She's Out of My League (2010) Edit

A family dinner, so I hope you don't mind.

A girl like Molly, hot as shit, manicured from fuckin' head to toe.

A little? Are you shitting me?

A lot more experimenting. You are like a scientist!

A lot of factors affect the cost.

A six? You go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole,

A TSA agent or shovel elephant shit at the circus.

Actually, Dylan, according to The Day After Tomorrow.

After that I said to myself, "I'm not gonna date guys like that anymore."

Ah, goddamn it.

Ah, sorry. One more thing. Is there any salsa?

Ah, thar she blows!

All I'm saying is, this girl's too hot.

All right, everybody, listen up! TSA! I apologize. This guy's drunk as fuck.

All right, everybody, listen up! TSA! I apologize. This guy's drunk as fuck.

All right, guys, enjoy the party.

All right, I'm comin' to you. Comin' to you!

All right, I'm really late for my flight.

All right, listen.

All right, relax.

All right, take it easy. It's all good. Let him do his thing.

All right? If someone really loves you, then you are a ten.

Always using protection.

And as far as I can tell that's the only thing separating you from perfect.

And everybody's happy and nice to each other in shiny, happy Hot Town,

And how beautifully moisturized his skin tones are.

And I am right here, standin' in front of you...

And I can just be me around him.

And I get really generous. I can be very, very generous.

And I gotta admit I feel like a jackass.

And I just can't stand to see you get hurt.

And I just want us to be together.

And I really like it, so let's get back together!

And I think that was a great idea.

And I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread.

And I was fine with you up until about three minutes ago.

And I will stab you in the eyes with confiscated scissors.

And I'll see all those planes takin' off, goin' places, and I think

And I'm fine with that, too.

And it wouldn't matter if it was jetliners or cargo planes or whatever.

And it's over now. We are gonna pretend that it never happened.

And maybe some other old favorites from some other artists? No?

And maybe, maybe, one day it won't be.

And meet all sorts of new and interesting, different people.

And my best friend is such a distraction in your goddamn peripheral vision?

And now, to the gorgeous birthday girl, Katie McCleish.

And on Saturday we're gonna see both of the Elvis tributes,

And so I quit the firm, went into business with Patty.

And tell him you believe he's gonna end up with Molly.

And that's fine because I never expected to.

And the Hamburglar wasn't into me? Listen to yourself. Fuck you.

And the rest is rock 'n' roll history.

And then I volunteered to plan the holiday party, and I loved it.

And we are going to enjoy it!

And you can't even spend 30 seconds with mine.

And you'll get used to it, all right? Good luck.

And you've been really great about your family practically adopting me

And your car really is a shitbox.

And, besides, she's not exactly perfect anyway, right?

And, I'm sorry, but she's comin' over for dinner?

And, most of all, fuck you, Marnie.

And... here she comes.

Anything at all?

Anyway, I'm bored of me. What about you?

Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me.

Anyway, we're gonna have to deplane.

Are we gonna talk or are we gonna bowl?

Are you kidding me?

Aw, crap.

Awesome stuff. They're going to play some more Hall and Oates for us,

Because I missed you.

Because nothing you're saying right now is of any help to Kirk.

Because you've done your prep work, right?

Because your kiss

Because your kiss is on my list

Before I know it, your parents are in the room and I'm there

Better with myjacket off. Just ditch that somewhere.

Big Apple City. I get up there a lot, 'cause I actually, I gig up there.

Big Apple.

Boarding passes and IDs where I can see them, please!

Boarding passes and IDs where I can see... Hi!

Boarding passes and IDs where I...

Book a band, blow up balloons, people pay out the ass for that, don't they?

Branson!

Bullshit, you're a six! Then what am I?

But also Kirk. You see, he told me to own that name.

But for some reason he keeps hanging back at the blue line

But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point.

But he's like... He's like a spider.

But here's the thing, Marnie, it's been two years.

But I don't know what to say to her, you know?

But I get a one point bump 'cause I'm in a band.

But I hate to break it to you, it's not the same for the rest of us.

But I just kept thinking...

But I just want to say I forgive you and we are going to go to Branson,

But I was so excited, so I came early.

But I'm here to tell you that I don't care if you want to be a pilot,

But I've seen what's out there and I don't think it gets any better.

But instead of eating it, we smash it. OK? You can do a lot better.

But it might not bother you. Who knows?

But not if it's gonna be weird for you.

But now that she's asked me out I don't get it. It boggles my mind.

But the truth is, I'm the only one here that's married.

But there's no way on the planet that Molly is into you.

But you broke up with Molly.

But you did dump me! Why don't you just admit I was never good enough for you?

But you were all up in my beeswax checking to see if I was gonna dump you.

But, yes, that's one. One out of a million.

By the way, Kirk, you can do better than these guys.

Cabin crew, lock doors and cross check.

Cabin crew, lock doors and cross check.

Call myself Stainer, so that nobody could hurt me.

Can I count on you to put in a good word for me, Elton John?

Can I see your invitation?

Can probably French kiss like a motherfucker!

Can you pick 'em up for me?

Chasm. You can't jump more than two points.

Chris Tucker, right? Mom! I did the Chris Tucker for him.

Christ on a corndog. Tammy, can you cover for me?

Come on, Averill, play the man, not the puck!

Come on, Dylan, give it to him.

Come on, Dylan! Get in the zone! You're still my MVP, baby!

Come on, Jack!

Come on, Jack. Come on.

Come on, man, you gotta be positive.

Come on, Reese, pick it up! You suck today!

Come on. Let's do this!

Come on. You're a guest here. You really don't have to do that.

Cool.

Cool. And we're back to talking.

Damn it, Fox, keep your stick down!

Deduct a point.

Deduct a point. How are we doing?

Deduct whatever's left.

Deduct whatever's left.

Devon, I'll give you 50 dollars just to curse once.

Devon!

Devon's right.

Did you get the numbers with... For the new procedures regarding planes?

Did you just come in your pants again?

Did you see that, Mom?!

Did you shave one ball and then the other ball,

Didn't think she was gonna show. Hi!

Do you see the words comin' outta my mouth?!

Do you think I really want to be Branson bound?

Don't know if you just heard my speech, but I need to get off this plane.

Don't know what they were thinking. If they moved, changed their number.

Don't let it creep you out, OK?

Don't really call her that. She doesn't like it.

Don't worry about it, man...

Double baggin' it sometimes just to make sure there's

Dude, done and done.

Dude, forget Stainer. All right? I think you could get her back.

Dude! Cut it a little closer, why don't you?

Dylan, I think if you just apologized to Leroy,

EastWest four three. you're cleared for taxi to runway two seven.

Enjoy the air show, boys. I'm going to go...

Even if you were a nine, and I was in a band,

Every time someone walks into a room you compare yourself to them,

Every time someone walks into a room you compare yourself to them,

Everybody, let's raise a glass to Patty and Molly for throwing, by far,

Everything seems to be in order. You ever been to San Francisco?

Exactly like you're behaving right now. He couldn't handle it.

Excellent to see you again, sir.

Excuse me! Sorry, sorry! Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Excuse me. Ma'am! You forgot your sweater.

Excuse me. You're not supposed to be on your phone.

Expecting us to be something that we're not.

Fare thee well, dear princess.

First of all, thank you. Yeah, it was great. It was incredible.

Flight attendants, prepare for departure.

Flight six three to JFK, you're cleared for taxiing on runway two niner.

For a night of romance... and hockey.

For some kind of flirtation. I thought I made myself clear.

Frankly, I'm kinda sick of you guys pretending

From the bottom of my heart, please don't be a jerk,

Fuck it. You seriously not wearing any underwear?

Fuck you, Dylan. Fuck you, Dad.

Fuck you, Stainer.

Fuck.

Fuck...

Fuller, you have a choice. You can step aside or you can fight me.

Get a drink, but don't get it from my sister's tray.

Getting together with his family. It's been a while since I had

Goddamn it. Tina Jordan.

Gonna be a long flight, eh, pirate?

Good call. Hey, pirate, can you spot me a 20?

Good to see you. Lucille, don't you look lovely.

Gotta get back in that ring.

Great job, girls. Let's hear it for Patty and Molly!

Great to meet you, sir. Cam? Is that short for Cameron?

Great. There's two tickets. So, maybe, bring a friend.

Grinding on top of me, and I got a little too excited and,

Guys, this is...

Half a point 'cause he's a nice guy. Right?

Hand it over, dumb ass. No liquids over three point four ounces.

Hanging back 'cause they're trying to kill a power play.

Happy Valentine's Day from two years ago.

Have uniquely candid relationships with the women that they befriend,

Have you seen Katie? Let's go see Katie.

He feels threatened by it. He gets all, you know, angsty.

He knows about wine. And has a French accent.

He shit his pants. It's very embarrassing.

He thought I was perfect, he had me on a pedestal

He's all about security and steady paychecks.

He's been pushing Molly to take flying lessons.

He's got less than nothing. Own it. You can do it.

He's great. I just...

He's the black guy from Rush Hour.

Hell, it's of no concern to me.

Hello? Hello! Hey, Molly.

Hello? Patty? Goddamn it. you fucking hung up on me!

Hello? Thank God you have my phone. My name is Molly McCleish.

Here goes nothin'.

Here goes nothin'.

Here you go.

Here.

Hey, angsty, that's... No, hey, I come in peace.

Hey, Devon! Wendy, remember?

Hey, did she say anything, you know, about Wendy thinkin' I'm hot?

Hey, everybody!

Hey, fellas.

Hey, Mol.

Hey, Molly. Molly. Check it out. So Deb and I are gettin' hitched.

Hey, now here's a pilot! How are ya?!

Hey, wait! Cart, wait!

Hey, what line of work are you in, son?

Hey, why would you tell her I broke up with Molly?

Hey!

Hey! Hey, let's go meet them.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi lo. Hello!

Hi, honey. Everything OK?

Hi, there. Everybody, this is Molly.

Hi, there. Of course. I didn't think that you were coming.

Hi. I'm Molly. Nice to meet you, too.

Honest mistake. Sorry. There you go.

Honestly, I'd have sex with that guy.

Hope we aren't interrupting.

How long was I down there for? What's my time? What's my time?

How many times have you really called her?

How the fuck did you get my number?

I am quite the charitable lover.

I brought a girl with me, so I am begging you,

I can experiment and get pretty generous.

I can get you a mad discount on a flight, if you want, though.

I can't believe I never thought of that.

I can't do it like my face!

I could just meet you down at the gate.

I could really do that, you know.

I did ask you out because I thought you'd be safe and I wouldn't get hurt.

I didn't mean to tell 'em, Kirky. I'm sorry.

I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect.

I don't know if you guys remember that.

I don't know much about this, but that can't be good advice, I'm sorry.

I don't know what his intentions were, but it's fine.

I don't know what Molly's told you about me, all right?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I don't know. Except the people that make that car don't even like it.

I don't know. Maybe.

I don't know. Might be your worst fucking nightmare, you...

I don't know. You were pretty smooth at the hockey game.

I don't remember what the specific question was, but...

I don't want to move too fast.

I don't... God, where are my manners?

I dropped 'em on the floor, but five second rule.

I ejaculated in my pants.

I flew choppers back in Nam, Saigon. Evacuation, April, '75, that was...

I got a 20. Four beers, please.

I got it for Valentine's Day, right before she broke up with me.

I got something for you.

I got, like, 30 minutes of sleep last night.

I got... Can we stop for two secs?

I had a major laundry disaster. This is the only dry bra that I have left.

I have a ground X ray one radio check. Taxi to one two.

I haven't really been hittin' the gym as much as I should lately.

I just got off the plane. I'm gonna go find Molly.

I just knew that I had to come find you.

I just would really love that feeling of freedom.

I know we agreed to take some time off.

I love you like I love... TV.

I marked that down in my calendar as a day of rejoicement.

I mean, 20 minutes with your family and she'll file for a restraining order.

I mean, I think anything's possible.

I mean, I'd ballpark that somewhere around 50 grand.

I mean, I'll say this for him. He's honest.

I mean, it feels like the universe is outta tilt.

I mean, men are always putting us on a pedestal,

I mean, that's what you do for a living, right? You throw parties?

I mean, the first time I saw her little defect...

I mean, this one is kinda cute, but the other two... Oof!

I miss us.

I miss you.

I missed you.

I need to know, right now, why it didn't work out with us.

I never said that. And maybe Molly's a little better looking than I am.

I only smile when I lie Then I tell them why

I play in a band.

I really liked you, but all that stuff about

I reallyjust want to give all that up and get back together with you.

I remember you well. What gate are you at? I'll run it over.

I see what's goin' on. Yeah, I'll get some beers with you.

I shoulda seen it coming, too, 'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten.

I spent a whole day with your entire family,

I tell them this

I think I lost my iPhone. I left it in security.

I think I made a little mistake, and I see a change in you,

I think it's an ashtray?

I think it's time for you to dance with me.

I think there's nothing gay about it.

I think this is really pretty. How's it work?

I think this is the first time we're meeting. Ever!

I think we should see other people!

I thought applied to our relationship? This is cooler.

I thought you were hangin' drywall or somethin'.

I totally understand what you're talking about.

I want to get one of those scented neck pillows.

I wanted to go to college, but my dad bought a swimming pool instead.

I was expecting some kind of pulsating growth

I was explicitly told that you wouldn't be here today.

I was talking about Stainer.

I went out on four different dates.

I will catch you if it's the last thing that I do...

I would like that not to be the case.

I... I got you somethin'.

I... I...

I... I'm... I love, love, to experiment,

I... No, sure, no problem. No problem.

I'll be right back.

I'll bet you Cam's balls look like this. It's like a baby.

I'll look pretty fuckin' stupid if I stop now!

I'll take an Armagnac. The lady'll have a dirty martini with three olives.

I'm a five. This is a five. Hard five.

I'm a ten and you're only a six?

I'm all right with that, too.

I'm an event planner. I'm having this party at the Warhol Museum.

I'm expected to have a shitty car.

I'm going to go find Molly and show her that I am good enough.

I'm gonna get this kick ass dress made outta actual checkered flags,

I'm gonna have to ask you to exit my personal space.

I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the aircraft.

I'm gonna have to ask you to step over to the wanding area.

I'm in TSA. I am livin' the dream.

I'm never gonna be a pilot. And I am happy with that.

I'm not being a... "Laydown Larry?"

I'm not going! I'm not going!

I'm not wearing any underwear.

I'm not. I'm really nervous.

I'm out.

I'm outta here. Webbed fucking feet. Are you kidding me?

I'm referring to sexual relations, Devon.

I'm sorry, the player that I was screaming at is a forward,

I'm sorry.

I'm the Genie.

I'm tired of you guys bustin' my nuggets 'cause I've only been with one girl.

I'm unattractive, I'm out of shape, I'm uncoordinated,

I'm watching him while my folks are on vacation.

I've been raw doggin' some randoms. Usually careful. Mostly careful, though.

I've been taking a few lessons lately.

I've completely forgotten how good looking he is,

I've never been to Europe, I'm not a college graduate, I drive a Neon...

I've shaved approximately one third of my balls.

If anything, you paid her a compliment. Right?

If it did, I would grow a pretty thick goddamn beard.

If she said anything bad, let's face it, I probably deserve it.

If that's how you want to go, I warn you, I will go dark side.

If you stay with him long enough he'll give you one of these.

If you want to get Marnie back, she has got to believe

If you want to plan an exit strategy or leave right now, I won't be offended.

In ten minutes, Kirk is leaving on a plane for Branson with a horrible,

Interesting.

Is in show business. No, he's just the elephant shit guy.

Is that what you want to hear, Kirk? Are you happy now?

Is there an artist's exemption for talkin' out your ass?

Is there another seat I could take?

Is this what I really want to do with my life?

Isn't getting you closer to being a pilot.

It gave us both a chance to experiment, if you will,

It has this lovely terrace area.

It looks fucking huge!

It was easy for you to say. You switch jobs at the drop of a hat.

It's 'cause she was the right girl! That's why I married her!

It's a tale as old as time, you know? Song as old as rhyme.

It's all good. I thought you were gay, too.

It's been a while and I'm not very experienced sex wise.

It's depressing. I mean, it's really depressing.

It's embarrassing.

It's exciting! I mean, the night's full of possibilities.

It's horrible to watch you like this.

It's just like me sayin' that I'll never go to the moon,

It's just smooth. It's a look that says, "Hey, you can put your mouth here."

It's just terrifying, frankly,

It's kind of a long story. I grew up with my...

It's kind of a new thing I'm trying out. It's a bad idea. It's...

It's kind of Japanese looking, to be honest.

It's like what they did in the old days.

It's not even a real Pizza Hut! It's a Pizza Hut Express!

It's not every day that I have a super hot girl

It's OK.

It's open. It's kind of like eating on the Today Show set.

It's...

It's... I'm just trying to think whether or not I've been here before.

Jesus Christ, you're Fort Knox over here. Thank you very much.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, Mom, a little privacy here, please?

Just like your mother.

Just to try it out. You know?

Just tryin' to help, that's all.

Just... OK... Let me finish.

Katie, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Keep goin'.

Kirk and I used to be lovers.

Kirk and I were having dinner and he said he was

Kirk doesn't know what's good for him.

Kirk makes you laugh? You a comedian? I didn't know.

Kirk, as soon as you record an album and it goes platinum,

Kirk, can I talk to you for a second?

Kirk, if you want to abort the mission, that's completely cool.

Kirk, please, don't cause a scene. Everyone's over.

Kirk, you look really good.

Kirk!

Kirk! Hit him!

Kirk! Oh, my God.

Kirk! We're solid, baby!

Kirk? You know I'm with Ron now.

Kirk.

Kirk's just a skinny little loser!

Kirky, I truly believe that...

Kirky, what'd she say?

Know how I made it through those dark days?

Know what? Don't tell Karen about this.

Know what? Excuse me one second.

Know what? I'd like to make it up to you.

Know what? We're actually pushing back right now.

Know why? 'Cause that girl thinks I'm hot.

Last call for flight four four three.

Leroy fired him again.

Like real tight, then Dylan's gonna be in a wicked orange tux

Like Sex Yoda. "The Force is strong with you, Jack."

Like you know where I'm comin' from. None of you know what I'm goin' through.

Like, remember that time I made you the mix tape of all the Kate Bush songs

Like, there's a million examples of guys like Kirky

Like, what, do I just talk about her ridiculous hotness for two hours?

Listen to me, dude. Gotta go, loud and proud, gotta tell her,

Listen to me. Things with Molly are good, right? They're back on track.

Listen, Kirk. I understand that fellas, such as yourself,

Listen, Mr. Friedman, their quote is lower than ours.

Listen, while we have a minute here, Molly's always trying to set me up.

Little Timothy? He died.

Look at me. You OK?

Look at that.

Look at the evidence, Molly.

Look it up in the dictionary. It's there. Next to "Fuck you!"

Look, Kirk, I do not know what's gotten into you,

Look, Kirky. Deep down you know it is never gonna work out with you and Molly.

Look, Marnie, I moved on like you kept telling me to.

Look, Stainer, I know you don't like her very much.

Look. If you want him, you gotta go get him.

Lt's been ten dates and you can't seal the deal? What's wrong with you?

Man, we're not children anymore. Do we really have to do this?

Man, you... You guys just sit here and talk about relationships,

Marnie is an evil bitch. All due respect.

Marnie was kind of a skank.

Marnie, the name... And how it's unfortunate that it's not more common.

Marnie?

Marnie's waiting for me.

Me and Ron to come along, and we'd love to go,

Mind if I join you?

Moll, what about this for your date tonight?

Molly, I think there's something you should know.

Molly, this is everybody.

Mr. and Mrs. McCleish, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.

My bad.

My base fee is 1 5,000. So 1 00 people...

My dad's an old fashioned guy.

My face doesn't have two testicles sticking out of it!

My friends wonder why I call you all the time

My God.

My God. What, are... Are you Hannah Montana?

My parents don't even know I quit the firm.

My reputation in the arts community may be shot, but I think I'll get over it.

My shift doesn't start for another half hour,

Never been driven home by a waiter before.

New York, huh? Yeah. The Big... City.

Nice to see you... sir. I'll see you down there.

No girl wants to do the moodle.

No guy in his right mind would ever make that up.

No offense taken. I assume that I am probably not your type.

No seepage because...

No, barely. I probablyjust asked for directions to the beach.

No, don't get me wrong. I mean, once I trust a person

No, he makes me laugh. He doesn't try and impress me.

No, I am saying that I never will go to the moon,

No, I don't think so.

No, I think it's good. We have to act positive.

No, I'm actually asking you. How are you doing?

No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no, you were clear. We're good.

No, no, no. No. No, this is not...

No, no, no. Not so fast.

No, seriously, work emergency or aunt died?

No, we both screwed up. We told them that it wasn't gonna work.

No, you probably think that everybody gets free shit everywhere they go,

No, you... Devon, you're happily married.

No! "That's what I do. OK? It's how I roll. Deal with it."

No! No! Not at all!

No? So shut the fuck up.

No.

No. "Cam who?" Is how I feel. No...

No. No, I'm, I'm not TSA.

No. No. I hate her. In fact, the day that you broke up with her,

No. This girl is, like, fuckin' hot!

Nobody. Just some chick that I boned when I was drunk.

Not listening to friends advice

Not what I thought you were gonna say.

Nothing! Jesus Christ, Dad! That's...

Nothing. Nothing.

Now, I tried to get him off, but they threw me off the plane!

Of the best things in life

Oh, and one other little thing? He cheated on me.

Oh, come here, beautiful. Time to go to work.

Oh, cool.

Oh, God.

Oh, I'm sorry, one second. I... Ma'am? Ma'am, you... Yeah...

Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Oh, Kirk, I can't do this here.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, man! What's "deplane" mean?

Oh, me.

Oh, my seat belt is screwed up.

Oh, no, Captain Pickles. No. No, Captain.

Oh, no, I don't work there.

Oh, really? All this noise and shit,

Oh, shit, Molly. Six o'clock.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Follow me.

Oh, there she is.

Oh, yeah, please, anytime.

Oh, yeah! Stop it, guys.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you want to talk? No problem.

OK, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five.

OK, boys, it's a tie.

OK, come on, you can do it. He's got nothing.

OK, I think we can all agree that Debbie here is one wicked hot box.

OK, Kirk. You clearly have some major self esteem issues.

OK, Kirky, let's go.

OK, let's go ahead and strip off that belt too, while we're at it, huh?

OK, let's move out! Movie night! I do not want to miss the previews.

OK, move it. Move it, move it, move it, move it.

OK, now I know you've gone crazy.

OK, now we're gonna take it down. A lot.

OK, OK. OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts.

OK, should we just meet you up at the seats?

OK, so she's taking her new boyfriend to Branson with your parents.

OK, so then what does that make you?

OK, that is not nearly big enough.

OK, wait.

OK, we couldn't get him off the plane, so we've gotta get you on.

OK, you got something off your chest, and that is fine.

OK?

OK? I will rip out your hair, I'll bite your chin off,

OK.

OK.

OK. I was right about Molly. She's a ten, OK? A hard ten.

OK. Well...

On a good day, the best I can bag is a nine.

On purpose?

On several occasions. Everybody started calling me Stainer.

One second! Butterfly!

Or a cluster of lumps...

Or you could just be who you are. Why can't that be good enough?

Patty and I are working at the air show and Cam's our liaison guy.

Patty's not a bitch, she's different.

Penguins are facing off against the lslanders.

Perfect for you, 'cause you like bitches.

Pittsburgh born and bred.

Pittsburgh tower, November five four five Charlie Papa

Pittsburgh tower. Foot Long, you are cleared for takeoff on runway two zero.

Please check your seat belts. We're preparing for departure.

Please, this is... This is very important.

Putting her on a plane, that's what.

Ready? You and me, downstairs, Slap Shot Regatta.

Really?

Remember when I nursed that baby bird to health?

Remember when I used to run my hand down your back? Like that?

Remember when you got the flu? I didn't party that weekend.

Remember? Remember the leg massages?

Requesting takeoff clearance on runway two niner.

Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Then he went on to Denise Richards.

Right?

Right. Sorry. Sorry.

Right. The day that that happens is the day that Jack sleeps with your wife.

Roger that, tower. Turn and burn.

Ron, honey, I never complimented you on your...

Seriously, Kirky, do not josh me. All right? I need this.

Seriously. tell me where we're going!

She kissed you. She, with her actual mouth, kissed you?

She seems like kind of a bitch.

She still has no sense of direction.

She told him a joke or somethin'. Something's funny.

She turns 21 next week and she's, I don't know,

She's a total psycho. Let's go this way.

She's comin' to lunch with my parents on Sunday.

She's only 20. She's not 30. And she's not you.

She's setting you up with the bitchy friend.

She's turning 21 ! You gotta throw her a party.

She's with that fuckin' asshole.

Show some pride, pal.

Since we broke up.

Sir. You need to take your seat. We're pushing back.

Sit down.

Six Delta Bravo, flight cleared to land. runway two two.

Smooth. Go put this back in the trash.

So fuck you all! Yep.

So how is this not gay?

So how's your sister doin'?

So I was interning at the law firm. studying for the bar.

So I'm just saying that if you want to get back together,

So if fake flowers and cheap champagne is how you want to woo your clients,

So if that makes me the bad guy... so be it.

So Mollyjust explained all about you two,

So my boy, Stainer, hooked me up with myjob at TSA

So thanks for the advice. That went horribly.

So that puts me back at a seven.

So TSA today. Is there a tomorrow or...?

So what do you... You don't know what to say to her?

So you speak French?

So you were hoping there was something wrong with me so you could be with me.

So you're all "Branson bound," huh?

So, Kirky, let me tell you somethin'. If Molly's the right girl,

So, we are seeing the Dave Coulier tomorrow night,

Some days I'll be at work and I'll look out the window

Somethin' you're gonna have to figure out for yourself.

Sometimes.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Stainer, you're in a Hall and Oates cover band!

Stainer, your screw up is not my problem.

Stainer.

Suit yourself.

Sweetheart, remember the baby.

Take a look!

Take a look. All these trophies say Dylan Kettner.

Tell us a joke there, Sinbad.

Tell you what, I'll just leave it at Lost and Found for you. How 'bout that?

Thank you for having me. This has been a lovely evening.

Thank you for pissing off your boss for me.

Thank you so much. No...

Thank you very much. And go fuck yourselves.

Thank you, Mr. Friedman. Tomorrow.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I was in debate, junior/senior year.

Thank you. You know what? Can you pick that up?

Thank you. You look really... Thank you so much.

Thanks, babe.

Thanks, man. Well, that's because I didn't think I stood a chance in hell,

That doesn't count! You have to say it out loud.

That from the second she broke up with you,

That I asked you out 'cause you're safe?

That I couldn't possibly live up to!

That I thought that a guy who looks like you wouldn't hurt me?

That takes care of that.

That's a business to get into. That's usin' your head.

That's a good idea.

That's a large Coke, a fry and some ketchup...

That's a lot of 1 5 minute convertibles, Dylan?

That's a lot. OK, drop 'em.

That's a pretty impressive catch, Kirky.

That's all that matters. You just you stand up.

That's amazing. Any other hidden talents I should know about?

That's cute. Yeah, good. But it's not at all what I'm talking about.

That's funny. Your friend is funny, Molly.

That's great, except we're right here. I'm with Molly.

That's it! Yeah. Let's go, let's go.

That's it?

That's like saying the guy who shovels elephant shit at the circus

That's mine. It's for my earrings.

That's my brother, Dylan, his fiancėe, Debbie

That's not it! Look, Kirk, I am really worried about you with her.

That's really interesting.

That's what that was? You said you had mono.

That's why she brought me along, but honestly I'm not interested, no offense.

That's... I'm so glad that you were "fine" with me.

The Branson flight's not for another 45 minutes.

The fact that you're lettin' a straight married man shave your testicles...

The film, the Earth actually gets colder.

The idea of me naked

The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature.

The universe spoke. And I was depressed for months.

The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading...

The whole time you told me I wasn't good enough, you were right.

Then feel free to blow us out. I'm sure the event'll be fine.

There are no ties in hockey, as there are no ties in life.

There is some logic in that.

There it is.

There we go.

They want to feed you, they want to cuddle you. But, make no mistake,

They're ki... They're gonna ki... They're kissing! Yes!

They've gone. We missed it.

This better not be where you ask me out because you confused my hatred for you

This chick of yours makes her look like a pig.

This floor's all slippery! And these shoes are fucked for this!

This girlfriend of yours is already startin' shit!

This is awesome! Does anybody have a camera?

This is awesome. How long have you lived...

This is fine. 'Cause this is clean. It's organized.

This is important. I was good to you, right? I mean, I was sensitive.

This is important. I was good to you, right? I mean, I was sensitive.

This is Molly McCleish. I'm sorry I missed your call.

This is Randy.

This is so exciting. Yes!

This is supposed to happen. This isn't how this works.

This is what... All you got is it's inconvenient for you to wear flip flops?

This is when you say, "Hi, Molly."

This might seem crazy, but he and I actually have

This place is tremendous.

Though I know I'm right, all right

Thought we'd come by, take the Captain off your hands.

Three?

Tickets are non refundable, and I love Branson, but it's totally up to you.

Tonight's the night, Kirky.

Trust me, Kirk. I can't even get a ten.

Trust the system. It takes care of itself.

TSA. Excuse me.

Turn your attention to the center ice...

Twenty five...?

Two?

Uh, no. Oh, Lord.

Underwear would be fine...

Until our magic carpets alight from Agrabah to the Cave of Wonders

Very... Perfect.

Voilà!

Wait a minute, dude. Does that, does that say...?

Wait, so you make a pretty comfortable living?

Wait, wait. It goes in the goddamn correct...

Wait. You have a date with Kirk?

Wait... "Guys like that?" So, what, you're just...

Way to go. What happened to you? You look like shit. Besides that.

We are taking a big family trip out to Branson on the 31st,

We came to find you. We're at the gate! Turn around. we're here.

We decided to come back early.

We got some kinda light on up here. Some kind of mechanical problem.

We gotta fix it. Just act drunk. Thank you. TSA. Come on.

We had a great conversation. He was just lookin' for a friend.

We handle some of the Penguins events, we've got seats for the Islanders game.

We have to get him off. I'll have to have you come with me.

We have to get him off. I'll have to have you come with me.