Chickenhare and the Hamster of Darkness Edit

A dose of skepticism has been essential to my survival.

A hare who can fly.

A little help, Abe! Hurry!

A little hot in that jacket?

A map, Abe.

A secret passage!

Abe, cork it, will you?

Abe, if I can bring back the Hamster of Darkness,

Abe, if you wanna stay behind, fine, but…

Abe?

Abe?

According to the legend,

According to the map, the temple's at the top of the mountain.

According to the old legends,

Actually, I'll need to have it taken in a little

Actually, I'm sorry, keep going.

Actually, that makes it an incredibly difficult decision.

Ah, technically Chickenhare found…

All good…

All I need is one more shot. I know I could crush it…

All I see is that I got the worst parts of a hare and a chicken.

All the legend says, is: "Do this."

All you have to do is get across the Really Really Deep

Almighty!

Almost found the greatest artifact in the world.

Almost there.

Alright, we're going in.

Alright, you did it!

Alright!

And as for hunger,

And check out what I can do in my new boots.

And Chickenhare, if they put your name first,

And everyone, doubted me.

And had been corked for 3 years.

And he and his little turtle friend are following us.

And he was never named king.

And his strange helpers

And I have just the animal for the job.

And I liked the way you changed your name

And I wasn't gonna say "freak." I was gonna say "Chickenhare."

And I've got the solution.

And if we don't,

And it wasn't in, it was because you had checked it out.

And Kendo…

And Kung Fu…

And oh yeah,

And recognize that our differences make us…

And sacrifice the god Chickenhare

And seven other martial arts.

And so there I was, 200 feet above hare eating crocodiles,

And the knife!

And the mail comes every day. That's a lot of adventures.

And the truth is, it's been kind of lonely.

And then Billy Goat Jones, the jerk who teased "Peg" the most,

And then, tomorrow at first light,

And to think you,

And wearing this,

And whatever you do, don't reach through the bars.

And when I bring this back to the kingdom,

And when I figure that out,

And who's gonna believe me?

And why is this thing even here,

And you were a big hero and everyone loved you, Meg.

And you're… How do I put this delicately?

And your dad's been king for what? 15 years?

Anyway, who's ready to ride?

Are the things that make us special.

Are the Three Deadly Trials.

Are you completely unaware of my species' role in fables?

Are you?

Arturo the Rodent King created it to take over the world.

As one of the rumored locations of the Hamster of Darkness.

Attack!

Because I see the hare, but I don't see the chicken.

Because this is quicksand! Quicksand sucks you under until you die!

Because you have such a big fat head, Brother.

Because you're gonna break us out.

Because you're not normal! Pretending you were only made it worse.

Because you're too soft, Brother!

Before Arturo could use it.

Behold!

Besides the fame and adulation?

Besides, I'm locked in this tower

Bingo.

Blast 'em. Blast 'em all.

Boots that make you look like you have hare feet are very now… now?

Bring me along, I can help.

Brother, please. Where is my son?

But be prepared for a lot of "I told you so's."

But because I was right,

But can't we look good doing it?

But for the first time, I didn't care.

But I couldn't find the spoon!

But I have a proposal.

But I've also never seen a hare with such gigantic floppy ears.

But not if they found it first.

But Not Quite Bottomless Pit.

But that didn't help either. She was still angry.

But that didn't work either.

But the treasurer was the only one with the combination.

But they found something else…

But they're just about to start bringing out the hors d'oeuvres.

But we'll get to that soon enough…

But we're the only ones who can do this now.

But what about your induction?

But when the volcano turns us to ash,

But when you got rid of that costume and became you…

But wouldn't it have been crazy if I was,

But you are. Because Chickenhare…

By the time the trails merge, we should be ahead of them…

By the time we get to your kingdom, it'll be too late.

By then, I'll have Featherbeard completely under my control.

Call upon you

Can we get separate rooms?

Can you be friends with your boss?

Careful, Son.

Catch me if you can!

Chicken! Hare! Chicken! Hare!

Chicken…

Chickenhare is right, we should try. The quicksand is only in a few spots.

Chickenhare made it through the Desert of Death.

Chickenhare,

Chickenhare, don't.

Chickenhare, no, he's lying.

Chickenhare, no!

Chickenhare, now what have I always told you?

Chickenhare, what are you doing?

Chickenhare, you need to put your energies elsewhere.

Chickenhare, you're a corker.

Chickenhare!

Chickenhare!

Chickenhare! We thought you were dead.

Chickenhare! Your moves have moves.

Chickenhare?

Chickenhare?

Chickenhare.

Chickenhare.

Chickenhare. You could never embarrass me.

Chickenhare's heading up the Nearly Impassable Pass!

Chickenhare's the only one going in the volcano, right?

Coincidence.

Come on, Abe!

Come on, Abe.

Come on, Dad.

Come on, guys, hurry up.

Come on, let's go talk in the back, away from prying ears.

Come on, let's take that hat off so I can…

Come on, you know what I'm talking about.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on.

Come over here.

Could you, Meg?

Dad, I know everything about the Hamster of Darkness.

Dad, I've gone to stop Lapin.

Dad! Wait!

Darn semantics…

Deep down, "Peg" still wished she was anything but a skunk.

Destroy the bridge.

Determined to pick up tips for when it was my turn to run.

Did you find the fork from the last brunch?

Did you see that?

Did you see that? I can fly!

Do I even wanna ask what the third trial is?

Do it and I'll throw your friends over.

Do me a favor, go back to your wife.

Do not approach his cell. Do not touch the bars.

Do not call his bluff.

Do not extend to accompanying you

Do not pass Lapin anything as he will turn it into a weapon,

Do what?

Do you know

Do you know the final piece of the legend, Chickenhare?

Do you know where that path is?

Don't do it, kid. She's bad news.

Don't do it. Don't give it to him!

Don't forget your hat.

Don't. Screw. Up.

Drowned in a sea full of sharks,

Easy.

Eaten alive by carnivorous beetles,

Enough talk. Hamsters, attack!

Enough with this fake self deprecating routine.

Enough!

Erik the Literal's Volume 13

Even a carrot.

Even when she got cool new dolls, and had goody bags for her birthday,

Even with a spear at his throat.

Every time I've requested a book on the topic of adventuring

Every year I watched the Royal Adventure Society tryouts,

Everybody laughs at me, Dad.

Exclusively solo expeditions, you know, 'cause of the skunk thing.

Excuse me?

Finally.

Finding you when Uncle Lapin and I went searching for the Hamster of Darkness

Fine, I'll go get it myself. So, who's got it?

Finish him, Chickenhare's mine.

Fire in the hole!

First up, Chickenhare.

Fly chicken, fly.

Flyer over short distances!

Follow me.

Follow me.

Fool!

For Prison Guards and Haberdashers Local 646.

For the record, I didn't wanna come at all.

For trying to overthrow my father.

Friend.

From the moment my dad brought me home,

From where I'm sitting, it was a problem with the clues.

Game over, Lapin.

Geez, Dad, think you could knock?

Get me the scepter if you want to fly another day.

Get the dynamite.

Get the scepter, now, before he throws it in the pit!

Give it to him! Post haste.

Give me that scepter or…

Give me that!

Go and take shelter in the dungeon.

Go!

God of the land and sky!

Good night, my future royal adventurer.

Good riddance.

Good thing I'm the older brother and will be king someday,

Good work, Chickenhare.

Goodbye, Chickenhare.

Goodnight, Son.

Gotcha. The greatest undiscovered treasure of all time.

Grab onto me. Darn, I'm a goner too.

Grab the whip!

Granted that was for the flu. But I'm sure he caught it from Lapin.

Growing up, nobody wanted to have a play date with "Peg,"

Guys, I just discovered the location of the holy spork!

Guys, put these on.

Hamster of Darkness. That's the Big One.

Hamsters, charge!

Hamsters, I command you to fight no more and return to the scepter.

Hamsters, the wheel!

Hamsters…

Hanging from a cliff.

Has been searching for, but has never found…

Has the entire criminal underworld gone soft since I've been locked up?

He did it again!

He had this book I needed about the Hamster of Darkness.

He knows where the hamster is.

He once killed an animal

He requests to see you.

He wasn't happy that my grandfather chose my dad as king and not him.

He will lose his power.

He'll have to let me into the Royal Adventurer Society.

He's a "glass is all empty" kind of guy.

He's a literalist.

He's joking, right?

He's just a couple clicks behind us.

He's just a genius adventurer

He's not coming back.

He's so mean,

Hello, I'm a turtle!

Hello, what about me?

Her parents wanted her anger channeled into something positive.

Here I am. You won't believe it.

Here we go.

Hey rodents, come and get us if you dare!

Hey, a little help here, guys, I'm stuck.

Hey, Boss, just came by to see how you're doing.

Hey, Chickenhare, nice work today!

Hey, Chickenhare's plan worked!

Hey, guys, I'm back!

Hey, I figured we could wait for them,

Hey, I wanna stop Lapin as much as you,

Hey, that's cheating!

Hey, watch the shell!

Hey, what kind of name is Chickenhare anyway?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! It's even further than I thought.

Hey! That tickles!

Hey. You need a guide?

Heya! We come in peace.

Hi there, little guy.

Hi there.

Hi, Uncle Lapin.

Hi!

His wife Destiny. We have to stand here facing Destiny.

Hold it.

Hold on a second. Chickenhare… Oh, lightning bolt!

Hold on, Chickenhare.

Hold on, Chickenhare. You can't leave…

Hold on, I can't, I haven't recharged yet.

Hold on. I just remembered…

Hold up. This sweat is chaffing me like there's no tomorrow…

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Hoping you'd visit because you were the final piece of my escape plan?

How cool is this?

How does it look?

How many flying hares have you ever seen?

Huh? Oh, yeah uh…

I actually don't know.

I always felt waiting 'til first light was a bit arbitrary.

I always wanted an adventure.

I assume by now he's frozen to death

I can't believe we gotta be seen with that freak Chickenhare.

I can't break the rules just because you're my son.

I can't clear a bar with my scent like you Meg.

I can't do it. Last time I tried…

I can't fly. Chickens can't even fly.

I can't watch, but I can't look away.

I cannot waste valuable time on the off chance

I command you!

I could not get enough of it. I knew the day would come.

I devoured every book about adventuring and spent hours in the royal library…

I don't care. Now give me that map.

I don't know… "Peg."

I don't think heavy lifting is in my job description.

I don't think it's real.

I doubt it.

I expected more from you, Luther.

I feel normal.

I find old junk in alleys and nobody's throwing me a parade.

I got it!

I got you, come on.

I gotta say, I think we're on the cusp of something great here.

I guess there's nothing we can do.

I hate adventuring!

I hate adventuring.

I have a plan!

I have been at sea for 12 long minutes.

I have good news and bad news.

I have my moments.

I have no confidence in our chances.

I have no idea.

I have sleep apnea.

I hear that term on missions like this, but I don't know what they are.

I just don't want to see you get hurt again.

I just hope we can pull it off.

I just wanna be normal.

I knew it.

I know I'm not an Adventurer like you, but I'll try my best.

I know it's difficult to let go of your dream.

I know it's hard being different.

I know that jungle like the back of my tail. And the front.

I love a good story, especially after a meal like that.

I love you, Chickenhare.

I love you, Dad.

I made quite sure of that.

I may be developing a taste for chicken and hare.

I mean "Peg".

I mean it.

I mean, they just found old junk.

I murdered the tax code.

I need the hamster as proof.

I never thought I'd see it with my own eyes.

I realized the thing that I was corking, wasn't something to be ashamed of.

I stayed up every night reading.

I swear it.

I think we got a "we" problem.

I think you and I have very different bucket lists.

I think you're just the thing

I thought bringing it back would make them accept me.

I want every other Thursday off too!

I was born without a shell.

I was in the neighborhood and thought it might be nice

I was obsessed with adventuring.

I was preparing for the day

I wish I was that cunning. But now…

I won't tolerate another mistake.

I wouldn't call that flying, more like gliding.

I wouldn't call that good news.

I, for one, find them intellectually invigorating.

I, Lapin the IX,

I'll be right back.

I'll come get it.

I'll get out of your way and you can go back

I'll go last.

I'll let you all go.

I'll take you to wherever you wanna go for free.

I'm afraid my time in here has weakened me.

I'm asking you as a friend.

I'm assuming you're not going with Rusty as your guide.

I'm coming…

I'm glad.

I'm going down!

I'm going to be the one who's laughing…

I'm going to use it to take over the kingdom.

I'm going. And I want you to come with me.

I'm gonna figure this out, I'm great at puzzles.

I'm gonna keep this if that's okay.

I'm in!

I'm just joking.

I'm just kidding. I'm not your father!

I'm looking for a guide.

I'm not done with it.

I'm not leaving him.

I'm not so sure.

I'm nothing like you.

I'm okay, I'm okay. Just go on.

I'm okay.

I'm really starting to think you're not special at all,

I'm really, really sorry.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry for all this.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I'm sorry, Lapin.

I'm sure time has mellowed him.

I'm sure we will.

I'm sure you'll think of a reason.

I'm taking you home.

I'm totally fine with that, just happy to be part of the team.

I'm trying to let it go, but I can't.

I'm with Chickenhare.

I'm your father.

I'm your gal.

I'm your royal servant. I'm legally bound to go with you.

I've always been a follower.

I've always wanted to be in a nautical battle.

I've been on a fair number of adventures myself,

I've ever had the pleasure of working with.

I've gotta figure out the location of the treasure that every adventurer

I've studied adventuring

If I give it to you, you'll let them go?

If I'm going down, at least I'm taking you with me.

If Lapin got to the scepter, things could get rough.

If we avoid those spots, we'll have a solid path.

If we take the Nearly Impassable Pass,

If you take off that jacket, it might help with your follow through.

If you're reading this, that means I've either been crushed,

Impaled, pole axed, harpooned,

Impossible!

In about 12 hours.

In accordance with the laws in the Royal Rulebook,

Incoming!

Is that part Yukinarian?

Is this because I embarrassed you?

Is this guide humor?

Is this the one?

Is where Hector the Lost hired the legless sherpa

Isn't it a pretty simple concept he's failing to grasp? Abe!

Isn't it enough that you made it this far?

Isn't the relationship completely skewed by the power dynamic?

Isn't this place great?

It could be worse.

It doesn't make sense that he'd think

It isn't gonna discriminate between the corkers and the non corkers.

It looks pretty hopeless.

It looks to me like that crocodile won't have to feed for a while.

It really is difficult to find good help these days.

It rhymes with the "Damster of Harkness".

It sounds like they're cheering for you.

It was just another of my brother's tricks.

It was you.

It will take them a week to get around the quicksand.

It'd be quite a feather in your cap to bring back

It's a minute before 9,

It's actually long overdue.

It's all old people.

It's got the power of a million hamsters!

It's hard, you know, providing for the baby.

It's just a phase. He'll grow out of it.

It's just that…

It's Meg's fault too. She's a terrible influence.

It's not a blanket, it's a curtain, give me that.

It's not all your fault.

It's not just you, Dad!

It's not that.

It's not, Abe.

It's okay, little guy…

It's pretty bad.

It's real. And we both know it.

It's the constellation!

It's too bright out.

It's very now… now.

It's winter.

It's wonderful that you're an admirer of the female form…

It's your nephew.

Just a minor setback is all.

Just a suggestion. What do I know, I'm just a skunk, right?

Just follow in my footsteps and you'll be okay.

Just for snoring.

Just getting my bearings.

Just pull!

Just to be clear,

Killed by birds pecking at my every being.

Know what happens when a skunk fears for her life?

Lance, Whitey!

Lapin has been on his quest for years.

Lapin is probably halfway up there already.

Lapin never would've escaped, and I wouldn't've come all this way.

Lapin, it's been too long.

Lapin!

Lapin!

Lapin's been obsessed with the Hamster of Darkness.

Lapin's gonna come back and take over the Kingdom.

Last time your jacket was holding your arm back.

Let me clear the floor.

Let me enjoy this glorious moment.

Let me find that book for you.

Let me tell you about a little skunk named…

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's see how he maintains his stoicism rolling down a hill!

Let's settle this!

Like it? It's very in.

Like we planned?

Little sore, but good.

Lock me up?

Look at him!

Look at me! Why couldn't I just be normal?

Look how Santoro maintains his stoicism,

Look, all of us are born with things that make us different.

Look, Lapin's a goner.

Look, that's Ramon's wife!

Look!

Luther,

Man, these hamsters keep you off balance.

Maybe I'm not as up on the fashion trends as I used to be.

Maybe I'm not much of an adventurer,

Maybe slightly better news…

Maybe some altitude training.

Maybe we could take a break from the pity party?

Maybe you got the best parts.

Maybe you're not so perfect after all.

Maybe…

Me too, Dad.

Me.

Meg was speaking metaphorically about the dead bodies thing.

Meg, I'll need your whip.

Meg, if you're gonna side with me once before I die,

Meg, you can stay with us as long as you like.

Meg, you're amazing.

Meg!

Meg? We've got a problem…

Mine, at long last.

Miscalculated! 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

More than anybody, right?

Murder.

My dad made me 'cause his dad's the new king.

My dad will let me join the Royal Adventure Society.

My favorite days were the days

My favorite kind.

My secret shame.

My Uncle Lapin'll already have the hamster by then.

My uncle never found the Hamster of Darkness.

Nephew?

Next year, I'm gonna focus on doing more cardio.

Nice slap of the wrist.

Nice story, Meg,

No it's not, we're just about to get started.

No,

No,

No, again I think it's more improbable than impossible.

No, come here!

No, he's mostly hare.

No, he's not.

No, it's the perfect plan.

No, it's what made me special.

No, no. I'm good! Third time's a charm!

No, they treated me worse than ever.

No, you don't know. Nobody knows what it's like to be me.

No!

No!

No!

No.

No. I'm not asking as your master.

No. You've done enough already.

Nobody came.

Nobody's going to be laughing at my ear anymore.

Nonsense. He's adorable.

Nope, still don't have it.

Nope. Alive and kicking with these.

Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

Nope. You've seen the top shelf stuff. He has a couple feathers under there.

Not all. Only like 90%.

Not another step forward, Brother, until you tell me where my son is.

Not at all. I'm actually a little cold.

Not at my ear of course.

Not since he tried to overthrow my father.

Not suspicious at all.

Not the Hamster of Darkness, Chickenhare.

Not too late to turn around.

Nothing about meeting with evil uncles in their jail cells…

Nothing but net!

Now give me that scepter.

Now the only thing standing between us and it

Now they'll all follow him as we make our escape…

Now what do you say we go take back my kingdom?

Now what?

Now what?

Now, go get that holy spork.

Now.

Of Adventure Weekly and Adventure Monthly.

Of course, I found the spoon!

Oh come on, but you're only part chicken.

Oh darn, I need to change your diaper.

Oh good, the duck's back.

Oh great Santoro,

Oh hush,

Oh my gosh, you can fly!

Oh no, forget about it. I am not an adventurer.

Oh no!

Oh no. My duties as your turtleservant

Oh no. What are they gonna do,

Oh no…

Oh yeah, that's the one.

Oh, darn tropes.

Oh, let's go.

Oh, my gosh! I'm pulling him out of his skin!

Oh, please.

Oh, shut up!

Oh, that goes down nice. Oh yeah.

Oh, that.

Okay, Chickenhare, that's how you want to play it,

Okay… So, I know we haven't talked compensation,

On account of her being a skunk.

On second thought,

On the Hamster of Darkness is checked out.

On the side of the cliff I threw him over.

One more step and I'll throw it over the edge.

Only a fool without a snout would hire a skunk.

Or at least a communicable disease.

Or did I make you think I was?

Or not.

Or your god gets it!

Or… we can run!

Other than letting the Kingdom's most dangerous criminal escape.

Ouch is right.

Ouch, that hurts.

Ouch!

Our control.

Our map! He's getting away.

Over our dead bodies.

Part chicken, part hare.

Peg, say hello to my little smelly friend!

Perfect fit.

Personally, I don't see what the big deal is…

Pigmies?

Please be that they're sending a rope down for us.

Please remember you're here because of your wings, not your brain.

Please tell me something positive.

Please tell me we've stumbled into a very messed up daycare.

Please…

Prepare the feast!

Prisoners play a lot of poker! A lot!

Probably not in that order.

Put down your weapons,

Ready my fastest boat. We leave immediately.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? I think it's gonna be much quicker.

Really? No clue? Because it is such a unique name.

Remember my three keys to success?

Right?

Right.

Run, Chickenhare!

Run!

Rusty?

Sadistic little rodents, aren't they?

See, "me" problem.

See, I asked myself:

See, I can't afford the cost of diapers and…

See, I can't fly.

See, Lapin, me and my wife have 2 3 jobs.

See, Meg, this is what happens when I'm myself.

See, this is why you join a union.

Servants and Bed Pan Handlers Local 645.

Shall be considered for the Royal Adventure Society for life.

She bathed twice a day, didn't matter.

Shut the door behind us.

Sir, it's a map!

Sir, Lapin's at the gate.

So how long has it been since you've seen your uncle?

So naturally, "Peg" got angry…

So what'd I miss?

So, if you'd just toss it on over here,

So, let them go… over the edge.

So, Mr. Gorilla, just to be clear,

So, parched.

So, she got a black belt in karate…

So, so parched.

So, we can either be ashamed of them or we can embrace them

So, where do we stand?

So, you're looking for the Hamster of Darkness,

So…

So… she corked herself.

Some rules to remember:

Somebody's been doing their homework.

Something does not feel right.

Something epic, something unprecedented.

Something's missing.

Sorry, Dad, don't have time.

Sorry, guys.

Sorry!

Sorry.

Sounds like a genius plan to me.

Sounds like a lost cause.

Sounds like someone else I know.

Special.

Stay out of this skunk!

Stay put and don't try anything foolish.

Stay still, don't move.

Strength through numbers.

Strength through numbers.

Stupid feathers…

Style's changed a lot since you were a kid, Dad.

Subtitling TITRAFILM

Such a waste.

Sure, for a couple of feet. But then we'd die!

Sure?

Take our revenge on those who'd shun us because we're different.

Take them to the volcano now!

Take this!

Talk about rich people's problems.

Tax evasion.

Technically it was your plan, but I agreed it was a great plan.

Technically they can over very short distances.

That can't be it. Could it?

That is unattractive.

That is… awesome!

That jet stream gets me every time.

That makes it an easy decision.

That meal was incredible.

That no one has ever escaped from.

That scepter is nothing without me.

That the freak actually makes it across the ocean.

That the hamster is real.

That was a lot of fun.

That wasn't there before.

That's a terrible plan, he's got a million hamsters.

That's been searched so many times.

That's better.

That's funny because you're already locked up

That's good enough for me.

That's how we sneak up on Lapin!

That's just slowing me down.

That's my turtle servant Abe.

That's not true. Without the scepter,

That's right, little freak.

That's right! I found it.

That's what it does! That's its reason for existing!

That's where Lapin's going.

That's where the name comes from!

That's why they call it a cliffhanger, pal.

The ancient adventurer Frederic the Extremely Short proposed that

The avalanche was supposed to take out Chickenhare, not us!

The bad news is that you should freeze to death

The book.

The Chickenhare!

The competitors are getting better and better every year.

The day all my dreams come true.