The Girl Next Door Edit

A blowjob.

A little to the right there, gorgeous.

Actually, if you don't mind...

Actually, no.

ADULT EDUCATION Sex Education for the 21st Century

After this, we're cool, okay?

Air conditioner.

All I want is just for us to go back to normal again.

All right, calm down.

All right, D, let's roll.

All right, everybody, take five.

All right, here we go, people. Picture's up.

All right, how you doing?

All right, I'm sorry, okay?

All right, if no one knows the answer to this...

All right, people.

All right, what?

All right, you all have this graph, correct?

All right.

All right. Yeah, next question.

All the glory days with the boys.

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze.

Always leave them wanting more.

Always with the big words.

And action!

And as much as we'd love to give you all scholarships, we can't.

And for our finale, we'll show you how to put a condom on properly...

And I I certainly can't quote J.F.K. Now...

And I saw you flirting with him too...

And I'm Ferrari.

And if I don't?

And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean.

And now for the final task of your training.

And of course, I'll never forget...

And so I am proud to announce the winner...

And that is why I have always tried to answer the call...

And that's what this is, my fucking business.

And today we're taking time out to talk about...

And what does that motherfucker do?

And when you find her...

And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

And you know what that means?

And you turn it like so:

And you're better than this.

And...

Anyway, Danielle just came in from Los Angeles...

Are these our actors?

Are they porn stars?

Are you ready, hon?

Are you serious?

Aren't you gonna ask me if I have a girlfriend?

As an artist, I want it to come from a truthful place.

As for me...

At the top. Where the air is crisp.

Athena will be there, ready to shoot. Right, babe?

Athena.

AVN BEST PICTURE 1999 "CHITTY CHITTY GANG BANG"

Baby, I'll do things to you I wouldn't do to a farm animal.

Bang me.

BANK MANAGER

Be a man and go over there.

Beach is for fags, man.

Because I loved the way you looked at me.

Because in your heart you know...

Because of prom.

Because they just don't care.

Because we're a fucking tripod.

Because, I mean, we never do anything.

Big smile.

Bourbon?

But D and I also used to go out. Excuse me a sec.

But he also needs someone who's gonna push him.

But I'm not even thinking about that.

But lately, I've been seeing it differently.

But my best teacher has always been my mother...

But now you go and do this? This was my idea.

But now you're doing something for me.

But tonight, be the man.

But you have a secret.

But you're a little temptress, though, aren't you?

But, Jesus, man, it's good to see you.

But...

Cambodia

Can I get you something to drink?

Can we...

Cindy K. Tina B.

Come down here.

Come here.

Come on, baby.

Come on, bitch.

Come on, play it cool, play it cool.

Come on, there's gotta be something.

Come on, you guys, wait up!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Where are you going?

Congratulations. What's next?

Cool, dude. I'm sure he'll like that.

Courtney Booth. I will always remember late nights in Cabby

Cradle the balls.

Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.

Dan, Marci, Mr. Salinger...

Danielle just told us something very interesting.

Danielle, what do we know?

Danielle, where the air is crisp.

Danielle!

Danielle.

Danielle.

Definitely someone cute.

Definitely.

Did you know that?

Do me a favor, okay?

Do those girls go to your school?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Do you know what this is?

Do you know what we are, the three of us?

Do you wanna fuck me?

Doesn't matter.

Don't threaten me, you little shit.

Don't worry about it. I'm gonna take care of you.

Don't worry, honey, you were only 2 days old.

Don't worry. Ecstasy is not that bad.

Don't you think you're a little young?

Dude, I'm gonna do that little guy when he gets here.

Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable watching this with you.

Dude, I'm not kidding, okay? I've looked everywhere, okay?

Dude, learn to like it.

Dude, what the fuck?

Dude, you don't need to change the lens on a video camera.

Dude.

Dude.

Dude. I'm trying to talk about Danielle here.

Dude...

Eli, I like this girl.

Eli, I'm never gonna see her again.

Eric Zierdal. I'll always remember

Everybody out. Let's move.

Everybody thinks Hugo's the genius. It was my idea.

Everyone to the beach!

Excellent, grasshopper.

Excuse me, sir?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Fine. Selfish bitch.

First off, act like you don't even like her.

First, I'd just like to commend the candidates on...

For a while. But then I started working on other things.

For our finale, I will now demonstrate...

For teenagers, sexual intercourse can be dangerous.

For video yearbook.

For what?

Forget it.

Friends don't fuck with each other's business.

Frigging psycho.

Fuck film school.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it. I'll feel one.

Fuck you!

Fuck you. I'm taking your half then.

Fuck, I'm good!

Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck.

Fucking great, man.

Fucking kid.

Gentlemen, these are your prom dates, April and Ferrari.

Gentlemen.

Georgetown UNIVERSITY

Georgetown, hopefully.

Georgetown! They gave it to you!

Get in.

Give me a second, guys.

Go.

God, do you have any idea how ?

Goddamn it, Matt.

Goddamn, Peterson, haven't seen your black ass in ages.

Good news, ladies and gentlemen. Pop quiz time.

Good night, guys.

Good night.

Good. Let's move along then.

Got a little lamp there.

Great.

Guys, I can't work like this.

Guys, seriously, it's gonna get...

Guys, this is my boyfriend, Mule.

Guys?

Hard.

Have a good night.

Have a nice prom, kid.

He comes over all the time with his wife.

He fucked me, Mom. He fucked me so bad.

He is huge.

He looks really Oh, that's such a good one.

He says he has something very important to discuss with us.

He's so sweet.

Hell, yeah, we'll use you.

Hello. I'm April.

Help! Oh, fuck!

Here he comes.

Here it is.

Here, I... I got us something.

Here.

Here's my man.

Here's number one step to personal power.

Here's your first chance.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy. How you doing?

Hey, come on, let's get out of here.

Hey, come on, we're all going out.

Hey, D.

Hey, don't worry, man. You're gonna be great.

Hey, dude, seriously, I told you...

Hey, guys. This is Danielle.

Hey, Jenny.

Hey, look.

Hey, man, what's up with those girls?

Hey, Peterson.

Hey, so you raised all the money you needed.

Hey, there. What can I get for you?

Hey, there's the big daddy.

Hey, you got one for me?

Hey, you guys know Matty?

Hey, you know my friend Matty here, right?

Hey, you know who's got the killer bud?

Hey! Pull it over!

Hey! Wait!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. I get it, man, believe me. She's gorgeous.

Hi, everyone, it's Samnang.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Martin.

Hi, Mule.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm coming in. Can I come in?

Holy shit.

How about you?

How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know?

How do they just skip class every day and go to the beach?

How do we know each other?

How do you know no one's home?

How do you two know each other?

How do you want me?

How do you want me?

How much do you really care about her?

How we doing, Klitzy?

How'd you boys like to be in a movie?

How'd you come up with such an idea, Matthew?

How's the rack?

HUGO POSH PRODUCER

Hugo Posh will.

Hugo, you're known primarily as a hard core pornographer, correct?

Hunter McCaffrey.

I always wear boxers. You just caught me on a weird day.

I am doing something, I'm going to class.

I am so happy.

I am very excited to be coming soon. Are you excited?

I am. I really am.

I asked you people a question!

I can see her through my window.

I can wait, people.

I can't believe we're even thinking about this.

I can't do this.

I can't speak a foreign language...

I can't, guys.

I could give a fuck about you and your rice boy.

I could make a better sex ed film with my mom.

I didn't...

I don't belong here.

I don't feel so good.

I don't have to do anything.

I don't know if this is really the place.

I don't know.

I don't know. Doesn't matter.

I don't know. Get off your ass and do something. Fuck!

I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid.

I don't know. Maybe.

I got the tape! Can you see? I got the tape!

I have a baby now.

I have learned a lot from my teachers.

I have to be.

I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.

I just came here to say hi.

I just don't care anymore.

I just feel so weird.

I just gotta fuck something.

I just think you guys would be really hot.

I just think you'd want someone more your age.

I just wanna let you know, I know who you really are.

I kind of just quit my job.

I knew I recognized them. I knew it.

I know I lost my virginity at my senior...

I know it was you, Klitzy.

I know.

I like that.

I love him.

I love you so much.

I mean I'm gonna need to close out the account.

I mean, fuck, it does piss me off...

I mean, I can't get you involved in this.

I mean, I said I was sorry.

I mean, it doesn't matter anymore.

I mean, it's just been off the hook, you know?

I mean, she had this smile. I mean, you should have seen it.

I mean, she was like this angel.

I mean, the whole scholarship thing, you know, I mean...

I mean, there's some stiff Competition...

I mean, we're graduating. We should be going nuts right now.

I mean, yes, he is those things, but Hugo Posh is also heart.

I never went to prom.

I postponed yearbook. I gotta work on my speech

I said out, minions! Move! Move! Faster, you little maggots.

I said, everybody say, "Ho!"

I say, this prom is gonna be off the hook! Do you feel me?

I swear to God, if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself!

I swear to God.

I think I'm feeling a lot better now.

I think it's atrocious.

I think it's pretty wild.

I thought everyone's dying to be in this.

I told my class that I am coming to America. They were sad.

I told the idea to Hugo. He says he'll think about it.

I tried to be your friend, and what do you do?

I want to do it.

I want to start over. Maybe go to college.

I will always remember wrestling and the great memories we had.

I will always remember...

I will always remember...

I will always remember...

I will never forget the day she said to me:

I would love to.

I, Matt.

I...

I'd like to report a robbery.

I'd worry about going to jail.

I'll always remember lacrosse champions.

I'll always remember...

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'm a little nervous.

I'm a senior. But I'm about to graduate.

I'm all wet. Can I come in?

I'm gonna get our actors.

I'm gonna leave you guys alone.

I'm gonna need that back.

I'm here with Hugo Posh, the producer of Adult Education...

I'm in so much trouble.

I'm in.

I'm joking, man.

I'm just gonna go with it.

I'm just saying that this girl was unbelievable.

I'm not fucking around.

I'm not getting fired.

I'm not stripping again.

I'm okay. I can't. Thank you, though.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry I got upset. I felt taken advantage of.

I'm sorry, man. Come on. Let's get out of here.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still in high school, okay?

I'm telling you, it's gonna hurt like shit.

I'm telling you, you're gonna regret this.

I've just done so much nuts stuff. I mean...

If I hadn't been such a dick and taken her to that motel room...

If that money isn't back by Monday...

If this gets out, I'll be expelled. My life will be over.

If we don't get this, Hugo's not gonna buy it.

In a few minutes, we'll begin the speeches, and we hope...

In this video, we'll go through.

Is everything, you know, okay at home?

Is my volunteer ready?

Is that Monet?

Isn't this what you want?

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM...

It was no big deal.

It'll be like a payment plan.

It's a little funny.

It's a little funny.

It's a real nice place you got here, D.

It's all you now. I mean, now you can do whatever you want.

It's called energy. Energy.

It's cool.

It's cool. I like running errands.

It's for the student who best demonstrates moral fiber.

It's for...

It's funny, I have this whole speech prepared...

It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth...

It's gonna be a gas. You're coming, right?

It's just off the hook, off the walls. I mean...

It's killing me, you know?

It's kind of It's kind of been my problem lately.

It's like a gift, you know?

It's like he's Simon, and I'm Garfunkel.

It's like I can't control it.

It's like I can't control it.

It's not cute anymore.

It's not funny.

It's not funny. Seriously, get away from me.

It's not the money that pisses me off.

It's one of my favorites.

It's pretty expensive.

Jeannie, this is my This is my student advisor.

Jeannie.

Jesus Christ!

Jesus, is that her?

Jesus, look at that guy.

Jesus, what hack made this?

Jesus!

Jesus! Come on, will you relax?

Jesus.

Jesus. Sorry.

John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what

JOHN F. KENNEDY once said: ASK NOT...

Joseph Croft.

Just No one can ever find out about this.

Just bolt.

Just chilling.

Just go with it.

Just here to make sure everything's up to par. Wow.

Just learn to like it.

Just leave me alone, please.

Just living life, my man.

Just okay?

Just so you know.

Just starting out, and everyone knows your name.

Just these two.

Just too many to remember.

Just try and control yourself.

Just try not to talk so much, okay?

Kathy Regan.

Kelly.

Kid, you pull this off I'll take care of your little Samsung.

Klitz, I can't act and direct, okay?

Klitz, it's cool. You don't have to

Klitz, shut up. Now, the strippers.

Klitz, you already got into Yale.

Klitz's big debut.

Kurt Kilgore. I will

Ladies, we have Eli and Klitz.

LAS VEGAS WELCOMES THE ADULT FILM CONVENTION

Last and most important...

Let me break it down for you

Let me in. Let me in.

Let me show you.

Let me tell you the first rule of politics:

Let's do it.

Let's do this.

Let's go with them.

Let's go! Lock them and load them, dude.

Let's go.

Let's just Let's just think outside of the box here.

Let's just do something.

Let's make some fucky fucky.

Let's see here...

Like stripping in the middle of the street?

Listen, I know this is unprofessional...

Listen, Jeannie, Samnang's coming on Monday.

Look at me, man. I'm fucking Garfunkel.

Look at this one of him.

Look at you. You are a forest fire.

Look at you. You look fantastic.

Look, can we just talk?

Look, I don't know who she is.

Look, I have the most important dinner of my life tonight...

Look, I'm an idiot, okay? I saw the tape, and I freaked out.

Look, I'm not gonna be a dick. I know she loves you.

Look, I've just been crazy lately.

Look, Kelly, I'm a problem solver, all right? This is what I do. Okay?

Look, Kelly, no offense, but I really don't think Danielle...

Look, she'll get a job, I'll keep mowing...

Look, they're coming to you.

Look...

Looking at this calculation, what does this make us think of?

Looks like a release form for something.

Make it three. Actually, I'll have a Long Island iced tea.

Man, there is some talent here.

Man, these punks ain't directors.

Man, what were you doing ?

Man, you gotta use my girl, bro. She's so good.

Matt believe me, I want to help you, but No.

Matt, is there something you want to talk about?

Matt, please. Please, Matt. Fuck her for me. For me!

Matt, seriously, man, it's 2:00 in the morning.

Matt, she's a porn star, okay?

Matt, the point is, she made her decision.

Matt!

Matt! Matt! Dude, you're missing the best part.

MATTHEW KIDMAN I'll always remember...

Matthew Kidman?

Matthew Kidman. I will always remember...

Matthew Kidman. I will always remember...

Matthew, come down here.

Matthew, could you come in here?

Matthew, honey, what is it?

Matthew, is there anything you want to say before we watch this?

Matthew, please just go home, okay?

Matthew, what has been going on with you?

Matthew, what's going on?

Matthew, what's wrong?

Matthew!

Matthew.

Matthew...

Matty, time to go, time to go. Time to go.

Matty, you didn't tell me you got some serious burners...

Matty. What are you doing here?

May I have a word with you?

May I help you?

Maybe we should get a room.

Me? A Teenage Daddy?

Michelle H. Goddamn!

Mina, how are you?

Moral fiber.

Moral fiber.

MOTEL Glen Capri

Move, move, move! Let's go!

Mr. Salinger? What are you ?

Mrs. Clark is in Africa for two weeks with her church group.

Mrs. Kidman...

My business partner.

My competition.

My own scholarship to Georgetown.

My student advisor.

My whole life depends on it.

Need a ride to school?

Next location! Come on, move!

Next question! Faster!

Nice job, dickwad.

No cucumbers or bananas in this video.

No offense.

No, big dinner's on Thursday.

No, come on, this is good enough.

No, dude, you calm down! It's gone!

No, he's Cambodian.

No, hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

No, I know, I know. I can get the money back.

No, I'll leave you guys alone.

No, I'm ugly. I know it.

No, it's cool. They're pals.

No, no, I'm cool. Like, where are we going?

No, no, I'm doing it.

No, no, it was It was a big deal, but it's just that...

No, no, no. It's okay, Matt. You're gonna be fine. I promise.

No, they don't.

No, what is it?

No, you know, no, I'm okay, though, thank you.

No!

No? No, wait, wait.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. 01:18:45.04:18:46.13 Okay.

No. I told you she's not gonna do that anymore.

No. No, never gonna happen.

No. Strictly producer.

No. That money's going to Samnang. The money you stole from him.

Not bad, huh? Suckers cost me 6 grand.

Not this scene.

Now for the scientific explanation. Anybody?

Now I think that moral fiber's about...

Now I'm out 30 grand.

Now I'm really gonna fuck your shit up.

Now, Hugo, you and your partner have made millions on this.

Now, it is your student council president...

Now, it's a very simple equation here.

Now, you gotta ask yourself, how far are you willing to go?

Oh, boxers.

Oh, by the way, if things get bad, just bolt, okay?

Oh, come on! Take the pain!

Oh, God, what happened?

Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell, you know, because we

Oh, it's cool, dude. She's taken care of.

Oh, it's for this scholarship I need to get so I can...

Oh, Kathy.

Oh, moral fiber. Well, that's

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Am I blowing it?

Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?

Oh, my God. She's so hot.

Oh, my God. That's Mr. Peterson.

Oh, okay, fine. I'll direct.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shut up. You did not say that

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, just... Just get comfortable.

Oh, well, you're home early.

Oh, what kind of things?

Oh, who's your daddy?

Oh, you know what? Fine.

Oh, you're Mr. Salinger?

Okay, and big smile.

Okay, but I'm with her. I mean

Okay, get a two shot. Minions. All right, guys, get closer.

Okay, here's the thing

Okay, I saw you for, like, an instant.

Okay, let's do this.

Okay, let's start off with Operation Get Samnang.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Just Please, I...

Okay, relax. We'll just get somebody else.

Okay, so that's 25,000 total deposited...

Okay, so what time does the dinner start?

Okay, so why do I deserve this scholarship?

Okay, Spielberg, what lens will you use?

Okay, then. On with the show.

Okay, well, we gotta go. Thanks, Jeannie.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Just a little nervous.

Okay. Say what?

Okay. What are you gonna do?

One day, I had this killer idea to make films set...

ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT! SAMNANG

Perhaps you should bite me.

Perhaps you should have a seat.

Perhaps.

Personal power means the ability to act...

PHOTO RELEASE

Picture's up, people.

Pull it over! Pull

Punch it!

Questions on this?

Really cute.

Really?

Really?

Relax, relax.

Relax, relax.

Relax.

Remember that ass bag, Hugo, from the convention?

Ryan Winger.

Sam Young, baby!

Sam Young!

Sam Young!

Samnang, what's wrong, my son?

Samnang.

SCHOOL SECURITY

Second, get her drunk. Really drunk, okay?

Security's gonna be tight. Get wasted before you show up.

See you guys.

See, Hugo Posh isn't just tits. He isn't just ass.

SENIOR PROM DO YOU HAVE THE FEVER?

Seniors!

Seriously, this is nuts.

Settle down, tiger. I know. I know.

She didn't show up on set because of what you said.

Shit!

Show it!

Show that shit!

Show that to me.

Show them the tape.

Showtime.

Shut the fuck up!

Shut up, shut up! Here he is, here he is.

Sign the release form at the top.

Six o'clock.

So are you here alone or what?

So could I please have my tape back?

So did you hear about that scholarship yet?

So for those of you naughty boys...

So how was prom?

So I'm gonna need to close out the account.

So if I pull this off, I get the 25 grand on Sunday?

So is this Samnang really as smart as they say?

So that's it? You're just going back?

So this is what you think of me.

So we raised all this money for him...

So who is this silent partner?

So you guys went out?

So you raised 25 G's just to bring this Chinese guy over.

So you were going to school in Los Angeles?

So you're about to graduate. You must be going nuts right now.

So you're really into her, huh?

So, what are we doing, man?

So, what are we gonna do about this?

So, what do you wanna do?

So, what else do you do besides torture people?

So, what grade are you in, man?

So, what is moral fiber? I mean...

So, what should we do? Should we start setting up?

So, what's it for again?

So, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

So, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

So...

Some serious shit.

Somebody give me the answer to this.

Somebody stole it!

Someone who can make him laugh.

Someone who's gonna make him do...

Sometimes, if you wanna do something good...

Son of a bitch.

Sorry, bro. Party's all full.

Sorry, I gotta do this.

Speaking of which, Samnang sent us a new tape.

Special events such as senior prom...

Special events, such as your senior prom...

State champion, senior year.

Stay in school.

Steel, check it out, man. These guys are directors.

STOP CHECK OUT WITH SECURITY

Stop! Stop! Help me!

Such a long road, you know.

Sure.

Sure.

Take a look at us, okay? Take a good look at us.

Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast.

Take it from me.

Take the pain! Get up. Come on!

Takes my best girl, starts his own company with my idea...

Talk so much? I'm giving a speech.

Talk.

Thank you again for coming to what...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, Mr. Salinger.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. I just got back from Cabo.

That bitch can't just run away because...

That Matthew Kidman.

That means that if you kick out one of our legs, then we all fall.

That one final kick.

That one special thing that means more...

That tells her you came here to get down tonight.

That way the true porn star will come out in her.

That's a great blouse, by the way. Have you lost weight?

That's enough!

That's enough. I can wait.

That's gonna swell up like a bitch. Here, take this.

That's my dad's friend.

That's my principal. Seriously, let's go.

That's right, bitch.

That's Samnang Sok. He's this complete genius.

That's what a man does, okay?

That's what moral fiber's all about.

That's your speech?

The award for the brightest leader...

The ELI EXPERIENCE presents

THE JUICE WAS WORTH THE SQUEEZE

The kids today are so goddamn screwed up...

The next Einstein.

The one you were with the other day.

The only thing I care about is you, you know?

The scholarship.

The vibe wasn't right? She comes to your house and makes you strip.

The whole package.

There is nobody else.

There. You happy now?

There's a bar, you sit with the people.

There's nothing you can do about it now.

There's the door.

They really complement your coloring.

They're in high school, you idiot.

Think Meryl Streep, Sophie's Choice.

This could really sell, don't you think?

This fucker right here.

This is This is really nice.

This is Danielle.

This is for my high school video yearbook.

This is gonna be amazing.

This is gonna be huge. This is gonna be my calling card.

This is interesting, Matthew.

This is Matthew.

This is Mr. Simon.

This is politics.

This is right up there.

This is the key scene.

This is what I am.

This year was a very tough decision.

This.

This...

Those crazy little fuckers, man. They sure know their numbers.

Three steps to personal power are necessary for results.

To fuck a porn star in a cheap motel room?

TV.

Wait a second.

Wait, what's he talking about?

Wait!

We can figure this out. You just need a girl.

We got the convention. Gotta press the flesh, meet the fans.

We have a problem.

We have no doubt that he will be one...

We just need to keep this between me and you for now, okay?

We used to be partners a long time ago.

We'd like to honor a student...

We'll get there. You know what? Try and

We'll get two Scotch rocks and...

We're all going to the creek tonight.

We're all set for tomorrow.

We've Only. Just Begun.

WELCOME TO THE SENIOR PROM

WELCOME TO THE SHERIDAN SCHOLARSHIP BANQUET

Well, come on. At least feel her tits.

Well, he did teach himself calculus without even using...

Well, he prefers to remain anonymous.

Well, I'll tell you, if they were anything like this...

Well, if you need that kind of money by Monday...

Well, we did it. We raised the 25,000 dollars...

Well, we're We're kind of going out.

Well, you remember those sex ed films back in our day.

Well...

WESTPORT HIGH SCHOOL

What about me, dude?

What about your girlfriend?

What about your thing tomorrow? Okay, the scholarship dinner?

What an ass bag.

What are all these cameras for?

What are we doing?

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

What are you talking about?

What can I do to make you feel better?

What can I say?

What do they give it for?

What do we know? We know that you should be with me.

What do you ? What do you mean? What about starting over?

What do you mean?

What does she have to do, sit on your face?

What happened?

What kind of girl?

What kind of scholarship is it?

What the fuck is this shit?

What the hell is going on in here?

What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Dude, what are you doing, man?

What? Matt, what?

What? No. No, man, you're fine. Just relax.

What? What do you mean, "if things get bad"?

What's the speech you're working on?

What's up?

What's up?

What's up?

What's wrong?

Whatever.

When you get a lap dance, were they cool with you grabbing their ass?

When you wake up feeling really lethargic, really lousy...

When's Samsung getting here?

Who is in charge here?

Who is in charge of this?

Who is this guy? Is he a porn producer?

Who said anything about her?

Who? What What teacher?

Whoa, whoa, Mr. I Just Wanna Bang Hot Chicks.

Why are you doing this?

WHY DO I DESERVE THIS SCHOLARSHIP?

Why do you believe in me so much?

Why don't you buy him a dance.

Why don't you show her around.

Why don't you sit down.

Why?

Why?

Why? Do you?

Will you excuse us, please?

Will you go to prom with me?

With a K.

Would you guys ever wanna use me in one of your movies?

Wow, you must be flying.

Yeah What are we doing?

Yeah, but this is breaking and entering.

Yeah, come on.

Yeah, dude, come on.

Yeah, he's my partner on this, 50 50.

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I don't know. If I'm gonna do this payment plan thing...

Yeah, I slipped.

Yeah, I think it's a great idea.

Yeah, it was a little forward, don't you think?

Yeah, Klitz, you pussy.

Yeah, look, we just gotta keep this low key, okay?

Yeah, man, this party's getting kind of full, bro.

Yeah, right, like I'm gonna strip right here?

Yeah, right.

Yeah, that's right. Show me the love. Oh, feel it. Feel it!

Yeah, that's what I thought. Stay the fuck away from her.

Yeah, there is.

Yeah, we're definitely outside the box now, huh?

Yeah, well, I told you I wanted to try out.

Yeah, well, somebody's gotta step up.

Yeah, you have some?

Yeah, you. Get over here.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah...

YEARBOOK MEMORIES FORM SENIORS ONLY!

YEARBOOKS TODAY!

Yep.

Yes, I do.

Yes.

Yo, man!

Yo, Mule, what the hell are you doing?

You You look really nice.

You better cure cancer, kid.

You coming with us?

You didn't ask for ID. You didn't do anything.

You don't understand. It's really kicking in right now.

You get those girls together with those ass bags there...

You guys have been great, but this is my mess.

You have been there.

You haven't done anything, have you?

You haven't heard the whole plan yet.

You just might have something here, Matthew.

You just show this little lady a good time tonight, all right?

You know Mrs. Clark from next door. Danielle's her niece.

You know what I say?

You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl...

You know what? Go wait in the car. Go.

You know what? It doesn't matter.

You know what? Take this camera and shove it up your ass!

You know what? You guys are fags.

You know, basically being a fucking Boy Scout.

You know, he could cure cancer.

You know, Real World porn.

You know, you really didn't have to come with me.

You know? This can work. We can do this.

You look...

You may recognize us as stars of the adult entertainment industry.

You must be Eli. And Klitz. Right.

You put her in front of everything...

You ready for tonight?

You really do, hon. You look so beautiful.

You said he was your student advisor.

You saw a tape, and you thought:

You saw me...

You say that like I care. I don't give a shit.

You think about this. This is your fault too. Right?

You wanna be president?

You wanna get me a drink? No, I'm just kidding.

You want me out of Danielle's life?

You'll lose your job over this.

You're all right, man.

You're an asshole. It's not funny.

You're doing great.

You're done.

You're firm.

You're giving me your half.

You're gonna need a harder piece of wood than that, cowboy.

You're gonna see sex education.

You're strong.

You're such a good friend, Klitzy. I love you.

You're the best thing that ever happened to me, okay?

Your face is gonna be in this. Think about that.

Your name is Klitz?

Your student advisor. Mr. Salinger.

Your teacher came by yesterday and cleared out the account.

1. MAKE EYE CONTACT 2. BE CHARMING 3. JFK!

9 months later...

A tripod? Yeah.

All right, minions, over here. Good luck.

All right. Eli's calling card.

An instant? Yeah.

And they wanna use me. Use you?

Are we going? Yeah.

Are we...? No, I can do this. Don't worry.

Are you okay? Yeah, I don't know, I...

Are you trying to get me drunk? No, what?

Athena! Athena!

But it's already closed. What are you talking about?

Bye. Bye.

Can I ? All right, we're out.

Can I use your bathroom first? Oh, it's over here to the left.

Can we meet them? Yeah.

Can we talk to you for a second? Dude, I'm with my girl here.

Can you come here for a second? Yeah.

Come here, baby. Let's...

Come on, Klitz, come on. Get off.

Congratulations. Thanks.

Damn. Do I look gay to you? No, but, Jesus

Damn. Should have kissed her. Are you okay? Dude?

Dan. What's going on?

Danielle, Danielle. Hugo, hi.

Danielle, wait. I'm sorry. Let me guess.

Danielle. Athena! Athena!

Danielle. Come on! Athena, right here!

Danielle. Hey, man, get me out of this thing.

Did you? Yeah.

Do I know you? What the fuck's your problem?

Do not piss me off. Hey, I thought we were friends.

Do you have the fever? No.

Dude, don't mess this up. Mess what up?

Dude, it's not your fault. No, it is my fault.

Dude, make sure they can act. Yeah, all right.

Dude, wait up. Fuck you, dude!

Dude, what are we doing here? Yeah, I know.

Dude, what are you doing? I don't know. I just...

Dude. I know.

Dude. I know.

Dude. What?

Eli told me to do it. Oh, now that's a mature response.

Eli? Dude, the tape's not here.

Ferrari. Ferrari. Focus. Listen. Oh, okay.

Fine. Fine!

Get the fuck out of here! Sorry.

Get up. Okay, okay.

Get your folks to help. They don't have that kind of money.

God, who is this girl? How's the rack?

Good luck tonight. Thanks.

Guess who's paying me back. What? I don't have 30 grand.

Hello? Hey, Bob.

Hello? We're dead.

Here you go, Danielle. Oh, thanks.

Hey, Dad? Don't wait up.

Hey, let's get our luggage! Yeah.

Hey, Matt, what's up? What's up?

Hey, what are you doing? What?

Hey, what's up, Ryan? Jesus, what happened to you?

Hey, where are you going? The bathroom. Is that okay?

Hey! Hi, Danielle.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Mr. Peterson. Mr. President.

Hi. Come here.

Hold on a sec. Where are you guys going?

Hold on. Fuck you.

Hold on. Relax. No. You relax.

Holy shit. You guys should party.

Hop in, fellas. Aren't you gonna photograph us?

How about you, buddy? Yeah, Mr. Brooks...

How you doing? What's up, fellas?

I can't find it. What?

I don't know if I can do this. Yes, you can.

I don't. Come on.

I feel like this is all my fault. Who is this guy?

I gotta be in this. Shut up. Take this.

I just saw you naked. What?

I know. How exciting. Yeah.

I thought you like to rock. "Like to rock?"

I wanna bang you! Go, Cougars!

I will be in a month. Really?

I would have nailed her. Ok, you wouldn't have nailed her.

I... Just fucking with you, man.

I'll be late tonight. I'll watch it tomorrow.

I'll be there in a minute. Okay!

I'll clean it up. Matt. Matt.

I'll grab it and leave. You don't understand...

I'm Hunter. Danielle.

I'm in! I'm in! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Is this your party? No, it's a friend of mine's.

It's a cool ride, huh? Yeah, if you're a fag.

It's a video camera. So?

It's not funny. It's a little funny.

It's okay. Just go with it. Wait, wait.

Jeannie, where are you going? To get the manager.

Jeannie... Hi, Jeannie.

Jesus! It's cool, it's cool.

Just breathe, okay? All right.

Just get out of here, okay? Hey, I got this taken care of.

Let's see what else we have. Why are you here?

Look, I'm sorry. I had to come. Asshole, I'm next.

Look, seriously, I can't do this. Don't be a pussy. Nobody's home.

Matthew wants to be president. Really?

Matthew. Hi. Peterson, this is Matty's first time.

Me too! Oh, Danielle.

Minions, let's move. Wait. So, what are we doing?

Move it. Sorry.

Mrs. Peterson. Congratulations.

Nice tan. Kelly.

Nice. Eli?

No way. Klitz...

No. Klitzy...

Nobody move! Oh, shit.

Oh, I'm sure you'll get it. Thanks. I mean, I hope so.

Oh, Marci, you're so funny. Oh, thanks.

Oh, my God. Dude, don't worry, all right?

Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

Oh, thank you. Congratulations. Georgetown.

Okay. "Okay," what?

Okay. Like this? Oh, that a girl.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Samnang. Yeah!

Sasha! Sasha!

See? I knew it. No, no.

Seriously, let's just do it. Why?

Seriously, what's your story? I don't know.

Sex. Sex.

Shark Week is all week long. God, I just wanna bang hot chicks.

She's my age. Yeah, I meant experience wise.

So did you bang her? Oh, yeah, yeah. I banged her.

So how's everything going? Fine.

So how's Kelly treating you? Okay.

So you're friends with D, huh? Yeah.

So, what do you guys do? I get freaky.

So, what do you wanna do? Let's just chill.

Something concrete. Well, like what?

Sorry, man. Should we come back?

Take me with you, dude. Danielle.

That one's the best. It is. He looks so adorable.

That's great, man. Yeah.

That's mine. You know, we were fine.

That's Mr. Salinger. Who?

That's not her. Yeah, it is.

Thattagirl. This is a cute one.

The beach is for fags? Yeah.

Then let's go. But wait, seriously.

This guy is unbelievable. You.

Troy Cochran. Troy Cochran.

Troy gives good head. Fuck you!

We can go out another night. No, we're going out tonight.

We got things to do. Do you wanna hang out?

We used to work together. So you're, like, an actor?

We'll get expelled and Klitz, shut up.

We're directors. Really?

Well, thanks for the ride. No problem.

Well, why don't you go? Yeah, come on. Let's go.

What about them? Are they, like...?

What are these? Your scripts.

What are we doing? Did you like what you saw?

What are you doing up there? Nothing.

What are you doing? What?

What are you talking about? Yeah, come on.

What are you thinking? What are you thinking?

What channel, dude? No, the girl next door.

What do we say? Fuck you.

What do you mean it's gone? I mean it's freaking gone.

What does that mean? Nothing. He's just being Hugo.

What happened? It got bad. Bolt. Bolt!

What happened? Let's just say he wasn't strong...

What the fuck did you just say? Honey. These guys are directors.

What? I love those earrings.

What? Just ask.

What? Kelly likes dosing people with E.

What? Stop filling her head with that

What? We're a fucking tripod.

What? What you said in there.

What? Yeah, right.

What? You're coming with me. Right now.

What's up? I found this in the hallway.

What's up? What's up?

What's wrong? Derek didn't work out.

What's wrong? Jeannie...

Whatever, dude. And, you know, secondly...

When I was 10. Moving on.

Where are we going? I thought you were cool, man.

Where are you going? Can't. He's got school tomorrow.

Where is she? Oh, there they are. Hey.

Where you guys going? Vegas, baby.

Who's "we"? Well, I mean, I did...

Why are you looking at me? Because you're doing it.

Why didn't you just tell me? Because I didn't want to, okay?

Why do you want this thing so bad? Because it should've been mine.

Why? What time is it now? 6:30.

Why? What's wrong with it? No, nothing. It's fine, you know.

Will you at least look at me? Bend over.

Work it, Athena. You are so hot, Athena.

Yeah, so? So you're gonna have to take off.

Yeah! All right?

Yeah. Hey, man, what's up?

Yeah. Shit.

Yeah. Okay, Eli. Good.

Yes? I'm sorry.

Yo, man, no press. No, no. No, I'm not press.

You ever been photographed? A couple of times.

You fuck me. I didn't fuck you.

You girls are 18, right? I am.

You guys ever thought about it? No.

You ready? Yeah.

You really care about her, huh? Yeah, I really do.

You sure? Positive.

You wanna give her a throw? Yeah, try me out.

You're a director now? Yeah, I am.

You're blushing, Dorothy. Don't blush, Kathy.

...a very important subject.

...a woman who worked three jobs trying to support me...

...action.

...actually go to Georgetown.

...all of it.

...all right? So unprofessional.

...all the great times with the dirty dozen...

...always be touching her, Matt.

...am I ugly?

...and also engage in unprotected sex.

...and bring him here to study at Westport.

...and I've been practicing for weeks...

...and macking all the honeys.

...and she's housesitting while her aunt's away.

...and the guy makes millions.

...and they only pick one of us...

...at your school here.

...because you're not gonna see sex.

...being utilized in classrooms across the globe.

...broken up, like, any second now, right?

...but he could be the next Einstein, you know.

...but I think you're really cute.

...but that's not it. It's the perception.

...but you know what?

...can do for you but what you can do..."

...can I, Ryan? You know what?

...didn't you ask for ID or anything?

...do you usually jump up and go ?

...doing good deeds.

...everything from kissing to foreplay.

...expecting to see a raunchy porn video...

...feel so good.

...finding that one thing you really care about.

...for putting a condom on the real thing.

...game or at a prom, that video would sell.

...good night.

...his textbooks, so...

...I have to be at a dinner in an hour.

...I need a show of good faith, you know?

...I wouldn't worry about being expelled.

...I'm just going with it.

...in real life situations.

...into the Operation Get Samnang account.

...is gonna be interesting.

...it really freaks me out when you watch that while...

...lawns, and over time we'll pay it down.

...making the perfect fake ID's...

...may I have a word with the boy alone first?

...maybe this is the only way you can reach them.

...moral fiber.

...of the great John F. Kennedy...

...of the great politicians in Washington.

...of this year's Sheridan scholarship:

...of tomorrow, Matthew Kidman.

...or firm.

...place added pressure on young teens to lose their virginity...

...place added pressure on young teens...

...prom. When'd you lose yours, April?

...promises to be a very eventful evening.

...she don't wanna fuck on film anymore.

...shoot them humping at, like, a football...

...so I'll just have to blow them away with my speech.

...so now we can bring the genius Samnang out of Cambodia...

...so that's out.

...so wherever we're going, you know...

...talk about this later? Yeah.

...that guy wasn't my student advisor.

...that the juice is worth the squeeze.

...the ability to take action.

...the game against Fairfield.

...the girl next door.

...the hell with it.

...the hottest selling sex education video ever made...

...the math club madmen...

...the proper technique...

...the senior prank.

...the three legs of the tripod.

...their impressive remarks.

...they're porn stars. Oh, yeah, right.

...things he never thought he could do.

...to come here and study at our school.

...to lose their virginity and engage in unprotected sex.

...to you than anything else in the world.

...unless you're ready to accept the consequences.

...using a real person.

...wants to be here right now.

...we just have to be home by 6.

...we live in a crazy, mixed up world.

...we sure would've paid more attention, don't you think?

...what are you gonna do?

...what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

...which lasted six seconds

...who has a few announcements to make.

...who has shown outstanding leadership.

...who urged us to "Ask not what your country"

...why did you decide to skip film school?

...would you mind joining me in the living room for a second?

...you fight for her. You risk it all.

...you gotta do something bad.

...you know I wouldn't ask for this unless I really needed it.

...you know, the vibe was not right.

...you might as well turn this off now...

...you're talking to me.

"Good night"? What are you, gay?

"What the hell? She does it for a living, right?"