Superstore (2015) - Season 2 Edit

Aah!

Aah!

Acting life is tough.

Ah, I wonder what he wears on his day off.

Along with dust, pet dander, and toxic mold spores,

And a duck.

And astronaut ice cream, but it was basically

And astronaut ice cream, but it was basically

And Cheyenne here is gonna take your post.

And die every year?

And post it above the microwave.

And Sandra is just making it up to get attention.

And she also claims you broke into her locker.

And someone special came over to help me on register.

And then she said yes.

And then the children they're gonna have

And they say no, move on.

And you must be the little princess we've been expecting.

And, Lisa, you didn't just bag groceries.

Arthur as well as the two of you.

At my father's hardware store.

At what point is it inappropriate?

Aww.

Because of your drinking problem!

Because she has plans that night?

Boyfriend is way better than the keychain.

But do you have a crush on Myrtle?

But he won't listen.

But it might just be the alliteration.

But mostly they're old.

But seeing her up close, the chin, the nose,

But then you don't know if someone likes you

But you get to whip out the fangs, huh?

Can you ask her out again for a different night?

Cleaves tight against your breasts.

Cloud 9 welcomes you.

Did you get what I sent you in for, or did you get distracted?

Did you see any of this?

Do we bust her ourselves?

Do you know how many babies choke on balloons

Do you think Elias and Pauline would be good together,

Easy, Cagney.

Everybody write down all the employees you're attracted to.

Except for the one that Bo did for you.

Fancy clothes probably.

Feeding the ducks... Ohh.

Force her to work with an employee in hopes of engaging

Give people an opportunity to work with other people and...

Good, good, good.

Great, now she's gone.

Happy Valentine's Day, by the way.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Harassment is always wrong.

He doesn't even have to be white.

He just touched her elbow with his hand.

He was just trying to compliment you.

He's confused again.

He's just building a rapport with the suspect.

Hey, it's Cloud 9 up in here.

Hey, Myrtle. Break time already, huh?

Hi!

I always tell him, "Jeff, you're gift enough for me,"

I asked her out every day for a year,

I bet Jeff just loves it.

I can't think of any reason why you'd want to lie.

I don't know, but it seems like a few would.

I had an extra shot in my cold brew this morning.

I just don't think everybody at work needs to know

I like your sweater, and I think you're pretty.

I mean, can you imagine what it's like to have what she has?

I mean, Darwin...

I mean, I met Jerusha when we were both working

I mean, it feels like there's chemistry there,

I mean, Jerusha and I got married.

I mean, just to have a connection like that

I mean, that's why they're talking and laughing so much,

I mean, you had that dance y energy you get.

I was just asking as a joke anyway.

I was totally out of line.

I wasn't harassing her.

I will compile a spreadsheet of any matches

I will quit right now.

I would have liked a watch.

I... you look exactly like someone who works here.

I'll go fix it. No, no.

I'll show you the time of your life.

I'm fine to finish this up.

I'm gonna have you tackle Womenswear with Myrtle,

I'm just saying that maybe he wasn't harassing you.

I'm not a big Valentine's Day guy, but Jeff and Sandra are...

I'm not trained in that.

I'm shopping as a customer."

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I've always wanted to go undercover.

If it was up to you, they never would have gotten together.

If you'll make me the luckiest man in St. Louis,

In a bird's nest.

In a physical relationship with him.

In this store, I guess it's Valentine's Day.

Into this crazy world.

Is based on a sex crime.

It doesn't have to be ducks.

It is a very nice sweater.

It is possible that you misunderstood what he said or...

It just looks like someone left you some flowers and chocolates

It shouldn't end in the bedroom.

It was wrong to harass you, and if you want,

It's been a very extrapolatory experience.

It's in the other pocket.

It's like he knows exactly what she wants.

It's like they need a bigger push.

It's not like either one of you have that much time left.

It's not.

It's wrong when I try to do matchmaking,

It's, like, the number one thing you can't do.

Just a bunch of science classes.

Just a normal person having a normal conversation.

Just be careful not to make unwanted advances.

Just keep thinking, "Customer, customer.

Just look around. Look...

Let's just say that if you ask somebody out,

Look under that sweater.

Look what Jeff just sent me.

Look, I just... I want to say I'm sorry.

Love, Mr. Man."

Love, your Mr. Man."

M...

Meanwhile, according to the absurd amount of decorations

Meanwhile, according to the absurd amount of decorations

Men, right?

My chiropractor told me to switch it up.

No plans for me.

No, Glenn, I put him there.

No, no, no, you only think you love me.

No, not your sweater. He's not a magician.

Now, I'd have my plainclothes guy tail her,

Now, what's your side of the story?

Of a hunker down watch YouTube videos situation?

Of a hunker down watch YouTube videos situation?

Of the thespians, but then Steve Luber got it.

Oh, I didn't... So gullible!

Oh, my God. That's her favorite.

Oh, wait, here...

Oh, wait, here...

Oh!

Ohh!

Ohh.

Okay, I was just trying to set her up for a date.

Okay, yeah, you're way underqualified.

On them as well?

Ooh, yeah, I nailed that.

Or am I just projecting Laurel and Hardy?

Or is it more of a flat rate for the whole day kind of thing?

Or is she politely telling you she's not interested?

Own without a big, strong man, 'cause then she'd be a slut!

Puppies!

Relationship is supposed to be secret.

Right this way, Your Highness.

Set me up.

Setting people up around work.

She agreed to go out with me because my father threatened

She asked for it.

She asked me to set her up, so I set her up.

She sent herself flowers, and Mateo is dating Jeff?

She was asking me for it.

She was on "NCIS." She played "Lady in Pool."

She... oh, my God. My wallet's gone.

She's blaming the victim!

Since he died at war.

Slightly different BMis, but she could be on

So everyone's just gonna get waa sted.

So I guess you're officially off the case.

So pick up a SuperCloud air purifier and convince yourself

Someone flies a drone into my head.

Speak, listen, speak, listen.

Standing so close.

Sure, so...

Thank you for your service.

That was unique and very cool. Yeah.

That's a different person.

That's called a systemic pattern of hostility.

That's so sweet of him. That's so nice.

The actress in the video, does she get paid per video,

The old locker, huh?

The security cameras don't have sound.

They're really perfect for each other.

This is a workplace, not Match.com.

This is so embarrassing.

This is why people hate Valentine's Day,

This one goes out to "Sandra, my one and only.

Those are not my kids.

Those are your kids with your boyfriend.

Three plays.

To fire her if she didn't.

Totally confidential.

Ugh! Coconut.

Unless you ask them out, so that's, like, a catch 22.

We didn't harass her.

We have to catch her in the act.

We just received a song dedication.

We should call them Jandra.

We were just watching them for our own pleasure.

We were trying to get information.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

Well, maybe just a little crush.

What about you? Any hot Valentine's Day plans?

Whatever.

Which benefits all of us.

Which it's not, 'cause it's just a fan.

Who'd like to get bitten by Cupid.

Why won't he leave me alone?

With someone.

Would never have been born.

Wow, it's uncanny.

Wow, you are not messing around.

Yah!

Yeah, he's that muscly guy right over there.

You are the closest thing those kids have had to a father

You bagged my heart.

You can come if you want, but it's bring your own nitrous.

You can't ever date somebody you work with.

You don't have to cry, sweetie.

You know what? I don't care.

You know, drone strikes.

You know, so I thought maybe there's some other sad singles

You think that's Jonah, right?

You were my victim!

You?

You're my boyfriend.

'Cause I hired Miles and Lisa, and now they're in love.

30. 30 babies die.

Aah!

Actually, yeah, I'm going to an MMA fight with my boyfriend.

Ahh, what a small, thoughtful... small gift.

Amy, Amy. Yeah.

An arrow. I think Cupid has an arrow.

And Bo's parents are out of town,

And fewer lawsuits equals more revenue for Cloud 9,

And he bites.

And I don't think that it's a good idea to go

Anyway, do you want to... Huh.

Anyway, I was convinced that I was gonna be the president

Are you angry at me?

Are you down on love because of your bad marriage?

Are you sure? 'Cause I can give you a ride to the hospital.

Arthur is a lovely guy.

Arthur, no. Gross, dude.

Arthur, we're switching things up a bit today.

Arthur? He's so sweet.

Attention shoppers.

Boyfriend?

But she sent it to herself.

But still, I'm... that's... I'm so jealous of that.

Can ignoring someone you're dating

Come on, you two. Talk to each other.

Does anybody have any questions?

Excuse me, everyone. Dude.

Fighting for the other side, and we are not married!

Flash mob proposals are so lame.

Front of store on the left.

Glenn, again, an arrow. Never mind.

Go back. Go back. Places, places.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

Hard to say. Her body language going in...

He meant he liked what's under my sweater.

He was saying such filth, how much he liked my sweater.

He won't leave me alone.

He's totally thinking about boning Sandra right now.

Hello.

Hello. Welcome to Cloud 9.

Hey, Arthur, I might be totally off base here,

Hey, Jonah.

Hey, Myrtle, do you date anymore?

Hey, wh... who...

Hey. Oh, what is Arthur doing in Womenswear?

Hi, Myrtle.

Hmm, I actually don't care, so...

How dare you!

Huh, well,

I am gullible. Yes.

I can't believe you'd want to bring someone

I could do it.

I could watch a video.

I don't know. He's really shy.

I don't think so. Of course you don't.

I don't think this is my locker.

I drink because of you!

I got caramel.

I guess he really loves me, huh?

I guess. I mean, it depends. Does she really have plans,

I like to imagine the two of us together someday

I love break time, great time to kick back and see what's in

I never signed any divorce papers!

I think you have me confused with someone else.

I thought space camp was just gonna be all moon rocks

I'm not much of a romantic, but this is special stuff.

I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, Michelle.

I'm sorry, are you saying that you were spying

I'm sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of drama today.

I'm sorry. Who asked you to get involved?

I'm sure it's her.

I'm your boyfriend?

I'm... I'm just not explaining it right.

Intent is irrelevant.

Is it a quick bathroom break or more

Is it a quick bathroom break or more

It shouldn't matter what she's wearing.

It was an honor and a pleasure.

It's a keychain. Thank you.

It's from Arthur.

It's like Christian Mingle, but for everyone.

It's not always harassment.

Jandra.

Jeff got her a watch.

Jerusha, our whole marriage

Lisa Beth Ann Donatella Lopez Fitzgerald,

Look, Tyler and Megan are in the car.

Mateo's the one dating Jeff, okay?

Mm hmm.

Mm, yeah, you too.

Mmm. Mmm.

My guess is flat rate.

Myrtle, I'm so sorry.

No way. I've seen how you drive.

No, but if you know someone nice,

No, I hadn't noticed.

No, I just don't think people come here to find love.

No, I think we're all set here.

No, I'm good.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Yes, quit.

No, probably sit in the park, feed the ducks.

No, spying makes it sound like

No. It can be ducks.

Nope, we're not doing that.

Oh, all right, well, there you go.

Oh, blame the victim.

Oh, God, kill me now.

Oh, God, what have I done?

Oh, God. Not again. Oh, wow.

Oh, hey, if you've got plans tonight, you can head out.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I've been studying for the SATs.

Oh, M.C. Cool Cloud, you are all right.

Oh, no, no, no. That was just...

Oh, no. I...

Oh, oh, 'cause a woman couldn't possible be out on her

Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that's all right.

Oh, so it's not harassment if you marry them?

Oh, that's so sweet.

Oh, we need more tissue paper.

Oh, we're not together.

Oh, we're not together.

Oh, we're... We're not having kids.

Oh, welcome to Cloud 9.

Oh, well, is that really that bad?

Oh, wow. I'm... I'm so sorry.

Oh, yeah, no, happens all the time.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you didn't have to get me anything.

Oh, you're married? No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, you've never called me that before.

Oh!

Oh! Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Oh! That is such a good idea.

Oh.

Oh. Did you...

Oh. Ohh.

Ohh, that's so old person.

Ohh.

Ohh. And I love how your sweater

Okay, maybe, but maybe... I don't know...

Okay, none of you know the story.

Okay, okay, thank you. All right.

Okay, this is actually making things worse.

Okay, this isn't sexual...

Okay, what we need is a database.

Okay.

Ooh, he got her puppies too?

Ooh, look at him getting some on V Day.

Ooh, this is a bad idea.

Really? Yes, it's incredible.

Really? Because you were so certain of it earlier.

Seems so weird he'd send you a gift at work when your

Seriously, who are you people?

Sexual harassment involves us all.

Sexual harassment.

She goes on to say that he made lewd and profane comments.

She's alleging that you used your positions of authority to

She's in the bathroom.

She's in the bathroom.

She's late, like... There she is.

She's not a thief!

She's not the shoplifter.

So are you... are you free or...

So do you... do you have any plans or...

So Myrtle has filed sexual harassment complaints against

So right in here is where I saw the feces swastika.

So Sandra has a fake boyfriend,

So what did you get me?

So what do we do next? Do we... do we call the cops?

So you can't ask someone out unless you know they like you?

Sometimes people do change their minds.

Stop talking, Glenn.

Stop. Found her on IMDB.

Take two, dude.

Tell me, do you think that Brett and Brittany

That's all it is!

That's crazy.

That's right, chat her up.

That's, like, a hundred dollar bouquet.

There you go. Oh, wait, no, no.

They are. They're both old.

They're like two little robin's eggs all bundled up

This a quality Tuesday.

This makes me genuinely sad.

Two Aprils ago, I was new here,

Uh huh.

Um, factually similar.

Watching the ducks.

We had no idea what he was saying to her.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

Well, I... I mean, I'm better with the... the four wheels.

Well, it's because of a reason that I... I can't tell you.

Well, look. Look for a card.

Well, there's definite similarities.

Well, you can't take love out of the workplace.

Wh... what you got there?

What are you talking about?

What do you need to be qualified?

What fangs? Cupid's fangs.

What if she just says no

What is wrong with you?

What, like, together together? Yeah, yeah.

What? And he was in, like,

What? No one is saying

What's Match.com?

What's wrong with him?

Whatever.

Where the is Lisa?

Where's Lisa? We need Lisa.

Which one is it, Sarah? It's the second one.

White gold?

Whoa, well done.

Why aren't they talking to each other?

Why does everybody want to Jeff?

Why?

Without kids, what's the point of life?

Wow, Jeff sent you those.

Wow. Who's it from?

Yeah, and there's, like, this whole duck thing,

Yeah, but flash mobs stopped being cool, like, a year ago.

Yeah, but you can prove anything with facts.

Yeah, I know she sent it to herself.

Yeah, I'd hope so.

Yeah, I'm free.

Yeah, me neither.

Yeah, or, like, 140.

Yeah, they were cool one year ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, Heather.

Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Oh, hey, you see that guy?

You could watch a video.

You don't remember you signed them

You don't...

You guys, look what Jeff just sent me.

You know, it's just sad that she feels the need to...

You know, just to mix things up,

You need to watch a video.

You put your personal libido in front of busting a thief.

You want me to be a greeter?

You'll be fine. I believe in you.

You're doing great.

"And I love seeing you naked, because it's really good.

"Happy Valentine's Day, boo.

"My precious treasure,

"words cannot express my love for you.