield.

ROGER: How...

ROGER: That's great.

ROSEN: Yes, sir.

Rusty Hamer from The Danny Thomas Show.

Rusty Hamer plays Rusty Williams on The Danny Thomas Show.

Rusty is the character's name, not the actor.

Sam Stein, attorney for Lucille Ball.

Same time as everyone else, listening to Walter Winchell.

Say it.

Say that again. "Desi, you're right."

Saying something bitchy and going away?

Scheduling problems.

Scheduling problems.

Season two, episode four.

Second banana.

Second in command.

See you out there.

Seriously? That was it?

Settle.

Settle. And action.

Settle. And action.

Seven? When do you have time to do that?

She doesn't even notice Ricky coming in the door.

She got mad and went home to her mother.

She has an audition for an Italian movie.

She kicked her blanket off, so I fixed it.

She literally says, "Waah."

She pressed down hard on each beat,

She said it looked like I had lost some weight.

She said my mother looks like a weasel.

She said that someone noticed I hadn't had breakfast.

She sometimes, for the sake of comedy, is infantilized.

She stomps g****s.

She takes a pitcher and pours water into the vase...

She talked about having a home.

She thinks she's being fixed up with an eligible guy.

She used the word "home" a lot.

She was doing the bit with the flowers,

She was gonna compete for roles with Crawford, Hayworth.

She'd say... she didn't have a home.

She'd want to look nice.

She'll be adored by the man she loves,

She's a threat to writers, camera operators and Desi,

She's drunk, I'm not.

She's right. You look great.

Should we open the champagne, take our clothes off

Shuts the door, as we've seen him do in 37 episodes.

Since George M. Cohan, who loved America so much he wrote the same song five times.

Since we're doing it both ways,

Since when do you talk to anyone?

Sincerely," et cetera, et cetera. Thank you.

Six weeks, and a month after that, (sighs) there won't be any hiding it.

So enjoy the show!

So Ethel elbows Fred.

So everything's swell, right?

So I checked the box.

So I don't know where Winchell got his information, but it was wrong.

So I went to the nursery to see if everything was okay, and...

So I wouldn't know about these things of which you speak.

So I'd like to be at peace.

So instead of talking about goddamn g****s, why don't...

So it caught my eye.

So it'll be important that you not fall in love with someone else

So let's do it again.

So let's do our show.

So on behalf of all of us, I want to say how much we appreciate your respect.

So on the subject of Jess, Bob and Madelyn writing Ethel jokes,

So she was... unrecognizable.

So strictly speaking, you have top billing.

So that means, uh...

So the press sees them give you a round of applause.

So we just don't have enough for you to warrant keeping you under contract.

So we're done with introductions?

So why do you and Gracie Allen feel like you have to...

So, what's it gonna be?

So, yeah, everything's great. Why do you ask?

So...

So...

So... (clears throat)

Some people.

Some questionable things that Ricky's claiming on his deductions.

Somehow, the city editor, a woman named Agness Underwood,

Someone in your gang's a rat.

Someone said they spotted you going out here.

Someone should point a goddamn camera at this.

Something dies inside a man...

Something fundamental was wrong. I'll figure out what.

Sometimes I go to the boat and play cards.

Sometimes I think that you...

Sorry?

Sorry.

Sorry. Mr. Arnaz is ready to do the warm up.

Stand behind chairs, you sit with a pillow on your lap.

Standing off, away from the pack of chorus girls, is Lucy,

Starring Lucille Ball with Richard Denning,

Still higher than I've ever gotten.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Struggling, it sounds like... to make Lucy smarter?

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Sweet ladies?

Table's set for four but there's only three chairs.

Taken this stuff seriously?

Takes me five days to get a laugh.

Teleplay by Bob Carroll, Madelyn Pugh and myself.

Tell me what's happening now.

Tell me what's happening, honey.

Tell me when you have him.

Tell me why you think I've cheated on you.

Tell the stage Mrs. Arnaz is taking some personal time

Tell them it's for me.

Ten million viewers.

Ten minutes, we come back to scene "A"!

Than had ever watched a television program before.

Thank you very much. (sighs)

Thank you, sir. One more question.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks for that, Viv.

Thanks, Bobby.

Thanks.

That accepts the physical laws of the universe.

That bottle has comic timing.

That bottle of champagne is basically a grenade now,

That CBS won't even allow us to use the word "pregnant."

That Desi runs the show.

That I'm not pretty enough for him.

That I'm setting a nice table, right?

That I'm the lady in there trying to make Lucy smarter.

That is just the beginning of it.

That is never gonna happen, 'cause no matter what CBS says,

That is the second time someone's asked me that this morning.

That is your lipstick.

That Lucy was and is in no way involved with the Communist Party.

That picture was taken last summer.

That Ricky believes that Lucy is not only unfamiliar with his voice...

That the Ricardos have a baby.

That used to be once a week, then twice.

That was a good show.

That was a joke.

That was a knockout dress.

That was a scary week.

That was a whole new side of you we've never seen.

That was me, yeah.

That was my idea.

That was true, you idiot!

That was very sweet, but, no, thank you.

That was.

That woke her up.

That, right there,

That's a funny premise.

That's a little true.

That's a nice dress.

That's all.

That's clear. Ricky responds...

That's Hindenburg type.

That's how they met.

That's nice, but is the rhythm getting old too early?

That's not at all what I was gonna say.

That's not exactly what we said.

That's not...

That's one hour for lunch!

That's that.

That's the first act of a new episode right there.

That's the thing, though. You don't.

That's the Westinghouse corporate... You were there.

That's tremendous.

That's tremendous.

That's what I thought.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what we came to talk about.

That's what's getting picked up.

That's why we're holding.

The alternate version.

The apartment of Ricky and Lucy Ricardo.

The Big Street is the Yankees.

The Big Street was a hit.

The Big Street.

The biggest asset in the portfolio of Philip Morris tobacco, Westinghouse.

The Bolsheviks burned my house down.

The committee investigated her and cleared her.

The dinner scene is inarguably better.

The dinner scene. It's Donald Glass.

The dinner table isn't working,

The evening editions just came out.

The first words out of her mouth could be "good script."

The front door opens, Ricky comes in.

The hell did you just say to me?

The hypocrite joke is for episode nine. That's the script we're working on, okay?

The magazine came out on Mondays,

The most popular of all television stars

The moving parts of physical comedy.

The night they're talking about, I was with Red Skelton and Xavier Cugat.

The one who sat down and let Lou Gehrig start that streak.

The one with all the names.

The picture's six months old.

The problem is you're really 39, aren't you?

The reviews were valentines, and I didn't bang a drum.

The roast beef should be precut.

The role of a beautiful Italian redhead

The story chronicles a night on the town with you and the...

The studio audience can see every scene.

The table scene is getting good.

The tall waiter.

The three of you will navigate beautifully.

The two of them are in Desi's office

The very idea that Ethel's a cute young chick should make Desi choke.

The weight always comes back. I can't keep it off anymore.

The Winchell broadcast?

The writers can get some fun out of this.

Then I cut the others, but now they're too short and...

Then I question your comedy IQ.

Then I'm gonna beat the shit out of a seven year old kid.

Then they switched to Thursday night.

Then they went to Judy Holliday.

Then we have to introduce it in nine, according to your timetable.

Then what the hell are we talking about?

Then why are you running the set?

There are possibly eight other men in the apartment!

There aren't gonna be many left in the script.

There is also something about your physicality. You are, you are...

There is only one television show that I'm willing to do.

There should be flowers in a vase.

There was a significant drop off in the number of people using water

There.

There's another shoe, and none of us are getting out of this alive.

There's no casting issue.

There's no chance they say yes to you.

There's no chance they say yes.

There's no such thing as The Danny Thomas Show.

There's nothing more to uncover. There are no more shoes.

There's nothing wrong with radio.

There's only one choice for me, and she's got a powerful right hook.

There's something wrong with the story, they know it,

These are radio pilots.

These, uh, these men have an interesting idea.

They are funny women.

They are now telling us that Lucy and Ricky can't have a baby on the show."

They bought a ranch in Chatsworth.

They document an entire night.

They don't have it.

They don't own television sets.

They don't want to see stories about themselves?

They go to the Grand Canyon.

They got it right, didn't they?

They invented the whole thing, and I'm angry at them.

They just killed all the animals.

They kept Desi in the cast, but the second female lead was replaced

They killed all the animals.

They look happy.

They love you.

They never saw each other.

They told me you didn't have any, but...

They took time on that.

They want to put My Favorite Husband on TV.

They want to see themselves on television.

They were deeply in love and deliriously happy.

They were just call girls.

They were more than impressive.

They will, but you'll need a busload of orthopedists when they land.

They will. And the press will write that they did.

They'd have to be California redwoods,

They'd meet at the top of Mulholland.

They'll find him.

They're both named Rusty. Rusty Williams is played by Rusty Hamer.

They're chasing the original testimony, something,

They're Cuban names.

They're going to read it in the morning anyway.

They're hookers.

They're not going to Italy while she's pregnant.

They're not gonna base their findings based on how this week's sh...

They're not gonna let us do it.

They're running a caption that says, "Note the cancellation at left."

They're uncovering something new,

This conversation went poorly.

This has nothing to do with your performance in The Big Street.

This is a critical moment, Lucy.

This is camera blocking.

This is for the show?

This is getting out of hand was my point.

This is happening fast.

This is J. Edgar Hoover.

This is my lipstick.

This is what you got to understand.

This is where...

This isn't a problem.

This isn't for beginners, you know. This isn't school.

This isn't happening.

This meeting is several floors below my general interest.

This show, everyone who works here,

This was in the early '30s. I was in my early 20s.

This was taken at the Westinghouse corporate retreat.

Those are critical roles.

Those are great ideas, especially having Lucy

Those guys scare too easy.

Three chairs.

Time and place to be having this conversation.

Tip Tribby, VP of Public Relations for Philip Morris.

Tip, if Winchell had it cold, he'd have used her name,

To how did she get that way.

To Mr. Alfred Lyons, Chairman of the Board of Philip Morris.

To My Favorite Husband.

To one of the stars of I Love Lucy.

To put on CBS, but something tells me they're not gonna go that route.

To to make sure... just... logic, okay?

To try to distract you with nonsense, but I assume these two beat me to it.

To watch the show unobstructed and introduce you to the rest of the cast.

Too Many Girls.

Took three of you to write this one?

Transcribed and brought to you by the Jell O family of desserts.

Tú estás... dotada cineticamente.

Turkish."

Turns her around and says...

Two people who are fighting have to share a seat at a dinner table.

Two weeks.

Uh huh?

Uh, "Hypocrite? What's a hypocrite?"

Uh, do any of these children have younger brothers or sisters?

Uh, Joe Strickland, CBS.

Uh, Madelyn brought me breakfast this morning.

Uh, not not for food.

Uh, nothing from Mr. Lyons yet?

Uh, one quick thing.

Uh, someone else coming?

Uh, sure.

Uh, the table is set for four but there are only three chairs.

Uh, they told me you wanted to know.

Uh, uh, well, it takes fewer words to say that than the truth.

Uh, what's your, mm...

Uh, when do we eat?

Uh, you're right.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... (sighs)

Under which this picture was finished?

Understood.

Understood. What about the third?

Untie this coat!

Use a line on me you've never road tested on anyone.

Usually, right now, I'd be doing the final audience warm up.

VITTORIO: She happens to be just the type I need.

Viv doesn't like the jokes about Ethel being unappealing.

Viv.

VIVIAN: (sighs) She wants to go back.

VIVIAN: Did you know Little Rusty had to sign a loyalty pledge?

VIVIAN: Don't worry about it.

VIVIAN: Don't you usually do that while we're rehearsing?

VIVIAN: I'm saying take it easy, that's all.

VIVIAN: The dinner scene, you drunken yontz!

VIVIAN: This is nonsense.

W We'll write a better joke or Ricky will know that Lucy's joking.

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Wait.

Wait.

Walk me to the stage. We're an hour behind.

Was asked to testify in front of a closed session

Was confronted with her membership in the Communist Party.

Was funnier than anything you've written so far this year.

We are doing that.

We can work out the stage business during tomorrow's run through.

We cannot have an all American girl married to a man who isn't American.

We come into people's homes.

We did both versions of the opening,

We did. It's television.

We didn't think yesterday was the best day to tell them about the third thing.

We don't have any more chairs.

We don't have anything for you.

We don't know yet.

We don't want to know how she got pregnant.

We don't want to know that she's pregnant.

We drink, it goes late, it's easier to sleep on the boat.

We had to stop and go again.

We have a sample population of 200 people on our stage, so...

We have bookies now and telephones.

We have to be back onstage.

We have to establish right away that I'm setting a fancy table.

We haven't gotten off to a great start this morning, I think.

We just don't know yet.

We live in the same house.

We need to get back to... Des, the network isn't gonna allow it

We need to talk.

We need to work out the moves at the table.

We never went back to do another take of the alternate opening.

We noticed that when you do the show, you use gestures and expressions.

We only hear one side of the call. Are we staying too long at the fair?

We should go back to the dinner table.

We think it's about 15 minutes.

We want to know, sir, does the FBI have any case against Lucy?

We want to send the four of you to Italy.

We we buy the conceit.

We were doing Lucy's version of Ricky's entrance first.

We were gonna have this conversation yesterday, but other things were...

We'll be pushing the beds together, too.

We'll do notes onstage after and go again.

We'll know when it's on its feet.

We'll seat them in the back of the bleachers.

We'll talk about it after lunch.

We'll work on that.

We'll work on that.

We're all gonna have weeks like this before that committee's done.

We're all really tired from working on this week's script.

We're all tense.

We're all tense. And the cure for that is just do the show.

We're best friends, Viv. I don't want to fight.

We're dropping your contract, Lucy.

We're gonna have to cut the flowers.

We're gonna need someone to play Lucy and Ricky.

We're holding. Someone has to know why.

We're not a house band.

We're playing bridge at Carolyn's, remember?

We're running long. We have to cut the bit with the flowers.

We're shooting four and we're writing nine.

We're we're five ahead of production.

We've already done the last episode of this show.

We've been through worse than this.

Well, David and David,

Well, Fred, I took the liberty of asking a young lady to be your dinner companion.

Well, he should have more consideration.

Well, he should...

Well, he's about to do that thing where you cover someone's eyes

Well, how hard is the trombone?

Well, I have French toast, bacon, eggs and potatoes.

Well, if they are and they aren't and he is and she won't, how come?

Well, is this the right week for this shit?

Well, learn to play the trombone, and I'll give you his job.

Well, my insults don't feel like putting on a fucking tuxedo for you, kid.

Well, no.

Well, technically, it's two chairs and a piano bench.

Well, we should dance to something else.

Well, what do you propose?

Well, yes, but obviously not every single decision.

Well, you look great.

Well...

Well...

Well... (chuckles)

Weren't we silly?

Wh... What you all have to understand is this.

What about the things you said to me?

What are the other woods?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What can happen in the vat of g****s? What can she do?

What did he say?

What do we do now?

What do you call it?...

What do you mean, "Uh oh"?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you think they're talking about in there?

What does it say?

What does that mean?

What happened?

What home are you talking about?

What is it?

What the hell are the two of you screaming about?

What the hell was that?!

What was that?

What was wrong with the scene in the first place.

What were they doing when they first heard the news?

What were they doing?

What you got to understand is they weren't very happy.

What?

What?

What?

What'd they say?

What's in your hands?

What's wrong with shooting it both ways?

Whatever there was to do, we've done it.

When he signed his contract, which I think is ugly.

When I told Ethel the whole gag was my idea,

When Lucy was gonna be a serious actress.

When the soldiers came

When those two grown men play slow witted five year olds, I cringe.

When will we?

When you stay out all night, you're on the boat playing cards?

Where are you on on the timeline of of the...

Where did this come from?

Where in the Ricardo's living room are the giant chairs you're talking about?

Where?

Where's that been?

Which Judy?

Which makes all the flowers come up to the surface.

Which she didn't know yet would be one of the most important moments in her life.

Which was very unusual.

Which we couldn't use 'cause we were running long.

Which, let's face it, is what he is.

Which, let's not forget, has a Cuban accent...

Who is it?

Who routinely walk into their apartment, all of whom sound exactly like Desi Arnaz?

Who routinely walk into their apartment?

Who told you that I didn't have any breakfast?

Who was unrecognizable because she was still in the middle of shooting

Who would be a movie star if there was such a thing as a Cuban movie star.

Who, uh... como si dice... uh, steps on g****s.

Who?

Who'd just been beaten up by her pimp.

Who's coming for dinner, Lucy?

Who's ill equipped to participate in democracy?

Who's the baseball player that you talk about?

Whom is coming here for dinner tonight?

Whom? You mean besides "meem" and "youm"?

Whose president is speaking to you right now.

Why are none of you talking?

Why are you playing the second female lead in Too Many Girls?

Why are you running rehearsals?

Why aren't you backing me up instead of endorsing a plan to shoot it both ways?

Why did you come to Hollywood?

Why did you come to Hollywood?

Why did you think you didn't know what words to use?

Why didn't I think of that?

Why doesn't Lucy hear him?

Why don't you call Ricky and tell him you're sorry?"

Why is he in his office at showtime?

Why is this coming out now?

Why is this so hard to understand?

Why isn't Danny Thomas's kid named Rusty Thomas?

Why not?

Why we need Lucy to not hear him.

Why?

Why?

Will you tell us your name please?

WILLIAM: (sighs) What the hell?

WILLIAM: Good show.

WILLIAM: Have we hired anyone to play Ethel yet?

WILLIAM: It's an eclectic group.

WILLIAM: Thank goodness you're all right.

WILLIAM: They like to keep a low profile.

WILLIAM: What?

WILLIAM: What's happening?

WILLIAM: With the Communist kid?

WINCHELL: The House Committee on Un American Activities is holding

With a baby?

With a family and dinnertime.

With Lucie, I was the size of a phone booth, so...

With some CBS executives and some men from Philip Morris.

With three women and have to tell the truth.

WOMAN: Aw.

WOMAN: Desi?

WOMAN: We love you in the movie!

Working on the script you're about to read,

Works perfect.

Would you like to learn how to rumba?

Wow.

Yeah, but oftentimes that obstacle is her husband's permission.

Yeah, come in.

Yeah, except, no, it wasn't.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Yeah, it's not.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, teasingly.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna pitch.

Yeah, there's no one within the sound of her voice who doesn't know that.

Yeah, they're called children.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah? Let's do the show.

Yeah? She was cleared.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. (sniffs) Yeah.

Yeah. No.

Yeah. Please, come in.

Yeah. That was a bad example.

Yep.

Yes, he didn't tell you the part where they throw your father in prison

Yes, I do get what's happening, and, yes, I know it's not funny.

Yes, it is.

Yes, the congressmen who investigate Communism.

Yes, yes, but I've I've made calls and we are taking care of this.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

You absolutely could not.

You all work for me!

You asked about why Lucy stopped when we were doing the alt.

You asked me to give away my job title like it was a parking spot!

You borrowing it from wardrobe for a cocktail party?

You called her, too?

You came through for us when Judy Holliday and Rita Hayworth were on other pictures,

You can go on in.

You can't do it. End of discussion.

You can't have a pregnant woman on television.

You can't manhandle me like that in front of other people.

You charge for these lessons?

You comfortable with that?

You could be a serious actor. You should be a star by now.

You could be playing Ethel.

You did it in front of Desi is my point.

You do 37 of anything, one of them's gonna be your 37th best.

You don't come home anymore. Did you know that?

You don't drink at work.

You don't have to tour. You could stay in town.

You don't love me, and I don't love you,

You don't need to write down everything we say in here.

You don't think I want to be in the same city at the same time as my husband?

You don't think we got bigger fish to fry?

You don't want to talk to my wife like that, amigo.

You gonna ask me why I'm not married?

You hanging in there?

You have a lot more talent than the roles you play have allowed you to exhibit.

You just can't do it. My show.

You know exactly what I mean, Lucy.

You know how many years I've spent sticking my head into frame,

You know I did this show so Desi and I could be together?

You know I'm right about the logic.

You know Philip Morris won't let us.

You know we pay a housekeeper to do the laundry, right?

You know what, you know what else a lot of our viewers are? Christian.

You know what?

You know why?

You know, Bataan was a hit, too.

You know?

You like Lucille or Lucy?

You made the joke. I just put the button...

You mean that?

You mean the acting?

You must've gotten a copy of the "B" negative,

You once asked me what my ambition was.

You read any good movies?

You really think, this week, right now, is the best time to talk about this?

You really want me to come down to the club?

You remember?

You said it was going to Rita Hayworth.

You saw the headline.

You see the problem?

You sent it over with Madelyn and a message

You should come back to bed.

You should think about radio, Lucy.

You think Confidential magazine...

You think I'm the funniest writer in the room,

You think we're saying Ricky's stupid?

You think we're still filming a show?

You told her to bring me breakfast and remark on my weight loss.

You told me to be nice.

You told them I checked the wrong box.

You two don't mind sharing, do you?

You want me on television?

You were rudely attentive, but now you're obnoxiously indifferent."

You will be half as funny as Gracie Allen.

You winning your bet with Desi, and which I have no doubt

You you... you don't have to keep checking the papers.

You, uh... There isn't an English word.

You'd be more concerned about what?

You'll be on the floor during the show, right?

You're a bandleader.

You're asking when did they find out?

You're doing it right in front of him.

You're giving me that look that says, "I don't get scared of nothing."

You're gonna be a movie star.

You're gonna tell them I was accused of...

You're in enough trouble.

You're like, I guess,

You're my hero.

You're not a pinup girl.

You're not fond of Communists.

You're not gonna tell me you're pregnant again, are you?

You're not telling these people that I checked the wrong box.

You're not wrong.

You're pronouncing it "Westing gouse."

You're right.

You're right.

You're right. I'm sorry.

You're trying...

You're wondering what's going on.

You've been saying what you felt since the first day of work.

You've got about seven weeks before you have to start

You've got the voice for it.

Your call just said to come to the stage, that it was an emergency.

Your fiancé?

Your husband is in love with America like no man I have ever known

Your original question?

12 weeks ago, I fucked my husband.

14 years, and it was Wally Pipp.

15 million viewers, 'cause this is a big, giant hit.

39 year olds don't go to see your movies?

...our closest friends and colleagues. You're right. You're right. Sorry.

"Lucy Tells the Truth." BOB: That one's Madelyn's idea.

"No, it's me." So my question again, Jess:

"No." "No."

"Of course, Mr. Arnaz." She's nice.

"Oh, yeah?" (chuckles) Yeah, that's good. That's good.

(applause) (band plays bright riff)

(audience gasping) DESI: Thank you, sir.

(audience laughter) I'll call Carolyn and tell her I'm sick.

(audience laughter) Pedro? Pablo?

(audience whispering) (man in audience clears throat)

(band playing I Love Lucy theme) (applause)

(cheering, laughing) (song ends)

(cheering) MAN: Lucy!

(chuckles) They invented the whole thing?

(clears throat) LUCILLE: Yeah.

(door closes) "Exactly what makes a husband leave home

(door closes) (chatter quiets)

(door opens) P.A.: Excuse me.

(exhales sharply) This is a crazy week,

(footsteps receding) (band playing in distance)

(indistinct chatter) Quiet, please.

(knocking) DESI: Good morning.

(knocking) JESS: Lucy?

(knocking) LUCY: Come in.

(knocking) Mr. Arnaz?

(knocking) VIVIAN: Come on in.

(laughs) I'm so curious, I have to ask.

(laughs) JESS: Okay, let's take it from...

(laughs) Good one. Uh, Des...

(laughs) Is this a bit? No.

(laughter) And I'd point out

(light music playing) As we look in on the Coopers,

(lively chatter, laughter) (music continues)

(music ends) (applause)

(phone ringing) Acompáñame al escenario.

(sighing) (music, applause continue in distance)

(sighs) Come in.

(sighs) You get sole credit.

(song ends) (audience cheering)

(thunder rumbling softly) (sighs heavily)

(whispers): Just tell me. Tell me why you think...

(women laughing) (lively music continues)

♪ ♪ Hey, company for dinner?

♪ All the day long. ♪ (song ends)

♪ And she shook the maracas ♪ (rhythmic shaking)

♪ Arriba con la conga ♪ ♪ Arriba con la conga. ♪

♪ Babalú ♪ (audience shouting excitedly)

♪ Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom. ♪ (song ends)

♪ He could play the guitar ♪ (women giggling)

♪ J E L L Oh! ♪ (band playing jingle)

♪ Jell O puddings ♪ ♪ Yum, yum, yum. ♪

♪ Lucille ♪ (playing gentle music)

♪ Mi... ♪ (music stops)

♪ Ol é, ol é, ol é, olé ♪ ♪ Olé, olé, olé, olé ♪

♪ That's Jell O ♪ ♪ Yum, yum, yum ♪

♪ The señoritas, they sing ♪ (women chattering excitedly)

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

20 million and one. How many times

20 million readers want to know. Lucy...

a great granddaughter to me from another generation. Hmm.

A home. Ah.

a young lady to be your dinner companion..." Mm hmm.

A young lady? A cute young chick.

Ah, yes, of course. (laughter continues)

Ah. BOB: We can change the names.

Ah. But there's absolutely no chance you haven't used that before.

All right, everybody! Let's do a show!

All right. All right.

Am I right? Yes.

And do what? Sell out Ciro's every night.

and ending with the birth of the baby. ROGER (laughs): No.

And he's interested in politics? No, imbecile.

and pretends she can't remember his name." (fingers snapping)

And send it by telegram please. Yes, sir.

And that he was staying at the Y. He is.

And that is the problem? No.

And that she won't let him in the house. She won't.

And the course of Latin music. (sighs)

And then Lucy says, "Bill? Sam? Pat? Ralph?" Yeah.

And then when I say, "A cute young chick..." Uh huh.

And they used red ink. Yeah.

and we need it to. Mm hmm.

Anything Goes was a hit. Not Cole Porter's Anything Goes.

Apologize, Ethel. No.

Are you here to sell me one? JESS: Lucy.

Aren't you at work? Yeah.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Back onstage in an hour. (soundstage bell rings)

Backup. And the guy took a rest one day.

Because it's gonna work. Hear me out.

Because we need to... LUCILLE: So you can see the table,

Bob was saying that you... Hmm?

but does another." Mm hmm.

But I pitched it faster. By interrupting me.

but that cannot be, as these are three of... JESS: No, no, no, no.

But that process usually happens in private. BOB: Yes.

But that's neither here nor there. It really isn't.

But... But what?

But... But?

Cameras reset. Props reset. VIVIAN: Someone's gonna need to tell us

Cameras up. Cameras up.

Can I have a minute in your office? JESS: Yeah.

Can I have a second? Sure.

Can I remark on this? Please.

Can I talk to you for a second, boss? Sure.

Charles Koerner. Lucille Ball. (chuckles)

Confidential's report on..." In your life, have you ever

Copy. WILLIAM: Let's go.

Could be a good scene. He's correct.

Cross step one off the list. Yeah.

DESI: Ah, come here. (both moaning)

DESI: Also in the chorus? Mm hmm. Dancing chorus.

DESI: Hmm. Say, "Desi, I apologize for doubting you..." No.

DESI: I was playing cards with... (slap)

DESI: Lucy, I'm home. (door closes)

DESI: No. Why?

DESI: Why? We don't know yet.

DESI: Yes. And you couldn't get to a phone?

DESI: Yes. I apologize.

Desi. Desi. I'm Angie.

Desi... "We've given you

Did something just happen? Uh... (exhales)

Did you read the reviews? They were very impressive.

Do you see that? Uh, couldn't follow you.

Do you? Hear me out.

Does he know you're here? He's sleeping.

does our insurance cover that? DESI: Yeah, I got the platinum plan.

Door unlocked. Nothing. (fingers snap)

Dreams. What are my future dreams?

Enjoy it. It's for you.

episode nine, scratch it. (chuckles): Okay.

Fellas, I think we're out of this. (chuckles): Might be.

Fine. Go.

Fred and Ethel Mertz. Wait a minute.

Fuck off. Jesus Christ.

Funny women. Judy Holliday.

Get out of here. I will not.

Goals? No.

Good show. Good show.

Got it. Hmm.

Got it. So I need garden shears.

Got it. Got it. (door opens)

Gracias. Yeah, mazel tov.

Gracias. Gracias. Really, really. Congratulations, Des.

Gruen, the finest watch you can give, brings you the man... (door opens)

Hang on. What?

He doesn't care. It'll be too short.

He doesn't have to. He...

He's he's coming. (knocking)

He's Spanish. Still no.

Here, tonight. (door opens)

Hey! Then Fred.

Hey! I was playing cards with... coño. (slap)

Hey. (sighs)

Hey. We do seem to be having some success, no?

Hmm? You need to cross to the table on that.

Holliday. Ah.

HOWARD: Have you been to a meeting? No.

Huh? Four pages, 1,500 words?

I asked you to do me a small favor. Yeah.

I asked you to give him an E.P. credit. Mm hmm.

I asked you to save my marriage? (scoffs)

I can lower the neckline. Oh, not on CBS you can't.

I can tell. Ah.

I get it. What do you think?

I got lost for a second. (audience chuckles)

I have an idea. I got a crew here,

I have no problem with that. I'm done.

I I should've put that in the, in the stage direction. JESS: Okay.

I just sent some breakfast over because... You didn't just send it over.

I know that, too. The man is the man.

I know that. The world he's from

I know. Have you ever said that to me before?

I know. Hmm.

I know. I know. What do I...

I like that. I like it, too.

I mean if an... I know.

I mean, every business decision goes through Desi. Mm hmm.

I mean, not that I haven't... (dialing)

I sprinted the last 500 yards. What's going on?

I still can't catch my breath. (groans)

I think I do. You know you do.

I was kidding. So was I.

I wonder if they'll wait for you. Bill, I'm not...

I'll see you onstage. Mm hmm.

I'm confused. Yeah, me, too.

I'm Daisy. (guitar playing gentle lullaby)

I'm just messing around. Good.

I'm just, you know... JESS: Okay, "Ricky takes his hands away

I'm looking forward, too, Angie. (laughs)

I'm not sure what. Okay, thanks.

I'm not worried! I'm... Shh.

I'm restaging the dinner scene. (car door opens, closes)

I'm sorry if he was insulted. (sighs)

I'm sorry! Jesus Christ, Lucy!

I'm sorry? At home.

I'm sorry? We buy it.

I've seen every episode of the show. So have 60 million other people.

I've written plenty of funny... No.

If I'm gonna die... You're not.

if it was the only available air conditioning in the... Des.

If so, why?" It's made up.

Is everything all right? WILLIAM: The three of us

is something that has been baffling wives since Adam and Eve." Enough.

Is that him? That's Viv.

Is that lunch? (indistinct chatter)

Is that what you wanted me for? Okay, no, no, no, no, no.

Isn't there enough going on with... "...breaking crockery coming from

It was you, right? Yeah.

It will be, dear. DESI: How's that, Ethel?

It'll save my marriage." Was that supposed to be me?

It's 2:00 in the morning. Sorry about that.

It's admirable. Thanks.

It's all right. (sighs)

It's been buried under bad movies. (laughs)

It's Damon Runyon. I know!

It's from Mr. Lyons and Philip Morris. Mm.

It's not gonna get better than this. Copy that.

It's not time for a break. Good, then, that's ten minutes.

It's not. This has happened before.

It's over now. Thank you.

It's possible. Thank you.

It's very relatable. Everybody does. I don't! Neither does Ricky.

It's your stage. JESS: Thank you.

JESS: A vacation. DESI: They don't vacation in Europe.

JESS: They don't stomp g****s anymore? (chuckles): No.

JESS: Which one? LUCILLE: "Lucy Goes to Italy."

Jess? Yeah, it works.

Jess... Is this something our agents should be talking about?

Jim Beam, two times. BARTENDER: Sure, Bill.

Jim. That's lunch!

Just not what happened. Do I need to be here for any of this?

Let me take... I am the biggest asset

Let that be my problem. Oh, I wish I could, Des,

Let's all do our individual jobs. (sighs)

Let's give him a hand. (applause) Hey, thanks. It's good to be back.

Let's roll sound. Rolling! Rolling!

Listen to me. What?

Look what you can still do. Still?

Look, Lucy, it doesn't mean... Mm.

Look... (stammers) ROSEN: Excuse me.

Luc... Did they get it right?

LUCILLE (panting): It's not. Then, yes, it's made up.

Lucille Ball. Yes, sir.

LUCILLE: I'm very interested. (lively chatter)

LUCILLE: Nothing. Nothing!

LUCILLE: The boat? The... DESI: Yes, we were playing cards on the boat.

LUCILLE: What the hell do I care if it's somebody's niece? From Westinghouse.

LUCILLE: Why do I even... Well, in this case... (Desi groans)

LUCILLE: Yes. (chuckles)

Lucille. (sighs)

Lucille. Yeah?

Lucy is working on the flowers. We're cutting the flowers for time.

Lucy, are you okay?! Yeah, I'm fine.

Lucy, who is it? Some people.

Lucy. All right.

Lucy... Did they get it exactly right?

Lucy... My father died when I was very young.

Lucy... They only got the picture wrong.

Lucy's invited Ethel... Oh, Viv.

Lucy's pregnant. Well, that.

MACY: Lucy. Yes.

MADELYN: There it is. What are you talking about?

MADELYN: Yeah. Yeah? Like what?

Madelyn. Yeah?

MAN 1: Scene "A"! MAN 2: Scene "A," places!

MAN: All right, lunch! (indistinct chatter)

MAN: Moving... Staying put. Why?

May I say something? Frankly, I can't wait.

Might be. Howard?

Mm hmm. A joke in there somewhere.

Mm. DONALD: Perfect.

Mr. Arnaz? Yes.

My name is Desiderio Alberto Arnaz... Ah.

My secretary. (footsteps approaching)

Never? No.

No one's picked up the story. JESS: All right.

No rumba? No.

No, don't tell me... No, no, no, no. No, we're...

No, I don't care about that. I care about it.

No, it it's not a joke. That was...

No, it's me. Oh, yes, of course.

No, no, Des. How many scripts in the bank?

No, we don't. Maybe we don't. It's hard to say.

No! I literally said that 30 seconds ago. (sighs)

No? Hmm? (sighs)

No. 'Cause I'm not at all comfortable with this conversation.

No. Do you understand the conditions

No. Yes.

Not too much fat, is there? VIVIAN: There certainly is.

Of course, Mr. Arnaz. Thank you.

Oh, boy, bring her on. Uh uh.

Oh, damn it. You tell me when it starts to hurt.

Oh, honey. (groans)

Oh, it's wonderful news. Yeah, hey, congratulations.

Oh, Katy? Yes, Mrs. Cooper?

Oh, yeah. Are you sure you're all right?

Oh! Guess who it is.

Oh. LUCILLE: "Do you remember the first time we met?

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh...! Oh, no.

Okay, honey. See you in a bit. Mm hmm.

Okay, I'll run with that. Yeah.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Right now,

Okay. That's 15 minutes!

Okay. Okay. All right.

One sec. Yeah.

Ow! (audience laughter)

Pass this down to Lucy. These are all very funny men.

Pat? No.

Patty. Patty.

Pedro, Pablo, Jose. What?

Picture's up. Quiet, everyone!

Probably 15 minutes. Yes, ma'am.

Quiet please! Quiet please!

Ralph? JESS: "Ricky reacts to this."

Ready, ready. Quiet please!

really doesn't know it's him? Want to do this now?

Really? DESI: Guys.

Really? It wasn't a small favor.

Ricky pays his taxes. I get it.

Ricky puts his..." Why not?

Ricky's got a gig at a club in Rome. And what does Lucy do?

right there. Mm hmm.

Right. We're doing it now.

Sam? No.

Say that. No, and you're doing it again.

Seriously. I mean it.

She got it just seconds after I pitched it. Folks...

She has four or five pretty good points. JESS: All right.

She knows exactly what you mean. Yeah, let's go.

She loses an earring. BOB: Yes.

She was cleared. Okay.

She's 100% clear. (audience murmuring)

She's teasing him. Yes, she's teasing him.

she's winning, but in the final hour... BOB: Here it is.

Should I bring out some shoes? Oh, yes, please.

Sì, signora. You sent for me? Yes.

So a different reason. Mm, yeah.

So I... We need to re block the dinner scene.

So that's to Fred. Got it. Good.

So, listen. Mm hmm.

So... (page turns)

Sound speed. And mark.

Speed mark. Dolly.

Stop it. "...to prowl Hollywood like a bachelor wolf?

Thank you. (sighs)

Thank you. Another baby.

Thank you. Wasn't the show fun?

That it? Okay. Mm hmm. Yeah.

That was gutsy. That was...

That was you? "...indifferent."

That's a great color for you. Oh, I really like this.

That's helpful. Mm.

That's him, too. Mm hmm.

That's my fault. There's no issue.

That's not his name. It is his name.

That's not the same. It is.

That's not what we were talking about. (chuckles)

the Arnaz house this month..." I'd be more concerned about...

The littlest kid from Danny's show? Yes.

The sooner you stop talking... Yeah.

Then believe him. I do believe him.

There were a number of obstacles. That's accurate.

They are. (audience laughter)

They aren't. (audience laughter)

They go to Niagara Falls. Work.

They invented the whole thing? Yes, they invented the whole thing.

This is important... How is she infantilized?

This studio has talented makeup artists. "I'm Angie.

to talk to Katy, the maid. (birds chirping)

Uh huh. If The Big Street is a hit,

Uh huh. Who is it?

Uh oh. "Uh oh"?

Uh, short for Patricia? Yes.

Uh, so far, you're describing the script. Right.

Uh, uh... JESS: "She snaps her fingers

Uh... Very, very funny.

Understood. That was funny.

Vamos a ver. Yeah.

Very exciting. Yeah. So, uh...

Very funny. "Ricky kisses her

Very happy. Very happy. Yeah.

VIVIAN: What's happening here? Thanks for coming, Viv.

Wait! (panting) Wait.

Was everything all right in there? Yeah.

Was that to me? Yes.

Wasn't good. Uh...

We are an hour behind. Yeah.

We don't know... Jess, they're free to take us off the air

We... Eh? Calls to who?

We'll be fine. (sighs)

We'll look into that. I came out here

We'll see ya. Yeah.

Were those the best? (gasps)

What are you having? ("Junker's Blues" playing over radio)

What do we have here? WOMAN: Yeah, Desi!

What do you want to do? Do?

What was that? We should go back to the dinner table.

What? Good.

What? Have you been cheating on me?

What? You heard her right.

What? You said you'd "be more concerned about,"

What's going on with you, honey? Don't gaslight me.

Where does that leave us? Without a choice.

where they still make the wine that way. MADELYN: Easy.

Which one of them you think squealed? They made it up from nothing?

Which part? I got the part, Des.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, no. (overlapping chatter)

Why are we holding? I'm not sure.

Why are you telling me? The opening,

Why? MADELYN: We think it'd be nice to get off our set.

WILLIAM: Lucy? LUCILLE: Over here.

WILLIAM: To what? The dinner scene.

WILLIAM: You were in it. DESI: Bill.

Would I know? No.

Y Yes? Good morning. I'm Lucille Ball.

Yeah, "Lucy Gets Blacklisted." That's not a joke, Bob.

Yeah, honey, I'm fine. Oh, yeah... oh, let me help you.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Well, this is a one two punch.

Yeah, yeah. Don't do voices.

Yeah, you like that? I like that.

Yeah? Moving on.

Yeah. And even though we use three cameras,

Yeah. And she'd already seen the magazine story

Yeah. No.

Yeah. So I just want to confirm that there's no chance we're doing that, right?

Yeah. We changed that to

Yeah. Edward R. Murrow is one of our t... I was kidding.

Yes, it's a tabloid. "With a curvy, red haired tidbit

Yes, sir. KOERNER: Send her in.

Yes! Congratulations. Yeah, that's great.

Yes. Can I ask you, in all candor,

Yes. Okay.

Yes. Or bad for you?

Yes. You haven't been with anybody else?

You and me, (door closes)

You are the only thing I want. (kissing)

You asked me to save your marriage. No, I...

You can see the headline from outer space. Then please...

You change subjects faster than... Keep up.

You did. Yes.

You don't have to explain it to him. We'll have flowers in a vase.

You done? Yeah. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: We're moving into a meal penalty.

You have to do what? DESI: Let's take a break.

You know exactly what... What you mean? Yes.

You know him as Ricky Ricardo. (women gasping)

You know what occurs to me? Mm hmm?

You married a very bright man. I did.

You mean in his dressing room? No, he's in his office

You sure? I'm sure.

You think? We're holding for something.

You were at a cocktail party, later you found out that people... No.

You're saying reporters are coming here? Yeah.

You're that sure he's gonna say no, huh? I am.

You've memorized it? I've memorized worse writing than this.

You've never done that before. I know.

Your hair gonna be all right? (thunder rumbling)

...are good actors.

...are really the title character of the show.

...he should choke on his water a little.

...how scary was it?

...I would rather die standing up.

...it just dies...

...it's 'cause my husband's on the cover with another woman.

...more festive.

...Ricky should take a sip from a glass of water on the table to keep from laughing.

...the first time he hears a girl call him old.

...then we're done.

'Cause here's what you got to understand.

'cause I don't know how many more people will fit around the table.

'Cause nobody was leaving home during I Love Lucy on Mondays.

'Cause she knows I'm here? She can see me?

'Cause we want to live up to the quality of the writing you were used to at RKO.

'cause we're scared to death, and you're not helping

'Cause when she does, 60 million people laugh,

'cause your original question was...

"...they'll know what is happening without having to investigate.

"After a moment,

"All I ask from you, if you agree with them,

"and up until now, the creative decisions have been in our hands.

"but six months ago at the Westinghouse corporate retreat,

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

"Do you think I'd call and go crawling..."

"Do you think I'd call him and go crawling back?"

"Do you think I'd swallow my pride like that?"

"Does Desi Love Lucy Loosely?"

"Ethel and Fred Fight."

"For an outstanding example, let's take one of the nation's most famous husbands."

"George? Julius? Stephen? Ivan?"

"Guess who it is."

"Hypocrite?"

"I mean Mexican. Cuban. Latin.

"I'm in the chorus.

"If neighbors hear screams of rage followed by the sound of..."

"is that you inform them that we will not accept them telling us what not to do

"It's none of your fucking business."

"Lucille Ball is a Communist."

"Lucy doesn't hear him.

"Lucy, I ain't been with no girls since the moment I saw you."

"Lucy, I'm home!"

"Lucy's putting the finishing touches on a fancy dinner table...

"Mr. Lyons, I guess it all comes down to you.

"No!"

"Oh, I can see that it doesn't make any difference to you.

"Pedro? Julio? Juan? Guillermo?"

"Ricky tiptoes in back of her and reaches around

"Ricky tiptoes in back of her.

"the door opens and Ricky enters.

"the number one show on television,

"The red haired missus has just finished reading

"There's only one thing I want to make certain that you understand."

"They're Brazilian names.

"To all Philip Morris and CBS employees:

"unless, beginning with our next episode, they also tell us what to do.

"Was confronted with her membership in the Communist Party."

"Well, it's nice to know I'm married to a hypocrite."

"Westing gouse."

"What? Do you think I'd swallow my pride?"

"What? You think I'd allow my pride..." Hmm.

"You are the man who's paying the money for this show,

"You were rudely attentive, but now you're obnoxiously..."

("Cuban Pete" playing)

(applause continues in distance)

(applause)

(applause)

(audience cheering)

(audience cheering)

(audience gasping, murmuring)

(audience laughter continues)

(audience laughter continues)

(audience laughter, clapping)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience laughter)

(audience murmuring)

(audience whispering)

(band playing "Babalú")

(band playing "Cuban Pete")

(band playing "Rumba Internacional")

(band playing I Love Lucy theme)

(band playing lively music)

(band playing lively theme music)

(band playing slow jazz music)

(birds chirping)

(both laugh)

(breathlessly): Bringing it...

(chatter quiets)

(cheering continues)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles softly)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) I can't get enough of that joke.

(chuckles) It was a joke about the writing at RKO and not...

(chuckles): I regretted it even before I said it.

(chuckles): Jess...

(chuckles): Looking at Lucy's face, I thought for sure...

(chuckles): Lucy in a vat of g****s for five minutes.

(chuckles): Okay, good.

(chuckles): What kind of show do you want it to be?

(chuckles): What was his line?

(chuckles): Yeah.

(clears throat)

(clears throat)

(clears throat)

(clicks tongue)

(crickets chirping)

(Desi chuckles)

(Desi clears throat)

(Desi clears throat)

(Desi clears throat)

(Desi exhales heavily)

(Desi sighs)

(dialing)

(door closes)

(door closes)

(door closes)

(door opens)

(door opens)

(doors opening)

(drumming intensifies)

(excited chatter)

(exhales heavily)

(exhales heavily)

(exhales sharply)

(exhales sharply)

(exhaling musically)

(footsteps approaching)

(footsteps approaching)

(footsteps receding)

(footsteps receding)

(footsteps squishing)

(giggling continues)

(groans, mutters)

(groans)

(groans) You two...

(groans): Oh.

(grunts, sighs)

(horns join in, music builds)

(horns stop, drumming continues)

(Howard exhales sharply)

(humming)

(hushed chatter)

(hushed): I woke up and you weren't there.

(hushed): I'm not worried.

(imitating Lucille): "Jess, Jess, we'll have Desi play my husband.

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct chatter)

(inhales sharply)

(intercom buzzes)

(jingle ends)

(knocking)

(knocking)

(laughing)

(laughs)

(laughs)

(laughs)

(laughs) I want you to know I'm not trying to be forward.

(laughs) All right, all right, all right.

(laughs) Thank you.

(laughs) You want to do a show?

(laughter grows)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(lively chatter, laughter)

(lively chatter)

(Lucille groans angrily)

(Lucille sighs)

(Lucille sighs)

(Madelyn chuckles)

(Madelyn sighs)

(music continues inside)

(music continues)

(music ends)

(music fades)

(music fades)

(mutters): Judy Holliday.

(panting continues)

(panting)

(panting)

(panting)

(pants, grunts)

(people shouting "Desi!")

(phone ringing in distance)

(phone ringing in distance)

(phone ringing in distance)

(phone ringing in distance)

(piano and bongo drum playing "She Could Shake the Maracas")

(plays gentle guitar riff)

(quiet chatter)

(quietly): I hit him in the face until he's bleeding...

(rain falling)

(rhythmic tapping)

(rumba music playing faintly)

(scoffs softly) You've asked them?

(scoffs)

(scoffs) I don't have any idea what that is suppo...

(sighs heavily)

(sighs heavily)

(sighs heavily)

(sighs softly)

(sighs softly)

(sighs softly)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sighs) Dinner party.

(sighs) I don't know.

(sighs) I thought you and Desi had a deal.

(sighs) Some week, huh?

(sighs) Thanks for clearing that up, professor.

(sighs) We have?

(sighs): All right.

(sighs): Ay.

(sighs): Jesus Christ.

(softly): Yeah.

(soundstage bell rings)

(speaks Italian)

(strumming guitar)

(thunder rumbling softly)

(thunder rumbling softly)

(thunder rumbling)

(tuning guitar)

(whispers): "What? Do you think I'd swallow my pride like that?"

(whispers): Never.

(whispers): Okay.

(whispers): patch of ground.

(whispers): What are you doing up?

(wolf whistle)

♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ A la nanita nana ♪

♪ A la nanita nana, nanita ella ♪

♪ All the day long ♪

♪ And Cuban Pete doesn't teach you in a hurry like Arthur Murray ♪

♪ And how they swing with this rumbero ♪

♪ And I'll teach you to chick chicky boom ♪

♪ And now see how happy they are ♪ (chuckles)

♪ And play your guitar. ♪

♪ And she down in Rio del Mar ♪

♪ And there's always mañana ♪

♪ And when they're dancing ♪

♪ And when they're dancing ♪

♪ And you'll love it when you do the chick ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ayé ♪

♪ Babalú ♪

♪ Babalú ♪

♪ Babalú ayé ♪

♪ Bastille ♪

♪ Because it's the dance ♪

♪ Bendito sea, bendito sea ♪

♪ Bendito sea, bendito sea ♪

♪ But by and by ♪

♪ But he lived in Havana ♪

♪ But they finally married ♪

♪ But who'd write a song about that? ♪

♪ Calla mientras la cuna se balancea ♪

♪ Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ♪

♪ Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ♪

♪ Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ♪

♪ Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ♪

♪ Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom ♪

♪ He got a job with a band in Harlem ♪

♪ He said, "I'm the attraction" ♪

♪ I come from Havana ♪

♪ I know that you would like to chicky boom chick ♪

♪ I'm the craze of my native street ♪

♪ I'm the craze of my native street ♪

♪ I'm the king of the rumba beat ♪

♪ I'm the king of the rumba beat ♪

♪ In a Portuguese bar ♪

♪ It's very nice ♪

♪ It's very nice ♪

♪ Mi niña tiene sueño ♪

♪ Mi niña tiene sueño ♪

♪ Mm... ♪

♪ Nanita ella, nanita ella ♪

♪ Nanita ella, nanita ella ♪

♪ Of Latin romance ♪

♪ Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell O family ♪

♪ Olé, olé, olé, olé ♪

♪ Olé, olé, olé, olé ♪

♪ She got a job with a band in Harlem ♪

♪ She said, "I am the star" ♪

♪ Sí, señorita ♪

♪ Singing a song ♪

♪ Singing a song ♪

♪ So full of spice ♪

♪ So full of spice ♪

♪ So if you like the beat ♪

♪ So shake your maracas ♪

♪ So, señorita, please ♪

♪ Take a lesson from Cuban Pete ♪

♪ Take it easy, do it with ease ♪

♪ The big red letters stand for the Jell O family ♪

♪ The distance between them was far ♪

♪ The señoritas, they sing and how they swing with this rumbero ♪

♪ There's not much that rhymes with "Lucille" ♪

♪ They bring a happy ring, the maraquero ♪

♪ They bring a happy ring, the maraquero ♪

♪ They call me Cuban Pete ♪

♪ They call me Cuban Pete ♪

♪ When I play the maracas, I go ♪

♪ When I play the maracas, I go ♪

♪ When I start to dance, everything goes ♪

♪ When I start to dance, everything goes ♪

♪ While he strummed in Havana ♪

♪ Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete ♪

♪ Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete ♪