She-Hulk: Attorney at Law - Season 1 Edit

A few months ago, I went on a road trip with my cousin Bruce.

About 15 years, give or take.

About accepting the situation you're in.

After he gets unfrozen, he goes from world threatening disaster

Ah, I'll have to put it in the binder.

Ah, maybe one day, but right now I just need to

All buzz, no barf.

All I've been doin' is showin' you the downsides of being a Hulk,

All right.

All right. Let's try this.

All you're doing is repeating everything

ALL: Here. Sure. Here you go.

And after the wreck, you got a lethal dose of gamma radiation.

And definitely not dealing with a decade's worth of trauma?

And everyone around you.

And from that moment on, a symbol of America,

And have my entire life taken away from me.

And I never have to be a Hulk.

And I'd wake up as Banner.

And I'm conscious.

And I'm happy to now get back to my life.

And I'm not gonna become you.

And I'm sorry that I said a bunch of harsh but very true things.

And I'm telling you, when people start seeing you as a monster,

And if it doesn't go our way, you can just Hulk out?

And integrating the Hulk Banner identities.

And Jen won't prosecute. So I will get away with it.

And no crazy Hulk stuff since.

And now I'm able to be my fully integrated self again.

And regulate your emotions, especially your anger.

And that one day he'd just swing by and take it back.

And the way it synthesized gamma,

And who's gonna protect the world if it isn't people like us?

And you are not helpful here at all.

And you win the case.

Are you quoting a comic right now?

As far as I can tell.

As in I'm gonna die?

Avoid stressful situations, stay away from people and...

Basically, I was right, and Bruce was wrong,

Because I'm better than you?

Because those with the most power

Because we're different people!

Being a Hulk asks for balance.

Bend your knees if that's comfortable,

Bing Bong. No. No.

Blow everyone's minds?

Boulder toss. Just gonna toss a boulder. It's not a big deal.

Bruce, I'm not gonna be a superhero.

BRUCE: Dialectical behavioral therapy.

BRUCE: Don't lawyer me.

BRUCE: Hmm. Well,

BRUCE: Jen, why are you runnin' away?

BRUCE: Mmm. JENNIFER: Mmm hmm.

BRUCE: No, Jen. Jen, I'm bleeding.

BRUCE: Okay, I wanted to do it a little.

BRUCE: This is huge, Jen.

BRUCE: Yeah, and it worked. I mean, my arm started to heal.

BRUCE: Yeah. I didn't come up with it.

Bruce?

Bruce.

Bruh.

But being a superhero is a trial by fire.

But first, we gotta deal with you.

But now it's like it settled in.

But there are a few upsides.

But today, you, the jury, can prove that's not the case.

But we can't pretend like we aren't two of the few people on Earth

But whether you like it or not, you're now a superhero.

But you're gonna have to change the way you live your life now.

Captain America...

Civic duty.

Close your eyes and breathe.

Come on.

Completely.

Cool.

Cool. Yet another way my life is ruined.

Dennis, you don't know but I will kill you

DENNIS: More smiles.

DENNIS: Two rhetorical questions.

Denying half of your being is no way to live, trust me.

Dick move.

Dick move.

Did my client know lives would be endangered?

Did you see that ass?

Do they merely have an obligation to refrain from the misuse of that power?

Do you have a plan B for that?

Do you know the damage you can cause?

Don't even think about moving to a place with less than ten foot ceilings.

Don't move.

Don't worry. I talked to your parents. They know we're okay.

Done. Yes, I've reconsidered. I'm still leaving.

Door never closes.

Easy, girl. Easy.

Easy.

Enough dialectical behavioral bullshit!

Even if there's only a millionth percent chance that it makes another one of us.

Feel the breaths. No judgment.

Fifteen years?

Fine.

First, we're gonna practice some mindfulness with a few yoga techniques.

Focus on this fun lawyer show until you know all about that.

For comedy, absolutely.

For me. Calibrate it to me.

Forget Hulk rage.

Girl, what happened to you?

Give it time in the lab, we could possibly do the same for you.

Give me that little device thing that you had that kept you as Bruce.

God. I just got my own office.

Good morning.

Gross, Jen. I'm your cousin.

Ha ha. Not funny, Bruce.

Have the most to answer for.

He doesn't mean that.

He is rushed to the frontlines, he becomes a war hero.

He lost his virginity to a girl in 1943 on the USO tour.

He used to joke that it was a loaner,

Hear the waves breaking.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Here's the thing, Bruce. I'm great at controlling my anger.

Hmm? Mmm.

Hold in your farts.

How did you do it?

How you used the weight of civic duty during your closing argument?

I almost cried during parts of it.

I am trying to show you that we can live between what we want and what is.

I can see that you're not ready for DBT,

I can't stay away from people. How am I supposed to work?

I changed.

I did your dialectical behavior therapy, I can change back and forth,

I didn't come up with it.

I do it pretty much every day because if I don't,

I don't have a great explanation for it.

I don't need to join some secret government contractor squad

I don't think you have thought through how dangerous this level of power is.

I gotta get to the bottom of that.

I guess I've outgrown your binder, cuz.

I guess we can just skip all that, then.

I have to call my cousin to get me. Can I borrow somebody's phone?

I know I've been pushing you through a lot,

I know this is hard to hear,

I know you didn't ask for this,

I know.

I learned it from you.

I legitimately do have a life to get back to.

I need to focus.

I never thought that it would end up being a syllabus, but here we are.

I never thought you'd be into all this mind body spirit stuff.

I spent a lifetime running from this aspect of myself.

I think I'm jealous.

I thought the point was to prevent me from turning into a Hulk.

I traced all of my steps through my evolution.

I tried to warn you.

I was able to use it to completely heal my arm.

I will get called emotional, or difficult, or might just literally get murdered.

I'd have to deal with a Hulk sized hangover.

I'll see you out there.

I'm not you.

I'm ready to give my closing argument now.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. The idea of being a superhero is not appealing to me.

I've been analyzing your blood.

In a better way.

In conclusion, my arm is healed

In the way that I've always wanted to.

In this tiny beach house lab.

Into somethin' else.

Is that what I'm feeling? I'm feeling...

It allows us to hold two opposing truths at the same time.

It kinda feels like if I don't transform, I'm gonna die.

It was a good time during a hard time.

It's a bit dramatic.

It's a conflict of interest. I don't condone murder. Bye, Dennis.

It's all because I made this little device which keeps me in human form.

It's amazing. It's so great.

It's clinical, not spiritual.

It's easy.

It's just me.

It's more about presence.

It's not one or the other, Jen.

It's not wrong that I am choosing to help people

It's way too dangerous to get out in the world,

It's, like, so sad.

Jen, get away from me. I'm bleeding.

Jen, I have been struggling with this for years.

Jen, stop.

Jen, there is a reason why you were handpicked to go against GLK and H, okay?

Jen, this is not goin' away.

Jen, what is it? What do you need?

Jen, when you have powers like this, it's like putting a target on your back

Jen?

Jen. Come on.

Jen. Shoes.

Jennifer Walters, attorney at law.

JENNIFER: (CRYING) It's just so sad.

JENNIFER: Aw!

JENNIFER: Bruce.

JENNIFER: So that's how it all happened.

JENNIFER: So, based on everything you've told me,

JENNIFER: Uh oh.

Jesus. What the hell, man?

JUDGE: Ms Walters, your closing argument?

Just regular anger means death and destruction for everything

Just so you know, I'm the only other person in the world

Just stop and think it through for a minute.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

Let us keep you company.

Let's just focus on each day as they come, Jen.

Lethal?

Like, that ass did not (CRIES) deserve to die a virgin.

Listen...

Little punk.

Look.

Look. (SIGHS)

Look. Look.

Love you, Bruce, but I'm going home.

MALE LAWYER: I ask you to look only at the facts of this case.

MAN 1: Hey, we're just being friendly.

MAN 1: Oh, my God!

MAN 1: Take care, guys. MAN 2: Where we goin', fellas?

MAN 2: Help! Help!

MAN 3: I don't know. He has the keys. MAN 1: Hey.

MAN 3: You with anyone?

Me? What happened to me?

Mexico.

Mmm. It's basically different.

Mmm. Now who's smug?

My bar!

My blood got into your system,

My little genius is gonna be a district attorney one day.

Namaste, all day.

No judgments. Whoever did this to you does not care about you.

No need to put makeup on me.

No, a normal amount of rage!

No, there is more to it (STUTTERS) that I'm going to explain.

No, there's also Ched.

No.

No. I'm doing this.

No. No.

No. No. I don't want to be a Hulk.

No. No. No.

Not necessarily.

Now fix me. Get me back to normal.

Now top it off with a savage Jen Walters look.

Now, with my help, hopefully,

Of an ambitious expansion plan.

Oh, God, I really like this outfit.

Oh, I thought it was about getting my butt tight as hell.

Oh, no, Jen.

Oh, so you didn't wind up alone, hiding away on some remote beach

Oh, Steve.

Oh, thank you. But I just need to get cleaned up.

Oh, what?

Oh.

Okay, I'll be careful.

Okay, it seems like the common thread, though, is being unconscious.

Okay, so how do I turn back into Jen?

Okay, this is completely new territory.

Okay.

Okay. So, back to what I was saying before, my theory.

Okay. So, now I'm gonna go win this case.

Okay. You've analyzed everything.

On coming to terms with being the Hulk.

One time, I was stuck as the other guy for over two years.

Ooh! Put on a Pixar movie.

Or do they have a duty to protect those without it?

Or Natasha, for a little while, would tell me a lullaby.

Our bodies metabolize alcohol at an incredibly fast rate.

Our top priority is to control when you turn.

Plenty of time to switch things up and let me do the closing.

Political and monetary, for financial gain at the expense of public safety,

Probably trying to deliver a message.

Return to my career that I have spent years building,

Sakaaran Class Eight courier craft.

Seal the door!

See you at the next family dinner.

See, Jen, you're doing the best you can, and you can do better.

See?

Show them that they will be held accountable,

Smart Hulk.

Smart Hulk.

Smug Hulk.

So all of this just feels like projecting a lot of shit onto me.

So I turn into a Hulk now, too.

So I'm an expert at controlling my anger because I do it infinitely more than you.

So it seems like he was pretty, pretty busy.

So we need to know the exact threshold that causes it for you.

So why don't you get some rest, and we'll change tactics in the morning?

So you don't get Cheetos fingers.

So, he becomes Captain America.

So, I'm clearly nailing it at all of these things,

So, if you wanna go back to your life as a lawyer, I respect that.

So, let me get you up to speed.

So, now my family knows, and Nikki knows, and you know.

So, now that I've actually analyzed your blood samples...

So, when do you think I can leave here?

Sorry. I thought I'd get a little work done.

Spandex is your best friend.

Spandex.

Steve Rogers did not have a girlfriend before he went into the service.

Steve Rogers did so much for his country and he never got to experience sex.

Steve Rogers is not a virgin.

Still in control? No overwhelming feelings of rage?

Stop.

Take it back to LA, and you can pick it up at my place.

Teach me how to Hulk, please.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That allow us to synthesize gamma radiation

That can actually protect her.

That device was a prototype.

That I've told you about my friend and colleague.

That is debatable and depends on your definition of knowing.

That is not the sentence

That knows what you're going through.

That never goes away.

That their power shielded them from very real consequences.

That was in outer space.

That was the longest answer to "what've you been up to" I've ever heard.

That's good.

That's the price you have to pay for keeping the world safe.

That's very lawyerly.

That's when he's not a fugitive from the law, right?

The best that I could do was merge my two halves.

The defendant used their limitless resources,

The first time, it was so intense I could barely remember what was happening,

The inhibitor.

The leveling up is happening. This is good.

The triggers are anger and fear.

There is no goin' back to what you were before.

There it is.

These accidental deaths were an unfortunate byproduct

These transformations are triggered by distressed emotional states

They did this because they believed they would not be held accountable.

This is all I've been thinking about, Bruce.

This is gonna land better coming from me.

This is incredible. You don't have an alter ego.

This is where I spent The Blip fixing myself

To a good time during a hard time.

To protect his business interest.

To world threatening disaster.

Uh, and I'm guessing you won't be able to

Up top.

Use my law degree that I'm still paying off a fortune in student loans for.

Usually, I fall out of a jet or I get knocked out by a robot,

Wait.

Wait. You're still Jen right now?

Walk me through how that worked, again.

Was the airhorn really necessary?

Well, how long is that gonna take?

Well, it's pretty smug to call yourself smart.

Well, the only Hulking out I'm gonna do is in the legal sense.

Well, Tony mostly drank, just sat around, like, complaining about Steve.

What do you mean?

What do you normally use this chamber for, you psychopath?

What else ya gonna do as a Hulk?

What is the responsibility of those with power?

What, you think you can just say mean things and take off?

What, you're just gonna kill me?

What? I don't have a savage Jen Walters look.

What's up?

When am I ever going to use this as a lawyer?

When Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon in Inside Out.

When incompetent men explain my own area of expertise to me.

Which is why we have to make sure of your ability to tolerate the stress

Which means that we can drink so much and not get drunk.

Who did this to you?

Who the hell are you?

Who's your best friend?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Why are you talking to me like I'm a stray horse?

Why would you want that for me, Bruce?

Why wouldn't you listen to someone who's been through all of this before?

With no friends, no relationships, never seeing your family,

WOMAN 2: Are you okay?

WOMAN 2: Right. I got some here. Take these. Right there.

WOMAN 3: Put this on.

Wow, an apology that still doubles down on a thing you're apologizing for.

Wow.

Yeah, about that. Um, it's true. I am a Hulk.

Yeah, I'm a much better lawyer than I am a Hulk.

Yeah, kinda seems like I'm done here.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes!

Yes! Yes. Yes.

Yes. I knew it.

You and I, we share a rare combination of genetic factors

You can't be emotional.

You can't go back to your job.

You change your mind,

You do not need him. Or her. Or them.

You do revert back to Jen form when you sleep.

You feeling better?

You have so much more to learn about being a Hulk.

You know, that's about a million dollars' worth of damage back there, by the way.

You know, weird stuff just kinda finds you when you're a Hulk.

You need shoes. This is a public bathroom.

You need to do your thing.

You okay?

You stay here until you figure out how to control your Hulk self.

You still can't control when you transform.

You use it. Implied endorsement.

You'll see that my client was well within his right

You're a cautionary tale.

You're fixing it.

You're gonna listen to a paralegal over a lawyer?

You're gonna need two wardrobes, one for Jen and one for your Hulk body.

You're Hulk again.

You're not drunk?

You're not the only one!

You're the only one in there?

Your progress will go a little bit faster than mine.

(AIRHORN BLARES) (GRUNTS)

(AIRHORN BLARING) (GASPS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING) (WAVES SPLASHING)

(BOTH GRUNTING) (JENNIFER PANTS)

(BRUCE CHUCKLES) (SIGHS)

(BRUCE GROANS) Bruce.

(BRUCE SIGHS) (LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES) One sec.

(CHUCKLES) No. No?

(CLICKS) (JENNIFER SHUDDERS)

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING) (CRASHING)

(ENGINE STARTS) Jen, don't you dare.

(ENGINE STARTS) See ya, fuzzball.

(GASPS) WOMAN 1: Ooh!

(GLASS CLINKING) Drink to that.

(GRUNTS) (SCOFFS)

(GRUNTS) Ah!

(HUMS) I mean,

(JENNIFER GRUNTING) (GROANING)

(JENNIFER GRUNTS) (GROANING)

(JENNIFER PANTING) Get away.

(RUMBLING) (THUDDING)

(SIGHS) Where are we?

(THUDDING) (GRUNTING)

(THUDDING) (GRUNTS)

(YELLS) Yes! (ENGINE REVVING)

and all the people you care about. (SIGHS)

and take it easy on this first one. (JENNIFER GRUNTS)

BAILIFF: Stop resisting. Right now in front of everybody?

causing the deaths of innocent people. DENNIS: It's so wordy.

Cheetos and chopsticks? Yes.

Did we hit a spaceship? Yeah.

Do you think so? (CHUCKLING) Yes. Come on.

Don't screw this up, Walters. (CLICKS TONGUE)

Goodbye. Okay.

Ground pound! (GRUNTS) (GROUND RUMBLING)

Hmm. I do it all the time.

How you doin'? Fine. Thank you.

I can't do it, Jen. Yes, you can.

I only tell it to you. Yeah.

I think my boyfriend's coming. MAN 2: Oh, come on. Where you going?

I'm waiting for my ride. What's your name?

It was calibrated to me... Great. Make me one.

It was so good. Seriously?

Jen. (GRUNTS) I'm gonna borrow the Jeep,

JENNIFER: Wow. (CHUCKLES)

Lunkhead! Dummy!

MAN 1: All right, we're out. Ladies' night was a bust.

Me? Yeah, just grab a little boulder,

My God. That's really smart. You're not the only genius in the family.

My life wasn't taken away. Really?

Nikki. (IMITATES BUZZER SOUND)

No one thought it was... JENNIFER: Yes, that Bruce.

No, I can't stay like this for two years. BRUCE: I said "one time."

No, no, no. (GROWLS)

No? NIKKI: No, that's not funny, Jen.

Obviously, Captain America was a virgin. Look out!

Oh, God. Um,

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Ow! (CHUCKLES)

Put the helmet on! We need the data! This isn't gonna work!

Right. Thank you. NIKKI: Okay.

Says who? The History Channel.

So, call me anytime. Thank you, Bruce. Thanks for everything.

Sorry. (BRUCE GRUNTING)

stick the landing on this case. You will.

Thanks, Bruce. All right.

That was perfect. Okay. Really?

That's impressive. Yeah, me and Tony.

Then he is frozen in ice. Right.

This is it. I have business cards.

This is unprofessional. That was so good.

to take a pause on, Bruce! BRUCE: Okay.

Tony Stark. Oh, right, right, right.

Very good. Just trying to show ya how it's done.

Well, I'm shown. Yeah?

Well, you asked me, so I answered. (GRUNTS)

What do you think you're doing? I'm asking you to reconsider.

Yeah. Where you going? So what? You too good to talk to us?

Yes, yes. (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Yes, you do. Do you have anywhere to go?

You built this bar by hand? Oh, yeah.

(BLENDER WHIRRING)

(BOTH BELCHING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BRUCE AND JENNIFER BELCHING)

(BRUCE GROANING)

(BRUCE GROWLING)

(BRUCE GRUNTING)

(BRUCE SCREAMING)

(BRUCE SIGHS)

(CAR HONKING)

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Tony built it for me a few years ago.

(CLOTH RIPPING)

(CRASHING)

(CRASHING)

(CRASHING)

(CREAKING)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(CRYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE ACCELERATING)

(EXHALES)

(EXHALES) Dialectical behavioral therapy is an evidence based psychotherapy.

(EXHALES) I mean, one mistake, one freak out is literally life or death.

(EXPLOSION)

(GASPS, SHUDDERING)

(GASPS)

(GLASS BREAKING)

(GROANING)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GROANS) Bruce, you failed to mention that

(GROUND RUMBLING)

(GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

(GROWLS)

(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(HUMS)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Trust me.

(INAUDIBLE)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(INHALES DEEPLY) Let your thoughts drift away, relax your neck,

(INHALES SHARPLY)

(INHALES SHARPLY) You don't have another guy to wrestle with for 10 years.

(INHALES)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(KNUCKLES CRACKING)

(LASERS FIRING)

(LAUGHS) Not so fast.

(LAUGHS) That's all you got?

(LIQUID POURING)

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND)

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

(LOUDLY) So, you're gonna need to reinforce all your furniture.

(MACHINE STOPS)

(MEN SCREAMING)

(MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(POWERING UP SOUNDS)

(RUMBLING)

(RUMBLING)

(SAWS WHIRRING)

(SCOFFS) Those are, like, the baseline of any woman just existing.

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING) Jen!

(SERENE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) For the record, I really didn't wanna do this.

(SIGHS) No.

(SIGHS) This is a multi year journey you're about to embark on,

(SIGHS) You really don't feel like there's another hand on the wheel at all?

(SMACKS LIPS)

(SMACKS LIPS) You said "multi year"?

(SNIFFLES)

(SOFTLY) I need... (BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SPANISH MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

(SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING)

(STUTTERING)

(STUTTERS) What's up with this?

(STUTTERS) When I'm catcalled in the street,

(STUTTERS) You never have a choice with these names.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(THUDDING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(WATER RUNNING)

(WHIMPERING)

(WHIRRING)

(WHIRRING)

(WHISPERING) Lawyer show.

(WHISPERING) Okay.

(WHOOSHING)

(WIND BELL CHIMING)

(WIND BLOWING)

(WOMAN 1 SCREAMING)

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

(YELLS GRUFFLY) Men! Men!

(YELLS)

(YELLS) Hi yah!

(YELLS) Wow.

(YELPS)