Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) Edit

A bunch of us are going to go to this, like, little beach thing afterwards.

A shoe like this, but for the other foot. Otherwise, I'd have two right...

A surfer dude. You know, WCT, top 44.

A taste for love

A taste for love

A year?

Access Hollywood spotlight

Aldous gave you gonorrhoea?

Aldous, Sarah, this is Rachel.

Aldous, this is Peter.

Aldous.

All gonna light the light

All right, I'll sit down, but I'm sitting down 'cause I want to,

All right, so I came here to give you my demo. I just...

All right, so let's all come down to our mats.

All right, so now that your show's done, are you gonna finish the Dracula musical?

All right, yeah. You know what?

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right. All right, I'll help you out. I'll talk to girls with you.

All right. I went to her room, and she was crying and crying and crying.

All right. You go on top, though, 'cause I'm knackered.

Aloha, bitches!

Aloha, I'm Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene: Scene of the Crime.

Aloha!

Aloha!

Alongside Billy Baldwin's dark and brooding,

Although you two seem to be the best in the class.

Am I okay? I'm better than okay, my friend.

And amidst the interminable dross that's on that thing,

And be a normal person.

And blow it inside the V, so you can have a B A B Y

And by which, I don't mean have a conversation,

And don't tell anybody, but... A little extra love for you.

And enjoy your stay.

And even if I was, I don't think that I have the sexual competency to really pull that off.

And every time he gets close to a human woman,

And I asked him to take it down,

And I can't imagine doing anything right now.

And I couldn't drown with you any more.

And I don't have the frame to support plastic surgery. I would tip over.

And I felt like I should comfort her.

And I know that wasn't just juice.

And I need you to understand

And I pray this broken day will not last too long

And I want to see that through.

And I wanted to see if you wanted to come and join.

And I...

And I'll meet you out front in, like, five?

And I'm not done either!

And I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna exploit myself.

And I've been living too hard to believe things are going to get easier now

And if anything, you should leave your P in the V

And if I see Van Helsing, I swear to the lord I will slay him

And it just says it.

And it kind of reminded me of a dark, gothic Neil Diamond. It's great.

And it should be right to the left.

And it sounds like she's having such a hard time.

And it's gonna be a massive tour.

And it's not fun, and it causes anxiety. Fucking is...

And Liam and Noel Gallagher both had it off with her right in front of me,

And one more thing about Peter.

And so my cock doesn't want to be around you any more, okay?

And so one day I came home, and she had this waiting for me,

And that does not make you a citizen of the world.

And that someone is you and you And you and you

And that was a bit awkward, actually.

And the cereal would get stale,

And then he left.

And then I started thinking, what if he's right?

And then I won't be able to pay off my student loans.

And then she started kissing me because I was comforting her.

And then someone told me that, and it just, like, opened the whole thing up.

And then the next thing I knew, I was kissing her

And then when you're not fucking...

And they weren't good.

And until I do the same thing, I'm gonna feel like I wanna die.

And we'll just pretend like it never happened.

And when I'm not scrubbing for evidence,

And when I'm not scrubbing for evidence, I'm flying Hawaiian Airlines...

And where you're going, that's exactly what you'll be.

And you know what?

And you're forgetting what it's like to be with me.

And, like, shoot yourself off!

And, yes, it's only been four days, but I know you feel it, too.

Any more than that, I know I'd go crazy,

Anybody.

Anything could happen.

Are the ones that show their cooter, and, excuse me, but I refuse to do that.

Are there other hotels on the island?

Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

Are you breaking up with me?

Are you Chuck?

Are you giving to her hard and rough, dude?

Are you gonna give up surfing?

Are you ready to laugh? 'Cause this is a gas.

Are you sleeping?

Are you sure that you're not, like, too drunk?

Ask her out. Maybe that's what he needs, is a rebound.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Australia is amazing.

Awesome hat!

Awesome!

Awesome.

Awesome.

Awesome. Why don't you go upstairs, change that shirt,

Because God should be present in the bedroom.

Because he's a man like anyone else. He just wants to be loved.

Because I can probably rustle up either one. Throw some OJ...

Because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape

Because it keeps my cereal fresh. And now I have the freshest cereal.

Because it's not inflamed at the moment.

Because she had been kissing me because of the comforting.

Because you know what I just realised? Huh?

Because, D, he...

Because, Peter, you suck

Because, seemingly, the only actresses that actually can survive

Before he committed each homicide?

Before life gets any more daft.

Before Mother Earth gets any more hurt

Before you go, actually, Peter, I just wanted to tell you,

Behind those eyes.

Bless you. There you are.

Blood will run down his face when he is decapitated

Bold!

Brian, everywhere I look, I'm reminded of her, okay?

But actually, I don't have a reservation.

But because they're Costco brand, it's like the worst thing I could do.

But certainly Goebbels. It was like a little holiday with Hitler.

But come on in and just sit down.

But he found a taste

But he said that it would ruin the balance of the collage.

But he...

But he's joking.

But I don't know what I'm doing.

But I have a surprise for you.

But I know Sarah, and I'm pretty sure I just ruined her day.

But I like getting to know somebody.

But I really like spending time with you a lot.

But I think the two sort of go hand in hand, you know?

But I'm also really glad that it did, because

But I'm not leaving here, it'll look like I'm running away.

But I'm not like every other asshole.

But I've never seen one.

But it does not excuse you acting like a complete asshole.

But it was really fun, and you're so cool, and it was...

But life is full of lessons. You learn something new every day.

But maybe, if we just held each other or something,

But now everything is fine.

But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me.

But then I came here, and here you are.

But then I just carried on living my life.

But they're kind of weird.

But ultimately, yes, that is...

But we were able to book the Kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.

But whatever. I can see why Sarah likes you.

But with a shorter beard.

But you know what? You're an asshole. I fucking hate you.

But you took me by surprise

Button it back up.

By the end of the evening, I'll be, like, rimming waiters for their tips

Bye.

Came here to murder you.

Can I get cranberry juice with a bit of lime in it, please.

Can we get on the same team here?

Can you do something about that?

Can you get it out of my leg, please, hotel man?

Can you get some towels for me, please? I'm really losing a lot of blood.

Can you please stop laughing?

Can you say "catfight"?

Can you say "dicksicle"?

Can you try to listen to what I'm saying to you, Brian?

Charlie, who's Franco Marconi?

Check in this way.

Chicken! Come on!

Come here.

Come on tour with me.

Come on, I got Allman Brother tickets, I gotta get out of here!

Come on, Peter! I can see your vagina from here!

Come on.

Come on.

Come over here and meet my mom!

Coming up into downward facing dog.

Congratulations!

Congratulations.

Cool, sorry.

Could you take a look at my penis?

Crime Scene was cancelled.

Dakota Fanning and her people, they need this room.

Dating Sarah is not like dating Liz. Okay?

Did I mention that the music rocks?

Did you drink today? Because sometimes when you drink...

Did you enjoy that?

Did you get it? Did you get it?

Did you know that there's a picture of you flashing,

Did you see her ex boyfriend? He is ridiculous.

Die

Die

Die

Die

Die

Die

Do it!

Do it.

Do less. Get down. Try less. Do it again.

Do not write me. Do not call me. Do not e mail me.

Do you guys want some champagne with your cake,

Do you know what that's like for a man? It's called blue balls, Rachel.

Do you know what? I think I've improved it, actually, against all odds.

Do you really wanna have this conversation?

Do you wanna come home?

Do you wanna gag me?

Do you want cranberry juice or cranberry cocktail?

Do you want me to try to get it down for you?

Do you want my hands?

Do you want my mouth?

Do you want, like, a magazine or something?

Does Koonu have some, like, cool Hawaiian meaning?

Doesn't really have to be a future in there.

Don't be stupid, brother. Just give me the picture.

Don't do anything.

Don't get me wrong, but it's just... It's a surprise.

Don't go my love

Don't try to surf, don't do it.

Don't waste your time, man. Believe me, it is a nowhere road. I know.

Don't you dare sit there and tell me that I didn't try.

Doo doo paper. You're throwing doo doo paper?

Dracula

Dracula musical!

Dracula.

Dropped out of school, moved out here with him.

Dude, my homie over here, on his honeymoon?

Duty calls and all that.

Dwayne told me. Chuck told me.

Each week, millions of viewers love to watch

Edward Scissorhands over there told me that you two were fucking each other

Even Rachel told me.

Even your T shirts.

Ever!

Every time she would come over to our house,

Everybody hates you

Everybody wishes that you were dead

Everybody, can I have your attention for one second, please.

Everybody's learning how, come on and...

Everything looks fine.

Excellent. Perfect form, you two, perfect.

Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe. Like this one. It's like this one's fellow.

Excuse me, Mr Bretter, Ms Marshall,

Excuse me! Hi.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Exhale and release the hands.

Explore her ears.

Fair enough. Why don't you try to unbutton it?

Find a new show.

Find it in you to be a little more circly.

Find something eternal, perpetual. Lose yourself in fuck.

Fine. Cutting the bullshit.

For a long time that we've been growing apart.

For a whole God damn year while we were together.

For me to forget her. You know?

For me, it's much more enjoyable to get to know somebody.

For people who can't deal with the real world.

For society, for how we're reliant on technology.

Frankly, I don't stand a chance. No, I'll be fine.

Fuck my arse!

Fuck, you're cool.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fucking motherfucker! Dipshit!

Fucking prick.

Fucking this ring is...

G. Ghost pipefish, grill fish, goaler fish grouper fish, greenback...

Get back on that board...

Get hard for me, Pete. Get hard for me.

Get in a prep position for the tripod headstand.

Get ready for the most daring show on television.

Get them!

Getting as much sex as he possibly can ever have.

Getting in touch with the ocean and stuff. It's really pleasant.

Give me Crime Scene. Give me dirty Crime Scene girl.

Give me the picture.

Go ahead.

Go ahead. Let me see it.

Go away.

Go back to your room, Peter. Are you listening to me?

Go enjoy yourself.

Go out and meet people. We meet people all the time...

Go see a psychiatrist I hate the psychiatrist

Go to the Alps.

Go with your animal instincts.

Go!

God put our mouths on our head for a reason. No!

God, I missed you, Peter.

God, there was one week when you wore sweatpants! Every day.

God.

God. Do you need me to get you a tissue?

God's within you.

Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like, doing murders.

Good for you, Pete. Good for you.

Good Lord, no. I'm just drifting around, you know?

Good morning, sir. Can I start you with anything?

Good morning.

Good night, sir.

Good, everybody. Good.

Good, exhale and folding forward.

Good, so let's prep to come up. Good.

Good, yeah, sweat it out. Sweat out all the toxins from this morning.

Good.

Good. It's really important in this pose,

Gosh, it's such a hard life.

Gosh, you're, like, way prettier.

Got it.

Great.

Great. I'll just set two more places.

Great. I'll see you in a bit.

Groupie whore.

Handle with care, because, you know...

Hanging in the men's room?

Hard to love lead detective, Hunter Rush.

Has flown above

Have a chin wag, a bit of a chat.

Have fun.

Have fun.

Hawaii is a beautiful place. People come here, usually not to follow you.

He doesn't...

He ends up smothering and killing her,

He is just a man who wishes to be free

He is the lead singer of the band, Infant Sorrow,

He is the worst!

He likes puppets.

He refused a blowjob from his ex girlfriend mid blowjob.

He said it was clear I wasn't over you.

He was either stabbed in the aorta or it was his time of the month.

He would not put a playground next to a sewage system.

He'll need to know how to masturbate.

He's a really good guy. Really good. Like, great, actually.

He's a talented man, but tonight, I feel that this is appropriate.

He's being modest. He works on a show called Crime Scene.

He's dead already.

He's had plenty of chances for rebounds. This isn't...

He's no household name,

Head down Kamehameha, and then pass Funaho Loko Marsh.

Hello there, you little sex object.

Hello, Mr Bretter, Mr Brayden. Where's your wife, sir?

Here I am!

Here is your room key. So you're all set. Room 222.

Here we are, sir. Have a wonderful breakfast.

Here you go, sir. Have some POG juice.

Hey, ahoy, there!

Hey, all right, Peter. Nice to meet you, mate. Aldous.

Hey, baby.

Hey, brother, what you doing, huh? You stealing my art?

Hey, can we get another bottle of wine?

Hey, don't walk away from me.

Hey, don't walk away from me. You come close.

Hey, Dracula!

Hey, everyone, why don't you all grab your mats?

Hey, excuse me. Can we get another bottle of wine, please?

Hey, guys.

Hey, have a lovely evening, you two.

Hey, listen, at least it's clear now for you two to reconnect.

Hey, look at my driver. I'm gonna have sex with her.

Hey, look, just don't tell anyone at the hotel.

Hey, look, man, if you're attacked by a shark,

Hey, man, you remember me from breakfast?

Hey, man. I'm Koonu.

Hey, nice room.

Hey, Pete.

Hey, Peter! Hey, Bretter!

Hey, Peter?

Hey, that's a great necklace, Liz.

Hey, that's not gonna be a problem,

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, you got here fast. I got a surprise for you.

Hey!

Hey! Thank you!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, bro.

Hey. Morning, mate.

Hey. Wow.

Hi, can I have another bloody mary, please?

Hi, do you wanna come back to bed?

Hi, everybody, welcome to Access Hollywood. I'm Billy Bush.

Hi, Peter.

Hi, Peter.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

His head on my mantle is how I will let this one know

Hold on, I gotta call you back. Mahalo, all right.

Honey, I know that, but you know that I wanted to see...

Hotel.

How about that, Sarah?

How are things going with the lady?

How are you enjoying your vegetable medley?

How are you guys? How was your evening?

How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...

How do you know I was dating Sarah Marshall?

How long you lived out here?

How much I love you

How you doing back there?

Humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

I actually feel okay about it.

I actually will not be having an alcoholic beverage this morning.

I admire Sir Tommy Bahama an awful lot.

I ain't. No, I'm not joking.

I am in the Kapua suite.

I am so sorry.

I appreciate that. Obviously, I don't do yoga for recognition.

I appreciate your consideration.

I bet you think strippers like you, too.

I bought all your records.

I can imagine. That's a little bit out of my price range.

I can see your hoo ha.

I can sell you some weed when I'm done.

I can't

I can't

I can't say goodbye

I can't yell right now because I'll get fired.

I can't! Please don't make me do this!

I could go to Hawaii.

I could totally use a friendly hangout, so...

I could've guessed that. Yeah.

I did not know you guys were coming.

I did, too.

I did.

I did.

I didn't know you were going on tour.

I didn't realise that you were gonna be back so early.

I didn't see you guys, so...

I do the music for that programme.

I don't care.

I don't cry. I'm not a baby.

I don't drink.

I don't know about you, but it makes me feel impervious to pain.

I don't know if you want, instead of Lazy Joe's,

I don't know what to do.

I don't like the psychiatrist

I don't think I've ever been this covered in sweat before.

I don't think you're ready yet, man.

I don't understand what there is to think about.

I don't wanna disappear. I'm freaked out.

I don't wanna step out of the spotlight and then be forgotten.

I don't want you to break your neck.

I feel like those are opposing ideas.

I feel really good. I feel happy.

I feel so strong!

I feel...

I find you both very sexually attractive.

I found one track that I quite liked.

I fucking hate it so much.

I get it. I'm with you.

I got it.

I gotta go. I'm prepping the pig for tomorrow's luau.

I guess I'd be 44.

I had a girlfriend, right?

I had a great time last night.

I hate your music.

I have a little dignity.

I have been having a tough time, you know, back in LA.

I have no qualms with sticking you. I will equalize you.

I have this vision of doing it with puppets.

I hear you say that, but it's not that easy.

I heard about it from everybody. You gotta stop talking about it.

I heard that place was a pain in the ass.

I heard that. Hey, what's up, man?

I hope, for once, we all hear the message. Good night.

I just came!

I just got out of a five and a half year relationship,

I just heard her.

I just hope this doesn't ruin our friendship.

I just think out of context this might be...

I just think that's too crazy to be...

I just thought I'd take my chances.

I just thought that maybe...

I just wanna talk to you about something. Can you stop?

I just wanted to say thank you. I had such a great time tonight.

I just would be so depressed.

I just...

I kind of have this thing about blood, okay?

I know I will. Mahalo.

I know that I was not wrong about that.

I know that I'm leaving in a couple of days, so I don't even know

I know that there is something here.

I know what that means, if I put clothes on, it's over. Okay?

I know what you're doing. That's not funny at all.

I know what's happening here. I really do.

I know who you are. Yeah, you're very, very famous.

I know you did.

I know. I know, dude. I know.

I know. Me too.

I know...

I like her hair. I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.

I like him. That was quite moving.

I like living here.

I lived in South Central.

I long to be, is it wrong to be

I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop. I love Elmo.

I love her show.

I love puppets.

I love you very much.

I made a mistake coming here with you.

I mean we don't have to, if you don't want to,

I mean, humans also, you know.

I mean, I do love that shirt you got me.

I mean, I must say I'm a pretty good cook.

I mean, I'll jump!

I mean, I've been waiting to take the next step,

I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms,

I mean, just chalk it up to that. Please don't play it again, 'cause I don't...

I might have called once and hung up.

I missed you.

I missed you.

I need to understand what I did to make you cheat. I just...

I need you to leave.

I never thought in a million years she would say yes.

I plugged it into a database.

I pray it ain't all lost and gone

I pray we might learn right from wrong

I really want you, Peter. I missed you.

I saw him beat up a guy with a starfish.

I say, it's just a ridiculous premise.

I talked to a therapist.

I talked to my mother. I read every book possible.

I think I deserve a design award.

I think I'm confused, because I thought last night...

I think if you had just, maybe tried harder.

I think it looks great. But if you're not, let's go change.

I think it's coming from the floor above me.

I think it's gonna be hard for her to re enter the pageant

I think that having sex with either of you

I think we're gonna go on a hike.

I think you got some pain behind those eyes. A kind of pain that only...

I think you need to move just a tiny bit further away from the microphone.

I thought I told you to stay back on your island.

I thought you knew! Peter, please, don't take it seriously.

I told her that when she read the script.

I told you this was a pain in the ass. Could've been at Lazy Joe's.

I took love seminars. I took sex seminars.

I tried really hard. I promise you that. I just didn't have it in me.

I tried to be, but she didn't listen.

I tried to get you off your little island you loved so much, the couch.

I tried to get you out of the house.

I tried!

I used a condom, but

I wanna be honest. I'm really freaked out right now, okay?

I wanna go. I really, really wanna go there.

I wanna stand up on a wave before I leave.

I want to have sex with you!

I want to please my wife here, on our honeymoon,

I want you to know that I meant what I said last night.

I want you to put it back right now. Put it back, bro!

I was a mess, too. I understand. Okay?

I was actually meaning to ask you, what did you exactly think of my demo?

I was just calling you.

I was listening to Sarah's iPod the other day,

I was there. I witnessed it.

I was thinking of going to Laie Point right now.

I went up to make sure that she was okay, and it got weird.

I will say, if you do get back with Miss Marshall,

I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.

I won't bother you any more.

I worship you, and I just wanted to give you my demo.

I would love to sell you some weed, Jeremy, but I'm at my fucking job right now.

I would really love to get the woman's perspective on the matter.

I...

I'd just like to grab some dinner, please.

I'd like to dedicate this song to a very beautiful woman that's here today.

I'd love to, you know, but hotel policy... They don't let me do that kind of thing.

I'll be all right. Thank you.

I'll be just fine on my own.

I'll grab it. It's no big deal.

I'll have a little sleep for a few hours,

I'll just go fuck myself.

I'll leave you bleeding in my dungeon

I'll listen to it when you've gone.

I'll never obey you I'll rip out your oesophagus

I'll never see him again

I'll serenade you every night in front of thousands of women.

I'll take it, yeah. I wanna hang out with Rachel a little more.

I'll try to keep it down.

I'm able to see so clearly now that Sarah and I are not right for each other.

I'm actually working on a rock opera.

I'm checking in. My name's Bretter, Peter Bretter,

I'm confused and I don't know what to do.

I'm doing a handstand, motherfucker! I'm doing a handstand.

I'm finished trying

I'm flying Hawaiian Airlines to my favourite destinations.

I'm getting complaints about a woman crying hysterically.

I'm glad you like it. Mahalo.

I'm going in.

I'm going to disagree.

I'm gonna be your instincts. Koonu will be your instincts.

I'm gonna get herpes just from sitting on this couch.

I'm gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip, you fucking dick!

I'm gonna head in.

I'm in love with you.

I'm just being honest here.

I'm just deleting these pictures.

I'm just getting started. It's delicious, though, thank you.

I'm just really glad you're keeping him company, 'cause...

I'm just saying, if you hate something, change it.

I'm just worked up.

I'm leaving, man. I'm out of here.

I'm no Aldous Snow, I guess, you know.

I'm not crying.

I'm not crying.

I'm not going

I'm not going to go put clothes on.

I'm not touching you.

I'm on a hammock with me lady

I'm on Sex and the City. What's up, Miranda?

I'm pregnant

I'm really scared that I have an STD, Doc.

I'm really sorry. I apologise for offending you, Peter.

I'm really, really sorry that it did,

I'm Samantha. I have sex with everyone.

I'm Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene: Scene of the crime.

I'm so excited! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry, Pete.

I'm sorry that I didn't end up being who we thought I was gonna be, you know?

I'm sorry that I'm being so weird now.

I'm sorry, I just... I don't... I just don't wanna complicate things.

I'm sorry, Peter.

I'm sorry, you're cracking me up.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that at all.

I'm still trying to shake off the pain from the lessons I've learned

I'm sure it was!

I'm trying to be incognito, it's weird. It's like work to me, this is no fun.

I'm trying to. It's so hard here.

I've a question for you real quick, Mr S.

I've been drowning too long to believe that the tide's going to turn

I've been feeling

I've been quietly stealing money from you for a long time.

I've come to slay you

I've had these wandering eyes

I've lost a shoe. Have you seen it anywhere?

I've tried, all right, there's a couple of dudes here,

If I have just one sip of wine,

If I wanted to see you act badly, I'd just watch your TV show,

If I've learned anything from addiction, it's that,

If we end up getting back together, I wanna have a few of them left.

If you can involve the anus in that, then that's absolute perfection.

If you don't feel comfortable,

If you end up sleeping with them, that's great.

If you fall straight down, you'd probably hit a rock and kill yourself!

In a world where you don't know who to trust.

In his environmental anthem, We've Got to Do Something.

Inale, arms up to the sky. Continue.

Inside of you

Inside of you

Inside of you the restless find their dreams

Inside of you this king has found his queen

Inside you

Inside you

Iron your shirt, look sharp.

Iron your shirt.

Is Liz there right now?

Is she still... Hi, Liz.

Is someone gonna take that?

Is that she's out there,

Is there a place to get good sushi around here?

It came out.

It got really hard to keep taking care of you when you stopped taking care of yourself.

It is mundane. It's great, I know.

It is sea turtle fucking season, dude. Let's go.

It looks like you're boogie boarding.

It makes you full of shit.

It means Chuck.

It might take, like, five minutes.

It really deeply upset me.

It seems like we did, and... This'll be good,

It was a date, okay? Trust me. I know a date, and that was a date.

It was a wonderful dream Now let him come and slay me

It was the only room available!

It was, yeah.

It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.

It's all good! They're coming wiki wiki.

It's called the hula.

It's everything that reminds me of her and I need it gone!

It's everything.

It's from the hotel. It's definitely not from me personally, so...

It's getting kind of hard to believe things are going to get better

It's getting kind of hard to believe things are going to get better

It's gonna be all right.

It's gonna be boring if you're just sitting by yourself.

It's gonna be fine.

It's got us in a terrible situation.

It's great to have a steady paycheque. It's... I'm very lucky.

It's great, you know. People are great.

It's isolated.

It's just an anticipatory order.

It's just what I believe, really.

It's just... I guess I thought we had another year left.

It's like an 18 month tour, 43 countries, Infant Sorrow,

It's like I have some sort of fever.

It's like The Sopranos.

It's like this one, but, you know, obviously it's the opposite one.

It's Miss Sarah Marshall, there she is.

It's mundane.

It's no problem, honestly. It's not a problem.

It's not that easy, you know.

It's okay. It's not a problem.

It's over.

It's probably the same reason you don't go back to school, you know?

It's Rachel Jansen, from the front desk.

It's really good, Peter. I just don't understand it. I don't.

It's so hard to say, because, like, I hate you in so many ways,

It's so self loathing

It's that easy. Promise you it is.

It's time to die

It's time to do something

Jesus, would you stop being so sensitive.

Jesus.

Joy.

Julian, what's up?

Jump! Jump! Jump! Don't make me do it.

Just a boy? No, that dude was a fucking man.

Just a walk and talk at the lab.

Just be friendly.

Just dark, ominous tones.

Just do it. Come on. Get hard.

Just do it. Feel it. Pop up.

Just get off the fucking rock!

Just go with the usual stuff, maybe. Something dark and ominous.

Just listen to it one more time and see...

Just say, "Fuck the lemons," and bail.

Just so we're clear and so I can hone in on your central thesis of the night,

Just take a listen and...

Just tell me specifically what I need to do.

Just to get me hands on a rock.

Just to learn from your body,

Just wear a condom.

Just working.

Keeping her warm for me at night, huh?

Ken found you a room.

Keoki took it, right there.

Kind of, now.

Koonu, call the front desk now!

Koonu, can you call the front desk for me, please?

Koonu! This guy needs help! Koonu!

Lady, I got it.

Last night, like some sort of idiot, I had sex with this woman who I barely even know.

Lay him in a hearse You must end this curse

Lead singer and notorious lothario, Aldous Snow, begs us to change

Lei?

Let go of the glass now. You're gonna have to walk away.

Let me just say that if God was a city planner,

Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay?

Let's do this.

Let's go in, all right. Tacos are on me.

Let's go surfing, come on.

Let's pump the brakes. Okay?

Let's see if we can get him up here, Mr Aldous Snow. Please, come on.

Let's see you pop up. Pop it up!

Let's spend one more night here together, and then let's go home and then...

Let's take a deep inale in.

Let's talk. Let's talk about him.

Life's a bitch.

Like losing your penis is a bad thing.

Like, she got me this,

Listen to me, Peter.

Listen, don't let them grind you down.

Listen, give me the picture.

Listen, I get it, okay? I just...

Listen, I know that I fucked things up for a minute,

Listen, I'm backed up, I got a lot of kids. I gotta go, okay?

Listen, I'm here because I don't want to lie to you, okay?

Listen, if you wanna have dinner with us one of those nights...

Listen, pulling my shirt towards you is the same concept as pulling my face.

Listen, would you like to hang out tonight, like, not in an official hotel function?

Listen, you piece of shit!

Listen, you're gonna be fine. You have a long career ahead of you.

Listen, your landlord called me.

Listen.

Look at her, blimey!

Look at it. It's raping my leg. Peter, get it out of my fucking leg, please!

Look at this guy.

Look at this guy.

Look, did you follow me here? Did my assistant tell you I was coming?

Look, Liz and I, we think the world of Sarah.

Look, you've been working on it for a while. It'll help your mind. Be creative.

Look!

Looks awesome.

Looks like the sky's the limit for this adorable couple.

Lose yourself in something that's both ancient and perennial.

Mahalo.

Make love to me.

MAN ON T. V..: Thank you. Thank you all.

Man, I don't know. I quit wearing a watch when I moved out here.

Mate!

May I help you with something else, Peter?

Maybe for you, that works.

Maybe it's a good thing that they're here.

Maybe it's good we got hurt like that, you know?

Maybe just don't talk for a second is what I mean.

Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces,

Maybe we could go together?

Maybe you should just give me a minute.

Maybe you should work on the Dracula musical.

Maybe.

Memorize your body.

Miss Marshall, what can I do for you?

Mr and Mrs Snow, sorry. Sorry to bother you.

Mr Prime Minister and Mr President You better see that it's not only me

Mr Snow, I'm so sorry. I did not know you guys were coming.

Mr Snow?

Ms Marshall's brainy sexpot character, Maddy Stark,

Musician.

Mutombo, out of the shot, come on.

My boss will hear me,

My ex. If I run, you run.

My jackass boyfriend made me do it.

My legs, that's what.

My life is a lie

My old ball and chain.

My reign is done

No accounting for taste, I suppose. In her case, anyway.

No, a mob is rising in size And they've been dying to scream

No, don't. I wouldn't go there.

No, he's just a boy.

No, I didn't talk to your assistant. It's not all about you, you know.

No, I didn't, because, you know, I go on my instincts,

No, I don't have a girlfriend.

No, I don't. I need to B my L on somebody's T's.

No, I had a great time. Thank you.

No, I haven't had anything to drink today.

No, I know, but I just wanna tell him, though.

No, I like it. I didn't like it at first. Now I really think it's...

No, I meant that, like, as a metaphor, you know?

No, I'll just grab a drink. I'm just gonna head inside.

No, I'm Peter. We had a nice talk out on the water.

No, it's all good.

No, it's all right. It's not there. Let me...

No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favourite scene.

No, like my cell phone has a clock on it, so I don't really need it.

No, listen, you don't have to make this weird.

No, no, I'm not changing hotels.

No, no, no, don't destroy the computer.

No, no, no. He's an asshole. I can't believe I ever dated him.

No, no, no. I'm just going alone.

No, no, no. Peter, I told you I did not want to see you.

No, no, no. Totally. I totally get that.

No, no, she's not in here, buddy.

No, no. No.

No, thank you. I need a drink.

No, that's not what this is about. There's no one else.

No, that's okay.

No, they're not, 'cause you're arching your back up while it's flat.

No, too slow. Do less.

No, you're not, you're going snorkelling.

No, you're, like, so pretty.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. I can't do anything right now.

No. I love you.

No. I swear on my mother's grave, it... Okay, it was Liz.

No. I work at the hotel,

No. Just do it.

No. No, no, no, he'll kill you. Like, really kill you.

No. Why would I tell you that?

None of it worked. None of it made a difference to you.

Not an evil version, but just, you know,

Not any more.

Not any more.

Not at all?

Not awesome. She's complicated, like The Da Vinci Code,

Not because you've asked me to sit, okay?

Not me, yet.

Not so eloquently as you just put it, sweetheart.

Not us, buddy. Right? Not us.

Nothing. Pop up.

Now I can name you over 200 different kinds of fish.

Now I'm gonna have to sit with him wearing this shirt all night.

Now sit back and enjoy your in flight entertainment.

Now, you all heard me say,

Obviously, because you called me at work, you know that I'm at my place of work.

Of course there are other hotels,

Of course. I like your style. Cocktail guy.

Of the idiots?

Off screen, Sarah cosies up

Off to find the mythical clitoris.

Oh, bloody hell. This is a small resort.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God. I made her kill herself!

Oh, God! Okay, there they are.

Oh, good. You know what? I'm gonna change out of this unitard,

Oh, great.

Oh, man, you know, they won't change that flyer.

Oh, me, oh, my.

Oh, my God, you hate it.

Oh, my God, you're such a prick.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Dude, get out of your head. It's really nice out here.

Oh, my God. I'm really sorry.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes!

Oh, no, I mean, obviously. This is just pineapple juice.

Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good. I'm okay, I'm okay.

Oh, no! Not the shirt!

Oh, no. I was gonna listen to that,

Oh, shit.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene.

Oh, yeah, looks like where he's going,

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

Oh, yeah. You know what? Go have another dirty one night stand.

Oh, you and Sarah are going to England.

Oh, you want dark and ominous.

Oh, you've got that magic newlywed dust all over you.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh...

Okay, 'cause it hurts me.

Okay, because I would always leave my cereal boxes open,

Okay, but everything...

Okay, bye.

Okay, can I just say something?

Okay, class, I'd like to now move into a tripod headstand.

Okay, do you mind not saying that over and over again?

Okay, great.

Okay, I got it. It's all done. It's all over.

Okay, I need them off my computer.

Okay, I thought I was fine, Brian, and I'm not. I'm not fine at all.

Okay, I'll be right back!

Okay, I'm gonna go get us another round.

Okay, I'm ready.

Okay, I'm sorry. We're on the same team. Sorry.

Okay, if you just wanna start by bringing your palms into your chest.

Okay, let's just put the picture down.

Okay, monster man.

Okay, my turn.

Okay, okay, pump the brakes.

Okay, so just one. Here's your wine list and your menu. Come on.

Okay, when we're out there, I want you to ignore your instincts.

Okay, you know what? Let's cut the bullshit.

Okay, you know, why don't we just release.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Peter, you can leave now.

Okay. Well, did you... You know what?

Okay. Well, I think my ride's here.

Old as ancient skies

On sexy crime fighter Sarah Marshall.

On the night I'm dying

One of my favourite musicians of all time. He's so awesome.

One, two.

One!

Or do you want it without your cake?

Or maybe it's a sign from God that you should be with her.

Orange juice, coffee?

Otherwise, here is your room key

Ouch!

Overall, I think that went really well. Yeah.

People are excited that she's here.

Pepiopi.

Perfect skin and form.

Perfect.

Pete, he's not gonna do nothing.

Pete, it's not anything you did.

Pete, you shouldn't be up and walking around. Can you please...

Peter, as you know,

Peter, congratulations.

Peter, go back to your room. Go back to your room, Peter.

Peter, go back to your room. Peter, Peter, Peter...

Peter, I got some really interesting news this morning.

Peter, I need you to go.

Peter, I'm a paediatrician. Have you noticed you're sitting on a fire truck?

Peter, it's Brian.

Peter, this is great.

Peter, you don't do anything of value

Peter, you suck

Peter, you suck

Peter, you suck

Peter, you suck

Peter, your music is fucking terrible

Peter!

Peter!

Peter!

Peter! Nice job, Bretter.

Peter! Peter, Jesus Christ!

Petey!

Petey? Petey?

Please don't cry, Miss Marshall.

Please don't go.

Please don't touch me. Just don't touch me, okay?

Please don't.

Please feel free to just lay on your mat in child's pose.

Please get some seltzer water.

Please welcome to the stage, Mr Peter Bretter.

Please, God, don't let me die today.

Please, Mr Van Helsing Listen to me

Please, Peter.

Please, please, let's take...

Please. Here we go.

Pop up now.

Pop up.

Pop up.

Pop up.

Pretty much the whole time, so it's not unusual. Okay.

Probably, yeah.

Psycho stalker.

Put that down. Let's discuss this.

Rachel Jansen. A thousand times, thank you,

Rachel, let me handle this. I know his friend. Let me handle this, okay?

Rachel, please don't do this.

Rachel, we gotta get out of here. Rachel?

Rachel, what are you doing?

Rachel, you would love it. You would love it.

Really, it's not a big deal.

Really, what are you doing here?

Really, what?

Really?

Really?

Really? 'Cause you look like a gigantic baby.

Remember this is not a competition,

Remember, don't do anything.

Respectfully, of course, sir.

Right, 'cause of God and everything?

Right, of course you wouldn't. Then stop being so good at it.

Right, so it's basically the same thing.

Right, yeah.

Right, yeah. I'm off back to England, mate.

Right. Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.

Right. I'm gonna probably clear off now.

Right. It would never happen. Yeah.

Right. That's it. The battle's over.

Ring ring. Hello?

Room key's inside, and the elevators are to the right.

Run! Get out of there! Go to your room!

Said there's smoke coming out of your place.

Salad.

Sarah always thought it was crazy, and...

Sarah bought me this shirt.

Sarah is better than Liz.

Sarah Marshall returns on Animal Instincts.

Sarah Marshall.

Sarah was always talking about this place in Hawaii that was supposed to be nice.

Sarah, can I use this lipstick, please?

See a psychiatrist

Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie, Snuffelupagus. Fucks my shit up.

Seven years clean. That's what this tattoo denotes.

Seven years free from drugs and alcohol.

Share your gift.

She always acted,

She is in bed.

She licked the tip. That doesn't count.

She loves it here.

She took you out for charity.

She was with me for five years, so there you go.

She wasn't here the entire time.

She's fucking somebody. Okay, Bri? It's all I can think about,

She's gone.

She's here with some guy already? Kind of messed up.

She's in customer service, dude.

She's my ex girlfriend. We broke up three weeks ago.

Shit.

Shut the fuck up, and tell me exactly what you did.

Singing a song from his Dracula musical,

Sir, if you just want to lay down in child's pose.

Sir, morning mai tai.

So are you staying here, as well?

So cool!

So does that mean I have to leave the hotel?

So I can't just leave here and sell you some weed.

So I checked what it was, and it was actually one of yours.

So I moved out, and that's that.

So I was gonna go over to Lazy Joe's later tonight,

So I went to check on Sarah, and...

So I'm gonna skedaddle then before anything else happens to me.

So I'm not looking for anything serious.

So if you do wanna change hotels, I quite understand.

So if you don't feel comfortable or strong enough,

So if you're in a situation where you're with a woman,

So jump, then.

So just talk to girls with me tonight, all right?

So thank you for dating him after me.

So that's similar.

So then, do something about it.

So this is actually happening. We're gonna let this happen.

So what brought you to Hawaii?

So what do I do?

So you can stay in the suite, but since you're not technically a guest,

So you're really staying? You're gonna stay?

So, how do you like writing music for a TV show?

So, I had a really, really great time tonight.

So, Peter, were you able to get that crying lady out of your room?

So, Peter, what do you do?

So, this is where we are.

So...

Some stuff happened.

Someone should do something We got to do something

Sorrow Suckers. I don't know why they call them that.

Sorry for all the wrong I've done

Sorry, I recognise you from the cover of Namaste Magazine. I'm a huge fan.

Sorry.

Sorry. I knocked a bunch.

Sounds like Aldous probably shared a lot of needles,

South Central. And I hated it.

Stop following and just go back to your room, Peter.

Stop it, seriously.

Stop it. Stop crying. Use your dick. Keep fucking. Fuck everything that moves.

Stop pulling my face towards your face.

Stop! Get down. Get down there.

Strong, strong backs. Good, excellent.

Sucks.

Sure.

Sure. You know?

Sure. I don't care.

Sweet Dracula I miss my young dead prince

Ta ta. I was wearing two shoes this morning, right?

Take a look at the microscope.

Take a look.

Take it easy, just take it easy.

Take it easy.

Take it from me, but I swear I won't let it be so

Take my eyes, but not the shirt. Mmm.

Teach me how to grow while I'm moving inside of you

Tell him to make friends.

Thank God.

Thank you for taking me out.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out. I still can't afford that room.

Thank you. That's so sweet of you to say.

Thank you. What a lovely introduction.

Thank you. Yeah, my girlfriend got it for me!

Thanks for taking me out here.

That has nothing to do with it. That's what you don't get.

That I meant everything that I said to you this morning.

That is Buddhist. That is Nordic. That is Hindu. That's just gibberish.

That shit is funny, dude!

That stupid English voice, was that me?

That was hilarious. Aloha!

That worked out so well before.

That you arch your back and keep it flat at the same time.

That's a really reductive impression.

That's a shame. This is a beautiful

That's cool.

That's disgusting. You don't need to be doing that.

That's good, 'cause that's what you wanted.

That's great. Awesome. Sure.

That's gross!

That's interesting, man. You know what else is interesting?

That's my mainland name. My Hawaiian name is Koonu.

That's not fair. That's not fair of you to say that to me.

That's not it at all.

That's right. Just hit him!

That's the theory.

That's very cool.

That's very flexible. That's nice.

That's very funny. It is.

That's very funny. That's great.

That's very gentlemanly of you, but you two enjoy your trip.

That's very sweet of you. That's very sweet of you to say.

That's what 20 years on Vice will do to you.

That's what 20 years on Vice will do to you.

That's what you gotta do. That's what it's about.

That's why I moved to Oahu.

That's, like, exactly what I'm going for.

The best thing is, you have the greatest table in the house.

The demon who haunted the streets of London

The fire marshal's gonna come in and bust it down.

The hotel wanted to offer you some complimentary coconut cake.

The Korean Textile Manufacturer's Luau.

The less you do, the more you do.

The only reason I'm telling you this is because I really care about...

The play was sick, man. Good work.

The show's been cancelled.

The Sorrow Suckers.

The victim's penis was found behind the AC unit.

The victim's penis was found behind the AC unit.

The weather outside is weather

The wife wants me to do certain things that I find inappropriate.

Then go to Hawaii. Go to Hawaii.

Then I'm gonna probably go in the morning, okay?

Then she performed

Then she started taking my clothes off, and then her clothes were off.

Then we come back here, and you put on that ghastly performance.

Then who am I supposed to talk to about this?

There he is

There is this girl at the front desk who's pretty cute.

There was this interesting moment with Sarah.

There's a thing you can go on, on the Internet, you just type in your name,

There's no melody, it's just tones.

There's no shame in just laying on your mat in child's pose.

There's really no need to weep.

There's really only one cure for that.

There's someone else.

They are completely conflicting ideologies.

They fuck for three hours, dude. I mean, that's magical.

They gave him stitches, and he's sleeping it off.

They get all weirded out. Insurance...

They got on all right, didn't they, at dinner? So maybe...

They're not Native Americans, Brian.

Things have been great now

This ain't the breakfast buffet. What, you with my girl?

This fall, Sarah Marshall is back in a brand new role.

This guy is like Gandhi, but better.

This is a nice hat.

This is a song that I never thought I would write

This is more of an advanced pose,

This is the best sex ever!

This is the first time I've felt good in three weeks or so.

This is the yoga place, yeah?

This is, like, way more convenient than my backpack.

This isn't Europe, okay? There are rules here.

This isn't The View. I mean, we can have an honest talk about this if we want.

This went from 6:00 to midnight.

This whole fucking time, I've been trying to get you to come hang out with me.

This'll be fun.

Three weeks later, I caught him cheating on me,

Three!

Time to start the music

To find a taste for love

To just fuck anyone, anywhere, anytime?

Today we're gonna start with the Surya Namaskar, or Sun Salutation.

Tonight we have a special guest from the mainland,

Totally.

Two!

Two!

Um...

Um...

Unfortunately, yes.

Until my death

Wade through all the bullshit,

Wait, Crime Scene: Scene of the Crime or Crime Scene: Phoenix?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait. Why are you whispering? You're not following them, are you?

Wake up.

Was like going on holiday with, I don't know, I wouldn't say Hitler,

Was that genuine or did you fake that?

Watching BBC, and saying,

Watching the sea roll by

We are all booked up, but we do have the Kapua suite available.

We could leap off this rock, and it won't hurt us as bad as they did.

We don't hang out in places like this, Liz and I.

We fooled around a little bit.

We got to do something

We got to do something We got to do something

We have a very special guest with us here, today.

We leave you tonight with the newest smash single from Infant Sorrow.

We think she's great.

We were together for two years.

We worry about you, Petey.

We're doing quiet headstands today.

We're gonna take a quick break.

We're just going for a hike.

We're just, like... I'm stabbing her private parts,

We're leading different lives.

We're trying to fuck, but we're not having fun fucking.

We've already reserved the sea kayak for noon.

Wedding in Hawaii! Real original!

Weed. You got any?

Welcome to Turtle Bay. What can I do for you?

Well, go see one anyway

Well, I don't know. For me, that one week of it

Well, it was the right choice for me at the time.

Well, it's not for everyone, but it...

Well, listen, Sarah Marshall Show sucks. Who cares?

Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes,

Well, maybe I'll ask her out then.

Well, maybe you could have both of them. Rachel and Sarah.

Well, no, actually, because...

Well, not me, because have I ever had an interesting moment with an ex girlfriend?

Well, the deal's back on, motherfucker.

Well, there's no outside drinks allowed in the studio.

Well, this is awkward.

Well, what's that about?

Well, you know, it's an island.

Well, you should probably go back.

Well, you... No, you gotta do more than that,

Well, you're definitely crazy. But so is everyone, right? So who cares?

Well.

Well...

What a lovely table, so close to the buffet.

What a wonderful dream

What about a code of the ocean? That's not on.

What about codes among men?

What about you? What's with the bag?

What about, like, some pineapple juice with a little bit of rum on the side.

What an asshole.

What an eccentric and confident young man.

What are you burning, man? Come on.

What are you doing? Sucker!

What are you in the Buena Vista Social Club?

What do you think caused such excessive bleeding?

What do you think it's about? This is a big deal!

What do you think?

What do you want from me? You just told me I need to meet people.

What exactly happened, Peter?

What have I done?

What he's saying is that he's gonna stick it wherever he wants,

What if I made a really, really horrible mistake?

What if I'm not over you?

What is into you?

What member of the Brat Pack are you?

What stuff?

What the hell is wrong with you two? You gotta move on.

What the hell this means,

What the hell?

What would happen if your mobile phone killed you?

What, I can't go to Hawaii now, because Sarah Marshall has heard of Hawaii?

What?

What?

What?

What? I just accepted an invitation. I didn't wanna be rude.

What? No.

What? That's just a joke.

What? Your loss.

What's going on?

What's that?

What's the problem, Peter?

What's the state fish of Hawaii?

What's up with that hat?

What's up?

What's up?

What's wrong with you?

What's your name?

What's your rock opera about?

What've we got here?

What've we got here?

What've we got today?

When life gives you lemons,

When they mix the sexuality and the violence, I like it.

When were you planning on telling me this?

When you let me inside you

When you're done making jokes, are you gonna get a napkin?

Where are you going?

Where's Aldous?

Which is a feeling I am familiar with.

Which, obviously, I can't now, because it's been cancelled.

Who are you looking at?

Who killed Dracula?

Who, Greg? I love Greg, man.

Who, Mr Lopez? 'Cause he's a liar!

Who's the dude?

Whoa, what? I don't wanna hear about your interesting moment with Sarah, Pete.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey!

Whoa.

Whoa. I thought you were gonna wear the shirt I got you.

Why are you doing this for me?

Why are you so damn strong?

Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?

Why did you take me here? This place smells like stripper's perfume.

Why don't you come over and sit with us? You'll be very welcome.

Why don't you just put on some clothes, and we can sit down and discuss this.

Why don't you just put some clothes on, okay?

Why don't you press your feet up against the rock,

Why don't you, you know what, go on a vacation?

Why Dracula?

Why not do the most interesting thing that you can do in that situation?

Why won't anybody go snorkelling with me?

Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense.

Why?

Will you just please sit? Please?

Will you marry me?

Will you please cut the bullshit and have a talk with me?

Without a face.

Wonder what I'm going to learn tomorrow.

Would be a great treat for me.

Would you guys like a drink?

Would you like to hang out while you're here?

Wow, thank you. Yeah, Sarah got it for me.

Wow, this is really beautiful.

Wow, we're really going up to the edge of this, huh?

Wow, you got coral right there in your leg!

Wow.

Wow. You came. I can't believe that you came.

Write some music but instead you sit and write these bullshit songs

Yeah, all right, that'll do.

Yeah, and eternal love, you know. That's the theme.

Yeah, come on, Peter. Open up the door.

Yeah, I am. I am for my sins.

Yeah, I bet it is.

Yeah, I think so. I really like it here. I feel at home here.

Yeah, I'm from London.

Yeah, I'm going in two weeks.

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, it was really... How you served five years under her, I don't know.

Yeah, it's nice, but I think for like a week tops.

Yeah, maybe a little.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I believe, Sarah.

Yeah, well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, yeah, gonna get things started on The Muppet Show tonight

Yeah, yeah. Go mingle.

Yeah, you got four on me there, mate.

Yeah, you know what, I hear her, too,

Yeah, you know what? The deal was over April 9.

Yeah, you know, I'm kind of checking out some schools.

Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists.

Yeah, you should stay.

Yeah, you're that guy that works with Kaiser Permanente.

Yeah! Go get them, tiger!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. I can't come 'cause I have a job. I'm a working actress.

Yeah. I hate it so much.

Yeah. It's a gift.

Yeah. Kind of like there's nothing left to be afraid of.

Yeah. No, I remember. I'm Peter. We took a surf lesson together.

Yeah. No. You said it, totally.

Yeah. That wasn't quite it, but we're gonna figure it out, out there.

Yeah. Totally.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm Peter.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a really great place about five minutes from here called Asuki.

Yeah. You don't have to keep asking me. I'm good.

Yeah. You were the voice of reason, mate.

Yes! Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. But there's no alcohol allowed in the studio.

Yet Bretter's dark and ominous score has set the tone for this gruesome juggernaut.

You ain't the chief in this village. I'm the chief.

You are a man.

You are so funny.

You can gag me.

You can hit me as many times as you want. I'm not giving you the photo back.

You can keep trying if you want.

You can stop crying now.

You can't be so casual about this!

You could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the Sorrow Suckers.

You deserve a medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.

You didn't do anything. I mean, you were great.

You didn't wanna see the light of day!

You don't have to dote on me. I'm not that type of girl.

You don't have to say that, though. It's not music.

You don't like it?

You don't need to put your P in a V right now.

You don't really need any adjusting, so I'm just gonna do this for myself.

You don't sleep with another man's girlfriend!

You don't want help?

You either want to go or you don't.

You ever think about going back home, finishing school, or...

You fainted. I didn't want you to wake up by yourself.

You get what you deserve.

You gotta get your shit together, man.

You gotta just pull yourself up by your wetsuit,

You guys are dysfunctional.

You have no idea how hard I tried, Peter.

You have to clean up after yourself.

You haven't been out of the house in two weeks.

You having difficulty sex wise?

You know how we thought the killer masturbated

You know what I mean? Maybe this is a challenge from God

You know what I mean? Nasty.

You know what, dude? Fuck you, okay? You can go fuck yourself.

You know what?

You know what? First of all, I'm not that kind of guy.

You know what? I didn't realise that it was a comedy,

You know what? I have a good thing going on with Rachel,

You know what? If they were Sean John sweatpants, it would have been fine.

You know what? You're not even doing a proper permanent delete.

You know you're not getting paid for today's session, right?

You know, but harder to crack.

You know, I actually wanted to tell you that I've been thinking so much about...

You know, I could play something else.

You know, I don't... I mean, if you had to put a number on it,

You know, I'm a little scared, but I'll be all right. I'll get another job.

You know, into features for a long time, so it's a really good thing.

You know, life is as brief as the twinkling of a star over all too soon.

You know, like a little bitch!

You look beautiful. I mean, that's a beautiful dress.

You look like one of those guys suspected of killing JFK.

You look so hot.

You must be crazy!

You need a hug.

You need to get back on that board is what you need to do.

You need to get out there and make some friends, man.

You need to go and see one

You need to penetrate deeply and stimulate the clitoris simultaneously.

You never called.

You quit squirming and come here.

You really wanna have this conversation?

You seem much taller on your show.

You seem sprightly.

You shall not pass!

You should come and help me. It'll take your mind off of things.

You should go on a date with this girl.

You should have seen yourself at dinner.

You should not be with anybody right now.

You should stop crying.

You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah.

You slept with Sarah a year ago?

You sound like you're from London.

You surf, too?

You told me not to. And I listened.

You wanna come home?

You want something? You want a balloon? You want a lolly?

You were just too stupid to notice.

You were like one of those girls from Flavour of Love.

You were only here for a week.

You were really out. Ken sent me.

You would remember what it's like to be with me.

You'll be fine. Jump.

You're always good at cheering me up, Pete, thank you.

You're an idiot. Back to your room, Peter. Peter, back to your room.

You're an unemployed actress, perfect.

You're awfully nice.

You're crazy.

You're doing a luau?

You're doing too much. Do less. Pop down.

You're from the breakfast buffet, right?

You're fucking Billy Baldwin, aren't you?

You're gonna have to wait five minutes.

You're my stepbrother. We're not even blood.

You're not my stepbrother any more. You're a step stranger.

You're on the top floor.

You're really gonna like it.

You're still involved with him next door, ain't you?

You're still working on that one.

You're telling me that you think you have the right

You're the God damn devil. Okay?

You're totally welcome to come.

You're very diligent. I appreciate it.

You're wearing the shirt regardless.

You're welcome to join us, obviously, if you want.

You've been weird

You've been working so much lately, that we haven't got to spend much time together,

You've got Christ between your thighs,

You've got, like, four years until you're 30.

Your girlfriend dumped you, right? Are you hurting? Are you hurt?

Your girlfriend?

Your place is disgusting, Peter.

Your wife had no enemies that you're aware of.

'cause I'm getting a chafe. Okay. Enough said.

"A little"? You can say that. Yeah.

A dude. Of course.

Aldous. ... feel very...

Aldous. Wake up. Hmm...

All right, I'm just gonna talk, and then... Air!

All right, okay! All right! Get out of here!

All right, Peter. The Kapua suite...

All right. Get home safe. You, too.

All the time on vacation. Constantly.

Alps? Go to Gstaad. It's the best.

And then a little further, and then closer. I don't know.

And this isn't your jurisdiction. I just made it my jurisdiction.

and you're very pretty. Thank you.

And, you, I recognise you from your show. Thank you.

Anyone need any more vino? I think we're good.

Are you crying? What? No.

Are you doing okay? Yeah.

Are you okay? Yeah, you have a nice night.

Aren't you? Pete, Pete, Pete.

At the most. Maximum. Thank you for staying at Turtle Bay.

Auf Wiedersehen! Auf Wiedersehen!

Beautiful dick. Do you think maybe while I'm here,

Bold. Yeah.

Bri... What are you doing?

Bye. Bye now.

Call the doctor. Oh, good.

Can I see you again tonight? Yeah.

Can I set it down? Sure.

Can you hear me? Yeah, closer. Further away.

Closer. And then...

Come on, lady. My name is Prana,

Congratulations. Thank you.

Congratulations. Yeah, maybe.

Congratulations. Well done. Well done. Thank you.

Cool, thank you. I like your hat.

Did she see me? Is she coming over here? Uh huh. Yup.

Did you have that a second ago? Thank you!

Did you like what you saw? That hurt a lot.

Do it. Yeah, you cannot.

Do you have an ex girlfriend? No! No.

Do you not know how to use this? I know how.

Do you understand? No, I don't understand at all.

Do you want me to get you a map? Please.

Does that feel good? I still can't feel anything.

Don't dwell. Well, I'm trying.

From what? You were.

Get it out of me! Three!

Go, go. Off I go.

Go. Yeah, I should do that.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Good to meet you, man. Good to meet, you, man.

Good to meet you, man. My ex boyfriend.

Good. Strong legs. Come on.

Gosh, no. ... you seem like a really nice person,

Great. Awesome.

Great. Pepiopi, looks like you've got a little pain

Great. Thank you. Any time.

Happy 4th of July! Thank you.

Have a beer. Thanks. Thank you.

Have a good trip, Pete. I like your shirt. It's colourful.

Have you had sex before? We can't.

He's saying if I were to sperm on you... What?

Hello. Hey, Peter?

Here I go! Okay!

Here you go, sir. Breakfast of champions. Oh, thank you.

Here. Just let me do it for a second. Okay.

Hey, how's it going? Hey.

Hey, how's it going? It's all right.

Hey, I'm in Hawaii, too! Oh, that's neat.

Hey, Liz? Yeah?

Hey, Peter. Nice job, Bretter.

Hey, someone's gotta stop him. You're the butt of a joke.

Hey, you wanna hear something funny? What?

Hey! Hey, what's going on up there?

Hey! Yo, what's up, guys?

Hey. Hey, Rachel.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hello there, friend. Hey.

Hi. Hey, all right.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Hope you have a really good time here. Have a great dinner.

How are you today? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. You okay?

How are you? I'm screwed.

How did you know? She's an animal psychic.

How long are you in town for? Open ended.

How old are you? I don't really believe in age or numbers,

How's your friend? Is he all right? Yeah.

I appreciate that. Hmm.

I can't feel anything. All right.

I could get some blood work? Peter!

I don't get it. Stop it.

I don't know. You're acting like an idiot.

I don't know... More?

I get off at 7:00. Yay.

I had a great time. A handshake?

I just don't feel like doing anything. Why?

I just told you, then. Yeah. No, I know.

I know what I'm supposed to do. Okay.

I love Hawaii. Is it good?

I love her, man. I know.

I saw you with Peter Bretter... Yeah.

I went on a date tonight with Rachel, right? That wasn't a date.

I would love to. Okay.

I'll just let go, right? No, no, no!

I'm aware of that. Fucking asshole.

I'm fucking with you! Cool!

I'm going to the bathroom. Okay.

I'm gonna ask him. I'll ask him politely. No, please don't, please.

I'm not, as a matter of fact... I'm sorry.

I'm not. No, I know.

I'm okay! Okay!

I'm Peter. Peter.

I'm ready to ride giants, Koonu. I think you're ready.

I'm sorry, sir. Right. This is fine, right?

I'm sorry. Stop laughing.

I'm telling you. It is a great place to shoot. Yeah?

I'm trying. Okay.

Inside you Inside you

Is everything okay with... Waffles.

It is what it is, you know? No, I love that show.

It was already released. Oh.

It was really funny. Yeah. Thank you.

It was... Awful bloody film.

It's a bit more awkward now. A little.

It's not what you're... No, it's fine.

Just came home, and she was lying there. Right.

Just in case he gets hurt. Bring it, bring it.

Just kill me. Fun.

Just married? Yes, how did you guess?

Just sexual activity. Let's wrap it up, buddy.

Just... No, closer.

Keep your head down, though. I'm bad at this thing.

Kemo. Kemo.

Looks great. You look great.

Luau? No, hula.

Mahalo. Aloha.

Marvellous. Perfect. Perfect amount of time.

Maybe we could go to dinner or... Yeah.

Mr Snow, may I ask you a question? Okay.

Nice job. Good job, man. That was awesome.

No, I didn't... Just, something doesn't feel right any more.

No, no, please don't delete them. They have to go. Done, done.

No, of course! Yeah?

No, the camera... Think about how much she's hurt you.

No, we're going on a hike. I think we'll go on a hike, yeah.

No, you can't. Oh, yes, I can.

No. Did you talk to her?

No. It's not like that at all.

No. Just hold me.

No. Well, then let's go surfing.

No. No. From a private number.

No. No. Gun, gun, gun, gun. Drop it, drop it.

Nothing is wrong with me, okay? Okay.

Now a little further. Okay.

Obviously. Did you like it?

Of course it counts. He... He what?

Oh, my wife. My husband.

Oh, my wife. Oh, my husband.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Oh, shit. What?

Oh, yeah, the cocktail guy, that's right. Yeah.

Oh, yeah? That's Aldous Snow right there.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Uh huh.

Oh, yes! Yeah!

Oh, you could? Yeah.

Okay, great. Is your wife gonna meet you? No.

Okay, that's just ridiculous. That guy was me.

Okay. Just lean back for a second.

Okay. Not a big deal.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay. Wouldn't dream of it. What?

Okay. How much is that? $6,000 a night.

Pete, are you... I just need a minute.

Peter! Hey.

Peter. Wow.

Please shut up! Okay. Okay!

Rachel... Dracula! Peter!

Real funny. Sorry.

Really? No.

Really? Yeah.

Right there! Yes!

Right? Yeah.

Right. Little kids running?

Right. Wasn't easy.

Sarah and Aldous broke up this morning. What a surprise.

Sarah? No.

Sarah. Yeah?

Sarah. Yeah?

Sarah... Please just let me finish, Pete.

Scene of the Crime. Oh, my God! I love that show.

See. Thanks.

Sex! I'm cramping, I'm cramping.

She is the mother of my unborn child. Sorry.

She said yes! Beautiful.

Should I call the front desk? It hurts. It hurts.

Sir? It's totally fine. Okay, there she is.

So are you gonna jump or what? No!

So, your table is ready, guys. Oh, great.

Sorry, what? Mahalo.

Sorry. That's all right. Take it out.

Sorry. You dick!

Sort of the exact opposite, in fact, of that. Uh huh.

Stay. You have to... Honey, no, no, the camera's right there.

Still have my number? Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you.

Stop staring at me. Pete!

Sure you okay, bro? Yeah? Yeah.

Sure. Thank you.

Take it easy. You, too.

Tell me you're sorry. I'm so sorry.

Thank you, Rachel. Any time, Miss Marshall.

Thank you. Please remove it before class.

Thank you. Really, it's not a big deal.

Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. You are welcome.

Thank you. Have a great dinner, you guys. Thank you.

Thanks again. Bye.

That was fun. Yeah, yeah.

That's really not necessary. It's true.

The luha. Is that right? Oh, yeah.

The movie? Yeah.

There they are, I see them. Go back to your room, Peter.

They're gone! Why are you looking for them?

Think about you. I think I need to fuck somebody.

Think of... Get out of here!

This is a disaster! Calm down, man.

This is so cool. You like it?

Totally. Yeah.

Two and a half! Jump!

Wait, so when's the movie coming out? Mmm.

Well, I don't know. Okay. All right, all right.

What do you think they're doing? Peter, go.

What the fuck, man! You've... Don't get offended by that.

What, like a frog? I don't know, Peter!

What? Me on the moon.

What's he doing? Come on. Yeah, yeah, real funny.

What's up, dude? What's up?

What's up? Just relax.

Whipped cream or berry? Whipped cream.

Who's the dude? What?

Why you talking like that? Brian!

Why? Our religion.

Would you do that for me? Yeah.

Wow, that's so cool. Yeah.

Wow. Beautiful views.

Wow. Oh, Peter.

Yeah, bitch. Hey.

Yeah, maybe your mouth. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, thanks. Okay, great.

Yeah, this is new. I like it. I'm kind of backed up...

Yeah, we've won. I hated it.

Yeah! Oh, God! Yeah!

Yeah? Hey, here's the deal.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. I mean, it got a little wild.

Yeah? You don't mind? No.

Yeah. Did you guys have a fight or something?

Yeah. Here you go.

Yeah. I'm gonna give you a Hawaiian name.

Yeah. It really hurts.

Yeah. Movies don't really come out here.

Yeah. No, no, no. No.

Yeah. Whipped cream or berries?

Yeah. Wow, thank you. Thank you.

Yeah. No, exactly. Right.

Yeah. Yes!

Yes! Yes! She's having an orgasm!

Yes. My wife says so.

Yes. There it is. That's right. That's what you're saying?

You all right? Yeah. Yeah.

You barely looked at it. It's a good looking dick, Peter.

You brought a gag? And handcuffs.

You can't get it out. It's really in there.

You did? Yeah.

You don't want help? Uh huh. Can you be quiet just for a minute?

You done here? No, actually, I just sat down,

You good? No.

you know what I mean... Go enjoy yourself.

You ready? Yeah, just gonna close up.

You saw that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw it!

You stop that. What?

You went nuts. Yeah.

You were? Yes, sir.

You're just by yourself? Yeah.

You're out! Thank you so much for this opportunity.

... it would be a pearl necklace. Why?

... to my favourite destinations. Mahalo.

...face reality. No. That's the big plan?

...who's my ex boyfriend.

'Cause I could send someone up, if you want.

'cause it's been a long awaited transition into film for me.

'Cause my heart is broken,

'Cause we're in Hawaii

'Cause you know what? You don't wanna be the guy sitting there,

'cause you're just laying right out.

"and I feel terrible!"

"and I totally dismissed him like everyone else does in his life.

"And I totally was wrong,

"And when I see Van Helsing, I swear to the Lord, I'll slay him. "

"because he's a major, major, major influence on me now,

"Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. "

"He'll kill the owner, but at least the dogs are happy. "

"I'll kill you. I'll kill you. "

"If you want to be in child's pose, that's okay. "

"No, no drinks for me, thanks.

"Oh, I saw that guy! He was my waiter,

"Oh, I'm Aldous Snow. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

"The masturbating dog killer is on the loose again.