Hamster & Gretel (2022) - Season 1 Edit

A wise rodent once said,

Alone.

Always follow the chore board.

And definitely handling this by myself.

And do homework.

And I punch them.

And in the process kick a little posterior

And now, our next contestant. Audience.

And still be home in time for dinner

And we can only lift 156 tons between us.

And we'll be taking you to jail today.

And yeah, I'm super pumped.

And you're missing it.

Anyone can drive a minivan.

Are you punching a fist?

Aren't you gonna pick it up?

Because I'm older.

Being a big brother and your superhero coach guy person.

Being right all the time really does burn up a lot of calories.

Big deal.

BOTH: Stay out of this!

BOTH: Stay out of this!

BOTH: Stay out of this!

But if you could tell Kevin

But they can only lift 157 tons between them.

Can someone take a photo of us, please?

Cargo ship. They also had a harp.

Come on, Lyle. Bases loaded.

Cough, cough. I'm rolling my eyes at you,

DESTRUCTRESS: In three minutes, you'll understand.

DESTRUCTRESS: You lost, losing loser.

Do you want to do this fast, or do it right?

Dude, it's so obvious

Dude, you know we can only lift 157 tons.

Enjoy your day off.

Exactly. You're younger.

Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal

Fine then. I'll listen to Mom.

Fist Boy, take care of him.

FISTPUNCHER: Big splash.

FISTPUNCHER: Fistpuncher! My name is Fistpuncher!

FISTPUNCHER: I can lift this barge.

FISTPUNCHER: I'm faster and stronger times infinity divided by two.

FISTPUNCHER: There. (GRUNTS)

Fistpuncher.

Great, now we'll never know what we're supposed to do.

Gretel, I'm on my way!

GRETEL: Fred! I'm totally fine

GRETEL: I said I want a burger.

GRETEL: Kevin. So how's...

GRETEL: Snow White does it.

GRETEL: Thanks. Please hurry, okay, bye.

Gretel!

Ha!

Ha! Because water.

Hamster and Gretel

Hamster and Gretel

Hamster, Hamster, Hamster

Has anyone seen the remote?

Hello, everyone, and welcome to

Hello, evil villain here.

Here with you at this

Hey, evil fans. You may be asking,

Hey, free boat.

Hey, Gretel beans. Your brother's being your brother.

Hey, Lauren, I don't think that was a real contest.

Hey, that's enough insulting hat talk

Hey, we can lift 157.

Hey, you... You flying villains, you!

Hi, my name is Gretel. This is my hamster, Hamster.

Hmm. I had no idea he played.

Hold on, everyone. We've got a procedure for this.

How come nothing perforated hits you?

How could I be your nemesis before I was born?

How exhilarating to walk through a large shop

How much can you lift?

How much can you lift?

How much can you lift?

I am all of the things.

I bet ya Fistpuncher can't lift that tugboat.

I can lift anything you can lift.

I can't believe we share DNA.

I did dishes last night.

I don't know, folks. Looks pretty big.

I don't like your tone.

I don't make the rules.

I hate sharing things.

I love all these windows filled with merchandise.

I want the burger from the taco place.

I'd much rather be here than at the docks

I'll handle it by myself.

I'm busy. Why don't you do it?

I'm glad we don't treat each other like that.

I'm going to put that on my business cards.

I'm going to the mall like a normal teenager.

I'm in.

I'm just the big brother.

I'm literally dying of embarrassment.

I'm not always late.

I'm out of synonyms, but we should take a break.

I'm stronger and smarter.

I'm super good at it. Watch.

I'm taking the remote.

I've got a lot on my plate,

I've got to, like, save the world every afternoon,

If it's important, she'll leave a message.

If the bickering and quibbling

If they can't do it then nobody can

If you want to find a winner How much can you lift?

If you want to prove that you're superior

In this house, the both of you.

Inside of a bigger shop.

Is just getting too repetitive

Is not doing the dishes.

It doesn't even make sense.

It looks like this game is over.

It's fine. I just won't help this time,

It's Hamster Hamster, Hamster

It's okay, we have the manual.

It's time for a grand...

Just follow my lead.

Just play "How Much Can You Lift"?

Just settle this.

Just take me to jail already.

KEVIN: I get to be a normal teenager.

Kids are a lot.

Let's check the evacuation manual.

Letting the dog lick scraps

Love you, cuties.

Lyle!

Lyle! You almost hit me.

Making a difference.

Maybe she's right. Maybe we do need a break.

Maybe you two need a break from each other.

Methinks the Kevin doth protest too much.

Mortals! I am The Destructress, hashtag, theDestructress.

No fishing?

No problem.

No way. That's too heavy.

No, no, no. She wanted a break.

No, you're not.

No. Yeah, I will.

Nothing I'd rather be doing.

Oh, and I'm not there helping

Oh, I love contests.

Oh, I'm sorry, I've heard of you guys. You're, uh...

Oh, it's just my fortune cookie.

Oh, it's just my fortune cookie.

Oh, my gosh, are you kidding? When we defeat you,

Oh, my gosh, this will be the perfect collab.

Oh, no, a boat! We got to get out of here.

Oh, no, a girder!

Oh, no, I lost my place.

Oh, yeah? Well, I can lift this yacht.

Okay, I'm older, so that means I'm right. Settled.

Okay, let's start over. Avalanche, bear attack.

Playing them against each other.

Point, The Destructress.

Probably doesn't apply to you guys.

Probably doesn't apply to you guys.

Restaurant filled with smaller restaurants.

Right, Fistpuncher. And, uh...

Right? You and Hamster had it under control.

Right. Destructress.

She doesn't have a chore board.

She doesn't need my help.

Shouldn't you have a babysitter?

Shouldn't you have a girder to the face?

Slam. Grand slam.

So our debut will make a big splash.

So what does she want?

So you should listen to your elders.

So, uh, thanks for your help today.

So, who's the winner, kid?

Something I can post later?

Sometimes we need a superhero coach, guy, person.

Stay evil.

Superhero coach, guy, person or whatever.

Thank you for taking the figurative and making it literal.

That makes no sense.

That maybe possibly, I'm trapped

That'd be cool. Thanks.

That's no way to treat a little girl person hero,

The Destructress, can you lift that girder up there?

The Destructress.

The mall was super boring. So...

There's also Kevin in the minivan

This is the burger place.

Two hundred tons?

Two supervillains terrorizing the docks.

Uh, newsflash!

Under 200 tons of shipyard junk with no way out,

Unless there's a contest.

Wait. Seriously. You heard of us?

Walking through a large shop filled with smaller shops.

We better what? You want some of this?

We have rights, you know.

We'll do a deep dive.

We're here because we're wrecking this dock crane

We're stronger.

Well, I was going to say grand finale, but that works too.

What are you doing?

What do you mean, I have to do the dishes?

What?

What? There's no place I'd rather be than

What? You know what? You're my nemesis.

Whatever, I just want to punch stuff.

Whenever you do that every day, all the time?

Where'd you get the pianos?

Which one of you is stronger.

Who would ask that?

Who's still standing when you see the dust settle?

Who's the little girl and her domesticated rodent?

Why are we at the docks?

Why would you think I was about to say "piano"?

With Hamster.

Yeah, I mean, all those smaller shops

Yeah, like, if they're on a sign.

Yeah, people online are arguing about

Yeah, yeah. No way. Never.

Yeah. Good. Good idea.

Yeah. I heard you guys are just so cool and famous.

Yeah. Next time the city's in trouble,

You can't wait any longer

You don't want to be here.

You gonna eat that?

You good?

You got to know which one is stronger

You punch the rules?

You shush.

You... You better...

You're always early.

You're being ridiculous. Just go.

You're impossible.

You're older than me.

You're only older by three minutes.

You've been my nemesis my whole life.

Your face doesn't make any sense.

Your face is impossible.

Your followers will become our followers.

'Cause I'm the smart one. So? I'm the stronger one.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) I'm not calling you that.

Amazing. Super.

Avalanche. Bear attack, bee attack. Can you hurry up?

Awesome. Stupendous.

Do I get to pick then? (SIGHS) Kids are a lot.

Excellent. Wonderful. Fantastic. Fabulous.

filled with smaller shops. (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Fine. Great. Good. Peachy.

FISTPUNCHER: I'm faster and stronger. I'm faster and stronger plus one.

Gretel. We got this.

How about some tunes? I get to pick.

I am. In your dreams.

I don't know. Just hit them.

I don't like your face. Kids.

I hate your hat. I'm not wearing one.

I'm driving. What if I pick up the van?

I'm just... You're just what?

KEVIN: My turn! Nuh uh, my turn.

Phenomenal. Outstanding.

Piano. No, not piano.

So it's time for a grand... GRETEL: Piano.

Spectacular. Marvelous.

The Destructress. Of course.

Ugh! (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

We're saved. Thanks to the manual.

What? You need to do what I say.

Who is it? It's Gretel.

You're famous. We are?

'Cause you both are so competitive

"How Much Can You Lift?"

"Sibling rivalry is the only competition no one can win."

(ALL CLAMORING)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

(ELEPHANT BELLOWS)

(FORKLIFT BEEPS)

(GASPS) Nemesis?

(GROANS) Oh, no. This pile is 200 tons

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) And you can call me Fistpuncher.

(HAMSTER CLEARS THROAT)

(HARP MUSIC PLAYING)

(PHONE BEEPING)

(SCOFFS) Hamster and Gretel.

(SIGHS) Sibling rivalry is the only competition no one can win.

(SINGING) If you irritate your sibling

(SLOWLY) Roll...

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)